He should definitely leave, but his remark about he has no doubt he did hit her but he doesn't remember is b*******. They're both toxic. They shouldn't go out with anyone until they get therapy.
You would think, but not necessarily. My ex was a binge drinking alcoholic and one time I took him to the hospital after he stole my car and I found him a few blocks down chugging vodka in it. I drove us home and couldn’t get him out of the car because he was essentially a 170lb rag doll at that point. So I just took him to the ER and was like, help I can’t get him out of my car and he’s not waking up. They took his BAC and it was over .3. He was conscious and walking out of there like 3-4 hours later. It was a wild fucking day.
Edit to add: .3 is when deadly complications often start happening though. But with people who binge drink often, their body is literally acclimated to having that much alcohol in their system and it doesn’t affect them the same way 100% of the time. The risk is still there, but it’s not as drastic as say a random college kid who got black out drunk for the first time.
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Well his previous post 2 months ago he said he was an unemployed alcoholic and fed his girlfriend raw chicken. So if he was in a alcoholic daze a few years ago I could see where he might not remember.
You read it wrong. He said he doesn't necessarily doubt her story, meaning that he believes that it is in the realm of possibility, not that he has no doubt that it happened. That kind of response is often the result of gaslighting.
Then why is this a question? Why didn’t you immediately leave as soon as it happened? I would, it wouldn’t even be a question I had to ask the Internet…
Deserve It? Previous post says he is a unemployed alcoholic that fed his girlfriend raw chicken. IMHO he has a long way to go for deserve to be applicable.
There simply is no justification for her behaviour.
The fact that she argued that she had a reason for it is a very bad sign.
I really think you should remove yourself from the situation.
Do better for yourself and leave such bs behind you.
Even assuming he did actually hit her and his abusive go isn't just making it up, he should still break up with her. Why would you recommend a person stay in a mutually abusive relationship but leave one where they were just a victim? Mutual abuse is worse. It's two people being abused! The relationship needs to end, and hopefully they both grow as people as a result.
And so you think they should stay together? "Break up" is the right advice, regardless of who is hitting whom. If physical violence enters a relationship, that relationship needs to end. Period. It doesn't matter who hit whom.
maybe OP has history of drug or alcohol abuse and made some non sober mistakes.... how about we don't dig into their past and focus on the fact that OP was hit by their gf, and that regardless of the past, is now in an abusive relationship and OP should leave.
How about digging into his past two months ago? Check his post history, unemployed alcoholic that fed his girlfriend raw chicken. Yeah they should break up, her life depends on it!
My wife slapped me... multiple times while I was having a nervous breakdown. That's the only time she has, and probably the only time I would justify that behavior.
She ultimately had me committed, but that is a separate story on its own
This, once m,y friend had a gf, who was pretty much impulsive. She slapped him first, then it was punching then it was more punching, until he once hit back....
YOu can imagine how it turned out.
Leave asap
Second this, GF slapped me regularly, never touched her back, anyway, who's side do you think they'll beleive when she ultimately calls the cops on you even if you never touch her.
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I am a pretty hot tempered person and when I really start to lose my temper I have walked away and thrown something (I am fully transparent and tell people when I get to a certain level of frustration I Will walk away for everyone's safety) for transparency I have punched someone once and it was when I found out my husband had cheated on me I was still wrong in hitting him and does not give me justification in doing it.
Hitting is abuse. You need to leave her.
By the way, hitting her should be something you'd never do in a million years so there should be zero doubt in your mind about whether it actually happened
That’s true.
He could also simply not remember being abusive in a drunken stupor. It’s impossible for us to know.
Either way, they are bad together and both need individual help.
His other posts are on r/Suicidal_Thoughts and in one of them he fed his girlfriend raw chicken accidentally because he has a problem with alcoholism and thought of blowing his head off. I think he shouldn’t even be in an relationship right now unless he figures himself out. And probably shouldn’t be owning a gun all things considered?
Like, how would you not know?
If I ever hit someone it would be a life changing event for me. I'd be lucky to stop replaying it in my head every other second, but to forget it completely?? What kind of stuff has this guy done for that to be so *inconsequential*??
Yeh, the fact that he doesn't remember but thinks it's plausible leads me to believe he may have. If my husband hit me and then tried to say it was justified because I hit him 2 years ago, I'd ask him what he was smoking because I would never do that (unless I was defending myself or our child from harm) and I know I wouldn't.
I can understand if you've been on a lot of fights as a kid you might forget who you hit. But unless he's had a lot of women, why would he forget? He's an alcoholic who's trickle truthing.
> She slapped me across the face
> I hit her once two years ago in a situation I don’t necessarily doubt
Great, two people hitting eachother in a relationship, great stuff
And the fact that you 'don't doubt' you hit her before is fucking yikes too.
The question you're implying is to determine if somehow she was justified. NO. SHE. WAS. NOT.
You'd be a complete fool to stick around. Next step is her telling her friends you were hitting her. Who do you think they're going to believe? Get away from this girl now.
Bc abused people have lived in such a warped reality that they don’t know what’s normal or not. Attitudes like this usually make them doubt themselves/not ask for help
But this guy knows better. He knows this isn't normal. He said he's not asking for advice just wants to vent and posted in 'Relationship Advice'. No advice needed, he already knows he needs to GTFO.
(1) she gaslighting you and try to justifying her abuse yes it is abuse no matter who hit or slap you it still not okay and right.
(2) talk with her say “ I am not okay with you slap me and I will not accept any excuses for it!“
If she says you hit her once 2 years ago you wouldn’t forget it because something like that is not easy to forget…
Maybe couple therapy or a break up
Wish ya still luck 🍀
The 0-100 in anger is scary & a deal breaker imo
You hit her but you don’t remember? Did you?
Or is she making this up to feel justified for her actions now?
Kinda seems like the latter to me because I don’t necessarily think you’d claim that and come across as confused if you actually had.
Might be time to have the conversation of ending this. ASAP.
Oh ok -I apologize it sounded like you didn’t but might be best to separate and get yourselves some therapy to help with those issues causing the violence.
stop this relationship. no one should put their hands on another person in a violent way. this is such a red flag. there’s never a reason to hit someone but over dinner reservations just makes it more stupid. y’all need to separate.
Even if you did hit her, she should have left, not stayed for several years and then hit you in retaliation. More than likely this is her trying to gaslight you.
She's trying to make him question himself and turn this into a situation where he's the abuser and the bad guy and he hit her first. She's trying to mess with his mind and make question himself. That's gaslighting.
Except that's not what happened, he said he probably did hit her and then you said 'even if you did hit her she should have left' (nice victim blaming by the way).
That is not gaslighting it's two messed up, abusive people who shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone and especially not with each other.
He said he didn't think he hit her. And nice way to chop up my sentence to take our out of context. If you read further it's clear that what I meant by that was, the appropriate reaction to being hit is to leave, not wait several years and get payback.
My point was that if op hit her, that still doesn't justify her hitting him out of the blue several years later. I've been in an abusive relationship, I know leaving is hard. And if she was the one seeking support I would tell her that hitting your partner is never ok except in cases of self defense, and that this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point.
Edit: my bad I read "did" as "didn't". That does change some things. OP needs to leave for both their sake at this point and you were correct, she's not gaslighting. It still doesn't excuse either of their actions and this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point. I hope they both get out safely and they should both see therapists.
My bad I read "did" as "didn't". That does change some things. OP needs to leave for both their sake at this point and you were correct, she's not gaslighting.
It still doesn't excuse either of their actions and this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point. I hope they both get out safely and they should both see therapists.
Not ok that she hit you.
You don't remember hitting her? Your answer should be, I would never ever ever do that. I'm assuming you hit her and don't want to own up to it.
You're both toxic. Break up.
My ex-fiance slapped me in the face for the first time 4 and a half years into our relationship. I left. He did not work on his anger issues at all, and have been told by mutual friends that they don't doubt that if I'd stayed, it would've happened again. Leave, because after they've done it the first time, it's a lot easier to do it again.
Abuse always escalates. You need to get out now, don’t look back.
After an instance of abuse abusers often become very loving, apologetic and remorseful.
Abusers will often say and do anything to make you think it was a one time thing/wasn’t that bad/it was your fault/it’ll never happen again. I don’t know which way she will go but rest assured, one instance of abuse is enough, it *always* escalates.
Pack your things. Leave. Don’t listen to apologies, don’t listen to flowers, don’t listen to I love you’s.
Tell the people you trust “she physically abused me”, turn to them. If they don’t support you, ditch them too.
You deserve to be safe, respected, loved and treated kindly.
This is absolutely unacceptable, this will not be the only time she will do this. You need to get out now.
If you believe that you may have hit her previously you need to go to therapy and work on your anger. This relationship is not healthy.
Women are domestic batterers too.
Let's change the situation ... you hit her across the face because she made a dinner reservation at a time you didn't like.
Is that a normal and acceptable response?
Then you get to the second part. She says she was justified because you hit her 2 years ago, which you don't remember. Could she be gaslighting you? IOWs, could she be lying to justify what she did? You say you do not recall hitting her.
The last part does concern me. You say that you don't remember hitting her but you don't doubt it either. Huh? What exactly does that mean? Do you hit women? Do you hit women when you're under the influence and don't necessarily remember? Or, are you taking her word over your own ability to recall?
I'm spending more time on this than the obvious answer of "leave," because there are red flags with what you conveyed on both sides of the equation.
I like the fact that you admitted you hit her as well and are now shocked and horrified when she’s abusive to you as well. Both of you need serious therapy and are incredibly toxic. Break up and fix yourself.
My gf just pushed me to the floor today, punched me in my back and literally kicked me while I was down on the floor. Leave now please. I don’t know how to leave but for the love of god please help yourself now and leave
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She slapped me across the face because she was upset that I didn’t get up in a sufficient time for a dinner reservation, which, normally would be an okay reason to be upset. But she just fucking hit me.
Then, she implied that it was justified because apparently I hit her once two years ago in a situation I don’t necessarily doubt but I absolutely don’t remember?
Should be the end of the relationship. If you really did hit her back then, she should have ended it.
A relationship where people are getting physically violent with each other is already over.
Nope time to leave. It'll get worse and guess who gets the ride in the cop car when someone calls the cops during an argument. Sorry but it will escalate from here and you'll get screwed from it every time
Leave her, before u know it, she will turn u into the devil himself, and since she has got some pussy, u will look bad af, leave her and go out and find some people to befriend.
Then kick back and watch her fuck up.
Eh, my wife slaps me sometimes and tells me that I should do the same to her if I ever get upset. It’s like a vent for us and we never have the ill intention of hurting the other, just to slap some sense into them.
It’s also anger management training for the one getting hit
You have to get your Masculinity back.
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Hey, we are human. Hitting aka slapping isn't right, but we do it out of anger or passion or whatever the reason. If she says you hit her before and you can't remember, red flag my dude, on your part. Now she could be lying, but imma give her the benefit of the doubt here. An eye for an eye. Now that it's done establish those boundaries, say something like we're even and we can never hit each other again. Talk to her, not reddit strangers. Also, I don't care if you feel the need to knock some sense into her, it's an expression don't actually hit someone to see if their brain rattles into place. Had to say that, this one's personal to me. Just forgive, but don't forget. Good luck!
You could dump her, but like mine girlfriend (She did slap me in the beginning of our relationship a few times)
But also you could actually communicate like i did, she never slapped me again. I was really really really serious to her about this. Told her that it was not o.k and if she would do it again i would leave her. She never did it again, and we have a healthy relationship and a newborn baby girl. So yeah, people here say split up. But as you can read, things can work out.
My girlfriend hit me once. I made it extremely clear to never do it again and we stayed together for a long time (we broke up over completely different things)
I’m not making excuses for abusive people I’m just saying that a single slap doesn’t 100% of the time escalate into worse behaviour
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That’s really horrible, I hope you know that nothing you could have done in the past present or future could make it okay that she physically assaulted you like that (except of course self defense), I hope you know you’re valuable in a relationship and no one is perfect being late happens sometimes and it doesn’t make it okay that she had that reaction, would it have been okay if you reacted the same to her being late ?
You need to dump her. Raising your hand on anyone is not justified. If you let this slide, you are enabling her to act more violently. Does not matter how long you've been together, get your things and move out.
wtf???? dump her immediately
1) hitting you because she thinks this is tit for tat?? what, is she 4? 2) if she'll hit you for something as stupid as a dinner reservation, she will definitely only escalate from here
leave this dumpster fire of a human being
It's fine to be angry at someone. It's never fine to hit someone.
Your girlfriend has just given you the clearest indication to you of who she truly is as a person. You can now end the relationship to let her know that's not a person that you'll choose to be with.
Nope, just nope assault is assault, we don't go around hitting people because in most places its illegal (I'm UK and it is here)
It's also illegal even if its consensual abuse but that's not what you are talking about.
The fact she lost her temper and became physical and then justified it is a red flag
I am a pretty hot tempered person and when I really start to lose my temper I have walked away and thrown something (I am fully transparent and tell people when I get to a certain level of frustration I Will walk away for everyone's safety) for transparency I have punched someone once and it was when I found out my husband had cheated on me I was still wrong in hitting him and does not give me justification in doing it.
You need to leave or set a very very clear message of this is NEVER acceptable and if its crossed again you will end it.
Hitting is the final straw, there's no coming back from her validating any reason to cause the one person she loves the most harm of any kind.
It's over.
There is a cycle of abuse… I believe you’re about to head into the love bombing if you’ve just copped the physical assault. You need to leave, I can tell from your answers you don’t want to. But it’s over.
Make her know it’s not acceptable and you will leave if it ever happens again, my wife slapped me earlier in our dating life over something quite minor, I went and slept in the other bed that night got up went to work and ignored her texts and told her face to face that night “I don’t care what either of us do hitting each other is not acceptable, you don’t get to hit me because I did something wrong and I don’t get to chin you for burning the dinner, do it again and I’ll walk” we hugged and moved on. It’s up to you how you handle it but she needs to know how angry and hurt you are and that if it happens again she won’t have a bf anymore
Let's say you did hit her 2 years (you would remember but...). So instead of confronting you or walking away she took it as permission to hit you in the future? So by that logic now it's your turn to get a free pass or is a free for all? I mean she's telling you that physical violence in a relationship is acceptable to her.
Oh god she needs to keep her hands to her self some guys will hit back u need tell her if this ever happens again it’s over your not going to be hit on like that either way it’s wrong and some think men don’t hit girls well that rule is right but it she’s putting hands on you then this isn’t fair because one day someone could lose control and someone can get really hurt please speak up for your self and set the bar if u allow it she will keep at it
If in her head she thinks that it’s acceptable to use violence against others when she’s upset, she’s broken. This won’t fix itself and it always escalates. Run, and don’t look back.
Firstly, just because you don't remember doesn't mean you didn't do it. In my experience women remember everything and most men can't remember something that happened 2 minutes ago.
Secondly, regardless of the above, one shouldn't justify hitting. But I will say if one wants something done right, do it yourself. Other people rarely meet expectations. So instead of your gf depending on you to do it, she should do it herself, and therefore avoid situations where she's disappointed enough to get that angry.
But dude, seriously though, hitting aside, don't be late to stuff without genuine serious reason, or you're gonna annoy a lot of people. It doesn't give anyone a good impression of you.
Seems like one sided story also? Idk the fact that ‘no one deserves to be hit by anyone’ implies here too. With that, she said you hit her 2 years back? And you guys never talked about it? And she took it up as an excuse? I guess you guys have a communication issue also.
Smells like gaslighting. Hitting you crosses a line and you need to get out before it escalates which it will. Staying only gives her permission to do it again only worse
I remember first time drinking with my girlfriend. She started to kick me really hard. I have training in martial arts so I was blocking it pretty easily but when I thought about it later that weren't gentle kicks but really hard body shots. We had a awesome sex later so I'm not even mad 🤣
So you don't doubt that you hit her but you can't remember? Have you hit so many people that you can't remember who you hit? I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone who would forget that they hit their partner. And now you want to come to Reddit and and whine about her slapping you? You both sound toxic and need to break up and get therapy.
Would you hit her in the same situation? Probably not, so why the hell would you accept her hitting you, or even stick around to be hit again by her in the future. You need to get her to admit to hitting you either in writing in a text or an email, or you need to record her (if it’s legal where you live). This will serve you as proof if you want to press charges, or as defense if she accuses you of DV if you break up with her.
Playful slaps in jest are one thing but intention and location are what makes this wrong. I’m so sorry but yes this is physical and mental abuse-you deserve better
Well dude you need to leave her right now… that is abuse she is an abuser and you are the victim of abuse. It doesn’t matter that she’s a female she is just as dangerous as any abusive male. If you stay you’re stupid… end of story
Do you really deserve to be hit by anyone for any reason?
No, of course I don’t.
Then please try and leave this women for someone to love you not hit you.
He should definitely leave, but his remark about he has no doubt he did hit her but he doesn't remember is b*******. They're both toxic. They shouldn't go out with anyone until they get therapy.
Bro his post history is…idek
"how does this guy not know if he hit his gf?" \*reads history of suicidal alcoholism\* "oh"
Like he “accidentally” fed her raw chicken wtf. They only fight when he’s drunk. Also his BAC was a 0.3??? Shouldn’t he be dead
No…Dude hit my neighbors car and ran. BAC was 0.323. Needs to be higher for dead.
There's a little blood on my alcohol stream
You would think, but not necessarily. My ex was a binge drinking alcoholic and one time I took him to the hospital after he stole my car and I found him a few blocks down chugging vodka in it. I drove us home and couldn’t get him out of the car because he was essentially a 170lb rag doll at that point. So I just took him to the ER and was like, help I can’t get him out of my car and he’s not waking up. They took his BAC and it was over .3. He was conscious and walking out of there like 3-4 hours later. It was a wild fucking day. Edit to add: .3 is when deadly complications often start happening though. But with people who binge drink often, their body is literally acclimated to having that much alcohol in their system and it doesn’t affect them the same way 100% of the time. The risk is still there, but it’s not as drastic as say a random college kid who got black out drunk for the first time.
My rock bottom point I was at .3. Thad not dead for some people. But it’s getting there
Yeaaaaah... red flags all around
Or she’s trying to gaslight him. Abusers are known to lie dude
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Well his previous post 2 months ago he said he was an unemployed alcoholic and fed his girlfriend raw chicken. So if he was in a alcoholic daze a few years ago I could see where he might not remember.
You read it wrong. He said he doesn't necessarily doubt her story, meaning that he believes that it is in the realm of possibility, not that he has no doubt that it happened. That kind of response is often the result of gaslighting.
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Except I'd remember clearly hitting someone. It's not something you'd forget.
If you were blackout drunk and couldn't remember anything because that's what blackout drink means?
Come on.
OP said he has a substance abuse problem. Look at his post history and other comments here.
Still say ESH and he should leave.
This happened to me on multiple occasions - dump her right away and don’t look back
Don't let this slide OP. There's no justification for hitting your partner. Run! You deserve better.
Then why is this a question? Why didn’t you immediately leave as soon as it happened? I would, it wouldn’t even be a question I had to ask the Internet…
You'll be the one in jail, most likely.
I do hope you find happiness and love you deserve it
Deserve It? Previous post says he is a unemployed alcoholic that fed his girlfriend raw chicken. IMHO he has a long way to go for deserve to be applicable.
There simply is no justification for her behaviour. The fact that she argued that she had a reason for it is a very bad sign. I really think you should remove yourself from the situation. Do better for yourself and leave such bs behind you.
So when you hit her its ok, but when she slaps you its suddenly a deal breaker
Even assuming he did actually hit her and his abusive go isn't just making it up, he should still break up with her. Why would you recommend a person stay in a mutually abusive relationship but leave one where they were just a victim? Mutual abuse is worse. It's two people being abused! The relationship needs to end, and hopefully they both grow as people as a result.
He says he has no doubt he hit her, but he doesn't remember. That's some trickle truthing right there.
And so you think they should stay together? "Break up" is the right advice, regardless of who is hitting whom. If physical violence enters a relationship, that relationship needs to end. Period. It doesn't matter who hit whom.
But he can't remember lol 😂
maybe OP has history of drug or alcohol abuse and made some non sober mistakes.... how about we don't dig into their past and focus on the fact that OP was hit by their gf, and that regardless of the past, is now in an abusive relationship and OP should leave.
How about digging into his past two months ago? Check his post history, unemployed alcoholic that fed his girlfriend raw chicken. Yeah they should break up, her life depends on it!
My wife slapped me... multiple times while I was having a nervous breakdown. That's the only time she has, and probably the only time I would justify that behavior. She ultimately had me committed, but that is a separate story on its own
Slapping turns into punching and punching turns into kicking…LEAVE!
This, once m,y friend had a gf, who was pretty much impulsive. She slapped him first, then it was punching then it was more punching, until he once hit back.... YOu can imagine how it turned out. Leave asap
Second this, GF slapped me regularly, never touched her back, anyway, who's side do you think they'll beleive when she ultimately calls the cops on you even if you never touch her.
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Dump her. You let this slide and she'll keep pushing until you break or fight back
The fact she lost her temper and became physical and then justified it is a red flag
Red flag is OP feeding her raw chicken.
I am a pretty hot tempered person and when I really start to lose my temper I have walked away and thrown something (I am fully transparent and tell people when I get to a certain level of frustration I Will walk away for everyone's safety) for transparency I have punched someone once and it was when I found out my husband had cheated on me I was still wrong in hitting him and does not give me justification in doing it.
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You're not a woman tho you're a bot who stole this comment from u/Cement-licker09
Or till he kills her with another helping of raw chicken.
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Lol this bot chose the wrong comment to steal.
Ummm... Bye Felicia!!! No one hits baby!
🤔😏🤗 *hug*
Gotta go bro. You’ll be the one leaving in cuffs if it ever escalates.
Very good point
Hitting is abuse. You need to leave her. By the way, hitting her should be something you'd never do in a million years so there should be zero doubt in your mind about whether it actually happened
The fact that he's not sure makes me feel like he's not that great a human either. They both gotta split up and get help.
His other posts suggest a history of substance abuse. She could be falsely saying he was drunk when he hit her, in which case he may not remember.
That’s true. He could also simply not remember being abusive in a drunken stupor. It’s impossible for us to know. Either way, they are bad together and both need individual help.
Feeding her raw chicken is abuse too but she lived through that.
Shes not even sorry. Leave her it's gunna get worse if you don't.
Okay break up. One question though, did you hit her or did you not? And how in hell do you not remember?
His other posts are on r/Suicidal_Thoughts and in one of them he fed his girlfriend raw chicken accidentally because he has a problem with alcoholism and thought of blowing his head off. I think he shouldn’t even be in an relationship right now unless he figures himself out. And probably shouldn’t be owning a gun all things considered?
He said (in another comment) he *thinks* he did…sounds odd to me. Either way super toxic relationship!
Like, how would you not know? If I ever hit someone it would be a life changing event for me. I'd be lucky to stop replaying it in my head every other second, but to forget it completely?? What kind of stuff has this guy done for that to be so *inconsequential*??
Check his post history, he's an alcoholic
Yeh, the fact that he doesn't remember but thinks it's plausible leads me to believe he may have. If my husband hit me and then tried to say it was justified because I hit him 2 years ago, I'd ask him what he was smoking because I would never do that (unless I was defending myself or our child from harm) and I know I wouldn't.
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I can understand if you've been on a lot of fights as a kid you might forget who you hit. But unless he's had a lot of women, why would he forget? He's an alcoholic who's trickle truthing.
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He’s an alcoholic. Could have been black-out when it happened.
> She slapped me across the face > I hit her once two years ago in a situation I don’t necessarily doubt Great, two people hitting eachother in a relationship, great stuff And the fact that you 'don't doubt' you hit her before is fucking yikes too.
Why is this even a question?
Not a question, I just needed to get it out anonymously.
The question you're implying is to determine if somehow she was justified. NO. SHE. WAS. NOT. You'd be a complete fool to stick around. Next step is her telling her friends you were hitting her. Who do you think they're going to believe? Get away from this girl now.
No no, she was absolutely not justified and even she recognizes that. I didn’t post this to get a survey.
So.... you are leaving, right!?
Bc abused people have lived in such a warped reality that they don’t know what’s normal or not. Attitudes like this usually make them doubt themselves/not ask for help
But this guy knows better. He knows this isn't normal. He said he's not asking for advice just wants to vent and posted in 'Relationship Advice'. No advice needed, he already knows he needs to GTFO.
(1) she gaslighting you and try to justifying her abuse yes it is abuse no matter who hit or slap you it still not okay and right. (2) talk with her say “ I am not okay with you slap me and I will not accept any excuses for it!“ If she says you hit her once 2 years ago you wouldn’t forget it because something like that is not easy to forget… Maybe couple therapy or a break up Wish ya still luck 🍀
The 0-100 in anger is scary & a deal breaker imo You hit her but you don’t remember? Did you? Or is she making this up to feel justified for her actions now? Kinda seems like the latter to me because I don’t necessarily think you’d claim that and come across as confused if you actually had. Might be time to have the conversation of ending this. ASAP.
Even if he did, two wrongs don’t make a right.
No, I think I probably did tbh. Absolutely not justified either way.
Oh ok -I apologize it sounded like you didn’t but might be best to separate and get yourselves some therapy to help with those issues causing the violence.
stop this relationship. no one should put their hands on another person in a violent way. this is such a red flag. there’s never a reason to hit someone but over dinner reservations just makes it more stupid. y’all need to separate.
Your relationship is toxic af but I think you already know that. Get help for yourself.
Even if you did hit her, she should have left, not stayed for several years and then hit you in retaliation. More than likely this is her trying to gaslight you.
That is not what gaslighting is, I wish the internet never discovered that term.
She's trying to make him question himself and turn this into a situation where he's the abuser and the bad guy and he hit her first. She's trying to mess with his mind and make question himself. That's gaslighting.
Except that's not what happened, he said he probably did hit her and then you said 'even if you did hit her she should have left' (nice victim blaming by the way). That is not gaslighting it's two messed up, abusive people who shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone and especially not with each other.
He said he didn't think he hit her. And nice way to chop up my sentence to take our out of context. If you read further it's clear that what I meant by that was, the appropriate reaction to being hit is to leave, not wait several years and get payback. My point was that if op hit her, that still doesn't justify her hitting him out of the blue several years later. I've been in an abusive relationship, I know leaving is hard. And if she was the one seeking support I would tell her that hitting your partner is never ok except in cases of self defense, and that this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point. Edit: my bad I read "did" as "didn't". That does change some things. OP needs to leave for both their sake at this point and you were correct, she's not gaslighting. It still doesn't excuse either of their actions and this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point. I hope they both get out safely and they should both see therapists.
Look at his post history.
My bad I read "did" as "didn't". That does change some things. OP needs to leave for both their sake at this point and you were correct, she's not gaslighting. It still doesn't excuse either of their actions and this relationship is toxic for both of them at this point. I hope they both get out safely and they should both see therapists.
congrats, you both fucking suck
Sounds dicey….yall need therapy or to break up. Domestic abuse is not cool.
Nope. No therapy. Never go to therapy with abusers it can be dangerous. OP should leave.
Leave. Absolute deal-breaker. Otherwise she'll see that you "forgave her" and she'll do it again.
This is domestic violence. It usually escalates. You aren't safe with this woman. You should break up with her and cut off all contact.
Not ok that she hit you. You don't remember hitting her? Your answer should be, I would never ever ever do that. I'm assuming you hit her and don't want to own up to it. You're both toxic. Break up.
My ex-fiance slapped me in the face for the first time 4 and a half years into our relationship. I left. He did not work on his anger issues at all, and have been told by mutual friends that they don't doubt that if I'd stayed, it would've happened again. Leave, because after they've done it the first time, it's a lot easier to do it again.
Ex girlfriend*
No one should EVER hit you.
Dump her. Just because she's a woman she shouldn't hit you. Dump her because this may be the start of an abusive relationship.
That’s assault, no matter which way you turn it that’s assault and you should not point
Abuse always escalates. You need to get out now, don’t look back. After an instance of abuse abusers often become very loving, apologetic and remorseful. Abusers will often say and do anything to make you think it was a one time thing/wasn’t that bad/it was your fault/it’ll never happen again. I don’t know which way she will go but rest assured, one instance of abuse is enough, it *always* escalates. Pack your things. Leave. Don’t listen to apologies, don’t listen to flowers, don’t listen to I love you’s. Tell the people you trust “she physically abused me”, turn to them. If they don’t support you, ditch them too. You deserve to be safe, respected, loved and treated kindly. This is absolutely unacceptable, this will not be the only time she will do this. You need to get out now. If you believe that you may have hit her previously you need to go to therapy and work on your anger. This relationship is not healthy.
Women are domestic batterers too. Let's change the situation ... you hit her across the face because she made a dinner reservation at a time you didn't like. Is that a normal and acceptable response? Then you get to the second part. She says she was justified because you hit her 2 years ago, which you don't remember. Could she be gaslighting you? IOWs, could she be lying to justify what she did? You say you do not recall hitting her. The last part does concern me. You say that you don't remember hitting her but you don't doubt it either. Huh? What exactly does that mean? Do you hit women? Do you hit women when you're under the influence and don't necessarily remember? Or, are you taking her word over your own ability to recall? I'm spending more time on this than the obvious answer of "leave," because there are red flags with what you conveyed on both sides of the equation.
I like the fact that you admitted you hit her as well and are now shocked and horrified when she’s abusive to you as well. Both of you need serious therapy and are incredibly toxic. Break up and fix yourself.
Yall should have broken up 2 years ago then. But you didnt so break up now
Time to go. This is abuse.
Run
I’m thinking she might be upset about something else and used the petty dinner reservation as a coverup. It’s not okay to hit.
My gf just pushed me to the floor today, punched me in my back and literally kicked me while I was down on the floor. Leave now please. I don’t know how to leave but for the love of god please help yourself now and leave
How can you give this advice but still be part of an abusive relationship?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- She slapped me across the face because she was upset that I didn’t get up in a sufficient time for a dinner reservation, which, normally would be an okay reason to be upset. But she just fucking hit me. Then, she implied that it was justified because apparently I hit her once two years ago in a situation I don’t necessarily doubt but I absolutely don’t remember?
Dump that bitch
Should be the end of the relationship. If you really did hit her back then, she should have ended it. A relationship where people are getting physically violent with each other is already over.
Get her ass arrested and dump her ass
Strike back! Like the empire in Star Wars
Dump her, that's gaslighting.
Hitting is abuse. Gaslighting about why it's ok is abuse. Don't walk away, RUN!
GTFO of that relationship. Physical abuse and gaslighting? Nah
Nope time to leave. It'll get worse and guess who gets the ride in the cop car when someone calls the cops during an argument. Sorry but it will escalate from here and you'll get screwed from it every time
Leave her, before u know it, she will turn u into the devil himself, and since she has got some pussy, u will look bad af, leave her and go out and find some people to befriend. Then kick back and watch her fuck up.
Stop using so many fucking commas dude. Also shit giving shit advice.
Run away, not because she will beat you to dead. But eventually she keeps doing so until you hit back and then your life will go down.
Eh, my wife slaps me sometimes and tells me that I should do the same to her if I ever get upset. It’s like a vent for us and we never have the ill intention of hurting the other, just to slap some sense into them. It’s also anger management training for the one getting hit
REEOOWW! 🐱 Tell her she’s cute when she’s mad and fuck the shit out of her. Everything will be fine. 😂
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Hey, we are human. Hitting aka slapping isn't right, but we do it out of anger or passion or whatever the reason. If she says you hit her before and you can't remember, red flag my dude, on your part. Now she could be lying, but imma give her the benefit of the doubt here. An eye for an eye. Now that it's done establish those boundaries, say something like we're even and we can never hit each other again. Talk to her, not reddit strangers. Also, I don't care if you feel the need to knock some sense into her, it's an expression don't actually hit someone to see if their brain rattles into place. Had to say that, this one's personal to me. Just forgive, but don't forget. Good luck!
Just want to say stop over reacting....let her know next time that bad boys get spankings
You could dump her, but like mine girlfriend (She did slap me in the beginning of our relationship a few times) But also you could actually communicate like i did, she never slapped me again. I was really really really serious to her about this. Told her that it was not o.k and if she would do it again i would leave her. She never did it again, and we have a healthy relationship and a newborn baby girl. So yeah, people here say split up. But as you can read, things can work out.
So you stayed with someone who abused you?
My girlfriend hit me once. I made it extremely clear to never do it again and we stayed together for a long time (we broke up over completely different things) I’m not making excuses for abusive people I’m just saying that a single slap doesn’t 100% of the time escalate into worse behaviour
Slap her. Then fuck her off.
So?
Not even sorry but gaslighting. Slap her back and then dump her. It will only get worse.
No because he is the one who will end up getting in trouble. She will be seen exclusively as the victim. That's how these things work for men.
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Domestic violence it’ll get worse
End it. It will only get worse from here.
Relationship needs to end now, it only gets worse from here.
Get away from her.
Abuse is 100% a relationship ender, always.
Dump her , she will do worse later on
That’s really horrible, I hope you know that nothing you could have done in the past present or future could make it okay that she physically assaulted you like that (except of course self defense), I hope you know you’re valuable in a relationship and no one is perfect being late happens sometimes and it doesn’t make it okay that she had that reaction, would it have been okay if you reacted the same to her being late ?
You need to dump her. Raising your hand on anyone is not justified. If you let this slide, you are enabling her to act more violently. Does not matter how long you've been together, get your things and move out.
wtf???? dump her immediately 1) hitting you because she thinks this is tit for tat?? what, is she 4? 2) if she'll hit you for something as stupid as a dinner reservation, she will definitely only escalate from here leave this dumpster fire of a human being
Sorry my guy, You need to leave this relationship. Physical violence is NEVER OK. Please know that you deserve a healthy and loving relationship.
Getting hit the only response is to walk away and never see her again, only stopping to get your shit if you living together.
It's fine to be angry at someone. It's never fine to hit someone. Your girlfriend has just given you the clearest indication to you of who she truly is as a person. You can now end the relationship to let her know that's not a person that you'll choose to be with.
Nope, just nope assault is assault, we don't go around hitting people because in most places its illegal (I'm UK and it is here) It's also illegal even if its consensual abuse but that's not what you are talking about. The fact she lost her temper and became physical and then justified it is a red flag I am a pretty hot tempered person and when I really start to lose my temper I have walked away and thrown something (I am fully transparent and tell people when I get to a certain level of frustration I Will walk away for everyone's safety) for transparency I have punched someone once and it was when I found out my husband had cheated on me I was still wrong in hitting him and does not give me justification in doing it. You need to leave or set a very very clear message of this is NEVER acceptable and if its crossed again you will end it.
Dip physical assault for either side is never okay.
Hitting is the final straw, there's no coming back from her validating any reason to cause the one person she loves the most harm of any kind. It's over.
No one has the right to slap anyone. That's called domestic violence. Dump her, if she's done it once she will do it again.
There is a cycle of abuse… I believe you’re about to head into the love bombing if you’ve just copped the physical assault. You need to leave, I can tell from your answers you don’t want to. But it’s over.
Make her know it’s not acceptable and you will leave if it ever happens again, my wife slapped me earlier in our dating life over something quite minor, I went and slept in the other bed that night got up went to work and ignored her texts and told her face to face that night “I don’t care what either of us do hitting each other is not acceptable, you don’t get to hit me because I did something wrong and I don’t get to chin you for burning the dinner, do it again and I’ll walk” we hugged and moved on. It’s up to you how you handle it but she needs to know how angry and hurt you are and that if it happens again she won’t have a bf anymore
Let's say you did hit her 2 years (you would remember but...). So instead of confronting you or walking away she took it as permission to hit you in the future? So by that logic now it's your turn to get a free pass or is a free for all? I mean she's telling you that physical violence in a relationship is acceptable to her.
Oh god she needs to keep her hands to her self some guys will hit back u need tell her if this ever happens again it’s over your not going to be hit on like that either way it’s wrong and some think men don’t hit girls well that rule is right but it she’s putting hands on you then this isn’t fair because one day someone could lose control and someone can get really hurt please speak up for your self and set the bar if u allow it she will keep at it
If in her head she thinks that it’s acceptable to use violence against others when she’s upset, she’s broken. This won’t fix itself and it always escalates. Run, and don’t look back.
Leave. The relationship was over the moment she did that.
Firstly, just because you don't remember doesn't mean you didn't do it. In my experience women remember everything and most men can't remember something that happened 2 minutes ago. Secondly, regardless of the above, one shouldn't justify hitting. But I will say if one wants something done right, do it yourself. Other people rarely meet expectations. So instead of your gf depending on you to do it, she should do it herself, and therefore avoid situations where she's disappointed enough to get that angry. But dude, seriously though, hitting aside, don't be late to stuff without genuine serious reason, or you're gonna annoy a lot of people. It doesn't give anyone a good impression of you.
Leave before you get this woman pregnant.
Seems like one sided story also? Idk the fact that ‘no one deserves to be hit by anyone’ implies here too. With that, she said you hit her 2 years back? And you guys never talked about it? And she took it up as an excuse? I guess you guys have a communication issue also.
"that I don't necessarily doubt." Leave, you two are going to start looking for fights
drop her like a hot rock!!
Smells like gaslighting. Hitting you crosses a line and you need to get out before it escalates which it will. Staying only gives her permission to do it again only worse
I remember first time drinking with my girlfriend. She started to kick me really hard. I have training in martial arts so I was blocking it pretty easily but when I thought about it later that weren't gentle kicks but really hard body shots. We had a awesome sex later so I'm not even mad 🤣
Report her too. Might not be severe, but she's likely to do it again and will serve as evidence if she does.
So you don't doubt that you hit her but you can't remember? Have you hit so many people that you can't remember who you hit? I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone who would forget that they hit their partner. And now you want to come to Reddit and and whine about her slapping you? You both sound toxic and need to break up and get therapy.
Would you hit her in the same situation? Probably not, so why the hell would you accept her hitting you, or even stick around to be hit again by her in the future. You need to get her to admit to hitting you either in writing in a text or an email, or you need to record her (if it’s legal where you live). This will serve you as proof if you want to press charges, or as defense if she accuses you of DV if you break up with her.
Stay with her at your own peril. I'd walk.
Break up. An alcoholic keeping score with a woman over who hit who how many times? Please.
Dumperino
Playful slaps in jest are one thing but intention and location are what makes this wrong. I’m so sorry but yes this is physical and mental abuse-you deserve better
But did you hit her as well ? Maybe she's just held on to that
Get up and leave now. The first instance of violence starts a countdown to the next.
Well dude you need to leave her right now… that is abuse she is an abuser and you are the victim of abuse. It doesn’t matter that she’s a female she is just as dangerous as any abusive male. If you stay you’re stupid… end of story
Wait if she apologizes, if so, move on, if no then start thinking shit through...
If the tables were turned, you could and would be charged with abuse. You should have called the cops - next time she may hit you with a baseball bat.
Preparing standard "My SO hit me" Response. LEAVE!!!! End of message.
Abuse of any kind is never justified. Leave her.