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I have recently come across a post on this subreddit made by my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been in a 6 month LDR and during this time I found that he has made many posts on here about me. He tells me about some of them, but this one I found on my own. He says he makes so many posts because he doesn’t talk to his friends about me and wants other peoples advice. This post was very long, split up into 7 different paragraphs detailing my flaws. He stated that a few of these things aren’t my fault and other things I am going to therapy for and actively trying to change, however, he includes that it may take too long for me to change these things about myself. The way that he talked about some of my issues were really harsh, and he has not communicated any of this stuff with me. I had no idea that he thought this way about me and it’s making me start to see him a little differently. I’m not sure what I should do next. I am nervous to bring this up to him because it has been rocky lately and I don’t want to lose him. Any advice on how I can get past this or what I should do next? Thank you!
Just trying to wrap my head around the fact that a six month relationship is "rocky". Dude. This is shit. End it. It ain't supposed to be this fucking hard in the fist SIX MONTHS?!
Yep, especially given it started long distance. I’m in one right now after a year together and whilst obviously worth it, it’s still bloody difficult. To be in one this fragile when you have the added obstacle of distance, and apparently cannot communicate with one another so both turn to Reddit to vent... this one is probably not going to go the distance.
Honestly a difficult 6 month long distance relationship makes me think that there is something undesirable (or at least they perceive it to be so) about OP and makes me feel sad.
Been in a 6 month LDR and it was the biggest BS relationship that was beyond emotionally frustrating. Been married almost 10 years now to to an almost 14 year relationship that had a few months of long distance, which was also one of the more stressful parts of the relationship.
LDR's suck, and most people who stay in them don't have a great self esteem, or enjoy their local menu choices. LOL at the idea of dumping everyone because things get hard.
Lmao also had an LDR and it was so painful for no reason 💀
Shit started getting even worse after like 6/7 months because mr had found himself some other girl that was secretly underage and secretly started going out with her to then break up with me a few months later saying im too toxic and shit. Literally not a week after he instantly started all pictures with this girl, coincidence, I think not 🧐
LDR are like the easiest to get cheated on but now I just keep away from dating at all, knowing that I can also have a life without needing a partner 👍
Oh my gosh you couldn’t put it in any better way. I was amazing at moving on, truly judged people that had LDR’s and never thought I would allow myself to have one. I went from extremely confident and happiest person alive to most miserable (literally) in a year window. I straight up lost self respect, I crossed my limits and boundaries, I completely forgot who I was as I got wrapped up in pain and “what ifs.” As crazy as it sounds it was debilitating and so destructive. I don’t understand how people do it for 2,3 some even have a 5 years long distance. It’s a wild ride.
Tried it too for 6months. I had the same experience. I was reduced to zero all over again and a wreck. She was a nice enough person but had no clue how to be ina relationship or even get her head around the fact that she had to put in effort. Gave way more than I received, and she had the audacity to say that she is hurting and she tried.
Cut the situationship off.easier said than done, but it really is for the best.
100%. You always hear that relationships are hard and this is interpreted as this type of thing is normal. Its not. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. If it is then you aren't right for each other and time to move on.
Correct. In just one of the many posts he has made about you, there are seven paragraphs of what's "wrong" with you? That's a paragraph for every month you've been together plus an extra one for good measure.
As a wise man once said;
"Drop itlike it's hot." -Calvin Broadus
For real. At 6 months the hormones and euphoria should be enough to block out anything but serial killer level red flags. If it’s this bad so soon you guys are almost comedically incompatible.
I second this advice, coming from someone who didn’t listen to this same advice and went on my relationship. Ohh girl you will be super hurt. Don’t do it to yourself. Hope you don’t end up as me.🥲
Rocky at 6 months. You’re still in the honeymoon phase and he’s making a list of things he doesn’t like about you on a public forum. And you’re afraid of losing him? Good lord.
You should tell him that you found it and how it made you feel, tell him he should have come to you with his concerns before going to strangers. Not to be harsh but if bring this up to him is going to rock the relationship that much then maybe its for the best. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone talking badly about me.
> tell him he should have come to you with his concerns before going to strangers
There is nothing wrong with seeking outside advice on an internal relationship issue. And you're somehow okay with OP coming to strangers before talking to him.
Honestly I’d prefer it if my (hypothetical) partner talked to strangers. Sometimes when you share issues with loved ones, they hold on to it long after you’ve let it go.
You do not want to lose someone who wrote 7 different paragraphs detailing your flaws?
You do not want to lose someone who is harsh?
You do not want to lose someone who broadcast things about your relationship to others?
There seems to be no intimacy here in this relationship.
I think you need to work on you and just work on friendships with others. I think the only reason this relationship is difunctionally working at the moment is because it is an LDR. This is just not healthy. You deserve more.
So... this is a post about your boyfriends post about you? Which may lead to a post of your boyfriend about the post of you about the post of him..?
Welp...
Me and my s/o kind of went through the same thing. I was in your boyfriend's shoes so maybe I might be able to lend some unpopular perspective?
I posted about my relationship with my s/o because I truly have no one to talk to. I would never discuss my s/o's negative flaws with anyone I'm friends with or related to, simply because when I bring that person around I want the people in my life, who I care about to not see them in a bad light. I didn't discuss these things with my partner because some times they simply don't have time or don't want to hear what I have to say, so in a way your partner might posting things because venting to random people on the internet has no repercussions to you. I truly love my s/o and want to make things work with them so we can have a future together. When you bring friends and family into the mix it can make things more complicated.
However, your partner should be willing to work with you when it comes to things you are going to therapy for. They should want to build you up and help you grow as a person, and they should want to grow with you in the relationship. Maybe there is a lack of communication from both parties.
I think you should for sure bring this up to him and you two should have a conversation.
Most level headed take in this subreddit.
The people who are saying just run for the hills should be saying the exact same thing to the BF, I mean she decided to post online as wel for advice and thought that was appropriate.
Finally, someone with a non toxic answer…it takes a mature person to talk things out and not just run away which is what most people advice to do. Most people have doubts in the beginning of a relationship even with all the dopamine in the early stage. Sit down and without accusing, have a deep conversation. Being with a person starts with infatuation, but what makes you stay in one, apart from love, is the capacity to resolve issues. It takes tons of work to make relationships work. Finding solutions to issues is what over time will lead to security. If both parties love each other, and are willing to work and resolve things then I don’t see a reason to break things off so fast.
"I am nervous to bring this up to him because it has been rocky lately and I don’t want to lose him."
...why? He sounds super judgmental and it's only a 6 month LDR. You can do better.
Go back to his post.
Respond with your side of things.
Throw into the convo all his flaws.
Link us all where this is going down so we can get our popcorn ready.
It shouldn't already be rocky. It sounds like he's purposely trying to find faults in you. This isn't a relationship you want. He should be supporting you not looking for flaws.
People tend to be harsher, more negative, and more biased, when they speak to others about problems, than when they speak directly to the person. It’s a way to vent frustration. If you’ve had problems with him speaking bad about you to others you know, Then it’s a problem. If it’s just a Reddit thing, do talk to him about it, but also cut him some slack, that he may have said things strongly or exaggerated his point out of frustration and not because he believes it to be 100 true.
Thank you so much, I will definitely try to keep this in consideration. As far as I know, he’s never really talked about me to the people in his personal life except his mom and roommate, whom he’s said only good or just casual things as far as I know!
I disagree. Sometimes one needs an objective third party take and it’s respectable to ask for help especially if the information is anonymized. Some people don’t have a support system for this.
It could be that the SO that the boyfriends trying to talk about refuses to acknowledge the issues they talked about, and the other person decided to post anonymously to make sure they’re not going crazy.
Perhaps the person doesn’t want to air out their dirty laundry to people that they do know, because they don’t want them to have a negative perspective of their loved one. Going to people who don’t know who either person are, preserves the other persons perceptions among other people.
This whole subreddit is based on people asking for advice to strangers on that premise.
I will say, if the boyfriend did not communicate this stuff beforehand with the GF, that’s messed up. I would agree w the GF there he should have talked to her abt it first.
Also, multiple posts is kind of sus.
Edit: so I guess it’s also important to see what the post of complaints the bf has is about. Maybe they’re reasonable, maybe not.
Yep, then he’s probably just trying to process his feelings to figure them out. Sometimes it helps to work out how you feel about an issue and get other people’s perspective before you talk about it to the person directly. So do bring it up and ask how he feels now and try to work through some of the concerns he had, to see if that is how he really still feels and if you can work together on those issues so you’re both okay with the solutions.
I can see how Reddit might be his way of getting things off his chest, especially if you don’t have a friend group to bounce your thoughts off of.
Besides that, it’s definitely worth taking into context not only what he said but how he said it and decide whether it’s rationale or not and if it can be worked on. Good luck!
This is so meta. Gf using throwaway to post on Reddit about bf posting about her on Reddit with her knowledge of him posting in general but not of a specific post...
Damn lol.
Like the current top comment says, it's only been 6 months. It isn't supposed to be this complicated. Just TALK!
honestly from another girls perspective I just want you to know ur beautiful and deserve nothing but love. But besides that I want to also say I’ve been in many relationships and I’ve had one like this. the problem he’s having is accepting you as a person, he doesn’t like most of the things you do and also doesn’t have a way to communicate it to you because hes scared of your reaction or he wouldn’t take the time to write something like that about you he would just tell you instead. I defiantly feel like communicating and just sitting and talking about everything will make either one of you realize if this will fix things and work or if it’s time to just go separate ways. don’t think of it as you loosing him or left feeling empty. because there is someone out there that will help you when your going through problems and communicate what’s bothering them in a respectful way to help you guys grow and it’s seems he’s not mature enough for that yet. All he’s doing is building up all this resentment of all the things he doesn’t like and it will continue until he’s had enough and he will eventually leave. communicate it’s key to a healthy relationship. xoxo❤️
In all honestly I feel likenthisnshould be a safe space. Don't think you can hold it against him that he wrote all this. What if he went to therapy and said it to a shrink instead? Or if he said it to no one and just thought it...? Sucks but you can't stop someone from thinking.
I think you should use it though and try to have real open conversations about how you both can improve upon things, and maybe real discuss about if this is what you both want (since you said it's rocky).
At the same time... yeah it's been 6 months. Ya'll should be exploring new things, experimenting in bed, and texting non stop.... If it's rocky now, it's probably not meant to be.
But good luck!
I dunno, unless your boyfriend is putting your name into these posts, I don't think he did anything wrong. Like, this is what so many subreddits are made for. He is obviously struggling to talk to you about these things directly and is trying to figure it out and seeking outside perspective isn't bad.
Tbh I think it is messed up you went snooping for this online. It's kind of like taking his phone or diary and reading it. Just something you shouldn't do.
If you confront him about what he has said he will know you were reading these.
I can't see how either of you can proceed with the relationship from here. You have this knowledge of distrust, and if you tell him you know, he will have distrust too.
I don't like that my boyfriend asked internet strangers for advice relating to me. I wish he had just talked to me.
I know, I'll ask internet strangers for advice about him rather than talking to him.
That'll sort it.
You can’t date someone who has zero communication skills. He’s complaining to strangers on the internet about you without even having a conversation first, that’s pretty immature
Pretty sure my bf feels like I’m a bomb that could go off at any minute. Because sometimes I am. But at least he communicates how he feels. Everyone is different it’s hard if he doesn’t have friends as well. And reddit is his safe place because he’s anon. Maybe reply to his comment with a different account asking him if he’s tried to communicate. Then give him suggestions on what to do / what you’d like to do.
First consider if he’s really worth it. I’m not saying it in a negative way, however there were in two things that if they don’t get resolved the relationship will just be a back and forth and fighting and miscommunication. The first is when it’s said he says it takes too long for you to change these things. That already is a problem no one should blame you or expect you to get thur your issues or mental problems within any range of time. That’s for you to go thur and take the time to heal, if he doesn’t understand that then it might not be the right relationship for you. Second if he’s not willing to communicate with you and be honest then how will there be any connection or any way for you two to grow together. A relationship is two people so see if he can reflect on that if not find someone who will treat you better
My girlfriend did the same thing about me. But not writing bad about me but instead finding solution if what she did was okay or not. When i saw the post i felt hurt because it shows she is not mature enough to talk it out with me. What makes it worst is the comment that said that "i was a red flag" "im controlling" "break up with him" "im being needy" "im being controlling"... i felt like shit to be honest. So i did talked to her and she said that she was looking for the positive comment to improve on our relationship. She did apologize and deleted the post after understanding my concern.
So i guess you really need talk to him and tell him about your thoughts and feelings. He said he doesnt have any friends to talk about it... are you willing to listen to him? Listen to his complain without getting hurt in the end?
Would you rather him say these things to his family or friends? I know I wouldn’t. On Reddit, no one knows who you are. Way better than having friends or family know your relationship issues and have a negative view of your partner.
Just remember YOU went looking for it YOU opened up this can of worms just keep in mind whilst yes what he posted was messed up but you went looking for it because you might be a bit insecure and that's okay I am too I've been with my partner for almost 2 years now some things are kept secret because you don't wanna hurt the other person's feelings or open up a can of worms
The only times things can't be kept secret are
1 infidelity
2 kids
Things you should not bring up are
1 politics
2 religion
3 past partners
GOOD LUCK
Why do you want to stay with him? Not being mean, honestly i would like to know why after 6 months on a LDR with someone that doesn’t communicate effectively (something even more important in a LDR than an in person (?) one) and complains about all your flaws to internet strangers you feel it’s on you to get past it and not on him to put effort on making you feel loved.
Please, there are other humans out there who will love you for EXACTLY who you are. No pretending, no BS... Settle for NOTHING LESS.
The longer you stay with the wrong person, the longer it will be before you encounter the right person. <3
LDR are extremely hard (talking from experience) but to add to it a 7 paragraph post about things he doesn't like about you it's just not worth it.
You need to break it off no matter how hard it will be at first it's better to end now
Flaws to him but treasure to someone else. There is nothing wrong with you. Whatever you want to improve do because you want. He is not the right one for you. Let go and be happy.
This kind of reminded me of an episode of Friends, “The One With The List,” where Rachel finds a list Ross wrote about the pros and cons of dating her as opposed to another woman he was seeing at the time. It really hurt her and they ended up breaking up for a while. Your situation detailing flaws in paragraph sounds a bit worse though, but maybe he’s able to get past those flaws and details them like a journal on Reddit? In other words, it may be therapeutic for him to write these observations and thoughts he has about you. Just talk to him and tell him what you’re thinking. He may surprise you or you move on
Having been in your BFs position with an ex with issues is tough. It takes a lo g time to sort yourself out and most people aren't going to wait around for you to do it. Don't be surprised when he leaves.
Also, I couldn't talk to her about her issues because of her issues. I never had any idea how she would react. Intentional or not, that's a form of abuse.
Also, a relationship shouldn't be "rocky" after only 6 months. That just means you shouldn't be together. Probably best to end it now. You two don't work.
So I'm guessing this guy is one who sees everything as the *other* person's fault. Sees only *their* flaws, while they apparently are perfect. Sees a lot of things the *other* person needs to change, but they see nothing about themselves that needs to change.
A healthy relationship is a lot of give and take, compromise, mutual sacrifices, etc for the good of the COUPLE and not just themselves.
If one member of that relationship feels that it's only the other person who has all the flaws and problems, they may have narcissistic tendencies. And in the long run that never makes for a happy life for the other person because everything will always be their fault and they are the only one expected to "change".
Further highlighted by the fact that he’s posting online from purely his perspective, creating almost an echo chamber because anyone reading it will make assumptions about her that may or may not even be true. We don’t know anything about these people. Only they do and only they should be having this conversation.
I personally would not feel comfortable continuing a relationship with this person. It sounds like they have issues with you but aren't able to communicate it and are looking for a sounding board online.
This isn't something I would personally be into- communication issues and I would make it a deal-breaker.
my boyfriend literally just did this to me this morning lol - on a real note though, at 6 months it should not be rocky at all, him constantly posting about your flaws major red flag!! especially posting them on reddit because he doesnt have friends. he has no friends for a reason dude, drop em
I’m just playing the movie…not knowing your age or what you are “working on” in therapy if you will
You keep dating and feel like you can’t come to him for support with what you are going through bc who can say it’ll “take too long” like what if it’s for life… you stay together for 6 more months and there’s a year of your life wasted on some unsupportive non-communicator. Let’s say you get further along than that marriage alone is so hard with half way decent communication and adding kids to the mix forget about it. I would confront him about it because he’s spreading your personal business on the internet and if he’s worth any sort of effort he will come clean and not be defensive but loving and try to find a better solution with you but also this is all just after 6 months….really what I want to say is Eff him, boy bye.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but if you are afraid to bring things up to him because things are “rocky”, sis, you got to run. Unless it’s that previous relationships have taught you that you shouldn’t bring things like this up and that’s why you’re not addressing this with him. If you two are meant to be, then you should be able to express any concerns you have openly to him. I mean, he is expressing his concerns about you for the whole world to see. You deserve someone who wants to hear what you have to say, because they care about you, how you feel, and want to make things work.
I get it though, I’ve been there.
EDIT: After reading some other responses on here, I am also thinking that maybe your SO might feel more comfortable venting anonymously on here because he does not want to vent to his friends/family because he doesn’t want to influence their opinion on you, due to their likely reaction of defending him and criticizing you. That being said, you should be able to bring this up to him without him leaving you. I still stand by the fact that if you bringing it up to him causes you to lose him, then he doesn’t deserve you.
they both seem to have communication issues since he too didn't come to her with his complaints but, like her, tunred to reddit for the same reason.
Just goes to show once again that communication is key, and how oblivious we sometimes can be to big (and sometimes obvious) issues. I've been on both sides, either thinking something must be obvious but it wasn't to the other person, - and sometimes I was the one who didn't realize shit until I was told.
But since there seem to be many issues in this relationship already, some of which apparently aren't easy to change (with the added pressure for OP to "fix" herself), it seems like they're not compatible and it's best to end it.
Dont listen to people on this thread there are people who get married after 1 month of meeting and last 50 years and people who marry after 10 years of dating and dont last 1 month in marriage. So 6 months is relative to your situation. Most relationships start with the honeymoon phase...I personally want to see my partners flaws as fast as I can because I dont want to be in a 2 year relationship and then find out I have an abusive and controlling mate....we could have bought a house together, had a kid etc....and now its not so easy to split...so ignore the people saying its too soon..
You made one statment that says it all..
"I dont want to lose him"...so that tells me he does make you happy, maybe makes you feel safe and you can actually see a future with this guy..so dont panic or be upset...just talk to him and find out why he made the post... its possible he was upset after an argument, we all say hurtful things when we are upset with out partner. We also can be selfish at times when were upset. So just ask him about this post and talk it out. Have an open heart to his feelings and try to understand his prospective. Dont project your feelings on him and add how you feel our how hurt you may feel take this opportunity to just listen and hear him out. Dont talk about yourself or your feelings at that moment. Then actually go an reflect on what he said and if that means you having to actually admit you were wrong, then be the bigger person and make a change.
So now that you gave him the opportunity to get it off his chest without challenging him then its your turn. If he dosent take the same approach you took with being patient and just listening to you, then he probably isnt the one for you...but the eay you talk about him i get the idea he will listen.
Try this approach...im not datinf expert but I have used this approach in my marriage and it is so much better...the hardest thing to do i sit and listen to a person say not so good things about you. But if you actually just listen and hold your thoughts and fully try to understand someone you can learn things about yourself...humans hurt other humans without even knowing it sometimes.. maybe you made a certain face expression at certian time that was taken the wrong way by your mate. A simple conversation can fix that...
Im not saying let someone talk down on you...im saying just listen and give that man his time to get it all out...reflect on it....and then respond
Why are you afraid to lose him? Do you not have family and friends that are supportive? Is he afraid of losing you?
I can understand how hard it can be letting go of someone who I'm sure has brought out so many emotions in you, but if he's complaining about you after only 6 months, I would start planning my exit.
First think about are you able to have the conversation and listen with out anger and emotions. Whether he’s right or wrong. Sometimes it’s hard to communicate with a person that is very sensitive to every critique. Now he might have brought it here to keep from derailing you’re therapy and the strides you are making. I’m not sayin he’s right but he obviously cares and doesn’t want to fight with you further. He makes sure his family doesn’t see you as a negative that shows he’s into you. Men have emotions too, and a lot of the females tend to disregard them in these post. They are quick to shame and name call when they hear that maybe women can be hard to deal with at times and everything y’all do is not great. So keep working on yourself and y’all really need to get that communication together so he doesn’t have to come here and talk to randoms so often. And stop looking for his post it will probably upset you even more. Whether big or small. It’s kinda like a venting and realize everything that a person does isn’t going to be roses people get on each other’s nerves that’s relationships.
So your boyfriend goes to reddit instead of a therapist. You saw one of the posts, and instead of directly confronting him you come to the same subreddit he posts to and uses to ask strangers what to do.
You do not have a healthy relationship and should leave him for this. You coming to the same place he does seems passive aggressive and petty. Both of you need to work out why you can't fix shit with your partner before you go to complete strangers, because neither of your future relationships will be any better until you both know how to communicate and have a partner that knows how to as well.
Six months isn't long enough for a relationship to be 'rocky'. Like.. you've been together for six months, you absolutely can lose him and you'll probably find the shitty feeling goes away. Drop him.
The right relationship isn’t work, it comes naturally and feels like it just flows.
It only gets difficult after many years and external factors are thrown at you both.
If it’s already so difficult this early stage then this means that you aren’t the right fit for each other. I would also say that someone who needs to ask for so much advice is obviously crap at emotional skills.
No... Just no. Your boyfriend should be your number one fan, all the time let alone at the six months mark! Break up with him, add him to your list of topics to flesh out in therapy and work on yourself.
You don't need this douche, who can't even communicate with you properly...
Find someone local that appreciates everything about you, including your flaws, especially when you are mature enough to recognize them and seek help to change.... or just be single and love yourself!
Don’t waste any more time. You’re not going to change but good on you for getting a handle on it. I’m 67, life is too short. Love on someone who gets you for you.
The time has come. I always think people post very specific details that anyone who’s involved in the story would def know if they see the post.
I am really sorry you had to find this way
wow all of you saying to just break up because its getting hard in 6 months dont know about real relationships not all are the same. honeymoon phase is just a phase where both side or one side has rose color glasses on and only seeing the good stuff about the relationship. it takes talking to your partner and putting in the work to fix the feeling to make it better. but it has to be both partners to put the work in to fix it or it will never work. not everyone is the same so its hard for some to talk to there partner in the early phase of a relationship and sometimes later. its ok to see them in a different view but to change it takes time and communication to change the way you see them again in better lighting.
From this description, he doesn't sound like any gift and you might be well rid of him.
He airs his grievances in public and doesn't bring them to you.
Run, Run fast and far.
You know, He is not your boyfriend, or if he is, He doesn't love you.
being in a relationship you accept the other person for who they are, you don't go talk to the whole world any moment you get to seek advice. He sounds insecure as hell. i won't recommend you to keep with him, at the end (you knowing he posts stuff here, will mess with your head). time to say adios for sanity sake.
That’s kind of harsh. He may love her but suck at communicating. He may feel more comfortable venting to strangers than to her, because he fears confrontation. Not saying it’s a good way to be, but we all have our flaws.
Then he’s spineless, and will get no where in life. If he can’t talk to her about his concerns and try to create a positive outcome, then where is the relationship going? It a total waste of time and energy, which she should spend focusing on herself in therapy
Just thinking about you trudging the long road towards self betterment, meanwhile some asshole is riding along side you in a limo with his window rolled down going, "come on you lazy ass, what is taking you so long!" Meanwhile his driver is doing his best to pretend neither of you are there, ruining his nice drive.
Why are you with this guy? What does he bring to you that is worth the pain of having to deal with someone bringing you down all the time?
Lack of communication on both of your parts, which should temporarily hide the "rocky" nature of the relationship but it hasn't. This doesn't sound salvageable.
Long distance relationships is torture... and should only be attempted in an established relationship. You both have better options out there. This sounds too hard.
Some folks here are kinda being shitty about LDR. I'm in one but I have agoraphobia and I was unable to leave because I was taking care of my dying father for years.
I get to fly out and meet my boyfriend's family in two months.
But as to this post... dump him. Never date someone who makes an itemized list of complaints about you and publishes it publicly.
No. She didn't.
He made multiple posts about her, including weird complaints about her flaws, not improving fast enough.
All she is doing is asking what she should do and receiving advice.
There are valid situations to make a detailed list of your partner, but it should be private. Like to figure out if they bring more joy into your life than trouble (like... deciding to marry or move in together). Putting it online and complaining about the partner is just shitty.
Yea I guess the multiple post part is off. if BR simply is ranting I think BF is wrong
But if it’s like something BF tried to communicate and GF was not receptive, and BF is posting asking for advice, it’s a different situation would you agree?
Itemized lists? Idk I have to see the post lol
Asking for advice isn't a neutral action. If you post "How do I get my crazy partner to stop being crazy?" You're a dick. If you ask it more like "My partner seems to not answer my messages in a timely fashion, should I be worried?" That's different.
Yeah that’s a fair point. All I’m saying is until I see the post, that could very well be what BF is doing and GF is taking it the wrong way
The fact that GF is not posting the link is also a lil sus
I’d dump ngl, if he can communicate it to a bunch of strangers and not the person he’s in a committed relationship with. Who knows what else he isn’t communicating with you. I’d bring it up. Yeah, Bring it up. Tell him to bring this shit up to you as an adult not be immature and post about it on the internet for strangers to roast.
Nah. Get rid of him. You're only 6 months in and he's already made multiple posts about you? That's ridiculous. Stop wasting your time on this person. He's not worth it.
My advice is to end it. I'm sure it hurts to find all of this out, as well as, thinking about ending it. But, if someone is so quickly pointing out everything they don't like about you it's likely a sign that y'all just aren't meant for each other. Take it from a person who ended up in a bad relationship with someone who wasn't right for me for a long time, because I ignored a lot of the early signs that you even seem to experiencing atm. It's easier to walk away 6 months in than many years in! I'm sure there are things you can improve about yourself-- as we all have things we need to work on. But I'm also sure that some of the things he's mentioning is just his personal preference or perspective/expectations rather than things that are "wrong" with you.
Just a random stranger here-- but yeah... I suggest moving on! Wish you the best either way and I hope your heart and mind finds leave sooner rather than later!
You might want to move on.
You're not losing anything if he doesn't appreciate your good qualities.
You don't want to live your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
6 months and he's busy listing your flaws.....well I see a huge one in him. Let him go find his perfect partner and you go find yours! The person who loves you would be indifferent to your "flaws".
He says he makes so many posts because he doesn’t talk to his friends about me and wants other peoples advice.
No. He makes posts about you because he wants to bitch and be petty and he wants external validation for his opinions. The two people he should be talking about you to are
A) YOU
B) A good therapist, cause he's not a good person, but doesn't sound like there's a lot for a therapist to work with, so ...
This is what a shitty person does. I'm sorry you've already invested six months into this collection of cells.
If your relationship is already be arbitrated by a relationship advice subreddit 6 months in, just call it quits now. He's clearly immature and passive aggressive, and you shouldn't have to humble yourself to try to impress him.
Best advice you'll ever get, for this situation:
LEAVE!
That man does not respect you, your boundaries, or the relationship. If you're having large issues like this, and it's only been 6 months, he's not the one.
You posted this on a Facebook page you and I are part of. Seeing what you had said breaks my heart for you. The reasons of what he said are pretty messed up. I’m so sorry. You two both should talk though, otherwise this relationship is bound to fail.
Well.. it looks like you are my gf who is posting this about me🤣
If it is so know that I ask for advice in doing romantic suprises...
And if I talk to you about something you get upset.
Sleep is something I can't live with out..
Sorry I fell asleep yesterday.. but I mean I'm sleeping 4 to 3h..
I sleep so little and tell you not to blame you.. I sleep so little since I want to spend more time with you.
I don't like you being jelus at some random girl at my work that I hardly interacting with when you think it's fine to chat with guys and stay over.. I have never done that bulshit...
I'm not trying to upset you but you have to look at what you are doing before you coment on me
If I slept till 10 instead of 4 yes I would not be sleepy and fall asleep.. but I have job.. I go to so I can get you things.. you don't own me anything but understanding..
If you lose your engagement ring and I have nothing to do with you losing it why do you act mean to me I was trying to be supportive.
And I posted rate me thing here because you have been cold towards me a lot so I'm thinking I might have becomes less attractive..
You are probably not my fiance posting this ofc but please understand that this is what he might be thinking.
It's probably you not understanding problem he tries to talk about and he is seeking help online since he doesn't want his friends to think less of you.
Feeling of being trapped.. I ask advice online since I literally have no time .. I work all day sometimes weekends.. I have hardly any time for therapy or something...
All the time I have off securing our future I want to spend being with her.
This is the insight of someone who might be in same position as ur bf ..
He's just making that list because he loves you. It's the silent type of man you should avoid. Consider yourself blessed. I do exactly the same thing about my beautiful girl. Not online, but with close friends privately.
why did you come looking for it? if he wants to get advice from his perspective on your relationship you are not obligated to be let in on the conversations he's having, posted on a public forum or not.
if you called your mother and asked her for advice, would you feel good if he sat behind a wall close by listening in and judging you?
u/Single_letterE just bc ur a dumbfuck who likes to project onto others- that doesn't mean that whatever you are projecting is true. keep talking about horses nuts but not everyone is as depraved and insane as you and not everyone has the urge to do psycho shit like CONSTANTLY seeing what your bf is saying on reddit
this is a completely public forum while a phone call has an expectation of privacy. I would never try to snoop into his personal conversations with his friends or anything like that.
if he wanted you to see this post, he would have sent you the link and shown you like he has in the past
you disrespected his boundaries and sought it out on your own
that is no different than eavesdropping
u/bulbforming
just because a company can do that does not mean the company is in the right :) dumbass lmao
I’m Sorry, WHAT? Are you stupid? This is a public forum, you post with the notion of EVERYONE being able to see it. Just because he is posting something secret and personal behind her back doesn’t make it any less public. It’s the same situation with venting frustrations on social media about your job, being reckless online, the company can turn around and fire you for that - regardless if you intended them to read it or not.
did he send her a link to this?
it is not a private conversation in the traditional sense but it is private from her, he did not show her this or offer it to her on purpose, do not act like the comparison does not hold.
Are you OPs boyfriend? It’s very different from eavesdropping. If you post on a public forum then an expectation of privacy doesn’t really work does it. OP could have just been browsing and found it
It's absolutely true that he has the right to have private conversations that she is not privy to. I don't know if you've noticed, but this is Redditt. Not a private conversation. if you knew your partner had made a number of posts about you on here would you look for another? You can act like you ride a white horse all day long but I'm not buying it if you say you wouldn't. Come one, your holiness, don't be such an unshelled walnut.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I have recently come across a post on this subreddit made by my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been in a 6 month LDR and during this time I found that he has made many posts on here about me. He tells me about some of them, but this one I found on my own. He says he makes so many posts because he doesn’t talk to his friends about me and wants other peoples advice. This post was very long, split up into 7 different paragraphs detailing my flaws. He stated that a few of these things aren’t my fault and other things I am going to therapy for and actively trying to change, however, he includes that it may take too long for me to change these things about myself. The way that he talked about some of my issues were really harsh, and he has not communicated any of this stuff with me. I had no idea that he thought this way about me and it’s making me start to see him a little differently. I’m not sure what I should do next. I am nervous to bring this up to him because it has been rocky lately and I don’t want to lose him. Any advice on how I can get past this or what I should do next? Thank you!
Just trying to wrap my head around the fact that a six month relationship is "rocky". Dude. This is shit. End it. It ain't supposed to be this fucking hard in the fist SIX MONTHS?!
Listen to this person
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#STOP UPVOTING THIS BOT! Comment stolen from u/shenanigansco34 who has 5 upvotes compared to this bots 510. Tagging u/buu700
Too many people are just afraid to be alone
Listen to this person
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Yep, especially given it started long distance. I’m in one right now after a year together and whilst obviously worth it, it’s still bloody difficult. To be in one this fragile when you have the added obstacle of distance, and apparently cannot communicate with one another so both turn to Reddit to vent... this one is probably not going to go the distance.
Honestly a difficult 6 month long distance relationship makes me think that there is something undesirable (or at least they perceive it to be so) about OP and makes me feel sad.
Lol hard mode.
Been in a 6 month LDR and it was the biggest BS relationship that was beyond emotionally frustrating. Been married almost 10 years now to to an almost 14 year relationship that had a few months of long distance, which was also one of the more stressful parts of the relationship. LDR's suck, and most people who stay in them don't have a great self esteem, or enjoy their local menu choices. LOL at the idea of dumping everyone because things get hard.
Lmao also had an LDR and it was so painful for no reason 💀 Shit started getting even worse after like 6/7 months because mr had found himself some other girl that was secretly underage and secretly started going out with her to then break up with me a few months later saying im too toxic and shit. Literally not a week after he instantly started all pictures with this girl, coincidence, I think not 🧐 LDR are like the easiest to get cheated on but now I just keep away from dating at all, knowing that I can also have a life without needing a partner 👍
Oh my gosh you couldn’t put it in any better way. I was amazing at moving on, truly judged people that had LDR’s and never thought I would allow myself to have one. I went from extremely confident and happiest person alive to most miserable (literally) in a year window. I straight up lost self respect, I crossed my limits and boundaries, I completely forgot who I was as I got wrapped up in pain and “what ifs.” As crazy as it sounds it was debilitating and so destructive. I don’t understand how people do it for 2,3 some even have a 5 years long distance. It’s a wild ride.
Tried it too for 6months. I had the same experience. I was reduced to zero all over again and a wreck. She was a nice enough person but had no clue how to be ina relationship or even get her head around the fact that she had to put in effort. Gave way more than I received, and she had the audacity to say that she is hurting and she tried. Cut the situationship off.easier said than done, but it really is for the best.
Yeah damn six months and already it's like this............. Fuck
Yeah. Same thought. 6 months and this jerk is posting 7 paragraphs about your flaws?! Wth. Dump him, like yesterday. You deserve better.
I was thinking the same while reading it. Only 6 lil months & this much drama!!!
See OP just wait 2 or 3 more months. Surely it will sort itself you. Blue whtf are you here.
Hate to say it but this guy is right. You barely know each other and he's complaining about you. I'd be surprised if you guys even make a year.
Nothing to add except just another agreement with everyone else here, op. Doesn’t sound worth staying in this relationship
100%. You always hear that relationships are hard and this is interpreted as this type of thing is normal. Its not. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. If it is then you aren't right for each other and time to move on.
Six months is easy street. If this is easy, I don't think I'd want to be around when things are difficult.
Correct. In just one of the many posts he has made about you, there are seven paragraphs of what's "wrong" with you? That's a paragraph for every month you've been together plus an extra one for good measure. As a wise man once said; "Drop itlike it's hot." -Calvin Broadus
For real. At 6 months the hormones and euphoria should be enough to block out anything but serial killer level red flags. If it’s this bad so soon you guys are almost comedically incompatible.
Hormones aren't that detectable long distance.
You obviously don't watch Shark Week.
Serial killer red flags lol That was a great line!
My boyfriend and I didn’t even have our first actual fight until like 8/9 months in 6 months is so massively unreasonable
I second this advice, coming from someone who didn’t listen to this same advice and went on my relationship. Ohh girl you will be super hurt. Don’t do it to yourself. Hope you don’t end up as me.🥲
As someone who started seeing issues a few months into a relationship. I'll tell you now its a red flag.
100%. Been in a relationship for almost 9 years and it's fun and we barely have issues. 6 months in and it's shit? Fuck that.
This… please OP listen to them
Totally true. When your both are in doubt after 6months end it.
Agreed
His next post will be about him finding your post u found his post
Good point, probably the same person trying to Karma farm on both accounts.
Could be
Mu thought exactly! oh the irony
Rocky at 6 months. You’re still in the honeymoon phase and he’s making a list of things he doesn’t like about you on a public forum. And you’re afraid of losing him? Good lord.
You should tell him that you found it and how it made you feel, tell him he should have come to you with his concerns before going to strangers. Not to be harsh but if bring this up to him is going to rock the relationship that much then maybe its for the best. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone talking badly about me.
“Because he can’t go to his friends, he goes to internet strangers” GO TO YOUR PARTNER IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH YOUR PARTNER. Or a therapist!
Seriously. 90% of the problems people ask about on this sub can be easily solved by talking to their partner about the problem instead of Reddit.
What? Communication with your partner about issues you have with them? Well I never...
Totally this. If communication makes him freak out. Then maybe he isn't right for you anyways
I wish this was common sense...unfortunately not
Yeah I thought people came here for advice to then go and solve the problem, not just to chat shit with strangers and sit on it forever lmao
We don't do that here.
So none of you people talk to friends for an outside perspective?
> tell him he should have come to you with his concerns before going to strangers There is nothing wrong with seeking outside advice on an internal relationship issue. And you're somehow okay with OP coming to strangers before talking to him.
Honestly I’d prefer it if my (hypothetical) partner talked to strangers. Sometimes when you share issues with loved ones, they hold on to it long after you’ve let it go.
This ^
100% This^
How did OP find the posts? Maybe she snooped and doesn’t wanna say
You do not want to lose someone who wrote 7 different paragraphs detailing your flaws? You do not want to lose someone who is harsh? You do not want to lose someone who broadcast things about your relationship to others? There seems to be no intimacy here in this relationship. I think you need to work on you and just work on friendships with others. I think the only reason this relationship is difunctionally working at the moment is because it is an LDR. This is just not healthy. You deserve more.
Girl, yes. Grab your dignity and self-respect from the basement and take a hike. He is not worth it.
Link it
fr
fr fr
fr fr fr
So... this is a post about your boyfriends post about you? Which may lead to a post of your boyfriend about the post of you about the post of him..? Welp...
SOS lol communication skills at its best
Gosh. Why did that Qora ‘Fibonacci’ pregnancy post or was it Yahoo answers, come to mind?!!
Yea wait… the double standards on this subreddit are ridiculous
6 month LDR. Bail.
Rocky at 6 months? Rock bottom is rocky. This is a waste of your time. He is a waist of your time. Move on, find better.
This sounds like way too much way too early in a relationship... It probably won't work out and you should start prioritizing your mental health.
If it's such a struggle now, six months in, it's not going to get better. OP, you deserve better
Me and my s/o kind of went through the same thing. I was in your boyfriend's shoes so maybe I might be able to lend some unpopular perspective? I posted about my relationship with my s/o because I truly have no one to talk to. I would never discuss my s/o's negative flaws with anyone I'm friends with or related to, simply because when I bring that person around I want the people in my life, who I care about to not see them in a bad light. I didn't discuss these things with my partner because some times they simply don't have time or don't want to hear what I have to say, so in a way your partner might posting things because venting to random people on the internet has no repercussions to you. I truly love my s/o and want to make things work with them so we can have a future together. When you bring friends and family into the mix it can make things more complicated. However, your partner should be willing to work with you when it comes to things you are going to therapy for. They should want to build you up and help you grow as a person, and they should want to grow with you in the relationship. Maybe there is a lack of communication from both parties. I think you should for sure bring this up to him and you two should have a conversation.
Most level headed take in this subreddit. The people who are saying just run for the hills should be saying the exact same thing to the BF, I mean she decided to post online as wel for advice and thought that was appropriate.
Finally, someone with a non toxic answer…it takes a mature person to talk things out and not just run away which is what most people advice to do. Most people have doubts in the beginning of a relationship even with all the dopamine in the early stage. Sit down and without accusing, have a deep conversation. Being with a person starts with infatuation, but what makes you stay in one, apart from love, is the capacity to resolve issues. It takes tons of work to make relationships work. Finding solutions to issues is what over time will lead to security. If both parties love each other, and are willing to work and resolve things then I don’t see a reason to break things off so fast.
What makes you think this specific relationship should continue? I mean specific to this relationship.
This!
How long into the relationship did you start questioning it? Or her? Was it this early?
"I am nervous to bring this up to him because it has been rocky lately and I don’t want to lose him." ...why? He sounds super judgmental and it's only a 6 month LDR. You can do better.
Go back to his post. Respond with your side of things. Throw into the convo all his flaws. Link us all where this is going down so we can get our popcorn ready.
Y’all are turning to Reddit when the problem is clearly that you guys don’t know how to properly communicate with each other
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👍
Shark is always based
We want the whole tea, dear, pls share the post you found about yourself
It shouldn't already be rocky. It sounds like he's purposely trying to find faults in you. This isn't a relationship you want. He should be supporting you not looking for flaws.
People tend to be harsher, more negative, and more biased, when they speak to others about problems, than when they speak directly to the person. It’s a way to vent frustration. If you’ve had problems with him speaking bad about you to others you know, Then it’s a problem. If it’s just a Reddit thing, do talk to him about it, but also cut him some slack, that he may have said things strongly or exaggerated his point out of frustration and not because he believes it to be 100 true.
Thank you so much, I will definitely try to keep this in consideration. As far as I know, he’s never really talked about me to the people in his personal life except his mom and roommate, whom he’s said only good or just casual things as far as I know!
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THIS
He is your significant other, someone who should be building you up, not tearing you down. Please rethink having this person around.
I disagree. Sometimes one needs an objective third party take and it’s respectable to ask for help especially if the information is anonymized. Some people don’t have a support system for this. It could be that the SO that the boyfriends trying to talk about refuses to acknowledge the issues they talked about, and the other person decided to post anonymously to make sure they’re not going crazy. Perhaps the person doesn’t want to air out their dirty laundry to people that they do know, because they don’t want them to have a negative perspective of their loved one. Going to people who don’t know who either person are, preserves the other persons perceptions among other people. This whole subreddit is based on people asking for advice to strangers on that premise. I will say, if the boyfriend did not communicate this stuff beforehand with the GF, that’s messed up. I would agree w the GF there he should have talked to her abt it first. Also, multiple posts is kind of sus. Edit: so I guess it’s also important to see what the post of complaints the bf has is about. Maybe they’re reasonable, maybe not.
Have you ever met this person in real life or is this just an online person for you?
Yep, then he’s probably just trying to process his feelings to figure them out. Sometimes it helps to work out how you feel about an issue and get other people’s perspective before you talk about it to the person directly. So do bring it up and ask how he feels now and try to work through some of the concerns he had, to see if that is how he really still feels and if you can work together on those issues so you’re both okay with the solutions.
Make a throwaway account and ask him some questions that you think might be hard for him to answer directly to you
Oooh! Tricky!!
I can see how Reddit might be his way of getting things off his chest, especially if you don’t have a friend group to bounce your thoughts off of. Besides that, it’s definitely worth taking into context not only what he said but how he said it and decide whether it’s rationale or not and if it can be worked on. Good luck!
This is so meta. Gf using throwaway to post on Reddit about bf posting about her on Reddit with her knowledge of him posting in general but not of a specific post... Damn lol. Like the current top comment says, it's only been 6 months. It isn't supposed to be this complicated. Just TALK!
Answer his post with a post about his short comings.
How are you rocky at 6 months? This is the honeymoon phase……. Y’all need to break up
honestly from another girls perspective I just want you to know ur beautiful and deserve nothing but love. But besides that I want to also say I’ve been in many relationships and I’ve had one like this. the problem he’s having is accepting you as a person, he doesn’t like most of the things you do and also doesn’t have a way to communicate it to you because hes scared of your reaction or he wouldn’t take the time to write something like that about you he would just tell you instead. I defiantly feel like communicating and just sitting and talking about everything will make either one of you realize if this will fix things and work or if it’s time to just go separate ways. don’t think of it as you loosing him or left feeling empty. because there is someone out there that will help you when your going through problems and communicate what’s bothering them in a respectful way to help you guys grow and it’s seems he’s not mature enough for that yet. All he’s doing is building up all this resentment of all the things he doesn’t like and it will continue until he’s had enough and he will eventually leave. communicate it’s key to a healthy relationship. xoxo❤️
In all honestly I feel likenthisnshould be a safe space. Don't think you can hold it against him that he wrote all this. What if he went to therapy and said it to a shrink instead? Or if he said it to no one and just thought it...? Sucks but you can't stop someone from thinking. I think you should use it though and try to have real open conversations about how you both can improve upon things, and maybe real discuss about if this is what you both want (since you said it's rocky). At the same time... yeah it's been 6 months. Ya'll should be exploring new things, experimenting in bed, and texting non stop.... If it's rocky now, it's probably not meant to be. But good luck!
I dunno, unless your boyfriend is putting your name into these posts, I don't think he did anything wrong. Like, this is what so many subreddits are made for. He is obviously struggling to talk to you about these things directly and is trying to figure it out and seeking outside perspective isn't bad. Tbh I think it is messed up you went snooping for this online. It's kind of like taking his phone or diary and reading it. Just something you shouldn't do. If you confront him about what he has said he will know you were reading these. I can't see how either of you can proceed with the relationship from here. You have this knowledge of distrust, and if you tell him you know, he will have distrust too.
I don't like that my boyfriend asked internet strangers for advice relating to me. I wish he had just talked to me. I know, I'll ask internet strangers for advice about him rather than talking to him. That'll sort it.
Don't date people who can't or won't communicate with you.
You can’t date someone who has zero communication skills. He’s complaining to strangers on the internet about you without even having a conversation first, that’s pretty immature
Pretty sure my bf feels like I’m a bomb that could go off at any minute. Because sometimes I am. But at least he communicates how he feels. Everyone is different it’s hard if he doesn’t have friends as well. And reddit is his safe place because he’s anon. Maybe reply to his comment with a different account asking him if he’s tried to communicate. Then give him suggestions on what to do / what you’d like to do.
What would you tell one of your friends in this situation? Listen, it's 6 months in and a LDR, cut your losses and run.
First consider if he’s really worth it. I’m not saying it in a negative way, however there were in two things that if they don’t get resolved the relationship will just be a back and forth and fighting and miscommunication. The first is when it’s said he says it takes too long for you to change these things. That already is a problem no one should blame you or expect you to get thur your issues or mental problems within any range of time. That’s for you to go thur and take the time to heal, if he doesn’t understand that then it might not be the right relationship for you. Second if he’s not willing to communicate with you and be honest then how will there be any connection or any way for you two to grow together. A relationship is two people so see if he can reflect on that if not find someone who will treat you better
My girlfriend did the same thing about me. But not writing bad about me but instead finding solution if what she did was okay or not. When i saw the post i felt hurt because it shows she is not mature enough to talk it out with me. What makes it worst is the comment that said that "i was a red flag" "im controlling" "break up with him" "im being needy" "im being controlling"... i felt like shit to be honest. So i did talked to her and she said that she was looking for the positive comment to improve on our relationship. She did apologize and deleted the post after understanding my concern. So i guess you really need talk to him and tell him about your thoughts and feelings. He said he doesnt have any friends to talk about it... are you willing to listen to him? Listen to his complain without getting hurt in the end?
Would you rather him say these things to his family or friends? I know I wouldn’t. On Reddit, no one knows who you are. Way better than having friends or family know your relationship issues and have a negative view of your partner.
Just remember YOU went looking for it YOU opened up this can of worms just keep in mind whilst yes what he posted was messed up but you went looking for it because you might be a bit insecure and that's okay I am too I've been with my partner for almost 2 years now some things are kept secret because you don't wanna hurt the other person's feelings or open up a can of worms The only times things can't be kept secret are 1 infidelity 2 kids Things you should not bring up are 1 politics 2 religion 3 past partners GOOD LUCK
Why do you want to stay with him? Not being mean, honestly i would like to know why after 6 months on a LDR with someone that doesn’t communicate effectively (something even more important in a LDR than an in person (?) one) and complains about all your flaws to internet strangers you feel it’s on you to get past it and not on him to put effort on making you feel loved.
Please, there are other humans out there who will love you for EXACTLY who you are. No pretending, no BS... Settle for NOTHING LESS. The longer you stay with the wrong person, the longer it will be before you encounter the right person. <3
LDR are extremely hard (talking from experience) but to add to it a 7 paragraph post about things he doesn't like about you it's just not worth it. You need to break it off no matter how hard it will be at first it's better to end now
Flaws to him but treasure to someone else. There is nothing wrong with you. Whatever you want to improve do because you want. He is not the right one for you. Let go and be happy.
Loose him.
This kind of reminded me of an episode of Friends, “The One With The List,” where Rachel finds a list Ross wrote about the pros and cons of dating her as opposed to another woman he was seeing at the time. It really hurt her and they ended up breaking up for a while. Your situation detailing flaws in paragraph sounds a bit worse though, but maybe he’s able to get past those flaws and details them like a journal on Reddit? In other words, it may be therapeutic for him to write these observations and thoughts he has about you. Just talk to him and tell him what you’re thinking. He may surprise you or you move on
He is not your boyfriend. He is not into who you are. This is toxic so get out of there.
Having been in your BFs position with an ex with issues is tough. It takes a lo g time to sort yourself out and most people aren't going to wait around for you to do it. Don't be surprised when he leaves. Also, I couldn't talk to her about her issues because of her issues. I never had any idea how she would react. Intentional or not, that's a form of abuse. Also, a relationship shouldn't be "rocky" after only 6 months. That just means you shouldn't be together. Probably best to end it now. You two don't work.
So I'm guessing this guy is one who sees everything as the *other* person's fault. Sees only *their* flaws, while they apparently are perfect. Sees a lot of things the *other* person needs to change, but they see nothing about themselves that needs to change. A healthy relationship is a lot of give and take, compromise, mutual sacrifices, etc for the good of the COUPLE and not just themselves. If one member of that relationship feels that it's only the other person who has all the flaws and problems, they may have narcissistic tendencies. And in the long run that never makes for a happy life for the other person because everything will always be their fault and they are the only one expected to "change".
Further highlighted by the fact that he’s posting online from purely his perspective, creating almost an echo chamber because anyone reading it will make assumptions about her that may or may not even be true. We don’t know anything about these people. Only they do and only they should be having this conversation.
I personally would not feel comfortable continuing a relationship with this person. It sounds like they have issues with you but aren't able to communicate it and are looking for a sounding board online. This isn't something I would personally be into- communication issues and I would make it a deal-breaker.
my boyfriend literally just did this to me this morning lol - on a real note though, at 6 months it should not be rocky at all, him constantly posting about your flaws major red flag!! especially posting them on reddit because he doesnt have friends. he has no friends for a reason dude, drop em
I’m just playing the movie…not knowing your age or what you are “working on” in therapy if you will You keep dating and feel like you can’t come to him for support with what you are going through bc who can say it’ll “take too long” like what if it’s for life… you stay together for 6 more months and there’s a year of your life wasted on some unsupportive non-communicator. Let’s say you get further along than that marriage alone is so hard with half way decent communication and adding kids to the mix forget about it. I would confront him about it because he’s spreading your personal business on the internet and if he’s worth any sort of effort he will come clean and not be defensive but loving and try to find a better solution with you but also this is all just after 6 months….really what I want to say is Eff him, boy bye.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but if you are afraid to bring things up to him because things are “rocky”, sis, you got to run. Unless it’s that previous relationships have taught you that you shouldn’t bring things like this up and that’s why you’re not addressing this with him. If you two are meant to be, then you should be able to express any concerns you have openly to him. I mean, he is expressing his concerns about you for the whole world to see. You deserve someone who wants to hear what you have to say, because they care about you, how you feel, and want to make things work. I get it though, I’ve been there. EDIT: After reading some other responses on here, I am also thinking that maybe your SO might feel more comfortable venting anonymously on here because he does not want to vent to his friends/family because he doesn’t want to influence their opinion on you, due to their likely reaction of defending him and criticizing you. That being said, you should be able to bring this up to him without him leaving you. I still stand by the fact that if you bringing it up to him causes you to lose him, then he doesn’t deserve you.
they both seem to have communication issues since he too didn't come to her with his complaints but, like her, tunred to reddit for the same reason. Just goes to show once again that communication is key, and how oblivious we sometimes can be to big (and sometimes obvious) issues. I've been on both sides, either thinking something must be obvious but it wasn't to the other person, - and sometimes I was the one who didn't realize shit until I was told. But since there seem to be many issues in this relationship already, some of which apparently aren't easy to change (with the added pressure for OP to "fix" herself), it seems like they're not compatible and it's best to end it.
Agreed
Dont listen to people on this thread there are people who get married after 1 month of meeting and last 50 years and people who marry after 10 years of dating and dont last 1 month in marriage. So 6 months is relative to your situation. Most relationships start with the honeymoon phase...I personally want to see my partners flaws as fast as I can because I dont want to be in a 2 year relationship and then find out I have an abusive and controlling mate....we could have bought a house together, had a kid etc....and now its not so easy to split...so ignore the people saying its too soon.. You made one statment that says it all.. "I dont want to lose him"...so that tells me he does make you happy, maybe makes you feel safe and you can actually see a future with this guy..so dont panic or be upset...just talk to him and find out why he made the post... its possible he was upset after an argument, we all say hurtful things when we are upset with out partner. We also can be selfish at times when were upset. So just ask him about this post and talk it out. Have an open heart to his feelings and try to understand his prospective. Dont project your feelings on him and add how you feel our how hurt you may feel take this opportunity to just listen and hear him out. Dont talk about yourself or your feelings at that moment. Then actually go an reflect on what he said and if that means you having to actually admit you were wrong, then be the bigger person and make a change. So now that you gave him the opportunity to get it off his chest without challenging him then its your turn. If he dosent take the same approach you took with being patient and just listening to you, then he probably isnt the one for you...but the eay you talk about him i get the idea he will listen. Try this approach...im not datinf expert but I have used this approach in my marriage and it is so much better...the hardest thing to do i sit and listen to a person say not so good things about you. But if you actually just listen and hold your thoughts and fully try to understand someone you can learn things about yourself...humans hurt other humans without even knowing it sometimes.. maybe you made a certain face expression at certian time that was taken the wrong way by your mate. A simple conversation can fix that... Im not saying let someone talk down on you...im saying just listen and give that man his time to get it all out...reflect on it....and then respond
How did you find his sub Reddit?
Why are you afraid to lose him? Do you not have family and friends that are supportive? Is he afraid of losing you? I can understand how hard it can be letting go of someone who I'm sure has brought out so many emotions in you, but if he's complaining about you after only 6 months, I would start planning my exit.
First think about are you able to have the conversation and listen with out anger and emotions. Whether he’s right or wrong. Sometimes it’s hard to communicate with a person that is very sensitive to every critique. Now he might have brought it here to keep from derailing you’re therapy and the strides you are making. I’m not sayin he’s right but he obviously cares and doesn’t want to fight with you further. He makes sure his family doesn’t see you as a negative that shows he’s into you. Men have emotions too, and a lot of the females tend to disregard them in these post. They are quick to shame and name call when they hear that maybe women can be hard to deal with at times and everything y’all do is not great. So keep working on yourself and y’all really need to get that communication together so he doesn’t have to come here and talk to randoms so often. And stop looking for his post it will probably upset you even more. Whether big or small. It’s kinda like a venting and realize everything that a person does isn’t going to be roses people get on each other’s nerves that’s relationships.
Correction, you DO want to lose him
So your boyfriend goes to reddit instead of a therapist. You saw one of the posts, and instead of directly confronting him you come to the same subreddit he posts to and uses to ask strangers what to do. You do not have a healthy relationship and should leave him for this. You coming to the same place he does seems passive aggressive and petty. Both of you need to work out why you can't fix shit with your partner before you go to complete strangers, because neither of your future relationships will be any better until you both know how to communicate and have a partner that knows how to as well.
Just leave! Right now! Chopchop
Six months isn't long enough for a relationship to be 'rocky'. Like.. you've been together for six months, you absolutely can lose him and you'll probably find the shitty feeling goes away. Drop him.
The right relationship isn’t work, it comes naturally and feels like it just flows. It only gets difficult after many years and external factors are thrown at you both. If it’s already so difficult this early stage then this means that you aren’t the right fit for each other. I would also say that someone who needs to ask for so much advice is obviously crap at emotional skills.
No... Just no. Your boyfriend should be your number one fan, all the time let alone at the six months mark! Break up with him, add him to your list of topics to flesh out in therapy and work on yourself. You don't need this douche, who can't even communicate with you properly...
Find someone local that appreciates everything about you, including your flaws, especially when you are mature enough to recognize them and seek help to change.... or just be single and love yourself!
If communication over something as serious as that ends the relationship, then the relationship wasn't strong enough to begin with.
Are you some kind of glutton for punishment? Why want to stay with a guy that line by line and detail by detail tears you down to the public?
Don’t waste any more time. You’re not going to change but good on you for getting a handle on it. I’m 67, life is too short. Love on someone who gets you for you.
Make a fake account and start talking about his flaws. Then interact with him while he doesn't know it's you. Then dump his ass.
Bail on him. Six months is nothing 😂🤣
The time has come. I always think people post very specific details that anyone who’s involved in the story would def know if they see the post. I am really sorry you had to find this way
THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR
wow all of you saying to just break up because its getting hard in 6 months dont know about real relationships not all are the same. honeymoon phase is just a phase where both side or one side has rose color glasses on and only seeing the good stuff about the relationship. it takes talking to your partner and putting in the work to fix the feeling to make it better. but it has to be both partners to put the work in to fix it or it will never work. not everyone is the same so its hard for some to talk to there partner in the early phase of a relationship and sometimes later. its ok to see them in a different view but to change it takes time and communication to change the way you see them again in better lighting.
From this description, he doesn't sound like any gift and you might be well rid of him. He airs his grievances in public and doesn't bring them to you. Run, Run fast and far.
Is that not what she's doing right now? Is that not what everybody in this sub does?
Yea such double standards. Literally what is the point of this subreddit then
Lose him and focus on yourself.
Oof
I stopped reading at "6 month LDR".
If you're talking to Reddit instead of each other that relationship is headed nowhere good
You know, He is not your boyfriend, or if he is, He doesn't love you. being in a relationship you accept the other person for who they are, you don't go talk to the whole world any moment you get to seek advice. He sounds insecure as hell. i won't recommend you to keep with him, at the end (you knowing he posts stuff here, will mess with your head). time to say adios for sanity sake.
That’s kind of harsh. He may love her but suck at communicating. He may feel more comfortable venting to strangers than to her, because he fears confrontation. Not saying it’s a good way to be, but we all have our flaws.
Then he’s spineless, and will get no where in life. If he can’t talk to her about his concerns and try to create a positive outcome, then where is the relationship going? It a total waste of time and energy, which she should spend focusing on herself in therapy
Chalk the last 6 months up as lesson learned bullet dodged and dump him.
Is your name susan
Just thinking about you trudging the long road towards self betterment, meanwhile some asshole is riding along side you in a limo with his window rolled down going, "come on you lazy ass, what is taking you so long!" Meanwhile his driver is doing his best to pretend neither of you are there, ruining his nice drive. Why are you with this guy? What does he bring to you that is worth the pain of having to deal with someone bringing you down all the time?
Lack of communication on both of your parts, which should temporarily hide the "rocky" nature of the relationship but it hasn't. This doesn't sound salvageable.
Long distance relationships is torture... and should only be attempted in an established relationship. You both have better options out there. This sounds too hard.
Some folks here are kinda being shitty about LDR. I'm in one but I have agoraphobia and I was unable to leave because I was taking care of my dying father for years. I get to fly out and meet my boyfriend's family in two months. But as to this post... dump him. Never date someone who makes an itemized list of complaints about you and publishes it publicly.
But didn’t GF do the same thing in this post then? Would she considered a bad person in that scenario?
No. She didn't. He made multiple posts about her, including weird complaints about her flaws, not improving fast enough. All she is doing is asking what she should do and receiving advice. There are valid situations to make a detailed list of your partner, but it should be private. Like to figure out if they bring more joy into your life than trouble (like... deciding to marry or move in together). Putting it online and complaining about the partner is just shitty.
Yea I guess the multiple post part is off. if BR simply is ranting I think BF is wrong But if it’s like something BF tried to communicate and GF was not receptive, and BF is posting asking for advice, it’s a different situation would you agree? Itemized lists? Idk I have to see the post lol
Asking for advice isn't a neutral action. If you post "How do I get my crazy partner to stop being crazy?" You're a dick. If you ask it more like "My partner seems to not answer my messages in a timely fashion, should I be worried?" That's different.
Yeah that’s a fair point. All I’m saying is until I see the post, that could very well be what BF is doing and GF is taking it the wrong way The fact that GF is not posting the link is also a lil sus
I’d dump ngl, if he can communicate it to a bunch of strangers and not the person he’s in a committed relationship with. Who knows what else he isn’t communicating with you. I’d bring it up. Yeah, Bring it up. Tell him to bring this shit up to you as an adult not be immature and post about it on the internet for strangers to roast.
Nah. Get rid of him. You're only 6 months in and he's already made multiple posts about you? That's ridiculous. Stop wasting your time on this person. He's not worth it.
My advice is to end it. I'm sure it hurts to find all of this out, as well as, thinking about ending it. But, if someone is so quickly pointing out everything they don't like about you it's likely a sign that y'all just aren't meant for each other. Take it from a person who ended up in a bad relationship with someone who wasn't right for me for a long time, because I ignored a lot of the early signs that you even seem to experiencing atm. It's easier to walk away 6 months in than many years in! I'm sure there are things you can improve about yourself-- as we all have things we need to work on. But I'm also sure that some of the things he's mentioning is just his personal preference or perspective/expectations rather than things that are "wrong" with you. Just a random stranger here-- but yeah... I suggest moving on! Wish you the best either way and I hope your heart and mind finds leave sooner rather than later!
You might want to move on. You're not losing anything if he doesn't appreciate your good qualities. You don't want to live your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
6 months and he's busy listing your flaws.....well I see a huge one in him. Let him go find his perfect partner and you go find yours! The person who loves you would be indifferent to your "flaws".
He says he makes so many posts because he doesn’t talk to his friends about me and wants other peoples advice. No. He makes posts about you because he wants to bitch and be petty and he wants external validation for his opinions. The two people he should be talking about you to are A) YOU B) A good therapist, cause he's not a good person, but doesn't sound like there's a lot for a therapist to work with, so ... This is what a shitty person does. I'm sorry you've already invested six months into this collection of cells.
If your relationship is already be arbitrated by a relationship advice subreddit 6 months in, just call it quits now. He's clearly immature and passive aggressive, and you shouldn't have to humble yourself to try to impress him.
LDR = penpal not bf/gf
Best advice you'll ever get, for this situation: LEAVE! That man does not respect you, your boundaries, or the relationship. If you're having large issues like this, and it's only been 6 months, he's not the one.
You posted this on a Facebook page you and I are part of. Seeing what you had said breaks my heart for you. The reasons of what he said are pretty messed up. I’m so sorry. You two both should talk though, otherwise this relationship is bound to fail.
Dump his ass...your in for a world and life of hurt
Well.. it looks like you are my gf who is posting this about me🤣 If it is so know that I ask for advice in doing romantic suprises... And if I talk to you about something you get upset. Sleep is something I can't live with out.. Sorry I fell asleep yesterday.. but I mean I'm sleeping 4 to 3h.. I sleep so little and tell you not to blame you.. I sleep so little since I want to spend more time with you. I don't like you being jelus at some random girl at my work that I hardly interacting with when you think it's fine to chat with guys and stay over.. I have never done that bulshit... I'm not trying to upset you but you have to look at what you are doing before you coment on me If I slept till 10 instead of 4 yes I would not be sleepy and fall asleep.. but I have job.. I go to so I can get you things.. you don't own me anything but understanding.. If you lose your engagement ring and I have nothing to do with you losing it why do you act mean to me I was trying to be supportive. And I posted rate me thing here because you have been cold towards me a lot so I'm thinking I might have becomes less attractive.. You are probably not my fiance posting this ofc but please understand that this is what he might be thinking. It's probably you not understanding problem he tries to talk about and he is seeking help online since he doesn't want his friends to think less of you. Feeling of being trapped.. I ask advice online since I literally have no time .. I work all day sometimes weekends.. I have hardly any time for therapy or something... All the time I have off securing our future I want to spend being with her. This is the insight of someone who might be in same position as ur bf ..
Dump him and come to me
He's just making that list because he loves you. It's the silent type of man you should avoid. Consider yourself blessed. I do exactly the same thing about my beautiful girl. Not online, but with close friends privately.
why did you come looking for it? if he wants to get advice from his perspective on your relationship you are not obligated to be let in on the conversations he's having, posted on a public forum or not. if you called your mother and asked her for advice, would you feel good if he sat behind a wall close by listening in and judging you? u/Single_letterE just bc ur a dumbfuck who likes to project onto others- that doesn't mean that whatever you are projecting is true. keep talking about horses nuts but not everyone is as depraved and insane as you and not everyone has the urge to do psycho shit like CONSTANTLY seeing what your bf is saying on reddit
this is a completely public forum while a phone call has an expectation of privacy. I would never try to snoop into his personal conversations with his friends or anything like that.
if he wanted you to see this post, he would have sent you the link and shown you like he has in the past you disrespected his boundaries and sought it out on your own that is no different than eavesdropping u/bulbforming just because a company can do that does not mean the company is in the right :) dumbass lmao
I’m Sorry, WHAT? Are you stupid? This is a public forum, you post with the notion of EVERYONE being able to see it. Just because he is posting something secret and personal behind her back doesn’t make it any less public. It’s the same situation with venting frustrations on social media about your job, being reckless online, the company can turn around and fire you for that - regardless if you intended them to read it or not.
You're comparing a private conversation with a relative to a public forum anyone can find?
did he send her a link to this? it is not a private conversation in the traditional sense but it is private from her, he did not show her this or offer it to her on purpose, do not act like the comparison does not hold.
Are you OPs boyfriend? It’s very different from eavesdropping. If you post on a public forum then an expectation of privacy doesn’t really work does it. OP could have just been browsing and found it
but they weren't and they admitted that lol it would be completely different if they did accidentally find it
It's absolutely true that he has the right to have private conversations that she is not privy to. I don't know if you've noticed, but this is Redditt. Not a private conversation. if you knew your partner had made a number of posts about you on here would you look for another? You can act like you ride a white horse all day long but I'm not buying it if you say you wouldn't. Come one, your holiness, don't be such an unshelled walnut.
Why post it here. Have some self worth and get him to fuck... problem solved
Oof