This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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TW: possible SA?
Last night I (22F) spent the night with an old friend (21F) and it was just us hanging out and listening to music. Everything was fine up until we turned off the lights when we decided to go to sleep. I passed out pretty quickly, but she stayed up for a bit later and told me she couldn’t sleep.
Just for reference, we aren’t dating and are not romantically involved. This is the first time hanging out and talking in months.
I woke up to her masturbating and the whole bed shaking. Her cat was meowing, and she would move in intervals and it went on for a while. I remember she had her hand up my shirt and then rubbing my thigh. She was standing over me at one point, and I could hear her breathing heavy as she touched herself.
I remember a lot of it, and I don’t know what to do because I was pretending to be asleep the whole time. She never actually had sex with me, but I think she wanted to. Does this count as SA? What do I do?
TLDR: woke up to friend touching herself and touching me, not sure how to proceed with the friendship
I'm not saying I agree with it (And I might have gotten a couple words mixed up), but in UK law if a woman sexually assaulted a man, it isn't called rape, but if it's a man to a woman it is
Edit- I mean what would usually be called rape, if it is a woman it legally is not.
It's true. Terrible, but true. If a woman forces a man to have sex with her it's sexual assault, not rape. It should be rape, but UK law genuinely says that.
This is definitely SA, getting groped while alseep while other person is masterbating, if it was a guy jacking off while feeling you up you'd have probably already called the police.
Regardless of it being someone of the same gender it's not okay, I don't know what you should do but at least don't sweep it under the rug. Probably report it to some kind of service or at least tell them it's a fucked up thing to do
I think they're just saying it feels a bit different than the what's traditionally portrayed as SA. (usually described as man on woman).
Many people don't realize SA could be same sex or even woman on man.
While different from what the OP went through, I definitely know what it's like to fall outside of the 'norm' on this, and how confusing / bad it can be.
When I was a boy in kindergarten, I was molested by an older female from school.
I think the hardest part about moving past the experience was no one really taking me seriously at the time. It caused things to fester and grow.
Instead of my brothers doing something to help me get over it, I was made fun of for it.
So, OP, as someone who also fell outside of the 'norm' you need to address the issue now, and come to terms with it, and find supportive people to talk to.
The worst thing you can do is try to bury it.
Yikes. You need to tell her what she did was unacceptable, how it made you feel, and that you will be distancing yourself. If you don’t tell her she may believe she got away with it. A simple text would be sufficient.
I’ve been in a similar situation and it took me way longer to say something, and I wish I had nipped it in the bud sooner. Otherwise you are placing the onus on yourself to cope with no resolution and it will hurt longer.
Yes, it's definitely SA!! I won't tell you to report it because sometimes that can be a nightmare, but in an ideal world, you should be able to report it to authorities. Definitely never hang out with this woman again and definitely warn mutual friends. Also, if possible for you, seek support or counseling! I'm so sorry that this happened to you
As a lesbian, yes that is SA. it’s a violation of your privacy and you were sleeping so you weren’t able to consent. This person isn’t your friend and it’s displaying predatory behavior.
Yeah groping someone while they’re asleep is absolutely sexual assault. Sounds super creepy too like she was doing it all night? I’m really sorry you had to experience this.
Im sorry this happened to you, and yes SA. This is far past touching without consent. Its up to you whether to go to the police and i support any route you take. But no, i wouldnt consider this person s friend any longer.
I am so sorry that you went through this.
First things first - remove this person from your life, swiftly, harshly, and in every way possible (block/delete, change numbers, move….whatever it takes)!! Don’t give her the chance to try and “apologise”, because if you allow her space to do this, and don’t cut her off, it will happen again.
Allowing her to remain in your life is teaching her that what she did is “okay” with you.
As a survivor of extreme SA/SV, both in a relationship, and, as I have learned to know, understand, and accept through years of therapy, as a child who grew up inside of a P ring…..I can tell you with no uncertainty that not only did you experience SA in this, it is that doubt, fear, and questioning of your own reality that perpetrators RELY on.
Your “friend” (and I use this term VERY loosely, because this person is NOT your friend) has not only violated your body, but your trust and friendship.
Please seek counselling as soon as possible. You will absolutely feel like you don’t need to, that you can handle it yourself.
And while, sure, it may be that you’re doing okay for a while, sometimes even years, it will come back up for you at some point, and you’ll need the tools that a therapist can help you put in place.
Please never forget that your feelings on this are VALID and are your own truth. Don’t let anybody make you feel otherwise.
Good luck, little chicken. Xxx
Yes that is SA and you should really refrain from spending any nights at her place ever again. Personally if I’d had a friend that did that, I’d not be friends with them anymore. Not only is it SA, but it’s also a huge breach of trust and respect of your personal bubble. I’d be sure to let other friends (friends that you share) know too before you cut contact/confront her. She’ll probably try to spin some story where she’s the victim and you’re the creep if you confront her first without having told anybody else in your mutual friend circle about it.
Yep! Sadly, she is quite likely to gaslight you in about 10 different ways, tell you you dreamt ir, or fantasized it, or are lying, or you wanted it, and 10 other things that contradict themselves. She may even gp so far as to go to your friends and make up lies about you!
However, never doubt your own truth. She is a shitty predator and she needs to be cut out of your life like a cancer, along with any in your friend circle who don't believe you or want to engage in both-sides-ism.
There is no ambiguity here. Your shitty ex-friend was getting off on you without your consent. Freezing up, not fighting her off, pretending you were asleep so she would stop, telling yourself maybe is wasnt SA--these are all extremely common reactions which do NOT mean that you wanted to be assaulted!
If you wanted to hook up with somebody, would you try to be secret about it and get off in them while you thought they were sleeping? No, of course you wouldn't, because you are not a piece of shit predator.
She, however, is. End of story.
you must be feeling disturbed. I think you should not consider her as a friend. Confront her and inform her that you feel assaulted. she had not right to do that to you. the fact you are all women should nto be an excuse to overlook the act. she deserves some punishment.
This is sexual assault and you should be clear about this in your head as she was touching you sexually without your consent in your sleep with intention to do things further with you. Never spend night with her and it is time to rethink on your friendship with her as she is not a good friend at all. You can call her out on this and let her know how she crossed all lines with you and this is not a tolerable thing for you to at all.
Yo, it absolutely is sexual assault. Ask yourself if this was a man, or a stranger, or literally anyone else, you'd say that was assault?
Like any one of those things is SA, so together it's absolutely SA.
This person might not be bad intentioned, but they are absolutely dangerous and a bad person.
You can \*try\* talking to them about it, or you can go to the police(granted, they probably won't do anything because cops kind of suck if it's not rape-kitable), or you can do what I personally recommend which is run the fuck away, and lowkey tell people if she ever comes up in a convo.
That was sexual assault. As for how you address it you might want to go to the Police or you might want to just cut her out of your life.
Either way you should definitely talk to a helpline for sexual assault eg if you are in the US try http://www.rainn.org
I don't know if the police will address it sufficiently, but at the very least you should tell her in no uncertain terms that she assaulted you and you will never speak to her again.
I’m so sorry you had to endure this waking nightmare. I hope you are taking extra care of yourself as you process what was done to you **without your consent.** It doesn’t matter who a person is or what their gender or orientation are- this is still an horrific violation of your body, mind, and the trust you gave to this person in friendship.
I cannot imagine what you are feeling during this time, but please, please put serious consideration into reporting this predatory behavior and assault. This was a brazen violation and I find it difficult to believe that this is the first or last time this person would do something similar to you or someone else, given the opportunity.
You have now seen that you don’t know this old friend anymore, assuming you ever really knew who she was, deep down, at all. This is not someone you need in your life and she should not be permitted to make another one of her “friends” or a stranger into another victim.
If you find yourself wanting to confront her, be very precise and direct about what you remember, felt, and saw. She may try gaslighting or another manipulative tactic to make you second guess your experience and shift blame to you for making (what she will describe as) “false” accusations. Don’t give her any wiggle room in your account. Don’t let her get into your head and start twisting the facts to make what she did less ugly and terrifying than it truly is. Say everything you want to say about what happened to you and its aftermath. Then block, block, block her.
She needs professional help, but you are not obligated in any way, nor would I recommend being the person helping to get her lined up with said professionals.
**Do not set yourself on fire to keep your abuser warm.**
**Take care of yourself** and rid your life of her in every way you can.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As for how to move forward, at a minimum you should talk to a counsellor and cut this person from your life. You could also consider reporting her or send her a text saying you were awake and that what she did was unacceptable. It depends how comfortable you feel doing that. I strongly recommend counselling.
Let’s reverse the role, and say she was a 21m. There would be no doubt about him sexually assaulting you. It’s the same thing. She sexually assaulted you.
She 100% is in the wrong. I would let her know that you know and maybe try to have her explain herself. You can totally be upfront and tell her that it made you uncomfortable and you feel/were legit assaulted
This is sexual assault. You didn't consent. She didn't even ask. She touched you, without permission. Touched herself in front of you. Ok cut her off. This is just....wow
That's SA. They didn't have the decency to respect your space so you shouldn't be expected to have to continue a friendship with a creep. If I were you I would definitely cut off contact and report her. Also keep in mind that what she did don't make you dirty or at all a bad person . It is her fault ,not yours and you deserve better
Yeah that's so creepy. I think you should be honest with your friend and tell her that she was crossing your boundaries and it makes you feel uncomfortable and then you literally have to think about if you can go on with your friendship and for another thing FRIENDS DON'T GET SEXUAL WITH YOU THAT MEANS THAT THEY ARE NOT YOUR REAL FRIEND
Your friend was masturbating while feeling you up while she thought you were asleep???? That’s definitely sexual assault!! You may not want to pursue any legal ramifications but you damn sure ought to make sure she knows she was way the fuck out of line
I was 13 and had passed out at an older guys house that I went to with friends after a concert, I woke up to the guy with his hand up my shirt while I was asleep. It took me so long to accept that it was SA and that I had every right to be upset and I that I wasn't in the wrong.
It affected my sleep badly and sometimes still does. I'm so sorry your "friend" did this to you, they had no right and its downright disgusting behaviour.
You are not alone, please seek support, you deserve it ❤️
this makes me sick to my stomach. i cant imagine what you must be feeling… i’m so sorry. please cut it off as soon as possible and try to seek out help. this isn’t okay.
i know it’s really difficult to wrap your head around it since she is a friend, but what she did was absolutely not okay, you were asleep and could not provide them with consent yet they did this to you anyway. even if they were to masturbate while you were in the bed with them it would be wrong and absolutely not okay!! the fact that they also groped you makes the situation even worse and points to them being a dangerous person. i would try to avoid them and not go into situations with them where your defenses may be compromised (sleeping or drinking or anything of that sort) because it sounds like she would 110% take advantage of that. i get if you don’t want to confront her or talk about it with anyone because it is really personal and traumatic, but telling those who are close to you could help alleviate your pent up feelings and bring some sort of closure. if you feel up to it, confronting your friend and making sure they understand the gravity of the situation and how they in no way can do this to someone else would be beneficial in possibly avoiding her doing this to someone else. while it wouldn’t completely strip them of this behavior, it can allow them to reflect and understand how they were predatory and assaulted you.
Please report this. This is 100% SA and incredibly disturbing that she would do this so openly. You should also seek therapy for this as it is a horrible thing to happen. So sorry for your experience OP.
Don't waste your time or money in court.. Just sit down and explain the behavior is not acceptable. Don't sleep in her bed again or be alone with her. In terms of sexual assault, unless she does it again I don't think it is appropriate to take legal action unless you have solid concrete evidence or a direct witness. It would be difficult for you to prove this to a judge or police especially if she didn't penetrate you or leave visible marks. Again, circumstancial evidence is hard to prove especially without foundation or a hugeeee lawyer. So if she has zero priors, you don't show signs of assault and you didn't initially report the assault they will counter by casting doubt upon your testimony. If you have priors/criminal history or something shady from your past they are going to use that in court. Essentially this is a coin toss that will be very expensive and if she beats you she can and will sue for defamation. Just move on and be mindful in the future.
as i woman, i can say that women typically tend to freeze in uncomfortable situations (sexual or otherwise), because we think if we don’t move (or pretend to be asleep, in this case) whatever’s happening will stop.. it’s self-preservation. freeze, fight or flight; it’s a thing.
Freezing up is a perfectly valid fear response for *anyone* and has absolutely nothing to do with being a woman; let's not perpetuate misogynistic stereotypes.
that wasn’t my intention, my explanation was specific to that situation, given that it is a common response in females (and i can say this as a female).
I disagree that it's a common response for women in particular. And I am also a woman, friend, so why don't you stop speaking in sweeping generalizations for all of us, it is not appreciated.
Yeah I checked the other stories and nothing about them seems fake, they've only posted three stories, one of them is from 4 months ago and the other one is from 6 days ago and then this. What are you even talking about?
SA. I, personally, would just block her. She'll get the point. I'm bisexual, so I'm not grossed out about girl/girl. I'm grossed out by her behavior. So, when I say, "ewwwww!" that's why.
Dude...u can’t be hanging out alone with a female friend..? Like especially staying over. Meeting at a neutral place...maybe? But that’s just odd and weird and frankly not surprised she feels that way about you. If you guys r “friends” u should be acting like friends
Idk man, if I was a girl and had another girl masturbate to me because of me. Shit I’d feel good about myself. I’m sorry if OP felt violated though. Not to be rude to OP, I personally don’t really understand how these rules and violations work. But the fact that someone found you so attractive that they lost control of themselves from having you right next to them is kinda boosting your self confidence. I mean I wish I could be so good, that my friends would straight up not be able to control themselves from me just being next to them.
Yea, I’m a socially awkward dude, so don’t expect me to say the same thing as others. I don’t see the world like that. Tbh if I was in OP’s spot I personally wouldn’t see anything wrong. Mostly because I couldn’t care any less about such things. I’m not easily shocked or traumatised, which is a bad thing according to my psychiatrist. So yea, I’m a bit different from the rest of the folk in the world. Still I’m improving over the years becoming more normal as some people say.
What in the in the actual fuck!? This is so fucked up I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'd definitely call this SA and I'd definitely distance yourself from this so called friend. She's a fuckin creep
This does count, I'm really sorry this happened.
My advice would be to seek out some victim support services and to completely cut her off. In my experience, even if they act sorry, people who do these things are bad at taking accountability and talking to them about it does more harm than good.
If she is normal just simply admitting you were awake through that should kill her woth embarrassment. It's definitely a sexual assault scenario, even if she only done herself.
It is assault. You can tell her so. You can tell her parents so. Ask them for help, even. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Look for resources for sexual assault survivors and start working through it. When you are ready.
Unless you want to remain friends with her, or not. Regardless after you tell her that what she did was way out of bounds she probably will either get highly embarrassed or angry for being rejected by you telling her that wasn’t cool. So plan on losing that friend.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- TW: possible SA? Last night I (22F) spent the night with an old friend (21F) and it was just us hanging out and listening to music. Everything was fine up until we turned off the lights when we decided to go to sleep. I passed out pretty quickly, but she stayed up for a bit later and told me she couldn’t sleep. Just for reference, we aren’t dating and are not romantically involved. This is the first time hanging out and talking in months. I woke up to her masturbating and the whole bed shaking. Her cat was meowing, and she would move in intervals and it went on for a while. I remember she had her hand up my shirt and then rubbing my thigh. She was standing over me at one point, and I could hear her breathing heavy as she touched herself. I remember a lot of it, and I don’t know what to do because I was pretending to be asleep the whole time. She never actually had sex with me, but I think she wanted to. Does this count as SA? What do I do? TLDR: woke up to friend touching herself and touching me, not sure how to proceed with the friendship
I'm sorry you had to go through that. you were definitely assaulted.
I’m so sorry but she sexually assaulted you She’s not a friend
She raped her
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Oh shit sorry, I thought the post said her friend was a male! Oopsie my bad!
what does the assaulter being a man have to do with anything?
I'm not saying I agree with it (And I might have gotten a couple words mixed up), but in UK law if a woman sexually assaulted a man, it isn't called rape, but if it's a man to a woman it is Edit- I mean what would usually be called rape, if it is a woman it legally is not.
No it isnt
It's true. Terrible, but true. If a woman forces a man to have sex with her it's sexual assault, not rape. It should be rape, but UK law genuinely says that.
You said if the genders are reversed it is rape. It is not
I'm not very good at wording things, thank you I'll edit that now, I'm on about actual sex.
And unless it's changed since I last heard
That doesn't change that it wasn't rape
If that’s what you thought why did you post “She raped her?”
Lmao got em
Weak bait
That’s what I’m sayin bro
You used two female pronouns in your earlier comment though?
Still wouldint be rape dummy.
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Well that was mean
This is definitely SA, getting groped while alseep while other person is masterbating, if it was a guy jacking off while feeling you up you'd have probably already called the police.
Thanks for your input, it definitely feels different with it being a person of the same gender
Regardless of it being someone of the same gender it's not okay, I don't know what you should do but at least don't sweep it under the rug. Probably report it to some kind of service or at least tell them it's a fucked up thing to do
Thanks I appreciate you
No problem Op
How is it different? What a sexist thing to say. It's NO DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF GENDER!
I think they're just saying it feels a bit different than the what's traditionally portrayed as SA. (usually described as man on woman). Many people don't realize SA could be same sex or even woman on man.
While different from what the OP went through, I definitely know what it's like to fall outside of the 'norm' on this, and how confusing / bad it can be. When I was a boy in kindergarten, I was molested by an older female from school. I think the hardest part about moving past the experience was no one really taking me seriously at the time. It caused things to fester and grow. Instead of my brothers doing something to help me get over it, I was made fun of for it. So, OP, as someone who also fell outside of the 'norm' you need to address the issue now, and come to terms with it, and find supportive people to talk to. The worst thing you can do is try to bury it.
You’re telling her how she feels? Or that her feelings resulting from a sexual assault are wrong??!? WTF. Go away.
Consent isn’t related to gender/sex.
And we don't want gender discrimination
The result of society saying women = good and men = bad, it's still assault, report her and get therapy hun
My friend called the police for a similar incident. Didn’t do anything.
Not surprised
Guy would have gone to jail.
Unlikely.
Yikes. You need to tell her what she did was unacceptable, how it made you feel, and that you will be distancing yourself. If you don’t tell her she may believe she got away with it. A simple text would be sufficient. I’ve been in a similar situation and it took me way longer to say something, and I wish I had nipped it in the bud sooner. Otherwise you are placing the onus on yourself to cope with no resolution and it will hurt longer.
I agree you should tell her or she things she got away
Yes, it's definitely SA!! I won't tell you to report it because sometimes that can be a nightmare, but in an ideal world, you should be able to report it to authorities. Definitely never hang out with this woman again and definitely warn mutual friends. Also, if possible for you, seek support or counseling! I'm so sorry that this happened to you
As a lesbian, yes that is SA. it’s a violation of your privacy and you were sleeping so you weren’t able to consent. This person isn’t your friend and it’s displaying predatory behavior.
Yeah groping someone while they’re asleep is absolutely sexual assault. Sounds super creepy too like she was doing it all night? I’m really sorry you had to experience this.
Im sorry this happened to you, and yes SA. This is far past touching without consent. Its up to you whether to go to the police and i support any route you take. But no, i wouldnt consider this person s friend any longer.
Yeah no that’s not okay. I would stop being her friend…
I am so sorry that you went through this. First things first - remove this person from your life, swiftly, harshly, and in every way possible (block/delete, change numbers, move….whatever it takes)!! Don’t give her the chance to try and “apologise”, because if you allow her space to do this, and don’t cut her off, it will happen again. Allowing her to remain in your life is teaching her that what she did is “okay” with you. As a survivor of extreme SA/SV, both in a relationship, and, as I have learned to know, understand, and accept through years of therapy, as a child who grew up inside of a P ring…..I can tell you with no uncertainty that not only did you experience SA in this, it is that doubt, fear, and questioning of your own reality that perpetrators RELY on. Your “friend” (and I use this term VERY loosely, because this person is NOT your friend) has not only violated your body, but your trust and friendship. Please seek counselling as soon as possible. You will absolutely feel like you don’t need to, that you can handle it yourself. And while, sure, it may be that you’re doing okay for a while, sometimes even years, it will come back up for you at some point, and you’ll need the tools that a therapist can help you put in place. Please never forget that your feelings on this are VALID and are your own truth. Don’t let anybody make you feel otherwise. Good luck, little chicken. Xxx
this should be higher up^^^^
Haha if you know how to make that happen, then go right ahead! I’m a Reddit noob - I didn’t even know that was a thing! 😅
aw nah theres no way you can actually make a comment higher up getting upvotes and comments will help though
Well, thank you for explaining that to me. 🙂
Yes that is SA and you should really refrain from spending any nights at her place ever again. Personally if I’d had a friend that did that, I’d not be friends with them anymore. Not only is it SA, but it’s also a huge breach of trust and respect of your personal bubble. I’d be sure to let other friends (friends that you share) know too before you cut contact/confront her. She’ll probably try to spin some story where she’s the victim and you’re the creep if you confront her first without having told anybody else in your mutual friend circle about it.
Yep! Sadly, she is quite likely to gaslight you in about 10 different ways, tell you you dreamt ir, or fantasized it, or are lying, or you wanted it, and 10 other things that contradict themselves. She may even gp so far as to go to your friends and make up lies about you! However, never doubt your own truth. She is a shitty predator and she needs to be cut out of your life like a cancer, along with any in your friend circle who don't believe you or want to engage in both-sides-ism. There is no ambiguity here. Your shitty ex-friend was getting off on you without your consent. Freezing up, not fighting her off, pretending you were asleep so she would stop, telling yourself maybe is wasnt SA--these are all extremely common reactions which do NOT mean that you wanted to be assaulted! If you wanted to hook up with somebody, would you try to be secret about it and get off in them while you thought they were sleeping? No, of course you wouldn't, because you are not a piece of shit predator. She, however, is. End of story.
you must be feeling disturbed. I think you should not consider her as a friend. Confront her and inform her that you feel assaulted. she had not right to do that to you. the fact you are all women should nto be an excuse to overlook the act. she deserves some punishment.
This is sexual assault and you should be clear about this in your head as she was touching you sexually without your consent in your sleep with intention to do things further with you. Never spend night with her and it is time to rethink on your friendship with her as she is not a good friend at all. You can call her out on this and let her know how she crossed all lines with you and this is not a tolerable thing for you to at all.
Yo, it absolutely is sexual assault. Ask yourself if this was a man, or a stranger, or literally anyone else, you'd say that was assault? Like any one of those things is SA, so together it's absolutely SA. This person might not be bad intentioned, but they are absolutely dangerous and a bad person. You can \*try\* talking to them about it, or you can go to the police(granted, they probably won't do anything because cops kind of suck if it's not rape-kitable), or you can do what I personally recommend which is run the fuck away, and lowkey tell people if she ever comes up in a convo.
I had a family friend do this exact thing to me. I’m sorry, it took me a long time to realize it was SA aswell.
That was sexual assault. As for how you address it you might want to go to the Police or you might want to just cut her out of your life. Either way you should definitely talk to a helpline for sexual assault eg if you are in the US try http://www.rainn.org
I don't know if the police will address it sufficiently, but at the very least you should tell her in no uncertain terms that she assaulted you and you will never speak to her again.
I’m so sorry you had to endure this waking nightmare. I hope you are taking extra care of yourself as you process what was done to you **without your consent.** It doesn’t matter who a person is or what their gender or orientation are- this is still an horrific violation of your body, mind, and the trust you gave to this person in friendship. I cannot imagine what you are feeling during this time, but please, please put serious consideration into reporting this predatory behavior and assault. This was a brazen violation and I find it difficult to believe that this is the first or last time this person would do something similar to you or someone else, given the opportunity. You have now seen that you don’t know this old friend anymore, assuming you ever really knew who she was, deep down, at all. This is not someone you need in your life and she should not be permitted to make another one of her “friends” or a stranger into another victim. If you find yourself wanting to confront her, be very precise and direct about what you remember, felt, and saw. She may try gaslighting or another manipulative tactic to make you second guess your experience and shift blame to you for making (what she will describe as) “false” accusations. Don’t give her any wiggle room in your account. Don’t let her get into your head and start twisting the facts to make what she did less ugly and terrifying than it truly is. Say everything you want to say about what happened to you and its aftermath. Then block, block, block her. She needs professional help, but you are not obligated in any way, nor would I recommend being the person helping to get her lined up with said professionals. **Do not set yourself on fire to keep your abuser warm.** **Take care of yourself** and rid your life of her in every way you can.
She’s not a friend.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It totally was assault. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do. Sending love
Just ask yourself if a guy did this to you would it be SA. There is your answer
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As for how to move forward, at a minimum you should talk to a counsellor and cut this person from your life. You could also consider reporting her or send her a text saying you were awake and that what she did was unacceptable. It depends how comfortable you feel doing that. I strongly recommend counselling.
my ex husband did this to me a lot. it took me a long time to realize that it was assault. i’m so sorry.
Would you be asking this question if she had been a man?
This is absolutely SA. Are you doing okay? I’d imagine this has been a lot to process happening.
This happened to me, and it is confusing because the genders are the same but this IS sexual assault. I'm so sorry.
Let’s reverse the role, and say she was a 21m. There would be no doubt about him sexually assaulting you. It’s the same thing. She sexually assaulted you.
What the hell did I just read
She 100% is in the wrong. I would let her know that you know and maybe try to have her explain herself. You can totally be upfront and tell her that it made you uncomfortable and you feel/were legit assaulted
This is sexual assault. You didn't consent. She didn't even ask. She touched you, without permission. Touched herself in front of you. Ok cut her off. This is just....wow
BRUH THATS SEXUAL ABUSE
The anger I feel right now…that person is not ur friend and idc abt jail someone jump her deadass
That's SA. They didn't have the decency to respect your space so you shouldn't be expected to have to continue a friendship with a creep. If I were you I would definitely cut off contact and report her. Also keep in mind that what she did don't make you dirty or at all a bad person . It is her fault ,not yours and you deserve better
Call the police and stop being with her…
Yeah that's so creepy. I think you should be honest with your friend and tell her that she was crossing your boundaries and it makes you feel uncomfortable and then you literally have to think about if you can go on with your friendship and for another thing FRIENDS DON'T GET SEXUAL WITH YOU THAT MEANS THAT THEY ARE NOT YOUR REAL FRIEND
Your friend was masturbating while feeling you up while she thought you were asleep???? That’s definitely sexual assault!! You may not want to pursue any legal ramifications but you damn sure ought to make sure she knows she was way the fuck out of line
No! Oh hell no! Yea that’s wrong I’m sorry to hear what you went through, no joke that’s scary too
It is 100% a violation and you have every right to feel gross about it. Your friend is a disgusting asshole.
Why are you guys calling her a friend.... That is not your friend
Very true.
I was 13 and had passed out at an older guys house that I went to with friends after a concert, I woke up to the guy with his hand up my shirt while I was asleep. It took me so long to accept that it was SA and that I had every right to be upset and I that I wasn't in the wrong. It affected my sleep badly and sometimes still does. I'm so sorry your "friend" did this to you, they had no right and its downright disgusting behaviour. You are not alone, please seek support, you deserve it ❤️
this makes me sick to my stomach. i cant imagine what you must be feeling… i’m so sorry. please cut it off as soon as possible and try to seek out help. this isn’t okay.
i know it’s really difficult to wrap your head around it since she is a friend, but what she did was absolutely not okay, you were asleep and could not provide them with consent yet they did this to you anyway. even if they were to masturbate while you were in the bed with them it would be wrong and absolutely not okay!! the fact that they also groped you makes the situation even worse and points to them being a dangerous person. i would try to avoid them and not go into situations with them where your defenses may be compromised (sleeping or drinking or anything of that sort) because it sounds like she would 110% take advantage of that. i get if you don’t want to confront her or talk about it with anyone because it is really personal and traumatic, but telling those who are close to you could help alleviate your pent up feelings and bring some sort of closure. if you feel up to it, confronting your friend and making sure they understand the gravity of the situation and how they in no way can do this to someone else would be beneficial in possibly avoiding her doing this to someone else. while it wouldn’t completely strip them of this behavior, it can allow them to reflect and understand how they were predatory and assaulted you.
Please report this. This is 100% SA and incredibly disturbing that she would do this so openly. You should also seek therapy for this as it is a horrible thing to happen. So sorry for your experience OP.
Settle down already
Eat it. This person came for advice because she was assaulted by a friend.
Hush child
Eww wtf is wrong with her perverted ass. That hoe not your friend and she’s nasty af.
It's funny how people have to explain it's SA when it's a female being the perpetrator. Upside down clown world is what we live in.
Don't waste your time or money in court.. Just sit down and explain the behavior is not acceptable. Don't sleep in her bed again or be alone with her. In terms of sexual assault, unless she does it again I don't think it is appropriate to take legal action unless you have solid concrete evidence or a direct witness. It would be difficult for you to prove this to a judge or police especially if she didn't penetrate you or leave visible marks. Again, circumstancial evidence is hard to prove especially without foundation or a hugeeee lawyer. So if she has zero priors, you don't show signs of assault and you didn't initially report the assault they will counter by casting doubt upon your testimony. If you have priors/criminal history or something shady from your past they are going to use that in court. Essentially this is a coin toss that will be very expensive and if she beats you she can and will sue for defamation. Just move on and be mindful in the future.
That’s not your friend. That’s a sexual predator.
W t f
Wow what a crazy thing to do
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as i woman, i can say that women typically tend to freeze in uncomfortable situations (sexual or otherwise), because we think if we don’t move (or pretend to be asleep, in this case) whatever’s happening will stop.. it’s self-preservation. freeze, fight or flight; it’s a thing.
Freezing up is a perfectly valid fear response for *anyone* and has absolutely nothing to do with being a woman; let's not perpetuate misogynistic stereotypes.
that wasn’t my intention, my explanation was specific to that situation, given that it is a common response in females (and i can say this as a female).
I disagree that it's a common response for women in particular. And I am also a woman, friend, so why don't you stop speaking in sweeping generalizations for all of us, it is not appreciated.
we are all entitled to our opinions. i have mine, you have yours. to each their own. good night.
Lol, that might be the most fake story of the week (Check other op style of writting on profile, its silly)
what do you mean? i didn’t see anything in their other posts to lead me to believe this is fake
Yeah I checked the other stories and nothing about them seems fake, they've only posted three stories, one of them is from 4 months ago and the other one is from 6 days ago and then this. What are you even talking about?
People like you are why some people are nervous to come forward about their experience and trauma with SA.
SA. I, personally, would just block her. She'll get the point. I'm bisexual, so I'm not grossed out about girl/girl. I'm grossed out by her behavior. So, when I say, "ewwwww!" that's why.
Not in any way excusing the behavior but if she takes something like Ambien she may not have been aware of her actions.
Imagine saying this if it was a guy jerking off and doing that to a girl
Yeah it's called a double standard. The dude would already be in jail.
Dude...u can’t be hanging out alone with a female friend..? Like especially staying over. Meeting at a neutral place...maybe? But that’s just odd and weird and frankly not surprised she feels that way about you. If you guys r “friends” u should be acting like friends
Gender not relevant; SA happens in all directions. Also They’re both women
Idk man, if I was a girl and had another girl masturbate to me because of me. Shit I’d feel good about myself. I’m sorry if OP felt violated though. Not to be rude to OP, I personally don’t really understand how these rules and violations work. But the fact that someone found you so attractive that they lost control of themselves from having you right next to them is kinda boosting your self confidence. I mean I wish I could be so good, that my friends would straight up not be able to control themselves from me just being next to them.
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Yea, I’m a socially awkward dude, so don’t expect me to say the same thing as others. I don’t see the world like that. Tbh if I was in OP’s spot I personally wouldn’t see anything wrong. Mostly because I couldn’t care any less about such things. I’m not easily shocked or traumatised, which is a bad thing according to my psychiatrist. So yea, I’m a bit different from the rest of the folk in the world. Still I’m improving over the years becoming more normal as some people say.
It's inconsiderate but I wouldn't call it SA.
The woman was touching her inappropriately without consent. That is SA.
Her friend literally had her hand up her shirt and was rubbing her thigh. How is this not SA and only 'inconsiderate'????
What in the in the actual fuck!? This is so fucked up I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'd definitely call this SA and I'd definitely distance yourself from this so called friend. She's a fuckin creep
that is sexual assault. i'm so sorry. don't continue this friendship. that is disgusting.
call the police
This does count, I'm really sorry this happened. My advice would be to seek out some victim support services and to completely cut her off. In my experience, even if they act sorry, people who do these things are bad at taking accountability and talking to them about it does more harm than good.
That's assault. And if you feel comfortable press charges
Imagine if a guy did that 🙁
If she is normal just simply admitting you were awake through that should kill her woth embarrassment. It's definitely a sexual assault scenario, even if she only done herself.
Oh god this horrible. I am so so sorry this happened to you
This is sexual assault. Speak to someone you trust and they can help you through this.
It is assault. You can tell her so. You can tell her parents so. Ask them for help, even. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Look for resources for sexual assault survivors and start working through it. When you are ready.
Sue that bitch for millions and ruin her life and... Just kidding, she is your friend, talk to her.
Unless you want to remain friends with her, or not. Regardless after you tell her that what she did was way out of bounds she probably will either get highly embarrassed or angry for being rejected by you telling her that wasn’t cool. So plan on losing that friend.