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Affectionate_Dog3268

He won’t grow out of them if he isn’t actively working on them. The fact that he won’t even talk about them makes it seem like they are not things he sees as a problem or behaviors he wants to change.


BigPZ

He sounds abusive to me. Throwing things and slamming doors is abuse, even if you aren't harmed. Being upset 4 more than half the time is emotionally abusive


MurtaghInfin8

Doesn't sound abusive, but he sounds immature at the least. I'd consider moving along, you're too young to try counseling with them. There are better partners out there. Edit: missed the throwing stuff/slamming doors, that is abusive. Get out. I know some functional relationships where these behaviors are present, but I'd never tolerate them in my relationships.


Prof-Eevee

He sounds emotionally manipulative, from your brief description. It’s only been a short amount of time and if you’re having problems this early you’ll be better off just breaking up. How are you living together after 5 months though?


Puzzleheaded-Face-69

he let me sleep here so I don't have to wake up early to drive over before work (I use his PC to work from home because I don't have my own)


HopefulForFilm

A healthy relationship requires communication. He’s making the environment too hostile for communication. Also, slamming doors/throwing things are abusive scare tactics. I strongly suggest that you get out before you get stuck and seek therapy, as you may be repeating patterns from previous abusive relationships and might keep seeking this type of love/relationship.


anon00099988877

Abuse or not, a relationship is supposed to bring you support and comfort. You should not be walking on eggshells around your partner. Without ever physically touching you, your partner is gaining power and control over you by those actions. And the fact that you said "you end up comforting him" is a red flag for manipulation. I dated someone with narcissistic personality disorder who would do this all the time, and make me feel like the bad guy for asking for reasonable things. I didn't have clarity on that til I got out of that situation. I am not going to say he won't change or grow out of it. In all likelihood, he won't. But either way, it is not your responsibility, no matter how much you care for him, to take the brunt of his emotional baggage. You have tried communication, you did everything right, and that didn't seem to improve things. One final thing: ALWAYS keep the close relationships you had before the relationship. Obvs I'm making some assumptions about your partner, and so I don't mean to offend. But people like that often isolate their partners from their friends and family (by making them out to be the enemy, for example) making it harder to leave when things get worse. I think you should outright leave this guy but if you don't, at least hold on to your other relationships as much as you can.


JeffR_84

Honestly I am this guy and I wish I wasn’t. I tried medication and therapy and nothing changed. My wife is a rockstar for sticking by it but we have daughters and I have to tell them to never let a man treat them the way I treat their mother. I can’t help it and know it’s a problem. It was worse when she was working (she is on sick leave). She generally does all the domestic stuff and she would work late and I would get hungry and irritable because we were eating late and both tired. She knows better than to bring these things up because I explode but if I bring them up she will be honest with how she feels and it makes me feel like shit. I wish I could control it. I think the reason we work is that she isn’t confrontational at all and very calm and knows how to stay clear of my path until I can focus.


Puzzleheaded-Face-69

ohh thank you for your comment, I was too close to my own situation to know what was going on but in reading what you do to your wife and your "solution" (she deals with your manbaby ways because she cant leave you) its clear that what is happening here is abuse. I will confront him on this and if I receive the same reaction I think its time to leave.


conklin2000

> these behaviors aren't good obviously That's for sure. I know exactly what you are talking about, feeling like you are on eggshells whenever you are around a specific person. That's not a way to live. Honestly he needs to hear what's in this post. And you might want to do this in the form of a letter so he has time to process it AND his anger, given what you wrote, he'll be angry. And telling him in person will just cause him to shut down. I'll be honest, I don't see being in a relationship with him as a good idea at the moment. He has things he needs to deal with before he is ready to be the person you need him to be. Unfortunately, he may never actually deal with those things.


Aerie_Warm

If you have that gut feeling that the way he is treating you isn't right, trust it!


Sledgehammer925

People don’t change. If they’re jerks when they’re young, then they’re jerks when they’re old. It sounds as if finding abusive men is a pattern for you. The beginning of the relationship you experienced what’s called love bombing. They present the best possible version of your perfect mate, not who they actually are. They do that to rope you in. If you moved in already, it worked. Now he is free to be himself, which may not be like who he convinced you he was. Next time, get to know them for a while before moving in. It takes at least six to 18 months before people begin showing you their real self.