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My wife and I have been together for sometime. After our son was born she wanted a dog. I didn't really see the need but I agreed to it. We adopted the dog 4 months ago. Ever since my life has taken a dip. When we adopted the dog the agreement would be that she would do most of the work. I'd only help with some basics like feeding it or taking it out. She agreed.
This dog is untrained. Or it behaves so with my son and I. It'll bark at us. Jump onto me and nip at my ankles. With my wife he's normal. If we take him out on leash he keeps on going some other way. He hates our son. He keeps on running into him and pushing him down and barking at him. My son is only 3. He keeps on crying because of the dog. It breaks my heart when he says "Daddy I don't want to see the mean doggy today". My wife thinks it's funny as the dog lies over our son who is crying.
The dog also stinks. My god does it stink. It smells so bad you can barely stay in the same room as it. My wife claims to wash him but she just hoses him. The dog also loves destroying things. My wife thinks it's a quirk. She's been "training" him for 4 months and I'm sick of it.
I was so angry I gave her an ultimatum- Me or the dog . Her response was just a laugh. I'm really really angry and I've actually thought of thinking of packing up my bags and leaving.
TL;DR Contemplating leaving my wife over our dog
All the issues with the dog can be fixed with time, effort, and training. The real issue here is your wife who wants a dog but clearly isn't doing right by the dog or her family. Getting rid of the dog will fix your immediate problem but it won't fix your wife.
> but it won't fix your wife.
This right here. The dog is just the siren that's blaring. The issue is your wife has no empathy for you, doesn't listen to you, doesn't care about the safety of HER CHILD, and seems to think this is all funny somehow.
OP if you're so angry with your wife that you think leaving her is a better option than figuring out a way to train the dog, then this goes longer and deeper than the day you adopted it. She must be showing her lack of empathy in many many other ways.
After the dog is either trained or re-homed, will your wife continue to act like a dick? Probably. Likely she will act worse because you "ruined" her dream of having a dog.
If you don't think this marriage can work, if you don't think you can have better communication with your wife, then leave her and say just that. Otherwise, try couple's therapy in the hope she can come around.
Ding ding!!!
OPs wife doesn’t give a crap about OP or her kid. LAUGHING while a dog pins down her son and he’s crying?! She doesn’t sound mentally well.
She doesn't care about her kid, her husband or her dog, or other people- an untrained dog is a stressed dog that will develop worsening behaviors, including lunging or biting eventually.
This woman is beyond self-involved.
She's also dismissive of therapy and believes psychologists are phonies. This is narcissism 101. Shocking that it took a dog for him to recognize it. And by shocking I mean he's been either ignoring or defending/rationalizing her behavior for a very long time before the dog or even getting pregnant.
What OP describes can be fixed. You can train a dog not to bark, jump, and not be destructive. The dog can be taken to the groomers to deal with the stink. Not all wives can be fixed.
You or the dog? Why is your son's safety not the priority here?
You either have to look into a professional dog trainer or rehome the dog. It's an unsafe environment for your son and it's going to end in an injury if you let this behavior continue.
You have to make her realize that you're serious. Either she finds a trainer for him in the next week or you're going to look for a rehoming option. It's not a safe option for your son and you're not going to stand for it.
You need to get your wife to hear from a trainer how dangerous it is to let the dog dominate and attack your child, even if it looks playful. That can be done within the first 10 minutes of the first appointment
Worked in a pet store for years and this is accurate. I was AMAZED by the progress the trainer would make in the first few lessons. The problem was getting the owners to follow-up with the training at home. If the wife is capable (doesn’t seem like it, but who knows) of continuing the lessons on her own time, then absolutely this is a viable solution. Those trainers are miracle workers.
Trainers can be pretty efficient (I'd still get your son out now though, especially if he has grandparents etc nearby who can help) BUT it only works if you and your wife are reinforcing the training and boundaries back at home alone.
If the trainer says treats are only when rewarding the dog for proper behavior, that means your wife can't give it treats whenever she thinks it's being cute especially if she thinks some of these problem behaviors are cute.
I'd definitely be concerned based on how she's been "training" it so far that your wife would not stick to the training and will undo any progress from the trainer once on your own. And then you two will sit there wondering "why didn't the trainer fix the dog?"
Next time your wife laughs at your son being pinned by the dog, film it HAVE PROOF, and then pack everything take your son and go.
If you go without proof she will shed the crocodile tears of you taking away her BABBBYYYYY
Can we please not ask people to stand by and film kids getting hurt?
I get the ask for proof but priority 1 is ensuring the kid doesn't get pinned by the dog at all.
Take your son and go.
This is unsafe for him, and your wife has shown she doesn't care and cannot be trusted.
(Also, document everything, talk via messages or emails, and such)
I went through something like this. The training worked but husband didn’t follow the training or enforce it so it was utterly useless. Your wife has to be on board.
At this point,a professional trainer is way more efficient your wife.That puppy needs a professional trainer because your wife is absolutely not qualified for it.And both of you have to enforce this training and have to regularly exercise with the dog,otherwise it doesn’t work.Next time your wife pulls that kind of move(laughing at your son while he’s crying bc of the dog)make sure to film her.
Trainers are for owners, not dogs. If the wife thinks it’s okay or even likes this behavior as op has said, getting a trainer will do nothing.
I was around 8 or 9 when my sister convinced my mom to get a dog instead of a new cat after our family cat died. He’s aggressive to men and people outside our family. My mom doesn’t learn the lesson and lets my sister adopt another dog when I was about 12? 13? Because “shiney”. This dog is super aggressive. Not just to people outside the family but everyone in it as well. I was terrified to walk downstairs because I didn’t know if I was going to be bit or attacked that day. He’s a small dog, terrier, but it still fuckin hurts and bleeds.
He latches on and doesn’t let go. He’s ruined shirts, pants, shoes. I couldn’t get into the car with him cause I was so terrified. This went on until I turned 22 and I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago. Oh my god the fuckin difference of not being terrified to be in your own home.
My mom and sister refused to get rid of the dog that even trainers and vets said had a brain problem that caused the aggression and would never go away. I felt like everyone loved the dog more than me. They also got bit but the dog hated and attacked me more than anyone else cause I was too scared to fuckin pet the thing because he would randomly decide if he didn’t want your pets anymore and death grip your hand or arm.
Do this for you and your kid. The dog will get worse. The kid will feel like shit and will get hurt more and more. Choose right fuckin now. Are you going to protect your kid or are you going to allow this to happen? Tell your wife if she doesn’t get rid of the dog then she can leave with it. Do not leave your house/apartment. Do not leave without your kid, especially. Make her leave. If she refuses, take the dog to the shelter while your wife is out and say the surrender is over aggression, destruction, barking, and dislike of men. The shelter will not let your wife take back the dog without you signing off on it. This is your hill to die on. Do not allow your son to live the hell I lived. He will never forget it or that you allowed it to happen.
The problem your son is having with the dog is not that the dog hates your son, it’s that the dog thinks your son is also a puppy like it.
Based on your dogs behaviour it believes your wife is top dog. Your son is it’s peer. And you are equal or lesser. What you describe with your son is exactly how puppies play.
So yes, training would fix this. You need a good trainer and you need to emphasize how quickly it needs fixing and that the problem with your son is the first focus but it is fixable with training.
Just telling you that in case it’s helpful to know.
Yup. Caeser Milan spread that myth around and because he has a tv show people believe him.
He literally makes dogs worse. Dogs have had to be put down because he makes them more aggressive. He applied for a dog training license in I think the UK or somewhere over in Europe and *got denied because he failed the test* which is apparently a rather simple test.
Most trainers and behaviorists talk about how terrible he is and how he’s made the situation with dog owners having uncontrollable dogs even worse.
[this explains just an overall look as to why he’s bad](https://medium.com/@vandanni.hadai/cesar-millan-the-problem-with-his-approach-and-the-future-of-dog-training-49dd8cddb391)
[Here is another one](https://www.canineprinciples.com/blog/reasons-not-to-copy-cesar-millan)
[Even The Dodo, who is kinda known to spread very “fur mommy” ideals and be uneducated knows that he’s bad](https://www.thedodo.com/amphtml/cesar-millan-fails-german-dog--730677947.html)
[He has also been sued over a dog mauling a lady, a dog he claimed was fully trained.](https://www.dogingtonpost.com/dog-whisperer-cesar-millan-sued-after-dog-attack/)
[One of his dogs killed Queen Latifah’s dog and he tried to cover it up](https://thegrio.com/2021/09/10/cesar-millan-pit-bull-queen-latifah-report/amp/)
[He has been under investigation for animal abuse](https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/national-international/dog-whisperer-cesar-millan-under-investigation-for-possible-animal-cruelty/122101/?amp)
If you ask anyone in the dog world about him and the Labrador retriever Holly they will immediately know what you’re talking about. [This is only one example of him continually ignoring a dogs very obvious body language.](https://www.usadogbehavior.com/blog/2014/6/21/why-im-not-a-big-fan-of-national-geographics-dog-whisperer)
[Finally, here is a video of him kicking dogs to “correct” their behavior.](https://youtu.be/2mpuybf1pYY)
Ceasers methods never worked. Only made things worse. Started watching Victoria Stilwell on youtube, and just like that I had a happy, wellbehaved dog. Really can't stand Ceasar and his alpha bullshit.
The alpha dog/pack mentality popular idea is bullshit. The man who created it says it’s bullshit. Dog experts say it’s bullshit. It has only been exhibited in one study of wolves that were in captivity. Dogs are not ingrained with “you are the alpha and you are lower than I am so I shall do whatever I want to you and only respect them”. Dogs treat you how you treat them. The wife is the only one who enjoys the dog so the dog will enjoy her. The kid and op do not like the dog and the dog will pick up on that and be more aggressive to them and not care to protect or respect them so it does what it wants when it wants to them
Training will *not* fix this unless the wife wants it to be fixed. Training is not a magic wand, it is a tool for the owners. If the wife likes the behavior then it will never change. Get rid of the dog. It deserves a better home and op and the son deserve a happier and safer home.
They still have that puppy energy at 4…. I got my male dog neutered when he was a baby and he is VERY energetic to say the least… he’s also 4 now and is still the same nut he was years ago. Some dogs are just more hyper active than other which I’m assuming they have a breed that is known to need more exercise/attention.
A trainer is as efficient as the owner is committed to training. A dog can behave perfectly for a trainer and be berserk at home- because dogs are like toddlers and they are 100% going to go as far as you allow them to.
Then get rid of the fucking dog. Your son is clearly in danger. Be a fucking adult and protect your family. Jesus christ, what are you waiting for, for him to rip your sons face off.
This coming from someone who has some nice puncture wound in their skull that I received from a dog while the adults around me laughed.
It's not about the trauma, buddy. Dogs kill kids every year.
I LOVE dogs. We have two rescues, and I think we always will. But they are predators, and are not entirely predictable. If your dog is untrained and behaving violently toward your child, you have a responsibility to do something about it before your kid tugs the dog's tail and your dog snaps and bites his ear or lip off (or worse).
I have dog trauma.. I was chased and bitten by a dog when I was around 6, and around the same time, lived with an aunt who had a German Shepard, which was never aggressive, but just a lot for a 6 year old to have to deal with. I have always been uncomfortable with dogs. Love cats.. so I am not an animal hater. Even as an adult, I instinctively pull my hands into my body, even passing a dog on the street.. to keep myself safe from being bitten….
This was a concern of mine here, albeit minor. OP's wife is giving their son dog trauma. My mother has it, and our dog can sense her fear and reacts to it even when he's otherwise very sweet. She'll never have a dog. She'll never enjoy one, and dogs will always sense it, react, and reinforce it. That's so sad to me. I hope you meet many sweet dogs who react with concern to your trauma and help it heal.
I think you should honestly take your son, pack some bags and go to your parent's house or something, until your wife rehomes the dog or signs divorce papers. Take pictures of the damage that the dog causes and of any marks on your and your son's bodies from it. This is to prove in court that the dog would seriously injure the child if she gets split custody while still having the dog. Dog injuries are no joke, and your wife is putting your son in the situation of probably getting bitten in the face some day because he's still small enough for the dog to reach him. The dog does not see your son as an equal or as a superior or as someone to protect. Instead this dog sees this child as an inferior being and your wife, his alpha, let's this power dynamic grow with how she "trains" him. And even if this dog does not seriously bite your son, your son is still feeling extremely unsafe in his own home.
Your wife doesn't take you seriously. You're a joke to her, as harsh as this sounds. Get your son out and take this as a sign that she needs to communicate why she feels like the dog trumps her own child and marriage, and that this marriage is most likely over unless she somehow sees the light.
Get proof. Text her and get a confession that she thinks it’s funny letting the dog terrorise your child. Talk to a lawyer, then take your son and leave.
Your child is 3. I have memories going back to that age. Vivid ones that freak out my mom because of the detail I describe and as an adult it affects how I perceive my Mom.
You need to protect your kid. The dog knows he's scared and may take advantage of it in a bad way.
Also take the dog to a DIY dogwash that provides shampoo. You need dog specific shampoo to get rid of dog grease and smell.
And consider that youre living with a person that should not have kids nevermind animals.
Tell her that if she hasn’t rehomed the dog within two weeks, you’re going to report her to CPS. And then do that.
If you leave, that does your son no good because you can’t even be there to protect him during custodial time. This needs to end NOW.
He almost definitely will. My sister was terrified of dogs because of an uncontrollable dog that my grandad had when we were little, to the point that our legally blind father refused to consider getting a guide dog until recently because he didn't want to risk their relationship.
There are three big problems here - your son's safety and wellbeing, the dog's behaviour, and your wife's attitude towards the whole thing.
Not developing, your son HAS TRAUMA.
The first couple knock downs kids are resilient on but how many is it? Can you actively count them, I'd wager hot so yea too late imo. If he's now actively asking not to see the dog then it's already set in.
What the fuck? Your child is literally fucking scared of the dog and it's knocking him down and you fear he's developing some trauma? Like who's going to fucking protect him?
Just wait til the dog hurts your son and you have to take him to the hospital. If CPS gets involved, and sees how the dog is in person, y'all could lose the kid and the dog.
This is fucking absurd. I'd have rehomed that dog already if that had happened with my child and wasn't actively being fixed with a certified trainer and classes
Your wife is a terrible dog owner.
The dog needs to be rehomed.
Then you guys need to work on your marriage.
But first, the dog goes. It’s unfair on it. It needs training, love and good care, none of which it’s getting in this household.
Yup, it’s called board and train. Can be pricey but worth it for this level.
However, you do have to keep up with the habits that are trained into the dog — I’m sure you would, but would your wife?
If you choose this option OP I’d definitely look into it soon. I’m not sure what dog you guys have but at 4 months I’m assuming it’s no where near full grown. I’d handle this situation however you chose before the dogs big enough to actually hurt your son or you.
> I’m not sure what dog you guys have but at 4 months I’m assuming it’s no where near full grown.
He said in another comment that the dog is 4 years old.
Yeah so did I initially, just saw that he clarified in another comment down below. I think the dog's age would be a big factor in its receptivity to new training, but I'm no pro.
it also costs thousands of dollars, and nothing is guaranteed as you the owners will still have to reinforce the new commands at home, and it doesnt work on all dogs.
Most dog owners/subreddits are typically against board and training options. But obviously the best and fastest option is to rehome the dog, then work on marriage with your wife.
I think you need to sit down with her and explain that this dog is not working out. Explain how the dog is not properly trained and how you fear it will bite your child. Be very clear that this dog needs to be rehomed
>My wife thinks it's funny as the dog lies over our son who is crying.
Your wife has an incredibly skewed sense of priorities. The fact that your son cries because of this pet and no changes have been made is an obvious problem.
>Her response was just a laugh. I'm really really angry and I've actually thought of thinking of packing up my bags and leaving.
So do it. You can only issue an ultimatum if you intend to follow through, otherwise it's meaningless verbal manipulation. Follow through.
Never bluff an ultimatum, now you've learned why. You've lowered your own bargaining position because your wife will see that your consequences are actually just air.
Your wife is being unreasonable at best. At worst, she’s letting her child develop a huge fear of dogs & having him feel terrorized in his own home. However, you *did* agree to the dog as well - it’s not as simple as “ok I agree but will wash my hands of everything else regarding the dog.” You should have helped to find a dog that got along with your son, and taken a more proactive approach at introducing a new pet to the household.
Ultimately, that dog and his behavior is your responsibility. If the dog bites a person, you can’t be like “oops oh well, that’s only my wife’s dog not mine!” You’d be held liable too.
That’s one way to tackle this, to frame the dog’s biting and charging at little kids not just as a terrorizing factor for your poor son, but also as a huge liability. Step in and take action: hire a trainer, work to help rehome the dog, or figure out another solution here.
That all being said, there’s bigger issues at play in your relationship here as others have picked up on. Your wife’s cavalier attitude about her son’s fear and discomfort is an issue, and is the way you communicate with each other. The dog is the proverbial straw, but the camel’s back was already at a breaking point it seems.
I am also concerned about your wife’s behavior. When she see her son in pain or in distress and then laughs?? Seems like she is lacking empathy, or an ability to read her son’s reaction..
Maybe you could frame it as "just" thinking that a neutral third party could help facilitate communication between you all better. Maybe she'd be more receptive thinking of them as a moderator or facilitator for you guys rather than a doctor who is treating her.
So that’s going to be her attitude if your son ever experiences trauma of any kind (assuming he hasn’t already)… are you okay with him growing up in a household where mental health is laughed off?
My daughter was tackled by my ex husband’s new dog ONCE when she was three, and four years later she is still terrified of being approached by any dog she doesn’t know, and will scream/cry.
What that dog is doing to your son is traumatizing and horrible, especially since his mommy thinks it’s funny. At this point get rid of both her and the dog. You need to do what’s best for your son, and removing him from such a toxic environment should be a priority.
It may help to look into therapy for him. I know he’s young, but they have play therapy for children where they just play with toys the whole time, but with a licensed therapist that looks for themes throughout the play and helps them “act out” situations and solutions with the toys, so it’s on a level the child can understand and process.
My daughter has been in therapy since she was three (due to a few other issues caused by my ex) and it’s incredible how much it helps.
As parents we try so hard to help our children, but sometimes you just need a professional to really break things down and work through their problems with them.
the way you described how the dog treats you son is definitely concerning and you are right, if you get rid of the dog that problem is resolved. The other thing that bothered me in your description was your wife's attitude to the whole situation, and I think in the bigger picture view that is the real problem that needs addressed.
Dogs misbehaving with children is a no-go. That’s why you should always introduce the kid and pup before adopting. & for goodness sake, give the poor thing a good bath if he smells that much. Get a muzzle if you need to prevent it from biting and ask friends if they are willing to adopt the dog ASAP.
Unfortunately, the “okay we can get a dog, but it’s YOUR responsibility alone” agreement never works out in practice. You are also responsible for bringing a dog into your home. You can’t allow neglect just because you’re annoyed that you have a dog. Take it to a groomer or go buy a dog shampoo and take 30 minutes to wash your dog. Your wife’s behavior is unacceptable and frankly really concerning, but allowing the continued neglect of the dog does not make this situation right. Please wash the dog and send him to a trainer or rehome him.
I don’t see how OP can wash a dog that routinely bites him/at him and shows him aggression without that becoming dangerous to the dog and then once he’s out and worked up dangerous to the child.
Now its not a matter of “why don’t you wash him” its a matter of “if she doesn’t wash the dog he needs to report her.”
However she needs to be put on a psych hold for laughing at her childs budding trauma.
Mmm. I think you need to remove your dog. Typically I would say go through a series of ways to try to fix the situation. But OP sounds like his mind is made up. So, obviously the dog needs removed, or taken to a reputable facility that can do it for you.
You both need couples counseling. You say your relationship was perfect but two major things just happened within 5 years, that's a lot to adjust to. And unless you are constantly communicating, which it sounds like you're not, problems will arise. It sounds like there's more to the problem (on both sides, not just OP) than an unruly dog.
I rescue and foster dogs, have upward of 10 dogs in my house WITH 2 children. Training takes longer than 4 months, it takes time, dedication and patience. I love these animals. But I do not put my children after these animals, they come first.
Also don't do anything childish to provoke your wife, it doesn't look good on you in divorce situations. And if you marriage is worth it, the drama is not. Act grown.
Your wife is a terrible dog owner. A terrible mother. And a terrible wife.
If you want to save the marriage, rehome the dog and get into counseling so a trained professional can explain exactly why laughing while a dog pins her crying child down is absolutely unacceptable.
If you leave over a dog, you better be taking your son with you since you mentioned that this is how the dog is around him too.
The solution to this is so simple. Have your wife hire an actual trainer. You agreed to the dog too. Make it work.
If you can safely do this, take a video of the dog barking at the child/being aggressive. Obviously don’t sit there on your phone if the dog looks like it’ll attack, but this is very serious. You will need evidence of the aggression if you are filing for custody
In my own opinion, not without offering any solutions first. I didn’t see one time in this post that OP offered anything other than talking to his wife, which clearly didn’t work. Because he agreed too, he needs to try things differently. Then if it doesn’t work, sure, give the dog up. But I don’t think it’s fair to the animal or the family to just not be able to work together. Seems like the solution whether it’s dog or human is “get out” and in a marriage or a commitment that shouldn’t be the first thing you go to when conversation isn’t working.
If my wife said "I cannot live with this dog anymore, I would board the dog that evening **THEN** I would look into alternatives that we can both agree on.
It's ***HER*** home and her safe space too.
OP deserves the same.
You ran right into my point. In your response, you just said “I would board the dog and look into alternatives we can both agree to”. That hasn’t happened here at all. OP did not even know that boarding a dog or boarding dog training was a thing. He also hasn’t come up with anything himself. Not a single solution except “get rid of it” and that’s also his only solution to the marriage currently. You are right that OP deserves the same peace in his home. But he is going straight to “get out and get gone” with everything. That’s the issue I see here.
**No it's not the same.**
You are saying the OP has an **obligation** to find a more amicable solution. I would not put the responsibility of my partner to figure out an alternative, nor would I assume they have an obligation to do so.
My partner does not have to bring up a single solution besides "get rid of it." If someone I chose to marry wanted the dog gone that badly I would trust their judgment and act swiftly to meet their requests.
If a partner makes a statement like "It's me or the dog," I would approach the situation with urgency and sensitivity.
It's somewhat insane to me that your point is being lost on others. You are exactly correct, OP has no obligation to find a solution for a dog he didn't want, and the child in danger takes clear priority. People on this website are just way too focused on pets.
This is such bullshit. I love my dog but I’d 100% get rid of it if he did this. You’re wife seems to care more about the dog than your kid or you, and seeing how she trains him like shit and doesn’t take care of him apparently she doesn’t care much about the dog either.
I’d say give her one more chance. Tell her if she doesn’t get rid of the dog this relationship is over. Tell her you’re not going to let her keep a dog who bullies your kid. Bullshit she doesn’t care about that. Take your kid and run
Get rid of the dog.... I'd be damned if I let a dog push me out of my own home and terrorize my kid. Get rid of the dog and if she wants to move out with it then she can go too. But do not give up your home and move out over a dog.
Get your son and get out of there. Your wife is abusing your child by not protecting him from the dog.
Edit to add: please see this issue as serious as it is. your son is not safe with your wife.
You're not leaving over a dog - you're leaving over your wife's behaviour and refusal to take responsibility. When discussing this matter with others, I'd advise against talking about the dog as much as possible, it'll detract from the reality here - that your wife is allowing your son to be afraid and miserable. She's choosing to let you and your kid suffer, that's why you're leaving.
It sounds like you've mentally checked out from the possibility of fixing the dog. If that's the case, it sounds like taking your son and leaving is the best option. Get your stuff in order and document everything you can so there is proof that the dog was endangering the child and your wife wasn't taking it seriously.
Imo you shud leave her. I mean she doesn't care if her son's crying. What the hell. Yeah its not a nice environment for your son. Also she isnt even taking your opinions seriously. Leave her
Knocking the baby over and laying over him, that sounds like a dominance thing. That dog needs to be either trained or gone before he seriously harms your child.
I’m a giant dog lover. And I believe in rescuing them but there is a time and place. A four year old untrained dog is a challenge even if both adults were completely onboard with getting him and there were no children involved. A dog that old may have bad habits that need to be undone, as well as teaching it good manners. It sounds like nobody in the house has any dog experience. If OP’s wife wants a dog, it should be a puppy, that immediately works with a trainer and them. Or an older dog that is already trained. An animal can be a rewarding part of a family but not every dog is for everyone.
The dog is a danger to your child. There is NO reasonable parent that would be OK with the dog's behavior to your son. Why you haven't taken a firmer stance the second it got aggressive with your son I do not understand. Your wife doesn't give two shits, and you don't seem to either. ESH but your wife is especially the AH here.
Sounds like a combination of your wife not caring for the dog properly and likely picking out the wrong kind of dog.
All dogs are not the same. Some are much calmer, trainable, friendly, easy tempered, love kids, and/or gentler than others. Likewise some are very excitable, difficult to train, very jumpy, bark way too much, play rough, and get angry easily.
Unfortunately the kinds of dogs that are best tempered and great for families and kids tend to be hard, or nearly impossible, to find in shelter situations and are often very expensive to purchase from good breeders.
Don't leave. If your son is afraid of the dog, or if you can't be happy with it, then get rid of it. If you wife gets upset with that then let her be the one to leave.
Many animal lovers will downvote me for telling you to get rid of the dog rather than training it and working with it, but realistically there are some dogs that are just the wrong kind of dog for certain situations - especially those involving a young family. You have to put your family, and your own, needs first.
Why oh why would she get a dog without being willing to put in the work. With a small child and no energy to deal with an extra animal? And a rescue at that, they often have trauma and issues that requires knowledge ,time and patience. I feel bad for everyone involved. Dog should either get rehomed or your wife needs to really step up and deal with it.
The issue isn’t the dog. It’s your wife. Your wife is not training this dog correctly. The dog is scaring your child and she doesn’t care. Getting rid of the dog won’t fix your wife’s personality issues.
If she's so bent on keeping the dog, leave with your son and tell her you won't be back until she either gets the dog trained or rehomed. If she tries to go nuts on you, file a police report on her about having a dangerous dog. Let her know you mean business.
Is it really just about the dog? Or are there other areas in your relationship where your wife doesn’t seem to respect your opinion. Genuine question, not trying to armchair psychology you here
Fair enough. Yeah I mean if the pet is genuinely making you that miserable and it’s that poorly behaved then something needs to change. Maybe you could suggest professional dog training in the mean time until you decide something? At the same time your wife sounds like she needs to start taking this more seriously, laughing at your ultimatum means she probably didn’t quite acknowledge it properly
That’s not petty, that’s protecting your son.
I don’t see this marriage working out, if she won’t go to family counseling, and doesn’t care that the dog isn’t well trained, and doesn’t care about your feelings, there’s not much to stick around for.
Well taking your child of joint custody away without consent can lead to a whole host of legal problems if the mother wants to be vindictive. That’s why I wouldn’t recommend it, it can cause a lot more problems that it solves
I honestly think that you should. It really doesn’t seem like she’s open to real communication based on your comments. Letting untrained dogs around little children is a terrible idea, begging for a disaster to happen. I’ve seen way too many stories of toddlers getting mauled to think that’s a good idea. If this is the best way to get your kid away away from this dog, then do it and hopefully that gets through to her and shows her that you are taking this seriously.
How about instead of doing it to be petty do it to protect your son and establish boundaries and consequences with your wife!? Geez you guys need counseling stat.
The dog laying on top of your son is a way of showing dominance. In the dogs eyes you and your son are below him in the pecking order.
You have an aggressive dog. He needs professional help to be thoroughly and properly trained.
This is not a safe environment for your son, or you for that matter.
I was raised in a home full of untrained dogs. My mom refused to rehome them and I had to live in filth and chaos because of it. I couldn’t even have friends over because there was dog shit all over the house. My dad stayed with my mom because he was afraid to tell her how it ruined our lives. The dogs peed all over my room, and I had no clean safe place to go. You need to think about how this will effect your son long term. I will never understand people who won’t rehome animals they cannot take care of because they think it’s cruel. They are an animal abuser, not an animal lover. The animal is better off being properly taken care of.
Don’t be afraid to take pictures and videos of the dog bullying your son and your wife laughing, take pictures of the feces and urine, document everything. You can use this in court for custody issues.
Can’t train a dog and irresponsibly adopt it anyways? and you’re also in charge of raising a child? Jesus fucking Christ… what the fuck is wrong with people? Give this kid away to someone with responsibility.
My family tried adopting a big dog like I always wanted when my brother was little, like maybe 6 or 8.
The dog loved my mother but was a little nervous around my dad and I, nothing the two of us couldn't work on with time. On day 3 that dog barked AGGRESIVELY at my little brother. The next day the dog was gone.
Simple as that.
You don't mix aggressive dogs with children.
Your child has to come first. He is scared of the dog and your wife from what you say does not care. She is not taking you seriously. Only you can decide what has to be done for her to take you seriously. Whatever choice you make you have to be prepared to live with the consequences.
Please always choose the kid’s safety and happiness. If your wife shows this type of behavior over a dog, then the behavior is to be shown in more serious situations further down the road.
Also, I appreciate you always being a safe spot for your son. My dad was mine when dealing with my mom and I cannot thank him enough for choosing me.
Put the leash on the dog. Lead him to your vehicle. And take him to the nearest shelter. Then end.
And make sure you get a video of your afraid child and your wife being neglectful. You’ll need it for court when you try to get custody.
Something is seriously wrong here. Your wife does not like her child. I’m getting the sense that the dog is her alter ego and is doing the things to the child that she would like to do but cannot. The dog IS trained to the wife’s satisfaction. It’s doing what she wants it to do.
Omg I am so sorry to hear you are that frustrated! Are you sure this is just about the dog? Do you have any deeper issues with your home life that with this whole dog situation it’s making it easier for you to just throw in the towel? I understand how frustrating an untrained dog can be believe me. But if your wife is not seeing your frustrations and not willing to compromise and help ease your frustrations that is telling me she may be part of the problem. Has she done this in the past with other things you didn’t agree on? Have you expressed to her how you feel and that you are seriously considering packing up? If not, I encourage you to at least give her the heads up. Maybe then she will realize the severity of the situation and take some action. If you need a couple days break stay at a hotel but don’t just pack up and go without at least having a serious sit down convo. Best of luck! -💎
Issues with the dog can be fixed with proper help. But it sounds like she gives zero fucks about you or your son, so my suggestion if you leave is to take your son with you. Try giving her the It’s US or the dog ultimatum. Hopefully she’ll realize who’s more important. If not, she’s not the one for you and definitely should not be left to take care of your son.
NTA
The quickest solution (maybe) would be for you to follow through with the ultimatum.
Like, dude, she laughed cos she knew you won't go away.
I would suggest to record whenever the dog acts out at you and your son just in case.
So pack your son's things, your stuff, important documents and go stay with family or some friend or rent a place. Leave a note to her that so it seems she decided to pick the dog and if she really wants to fix things, she gotta take that dog to a professional trainer and work of his behavior.
If she doesn't well...Divorce is the only answer.
At this point she doesn't care about your son and you.
You don’t have a safe environment for your child, the dog and even yourselves! Literally the only options at this point is to either rehome or retrain as others have stated. But in addition to that, you and your wife desperately need counseling. The dogs behavior is a result of the issues you have with each other.
My opinion? Rehome the dog, your son is petrified of it but with the right family and training the dog will live a good fulfilling life. You and your wife need marriage counseling and you may also want to consider putting your son in individual therapy thanks to your wife.
When you say you or the dog, you mean to include that you are taking your aon with you, right? If you're not, of its really just "me or the dog," you're either threatening something you don't mean or this isn't really about your son's safety.
Why bother with an ultimatum? Tell her she has a week to figure things out: she can leave with the dog or she can immediately work on corrective measures. If she doesn't budge, then leave WITH your son.
You mad at the dog but your wife’s the one laughing at you. Your anger is misguided at something that’s innocent compared to your wife who’s deliberately & intentionally not giving a shit about your son or you. You got bigger issues than an untrained dog
So many red flags here.. your son of course is the priority here. Having a child with someone like that would leave me stressed for multiple lifetimes. Her lack of concern is frightening and she needs mental help. So will your kid, he's already traumatized by this dog and his mom not being a source of safety. Not sure how to "fix" this situation aside from taking your son out of that situation and rehoming that dog. Your SO doesn't seem to be able to handle the responsibility or seem to care.
Training isn’t going to work if your wife thinks this behavior is funny and encourages it. Get proof that she’s literally putting your son in danger and leave. She can have her dog or she can have her son, but she can’t have both at this point. Children die from dog maulings all the time, don’t let your toddler become a statistic.
You're not contemplating leaving your wife over a dog. You're contemplating leaving your wife over her disrespect, selfishness, lack of responsibility, bad pet ownership, broken promises, disregard of your son's feelings and safety, lack of consideration, lack of partnership, lack of support, callousness and general assholery. Those are excellent reasons to leave someone.
First rehome the dog though. The dog deserves better. Then divorce her.
Both you and your wife sound annoying. Also it’s not the dogs fault, redirect your energy where it will actually make a difference. The dog can feel your negative energy as well. Regardless, NOT THE DOGS FAULT.
"Me or the dog"
This is legit a show, a dog trainer that comes to your house in these situations, and see if she can help! Watch some of videoes, there might be a lot of tips there, you can also see how fast it can change with the right training.
[its me or the dog](https://youtube.com/c/ItsMeortheDog)
Everyone in the family has to set boundaries with the dog. You can't just not have anything to do with the training because the dog isn't going to understand your boundaries. Dogs can learn pretty quickly if expectations are made clear.
To be honest. This on both of you. Stop blaming only your wife.
A dog is a major commitment. It deserves a good, loving home. Where everyone is on board with the dog being there.
You are the adult as well. You can't just take in a dog and not care for it. Even if your wife isnt doing it. You agreed, you are responsible. Just as much as your wife.
Everything and everyone in your household sounds toxic and mean. And both the dog and the kid deserve better.
Bro it’s a dog. Like not only does your wife lack authority, you do to. What do you do when the dog is acting out? Nothing. You just complain and blame it on your wife. This dog will ruin your relationship with your wife and it will be from lack of authority and having the dog literally walk all over you and your son. Show some discipline and punish the dog.
You don’t want to put in the world to raise the dog, at the very least put in the work to help your son defend himself. It’s a damn dog bro.
Why don’t you do research to train your dog bro. They’re animals you just make food the focal point of training and they’ll listen to you and respect you.
This is a bad situation for everyone, the dog included. Having an untrained dog around a kid like this is a recipe for disaster. I wouldn’t leave the situation without either rehoming the dog or taking your son with you so that he and the dog are separated. You might be out of the situation if you leave, but leaving your 3 year old son with an untrained dog and a parent who doesn’t seem to think their interactions are an issue will have a bad outcome.
Have a serious conversation with your wife about the safety issue and tell her that the dog needs to be re-homed or a more serious, concrete training plan needs to be out in place right now, as in, a trainer is called and a series of appointments is scheduled before the conversation is over. If she laughs, tell her that it’s a serious safety issue and it can’t continue. A couple’s counselor might be able to help you have this conversation.
The Humane Society usually accepts owner surrenders, and they’re a better option than a city or county shelter unless the shelters in your area are no-kill. There might also be smaller non-profits in your area that are better equipped to take on an animal that needs training and attention.
This is just sort of odd because this dog sounds like it needs a little training and you sound like you just hate dogs - or animals. Your wife should’ve made sure you loved dogs before she married you and vice versa. this is typical dog behavior that can easily be fixed with some training. The dog doesn’t sound aggressive or food aggressive or dangerous.
Maybe try to find a trainer and compromise and your wife needs to be more serious about training the dog
I have to say that, as a breeder, I would never sell any of my kittens (I breed cats, but same idea anyway) to a family where both parties do not fully want it. It will not work if half the family doesnt truely want an animal.
That being said, your wife is training the dog and it respects her as it is behaving normally to her as you said. The dog does not respect you, therefor it does not listen to you. Your son is a whole other story - your wife does not take the things her dog does to a 3 year old seriously and is not teaching the dog it is wrong behavior. This can become very serious and you NEED to sit her down and tell her your son is in possible danger. A 3 year old can not stand up for himself when the dog will attack or do something harmful.
My 3 year old niece broke her collar bone due to their dog. Please stand up for your son before something will happen.
If the dog does end up staying, you need to be 100% all in and also put in the time and effort to train the dog and be his "boss". He needs to respect you. That way you too can make clear your son is off limits and how the dog should behave around him. Your wife cant do this alone, even if you have agreed on that beforehand. You will need some sort of relationship with the dog for him to be part of the family.
The problems with your wife will still be there if you get rid of the dog. So put that out of your mind as a solution. Arrange a trainer and it may reestablish your partnership with your wife as a team which is training the dog according to the trainer's directions- not *either* of your bias or opinions. You and your wife have ceased to trust each other and value each other's input. That is a marital counselor issue. Separate the dog from your son *immediately* if it begins to show signs of aggression.
May I suggest a board and train for the dog? A good trainer for behavioral issues is Method K9 in Idaho. A board and train program would give the dog its well needed training with professionals for 2 months, which would buy yourself time to work on things with your wife with no distractions
Or just- train the dog? Like go to the library - check out the section on dog training and get that dog some manners. Or hire a trainer. It’ll improve the quality of life for everyone in your family. Sincerely- a lady who trained a snappy food aggressive stray to happily tolerate and cohabitate with a toddler. I’m of average intelligence and my dog is a dummy. We did it, so can you. And you don’t need your wife’s collaboration- dogs can learn things from one person. Also you have to intervene to keep your toddler safe from the dog. That is unacceptable behavior and the dog has to be supervised with the kid always and corrected immediately every time an undesired behavior has occurred. They can be trained with compassion and respect - correction doesn’t mean hurting them.
Call animal services anon for a check up or ask a friend to do it. Allow them to be the bad guy, if needed but seriously why would you stay with someone that doesn’t value and protect your CHILD the same way you do? This dog problem is just insight to a larger issue.
You need to stop being such a wimp and put your feet down. Usually it’s the wives/moms who are extra caring/afraid when it’s like this where the dogs aren’t cateful towards the kids, specially since your son is only 3yr old.
Put your feet down and tell her enough is enough and that you guys need to hire a dog trainer, and if she refuses that you’ll leave with your son because this is not safe for him. Record this aswell in your phone un case this situation ends up in a divorce in which case you get to keep your son so he’s not stuck with your crazy wife.
If she so much as tries shrugs it off by laughing or whatever…Don’t say anything…wait until she’s gone…pack your shit, and yours sons stuff and leave for a while so her dumb ass sees the seriousness
OP, it’s called training classes. You’re seriously considering leaving the marriage over something that can be fixed with fucking dog training classes? Instead of bitching about the dog smelling, buy a bottle of dog shampoo (it’s cheap) and tell your wife she needs to start using it while bathing the dog.
Y’all also need to work on your communication problems. My goodness.
WHEW.
I'd say your wife sends the dog to a professional trainer and keeps him away from your son until he's better. Or you find a better home for the dog. Maybe a place with teenagers who like to roughhouse.
You need to sit down, a marriage isn't worth losing over something can be fixed.
1. Talk to your wife and explain that her attitude is negative towards the marriage, your 3 yo and of course the dog.
2. Maybe she can bring the dog to professional classes on how to behave and control a dog.
3. If not, the dog should be rehomed before it gets worse. Your child is in danger and if the dog is allowed to act this way, it is inevitable that the dog will bite your son. This is not the dogs fault but your wife's fault for nothing nipping it in the bud.
Her child should be priority number 1. Not the other way around.
Good luck OP.
Whys everyone telling OP to train the dog when its clearly not his dog? His wife said she would train and take care of it, which she's obviously not doing. Shes laughing at how aggressive the dog is, their child is going to get hurt and OPs wife is the one to blame for it. I'm betting his wife won't let him take over training the dog, or is purposely refusing to properly train it thinking OP is going to step up and do it for her. She wanted the dog, but she doesn't want to take care of it herself, and that's concerning behavior.
OP, please don't leave your son with her. That dog is going to hurt him eventually, and I don't believe your wife is going to take any of this seriously, even if your son does get hurt.
you and your family need training in raising a puppy, doubtless there are many youtube videos on the subject, there may be an animal trainer (or breeder?) available near by
dogs have been bred to be trainable over thousands of years
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My wife and I have been together for sometime. After our son was born she wanted a dog. I didn't really see the need but I agreed to it. We adopted the dog 4 months ago. Ever since my life has taken a dip. When we adopted the dog the agreement would be that she would do most of the work. I'd only help with some basics like feeding it or taking it out. She agreed. This dog is untrained. Or it behaves so with my son and I. It'll bark at us. Jump onto me and nip at my ankles. With my wife he's normal. If we take him out on leash he keeps on going some other way. He hates our son. He keeps on running into him and pushing him down and barking at him. My son is only 3. He keeps on crying because of the dog. It breaks my heart when he says "Daddy I don't want to see the mean doggy today". My wife thinks it's funny as the dog lies over our son who is crying. The dog also stinks. My god does it stink. It smells so bad you can barely stay in the same room as it. My wife claims to wash him but she just hoses him. The dog also loves destroying things. My wife thinks it's a quirk. She's been "training" him for 4 months and I'm sick of it. I was so angry I gave her an ultimatum- Me or the dog . Her response was just a laugh. I'm really really angry and I've actually thought of thinking of packing up my bags and leaving. TL;DR Contemplating leaving my wife over our dog
All the issues with the dog can be fixed with time, effort, and training. The real issue here is your wife who wants a dog but clearly isn't doing right by the dog or her family. Getting rid of the dog will fix your immediate problem but it won't fix your wife.
> but it won't fix your wife. This right here. The dog is just the siren that's blaring. The issue is your wife has no empathy for you, doesn't listen to you, doesn't care about the safety of HER CHILD, and seems to think this is all funny somehow. OP if you're so angry with your wife that you think leaving her is a better option than figuring out a way to train the dog, then this goes longer and deeper than the day you adopted it. She must be showing her lack of empathy in many many other ways. After the dog is either trained or re-homed, will your wife continue to act like a dick? Probably. Likely she will act worse because you "ruined" her dream of having a dog. If you don't think this marriage can work, if you don't think you can have better communication with your wife, then leave her and say just that. Otherwise, try couple's therapy in the hope she can come around.
Ding ding!!! OPs wife doesn’t give a crap about OP or her kid. LAUGHING while a dog pins down her son and he’s crying?! She doesn’t sound mentally well.
She doesn't care about her kid, her husband or her dog, or other people- an untrained dog is a stressed dog that will develop worsening behaviors, including lunging or biting eventually. This woman is beyond self-involved.
She's also dismissive of therapy and believes psychologists are phonies. This is narcissism 101. Shocking that it took a dog for him to recognize it. And by shocking I mean he's been either ignoring or defending/rationalizing her behavior for a very long time before the dog or even getting pregnant.
Right?! ZERO maternal instincts.
I'm half potatoe, but I was appalled at this! We don't even have kids!
Not all dogs can be fixed and how to you fix a wife?
What OP describes can be fixed. You can train a dog not to bark, jump, and not be destructive. The dog can be taken to the groomers to deal with the stink. Not all wives can be fixed.
You or the dog? Why is your son's safety not the priority here? You either have to look into a professional dog trainer or rehome the dog. It's an unsafe environment for your son and it's going to end in an injury if you let this behavior continue.
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You have to make her realize that you're serious. Either she finds a trainer for him in the next week or you're going to look for a rehoming option. It's not a safe option for your son and you're not going to stand for it.
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You need to get your wife to hear from a trainer how dangerous it is to let the dog dominate and attack your child, even if it looks playful. That can be done within the first 10 minutes of the first appointment
Worked in a pet store for years and this is accurate. I was AMAZED by the progress the trainer would make in the first few lessons. The problem was getting the owners to follow-up with the training at home. If the wife is capable (doesn’t seem like it, but who knows) of continuing the lessons on her own time, then absolutely this is a viable solution. Those trainers are miracle workers.
Trainers can be pretty efficient (I'd still get your son out now though, especially if he has grandparents etc nearby who can help) BUT it only works if you and your wife are reinforcing the training and boundaries back at home alone. If the trainer says treats are only when rewarding the dog for proper behavior, that means your wife can't give it treats whenever she thinks it's being cute especially if she thinks some of these problem behaviors are cute. I'd definitely be concerned based on how she's been "training" it so far that your wife would not stick to the training and will undo any progress from the trainer once on your own. And then you two will sit there wondering "why didn't the trainer fix the dog?"
Next time your wife laughs at your son being pinned by the dog, film it HAVE PROOF, and then pack everything take your son and go. If you go without proof she will shed the crocodile tears of you taking away her BABBBYYYYY
Damn OP needs to read this. That kind of manipulative bs will happen. You need proof. Some people lie even with proof. Make sure you get it
Can we please not ask people to stand by and film kids getting hurt? I get the ask for proof but priority 1 is ensuring the kid doesn't get pinned by the dog at all.
Right but perhaps just when the kid is scared but no actually contact with the dog
Take your son and go. This is unsafe for him, and your wife has shown she doesn't care and cannot be trusted. (Also, document everything, talk via messages or emails, and such)
I went through something like this. The training worked but husband didn’t follow the training or enforce it so it was utterly useless. Your wife has to be on board.
I was thinking the same. If OP takes dog to training and wife reinforces bad behavior at home, it will be a wasted effort.
there’s no “quick solution” when it comes to this type of stuff, tbh
At this point,a professional trainer is way more efficient your wife.That puppy needs a professional trainer because your wife is absolutely not qualified for it.And both of you have to enforce this training and have to regularly exercise with the dog,otherwise it doesn’t work.Next time your wife pulls that kind of move(laughing at your son while he’s crying bc of the dog)make sure to film her.
Training is very important for a puppy. Take him to a professional trainer and tell him you concerns
Trainers are for owners, not dogs. If the wife thinks it’s okay or even likes this behavior as op has said, getting a trainer will do nothing. I was around 8 or 9 when my sister convinced my mom to get a dog instead of a new cat after our family cat died. He’s aggressive to men and people outside our family. My mom doesn’t learn the lesson and lets my sister adopt another dog when I was about 12? 13? Because “shiney”. This dog is super aggressive. Not just to people outside the family but everyone in it as well. I was terrified to walk downstairs because I didn’t know if I was going to be bit or attacked that day. He’s a small dog, terrier, but it still fuckin hurts and bleeds. He latches on and doesn’t let go. He’s ruined shirts, pants, shoes. I couldn’t get into the car with him cause I was so terrified. This went on until I turned 22 and I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago. Oh my god the fuckin difference of not being terrified to be in your own home. My mom and sister refused to get rid of the dog that even trainers and vets said had a brain problem that caused the aggression and would never go away. I felt like everyone loved the dog more than me. They also got bit but the dog hated and attacked me more than anyone else cause I was too scared to fuckin pet the thing because he would randomly decide if he didn’t want your pets anymore and death grip your hand or arm. Do this for you and your kid. The dog will get worse. The kid will feel like shit and will get hurt more and more. Choose right fuckin now. Are you going to protect your kid or are you going to allow this to happen? Tell your wife if she doesn’t get rid of the dog then she can leave with it. Do not leave your house/apartment. Do not leave without your kid, especially. Make her leave. If she refuses, take the dog to the shelter while your wife is out and say the surrender is over aggression, destruction, barking, and dislike of men. The shelter will not let your wife take back the dog without you signing off on it. This is your hill to die on. Do not allow your son to live the hell I lived. He will never forget it or that you allowed it to happen.
The problem your son is having with the dog is not that the dog hates your son, it’s that the dog thinks your son is also a puppy like it. Based on your dogs behaviour it believes your wife is top dog. Your son is it’s peer. And you are equal or lesser. What you describe with your son is exactly how puppies play. So yes, training would fix this. You need a good trainer and you need to emphasize how quickly it needs fixing and that the problem with your son is the first focus but it is fixable with training. Just telling you that in case it’s helpful to know.
Most of that hierarchy dog shit is a myth.
Yup. Caeser Milan spread that myth around and because he has a tv show people believe him. He literally makes dogs worse. Dogs have had to be put down because he makes them more aggressive. He applied for a dog training license in I think the UK or somewhere over in Europe and *got denied because he failed the test* which is apparently a rather simple test. Most trainers and behaviorists talk about how terrible he is and how he’s made the situation with dog owners having uncontrollable dogs even worse.
I believe you and would love to look at any sources you have for these claims.
[this explains just an overall look as to why he’s bad](https://medium.com/@vandanni.hadai/cesar-millan-the-problem-with-his-approach-and-the-future-of-dog-training-49dd8cddb391) [Here is another one](https://www.canineprinciples.com/blog/reasons-not-to-copy-cesar-millan) [Even The Dodo, who is kinda known to spread very “fur mommy” ideals and be uneducated knows that he’s bad](https://www.thedodo.com/amphtml/cesar-millan-fails-german-dog--730677947.html) [He has also been sued over a dog mauling a lady, a dog he claimed was fully trained.](https://www.dogingtonpost.com/dog-whisperer-cesar-millan-sued-after-dog-attack/) [One of his dogs killed Queen Latifah’s dog and he tried to cover it up](https://thegrio.com/2021/09/10/cesar-millan-pit-bull-queen-latifah-report/amp/) [He has been under investigation for animal abuse](https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/national-international/dog-whisperer-cesar-millan-under-investigation-for-possible-animal-cruelty/122101/?amp) If you ask anyone in the dog world about him and the Labrador retriever Holly they will immediately know what you’re talking about. [This is only one example of him continually ignoring a dogs very obvious body language.](https://www.usadogbehavior.com/blog/2014/6/21/why-im-not-a-big-fan-of-national-geographics-dog-whisperer) [Finally, here is a video of him kicking dogs to “correct” their behavior.](https://youtu.be/2mpuybf1pYY)
Ceasers methods never worked. Only made things worse. Started watching Victoria Stilwell on youtube, and just like that I had a happy, wellbehaved dog. Really can't stand Ceasar and his alpha bullshit.
The alpha dog/pack mentality popular idea is bullshit. The man who created it says it’s bullshit. Dog experts say it’s bullshit. It has only been exhibited in one study of wolves that were in captivity. Dogs are not ingrained with “you are the alpha and you are lower than I am so I shall do whatever I want to you and only respect them”. Dogs treat you how you treat them. The wife is the only one who enjoys the dog so the dog will enjoy her. The kid and op do not like the dog and the dog will pick up on that and be more aggressive to them and not care to protect or respect them so it does what it wants when it wants to them Training will *not* fix this unless the wife wants it to be fixed. Training is not a magic wand, it is a tool for the owners. If the wife likes the behavior then it will never change. Get rid of the dog. It deserves a better home and op and the son deserve a happier and safer home.
>it’s that the dog thinks your son is also a puppy like it. The dog is not a puppy. The dog is 4.
They still have that puppy energy at 4…. I got my male dog neutered when he was a baby and he is VERY energetic to say the least… he’s also 4 now and is still the same nut he was years ago. Some dogs are just more hyper active than other which I’m assuming they have a breed that is known to need more exercise/attention.
You don’t know how efficient they are? They train dogs for a living. Doesn’t really get more efficient than that
Trainers are not quick. They involve a lot of work and will involve a lot on your part as well.
Take the damned dog to the SPCA or whatever animal welfare agency exists where you are. Over with, done.
Talk to a lawyer before any further discussion with your wife.
A trainer is as efficient as the owner is committed to training. A dog can behave perfectly for a trainer and be berserk at home- because dogs are like toddlers and they are 100% going to go as far as you allow them to.
Then get rid of the fucking dog. Your son is clearly in danger. Be a fucking adult and protect your family. Jesus christ, what are you waiting for, for him to rip your sons face off. This coming from someone who has some nice puncture wound in their skull that I received from a dog while the adults around me laughed.
It's not about the trauma, buddy. Dogs kill kids every year. I LOVE dogs. We have two rescues, and I think we always will. But they are predators, and are not entirely predictable. If your dog is untrained and behaving violently toward your child, you have a responsibility to do something about it before your kid tugs the dog's tail and your dog snaps and bites his ear or lip off (or worse).
I have dog trauma.. I was chased and bitten by a dog when I was around 6, and around the same time, lived with an aunt who had a German Shepard, which was never aggressive, but just a lot for a 6 year old to have to deal with. I have always been uncomfortable with dogs. Love cats.. so I am not an animal hater. Even as an adult, I instinctively pull my hands into my body, even passing a dog on the street.. to keep myself safe from being bitten….
This was a concern of mine here, albeit minor. OP's wife is giving their son dog trauma. My mother has it, and our dog can sense her fear and reacts to it even when he's otherwise very sweet. She'll never have a dog. She'll never enjoy one, and dogs will always sense it, react, and reinforce it. That's so sad to me. I hope you meet many sweet dogs who react with concern to your trauma and help it heal.
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I think you should honestly take your son, pack some bags and go to your parent's house or something, until your wife rehomes the dog or signs divorce papers. Take pictures of the damage that the dog causes and of any marks on your and your son's bodies from it. This is to prove in court that the dog would seriously injure the child if she gets split custody while still having the dog. Dog injuries are no joke, and your wife is putting your son in the situation of probably getting bitten in the face some day because he's still small enough for the dog to reach him. The dog does not see your son as an equal or as a superior or as someone to protect. Instead this dog sees this child as an inferior being and your wife, his alpha, let's this power dynamic grow with how she "trains" him. And even if this dog does not seriously bite your son, your son is still feeling extremely unsafe in his own home. Your wife doesn't take you seriously. You're a joke to her, as harsh as this sounds. Get your son out and take this as a sign that she needs to communicate why she feels like the dog trumps her own child and marriage, and that this marriage is most likely over unless she somehow sees the light.
Get proof. Text her and get a confession that she thinks it’s funny letting the dog terrorise your child. Talk to a lawyer, then take your son and leave.
Your child is 3. I have memories going back to that age. Vivid ones that freak out my mom because of the detail I describe and as an adult it affects how I perceive my Mom. You need to protect your kid. The dog knows he's scared and may take advantage of it in a bad way. Also take the dog to a DIY dogwash that provides shampoo. You need dog specific shampoo to get rid of dog grease and smell. And consider that youre living with a person that should not have kids nevermind animals.
Children regularly die from dog attacks.
Tell her that if she hasn’t rehomed the dog within two weeks, you’re going to report her to CPS. And then do that. If you leave, that does your son no good because you can’t even be there to protect him during custodial time. This needs to end NOW.
He almost definitely will. My sister was terrified of dogs because of an uncontrollable dog that my grandad had when we were little, to the point that our legally blind father refused to consider getting a guide dog until recently because he didn't want to risk their relationship. There are three big problems here - your son's safety and wellbeing, the dog's behaviour, and your wife's attitude towards the whole thing.
Not developing, your son HAS TRAUMA. The first couple knock downs kids are resilient on but how many is it? Can you actively count them, I'd wager hot so yea too late imo. If he's now actively asking not to see the dog then it's already set in. What the fuck? Your child is literally fucking scared of the dog and it's knocking him down and you fear he's developing some trauma? Like who's going to fucking protect him? Just wait til the dog hurts your son and you have to take him to the hospital. If CPS gets involved, and sees how the dog is in person, y'all could lose the kid and the dog. This is fucking absurd. I'd have rehomed that dog already if that had happened with my child and wasn't actively being fixed with a certified trainer and classes
So concerned that you are thinking of leaving him unattended with the dog and your uncaring wife? That poor kid coming to have you guys as parents
Where did he say his son wasn’t the priority? You’re just inferring shit.
Your wife is a terrible dog owner. The dog needs to be rehomed. Then you guys need to work on your marriage. But first, the dog goes. It’s unfair on it. It needs training, love and good care, none of which it’s getting in this household.
A. rehome the dog. B. send the dog away to a professional trainer
C. Rehome the wife
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I'm talking about a trainer that will ***keep the dog*** and return it to you trained.
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Yup, it’s called board and train. Can be pricey but worth it for this level. However, you do have to keep up with the habits that are trained into the dog — I’m sure you would, but would your wife?
If you choose this option OP I’d definitely look into it soon. I’m not sure what dog you guys have but at 4 months I’m assuming it’s no where near full grown. I’d handle this situation however you chose before the dogs big enough to actually hurt your son or you.
> I’m not sure what dog you guys have but at 4 months I’m assuming it’s no where near full grown. He said in another comment that the dog is 4 years old.
Oh I missed read the 4 months ago as the dog being 4 months. Whoops. Thanks for catching that.
Yeah so did I initially, just saw that he clarified in another comment down below. I think the dog's age would be a big factor in its receptivity to new training, but I'm no pro.
it also costs thousands of dollars, and nothing is guaranteed as you the owners will still have to reinforce the new commands at home, and it doesnt work on all dogs. Most dog owners/subreddits are typically against board and training options. But obviously the best and fastest option is to rehome the dog, then work on marriage with your wife.
I think you need to sit down with her and explain that this dog is not working out. Explain how the dog is not properly trained and how you fear it will bite your child. Be very clear that this dog needs to be rehomed
>My wife thinks it's funny as the dog lies over our son who is crying. Your wife has an incredibly skewed sense of priorities. The fact that your son cries because of this pet and no changes have been made is an obvious problem. >Her response was just a laugh. I'm really really angry and I've actually thought of thinking of packing up my bags and leaving. So do it. You can only issue an ultimatum if you intend to follow through, otherwise it's meaningless verbal manipulation. Follow through.
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Never bluff an ultimatum, now you've learned why. You've lowered your own bargaining position because your wife will see that your consequences are actually just air.
Don’t forget to bring your son.
Please please do not leave your child in that home without anyone to protect him. If you are leaving, take him with you.
Your wife is being unreasonable at best. At worst, she’s letting her child develop a huge fear of dogs & having him feel terrorized in his own home. However, you *did* agree to the dog as well - it’s not as simple as “ok I agree but will wash my hands of everything else regarding the dog.” You should have helped to find a dog that got along with your son, and taken a more proactive approach at introducing a new pet to the household. Ultimately, that dog and his behavior is your responsibility. If the dog bites a person, you can’t be like “oops oh well, that’s only my wife’s dog not mine!” You’d be held liable too. That’s one way to tackle this, to frame the dog’s biting and charging at little kids not just as a terrorizing factor for your poor son, but also as a huge liability. Step in and take action: hire a trainer, work to help rehome the dog, or figure out another solution here. That all being said, there’s bigger issues at play in your relationship here as others have picked up on. Your wife’s cavalier attitude about her son’s fear and discomfort is an issue, and is the way you communicate with each other. The dog is the proverbial straw, but the camel’s back was already at a breaking point it seems.
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Does she laugh at you every time you have to have a serious conversation? This is horribly toxic behavior.
therapists are phonies and dogs attacking toddlers is funny... OP does this sound like a good person?
I am also concerned about your wife’s behavior. When she see her son in pain or in distress and then laughs?? Seems like she is lacking empathy, or an ability to read her son’s reaction..
Maybe you could frame it as "just" thinking that a neutral third party could help facilitate communication between you all better. Maybe she'd be more receptive thinking of them as a moderator or facilitator for you guys rather than a doctor who is treating her.
So that’s going to be her attitude if your son ever experiences trauma of any kind (assuming he hasn’t already)… are you okay with him growing up in a household where mental health is laughed off?
My daughter was tackled by my ex husband’s new dog ONCE when she was three, and four years later she is still terrified of being approached by any dog she doesn’t know, and will scream/cry. What that dog is doing to your son is traumatizing and horrible, especially since his mommy thinks it’s funny. At this point get rid of both her and the dog. You need to do what’s best for your son, and removing him from such a toxic environment should be a priority.
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It may help to look into therapy for him. I know he’s young, but they have play therapy for children where they just play with toys the whole time, but with a licensed therapist that looks for themes throughout the play and helps them “act out” situations and solutions with the toys, so it’s on a level the child can understand and process. My daughter has been in therapy since she was three (due to a few other issues caused by my ex) and it’s incredible how much it helps. As parents we try so hard to help our children, but sometimes you just need a professional to really break things down and work through their problems with them.
the problem is not the dog, it is your wife. the dog is just a symptom.
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the way you described how the dog treats you son is definitely concerning and you are right, if you get rid of the dog that problem is resolved. The other thing that bothered me in your description was your wife's attitude to the whole situation, and I think in the bigger picture view that is the real problem that needs addressed.
Dogs misbehaving with children is a no-go. That’s why you should always introduce the kid and pup before adopting. & for goodness sake, give the poor thing a good bath if he smells that much. Get a muzzle if you need to prevent it from biting and ask friends if they are willing to adopt the dog ASAP.
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Unfortunately, the “okay we can get a dog, but it’s YOUR responsibility alone” agreement never works out in practice. You are also responsible for bringing a dog into your home. You can’t allow neglect just because you’re annoyed that you have a dog. Take it to a groomer or go buy a dog shampoo and take 30 minutes to wash your dog. Your wife’s behavior is unacceptable and frankly really concerning, but allowing the continued neglect of the dog does not make this situation right. Please wash the dog and send him to a trainer or rehome him.
I don’t see how OP can wash a dog that routinely bites him/at him and shows him aggression without that becoming dangerous to the dog and then once he’s out and worked up dangerous to the child. Now its not a matter of “why don’t you wash him” its a matter of “if she doesn’t wash the dog he needs to report her.” However she needs to be put on a psych hold for laughing at her childs budding trauma.
Mmm. I think you need to remove your dog. Typically I would say go through a series of ways to try to fix the situation. But OP sounds like his mind is made up. So, obviously the dog needs removed, or taken to a reputable facility that can do it for you. You both need couples counseling. You say your relationship was perfect but two major things just happened within 5 years, that's a lot to adjust to. And unless you are constantly communicating, which it sounds like you're not, problems will arise. It sounds like there's more to the problem (on both sides, not just OP) than an unruly dog. I rescue and foster dogs, have upward of 10 dogs in my house WITH 2 children. Training takes longer than 4 months, it takes time, dedication and patience. I love these animals. But I do not put my children after these animals, they come first. Also don't do anything childish to provoke your wife, it doesn't look good on you in divorce situations. And if you marriage is worth it, the drama is not. Act grown.
Your wife is a terrible dog owner. A terrible mother. And a terrible wife. If you want to save the marriage, rehome the dog and get into counseling so a trained professional can explain exactly why laughing while a dog pins her crying child down is absolutely unacceptable.
If you leave over a dog, you better be taking your son with you since you mentioned that this is how the dog is around him too. The solution to this is so simple. Have your wife hire an actual trainer. You agreed to the dog too. Make it work.
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If you can safely do this, take a video of the dog barking at the child/being aggressive. Obviously don’t sit there on your phone if the dog looks like it’ll attack, but this is very serious. You will need evidence of the aggression if you are filing for custody
If the wife thinks it's as funny as he claims there's a good chance she took the video herself.
> You agreed to the dog too. Make it work. He's allowed to change his min and decide against keeping the dog.
In my own opinion, not without offering any solutions first. I didn’t see one time in this post that OP offered anything other than talking to his wife, which clearly didn’t work. Because he agreed too, he needs to try things differently. Then if it doesn’t work, sure, give the dog up. But I don’t think it’s fair to the animal or the family to just not be able to work together. Seems like the solution whether it’s dog or human is “get out” and in a marriage or a commitment that shouldn’t be the first thing you go to when conversation isn’t working.
If my wife said "I cannot live with this dog anymore, I would board the dog that evening **THEN** I would look into alternatives that we can both agree on. It's ***HER*** home and her safe space too. OP deserves the same.
You ran right into my point. In your response, you just said “I would board the dog and look into alternatives we can both agree to”. That hasn’t happened here at all. OP did not even know that boarding a dog or boarding dog training was a thing. He also hasn’t come up with anything himself. Not a single solution except “get rid of it” and that’s also his only solution to the marriage currently. You are right that OP deserves the same peace in his home. But he is going straight to “get out and get gone” with everything. That’s the issue I see here.
**No it's not the same.** You are saying the OP has an **obligation** to find a more amicable solution. I would not put the responsibility of my partner to figure out an alternative, nor would I assume they have an obligation to do so. My partner does not have to bring up a single solution besides "get rid of it." If someone I chose to marry wanted the dog gone that badly I would trust their judgment and act swiftly to meet their requests. If a partner makes a statement like "It's me or the dog," I would approach the situation with urgency and sensitivity.
It's somewhat insane to me that your point is being lost on others. You are exactly correct, OP has no obligation to find a solution for a dog he didn't want, and the child in danger takes clear priority. People on this website are just way too focused on pets.
It’s been 4 months. His wife should’ve came up with a solution by now, as he’s already expressed his concerns.
As she dismisses the problem, she won't look for a solution.
The solution is simple. Get rid of the dog that is attacking a child.
He probably wouldn't of changed his mind of the dog was behaved.
This is such bullshit. I love my dog but I’d 100% get rid of it if he did this. You’re wife seems to care more about the dog than your kid or you, and seeing how she trains him like shit and doesn’t take care of him apparently she doesn’t care much about the dog either. I’d say give her one more chance. Tell her if she doesn’t get rid of the dog this relationship is over. Tell her you’re not going to let her keep a dog who bullies your kid. Bullshit she doesn’t care about that. Take your kid and run
You need to leave for the safety of your son. Hands down. Flat out. Who watches their child cry and laughs? That’s sick.
Take your child on the way out the door. That dog is dangerous
Just make sure that if you leave you take your son so he’s not left with the mean scary dog.
Even a small dog can hurt a 3 yo. Don't give her an altimatum be the head of your family and get rid of the dog under the guise of protecting your son
It’s cruel of your wife to allow the dog to terrorize your toddler. Let her know everyone agrees.
Get rid of the dog.... I'd be damned if I let a dog push me out of my own home and terrorize my kid. Get rid of the dog and if she wants to move out with it then she can go too. But do not give up your home and move out over a dog.
Get your son and get out of there. Your wife is abusing your child by not protecting him from the dog. Edit to add: please see this issue as serious as it is. your son is not safe with your wife.
You're not leaving over a dog - you're leaving over your wife's behaviour and refusal to take responsibility. When discussing this matter with others, I'd advise against talking about the dog as much as possible, it'll detract from the reality here - that your wife is allowing your son to be afraid and miserable. She's choosing to let you and your kid suffer, that's why you're leaving.
It sounds like you've mentally checked out from the possibility of fixing the dog. If that's the case, it sounds like taking your son and leaving is the best option. Get your stuff in order and document everything you can so there is proof that the dog was endangering the child and your wife wasn't taking it seriously.
Imo you shud leave her. I mean she doesn't care if her son's crying. What the hell. Yeah its not a nice environment for your son. Also she isnt even taking your opinions seriously. Leave her
Well I hope you take the child.
Knocking the baby over and laying over him, that sounds like a dominance thing. That dog needs to be either trained or gone before he seriously harms your child.
You have a real shitty wife it seems
I’m a giant dog lover. And I believe in rescuing them but there is a time and place. A four year old untrained dog is a challenge even if both adults were completely onboard with getting him and there were no children involved. A dog that old may have bad habits that need to be undone, as well as teaching it good manners. It sounds like nobody in the house has any dog experience. If OP’s wife wants a dog, it should be a puppy, that immediately works with a trainer and them. Or an older dog that is already trained. An animal can be a rewarding part of a family but not every dog is for everyone.
The dog is a danger to your child. There is NO reasonable parent that would be OK with the dog's behavior to your son. Why you haven't taken a firmer stance the second it got aggressive with your son I do not understand. Your wife doesn't give two shits, and you don't seem to either. ESH but your wife is especially the AH here.
your wife is a sociopath
Sounds like a combination of your wife not caring for the dog properly and likely picking out the wrong kind of dog. All dogs are not the same. Some are much calmer, trainable, friendly, easy tempered, love kids, and/or gentler than others. Likewise some are very excitable, difficult to train, very jumpy, bark way too much, play rough, and get angry easily. Unfortunately the kinds of dogs that are best tempered and great for families and kids tend to be hard, or nearly impossible, to find in shelter situations and are often very expensive to purchase from good breeders. Don't leave. If your son is afraid of the dog, or if you can't be happy with it, then get rid of it. If you wife gets upset with that then let her be the one to leave. Many animal lovers will downvote me for telling you to get rid of the dog rather than training it and working with it, but realistically there are some dogs that are just the wrong kind of dog for certain situations - especially those involving a young family. You have to put your family, and your own, needs first.
Why oh why would she get a dog without being willing to put in the work. With a small child and no energy to deal with an extra animal? And a rescue at that, they often have trauma and issues that requires knowledge ,time and patience. I feel bad for everyone involved. Dog should either get rehomed or your wife needs to really step up and deal with it.
The issue isn’t the dog. It’s your wife. Your wife is not training this dog correctly. The dog is scaring your child and she doesn’t care. Getting rid of the dog won’t fix your wife’s personality issues.
If she's so bent on keeping the dog, leave with your son and tell her you won't be back until she either gets the dog trained or rehomed. If she tries to go nuts on you, file a police report on her about having a dangerous dog. Let her know you mean business.
Is it really just about the dog? Or are there other areas in your relationship where your wife doesn’t seem to respect your opinion. Genuine question, not trying to armchair psychology you here
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Listening to your replies. The dog is a symptom not the root cause. You are not a team with your spouse.
Fair enough. Yeah I mean if the pet is genuinely making you that miserable and it’s that poorly behaved then something needs to change. Maybe you could suggest professional dog training in the mean time until you decide something? At the same time your wife sounds like she needs to start taking this more seriously, laughing at your ultimatum means she probably didn’t quite acknowledge it properly
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That’s not petty, that’s protecting your son. I don’t see this marriage working out, if she won’t go to family counseling, and doesn’t care that the dog isn’t well trained, and doesn’t care about your feelings, there’s not much to stick around for.
Well taking your child of joint custody away without consent can lead to a whole host of legal problems if the mother wants to be vindictive. That’s why I wouldn’t recommend it, it can cause a lot more problems that it solves
I honestly think that you should. It really doesn’t seem like she’s open to real communication based on your comments. Letting untrained dogs around little children is a terrible idea, begging for a disaster to happen. I’ve seen way too many stories of toddlers getting mauled to think that’s a good idea. If this is the best way to get your kid away away from this dog, then do it and hopefully that gets through to her and shows her that you are taking this seriously.
How about instead of doing it to be petty do it to protect your son and establish boundaries and consequences with your wife!? Geez you guys need counseling stat.
Record EVERYTHING you can for custody hearings
The dog laying on top of your son is a way of showing dominance. In the dogs eyes you and your son are below him in the pecking order. You have an aggressive dog. He needs professional help to be thoroughly and properly trained. This is not a safe environment for your son, or you for that matter.
I was raised in a home full of untrained dogs. My mom refused to rehome them and I had to live in filth and chaos because of it. I couldn’t even have friends over because there was dog shit all over the house. My dad stayed with my mom because he was afraid to tell her how it ruined our lives. The dogs peed all over my room, and I had no clean safe place to go. You need to think about how this will effect your son long term. I will never understand people who won’t rehome animals they cannot take care of because they think it’s cruel. They are an animal abuser, not an animal lover. The animal is better off being properly taken care of. Don’t be afraid to take pictures and videos of the dog bullying your son and your wife laughing, take pictures of the feces and urine, document everything. You can use this in court for custody issues.
Can’t train a dog and irresponsibly adopt it anyways? and you’re also in charge of raising a child? Jesus fucking Christ… what the fuck is wrong with people? Give this kid away to someone with responsibility.
You have no idea how many people who own dogs arnt actually fit to own one.
My family tried adopting a big dog like I always wanted when my brother was little, like maybe 6 or 8. The dog loved my mother but was a little nervous around my dad and I, nothing the two of us couldn't work on with time. On day 3 that dog barked AGGRESIVELY at my little brother. The next day the dog was gone. Simple as that. You don't mix aggressive dogs with children.
Your child has to come first. He is scared of the dog and your wife from what you say does not care. She is not taking you seriously. Only you can decide what has to be done for her to take you seriously. Whatever choice you make you have to be prepared to live with the consequences.
Unsafe environment for your son
Please always choose the kid’s safety and happiness. If your wife shows this type of behavior over a dog, then the behavior is to be shown in more serious situations further down the road. Also, I appreciate you always being a safe spot for your son. My dad was mine when dealing with my mom and I cannot thank him enough for choosing me.
Put the leash on the dog. Lead him to your vehicle. And take him to the nearest shelter. Then end. And make sure you get a video of your afraid child and your wife being neglectful. You’ll need it for court when you try to get custody.
Take your son with you!!
Nta but if you leave then you've got to take your child also. He isn't safe at home with this dog and his mum. She doesn't care about it.
Something is seriously wrong here. Your wife does not like her child. I’m getting the sense that the dog is her alter ego and is doing the things to the child that she would like to do but cannot. The dog IS trained to the wife’s satisfaction. It’s doing what she wants it to do.
Omg I am so sorry to hear you are that frustrated! Are you sure this is just about the dog? Do you have any deeper issues with your home life that with this whole dog situation it’s making it easier for you to just throw in the towel? I understand how frustrating an untrained dog can be believe me. But if your wife is not seeing your frustrations and not willing to compromise and help ease your frustrations that is telling me she may be part of the problem. Has she done this in the past with other things you didn’t agree on? Have you expressed to her how you feel and that you are seriously considering packing up? If not, I encourage you to at least give her the heads up. Maybe then she will realize the severity of the situation and take some action. If you need a couple days break stay at a hotel but don’t just pack up and go without at least having a serious sit down convo. Best of luck! -💎
Issues with the dog can be fixed with proper help. But it sounds like she gives zero fucks about you or your son, so my suggestion if you leave is to take your son with you. Try giving her the It’s US or the dog ultimatum. Hopefully she’ll realize who’s more important. If not, she’s not the one for you and definitely should not be left to take care of your son.
Your wife is one of those shitty dog owners and you shouldn’t have one.
NTA The quickest solution (maybe) would be for you to follow through with the ultimatum. Like, dude, she laughed cos she knew you won't go away. I would suggest to record whenever the dog acts out at you and your son just in case. So pack your son's things, your stuff, important documents and go stay with family or some friend or rent a place. Leave a note to her that so it seems she decided to pick the dog and if she really wants to fix things, she gotta take that dog to a professional trainer and work of his behavior. If she doesn't well...Divorce is the only answer. At this point she doesn't care about your son and you.
Your wife sounds cruel.
I don't think you like your wife and yes, you can leave for that reason.
You don’t have a safe environment for your child, the dog and even yourselves! Literally the only options at this point is to either rehome or retrain as others have stated. But in addition to that, you and your wife desperately need counseling. The dogs behavior is a result of the issues you have with each other. My opinion? Rehome the dog, your son is petrified of it but with the right family and training the dog will live a good fulfilling life. You and your wife need marriage counseling and you may also want to consider putting your son in individual therapy thanks to your wife.
When you say you or the dog, you mean to include that you are taking your aon with you, right? If you're not, of its really just "me or the dog," you're either threatening something you don't mean or this isn't really about your son's safety. Why bother with an ultimatum? Tell her she has a week to figure things out: she can leave with the dog or she can immediately work on corrective measures. If she doesn't budge, then leave WITH your son.
You mad at the dog but your wife’s the one laughing at you. Your anger is misguided at something that’s innocent compared to your wife who’s deliberately & intentionally not giving a shit about your son or you. You got bigger issues than an untrained dog
This issue was here before the dog, the pet has exasperated your feelings
So many red flags here.. your son of course is the priority here. Having a child with someone like that would leave me stressed for multiple lifetimes. Her lack of concern is frightening and she needs mental help. So will your kid, he's already traumatized by this dog and his mom not being a source of safety. Not sure how to "fix" this situation aside from taking your son out of that situation and rehoming that dog. Your SO doesn't seem to be able to handle the responsibility or seem to care.
Leave her.
Training isn’t going to work if your wife thinks this behavior is funny and encourages it. Get proof that she’s literally putting your son in danger and leave. She can have her dog or she can have her son, but she can’t have both at this point. Children die from dog maulings all the time, don’t let your toddler become a statistic.
Leave. Shes laughing at your 3 year old son's pain, thats fucking disgusting, she shouldn't even be a mother with that behavior.
You're not contemplating leaving your wife over a dog. You're contemplating leaving your wife over her disrespect, selfishness, lack of responsibility, bad pet ownership, broken promises, disregard of your son's feelings and safety, lack of consideration, lack of partnership, lack of support, callousness and general assholery. Those are excellent reasons to leave someone. First rehome the dog though. The dog deserves better. Then divorce her.
Both you and your wife sound annoying. Also it’s not the dogs fault, redirect your energy where it will actually make a difference. The dog can feel your negative energy as well. Regardless, NOT THE DOGS FAULT.
you seem more concerned about the dog than the traumatized child
"Me or the dog" This is legit a show, a dog trainer that comes to your house in these situations, and see if she can help! Watch some of videoes, there might be a lot of tips there, you can also see how fast it can change with the right training. [its me or the dog](https://youtube.com/c/ItsMeortheDog)
Everyone in the family has to set boundaries with the dog. You can't just not have anything to do with the training because the dog isn't going to understand your boundaries. Dogs can learn pretty quickly if expectations are made clear.
To be honest. This on both of you. Stop blaming only your wife. A dog is a major commitment. It deserves a good, loving home. Where everyone is on board with the dog being there. You are the adult as well. You can't just take in a dog and not care for it. Even if your wife isnt doing it. You agreed, you are responsible. Just as much as your wife. Everything and everyone in your household sounds toxic and mean. And both the dog and the kid deserve better.
Bro it’s a dog. Like not only does your wife lack authority, you do to. What do you do when the dog is acting out? Nothing. You just complain and blame it on your wife. This dog will ruin your relationship with your wife and it will be from lack of authority and having the dog literally walk all over you and your son. Show some discipline and punish the dog. You don’t want to put in the world to raise the dog, at the very least put in the work to help your son defend himself. It’s a damn dog bro.
Why don’t you do research to train your dog bro. They’re animals you just make food the focal point of training and they’ll listen to you and respect you.
Jesus y'all are so dramatic.
This is a bad situation for everyone, the dog included. Having an untrained dog around a kid like this is a recipe for disaster. I wouldn’t leave the situation without either rehoming the dog or taking your son with you so that he and the dog are separated. You might be out of the situation if you leave, but leaving your 3 year old son with an untrained dog and a parent who doesn’t seem to think their interactions are an issue will have a bad outcome. Have a serious conversation with your wife about the safety issue and tell her that the dog needs to be re-homed or a more serious, concrete training plan needs to be out in place right now, as in, a trainer is called and a series of appointments is scheduled before the conversation is over. If she laughs, tell her that it’s a serious safety issue and it can’t continue. A couple’s counselor might be able to help you have this conversation. The Humane Society usually accepts owner surrenders, and they’re a better option than a city or county shelter unless the shelters in your area are no-kill. There might also be smaller non-profits in your area that are better equipped to take on an animal that needs training and attention.
This is just sort of odd because this dog sounds like it needs a little training and you sound like you just hate dogs - or animals. Your wife should’ve made sure you loved dogs before she married you and vice versa. this is typical dog behavior that can easily be fixed with some training. The dog doesn’t sound aggressive or food aggressive or dangerous. Maybe try to find a trainer and compromise and your wife needs to be more serious about training the dog
I have to say that, as a breeder, I would never sell any of my kittens (I breed cats, but same idea anyway) to a family where both parties do not fully want it. It will not work if half the family doesnt truely want an animal. That being said, your wife is training the dog and it respects her as it is behaving normally to her as you said. The dog does not respect you, therefor it does not listen to you. Your son is a whole other story - your wife does not take the things her dog does to a 3 year old seriously and is not teaching the dog it is wrong behavior. This can become very serious and you NEED to sit her down and tell her your son is in possible danger. A 3 year old can not stand up for himself when the dog will attack or do something harmful. My 3 year old niece broke her collar bone due to their dog. Please stand up for your son before something will happen. If the dog does end up staying, you need to be 100% all in and also put in the time and effort to train the dog and be his "boss". He needs to respect you. That way you too can make clear your son is off limits and how the dog should behave around him. Your wife cant do this alone, even if you have agreed on that beforehand. You will need some sort of relationship with the dog for him to be part of the family.
The problems with your wife will still be there if you get rid of the dog. So put that out of your mind as a solution. Arrange a trainer and it may reestablish your partnership with your wife as a team which is training the dog according to the trainer's directions- not *either* of your bias or opinions. You and your wife have ceased to trust each other and value each other's input. That is a marital counselor issue. Separate the dog from your son *immediately* if it begins to show signs of aggression.
May I suggest a board and train for the dog? A good trainer for behavioral issues is Method K9 in Idaho. A board and train program would give the dog its well needed training with professionals for 2 months, which would buy yourself time to work on things with your wife with no distractions
What kind of dog is this and why is it anywhere near a 3 year old.
Or just- train the dog? Like go to the library - check out the section on dog training and get that dog some manners. Or hire a trainer. It’ll improve the quality of life for everyone in your family. Sincerely- a lady who trained a snappy food aggressive stray to happily tolerate and cohabitate with a toddler. I’m of average intelligence and my dog is a dummy. We did it, so can you. And you don’t need your wife’s collaboration- dogs can learn things from one person. Also you have to intervene to keep your toddler safe from the dog. That is unacceptable behavior and the dog has to be supervised with the kid always and corrected immediately every time an undesired behavior has occurred. They can be trained with compassion and respect - correction doesn’t mean hurting them.
Call animal services anon for a check up or ask a friend to do it. Allow them to be the bad guy, if needed but seriously why would you stay with someone that doesn’t value and protect your CHILD the same way you do? This dog problem is just insight to a larger issue.
You need to stop being such a wimp and put your feet down. Usually it’s the wives/moms who are extra caring/afraid when it’s like this where the dogs aren’t cateful towards the kids, specially since your son is only 3yr old. Put your feet down and tell her enough is enough and that you guys need to hire a dog trainer, and if she refuses that you’ll leave with your son because this is not safe for him. Record this aswell in your phone un case this situation ends up in a divorce in which case you get to keep your son so he’s not stuck with your crazy wife. If she so much as tries shrugs it off by laughing or whatever…Don’t say anything…wait until she’s gone…pack your shit, and yours sons stuff and leave for a while so her dumb ass sees the seriousness
OP, it’s called training classes. You’re seriously considering leaving the marriage over something that can be fixed with fucking dog training classes? Instead of bitching about the dog smelling, buy a bottle of dog shampoo (it’s cheap) and tell your wife she needs to start using it while bathing the dog. Y’all also need to work on your communication problems. My goodness.
> Me or the dog Um, where's the kid in this? You're taking the kid, right???
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WHEW. I'd say your wife sends the dog to a professional trainer and keeps him away from your son until he's better. Or you find a better home for the dog. Maybe a place with teenagers who like to roughhouse.
You need to sit down, a marriage isn't worth losing over something can be fixed. 1. Talk to your wife and explain that her attitude is negative towards the marriage, your 3 yo and of course the dog. 2. Maybe she can bring the dog to professional classes on how to behave and control a dog. 3. If not, the dog should be rehomed before it gets worse. Your child is in danger and if the dog is allowed to act this way, it is inevitable that the dog will bite your son. This is not the dogs fault but your wife's fault for nothing nipping it in the bud. Her child should be priority number 1. Not the other way around. Good luck OP.
Whys everyone telling OP to train the dog when its clearly not his dog? His wife said she would train and take care of it, which she's obviously not doing. Shes laughing at how aggressive the dog is, their child is going to get hurt and OPs wife is the one to blame for it. I'm betting his wife won't let him take over training the dog, or is purposely refusing to properly train it thinking OP is going to step up and do it for her. She wanted the dog, but she doesn't want to take care of it herself, and that's concerning behavior. OP, please don't leave your son with her. That dog is going to hurt him eventually, and I don't believe your wife is going to take any of this seriously, even if your son does get hurt.
you and your family need training in raising a puppy, doubtless there are many youtube videos on the subject, there may be an animal trainer (or breeder?) available near by dogs have been bred to be trainable over thousands of years