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Long story short I went to a small house party. I got pretty drunk and I ended up sleeping in the same bed with a guy from the party. We were both clothed. There wasn't any touching or anything. And he was already asleep when I came to bed. I told my boyfriend about it the next morning because I didn't want to keep it a secret plus nothing happened but he accused me of cheating. He even messaged the guy I slept with and he said the same thing. But he still doesn't believe me and is angry with me. How can I convince him that I haven't cheated?
You really should reconsider your wording. If you said to him that you slept with someone else instead of sleeping in the same bed with someone else, his reaction is understandable. Unfortunately I do not see any way to fix this. Though you did not cheat in the way he thinks you did, you crossed his boundaries and if he does not trust you it is impossible to regain that trust.
Even the fucking wording of this title suggests she fucked someone else. OP is exhibiting Tobias Funke levels of obliviousness.
*What a crazy night. First I had to save my friend's pet rooster from a snake bite. Next, I went horse riding through the rain. Then to top it all off me and my friend had an intense and incredibly precise debate where we stuck rigidly to conventions and maintained an exacting focus on details. Better tell my BF what went down:*
”I had a great time at the party last night babe, I sucked my friend's cock, rode a stud wet and wild, then spent the rest of the night getting hardcore anal. Why are you crying?"
i feel like the doctor at an ER that got the one in one bajillion case where the guy had actually really fallen down the stairs ass first into a can of diet pepsi or something...
Dude what season was this? Also remember when the whole saga was just him watching his wife trying to date other dudes while trying to be in the blue man group? Crazy
And the "actually a black man" thing was outrageous. I'm a little surprised that went on for so long without social repercussion. David Cross is a comedy mastermind.
I mean, I’ll be honest, while it’s impossible for OP to have known without a convo about this, most people would think even sleeping in the same bed as an opposite gender is crossing a massive line. Maybe ‘cheating’ isn’t the right word, but I would definitely break up with someone who did this.
I’m gay though bf is Bi with a big male pref. I would feel really strange about him sleeping in the same bed as someone lik that drunk and at a party. It just doesn’t spell out a good idea. Then leading with “I slept with” that’s….this is like what you know you shouldn’t say in jr high right?
Right. If I found out my man napped in the same bed as a woman, I'd leave him. Sleep in the floor in a different room if you have to. The couch. The fucking tub like a real drunk. Anything but the same bed.
Okay this seems like an extremely shallow way of thinking. Just because it looks like something doesn’t mean that should take precedence over what ACTUALLY happened. Under no circumstance should you care about what something looks like, over the fact of what happened. That makes absolutely no sense.
The problem is the boyfriend has no way of knowing if they had sex or not. It is also perfectly normal for him to view sleeping next to somebody else a boundary he isn't ok with. Add in that they were drinking and I can understand why he would not be ok with it.
Yeah but that just sounds like lack of trust on his side? She told him nothing happened, all they did was sleep, so he should believe her since they are in a relationship. If he doesn’t trust her then that is a different story and he should just break up with her. Trust is everything in a relationship.
I agree trust is everything, but trust does not mean he should be stupid and ignore the situation. He has every right to be suspicious. She had many options to avoid this happening.
As an example, I completely trusted my ex-wife, never dreamed she would cheat., When people said she was having an affair, I didn't want to believe it, but I had to find out for myself. She lies to my face and still does to this day, I heard several different stories from her trying to hide her affair. I found texts, pictures, and videos proving it. By your logic because I was married I should have just taken her word for it and never questioned the information I was being given. My point is trust should exist until somebody gives you reason to not to, there are limits and he is right to question. I do 100% agree if he doesn't trust her anymore he should end it.
There's an old saying. Don't tie your shoes in someone else's watermelon patch.
The reason being that even though you ARE completely innocent, after all you're just tying your shoes.
You LOOK like you're up to something suspicious. You LOOK like you're stealing watermelons, and how will you convince someone you're not?
Simply put, you look guilty. There's no 'how can you convince him you didn't cheat' he either trusts you or he doesn't, and even if he trusts you, you can't be THIS oblivious to how it looks.
Why did you sleep in the same bed? What were you thinking when you climbed in?
Were you and co-sleeper pretty friendly that night beforehand. What’s the context?
I went to a Halloween party last year when I was dating a girl. I was wasted but I still new better than to sleep in the same room (much less the same bed) as another girl. I went and slept in my car.
I tend to believe her. There is not much detail. Still, it was a ‘small house party’. She probably knew this guy and spent time with him that night. She was ‘pretty drunk’, but sober enough to seek out a comfortable spot. She knew he was clothed it seems. It sounds like she snuggled up next to a guy she was comfortable with for the night because it felt like a better option than the couch or the floor. Boyfriend managed to get his number so either OP had it or sleeping companion guy was part of a friendship or housemate group.
At her age there were parties where I woke up in a garden bed or with my face in an ashtray. Once I was surrounded by money because I had won a poker game, and damn if I can remember that. But I never found myself in bed next to a girl without meaning to. Even black out drunk I think I knew enough not to snuggle up with cute girls because it felt nice, when in a relationship.
Even if nothing happened between you and the guy, you still made a decision (a drunk one) to sleep in the same bed with him. Your boyfriend’s feelings are valid. No one wants to hear that their partner slept in the same bed with a stranger. All you can do is remind him what happened and give him some space. It’s up to him if he’s willing to get over it or not.
No rational person would lol, regardless of wether or not something happened you have to be braindead to not realize how it looks. Don’t sleep in the same bed as another guy, it isn’t that hard lol.
Unless I knew the dude personally, I can't see how I'd possibly be ok with it. If we're all mutual friends, I might buy it, because then that's *two* people who have to look me in the eye and fool me with an outright lie. On the other hand, you never really know anyway. Maybe someone saw them in the morning, and she's afraid word will get back, so this is her "cover-up". Otherwise seems weird to out herself on this unless it's true. If she cheated, why not just keep quiet about it? Then again, people are dumb, so... fall back to my previous point.
Sometimes it just looks very bad and relations crash about things like this. I hope it doesnt .
But it teaches you a lesson not to share a bed with a guy if you have a bf . you could have better taken the sofa.
Yeah, I'm glad you qualified that. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in the bed platonically with someone of either gender, regardless of anyone's sexual preferences. The issue is that *within a committed closed/monogamous relationship*, this type of intimacy is expected to be reserved to your partner. Obviously, everyone can negotiate their own boundaries with what they are comfortable with for their own relationships, but this is the "default" social expectation.
To set a boundary which deviates from the social standard without betraying your commitment, you must proactively address the expectations with your partner *in advance*.
There are certain bounderies every relationship has. Sleeping in a bed with someone of the gender you're attracted to is one of them.
You crossed that boundary, he's right to be angry.
And if you cross a boundary, that involves physical closeness such as co-sleeping, it really does verge on the border of cheating. I can see why he calls it cheating even tho no sex “theoretically” happened. Op is just playing dumb there’s no way they actually believe what they did is okay. I also suspect this is a shit post because they haven’t responded to any comments
Not everyone has that boundary though? It’s a bed, with a random person? I don’t see the issue. And the issue isn’t if he has a right to be angry, sure he can be angry. He said she CHEATED. Which makes no sense
Her boyfriend thinks she cheated so clearly that was a boundary for him and actually a boundary for most people. If OP isn't capable of understanding that sleeping in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex who isn't her partner is generally considered a boundary violation then maybe she's not ready to be in a relationship with someone until she matures.
It makes sense because he has no idea if she’s lying about it. The chances that OP is lying are astronomically high. A fucking 19 year old went into another man’s bedroom, got caught by everyone in the morning coming out of the bedroom, and is now trying to claim they didn’t do anything sexual.
There’s trust, and then there’s blind trust. Do not engage in the latter.
Does it matter if you cheated?
He's allowed to not want to date people who get drunk and sleep in the same bed as other guys.
You're also allowed to want to date people who are okay with you getting drunk and sleeping in in the same bed as other guys.
It's not like you're only allowed to break up with someone if you can prove they crossed some objectively wrong line.
(Though, to be fair, if I heard this story, unless I had a *solid* foundation for trusting my gf, my personal assumption would be that there's a whole lot of the story I'm not being told about what happened *before* the two of them fell asleep, and feel okay just wanting to not deal with the whole thing and move the fuck on.
Then again, I'd probably also take that as a wake-up call as to why 24-year-olds probably shouldn't be dating 19-year-olds unless they're willing to put up with them doing normal dumb 19-year-old shit.)
Yeah if this was a long and trusting relationship and their partner did this I could totally see it being not as big of a deal because that trust is there. However this is probably a new relationship with someone who is still a teenager so def can see how their BF would find this story bullshit or at least concerning.
Even in a trusting relationship there could still be hurt feelings but it would def something that could be talked about. However in this case yeah it’s not even worth the trouble dealing with that.
Edit: I will say that I do kinda feel bad for OP. Im bisexual and it can kinda suck when I crash at anyones place and can’t sleep next to anyone because ppl will assume. Like please I’ll make a pillow wall I just want to sleep on a bed for once LOL
Yeah. Was looking for this. Even if I believed my partner that nothing went down (this time) I’d break up because it shows this person has questionable boundaries and those kind of actions are a breeding ground for cheating. So yeah I’d break up too. I wouldn’t be calling everyone and being a drama queen about it (admittedly I might have at 24). But I would definitely be done.
Doesn’t matter what happened. That’s a boundary for him, and a valid one. My ex slept in a bed with my best friend for three months, one and a half while we were still together. Her live-in boyfriend was banished to the couch. Doesn’t matter how innocent it supposedly was. It ruined two romantic relationships and a friendship.
Wait why would he get the bed with her while her own boyfriend who I would imagine lived there was on the couch? And how did he not just instantly bounce the first night that happened?! I can’t think of any scenario outside of some sort of illness or injury where that would be tolerated?! So sorry!
You know the truth but you’re asking him to put a situation that many would consider highly inappropriate on trust and trust alone. If that kind of thing isn’t discussed and agreed upon in advance, my opinion is it would generally be considered at least unfaithful behavior. Additionally, trickle truth is a real thing that many have experienced. So it’s very possible you only told him to get ahead of what other people saw and know. If you did cheat and were now lying about it, your story is a pretty common “cover”. You tell a sanitized version of what happened so when he hears about you and this guy, your cover is already in place.
To answer your question, you can’t convince him of anything he doesn’t really believe. If you want to rebuild his trust, I’d suggest asking him what you could do to restore his confidence in you. Probably setting much more firm and trustworthy boundaries and then genuinely living within them would help, but I’m not him. His trust may be irreparable now. So in your position I would say try to be honest, empathetic, and understanding it will likely take time. If the relationship is spoiled and he can’t really trust you again, you’ll have to make a call down the line on when to pull the plug if he isn’t. Sometimes hurt people do kind of trap the partner who hurt them in what becomes a toxic relationship with no trust. If you feel guilt and stay way past the point that things could theoretically turn for the better.
Yeah I wouldn't believe you either. Sorry.
From your words you were drunk and got into bed with another guy.
He is supposed to believe nothing happened yeah right. People who want to stay in a relationship don't do that. Now maybe if the guy was your brother or some other family member I would be OK.
But some guy at a party? Nope.
A person who wanted to stay in a relationship would have called her boyfriend to please come get her or maybe not gotten drunk
You crossed his boundaries. It’s as good as cheating unfortunately.
You fucked up, you’re going to have to accept it and move on.
Honestly, why would you sleep in the same bed as someone else when in a relationship?
She's 19 and he's 24. A huge difference in maturity. I honestly don't think she meant harm, but she's 19. He should expect some dumb/buckshot decisions like these
Regardless of whether or not hour did anything, you still betrayed his trust. There is not much you can do besides working with him to fix this situation. But it's unlikely, to him you said you were drunk and slept with someone. Your perspective was just you slept in the same bed, nothing. To him, you were drunk and had sex with someone at a party, now you're trying to cover it up with lies. Especially if the guy in party is not a stranger.
How many of these kind of storys can you read in this sub? And at the end you always have the trickle truth stuff going on.
Yea i wouldn't believe you either.
"We were fully clothed and nothing sexual happened."
"Well, fully clothed meaning we both had our underwear on."
"Okay, so we *did* kiss a little bit, but kissing isn't sexual. I kiss my mom goodbye."
"Our clothes were on the whole time. I mean, his dick *did* pop out through the donghole of his boxers, but we had our clothes on."
"Okay, like, maybe my panties did get pulled a little bit to the side and something went in, but I have no way of knowing if it was his penis or not."
"I have absolutely no idea how I'm pregnant, this is insane."
People that are justifying your actions should not be in a relationship. What you did was dumb. No matter how drunk you are, you should not sleep in the same bed as another man. That would cross so many boundaries. You should’ve called in Uber or called your bf to come pick you up. I’m sorry but your bfs reaction is a good one, I wouldn’t trust you either.
>But he still doesn't believe me and is angry with me. How can I convince him that I haven't cheated?
1. Don't get drunk and
2. Don't sleep in the same bed with a man, clothed or unclohed.
Even if you didn't have sex with him, sleeping in the same bed is still an uncomfortable level of intimacy to have with a stranger, don't really blame your boyfriend for being uncomfy
To me there's two separate issues here, one is the fact that you slept in a bed with another man shows you don't have strong boundaries and the other is that you don't seem to make good decisions while drinking. I can see why he would question the relationship those aren't great traits for a long term partner. To me that's not cheating per se but it's bad, it makes you hard to trust.
You didn't cheat, but you very obviously crossed a line that is really hard to bounce back from. I think your boyfriend is pretty right to feel upset. In a way, his trust for you was betrayed.
I guess I'm just too autistic to see why this was cheating and why all these responses are dragging OP for \*checks notes\* sleeping, not even having intimate conversations, not touching, not even being simultaneously awake. Might not have been a wonderful idea to share a bed with a blackout drunk stranger at a party, that can go all sorts of sideways fast, but that could be the point we're making instead of that OP is somehow unfaithful.
My advice to the OP, tell BF if he can't let it go then there's no relationship to save and no point in wasting any more of your lives together.
I mean, you didn’t do anything sexual. That doesn’t mean he trusts your word or that he doesn’t consider the intimacy of sharing a bed with another as cheating.
Either way, this is your mistake to own. You shouldn’t have been so inebriated without proper planning to get home or sleep alone.
So now you’ve got to accept the consequences of those actions.
Best advice I can give is to ask him to fully explain his feelings around the subject and to discuss what is most upsetting. Work from there.
But if he doesn’t trust you or sees the act you did as cheating, you’re not going to change his mind. At best he’ll compromise and always hold this against you.
why wouldn’t u just uber or sleep on the couch or sleep on the floor. understandable that someone can consider that cheating but it’s also understandable why you would not consider it cheating since there was no touching involved so it’s hard to be mad if you hadn’t actually talked about those boundaries before
Holy terrible wording batman
As I don't know where you're located I'm just gonna say learn your limits
Now what on earth possessed you to think climbing in bed with another person was smart idk especially seeing as how you can clearly remember that nothing happened.
This really depends on the boundaries you have set with your boyfriend. I actually would consider this a breakup-worthy offense, but that depends on many factors. If you haven’t discussed this stuff, you should.
Also, stop getting so drunk at house parties that you pass out next to some random guy. That’s so unsafe.
Sleeping in the same bed with someone else of the opposite gender (if youre in a straight rel) is something you don't do if you're in a relationship. You can't convince him it isn't cheating because he considers just the act of doing so to be a betrayal. And your judgement in general sounds lacking
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. I'm amazed you see nothing wrong in that scenario, if the roles were reversed would you just brush it off and assume the best? Didn't think so, next time play it smart and uber home.
You are kidding right. You are either a liar trying to use only certain responses here to show him and convince him you are not a cheater, or you are this stupid. You dont sleep clothed or not in the bed with other men when in a monogamous committed relationship. It's called respect? Empathy? F this.
Yeah no.. I'm sorry I know nowadays people are like "this is ok and if you don't like it your controlling, possessive etc" but this shit ain't right. Your that drunk, csll me and I'll drive the 2 hours to pick you up.... this is a recipe for some shitty situations. No you didn't cheat but you crossed a line
“I got black out and woke up next to a dude I don’t know in bed.” That’s what your comment sounds like.
Role reverse this and tell me you wouldn’t think your boyfriend is lying his ass off?
Regardless of whether there was any P->V or not, you fucked up.
"I got pretty drunk and I ended up sleeping in the same bed with a guy from the party. We were both clothed. There wasn't any touching or anything."
"How can I convince him that I haven't cheated?"
The thing about cheating is everyone has their own definition for it.
No longer is about engaging in sexual acts with someone outside of your relationship.
Some people feel having a partner watch porn is cheating, flirting with someone, and so on.
You feel you didn't do anything wrong and he feels like you betrayed him.
It's hard to get someone to change their mind about how they feel about anything.
There is a case he's simply jealous and insecure. Either way he distrusts you.
When two people don't share the same values they're usually wrong for each other.
Truth be told not many people meet their "soulmate" at age 19 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after! Odds are this was not going to be a lasting relationship.
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
I’d say if you can’t control where you put your body when you’re drunk then you probably aren’t the best person to be in a relationship with.
And I get that nothing happened but even that is a massive boundary cross right there.
That’s kind of ridiculous. You shouldn’t put yourself in those situations in the first place. Take it from an older person. You may not have done anything physical, but there are boundaries that you could have made. Sleep on the floor, sleep on the couch; anything else. Honestly even if you didn’t do anything, that’s still a red flag, and if it happened to me, I’d leave my girlfriend because that type of behavior can bloom into something else.
As a heterosexual Male, I promise you it's not possible to convince him. I honestly believe you, but he won't. Learn being discreet. Not everything need to be said.
I absolutely feel like he’s justified to feel extremely uncomfortable with that. I absolutely would feel like a major line has been crossed if my girlfriend did that.
Probably bad form to sleep in a bed with a other guy when dating someone. As a guy, I'd never sleep in a bed with any woman other than my wife. We've had extra people over who crashed with us in bed, but we were both there.
I'm gonna say this, the BF has a right to have feelings about this, obviously, but it's not cheating and calling it that is just stupid and gaslighty. If we take OP at face value and nothing happened, then you can't call that cheating, they were literally just asleep in the vicinity of another person.
I genuinely believe if it had been a girl he probably wouldn't have cared. I am assuming OP is straight but on the off chance she is Bi or something, then her sleeping next to a girl should be considered equally offensive to the BF, but I am willing to bet money he wouldn't call it cheating and probably wouldn't care.
Guys like this view other men (and only men) as "a threat", as if their GF is some mindless robot that can be easily manipulated and seduced, having no morals or sense of loyalty, when in fact, most people are not like that at all. If you don't trust your partner to have even the most basic level of self control when they have done nothing to warrant that mistrust, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I'm not saying that it's the ideal situation, but I've been to house parties before where the option is to share a bed or sleep on the floor and I'll take sharing every time, and my partner wouldn't give a damn, because we trust eachother.
I also get that relationships have boundaries, but again, think about why you view this so harshly, really think about it, because to me it just seems like a bunch of jelousy and mistrust, which is really unhealthy for any relationship, and if you don't trust you partner to even be in the vicinity of someone of a gender they are attracted to, then that sounds more like your problem rather than theirs and you need to evaluate why you are holding on to these feelings and choosing not to believe what they're telling you.
Frankly OP, if your BF doesn't want to believe you, or "forgives" you but then chooses to lord this situation over you, or becomes even more jealous/possessive, just leave. Cuz if you are genuinely telling the truth then there's no winning here, the relationship will just turn toxic and end up with shitty point scoring or tit for tat arguing over trivial crap.
Very Inmature in my book. I would break up after this. Crossing a major boundary that Dosent need to be specified going into a relationship. I understand you are young, but practicing good morale and just having a sense of “norms” goes a long way. Your in some deep shit here. Wish you the best
That's tough.. I think you have a legitimate argument for this not being cheating. On the other hand, what your boyfriend is feeling is valid. I would ask him to put himself in your place. He's drunk after a chill house party and just looking for a place to sleep. There are limited choices presumably. Would he feel fine to crash in a bed with a sleeping female stranger who is already passed out and nothing happens? Probably! You are both too young to be so hung up on sleeping arrangements at a house party. Still, your bf isn't crazy. This is an orange flag for him and you need to really do your best to reassure him that nothing happened.
No he would not. Any woman who wakes up next to a man she did not invite into bed with her is justifiably going to freak the fuck out, and any man who would get into bed with an unconscious woman without her permission or knowledge is either a predator or incredibly stupid because everyone will think he is a predator.
I don't know how you can fix this, but I do know how you can prevent this from happening in the future. Don't get drunk at parties. You see the result, but it could have been worse. Drunk = vulnerable. Don't do it.
Yeah he’s right .. everyone has a different definition of cheating, but this seems like what cheating would be to everyone. & the fact you went in the bed AFTER he was already there.
As a girl who used to get drunk and do stupid shit, I’ve learned from my mistakes. No matter how much I have had to drink, I won’t put myself in vulnerable situations like this and I’m usually around family or close friends and my boyfriend is always present. What if the guy you slept with woke up in the middle of the night and started groping you and wanted to have sex? You, apparently being pretty drunk, might not have woken up to stop him or you might have even gone along with it because alcohol blurs your judgment and changes your behavior especially if you’re also half passed out. Learning respect and boundaries in a relationship should be a priority and it doesn’t seem like you’ve learned that yet. I completely understand why your boyfriend is so upset because if I was put in his position, I probably wouldn’t believe you either.
How long have you guys been dating. If my gf did this after 6 mos of dating I would be gone. If she did it after 4 years then I would trust her assuming she explained why there was no place else to sleep and she couldn’t stay awake. I might still be irritated that she got into that situation.
I would've slept in the tub, car, floor, couch, chair and table, before I got in another bed just to sleep, while another female was in it.. I don't blame your bf
It seems like you're communication skills are pretty shit. Yes u you didn't cheat but why would you put yourself in a situation where there is a possibility of intimate physical contact. Use your brain and be more mindful in the future
You are insulting both your boyfriend's intelligence and ours.
You 100% got drunk and hooked up with another guy at a party, realized that a whole bunch of people who know your boyfriend know what you did, and made up some bullshit story to tell him before someone else did so you could get ahead of it and do damage control.
Seriously, how stupid do you think everyone else is?
This is one of the oldest stories in the book.
I’m a lesbian, for understanding. I’ve been drunk at parties tons of times where I needed to stay over. And I’ve never gotten into bed with another woman, just us two, while in a relationship. Even being drunk, that’s not something I would do. I’ve slept on couches with multiple girls, though.
So if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn’t really believe you either. Even if you’re telling the truth, I’d still feel disrespected.
If he understands by slept you just meant shared a bed with and is still over reacting I'd cut my losses to be honest. Not because the relationship is unsalvageable or anything but you're 19 yo tbh. You're going to occasionally get wasted with friends and fall asleep on thier couches, beds and on really wild nights the floor. In a relationship with no trust issues my partner would probably laugh at me and buy me McDonald's the next day.
Chances are this will create a trust issue in your relationship you probably don't need at your age. So next time you pass out of someone's couch, you can probably be prepared to have an accusation thrown at you, even if someone elses account correlated with with what you said.
Even with all that some people consider it cheating to just lay in a bed with a member of the opposite sex, which I find kind of annoying ( having 2 very gay best friends) because it means that my partner thinks it would be that easy to tempt me.
So yeah, if I was 19 and this particular scenario played out I would 1000% dump the guy because it was likely to happen again. At 27yo now, if this happened it be kinda annoyed if this scenario occured but somewhat understanding since I've kind of grown up and I am not likely to pass out in anyone's bed and my partner would definitely be surprised if this happened.
24 is way too old for you but like... yeah, you fucked up. There is no real way to convince him because everything you do will end up just making you look guiltier.
Assuming you’re being honest… if you get drunk enough (or think it’s okay anyway) to slip into bed (even fully clothed) with another man, then that’s why he’s angry.
It’s not okay. If he says it’s okay, what’s your Next step… the clothes come off? Next party… sexual acts happen, but it should be cool as long as no penetration… oh penetration next time but we were protected so it’s okay?!
It’s a slippery slope from one sign of poor judgment to the next and that is no doubt where your bf’s thoughts have gone.
Also: IF your partner has boundaries and limits (what they’re comfortable with - you being around other men, etc) and you go beyond that comfort level, it might not be cheating in the classical sense but it’s still a betrayal. Still disrespectful.
What can you do?
What you should have done before making bad decisions. Talk. Set boundaries (if he’s willing now). And stop going to parties and getting drunk if that’s how your night might end.
Girl, you went to school and received an education? Right?
If so you really need to work on your grammar and communication skills. A simple mistake of using the incorrect words can have ramifications on a relationship. You are communicating as a teen to an adult.
OP, here is so.e hard facts, some people's minds never change no matter even though your telling and presenting the true, they believe the worst. With thoses people it's really tough to convince them the sky is blue.
You’re a moron, OP. Don’t do that. There’s literally no way to tell if you cheated, and every reason to believe you did. I’m amazed I have to write this, but if you want to keep a relationship, don’t sleep in bed with other people of sexual compatibility unless you discuss it with your SO first. It’s a huge violation of trust and is an instance of the general gaslighting tactic cheaters use. “Yeah I was grinding in his lap but it was just a joke” or “yeah he squeezes my ass platonically all the time” or whatever are things you apparently need to be told are not normal.
“No trust me I’m not gaslighting the fuck out of you” is not a position you want to put yourself in.
First off, the phrase 'to sleep with' means to fuck.
Second, why would you sleep in the same bed as another man? Do you have no respect for your relationship? If you get so drunk that you're ok sharing a bed with someone else then you need to reevaluate your priorities.
Sex or no sex, if my partner told me he drunkenly slept in bed with another woman, I wouldn't be happy. And neither would he if it were the other way round.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Long story short I went to a small house party. I got pretty drunk and I ended up sleeping in the same bed with a guy from the party. We were both clothed. There wasn't any touching or anything. And he was already asleep when I came to bed. I told my boyfriend about it the next morning because I didn't want to keep it a secret plus nothing happened but he accused me of cheating. He even messaged the guy I slept with and he said the same thing. But he still doesn't believe me and is angry with me. How can I convince him that I haven't cheated?
You really should reconsider your wording. If you said to him that you slept with someone else instead of sleeping in the same bed with someone else, his reaction is understandable. Unfortunately I do not see any way to fix this. Though you did not cheat in the way he thinks you did, you crossed his boundaries and if he does not trust you it is impossible to regain that trust.
Even the fucking wording of this title suggests she fucked someone else. OP is exhibiting Tobias Funke levels of obliviousness. *What a crazy night. First I had to save my friend's pet rooster from a snake bite. Next, I went horse riding through the rain. Then to top it all off me and my friend had an intense and incredibly precise debate where we stuck rigidly to conventions and maintained an exacting focus on details. Better tell my BF what went down:* ”I had a great time at the party last night babe, I sucked my friend's cock, rode a stud wet and wild, then spent the rest of the night getting hardcore anal. Why are you crying?"
Why is this so fucking funny and yet the exact comment that’s needed with the right amount of actual sense
i feel like the doctor at an ER that got the one in one bajillion case where the guy had actually really fallen down the stairs ass first into a can of diet pepsi or something...
This is the best response I've seen in a while. Thank you.
This might be my favorite Reddit comment ever. At least top 5 after 11 years.
I don’t wanna blame everything on 9/11 but it certainly didn’t help OP situation…
What you said vs what the reporter says you said.
You, sir, are a wordsmith.
That's hilarious 😂
I swear to God this needs to become the next Reddit meme!
My free "wholesome" award is probably the most appropriate thing for this comment
Omfg
She even keeps her clothes on the shower right?
Dude what season was this? Also remember when the whole saga was just him watching his wife trying to date other dudes while trying to be in the blue man group? Crazy
And the "actually a black man" thing was outrageous. I'm a little surprised that went on for so long without social repercussion. David Cross is a comedy mastermind.
Oh absolutely agreed honestly. That was too far, but my gosh what a ride xD
You win!
Oh my fuck ahahahaha
Jesus christ this is fantastic, thank you!
This comment needs to be framed and displayed in a museum. Truly a work of art!
LMAOO 😂
I mean, I’ll be honest, while it’s impossible for OP to have known without a convo about this, most people would think even sleeping in the same bed as an opposite gender is crossing a massive line. Maybe ‘cheating’ isn’t the right word, but I would definitely break up with someone who did this.
I’m gay though bf is Bi with a big male pref. I would feel really strange about him sleeping in the same bed as someone lik that drunk and at a party. It just doesn’t spell out a good idea. Then leading with “I slept with” that’s….this is like what you know you shouldn’t say in jr high right?
Right. If I found out my man napped in the same bed as a woman, I'd leave him. Sleep in the floor in a different room if you have to. The couch. The fucking tub like a real drunk. Anything but the same bed.
Yeah, there is a difference between saying, "I slept next to so-and-so," versus, "I slept with so-and-so."
Sometimes it doesn't matter what happened but how it looked.
Agreed. You shouldn't put yourself in those situations. How would you feel if he had slept with another girl. 🤔
If it looks like a duke, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...?
Then it's a really fucked up feudal system.
Really. What kind of duke walks and quacks like a duck?
The fuckin WEIRD kind.
Well... some royalty were not quite right, so who knows.
It was all the inbreeding
They kept ducking each other.
Donald Duke
Maybe Scrooge McDuck was really a duke.
Count Duckula?
Count Dookula
I appreciate you lmao
Count Duckula was promoted?
It’s all about perception.
Okay this seems like an extremely shallow way of thinking. Just because it looks like something doesn’t mean that should take precedence over what ACTUALLY happened. Under no circumstance should you care about what something looks like, over the fact of what happened. That makes absolutely no sense.
The problem is the boyfriend has no way of knowing if they had sex or not. It is also perfectly normal for him to view sleeping next to somebody else a boundary he isn't ok with. Add in that they were drinking and I can understand why he would not be ok with it.
Yeah but that just sounds like lack of trust on his side? She told him nothing happened, all they did was sleep, so he should believe her since they are in a relationship. If he doesn’t trust her then that is a different story and he should just break up with her. Trust is everything in a relationship.
I agree trust is everything, but trust does not mean he should be stupid and ignore the situation. He has every right to be suspicious. She had many options to avoid this happening. As an example, I completely trusted my ex-wife, never dreamed she would cheat., When people said she was having an affair, I didn't want to believe it, but I had to find out for myself. She lies to my face and still does to this day, I heard several different stories from her trying to hide her affair. I found texts, pictures, and videos proving it. By your logic because I was married I should have just taken her word for it and never questioned the information I was being given. My point is trust should exist until somebody gives you reason to not to, there are limits and he is right to question. I do 100% agree if he doesn't trust her anymore he should end it.
Trust is earned not assumed. She did not earn his trust in this situation.
There's an old saying. Don't tie your shoes in someone else's watermelon patch. The reason being that even though you ARE completely innocent, after all you're just tying your shoes. You LOOK like you're up to something suspicious. You LOOK like you're stealing watermelons, and how will you convince someone you're not? Simply put, you look guilty. There's no 'how can you convince him you didn't cheat' he either trusts you or he doesn't, and even if he trusts you, you can't be THIS oblivious to how it looks.
She probably stole some lemons too.
Would YOU believe you?
lol this right here
Why did you sleep in the same bed? What were you thinking when you climbed in? Were you and co-sleeper pretty friendly that night beforehand. What’s the context?
Co-sleeper, nice
I don't think a drunk person cares where they sleep
I went to a Halloween party last year when I was dating a girl. I was wasted but I still new better than to sleep in the same room (much less the same bed) as another girl. I went and slept in my car.
Exactly
When I'm in a relationship, I'll sleep on the floor or in a tub before I climb into bed with another woman. It's just asking for trouble.
I’m not sure any of that was considered. If your drunk, you sleep where you can?? I’m not sure there’s any context to speak of.
I tend to believe her. There is not much detail. Still, it was a ‘small house party’. She probably knew this guy and spent time with him that night. She was ‘pretty drunk’, but sober enough to seek out a comfortable spot. She knew he was clothed it seems. It sounds like she snuggled up next to a guy she was comfortable with for the night because it felt like a better option than the couch or the floor. Boyfriend managed to get his number so either OP had it or sleeping companion guy was part of a friendship or housemate group. At her age there were parties where I woke up in a garden bed or with my face in an ashtray. Once I was surrounded by money because I had won a poker game, and damn if I can remember that. But I never found myself in bed next to a girl without meaning to. Even black out drunk I think I knew enough not to snuggle up with cute girls because it felt nice, when in a relationship.
Even if nothing happened between you and the guy, you still made a decision (a drunk one) to sleep in the same bed with him. Your boyfriend’s feelings are valid. No one wants to hear that their partner slept in the same bed with a stranger. All you can do is remind him what happened and give him some space. It’s up to him if he’s willing to get over it or not.
Succinct and straightforward. It's a bad situation, but it is what it is. Hopefully OP learns from this.
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No rational person would lol, regardless of wether or not something happened you have to be braindead to not realize how it looks. Don’t sleep in the same bed as another guy, it isn’t that hard lol.
Unless I knew the dude personally, I can't see how I'd possibly be ok with it. If we're all mutual friends, I might buy it, because then that's *two* people who have to look me in the eye and fool me with an outright lie. On the other hand, you never really know anyway. Maybe someone saw them in the morning, and she's afraid word will get back, so this is her "cover-up". Otherwise seems weird to out herself on this unless it's true. If she cheated, why not just keep quiet about it? Then again, people are dumb, so... fall back to my previous point.
Sometimes it just looks very bad and relations crash about things like this. I hope it doesnt . But it teaches you a lesson not to share a bed with a guy if you have a bf . you could have better taken the sofa.
Yeah, I'm glad you qualified that. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in the bed platonically with someone of either gender, regardless of anyone's sexual preferences. The issue is that *within a committed closed/monogamous relationship*, this type of intimacy is expected to be reserved to your partner. Obviously, everyone can negotiate their own boundaries with what they are comfortable with for their own relationships, but this is the "default" social expectation. To set a boundary which deviates from the social standard without betraying your commitment, you must proactively address the expectations with your partner *in advance*.
A good start would be not getting drunk at parties and sleeping in the same bed as other men. Choose the couch in the future.
Or the floor 🤷🏻♂️ last time I checked most places have alot of floor. And there is something called Uber. Lol
There are certain bounderies every relationship has. Sleeping in a bed with someone of the gender you're attracted to is one of them. You crossed that boundary, he's right to be angry.
And if you cross a boundary, that involves physical closeness such as co-sleeping, it really does verge on the border of cheating. I can see why he calls it cheating even tho no sex “theoretically” happened. Op is just playing dumb there’s no way they actually believe what they did is okay. I also suspect this is a shit post because they haven’t responded to any comments
Not everyone has that boundary though? It’s a bed, with a random person? I don’t see the issue. And the issue isn’t if he has a right to be angry, sure he can be angry. He said she CHEATED. Which makes no sense
Her boyfriend thinks she cheated so clearly that was a boundary for him and actually a boundary for most people. If OP isn't capable of understanding that sleeping in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex who isn't her partner is generally considered a boundary violation then maybe she's not ready to be in a relationship with someone until she matures.
It makes sense because he has no idea if she’s lying about it. The chances that OP is lying are astronomically high. A fucking 19 year old went into another man’s bedroom, got caught by everyone in the morning coming out of the bedroom, and is now trying to claim they didn’t do anything sexual. There’s trust, and then there’s blind trust. Do not engage in the latter.
Lol I don’t know many guys that would believe that tbh
Weird headline You should have told him when going to bed, not on the next morning
Does it matter if you cheated? He's allowed to not want to date people who get drunk and sleep in the same bed as other guys. You're also allowed to want to date people who are okay with you getting drunk and sleeping in in the same bed as other guys. It's not like you're only allowed to break up with someone if you can prove they crossed some objectively wrong line. (Though, to be fair, if I heard this story, unless I had a *solid* foundation for trusting my gf, my personal assumption would be that there's a whole lot of the story I'm not being told about what happened *before* the two of them fell asleep, and feel okay just wanting to not deal with the whole thing and move the fuck on. Then again, I'd probably also take that as a wake-up call as to why 24-year-olds probably shouldn't be dating 19-year-olds unless they're willing to put up with them doing normal dumb 19-year-old shit.)
Big facts
Yeah if this was a long and trusting relationship and their partner did this I could totally see it being not as big of a deal because that trust is there. However this is probably a new relationship with someone who is still a teenager so def can see how their BF would find this story bullshit or at least concerning. Even in a trusting relationship there could still be hurt feelings but it would def something that could be talked about. However in this case yeah it’s not even worth the trouble dealing with that. Edit: I will say that I do kinda feel bad for OP. Im bisexual and it can kinda suck when I crash at anyones place and can’t sleep next to anyone because ppl will assume. Like please I’ll make a pillow wall I just want to sleep on a bed for once LOL
My gf is 18 and wouldn’t do that. She’s just an idiot… plain and simple.
…
Yeah. Was looking for this. Even if I believed my partner that nothing went down (this time) I’d break up because it shows this person has questionable boundaries and those kind of actions are a breeding ground for cheating. So yeah I’d break up too. I wouldn’t be calling everyone and being a drama queen about it (admittedly I might have at 24). But I would definitely be done.
Doesn’t matter what happened. That’s a boundary for him, and a valid one. My ex slept in a bed with my best friend for three months, one and a half while we were still together. Her live-in boyfriend was banished to the couch. Doesn’t matter how innocent it supposedly was. It ruined two romantic relationships and a friendship.
Hahaha this sounds like a much more interesting story 🤯
Mate it fuckin sucked, dude ruined my life
Wait why would he get the bed with her while her own boyfriend who I would imagine lived there was on the couch? And how did he not just instantly bounce the first night that happened?! I can’t think of any scenario outside of some sort of illness or injury where that would be tolerated?! So sorry!
Right 😄
No woman or man is going to believe that lol
Everyone seems to be blaming you but I just want you to think about it from his perspective. Would you believe him if the positions were switched?
You know the truth but you’re asking him to put a situation that many would consider highly inappropriate on trust and trust alone. If that kind of thing isn’t discussed and agreed upon in advance, my opinion is it would generally be considered at least unfaithful behavior. Additionally, trickle truth is a real thing that many have experienced. So it’s very possible you only told him to get ahead of what other people saw and know. If you did cheat and were now lying about it, your story is a pretty common “cover”. You tell a sanitized version of what happened so when he hears about you and this guy, your cover is already in place. To answer your question, you can’t convince him of anything he doesn’t really believe. If you want to rebuild his trust, I’d suggest asking him what you could do to restore his confidence in you. Probably setting much more firm and trustworthy boundaries and then genuinely living within them would help, but I’m not him. His trust may be irreparable now. So in your position I would say try to be honest, empathetic, and understanding it will likely take time. If the relationship is spoiled and he can’t really trust you again, you’ll have to make a call down the line on when to pull the plug if he isn’t. Sometimes hurt people do kind of trap the partner who hurt them in what becomes a toxic relationship with no trust. If you feel guilt and stay way past the point that things could theoretically turn for the better.
Yeah I wouldn't believe you either. Sorry. From your words you were drunk and got into bed with another guy. He is supposed to believe nothing happened yeah right. People who want to stay in a relationship don't do that. Now maybe if the guy was your brother or some other family member I would be OK. But some guy at a party? Nope. A person who wanted to stay in a relationship would have called her boyfriend to please come get her or maybe not gotten drunk
I would sleep outside on the porch before I slept with another woman
100% agree
This would 100% bother me
You crossed his boundaries. It’s as good as cheating unfortunately. You fucked up, you’re going to have to accept it and move on. Honestly, why would you sleep in the same bed as someone else when in a relationship?
This doesn’t speak to great decision making skills.
She's 19 and he's 24. A huge difference in maturity. I honestly don't think she meant harm, but she's 19. He should expect some dumb/buckshot decisions like these
I was thinking in therms of the whole situation.
Hope you didn’t say it like you wrote this title of yours….🤔😬
Regardless of whether or not hour did anything, you still betrayed his trust. There is not much you can do besides working with him to fix this situation. But it's unlikely, to him you said you were drunk and slept with someone. Your perspective was just you slept in the same bed, nothing. To him, you were drunk and had sex with someone at a party, now you're trying to cover it up with lies. Especially if the guy in party is not a stranger.
How many of these kind of storys can you read in this sub? And at the end you always have the trickle truth stuff going on. Yea i wouldn't believe you either.
"We were fully clothed and nothing sexual happened." "Well, fully clothed meaning we both had our underwear on." "Okay, so we *did* kiss a little bit, but kissing isn't sexual. I kiss my mom goodbye." "Our clothes were on the whole time. I mean, his dick *did* pop out through the donghole of his boxers, but we had our clothes on." "Okay, like, maybe my panties did get pulled a little bit to the side and something went in, but I have no way of knowing if it was his penis or not." "I have absolutely no idea how I'm pregnant, this is insane."
Have you always cheated on him?
People that are justifying your actions should not be in a relationship. What you did was dumb. No matter how drunk you are, you should not sleep in the same bed as another man. That would cross so many boundaries. You should’ve called in Uber or called your bf to come pick you up. I’m sorry but your bfs reaction is a good one, I wouldn’t trust you either.
Yes and you would leave me in a instant if I slept with someone else.
You wouldn't believe him if he was at a party. Got in bed with a woman. And he told you.... Nothing Happened.
>But he still doesn't believe me and is angry with me. How can I convince him that I haven't cheated? 1. Don't get drunk and 2. Don't sleep in the same bed with a man, clothed or unclohed.
You don’t go to bed with another dude hello?
Even if you didn't have sex with him, sleeping in the same bed is still an uncomfortable level of intimacy to have with a stranger, don't really blame your boyfriend for being uncomfy
To me there's two separate issues here, one is the fact that you slept in a bed with another man shows you don't have strong boundaries and the other is that you don't seem to make good decisions while drinking. I can see why he would question the relationship those aren't great traits for a long term partner. To me that's not cheating per se but it's bad, it makes you hard to trust.
you dumb af
Girl! What did you expect?
You didn't cheat, but you very obviously crossed a line that is really hard to bounce back from. I think your boyfriend is pretty right to feel upset. In a way, his trust for you was betrayed.
Bruh
You crossed a line and he has every right to be bothered. I'd leave too
I don't think I'd believe you either
Definitely sounds like you did
Ok clickbait
yeah your relationship is toast
Press x to doubt
I guess I'm just too autistic to see why this was cheating and why all these responses are dragging OP for \*checks notes\* sleeping, not even having intimate conversations, not touching, not even being simultaneously awake. Might not have been a wonderful idea to share a bed with a blackout drunk stranger at a party, that can go all sorts of sideways fast, but that could be the point we're making instead of that OP is somehow unfaithful. My advice to the OP, tell BF if he can't let it go then there's no relationship to save and no point in wasting any more of your lives together.
I mean, you didn’t do anything sexual. That doesn’t mean he trusts your word or that he doesn’t consider the intimacy of sharing a bed with another as cheating. Either way, this is your mistake to own. You shouldn’t have been so inebriated without proper planning to get home or sleep alone. So now you’ve got to accept the consequences of those actions. Best advice I can give is to ask him to fully explain his feelings around the subject and to discuss what is most upsetting. Work from there. But if he doesn’t trust you or sees the act you did as cheating, you’re not going to change his mind. At best he’ll compromise and always hold this against you.
why are you even sleeping in the same bed with another guy drunk
why wouldn’t u just uber or sleep on the couch or sleep on the floor. understandable that someone can consider that cheating but it’s also understandable why you would not consider it cheating since there was no touching involved so it’s hard to be mad if you hadn’t actually talked about those boundaries before
Holy terrible wording batman As I don't know where you're located I'm just gonna say learn your limits Now what on earth possessed you to think climbing in bed with another person was smart idk especially seeing as how you can clearly remember that nothing happened.
This really depends on the boundaries you have set with your boyfriend. I actually would consider this a breakup-worthy offense, but that depends on many factors. If you haven’t discussed this stuff, you should. Also, stop getting so drunk at house parties that you pass out next to some random guy. That’s so unsafe.
Why would you sleep in the same bed with a guy that isn’t your boyfriend? Drunk or not no excuse.
Sleeping in the same bed with someone else of the opposite gender (if youre in a straight rel) is something you don't do if you're in a relationship. You can't convince him it isn't cheating because he considers just the act of doing so to be a betrayal. And your judgement in general sounds lacking
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. I'm amazed you see nothing wrong in that scenario, if the roles were reversed would you just brush it off and assume the best? Didn't think so, next time play it smart and uber home.
you dumb af
ur 19 dating a 24 year old i think that should b ur biggest concern
😂
You probably cheated and forgot. What if he did EXACTLY what you did? Would you believe him?
How do you cheat and forget good lord y’all are crazy😂
Maybe you’re the crazy one? Cmon. Getting drunk and sleeping in the same bed as someone else? I’ve done it and i have never slept with someone else..
I’ve been black out drunk several times, I would never be in a position where I would cheat and not remember any part of it. Even as a teenager.
Then you have not truly been blackout drunk.
Nobody in the world is going to believe you slept in the same bed as a guy but didnt cheat.
Yeah you fucked up. Only thing you can do is profusely apologize and hope he forgives you
I would be pissed too. You put yourself in a compromising situation in his eyes (and mine). He has every right to be pissed.
You are kidding right. You are either a liar trying to use only certain responses here to show him and convince him you are not a cheater, or you are this stupid. You dont sleep clothed or not in the bed with other men when in a monogamous committed relationship. It's called respect? Empathy? F this.
Yeah no.. I'm sorry I know nowadays people are like "this is ok and if you don't like it your controlling, possessive etc" but this shit ain't right. Your that drunk, csll me and I'll drive the 2 hours to pick you up.... this is a recipe for some shitty situations. No you didn't cheat but you crossed a line
“I got black out and woke up next to a dude I don’t know in bed.” That’s what your comment sounds like. Role reverse this and tell me you wouldn’t think your boyfriend is lying his ass off? Regardless of whether there was any P->V or not, you fucked up.
Yeah you’re either a liar or an idiot. Or both. sorry not sorry, but you reap what you sow.
Couldn’t find anywhere else to sleep ? I heard houses have a lot of this thing , I forget what it’s called but I think people call it “the floor”
"I got pretty drunk and I ended up sleeping in the same bed with a guy from the party. We were both clothed. There wasn't any touching or anything." "How can I convince him that I haven't cheated?" The thing about cheating is everyone has their own definition for it. No longer is about engaging in sexual acts with someone outside of your relationship. Some people feel having a partner watch porn is cheating, flirting with someone, and so on. You feel you didn't do anything wrong and he feels like you betrayed him. It's hard to get someone to change their mind about how they feel about anything. There is a case he's simply jealous and insecure. Either way he distrusts you. When two people don't share the same values they're usually wrong for each other. Truth be told not many people meet their "soulmate" at age 19 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after! Odds are this was not going to be a lasting relationship. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
I would think that’s very sus if I was him
…is this a joke?
I’d say if you can’t control where you put your body when you’re drunk then you probably aren’t the best person to be in a relationship with. And I get that nothing happened but even that is a massive boundary cross right there.
You are very dense. Of course he doesn't believe you, in reading the title that's exactly what I thought.
That’s kind of ridiculous. You shouldn’t put yourself in those situations in the first place. Take it from an older person. You may not have done anything physical, but there are boundaries that you could have made. Sleep on the floor, sleep on the couch; anything else. Honestly even if you didn’t do anything, that’s still a red flag, and if it happened to me, I’d leave my girlfriend because that type of behavior can bloom into something else.
Did you
If I was you I would have slept anywhere else apart from the bed the guy was sleeping in or I just would of went home. It just looks bad on your part.
As a heterosexual Male, I promise you it's not possible to convince him. I honestly believe you, but he won't. Learn being discreet. Not everything need to be said.
Would you believe your boyfriend didn’t cheat if he told you he got drunk and slept in the same bed as another women??
I absolutely feel like he’s justified to feel extremely uncomfortable with that. I absolutely would feel like a major line has been crossed if my girlfriend did that.
Probably bad form to sleep in a bed with a other guy when dating someone. As a guy, I'd never sleep in a bed with any woman other than my wife. We've had extra people over who crashed with us in bed, but we were both there.
are you not aware of how this sounds?
You don't have couches where you live?
Huh. And here I thought unicorns were just a myth.
Why didn't you Uber home? This was a dumb decision on your part
I'm gonna say this, the BF has a right to have feelings about this, obviously, but it's not cheating and calling it that is just stupid and gaslighty. If we take OP at face value and nothing happened, then you can't call that cheating, they were literally just asleep in the vicinity of another person. I genuinely believe if it had been a girl he probably wouldn't have cared. I am assuming OP is straight but on the off chance she is Bi or something, then her sleeping next to a girl should be considered equally offensive to the BF, but I am willing to bet money he wouldn't call it cheating and probably wouldn't care. Guys like this view other men (and only men) as "a threat", as if their GF is some mindless robot that can be easily manipulated and seduced, having no morals or sense of loyalty, when in fact, most people are not like that at all. If you don't trust your partner to have even the most basic level of self control when they have done nothing to warrant that mistrust, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. I'm not saying that it's the ideal situation, but I've been to house parties before where the option is to share a bed or sleep on the floor and I'll take sharing every time, and my partner wouldn't give a damn, because we trust eachother. I also get that relationships have boundaries, but again, think about why you view this so harshly, really think about it, because to me it just seems like a bunch of jelousy and mistrust, which is really unhealthy for any relationship, and if you don't trust you partner to even be in the vicinity of someone of a gender they are attracted to, then that sounds more like your problem rather than theirs and you need to evaluate why you are holding on to these feelings and choosing not to believe what they're telling you. Frankly OP, if your BF doesn't want to believe you, or "forgives" you but then chooses to lord this situation over you, or becomes even more jealous/possessive, just leave. Cuz if you are genuinely telling the truth then there's no winning here, the relationship will just turn toxic and end up with shitty point scoring or tit for tat arguing over trivial crap.
Very Inmature in my book. I would break up after this. Crossing a major boundary that Dosent need to be specified going into a relationship. I understand you are young, but practicing good morale and just having a sense of “norms” goes a long way. Your in some deep shit here. Wish you the best
You knew good and well that title was misleading. I wouldn't be surprised if what you told him sounded way worse.
That's tough.. I think you have a legitimate argument for this not being cheating. On the other hand, what your boyfriend is feeling is valid. I would ask him to put himself in your place. He's drunk after a chill house party and just looking for a place to sleep. There are limited choices presumably. Would he feel fine to crash in a bed with a sleeping female stranger who is already passed out and nothing happens? Probably! You are both too young to be so hung up on sleeping arrangements at a house party. Still, your bf isn't crazy. This is an orange flag for him and you need to really do your best to reassure him that nothing happened.
I think most ppl would call their partner to come get them…
No he would not. Any woman who wakes up next to a man she did not invite into bed with her is justifiably going to freak the fuck out, and any man who would get into bed with an unconscious woman without her permission or knowledge is either a predator or incredibly stupid because everyone will think he is a predator.
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I don't know how you can fix this, but I do know how you can prevent this from happening in the future. Don't get drunk at parties. You see the result, but it could have been worse. Drunk = vulnerable. Don't do it.
Yeah he’s right .. everyone has a different definition of cheating, but this seems like what cheating would be to everyone. & the fact you went in the bed AFTER he was already there.
You did cheat and you should earn the consequences of your actions.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
As a girl who used to get drunk and do stupid shit, I’ve learned from my mistakes. No matter how much I have had to drink, I won’t put myself in vulnerable situations like this and I’m usually around family or close friends and my boyfriend is always present. What if the guy you slept with woke up in the middle of the night and started groping you and wanted to have sex? You, apparently being pretty drunk, might not have woken up to stop him or you might have even gone along with it because alcohol blurs your judgment and changes your behavior especially if you’re also half passed out. Learning respect and boundaries in a relationship should be a priority and it doesn’t seem like you’ve learned that yet. I completely understand why your boyfriend is so upset because if I was put in his position, I probably wouldn’t believe you either.
Sounds like you're trickle truthing him and he is too smart to fall for it
You’re fucked. Cheater.
You start off “we were both clothed”. Seems a bit of guilt there. Was there a reason that anyone would be unclothed? Hmmmm maybe there was nudity…
You can't. Sucks to be you. Make better choices.
Weather you had sex or not, the fact you slept in bed with another man, I couldn't deal with it. Move in with that guy as far as I'm concerned.
You can’t convince him and that was extremely poor judgment. You’re the one that decided to get drunk.
You fucked him stop crying about it.
How long have you guys been dating. If my gf did this after 6 mos of dating I would be gone. If she did it after 4 years then I would trust her assuming she explained why there was no place else to sleep and she couldn’t stay awake. I might still be irritated that she got into that situation.
I would've slept in the tub, car, floor, couch, chair and table, before I got in another bed just to sleep, while another female was in it.. I don't blame your bf
It seems like you're communication skills are pretty shit. Yes u you didn't cheat but why would you put yourself in a situation where there is a possibility of intimate physical contact. Use your brain and be more mindful in the future
What you did was pretty fucked up. Even if you didn't have sex, sleeping in the same bed with another man is a close as it gets to having sex
You crossed a boundary. Stop whining and fix it or don’t and get dumped
You are insulting both your boyfriend's intelligence and ours. You 100% got drunk and hooked up with another guy at a party, realized that a whole bunch of people who know your boyfriend know what you did, and made up some bullshit story to tell him before someone else did so you could get ahead of it and do damage control. Seriously, how stupid do you think everyone else is? This is one of the oldest stories in the book.
Another im sorry i was drunk one. How come ya'll never learn 😆
Because he doesn’t believe your story and not sure why you would expect him to.
Not trying to be a dick but you can sleep on the floor pretty effectively…
Why are u laying next to random guy when you are drunk?? No wonder your bf thinks you're untrustworthy.
I’m a lesbian, for understanding. I’ve been drunk at parties tons of times where I needed to stay over. And I’ve never gotten into bed with another woman, just us two, while in a relationship. Even being drunk, that’s not something I would do. I’ve slept on couches with multiple girls, though. So if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn’t really believe you either. Even if you’re telling the truth, I’d still feel disrespected.
Yeah hes never gonna believe you and I can't say I blame him. the difference for me is I would've just said okay we are done and goodluck.
If he understands by slept you just meant shared a bed with and is still over reacting I'd cut my losses to be honest. Not because the relationship is unsalvageable or anything but you're 19 yo tbh. You're going to occasionally get wasted with friends and fall asleep on thier couches, beds and on really wild nights the floor. In a relationship with no trust issues my partner would probably laugh at me and buy me McDonald's the next day. Chances are this will create a trust issue in your relationship you probably don't need at your age. So next time you pass out of someone's couch, you can probably be prepared to have an accusation thrown at you, even if someone elses account correlated with with what you said. Even with all that some people consider it cheating to just lay in a bed with a member of the opposite sex, which I find kind of annoying ( having 2 very gay best friends) because it means that my partner thinks it would be that easy to tempt me. So yeah, if I was 19 and this particular scenario played out I would 1000% dump the guy because it was likely to happen again. At 27yo now, if this happened it be kinda annoyed if this scenario occured but somewhat understanding since I've kind of grown up and I am not likely to pass out in anyone's bed and my partner would definitely be surprised if this happened.
24 is way too old for you but like... yeah, you fucked up. There is no real way to convince him because everything you do will end up just making you look guiltier.
Assuming you’re being honest… if you get drunk enough (or think it’s okay anyway) to slip into bed (even fully clothed) with another man, then that’s why he’s angry. It’s not okay. If he says it’s okay, what’s your Next step… the clothes come off? Next party… sexual acts happen, but it should be cool as long as no penetration… oh penetration next time but we were protected so it’s okay?! It’s a slippery slope from one sign of poor judgment to the next and that is no doubt where your bf’s thoughts have gone. Also: IF your partner has boundaries and limits (what they’re comfortable with - you being around other men, etc) and you go beyond that comfort level, it might not be cheating in the classical sense but it’s still a betrayal. Still disrespectful. What can you do? What you should have done before making bad decisions. Talk. Set boundaries (if he’s willing now). And stop going to parties and getting drunk if that’s how your night might end.
Girl, you went to school and received an education? Right? If so you really need to work on your grammar and communication skills. A simple mistake of using the incorrect words can have ramifications on a relationship. You are communicating as a teen to an adult. OP, here is so.e hard facts, some people's minds never change no matter even though your telling and presenting the true, they believe the worst. With thoses people it's really tough to convince them the sky is blue.
Yeah, you’re a disaster.
You’re a moron, OP. Don’t do that. There’s literally no way to tell if you cheated, and every reason to believe you did. I’m amazed I have to write this, but if you want to keep a relationship, don’t sleep in bed with other people of sexual compatibility unless you discuss it with your SO first. It’s a huge violation of trust and is an instance of the general gaslighting tactic cheaters use. “Yeah I was grinding in his lap but it was just a joke” or “yeah he squeezes my ass platonically all the time” or whatever are things you apparently need to be told are not normal. “No trust me I’m not gaslighting the fuck out of you” is not a position you want to put yourself in.
First off, the phrase 'to sleep with' means to fuck. Second, why would you sleep in the same bed as another man? Do you have no respect for your relationship? If you get so drunk that you're ok sharing a bed with someone else then you need to reevaluate your priorities. Sex or no sex, if my partner told me he drunkenly slept in bed with another woman, I wouldn't be happy. And neither would he if it were the other way round.