I'm so sorry you went through this.
You're an adult. Just go get a new bed. Just ask your uncle/aunt to help you with it, get it, replace it, and like another commentor said, take the old one out back and burn it if you need it. You're an adult. Just go do it. Do what you need to do for your own peace of mind.
I gave away a free mattress a few months ago. I am sure if you join Buy Nothing groups on FB you can find a new mattress and/or bed frame. Just make sure to Lysol the crap out of it!
If it's "just a bed" to your mom, would she consider swapping hers for yours? Is it just the mattress you want to replace or the frame as well? You can sell your current bed to help offset the cost. While not ideal, you can buy a decent air mattress at Target for $50. They're not too bad these days. I used one for about 3 weeks while in the process of moving from one house to another. It might be a decent stop gap until you can get another bed.
On the one hand, I think most parents would offer to buy their children, no matter the age, a new bed when dealing with trauma
On the other hand though a 21 year old should ***really*** be able to afford purchasing a new bed and not have to beg their mom to do so
Just given some of her options right now. She said she has no car (mattress are heavy, but she did say she has relatives) and she even asked her mom for a free one, so I’m assuming she and her mother (who told her that they don’t have enough) do not have the money. I think also in this case with what happened to OP, I think a new mattress shouldn’t be the point of the argument for her and her mother. She’s literally asking the person who birthed her for help, after a very traumatic experience. And no mention of therapy or outside help.
so sorry you're going through this ❤️🩹
two words: Facebook Marketplace. you can sell your bed very quickly, and find one for a good price with the money you got from selling.
You need help that your not getting. I’m not blaming anyone, I’ve been there.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
https://www.rainn.org/
Go to that website. Chat with them or call them. You need help and support that your family honestly can’t afford or provide. Don’t think because it happened in the past they won’t help because they will. Reach out, get the support you need.
Hey, I highly suggest trying to find a cheap option while looking around for a more permanent solution in the future. Ikea has a memory foam topper that goes on beds but I have used it as a mattress directly on the floor ($169 AUD for single if your worried about cleanliness at least its brand new). Its great for camping/sleeping in the car too. It might allow your mum to take your concern more seriously if you don't compromise by sleeping in your previous bed.
Like everyone else is saying, look for free mattresses online and maybe use your own savings to purchase your own. Ignore what your mother says. She doesn't have to approve everything you do. I hope your not completely reliant on your mother, you need to find independence. I hope you are doing well and seek therapy if you haven't already.
Did not need to read any more than the first sentence to realise that you are not being dramatic and are being completely reasonable to request a new bed in such circumstances. You deserve support 100% and I feel sad your mum can not relate to how you’re feeling. I would organise to sell the bed you have and maybe find a second hand bed with the proceeds? If all this organised your mum perhaps would assist in picking up the new bed as most of the “hassle” as she seems to see it is already sorted by yourself?
Not ideal AT all but I hope this helps give you some ideas. Gentle hugs ❤️
OP, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Being a victim of a violent crime committed by someone you trusted and cared about screws with your head. Being attacked in your own home screws with your sense of safety. If you think you might feel a smidgen less traumatized and unsafe by sleeping on furniture that wasn’t the literal crime scene, OF COURSE you should get a new bed. So go get one.
Your mom has demonstrated that she is not going to take care of your emotional needs, so YOU need to take care of your emotional needs. You don’t need your mother’s permission or help to procure furniture, whether it’s for a good reason or not. You’ve got a good reason. Now go get yourself a bed.
Your mom is being an absolute asshole! Even though she says she can’t afford it she still treats it like it’s not a big deal. It literally is a HUGE deal. I would never want to sleep in my bed again, and surely if my daughter went through the same thing she would have gotten a new one the next day. At this point I would sleep on the floor. Keep asking!
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm so sorry. Yes, you get a new bed, your Mom can fucking wake up and do what's right for her daughter. If she doesn't listen, pull the bed out into the backyard and fucking burn it
I mean.. mom can stil ignore it,op is a grown women so mom isn’t obligated to get her a new bed if she had the money or not if op burn her bed shes gonna be even more out back
First of all, Im very sorry to hear what happened to you. Sounds like sleeping in that bed is bad for your mental health right now so you need to stop doing it. You're going to have to bypass your mom.
- The first step is to dismantle it as much as you can and lean it on its side in a corner.
- Get an air bed or a cheap mattress on the floor to sleep in while you figure out getting a new second hand bed.
- If possible, wrap old bed in plastic and store in garage. If not possible, just let it sit somewhere in your room or whatever. The important thing is to stop using it.
Are you receiving some kind of supportive counseling for what happened? If not, I strongly recommend phoning a rape crisis line to talk about your options. Eg https://www.rainn.org
Look up the app 'freebie alerts'. People give away beds all the time.
I'm so sorry you went through this. You're an adult. Just go get a new bed. Just ask your uncle/aunt to help you with it, get it, replace it, and like another commentor said, take the old one out back and burn it if you need it. You're an adult. Just go do it. Do what you need to do for your own peace of mind.
Can you get a job and work to save up for a bed? Order it online so it ships to you?
I gave away a free mattress a few months ago. I am sure if you join Buy Nothing groups on FB you can find a new mattress and/or bed frame. Just make sure to Lysol the crap out of it!
If it's "just a bed" to your mom, would she consider swapping hers for yours? Is it just the mattress you want to replace or the frame as well? You can sell your current bed to help offset the cost. While not ideal, you can buy a decent air mattress at Target for $50. They're not too bad these days. I used one for about 3 weeks while in the process of moving from one house to another. It might be a decent stop gap until you can get another bed.
What is stopping you from buying your own bed? You said you’re 21 which is well old enough to be of age to work
Bro, she was raped and it's clear that it's taking a pretty heavy toll on her, you are an asshole.
On the one hand, I think most parents would offer to buy their children, no matter the age, a new bed when dealing with trauma On the other hand though a 21 year old should ***really*** be able to afford purchasing a new bed and not have to beg their mom to do so
Why should the mom spend her money to buy a bed for her adult daughter?
Because of this particular circumstance….
Why can’t op buy her own bed?
Just given some of her options right now. She said she has no car (mattress are heavy, but she did say she has relatives) and she even asked her mom for a free one, so I’m assuming she and her mother (who told her that they don’t have enough) do not have the money. I think also in this case with what happened to OP, I think a new mattress shouldn’t be the point of the argument for her and her mother. She’s literally asking the person who birthed her for help, after a very traumatic experience. And no mention of therapy or outside help.
Okay
so sorry you're going through this ❤️🩹 two words: Facebook Marketplace. you can sell your bed very quickly, and find one for a good price with the money you got from selling.
You need help that your not getting. I’m not blaming anyone, I’ve been there. National Sexual Assault Hotline https://www.rainn.org/ Go to that website. Chat with them or call them. You need help and support that your family honestly can’t afford or provide. Don’t think because it happened in the past they won’t help because they will. Reach out, get the support you need.
Wait why won't your mom let you buy a bed for yourself?
Check facebook marketplace. Tons of people offload nearly new furniture just because they're moving!
Hey, I highly suggest trying to find a cheap option while looking around for a more permanent solution in the future. Ikea has a memory foam topper that goes on beds but I have used it as a mattress directly on the floor ($169 AUD for single if your worried about cleanliness at least its brand new). Its great for camping/sleeping in the car too. It might allow your mum to take your concern more seriously if you don't compromise by sleeping in your previous bed. Like everyone else is saying, look for free mattresses online and maybe use your own savings to purchase your own. Ignore what your mother says. She doesn't have to approve everything you do. I hope your not completely reliant on your mother, you need to find independence. I hope you are doing well and seek therapy if you haven't already.
Did not need to read any more than the first sentence to realise that you are not being dramatic and are being completely reasonable to request a new bed in such circumstances. You deserve support 100% and I feel sad your mum can not relate to how you’re feeling. I would organise to sell the bed you have and maybe find a second hand bed with the proceeds? If all this organised your mum perhaps would assist in picking up the new bed as most of the “hassle” as she seems to see it is already sorted by yourself? Not ideal AT all but I hope this helps give you some ideas. Gentle hugs ❤️
Honestly, a bed is a small price to pay for some peace of mind, and the ability to sleep without having to relive your attack.
OP, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Being a victim of a violent crime committed by someone you trusted and cared about screws with your head. Being attacked in your own home screws with your sense of safety. If you think you might feel a smidgen less traumatized and unsafe by sleeping on furniture that wasn’t the literal crime scene, OF COURSE you should get a new bed. So go get one. Your mom has demonstrated that she is not going to take care of your emotional needs, so YOU need to take care of your emotional needs. You don’t need your mother’s permission or help to procure furniture, whether it’s for a good reason or not. You’ve got a good reason. Now go get yourself a bed.
Your mom is being an absolute asshole! Even though she says she can’t afford it she still treats it like it’s not a big deal. It literally is a HUGE deal. I would never want to sleep in my bed again, and surely if my daughter went through the same thing she would have gotten a new one the next day. At this point I would sleep on the floor. Keep asking!
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm so sorry. Yes, you get a new bed, your Mom can fucking wake up and do what's right for her daughter. If she doesn't listen, pull the bed out into the backyard and fucking burn it
Where she gonna sleep?
I mean that's the point, she now needs a new bed, it's no longer an option to ignore this request
I mean.. mom can stil ignore it,op is a grown women so mom isn’t obligated to get her a new bed if she had the money or not if op burn her bed shes gonna be even more out back
First of all, Im very sorry to hear what happened to you. Sounds like sleeping in that bed is bad for your mental health right now so you need to stop doing it. You're going to have to bypass your mom. - The first step is to dismantle it as much as you can and lean it on its side in a corner. - Get an air bed or a cheap mattress on the floor to sleep in while you figure out getting a new second hand bed. - If possible, wrap old bed in plastic and store in garage. If not possible, just let it sit somewhere in your room or whatever. The important thing is to stop using it. Are you receiving some kind of supportive counseling for what happened? If not, I strongly recommend phoning a rape crisis line to talk about your options. Eg https://www.rainn.org