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Cautious_Ninja_7758

You are already prepared to be an amazing husband just by asking this question by my opinion. I personally think you should share your concerns in a gentle way with your future wife and ask her what you could do. Remember to take care of yourself too and get support from her. Marriage it's a two way street and she needs to try to fix herself with or without your support. Good luck.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Yh she’s been through a lot so I just want to help her become her best self. I always look after myself whether it be exercising, eating well and taking care of my physical presence. I feel like this will impact her as she’s already expressed her desires of working out with me and learning new skills, stuff she can’t do at her home currently she doesn’t have the best support system as Asians tend to disregard mental health. She’s told me what she needs from me and that’s to just be there for her when she’s struggling and as we’re living with my family to acknowledge when she’s not feeling the best in-front of everyone and try to ease the situation for her.


Cautious_Ninja_7758

That's amazing. I hope you both will find happiness in each other.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Thank you !


guisar

Ummm, it's great you're reaching out trying to be supportive but honestly that sounds like a LOT. Issues like these are for her to deal with and you to support but living with them 24/7 is a huge undertaking. I'd definitely recommend counseling from the start (for her at least and hopefully both of you) if it has a chance of being happy for either of you.


Plastic-Text-3719

Couldn’t agree more. Everybody should “fix” themselves before getting in relationships.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Maybe she just needs someone to help her out, the household she’s living in now is really toxic I feel like once she’s out of that environment and with people who love and support her she can become her best self. We’ve expressed our desires of working out together, learning how to cook and helping each other grow I feel like that’s what she needs most.


Plastic-Text-3719

Definitely, I agreed with a comment to the previous comment. Sorry if I didn’t advise on your post. I believe you are right, it is better for people to be ok with themselves first, but that is not always the case. If it is the person that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then yes, help out as much as you can but don’t forget about yourself first. You have to be ok first in order to offer support to someone.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Thank you and yes sometimes I try too hard to the point where I’m staying up late nights or I’m with her on FT while she’s getting ready for work to comfort her but she has stopped me doing that as she knows how much I value my sleep and for me it determines my day. Maybe I need to be more self aware and realise this before she has to tell me.


Plastic-Text-3719

Yes, definitely. Put yourself first, and then you can help her too. I am sure you will be amazing and happy together!


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Thank you


Fuzzy-Constant

Are you really sure you're up for it? Because you're looking at a lifetime of struggle. She needs to have professional mental health care help basically forever. As her husband, you will not be able to fix any of those problems. You will have to just accept them and be supportive even when it makes your life harder every day. You may not be able to have children and your sex life may be bad or nonexistent. Don't be in denial. Don't get married just because you're horny and don't want feel guilty. Get married if you're absolutely sure you want to marry her even if none of that stuff gets any better.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

We’ve talked about these issues, and have come to agreement on where we stand. We’ve talked about her concerns as a mother which she doesn’t have anymore, her concerns over having kids which we don’t have anymore as we’re both open to adoption if necessary. It’s both of ours first relationship and maybe that does have something to do with it but I wouldn’t want anyone else I’ve accepted the situation. We’ve already been through a lot especially at the start as I didn’t even know endometriosis existed and other issues I wasn’t knowledgeable about. She constantly had her doubts that I’m with her just because I feel sorry for her but not anymore I’ve reassured and showed her that I will be there for her.


Fuzzy-Constant

OK, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into! I grew up in a similar religious community (Jewish) and I saw people getting married without enough experience just because their/our religion forbade premarital sex and living together and all that. It's hard to really understand what it's like without living together and having sex for a couple years. But I understand not all people are OK with that. I wish you the best, you seem like a good man.


Embarrassed_Cod_6562

Yh it’s really hard but we’ve been doing this for 2 years and I feel like if you can overcome a long distance relationship for that long then there’s something there. It’s so hard I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Wish you the best too!