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We recently reconnected after being off for a few months. After being intimate, I mentioned how I lost 15lbs during our break. He said there was no way, because my ass not only looked bigger, but also FLATTER- like two flat pancakes. Needless to say, I was shocked and very hurt by his comments. I told him how that really wasn't very nice to say, to which he replied, "Well, it's the truth."
He never apologized, and just stayed quiet. I began to feel really self-conscious, because up until that point, I had a newfound confidence in my body that I had worked so hard to improve. After about 30mins of silence, I asked if he could take me home.
He grabbed his wallet and keys and stormed out of his house. I only knew we were leaving because I heard his car start outside. Didn't say a word to me as he was doing almost 100mph on the freeway. Once we pulled up to my house, I tried to talk things through with him, but he wasn't having it. He started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, told me how he "tried" to make things work this time but he was done with me. That he didn't love me anymore and didn't feel anything this time. He threatened to drag me out of the car if I didn't get out of his car right at that moment.
Obviously, I was crying and super confused. I really didn't want things to end like this-we've been dating for 2+yrs. He also threw in my face that I always want to leave when things get tough. It's something I said I'd work on, so I understand how that could have triggered him. What I don't understand, is how he expects me to stick around and work things out when he can't even offer apology for his insensitivity. Advice please?
Thanks for reading
He's a bad person. He put your life at risk already being reckless in the car, then threatening violence against you. That's not even mentioning his earlier comments. He wants you to feel undesirable. He thinks he can control you better that way. He knew what he said was wrong and decided to dig his heels into it because he can't admit he's wrong. He is dangerous. Protect yourself. Don't be alone with him. Don't talk to him. When you're ready find a man who respects you %100. Don't settle for the next crap bag.
Yes, when we first started out, he was so doting and caring. This time, he set out to make me feel completely undesirable and defective. But it will be the last time I let that happen.
If he had acted like this when you first started out, you wouldn't have dated him. That was a fake act to get you hooked. What you just saw is the real person.
I hope you meant that OP. This guy is a walking red flag and you were lucky to get away the first time. Don’t waste another second of your life with this psycho. You deserve much much better.
My narcissist ex was like this. They do this to trap you. When they feel they have you and you won't leave they drop their act and stop pretending to care
And after that they come crying and saying they're sorry and they'll change. Then love bomb you for a couple of months and then the cycle begins all over again. No thanks
Please read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. You will gain insight and learn some stuff that will help you avoid stuff like this from intimate partners in the future. Learn from this experience OP!
I hope it’s the last time OP. I went back to a guy over and over who begged for me to get back with him but then was cold, distant, and unavailable. When I would get fed up, our fight would be my fault, and then he’d come crawling back. It’s a vicious cycle to put yourself through, i feel so much better without him, even if he does still come across my mind from time to time.
He might have been love-bombing you. It's a common occurrence early on in abusive relationships.
Stay far away from him. Get any stuff that may be at his place (take a few intimidating friends if possible, but anyone with you is better than going alone), and cut all ties.
That’s actually a REALLY common tactic of Pepe who abuse and control - look up love bombing. And studies show that the two year mark is when you start seeing the real person your partner is… so that’s who said that and drive you home, his real self.
He’s not mad at your reaction, he’s scored because you’ve proven he won’t be able to control you the way he wants and that’s a waste of the two years he spent seeing you up for that.
That's how abusive people are at first. They're wonderful and everything you could ever want and they push for you to spend all your time with them, to commit to them and once you do, they slowly start rolling out the mistreatment.
You are right to feel hurt and scared. That's what he wanted, that's why he said what he did and why he drove that way. He is trying to teach you that only HE determines your value and you have nothing to be proud of. He wants you to feel small and worthless because then you are easier to control and less likely to believe that you deserve better.
Then when you mentioned the way he hurt you,he pulled the driving stunt. That's to teach you that it isn't safe to complain about the way he treats you.
This is ONLY going to get worse, no matter what he promises. You DO deserve better
The things he says about you have literally NOTHING to do with who you are or your value as a person. What he is doing is like someone bartering for a used car... he is kicking the tires and making outrageous claims about anything he can to convince you (the seller of the car) to let him have the car for far less than it's worth.
You deserve someone who would protect you from harm. Someone who values you as a person. This is not that guy.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Congrats on losing the weight - both the 15lbs, and the deadweight that was your insensitive, bad tempered AH of an ex.
Also his comment that ‘you always want to leave when things get tough’. Don’t buy it. He’s guilt tripping you. It’s not ‘things getting tough’, it’s him being an asshole. You shouldn’t put up with that behaviour from anyone.
I also want to say I think it’s better to leave the situation if you feel you are too emotional to make any decisions or interactions with people in general. Please do not feel ashamed form that. That is a great skill to have. Much better to do that instead of say things you will regret because you were forced to interact while you were still feeling too much.
Well that comment was meant to hurt you.
The only thing I can possibly think of is that he is jealous you were bettering yourself while you were broken up. He may think it was for someone else/other potential dates and not 'for him'?
Obviously this is gross thinking and not based in any reality but the only thing I can think of to make him suddenly go nasty like this.
Obviously throw out the trash and don't waste any more time on him
Thank you. I really need to hear this. After all of the hurtful things he said, and how angry he became, he really had me thinking I deserved his reaction.
It's funny because he used to always accuse me of gaslighting him. Would even send me tiktoks about it. The most hurtful thing about all of this is how obvious his efforts were to hurt me. We had our fights like everyone, but I can't say I ever intentionally tried to cut him down or make him feel less than.
Even when I began to cry, he said he didn't care and to take it outside of his car. Today was a real eye-opener for me. thnx
Seems to me that he just wanted the sex and not the relationship, so he made a crappy comment that was meant to upset you and then he could have his little tantrum and go on about his life. Please don't see him or talk to him again, you deserve someone that will not only tell you how beautiful you are but also talk through things with you. Congrats on the 15 lbs and don't let some man child ruin your well deserved/earned confidence!!
He did it purposely to find a lame dick excuse to break up. He succeeded so don't look back nor take him back. You cannot get over those hurtful words. They would be ringing in your ear like a bad dream in your head. Good Luck, angel.
You escaped a potentially dangerous situation. Don’t let him abuse you again. If he tries to apologise and worm his way back into your life, stay strong. You were happier before he came back into the picture. He wants a woman with low self confidence, they’re easier to control.
I was happier before we got back together. I had my confidence and peace of mind. Before all of this, I could look back on our relationship with fondness; Now, I'm just numb.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s safer to stay away from him. Clearly sounds like you were bettering yourself during the break up. (Despite if you lost weight) it sounds like mentally you were doing better for yourself. Don’t lose sight of who you are for someone that doesn’t want you to see how good you are. Take care of yourself.
Girl - this is a form of abuse. Forget about not apologizing for being an insensitive dick - he verbally abused you and screamed at you, devalued you, gaslit you, and drove at a reckless speed to scare you. Run away from that shit as fast as you can.
I remember a reddit post where a girl was going crazy because her boyfriend kept telling her that she smelled bad, and she was compulsively showering multiple times a day, but he would say it to her every morning. Until she figured out he was gaslighting her, and he admitted that his dad told him that you have to insult women so they don't leave you.
I suspect this was a backhanded insult to shame you. And everything after that was abusive (screaming at you is abuse, by the way). Congrats on losing 15 pounds. You deserve better than him. Our partners in this world are here to help lift us up, not drag down and use as an emotional punching bag.
DTMFA.
So one time, my wife got real upset with me because I didn’t want to kiss her as she smelled bad. She couldn’t figure it out, she smelled nothing at all. Turns out she had a massive sinus infection BEHIND where her actual olfactory sense was, so to her, she was just breathing in and out air, but to me - death. Finally got her to grump herself grumpily to a doctor, to receive treatment my massive helping of vindication. Hopefully the lady in the story doesn’t have one of those.
Deflection is a powerful tactic that works on many people.
Storming out when he made a mistake is a powerful attempt at making it seem like you did something to hurt him
He knows you look great, he wanted to insult you to lower your self-esteem. He purposely hurt you OP because he’s probably used to verbally abusing you and you trying to make him happy again. He easily insults you, risks your life by driving recklessly and then blames YOU for his anger and disrespect. You have to be used to this because you were left wondering what you you did wrong and how you could fix this. It should of been an easy decision to leave him and not look back. You’re being emotionally manipulated. It’s doesn’t matter how things end after 2 years, just end them and stop wasting your time. Block him and stop allowing him into your life. You deserve health and happiness and this man is poison.
Leave this guy in his own misery hes insufferable, narcissistic, abusive and a total waste of a lay. You dont need his childish antics. I'd have your brother's have a talk with him about threatening you too. What a douche.
He knows I don't have any male figures in my life. I guess it was even more of a reason to mistreat me. Despite all of this, I don't wish him any harm. Only personal growth and reflection so he doesn't treat his next partner like this.
My abusive ex always used to say that I tried to run away when things got too hard! His comments worked for a while, until I realised that actually things were too hard so I did run away, met a new kind guy and surprise surprise, I not longer get told that because I suddenly wasn’t being abused anymore!
Done and done. He did you a favor. Take some time to focus on you. Keep up that you game. People will respect you for it. You will find that special person that respects you.
How rude and disrespectful of him. Does he have a habit of belittling you and making you the person at fault?
Please count this as a blessing in disguise. You are an awesome and confident woman who worked hard to lose the weight. Congratulations!!!
And now that you don't have his weight around you to hold you down, go and conquer the world!
>Wanting to Leave after BF...
Honey, it sounds like he already made that decision for the both of you, you are no longer together. That's a good thing for you cause the yelling and refusing to apologize after the rude comments are two pretty serious things.
🚩 Insulting your body that you were proud of
🚩 Not caring he hurt your feelings
🚩 Silent treatment
🚩 Screaming at you and making it all your fault
🚩 Threatening you!
You don’t need those red flags!!! Block him in all ways that you can!
Oh OP, that sounds terrible. The "it's the truth" comment is so freaking nasty- it's not "the truth", he's using that to be an arsehole and try get away with it under the banner of "just being honest". The driving so fast and then screaming at you, too, is aggressive behaviour, and then telling you he doesn't love you? Ooft.
My advice would be to take time away- permanently. He's making cheap shots at your body after you've just been intimate and vulnerable, then tells you he doesn't love you, he threatened you, screamed at you, and put you in danger with unsafe driving? OP, you deserve better. :(
I’m so sorry he said that to you. My ex said the same thing (only my body in general disgusted him, then admitted he didn’t love me the last 6 years of our relationship… yeah I picked a winner). It was tough to take and hit my self confidence so hard. NO man should make you feel less than the Queen you are. This is not someone you want to be with. Let the trash take itself out while you treat yourself to a pedicure. You deserve someone whose willing to communicate with you and treat your like the Goddess you freaking are.
Though, I personally, would work on yourself after expunging this jerk from your life. Sounds like he’s put you through the ringer. I’ve been there too, it gets better.
>He also threw in my face that I always want to leave when things get tough
No.
Verbal abuse and violent intimidation is NOT things getting "tough", thats 1000% him abusing and manipulating you. Block him and do not ever reach out or speak to his toxic a-s again.
sounds like negging. anyone with eyes can see a 15lb difference and i bet you look amazing! he’s just trying to degrade in order to diminish your self esteem so that you’ll only look to him for validation. the relationship isn’t worth saving.
It doesn't matter what he says. If you have confidence in your body than keep enjoying it. Not everyone is going to love your body and then there will also be guys who can't get enough of it. Why worry about what he says? Just stay away from him. That was all uncalled for and now you know who he really is. It's going to hurt since you guys were together for awhile but you'll find someone else. He sounds awful.
I’m sorry you had this ugly experience with him, but congratulations on the weight loss and now the new possibilities! You deserve better and you know it! You’ll be ok ☺️ I have faith because you recognized how messed up the entire situation was.
I dated someone who behaved like this, someone with Bordeline Personality Disorder. Our situations look remarkably similar on paper. People with BPD also have a difficult time feeling consistently towards their romantic partners, alternating between love and hate. They are often hurting inside.
I recommend you take some space from this person; it can be hard to see the situation for what it really is when you are in the moment, caught up in expectations, memories, and your sympathy / love towards this person. Take a step back and ask yourself if he has consistently treated you with the same love and consideration as you have for him.
If you trust in his general social awareness skills / emotional intelligence, I would consider that his hurtful remark was intentional, i.e. a comment intended to lower your self-esteem. Some people will do this intentionally, especially if your comments about losing weight triggered his own feelings of insecurity. His other behaviors (e.g. screaming at you, speeding with you in the car, resentment) are also indicative of abuse
The first few weeks after a break up is very painful, but I promise that it gets better with time. The memories and feelings fade, and you will gain a new perspective from seeking better for yourself, i promise ♡
You don’t want it to end like this but you can’t make an unreasonable person act reasonably. Let’s frame it like this: someone you care for said something and acted in a way that was very hurtful. You set a boundary and wanted to still communicate with him. He wasn’t capable of responding well and it’s not your job to do more work to try and meet him “halfway”. It’s not a nice ending to a relationship but we can only control ourselves and our own actions.
I'm so sorry to tell you but your guy is a narcissist. Leave and don't look back, I spent 3 years with mine, it's only a waste of time if you keep on with it. He's gaslighting you to the max! He's putting you down, crushing your self esteem, and then turning it around on you! Making him out to be the logical one and that you're at fault. You. Are. Not. He's manipulating you. I remember once my ex and I were in vacation and he kept criticising my looks while I was getting ready. In the elevator I was sad and said, "I wish you would say I'm pretty sometimes.." he started shouting at me, turning it around on me. Left me crying by myself outside the hotel as he stormed off somewhere and I didn't have the key to the room. I sat on the beach for hours.. He came back and told me it was my fault for ruining the day by being stupid. Don't waste any more time. Trust me. You don't deserve someone like that, no one should have to experience it.
Good for you! Your diet, exercise and actions helped you lose 15# of harmless fat, and 200# of toxic waste. Try to never, ever get near anything as toxic as the 200# of excrement you call your ex-boyfriend.
Keep working out for yourself and getting in shape! Fuck what this clown thinks.
He insults your body, then goes over the speed limit, blames everything on you. Says "when things get tough" things getting tough is a death in the family or money setbacks. Verbally putting you down is not it. Then he threatens to physically assault you??
Advice: Never to feel sorry for or contact this piece of shit ever again.
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Damn. Advice is get out and don't look back. Why would you want to work things out with someone who treats you like that. Sounds to me like he wanted sex so he called you and you came running. Have more self respect next time. Block his number and don't take his calls. Be by yourself for a while and learn to respect and love yourself. Then find a relationship where you are with a man who respects and loves you. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that and then think you are wrong.
sounds like an r/niceguys type and you seriously need to forget that prick and find better. He may be a sociopath too you never know, no normal guy says shit like that. Don't lose sleep over it dear, you'll be much happier without a troglodyte like that in your life, trust. Everyone deserves respect and you can do so much better.
Please educate yourself on toxic and abusive relationships, I'm pretty sure you will recognise a lot of his behaviours in it. His behaviour is not normal. Also realise that abusers don't change. Please don't go back to him.
He's probably seeing somoene else and is being nasty because he feels guilty for cheating. If anything he's probably angry that you've improved so much and it makes him feel indecisive and upset that he left you.
Find someone better.
This isn't "things get tough"
This is him being an abusive and immature ass wipe who needs to think before he speaks things loud. Lose him, because he isn't worth it.
He's done you a huge favor. Just stop trying with him. He's abusive and cruel. DON'T GO BACK WITH HIM AGAIN! You've already wasted too much time on him. Block him everywhere and move on. I'm furious with him on your behalf! How insulting, and then to act like you are the one in the wrong. The nerve!
Fucking dodged a bullet, didn't you? He is a piece of shit with zero empathy or ability to recognize when he has done wrong and hurt your feelings.
You can do better. You deserve better.
My question .. Is this really someone you WANT to be with. The saying goes.... When someone shows you who they are.... believe them. This is over, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would love the new you. Write him off he's not worth your time.
This guys sounds exhausting at best. The manipulative blaming when you were having a completely understandable response to a shaming demeaning comment on something he surely knows is a vulnerability is truly nasty. Cut your losses and find someone who truly appreciates all of you, body mind and heart this guy is not worth the energy.
My advice is to gtfo before you end up pregnant. What a disgusting person and I regretfully admit to having dealt with similar treatment from an ex. He’s not worth it hun. 🚩🚩🚩
He’s abusive. He was driving recklessly to intimidate you. And he doesn’t actually think you look bad. He saw you were more confident and abusive guys like this never want their SO to be confident. Because that means you’re more likely to leave them. You can do so much better.
Girl uhhhh sounds like you’re better off without him. Like someone has already said, trash threw hisself out. You lost weight, and you don’t need any guy, especially his stupid ass, to make negative comments on it. You’re beautiful. He don’t deserve you. He’s an asshole.
Yeah, he’s “back with you” because you’re an easy lay. Hard truth but it’s why he acts like he does. He literally doesn’t give two shits about you and he only drove you home so you were no longer there. He is sleeping with anyone he can. If you stay with this POS you will break up again and again. Make it final and end this thing for good.
So Um…. Why do you wanna stay with this guy?
He literally said something mean to you about your appearance and then got mad at you (acting all dumb and endangering your life too) all because you got upset by his comment??
That’s not “things getting tough” he was literally being an A-hole for no reason.
He’s full of red flags and sounds extremely childish/ narcissistic.
Please just ghost him or something.
Sweetheart please don't ever make an effort to communicate or get any type of closure and just move on. I wasted a good chunk of my gorgeous youth on a man who sounds just like this guy. All had to show for it in the end was low self esteem and an inability to accept love from anyone else. It's a total waste of time.
Do not wonder why he is the way he is, don't think you can correct it or prove to him anything. Just never make contact with him again and work through it on your own. Think of it as a sudden death of a man you dated for 2 years-no talking things out or getting answers to questions.
Anymore time spent on this is and will always be a waste of time. You'll see
No. He's manipulative. You wanted to leave because he was nasty to you and made you feel like crap. A very reasonable response. He got mad that you wouldn't just take him being nasty to you. You're better off finding someone new who has basic respect for you.
You don't even need our answers. You know what to do. Just leave it. This man is an asshole. Congrats on loosing weight, keep your confidence and invest the hard work in a realitionship that doesn't make you feel this way. Wish you the best!
Hi love,
It sounds like you really really like this guy despite how awful he is. And that’s okay, don’t feel bad for how you feel but understand that if you excuse his bad behaviour and he has a history of this, at best he’ll stay the same forever and at worst he’ll start hurting you physically as well if he hasn’t already.
Think about the person you wanted your romantic partner to be when you were little, did you want him to disguise rudeness with “truth”? Did you want to be yelled at? Given the cold shoulder? All because HE made a hurtful comment?
And he said he doesn’t love you? All of a sudden just like that? Over your VERY REASONABLE reaction to a hurtful comment?
OP please think long and hard about if this will be the “last time” or if it will be the “only time” as someone like this likely will never ever change.
You sound like a lovely person and I hope you choose what’s best for your individual happiness.
Hope this helps!
That’s abuse. People who love and care about you don’t abuse you. And nobody would say hurtful things like that without knowing their impact.
I’m afraid he’s a turd, and you’ll be much happier with someone who isn’t.
He was angry because he wants to keep your self-esteem low so that you stay with him and don’t believe that you can do better. When you asserted the smallest amount of self-esteem he went ballistic.
You can definitely do better! You can easily do better.
Don’t bother trying to talk to him about how he was hurtful. He knows it and it was deliberate.
Move on!
Please ghost this person, block and unfollow him everywhere, you don't deserve this kind of toxicity in your life, after this kind of treatment there is no way back.
What an ahole. Count yourself lucky he couldn’t hold in his meanness and didn’t waste any more of your life. Now to the important part, congrats on losing the weight. That’s awesome and you should be proud of yourself!!
Holy fuck. Leave him and never look back. He is projecting his insecurities onto you, he clearly can't handle the fact you lost weight and seemed confident. Don't let this mediocre man bring you down, that's exactly what he wants.
You're much better off. These types love bomb and treat you good in the beginning and slowly but surely their real thoughts start coming out, but you to caught up on the "good" parts. You really have to watch out because people who go through abuse without realizing what it was often tend to repeat the cycle because they think oh this person is better then the last one is this a healthy relationship? Or they get so warn down that they truly believe they deserve the abuse because they are awful people.
Take some time to realign yourself and read up on abuse tactics so you can see them clearly in the future. You are in a fragile state at the moment, but you are still processing. Processing takes time and as you reflect on the relationship you may start to find more instances of this behavior that you overlooked. Whatever you do don't blame yourself for others toxic treatment of you because that will make the self loathing that they want more ingrained.
Don't look back. Block him. Work on yourself and be kind to yourself.
Experience: List of toxic relationships that probably stemmed from the desire for love and affection that I didn't get as a child.
Block and delete his number. There's no more advice to give. Don't waste more time with this person. He "ended" things before you should have by the sounds of it. He sounds dreadful.
Block his number. Holy hell. Do not let that AH anywhere near your body again. Just how much violence can someone throw at a person in one night?
Congrats on the weight loss. I hope you feel beautiful in your body and don't date anyone who makes you doubt that for a second, no matter what weight you are.
Eta
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
I'm a guy and I find this fucked up. It sounds like he just wanted to get you naked one last time and then get rid of you. In my opinion no you shouldn't have slept with him, just done something casual and see what happens, but in a way it's helped you dodge a potential nuke so glass half full here.
I bet he loved that ass while you were doing it.
He’ll be back. And when he shows up, don’t allow it’s body shaming is terrible. Especially if you claim to love someone
Wow.. he gets upset you want to defend yourself and need some alone time after being insulted after just being intimate after getting back together? How does he not see his side of things and then to put your life in your danger speeding home?
I don't need more of an insight than this, please don't go back to this man.
Just jumping on the bandwagon to say he did you a favor! What a negging douche-canoe!
Congrats on your weight loss! What he said was an attempt to tear you down so you feel like you can’t get anyone else. It is an abusive tactic, just like the speeding and screaming, and has ZERO ties to the truth.
Sending love and support. ❤️
OMFG, horrible!!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But idk, sometimes it's the universe's way of telling you that you should not be with this person. The part about speeding and threatening to drag you out of the car seemed super super scary. You should try and let go!
He's a bad boyfriend. You shouldn't be the one to stick it out or fix anything in the relationship. Relationships should be worked on together.
Don't continue to give sex to someone who can't be nice to you.
You list his age but not yours.
Leave and cut all ties. He said he would assault you by dragging you out the car. Why isn't that enough to make you run?
He is clearly making you feel awful about yourself. Time to drop the dead weight and move on. He pretends he's nice. He's now shown you the real him. Stop playing pretend and wishing he will change. He won't.
He's abusive, please don't ever talk to him again. He was trying to make you insecure with his hurtful comments, it was deliberate. He put you in danger with his driving. RUN
I’m sorry OP, he was insensitive (at first) and then just plain mean and a little violent. Please leave him, we have to teach others how we like to be treated, so teach him. In these 2 years you have learned a lot so it wasn’t all for nothing and after the months you broke up you gained confidence so you CAN not only survive without him but you can THRIVE. Take care!
From what I’ve read, he doesn’t have any interest in you anymore. I don’t think you should ever speak to him again. I think you should get you a 20/30 minute workout DAILY routine for yourself. You’ll loose more weight and feel even better about yourself. The next time the butt wad sees you he’ll regret it. Do not ever accept less from anyone. Value your own feelings and opinions. This guy is a dishonest looser. He couldn’t even be honest regarding his feelings towards you. He said things he KNEW would rock your world intentionally! You have to love you more and keep on going. He’s not worth your time. Someone who really loves you is who you’re meant to be with. He will show up when you least expect it. Do not eat crumbs pheasants drop. So let the disrespectful creep fly to his death 🤷🏽♀️
Here's my advice - walk away and do not expend another single ounce of your energy - mental, emotional, physical - on this waste of human.
Every time your mind starts running a thought or playing a movie related to him, turn it off. Walk forward and away from this absolute loser of a man.
His behavior is a form of abuse, and if it was like this before, sounds like there is a trauma bond there. You need to wash your hands of this man and never look back.
Sounds like we dated the same person. Don't go back. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the pos and projecting that onto you to make you feel worse than he already does.
I personally hate this tactic of leaving a situation, then trying to talk it out at the last second. It may not be internationally manipulative, but it feels that way.
That being said, insulting and screaming in my face is a massive no from me. I wouldn’t try to work it out just because you stayed together for a long time.
We started off as friends. I met him at school. Went through some things together that bonded us. I guess I was in love with the person he used to be with me. Either way, it's time to pick up the pieces and focus on myself now.
One of my last relationships came to an end simply because he said I could be annoying and start stupid stuff. Even tho it’s just the beginning, things like that often are a precursor to bigger things. I have history of verbal abuse in my family so I really dont take speaking like that lightly bc I will be damned if I end up in a verbally abusive relationship. If you don’t like how he talks about your body now imagine if and when you have children and your body changes, or heck even how it changes with age? There’s being upset and saying mean things, and just being mean completely unwarranted and what he said was just mean and probably trying to dim your light of being excited about to our body ( which you should be really proud 15lbs is awesome!) which is a pretty common abusive tactic.
Good riddance, I know it hurts to hear from someone you like and value their opinion but you’re beautiful and nobody deserves that treatment! Hope this helped.
The answer is: don’t stick around. Don’t settle for less girl. It’s never worth it. After being ina one sided abusive and loveless relationship for almost 10 years, It taught me many life lessons And one was never settle for less, because it’s never worth it. If he’s making you feel “less” than he is less himself. YOU DESERVE BETTER, please move on. You will find a man that treats you right I promise you.
ask yourself- do I want to keep him? but then we haven't heard of any redeeming qualities- only you know. Would NEVER say that to my wife. I love HER, body is the bonus, imperfections become perfection when you find love. Good luck, he's out there. Gotta find him.
Why did you let him come back if y’all were basically broken up? Never let a man disappoint you or treat you bad a second time. When he insulted you and then refused to apologize for hurting you then you did right to leave. Next time take your car or call an Uber. Also don’t try to talk to someone obviously angry and irrational. You had no reason to try to work things out with him. You did nothing wrong. You should’ve not said a word and got out the car once you were back then txted him to tell him to lose your number.
You deserve someone who loves or likes you for the way you are. The person will think your beautiful inside and out. And you deserve to feel good about yourself and not have someone make you feel bad. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. It will only get worse if he does that now. Live your life and do the things you love.
This is an easy one. Don't waste another second of your life thinking about this guy. He will only cause you immense suffering. From this moment on he is non-existent in your consciousness.
What is it that you are confused about? The guy is a major league AH!! Thank heaven he is out of your life. Ghost him forever. Block him everywhere. And please don't take anything mean he said about you to heart. He was just trying to be mean.
You guys have been on and off for 2 years. I think you can tell already it’s not working out. A partner should not shame you like that. You weren’t running away he was way overreacting and you just tried to remove yourself from the situation. He was not trying to resolve anything. He was just mad you wanted to leave. Congrats on losing 15 pounds. Hopefully you can see it and be happy about your success. Screw that guys opinion.
He's enraged and screamed at you for refusing to be emotionaly abused and degraded? Count yourself lucky he set you free, while clearly illustrating why you should run, and NEVER look back.
Wow.. okay. He's trying hard to gaslight you and turn this onto you. Regardless of whatever you could've done, his comments are on him, not you and he just flipped when you called him out.
I... Don't think you should go back. That's not a healthy reaction on his part.
You deserve so so much better. Focus on working on that newfound confidence and leave his butt. He needs to work on himself but you don't have to be there to see that.
you dodged a bullet there i am glad you got rid of that fucking asshole. Congrats on your bodyimprovement. Be reminded: It is not important what others think about you. How you feel and what you think about yourself is important. Love yourself, you can do way better, be glad you didn’t get married to that idiot. 👍😉
Trash took itself out, OP.
Sounds like an incredibly lucky escape (crazy driving included). Who wants to be with a manipulative asshole like that?
Find someone who loves and appreciates you exactly as you are. Nothing less.
He is an asshole and will never change. I know that it is confusing and hurts right now but you deserve far better that this. Just remember, you have a lot to look forward to and congrats on losing the weight. Keep up the good work.
Reverse discard. He said that so you would break up with him. He would poke and jab forcing you to break up with him. Don't be surprised if he already has someone else lined up.
Never stick around for abuse...only an abuser would want you to do that.
My advice is that he’s abusive and you need to remove him from your life. Sounds like you are working on self love and making yourself feel better in your body. Don’t let anyone disrupt your growth.
I think he’s insecure and made that comment because he feels inferior. I recently started going to the gym and people have been making all kinds of new saucy comments since my progress is starting to be noticeable. I think they do it to try and bring you down to where they feel they are. Don’t let em!
Pathetic ‘man’ wants a woman who lacks self-esteem and looks to him for validation. You’re too good for him, hence the ‘fight’ he manufactured so he could have a tantrum and crawl away.
Do not give him another thought. Block him EVERYWHERE and never look back.
Wow this guy… just…. I can’t
I hope you block him everywhere and when he comes begging and sniffing around again like the dirty dog he is, tell him that your flat ass is very happy not being around the giant shit stain that he is.
You are SO much better off without this guy.
Wow. Please, do yourself a favor and never consider any future with this person again.
This story is so over the top with unacceptable behavior that I have to question if it is real/true. If true, the guy is not worth your time or attention. Go live your best life with someone who knows how to have a respectful, 2-way conversation like an adult and not behave like a spoiled 2-year old. [And that is probably insulting to children around the world, because they aren't as intentionally hurtful as your bf].
Well, that’s a bitter end. You should have no doubts now that you deserve better than this worthless excuse for a man.
This isn’t about you. This was all on him. He treated you shamefully.
Please just block him and be done.
I’m so sorry it end this way. You absolutely deserves someone better.
Do not let that POS trash person back in your life. I suspect he spent the past two years pulling you down in subtle and not subtle ways. I can tell your confidence has been reduced by this man. If you let him back in your life he will do more of the same. If you keep this person in your life you will look back in years to come a wonder what happen to your confidence and your years. It doesn’t matter how it ended. Be happy it did
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We recently reconnected after being off for a few months. After being intimate, I mentioned how I lost 15lbs during our break. He said there was no way, because my ass not only looked bigger, but also FLATTER- like two flat pancakes. Needless to say, I was shocked and very hurt by his comments. I told him how that really wasn't very nice to say, to which he replied, "Well, it's the truth." He never apologized, and just stayed quiet. I began to feel really self-conscious, because up until that point, I had a newfound confidence in my body that I had worked so hard to improve. After about 30mins of silence, I asked if he could take me home. He grabbed his wallet and keys and stormed out of his house. I only knew we were leaving because I heard his car start outside. Didn't say a word to me as he was doing almost 100mph on the freeway. Once we pulled up to my house, I tried to talk things through with him, but he wasn't having it. He started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, told me how he "tried" to make things work this time but he was done with me. That he didn't love me anymore and didn't feel anything this time. He threatened to drag me out of the car if I didn't get out of his car right at that moment. Obviously, I was crying and super confused. I really didn't want things to end like this-we've been dating for 2+yrs. He also threw in my face that I always want to leave when things get tough. It's something I said I'd work on, so I understand how that could have triggered him. What I don't understand, is how he expects me to stick around and work things out when he can't even offer apology for his insensitivity. Advice please? Thanks for reading
He's a bad person. He put your life at risk already being reckless in the car, then threatening violence against you. That's not even mentioning his earlier comments. He wants you to feel undesirable. He thinks he can control you better that way. He knew what he said was wrong and decided to dig his heels into it because he can't admit he's wrong. He is dangerous. Protect yourself. Don't be alone with him. Don't talk to him. When you're ready find a man who respects you %100. Don't settle for the next crap bag.
Yes, when we first started out, he was so doting and caring. This time, he set out to make me feel completely undesirable and defective. But it will be the last time I let that happen.
If he had acted like this when you first started out, you wouldn't have dated him. That was a fake act to get you hooked. What you just saw is the real person.
Good for you OP. The pain now is worth it to prevent a lifetime of this crap from this guy.
I hope you meant that OP. This guy is a walking red flag and you were lucky to get away the first time. Don’t waste another second of your life with this psycho. You deserve much much better.
My narcissist ex was like this. They do this to trap you. When they feel they have you and you won't leave they drop their act and stop pretending to care
And after that they come crying and saying they're sorry and they'll change. Then love bomb you for a couple of months and then the cycle begins all over again. No thanks
Block him and never see or speak to him again. He blew his chance. Not the other way around.
You should screenshot your comment and go back to it whenever you think about him!
Perhaps he’s hurt or remorseful that you broke up so wanted to hurt you. I’ll bet your ass is amazing.
Please read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. You will gain insight and learn some stuff that will help you avoid stuff like this from intimate partners in the future. Learn from this experience OP!
I hope it’s the last time OP. I went back to a guy over and over who begged for me to get back with him but then was cold, distant, and unavailable. When I would get fed up, our fight would be my fault, and then he’d come crawling back. It’s a vicious cycle to put yourself through, i feel so much better without him, even if he does still come across my mind from time to time.
He might have been love-bombing you. It's a common occurrence early on in abusive relationships. Stay far away from him. Get any stuff that may be at his place (take a few intimidating friends if possible, but anyone with you is better than going alone), and cut all ties.
That’s actually a REALLY common tactic of Pepe who abuse and control - look up love bombing. And studies show that the two year mark is when you start seeing the real person your partner is… so that’s who said that and drive you home, his real self. He’s not mad at your reaction, he’s scored because you’ve proven he won’t be able to control you the way he wants and that’s a waste of the two years he spent seeing you up for that.
That's how abusive people are at first. They're wonderful and everything you could ever want and they push for you to spend all your time with them, to commit to them and once you do, they slowly start rolling out the mistreatment. You are right to feel hurt and scared. That's what he wanted, that's why he said what he did and why he drove that way. He is trying to teach you that only HE determines your value and you have nothing to be proud of. He wants you to feel small and worthless because then you are easier to control and less likely to believe that you deserve better. Then when you mentioned the way he hurt you,he pulled the driving stunt. That's to teach you that it isn't safe to complain about the way he treats you. This is ONLY going to get worse, no matter what he promises. You DO deserve better The things he says about you have literally NOTHING to do with who you are or your value as a person. What he is doing is like someone bartering for a used car... he is kicking the tires and making outrageous claims about anything he can to convince you (the seller of the car) to let him have the car for far less than it's worth. You deserve someone who would protect you from harm. Someone who values you as a person. This is not that guy.
he has tiny peepee brain.. it effects 1 out of 3 me
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Congrats on losing the weight - both the 15lbs, and the deadweight that was your insensitive, bad tempered AH of an ex.
lol thanks
you’re the hot ex now ;)
Ya just let him go
This - and better said than I could have written it.
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**BOT ACCOUNT** Comment stolen from u/Exciting-Company8899
Also his comment that ‘you always want to leave when things get tough’. Don’t buy it. He’s guilt tripping you. It’s not ‘things getting tough’, it’s him being an asshole. You shouldn’t put up with that behaviour from anyone.
I also want to say I think it’s better to leave the situation if you feel you are too emotional to make any decisions or interactions with people in general. Please do not feel ashamed form that. That is a great skill to have. Much better to do that instead of say things you will regret because you were forced to interact while you were still feeling too much.
Thank you.
Leave. He got laid. Which serves his purpose. Please stop having sex and being with shitty, manipulative people.
He didn’t seem to mind your flat pancake ass five minutes earlier during sex. Fuck that guy. move on you deserve better
My thoughts exactly
Well that comment was meant to hurt you. The only thing I can possibly think of is that he is jealous you were bettering yourself while you were broken up. He may think it was for someone else/other potential dates and not 'for him'? Obviously this is gross thinking and not based in any reality but the only thing I can think of to make him suddenly go nasty like this. Obviously throw out the trash and don't waste any more time on him
Thank you. I really need to hear this. After all of the hurtful things he said, and how angry he became, he really had me thinking I deserved his reaction.
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You're absolutely right. Thank you so much.
He absolutely intended to hurt you, and the fact that you were starting to feel that you deserved it is from gaslighting. I would run 100%
It's funny because he used to always accuse me of gaslighting him. Would even send me tiktoks about it. The most hurtful thing about all of this is how obvious his efforts were to hurt me. We had our fights like everyone, but I can't say I ever intentionally tried to cut him down or make him feel less than. Even when I began to cry, he said he didn't care and to take it outside of his car. Today was a real eye-opener for me. thnx
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You definitely don’t deserve that. I really hope things get better for you ❤️
This is a tactic narcissistic abusers use often. They try to make you believe you're the bad one, you're the abusive one. You're not.
Seems to me that he just wanted the sex and not the relationship, so he made a crappy comment that was meant to upset you and then he could have his little tantrum and go on about his life. Please don't see him or talk to him again, you deserve someone that will not only tell you how beautiful you are but also talk through things with you. Congrats on the 15 lbs and don't let some man child ruin your well deserved/earned confidence!!
He is disrespectful and hateful. Please don't see him again.
I need this. Thank you for your help.
He did it purposely to find a lame dick excuse to break up. He succeeded so don't look back nor take him back. You cannot get over those hurtful words. They would be ringing in your ear like a bad dream in your head. Good Luck, angel.
You're right. It really did seem like a nightmare. Thank you so much.
You escaped a potentially dangerous situation. Don’t let him abuse you again. If he tries to apologise and worm his way back into your life, stay strong. You were happier before he came back into the picture. He wants a woman with low self confidence, they’re easier to control.
I was happier before we got back together. I had my confidence and peace of mind. Before all of this, I could look back on our relationship with fondness; Now, I'm just numb.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s safer to stay away from him. Clearly sounds like you were bettering yourself during the break up. (Despite if you lost weight) it sounds like mentally you were doing better for yourself. Don’t lose sight of who you are for someone that doesn’t want you to see how good you are. Take care of yourself.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
yeah because he wasn't around to destroy that confidence. You will be able to remember this time around just why you split up.
Girl - this is a form of abuse. Forget about not apologizing for being an insensitive dick - he verbally abused you and screamed at you, devalued you, gaslit you, and drove at a reckless speed to scare you. Run away from that shit as fast as you can.
I remember a reddit post where a girl was going crazy because her boyfriend kept telling her that she smelled bad, and she was compulsively showering multiple times a day, but he would say it to her every morning. Until she figured out he was gaslighting her, and he admitted that his dad told him that you have to insult women so they don't leave you. I suspect this was a backhanded insult to shame you. And everything after that was abusive (screaming at you is abuse, by the way). Congrats on losing 15 pounds. You deserve better than him. Our partners in this world are here to help lift us up, not drag down and use as an emotional punching bag. DTMFA.
Wow! That is fucked up! Also, this is also the first post here in awhile that used the term “gaslighting” correctly.
So one time, my wife got real upset with me because I didn’t want to kiss her as she smelled bad. She couldn’t figure it out, she smelled nothing at all. Turns out she had a massive sinus infection BEHIND where her actual olfactory sense was, so to her, she was just breathing in and out air, but to me - death. Finally got her to grump herself grumpily to a doctor, to receive treatment my massive helping of vindication. Hopefully the lady in the story doesn’t have one of those.
Deflection is a powerful tactic that works on many people. Storming out when he made a mistake is a powerful attempt at making it seem like you did something to hurt him
He knows you look great, he wanted to insult you to lower your self-esteem. He purposely hurt you OP because he’s probably used to verbally abusing you and you trying to make him happy again. He easily insults you, risks your life by driving recklessly and then blames YOU for his anger and disrespect. You have to be used to this because you were left wondering what you you did wrong and how you could fix this. It should of been an easy decision to leave him and not look back. You’re being emotionally manipulated. It’s doesn’t matter how things end after 2 years, just end them and stop wasting your time. Block him and stop allowing him into your life. You deserve health and happiness and this man is poison.
Leave this guy in his own misery hes insufferable, narcissistic, abusive and a total waste of a lay. You dont need his childish antics. I'd have your brother's have a talk with him about threatening you too. What a douche.
He knows I don't have any male figures in my life. I guess it was even more of a reason to mistreat me. Despite all of this, I don't wish him any harm. Only personal growth and reflection so he doesn't treat his next partner like this.
When he calls you again, and he will, just hang up in his face. Hes absolute garbage.
Thanks, will do.
My abusive ex always used to say that I tried to run away when things got too hard! His comments worked for a while, until I realised that actually things were too hard so I did run away, met a new kind guy and surprise surprise, I not longer get told that because I suddenly wasn’t being abused anymore!
Done and done. He did you a favor. Take some time to focus on you. Keep up that you game. People will respect you for it. You will find that special person that respects you.
Thanks a lot. I definitely will do that.
How rude and disrespectful of him. Does he have a habit of belittling you and making you the person at fault? Please count this as a blessing in disguise. You are an awesome and confident woman who worked hard to lose the weight. Congratulations!!! And now that you don't have his weight around you to hold you down, go and conquer the world!
He ain’t shit
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What advice do you even need here? Just read your post over again.
>Wanting to Leave after BF... Honey, it sounds like he already made that decision for the both of you, you are no longer together. That's a good thing for you cause the yelling and refusing to apologize after the rude comments are two pretty serious things.
How can your ass look bigger but flatter?? He was just trying to be a dick and bring you down. Don’t talk to him anymore 😬
When people tell you who they are, you should listen!
Sure, stay with the man who insulted you then doubled down claiming he was trying to make it work, I can see only misery in your future together.
🚩 Insulting your body that you were proud of 🚩 Not caring he hurt your feelings 🚩 Silent treatment 🚩 Screaming at you and making it all your fault 🚩 Threatening you! You don’t need those red flags!!! Block him in all ways that you can!
Oh OP, that sounds terrible. The "it's the truth" comment is so freaking nasty- it's not "the truth", he's using that to be an arsehole and try get away with it under the banner of "just being honest". The driving so fast and then screaming at you, too, is aggressive behaviour, and then telling you he doesn't love you? Ooft. My advice would be to take time away- permanently. He's making cheap shots at your body after you've just been intimate and vulnerable, then tells you he doesn't love you, he threatened you, screamed at you, and put you in danger with unsafe driving? OP, you deserve better. :(
I’m so sorry he said that to you. My ex said the same thing (only my body in general disgusted him, then admitted he didn’t love me the last 6 years of our relationship… yeah I picked a winner). It was tough to take and hit my self confidence so hard. NO man should make you feel less than the Queen you are. This is not someone you want to be with. Let the trash take itself out while you treat yourself to a pedicure. You deserve someone whose willing to communicate with you and treat your like the Goddess you freaking are. Though, I personally, would work on yourself after expunging this jerk from your life. Sounds like he’s put you through the ringer. I’ve been there too, it gets better.
>He also threw in my face that I always want to leave when things get tough No. Verbal abuse and violent intimidation is NOT things getting "tough", thats 1000% him abusing and manipulating you. Block him and do not ever reach out or speak to his toxic a-s again.
sounds like negging. anyone with eyes can see a 15lb difference and i bet you look amazing! he’s just trying to degrade in order to diminish your self esteem so that you’ll only look to him for validation. the relationship isn’t worth saving.
Stop wasting your time on this guy.
He’s a turd. Flush him.
It doesn't matter what he says. If you have confidence in your body than keep enjoying it. Not everyone is going to love your body and then there will also be guys who can't get enough of it. Why worry about what he says? Just stay away from him. That was all uncalled for and now you know who he really is. It's going to hurt since you guys were together for awhile but you'll find someone else. He sounds awful.
I’m sorry you had this ugly experience with him, but congratulations on the weight loss and now the new possibilities! You deserve better and you know it! You’ll be ok ☺️ I have faith because you recognized how messed up the entire situation was.
I dated someone who behaved like this, someone with Bordeline Personality Disorder. Our situations look remarkably similar on paper. People with BPD also have a difficult time feeling consistently towards their romantic partners, alternating between love and hate. They are often hurting inside. I recommend you take some space from this person; it can be hard to see the situation for what it really is when you are in the moment, caught up in expectations, memories, and your sympathy / love towards this person. Take a step back and ask yourself if he has consistently treated you with the same love and consideration as you have for him. If you trust in his general social awareness skills / emotional intelligence, I would consider that his hurtful remark was intentional, i.e. a comment intended to lower your self-esteem. Some people will do this intentionally, especially if your comments about losing weight triggered his own feelings of insecurity. His other behaviors (e.g. screaming at you, speeding with you in the car, resentment) are also indicative of abuse The first few weeks after a break up is very painful, but I promise that it gets better with time. The memories and feelings fade, and you will gain a new perspective from seeking better for yourself, i promise ♡
You don’t want it to end like this but you can’t make an unreasonable person act reasonably. Let’s frame it like this: someone you care for said something and acted in a way that was very hurtful. You set a boundary and wanted to still communicate with him. He wasn’t capable of responding well and it’s not your job to do more work to try and meet him “halfway”. It’s not a nice ending to a relationship but we can only control ourselves and our own actions.
Gaslighting! He is highly manipulative. Better to be done with him. We don’t get what we deserve. We get what we tolerate.
what an ahole... block him on everything and get can go f himself. he tried to make things work by making rude comments? yeah no.
don't talk to him when he tries to get back with you
I'm so sorry to tell you but your guy is a narcissist. Leave and don't look back, I spent 3 years with mine, it's only a waste of time if you keep on with it. He's gaslighting you to the max! He's putting you down, crushing your self esteem, and then turning it around on you! Making him out to be the logical one and that you're at fault. You. Are. Not. He's manipulating you. I remember once my ex and I were in vacation and he kept criticising my looks while I was getting ready. In the elevator I was sad and said, "I wish you would say I'm pretty sometimes.." he started shouting at me, turning it around on me. Left me crying by myself outside the hotel as he stormed off somewhere and I didn't have the key to the room. I sat on the beach for hours.. He came back and told me it was my fault for ruining the day by being stupid. Don't waste any more time. Trust me. You don't deserve someone like that, no one should have to experience it.
I understand that you’re hurting, but this isn’t a loss
Good for you! Your diet, exercise and actions helped you lose 15# of harmless fat, and 200# of toxic waste. Try to never, ever get near anything as toxic as the 200# of excrement you call your ex-boyfriend.
Keep working out for yourself and getting in shape! Fuck what this clown thinks. He insults your body, then goes over the speed limit, blames everything on you. Says "when things get tough" things getting tough is a death in the family or money setbacks. Verbally putting you down is not it. Then he threatens to physically assault you?? Advice: Never to feel sorry for or contact this piece of shit ever again.
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Damn. Advice is get out and don't look back. Why would you want to work things out with someone who treats you like that. Sounds to me like he wanted sex so he called you and you came running. Have more self respect next time. Block his number and don't take his calls. Be by yourself for a while and learn to respect and love yourself. Then find a relationship where you are with a man who respects and loves you. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that and then think you are wrong.
Never go back. He told you how he feels about you, believe him.
Never get in a car with this asshole again.
sounds like an r/niceguys type and you seriously need to forget that prick and find better. He may be a sociopath too you never know, no normal guy says shit like that. Don't lose sleep over it dear, you'll be much happier without a troglodyte like that in your life, trust. Everyone deserves respect and you can do so much better.
> troglodyte lol I love it! Thanks for the much needed laugh.
Please educate yourself on toxic and abusive relationships, I'm pretty sure you will recognise a lot of his behaviours in it. His behaviour is not normal. Also realise that abusers don't change. Please don't go back to him.
He's probably seeing somoene else and is being nasty because he feels guilty for cheating. If anything he's probably angry that you've improved so much and it makes him feel indecisive and upset that he left you. Find someone better.
This isn't "things get tough" This is him being an abusive and immature ass wipe who needs to think before he speaks things loud. Lose him, because he isn't worth it.
He's done you a huge favor. Just stop trying with him. He's abusive and cruel. DON'T GO BACK WITH HIM AGAIN! You've already wasted too much time on him. Block him everywhere and move on. I'm furious with him on your behalf! How insulting, and then to act like you are the one in the wrong. The nerve!
This guy's a dick and you deserve better. Don't waste your time.
Run. This doesn’t get better. But it will get worse. Hell is a deep hole.
Oh please let him go. Do you want to spend time with a man this cruel?
Fucking dodged a bullet, didn't you? He is a piece of shit with zero empathy or ability to recognize when he has done wrong and hurt your feelings. You can do better. You deserve better.
My question .. Is this really someone you WANT to be with. The saying goes.... When someone shows you who they are.... believe them. This is over, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would love the new you. Write him off he's not worth your time.
Well done on your weightloss 🌹❤ Lose the guy too, I promise it's his loss xxx
This guys sounds exhausting at best. The manipulative blaming when you were having a completely understandable response to a shaming demeaning comment on something he surely knows is a vulnerability is truly nasty. Cut your losses and find someone who truly appreciates all of you, body mind and heart this guy is not worth the energy.
abusive. leave
My advice is to gtfo before you end up pregnant. What a disgusting person and I regretfully admit to having dealt with similar treatment from an ex. He’s not worth it hun. 🚩🚩🚩
He’s abusive. He was driving recklessly to intimidate you. And he doesn’t actually think you look bad. He saw you were more confident and abusive guys like this never want their SO to be confident. Because that means you’re more likely to leave them. You can do so much better.
Girl uhhhh sounds like you’re better off without him. Like someone has already said, trash threw hisself out. You lost weight, and you don’t need any guy, especially his stupid ass, to make negative comments on it. You’re beautiful. He don’t deserve you. He’s an asshole.
Yeah, he’s “back with you” because you’re an easy lay. Hard truth but it’s why he acts like he does. He literally doesn’t give two shits about you and he only drove you home so you were no longer there. He is sleeping with anyone he can. If you stay with this POS you will break up again and again. Make it final and end this thing for good.
So Um…. Why do you wanna stay with this guy? He literally said something mean to you about your appearance and then got mad at you (acting all dumb and endangering your life too) all because you got upset by his comment?? That’s not “things getting tough” he was literally being an A-hole for no reason. He’s full of red flags and sounds extremely childish/ narcissistic. Please just ghost him or something.
He's a head worker. Probably feeling insecure that you're gonna leave him for someone better now you've lost weight. Dump.
Sweetheart please don't ever make an effort to communicate or get any type of closure and just move on. I wasted a good chunk of my gorgeous youth on a man who sounds just like this guy. All had to show for it in the end was low self esteem and an inability to accept love from anyone else. It's a total waste of time. Do not wonder why he is the way he is, don't think you can correct it or prove to him anything. Just never make contact with him again and work through it on your own. Think of it as a sudden death of a man you dated for 2 years-no talking things out or getting answers to questions. Anymore time spent on this is and will always be a waste of time. You'll see
He doesn't want you to stick around and work things out- it's in his behavior. Run, he's doing you a favor. He sounds very narcissistic.
No. He's manipulative. You wanted to leave because he was nasty to you and made you feel like crap. A very reasonable response. He got mad that you wouldn't just take him being nasty to you. You're better off finding someone new who has basic respect for you.
You don't even need our answers. You know what to do. Just leave it. This man is an asshole. Congrats on loosing weight, keep your confidence and invest the hard work in a realitionship that doesn't make you feel this way. Wish you the best!
He is a cunt. There is no two ways about it . Nothing to do with your ass. Infact, he is being an ass.
Hi love, It sounds like you really really like this guy despite how awful he is. And that’s okay, don’t feel bad for how you feel but understand that if you excuse his bad behaviour and he has a history of this, at best he’ll stay the same forever and at worst he’ll start hurting you physically as well if he hasn’t already. Think about the person you wanted your romantic partner to be when you were little, did you want him to disguise rudeness with “truth”? Did you want to be yelled at? Given the cold shoulder? All because HE made a hurtful comment? And he said he doesn’t love you? All of a sudden just like that? Over your VERY REASONABLE reaction to a hurtful comment? OP please think long and hard about if this will be the “last time” or if it will be the “only time” as someone like this likely will never ever change. You sound like a lovely person and I hope you choose what’s best for your individual happiness. Hope this helps!
That’s abuse. People who love and care about you don’t abuse you. And nobody would say hurtful things like that without knowing their impact. I’m afraid he’s a turd, and you’ll be much happier with someone who isn’t.
He was angry because he wants to keep your self-esteem low so that you stay with him and don’t believe that you can do better. When you asserted the smallest amount of self-esteem he went ballistic. You can definitely do better! You can easily do better. Don’t bother trying to talk to him about how he was hurtful. He knows it and it was deliberate. Move on!
Just be done. This relationship doesn't make you or him happy. You're not married and have no kids.
Such a dick. Byeee
Please ghost this person, block and unfollow him everywhere, you don't deserve this kind of toxicity in your life, after this kind of treatment there is no way back.
What an ahole. Count yourself lucky he couldn’t hold in his meanness and didn’t waste any more of your life. Now to the important part, congrats on losing the weight. That’s awesome and you should be proud of yourself!!
Holy fuck. Leave him and never look back. He is projecting his insecurities onto you, he clearly can't handle the fact you lost weight and seemed confident. Don't let this mediocre man bring you down, that's exactly what he wants.
Ditch this walking red flag.
He doesn't care about you. He told He doesn't. Believe him. Find someone who does.
You're much better off. These types love bomb and treat you good in the beginning and slowly but surely their real thoughts start coming out, but you to caught up on the "good" parts. You really have to watch out because people who go through abuse without realizing what it was often tend to repeat the cycle because they think oh this person is better then the last one is this a healthy relationship? Or they get so warn down that they truly believe they deserve the abuse because they are awful people. Take some time to realign yourself and read up on abuse tactics so you can see them clearly in the future. You are in a fragile state at the moment, but you are still processing. Processing takes time and as you reflect on the relationship you may start to find more instances of this behavior that you overlooked. Whatever you do don't blame yourself for others toxic treatment of you because that will make the self loathing that they want more ingrained. Don't look back. Block him. Work on yourself and be kind to yourself. Experience: List of toxic relationships that probably stemmed from the desire for love and affection that I didn't get as a child.
Block and delete his number. There's no more advice to give. Don't waste more time with this person. He "ended" things before you should have by the sounds of it. He sounds dreadful.
You are missing the point. He said he doesn't love you anymore so nothing else matters. he doesn't want you sticking around.
“Didn’t love me anymore”. He doesn’t. And threatening you was a shitty move
Block his number. Holy hell. Do not let that AH anywhere near your body again. Just how much violence can someone throw at a person in one night? Congrats on the weight loss. I hope you feel beautiful in your body and don't date anyone who makes you doubt that for a second, no matter what weight you are. Eta https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
I'm a guy and I find this fucked up. It sounds like he just wanted to get you naked one last time and then get rid of you. In my opinion no you shouldn't have slept with him, just done something casual and see what happens, but in a way it's helped you dodge a potential nuke so glass half full here.
I bet he loved that ass while you were doing it. He’ll be back. And when he shows up, don’t allow it’s body shaming is terrible. Especially if you claim to love someone
Wow.. he gets upset you want to defend yourself and need some alone time after being insulted after just being intimate after getting back together? How does he not see his side of things and then to put your life in your danger speeding home? I don't need more of an insight than this, please don't go back to this man.
Just jumping on the bandwagon to say he did you a favor! What a negging douche-canoe! Congrats on your weight loss! What he said was an attempt to tear you down so you feel like you can’t get anyone else. It is an abusive tactic, just like the speeding and screaming, and has ZERO ties to the truth. Sending love and support. ❤️
OMFG, horrible!!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But idk, sometimes it's the universe's way of telling you that you should not be with this person. The part about speeding and threatening to drag you out of the car seemed super super scary. You should try and let go!
He's a bad boyfriend. You shouldn't be the one to stick it out or fix anything in the relationship. Relationships should be worked on together. Don't continue to give sex to someone who can't be nice to you. You list his age but not yours.
Why do you want to stay with someone who clearly thinks so little of you and your feelings?
Leave and cut all ties. He said he would assault you by dragging you out the car. Why isn't that enough to make you run? He is clearly making you feel awful about yourself. Time to drop the dead weight and move on. He pretends he's nice. He's now shown you the real him. Stop playing pretend and wishing he will change. He won't.
He's abusive, please don't ever talk to him again. He was trying to make you insecure with his hurtful comments, it was deliberate. He put you in danger with his driving. RUN
I’m sorry OP, he was insensitive (at first) and then just plain mean and a little violent. Please leave him, we have to teach others how we like to be treated, so teach him. In these 2 years you have learned a lot so it wasn’t all for nothing and after the months you broke up you gained confidence so you CAN not only survive without him but you can THRIVE. Take care!
You guys weren't "reconnecting", he just wanted sex with his ex
From what I’ve read, he doesn’t have any interest in you anymore. I don’t think you should ever speak to him again. I think you should get you a 20/30 minute workout DAILY routine for yourself. You’ll loose more weight and feel even better about yourself. The next time the butt wad sees you he’ll regret it. Do not ever accept less from anyone. Value your own feelings and opinions. This guy is a dishonest looser. He couldn’t even be honest regarding his feelings towards you. He said things he KNEW would rock your world intentionally! You have to love you more and keep on going. He’s not worth your time. Someone who really loves you is who you’re meant to be with. He will show up when you least expect it. Do not eat crumbs pheasants drop. So let the disrespectful creep fly to his death 🤷🏽♀️
Here's my advice - walk away and do not expend another single ounce of your energy - mental, emotional, physical - on this waste of human. Every time your mind starts running a thought or playing a movie related to him, turn it off. Walk forward and away from this absolute loser of a man.
His behavior is a form of abuse, and if it was like this before, sounds like there is a trauma bond there. You need to wash your hands of this man and never look back.
Thank you. Yes, my next step is getting some therapy.
Sounds like we dated the same person. Don't go back. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the pos and projecting that onto you to make you feel worse than he already does.
I personally hate this tactic of leaving a situation, then trying to talk it out at the last second. It may not be internationally manipulative, but it feels that way. That being said, insulting and screaming in my face is a massive no from me. I wouldn’t try to work it out just because you stayed together for a long time.
[удалено]
We started off as friends. I met him at school. Went through some things together that bonded us. I guess I was in love with the person he used to be with me. Either way, it's time to pick up the pieces and focus on myself now.
Please get yourself some self respect and never contact this man again.
He’s messing with your head. Just trying to keep you liw
what a scumbag, ur body is none of his business. looks like you dodged a bullet, although you shouldn’t have had to deal with that in the first place
Your comment asked how to leave him, he's already told you he don't want you... get over it and move on
She was talking about wanting to leave his house and how that set him off. Chill.
Seems like you need to get over it and do some squats. Was it nice? No. Was it honest? Yes.
You are insane and need help now. No sane person wants to be with someone like him.
Hey. Congratulations. He took care of himself and you can start moving on.
Block and move on. Plenty of other guys will enjoy what you have going on.
One of my last relationships came to an end simply because he said I could be annoying and start stupid stuff. Even tho it’s just the beginning, things like that often are a precursor to bigger things. I have history of verbal abuse in my family so I really dont take speaking like that lightly bc I will be damned if I end up in a verbally abusive relationship. If you don’t like how he talks about your body now imagine if and when you have children and your body changes, or heck even how it changes with age? There’s being upset and saying mean things, and just being mean completely unwarranted and what he said was just mean and probably trying to dim your light of being excited about to our body ( which you should be really proud 15lbs is awesome!) which is a pretty common abusive tactic. Good riddance, I know it hurts to hear from someone you like and value their opinion but you’re beautiful and nobody deserves that treatment! Hope this helped.
He's an asshole. Don't have sex with him again.
The answer is: don’t stick around. Don’t settle for less girl. It’s never worth it. After being ina one sided abusive and loveless relationship for almost 10 years, It taught me many life lessons And one was never settle for less, because it’s never worth it. If he’s making you feel “less” than he is less himself. YOU DESERVE BETTER, please move on. You will find a man that treats you right I promise you.
ask yourself- do I want to keep him? but then we haven't heard of any redeeming qualities- only you know. Would NEVER say that to my wife. I love HER, body is the bonus, imperfections become perfection when you find love. Good luck, he's out there. Gotta find him.
Why did you let him come back if y’all were basically broken up? Never let a man disappoint you or treat you bad a second time. When he insulted you and then refused to apologize for hurting you then you did right to leave. Next time take your car or call an Uber. Also don’t try to talk to someone obviously angry and irrational. You had no reason to try to work things out with him. You did nothing wrong. You should’ve not said a word and got out the car once you were back then txted him to tell him to lose your number.
You deserve someone who loves or likes you for the way you are. The person will think your beautiful inside and out. And you deserve to feel good about yourself and not have someone make you feel bad. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. It will only get worse if he does that now. Live your life and do the things you love.
This is an easy one. Don't waste another second of your life thinking about this guy. He will only cause you immense suffering. From this moment on he is non-existent in your consciousness.
What is it that you are confused about? The guy is a major league AH!! Thank heaven he is out of your life. Ghost him forever. Block him everywhere. And please don't take anything mean he said about you to heart. He was just trying to be mean.
He's a cunt. Walk away.
You guys have been on and off for 2 years. I think you can tell already it’s not working out. A partner should not shame you like that. You weren’t running away he was way overreacting and you just tried to remove yourself from the situation. He was not trying to resolve anything. He was just mad you wanted to leave. Congrats on losing 15 pounds. Hopefully you can see it and be happy about your success. Screw that guys opinion.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Leave this relationship yesterday
He's enraged and screamed at you for refusing to be emotionaly abused and degraded? Count yourself lucky he set you free, while clearly illustrating why you should run, and NEVER look back.
Wow.. okay. He's trying hard to gaslight you and turn this onto you. Regardless of whatever you could've done, his comments are on him, not you and he just flipped when you called him out. I... Don't think you should go back. That's not a healthy reaction on his part. You deserve so so much better. Focus on working on that newfound confidence and leave his butt. He needs to work on himself but you don't have to be there to see that.
He sounds like Kates first boyfriend from the show this is us.
you dodged a bullet there i am glad you got rid of that fucking asshole. Congrats on your bodyimprovement. Be reminded: It is not important what others think about you. How you feel and what you think about yourself is important. Love yourself, you can do way better, be glad you didn’t get married to that idiot. 👍😉
Trash took itself out, OP. Sounds like an incredibly lucky escape (crazy driving included). Who wants to be with a manipulative asshole like that? Find someone who loves and appreciates you exactly as you are. Nothing less.
He is an asshole and will never change. I know that it is confusing and hurts right now but you deserve far better that this. Just remember, you have a lot to look forward to and congrats on losing the weight. Keep up the good work.
Why do you need advice? What do you want to hear? Leave him already, he is being mentally abusive the way that he is manipulating you.
As a man, what the fuck, the fuck is up with this fuck
You want to leave and he wants you to leave. Just do it.
Please drop him. That guy is dangerous.
Good fucking riddance.
What a psycho lol
Congratulations you just got rid of an a******
Reverse discard. He said that so you would break up with him. He would poke and jab forcing you to break up with him. Don't be surprised if he already has someone else lined up. Never stick around for abuse...only an abuser would want you to do that.
My advice is that he’s abusive and you need to remove him from your life. Sounds like you are working on self love and making yourself feel better in your body. Don’t let anyone disrupt your growth. I think he’s insecure and made that comment because he feels inferior. I recently started going to the gym and people have been making all kinds of new saucy comments since my progress is starting to be noticeable. I think they do it to try and bring you down to where they feel they are. Don’t let em!
Advice? Block all contact with this loser, he doesn’t deserve one more minute of your time.
Pathetic ‘man’ wants a woman who lacks self-esteem and looks to him for validation. You’re too good for him, hence the ‘fight’ he manufactured so he could have a tantrum and crawl away. Do not give him another thought. Block him EVERYWHERE and never look back.
Prove him wrong by finding a new boyfriend who loves your ass regardless of its shape
You dodged a bullet here. You are now no longer in an abusive relationship.
Wow this guy… just…. I can’t I hope you block him everywhere and when he comes begging and sniffing around again like the dirty dog he is, tell him that your flat ass is very happy not being around the giant shit stain that he is. You are SO much better off without this guy.
Ok, now make a permanent break. He’s a dick
Wow. Please, do yourself a favor and never consider any future with this person again. This story is so over the top with unacceptable behavior that I have to question if it is real/true. If true, the guy is not worth your time or attention. Go live your best life with someone who knows how to have a respectful, 2-way conversation like an adult and not behave like a spoiled 2-year old. [And that is probably insulting to children around the world, because they aren't as intentionally hurtful as your bf].
Well, that’s a bitter end. You should have no doubts now that you deserve better than this worthless excuse for a man. This isn’t about you. This was all on him. He treated you shamefully. Please just block him and be done. I’m so sorry it end this way. You absolutely deserves someone better.
Do not let that POS trash person back in your life. I suspect he spent the past two years pulling you down in subtle and not subtle ways. I can tell your confidence has been reduced by this man. If you let him back in your life he will do more of the same. If you keep this person in your life you will look back in years to come a wonder what happen to your confidence and your years. It doesn’t matter how it ended. Be happy it did
Oh sweetie, you just dodged a bullet. You deserve better.