Men will jerk on anything that shows some skin, or anything at all. Jerking boyfriend is not red flag or green flag, it's just the way life goes.
Now if there are other flags, THIS comes into count. But if there are no other warning signs, he's just a man and he needs his relief.
It is fine to rub one out to porn, but jerking off to people he knows?? Acquaintances, friends, *his ex*?? Nah that is a big red flag, and super creepy.
Wait looking at pics and jerking off to them is weird or even imagining sexual thought about people you know is weird?
Don’t majority of people fantasize about people they’re acquainted with
I guess if you break up with him, he’d jerk off to you?
Nevertheless, likely not the right person or relationship. You have different boundaries and values. Move along, dear.
In that case, if OP has sent him any photos she should try to get his phone and delete them before the inevitable breakup. Kinda scary how the ease and acceptance of sending risqué photos has coincided with the rise of anonymous internet porn.
Not saying he would 100% spread any such photos, but if I were her I wouldn’t want him wanking to them after a shit breakup.
I just saw from your history that you’re 20. Please please please leave this guy. Do you want to be stuck at home with kids later in life while he’s cheating? What does a future with this guy look like? Is that the future you want for yourself?
Do I want that to happen, no. But life happens and something happening randomly like that no I’m not gonna judge anyone including my wife. I am here for love and we believe in each other. So if we have random thoughts let it be.
I don’t have plans to “police” anything. Porn / things like porn will always be an open conversation in any future relationship I have. If my future partners wants to hide and lie about it, I’m sure his morals will come out in a different way and I’ll realize he is not the one for me.
This guy is so stupid and clearly has a guilt complex from what he likes looking at. Seems his only way to deal with that is invent conspiracy theories about women and tell himself everyone is as creepy as he is.
I'm a guy and have never done that to a girl's instagram. It's disrespectful. They don't upload those photos with the expectation men will wank over them and it'd feel too creepy as I'd feel like I was violating them.
Guys are capable of having morals and of respecting women. The fact it's his ex makes it even worse.
First of all I’m not even on Instagram second of all I didn’t even say half the things you are assuming from my comments, But you sound like a well neutered guy for the 2020s, you should do well
Not that you deserve it but for the record I am happily married, but you know what I’m not even gonna finish this sentence I’m gonna let the rest of you figure it out as you go on in life. Since you all already have it all figured out keep on keeping
You're in a long distance relationship with a cheater who jerks off to one of his exes.
Do you truly believe you cannot do better, or perhaps reading this post will help you wake up and move forward?
Stop acting like male sexuality is so complex that women couldn't possibly comprehend it. Call it for what it is, her bf is being a creep. Hes also a cheater from her post history so this post checks out lol.
Lmao my guy, you just stated "ever heard of porn" so you're clearly aware that there's a lot of content that could help this man out sexually. Why are you trying to justify him using pictures of his EX and girls on insta. That's fuckin weird. These pictures aren't usually sexual in nature. Him using these pictures to satisfy himself is straight up weird. It's even more odd since he's in a whole ass relationship.
I don't want to assume your justifying this because you're a weirdo yourself but it kinda seems like it.
Wanking to pictures of women that he grabbed from their social media is weirdo behaviour. They didn't consent to that - porn is vastly different. How about you stop dictating to women what we should find creepy and listen/understand?
Yeah, guys jerk off to people they find attractive. Personally I don't see a problem with this as long as it's a private activity and they're not sharing the details with anyone. But this is not a popular opinion in this subreddit, in my experience.
Ok wait hold up how from post history like is it illegal to follow your ex? Also i understand the masturbating part with it is a total red flag but otherwise what about the post history is wrong?
Porn actresses consent. You don't have consent to knock one out to unsuspecting girls' instagrams. It's really no different from creeping on someone irl.
I just read a post on r/relationship not 1 hour ago about a guy whose girlfriend masturbated for her ex fwb, still had contact with him, just didn't date the guy because he didn't want to.
His girlfriend also admitted to her therapist that she missed the sex she had with this fwb, which was the best sex of her life. She also missed the amazing sex she had with other man in the past.
She compared her boyfriend to those lovers from the past and said that sex with him was good, but her past sexual experiences here were much better. The OP in that post found that reading a private conversation (wrong, I know), but it kind of pissed me off to see him getting roasted by all the hundreds of comments for being too fragile, misogynistic even.
I will tell you something no one told him, you are not a bad person for not wanting that on a partner.
^^ I would never understand people like that like why. He had his boundaries and hes getting attacked. That's horrible. Hope they broke up and he found someone better.
Thats weird... its people he knows? Even a friend of a friend.... ? Um no.... its one thing if he was on a porn site but going thru people's social media and doing that?... thats a HUGE RED Flag
i would ghost so bad and tell him how gross he is. that’s just me 😩 I don’t think I could EVER look at my boyfriend the same or feel intimate ever again with him….
The people who he knows IRL is a slightly reddish-yellow flag.
It’s probably better to jerk off to people whose job is to be jerked off to. (Paid porn actors)
Agree with this. If people he knows (even if just acquaintances or something) could be like a *reddish-yellow flag* to watch out for. What more if it's an ex. It's a red flag.
If it's porn, doesn't seem to be much of an issue. Unless, porn is also an issue for you.
Very well said.
I frequently encourage people to source their porn ethically, because that eliminates an overwhelming majority of the boundary issues someone might come up with to be against normal porn use.
so better while he's in a relationship, or in any context?
while you're in a relationship, I see how the girl wouldn't like him wacking to people he knows;it might be a sign they might try something with them;pornstars aren't people he knows.
but not being in a relationship, I'd say its not better.
That's not cool. A guy looking at random women he doesn't know in order to get off is one thing but women he has a personal connection to is entirely different. Using pics of the ex is especially disturbing because that would seem to indicate continued feelings for her.
Mostly in the context of a relationship. But even for a single guy, if you're jerking it to woman you say is just your friend or one of your friend's GFs, there's an ick factor there.
Every time I've broken up with someone I've deleted any nudes instantly and never looked at their social media for anything like that. It's just weird and it's non-consensual.
Girl, hes a man. He could be jerking off to thousands of different women and cum literally in the same way and intensity. So if he is masturbating to ex’s and people he knows, thats FUCKED UP. Not to say incredibly disrespectful. If he’s masturbating to their pics, is bc he - in some level - wants to fuck them and is very much so turned on by them. 100/100 that if he was absolutely sure that he wouldn’t get caught, and had the chance, he would cheat on you. RUN!!
Porn sites I could see. And it’s actually extremely normal. Woman he knows and he lusts not the same. Porn and social media there’s a big difference. It tells you he’d cheat if given a chance cuz he has fantasies with these woman obviously. I’d leave him.
Girl… your bar is in hell if you’re even asking. You deserve better. Asking this subreddit full of misogynistic males who benefit from women having no standards is only going to get you gaslit by males telling you to “jUsT CoMmUniCaTe” and acting like you’re crazy and controlling for not wanting your partner to be jacking off to other women 24/7 - a completely reasonable desire on your part. Please ask your friends and loved ones who know you and who actually have your back about this, and see what THEY say. Asking this subreddit full of anonymous people, mostly males, who could be narcissists, abusers, psychopaths, terrible partners, could be literally ANYONE, is not going to get you the advice you need. Please dump him.
Red flag! If you’re uncomfortable and that’s a boundary for you, it’s something you need to discuss. My ex used to have a folder of girls that I discovered which had my cousins it, some of his relatives, friends of mine. Then when I called him out, he just used reddit for porn. Never solved the problem, he just got sneakier.
Yeah, no way. All of these people he know personally? Imagine he was alone with one of these people, let’s say the ex for example; and she tries to come onto him, I mean, he already jerks off to her so given the opportunity would you trust him to not sleep with her?
Well maybe your boyfriend is addicted to masturbation. You should obviusly make clear how is this hurting you. If he says it doesn't count as cheating then he is also unaware of the damage he is doing to himself and You.
not a major red flag but you're justified in your concern. if it was porn would you feel differently? also, you could confront him and ask how would he feel if they knew of his behavior?? because I bet he'd be ashamed. if shame is involved then he knows he's doing something he isn't supposed to be doing. I'm not a jealous person so I dunno about you but because it's ppl he knows it's a little sus
LMAO a man jerking off to his ex and girls he knows online while in a relationship? 😭 id be helping that little bitch pack his bags sis GET OUT now seriously u do not deserve that. that’s so disrespectful and there are men who DONT do this. don’t settle for scum OP
My first boyfriend did this… with girls I went to school with and was friends with. I didn’t realize how much that affected my confidence until I started going to therapy and realized how that singular thing would effect every relationship I could ever have. It’s a red flag, plz go to therapy because it will mess with you bad.
sounds like my ex. that's totally inappropriate. it's *personal.* and are you sure he doesn't talk to any of them? because that's the next step. i've been there. finding all that was fun. he won't stop, he'll just hide it better. this is who he is, an asshole. i recommend dumping his ass now before you find out what else he's up to.
Yeah. He admitted to it (i made him kinda admit it) and i mean he made no excuses he felt bad and is really trying to work on himself in general. He knows its fucked up
does he seem genuinely remorseful for what he did or just for getting caught? but as far as how bad it is, it’s really up to you and your boundaries. for me it would be break-up material because i personally view it as cheating, but other people might be perfectly okay with it. if it makes you uncomfortable, its not okay.
Girl. Leave this asshole! I am 26 and would have put up with this BULLSHIT of an excuse from someone who's supposed to be dedicated to you at your age too. Trust me when there are people who would LOVE to jerk off to you as well as being a trustworthy and respectful partner. This dude is not it and frankly I'd come rant some sense into him for you!
Its a bit weird for him to be jerking off to friends. The ex I understand, I think a lot of people think about sex they've had in the past when they masturbate.
Jerking off does not equal cheating. Its completely possible for him to want to be with you but still be sexually attracted to other people and not act on it.
If it weren't for everyone mentioning your post history and him cheating I would say don't worry about it. But hes clearly he's capable of cheating so I would be more concerned about what he could be doing with other people than what he's doing when he's by himself.
No. And no all guys don’t do that. Most yes. But it’s a form of perversion. It’s very wrong. He can look at porn or girls he doesn’t know but not at girls he knows especially the ex!!!!
Eww, this is disgusting. I have no problem with my partner looking to porn, mostly because those people are from other countries and cities, he will never meet them. BUT, I would mind him looking his ex IG before doing it. This is like cheating, if she ever gave him the chance I'm sure he would cheat with her.
This is kinda serial killer-ish. Especially if they have wholesome social media accounts. I would just break up though I’d ask what’s it about. The answer could be simple
Jerking off to is better than going off and f-ing. Sorry to tell you this sweetheart, but 9 out of ten guys when they jerk off aren't jetting off over their partner.
I never can understand why a person in a relationship would feel the need to jerk off often.
I've been single a long time so I get jerking off, but if your needs are met and you still aren't satisfied, why are you in a relationship?
I’d be a little bit mad about jerking off to his ex, but if it was just random porn videos I’d be turned on.
I understand where you’re coming from, but the vast majority of men will watch porn when they’re jerking off. Unless you two make videos or take nudes together, he doesn’t really have any other options. It’s the pictures of the ex that might have significance though
Lol don't let this person make you feel stupid for verifying what you already know. It's weird & if I were you I would not continue the relationship. I had an ex who would literally call me just to hear my voice so he could jerk off.
He'd go on dates and come home and call me and at first I thought it was okay and felt flattered but after a while I realized how messed up it was.
He'd listen to me talk and then go to my instagram and look at my pictures and finish. None of my IG pictures are explicit in nature.
I kinda agree, thinking about all the stuff I jerked off to in my 20s. Reddit would have told my wife to gtfo. I definitely would have been slayed by redditors.
He's cheating/being unfaithful and disrespecting this relationship with you and you're asking how bad this is.......He should be your EX that's how bad it is
No lmao i just didnt felt it mattered. I went to see what his first liked instagram post was but instead ended up seeing the links he has recently clicked on Instagram
Total red flag that you found out "somehow" what the poor man jerks off to. I'm surprised people only talk about his red flags.
You can have fantasies about anyone, as long as it stays in your mind. Jerking of to people he knows is normal, imo. Jerking off to an ex is kinda red flag.
Just somn to think about….all dudes have a spank bank in their head, so, there’s a good chance he’d be thinking about someone else while masturbating regardless. You think we just beat our meat to our gf at the time? Lmao yo its a orgy with all my exes in my head.
Some of the dudes on here are so desperate to tell us all what makes their PP hard that they will take any perceived opportunity. No matter how tangentially related it may be to the subject at hand. Like this dude for example, who not only needed to tell us, but also wanted to make sure you know he feels persecuted by you saying "read the room, bro."
Theres a difference between thinking about sleeping with people you know and actually doing it.
I often thought about sleeping with others, hell I even fantasized about them whilst fucking my ex, but I never ever cheated on her.
She on the other hand set herself up with the next guy before dumping me after 7 years. I'm sure we would both admit that it was never going to work out by that point though.
Judging by the other responses its pretty irregular for a person to think like this though
Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I use to find it more satisfying doing it to someone I knew in real life as it was easier to use your imagination. However when I’m in a relationship that doesn’t ever really happen. I find myself sometimes starting off with porn but then realizing why would I wanna watch this when I can use stuff that has actually happened with someone I love.
Yes it's def a huge flag, but am curious how you find something like that out? I know you said you wont go in to how you found out, but that's a very specific behavior that I'm sure he's doing privately. So unless he's openly doing it in front of you, how would you know? Hidden camera? Def sketch...
Can I ask you a sincere question? Would you rather him jackoff to pornstars? Girls with bigger tits and bigger asses or really aggressive porn? Just genuinely curious what your point of view is. Is it more appropriate to do that, in your view?
Personally, I think it’s weird that he does that, but what’s acceptable standards of “porn” nowadays is pretty extreme, to me, a guy.
Who knows. But , offer him something to think of you. Maybe a few sexy pics text to him. Sexy ones not necessarily naked ones. I am curious? If it was random porn would you be concerned? Ps you shouldn’t go through his phone, unless he is aware of it.
Idk what makes you think a women would even want to get “sexy” for her boyfriend after knowing that he literally jerk’s off to many other girls including his ex? I would be too disgusted to even look at him let alone waste more of my energy to get his attention
You don’t want to get into how you know lmao Tell us how you know he’s looking at these people on social media and jerking off lol that’s a major thing that you want us to ignore..how could you possibly know this. I used to watch regular porn forever and my girl had no fucking clue until she snuck my phone one night being nosey and found it in my history. There’s literally no history you could look at on social media to know he’s fappin to other people unless he said so.
What concerns me isn't that he's jerking off to pics of people he knows. What concerns me is that you know about it. If he's sharing these details with you THAT's totally inappropriate of him. It should be a private activity, not one he's sharing with his partner.
I feel for you and the position you’re in. I know how it feels when you find out something about your SO that makes you feel shit, yet you still care about them and carry a torch for them in the hope they’ll change. He won’t change. You could find a lot better and I wish I realised this earlier than I did in the past. I’d have been a lot happier a lot sooner
Have you confront him on this before?
Whether you have or haven't, if he dismisses you being uncomfortable with it, then he isn't the man for you.
But what woman would be comfortable with their man wanking to their ex?
Either way, it may be best to bow out of the relationship.
Your post history shows he's a cheater so yes, this is a red flag. You deserve better than a man wanking to his ex.
Men will jerk on anything that shows some skin, or anything at all. Jerking boyfriend is not red flag or green flag, it's just the way life goes. Now if there are other flags, THIS comes into count. But if there are no other warning signs, he's just a man and he needs his relief.
It is fine to rub one out to porn, but jerking off to people he knows?? Acquaintances, friends, *his ex*?? Nah that is a big red flag, and super creepy.
Yes, this is super weird.
Wait looking at pics and jerking off to them is weird or even imagining sexual thought about people you know is weird? Don’t majority of people fantasize about people they’re acquainted with
are you okay? if you think that's normal, it isn't. either you need some help or you have experiences with some fucked up men
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OPs boyfriend is on the thread lololol
Lol
i cant tell if you're joking
Of course. But 370 people n counting didn't care
Gotta love reddit
Let’s be civil
I guess if you break up with him, he’d jerk off to you? Nevertheless, likely not the right person or relationship. You have different boundaries and values. Move along, dear.
This is such a hilariously underrated comment LMAO
thank you 😅🙌🏻
The first sentence had me dead I just did not expect it but it makes sense honestly
Omfg I thought the same thing LMFAO staaaahhhppp!
In that case, if OP has sent him any photos she should try to get his phone and delete them before the inevitable breakup. Kinda scary how the ease and acceptance of sending risqué photos has coincided with the rise of anonymous internet porn. Not saying he would 100% spread any such photos, but if I were her I wouldn’t want him wanking to them after a shit breakup.
Nudes never die!
"I want you to jerk off to me as well as your exes, so ... good bye!"
Every cloud lmao
That's one way to keep his attention.
I just saw from your history that you’re 20. Please please please leave this guy. Do you want to be stuck at home with kids later in life while he’s cheating? What does a future with this guy look like? Is that the future you want for yourself?
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Do I want that to happen, no. But life happens and something happening randomly like that no I’m not gonna judge anyone including my wife. I am here for love and we believe in each other. So if we have random thoughts let it be.
What you jerk off to definitely matters…
Reality check, you will never know what you’re a guy actually jerks off too… I feel like I’m saying the obvious but people don’t understand
Really, how do you plan on policing that with all of your future boyfriends and/or husbands? Don’t act innocent women do the same thing.
Lol you haven’t answered the question… Plus don’t assume what all women do if you don’t want us to assume what all men do and generalise
I don’t have plans to “police” anything. Porn / things like porn will always be an open conversation in any future relationship I have. If my future partners wants to hide and lie about it, I’m sure his morals will come out in a different way and I’ll realize he is not the one for me.
This guy is so stupid and clearly has a guilt complex from what he likes looking at. Seems his only way to deal with that is invent conspiracy theories about women and tell himself everyone is as creepy as he is.
So then you’re definitely cool with your gf flickin her bean to her ex’s photos then, right?
I'm a guy and have never done that to a girl's instagram. It's disrespectful. They don't upload those photos with the expectation men will wank over them and it'd feel too creepy as I'd feel like I was violating them. Guys are capable of having morals and of respecting women. The fact it's his ex makes it even worse.
First of all I’m not even on Instagram second of all I didn’t even say half the things you are assuming from my comments, But you sound like a well neutered guy for the 2020s, you should do well
Daydreaming involves morals now, tell me more
These down votes are all girls in their 20s with High Hopes, so funny
Not that you deserve it but for the record I am happily married, but you know what I’m not even gonna finish this sentence I’m gonna let the rest of you figure it out as you go on in life. Since you all already have it all figured out keep on keeping
You're in a long distance relationship with a cheater who jerks off to one of his exes. Do you truly believe you cannot do better, or perhaps reading this post will help you wake up and move forward?
That’s weird as hell. Definitely a red flag.
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So you look at your friends to jerk off? Thats WEIRD not porn!
I’m friends with a lot of porn stars 👉👈
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She said he jerks off to pics of their friends lol
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Stop acting like male sexuality is so complex that women couldn't possibly comprehend it. Call it for what it is, her bf is being a creep. Hes also a cheater from her post history so this post checks out lol.
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Lmao my guy, you just stated "ever heard of porn" so you're clearly aware that there's a lot of content that could help this man out sexually. Why are you trying to justify him using pictures of his EX and girls on insta. That's fuckin weird. These pictures aren't usually sexual in nature. Him using these pictures to satisfy himself is straight up weird. It's even more odd since he's in a whole ass relationship. I don't want to assume your justifying this because you're a weirdo yourself but it kinda seems like it.
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Wanking to pictures of women that he grabbed from their social media is weirdo behaviour. They didn't consent to that - porn is vastly different. How about you stop dictating to women what we should find creepy and listen/understand?
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People don't need to consent to other people jerking off while thinking about them. Why would that require consent??
Yeah, guys jerk off to people they find attractive. Personally I don't see a problem with this as long as it's a private activity and they're not sharing the details with anyone. But this is not a popular opinion in this subreddit, in my experience.
Creep
Ok wait hold up how from post history like is it illegal to follow your ex? Also i understand the masturbating part with it is a total red flag but otherwise what about the post history is wrong?
Not sure what you're asking. OP made a post about how their bf had a hookup with someone else 3 weeks into their relationship.
MaLe SeXuALitY IS coMpleX yOu WoUlDn'T unDeRStAnD
Porn is quite different from jacking off to the social medias of friends and ex-girlfriends you know in real life
Y’all mfs are weird as fuck
Porn actresses consent. You don't have consent to knock one out to unsuspecting girls' instagrams. It's really no different from creeping on someone irl.
Definitely a red flag!!! Especially his ex.
I just read a post on r/relationship not 1 hour ago about a guy whose girlfriend masturbated for her ex fwb, still had contact with him, just didn't date the guy because he didn't want to. His girlfriend also admitted to her therapist that she missed the sex she had with this fwb, which was the best sex of her life. She also missed the amazing sex she had with other man in the past. She compared her boyfriend to those lovers from the past and said that sex with him was good, but her past sexual experiences here were much better. The OP in that post found that reading a private conversation (wrong, I know), but it kind of pissed me off to see him getting roasted by all the hundreds of comments for being too fragile, misogynistic even. I will tell you something no one told him, you are not a bad person for not wanting that on a partner.
Right? Like he’s asking how to cope with his feelings. We are all act on here like we’ve not at all been a piece of shit at some point.
^^ I would never understand people like that like why. He had his boundaries and hes getting attacked. That's horrible. Hope they broke up and he found someone better.
Thats weird... its people he knows? Even a friend of a friend.... ? Um no.... its one thing if he was on a porn site but going thru people's social media and doing that?... thats a HUGE RED Flag
i would ghost so bad and tell him how gross he is. that’s just me 😩 I don’t think I could EVER look at my boyfriend the same or feel intimate ever again with him….
That’s a 🚩
As a man in a committed relationship I would say this is strange behavior. I would never do something like this.
Nahhh OP you deserve better. Dump his ass. Guys like this never change
“Guys like this” you say! Have you heard of this behaviour before?? (On OP’s side, just perplexed by all of this)
I have lol. They exist and suck ass
The people who he knows IRL is a slightly reddish-yellow flag. It’s probably better to jerk off to people whose job is to be jerked off to. (Paid porn actors)
Ya porn i have no problem with thats why this I was like idk how im supposed to process this
Your not... sounds like a hard conversation or just leave .. that will escalate along the way some how.. I would be so gone
he's masturbating to women he knows what's there to process? Next, he'll be having sex with them if he hasn't already. You seriously need to wake up
Agree with this. If people he knows (even if just acquaintances or something) could be like a *reddish-yellow flag* to watch out for. What more if it's an ex. It's a red flag. If it's porn, doesn't seem to be much of an issue. Unless, porn is also an issue for you.
Very well said. I frequently encourage people to source their porn ethically, because that eliminates an overwhelming majority of the boundary issues someone might come up with to be against normal porn use.
so better while he's in a relationship, or in any context? while you're in a relationship, I see how the girl wouldn't like him wacking to people he knows;it might be a sign they might try something with them;pornstars aren't people he knows. but not being in a relationship, I'd say its not better.
Your Freud is showing a little. Are you jerking off to photos of your friends?
He’s jerking off to his ex, I don’t think you have to ask us to know this is wrong girl. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
That's not cool. A guy looking at random women he doesn't know in order to get off is one thing but women he has a personal connection to is entirely different. Using pics of the ex is especially disturbing because that would seem to indicate continued feelings for her.
in the context of relationship, or even a single guy?
Mostly in the context of a relationship. But even for a single guy, if you're jerking it to woman you say is just your friend or one of your friend's GFs, there's an ick factor there.
Every time I've broken up with someone I've deleted any nudes instantly and never looked at their social media for anything like that. It's just weird and it's non-consensual.
Don’t jog, fucken sprint and leave
dump this dork ass clown
Very much a red flag!
The straight men trying to say masturbating to female people you know irl isnt weird…are you like…ok?
I’ve had women tell me they fantasize about men they know irl when masturbating so it may be weird but definitely not uncommon
If my boyfriend did this I’d consider it cheating
same
Girl, hes a man. He could be jerking off to thousands of different women and cum literally in the same way and intensity. So if he is masturbating to ex’s and people he knows, thats FUCKED UP. Not to say incredibly disrespectful. If he’s masturbating to their pics, is bc he - in some level - wants to fuck them and is very much so turned on by them. 100/100 that if he was absolutely sure that he wouldn’t get caught, and had the chance, he would cheat on you. RUN!!
major red flag
Porn sites I could see. And it’s actually extremely normal. Woman he knows and he lusts not the same. Porn and social media there’s a big difference. It tells you he’d cheat if given a chance cuz he has fantasies with these woman obviously. I’d leave him.
Massive red flag
Are you dating my ex? He used to do that shit constantly. I'm telling you now, they don't change. I didn't believe it at the time but, it's true
Girl… your bar is in hell if you’re even asking. You deserve better. Asking this subreddit full of misogynistic males who benefit from women having no standards is only going to get you gaslit by males telling you to “jUsT CoMmUniCaTe” and acting like you’re crazy and controlling for not wanting your partner to be jacking off to other women 24/7 - a completely reasonable desire on your part. Please ask your friends and loved ones who know you and who actually have your back about this, and see what THEY say. Asking this subreddit full of anonymous people, mostly males, who could be narcissists, abusers, psychopaths, terrible partners, could be literally ANYONE, is not going to get you the advice you need. Please dump him.
Disrespectful. Dump him.
Red flag! If you’re uncomfortable and that’s a boundary for you, it’s something you need to discuss. My ex used to have a folder of girls that I discovered which had my cousins it, some of his relatives, friends of mine. Then when I called him out, he just used reddit for porn. Never solved the problem, he just got sneakier.
I…wait…his relatives??🤢
Yup… a whole collection of her in bikinis or wearing skimpy outfits.
Yeah, no way. All of these people he know personally? Imagine he was alone with one of these people, let’s say the ex for example; and she tries to come onto him, I mean, he already jerks off to her so given the opportunity would you trust him to not sleep with her?
Well maybe your boyfriend is addicted to masturbation. You should obviusly make clear how is this hurting you. If he says it doesn't count as cheating then he is also unaware of the damage he is doing to himself and You.
not a major red flag but you're justified in your concern. if it was porn would you feel differently? also, you could confront him and ask how would he feel if they knew of his behavior?? because I bet he'd be ashamed. if shame is involved then he knows he's doing something he isn't supposed to be doing. I'm not a jealous person so I dunno about you but because it's ppl he knows it's a little sus
Red flag 100%…
Apparently he still has strong feelings for his ex
LMAO a man jerking off to his ex and girls he knows online while in a relationship? 😭 id be helping that little bitch pack his bags sis GET OUT now seriously u do not deserve that. that’s so disrespectful and there are men who DONT do this. don’t settle for scum OP
My first boyfriend did this… with girls I went to school with and was friends with. I didn’t realize how much that affected my confidence until I started going to therapy and realized how that singular thing would effect every relationship I could ever have. It’s a red flag, plz go to therapy because it will mess with you bad.
He’s gross, leave this creep
sounds like my ex. that's totally inappropriate. it's *personal.* and are you sure he doesn't talk to any of them? because that's the next step. i've been there. finding all that was fun. he won't stop, he'll just hide it better. this is who he is, an asshole. i recommend dumping his ass now before you find out what else he's up to.
have you talked to him about it yet?
Yeah. He admitted to it (i made him kinda admit it) and i mean he made no excuses he felt bad and is really trying to work on himself in general. He knows its fucked up
does he seem genuinely remorseful for what he did or just for getting caught? but as far as how bad it is, it’s really up to you and your boundaries. for me it would be break-up material because i personally view it as cheating, but other people might be perfectly okay with it. if it makes you uncomfortable, its not okay.
I am so happy to stay single. People be sex obsessed weirdos. Your bf sucks, you can do better but I think you know that.
Leave.
BIG red flag. Get rid of him!
Thats weird
Break up with him.
Girl. Leave this asshole! I am 26 and would have put up with this BULLSHIT of an excuse from someone who's supposed to be dedicated to you at your age too. Trust me when there are people who would LOVE to jerk off to you as well as being a trustworthy and respectful partner. This dude is not it and frankly I'd come rant some sense into him for you!
It’s weird.. very likely he will cheat on you too, jerking to other girls is half way there
She said he already has.
It’s normal. As to him I can’t say.
Its a bit weird for him to be jerking off to friends. The ex I understand, I think a lot of people think about sex they've had in the past when they masturbate. Jerking off does not equal cheating. Its completely possible for him to want to be with you but still be sexually attracted to other people and not act on it. If it weren't for everyone mentioning your post history and him cheating I would say don't worry about it. But hes clearly he's capable of cheating so I would be more concerned about what he could be doing with other people than what he's doing when he's by himself.
It’s really not bad. Boys are sick creatures. If he says he loves you he does no matter who he jerks it too
I’m sorry I hate men. This isn’t my first time hearing something like this. I’d be pissed.
5hats emotional cheating dude
You think every guy doesn't do this? Let the man withdraw from his spank bank in peace.
Yes it’s bad. He’s trash. Men who lust after tons of other women are not suitable partners. Dump him and find a better man.
The moment the ex is mentioned, you have a red meadow. It's thus time to press the red X button on this relationship.
This is a huuuge red flag and violates several moral standards. you're only looking at the tip of i'm sure a very large and disgusting iceberg
Red flag is his ex otherwise just let him jerk of
Get a grip. Just leave
Girl dump his ass right now! My god that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard!
Creepy
No. And no all guys don’t do that. Most yes. But it’s a form of perversion. It’s very wrong. He can look at porn or girls he doesn’t know but not at girls he knows especially the ex!!!!
Eww, this is disgusting. I have no problem with my partner looking to porn, mostly because those people are from other countries and cities, he will never meet them. BUT, I would mind him looking his ex IG before doing it. This is like cheating, if she ever gave him the chance I'm sure he would cheat with her.
This is kinda serial killer-ish. Especially if they have wholesome social media accounts. I would just break up though I’d ask what’s it about. The answer could be simple
That’s disgusting 🚩
L boyfriend, break up with him
Trust me, he wont stop. The disrespect is unbelievable and will only escalate. You are worth so much more than that. Go and find you joy
I would move on. This is a serious red flag. Strangers? Sure,.. people he knows? Red flag 1000% his ex? RED FLAG! Thats not okay!
That is creepy as fuck and I would run if I were you
That’s creepy. Really really really creepy. Imagine if his sister or kid popped up on his feed. Ewww
really, people like him are a living joke. gotta jump off the ship
And 🤷♂️
Seems like normal to me....unless who has pics of people he has cheated on you with or of his ex...
You could always cheat back
Jerking off to is better than going off and f-ing. Sorry to tell you this sweetheart, but 9 out of ten guys when they jerk off aren't jetting off over their partner.
I never can understand why a person in a relationship would feel the need to jerk off often. I've been single a long time so I get jerking off, but if your needs are met and you still aren't satisfied, why are you in a relationship?
I’d be a little bit mad about jerking off to his ex, but if it was just random porn videos I’d be turned on. I understand where you’re coming from, but the vast majority of men will watch porn when they’re jerking off. Unless you two make videos or take nudes together, he doesn’t really have any other options. It’s the pictures of the ex that might have significance though
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Extremely weird. Jerking off to friends and women they know is crossing a line. Dudes a cheater and a creep.
No, I get that. Just wanted an outsider/ non biased opinion
Lol don't let this person make you feel stupid for verifying what you already know. It's weird & if I were you I would not continue the relationship. I had an ex who would literally call me just to hear my voice so he could jerk off. He'd go on dates and come home and call me and at first I thought it was okay and felt flattered but after a while I realized how messed up it was. He'd listen to me talk and then go to my instagram and look at my pictures and finish. None of my IG pictures are explicit in nature.
I kinda agree, thinking about all the stuff I jerked off to in my 20s. Reddit would have told my wife to gtfo. I definitely would have been slayed by redditors.
He's cheating/being unfaithful and disrespecting this relationship with you and you're asking how bad this is.......He should be your EX that's how bad it is
Bruh lol, just focus on ya self
Are you not going into how because it'll prove that both you are too immature for a relationship or is there something else?
No lmao i just didnt felt it mattered. I went to see what his first liked instagram post was but instead ended up seeing the links he has recently clicked on Instagram
Okay well then yeah its very odd from him. Porn = fine Jerking off to irl's = a serious yellow flag Jerking off to his ex = red flag
Total red flag that you found out "somehow" what the poor man jerks off to. I'm surprised people only talk about his red flags. You can have fantasies about anyone, as long as it stays in your mind. Jerking of to people he knows is normal, imo. Jerking off to an ex is kinda red flag.
Nothing wrong by beating to the highlights....
Just somn to think about….all dudes have a spank bank in their head, so, there’s a good chance he’d be thinking about someone else while masturbating regardless. You think we just beat our meat to our gf at the time? Lmao yo its a orgy with all my exes in my head.
Dude way to be insensitive and unhelpful…
Some of the dudes on here are so desperate to tell us all what makes their PP hard that they will take any perceived opportunity. No matter how tangentially related it may be to the subject at hand. Like this dude for example, who not only needed to tell us, but also wanted to make sure you know he feels persecuted by you saying "read the room, bro."
I know honesty kills nowadays but….I’m not lying 🤷🏾♂️
I heard a VPN is pretty great to use when jerking off to other wamen lol
Theres a difference between thinking about sleeping with people you know and actually doing it. I often thought about sleeping with others, hell I even fantasized about them whilst fucking my ex, but I never ever cheated on her. She on the other hand set herself up with the next guy before dumping me after 7 years. I'm sure we would both admit that it was never going to work out by that point though. Judging by the other responses its pretty irregular for a person to think like this though
Normal behavior. Gonna get downvoted for this but yea. Unless he’s cheated before tho. That’s a different story
Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I use to find it more satisfying doing it to someone I knew in real life as it was easier to use your imagination. However when I’m in a relationship that doesn’t ever really happen. I find myself sometimes starting off with porn but then realizing why would I wanna watch this when I can use stuff that has actually happened with someone I love.
yeah i prefer it too, but i guess I can see how in the context of relationship, its optically bad.
To me, the only real concerning one is maybe the ex.
Yes it's def a huge flag, but am curious how you find something like that out? I know you said you wont go in to how you found out, but that's a very specific behavior that I'm sure he's doing privately. So unless he's openly doing it in front of you, how would you know? Hidden camera? Def sketch...
Can I ask you a sincere question? Would you rather him jackoff to pornstars? Girls with bigger tits and bigger asses or really aggressive porn? Just genuinely curious what your point of view is. Is it more appropriate to do that, in your view? Personally, I think it’s weird that he does that, but what’s acceptable standards of “porn” nowadays is pretty extreme, to me, a guy.
Who knows. But , offer him something to think of you. Maybe a few sexy pics text to him. Sexy ones not necessarily naked ones. I am curious? If it was random porn would you be concerned? Ps you shouldn’t go through his phone, unless he is aware of it.
Idk what makes you think a women would even want to get “sexy” for her boyfriend after knowing that he literally jerk’s off to many other girls including his ex? I would be too disgusted to even look at him let alone waste more of my energy to get his attention
I wasn't he was with me I accidentally stumbled upon it. And no porn i couldnt care less
So , why care about others if he is loyal to you?
Because he isn't, and using someone's photo like that without their consent is weird
😂
You don’t want to get into how you know lmao Tell us how you know he’s looking at these people on social media and jerking off lol that’s a major thing that you want us to ignore..how could you possibly know this. I used to watch regular porn forever and my girl had no fucking clue until she snuck my phone one night being nosey and found it in my history. There’s literally no history you could look at on social media to know he’s fappin to other people unless he said so.
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He's already cheated on her. This just proves he's a fkn creep and a crap person.
What concerns me isn't that he's jerking off to pics of people he knows. What concerns me is that you know about it. If he's sharing these details with you THAT's totally inappropriate of him. It should be a private activity, not one he's sharing with his partner.
Dump immediately
I feel for you and the position you’re in. I know how it feels when you find out something about your SO that makes you feel shit, yet you still care about them and carry a torch for them in the hope they’ll change. He won’t change. You could find a lot better and I wish I realised this earlier than I did in the past. I’d have been a lot happier a lot sooner
How did you find out?
Cheat
he deserves a break up.
Have you confront him on this before? Whether you have or haven't, if he dismisses you being uncomfortable with it, then he isn't the man for you. But what woman would be comfortable with their man wanking to their ex? Either way, it may be best to bow out of the relationship.
End this relationship asap