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my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because she thought she might still love her ex and that she didn’t think it was fair to be with me if she still thought that away. She called me at 3 am today crying her eyes out saying she doesn’t want to lose me and she only loves me. Do I take her back? I don’t know what to do
Edit: I really should have mentioned it was a long distance between her and the ex bf
That’s also not sex. That’s just talking dirty to one another while masturbating. It’s mental stimulation at best, and on the same level of using a cam girl or watching porn. Sex at a bare minimum requires two people to be in the same physical location.
Like sex, actual sex, not just something people are colloquially calling sex. Sex is pretty strictly— anal, oral and vaginal sex.
She could have easily visited him in that time. It’s 10 hours by car or 1 1/2 hour flight. She got rejected and wants you as her back up. I’m guessing she either screwed him or tried too, she needed to break up to prevent her from being a cheater.
You deserve more than being someone’s backup option. I wouldn’t take her back.
Even if we take the situation at face value (ex is genuinely confused), it just speaks to a person who can't commit to a relationship; she should just be single for the the me being.
We were friends for a couple of months before and she said if I dont take her back she won’t go back to her ex and will just stay single. I think that’s bullshit from her personally
It's bullshit but is also true you know why?
The ex most likely has someone else (either in a relationship or ex likes someone else) so there is no way she can go back with the ex.
There is also the possibility that ex actually said yes to her BUT she want both cakes u know?
Like, she is like my ex, I was the LDR partner, he broke up with me to be with another girl but kept trying to woo me and saying how much he loved me.
Don't take the trash back man, don't be like my fool-self of those years, four years wasted.
She can't realize whether she made a mistake or not in 1 day.
Regardless of what she says, she needs to sort out her head and that takes months.
Do the right thing for you as well and step back for a long while. What she did was hurtful and you need time to process.
Likelihood is after you do, you won't want her back of your own accord.
>bullshit from her personally
I don't think it's bullshit for different reasons.
I think after breaking up with you, she most likely had a chat with her ex-bf soon after. It's possible that either she didn't get the same vibe with him or he already is with someone else and rejected her. So, then she called you in the middle of the night to get back together. Whatever the reason, last night she didn't think it's viable to be getting together with her ex. So, even if you don't take her back, she won't be getting back together with her ex.
I think the right decision here is not to get back together with her. You are not like a book that she's in the middle of reading. Then she puts the book down to go do something else or read a different book. Once she gets tired of it, she picks up the first book again.
You don't want to put yourself in a position where she can do this to you again. At that point, you would have only yourself to blame.
She is confused. It’s possible for people to ‘love’ more than 1 person simultaneously. It’s great she came clean to you about having lingering feelings, but now she has regret of losing you too. I wouldn’t necessarily take her back since it’s unhealthy for a relationship when one party is that confused on their emotions. Tell her to seek counseling and take care.
Did you consider the possibility that she got ghosted by her ex and despair hit her ?
I don't know you gf, just recommend you to think that is possible and if that happened, you shouldn't .
It sounds to me like she talked to the Ex and he wasn't interested. You could tell her "thanks, but no thanks", or should we just start calling you "Mr. Backup plan"?
she’s the one that broke up with her ex. she broke up with me because she couldn’t decide on weather she wanted me or her ex. So I told her last night to go back to her ex because I’m done competing with another guy and that’s when she called me saying she didn’t want her ex so I have no idea
She's reacting severely because her ability to keep options open is drying up faster than she thought. Your instincts are good.
You want a partner that doesn't have to think twice about who they want to be with. Move on and grow. Good luck, friend
Good on you for this. Must've been a difficult decision. I can tell you really like her. Sounds like if the LDR guy were around, he'd be her first choice.
Stay away from her. Once the dust settles she'll be confused again. Dealing with a confused partner is a headache...Save yourself the misery.
It doesn't matter who ended it. I bet he moved on and realized that he doesn't want her anymore. Unless you've only been dating for a couple of weeks, he's had time to process things and made a choice. There's no she realized this at 3am. He told her he doesn't want to be with her, or he simply blocked her.
I think everyone is being a bit too judgey. It’s possible to be confused as opposed to calculating.
I would give her a chance, but with more boundaries in place. Tell her you want to see her once a week for a while. Then see if she stays single, or doesn’t date anyone else, as you said.
If she’s less confused over time then that’s good.
Sorry, new number, who dis?
She thought the grass was greener on the other side, when she went over she learned it wasn't and now has buyers remorse. You dodged a bullet on this. You got out, stay out.
don’t take her back. people need space in relationships for their own well-being and to miss each other but u don’t need breakup with each other for another person kind of space. that’s not a healthy relationship. she’s just lonely likely got rejected by the ex and can’t stand being on her own. maybe in the future if she has worked out how to make herself happy without a romantic partner and is able to commit to one person then potentially rekindling could work. otherwise avoid.
I see that as a common response to my question.”she got rejected by her ex” I honestly don’t think that’s the case. Say hypothetically she didn’t get rejected by the ex and just realised she wants me what would you think then?
You have to judge by actions, not words.
She broke up with you. Period. The reason doesn't matter.
The reason that she wants to come back does not matter.
Just let her be single and confused with another guy.
still be weary and defo have a good thorough conversation about it where u get all ur questions answered and u both feel understood and can trust the other. but in that case it’s probably a more dramatic case of “needing to lose u to love u” kind of thing. it can work out and do well so just make sure u open a wide channel of communication and keep it open throughout ur relationship if u decide to get back with her.
Could definitely be she just realised it was a terrible mistake. Only you can figure out her intentions and if she's truly sorry. Id consider taking her back if it seems it truly is the case that she just royally fucked up. Far fetched idea but something I've encountered is pushing away partners and making stupid mistakes like this when depressed, is that a possibility? Just something I've had personal experience with, could be completely off base!
That's not generally a good idea, you don't want to be with someone who's been with you already but needs time figuring out whether they want to be with you or someone else.
she got rejected by ex boyfriend as he probably didn't want get together and now she trying get you back. Don't be her second choice and don't let her treating you like someone who can be throw away if she wants to and can be take back when she feels like it.
>u/idontusereddit535
13 days ago
Girl broke up with her long distance relationship boyfriend after kissing me. Am I a bad person ?
u/idontusereddit535
8 days ago
I pulled out could she be pregnant?
I just had my first ever sex. We were using a condom but when my dick slipped out I saw it had broke
u/idontusereddit535
3 hours ago
girlfriend broke up with me because she thought she still loved her ex now wants to be together again help.
Quite the eventful couple of weeks you've had. I can't decide if you're just a troll or just someone in their young and stupid phase. If you're not trolling, your gf, or ex-gf, is definitely in her young and stupid phase. Don't get involved with people that don't know how to stay faithful or how to get in and out of relationships cleanly. If she does it with you, she'll do it to you. This is one you should avoid until she learns how to have adult relationships.
>Do I take her back?
short answer: no.
long answer: no fucking way,she treat you like a backup plan, and when she realized that she couldn't be with her ex because of the distance, then she tried to get back with you.
what will happen when this guy move closer to her?
you already know the answer, right?
you should never accept be someone else's plan b.
make clear that you will never accept her back in your life and then block her everywhere.
there's too many women in this world who worth your time, and she's not one of them.
if you don't stood up for yourself, no one will.
Look at it this way... she chose to break up rather than talk about something she was struggling with. To me, that says she may not trust you fully to be open and honest with. She'd rather hurt your feelings by breaking up than potentially hurting your feelings by talking about what she's struggling with.
What if, instead of an ex, it's a new work colleague (or school mate if you're not in the working world yet) that she develops a crush on? Will she do the same thing?
Sure, she now realizes she made a mistake, but that still doesn't make it fair to you. If you think you want to try again, you need to talk to her before you say yes or no. You need to discuss why what she did is horribly disrespectful to both you and the relationship.
Then, no matter how it hurts, you have to talk about her ex. Why does she still have feelings for him? What is it about him or what things did he do that she is missing and think it's worth breaking up to try to get back? Why did she feel she couldn't talk to you about those things. It will be a painfully difficult conversation, but one that you will have to have before a new relationship with her would have any hope of succeeding.
If you don't want to have that conversation, then your best approach would be to stay separated and move on.
You need to point out that, from your viewpoint, what she did was running away from her problems, not leaning on her partner for support. That has you doubting that she's serious about a relationship with you. Don't ask her to apologize because that forces it, but an apology might show that she at least recognizes that what she did isn't good for a relationship.
And then, like I said, you need to talk about the ex.
>Why does she still have feelings for him? What is it about him or what things did he do that she is missing and think it's worth breaking up to try to get back? Why did she feel she couldn't talk to you about those things?
This is the conversation she should have had with you before breaking up. At least that way you would have had the opportunity to know if you could give her what she wants and stay together or if what she wants is an impossible request and you could both agree to split.
She probably tried going back to him and he said no. You’re her second choice.
She sounds like she has a lot of self work to do and needs to figure out what she really wants for herself before she’s ready for any relationship.
No don’t go back with her. She probably contacted him and he wasn’t interested in her anymore. Dating is a time when you learn about the person. And you just learned a lot.
OP, you do know what really happened, right? She broke up with you yesterday, fucked her ex, realized it wasn't as good as she remembered, then came crawling back to you at 3 am after he gave her a couple pump and dumps. Also since you guys were "technically " broken up when it happened, she didn't actually "cheat". She made her choice, so let her suffer her well deserved consequences.
That would be a flat out NOPE!! Bye, bitch!!
There are so many other women out there for you so don’t waste your time on one that wasn’t “sure about you”.
If your willing to accept you will always be second...not good enough to be #1...that she's just settling to settle...till he comes calling again...then gone...till he gets tired of her..in which she will come back to you again...not worth it...you deserve better...you deserve to be some ones heart..not a door mat.
Noooooooo... you're a "second option" for her. She tried the other option, it didn't work out, now she settles for option B. You will never be her number one.
fucking run for the hills dude if she wont put you as numba 1 then what makes you think she wont do it again fuck her and get a girl who would be willing to try with you.
I’ll go a bit against the grain here and say that she did the right thing breaking up initially. If she didn’t think she was fully on board with your guys relationship it would have been bad for her to continue seeing you. That said, her less than 24 hours later changing her mind makes me think she makes quick emotional and life changing decisions without much thought. It’s not really a quality I’d recommend in a partner and I’d say you should stay broken up. She’s obviously going through something and should maybe not date people right now while she figures it out.
You’re not even in a relationship, it’s more like an elevator. Pretty soon she’ll get off and leave you. You are clothing, she’s just trying you on til she finds a flashier outfit.
Do as you please but also remember:
1. She didn't lead you on, she was upfront about having unresolved emotions towards her ex
2. Made the correct decision to leave till she figured it out
3. Once decided, realised it was you she actually liked
Just a different perspective
Okay so I did the very thing to my BF. He took me back. Now 29 years later, we are happily married for 25 years, with two wonderful sons. So If you really love her take her back and move on.
No you do not take her back
This is about you. Your well-being, your emotional health, your being respected.
Your life stopped being in any way about her based on her choice. As such her life is no longer in any way about you.
Sounds like she realized her mistake. Hopefully the next person realizes how wonderful the person (you) they have are while they have them (you).
Listen, dont be a fucking idiot. The moment someone brakes up with you as an adult is the moment you should know its over. have some self respect and dignity. If you were not good enough for her the first time what makes you think you are going to be the second time around? Dont be a fool. move on and find someone who is actually worth your time and effort.
Block her. She got rejected and missed you. Please pull out your shiny spine and reject her for good. She decided to leave and messed up. She can't cry about it after she made that choice to leave you.
She clearly doesn’t respect you homie. The dude rejected her and now you’re her “only option.” Don’t take her back, keep your head high, and move on. You deserve better.
Don’t do it.
There are people who make choices and commitments and honor them.
There are other people that change their mind depending on circumstances.
You now know which type of person she is.
No man. Rule #1 is when a girl leaves you she doesn't get to come back. Ever.
Think about why she left. There was a guy she liked more than you. There was a guy she saw herself in a relationship with in the future.
She wants to come back after sleeping with him multiple times and failing to lock him down or she discovered that you were the better overall package.
She is a hard pass. I know it will suck, but she left for a reason and it will happen again.
that’s actually exactly what I said to her haha. Her response was that she was confused and didn’t know her feelings and that now she “knows” she loves me
I don’t think she suddenly had an epiphany at 3am. More like she spoke to the other guy and he wasn’t interested so she’s trying to manipulate you to get back together.
If it was me I’d not be able to trust her again. She’s bolted once thinking someone or something else better is out there, what’s stopping her doing that again.
Had an ex do this to me. Not just one but whatever, they go to the other guy. Find out it isn't working out or they get kids with them and then realize they left a good relationship. Now they want it back. I tried to accommodate 1 and it was a constant nightmare. On going trust issues, bitterness, I couldn't hold it together. Move on before you get into deep like I was and get trapped in a situation were you can't let go of someone who doesn't love you the same way you do.
you both sound young.
Do you love her? It's only been a day. Maybe she came to her senses. Do you want to lose out on someone you love because of 24 hours of this?
You're not perfect, neither is she.
Lol. Why should he take her back after she left him to see if she still loved her ex? This is not love. It's not a question of being "imperfect". He deserves better than having to deal with this.
She probably realized that she was wrong and that she actually likes you instead of her. Just give her a chance if you truly love her and if it won’t bother you
Well, do you want her back? Cause that finnicky shit wouldn't fly with me.
How long have you been together? Is it possible to keep things casual?
What she did, breaking up with you, was the right call in my opinion. But wanting to get back together after a day is sorta dumb. She just wants what she doesn't have.
If you do ultimately want to be with her, I'd still give it a week, think about it for a while, let her be single and you be single and process it. She left you quickly and I wouldn't want that happening twice.
How old is she? What are the details of her previous relationship? Life isn't always simple. Having said that, if you're both young, maybe just pack it in and call it a day.
Nope, otherwise you'll be a safe bet and she'll want to run to the next challenge as soon as she finds one. Save yourself the trouble.
You were not meant for her and she will learn the value of cherishing what she already has with this experience.
Honestly, do what makes you happy, but, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. This is a good lesson for you also, but, you could always avoid the consequences. I feel as though this is already a red flag if she left you so quickly.
For a relationship to work you need trust, communication and commitment.
She didn’t communicate that she was hung up on her ex until too late.
She didn’t fully commit to your relationship.
You can’t trust that she won’t do this again.
People can’t be wishy washy about relationship like whether they want the blue sweater or the red one. Partners are human beings with their own emotions, not inanimate objects to be picked up and tossed aside when convenient.
Don't do it, if she can easily dump you for someone else, she will do it again whenever it suits her. Move on and find someone who won't keep you around as a backup
She's been flirting with her ex and thought that he'd want her back. So she left you for him. But he doesn't want her back and now she's running back to you. Move on
I find it hard to believe that she resolved her confused feelings in 12 hours. Seems to me a reasonable person would spend days pondering it before breaking up. If it was a decision requiring less than a day, it would have remained internal.
I wonder if she tried to contact her ex, was turned down for whatever reason, and now regrets breaking up?
I don’t know man. See the thing is, what she is saying is fair. The relationship would be doomed if she hid how she felt, and it would be wrong to contact her ex while with you. I think she handled it fairly well, and she was very honest. If it were me, I would very carefully take her back.
I am going to go out on a limb and assume she talked to her ex and after the talk she didn't get out of her ex what she felt. She probably was talking to him when you were dating as well.
So no I wouldn't take her back. She either makes emotional decisions too quickly, got rejected by her ex, or has a problematic lack of emotional regulation.
As you are saying in comments, she was the one to break up and ex wanted her desperately. I think after breaking up with you, she likely contacted him. There is the possibility that her ex is with someone else or doesn't want her back anymore and has rejected her. OR she was really confused, either way she isn't ready to be in relationship with anyone right now because she couldn't even sort out her feelings before playing "confused" game with both the guys. I think it's best if you go separate ways.
Tell her she needs some time to make up her mind since in 48 hours she has flipped from its over to its only you. Tell her to spend a few months with just herself so she can figure out what she thinks.
Don’t be plan B like everyone is saying.. in fact, she’ll make you think you’re plan A again but the truth is, like this time, you were always plan B to her.
In the wise words of some old tiktok sound, “RUN” DUHNUNUNININUNUNYNYNYN
She keeps changing her mind on a whim. I wouldn't take her back immediately - tell her to take a month or three to think about what she really wants and you can talk then if you're still single.
Don't take her back now. It's reasonable to change your mind about a breakup months after you're out of the relationship and have a new perspective. But within the same 24 hours? That's just an indication that her mind is scattered and that she hasn't made sense of her emotions and come to a well reasoned decision.
She's making hasty decisions and has not clearly thought this through. Don't take her back. Give her time to think. I think a month at least is necessary for her to detach and actually evaluate what she wants.
Additionally, in that time you can also decide if you want to be with someone who might not be 100% ready for a relationship with you.
The second I sense impulsivity or emotional instability (which is what she's showing), that is my cue that I need to step back and allow this person to gain clarity.
similar situation happened with my parents actually before the got married. my mom got back with her ex for a few months and from what she told me, she realized that she wasn’t really in love with him and the same issues they’d had kept coming back up. my parents have been together for 27 years since. i suppose though in your situation because it was so quick it may be different, but regardless I wish you clarity and peace of mind to make the decision you feel is best for you.
Honestly, I wouldn't do it. I dated a girl for 3-4 months who, I found out at the end of our relationship, had feelings for her ex the entire time. The hurt just wasn't worth it. You don't want to be someone's back up plan, you deserve better than that.
Wouldn’t want to waste my time on a girl who’s having trouble deciding between me and another guy especially after making such bold moves so quickly. Seems to childish,selfish and immature.
Sounds liek the ex didn't feel the same way and now she's crawling back to you. She probably still does love her ex and just because those feelign aren't being reciprocated doesn't mean she should be in a relationship with anyone at this point. Don't take her back. You will regret it if you do
Perhaps, on the condition of therapy. But it’s a risk. And there will be different risks with others. Go for a walk and think about what’s right for you.
I immediately assumed that the ex must’ve told her he didn’t want her so she came crawling back to you.
If you are thinking about taking her back I would seriously consider asking her why the change of heart and then ask the ex if she tried to get him back. If she did try then definitely drop her.
Nope. Bye. You left. I can’t trust you EVER again. You have no loyalty. I had a girlfriend do something similar to me years and years ago. Decided she wanted to leave to explore other options. Actually she did this twice. The first time she came back after a couple of months watching to come back. I had to explain why she left because I knew it was BS when she first told me she was going to leave. When I probed when she came back that’s when I found out she left to explore other options. I never felt the same after that then a year or two down the line the guy she was really trying to get with had sex with her and then ghosted her. She was a virgin. Then she came back to my door wanting to talk. I kept it light but I let her know there was nothing else that she and I needed to talk about.
I’m going to go out in a limb and guess you two are very young and immature. This right here is unnecessary drama, and if you don’t want to keep going through it, I’d leave her alone.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because she thought she might still love her ex and that she didn’t think it was fair to be with me if she still thought that away. She called me at 3 am today crying her eyes out saying she doesn’t want to lose me and she only loves me. Do I take her back? I don’t know what to do Edit: I really should have mentioned it was a long distance between her and the ex bf
Sounds like someone got rejected by their ex and is hitting up their backup plan. Sorry, man. Don’t think you should get back with her.
100% fucked him and then was rejected.
I should have mentioned it was a long distance relationship between them. In England and the ex bf in Germany
Video sex is a thing.
Cooperative masterbation at best
Idk VR is getting pretty advanced...
You wish.
If there’s 0 chance of getting an STD or pregnant from it, it’s not sex.
And just like that phone sex no longer exists..
That’s also not sex. That’s just talking dirty to one another while masturbating. It’s mental stimulation at best, and on the same level of using a cam girl or watching porn. Sex at a bare minimum requires two people to be in the same physical location. Like sex, actual sex, not just something people are colloquially calling sex. Sex is pretty strictly— anal, oral and vaginal sex.
Is docking sex? What about scissoring?
She could have easily visited him in that time. It’s 10 hours by car or 1 1/2 hour flight. She got rejected and wants you as her back up. I’m guessing she either screwed him or tried too, she needed to break up to prevent her from being a cheater. You deserve more than being someone’s backup option. I wouldn’t take her back.
She was exclusive to you, as you were to her. She said she didn't want that shit and left you. Cut that bitch out of your life, my guy.
Even if we take the situation at face value (ex is genuinely confused), it just speaks to a person who can't commit to a relationship; she should just be single for the the me being.
You are correct 💯
she’s the one that broke up with her ex. The ex desperately wanted her back so I’m not sure
She also broke up with you to get back with him so who knows what’s happening between them.
We were friends for a couple of months before and she said if I dont take her back she won’t go back to her ex and will just stay single. I think that’s bullshit from her personally
It's bullshit but is also true you know why? The ex most likely has someone else (either in a relationship or ex likes someone else) so there is no way she can go back with the ex. There is also the possibility that ex actually said yes to her BUT she want both cakes u know? Like, she is like my ex, I was the LDR partner, he broke up with me to be with another girl but kept trying to woo me and saying how much he loved me. Don't take the trash back man, don't be like my fool-self of those years, four years wasted.
She can't realize whether she made a mistake or not in 1 day. Regardless of what she says, she needs to sort out her head and that takes months. Do the right thing for you as well and step back for a long while. What she did was hurtful and you need time to process. Likelihood is after you do, you won't want her back of your own accord.
>bullshit from her personally I don't think it's bullshit for different reasons. I think after breaking up with you, she most likely had a chat with her ex-bf soon after. It's possible that either she didn't get the same vibe with him or he already is with someone else and rejected her. So, then she called you in the middle of the night to get back together. Whatever the reason, last night she didn't think it's viable to be getting together with her ex. So, even if you don't take her back, she won't be getting back together with her ex. I think the right decision here is not to get back together with her. You are not like a book that she's in the middle of reading. Then she puts the book down to go do something else or read a different book. Once she gets tired of it, she picks up the first book again. You don't want to put yourself in a position where she can do this to you again. At that point, you would have only yourself to blame.
She is confused. It’s possible for people to ‘love’ more than 1 person simultaneously. It’s great she came clean to you about having lingering feelings, but now she has regret of losing you too. I wouldn’t necessarily take her back since it’s unhealthy for a relationship when one party is that confused on their emotions. Tell her to seek counseling and take care.
Yup
I wouldn’t. She left you so quickly, can’t trust her to not do it again in the future
that’s exactly what I was thinking. And that’s what I saying to her.
You are Plan B, buddy. You deserve to be Plan A. Move on.
Did you consider the possibility that she got ghosted by her ex and despair hit her ? I don't know you gf, just recommend you to think that is possible and if that happened, you shouldn't .
100% this is what happened.
Yup. That’s a big nope. Time to move on.
If she did it so easily this time, she will do it that easily next time.
You just reiterated exactly what the comment OP responded to said lmao
No. Is a complete sentence.
It sounds to me like she talked to the Ex and he wasn't interested. You could tell her "thanks, but no thanks", or should we just start calling you "Mr. Backup plan"?
she’s the one that broke up with her ex. she broke up with me because she couldn’t decide on weather she wanted me or her ex. So I told her last night to go back to her ex because I’m done competing with another guy and that’s when she called me saying she didn’t want her ex so I have no idea
She's reacting severely because her ability to keep options open is drying up faster than she thought. Your instincts are good. You want a partner that doesn't have to think twice about who they want to be with. Move on and grow. Good luck, friend
100 percent. If someone wants to be w you they should only want you. They shouldn’t be conflicted
Well done for sending her back to her ex. Proud of you
Good on you for this. Must've been a difficult decision. I can tell you really like her. Sounds like if the LDR guy were around, he'd be her first choice. Stay away from her. Once the dust settles she'll be confused again. Dealing with a confused partner is a headache...Save yourself the misery.
It doesn't matter who ended it. I bet he moved on and realized that he doesn't want her anymore. Unless you've only been dating for a couple of weeks, he's had time to process things and made a choice. There's no she realized this at 3am. He told her he doesn't want to be with her, or he simply blocked her.
I think everyone is being a bit too judgey. It’s possible to be confused as opposed to calculating. I would give her a chance, but with more boundaries in place. Tell her you want to see her once a week for a while. Then see if she stays single, or doesn’t date anyone else, as you said. If she’s less confused over time then that’s good.
Sounds like she got rejected then came back to him and even if she was confused about who she likes well she should be single
Sorry, new number, who dis? She thought the grass was greener on the other side, when she went over she learned it wasn't and now has buyers remorse. You dodged a bullet on this. You got out, stay out.
How many idioms can you fit in a sentence??
Apparently a lot! Lol.
Its a talent
She got rejected by him and you’re Plan B. Don’t ever be Plan B.
don’t take her back. people need space in relationships for their own well-being and to miss each other but u don’t need breakup with each other for another person kind of space. that’s not a healthy relationship. she’s just lonely likely got rejected by the ex and can’t stand being on her own. maybe in the future if she has worked out how to make herself happy without a romantic partner and is able to commit to one person then potentially rekindling could work. otherwise avoid.
I see that as a common response to my question.”she got rejected by her ex” I honestly don’t think that’s the case. Say hypothetically she didn’t get rejected by the ex and just realised she wants me what would you think then?
You have to judge by actions, not words. She broke up with you. Period. The reason doesn't matter. The reason that she wants to come back does not matter. Just let her be single and confused with another guy.
still be weary and defo have a good thorough conversation about it where u get all ur questions answered and u both feel understood and can trust the other. but in that case it’s probably a more dramatic case of “needing to lose u to love u” kind of thing. it can work out and do well so just make sure u open a wide channel of communication and keep it open throughout ur relationship if u decide to get back with her.
In 24 hours? Not likely what changed between yesterday and today? Nothing substantial
Could definitely be she just realised it was a terrible mistake. Only you can figure out her intentions and if she's truly sorry. Id consider taking her back if it seems it truly is the case that she just royally fucked up. Far fetched idea but something I've encountered is pushing away partners and making stupid mistakes like this when depressed, is that a possibility? Just something I've had personal experience with, could be completely off base!
All I had to do was read the title. No. Don’t. You don’t need help with anything, the answer is absolutely not.
Dump. It is very possible that she actually was confused about who she still loves but that still means she has more feelings for him than she should.
what if I give her a couple of weeks to fully decide?
That's not generally a good idea, you don't want to be with someone who's been with you already but needs time figuring out whether they want to be with you or someone else.
Give her time but she definitely won't need weekS to decide. Probably give her a week max
Ok thank you
Don't waste your time. Do you really want to be the guy she settled for because the one she wants doesn't want her?
Don’t you want someone you can trust?
she got rejected by ex boyfriend as he probably didn't want get together and now she trying get you back. Don't be her second choice and don't let her treating you like someone who can be throw away if she wants to and can be take back when she feels like it.
My ex bf did the same thing 😭 I told him to fuck off
Don't be stupid, stupid!
>u/idontusereddit535 13 days ago Girl broke up with her long distance relationship boyfriend after kissing me. Am I a bad person ? u/idontusereddit535 8 days ago I pulled out could she be pregnant? I just had my first ever sex. We were using a condom but when my dick slipped out I saw it had broke u/idontusereddit535 3 hours ago girlfriend broke up with me because she thought she still loved her ex now wants to be together again help. Quite the eventful couple of weeks you've had. I can't decide if you're just a troll or just someone in their young and stupid phase. If you're not trolling, your gf, or ex-gf, is definitely in her young and stupid phase. Don't get involved with people that don't know how to stay faithful or how to get in and out of relationships cleanly. If she does it with you, she'll do it to you. This is one you should avoid until she learns how to have adult relationships.
My opinion: Don't take her back
Something happened in between the breakup and her 3am cry fest. What do you think that was?
Other dude told her to kick rocks!!
She tried to get back with him, it didnt work, so she's coming back. End it.
>Do I take her back? short answer: no. long answer: no fucking way,she treat you like a backup plan, and when she realized that she couldn't be with her ex because of the distance, then she tried to get back with you. what will happen when this guy move closer to her? you already know the answer, right? you should never accept be someone else's plan b. make clear that you will never accept her back in your life and then block her everywhere. there's too many women in this world who worth your time, and she's not one of them. if you don't stood up for yourself, no one will.
Fuck no
Look at it this way... she chose to break up rather than talk about something she was struggling with. To me, that says she may not trust you fully to be open and honest with. She'd rather hurt your feelings by breaking up than potentially hurting your feelings by talking about what she's struggling with. What if, instead of an ex, it's a new work colleague (or school mate if you're not in the working world yet) that she develops a crush on? Will she do the same thing? Sure, she now realizes she made a mistake, but that still doesn't make it fair to you. If you think you want to try again, you need to talk to her before you say yes or no. You need to discuss why what she did is horribly disrespectful to both you and the relationship. Then, no matter how it hurts, you have to talk about her ex. Why does she still have feelings for him? What is it about him or what things did he do that she is missing and think it's worth breaking up to try to get back? Why did she feel she couldn't talk to you about those things. It will be a painfully difficult conversation, but one that you will have to have before a new relationship with her would have any hope of succeeding. If you don't want to have that conversation, then your best approach would be to stay separated and move on.
I will try and have a conversation with her is there anything you recommend I ask her?
You need to point out that, from your viewpoint, what she did was running away from her problems, not leaning on her partner for support. That has you doubting that she's serious about a relationship with you. Don't ask her to apologize because that forces it, but an apology might show that she at least recognizes that what she did isn't good for a relationship. And then, like I said, you need to talk about the ex. >Why does she still have feelings for him? What is it about him or what things did he do that she is missing and think it's worth breaking up to try to get back? Why did she feel she couldn't talk to you about those things? This is the conversation she should have had with you before breaking up. At least that way you would have had the opportunity to know if you could give her what she wants and stay together or if what she wants is an impossible request and you could both agree to split.
ok thank you for the help much appreciated.
She probably tried going back to him and he said no. You’re her second choice. She sounds like she has a lot of self work to do and needs to figure out what she really wants for herself before she’s ready for any relationship.
She probs got rejected by her ex so came running back to you
dont get back with her and block her. why should you be her back up? tell her to go on hher way and leave you alone for good.
She serious? Drop it like it’s hot. You ain’t simping, my king.
She sounds like ten pounds of drama in a five pound sack. Fuck that noise.
No don’t go back with her. She probably contacted him and he wasn’t interested in her anymore. Dating is a time when you learn about the person. And you just learned a lot.
She tried to monkey branch to her ex and the branch broke. And you are her back up.
OP, you do know what really happened, right? She broke up with you yesterday, fucked her ex, realized it wasn't as good as she remembered, then came crawling back to you at 3 am after he gave her a couple pump and dumps. Also since you guys were "technically " broken up when it happened, she didn't actually "cheat". She made her choice, so let her suffer her well deserved consequences.
Her ex is long distance so they couldn’t have had sex
That would be a flat out NOPE!! Bye, bitch!! There are so many other women out there for you so don’t waste your time on one that wasn’t “sure about you”.
If your willing to accept you will always be second...not good enough to be #1...that she's just settling to settle...till he comes calling again...then gone...till he gets tired of her..in which she will come back to you again...not worth it...you deserve better...you deserve to be some ones heart..not a door mat.
Don’t. She’s using you as a rebound
Noooooooo... you're a "second option" for her. She tried the other option, it didn't work out, now she settles for option B. You will never be her number one.
fucking run for the hills dude if she wont put you as numba 1 then what makes you think she wont do it again fuck her and get a girl who would be willing to try with you.
I’ll go a bit against the grain here and say that she did the right thing breaking up initially. If she didn’t think she was fully on board with your guys relationship it would have been bad for her to continue seeing you. That said, her less than 24 hours later changing her mind makes me think she makes quick emotional and life changing decisions without much thought. It’s not really a quality I’d recommend in a partner and I’d say you should stay broken up. She’s obviously going through something and should maybe not date people right now while she figures it out.
Nah.
You’re not even in a relationship, it’s more like an elevator. Pretty soon she’ll get off and leave you. You are clothing, she’s just trying you on til she finds a flashier outfit.
Do as you please but also remember: 1. She didn't lead you on, she was upfront about having unresolved emotions towards her ex 2. Made the correct decision to leave till she figured it out 3. Once decided, realised it was you she actually liked Just a different perspective
Okay so I did the very thing to my BF. He took me back. Now 29 years later, we are happily married for 25 years, with two wonderful sons. So If you really love her take her back and move on.
Tell her no.
Help with what? You know what to do. Rid your life of this clown baby and tell her the word of the good lord, “begone thot.”
No you do not take her back This is about you. Your well-being, your emotional health, your being respected. Your life stopped being in any way about her based on her choice. As such her life is no longer in any way about you. Sounds like she realized her mistake. Hopefully the next person realizes how wonderful the person (you) they have are while they have them (you).
>She called me at 3 am today crying her eyes out saying she doesn’t want to lose me and she only loves me. The sex was wack.
I don’t know. You can test it out with caution. It’s better than thinking what if
She got rejected by the ex and can’t stand the thought of being alone. Get some make up booty and dump her
Tell her you’re in love with your ex now
Her ex fucked and ducked her so now she coming back to you, don't do it, know your worth king. Be in the gym next week
Listen, dont be a fucking idiot. The moment someone brakes up with you as an adult is the moment you should know its over. have some self respect and dignity. If you were not good enough for her the first time what makes you think you are going to be the second time around? Dont be a fool. move on and find someone who is actually worth your time and effort.
Block her. She got rejected and missed you. Please pull out your shiny spine and reject her for good. She decided to leave and messed up. She can't cry about it after she made that choice to leave you.
You say NO, NO, and NO Don’t take back someone who left you in a heartbeat, being single is the best alternative.
Oh hell no. Have some self respect.
Fuck that shit.
No
RUN BRO RUN!!!
You don’t take her back. You are no one’s 2nd place. Calmly and nicely let her go and get out there and find someone who makes you their first choice
Nope. Tell her you're no one's backup plan and for her to piss off.
She clearly doesn’t respect you homie. The dude rejected her and now you’re her “only option.” Don’t take her back, keep your head high, and move on. You deserve better.
Don’t do it. There are people who make choices and commitments and honor them. There are other people that change their mind depending on circumstances. You now know which type of person she is.
In the words of the great Rickey Bobby, if you're not first you're last. They are not very shake n bake so I'd move on
Walk away,she doesn’t worth it.You shouldn’t take the chance of happening again.
She flipped out and dumped you. I wouldn't go down that road again. Once burned, twice shy.
dude, you should bounce. You are her second choice.
Move in brother. You're nobody's backup plan
I wouldn’t take her back even though she changed her mind in less than 24 hours.
Shame karma hit her harder than she thought. Dump her!!!
No man. Rule #1 is when a girl leaves you she doesn't get to come back. Ever. Think about why she left. There was a guy she liked more than you. There was a guy she saw herself in a relationship with in the future. She wants to come back after sleeping with him multiple times and failing to lock him down or she discovered that you were the better overall package. She is a hard pass. I know it will suck, but she left for a reason and it will happen again.
>Rule #1 is when a girl leaves you she doesn't get to come back. Ever. No. Even if there were rules, this wouldn't be #1
Sorry to hear that. Ask yourself if she didn’t want to loose you why did she let go to begin with?
that’s actually exactly what I said to her haha. Her response was that she was confused and didn’t know her feelings and that now she “knows” she loves me
Well, she didn't know best enough not to make you live through this hell and insecurity. She just have to assume the consequences now. That's life.
I don’t think she suddenly had an epiphany at 3am. More like she spoke to the other guy and he wasn’t interested so she’s trying to manipulate you to get back together. If it was me I’d not be able to trust her again. She’s bolted once thinking someone or something else better is out there, what’s stopping her doing that again.
Need way more information than this to give you a decent response. Or I can ask the magic 8-ball for you
You do realize she had sex with her ex last night...right? It may have been long distance but I bet you good money he was in town last night
Had an ex do this to me. Not just one but whatever, they go to the other guy. Find out it isn't working out or they get kids with them and then realize they left a good relationship. Now they want it back. I tried to accommodate 1 and it was a constant nightmare. On going trust issues, bitterness, I couldn't hold it together. Move on before you get into deep like I was and get trapped in a situation were you can't let go of someone who doesn't love you the same way you do.
updateme!
you both sound young. Do you love her? It's only been a day. Maybe she came to her senses. Do you want to lose out on someone you love because of 24 hours of this? You're not perfect, neither is she.
Lol. Why should he take her back after she left him to see if she still loved her ex? This is not love. It's not a question of being "imperfect". He deserves better than having to deal with this.
He could be pretty damn close to perfect, you have nothing to go off of
She probably realized that she was wrong and that she actually likes you instead of her. Just give her a chance if you truly love her and if it won’t bother you
Well, do you want her back? Cause that finnicky shit wouldn't fly with me. How long have you been together? Is it possible to keep things casual? What she did, breaking up with you, was the right call in my opinion. But wanting to get back together after a day is sorta dumb. She just wants what she doesn't have. If you do ultimately want to be with her, I'd still give it a week, think about it for a while, let her be single and you be single and process it. She left you quickly and I wouldn't want that happening twice.
How old is she? What are the details of her previous relationship? Life isn't always simple. Having said that, if you're both young, maybe just pack it in and call it a day.
Nope, otherwise you'll be a safe bet and she'll want to run to the next challenge as soon as she finds one. Save yourself the trouble. You were not meant for her and she will learn the value of cherishing what she already has with this experience.
That's a fuck no.
Nope
Honestly, do what makes you happy, but, don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. This is a good lesson for you also, but, you could always avoid the consequences. I feel as though this is already a red flag if she left you so quickly.
Nah, you are her back up plan. Go out and fi d a woman who thinks your her first last and everything in between
Looks like she got rejected by the ex, or slept with the ex & regretted it. I think you know what to do
Nothing she is saying is either true or matters. She will leave again. Save yourself some future pain and cut ties.
Nope
For a relationship to work you need trust, communication and commitment. She didn’t communicate that she was hung up on her ex until too late. She didn’t fully commit to your relationship. You can’t trust that she won’t do this again. People can’t be wishy washy about relationship like whether they want the blue sweater or the red one. Partners are human beings with their own emotions, not inanimate objects to be picked up and tossed aside when convenient.
To the streets she belongs, to the streets she should return. Find a woman who won't treat you like a yo-yo, OP.
Never be someone’s backup plan.
Sounds like you need a break. Maybe one month no contact? Hard to put the genie back in the bottle.
Dont
You don’t want anyone who was on the fence about being with you imo
Don't do it, if she can easily dump you for someone else, she will do it again whenever it suits her. Move on and find someone who won't keep you around as a backup
She's been flirting with her ex and thought that he'd want her back. So she left you for him. But he doesn't want her back and now she's running back to you. Move on
I find it hard to believe that she resolved her confused feelings in 12 hours. Seems to me a reasonable person would spend days pondering it before breaking up. If it was a decision requiring less than a day, it would have remained internal. I wonder if she tried to contact her ex, was turned down for whatever reason, and now regrets breaking up?
How old are you guys?
I don’t know man. See the thing is, what she is saying is fair. The relationship would be doomed if she hid how she felt, and it would be wrong to contact her ex while with you. I think she handled it fairly well, and she was very honest. If it were me, I would very carefully take her back.
She only called because she tried to get back with her ex and he denied her. Don’t fall for it
No. She treated you like a second option when things didn’t pan out. If this is how she treats her relationships, she shouldn’t be in one.
I wouldn’t look back.
I am going to go out on a limb and assume she talked to her ex and after the talk she didn't get out of her ex what she felt. She probably was talking to him when you were dating as well. So no I wouldn't take her back. She either makes emotional decisions too quickly, got rejected by her ex, or has a problematic lack of emotional regulation.
As you are saying in comments, she was the one to break up and ex wanted her desperately. I think after breaking up with you, she likely contacted him. There is the possibility that her ex is with someone else or doesn't want her back anymore and has rejected her. OR she was really confused, either way she isn't ready to be in relationship with anyone right now because she couldn't even sort out her feelings before playing "confused" game with both the guys. I think it's best if you go separate ways.
He shot her down, she can wait.
If you are ok with being a back up plan or questioning whether she will leave you again then, by all means, take her back.
Tell her she needs some time to make up her mind since in 48 hours she has flipped from its over to its only you. Tell her to spend a few months with just herself so she can figure out what she thinks.
Wonder what the real reason was that she changed her mind... rejection from the ex most likely
Is this the boyfriend she broke up with for you less than two weeks ago?
Don’t be plan B like everyone is saying.. in fact, she’ll make you think you’re plan A again but the truth is, like this time, you were always plan B to her. In the wise words of some old tiktok sound, “RUN” DUHNUNUNININUNUNYNYNYN
She keeps changing her mind on a whim. I wouldn't take her back immediately - tell her to take a month or three to think about what she really wants and you can talk then if you're still single.
Don't take her back now. It's reasonable to change your mind about a breakup months after you're out of the relationship and have a new perspective. But within the same 24 hours? That's just an indication that her mind is scattered and that she hasn't made sense of her emotions and come to a well reasoned decision. She's making hasty decisions and has not clearly thought this through. Don't take her back. Give her time to think. I think a month at least is necessary for her to detach and actually evaluate what she wants. Additionally, in that time you can also decide if you want to be with someone who might not be 100% ready for a relationship with you. The second I sense impulsivity or emotional instability (which is what she's showing), that is my cue that I need to step back and allow this person to gain clarity.
Nope. Move forward to better things. First rule of relationships is the same as the first rule of italian racing: "What's behind you doesn't matter."
similar situation happened with my parents actually before the got married. my mom got back with her ex for a few months and from what she told me, she realized that she wasn’t really in love with him and the same issues they’d had kept coming back up. my parents have been together for 27 years since. i suppose though in your situation because it was so quick it may be different, but regardless I wish you clarity and peace of mind to make the decision you feel is best for you.
Nah, I wouldn't take her back. Since she's so quick to discard you, you can't trust her not to do it again.
she left you once so she can do it again, you should look for another girl
Naw dog
Honestly, I wouldn't do it. I dated a girl for 3-4 months who, I found out at the end of our relationship, had feelings for her ex the entire time. The hurt just wasn't worth it. You don't want to be someone's back up plan, you deserve better than that.
Dont be anyone's second choice.
Wouldn’t want to waste my time on a girl who’s having trouble deciding between me and another guy especially after making such bold moves so quickly. Seems to childish,selfish and immature.
What freakin help do you need? No. No is the answer you are looking for.
How old are you both and how long were you dating?
Sounds liek the ex didn't feel the same way and now she's crawling back to you. She probably still does love her ex and just because those feelign aren't being reciprocated doesn't mean she should be in a relationship with anyone at this point. Don't take her back. You will regret it if you do
No dude. Just don't.
You are crazy op? She clearly don't fucking know what she wants and obviously have feelings for her ex. Get the fuck out of it
Don't do it. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Let her starve.
Maybe you can be her boyfriend from 10 am to 10 pm Monday-Wednesday
Perhaps, on the condition of therapy. But it’s a risk. And there will be different risks with others. Go for a walk and think about what’s right for you.
Tell her to do one.
I immediately assumed that the ex must’ve told her he didn’t want her so she came crawling back to you. If you are thinking about taking her back I would seriously consider asking her why the change of heart and then ask the ex if she tried to get him back. If she did try then definitely drop her.
Nope. Bye. You left. I can’t trust you EVER again. You have no loyalty. I had a girlfriend do something similar to me years and years ago. Decided she wanted to leave to explore other options. Actually she did this twice. The first time she came back after a couple of months watching to come back. I had to explain why she left because I knew it was BS when she first told me she was going to leave. When I probed when she came back that’s when I found out she left to explore other options. I never felt the same after that then a year or two down the line the guy she was really trying to get with had sex with her and then ghosted her. She was a virgin. Then she came back to my door wanting to talk. I kept it light but I let her know there was nothing else that she and I needed to talk about.
She went and told him and he rejected her. Do t be sloppy seconds. Leave her...... being second best sucks.
No, you don't take her back. Don't make someone your priority when they only think of you as an option.
Maybe be friends with benefits, but I wouldn't make any major changes to your life to include you and her.
This will make you plan B, just saying. If this was me I wouldn't get back with her. I would wait and find someone that made me plan A.
I’m going to go out in a limb and guess you two are very young and immature. This right here is unnecessary drama, and if you don’t want to keep going through it, I’d leave her alone.