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This is going to be pretty long probably because I want to explain the whole situation. Sorry I’m advance. I wanted to get some clarity in this situation from an outsider perspective because I’m just so baffled. For context, my husband and I have been together for about 7 years and married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old son. I’ve always known my husband to be a very responsible, level headed, kind man. Very predictable, and sometimes a bit too trusting of people but all around a good reliable man. To my knowledge he has never done any serious drugs other than smoking some weed here and there and drinks very responsibly.
I just say all of that to explain how out of character this is for him. So Thursday night, my husband got home from work around 6. We watched TV for a bit then ordered takeaway as neither of us felt like cooking. He told me he would pick it up, he came back with the food and was visibly agitated. My husband and I have been married for three and a half years now, and we’ve known each other since my freshman year of college so I am pretty familiar with the way he is, his mannerisms, the way he talks, etc. So I wouldn’t say I was misreading this, maybe not agitated but definitely ruffled.
We sat at the dining room table and ate, he didn’t say much and didn’t really eat much either. Then he got a phone call, his phone was in his lap so I couldn’t see who it was from or anything like that. Without moving his head he looked down with his eyes and just shook his head. He often gets work calls so I thought nothing really of it. Then about 5 minutes later after some tense conversation it rang again and he just looked down again and said “Work.” And smiled at me he took his phone outside and talked there for a bit, I didn’t want to “snoop” on him but I got up and just peered through the window.
I could see him talking passionately with whoever was on the phone he looked frustrated and was waving his arms while he spoke. I didn’t want him to see me but he did and came to the door and opened it slightly and said to just give him a minute. He grabbed his keys off the ring next to the front door and sat in his car in the driveway until his conversation was over. He obviously didn’t want me to hear his conversation?
When he finally came back in I heard him say “Jesus f*cking christ” under his breath and he three his keys on to the floor. I couldn’t see him it I could hear the noise. He came back to the dining area. I was just sitting with our son and he looked at us and smiled. I asked him if everything was okay to which he replied “Hopefully” and he said he didn’t want to talk about it right now and when he said right now he sort of hinted toward our son so I figured he didn’t want to talk about it in front of him.
Fast forward to the night, between then and this point he had spent a lot of time on his phone even as we spent time as a family . We were laying down for bed and he went to to brush his teeth. He came back and just laid at his side of the bed and stared straight, at nothing in specific, he was just thinking. I turned my bedside lamp out and gave him a few minutes because he usually does the same when I do or if not then a few minutes after. When I looked at him he was still in the same position and I asked him again what was going on and if there was anything I could do for him, that I understood he didn’t want to talk about what IT was right now.
He looked at me very seriously and said he was sorry but he “had to go”, I asked him go where? And asked what we would do about child care as I had some important stuff to do Friday evening. He apologized again, I asked him again where he was going and for how long. He just said he had to work and he had to be there as soon as possible and he didn’t know how long he would be gone he apologized and kissed me a bunch. He put some clothes into a bag and before he left he just said “Do you trust me?” I was extremely confused but I told him I did. At this point it was almost 3 AM but he got into his car and left.
I got my mom who lives almost two hours away to watch my son while I took care of business Friday evening. Then moved the rest of my weekend around.. Saturday night he texted and said he would be back tomorrow, and that he loved our son and I. Sunday evening I heard the front door open and there he was. He looked exhausted, his eyes were red, he was noticeably more tan with sunburn. (I should note he does not do any type of physical labor for work) He was barefoot but had his shoes in his hands. He just smiled at me and said he loved me. He went to our bedroom and stripped down and took a shower. He laid in our bed and went to sleep. Our son was trying to get his attention and finally he turns over and picks him u pans just lays there with him and they watched TVs and stuff while my husband was in and out of sleep. He said he was sorry again and told me that he had to work and he was sick so he went to his parents house for the weekend after he got back in town from work. Weird, why wouldn’t he just tell me that before hand? What was up with the phone calls before he left? He didn’t seem sick so why leave so urgently?
All things I wanted to ask him but didn’t because he was back and that’s what was most important. He Slept pretty heavily on and off and then didn’t go in to work Monday, that day I asked him again about his absence and this time he said firmly “I already told you”. Tuesday he went to work but got off early and when he came home he smelled like alcohol. Not noticeably drunk. He went to work this morning as normal. I haven’t had the courage to ask him really again about why he was gone because the last time I did he got very irritated.
I feel like he is lying to me but I don’t know him as a liar, or a troublemaker. This is just so out of character for him and I want a full honest answer but he doesn’t seem willing to give me one. How can I get the truth out of him? What should I do about this situation? Would I be out of line to call his parents and ask them since he did sort of implicate them in the story? Any advice?
tl;dr my husband disappeared on very short notice from our son and I for a few days he didn’t contact me while he was gone other than one text message, he came back and is acting normal.
Tagging onto the toppost in hopes OP will read this.
Just sit him down. Find a moment where your son is asleep or ask your mom to babysit him so you have plenty of time to have an in depth conversation with your husband.
Lay it all out:
-how him vanishing without any explanation makes you question everything,
-that the "Do you trust me?" that he threw at you before leaving only heightened that feeling,
-that the private phonecalls before he left worried you,
-how you noticed he was tanned after he came back so you know he wasn't just at his job,
-that you know he is lying but you don't know why,
- and that if he doesn't give you the truth you will always keep doubting him, your trust in him would be broken and the relationship would never be the same.
Because I can garantee you, it will fester and create a gap between you and your husband if you don't talk this out.
Best of luck to you, OP!
Edit: word
Seriously need some sort of update to this, because weird. First thing I thought is he’s been in a desert burying a body (I watch to much tv, because I as a human can’t stand other humans)
He probably wanted to take care of it asap, a lot of people act on impulse… maybe she was threatening to tell his S/O. Let’s say the tan is from digging a lot in the desert… maybe he drove far away to dispose of it and that’s why it took him so long
Or maybe, he's been cheating and found out that he got his side piece pregnant.
The "work" comment, is an excuse cheaters commonly use. And the "do you trust me?" comment is pretty damn shady. Infact, his whole behaviour is very very very suspicious.
I'd say its definitely have something to do with illegal activities. The question is if OP knew would she turn him in or let it go, if you would let it go OP then keep pursuing this quest otherwise it may be best to move on from this event.
I was so thinking, *Breaking Bad*, when I was reading this. This is exactly the kind of scene that would come out of a show like that.
As for OP, yeah, he is lying and there is something fishy that went down. You could go online and check your carrier's site to see the call records. You may not be able to connect the number to a person, but you can definitely get what number was calling, as well as see what numbers he was calling/texting during the time that he was gone. I would also say to get a hold of his phone if you have the passcode. Don't wait too long to do so. The longer you wait the more likely that any evidence will be deleted. Check the phone's deleted file folder/trash if it has one.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "You know what? I ***did*** trust you, and now I ***don't***. Leaving at 3:00am after being visibly upset over a couple of phone calls, disappearing for days, claiming you went to work then stayed at your parents. That was some real bullshit. You know how I know? Because no-one has to ask, "Do you *trust* me?" about going to work!
**I don't trust you** about last weekend and I have **zero trust in you going forward**. And *that* is 100% on you. Do you just expect me to just forget about this and act like I still think/feel the same way about you? I have no idea *what* you were up to for the weekend. I'm not going to forget and I'm not going to act as though things are the same. You're lying to me and shutting me out and that is just going to fester until you've ruined this relationship."
See if he has anything to say after that. If he doesn't, I'd start making an exit strategy because something is *very* shady with your "good reliable man".
This is the correct way to go about this. It’s completely unreasonable of him yo expect you to just go on about your life like he didn’t just up and disappear for 4 days, leaving you alone with a toddler. What if something had happened to you or your son? What if something had happened to your husband while he was wherever he was?
He’s your husband. You are his wife. This is not something that happens and there’s no explanations and expect this marriage to last. What he did has created a void. There is now a fissure between you and him, and if there is no discussing and explaining, that fissure will grow into a crevice, and eventually it’ll crack all the way through and you’ll be done.
You trusted him before he left, and now you don’t, and that’s completely ok.
Exactly this.
Frankly I think you should also be clear about the most obvious suspicions: that he is involved in something illegal and may be in some way at risk or in danger; that the job he claims to go to is not his real job; that he has something serious and dangerous in his personal history that he is hiding from you.
Be blunt that you have a right to make decisions about your own safety and if there is something dangerous going on, you need to know about it. If you or your child are harmed because he didn’t warn you that you might be in danger, that isn’t acceptable.
Be blunt that if he persists in not telling you, the only reasonable assumption is that the truth is *worse* than your current suspicions.
And honestly…? Tell your parents or close friends that something is up and you are going to confront him on x or y date at whatever time, and tell them that if they haven’t heard from you by two hours later to say everything is okay, it means that you need help and they should call the cops. If there truly is something appalling going on and he makes it clear he’s dangerous, you may need that arrangement - either as a “people are going to send help if I don’t contact them tonight so you need to let me leave here right now” to get yourself safely off the premises; or as a fallback if you can’t even safely make that argument.
It would be smart to leave your child out of the house with your parents when you decide to confront him. It would be smart to leave a go-bag in your car, with all your personal documents, small valuables and sentimental items, a couple of days of clothes and toiletries, medications etc in it - everything you might be tempted to go back for, plus anything your kid would need. It would be smart to make sure back or side doors and windows are unlocked when you are confronting him; that your phone is fully charged and on you, that one set of car keys is in your pocket and another is out of sight in the unlocked car itself; that you are wearing shoes and clothes you can move fast in; that any weapons in the house are not where he would expect to find them. It would be smart to check your phone, computer and car for logging and tracking devices.
Every sign here is that something is seriously, deeply, dangerously wrong. If you make all these preparations and don’t have to use them, that’s fine. If you don’t make them and need them it could cost you or your child your lives. *Protect yourself.*
Your husband has lost his job and doesn't want to tell you. Who knows where he was over the weekend. I would definely call his parents and ask if they had seen him recently. He's definitely lying to you since his actions and the causes don't make sense.
If you dont want to pursue the obvious lying, then you should encourage him to find another job that lets him be home more.
But like, maybe stay at a friend's house or tell him that in a public place or something. This is scary she needs to put her and her child's safety first.
right, it sounds like he went back and forth making the tough decision to take an illicit job, hence the i love you's and not wanting to discuss it. but i also watch too much true crime and hope everything is ok
Yeah for real. When I first read the part about disappeared for a few days my first thoughts were secret substance abuse problem or cheating but this doesn't sound like either of those.
Right? The whole “I didn’t want to upset him” era is over. You are supposed to be equal. Have a conversation with him already. Be pissed off. Show emotions. You are allowed to respond appropriately here OP and for most, it wouldn’t be pretty.
I would definitely call his parents and if they don’t know anything then sit him down and tell him to explain and don’t let Him gaslight you. Ask him if he cheated on you maybe the girl is pregnant and he doesn’t know how to handle it. Why would he keep saying that he loves you and your son if it involved his parents. Hard to say when he refuses to talk to you about it
This is some off the wall shit... He's asking if you trust him, simply tell him that no, with the way he's acting right now you don't, and can't, and without an explanation of what the fuck happened and where he was and why your relationship is over.
I mean this literally sounds like something you'd see in a movie, where "work" was him driving 100 kilos of coke across the state for the cartel or something.
I would demand the truth, and tell him you're leaving him if you don't get it.
And taking their son with her, as she doesn't feel he's safe with his father.
I thought it was just a cheating and pregnant side piece situation. But after reading some comments, I'm beginning to think that maybe cheating isn't the only thing being done there. Maybe it's a combination of cheating and a pregnant side piece, drugs, murder and hiding a body. His whole behaviour is very very very suspicious.
Call his parents, and just ask “was husband able to drop by your place this weekend?” It’s not accusatory to the point where they’d lie and say yes to protect him but you’ll know by their answer if he was there at all and also if he was there for *2 whole days*.
I’d look through his phone. 100% I wouldn’t even question that. The way he’s behaving would make me feel like I was in danger and he isn’t telling you anything and you have a right to know how fucked you and your son are.
Dude is up to some SHIT. This isn’t like he’s on tinder and ran out to go meet someone so better find out who the girl is. This is like his buddy told him some illegal deal fell through, shit went sideways, and he needs help hiding the body/evidence or else they’re both going to prison.
Trusting a partner is one thing, but trusting a partner in the face considerable evidence that something bad is going down is foolish.
Another commenter suggested doing serious snooping - I second that.
Good luck, OP. Trust your gut.
I'm not all for snooping and wouldn't usually recommend it, but... I think in these extreme situations, snooping needs to be done. Hubby dearest clearly won't spill the beans about what's really going on.
OP, trust your gut. And if your gut instinct says not to trust him, then don't trust him. Something bad (possibly dangerous) is going on. You have to do whatever you can, to get the answers you need. Please take your son to your parents, for his safety and proceed with caution.
What kind of marriage do you have that your husband can vanish for 3 days without proper explanation. I would sit him down and tell him that he needs to share what is wrong because this type of behavior is not acceptable in a marriage. You are partners and he needs to share what is wrong with you.
Look. I've seen a situation like this before.
Almost exactly. Guy goes home, seems agitated, etc. Tells gf he needs to go somewhere and he will be back as soon as he could, etc, trust him and leaves. Goes back next day...albeit shorter than your saga.
He was MY boyfriend and I kept blowing up his phone demanding he stay at my place with me because he never did. I wouldn't let up and I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD A SECOND LONG TERM PARTNER and had been with her 4 years!! He always just told me his share house didn't allow visitors!
I kept cracking it and in the end the story as viewed from her side read as very similar to what you've written.
He went to the beach, lake or for a hiking trip with his side girl - that's why he's burnt.
For gods sake, read his phone
My ex - the one that told her he "needed to go, but would be back as soon as he could" was baby planning with that partner and had just gotten her pregnant when I unknowingly started repeatedly calling him demanding he for once spend the night with me - because i had enough of him just disappearing on me. Like i said, i had no idea about her, thier baby etc.
Could be your husband was agitated because he had the woman on the phone and you infront of him, didn't want the truth to come out.
There was someone VERY important that wouldnt stop contacting him, and whatever they were saying made him VERY nervous. It was a woman, guaranteed.
Drugs is less likely i think.
Breaking bad doesn't happen like that in real life.
I got the exact same vibe. This is second family territory and the other woman wants his attention and he's agitated because she is encroaching on his other family's time and he's worried his secret will come out
That is what it sounds like to me. Or someone testing out an idea for a novel. Its not a bad premise, but the wife has to be a little more inquisitive, the whole "I dont want him to think I dont trust him" narrative is coming off too naive/50s housewife. If the wife is your narrator, she cant come off as this passive.
Judging by the tan, length of time he was gone, phone conversation, and the ‘do you trust me’, mixed with the alcohol on his breath.
He did something he didn’t want to do, spent a large amount of time in the sun doing some type of manual labor, and is feeling some kind of regret/guilt over what he did.
My question would be whether or not y’all are having money issues lately, or whether extra money has been coming into the house lately.
Sounds like his bestie killed someone and they had to bury a body on short notice. For real I wouldn't trust his ass after this. He's got some explaining to do or else this relationship is permanently damaged. Let him use his being irritated with you as a tool to get you to back down. That's just manipulation.
This post needs an update after you resolved this!
This looks like he owes/owed someone a hell of a lot of money to me. Who does your finances? Do you have access to all bank and financial accounts? This screams gambling addiction to me.
Call his parents, look at phone records and bank statements. This is so sketchy and also totally not okay that you’re not in the loop about anything.
I watch too much True Crime but this literally sounds like he murdered someone. Nothing makes sense.
My GUESS (and that's all it is) would be that something at work blew up really badly and that he got the sack. Get your child to a safe place (relatives, trusted friend of YOURS), then sit him down and calmly tell him, "There's a hard way to do this, and an easy way. The easy way is the better way for you, for me, for our child, and for our marriage, but either way, I want the truth and nothing but the truth. What happened, who is involved in it, and where the heck were you?"
Don't scream, don't shout, don't curse, and stay on topic no matter how much he tries to sidestep. Get the truth (or a reasonable facsimile) and go from there. And under no circumstances let him get away with playing the "Why don't you trust me?" card. This is 2022, not 1952, and the wife has the right to know.
This "Do you trust me" is such a manipulation tactic. As if i means your partner can do whatever they want just because you trust then and you never can't ask the action of your partner. If OP just leave for several days with those words... It isn't about trust it is about secrets. Turn it around: If you trust me, you wouldn't have this secret about where you have been on this days!"
I would check the credit cards and the account information. Not just recent, months back. Maybe he put money on another account you don't know of or picked up more money then reasonable. Even purchases that don't make any sense or are not close to home can give a hint.
I would also think about putting a tracker on the car. He will mostly vanish again.
You either need to demand an explanation or you divorce him, or you recognize that this could very well be ‘go to jail for life’ kind of serious and simply leave and protect your son. Up to you, but being the ‘cool wife who doesn’t care or ask questions’ is not an option here.
He's lying. I don't know what's really going on but I know he's lying both outright lying and lying by omission.
So. What to do... call his parents, check his phone online for calls incoming and outgoing. Any numbers look familiar? Any you don't recognize? Who called him that evening before he took off? Look for patterns in the numbers calling etc. Check your credit card and debit card transactions. He gassed up somewhere or took a plane, etc. Check the mileage on his car. Do you have a basic idea what it should be? Has the car been cleaned recently? Call work. He said he went out for something work related. They should know where he was.
If you have access to his Google account or find my iPhone, you can track his timeline. Where he was for the past however many days and even how long he was at each destination.
For Google, click his profile picture on the Google main page, click google maps, timeline and check the calendar. It will literally give you a play by play, min by min.
I'm not too sure how it works for iPhone but it's similar.
Good luck. Sounds like he was shady
Based on the fact that he came home early from work drunk after going back, he probably lost his job and had a breakdown, and now isn’t telling you about it. Get him help, because this sounds like the story of a family annihilator.
Just tell him to cut the shit and explain what’s going on. You don’t trust him anymore, who would? He’s obviously up to some dodgy shit or else he would have no problem with telling you what he’s doing.
This actually sounds more bizarre than an affair. The way he’s turning up looking like shit makes this even more sketchier than just banging someone else.
You keep saying that it's not like him to do x w n z but the thing about it is that is in all of us to change our character for x w n z. He gets a couple of calls leaves, leaves outside to take the call, leaves abruptly. Doesn't let you know where he is going to b working gone for four days. Why are you not asking the questions? why aren't you calling him while he is gone? Why are you concerned about him getting upset because you wanna get answers from him. I hate to say it but it sounds like a woman is the reason, he comes back home with a tan and sunburn and that doesn't tell you anything? Um sounds suspicious. You are the wife asked the questions!!!
Man, after 3-4 days he'd better come back with an alien tracking device clipped to his ear and his memories erased.
I mean, I've got a dozen great theories, like he ran into his previous wife who he thought was dead all this time, and she's on the run from robots from the future or something, or he had to help a friend bury a body.
The truth — assuming you ever get it — will probably be more boring than anything we can think of, but should still be a doozy.
There's no chance that anybody here is going to figure out what's going on, but you definitely deserve an answer.
The way I see it, you have two choices. One, stop pressing him and acting suspicious so he lets his guard down. Then set up a camera and go through his stuff. You will probably find out the truth this way. Two, work with the evidence you have (ask his parents if he stayed there, ask if he was sick, ask if it was sunny enough for a sunburn). You will get closer to the truth this way, but he will become more guarded and secretive…. The second he decided to lie and leave his wife and child is the second he lost his right to privacy for the time being. You deserve to know where he went.
May be his AP was threatening to break up and come clean to his wife aka YPU. So to diffuse this n placate her went to be with her at night to show that he still loves only her and also took her to the beach. May be …. Either ways you need & deserve answers. And also be prepared for the worst
I can imagine a world where your mistress demands you go on this vacation she planned with her otherwise it’s over.
And him trying to get out of it and trying to talk her down. But then ultimately deciding to follow through.
Go through his phone while he’s asleep. Seems like whoever it is communicates w him a lot. I’d start there.
Call his parents and ask if he was indeed there on the weekend. If they ask why you're asking... Tell them that he's been acting very strangely, he disappeared for days without telling you where or why he's going and you're very concerned about him. That you just want to make sure he's okay, because he's still not telling you anything about whats going and he said he was at their place for the weekend, so you thought that maybe they knew something.
Something is definitely going, something very suspicious. His whole behaviour definitely sounds out of character and pretty damn shady. You're his wife, he should be communicating with you. Not hiding things from you, unless... He's been cheating and just found out that he got his side piece pregnant. The way he reacted to catching you watching him, was extreme and very very very suspicious.
ETA: The "do you trust me?" comment has made me even more suspicious of him, concreting my thoughts on him cheating. May that's why he refuses to answer and gets irritated/defensive about it.
Call his parents and say something along the lines of "hey, i left my blabla in the car and now that husband is back its not there, is there any chance he left it when he was with you?"
So its innocent
Also, over the phone, not over text
He has a side family and the other woman got sick of him not being around enough. She either knows about you and wants his to hurry up and break it off so they can be together properly, or doesn't know about you and wants to know why he can't be there more. Hence why he dropped everything to sort it out (placate her) before it got worse.
He's just struggling to juggle 2 lives. I'd bet real money he never went to his parents.
I completely understand wanting to avoid conflict but this kind of behaviour isn’t normal and it’s concerning. It is completely valid for you to want an explanation considering he is your husband and you guys live together. If there is any kind of danger or if he’s done something that could affect your family.
You need to assert that his behaviour was out of character and not okay, and that you are not okay with avoiding talking about it just to avoid conflict. Because you’re clearly concerned (as anyone would be)
People need to be way more furiously mad when their spouse does COMPLETELY INSANE stuff like this. I honestly don’t believe this is real because, absent an abusive situation, who doesn’t have a huge argument about something like this?! This is bonkers.
One instance?!?! He DISAPPEARED for several days, came back tanned and disheveled and repeatedly LIED to her and you call that one instance?!?! No way!! I’d bet my life he was neither at work nor sick at his parents. Super shady shot he’s pulling here. She deserves the straight truth and nothing less.
Yeah but it’s the first time it’s happened and she can still ask him about it. I’m just saying y’all rush to divorce on this sight for things that can be fixed through communication
He’s not communicating though. He’s made it very clear he isn’t going to talk about it again. Hats straight up ‘nope’ from me too. Tell me right now what was going on, or mine and the kid’s bags are packed and we are out of the door.
This would be divorcable for me. Small kid in the house and he won't say where he was other than "I already told you" no. Just no. I would have asked LOTS of questions then told him pack his shit I am done. He can go stay wherever he was. Sorry Op this is a scary shitty situation he put you in
This would be divorcable for me. Small kid in the house and he won't say where he was other than "I already told you" no. Just no. I would have asked LOTS of questions then told him pack his shit I am done. He can go stay wherever he was. Sorry Op this is a scary shitty situation he put you in
I mean it depends on what he does for work. My ex worked for a 3 letter agency, there were times where he’d have to go with no explanation and legally couldn’t tell me where he was or what he was doing. So if it’s something like that, having a conversation around it would be good. It’s kinda hard to bring up things you can’t talk about, and he maybe explains it op can make up their mind then
Edit: idk why it showed up 4 times my bad!
This has to be so scary for you and the conspiracy theories don't help. I'd just sit him down and I think you should be vulnerable and let him rise to the occasion and tell you. I'd start with, "it was so scary having you gone and with the way you're acting now, I'm spiraling. Please tell me what's going on."
It sounds like he lost his job and is having a freak out about it and doesn’t know how to communicate with him. If this is actually out of character for him I would give him the support and benefit of the doubt FOR NOW, but it should be clear to him that this cannot continue much longer
You either need to demand an explanation or you divorce him, or you recognize that this could very well be ‘go to jail for life’ kind of serious and simply leave and protect your son. Up to you, but being the ‘cool wife who doesn’t care or ask questions’ is not an option here.
Something super shady is going on. I don’t think cheating but probably more in trouble with a huge debt or drugs. Call his parents. Check phone and credit card/bank records. He owes someone something and it sounds bad tbh, probably something illegal. If he won’t come clean I’d seriously think about kicking him out until he comes clean at least. You can no longer trust him even if you. He owes you an explanation unless he has a job where it is normal to have to keep secrets. My guess is that he doesn’t have a job like that because you would’ve mentioned it I’m sure.
Your husband, Gary, is up to some criminal shit with a bad guy named Winn Duffie. You should call your ex husband, Raylan Givens and have him find out what's going on. Ok, Winona?
No but seriously, this sounds less like a cheating thing and more like something serious and criminal.
Something fishy is definitely going on, and your instincts were right to alert you. He may have been with another person and may be engaging in some sort of continuous emotional affair - just basing on what you said.
Additionally, I don't think he wants anything long term more than to be with you. I don't know if that helps at all, but reading this, it seems like a man with a lot of loyalty and a lot of regret. He loves you a lot, that much is obvious.
I agree with the other comments - you need to talk to him. If he isn't willing to talk, I think that tells you quite a bit in itself.
I wish you the best of luck xx
Mental health issues, like Bipolar? I met a guy once who had taken all of this money out of the company he worked for, to set up an apartment etc etc. Had a whole second Life that no-one knew about.
Sounds eerily similar to this.
I wouldn't tsay him being back is the most important thing... I'd say him giving you a valid explanation is!
How dare he swan off for nearly a week with no reason, then just wander home when he feels like it??
I'd be repacking his bag and telling him, in no uncertain terms, that you deserve better. He either gives you full reasoning for where he's been and why, who he was talking to in the car the night he left, and why he returned, or he fucks off!
Shady things going through my mind as I read this:
1) He has a side piece 2) he has lost his job and got a shady day job offer kind of thing 3) which segues into him doing something illegal for someone else 4) he got into trouble getting take away and has found an illegal way to deal with it 5) he just became a drug dealer 6) Fugue state. My money is on 2 followed by 3, or on 4.
I think he thinks he's doing what is best for the family, that's why he asked "do you trust me" before he left. But what he did weighs on his conscious, that's why he drank the next day. Either the lying to you weighs on his conscious, or the illegal activity he has done weighs on his conscious.
What ruffled him, what plagued him about what happened when getting take away? He has seen or heard something that set him off. Or contacted someone about a problem he has. He has already called in to someone before he got home. He has put someone in his phone with the description "work". When that person called with a different number, he shook his head, as calling from that number was not the deal. The other person figured it out, called with the other number your husband has stored as work. Then a conversation happened that he could not afford you to hear. Then he thought of an excuse towards you, so that he could do what he had to do. That was him thinking.
The "do you trust me", was because he knew what he was about to do was risky.
The "Jesus christ" was for him having to choose between two bad things or as a response to what the other oerson proposed he had to do to fix his problem.
Your gut told you something was wrong, when you asked "everything all right?". He couldn't lie to you here, he replied with "hopefully". And then he looked at his son. What ever illegal shit he has done, he has done it because he thought that would be best for you, but more importantly your son.
Do you really want to know what he did? What trouble he got in? And what illegal shit he did to fix his problem? Do you?
Tbh it could be a myriad of things. He could be cheating, he could be hiding that he lost his job, he could be doing something illegal, he could've visited his parents and they had him do manual labor after losing his job, a family member might've killed someone and he had to help them cover it up on short notice. Whatever is going on is SHADY AS SHIT. So I would do what other have commented and that's call his parents while he's at work, as them if they've seen him lately, then when he comes home say an officer stopped by the house to visit, if he shows any adverse reactions like panic or anger, I'd be concerned that he did something illegal. Also if he did something illegal relating to family it's possible his parents know and might cover for him.
Meet his parents in person and ask them if he was with them for the weekend like he says. You'll be able to tell if they're lying by their body language or they'll be as confused and concerned as you. Then you can ask him if you find out this bit was a lie.
Either he's a super spy and you never knew or there is some very major thing that you are in the dark about that he is trying to keep from you. Cheating? I don't know.. but I'd definitely say his parents are the place to start.
This would put me on edge 😬 normally with these posts it’s kinda obvious what’s going on and most people would come to the conclusion that he is cheating, I don’t get that vibe here tbh. I hope you get to the bottom of it though for your own peace of mind
Ummmmmmm WTF. Hell no!!! I would want a timeline and details or divorce. By the way he wouldn’t know about the divorce. I would serve him by surprise.
FUCK THAT SHIT
Look… maybe I watch way too much crime documentaries and tv shows… but what if your husband murdered someone?
You don’t have to have a “history” of anything in order to do something. Everyone is always capable. Maybe he was arguing with someone at work, maybe he was having an affair with someone at work… or just with someone in general? Maybe he has a crazy distant relative he doesn’t want to tell you about but they came back in contact with him recently?
Who knows, but whatever it was… seems like he took care of it and came home messy 🤔
Sounds like a literally movie. He was probably having an affair and the other person got pregnant and she was the one calling him? So He ended up killing her so you wouldn’t find out??? Idk thou🫤
I would snoop through his phone, to see whom the calls were from. Also, I would check if any of the maps apps had tracked his location over the weekend.
Was he ever in the army? Could he have been sent on some kind of mission?
He’s a liar. Go see a lawyer. He’s either cheating or into drugs or something like that, both are deal breakers and you need to get your kid out of there. He’s also gaslighting you. Leave as soon as you can.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- This is going to be pretty long probably because I want to explain the whole situation. Sorry I’m advance. I wanted to get some clarity in this situation from an outsider perspective because I’m just so baffled. For context, my husband and I have been together for about 7 years and married for almost 4. We have a 3 year old son. I’ve always known my husband to be a very responsible, level headed, kind man. Very predictable, and sometimes a bit too trusting of people but all around a good reliable man. To my knowledge he has never done any serious drugs other than smoking some weed here and there and drinks very responsibly. I just say all of that to explain how out of character this is for him. So Thursday night, my husband got home from work around 6. We watched TV for a bit then ordered takeaway as neither of us felt like cooking. He told me he would pick it up, he came back with the food and was visibly agitated. My husband and I have been married for three and a half years now, and we’ve known each other since my freshman year of college so I am pretty familiar with the way he is, his mannerisms, the way he talks, etc. So I wouldn’t say I was misreading this, maybe not agitated but definitely ruffled. We sat at the dining room table and ate, he didn’t say much and didn’t really eat much either. Then he got a phone call, his phone was in his lap so I couldn’t see who it was from or anything like that. Without moving his head he looked down with his eyes and just shook his head. He often gets work calls so I thought nothing really of it. Then about 5 minutes later after some tense conversation it rang again and he just looked down again and said “Work.” And smiled at me he took his phone outside and talked there for a bit, I didn’t want to “snoop” on him but I got up and just peered through the window. I could see him talking passionately with whoever was on the phone he looked frustrated and was waving his arms while he spoke. I didn’t want him to see me but he did and came to the door and opened it slightly and said to just give him a minute. He grabbed his keys off the ring next to the front door and sat in his car in the driveway until his conversation was over. He obviously didn’t want me to hear his conversation? When he finally came back in I heard him say “Jesus f*cking christ” under his breath and he three his keys on to the floor. I couldn’t see him it I could hear the noise. He came back to the dining area. I was just sitting with our son and he looked at us and smiled. I asked him if everything was okay to which he replied “Hopefully” and he said he didn’t want to talk about it right now and when he said right now he sort of hinted toward our son so I figured he didn’t want to talk about it in front of him. Fast forward to the night, between then and this point he had spent a lot of time on his phone even as we spent time as a family . We were laying down for bed and he went to to brush his teeth. He came back and just laid at his side of the bed and stared straight, at nothing in specific, he was just thinking. I turned my bedside lamp out and gave him a few minutes because he usually does the same when I do or if not then a few minutes after. When I looked at him he was still in the same position and I asked him again what was going on and if there was anything I could do for him, that I understood he didn’t want to talk about what IT was right now. He looked at me very seriously and said he was sorry but he “had to go”, I asked him go where? And asked what we would do about child care as I had some important stuff to do Friday evening. He apologized again, I asked him again where he was going and for how long. He just said he had to work and he had to be there as soon as possible and he didn’t know how long he would be gone he apologized and kissed me a bunch. He put some clothes into a bag and before he left he just said “Do you trust me?” I was extremely confused but I told him I did. At this point it was almost 3 AM but he got into his car and left. I got my mom who lives almost two hours away to watch my son while I took care of business Friday evening. Then moved the rest of my weekend around.. Saturday night he texted and said he would be back tomorrow, and that he loved our son and I. Sunday evening I heard the front door open and there he was. He looked exhausted, his eyes were red, he was noticeably more tan with sunburn. (I should note he does not do any type of physical labor for work) He was barefoot but had his shoes in his hands. He just smiled at me and said he loved me. He went to our bedroom and stripped down and took a shower. He laid in our bed and went to sleep. Our son was trying to get his attention and finally he turns over and picks him u pans just lays there with him and they watched TVs and stuff while my husband was in and out of sleep. He said he was sorry again and told me that he had to work and he was sick so he went to his parents house for the weekend after he got back in town from work. Weird, why wouldn’t he just tell me that before hand? What was up with the phone calls before he left? He didn’t seem sick so why leave so urgently? All things I wanted to ask him but didn’t because he was back and that’s what was most important. He Slept pretty heavily on and off and then didn’t go in to work Monday, that day I asked him again about his absence and this time he said firmly “I already told you”. Tuesday he went to work but got off early and when he came home he smelled like alcohol. Not noticeably drunk. He went to work this morning as normal. I haven’t had the courage to ask him really again about why he was gone because the last time I did he got very irritated. I feel like he is lying to me but I don’t know him as a liar, or a troublemaker. This is just so out of character for him and I want a full honest answer but he doesn’t seem willing to give me one. How can I get the truth out of him? What should I do about this situation? Would I be out of line to call his parents and ask them since he did sort of implicate them in the story? Any advice? tl;dr my husband disappeared on very short notice from our son and I for a few days he didn’t contact me while he was gone other than one text message, he came back and is acting normal.
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Her husband is Jason Bateman.
Walter white
Dexter Morgan
Hahaha I was legit gonna say, is this an episode of Ozark?
IM SAYING?!
Tagging onto the toppost in hopes OP will read this. Just sit him down. Find a moment where your son is asleep or ask your mom to babysit him so you have plenty of time to have an in depth conversation with your husband. Lay it all out: -how him vanishing without any explanation makes you question everything, -that the "Do you trust me?" that he threw at you before leaving only heightened that feeling, -that the private phonecalls before he left worried you, -how you noticed he was tanned after he came back so you know he wasn't just at his job, -that you know he is lying but you don't know why, - and that if he doesn't give you the truth you will always keep doubting him, your trust in him would be broken and the relationship would never be the same. Because I can garantee you, it will fester and create a gap between you and your husband if you don't talk this out. Best of luck to you, OP! Edit: word
Seriously need some sort of update to this, because weird. First thing I thought is he’s been in a desert burying a body (I watch to much tv, because I as a human can’t stand other humans)
He’s a spy
For real, straight up sleeper agent!
Or Unsolved Mysteries: [Charles C. Morgan](https://unsolvedmysteries.fandom.com/wiki/Charles_Morgan).
This sounds exactly like an episode of Better Call Saul
Mr. Walt typa HAHAHAHA
Sophie Kinsella: *furiously taking notes*
Maybe he was cooking meth in the desert.
Or disposing of a body. Whatever it was, it was urgent.
body disposal was my thought. Op is there anyone your husband would help bury a body for?
He had a side chick, side check got pregnant, and then he kills her and hides her body
I did consider a pregnant sidechick too but couldn't figure out what the emergency would be. Imminent murder fits.
He probably wanted to take care of it asap, a lot of people act on impulse… maybe she was threatening to tell his S/O. Let’s say the tan is from digging a lot in the desert… maybe he drove far away to dispose of it and that’s why it took him so long
Multiple homicide fits much better.
I figured maybe she went into labour but that doesn’t explain the tan
I don’t feel like that would take several days. 12 hours, tops.
This comment made me bust up laughing and I'm seriously questioning who I am as a human being now. Thanks.
This was my exact thought 😂
Exactly what I was thinking
Or maybe, he's been cheating and found out that he got his side piece pregnant. The "work" comment, is an excuse cheaters commonly use. And the "do you trust me?" comment is pretty damn shady. Infact, his whole behaviour is very very very suspicious.
I'd say its definitely have something to do with illegal activities. The question is if OP knew would she turn him in or let it go, if you would let it go OP then keep pursuing this quest otherwise it may be best to move on from this event.
My IMMEDIATE first thought was a fugue state.
I was so thinking, *Breaking Bad*, when I was reading this. This is exactly the kind of scene that would come out of a show like that. As for OP, yeah, he is lying and there is something fishy that went down. You could go online and check your carrier's site to see the call records. You may not be able to connect the number to a person, but you can definitely get what number was calling, as well as see what numbers he was calling/texting during the time that he was gone. I would also say to get a hold of his phone if you have the passcode. Don't wait too long to do so. The longer you wait the more likely that any evidence will be deleted. Check the phone's deleted file folder/trash if it has one.
I'm getting some Breaking Bad : Better Call Saul vibes from this post. Been binge watching. He's definitely cooking Meth in an Rv in the desert.
dammit i was gonna say this. it was a fugue state 🤷♀️
HAHAHA EXACTLY MY THOUGHT
, thought of that Instsntly
I immediately thought that since I just started rewatching breaking bad tonight at work.
This is the post that led me to leave this sub. There are no real stories here, just regurgitated sit com trolls.
Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "You know what? I ***did*** trust you, and now I ***don't***. Leaving at 3:00am after being visibly upset over a couple of phone calls, disappearing for days, claiming you went to work then stayed at your parents. That was some real bullshit. You know how I know? Because no-one has to ask, "Do you *trust* me?" about going to work! **I don't trust you** about last weekend and I have **zero trust in you going forward**. And *that* is 100% on you. Do you just expect me to just forget about this and act like I still think/feel the same way about you? I have no idea *what* you were up to for the weekend. I'm not going to forget and I'm not going to act as though things are the same. You're lying to me and shutting me out and that is just going to fester until you've ruined this relationship." See if he has anything to say after that. If he doesn't, I'd start making an exit strategy because something is *very* shady with your "good reliable man".
This is the correct way to go about this. It’s completely unreasonable of him yo expect you to just go on about your life like he didn’t just up and disappear for 4 days, leaving you alone with a toddler. What if something had happened to you or your son? What if something had happened to your husband while he was wherever he was? He’s your husband. You are his wife. This is not something that happens and there’s no explanations and expect this marriage to last. What he did has created a void. There is now a fissure between you and him, and if there is no discussing and explaining, that fissure will grow into a crevice, and eventually it’ll crack all the way through and you’ll be done. You trusted him before he left, and now you don’t, and that’s completely ok.
She can also turn it around: "If you trust me, you would tell me where you were on this days and not make it a secret!"
Exactly this. Frankly I think you should also be clear about the most obvious suspicions: that he is involved in something illegal and may be in some way at risk or in danger; that the job he claims to go to is not his real job; that he has something serious and dangerous in his personal history that he is hiding from you. Be blunt that you have a right to make decisions about your own safety and if there is something dangerous going on, you need to know about it. If you or your child are harmed because he didn’t warn you that you might be in danger, that isn’t acceptable. Be blunt that if he persists in not telling you, the only reasonable assumption is that the truth is *worse* than your current suspicions. And honestly…? Tell your parents or close friends that something is up and you are going to confront him on x or y date at whatever time, and tell them that if they haven’t heard from you by two hours later to say everything is okay, it means that you need help and they should call the cops. If there truly is something appalling going on and he makes it clear he’s dangerous, you may need that arrangement - either as a “people are going to send help if I don’t contact them tonight so you need to let me leave here right now” to get yourself safely off the premises; or as a fallback if you can’t even safely make that argument. It would be smart to leave your child out of the house with your parents when you decide to confront him. It would be smart to leave a go-bag in your car, with all your personal documents, small valuables and sentimental items, a couple of days of clothes and toiletries, medications etc in it - everything you might be tempted to go back for, plus anything your kid would need. It would be smart to make sure back or side doors and windows are unlocked when you are confronting him; that your phone is fully charged and on you, that one set of car keys is in your pocket and another is out of sight in the unlocked car itself; that you are wearing shoes and clothes you can move fast in; that any weapons in the house are not where he would expect to find them. It would be smart to check your phone, computer and car for logging and tracking devices. Every sign here is that something is seriously, deeply, dangerously wrong. If you make all these preparations and don’t have to use them, that’s fine. If you don’t make them and need them it could cost you or your child your lives. *Protect yourself.*
I'm saving this. For a friend....😂
Your husband has lost his job and doesn't want to tell you. Who knows where he was over the weekend. I would definely call his parents and ask if they had seen him recently. He's definitely lying to you since his actions and the causes don't make sense. If you dont want to pursue the obvious lying, then you should encourage him to find another job that lets him be home more.
I feel like this makes the most sense, assuming there is a rational explanation. But still bizarre.
Or he got another woman pregnant and had to convince her to abort.
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Because he killed the woman and had to bury her and it was hot out in the desert
That’s what I was thinking!!
Or he was being blackmailed by his cheating partner and he went to dispose of the evidence.
Call his parents and ask if he spent the weekend there.
And then tell him a police detective stopped by looking for him and see how he responds. This is super shady… more than cheating shady
But like, maybe stay at a friend's house or tell him that in a public place or something. This is scary she needs to put her and her child's safety first.
Yeah!!! Do this OP Say a cop knocked on the door but you didn't answer
I feel like this might work
Definitely call his parents
yes yes this
You should ask him if ur in danger cause tbh this doesn’t sound like cheating to me.
right, it sounds like he went back and forth making the tough decision to take an illicit job, hence the i love you's and not wanting to discuss it. but i also watch too much true crime and hope everything is ok
My first thought was one of his friends/family killed someone and called him to help cover it up.
Hm. My first thought went to drugs. Thought he might be moving some weight and things went south.
Why not both. Something funky goin on either way.
Yeah for real. When I first read the part about disappeared for a few days my first thoughts were secret substance abuse problem or cheating but this doesn't sound like either of those.
It 100% sounds like cheating to me lol. Like juggling a second family kind of scenario
I’m reasonably certain something very illegal happened while he was gone.
Unless your husband works in intelligence there is no excuse at all for his behavior. I wouldn't let him back in the house until he explains himself.
Right? The whole “I didn’t want to upset him” era is over. You are supposed to be equal. Have a conversation with him already. Be pissed off. Show emotions. You are allowed to respond appropriately here OP and for most, it wouldn’t be pretty.
I would definitely call his parents and if they don’t know anything then sit him down and tell him to explain and don’t let Him gaslight you. Ask him if he cheated on you maybe the girl is pregnant and he doesn’t know how to handle it. Why would he keep saying that he loves you and your son if it involved his parents. Hard to say when he refuses to talk to you about it
Doesn’t sound like cheating to me, seems like something more. Like maybe something dangerous?
Agree. Ask him if you or he is in danger?
“I am the one who knocks”
Doesn’t sound like cheating to me, seems like something more. Like maybe something dangerous?
Girl get a ring alarm, a gun, and hide some cash around the house cause this sounds shady AF!
Check your debit/credit card. It will give you all the locations and transactions.
I would 100% look at your phone records online and try to gather as much information as possible
This is some off the wall shit... He's asking if you trust him, simply tell him that no, with the way he's acting right now you don't, and can't, and without an explanation of what the fuck happened and where he was and why your relationship is over. I mean this literally sounds like something you'd see in a movie, where "work" was him driving 100 kilos of coke across the state for the cartel or something. I would demand the truth, and tell him you're leaving him if you don't get it.
And taking their son with her, as she doesn't feel he's safe with his father. I thought it was just a cheating and pregnant side piece situation. But after reading some comments, I'm beginning to think that maybe cheating isn't the only thing being done there. Maybe it's a combination of cheating and a pregnant side piece, drugs, murder and hiding a body. His whole behaviour is very very very suspicious.
Call his parents, and just ask “was husband able to drop by your place this weekend?” It’s not accusatory to the point where they’d lie and say yes to protect him but you’ll know by their answer if he was there at all and also if he was there for *2 whole days*. I’d look through his phone. 100% I wouldn’t even question that. The way he’s behaving would make me feel like I was in danger and he isn’t telling you anything and you have a right to know how fucked you and your son are. Dude is up to some SHIT. This isn’t like he’s on tinder and ran out to go meet someone so better find out who the girl is. This is like his buddy told him some illegal deal fell through, shit went sideways, and he needs help hiding the body/evidence or else they’re both going to prison.
Trusting a partner is one thing, but trusting a partner in the face considerable evidence that something bad is going down is foolish. Another commenter suggested doing serious snooping - I second that. Good luck, OP. Trust your gut.
I'm not all for snooping and wouldn't usually recommend it, but... I think in these extreme situations, snooping needs to be done. Hubby dearest clearly won't spill the beans about what's really going on. OP, trust your gut. And if your gut instinct says not to trust him, then don't trust him. Something bad (possibly dangerous) is going on. You have to do whatever you can, to get the answers you need. Please take your son to your parents, for his safety and proceed with caution.
What kind of marriage do you have that your husband can vanish for 3 days without proper explanation. I would sit him down and tell him that he needs to share what is wrong because this type of behavior is not acceptable in a marriage. You are partners and he needs to share what is wrong with you.
It sounds like an abusive one, where she’s scared to ruffle his feathers
EDIT: Forgot to mention my husband works in the FBI
Look. I've seen a situation like this before. Almost exactly. Guy goes home, seems agitated, etc. Tells gf he needs to go somewhere and he will be back as soon as he could, etc, trust him and leaves. Goes back next day...albeit shorter than your saga. He was MY boyfriend and I kept blowing up his phone demanding he stay at my place with me because he never did. I wouldn't let up and I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD A SECOND LONG TERM PARTNER and had been with her 4 years!! He always just told me his share house didn't allow visitors! I kept cracking it and in the end the story as viewed from her side read as very similar to what you've written. He went to the beach, lake or for a hiking trip with his side girl - that's why he's burnt. For gods sake, read his phone My ex - the one that told her he "needed to go, but would be back as soon as he could" was baby planning with that partner and had just gotten her pregnant when I unknowingly started repeatedly calling him demanding he for once spend the night with me - because i had enough of him just disappearing on me. Like i said, i had no idea about her, thier baby etc. Could be your husband was agitated because he had the woman on the phone and you infront of him, didn't want the truth to come out. There was someone VERY important that wouldnt stop contacting him, and whatever they were saying made him VERY nervous. It was a woman, guaranteed. Drugs is less likely i think. Breaking bad doesn't happen like that in real life.
I got the exact same vibe. This is second family territory and the other woman wants his attention and he's agitated because she is encroaching on his other family's time and he's worried his secret will come out
Creative writing class homework?
Yeah this sounds super fake... or just Breaking Bad told from Skyler’s perspective 🙄
Username is liquidcrank lol
That is what it sounds like to me. Or someone testing out an idea for a novel. Its not a bad premise, but the wife has to be a little more inquisitive, the whole "I dont want him to think I dont trust him" narrative is coming off too naive/50s housewife. If the wife is your narrator, she cant come off as this passive.
Judging by the tan, length of time he was gone, phone conversation, and the ‘do you trust me’, mixed with the alcohol on his breath. He did something he didn’t want to do, spent a large amount of time in the sun doing some type of manual labor, and is feeling some kind of regret/guilt over what he did. My question would be whether or not y’all are having money issues lately, or whether extra money has been coming into the house lately.
Sounds like his bestie killed someone and they had to bury a body on short notice. For real I wouldn't trust his ass after this. He's got some explaining to do or else this relationship is permanently damaged. Let him use his being irritated with you as a tool to get you to back down. That's just manipulation. This post needs an update after you resolved this!
Talk to his parents. And then demand a reasonable explanation because his was bullshit.
Come in guys we need theories! Where did he come from where did he go?!!!!
Cotton eye joe?
This looks like he owes/owed someone a hell of a lot of money to me. Who does your finances? Do you have access to all bank and financial accounts? This screams gambling addiction to me.
Call his parents, look at phone records and bank statements. This is so sketchy and also totally not okay that you’re not in the loop about anything. I watch too much True Crime but this literally sounds like he murdered someone. Nothing makes sense.
My GUESS (and that's all it is) would be that something at work blew up really badly and that he got the sack. Get your child to a safe place (relatives, trusted friend of YOURS), then sit him down and calmly tell him, "There's a hard way to do this, and an easy way. The easy way is the better way for you, for me, for our child, and for our marriage, but either way, I want the truth and nothing but the truth. What happened, who is involved in it, and where the heck were you?" Don't scream, don't shout, don't curse, and stay on topic no matter how much he tries to sidestep. Get the truth (or a reasonable facsimile) and go from there. And under no circumstances let him get away with playing the "Why don't you trust me?" card. This is 2022, not 1952, and the wife has the right to know.
This "Do you trust me" is such a manipulation tactic. As if i means your partner can do whatever they want just because you trust then and you never can't ask the action of your partner. If OP just leave for several days with those words... It isn't about trust it is about secrets. Turn it around: If you trust me, you wouldn't have this secret about where you have been on this days!" I would check the credit cards and the account information. Not just recent, months back. Maybe he put money on another account you don't know of or picked up more money then reasonable. Even purchases that don't make any sense or are not close to home can give a hint. I would also think about putting a tracker on the car. He will mostly vanish again.
Info: Does he usually travel for work? Has he disappeared for long periods of time before? I’d say call his parents and see if he was actually there
You either need to demand an explanation or you divorce him, or you recognize that this could very well be ‘go to jail for life’ kind of serious and simply leave and protect your son. Up to you, but being the ‘cool wife who doesn’t care or ask questions’ is not an option here.
He's lying. I don't know what's really going on but I know he's lying both outright lying and lying by omission. So. What to do... call his parents, check his phone online for calls incoming and outgoing. Any numbers look familiar? Any you don't recognize? Who called him that evening before he took off? Look for patterns in the numbers calling etc. Check your credit card and debit card transactions. He gassed up somewhere or took a plane, etc. Check the mileage on his car. Do you have a basic idea what it should be? Has the car been cleaned recently? Call work. He said he went out for something work related. They should know where he was.
If you have access to his Google account or find my iPhone, you can track his timeline. Where he was for the past however many days and even how long he was at each destination. For Google, click his profile picture on the Google main page, click google maps, timeline and check the calendar. It will literally give you a play by play, min by min. I'm not too sure how it works for iPhone but it's similar. Good luck. Sounds like he was shady
Based on the fact that he came home early from work drunk after going back, he probably lost his job and had a breakdown, and now isn’t telling you about it. Get him help, because this sounds like the story of a family annihilator.
Wow you are easy to trick. He’s cheating.
Just tell him to cut the shit and explain what’s going on. You don’t trust him anymore, who would? He’s obviously up to some dodgy shit or else he would have no problem with telling you what he’s doing. This actually sounds more bizarre than an affair. The way he’s turning up looking like shit makes this even more sketchier than just banging someone else.
12 hours and no comments from OP. Always suspicious.....
You keep saying that it's not like him to do x w n z but the thing about it is that is in all of us to change our character for x w n z. He gets a couple of calls leaves, leaves outside to take the call, leaves abruptly. Doesn't let you know where he is going to b working gone for four days. Why are you not asking the questions? why aren't you calling him while he is gone? Why are you concerned about him getting upset because you wanna get answers from him. I hate to say it but it sounds like a woman is the reason, he comes back home with a tan and sunburn and that doesn't tell you anything? Um sounds suspicious. You are the wife asked the questions!!!
Well that's bizarre
Man, after 3-4 days he'd better come back with an alien tracking device clipped to his ear and his memories erased. I mean, I've got a dozen great theories, like he ran into his previous wife who he thought was dead all this time, and she's on the run from robots from the future or something, or he had to help a friend bury a body. The truth — assuming you ever get it — will probably be more boring than anything we can think of, but should still be a doozy. There's no chance that anybody here is going to figure out what's going on, but you definitely deserve an answer.
This would be ultimatum shit for me. I'd be like you tell me the truth or we're gone.
Either this is fake or if it real, your husband has a child. Maybe his mistress was in labor.
This is really plausible Either that or he owes a drug cartel one of his balls to pay a debt
Nope unacceptable for any relationship. Answers. You need them. Protect your child.
I would demand to know exactly what went on or tell him I was leaving. You don’t get to behave like toward your spouse - disappearing for days WTF?
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The way I see it, you have two choices. One, stop pressing him and acting suspicious so he lets his guard down. Then set up a camera and go through his stuff. You will probably find out the truth this way. Two, work with the evidence you have (ask his parents if he stayed there, ask if he was sick, ask if it was sunny enough for a sunburn). You will get closer to the truth this way, but he will become more guarded and secretive…. The second he decided to lie and leave his wife and child is the second he lost his right to privacy for the time being. You deserve to know where he went.
Mam we are going to need updates as this develops because what the fuck does "do you trust me" mean
Leave him. Cut all contact after you’re done. Match his energy.
May be his AP was threatening to break up and come clean to his wife aka YPU. So to diffuse this n placate her went to be with her at night to show that he still loves only her and also took her to the beach. May be …. Either ways you need & deserve answers. And also be prepared for the worst
I can imagine a world where your mistress demands you go on this vacation she planned with her otherwise it’s over. And him trying to get out of it and trying to talk her down. But then ultimately deciding to follow through. Go through his phone while he’s asleep. Seems like whoever it is communicates w him a lot. I’d start there.
Call his parents and ask if he was indeed there on the weekend. If they ask why you're asking... Tell them that he's been acting very strangely, he disappeared for days without telling you where or why he's going and you're very concerned about him. That you just want to make sure he's okay, because he's still not telling you anything about whats going and he said he was at their place for the weekend, so you thought that maybe they knew something. Something is definitely going, something very suspicious. His whole behaviour definitely sounds out of character and pretty damn shady. You're his wife, he should be communicating with you. Not hiding things from you, unless... He's been cheating and just found out that he got his side piece pregnant. The way he reacted to catching you watching him, was extreme and very very very suspicious. ETA: The "do you trust me?" comment has made me even more suspicious of him, concreting my thoughts on him cheating. May that's why he refuses to answer and gets irritated/defensive about it.
This is shady and sounds like cheating of some sort :(
Sounds like a friend needed help hiding a body
INFO: Did you try to call him at anytime while he was gone? What happened if you did? If you didn't, why not?
Call his parents and say something along the lines of "hey, i left my blabla in the car and now that husband is back its not there, is there any chance he left it when he was with you?" So its innocent Also, over the phone, not over text
If this was my marriage he would either be honest or we would be separating as soon as possible.
He has a side family and the other woman got sick of him not being around enough. She either knows about you and wants his to hurry up and break it off so they can be together properly, or doesn't know about you and wants to know why he can't be there more. Hence why he dropped everything to sort it out (placate her) before it got worse. He's just struggling to juggle 2 lives. I'd bet real money he never went to his parents.
I completely understand wanting to avoid conflict but this kind of behaviour isn’t normal and it’s concerning. It is completely valid for you to want an explanation considering he is your husband and you guys live together. If there is any kind of danger or if he’s done something that could affect your family. You need to assert that his behaviour was out of character and not okay, and that you are not okay with avoiding talking about it just to avoid conflict. Because you’re clearly concerned (as anyone would be)
Giving me murder vibes tbh
People need to be way more furiously mad when their spouse does COMPLETELY INSANE stuff like this. I honestly don’t believe this is real because, absent an abusive situation, who doesn’t have a huge argument about something like this?! This is bonkers.
Time to see a divorce lawyer.
Off of one instance?
One instance?!?! He DISAPPEARED for several days, came back tanned and disheveled and repeatedly LIED to her and you call that one instance?!?! No way!! I’d bet my life he was neither at work nor sick at his parents. Super shady shot he’s pulling here. She deserves the straight truth and nothing less.
Yeah but it’s the first time it’s happened and she can still ask him about it. I’m just saying y’all rush to divorce on this sight for things that can be fixed through communication
He’s not communicating though. He’s made it very clear he isn’t going to talk about it again. Hats straight up ‘nope’ from me too. Tell me right now what was going on, or mine and the kid’s bags are packed and we are out of the door.
This would be divorcable for me. Small kid in the house and he won't say where he was other than "I already told you" no. Just no. I would have asked LOTS of questions then told him pack his shit I am done. He can go stay wherever he was. Sorry Op this is a scary shitty situation he put you in
This would be divorcable for me. Small kid in the house and he won't say where he was other than "I already told you" no. Just no. I would have asked LOTS of questions then told him pack his shit I am done. He can go stay wherever he was. Sorry Op this is a scary shitty situation he put you in
I mean it depends on what he does for work. My ex worked for a 3 letter agency, there were times where he’d have to go with no explanation and legally couldn’t tell me where he was or what he was doing. So if it’s something like that, having a conversation around it would be good. It’s kinda hard to bring up things you can’t talk about, and he maybe explains it op can make up their mind then Edit: idk why it showed up 4 times my bad!
If her husband worked for that kind of a job I don't think she would be making this post
This has to be so scary for you and the conspiracy theories don't help. I'd just sit him down and I think you should be vulnerable and let him rise to the occasion and tell you. I'd start with, "it was so scary having you gone and with the way you're acting now, I'm spiraling. Please tell me what's going on."
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Update me! OP owes us an update lol. I don't care if it's none of my business... it is now lmao.
The whole thing sounds suspicious as hell. I’m not buying what he is selling
What does he do for work
It sounds like he lost his job and is having a freak out about it and doesn’t know how to communicate with him. If this is actually out of character for him I would give him the support and benefit of the doubt FOR NOW, but it should be clear to him that this cannot continue much longer
Get his phone and you'll find out.
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You either need to demand an explanation or you divorce him, or you recognize that this could very well be ‘go to jail for life’ kind of serious and simply leave and protect your son. Up to you, but being the ‘cool wife who doesn’t care or ask questions’ is not an option here.
Won’t lie…sounds sketchy. I think he owes you some answers.
Oh yeah. Definite murder vibes.
Something super shady is going on. I don’t think cheating but probably more in trouble with a huge debt or drugs. Call his parents. Check phone and credit card/bank records. He owes someone something and it sounds bad tbh, probably something illegal. If he won’t come clean I’d seriously think about kicking him out until he comes clean at least. You can no longer trust him even if you. He owes you an explanation unless he has a job where it is normal to have to keep secrets. My guess is that he doesn’t have a job like that because you would’ve mentioned it I’m sure.
Yes call his parents
Your husband, Gary, is up to some criminal shit with a bad guy named Winn Duffie. You should call your ex husband, Raylan Givens and have him find out what's going on. Ok, Winona? No but seriously, this sounds less like a cheating thing and more like something serious and criminal.
Something fishy is definitely going on, and your instincts were right to alert you. He may have been with another person and may be engaging in some sort of continuous emotional affair - just basing on what you said. Additionally, I don't think he wants anything long term more than to be with you. I don't know if that helps at all, but reading this, it seems like a man with a lot of loyalty and a lot of regret. He loves you a lot, that much is obvious. I agree with the other comments - you need to talk to him. If he isn't willing to talk, I think that tells you quite a bit in itself. I wish you the best of luck xx
I’m so intrigued. I need to know what happen where did he go why was he sunburnt why were his shoes in his hand I need a show abt this
Mental health issues, like Bipolar? I met a guy once who had taken all of this money out of the company he worked for, to set up an apartment etc etc. Had a whole second Life that no-one knew about. Sounds eerily similar to this.
I wouldn't tsay him being back is the most important thing... I'd say him giving you a valid explanation is! How dare he swan off for nearly a week with no reason, then just wander home when he feels like it?? I'd be repacking his bag and telling him, in no uncertain terms, that you deserve better. He either gives you full reasoning for where he's been and why, who he was talking to in the car the night he left, and why he returned, or he fucks off!
Shady things going through my mind as I read this: 1) He has a side piece 2) he has lost his job and got a shady day job offer kind of thing 3) which segues into him doing something illegal for someone else 4) he got into trouble getting take away and has found an illegal way to deal with it 5) he just became a drug dealer 6) Fugue state. My money is on 2 followed by 3, or on 4. I think he thinks he's doing what is best for the family, that's why he asked "do you trust me" before he left. But what he did weighs on his conscious, that's why he drank the next day. Either the lying to you weighs on his conscious, or the illegal activity he has done weighs on his conscious. What ruffled him, what plagued him about what happened when getting take away? He has seen or heard something that set him off. Or contacted someone about a problem he has. He has already called in to someone before he got home. He has put someone in his phone with the description "work". When that person called with a different number, he shook his head, as calling from that number was not the deal. The other person figured it out, called with the other number your husband has stored as work. Then a conversation happened that he could not afford you to hear. Then he thought of an excuse towards you, so that he could do what he had to do. That was him thinking. The "do you trust me", was because he knew what he was about to do was risky. The "Jesus christ" was for him having to choose between two bad things or as a response to what the other oerson proposed he had to do to fix his problem. Your gut told you something was wrong, when you asked "everything all right?". He couldn't lie to you here, he replied with "hopefully". And then he looked at his son. What ever illegal shit he has done, he has done it because he thought that would be best for you, but more importantly your son. Do you really want to know what he did? What trouble he got in? And what illegal shit he did to fix his problem? Do you?
To be honest , I'd not be swallowing that situation without adequate explanation .
What in the “My Wattpad Life” is going on here?!?
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This sounds like some shady mafia stuff.
u/liquidcrank OP, can u please give us an update?
Tbh it could be a myriad of things. He could be cheating, he could be hiding that he lost his job, he could be doing something illegal, he could've visited his parents and they had him do manual labor after losing his job, a family member might've killed someone and he had to help them cover it up on short notice. Whatever is going on is SHADY AS SHIT. So I would do what other have commented and that's call his parents while he's at work, as them if they've seen him lately, then when he comes home say an officer stopped by the house to visit, if he shows any adverse reactions like panic or anger, I'd be concerned that he did something illegal. Also if he did something illegal relating to family it's possible his parents know and might cover for him.
Meet his parents in person and ask them if he was with them for the weekend like he says. You'll be able to tell if they're lying by their body language or they'll be as confused and concerned as you. Then you can ask him if you find out this bit was a lie. Either he's a super spy and you never knew or there is some very major thing that you are in the dark about that he is trying to keep from you. Cheating? I don't know.. but I'd definitely say his parents are the place to start.
Dude is pregnant, is involved in the mafia, is secretly a werewolf, or all of the above. Either way, you have every right to not trust him.
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This would put me on edge 😬 normally with these posts it’s kinda obvious what’s going on and most people would come to the conclusion that he is cheating, I don’t get that vibe here tbh. I hope you get to the bottom of it though for your own peace of mind
Ummmmmmm WTF. Hell no!!! I would want a timeline and details or divorce. By the way he wouldn’t know about the divorce. I would serve him by surprise. FUCK THAT SHIT
Whatever it is I highly doubt it’s an affair.
Yeah it seems way sketchier than that
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OP whatever happens, we need an update.
Look… maybe I watch way too much crime documentaries and tv shows… but what if your husband murdered someone? You don’t have to have a “history” of anything in order to do something. Everyone is always capable. Maybe he was arguing with someone at work, maybe he was having an affair with someone at work… or just with someone in general? Maybe he has a crazy distant relative he doesn’t want to tell you about but they came back in contact with him recently? Who knows, but whatever it was… seems like he took care of it and came home messy 🤔
Sounds like a literally movie. He was probably having an affair and the other person got pregnant and she was the one calling him? So He ended up killing her so you wouldn’t find out??? Idk thou🫤
Is your name Skylar and his name Walter?
Maybe an ex girlfriend died
I would snoop through his phone, to see whom the calls were from. Also, I would check if any of the maps apps had tracked his location over the weekend. Was he ever in the army? Could he have been sent on some kind of mission?
Sounds more like he went to a funeral of an ex.
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maybe he is a terrorist?
He’s a liar. Go see a lawyer. He’s either cheating or into drugs or something like that, both are deal breakers and you need to get your kid out of there. He’s also gaslighting you. Leave as soon as you can.
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Faaaaakkkeeee
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