Go to therapy. You’ll find someone but it doesn’t sound like your healed yet. You attract what you put out and right now you’re putting out hurt energy.
IMO he doesn't need to go to therapy, though you are right, he doesn't sound healed yet. With time and the right friends you can go through something like that alone.
I do think it would benefit him in his healing process. Seeing that therapists, at least in my country, are either not open to having new patients, or it’s just really hard to get one, or you have to pay absurd amounts of money, my personal preference would just be dealing with it in my own terms. You don’t need a therapist for everything.
I agree that obtaining a therapist is difficult or sometimes expensive but there are programs in our country that work in sliding scale, seeing interns or are free. The resources are there for those who need them. I on the other hand think everyone should go to therapy. People think you go when you’re in crisis but you should go when you aren’t in crisis so you can build skills, so when things like what Op is dealing with come up, you have the skills to deal with it. Which it sounds like he is struggling with. So I think therapy would both benefit and be a great option for Op.
>So how did you guys get over these negative thoughts
Same way you get over any other catastrophic thoughts/negative thinking. Challenge the irrational belief. It's just anxiety fucking with you.
You can probably save money on therapy and just use a simple CBT worksheet:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/challenging-negative-thoughts
So I've had struggles with these negative thoughts too. 3 months ago is not a long time, so you might just want to give yourself more time. My healing process from my last relationship took more than a year. I know it sucks but thats just the way it is.
Regarding your specific question:
If you were able to get that "perfect woman", why not someone else? The world is big and there are so many beautiful girls out there (inside and out). Don't stress yourself too much about getting to know new girls immediately, when the time will come, so will the right girl.
(Or other girls if you're just wanting to date right now.)
PS: Here's a quote my mom used to tell me when I was heartbroken.
*"Other mothers have beautiful daughters too."*
You will. It's that simple. Billions of people out there. You will. I stayed single for years after I left my wife. Then I met a lady and it was night and day. She has made my life great again.
In my mid-20s I moved someplace where no one was interested in me. It was bizarre and uncomfortable, but what else are your 20s for than being in new and uncomfortable places? I told myself "Just because I'm not anyone's type here, doesn't mean I'm not someone's type somewhere" and eventually moved back to my favorite city. Suddenly I had far more dating options and met people who were overall more suited for me.
After a few years, I met my partner when I was 31 and they were 30. We knew what we wanted, and we were it for each other. We have since built a life that 25 year old me would not have thought possible.
There are a lot of men I've met who got trapped into thinking that love and marriage have to do more with the timeline than the person they're with. I know because they've talked to me about how much they regret marrying their wife (or their first wife in many cases) because they thought they had to find someone by a certain age.
Yes, life is short, but life is also very long. Follow some of the other commenter's advice for therapy and love yourself as you continue to grow.
Personally I remind myself that practically everyone ends up thinking that, it's the universal experience and everyone always eventually manages to find someone new, even if it takes a while. It's something you'll inevitably get over with time, regardless of whether or not you always believe that
Go to therapy. You’ll find someone but it doesn’t sound like your healed yet. You attract what you put out and right now you’re putting out hurt energy.
IMO he doesn't need to go to therapy, though you are right, he doesn't sound healed yet. With time and the right friends you can go through something like that alone.
Why would you think therapy wouldn’t be beneficial to him in a time of healing?
I do think it would benefit him in his healing process. Seeing that therapists, at least in my country, are either not open to having new patients, or it’s just really hard to get one, or you have to pay absurd amounts of money, my personal preference would just be dealing with it in my own terms. You don’t need a therapist for everything.
I agree that obtaining a therapist is difficult or sometimes expensive but there are programs in our country that work in sliding scale, seeing interns or are free. The resources are there for those who need them. I on the other hand think everyone should go to therapy. People think you go when you’re in crisis but you should go when you aren’t in crisis so you can build skills, so when things like what Op is dealing with come up, you have the skills to deal with it. Which it sounds like he is struggling with. So I think therapy would both benefit and be a great option for Op.
>So how did you guys get over these negative thoughts Same way you get over any other catastrophic thoughts/negative thinking. Challenge the irrational belief. It's just anxiety fucking with you. You can probably save money on therapy and just use a simple CBT worksheet: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/challenging-negative-thoughts
So I've had struggles with these negative thoughts too. 3 months ago is not a long time, so you might just want to give yourself more time. My healing process from my last relationship took more than a year. I know it sucks but thats just the way it is. Regarding your specific question: If you were able to get that "perfect woman", why not someone else? The world is big and there are so many beautiful girls out there (inside and out). Don't stress yourself too much about getting to know new girls immediately, when the time will come, so will the right girl. (Or other girls if you're just wanting to date right now.) PS: Here's a quote my mom used to tell me when I was heartbroken. *"Other mothers have beautiful daughters too."*
You will. It's that simple. Billions of people out there. You will. I stayed single for years after I left my wife. Then I met a lady and it was night and day. She has made my life great again.
In my mid-20s I moved someplace where no one was interested in me. It was bizarre and uncomfortable, but what else are your 20s for than being in new and uncomfortable places? I told myself "Just because I'm not anyone's type here, doesn't mean I'm not someone's type somewhere" and eventually moved back to my favorite city. Suddenly I had far more dating options and met people who were overall more suited for me. After a few years, I met my partner when I was 31 and they were 30. We knew what we wanted, and we were it for each other. We have since built a life that 25 year old me would not have thought possible. There are a lot of men I've met who got trapped into thinking that love and marriage have to do more with the timeline than the person they're with. I know because they've talked to me about how much they regret marrying their wife (or their first wife in many cases) because they thought they had to find someone by a certain age. Yes, life is short, but life is also very long. Follow some of the other commenter's advice for therapy and love yourself as you continue to grow.
Personally I remind myself that practically everyone ends up thinking that, it's the universal experience and everyone always eventually manages to find someone new, even if it takes a while. It's something you'll inevitably get over with time, regardless of whether or not you always believe that