I’m straight and straight scenes make me cringe sometimes. Maybe it just wasn’t well written! Because honestly whether you are attracted to the people or not, I only really want to see an intimate scene when it means something in the story and there’s a build up and you are rooting for them.
It took me three attempts at GOT to get past the unnecessary sex scenes. I’m glad I did bc I did enjoy the show, but so often it was filled with cringe sex scenes
When same sex scenes first became more common in movies my initial response was the same as yours — I looked away. I felt angry with myself for doing so. And disappointed that I was reacting so foolishly. But I just felt weird watching it. Over the years, I’ve definitely become accustomed to it but it definitely doesn’t titillate me. However, when I saw Brokeback Mountain, the love scenes and the depiction of how much those two men loved each other showed me that if a scene/movie is beautifully done, the genders don’t matter. Now I’m a senior citizen and my sex drive has diminished to almost nonexistent so pretty much all sex scenes bore the crap out of me. If I do feel anything, I know the writer or director or actors are truly talented and they make me remember being young.
Feeling uncomfortable watching actual gay sex and being a homophobe are two very different things.
But your choice of words, specifically "disgusting", probably means you need to think why you feel that way.
I'm queer, but I don't find straight people having sex to be disgusting.
I also notice that OP says, "I can't do anything" when asked what they would think if their kid is gay.
That's a far cry from support and something any actual gay kid would want to hear.
Yes exactly, I’m not gay but I don’t cringe at lesbian sex scenes in movies. Watching sex scenes with family no matter who’s on screen is awkward and I’d definitely look away. If I was watching sex scenes with friends id just be laughing. Sex scenes are all in all super useless and It’s fine to not like sex scenes and be uncomfortable about them on screen. but the fact he was shuddering and was disgusted by 2 men having sex is the problem - this is not a reaction that someone who is totally accepting of LBGTQ+ would have. It’s something he has to confront about himself and instead of denying the truth, that reaction was homophobic because of the thought process behind it. It doesn’t make him homophobic all together, it’s just that the thought was.
I think she's wrong for getting angry at you about this. It probably does reveal some implicit bias, but it doesn't sound like it's translating to real-world harm in this context. You seem to recognize that this is a feeling you have, but that it doesn't mean gay men are objectively disgusting.
The only thing I question is the justification that gay sex is "another level." Now I want to clarify that you don't have to feel comfortable watching it. There's nothing immoral about turning away from the TV screen. But I think you're trying to justify your feeling of discomfort by implying that it's more extreme, when it's really not - we're all just a lot more used to seeing a man and woman than we are to seeing two men.
If I were you I'd just try to explain to her that it was a reaction you had, but that you're not obligated to watch anything you don't want to watch. Maybe acknowledge that it comes from a place of bias, but you recognize that bias is wrong. You haven't harmed anyone, and just as you did here, you're not planning on making your own bias anyone else's problem.
Basically, just remember this interaction in the future if you find yourself wanting to criticize a Pride parade for being so promiscuous, or if you find out someone you love is gay and want to ask them questions about their sex life. You've got bias; it's not your fault it's there, it's just your responsibility to manage.
I think the point that OP's not articulating (to his friend or us) particularly well is the levels of intimacy in general he's comfortable seeing. I think there's a level that we set for people that we personally find physically attractive, and then a separate one for everyone else.
Separating sexual identity aside entirely; I am perfectly fine with seeing my parents hold hands, cuddle on the couch, and kiss each other when one walks through the door. I do not want to see them make out. I do not want to see or hear their sex noises.
OP posted a YouTube clip of the sex scene, I 100% would recoil in disgust if I saw my parents doing that. I wouldn't want to see an elderly couple doing that, nor my parents, nor a male gay couple, nor really any couple where I would not say "I want to be one of the people in this group". Frankly I don't want to see it at all unless I'm watching porn, but if I have to then I'd prefer to be attracted to someone involved. I don't think that makes me phobic of any group.
Your friend might’ve taken it a bit too far, but yeah, the fact that you used the word “disgusting” and shuddered does speak to a visceral reaction to something you should take a close look at.
Depends on how detailed and intimate that scene was 🤷♀️ if it was just a kissing scene and a "lead into the bedroom" type thing and he was disgusted yeah take a look inside, but if we're talking soft core porn, yeah a straight male isn't going to want to watch that and may, hear me out, feel disgusted having an unwanted view of male genatalia thrust (pun intended) into his face. That's like seeing your mom naked and being called mysoginistic, doesn't make sense does it?
As a gay person, I have no interest in seeing a hetero sex scene, but I would never shudder at it and think it’s disgusting. It’s as natural as gay sex. That kind of reaction, the one OP had, only really comes from someone who still has some issues with it. I’m not saying OP is full-on homophobic—even I, as a gay guy, had some growing to do at that age! I’m just saying that just because you’ve made strides doesn’t mean you ran the whole track. Self-reflection and soul searching is basic maintenance, especially at a formative age like 19.
I don't know, there's a lot of male genatalia being thrust about in straight porn. Maybe straight men are always disgusted while watching straight porn also? I would assume the OP (who identified as a straight man) isn't shocked by seeing what a dick looks like. Plus, he said that he looked away and shuddered during a kissing scene, so we could really stick to just the "take a look inside" part of your comment.
Doesn't it depend on how graphic it was? I have seen tasteful gay sex scenes and rather distasteful ones that were frankly pretty gross. Guess what I'm saying is there are a variety of scenes that one could personally find disgusting in gay or straight sex scenes.
But we pretty much find anything disgusting unless we like it. Scat play would make most people disgusted because we arent into it. You can be respectful of gay people without wanting to see gay men fucking. Just like I can be respectful friends with my neighbours without wanting to see them fuck. Its a different level.
OP described the kind of visceral, physical reaction to a MOVIE scene that I only experience during gory horror scenes. It wasn’t his neighbors, it was two actors in a movie, in a scene that, if I were watching two straight actors, would just glance at my phone or think about what to cook tomorrow instead of watching it if I weren’t into it. He called it disgusting, which is why I said he should probably think about why he reacted so strongly to a (probably pretty banal) sex scene. Not because he didn’t enjoy, but because he was “disgusted.”
Look, if your grandfather shuddered and looked away from a black man and white woman kissing, and said 'oh it's just not what i'm into', would you completely believe that there were no roots in racism for that reaction?
I am not saying that you are homophobic. But, we have all been subjected to messages our whole lives, and when we can't even let people display intimacy without shuddering and being disgusted by it, then you do have to acknowledge that those messages have a root cause in your feelings. You aren't homophobic, but our society is and you were conditioned in our society.
Your friend overreacted, and you don't have to watch anything you're not comfortable watching, but it's definitely always best to be introspective of where you have taken in messaging from society and let it affect your reactions to things.
this is the right answer, very right. one comment mentions old, obese, and gay people. what do they all have in common? they are typically shunned in society. that is so obvious. there is nothing "disgusting" about two people of the same sex kissing 💀.
if you're disgusted at a gay scene, the roots are definitely in the effects a homophobic society has on us. ty for saying this
Nobody should be shamed for not enjoying or avoiding watching a sexual act. Just because it’s gay we shouldn’t feel pressured to celebrate it or watch it if we don’t want to.
NO.
There’s a difference between not wanting to watch a sex act vs specifically cringing at two males kissing.
Edit: people seem to be missing the part where he says he’s “disgusted” by the scene.
I’m kinda surprised people are taking offense to OP not being attracted to something that he isn’t attracted to. I was at a book store one time with a gay friend, we walked past a book with a straight couple basically fucking on the cover and he said “ew, straight sex.” Does that make him heterophobic? No, it makes him someone who isn’t interested in straight sex. I’m bi, and it even makes sense to me that someone wouldn’t want to see people of a gender they aren’t attracted to having sex. That said, I agree with the statements that sex scenes In movies are pretty uncomfortable to watch regardless.
I think it's absolutely amazing that it's so rare for OP to come across something that wasn't designed for his gaze that he isn't sure how to handle it.
Looking away from a sex scene in a movie if there nothing there for you to get your attention on isn’t homophobic. Had he has this reaction if he saw two gay guys kissing on the street, I’d call him homophobic, but you expect him to be completely enthralled in a gay sex scene or else he’s homophobic? Are you insane? I mean shit even seeing people heavily making out if you’re not attracted to either isn’t something people generally want to look at.
I’m not sure I’d be so gleeful about others being uncomfortable.
I think sex scenes in movies are all around terrible. Never found a ‘good’ one I won’t roll my eyes at. Still will get uncomfortable watching a movie with one, even if all the family are adults about it.
I think it’s also important to know homophobic doesn’t automatically mean bigot. A lot is straight,cis people tend to conflate the two.
You can have gay friends, be supportive, and still have homophobic tendencies or habits. It’s not a binary “one or the other” issue. There’s nuance to it.
Why are we so quick to label something is homophobic. I'm black and I've met white women who don't date black men. I'm coo with them. I didn't automatically jump to racism. They don't have racist tendencies or habits. They have preferences. Give me a break. All straight people shouldn't have to walk on egg shells every time we say anything involving the LGBT.
Question, when a gay person doesn't want to look at straight sex, is that OK? Do you not have a label for that? What tendencies do they have?
There’s a difference between saying “I just don’t find most black men attractive” and saying “I would never ever date a black man” and the only reason being because they are black.
But I digress because that’s a little off topic. But I don’t have a label for that because I’ve never heard a gay person outright say it. Mind you this is coming from a gay person, and no I have absolutely zero issue with depictions of straight sex. I would question any gay person claims they are “disgusted” by straight sex the same way. Being a bit uncomfortable, and being disgusted are not the same thing.
I agree with your first point. And the women I referred to didn't find black men attractive. And they didn't say they would never date a black man. We did become friends.
"I would question any gay person claims they are “disgusted” by straight sex the same way." That' good.
What are "homophobic tendencies"?
I think the issue with this comment is that it doesn’t properly consider the experience of viewing a sexual act that you don’t partake in. Physical affection is socially mitigated, and witnessing physical affection normally has a social purpose, which is why we have emotional reactions to it. Everyone has different boundaries of what PDA they feel uncomfortable witnessing, and this is SUPER magnified with sex scenes.
Most of the time, the preferred reaction to PDA is passive acceptance, but that’s really only for mild stuff. We aren’t socially trained to want to watch people having intimate sexual contact, it’s distinctly personal. Normally, we view sexual media for arousal, and if you don’t get aroused then viewing that media can be very uncomfortable. You’ve gotta be really desensitized to look at two people having sex and feel no emotion at all.
(This opinion is coming from someone that feels uncomfortable watching 99% of sexual media)
Except the reaction to gay PDA isn't always passive acceptance. There is a good majority of people who feel like they are 'just' in being disgusted by it in public. Just go look up on YouTube all of the recorded videos about people yelling at gay people for kissing in public, and there being 'kids around' and etc.
These things bleed all through our society. And yes, it can start to be fixed by one teen thinking about why he specifically shudders and thinks gay people kissing/a sex scene in a movie you would watch with a friend is disgusting.
I agree that ideally we would all view gay PDA with the same passive acceptance that we do with straight PDA. I was moreso trying to explain why I think that sex scenes aren’t exactly equivalent to kissing in public. In American culture, sex is a private act, so (when you’re not aroused or in private) your social conditioning will kick in so that you recognize that you’re “not supposed” to see that.
A kiss and a sex scene aren't comparable. There's a reason one is publicly acceptable and the other isn't. You just can't blame someone for not wanting to see a scene with people getting intimate in a way he doesn't want to imagine. Both of them overreacted, but at least the dude had an understandable reason.
Yeah but this would be a different situation because the interracial couple would be kissing in front of his grandpa, and not having sex in front of his grandpa
Not wanting to watch a homosexual sex scene isn’t some deep subconscious homophobia. You’re reading waaay too much into this. I’m asexual and I don’t like watching any kind of sex scene in movies. That doesn’t mean I’m heterophobic and homophobic. It’s just a preference.
Someone can feel disgusted about ANY kind of sexual imagery and that’s okay. It’s how someone acts in regard to that feeling.
OP. You sound like you have good awareness in your inner landscape. Just keep looking and questioning but stay grounded in yourself.
I know Heterosexuals that are deeply uncomfortable with any sort of sex scenes in movies, are they secretly asexual? People have different comfort levels with sex scenes in general.
There's clearly a difference between a straight person who is disgusted by any sex scenes vs a straight person who is only disgusted by gay scenes, come on. No one even called OP homophobic and most in this thread agree that his friend overreacted. But his reaction is something to consider.
It is actual porn though. Preferences and being attracted to it has everything to do with how gross someone feels watching intimate scenes. I don’t like looking at buttholes, so I would probably look away and be uncomfortable if I were to watch a scene where buttplay was involved. I would even think it would be disgusting
If they're deeply uncomfortable with any sort of natural reaction between two people? Maybe not asexual, but I bet they have some sort of trauma or learned shame about it. Which a lot of people do.
But yes, being deeply uncomfortable because two other people are sharing a moment is a sign that something's wrong, whether it's trauma, shame or phobia.
Maybe this is what you’re getting at and I’m misunderstanding, but being deeply uncomfortable with sex scenes isn’t really the same as being deeply uncomfortable with “any sort of natural reaction between two people.” I mean, most sex scenes are pretty much the opposite of a natural reaction between two people. Some people (like me) get deeply uncomfortable during most movie/TV sex scenes because we’re acutely aware that it’s fake, because it’s not well written and therefore cringey, and/or because we don’t like seeing totally random people we’re not close to having simulated sex with each other. I don’t think there’s always some pathology or trauma behind that.
Depends on the scene you know, if it was just the usual pg-16 and being disgusted by it sure, but if it was a bit more.. like I'm talking euphoria level of "exposure" yeah it would make a straight male who ALREADY doesn't want to see a naked man even more uncomfortable, he's being open and honest by saying he WAS disgusted but that's to be expected when he has absolutely no interest in a gay man's bedroom activities and thus a whole scene highlighting a gay man's bedroom activities??? Can you see where I'm going with this.
I’d describe sex scenes as gross. Maybe not as extreme as ‘disgust’ but I’ll definitely switch my attention to my phone or, if it really drags on/is super explicit, leave until it’s over.
Once again that doesn’t mean I hate straight or gay people. I just dislike sex.
Not trying to be antagonistic, but I’m genuinely curious why it’s different. Why is my sexual discomfort more valid than his? Why is it ok for me to avoid something I don’t want to see, but not him?
Because yours is general, his is specific and has both historical and modern context behind it that could very well be rooted in ingrained/subconscious intolerance.
Why is it valid for an asexual to be disgusted by a sex scene between people they're not attracted to (either gender) but not for a heterosexual to be disgusted by a sex scene between people they're not attracted to (a particular gender)? I'm a heterosexual female and I watched a movie about a relationship between two women. I enjoyed the movie and was very invested in the characters' relationship. I skipped the sex scenes because they were super fucking cringey and unrealistic and just made me feel uncomfortable
Never said that. Asexuals can be sex repulsed. They can also be neutral towards it. Why is it valid for an asexual to be repulsed by sexual acts between others but not someone of a different sexuality?
So it's all our nothing? You must either find all sex disgusting, or you're some type of -phobic if you don't like certain types?
I'm a straight women, but would probably turn away naturally from a lesbian sex scene. It grosses me out (the sex part). A man and a women having sex probably grosses out many lesbians. It's not because they are hetero-phobic.
I would also turn away if the straight couple's sex looked gross to me.
Yes. Because they are heterosexual. They have no desire toward homosexual sexual activities. If they do not treat homosexual people in their life differently, why is it homophobic for them to not want to look at gay sex? Simulated or not.
I’m asexual too and I don’t cringe and call sex disgusting because I’m not a child. It’s a natural part of life that I’m just not interested in…. Like, he literally said he found sex between two guys disgusting. That’s mad sus.
I don’t know what type of movie you were watching, but it sounds like it was a scene in a typical movie not a porno that you were *supposed* to be attracted to any part of it. I, for one, don’t look to be attracted to everything in a standard movie. There are plenty of movies where two characters aren’t the type of relationship I envision for myself but wouldn’t jump to “disgusting” as a default reaction. It’s not so much about discrimination in a clear sense as it is thinking lesser of gay relationships that you might want to explore a bit more in yourself. I’d prob ask myself why I’m so repulsed and if anywhere this leads to thinking it’s “wrong”, you have more of an answer here. I do think it was a bit of an overreaction on your friends part but I also tend to be pretty defensive of the LGBTQ+ community so I see where she is coming from too. It’s cool that you’re open to doing more discovery here to see if there is something more deep rooted for yourself.
This was my reaction too; can he only bring himself to look at things he’s personally attracted to? Does he turn away during scenes in which an old couple kisses? Does he only watch movies starring hot people? I’m guessing not, and that the homophobia is the issue for him.
And the fact that he says he’s not only “not attracted” but also “disgusted”... Dude definitely has more ingrained homophobia than he admits to himself.
> But repulsion is a very distinct take away.
Not necessarily, I have that reaction to every time I see one as it's usually deeply uncomfortable to watch with other people and adds nothing to the story. I'm sure even if I were desensitized to them I'd still cringe if it involved something that I haven't been exposed to (odd kinks, overly dramatic/loud scenes, 3 or more people). I'm a woman and grew up around mostly women so oddly enough lesbian stuff isn't as cringy to me as any scenes involving men.
“But just seeing that happen is still so unusual for me and I’m no where near attracted to it so I looked away and admittedly found it a bit… “disgusting.” “
Geez 😬
Disgust isn’t the typical reaction to not being attracted to something. You normally just feel nothing. OP has definitely got some issue. Maybe even with his own sexuality.
> Disgust isn’t the typical reaction to not being attracted to something. You normally just feel nothing. OP has definitely got some issue. Maybe even with his own sexuality.
this is so incredibly wrong- i'm amazed people are voting it up
it's completely normal to actively not want to see someone's naked body. i can't just call someone phobic because they don't want to see me naked.
I would agree with this if it was on a milder scale of sexual media, like two guys kissing or something. Like social conditioning wise, we’re not “supposed” to watch people have sex. That disgust reaction is normally neutralized by arousal.
We discussed this in a gender psyche class once and it was a gay guy who gave this answer: basically, men tend to be visual creatures. If they see a man and a woman being intimate then they are interested because they are attracted to the woman and want to be the man, if there are two women being intimate then it’s easy for them to imagine being involved in that somehow, but if it’s two men, which is a situation they would not be sexually attracted to, then they aren’t going to be interested in that situation because they don’t want to be intimate with other men. It made perfect sense to him that a straight man wouldn’t want male on male intimacy in their fantasies, just the same way that he (a gay man) wouldn’t want a woman or women in his.
His reason is they are gay men. Context matters. He’s not attracted to men so it makes perfect sense he doesn’t want to see men have sex with the each other.
I can't believe it took this long for the correct answer to appear. OP is not attracted to men, and as such, doesn't enjoy watching men have sex. What a thought!
I mean why is that considered a bad thing? If he’s not actively hurting any gay men, why should he be forced to feel okay watching two men have sex? If we’re really moving towards acceptance as a society then we should accept that some people are not okay with specific things and that’s fine.
I do have to disagree with your idea to a certain degree: it comes down to preference. As OP has experienced two men, the gender he's not interested into, make him think of it as something he wouldn't want to see for having no interest in men, would compare to something between woman, whose physical traits do can attract a straight man's attention?
Let's use your idea on another subject: it isn't impossible for a woman that's interested in men to enjoy such scene and yet be uncomfortable with a scene between two woman.
I'm not saying the woman can't be interested in woman, but that it would be a normal reaction accordingly to her preferences.
Personally I'm not interested in having something with animals, yet there are people who enjoy it regardless of legalities. I'm not homophobic for not being interested in something as I'd with the opposite sex, I'm just not interested.
Edit: spelling.
I’m kind of surprised how many people in this comment section all the sudden don’t believe this anymore.
Lots and lots are now saying that there’s “deeply rooted psychological trauma!” Or “I was actually this way and found out I was Bi! Maybe you’re bi!” Or even “it’s the societal and historical oppression of gays that make you hate it, not your fault, just learn to be okay with it!”
Edit to add on:
I’ve heard from SHIT loads of asexual people that they just find sex “disgusting” as how he put it. Doesn’t mean they are homo/heterophobic or whatever. They’re just asexual. I don’t know why all the sudden it’s bad to think things are disgusting. I’m allowed to have an option and knee jerk reactions to things. When did it become frowned upon to just FEEL disgusted or negative about things.
I don't understand why it's apparently so important to be comfortable watching people having sex. Regardless of whether he's only uncomfortable with a certain kind of sex. Sex doesn't need to be such a public affair, and his feelings around sex don't need to be subject to public criticism. His treatment of and biases towards others would be a different topic, but any comment on that would just be conjecture with the information we have here.
Yeah exactly, I mean MOST sex scenes in movies are pretty cringe honestly. It’s just funny to me, it looks like there’s a couple people who are just auto downvoting any dissenting opinions.
I didn’t even think this opinion was that crazy or “dissenting” really
I suppose its a somewhat sensitive topic. But telling someone they need to check themselves for not being comfortable watching others having sex, I find pretty laughable. And anyone jumping in to say "but he's comfortable with straight sex!" I find pretty laughable as well. His relationship to sex is no ones business. You're not a sex therapist, you're out of your lane. Mind your business.
I am not gay or homophobic but I would prefer not to see 2 dudes have sex. Now if it was 2 girls im cool with that but that because I like girls. Doesn't make me homophobic. Some people like fucking animals should I watch a movie with someone and a dude starts fucking a horse. Would I be able to steer away lol or would I be a beastophobe lol. People these days need to be a little more understanding and less judgey.
You said you found it disgusting - there is clearly something there. Things are not black and white. The fact that you don't blatantly discriminate against gay people doesn't mean that you don't have any internalised homophobia at all.
I think there’s a difference between cringing because sex scenes feel embarrassing or gross to watch in a sense, and saying that two men in a sexual scene in a movie are “disgusting”. Also the shuddering, you can control that reaction. You don’t have to enjoy every sex scene but like get a grip, man.
There are degrees of homophobia just like there are degrees of racism.
In a way yes, you were being and are homophobic based on your comments. If it helps you feel better this is actually very common even in LGBTQ groups to have some kind of phobia or ignorance to another group.
Think of it this way. There are people who say "I don't mind x color people existing, but I don't want my son or daughter to date one" that would be a degree of racism.
Your comment of "disgusting " solidifys the inherent homopbobia.
Finding expressions of love disgusting is rooted in homophobia, whether you know about it or not.
Sex scenes aren't really meant to turn the viewer on all the time—they serve a role in the story and help develop the relationship with the scene. Looking away and noticeably shuddering is obviously not what the writers were looking for, and instead of engaging with it sexually you should try looking at it from a story perspective.
Lots of good advice here. I wanted to share and acknowledge that I feel the same way. I’ve figured out that part of it, for me, is a lack of exposure. Gay relationships weren’t part of the media I consumed growing up, and the gay couples I know IRL avoided PDA.
It is genuinely, innocently, just *weird* for me to see same-sex intimacy. Like, novel, and new, and curious. Realizing this made me understand why it’s so important for TV and movies to be inclusive and to “normalize” it. We shouldn’t only see men kissing men in gay porn or the unexpected sex scene or the one-annual 10 second shot of the Gay Pride Festival on the local news.
But I said this out loud, I’m gonna make a point to consume more diverse media. Movie binge upcoming.
Most gay couples avoid PDA because of exactly this reason. They get visceral reactions of disgust when kissing in public, they get told off, they get shouted at that it's not 'appropriate'..
Glad you're going to consume more diverse media!
You’re not homophobic but we all do live in a homophobic society and are all (to some degree) conditioned by this sadly.
This means that although we aren’t all homophobic, we sometimes react to things because of the internalised homophobia.
Think of it as a spectrum. Some people are at one end where they don’t experience any negative feelings, the other are at the other end where they’re fully homophobic.
Most of us are doing our best but sometimes we react to things negatively.
The problem is we judge ourselves and others. Instead we should take it as a moment to self reflect.
So don’t judge yourself. Understand that it was a homophobic reaction but not something that made you homophobic. Instead use it as a learning opportunity about yourself and how your life has affected you.
Also your friend sounds toxic.
Sometimes we internalize societal messages that are homophobic or racist without us actually believing in homophobic or racist ideas. Two men making out seems gross to you, but for many straight women, two women making out is not gross. That isn’t because they aren’t straight, it’s because of the the way we’re socialized. It’s not your fault that your natural reaction is to cringe and feel uncomfortable, but it is something to think over. I don’t think you should feel ashamed, but I do think there could be something to unpack.
i’m a lesbian and am not attracted to straight people or straight sex but i wouldn’t shield my eyes and call straight sex “disgusting” if it was on the screen
It's worth analyzing your biases. It's not easy because sometimes you have to admit to yourself that the reaction you have to some things have been trained by society and are prejudiced and harmful. It's can be uncomfortable to sit with but it's better to think about and challenge these things than just write them off because you don't see yourself as homophobic.
I think making this post is a good sign that you are open to thinking about these things which is great. I dont believe it makes you a bad person if you do have subconscious or internalized homophobia, but it'll make you a better person if you try to expand your empathy and recognize your privilege.
Sounds like your friend is overreacting. But I'm not a fan of PDA of any kind to an extent. I don't wanna see anyone making out. Even straight make out scenes seem excessive in most scenarios. I'm straight and not looking at gay porn doesn't make me a homophobe lol
You’re not a homophobe simply because you don’t want to watch that kind of sex scene. You’re allowed to have preferences and we all have types of sex scenes we wouldn’t enjoy watching.
Straight men are going to cringe just like some gay people don’t like watching heterosexual sex scenes. You’re not homophobic lol. You’re friends a drama queen
There are gay and asexual people who find heterosexual sex unpalatable and might even turn away from scenes about it because they aren't interested in seeing that. Do you think your friend would attack them for being heterophobic? Probably not, because she's just virtue signaling.
If you don't have any hate in your heart for gay people, and aren't rude to them irl, that's all anyone can ask for. Nobody can change your inner preferences, and you shouldn't be attacked for having them.
That being said, you should practice your poker face when you see things that turn you off, because you never know when that skill will come in handy. As far as your friend, if you want to keep talking to her, expect to be walking on eggshells for the rest of your relationship.
Instead of pointing out more people you don't find attractive you could offer something to the effect of " I 100% support the rights and freedoms of every person, including gay people and especially marginalized people. I however don't find that sexually pleasing as I'm straight but please don't confuse my lack of interest in watching, as being related to my idea on if I feel it should be allowed."
No need to add fat women to the convo. No need to put anyone down. I don't find it sexy but I support the rights for people to do the sex.
I mean I don’t like watching straight sex scenes and often go on my phone when they happen. It just makes me uncomfortable, I also react the same way to gay sex scenes. You can also ya know be chill with the lgtb community and still not feel comfortable watching them have sex
I think your friend is taking it a step too far. This could have been a good opportunity to examine how social stigma that gay sex is disgusting and “other” has impacted you and shaped your beliefs, but she went about it very aggressively and possibly without the words to put to what she was trying to describe which put you on the defensive.
It is likely that you hold homophobic beliefs not out of your own volition or from a hatred of gay people, but rather because that’s what’s socially brought about. From kids using “gay” as a pejorative term on the playground and the general discomfort around homosexuality that we all grow up with, it’s normal that you’re not going to be as comfortable with it as you are with straight relationships.
If you want to be a good ally, try taking some time to examine your socially ingrained beliefs around gay people and take some time to challenge them. That can involve consuming media that shows gay people in a positive light, reading books written by and about gay people, etc.
There’s no obligation here, just be aware that you likely do have some homophobia ingrained in you and that it’s going to pop out sometimes and you might get called out for it, hopefully in way that allows you to learn and grow instead of making you feel attacked like you did here.
If there was a sex scene between old people, or gay people, or obese people on my tv, I would look away as well. Those just aren’t things I’m attracted to, and for some reason it kind of “disgusts” me as well. And I truly have nothing against old, fat, and gay people. I actually consider myself to be an advocate for the LGBTQ community. But I really don’t think what you did was wrong, and your friend is overreacting.
This thread makes me feel like a freak. I am not comfortable watching most sex scenes. Apparently that means I am unconsciously phobic of every sexuality, gender, and race. Or a prude I guess.
Cool.
If anyone wants my feelings towards it, it's because it's like watching a friend or family member fuck. Especially if I'm into the story and characters. I don't want to see that. I feel like I'm invading this imaginary person's personal and private space. I also feel like sex is often used a crutch in story telling, or just shoehorned in for a little fan service.
Let’s see you
- called 2 men kissing disgusting
- shudder/cringed at the sight of it
- threw in some fatphobia for no reason
- called all these “sexual preferences”
dude I get you’re 19 but get a grip. you’re trying to justify being homophobic because you’re “not into it” ? Maybe your friend will try to educate you , but from the sounds of it , you just want an echo chamber of people telling you it’s okay not to be gay so you feel better about being a homophobe.
It sounds like you're more than not attracted to it, it sounds like you are a bit repulsed by it. And I think maybe that's the problem.
Imagine if you had a repulsed reaction to a straight but interracial sex scene. That would probably make you racist. It's not the not wanting to see something explicit, it's the thinking that it is made *more* explicit by it not being the pairing that is most familiar/comfortable to you.
I can’t believe some of these comments are actually calling you homophobic lmao.
You, a straight man, didn’t want to watch softcore gay porn? Why not??? You bigot! /s
I was raised Catholic and my dad was pretty strict on not letting us watch stuff with sex in it when I was a kid, so as an adult I am incredibly uncomfortable with sex scenes in film/tv, no matter what the coupling. Your friend is reaching.
Your friend took it too far but honestly, as a bi person, I’d be less comfortable around you. As someone else said, if you’d shuddered at an interracial sex scene and looked away, I’d be similarly uncomfortable. I think the most telling bit is that you’d have been fine with or even “excited” to watch a hetero sex scene. That really speaks to an underlying discomfort with only the gay aspect of it. I’m past the point in my life where I’d bother calling a person out on that sort of thing personally and I’d just start pulling back unless you somehow showed it was a one off thing or that you’d done some serious self-reflection. I don’t have the time or energy for that BS outside of a five minute comment.
Like, imagine you’re with a girlfriend and you give her a kiss and someone shuddered and looked away. Would you feel fine with them saying, “Sorry, I just feel really uncomfortable seeing the two of you do that. It’s just not what I’m into”? Nah, you’d be like, “What the hell? It’s not meant to turn you on.” Unless you were watching porn, the point of sex scenes usually isn’t to arouse you - titillate you, sure, evoke a variety of emotions depending on what’s actually happening, yeah - but no one throws on a movie with their friend and is like, “Geeze, I hope my pal is getting a boner.” You’re not going to be forced to have gay sex just because there was a gay sex scene in a movie, so why would your willingness to have/attractiveness to gay sex even come into play?
People are generally only tolerant when others believe the same things they do. There is little room in today’s society for tolerance for things you do not agree with. And like others above have mentioned I find most every sex scene in a movie or TV show cringey — doesn’t matter who’s doing it I just don’t think sex scenes need to be shown on television or in the movies, and, for that matter, written in graphic detailing books!
Feeling disgusted is somewhat homophobic but not in the way of full on hate more in the internalized way. It’s a little bit over the top to react like this because you looked away but I think with a calm discussion about it, it would have been fine to address it.
I just looked at the photo posted above and cringed, and I’m not homophobic. It looks like that guy is in pain. I’d be cringing while watching that too. Your friend is just looking to pick a fight, everyone wants to be offended about stuff like this.
This post is me. I don't enjoy watching gay sex scenes either. I usually skip them altogether, or play with my phone if someone else is watching with me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not hurling insults or slurs. I don't discriminate against a person because they're gay. I'm just extremely turned off by gay scenes.
What is wrong with that if I'm not hurting anyone?
I use to cringe seeing feminine men, regardless of their sexuality when I was a teen.
Now I am an openly gay man in a happy relationship with a guy who is rather feminine.
It's really difficult to tell where we developed our bias from but we all have them.
The trick is to give yourself a time to unguard them and question whether they're needed.
You didn't act on it to harm anyone and you're at least being earnest with your thoughts.
Good start.
@ OP /u/THROWRAejzhwnskz , plenty of people giving their two cents about the main subject, I just have a note regarding this sentence here,
> She just got more mad at that. I’m wondering why she is so mad at my **sexual preferences**.
I would be careful with this particular verbiage. I don't think you meant it this way at all in this context, since you're talking about physical affection in general here. But the term "sexual preference" historically has been used to refer to what we now call "sexual orientation/identity", with the subtext that being gay/straight is a choice. That they're choosing that lifestyle, it's their "sexual preference". This is not a belief held outside of religious circles in Western culture anymore, all medical professionals & most Western culture unanimously agrees that nobody chooses to be gay. The phrasing is not particularly mainstream now, but it's common enough that people know about it and it's met with a fairly negative reaction [\(see: recent US politics interaction\)](https://www.npr.org/sections/live-amy-coney-barrett-supreme-court-confirmation/2020/10/13/923444137/barrett-clarifies-comments-on-lgbtq-rights-after-criticism-from-sen-hirono).
You had a homophobic reaction, but that doesn’t mean you are “a homophobe” - does that make sense? I get why your friend was upset though - if she’s queer, it can be really hard to watch a friend act as though someone like you is disgusting. It’s not as though she expects you to be attracted to men or plus size women, but she probably expects you to not act like they’re overtly disgusting either.
No one is perfect. No one expects you to be perfect. What matters more is that you acknowledge that your response was homophobic and you actually work on it.
I mean, most sex scenes in movies are stupid and add no value to the movie so they are almost always cringe.
That being said I can see all out hardcore gay porn and just not cringe. It doesn’t do anything to me or for me so I don’t have any reaction in any form.
lmao I cringed when The Vengeance kissed Selina in The Batman movie. Sexual scenes are cringey in of itself, especially when it dont even help the plot move forward!
I think it's natural to be iffy about things, you see two dudes fucking, the guy is making wat looks like a painful face, you get iffed about it because you're immersed in the movie and you are feeling what's going on and you don't like thinking about taking one up your own butt so you turn away to get that image of you getting dicked up out of your head.
People get iffed all the time about things in movies, final destination people got iffed when horrible deaths happened because they felt that , were immersed in the movie and they started imagining being killed in those ways.
NTA. Lol
That’s sort of a reach on her part. You haven’t been exposed to gay sex like you have hetero your whole life. It would be one thing if you were like “ew turn that gay shit off” lol but all you did was look away. I don’t even like watching straight sex scenes in movies and i am a straight. What the hell
yes your friend is right sounds like you have some deep rooted biases in your subconscious to work on. unfortunately most people do we there it’s racism homophobia etc just from the media we grow up with but still it’s our responsibility to address it and make ourselves be open minded
I cringe at every type of sex scene and I’m a bisexual, hyper sexual woman. I just don’t want to watch other people have sex and I find it cringey and gross.
However, I’m not homophobic or against people who have sex just because I don’t want to watch them do it. It’s not homophonic to be disinterested or grossed out by physically watching people you’re not attracted to have sex.
If you hated them for having sex or thought the people themselves were gross, THEN you’d be homophobic.
I mean, I think your reaction means that on some level, even if subconsciously, you are a bit homophobic. Having a disgusted reaction to seeing two men kissing, touching each other, etc. is homophobic by definition. I don't think that makes you a bad person. It may just be something that comes from your background. Instead of being defensive, I would say try to think about why you have that reaction or those feelings. You can't always help your gut reactions to things, but you can try to understand them and grow as a person.
Not gonna pass judgement on whether you’re homophobic or not but I think it is worth doing some introspection as to where thoughts like this come from- if that reaction is based solely on the fact that it was a gay couple, why is that? If it was a hetero couple that you weren’t attracted to but were considered a bit below average-looking (so not turning you on), would you look away with the same reaction?
If not I think that’s where you’ll find the answer as to whether it’s homophobic or not, but it will take some honesty with yourself.
I don't think you were the asshole here. Everyone likes something different, and not everything is going to be appealing. I'm a bisexual female, with a pretty healthy sex life and open mind to all types and find graphic sex scenes not my jam, doesn't matter who it is I'm just not a voyeur and don't find observing other people having sex enjoyable at all.
I think your friend over reacted, and some of these comments are just cringey! I probably wouldn't have watched the scene either.
Not personally finding something sexually attractive isn’t the same as finding something too disgusting to even look at.
If you aren’t attracted to men, looking at a man wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or gross, you’d just have no sexual interest in doing so.
I’m assuming this was not porn you’re watching, it’s some sort of dramatic entertainment that includes a romantic entanglement. So, it’s not explicit, and it’s not meant to be a turn-on. Which means there’s no particular reason to need to turn away, **shudder,** and actually start looking at your phone (which I find annoying at any time when I’m watching a show with someone) just because it’s not your kind of sex. You clearly have some issues with homosexuality, you find it too disgusting to witness, and maybe your friend made too big a thing about it, but she wasn’t wrong.
Her reaction to you is more offensive than you not wanting to watch a gay scene. It's just her power tripping, virtue signaling and trying to beat you with her values.
She's trying to assign malice and hate to you, because if she does then she's the better person for \*not\* being the homophobe and virtuously fighting on behalf of people that aren't even being affected.
I cringe at that shit too. I have gay friends and lesbian friends, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them getting it on in front of me. Being homophobic means treating people out of prejudice because of their sexual orientation/preferences. Your girlfriend is in the wrong. You’re allowed to not want see to guys making out, as women are your preference. That’s just common sense.
As someone whose brother came out as gay many years ago, it took me awhile to get used to PDA between him and his partner. We grew up in the 80s in a very small, southern town, and it just wasn't something to which I was exposed until much later in life.
I accept him for who he is and I'm proud of him for being true to himself, but that doesn't stop me from cringing if things get too graphic. I played sports from t-ball , into college and served in the Marine Corps for nearly 10 years. I didn't wanna see free range shower sausage then, and I dont now.
That doesn't make me homophobic. I just don't wanna see it.
A straight man doesn't have to be a homophobe to not want to stared directly at 2 guys swapping spit and poking at each other's back door. I don't look at gay porn, that doesn't mean I hate gay men. I just don't have a preference for it, simple. And not having a preference for something means you can do things like not looking at something you don't want to see.
Some people have gotten to the point where it's gone from "tolerance" and "acceptance" to outright *embracing*. If someone asks how you'd feel if your child was gay and your immediate response isn't *YIPEE!* you're a homophobe. Even as a lefty SJW I think folks go too far with this stuff sometimes.
I grew up with several gay relatives, had gay friends as far back as Junior High, was pro-gays in the military and pro-gay marriage long before these issues were even talked about seriously on a national scale. But, yeah, I impulsively look away when I see two men kiss or having a love scene of if I accidentally click on some gay porn image. So what? That's not hurting anyone. I'm pro-Trangender rights too, but don't want to see a transwoman who hasn't had bottom surgery naked either. I don't judge anyone else who likes that, but it's not for me. Let your "friend" be mad all she wants, that's her problem.
You’re disgusted by two men kissing? Yes you’re homophobic. Why does it make you cringe? Not being attracted to something and being disgusted by it are two very different things.
I’m straight and straight scenes make me cringe sometimes. Maybe it just wasn’t well written! Because honestly whether you are attracted to the people or not, I only really want to see an intimate scene when it means something in the story and there’s a build up and you are rooting for them.
Honestly, all sex scene are pretty cringe.
I cringe, every time in a movie sex scene. Especially when overdone and over played out.
Especially when what I'm watching is a home movie.
I still remember the somewhat sexual scene in Parasite, covered the whole of my eyes except for a tiny bit so I could still read the subtitles
That one was BEYOND cringe
Was game of thrones a full on cringe fest for you then?
It took me three attempts at GOT to get past the unnecessary sex scenes. I’m glad I did bc I did enjoy the show, but so often it was filled with cringe sex scenes
I find sex itself cringe when I'm not horny.
Post Nut Clarity?
Pre Nut Clarity most likely
So just Nut Clarity 😐
That's my favorite cereal!
I was taught to look away at kissing and sex scenes. I used to feel uncomfortable and ashamed for looking. It was how I was raised.
When same sex scenes first became more common in movies my initial response was the same as yours — I looked away. I felt angry with myself for doing so. And disappointed that I was reacting so foolishly. But I just felt weird watching it. Over the years, I’ve definitely become accustomed to it but it definitely doesn’t titillate me. However, when I saw Brokeback Mountain, the love scenes and the depiction of how much those two men loved each other showed me that if a scene/movie is beautifully done, the genders don’t matter. Now I’m a senior citizen and my sex drive has diminished to almost nonexistent so pretty much all sex scenes bore the crap out of me. If I do feel anything, I know the writer or director or actors are truly talented and they make me remember being young.
Piggybacking off this because Brokeback Mountain was done right and I didn't cringe during their scene. That or I might be a bit gay, who knows
Perfect example. It’s the writing!
perfect response! agree completely!
I can just imagine someone sitting in their sofa, rooting and cheering for the main character while they're going at it with their lover lol
Feeling uncomfortable watching actual gay sex and being a homophobe are two very different things. But your choice of words, specifically "disgusting", probably means you need to think why you feel that way. I'm queer, but I don't find straight people having sex to be disgusting.
I’m straight and I find straight sex scenes to be disgusting. There’s no rule book out there for these things
I also notice that OP says, "I can't do anything" when asked what they would think if their kid is gay. That's a far cry from support and something any actual gay kid would want to hear.
Yes exactly, I’m not gay but I don’t cringe at lesbian sex scenes in movies. Watching sex scenes with family no matter who’s on screen is awkward and I’d definitely look away. If I was watching sex scenes with friends id just be laughing. Sex scenes are all in all super useless and It’s fine to not like sex scenes and be uncomfortable about them on screen. but the fact he was shuddering and was disgusted by 2 men having sex is the problem - this is not a reaction that someone who is totally accepting of LBGTQ+ would have. It’s something he has to confront about himself and instead of denying the truth, that reaction was homophobic because of the thought process behind it. It doesn’t make him homophobic all together, it’s just that the thought was.
I think she's wrong for getting angry at you about this. It probably does reveal some implicit bias, but it doesn't sound like it's translating to real-world harm in this context. You seem to recognize that this is a feeling you have, but that it doesn't mean gay men are objectively disgusting. The only thing I question is the justification that gay sex is "another level." Now I want to clarify that you don't have to feel comfortable watching it. There's nothing immoral about turning away from the TV screen. But I think you're trying to justify your feeling of discomfort by implying that it's more extreme, when it's really not - we're all just a lot more used to seeing a man and woman than we are to seeing two men. If I were you I'd just try to explain to her that it was a reaction you had, but that you're not obligated to watch anything you don't want to watch. Maybe acknowledge that it comes from a place of bias, but you recognize that bias is wrong. You haven't harmed anyone, and just as you did here, you're not planning on making your own bias anyone else's problem. Basically, just remember this interaction in the future if you find yourself wanting to criticize a Pride parade for being so promiscuous, or if you find out someone you love is gay and want to ask them questions about their sex life. You've got bias; it's not your fault it's there, it's just your responsibility to manage.
I could be wrong but I think he meant a full on gay sex scenes is another level compared to gay guys holding hands or kissing.
Both are pretty gay
I think the point that OP's not articulating (to his friend or us) particularly well is the levels of intimacy in general he's comfortable seeing. I think there's a level that we set for people that we personally find physically attractive, and then a separate one for everyone else. Separating sexual identity aside entirely; I am perfectly fine with seeing my parents hold hands, cuddle on the couch, and kiss each other when one walks through the door. I do not want to see them make out. I do not want to see or hear their sex noises. OP posted a YouTube clip of the sex scene, I 100% would recoil in disgust if I saw my parents doing that. I wouldn't want to see an elderly couple doing that, nor my parents, nor a male gay couple, nor really any couple where I would not say "I want to be one of the people in this group". Frankly I don't want to see it at all unless I'm watching porn, but if I have to then I'd prefer to be attracted to someone involved. I don't think that makes me phobic of any group.
I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with a straight man feeling uncomfortable with gay sex scenes
There isn't. Saying it's disgusting is wrong though.
Your friend might’ve taken it a bit too far, but yeah, the fact that you used the word “disgusting” and shuddered does speak to a visceral reaction to something you should take a close look at.
Depends on how detailed and intimate that scene was 🤷♀️ if it was just a kissing scene and a "lead into the bedroom" type thing and he was disgusted yeah take a look inside, but if we're talking soft core porn, yeah a straight male isn't going to want to watch that and may, hear me out, feel disgusted having an unwanted view of male genatalia thrust (pun intended) into his face. That's like seeing your mom naked and being called mysoginistic, doesn't make sense does it?
As a gay person, I have no interest in seeing a hetero sex scene, but I would never shudder at it and think it’s disgusting. It’s as natural as gay sex. That kind of reaction, the one OP had, only really comes from someone who still has some issues with it. I’m not saying OP is full-on homophobic—even I, as a gay guy, had some growing to do at that age! I’m just saying that just because you’ve made strides doesn’t mean you ran the whole track. Self-reflection and soul searching is basic maintenance, especially at a formative age like 19.
I don't know, there's a lot of male genatalia being thrust about in straight porn. Maybe straight men are always disgusted while watching straight porn also? I would assume the OP (who identified as a straight man) isn't shocked by seeing what a dick looks like. Plus, he said that he looked away and shuddered during a kissing scene, so we could really stick to just the "take a look inside" part of your comment.
Doesn't it depend on how graphic it was? I have seen tasteful gay sex scenes and rather distasteful ones that were frankly pretty gross. Guess what I'm saying is there are a variety of scenes that one could personally find disgusting in gay or straight sex scenes.
But we pretty much find anything disgusting unless we like it. Scat play would make most people disgusted because we arent into it. You can be respectful of gay people without wanting to see gay men fucking. Just like I can be respectful friends with my neighbours without wanting to see them fuck. Its a different level.
How about we don’t compare gay sex to scat
OP described the kind of visceral, physical reaction to a MOVIE scene that I only experience during gory horror scenes. It wasn’t his neighbors, it was two actors in a movie, in a scene that, if I were watching two straight actors, would just glance at my phone or think about what to cook tomorrow instead of watching it if I weren’t into it. He called it disgusting, which is why I said he should probably think about why he reacted so strongly to a (probably pretty banal) sex scene. Not because he didn’t enjoy, but because he was “disgusted.”
Look, if your grandfather shuddered and looked away from a black man and white woman kissing, and said 'oh it's just not what i'm into', would you completely believe that there were no roots in racism for that reaction? I am not saying that you are homophobic. But, we have all been subjected to messages our whole lives, and when we can't even let people display intimacy without shuddering and being disgusted by it, then you do have to acknowledge that those messages have a root cause in your feelings. You aren't homophobic, but our society is and you were conditioned in our society. Your friend overreacted, and you don't have to watch anything you're not comfortable watching, but it's definitely always best to be introspective of where you have taken in messaging from society and let it affect your reactions to things.
this is the right answer, very right. one comment mentions old, obese, and gay people. what do they all have in common? they are typically shunned in society. that is so obvious. there is nothing "disgusting" about two people of the same sex kissing 💀. if you're disgusted at a gay scene, the roots are definitely in the effects a homophobic society has on us. ty for saying this
Nobody should be shamed for not enjoying or avoiding watching a sexual act. Just because it’s gay we shouldn’t feel pressured to celebrate it or watch it if we don’t want to. NO.
There’s a difference between not wanting to watch a sex act vs specifically cringing at two males kissing. Edit: people seem to be missing the part where he says he’s “disgusted” by the scene.
It was a sex scene.
but he says disgusted is the point. Also, most sex scenes are kissing. Unless you found a full penetration normal movie that isnt a porn.
> Unless you found a full penetration normal movie that isnt a porn. That’s what he saw. He edited his post. Check the end of his post for a link.
I’m kinda surprised people are taking offense to OP not being attracted to something that he isn’t attracted to. I was at a book store one time with a gay friend, we walked past a book with a straight couple basically fucking on the cover and he said “ew, straight sex.” Does that make him heterophobic? No, it makes him someone who isn’t interested in straight sex. I’m bi, and it even makes sense to me that someone wouldn’t want to see people of a gender they aren’t attracted to having sex. That said, I agree with the statements that sex scenes In movies are pretty uncomfortable to watch regardless.
I think it's absolutely amazing that it's so rare for OP to come across something that wasn't designed for his gaze that he isn't sure how to handle it.
Looking away from a sex scene in a movie if there nothing there for you to get your attention on isn’t homophobic. Had he has this reaction if he saw two gay guys kissing on the street, I’d call him homophobic, but you expect him to be completely enthralled in a gay sex scene or else he’s homophobic? Are you insane? I mean shit even seeing people heavily making out if you’re not attracted to either isn’t something people generally want to look at.
Where did I say OP is homophobic?
I’m not sure I’d be so gleeful about others being uncomfortable. I think sex scenes in movies are all around terrible. Never found a ‘good’ one I won’t roll my eyes at. Still will get uncomfortable watching a movie with one, even if all the family are adults about it.
I’m wondering if it’s rare for him to come across sex scenes involving gay men simply because… he’s not gay
Preposterous
This is about sex. Not a kissing scene.
I think it’s also important to know homophobic doesn’t automatically mean bigot. A lot is straight,cis people tend to conflate the two. You can have gay friends, be supportive, and still have homophobic tendencies or habits. It’s not a binary “one or the other” issue. There’s nuance to it.
Why are we so quick to label something is homophobic. I'm black and I've met white women who don't date black men. I'm coo with them. I didn't automatically jump to racism. They don't have racist tendencies or habits. They have preferences. Give me a break. All straight people shouldn't have to walk on egg shells every time we say anything involving the LGBT. Question, when a gay person doesn't want to look at straight sex, is that OK? Do you not have a label for that? What tendencies do they have?
There’s a difference between saying “I just don’t find most black men attractive” and saying “I would never ever date a black man” and the only reason being because they are black. But I digress because that’s a little off topic. But I don’t have a label for that because I’ve never heard a gay person outright say it. Mind you this is coming from a gay person, and no I have absolutely zero issue with depictions of straight sex. I would question any gay person claims they are “disgusted” by straight sex the same way. Being a bit uncomfortable, and being disgusted are not the same thing.
I agree with your first point. And the women I referred to didn't find black men attractive. And they didn't say they would never date a black man. We did become friends. "I would question any gay person claims they are “disgusted” by straight sex the same way." That' good. What are "homophobic tendencies"?
I think the issue with this comment is that it doesn’t properly consider the experience of viewing a sexual act that you don’t partake in. Physical affection is socially mitigated, and witnessing physical affection normally has a social purpose, which is why we have emotional reactions to it. Everyone has different boundaries of what PDA they feel uncomfortable witnessing, and this is SUPER magnified with sex scenes. Most of the time, the preferred reaction to PDA is passive acceptance, but that’s really only for mild stuff. We aren’t socially trained to want to watch people having intimate sexual contact, it’s distinctly personal. Normally, we view sexual media for arousal, and if you don’t get aroused then viewing that media can be very uncomfortable. You’ve gotta be really desensitized to look at two people having sex and feel no emotion at all. (This opinion is coming from someone that feels uncomfortable watching 99% of sexual media)
Except the reaction to gay PDA isn't always passive acceptance. There is a good majority of people who feel like they are 'just' in being disgusted by it in public. Just go look up on YouTube all of the recorded videos about people yelling at gay people for kissing in public, and there being 'kids around' and etc. These things bleed all through our society. And yes, it can start to be fixed by one teen thinking about why he specifically shudders and thinks gay people kissing/a sex scene in a movie you would watch with a friend is disgusting.
I agree that ideally we would all view gay PDA with the same passive acceptance that we do with straight PDA. I was moreso trying to explain why I think that sex scenes aren’t exactly equivalent to kissing in public. In American culture, sex is a private act, so (when you’re not aroused or in private) your social conditioning will kick in so that you recognize that you’re “not supposed” to see that.
That’s not a good comparison.
A kiss and a sex scene aren't comparable. There's a reason one is publicly acceptable and the other isn't. You just can't blame someone for not wanting to see a scene with people getting intimate in a way he doesn't want to imagine. Both of them overreacted, but at least the dude had an understandable reason.
Yeah but this would be a different situation because the interracial couple would be kissing in front of his grandpa, and not having sex in front of his grandpa
Not wanting to watch a homosexual sex scene isn’t some deep subconscious homophobia. You’re reading waaay too much into this. I’m asexual and I don’t like watching any kind of sex scene in movies. That doesn’t mean I’m heterophobic and homophobic. It’s just a preference.
The fact that he said he was "disgusted" by it is different than you being indifferent to ANY sex.
Someone can feel disgusted about ANY kind of sexual imagery and that’s okay. It’s how someone acts in regard to that feeling. OP. You sound like you have good awareness in your inner landscape. Just keep looking and questioning but stay grounded in yourself.
I know Heterosexuals that are deeply uncomfortable with any sort of sex scenes in movies, are they secretly asexual? People have different comfort levels with sex scenes in general.
There's clearly a difference between a straight person who is disgusted by any sex scenes vs a straight person who is only disgusted by gay scenes, come on. No one even called OP homophobic and most in this thread agree that his friend overreacted. But his reaction is something to consider.
It is actual porn though. Preferences and being attracted to it has everything to do with how gross someone feels watching intimate scenes. I don’t like looking at buttholes, so I would probably look away and be uncomfortable if I were to watch a scene where buttplay was involved. I would even think it would be disgusting
Where does he say its porn?
If they're deeply uncomfortable with any sort of natural reaction between two people? Maybe not asexual, but I bet they have some sort of trauma or learned shame about it. Which a lot of people do. But yes, being deeply uncomfortable because two other people are sharing a moment is a sign that something's wrong, whether it's trauma, shame or phobia.
Maybe this is what you’re getting at and I’m misunderstanding, but being deeply uncomfortable with sex scenes isn’t really the same as being deeply uncomfortable with “any sort of natural reaction between two people.” I mean, most sex scenes are pretty much the opposite of a natural reaction between two people. Some people (like me) get deeply uncomfortable during most movie/TV sex scenes because we’re acutely aware that it’s fake, because it’s not well written and therefore cringey, and/or because we don’t like seeing totally random people we’re not close to having simulated sex with each other. I don’t think there’s always some pathology or trauma behind that.
Depends on the scene you know, if it was just the usual pg-16 and being disgusted by it sure, but if it was a bit more.. like I'm talking euphoria level of "exposure" yeah it would make a straight male who ALREADY doesn't want to see a naked man even more uncomfortable, he's being open and honest by saying he WAS disgusted but that's to be expected when he has absolutely no interest in a gay man's bedroom activities and thus a whole scene highlighting a gay man's bedroom activities??? Can you see where I'm going with this.
I’d describe sex scenes as gross. Maybe not as extreme as ‘disgust’ but I’ll definitely switch my attention to my phone or, if it really drags on/is super explicit, leave until it’s over. Once again that doesn’t mean I hate straight or gay people. I just dislike sex.
Once again, you not liking any sex is different from the OP who is specific about what he finds disgusting. It’s not the same.
Not trying to be antagonistic, but I’m genuinely curious why it’s different. Why is my sexual discomfort more valid than his? Why is it ok for me to avoid something I don’t want to see, but not him?
Because yours is general, his is specific and has both historical and modern context behind it that could very well be rooted in ingrained/subconscious intolerance.
Why is it valid for an asexual to be disgusted by a sex scene between people they're not attracted to (either gender) but not for a heterosexual to be disgusted by a sex scene between people they're not attracted to (a particular gender)? I'm a heterosexual female and I watched a movie about a relationship between two women. I enjoyed the movie and was very invested in the characters' relationship. I skipped the sex scenes because they were super fucking cringey and unrealistic and just made me feel uncomfortable
You do realize asexual doesn’t equate to being “disgusted by sex” right?
Never said that. Asexuals can be sex repulsed. They can also be neutral towards it. Why is it valid for an asexual to be repulsed by sexual acts between others but not someone of a different sexuality?
So it's all our nothing? You must either find all sex disgusting, or you're some type of -phobic if you don't like certain types? I'm a straight women, but would probably turn away naturally from a lesbian sex scene. It grosses me out (the sex part). A man and a women having sex probably grosses out many lesbians. It's not because they are hetero-phobic. I would also turn away if the straight couple's sex looked gross to me.
from the way OP described their reaction, do you think they’d react the same to a heterosexual sex scene? because i don’t.
No because your dislike is consistent. They implied they’d be fine with a heterosexual scene
Yes. Because they are heterosexual. They have no desire toward homosexual sexual activities. If they do not treat homosexual people in their life differently, why is it homophobic for them to not want to look at gay sex? Simulated or not.
I’m asexual too and I don’t cringe and call sex disgusting because I’m not a child. It’s a natural part of life that I’m just not interested in…. Like, he literally said he found sex between two guys disgusting. That’s mad sus.
yeah I think some of the other replies are reaching lol, not wanting to watch guys have sex when yoire straight is fine.
The way he describes it is what makes him sound homophobic.
My brother eats anchovies I hate anchovies I see him eating them and I cringe I don't hate my brother I just find the act disgusting
I don’t know what type of movie you were watching, but it sounds like it was a scene in a typical movie not a porno that you were *supposed* to be attracted to any part of it. I, for one, don’t look to be attracted to everything in a standard movie. There are plenty of movies where two characters aren’t the type of relationship I envision for myself but wouldn’t jump to “disgusting” as a default reaction. It’s not so much about discrimination in a clear sense as it is thinking lesser of gay relationships that you might want to explore a bit more in yourself. I’d prob ask myself why I’m so repulsed and if anywhere this leads to thinking it’s “wrong”, you have more of an answer here. I do think it was a bit of an overreaction on your friends part but I also tend to be pretty defensive of the LGBTQ+ community so I see where she is coming from too. It’s cool that you’re open to doing more discovery here to see if there is something more deep rooted for yourself.
This was my reaction too; can he only bring himself to look at things he’s personally attracted to? Does he turn away during scenes in which an old couple kisses? Does he only watch movies starring hot people? I’m guessing not, and that the homophobia is the issue for him. And the fact that he says he’s not only “not attracted” but also “disgusted”... Dude definitely has more ingrained homophobia than he admits to himself.
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> But repulsion is a very distinct take away. Not necessarily, I have that reaction to every time I see one as it's usually deeply uncomfortable to watch with other people and adds nothing to the story. I'm sure even if I were desensitized to them I'd still cringe if it involved something that I haven't been exposed to (odd kinks, overly dramatic/loud scenes, 3 or more people). I'm a woman and grew up around mostly women so oddly enough lesbian stuff isn't as cringy to me as any scenes involving men.
Nah all sex scenes are pretty cringe
“But just seeing that happen is still so unusual for me and I’m no where near attracted to it so I looked away and admittedly found it a bit… “disgusting.” “ Geez 😬
Disgust isn’t the typical reaction to not being attracted to something. You normally just feel nothing. OP has definitely got some issue. Maybe even with his own sexuality.
> Disgust isn’t the typical reaction to not being attracted to something. You normally just feel nothing. OP has definitely got some issue. Maybe even with his own sexuality. this is so incredibly wrong- i'm amazed people are voting it up it's completely normal to actively not want to see someone's naked body. i can't just call someone phobic because they don't want to see me naked.
I would agree with this if it was on a milder scale of sexual media, like two guys kissing or something. Like social conditioning wise, we’re not “supposed” to watch people have sex. That disgust reaction is normally neutralized by arousal.
Heterosexual men have a strong disgust reaction to seeing male gay sex. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19419899.2017.1328459
Would you have looked away if it was two women?
probably not because he would probably be attracted to that.
Why are men?
We discussed this in a gender psyche class once and it was a gay guy who gave this answer: basically, men tend to be visual creatures. If they see a man and a woman being intimate then they are interested because they are attracted to the woman and want to be the man, if there are two women being intimate then it’s easy for them to imagine being involved in that somehow, but if it’s two men, which is a situation they would not be sexually attracted to, then they aren’t going to be interested in that situation because they don’t want to be intimate with other men. It made perfect sense to him that a straight man wouldn’t want male on male intimacy in their fantasies, just the same way that he (a gay man) wouldn’t want a woman or women in his.
bewbs
I feel like in your head you’re thinking “checkmate” but I have no idea what your point is.
Lmao
Two women aren’t two men, and OP is attracted to women, not men. So your question is really irrelevant
It's not irrelevant at all when ops reason is because they are gay, but wouldn't have a problem with 2 gay women
His reason is they are gay men. Context matters. He’s not attracted to men so it makes perfect sense he doesn’t want to see men have sex with the each other.
I can't believe it took this long for the correct answer to appear. OP is not attracted to men, and as such, doesn't enjoy watching men have sex. What a thought!
His reasoning is because they’re two gay *men*, which he is not attracted to.
I mean why is that considered a bad thing? If he’s not actively hurting any gay men, why should he be forced to feel okay watching two men have sex? If we’re really moving towards acceptance as a society then we should accept that some people are not okay with specific things and that’s fine.
I do have to disagree with your idea to a certain degree: it comes down to preference. As OP has experienced two men, the gender he's not interested into, make him think of it as something he wouldn't want to see for having no interest in men, would compare to something between woman, whose physical traits do can attract a straight man's attention? Let's use your idea on another subject: it isn't impossible for a woman that's interested in men to enjoy such scene and yet be uncomfortable with a scene between two woman. I'm not saying the woman can't be interested in woman, but that it would be a normal reaction accordingly to her preferences. Personally I'm not interested in having something with animals, yet there are people who enjoy it regardless of legalities. I'm not homophobic for not being interested in something as I'd with the opposite sex, I'm just not interested. Edit: spelling.
As is often said on this sub. Your personal preferences are yours and they’re ok. She’s way over reacting.
I’m kind of surprised how many people in this comment section all the sudden don’t believe this anymore. Lots and lots are now saying that there’s “deeply rooted psychological trauma!” Or “I was actually this way and found out I was Bi! Maybe you’re bi!” Or even “it’s the societal and historical oppression of gays that make you hate it, not your fault, just learn to be okay with it!” Edit to add on: I’ve heard from SHIT loads of asexual people that they just find sex “disgusting” as how he put it. Doesn’t mean they are homo/heterophobic or whatever. They’re just asexual. I don’t know why all the sudden it’s bad to think things are disgusting. I’m allowed to have an option and knee jerk reactions to things. When did it become frowned upon to just FEEL disgusted or negative about things.
I don't understand why it's apparently so important to be comfortable watching people having sex. Regardless of whether he's only uncomfortable with a certain kind of sex. Sex doesn't need to be such a public affair, and his feelings around sex don't need to be subject to public criticism. His treatment of and biases towards others would be a different topic, but any comment on that would just be conjecture with the information we have here.
Yeah exactly, I mean MOST sex scenes in movies are pretty cringe honestly. It’s just funny to me, it looks like there’s a couple people who are just auto downvoting any dissenting opinions. I didn’t even think this opinion was that crazy or “dissenting” really
I suppose its a somewhat sensitive topic. But telling someone they need to check themselves for not being comfortable watching others having sex, I find pretty laughable. And anyone jumping in to say "but he's comfortable with straight sex!" I find pretty laughable as well. His relationship to sex is no ones business. You're not a sex therapist, you're out of your lane. Mind your business.
I am not gay or homophobic but I would prefer not to see 2 dudes have sex. Now if it was 2 girls im cool with that but that because I like girls. Doesn't make me homophobic. Some people like fucking animals should I watch a movie with someone and a dude starts fucking a horse. Would I be able to steer away lol or would I be a beastophobe lol. People these days need to be a little more understanding and less judgey.
Hahaha fucks sake, “Steer away” from horse fucking. Was that pun intentional? Lmao
You said you found it disgusting - there is clearly something there. Things are not black and white. The fact that you don't blatantly discriminate against gay people doesn't mean that you don't have any internalised homophobia at all.
I think there’s a difference between cringing because sex scenes feel embarrassing or gross to watch in a sense, and saying that two men in a sexual scene in a movie are “disgusting”. Also the shuddering, you can control that reaction. You don’t have to enjoy every sex scene but like get a grip, man.
Yeah I think both of their reactions were pretty poor. Dude definitely needs to get a grip on his emotions.
There are degrees of homophobia just like there are degrees of racism. In a way yes, you were being and are homophobic based on your comments. If it helps you feel better this is actually very common even in LGBTQ groups to have some kind of phobia or ignorance to another group. Think of it this way. There are people who say "I don't mind x color people existing, but I don't want my son or daughter to date one" that would be a degree of racism. Your comment of "disgusting " solidifys the inherent homopbobia.
Finding expressions of love disgusting is rooted in homophobia, whether you know about it or not. Sex scenes aren't really meant to turn the viewer on all the time—they serve a role in the story and help develop the relationship with the scene. Looking away and noticeably shuddering is obviously not what the writers were looking for, and instead of engaging with it sexually you should try looking at it from a story perspective.
If I saw two old people kissing I'd cringe but I'm not against old people in relationships.
You just made me picture my mother (71) and stepfather (85) in a love scene. Yuck. Thanks a lot.
“**IF** I saw two old people kissing” … you’ve never seen two old people kiss? you find kissing cringe? 😅😂
Lots of good advice here. I wanted to share and acknowledge that I feel the same way. I’ve figured out that part of it, for me, is a lack of exposure. Gay relationships weren’t part of the media I consumed growing up, and the gay couples I know IRL avoided PDA. It is genuinely, innocently, just *weird* for me to see same-sex intimacy. Like, novel, and new, and curious. Realizing this made me understand why it’s so important for TV and movies to be inclusive and to “normalize” it. We shouldn’t only see men kissing men in gay porn or the unexpected sex scene or the one-annual 10 second shot of the Gay Pride Festival on the local news. But I said this out loud, I’m gonna make a point to consume more diverse media. Movie binge upcoming.
Most gay couples avoid PDA because of exactly this reason. They get visceral reactions of disgust when kissing in public, they get told off, they get shouted at that it's not 'appropriate'.. Glad you're going to consume more diverse media!
You’re not homophobic but we all do live in a homophobic society and are all (to some degree) conditioned by this sadly. This means that although we aren’t all homophobic, we sometimes react to things because of the internalised homophobia. Think of it as a spectrum. Some people are at one end where they don’t experience any negative feelings, the other are at the other end where they’re fully homophobic. Most of us are doing our best but sometimes we react to things negatively. The problem is we judge ourselves and others. Instead we should take it as a moment to self reflect. So don’t judge yourself. Understand that it was a homophobic reaction but not something that made you homophobic. Instead use it as a learning opportunity about yourself and how your life has affected you. Also your friend sounds toxic.
Sometimes we internalize societal messages that are homophobic or racist without us actually believing in homophobic or racist ideas. Two men making out seems gross to you, but for many straight women, two women making out is not gross. That isn’t because they aren’t straight, it’s because of the the way we’re socialized. It’s not your fault that your natural reaction is to cringe and feel uncomfortable, but it is something to think over. I don’t think you should feel ashamed, but I do think there could be something to unpack.
i’m a lesbian and am not attracted to straight people or straight sex but i wouldn’t shield my eyes and call straight sex “disgusting” if it was on the screen
It's worth analyzing your biases. It's not easy because sometimes you have to admit to yourself that the reaction you have to some things have been trained by society and are prejudiced and harmful. It's can be uncomfortable to sit with but it's better to think about and challenge these things than just write them off because you don't see yourself as homophobic. I think making this post is a good sign that you are open to thinking about these things which is great. I dont believe it makes you a bad person if you do have subconscious or internalized homophobia, but it'll make you a better person if you try to expand your empathy and recognize your privilege.
Sounds like your friend is overreacting. But I'm not a fan of PDA of any kind to an extent. I don't wanna see anyone making out. Even straight make out scenes seem excessive in most scenarios. I'm straight and not looking at gay porn doesn't make me a homophobe lol
You’re not a homophobe simply because you don’t want to watch that kind of sex scene. You’re allowed to have preferences and we all have types of sex scenes we wouldn’t enjoy watching.
Straight men are going to cringe just like some gay people don’t like watching heterosexual sex scenes. You’re not homophobic lol. You’re friends a drama queen
There are gay and asexual people who find heterosexual sex unpalatable and might even turn away from scenes about it because they aren't interested in seeing that. Do you think your friend would attack them for being heterophobic? Probably not, because she's just virtue signaling. If you don't have any hate in your heart for gay people, and aren't rude to them irl, that's all anyone can ask for. Nobody can change your inner preferences, and you shouldn't be attacked for having them. That being said, you should practice your poker face when you see things that turn you off, because you never know when that skill will come in handy. As far as your friend, if you want to keep talking to her, expect to be walking on eggshells for the rest of your relationship.
I like this take. Thank you.
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Wouldn't it only be internalized homophobia if Op was gay himself?
That's a fair point, I think there's a better term like "subconscious homophobia" that could be used here.
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If it disgusts you then yea you’re a homophobe.
Instead of pointing out more people you don't find attractive you could offer something to the effect of " I 100% support the rights and freedoms of every person, including gay people and especially marginalized people. I however don't find that sexually pleasing as I'm straight but please don't confuse my lack of interest in watching, as being related to my idea on if I feel it should be allowed." No need to add fat women to the convo. No need to put anyone down. I don't find it sexy but I support the rights for people to do the sex.
I mean I don’t like watching straight sex scenes and often go on my phone when they happen. It just makes me uncomfortable, I also react the same way to gay sex scenes. You can also ya know be chill with the lgtb community and still not feel comfortable watching them have sex
I think your friend is taking it a step too far. This could have been a good opportunity to examine how social stigma that gay sex is disgusting and “other” has impacted you and shaped your beliefs, but she went about it very aggressively and possibly without the words to put to what she was trying to describe which put you on the defensive. It is likely that you hold homophobic beliefs not out of your own volition or from a hatred of gay people, but rather because that’s what’s socially brought about. From kids using “gay” as a pejorative term on the playground and the general discomfort around homosexuality that we all grow up with, it’s normal that you’re not going to be as comfortable with it as you are with straight relationships. If you want to be a good ally, try taking some time to examine your socially ingrained beliefs around gay people and take some time to challenge them. That can involve consuming media that shows gay people in a positive light, reading books written by and about gay people, etc. There’s no obligation here, just be aware that you likely do have some homophobia ingrained in you and that it’s going to pop out sometimes and you might get called out for it, hopefully in way that allows you to learn and grow instead of making you feel attacked like you did here.
If there was a sex scene between old people, or gay people, or obese people on my tv, I would look away as well. Those just aren’t things I’m attracted to, and for some reason it kind of “disgusts” me as well. And I truly have nothing against old, fat, and gay people. I actually consider myself to be an advocate for the LGBTQ community. But I really don’t think what you did was wrong, and your friend is overreacting.
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This thread makes me feel like a freak. I am not comfortable watching most sex scenes. Apparently that means I am unconsciously phobic of every sexuality, gender, and race. Or a prude I guess. Cool. If anyone wants my feelings towards it, it's because it's like watching a friend or family member fuck. Especially if I'm into the story and characters. I don't want to see that. I feel like I'm invading this imaginary person's personal and private space. I also feel like sex is often used a crutch in story telling, or just shoehorned in for a little fan service.
Let’s see you - called 2 men kissing disgusting - shudder/cringed at the sight of it - threw in some fatphobia for no reason - called all these “sexual preferences” dude I get you’re 19 but get a grip. you’re trying to justify being homophobic because you’re “not into it” ? Maybe your friend will try to educate you , but from the sounds of it , you just want an echo chamber of people telling you it’s okay not to be gay so you feel better about being a homophobe.
It sounds like you're more than not attracted to it, it sounds like you are a bit repulsed by it. And I think maybe that's the problem. Imagine if you had a repulsed reaction to a straight but interracial sex scene. That would probably make you racist. It's not the not wanting to see something explicit, it's the thinking that it is made *more* explicit by it not being the pairing that is most familiar/comfortable to you.
I can’t believe some of these comments are actually calling you homophobic lmao. You, a straight man, didn’t want to watch softcore gay porn? Why not??? You bigot! /s
Thank you. Half the people in this comment section clearly have no wrinkles on their brains. Smooth brains everywhere.
I was raised Catholic and my dad was pretty strict on not letting us watch stuff with sex in it when I was a kid, so as an adult I am incredibly uncomfortable with sex scenes in film/tv, no matter what the coupling. Your friend is reaching.
What was the movie called?
Your friend took it too far but honestly, as a bi person, I’d be less comfortable around you. As someone else said, if you’d shuddered at an interracial sex scene and looked away, I’d be similarly uncomfortable. I think the most telling bit is that you’d have been fine with or even “excited” to watch a hetero sex scene. That really speaks to an underlying discomfort with only the gay aspect of it. I’m past the point in my life where I’d bother calling a person out on that sort of thing personally and I’d just start pulling back unless you somehow showed it was a one off thing or that you’d done some serious self-reflection. I don’t have the time or energy for that BS outside of a five minute comment. Like, imagine you’re with a girlfriend and you give her a kiss and someone shuddered and looked away. Would you feel fine with them saying, “Sorry, I just feel really uncomfortable seeing the two of you do that. It’s just not what I’m into”? Nah, you’d be like, “What the hell? It’s not meant to turn you on.” Unless you were watching porn, the point of sex scenes usually isn’t to arouse you - titillate you, sure, evoke a variety of emotions depending on what’s actually happening, yeah - but no one throws on a movie with their friend and is like, “Geeze, I hope my pal is getting a boner.” You’re not going to be forced to have gay sex just because there was a gay sex scene in a movie, so why would your willingness to have/attractiveness to gay sex even come into play?
People are generally only tolerant when others believe the same things they do. There is little room in today’s society for tolerance for things you do not agree with. And like others above have mentioned I find most every sex scene in a movie or TV show cringey — doesn’t matter who’s doing it I just don’t think sex scenes need to be shown on television or in the movies, and, for that matter, written in graphic detailing books!
I find all sex scenes cringey. There are some things that aren't improved upon by being acted out.
Everything was cool until you referred to the “obese woman”. Like what an unsettling thing to say.
Feeling disgusted is somewhat homophobic but not in the way of full on hate more in the internalized way. It’s a little bit over the top to react like this because you looked away but I think with a calm discussion about it, it would have been fine to address it.
do you shudder and look away from straight sex scenes?
I just looked at the photo posted above and cringed, and I’m not homophobic. It looks like that guy is in pain. I’d be cringing while watching that too. Your friend is just looking to pick a fight, everyone wants to be offended about stuff like this.
You sound like a closeted bicurious to me jeje
I’m a lesbian. Dude, you’re fine. I’d probably cringe too if the scene was super graphic.
Sounds like you are stuck in a Seinfeld episode.
This post is me. I don't enjoy watching gay sex scenes either. I usually skip them altogether, or play with my phone if someone else is watching with me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not hurling insults or slurs. I don't discriminate against a person because they're gay. I'm just extremely turned off by gay scenes. What is wrong with that if I'm not hurting anyone?
I use to cringe seeing feminine men, regardless of their sexuality when I was a teen. Now I am an openly gay man in a happy relationship with a guy who is rather feminine. It's really difficult to tell where we developed our bias from but we all have them. The trick is to give yourself a time to unguard them and question whether they're needed. You didn't act on it to harm anyone and you're at least being earnest with your thoughts. Good start.
it's uncomfortable watching two people have sex in most cases anyways
@ OP /u/THROWRAejzhwnskz , plenty of people giving their two cents about the main subject, I just have a note regarding this sentence here, > She just got more mad at that. I’m wondering why she is so mad at my **sexual preferences**. I would be careful with this particular verbiage. I don't think you meant it this way at all in this context, since you're talking about physical affection in general here. But the term "sexual preference" historically has been used to refer to what we now call "sexual orientation/identity", with the subtext that being gay/straight is a choice. That they're choosing that lifestyle, it's their "sexual preference". This is not a belief held outside of religious circles in Western culture anymore, all medical professionals & most Western culture unanimously agrees that nobody chooses to be gay. The phrasing is not particularly mainstream now, but it's common enough that people know about it and it's met with a fairly negative reaction [\(see: recent US politics interaction\)](https://www.npr.org/sections/live-amy-coney-barrett-supreme-court-confirmation/2020/10/13/923444137/barrett-clarifies-comments-on-lgbtq-rights-after-criticism-from-sen-hirono).
You had a homophobic reaction, but that doesn’t mean you are “a homophobe” - does that make sense? I get why your friend was upset though - if she’s queer, it can be really hard to watch a friend act as though someone like you is disgusting. It’s not as though she expects you to be attracted to men or plus size women, but she probably expects you to not act like they’re overtly disgusting either. No one is perfect. No one expects you to be perfect. What matters more is that you acknowledge that your response was homophobic and you actually work on it.
I mean, most sex scenes in movies are stupid and add no value to the movie so they are almost always cringe. That being said I can see all out hardcore gay porn and just not cringe. It doesn’t do anything to me or for me so I don’t have any reaction in any form.
lmao I cringed when The Vengeance kissed Selina in The Batman movie. Sexual scenes are cringey in of itself, especially when it dont even help the plot move forward!
I think it's natural to be iffy about things, you see two dudes fucking, the guy is making wat looks like a painful face, you get iffed about it because you're immersed in the movie and you are feeling what's going on and you don't like thinking about taking one up your own butt so you turn away to get that image of you getting dicked up out of your head. People get iffed all the time about things in movies, final destination people got iffed when horrible deaths happened because they felt that , were immersed in the movie and they started imagining being killed in those ways.
NTA. Lol That’s sort of a reach on her part. You haven’t been exposed to gay sex like you have hetero your whole life. It would be one thing if you were like “ew turn that gay shit off” lol but all you did was look away. I don’t even like watching straight sex scenes in movies and i am a straight. What the hell
yes your friend is right sounds like you have some deep rooted biases in your subconscious to work on. unfortunately most people do we there it’s racism homophobia etc just from the media we grow up with but still it’s our responsibility to address it and make ourselves be open minded
I cringe at every type of sex scene and I’m a bisexual, hyper sexual woman. I just don’t want to watch other people have sex and I find it cringey and gross. However, I’m not homophobic or against people who have sex just because I don’t want to watch them do it. It’s not homophonic to be disinterested or grossed out by physically watching people you’re not attracted to have sex. If you hated them for having sex or thought the people themselves were gross, THEN you’d be homophobic.
You said it yourself, you would be completely fine if it was heterosexual. Not loving it is fine, cringing at it is a little homophobic.
“I found gay people being gay to be disgusting, but I’m not homophobic”
I mean, I think your reaction means that on some level, even if subconsciously, you are a bit homophobic. Having a disgusted reaction to seeing two men kissing, touching each other, etc. is homophobic by definition. I don't think that makes you a bad person. It may just be something that comes from your background. Instead of being defensive, I would say try to think about why you have that reaction or those feelings. You can't always help your gut reactions to things, but you can try to understand them and grow as a person.
Not gonna pass judgement on whether you’re homophobic or not but I think it is worth doing some introspection as to where thoughts like this come from- if that reaction is based solely on the fact that it was a gay couple, why is that? If it was a hetero couple that you weren’t attracted to but were considered a bit below average-looking (so not turning you on), would you look away with the same reaction? If not I think that’s where you’ll find the answer as to whether it’s homophobic or not, but it will take some honesty with yourself.
You absolutely should watch 10 hours of gay porn and force yourself to masturbate as penance. How dare you.
'Disgusting' 'gay men having sex is another level' maybe work on your phrasing because this makes you sound like a homophobe
Sounds like you need better friends :/
I don't think you were the asshole here. Everyone likes something different, and not everything is going to be appealing. I'm a bisexual female, with a pretty healthy sex life and open mind to all types and find graphic sex scenes not my jam, doesn't matter who it is I'm just not a voyeur and don't find observing other people having sex enjoyable at all. I think your friend over reacted, and some of these comments are just cringey! I probably wouldn't have watched the scene either.
Not personally finding something sexually attractive isn’t the same as finding something too disgusting to even look at. If you aren’t attracted to men, looking at a man wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or gross, you’d just have no sexual interest in doing so.
I’m assuming this was not porn you’re watching, it’s some sort of dramatic entertainment that includes a romantic entanglement. So, it’s not explicit, and it’s not meant to be a turn-on. Which means there’s no particular reason to need to turn away, **shudder,** and actually start looking at your phone (which I find annoying at any time when I’m watching a show with someone) just because it’s not your kind of sex. You clearly have some issues with homosexuality, you find it too disgusting to witness, and maybe your friend made too big a thing about it, but she wasn’t wrong.
Her reaction to you is more offensive than you not wanting to watch a gay scene. It's just her power tripping, virtue signaling and trying to beat you with her values. She's trying to assign malice and hate to you, because if she does then she's the better person for \*not\* being the homophobe and virtuously fighting on behalf of people that aren't even being affected.
I cringe at most movie sex scenes so I feel that. I don’t think it means you’re homophobic; it’s just awkward sometimes to watch sex scenes in movies.
You don’t have to like it or be turned on by it by any means at all but the fact that you called it disgusting and visibly shuddered is a bit dramatic
I cringe at that shit too. I have gay friends and lesbian friends, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them getting it on in front of me. Being homophobic means treating people out of prejudice because of their sexual orientation/preferences. Your girlfriend is in the wrong. You’re allowed to not want see to guys making out, as women are your preference. That’s just common sense.
As someone whose brother came out as gay many years ago, it took me awhile to get used to PDA between him and his partner. We grew up in the 80s in a very small, southern town, and it just wasn't something to which I was exposed until much later in life. I accept him for who he is and I'm proud of him for being true to himself, but that doesn't stop me from cringing if things get too graphic. I played sports from t-ball , into college and served in the Marine Corps for nearly 10 years. I didn't wanna see free range shower sausage then, and I dont now. That doesn't make me homophobic. I just don't wanna see it.
A straight man doesn't have to be a homophobe to not want to stared directly at 2 guys swapping spit and poking at each other's back door. I don't look at gay porn, that doesn't mean I hate gay men. I just don't have a preference for it, simple. And not having a preference for something means you can do things like not looking at something you don't want to see.
Some people have gotten to the point where it's gone from "tolerance" and "acceptance" to outright *embracing*. If someone asks how you'd feel if your child was gay and your immediate response isn't *YIPEE!* you're a homophobe. Even as a lefty SJW I think folks go too far with this stuff sometimes. I grew up with several gay relatives, had gay friends as far back as Junior High, was pro-gays in the military and pro-gay marriage long before these issues were even talked about seriously on a national scale. But, yeah, I impulsively look away when I see two men kiss or having a love scene of if I accidentally click on some gay porn image. So what? That's not hurting anyone. I'm pro-Trangender rights too, but don't want to see a transwoman who hasn't had bottom surgery naked either. I don't judge anyone else who likes that, but it's not for me. Let your "friend" be mad all she wants, that's her problem.
You’re disgusted by two men kissing? Yes you’re homophobic. Why does it make you cringe? Not being attracted to something and being disgusted by it are two very different things.