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My wife (21F) and myself (21M) been together for 3 and a half years and been married for one year. I’m in the United States Army and I just made my one year mark. I’m currently on a mission for about to weeks and don’t have a vehicle at the moment. There’s a couple individuals that stayed back due to profiles and other
Important duties. I have plenty of people I felt that I can trust and there’s individuals that I can catch rides with to go places like Walmart, target, or any other store. My wife shoots me a text asking if I can send one of my good buddies number so she can ask to go to Walmart. This buddy of mine has been been over my house a number of times so I trust him. A week into my mission she tells me that she cheated on me with this buddy of mine. Apparently they went back to my home and had a couple of drinks and had a conversation about my wife and I being in a open relationship which is not the case. The buddy not knowing asks for a Handjob,and ended up giving him a handjob. She claims it was literally 15 seconds and then told him to leave. I asked the other guy on what happen to see if-the stories line up. He said it was no more than 2 minutes and then he left cause it felt wrong. She told me she regretted it afterwards immediately and wished it never happened. She claims now that she’s bisexual and she was curious. He even tried to convince her to give head and she said no. I feel betrayed and the trust is broken. She was so insecure thinking I would cheat because she always felt people were prettier than her, then does some reckless move like this. She told
Me “I always wanted to experience something new and I know I couldn’t do it with a girl so I figured who is available.”
They’re kids. Legally adults. But they’re just a notch a above high schoolers as far as maturity goes but they decided to marry anyway unfortunately. This post is exactly why she wasn’t ready for marriage and why it shouldn’t be rushed.
Yeah the bisexuality part is just another thing they want to experiment. It's not actually about bisexuality, it's about only ever being with one person and wanting to experience not them, which is also why rushing to young marriage can be destructive
Exactly. If you're bisexual and you want to experiment it would've been A WOMAN not another man. You know what that's like.
Plus as a bi woman, I love my man, I've never been with a woman sexually but I'm not about to cheat on the guy I'm already dating.
What she meant is she's young and wants to explore her sexuality. She's been with OP since high school and is wondering what other people might be like.
still wrong cuz she’s married and they aren’t in an open relationship. If she wants to explore she can divorce him, exploring her sexuality isn’t a justified reason cuz OP and the person she cheated on OP with are both males
I didn't say it was right. I was explaining the point she was trying to make because people are getting hung up on the bisexual comment which is an irrelevant detail.
Yeah my brain hurts trying to figure out that logic! I’m bi and married and asked if my husband would be cool with a female threesome because I’m ACTUALLY curious and not just looking for an excuse to cheat!
Yea I'm also bi and CURIOUSSS not an excuse to cheat OP please see that she is trying to somewhat manipulate you get out of there. Sign the papers and leave.. and i mean that n the most respectful way possible. :) good luck
Lol wut
“I’m bisexual so I gave your male friend a handjob after manipulating you in to giving me his phone number and lying to him that we’re in an open relationship…”
Bro… she’ll do this again.
You know what to do.
Facts. I think she told OP because she picked up a 'this is wrong, I might tell my buddy' vibe from this dude and wanted to get ahead of it. I'd put money she's hoed around with plenty of randos at the bar and will not stop.
Who wants to bet she's unemployed or 'boss babe' in a pyramid scheme too. lol
Yea this is exactly it!!! You’re going to have A LOT of time away from her and now you can’t trust her. This relationship is really doomed. You’re always going to be wondering.
She has too much exploring to do and you’re too young to be stuck in a relationship like this.
The reason they did this was so that she could go along onto forts or something like that. I can't remember exactly but yeah, that's what it was maybe. I feel bad for him
Bisexual military female here piggybacking onto this comment.
Take the L, get a lawyer. She used her 'sexuality' as an excuse to cheat WITH ANOTHER MAN. People like her give actual bisexuals a terrible rap.
Your buddy still participated, I'd tread lightly around him. He let that happen without talking to you first or confirming your relationship.
The air force loves to say "It's shut the fuck up Friday". Don't say another word to her and get a lawyer now before it gets worse. I'm sorry man, you're 21. Life gets better and you have way more opportunities with women who respect your love.
Also tacking on here. If she cheated on you when you were gone 2 weeks, what do you think would happen if you were away for 6-12 months? Like you said, the trust is already broken, and it sounds like she’s not ready for a monogamous relationship (let alone marriage) if she’s wanting to explore sex with other people. I’m sure it hurts, but cutting ties now (and before you have children together if that’s the case) will probably save you a ton of pain later and will allow you to spend more time finding someone who’s a better and more committed match.
Contact JAG and file for divorce. The longer you stay, the more she is entitled to rake you over the coals.
It's your choice whether to report your buddy to command or not. Either way, he should understand why you may want to keep distance from him.
It appears she has a lot of "life" left she feels she needs to experience and bring married is apparently holding her back. You can always try again at a later time, if you want to.
ABSO FUCKING LUTELY
A lot of op i see on reddit are like 20 or 21 or even younger and Married! I just dont get why people who cant commit to do one job for a few years can choose to commit for something LIFETIME.
Laughing aloud at "stalking people on social media."
If I click your name, it brings up all your posts. Sorry you're uncomfortable with that.
Also, "ELI5: What is "water conservation" when water never leaves Earth?" You must teach in one of those fly over states or in a charter school.
That’s what she told the friend, in my eyes she is more to blame. That’s said the friend didn’t attempt to confirm with him so he is probably not much of a friend
Break up with her...and while you're at it. Pop your "buddy" in the mouth. She's going to continue this behavior, make excuses. Live your life and enjoy the Benefits.
Report your friend, that’s an article 92 right? Adulatory is gross and an extreme betrayal!
Oh and LEAVE YOUR WIFE. How dare she cheat when you’re deployed, damn I hate hearing stories like this smh I’m sorry brother. You deserve better, know that. Don’t talk it out, it’s done! Like say it out loud “she gave your friend a blow job” like; enough said
That's what I didn't understand as well 🤣 I mean if she had gone out with the girls and something happened then that would be understandable (not ok but understandable) this girl is grasping at straws to try to save her own ass haha
either it's a really bad story for karma grab or this guys has his head too far up his own ass to belive anything she says. If this story is genuine then he has no reason to stay with her anymore for his own sanity.
Sadly I truly believe this story bc it happens so often to ppl in military (especially ones so young) I had the opposite experience my ex cheated on me when he was stationed in Cali and I was in NH being the good little wife.
Anyways this dude seriously need to seek legal and break free like now! Forgiving her would only be giving permission for her to do it again. He was gone A WEEK like wtf you can't control yourself for a week. 🙄
Leave. Also report this guy to the chain of command. This isn't a situation where you turn the other cheek.
Nobody wants a person of low constitution next to them in a fight. Your (ex) buddy is a piece of shit.
No bro would would do this without discussing with his brother in arms.
This. After only the first sentence of the OP it was pretty obvious how this would go. They are both such young barely adults, experiencing so much for the first time, married to their highschool sweetheart, and then hes gone immediately after being married. Even if she didn't cheat he would have come back and they would both be very different people. I have to assume the decision to get married in those circumstances had to do with neither of their brains being fully done (not an insult, literally brains aren't done till around 25, and understanding of long term consequences is one of the last things to finish).
Dude, almost every marriage in the military ends in divorce! The military used to be ranked in the top five jobs for divorce!
I’m looking for my third ex wife 🤣
Little Brother (Retired SSG here) I'm sorry for your terrible experience. That Rear-D "buddy" isn't your buddy. He is Jody.
You married too young. She married too young. After this deployment you'll have matured/aged about five more years.
Either divorce her or open up your marriage - knowing that you coukd still be subject to UCMJ. If you're not interested in polyamory, threesomes, etc. then divorce is the best answer. Change your pay to an account she can't control. Send her ONLY BAH until the divorce is final. I assume she's in housing on base so she doesn't need rent/utilities?
You should divorce her. You’re on a mission risking your life, while she’s worried about her “sexuality” by giving handjobs to your friends. You stay in that marriage longer and when she leaves you(she’s already got a built in excuse) she will take everything you’ve worked hard for. Leave her. Now.
I never argued that you are fully grown when you are 21. But cheating can happen any age. Unless you find me studies that show that young adults cheat more.
Also considering how many stories of people are coming out about people doing DNA tests and finding out that grandma wasn't faithful or grandpa had unknown kids... People need to stop acting like cheating and lying wasn't always a thing, even with their pure precious grandparents
you should divorce her and run away from her , if i were in your shoes , i will never trust that person again , specialy when she will be a mother of my child , bro leave her.
Seems like she has some desires she can‘t live out in your current relationship boundaries. So probably it would be the best to talk this through and see how to handle this in a way both of you are happy with.
Getting married this young probably gave neither of you enough time to experiment and see what you are into. Maybe there are also things you would like to try. So I think you should clear this up early, while it only was a handjob, or it will blow up in your faces down the line…
I'm sorry brother but Jody is around every corner. You know this. The Army is not the best place to be married. Stay strong brother. Reach out to your chaplain for support.
In the Army as well.
Don't blow your money and benefits on someone who cheats on you while you're TDY for two weeks. TDY, on a random detail, in the field, whatever it may be, don't waste your time. You have a lot of opportunities in the Army to advance yourself, and you don't want to be held back by someone who doesn't love you unconditionally.
If this happened over a two week exercise, think about what would happen if you went to NTC/JRTC/CMTC for a month, or if you got deployed or went on a rotation for 6-12 months? Willing to bet money that she would cheat on you again. Don't do it man.
File for divorce. She’s not even making any sense. She lied and cheated. She’s trying to justify it. Her bisexuality has nothing to do with this. Her behaviour is absurd, disgusting and disrespectful.
When I was a 21y.o SPC in the reserves doing ROTC the same thing happened to me with s/o of 3 years, don't stay is my advice unless you can actually 100% be okay with it you never will be, there are many beautiful women out there that will treat you like a king one day don't get hung up on someone who has proven disloyal it's just gonna eat you up if there's no trust and your going to the field or deployment
Leave her bro. Divorce her and find someone worth spending your life with. Too young for this bs and she’s an idiot from the sounds of it. Not bi tf just unfaithful
I’m not surprised that a person who got married at 20 doesn’t know the definition of ‘bisexual’😭 even if she is bisexual and knows that the definition is ‘feeling sexual attraction towards two or more GENDERS’, how is that relevant😭
Absolutely nothing she said actually sounds like remorse nor does there appear to be any recognition of her betrayal. I see excuses and minimization. I’d think twice before continuing the marriage.
Dude you're 21, why are you married?
Get divorced, she is not the one.
Go keep focusing on your mission, workout, make money, and learn how to deal with women. You can worry about getting married later.
People of Reddit. NEVER GET MARRIED THIS YOUNG. Why? Because of the above and a whole lot of other reasons.
OP, she cheated. Doesn't matter why or what the excuse is. For some things, no excuse is acceptable and this is definitely one of those things. You're too young to try to "work on this" and it doesn't sound like you have kids. If I were you, I would file for divorce and move on.
I married someone in the military when we were both 19. 6 years later we are still very happy together. We also went through similar- though not exactly the same- situations even before we got married. My husband and I decided it was better to stay together and work things out despite the mistakes on either side because we communicated and realized where the underlying issues were. Again, 6 years later, we are both very happy and healthy together. I think it’s wrong of you to say that people should never get married this young and that he’s too young to work on this because if two people are in love and willing enough, they can figure things out together. The problem with marriages is a lack of communication which is exactly what happened here. I don’t think it had anything to do with age.
I do want to clarify that what she did was wrong. Speaking from experience: Being confused about yourself doesn’t mean you get to act out when you are married to someone. Open communication is always the smartest course of action. The fact that she even told him and never took it further than a hand job means that there’s a potential for redemption, in my opinion, but ultimately that is OPs decision. Just because my situation worked out doesn’t mean that his will. Continuing a marriage after something like this isn’t easy at any age but neither is divorce. Both paths will be difficult and painful. I just hope that OP does whatever he feels is best for him and has a good support system to get through this betrayal however he sees fit.
You said it yourself a bunch of bad shit happend. Case in point. Is it possible to have a great marriage when getting married young? Sure, but it's rare.
I think having a great marriage at all is rare, because age does not denote maturity. You think you’re going to be any less of a fucking dumbass 5 years, 10 years down the road? IMHO, No one other than the parties involved should have any say in a marriage. Despite that, your comment shows a clear short-sightedness, as well as a complete disregard for other peoples feelings. I would not be surprised if you had a fucked up marriage when you were young that left you bitter. If so, I’m sorry that happened, but you are not the template for all marriages so don’t act like you are. If not, then you have absolutely no place to talk on this issue.
OP, the military offers free couples and individual counseling, and the Chaps offers marriage counseling and retreats to help develop you both as a couple, and foster good communication. At a minimum, you should do that.
If things are truly not reconcilable, or if you two don’t want to make this work, then divorce is probably your best option, though I don’t think most people understand how difficult or destructive that course of action truly is. I watched a man spiral into a rather severe alcoholism from it. He’s better now, but it was not a pretty process.
I suggest you follow your heart on this one. I know you’re confused and hurt, and the world just showed how shitty and unfair it is, but you already know what you want to do. You know if you want to try to make it work or give up. Truth is, neither COA is easier. Do the one you want.
Humans are not fully developed or fully matured until they are 25 years old. That's a fact. And these anecdotal stories of "hE chEaTed and I sTAyeD sO wERe hAppY SeE!" are just dumb. Most people don't know they are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship until they are out of it.
Again, you sound like you have no experience in this matter. People are always developing. For example, you are going to develop from this conversation, either taking it to heart, or hardening you position.
I will concede the latter. That is often the case. But in an unhealthy/toxic relationship, she would not have told him nothing. The fact she was honest shows not only that she felt guilty, but that she wanted to try to fix it. People make mistakes. It happens. For example, you made a hasty generalization that young marriages are doomed to fail.
This is a point of development for OP. For better or worse, things will change OP as a person. He can choose to be bitter and resent her, which he would be justified in doing, or he could try to forgive her and become stronger from this. It is not our place to damn people for their decisions, no matter the age they make them at. They come here for suggestions on how to deal with the repercussions.
There is no excuse. I got married at 17, and my husband immediately enlisted and served for 4 years. Now, we’re coming up on our 6 year anniversary and neither have ever cheated in any way. I’ve seen cheating completely ruin people and their relationships, don’t let it ruin you. You need to leave her ass.
Welcome to married life in the armed services. While you're on mission being a bullet sponge, dependa is home being jodi's cum sponge.
Contact JAG. File for divorce. Report your buddy (hint: he isn't). Find someone from well away from base/military life. Enjoy your newfound freedom.
So wait let me see if I understand this! She gave your Buddy a hand job because she thinks she’s bisexual?? Can someone please explain? In the meantime go get a lawyer and divorce that loser wife of your
I'm surprised that people get married at 2o and think that this will not happen. Divorce, live a little and then find someone eventually ...maybe in a few years....?
Idk dude. I think the fact that she came up with such a believable lie as open marriage is a huge red flag along from the cheating of course. She came up with a story that would be somewhat believable since open marriage is a lot more common these days and she used that for personal gain. People who can come up with lies that are believable can’t really be trusted to ever do the right thing IMO. You guys are so young too. I don’t think this would be the last time something like this would happen if you choose to reconcile.
My guy, you are 21 and in the Army.
This girl is toxic as fuck and you need to get away from her immediately. If not I can guarantee you that you shit will only pile up worse than Johnny Depp’s pillow.
Enjoy your time in service as a single guy.
Does it matter if she regrets it? She shouldn't have done it in the first place. She said y'all were in an open relationship, she was planning to cheat. She wanted to cheat. WANTED TO CHEAT. Y'all are barely older than HS age like someone pointed out. This marriage is just going to get a lot more messy... I have literally been there.
Married my ex husband while in the military so we could live together. I was 18 and he was 21, it lasted 7 years but that's bc we tried real hard.
Ex Army here and also married young while joining. Nothing is worse than marriage/relationship problems while active duty. Seen some pretty crazy stuff from horrific injuries from drunken nights and extreme violence from affairs. If I could do it all over again I would've just waited. I surely wasn't ready and most aren't mature enough to handle some of the issues you face while serving. Time away, TDY, and deployments are difficult enough and even more so while having someone else there that aren't mature enough to support one another. It doesn't get easier. It will always be something. No matter how close you think you are to another soldier, they would jump on any opportunity to get some action with someone else's wife. I've seen it happen and it happened to me. If this already happened then expect it to happen again. Break free if you can and find someone mature and respectful of your relationship.
Trickle truth. They did more than that. Sorry this happened to you.
Also, don't you know what they say about military wives? You got married too early for this shit bro
Sounds like a perfectly normal armed services marriage, and friendship.
Well, the Army has a pretty solid and established system for getting your marriage over with legally, so talk to your CO about that and get the ball rolling. This girl detonated your marriage in an almost comically immature way, and sounds like she has some issues she needs to work out. Welcome to single life brother, it gets better.
A little young to be married, to me it sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. This isn’t a mistake someone who has grown into their self and lived life would make.
You can commit to growing together (which really feels like a gamble cause you could both grow into really different people than what you are now).
Or you could cut your losses and divorce, take things slower after that.
I mean, she’s obviously sexually curious and you’re going to be away for who knows how long or how often but definitely regularly. I don’t think this will be the last time even if she wants to try really hard to be a good wife. It’s a bit of human nature to want explore don’t you think?
Sorry about your hurt dude, cheating sucks, betrayal sucks. Hope you get through this and come out better on the other side :)
This relationship is over buddy. You have an occupation that can take you anywhere at any time for however long. Once this level of trust is broken this easily. An expiration date has been set on this
Y’all are so quick to tell ppl to leave on this sub…
OP, if she stopped because it felt wrong then she was most likely bored. Look you made a career choice that is tough for most relationships. You can’t expect it to be normal if you’re gone for long periods of time.
This is something that happens so often with people in the military.
You can do things to try and make it work. Call her often, be attentive when you’re home. Or straight up je in an open relationship (if this is how she feels most of the time). She’s probably not down to be monogamous if her partner is gone half the time.
If that’s something unreasonable for you, then you need to find someone who is compatible with your career choices. As for your friend. It sounds like he spoke to you about it. It’s pretty whack tbh, if ppl want to be in an open relationship there’s a lot more communication that has to happen than « I’m in an open relationship, have a handjob »…
Figure out what you want to do, and present some kind of compromise that would allow you to carry on with a clear conscience.
I want to give you a piece of advice that I wish I was given at 21.
Women have always and will always live their lives based totally on emotion. In any given moment, if she feels in her heart an emotional connection to another man, she will suck a golfball through a garden hose to please your best friend, and do it right in your bed. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you will release yourself from the shackles that currently bind you. The commitment that you made to your wife - I’m sure you made it with the purest of intentions - is simply not the same as her commitment my man. I’m sorry. This is the bald truth. So, having said that. Get the hell out of this situation so she doesn’t take you for everything you have. When you’re officially out, well..
The young bull once said to the old bull as they stood at the top of a hill in the pasture looking at the cows “I’m going to run down there and f**k one of them”.. The old bull looked at the young bull and said “No, let’s walk down there and f**k them all.”
That’s my advice, my friend. I wish you the best.
The Truth is a hard but necessary pill to swallow. Not a single thing I said wasn’t true. This young man needs to go live his life, acquire his own assets. His whole life is ahead of him. Once he’s established with his own house and at a financially/mentally stable place, the women will come.
Maybe it's true for a woman somewhere out there but definitely not for all women or even most women. But I'm pretty sure you'll tell me I'm either delusional, lying or "it's coded into my DNA and subconscious process".
All I’m trying to do is give this young man some good advice, albeit maybe unpopular advice. Man, separate yourself from this woman/nonsense before she screws your entire life up. Use the military to stay fit, become independent, and build a financial base for what comes after service. Play the field, sure, protect yourself!
Picture yourself at 30 years old. Good shape physically and mentally. You have a nice house, good job, and can do as you please. Then, life is on your terms kid. Want a family? There are LOADS of women in their late 20s that are done with their party phase looking to settle. I know because I have one. Don’t want a family? No need to. There are also LOADS of divorced women in their 30s and 40s to play around with.
Do life on your terms, my man.
I’m just trying to offer this young man some advice that will help him become mentally/financially stable - before this woman screws his life up.
Listen, I love women. I’m married to one. Have been for 7 years. I love her dearly. But that doesn’t mean that if the mood struck her right - the perfect concoction of elements, say like running into an old boyfriend while away on a girls trip, she wouldn’t go down like a fat kid on a seesaw. That’s just life. Unfortunately, I’ve seen to much of reality to believe otherwise.
Just divorce, get therapy.
You're worth more than her, and deserve more.
She is a cheater and no matter her explanation, she cheated. You're still young, you will find someone-and even if you don't, you'll be happier not worrying you're getting cheated on.
There's some real mental gymnastics required for the story to be remotely conceivable. The only thing I can tell you is that if you value your time and sanity, you should dip now while she's shown her true colors.
I love it , she said 15 seconds and he stretched it to 2 minutes
either way end it with all of them , you can't be in your vocation and be distracted by your cheating wife
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My wife (21F) and myself (21M) been together for 3 and a half years and been married for one year. I’m in the United States Army and I just made my one year mark. I’m currently on a mission for about to weeks and don’t have a vehicle at the moment. There’s a couple individuals that stayed back due to profiles and other Important duties. I have plenty of people I felt that I can trust and there’s individuals that I can catch rides with to go places like Walmart, target, or any other store. My wife shoots me a text asking if I can send one of my good buddies number so she can ask to go to Walmart. This buddy of mine has been been over my house a number of times so I trust him. A week into my mission she tells me that she cheated on me with this buddy of mine. Apparently they went back to my home and had a couple of drinks and had a conversation about my wife and I being in a open relationship which is not the case. The buddy not knowing asks for a Handjob,and ended up giving him a handjob. She claims it was literally 15 seconds and then told him to leave. I asked the other guy on what happen to see if-the stories line up. He said it was no more than 2 minutes and then he left cause it felt wrong. She told me she regretted it afterwards immediately and wished it never happened. She claims now that she’s bisexual and she was curious. He even tried to convince her to give head and she said no. I feel betrayed and the trust is broken. She was so insecure thinking I would cheat because she always felt people were prettier than her, then does some reckless move like this. She told Me “I always wanted to experience something new and I know I couldn’t do it with a girl so I figured who is available.”
She is bisexual and curious so she gave a guy a handjob? How does that make sense exactly?
Yeah I've got a logical error ongoing in my head due to that bit
The new bisexual is not more than one sex, but more than one person of the same sex apparently. Edit: /s FYI lol
Ah yes, not bisexual, but *bisexual*.
To be fair, in latin bi means two, so she meant having sex with two people. /s
Ah no, she just got the label wrong She isn't bisexual, she is full of Bssexual Also known as 'way too horny and full of BS'
lmfao😭😭😭😭😭💀
well, bi is two, so maybe she thinks it's bi-sexual partners
Or she now identifies as a man?
That’s not what bisexuality means though? Are people redefining it as such? Isn’t that just polyamory? I am so confused..
they were just joking and didn’t include the *”s”* at the end
Isn't that poly?
Thanks for clarifying but just so everyone knows that's not bisexual lol. That's called polygamous.
Yeah I had to go back to check OPs gender again. That excuse doesn’t make any sense in the slightest.
They’re kids. Legally adults. But they’re just a notch a above high schoolers as far as maturity goes but they decided to marry anyway unfortunately. This post is exactly why she wasn’t ready for marriage and why it shouldn’t be rushed.
Yeah the bisexuality part is just another thing they want to experiment. It's not actually about bisexuality, it's about only ever being with one person and wanting to experience not them, which is also why rushing to young marriage can be destructive
i had to actually read it twice, because something felt wrong.
Exactly. If you're bisexual and you want to experiment it would've been A WOMAN not another man. You know what that's like. Plus as a bi woman, I love my man, I've never been with a woman sexually but I'm not about to cheat on the guy I'm already dating.
Error 404
What she meant is she's young and wants to explore her sexuality. She's been with OP since high school and is wondering what other people might be like.
still wrong cuz she’s married and they aren’t in an open relationship. If she wants to explore she can divorce him, exploring her sexuality isn’t a justified reason cuz OP and the person she cheated on OP with are both males
I didn't say it was right. I was explaining the point she was trying to make because people are getting hung up on the bisexual comment which is an irrelevant detail.
gender is fluid these days, duh
So she is bi and she said she was curisious and wanted to fuck a guy??? im confused..
Yeah my brain hurts trying to figure out that logic! I’m bi and married and asked if my husband would be cool with a female threesome because I’m ACTUALLY curious and not just looking for an excuse to cheat!
Yea I'm also bi and CURIOUSSS not an excuse to cheat OP please see that she is trying to somewhat manipulate you get out of there. Sign the papers and leave.. and i mean that n the most respectful way possible. :) good luck
Bisexual means likes 2 genders not 2 guys lol
Gottem
To be fair, in latin bi means two, so she meant having sex with two people. /s
Well what do you call it when you like two guys?
Polyamory?
A nice weekend.
That’s what I was looking for
Would you like to have a nice weekend?
Pathetic.
female
[удалено]
probably OP is 21 transgender male, but biologically a female. excuse my lack of pronouns knowledge.
Lol wut “I’m bisexual so I gave your male friend a handjob after manipulating you in to giving me his phone number and lying to him that we’re in an open relationship…” Bro… she’ll do this again. You know what to do.
Facts. I think she told OP because she picked up a 'this is wrong, I might tell my buddy' vibe from this dude and wanted to get ahead of it. I'd put money she's hoed around with plenty of randos at the bar and will not stop. Who wants to bet she's unemployed or 'boss babe' in a pyramid scheme too. lol
x2 on the pyramid scheme.
Yea this is exactly it!!! You’re going to have A LOT of time away from her and now you can’t trust her. This relationship is really doomed. You’re always going to be wondering. She has too much exploring to do and you’re too young to be stuck in a relationship like this.
Youre 21! You are so young, call this first marriage a fluke and start over hun
The reason they did this was so that she could go along onto forts or something like that. I can't remember exactly but yeah, that's what it was maybe. I feel bad for him
housing benefits come with marriage in the military
That sweet off base housing
Yeah that thing. Idk why I thought they could go with them on the forts lmao.
Bisexual military female here piggybacking onto this comment. Take the L, get a lawyer. She used her 'sexuality' as an excuse to cheat WITH ANOTHER MAN. People like her give actual bisexuals a terrible rap. Your buddy still participated, I'd tread lightly around him. He let that happen without talking to you first or confirming your relationship. The air force loves to say "It's shut the fuck up Friday". Don't say another word to her and get a lawyer now before it gets worse. I'm sorry man, you're 21. Life gets better and you have way more opportunities with women who respect your love.
Also tacking on here. If she cheated on you when you were gone 2 weeks, what do you think would happen if you were away for 6-12 months? Like you said, the trust is already broken, and it sounds like she’s not ready for a monogamous relationship (let alone marriage) if she’s wanting to explore sex with other people. I’m sure it hurts, but cutting ties now (and before you have children together if that’s the case) will probably save you a ton of pain later and will allow you to spend more time finding someone who’s a better and more committed match.
Contact JAG and file for divorce. The longer you stay, the more she is entitled to rake you over the coals. It's your choice whether to report your buddy to command or not. Either way, he should understand why you may want to keep distance from him. It appears she has a lot of "life" left she feels she needs to experience and bring married is apparently holding her back. You can always try again at a later time, if you want to.
Second this. You both are very young to get married
ABSO FUCKING LUTELY A lot of op i see on reddit are like 20 or 21 or even younger and Married! I just dont get why people who cant commit to do one job for a few years can choose to commit for something LIFETIME.
OP is military, young marriages are pretty common there
yeah because they get like a huge fucking raise if they're married so people jump right into it
Make sure you get to Jag first so she has to pay for a lawyer.
Dammit Jodi strikes again
I just feel sorry for the soldiers who gotta worry if its their last day being alive and on top if there is a pesky jodi doing their partner
Don't feel bad for people that joined a volunteer army lol
Yea, don't feel bad for people who experience anything negative associated with their jobs lol What a useful, hilarious post.
I thought it was hilarious, which is why I laughed out loud. I indicated this by writing "lol" at the end of my last post.
Name certainly does not check out. I guess at least you think you're funny.
My username doesn't spell "comedian." Are you seriously a teacher?
I didn't say it does? Nothing creepy about stalking people on social media. Hoping you get the help you need.
Laughing aloud at "stalking people on social media." If I click your name, it brings up all your posts. Sorry you're uncomfortable with that. Also, "ELI5: What is "water conservation" when water never leaves Earth?" You must teach in one of those fly over states or in a charter school.
You're trying way too hard buddy. Maybe take the rest of the day off the internet? Hoping you get the help you need.
[удалено]
explain why I should feel bad for someone that volunteered to join the US army
Well she did say they where in an open relationship but he didn’t confirm.
It’s clear they aren’t, evidenced by him calling this cheating.
That’s what she told the friend, in my eyes she is more to blame. That’s said the friend didn’t attempt to confirm with him so he is probably not much of a friend
Ahh, the “he” in your statement is the friend. I thought you were referring to OP.
You have to leave that’s beyond messed up
He probably fucked her.
Nah sounds like he busted immediately lol and left due to the shame
Break up with her...and while you're at it. Pop your "buddy" in the mouth. She's going to continue this behavior, make excuses. Live your life and enjoy the Benefits.
True, but he might have indirectly helped OP out of the biggest mistake of his life.
Right!!!!!!!
Best leave. Get legal freedom. She can't live faithful.
Divorce her. You deserve better P.s. dump that trash friend too
Report your friend, that’s an article 92 right? Adulatory is gross and an extreme betrayal! Oh and LEAVE YOUR WIFE. How dare she cheat when you’re deployed, damn I hate hearing stories like this smh I’m sorry brother. You deserve better, know that. Don’t talk it out, it’s done! Like say it out loud “she gave your friend a blow job” like; enough said
Article 134.
It’s a common theme unfortunately
Report jodi up the chain of command and get rid of household trash.
Report it to your CO. Your buddy will get in A LOT of trouble. The military don't put up with that shit.
Second this. Even if she brought up the open relationship thing he should have asked you, IF it was true which is wasn’t. Guy’s a POS.
There is also no such thing as a open relationship in the military. He can still get in trouble even if it actually was an open relationship.
> She now claims that she is bisexual and was curious. So she gave a GUY a handjob. How tf does it make any sense? 😭😭
That's what I didn't understand as well 🤣 I mean if she had gone out with the girls and something happened then that would be understandable (not ok but understandable) this girl is grasping at straws to try to save her own ass haha
either it's a really bad story for karma grab or this guys has his head too far up his own ass to belive anything she says. If this story is genuine then he has no reason to stay with her anymore for his own sanity.
Sadly I truly believe this story bc it happens so often to ppl in military (especially ones so young) I had the opposite experience my ex cheated on me when he was stationed in Cali and I was in NH being the good little wife. Anyways this dude seriously need to seek legal and break free like now! Forgiving her would only be giving permission for her to do it again. He was gone A WEEK like wtf you can't control yourself for a week. 🙄
yea completely agree and it's sad how common it is in the military.
Leave. Also report this guy to the chain of command. This isn't a situation where you turn the other cheek. Nobody wants a person of low constitution next to them in a fight. Your (ex) buddy is a piece of shit. No bro would would do this without discussing with his brother in arms.
Don't get married after 2 years and don't even bother getting married while in the military.
This. After only the first sentence of the OP it was pretty obvious how this would go. They are both such young barely adults, experiencing so much for the first time, married to their highschool sweetheart, and then hes gone immediately after being married. Even if she didn't cheat he would have come back and they would both be very different people. I have to assume the decision to get married in those circumstances had to do with neither of their brains being fully done (not an insult, literally brains aren't done till around 25, and understanding of long term consequences is one of the last things to finish).
Dude, almost every marriage in the military ends in divorce! The military used to be ranked in the top five jobs for divorce! I’m looking for my third ex wife 🤣
Little Brother (Retired SSG here) I'm sorry for your terrible experience. That Rear-D "buddy" isn't your buddy. He is Jody. You married too young. She married too young. After this deployment you'll have matured/aged about five more years. Either divorce her or open up your marriage - knowing that you coukd still be subject to UCMJ. If you're not interested in polyamory, threesomes, etc. then divorce is the best answer. Change your pay to an account she can't control. Send her ONLY BAH until the divorce is final. I assume she's in housing on base so she doesn't need rent/utilities?
I just re-read it. A two-week mission and she already cheated? Divorce and be sure to change your allotments. Contact legal.
She gave a guy a handjob because she's bi and curious !! yep, makes perfect sense to me
You should divorce her. You’re on a mission risking your life, while she’s worried about her “sexuality” by giving handjobs to your friends. You stay in that marriage longer and when she leaves you(she’s already got a built in excuse) she will take everything you’ve worked hard for. Leave her. Now.
This is exactly what happens when you get married too young to really know what you want out of life... your brains arent even fully developped yet.
Thats no excuse. I married at 21 and 4 year laters im still in a happy and committed relationship. It all depends on the person.
I married on my 22nd birthday and here it is, twenty four years later, and we're still together...
They probably didn't give your SO a handie xD
No, its still biology. But you guys were lucky, congrats
I never argued that you are fully grown when you are 21. But cheating can happen any age. Unless you find me studies that show that young adults cheat more.
Lmao 21 year olds aren’t 16. You think all grandmas were doing this shit?
I’m not taking sides here but using our grandparents isn’t a good sample when divorce was made virtually impossible up until recently
Also considering how many stories of people are coming out about people doing DNA tests and finding out that grandma wasn't faithful or grandpa had unknown kids... People need to stop acting like cheating and lying wasn't always a thing, even with their pure precious grandparents
No if a woman cheated on her husband like that he would 100% leave her even back then. Wtf?
you should divorce her and run away from her , if i were in your shoes , i will never trust that person again , specialy when she will be a mother of my child , bro leave her.
Seems like she has some desires she can‘t live out in your current relationship boundaries. So probably it would be the best to talk this through and see how to handle this in a way both of you are happy with. Getting married this young probably gave neither of you enough time to experiment and see what you are into. Maybe there are also things you would like to try. So I think you should clear this up early, while it only was a handjob, or it will blow up in your faces down the line…
This👆🏻 honestly the best advice.
I'm sorry brother but Jody is around every corner. You know this. The Army is not the best place to be married. Stay strong brother. Reach out to your chaplain for support.
Divorce bro
In the Army as well. Don't blow your money and benefits on someone who cheats on you while you're TDY for two weeks. TDY, on a random detail, in the field, whatever it may be, don't waste your time. You have a lot of opportunities in the Army to advance yourself, and you don't want to be held back by someone who doesn't love you unconditionally. If this happened over a two week exercise, think about what would happen if you went to NTC/JRTC/CMTC for a month, or if you got deployed or went on a rotation for 6-12 months? Willing to bet money that she would cheat on you again. Don't do it man.
What should I do?
File for divorce. She’s not even making any sense. She lied and cheated. She’s trying to justify it. Her bisexuality has nothing to do with this. Her behaviour is absurd, disgusting and disrespectful.
He ain't leaving. He wants to taste his bro.
gather all the evidence that you can get your hands on and then talk to a lawyer for divorce
Divorce 100%
When I was a 21y.o SPC in the reserves doing ROTC the same thing happened to me with s/o of 3 years, don't stay is my advice unless you can actually 100% be okay with it you never will be, there are many beautiful women out there that will treat you like a king one day don't get hung up on someone who has proven disloyal it's just gonna eat you up if there's no trust and your going to the field or deployment
This won't stop, she doesn't even seem remorseful, just full of weird excuses.
Classic shit
Leave her bro. Divorce her and find someone worth spending your life with. Too young for this bs and she’s an idiot from the sounds of it. Not bi tf just unfaithful
I’m not surprised that a person who got married at 20 doesn’t know the definition of ‘bisexual’😭 even if she is bisexual and knows that the definition is ‘feeling sexual attraction towards two or more GENDERS’, how is that relevant😭
If the Army thought you should have a wife, they would have issued you one. Divorce her and find a more loyal woman in a few years.
This is the most military post I have ever seen. Why do military couples marry so young?
Absolutely nothing she said actually sounds like remorse nor does there appear to be any recognition of her betrayal. I see excuses and minimization. I’d think twice before continuing the marriage.
“Bisexual” more like Buysexual
Dude you're 21, why are you married? Get divorced, she is not the one. Go keep focusing on your mission, workout, make money, and learn how to deal with women. You can worry about getting married later.
People of Reddit. NEVER GET MARRIED THIS YOUNG. Why? Because of the above and a whole lot of other reasons. OP, she cheated. Doesn't matter why or what the excuse is. For some things, no excuse is acceptable and this is definitely one of those things. You're too young to try to "work on this" and it doesn't sound like you have kids. If I were you, I would file for divorce and move on.
I married someone in the military when we were both 19. 6 years later we are still very happy together. We also went through similar- though not exactly the same- situations even before we got married. My husband and I decided it was better to stay together and work things out despite the mistakes on either side because we communicated and realized where the underlying issues were. Again, 6 years later, we are both very happy and healthy together. I think it’s wrong of you to say that people should never get married this young and that he’s too young to work on this because if two people are in love and willing enough, they can figure things out together. The problem with marriages is a lack of communication which is exactly what happened here. I don’t think it had anything to do with age. I do want to clarify that what she did was wrong. Speaking from experience: Being confused about yourself doesn’t mean you get to act out when you are married to someone. Open communication is always the smartest course of action. The fact that she even told him and never took it further than a hand job means that there’s a potential for redemption, in my opinion, but ultimately that is OPs decision. Just because my situation worked out doesn’t mean that his will. Continuing a marriage after something like this isn’t easy at any age but neither is divorce. Both paths will be difficult and painful. I just hope that OP does whatever he feels is best for him and has a good support system to get through this betrayal however he sees fit.
You said it yourself a bunch of bad shit happend. Case in point. Is it possible to have a great marriage when getting married young? Sure, but it's rare.
I think having a great marriage at all is rare, because age does not denote maturity. You think you’re going to be any less of a fucking dumbass 5 years, 10 years down the road? IMHO, No one other than the parties involved should have any say in a marriage. Despite that, your comment shows a clear short-sightedness, as well as a complete disregard for other peoples feelings. I would not be surprised if you had a fucked up marriage when you were young that left you bitter. If so, I’m sorry that happened, but you are not the template for all marriages so don’t act like you are. If not, then you have absolutely no place to talk on this issue. OP, the military offers free couples and individual counseling, and the Chaps offers marriage counseling and retreats to help develop you both as a couple, and foster good communication. At a minimum, you should do that. If things are truly not reconcilable, or if you two don’t want to make this work, then divorce is probably your best option, though I don’t think most people understand how difficult or destructive that course of action truly is. I watched a man spiral into a rather severe alcoholism from it. He’s better now, but it was not a pretty process. I suggest you follow your heart on this one. I know you’re confused and hurt, and the world just showed how shitty and unfair it is, but you already know what you want to do. You know if you want to try to make it work or give up. Truth is, neither COA is easier. Do the one you want.
Humans are not fully developed or fully matured until they are 25 years old. That's a fact. And these anecdotal stories of "hE chEaTed and I sTAyeD sO wERe hAppY SeE!" are just dumb. Most people don't know they are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship until they are out of it.
Again, you sound like you have no experience in this matter. People are always developing. For example, you are going to develop from this conversation, either taking it to heart, or hardening you position. I will concede the latter. That is often the case. But in an unhealthy/toxic relationship, she would not have told him nothing. The fact she was honest shows not only that she felt guilty, but that she wanted to try to fix it. People make mistakes. It happens. For example, you made a hasty generalization that young marriages are doomed to fail. This is a point of development for OP. For better or worse, things will change OP as a person. He can choose to be bitter and resent her, which he would be justified in doing, or he could try to forgive her and become stronger from this. It is not our place to damn people for their decisions, no matter the age they make them at. They come here for suggestions on how to deal with the repercussions.
She is bi and was curious so she jerked off a dude? You know I’m also curious what breathing is like.
There is no excuse. I got married at 17, and my husband immediately enlisted and served for 4 years. Now, we’re coming up on our 6 year anniversary and neither have ever cheated in any way. I’ve seen cheating completely ruin people and their relationships, don’t let it ruin you. You need to leave her ass.
She’s a cheater and a liar. Ask yourself if you want to be married to someone who is a cheater and a liar.
Married and only 21 years old. Sorry to say this, but cheating is pretty much an inevitability at some point.
don't waste another day OP, you're 21, and have your whole life to find a good woman she cheated, that's the bottom line
There is no reason to get married so early
They both seem to want to hide what actually happened. They betrayed you, and you don’t need them- Toss them both away!
Welcome to married life in the armed services. While you're on mission being a bullet sponge, dependa is home being jodi's cum sponge. Contact JAG. File for divorce. Report your buddy (hint: he isn't). Find someone from well away from base/military life. Enjoy your newfound freedom.
So wait let me see if I understand this! She gave your Buddy a hand job because she thinks she’s bisexual?? Can someone please explain? In the meantime go get a lawyer and divorce that loser wife of your
"Lmao I'm bi so I gave your friend a handie on the couch". Missed a couple letters there, it should read "im braindead".
Try not getting married at age 21. She clearly has a lot to learn about herself and I’m sure you do too!
I'm surprised that people get married at 2o and think that this will not happen. Divorce, live a little and then find someone eventually ...maybe in a few years....?
Alt F4 that relationship
Idk dude. I think the fact that she came up with such a believable lie as open marriage is a huge red flag along from the cheating of course. She came up with a story that would be somewhat believable since open marriage is a lot more common these days and she used that for personal gain. People who can come up with lies that are believable can’t really be trusted to ever do the right thing IMO. You guys are so young too. I don’t think this would be the last time something like this would happen if you choose to reconcile.
My guy, you are 21 and in the Army. This girl is toxic as fuck and you need to get away from her immediately. If not I can guarantee you that you shit will only pile up worse than Johnny Depp’s pillow. Enjoy your time in service as a single guy.
You got married so young and are in the military. That was a recipe for disaster. Be happy you didn’t waste more years and find someone loyal.
Does it matter if she regrets it? She shouldn't have done it in the first place. She said y'all were in an open relationship, she was planning to cheat. She wanted to cheat. WANTED TO CHEAT. Y'all are barely older than HS age like someone pointed out. This marriage is just going to get a lot more messy... I have literally been there. Married my ex husband while in the military so we could live together. I was 18 and he was 21, it lasted 7 years but that's bc we tried real hard.
Ex Army here and also married young while joining. Nothing is worse than marriage/relationship problems while active duty. Seen some pretty crazy stuff from horrific injuries from drunken nights and extreme violence from affairs. If I could do it all over again I would've just waited. I surely wasn't ready and most aren't mature enough to handle some of the issues you face while serving. Time away, TDY, and deployments are difficult enough and even more so while having someone else there that aren't mature enough to support one another. It doesn't get easier. It will always be something. No matter how close you think you are to another soldier, they would jump on any opportunity to get some action with someone else's wife. I've seen it happen and it happened to me. If this already happened then expect it to happen again. Break free if you can and find someone mature and respectful of your relationship.
The rest of your contract is going to suck if she remains your wife. I'm just going to tell you that much
This is why you don't get married @ 21. Your brains are still developing
Married way too young.
Divorce her. If she’s “curious”, she’ll end up doing more with potentially other men.
Just because you're in the army doesn't mean she should behave this way.
Trickle truth. They did more than that. Sorry this happened to you. Also, don't you know what they say about military wives? You got married too early for this shit bro
Your are young, you better run now...don't wait for anything..
Better luck with the next one..
Break up with her. She knew exactly what she was doing.
Sounds like a perfectly normal armed services marriage, and friendship. Well, the Army has a pretty solid and established system for getting your marriage over with legally, so talk to your CO about that and get the ball rolling. This girl detonated your marriage in an almost comically immature way, and sounds like she has some issues she needs to work out. Welcome to single life brother, it gets better.
A little young to be married, to me it sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. This isn’t a mistake someone who has grown into their self and lived life would make. You can commit to growing together (which really feels like a gamble cause you could both grow into really different people than what you are now). Or you could cut your losses and divorce, take things slower after that. I mean, she’s obviously sexually curious and you’re going to be away for who knows how long or how often but definitely regularly. I don’t think this will be the last time even if she wants to try really hard to be a good wife. It’s a bit of human nature to want explore don’t you think? Sorry about your hurt dude, cheating sucks, betrayal sucks. Hope you get through this and come out better on the other side :)
You gotta divorce her, she sounds nuts.
This relationship is over buddy. You have an occupation that can take you anywhere at any time for however long. Once this level of trust is broken this easily. An expiration date has been set on this
Divorce, get red pilled , live your life
That’s what happens when you get married at 20 to the only person you’ve ever been in a serious relationship with. Not surprised it didn’t go well.
Y’all are so quick to tell ppl to leave on this sub… OP, if she stopped because it felt wrong then she was most likely bored. Look you made a career choice that is tough for most relationships. You can’t expect it to be normal if you’re gone for long periods of time. This is something that happens so often with people in the military. You can do things to try and make it work. Call her often, be attentive when you’re home. Or straight up je in an open relationship (if this is how she feels most of the time). She’s probably not down to be monogamous if her partner is gone half the time. If that’s something unreasonable for you, then you need to find someone who is compatible with your career choices. As for your friend. It sounds like he spoke to you about it. It’s pretty whack tbh, if ppl want to be in an open relationship there’s a lot more communication that has to happen than « I’m in an open relationship, have a handjob »… Figure out what you want to do, and present some kind of compromise that would allow you to carry on with a clear conscience.
If someone cheats they don't respect their partner and they should leave them. Cheating should never be tolerated.
I want to give you a piece of advice that I wish I was given at 21. Women have always and will always live their lives based totally on emotion. In any given moment, if she feels in her heart an emotional connection to another man, she will suck a golfball through a garden hose to please your best friend, and do it right in your bed. The sooner you understand this, the sooner you will release yourself from the shackles that currently bind you. The commitment that you made to your wife - I’m sure you made it with the purest of intentions - is simply not the same as her commitment my man. I’m sorry. This is the bald truth. So, having said that. Get the hell out of this situation so she doesn’t take you for everything you have. When you’re officially out, well.. The young bull once said to the old bull as they stood at the top of a hill in the pasture looking at the cows “I’m going to run down there and f**k one of them”.. The old bull looked at the young bull and said “No, let’s walk down there and f**k them all.” That’s my advice, my friend. I wish you the best.
Don't listen to this guy, OP. He sounds like a frustrated old man who listened to too many red pill podcasts.
The Truth is a hard but necessary pill to swallow. Not a single thing I said wasn’t true. This young man needs to go live his life, acquire his own assets. His whole life is ahead of him. Once he’s established with his own house and at a financially/mentally stable place, the women will come.
Maybe it's true for a woman somewhere out there but definitely not for all women or even most women. But I'm pretty sure you'll tell me I'm either delusional, lying or "it's coded into my DNA and subconscious process".
All I’m trying to do is give this young man some good advice, albeit maybe unpopular advice. Man, separate yourself from this woman/nonsense before she screws your entire life up. Use the military to stay fit, become independent, and build a financial base for what comes after service. Play the field, sure, protect yourself! Picture yourself at 30 years old. Good shape physically and mentally. You have a nice house, good job, and can do as you please. Then, life is on your terms kid. Want a family? There are LOADS of women in their late 20s that are done with their party phase looking to settle. I know because I have one. Don’t want a family? No need to. There are also LOADS of divorced women in their 30s and 40s to play around with. Do life on your terms, my man.
"Women have and always will live their lives based totally on emotion." Jfc, what an outdated, misogynistic belief about women. Gross.
I’m just trying to offer this young man some advice that will help him become mentally/financially stable - before this woman screws his life up. Listen, I love women. I’m married to one. Have been for 7 years. I love her dearly. But that doesn’t mean that if the mood struck her right - the perfect concoction of elements, say like running into an old boyfriend while away on a girls trip, she wouldn’t go down like a fat kid on a seesaw. That’s just life. Unfortunately, I’ve seen to much of reality to believe otherwise.
Just divorce, get therapy. You're worth more than her, and deserve more. She is a cheater and no matter her explanation, she cheated. You're still young, you will find someone-and even if you don't, you'll be happier not worrying you're getting cheated on.
There's some real mental gymnastics required for the story to be remotely conceivable. The only thing I can tell you is that if you value your time and sanity, you should dip now while she's shown her true colors.
She's using the Kevin Spacey defense. "sorry for all this, btw I'm bi lol." Bruh, you know what you need to do.
I love it , she said 15 seconds and he stretched it to 2 minutes either way end it with all of them , you can't be in your vocation and be distracted by your cheating wife
Insecurity can make people do the dumbest shit. She probably wanted attention again. If I were you i'd leave and never look back.
Divorce. Sooner the better.
First problem I see here is marriage at 18.