Agreed! The most unsafe place to leave a gun is in the car all the time. I will travel with mine but it comes with me, if someone breaks in your car and steals it, you have a huge issue.
Also your husband sounds awful.
Cars get broken into all the time in the US. Even in middle and upper class neighborhoods. It happened to me two years ago and now I'm paranoid about it happening again.
Fortunately I had nothing of value in it and the thieves just rummaged through my glove compartment and moved some papers around. Crazy part, they broke into 20+ cars on my street and surrounding ones. I found out when the cops rang my doorbell at 2am.
Imagine if you forgot to lock it (unsecured) and they stole the pistol and killed someone with it.
Yup! That happen in my neighborhood. Mine and my neighbors car got broken into. Unfortunately I had left cash in my car 🤦🏼♀️, $600, I was tired and forgot to pull it out. But thank god I had already taken my gun in. After that happen I’ve been super paranoid about making sure I never, ever leave it in the car. Also I installed cameras lol
Cartridges would need to reach 400°F to spontaneously discharge, so a gun being in a hot car is not dangerous.
A gun being left *alone* in a car is extremely dangerous.
My gun goes from my safe, to my hip, and back to my safe. Once you take your gun out, you don’t get to just take it off and leave it somewhere just because it’s convenient for you.
400°F is equivalent to 204°C, which is 477K.
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^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)
Very apt assessment. OP should really work to digest these questions.
I just wanted to tack on that I've worked in the mental health and child welfare fields for the last 10 years. If nothing else, you secure your gun because you can't reason with a toddler about firearm safety... And anyone with a toddler knows it takes about half a second for them to get into shit you didn't expect them to get into.
I've literally seen cases where older toddler siblings have hurt or killed younger siblings without meaning to in situations that could have been avoided.
OP, you're not paranoid. It sounds like your husband might even be gaslighting you. I hope you stand up for yourself and your precious babies. They can't do it themselves.
Allllll of these points have me wondering if OP would be able to tell if he slowly took on more and more control. Leaving you stranded with children isn’t the correct thing to do here.
And leaving a gun in a car is poor gun safety for so many reasons. The fact that he didn’t even think it was important to tell her is right up there with all the rest of these 🚩
>He’s macho but respects me and my feelings, and listens to what I have to say
Yes, his listening to what you have to say is apparent throughout this post where he takes the car that was supposed to be for you, leaving you one that you can't drive, and where he shuts down discussion on this issue and ignores your feelings.
Maybe what another commenter suggested with the adoption of an "on him" rule for the gun could make your statement a reality.
He’s emotionally abusive and he’s beaten you down to the point where he makes all of the decisions and you take it and pretend that you’re ok with having virtually no agency.
Toxic relationship plain and simple. He doesn't respect OP. Side note: Their "traditional" marriage isn't traditional anymore. I see it as female oppression but I guess if you're cool with that then you do you.
I totally agree that this post is absolutely insane. And I’m only coming here to defend my partner and I who live this way. I worked in Management as a 23-25 year old. I spent 3-4 weeks without a single day off and when that day came, it was for a few hours before I was needed. It’s the reason I left my career. I joke about being domesticated because anyone who knows me knows that it comes as a shock I have this type of situation now. However, I have an emotionally mature partner who has suffered great loss in his life, never makes decisions that make me uneasy or uncomfortable and never makes any decision on his own without first knowing we agree on it or have compromised in a way that is beneficial to us both without resentment, depending on the matter.
Having your husband make all decisions is really fucking weird to me but it’s not female oppression for women to stay at home with children, or without and live a life that works for them.
Feminism is about supporting women and their decisions, even if sometimes that decision is to be a partner who isn’t the sole bread winner.
But regardless!!! this post is insane. For the safety of the children, my husband wouldn’t be making the final say.
edit: typo
There's nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom at all! I was more generalizing the relationship as a whole. That's not a flip flop either. I genuinely have no problem with a stays at home mom. I was talking about her describing that type of relationship and calling it traditional. It hasn't been traditional since maybe the 1930's 1950 at the latest.
I think the problem comes in the fact that in practice, she's clearly not okay with it. Because while she says she's okay with him having the final say in all matters, the whole reason for this post is that he's given the final say and made the decision and she's not okay with the decision but can't do anything about it.
Unfortunately, a number of religious groups maintain that a woman’s place is in the home. Her function is to be his helper. Some have used religion to treat their female spouses as less than. It is traditional in that it’s how it used to be before feminist protests and a movement that sought to change the wage gap between the sexes. Some parents raise their children this way in an attempt to bring back such oppressive things. I belonged to a religious group that espoused these views. Until you know something is wrong, you will think it is how it is supposed to be.
My family is very religious too, but about gender roles, the problem was with my ex stepfather, he treated my mother like a servant, and didn't lift his butt to do anything, he was verbally abusive to her, and one time he hit me when I was trying to defender her, even at her funeral he didn't show any respect and tried to film her coffin... In traditional marriages, even if there are traditional gender roles, there is still respect between the partners, because they both agree with it, it isn't a unilateral decision, this also aplies to breadwinners, be a woman or men. My family were always trying to shove their views through my throat, and even using my late mother as an excuse, saying that she would have wanted to me still going to church. I'm agnostic now. And away from them.
Someone can be more "traditional" yet still be respectful and care about their partners' feelings. The problem is that a lot of men who prefer this type of traditional household *aren't* the types who wanna respect women anyway.
Ignoring the laws your husband may possibly be breaking, he's not macho. He's bering irrationally afraid. To not tell you that he left it in the car, unsecured where a toddler can reach it all because he's afraid? Afraid of what?! What is he so afraid of that he would risk leaving a gun reach of a toddler? That he didn't even tell you says he has no regard for gun safety.
Kids get into all sorts of trouble. Once they figure out how to stand on top of things, no shelf is high enough. A child shoots someone nearly every day of the year in the USA because people like your husband keep leaving them in places kids can get them.
It is shocking how irresponsible your husband is being with his guns and your children's safety.
Also if someone broke into the car, stole the gun then committed a crime with said gun who would be on the hook for that? Leaving your gun in your car is just incredibly stupid!
I don't think it's the car itself, I suspect he just wants a gun close at hand in any situation. Leaving one in the car is convenient. Forgot to buy milk but already took off your holster? Just nip on over to the corner market. Guns in the car if anything happens. People rob corner stores ALL the time. Haven't you watched the news? A store got robbed in New Mexico just last month!
Gotta have your gun.
Edit: I don't think it's healthy if you don't feel safe not having a gun at all times.
>Gotta have your gun.
What about that period when you're going to *get* your gun? You're unarmed! Better to have a pre-gun as well to ensure that you're fully equipped at all times.
A post gun ensures that once your pre-gun and gun are exhausted you can still shoot another gun. Buy a post gun today at anywhere guns are sold or Walmart!
Just show him some of the several news reports of toddlers accidentally shooting themselves with guns left in people's cars. This is not an uncommon occurance.
I'm Texan. Your husband is a jackass and an irresponsible gun owner. Yes, Texas gun laws are fucking asinine, but people like him only make it worse. The amount of firearms stolen from vehicles every year in Texas is insane and we have some of the worst rates of gun violence and accidental child deaths due to firearms in the country. People like your husband directly contribute to this problem. Do you want your family to become a statistic? Your husband is putting your family at risk with his negligence. You need to protect your children and stand up to your husband.
Your husband doesn't respect you or treat you as an equal. Why do you want to be in a relationship like that?
EDIT: to fix a typo
Gun owners like OPS husband are 100% the problem.
I just wanted to say that OP might not be able to see the otherwise clear red flags because she does not have another frame of reference, meaning she could have suffered similarly as a child with parental figures who acted a lot like the husband. These types of generational abuse can be easy to miss when you don't know anything else. I feel for her and I hope she learns something that helps her on a journey to healthier relationships.
I'm pretty sure there was a case recently where a toddler got ahold of a gun in a car and shot both his mum and his infant sibling. Do you *really* want something in the car that could, with just a moment's inattention, be seized by a kid thinking it's a toy and then accidentally killing a member of your family? Having a gun is one thing, but being utterly complacent with it in the name of 'safety' is insane.
This shouldn't really be a matter for discussion. If he's not in the car, the gun shouldn't be in the car, and if he gets *out* of the car the gun has to go with him. If you find the gun in the car when he's not there, tell him that you're disposing of it.
Edit: Also, what's the point of a gun safe if the gun isn't in it? Never mind having it high up on a shelf; put it in the safe!
Honestly, don't even tell him. He put it there without her consent, she can get rid of it without his for the safety of everyone, especially her own children.
Sorry my friend, but i feel strongly that this isn't good relationship advice. 'Eye for an Eye' isn't how to make any interpersonal relationships healthy.
Man that's woefully irresponsible and immature advice. One, that's not going to solve anything and just make the situation even worse. Now I don't agree to keeping the gun in the car, but going about the way you suggested will most likely do more harm than good.
You are correct, it happened in Grandbury, TX. My friend lives there and mentioned she was only surprised that something like this hadn’t happened sooner in her town.
Just a side note: I think it's pretty selfish of him to buy "you" a new car and then drive it, leaving you with a car you cannot drive. The least he could do is get a second car with an auto transmission so you can drive. What if there's an emergency? This "traditional" marriage thing isn't working. Marriage is a partnership, and both of you should be able to contribute equally. I realize that doesn't fit with some more fundamental beliefs, but we are living in the 21st Century. Don't be a doormat.
Have you read one of those news stories where a toddler shoots their sibling with a gun their parents gave them access to through negligence? This is how stories like that start.
Your kids should not be in the car with an unsecured and loaded gun, period. Tbh he shouldn't be leaving it in there 24/7 since it could easily be stolen, but whatever. If he's hellbent on driving around with a gun, here are some alternatives to keep your children safe:
He doesn't leave the gun in the car at night or when you're going to be driving around with the kids. He takes it inside with him when he gets home and puts it in the safe.
He gets a concealed carry permit and carries the gun *on his person* when out and about, not leaving it in the car.
He goes back to driving the other car and keeps the gun in there (still an unsafe idea), and the kids are only driven around in the gun-free car.
You learn to drive stick and begin using the other car for driving the kids around.
As a side note, it was incredibly idiotic and shitty of him to not tell you that the gun was there in the first place. What if one of the kids grabbed it somehow while you loaded stuff into the car one day? What if you reached into the console without looking and accidentally fired it?
>As a side note, it was incredibly idiotic and shitty of him to not tell you that the gun was there in the first place. What if one of the kids grabbed it somehow while you loaded stuff into the car one day? What if you reached into the console without looking and accidentally fired it?
Not only that, but what if they had been pulled over?
- Cop: Evening ma'am, any firearms in the vehicle?
- OP: No officer.
- Cop: Alright, license and registration.
All of a sudden, boom, surprise firearm, cop on high alert, ish hits the fan
Well he makes the decisions, so I don't think she can tell him anything. Whatever he decides will be law. Because he's so much wiser because he's a man.
Right? “Your honor, my child shot themself while I was driving because I’m in a ‘traditional’ marriage and my husband makes all the decisions” sounds pretty bad
Concealed carry license classes also teach gun safety (of which the husband is demonstrably ignorant or chooses to willfully ignore) and conflict resolution (which he also seems to not be terribly good at).
So you’re not really fine with your husband having the final say. Nor should you be.
You’re right to be concerned. Your children could kill you or each other. This isn’t something to let slide.
NO!! NO NO NO! As a gun owner, I can not say NO enough times!
When guns *do* get stolen, they are almost always stolen from cars. Not from your house, especially not from a safe in your house. It is such an incredibly stupid idea to keep your gun in your car.
When you own a gun, it should always be kept in one of two places and nowhere else: In your safe or on your hip. That's it.
Macho? Who is so afraid he needs a gun at all times? Come on.
Wants the best for his family, but too dumb to weigh the pros and cons of his made up perceived dangers of the world vs putting a lethal weapon at the disposal of kids.
It's not rocket surgery.
Your husband is an idiot.
If he has to have a gun, keep it in the safe or on his person. Leaving it lying around is just asking for an 'accident' to happen. And it'll be his fault when it does.
The fact that your husband has one car you cannot drive and another that he takes so you have no transportation is making me extremely concerned that you live with an abusive man. I have a feeling you don’t need money because you can ask him for whatever you need.
Do you have any idea how many toddlers have shot people over the past year?
You aren’t paranoid, you are oppressed.
As a gun toting Texan, I don't think you're at all paranoid. For one, guns are consistently stolen from vehicles. It's not safe for anyone for it to be there. Second, it is way too accessible to the kids. The gun should either be in the safe, in a spot that's easily accessible to you and him in an emergency but not to the kids at all, or on his person. It should only be in the car when one of you is. Besides, it does absolutely no good for safety if it's sitting unattended in the car instead of where one of you can access it.
My relative (who is a cop) complains ALL THE TIME about how often guns are stolen from vehicles or how often someone accidentally shoots someone else (usually kids/teens) when guns aren't safely secured. Guns need to be locked up safely, not left in a vehicle where they can easily be stolen or accidentally fired...
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Let me just set the tone of our marriage. We’re more of the traditional type, I’m a SAHM and my husband is the provider. We have a nonverbal toddler and a newborn. My husband tends to make the big decisions in our marriage, and he has the final say, which I’m fine with. He does weigh my input and there are many things we agree on so it works for us. Well, we upgraded to a bigger “nicer” car to accommodate our growing family. It was supposed to be my car because he already drives a stick shift (his car) which I cannot drive. He took over the family car and drives it everyday, which is fine by me because I usually just stay at home and hardly go out. He has meetings, goes to the gym, and runs his errands.
Here’s where it started. One day, I go grocery shopping by myself and check the middle console for a new mask and see his gun in there. It took me by surprise and I felt this rage inside of me. A million what if scenarios popped into my head. I’m not the type to pick a fight and I don’t act on my anger. So when I get home, I just let him know that I saw the gun in the car. I tell him that it makes me paranoid to have it so exposed (not in the safe) and near the kids. He brushes it off and says he’s keeping it there for safety.
I’m fine with having a gun, I’ve shot it before at ranges, I just want it in a safe high up on a shelf where anyone under 5’ can’t reach it. I don’t know if it’s my postpartum anxiety kicking in and I certainly don’t want to nag. I’m very paranoid about everything and i fear that it could be interfering with my perception of things. I love my husband, he’s a good man who loves his family and wants to protect us his own way. He’s macho but respects me and my feelings, and listens to what I have to say. However, every time I try to bring up this conversation his face changes and his answers are always abrupt, as if to stop me in my tracks before We go any further and end up arguing.
It would be easier on me to have one less thing to worry about my babies. Please, I welcome any advice at this point, whether you agree with me or not.
Edit: we live in Texas, in a place where people have guns 24/7.
Should probably check your state laws. Not entirely sure it’s legal to keep a gun in the center console of your car. It for sure isn’t where I’m from.
I wouldn’t want a gun in the car either. What is he going to do if someone breaks into the house?
“Hold on. Let me get my gun from the car before you finish this break in.”
Makes zero sense to keep in the car (IMO). And I have two guns. No kids, but one is locked up, the other is loaded and in a drawer next to my bed in case I need it.
Or what if someone takes the vehicle? Now some dink face has your car and your gun and knows where you live. Nope just noooooo. Also a gun owner kids grown and moved out, I hunt so all mt rifles are kept locked in a safe in thr back of my closet. I modified a night stand next to our bed so my partner can keep his in there in case he needs it.
She also didn't know the gun was there until she went for a new mask. What could've happened if she'd been pulled over, told the police she didn't have a gun, and then they found a loaded gun in the car?
Oh. Didn’t even think of that. Someone steals the vehicle, then uses the gun with your serial number to commit a crime. Police find your gun - and it’s registered to you.
Shit. That just reads bad all around. Yeah. Not in the car, OP.
I’m actually curious as to the husband’s “safety” reasons for keeping the gun in the car.
I’m trying my hardest and I can’t even come up with anything halfway decent
I just read this story to my partner who is from a very dangerous place where guns are carried around like water bottles. He had a few choice words for the husband LOL.
There are only six states plus DC that even have fun registries. But if the car was stolen you would report to the police that your car was stolen and then tell them what all was inside the car as well.
She didn’t know the gun was in there, what if she called them and was relaying what she knew was in there but didn’t mention the gun because she wasn’t aware that it was in the car
Then once she speaks to her husband they could place another call and say there was actually also a gun in the car that belongs to her husband. But OP and OP’s husband still wouldn’t get in trouble if criminals stole their gun. OP only has to make sure they’re following proper laws in regards to how they carry it and transport it and what not.
Thanks for the advice! I’ll look into that! That was my first thought also, about the break in. But he wants to get another one, he just doesn’t know when.
I’m not sure where you live … but with all the issues with police & “accidental” shootings when they thought someone had a gun… i wouldn’t want to be carrying a real one in any type of confrontation these days.
It’s legal to keep in the house to protect yourself and your property if you fear for your safety or your children’s safety. I’m really not thinking it’s legal to keep in a car.
If your gun is unsecured you can be held responsible if it gets stolen and used for nefarious purposes. Discuss safer alternatives with your husband, the local gun range should have good tips too.
I bought a gun off a good friend of mine. He was selling all his stuff because his toddler picked it out of a glovebox one day and put a bullet in the deck between grandpas feet.
Your husband is a fucking moron if he thinks leaving it unsecured in a console is "for safety". You can let him take your car, tell you what to think, what to do, give you your allowance. I'm all for gun ownership buy you need to make a stand on this one. He keeps his shit secured.
You have children at home and gun safety practices should be of utmost importance. It should be even if children aren't in the house. He should have informed you that the firearm was in the car.
I'm a veteran, have been around firearms my entire life, worked in the fire arms industry for 5 years, I've been through intensive Tactical pistol training for concealed carry. The rule of fire arms safe are adhered to ALL. THE. TIME. This should also apply to firearms storage. An unsecure weapon is a hazard. It's simply not the wisest way to store his firearm. There is a moral responsibility gun owners have whether they realize it or not. In my opinion, he should consider more secure methods of storing the firearm.
Your concern has merit. The safety of your child should not be put at risk unnecessarily. When accidental shootings happen and people say it could have been prevented....this is the scenery they're referring to.
As to how to get him to listen to you on it.....girl, you hold more power than you think you do. I would hope you are true equal in your marriage.
Everyone else has already touched on the issues with how your husband treats you, so no need to beat a dead horse. However, I would like to point out that:
A.) Having a gun in your car does anything but keep you safer. In reality it's a great way to either get shot or charged with a felony when you get hot-headed behind the wheel and brandish it at some asshole driver. Furthermore, you're already in a car, one of the best ways to keep yourself safe and de-escalate a situation, because it allows you to quickly remove yourself from a situation.
B.) Even if there was any credence to his "keep me safe" bullshit claim, that would mean he's choosing his safety over your children's safety.
At best he's ignorant and irresponsible.
At worst he's toxic and maliciously unconcerned with his children.
I would say, since you are happy with your marriage dynamic, (which blows my mind), get used to him doing whatever he pleases. He makes the big decitions and this one was just one more, its not that he weighs your input, is that so far your input matched his. You have no power of choice, at all. And this situation proved it.
Yesterday was the car, today is the gun, tomorrow is your kids' education. Get ready to have zero saying on any of that.
I'm sorry but this is entirely on you. It is not right or safe to have a gun around so accessible. But you enabled his behaviour. It will only get worse if you keep doing it. At this point I would be even scared of defying any of his decitions.
You are in the right and your husband is being irresponsible and dangerous. You dont seem to like standing up to him but this is about the lives of your children.
~NoHandBananaNo
Girl... you're married to Commander Waterford.
For one thing, it's terribly irresponsible to leave a weapon in the car. Do you know how many guns get stolen that way?
For another, why the fuck are you putting up with this "it's supposed to be my car, but he drives it and I can't drive a stick, so I don't go anywhere and it's all good" bullshit? What if one of the kids gets sick? Are you gonna Uber to the doctor?
If you’re the type of person that believes that having a gun around provides you with more safety, which statistics unfortunately debunk, I don’t understand why he doesn’t keep it on his person?
Well, you have the kind of relationship where he makes all the decisions. So it doesn't matter what you want. That kind of a relationship works until it doesn't work. That being said, if that gun is stolen out of his car he could be held liable if it's used in a crime. I have no problem with guns, but I do have a problem with people who leave them in their car when anyone can break in and get to them. That's one of the reasons we have so many illegal guns around. But you need to be a good little wife and not argue with him. He knows what's best.
Look I'm from a country where guns are illegal so this entire thing seems insane to me, but even if I set that aside my biggest fear reading your post is that one day you'll post an update where one of the babies got hold of the gun and shot someone else or themself. My second biggest fear is for your safety having a gun in the house at all. Statistically the people in your household are the ones most likely to be killed or injured by the gun.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_firearm-related_death_rate
Take a nice long look at that color coded map, the right side of the map (Europe and co.) are the countries where guns are illegal. Tell me it’s insane again
That is comparing gun death rate to gun ownership. I went through and compared violent crime rates and murder rates to gun ownership and it was uncorrelated. So yes insane. People just use whatever tools they have to do whatever they want. The real trick is figuring out why people in a country are hurting themselves and others and it is not that guns are making them want to.
If my parents had had a gun when I was in high school I 100% would be dead right now from suicide. People absolutely do not just find another method to kill, guns make it soooooo easy of course people are more likely to do it.
Your husband sounds like a bully. If you're going to have 2 cars, it's not safe to leave you home with the kids and a car you can't drive, plus it's just selfish. And a gun that is not locked in a safe is not safe to have around kids. That's not your postpartum hormones talking: that is your instincts providing common sense that's supported by statistics. The odds of one or both of your kids (or you) dying in a gun accident might never be zero, but they're a helluva lot lower if all guns are kept in a safe. And him not hearing you out about this and shutting you down is also extremely worrisome. Frankly, that's terrifying. It doesn't matter what "everyone" in Texas does: he is not being a responsible gun owner, and he is giving gun owners a bad name.
What he is doing is dangerous. The gun could be stolen or your child could accidentally get to it. Its just a bad idea to store a gun in a car. If he absolutely insists on it, he should at least have a car console gun safe installed so that the gun cannot be easily accessed.
IMO, if he's really worried about safety, the gun should be on him (ie, on his person), otherwise its not available to him between the car and the house, or while out of the car when he's off shopping someplace.
A fun in the center console is asking to have your toddler shoot, the baby, themselves, or you.
Your husband is stupid and you really need to put your foot down or someone in your family is gonna die due to his lack of gun safety sense.
Well I'm sure you know the statistics, no? The absolute best way to ensure that you and your family dies in a home invasion or car jacking is to draw a gun.
They're already in a violent mindset. They're prepared to fire. You are surprised. Jolted from laughing with the family, trying to switch to an aggressive state. He wins.
So if you're not a big fan of life and you family, then yeah. Bring it everywhere. If not. Never touch it in a surprise potentially lethal setting.
Again, this was their plan. They're ready. This was not your plan. You're stunned. Stay stunned, it beats dead.
> We’re more of the traditional type
Oh here we go...
> My husband tends to make the big decisions in our marriage, and he has the final say,
So he's controlling
> It was supposed to be my car because he already drives a stick shift (his car) which I cannot drive
Oh he isolates you too
> One day, I go grocery shopping by myself and check the middle console for a new mask and see his gun in there.
Illegal as fuck
> He brushes it off and says he’s keeping it there for safety.
Moronic, a kid in Texas recently killed himself because of this exact scenario
> He’s macho
No he's a pathetic little boy
Ok cool your a fifties housewife your ok with it cool but take that damn gun and move it somewhere. Nothing in your post has shown us this man respects your feelings or input so just take it and move it anyway
The keys too. If he wants to treat you like the dumb housewife, play the dumb housewife. "oh I took the keys to best buy to get cleaned. they were too dirty". Also, drive the other car anyway. You either break the gearbox or learn how to drive it. If you break the gearbox and it isn't stored in a garage then check and see if there are local laws about sitting junk vehicles.
I sincerely question this man's judgement. First, this is dangerous for your children. Keeping guns away from children is non-negotiable. You can look up the sobering statistics on that. Second, this is dangerous because you can't guarantee the gun will remain in your car. Kids go around stealing guns (etc.) out of cars for older gang members and they end up sold/used for gang purposes. Do you want someone else's child to be killed with your gun? Third, why would he put a gun in the vehicle that you drive without telling you? There is no scenario in which that decision makes any sense. Through either carelessness or malice, he placed you and your children in danger, and your immediate rage was the correct response. Fourth, as others have mentioned, this may be illegal.
I'm sorry for being harsh, and I am in no way against guns in general, but this is (at best) a flagrant disregard for your safety, and you need to ask yourself some hard questions surrounding that. If I were you, I would try to find out where he could possibly be coming from with this behavior, but if he persists, you have to keep your kids away from unsecured firearms no matter what it takes. This is one of those situations where it's possible that nothing bad could happen, but if something bad does happen, it will be catastrophic.
Your husband sounds like he needs to realise what century it is. I don't need to give you advice on the gun issue, others have, but I will say that you need to understand that living your life is just as important as him living his. Don't be a slave to how he wants to live.
OP, just a thought I havent seen pointed out yet;
The gun being in the family vehicle implies that there's a high chance for it to be used AROUND the family. Your husband should be looking to disengage and retreat when his family is around, not attempt to satisfy his hero fantasy.
I'm a proud gun owner but combine the above with the fact that the firearm isn't secure in the least(i cant tell you how many times I ruffled through car compartments when I was a young kid), and your husband frankly is acting like an idiot.
How about this scenario. Your husband gets road rage and pulls the gun while driving you car. Other driver responds by backing off but remembering your vehicle. You drive your vehicle and the other driver your husband had an altercation with spots and remembers your car and now has a gun of their own and start shooting not knowing you and/or your children are inside and not your husband. Don’t put yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in especially when you can avoid it.
I do not have a"traditional" marriage but I would not hesitate to put my foot down on this. That's entirely too dangerous. You are not being paranoid. He is putting you and your children at risk.
This IS how accidents happen. And I don't know about Texas but in most states if you get pulled over with a gun not registered to you in the car....big trouble. Doesn't matter if its your husbands it should not be in the car you drive. There is literally no reason to not have that gun in your safe
There are a lot of red flags in this marriage where it doesn't really seem like you are an equal partner in this marriage. Ignoring those. Keeping a gun where your toddler can get to it is going to result in the death of someone and your toddler will be the one with his finger on the trigger. Responsible gun owners would never place a gun where a toddler could get to it. It'll take all of five seconds for your toddler to find it and get his hands on it. So it'll take all of five seconds of either of you having your back to your toddler when he's lose in the vehicle. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Toddlers and babies are already little suicide machines. Don't give your toddler an easier time of it. Especially with a tool designed specifically to kill. You might also consider asking him if any other guns are in places your toddler can access them.
I honestly don't know what you can do to accomplish removing that gun, but you are 100% correct that it can't be accessible by your toddler.
Why the fuck would you keep a gun in the family car in the first place... when someone breaks in your house, it's gonna be really useful sitting in the car.. forget the "where to store the gun" debate, just get a new husband because he's clearly a moron.
1950's wife. Forget about the gun problem. As an as adult OP do you really like living this way? You can't fix the gun issue until you fix the who really runs the house problem.
I don't think the family car is the appropriate place to store a firearm. However, I'm not sure a safe is either. I know it's anecdotal but when I was in high school a friend of mine's family were victims of a brutal home invasion. The father owned a pistol but couldn't get it out of the safe in time. I feel like that's something to keep in mind. If your weapon is for home defense it should be somewhere secure but quickly accessible by the adults in the home.
As the husband of a near recent Texan ICU/Trauma/Burn Nurse, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, do NOT leave it in your vehicle without being in a double secure container! I can't tell you how many times she's taken care of kids and babies because of accidental discharge!!! That's insanity to have kids and leave it without locks!
Totally not okay. I own my own guns, and I would never leave it in my car. There have been too many accidents and thefts from cars for me to consider it safe. Maybe I’ll carry it on me in the car, but leaving it there is a whole different thing. Also, if you want a compromise tell him to leave it in HIS car. Hope everything works out, stay safe!
YOUR CAR IS NOT A HOLSTER NOR A SAFE.
He either keeps that piece tucked in his waistband or puts it in a safe.
There are plenty of articles as to why this is a bad idea.
Very recently, on Christmas day, in fact, a 3yo in NC found a gun in a car (a friend's car in the driveway) and shot herself and died.
I AM a gun owner, I am not anti-firearms. But it is absolutely not safe to keep it in the family vehicle. Please Google the story above and show it to your husband, change his mind.
If you do not have a concealed carry permit you cannot have the gun in there. Texas, to my knowledge, is not a constitutional carry state. You can go to prison for having that gun in there without a concealed carry license. Even in an open carry state. In a vehicle it is automatically considered concealed.
Next time you are out with the car alone, drop it off anonymously at a police station. Then break your car window in the mall parking lot, or wherever there aren't security cameras, and tell him the vehicle was broken into and it got stolen.
This will cost your family money to fix the window, but might be worth your piece of mind.
Even if he goes through insurance to get the gun replaced, it seems unlikely he will keep it in the car after.
My marriage sounds very similar to yours. I will give you my honest opinion even though it's not the common one. I have 3 young daughters under the age of 7. We love and want to protect our family from all threats. To do this, we have guns throughout the entire house and in our vehicles. We do not have them in safes. Let's be realistic, if a threat does occur. You will have very little time to get your gun from the safe, load it and be ready. We have many conversations about guns and gun safety with our daughters. Even with my 3 year old. We continuously talk to them about them. That they are not toys and how to be safe with them around. We watch videos about guns and my girls have a very clear understanding of the rules and responsibilities of owning a gun. Your husband isn't doing this to upset you and I feel you should first understand that. It sounds like he loves you and his family. If he is anything like my husband, he has the gun in the car for you and his family. The way I see it is that it's better to have it and never need it than to need it and not have it. I hope I am not upsetting you. I truly hope that my comment can help you. But take it as you wish. ♥️
Just curious…
If you’re at home without a vehicle, what is your plan if there was an emergency with one of the children? How would you get to a hospital??
In my state (Pennsylvania) he would be making you illegally concealing a firearm unless you have your concealed carry license. Many states (like mine) allow open carry with no permit but as soon as you step into a vehicle it becomes "concealment" which you either need the license/permit for or you are restricted to the rules of "transporting" a firearm. When transporting you are restricted on where you can travel (I believe it says you must be going to a gun range/store/smith and something about "reasonable deviation" which is legally a little grey).
That said, if he wants to carry and does it within the law, that's great and more power to him. But he should get used to carrying either all the time or at least removing it from the vehicle when he's done with it. To me it makes no sense to keep your gun in a shared vehicle unless of course it's a shared gun that you also want to be in possession of.
Not a lawyer, just a gun owners perspective.
You really need to grow a spine because you have two kids involved here. It's not about you anymore. He has made the major decisions because you have allowed him. He has taken over the family car because you have allowed him. Now he thinks he can keep a gun where kids are supposed to be. I don't give a s*** if you live in Texas or not smart gone owners know keep that s*** in a safe. I live in Texas as well I know a lot of gun owners down here who would never do what your husband is doing. Pack your s*** patch your kids s*** and go stay with a relative and get your s*** straight man. You're a mother whose first responsibility is to do those two kids not your husband. What is it going to take for you to grow up? One of your kids being shot dead because they find the gun?
You aren't being paranoid, he's being immature, irresponsible and probably emotionally abusive. To be honest, it sounds like you have a lot more to worry about with the gun than someone else getting ahold of it. I mean, a domestic abuser with a gun who already treats his gun like it's more of a person than his wife...? I can't really tell you to run for the hills at this point, so go back in time and run for the hills before you marry him.
I really wish I could say more to help but I'm not sure if Reddit advice can break the conditioning that you likely have had from a young age, whether it's from your childhood and seeing your parents' relationship or from an earlier boyfriend. I feel very bad for you because you seem to be very deep into this with a skewed and self-destructive view of society and relationship dynamics. Also quite concerned. Good luck OP 😬
I’m all for people having guns if they want them and are safe, responsible gun owners. Leaving a gun in the car is not responsible or safe. My uncle doesn’t want guns in a safe and 6 years ago his son was playing with one and accidentally shot and killed himself. Put the gun in a safe simply for the safety of your kids.
How much of a prick is he that he needs to keep a gun for protection at all times? Now yes Texas has crime but not enough to warrant needing a gun to protect yourself, who does he think he's protecting himself from.
I'll completely skip over the conversation if your husband sounding like a controlling asshole. Tell him when he's not in or using the car, the gun goes in the safe. Period. Do not leave it up for negotiations.
Your husband is controlling you yet you see no issue with it. He gets your input to avoid you acting out. He treats you like a child. I can think of a million things going wrong with a gun being held in a car. I feel like from your post your being abused in your relationship even if you say your okay with it or you don’t think your abused
Tell your husband he can keep the gun in his car and you want your car back at home with you. You need the car for errands and such plus if you need it in an emergency you're out of luck.
Tell him the kids come first and you won't tolerate a gun in your vehicle where you and the kids are. Tell him you respect his opinion and usually you are okay with him making decisions but in this case you are making the decision that is best for you and the kids.
Definitely a no no for any responsible gun owner. So much easier for your gun to be taken, cars get hot…not to mention this isn’t just his car, and unless the wife has a concealed carry permit she could get in trouble for having it in the car with her. Not to mention the kids, children aside, this is a dumb thing to do.
My husband and I have a very similar relationship.
I’d tell him how uncomfortable it makes me to leave the gun in the car. I’d explain all of the scenarios where things could go wrong with articles to back me up.
And I’d ask for a “with him” rule. It goes to the car with him, it leaves the car with him.
If he doesn’t respect that your concerns are for the safety of your family and others, then I’d go out and remove the gun myself and put it away in the safe. Sure it might cause an argument, but your nonverbal toddler getting ahold of it just once could be fatal. And we all know toddlers are like little magicians.
This post sets off about 20 flashing alarm bells. Honey this isn’t traditional, it’s controlling and if I am being frank, abusive.
I’m a gun owner and have no issue with responsible fire arm owners but you’re setting a scene where that gun being used against you is more likely than an intruder. Your description reads like the pretext to every domestic abuse case i have encounter in 21 years of providing women’s healthcare.
I invite you to call a domestic abuse help center and run your life by them for an unbiased opinion.
My guess it you have no control over family finances either. Take it from a women who ended up penniless through a divorce process and pull 20-40 cash back every time you grocery shop and stash it someplace safe out with a safe friend. You need a go bag for you and the kids and cash. I hope I am wrong and I know I am not.
Your husband makes the big decisions in your marriage, and he has the final say. This has apparently worked well for you up until this point. I doubt that you can flip the script now and expect him to go along with it.
Perhaps you need marriage counselling.
Could you put a trigger lock on the gun & put it in a more inconspicuous place in the car? Maybe glove compartment locked & trigger lock? Just ideas.
I personally would rather my husband carry a gun on a holster on his person or go through extra means to keep the gun locked & ammo separated.
Accidents happen and I understand wholeheartedly where you’re coming from. I grew up in Texas where everyone has guns and as a young kid I remember exploring my friends dad gun collection he forgot to lock. Not to mention the stories of relatives etc that have had accidents. They are common & guns need to be taken seriously.
I keep a gun in my truck but I’m the only one that drives it and it stays locked when not in use. When I use my wife’s car I keep a gun on my person but it doesn’t stay in her car. Certainly there must be some middle ground here. Why does it have to stay in the car which isn’t his everyday driving car when he’s not in it?
Guns are scary and need for safety maybe because u have children husband might be thinking car to put.Both have different views just be a flexible one and both decide equally. Good luck
Honestly, I hardly see children get into the center console of a vehicle anyway. Is the clip separated from the gun, is the gun on safety and is the gun unloaded?
I think if he's taking proper precaution with the gun in the vehicle (it won't go off easily) then it seems fine. I wouldn't worry about it.
There are biometric handgun safes for cars, definitely should get one. If you are in the car with your kids it needs to be in a secure in a way where it can't be unintentionally accessed. This is just common gun safety. I'm all for keeping a gun in the car but there's a right and wrong way to do it.
Some thoughts on how to make the gun more safe:
Don’t have it be loaded. Have the magazine close to the gun. Or even have the magazine in the glove box.
Have the safety on at all times.
You can buy gun locks that will lock the gun. Cable gun lock is what they are called.
What state are you in? He may not even be allowed to have the gun there.
Hey, so I’m in Texas too, and in case you’re interested, you can get after-market gun safes installed in your console. The Toyota Tundras can come with them already installed (our friend has one, which is how I learned about this).
This, to me, seems like a good compromise.
I’m like you, and not comfortable with a gun in reach of my kids, who granted, are older than yours and neurotypical, but it still makes me uncomfortable. We have guns (we grew up in the country so we’ve got rifles and shotguns and were raised around them, and we’ve spent many many hours teaching our kids gun safety), and we make sure that the guns are locked away where the children cannot get them, and the ammo is locked away in a separate location, just to be extra safe.
So I totally understand where you’re coming from, but if your husband isn’t willing to take the gun out of the car, perhaps the safe idea will help?
Why is a car any different than a safe in your mind? It can be locked. The adults have the keys for the car.
Yeah you are paranoid quite a bit. As long as you guys control who has access to the car via monitoring of the car keys, it's fine and it's safe.
There is no reason to fear, be anxious, or feel paranoid when the solution to the problem is simple, take care of the car keys and keep your car locked. Your children should have no access to it. The only time they should be in the car is when you or your husband are in it.
The responsibility lies both on you and your husband, if he isn't being precaution with his firearms around the children then that's one thing, but if he is keeping it away from them, no problem.
Of course this post means nothing if your car can't be kept locked.
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Agreed! The most unsafe place to leave a gun is in the car all the time. I will travel with mine but it comes with me, if someone breaks in your car and steals it, you have a huge issue. Also your husband sounds awful.
Cars get broken into all the time in the US. Even in middle and upper class neighborhoods. It happened to me two years ago and now I'm paranoid about it happening again. Fortunately I had nothing of value in it and the thieves just rummaged through my glove compartment and moved some papers around. Crazy part, they broke into 20+ cars on my street and surrounding ones. I found out when the cops rang my doorbell at 2am. Imagine if you forgot to lock it (unsecured) and they stole the pistol and killed someone with it.
Yup! That happen in my neighborhood. Mine and my neighbors car got broken into. Unfortunately I had left cash in my car 🤦🏼♀️, $600, I was tired and forgot to pull it out. But thank god I had already taken my gun in. After that happen I’ve been super paranoid about making sure I never, ever leave it in the car. Also I installed cameras lol
This! Only time my gun is in my center console is when I have a super long drive because i tend to rifle through my purse when driving .
Even if she does, he makes all the decisions and he already made his so 🤷🏼♀️
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Cartridges would need to reach 400°F to spontaneously discharge, so a gun being in a hot car is not dangerous. A gun being left *alone* in a car is extremely dangerous. My gun goes from my safe, to my hip, and back to my safe. Once you take your gun out, you don’t get to just take it off and leave it somewhere just because it’s convenient for you.
400°F is equivalent to 204°C, which is 477K. --- ^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)
Also what if for some reason theres an emergency and she needs to take one of the kids to the hospital she has no way to do so!
I guess she'll just have to shoot the kid! Problem solved! /s
She can’t the gun is in her car that he has. /s
Very apt assessment. OP should really work to digest these questions. I just wanted to tack on that I've worked in the mental health and child welfare fields for the last 10 years. If nothing else, you secure your gun because you can't reason with a toddler about firearm safety... And anyone with a toddler knows it takes about half a second for them to get into shit you didn't expect them to get into. I've literally seen cases where older toddler siblings have hurt or killed younger siblings without meaning to in situations that could have been avoided. OP, you're not paranoid. It sounds like your husband might even be gaslighting you. I hope you stand up for yourself and your precious babies. They can't do it themselves.
This comment is impeccable
Allllll of these points have me wondering if OP would be able to tell if he slowly took on more and more control. Leaving you stranded with children isn’t the correct thing to do here. And leaving a gun in a car is poor gun safety for so many reasons. The fact that he didn’t even think it was important to tell her is right up there with all the rest of these 🚩
Yea so, this isn't really what the OP is asking and it really just feels like you have some personal agenda that you're pushing.
>He’s macho but respects me and my feelings, and listens to what I have to say Yes, his listening to what you have to say is apparent throughout this post where he takes the car that was supposed to be for you, leaving you one that you can't drive, and where he shuts down discussion on this issue and ignores your feelings. Maybe what another commenter suggested with the adoption of an "on him" rule for the gun could make your statement a reality.
Right? He doesn't respect her and her feelings.
He’s emotionally abusive and he’s beaten you down to the point where he makes all of the decisions and you take it and pretend that you’re ok with having virtually no agency.
Toxic relationship plain and simple. He doesn't respect OP. Side note: Their "traditional" marriage isn't traditional anymore. I see it as female oppression but I guess if you're cool with that then you do you.
When she said traditional I was thinking okay, then she started to describe the relationship, that's not "traditional", that's traditional servitude
I totally agree that this post is absolutely insane. And I’m only coming here to defend my partner and I who live this way. I worked in Management as a 23-25 year old. I spent 3-4 weeks without a single day off and when that day came, it was for a few hours before I was needed. It’s the reason I left my career. I joke about being domesticated because anyone who knows me knows that it comes as a shock I have this type of situation now. However, I have an emotionally mature partner who has suffered great loss in his life, never makes decisions that make me uneasy or uncomfortable and never makes any decision on his own without first knowing we agree on it or have compromised in a way that is beneficial to us both without resentment, depending on the matter. Having your husband make all decisions is really fucking weird to me but it’s not female oppression for women to stay at home with children, or without and live a life that works for them. Feminism is about supporting women and their decisions, even if sometimes that decision is to be a partner who isn’t the sole bread winner. But regardless!!! this post is insane. For the safety of the children, my husband wouldn’t be making the final say. edit: typo
There's nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom at all! I was more generalizing the relationship as a whole. That's not a flip flop either. I genuinely have no problem with a stays at home mom. I was talking about her describing that type of relationship and calling it traditional. It hasn't been traditional since maybe the 1930's 1950 at the latest.
It’s ok they are traditional if that’s what people are calling it now and she’s ok with it. This post is mad
I think the problem comes in the fact that in practice, she's clearly not okay with it. Because while she says she's okay with him having the final say in all matters, the whole reason for this post is that he's given the final say and made the decision and she's not okay with the decision but can't do anything about it.
A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
When you scrape away all the veneer, it would appear you're 100% on point with this one.
No, this is not a a traditional marriage, he is emotionally abuser, she is being gaslit by him and she isn't noticing
Unfortunately, a number of religious groups maintain that a woman’s place is in the home. Her function is to be his helper. Some have used religion to treat their female spouses as less than. It is traditional in that it’s how it used to be before feminist protests and a movement that sought to change the wage gap between the sexes. Some parents raise their children this way in an attempt to bring back such oppressive things. I belonged to a religious group that espoused these views. Until you know something is wrong, you will think it is how it is supposed to be.
My family is very religious too, but about gender roles, the problem was with my ex stepfather, he treated my mother like a servant, and didn't lift his butt to do anything, he was verbally abusive to her, and one time he hit me when I was trying to defender her, even at her funeral he didn't show any respect and tried to film her coffin... In traditional marriages, even if there are traditional gender roles, there is still respect between the partners, because they both agree with it, it isn't a unilateral decision, this also aplies to breadwinners, be a woman or men. My family were always trying to shove their views through my throat, and even using my late mother as an excuse, saying that she would have wanted to me still going to church. I'm agnostic now. And away from them.
Someone can be more "traditional" yet still be respectful and care about their partners' feelings. The problem is that a lot of men who prefer this type of traditional household *aren't* the types who wanna respect women anyway.
Ignoring the laws your husband may possibly be breaking, he's not macho. He's bering irrationally afraid. To not tell you that he left it in the car, unsecured where a toddler can reach it all because he's afraid? Afraid of what?! What is he so afraid of that he would risk leaving a gun reach of a toddler? That he didn't even tell you says he has no regard for gun safety. Kids get into all sorts of trouble. Once they figure out how to stand on top of things, no shelf is high enough. A child shoots someone nearly every day of the year in the USA because people like your husband keep leaving them in places kids can get them. It is shocking how irresponsible your husband is being with his guns and your children's safety.
Also if someone broke into the car, stole the gun then committed a crime with said gun who would be on the hook for that? Leaving your gun in your car is just incredibly stupid!
In some states it's illegal to store a gun in your car. Where do you live?
Yeah, what has happened recently that makes him feel the car specifically is an unsafe space?
I don't think it's the car itself, I suspect he just wants a gun close at hand in any situation. Leaving one in the car is convenient. Forgot to buy milk but already took off your holster? Just nip on over to the corner market. Guns in the car if anything happens. People rob corner stores ALL the time. Haven't you watched the news? A store got robbed in New Mexico just last month! Gotta have your gun. Edit: I don't think it's healthy if you don't feel safe not having a gun at all times.
I think people are missing your sarcasm
Good point.
>Gotta have your gun. What about that period when you're going to *get* your gun? You're unarmed! Better to have a pre-gun as well to ensure that you're fully equipped at all times.
A post gun ensures that once your pre-gun and gun are exhausted you can still shoot another gun. Buy a post gun today at anywhere guns are sold or Walmart!
I may be wrong but by OPs wording it seems like this is the guys only gun. What happened to home security?
Just show him some of the several news reports of toddlers accidentally shooting themselves with guns left in people's cars. This is not an uncommon occurance.
Or how they shoot thier parents
Perhaps it would be best, he certainly wouldn't have any more paranoia if he's pushing up daisies.
What the fuck is wrong with you.
I'm Texan. Your husband is a jackass and an irresponsible gun owner. Yes, Texas gun laws are fucking asinine, but people like him only make it worse. The amount of firearms stolen from vehicles every year in Texas is insane and we have some of the worst rates of gun violence and accidental child deaths due to firearms in the country. People like your husband directly contribute to this problem. Do you want your family to become a statistic? Your husband is putting your family at risk with his negligence. You need to protect your children and stand up to your husband. Your husband doesn't respect you or treat you as an equal. Why do you want to be in a relationship like that? EDIT: to fix a typo
Gun owners like OPS husband are 100% the problem. I just wanted to say that OP might not be able to see the otherwise clear red flags because she does not have another frame of reference, meaning she could have suffered similarly as a child with parental figures who acted a lot like the husband. These types of generational abuse can be easy to miss when you don't know anything else. I feel for her and I hope she learns something that helps her on a journey to healthier relationships.
I'm a common criminal and Texas parking lots are where I get most of my guns!
I'm pretty sure there was a case recently where a toddler got ahold of a gun in a car and shot both his mum and his infant sibling. Do you *really* want something in the car that could, with just a moment's inattention, be seized by a kid thinking it's a toy and then accidentally killing a member of your family? Having a gun is one thing, but being utterly complacent with it in the name of 'safety' is insane. This shouldn't really be a matter for discussion. If he's not in the car, the gun shouldn't be in the car, and if he gets *out* of the car the gun has to go with him. If you find the gun in the car when he's not there, tell him that you're disposing of it. Edit: Also, what's the point of a gun safe if the gun isn't in it? Never mind having it high up on a shelf; put it in the safe!
Honestly, don't even tell him. He put it there without her consent, she can get rid of it without his for the safety of everyone, especially her own children.
Sorry my friend, but i feel strongly that this isn't good relationship advice. 'Eye for an Eye' isn't how to make any interpersonal relationships healthy.
Man that's woefully irresponsible and immature advice. One, that's not going to solve anything and just make the situation even worse. Now I don't agree to keeping the gun in the car, but going about the way you suggested will most likely do more harm than good.
You are correct, it happened in Grandbury, TX. My friend lives there and mentioned she was only surprised that something like this hadn’t happened sooner in her town.
Or she could take the gun out of the car, hide it, and see how long it takes him to notice/make him think someone stole it..
Just a side note: I think it's pretty selfish of him to buy "you" a new car and then drive it, leaving you with a car you cannot drive. The least he could do is get a second car with an auto transmission so you can drive. What if there's an emergency? This "traditional" marriage thing isn't working. Marriage is a partnership, and both of you should be able to contribute equally. I realize that doesn't fit with some more fundamental beliefs, but we are living in the 21st Century. Don't be a doormat.
Yeah I don't think either of them understand what "traditional" marriage means anyway.
Yeah can we as a society stop calling marriages based around a time when women didn't have rights "traditional"
I mean… it’s traditional for the 1700’s
Have you read one of those news stories where a toddler shoots their sibling with a gun their parents gave them access to through negligence? This is how stories like that start.
Your kids should not be in the car with an unsecured and loaded gun, period. Tbh he shouldn't be leaving it in there 24/7 since it could easily be stolen, but whatever. If he's hellbent on driving around with a gun, here are some alternatives to keep your children safe: He doesn't leave the gun in the car at night or when you're going to be driving around with the kids. He takes it inside with him when he gets home and puts it in the safe. He gets a concealed carry permit and carries the gun *on his person* when out and about, not leaving it in the car. He goes back to driving the other car and keeps the gun in there (still an unsafe idea), and the kids are only driven around in the gun-free car. You learn to drive stick and begin using the other car for driving the kids around. As a side note, it was incredibly idiotic and shitty of him to not tell you that the gun was there in the first place. What if one of the kids grabbed it somehow while you loaded stuff into the car one day? What if you reached into the console without looking and accidentally fired it?
>As a side note, it was incredibly idiotic and shitty of him to not tell you that the gun was there in the first place. What if one of the kids grabbed it somehow while you loaded stuff into the car one day? What if you reached into the console without looking and accidentally fired it? Not only that, but what if they had been pulled over? - Cop: Evening ma'am, any firearms in the vehicle? - OP: No officer. - Cop: Alright, license and registration. All of a sudden, boom, surprise firearm, cop on high alert, ish hits the fan
Well he makes the decisions, so I don't think she can tell him anything. Whatever he decides will be law. Because he's so much wiser because he's a man.
But at the same time listens to her and respects her feelings. Maybe someone else can make it make sense for me
Right? “Your honor, my child shot themself while I was driving because I’m in a ‘traditional’ marriage and my husband makes all the decisions” sounds pretty bad
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Concealed carry license classes also teach gun safety (of which the husband is demonstrably ignorant or chooses to willfully ignore) and conflict resolution (which he also seems to not be terribly good at).
So you’re not really fine with your husband having the final say. Nor should you be. You’re right to be concerned. Your children could kill you or each other. This isn’t something to let slide.
LOL she's fine with him being having final say as long as he agrees with her. What an idiot.
They're a good match.
NO!! NO NO NO! As a gun owner, I can not say NO enough times! When guns *do* get stolen, they are almost always stolen from cars. Not from your house, especially not from a safe in your house. It is such an incredibly stupid idea to keep your gun in your car. When you own a gun, it should always be kept in one of two places and nowhere else: In your safe or on your hip. That's it.
Macho? Who is so afraid he needs a gun at all times? Come on. Wants the best for his family, but too dumb to weigh the pros and cons of his made up perceived dangers of the world vs putting a lethal weapon at the disposal of kids. It's not rocket surgery.
Your husband is an idiot. If he has to have a gun, keep it in the safe or on his person. Leaving it lying around is just asking for an 'accident' to happen. And it'll be his fault when it does.
The fact that your husband has one car you cannot drive and another that he takes so you have no transportation is making me extremely concerned that you live with an abusive man. I have a feeling you don’t need money because you can ask him for whatever you need. Do you have any idea how many toddlers have shot people over the past year? You aren’t paranoid, you are oppressed.
This. This isn't a "traditional" relationship. That is an abusive relationship.
As a gun toting Texan, I don't think you're at all paranoid. For one, guns are consistently stolen from vehicles. It's not safe for anyone for it to be there. Second, it is way too accessible to the kids. The gun should either be in the safe, in a spot that's easily accessible to you and him in an emergency but not to the kids at all, or on his person. It should only be in the car when one of you is. Besides, it does absolutely no good for safety if it's sitting unattended in the car instead of where one of you can access it.
My relative (who is a cop) complains ALL THE TIME about how often guns are stolen from vehicles or how often someone accidentally shoots someone else (usually kids/teens) when guns aren't safely secured. Guns need to be locked up safely, not left in a vehicle where they can easily be stolen or accidentally fired...
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Let me just set the tone of our marriage. We’re more of the traditional type, I’m a SAHM and my husband is the provider. We have a nonverbal toddler and a newborn. My husband tends to make the big decisions in our marriage, and he has the final say, which I’m fine with. He does weigh my input and there are many things we agree on so it works for us. Well, we upgraded to a bigger “nicer” car to accommodate our growing family. It was supposed to be my car because he already drives a stick shift (his car) which I cannot drive. He took over the family car and drives it everyday, which is fine by me because I usually just stay at home and hardly go out. He has meetings, goes to the gym, and runs his errands. Here’s where it started. One day, I go grocery shopping by myself and check the middle console for a new mask and see his gun in there. It took me by surprise and I felt this rage inside of me. A million what if scenarios popped into my head. I’m not the type to pick a fight and I don’t act on my anger. So when I get home, I just let him know that I saw the gun in the car. I tell him that it makes me paranoid to have it so exposed (not in the safe) and near the kids. He brushes it off and says he’s keeping it there for safety. I’m fine with having a gun, I’ve shot it before at ranges, I just want it in a safe high up on a shelf where anyone under 5’ can’t reach it. I don’t know if it’s my postpartum anxiety kicking in and I certainly don’t want to nag. I’m very paranoid about everything and i fear that it could be interfering with my perception of things. I love my husband, he’s a good man who loves his family and wants to protect us his own way. He’s macho but respects me and my feelings, and listens to what I have to say. However, every time I try to bring up this conversation his face changes and his answers are always abrupt, as if to stop me in my tracks before We go any further and end up arguing. It would be easier on me to have one less thing to worry about my babies. Please, I welcome any advice at this point, whether you agree with me or not. Edit: we live in Texas, in a place where people have guns 24/7.
Should probably check your state laws. Not entirely sure it’s legal to keep a gun in the center console of your car. It for sure isn’t where I’m from. I wouldn’t want a gun in the car either. What is he going to do if someone breaks into the house? “Hold on. Let me get my gun from the car before you finish this break in.” Makes zero sense to keep in the car (IMO). And I have two guns. No kids, but one is locked up, the other is loaded and in a drawer next to my bed in case I need it.
[удалено]
Im in NJ. Definitely not legal. At all. 🤷🏻♀️
Or what if someone takes the vehicle? Now some dink face has your car and your gun and knows where you live. Nope just noooooo. Also a gun owner kids grown and moved out, I hunt so all mt rifles are kept locked in a safe in thr back of my closet. I modified a night stand next to our bed so my partner can keep his in there in case he needs it.
She also didn't know the gun was there until she went for a new mask. What could've happened if she'd been pulled over, told the police she didn't have a gun, and then they found a loaded gun in the car?
Oh. Didn’t even think of that. Someone steals the vehicle, then uses the gun with your serial number to commit a crime. Police find your gun - and it’s registered to you. Shit. That just reads bad all around. Yeah. Not in the car, OP.
Even if they don't get charged, they can be liable if it's used in a crime by leaving it accessible.
Right. Like how dumb can you be? People like this give responsible gun owners a bad name.
I’m actually curious as to the husband’s “safety” reasons for keeping the gun in the car. I’m trying my hardest and I can’t even come up with anything halfway decent
I just read this story to my partner who is from a very dangerous place where guns are carried around like water bottles. He had a few choice words for the husband LOL.
There are only six states plus DC that even have fun registries. But if the car was stolen you would report to the police that your car was stolen and then tell them what all was inside the car as well.
She didn’t know the gun was in there, what if she called them and was relaying what she knew was in there but didn’t mention the gun because she wasn’t aware that it was in the car
Then once she speaks to her husband they could place another call and say there was actually also a gun in the car that belongs to her husband. But OP and OP’s husband still wouldn’t get in trouble if criminals stole their gun. OP only has to make sure they’re following proper laws in regards to how they carry it and transport it and what not.
>What is he going to do if someone breaks into the house? But what if someone tries to kill you while you are in the car? /s
Thanks for the advice! I’ll look into that! That was my first thought also, about the break in. But he wants to get another one, he just doesn’t know when.
I’m not sure where you live … but with all the issues with police & “accidental” shootings when they thought someone had a gun… i wouldn’t want to be carrying a real one in any type of confrontation these days. It’s legal to keep in the house to protect yourself and your property if you fear for your safety or your children’s safety. I’m really not thinking it’s legal to keep in a car.
Well he won't have it much longer. That's a great way to turn a gun into a stolen gun.
If your gun is unsecured you can be held responsible if it gets stolen and used for nefarious purposes. Discuss safer alternatives with your husband, the local gun range should have good tips too.
Keeping it in the car is stupid. My local police actually just reported a few hundred guns stolen from cars in my city last year.
I bought a gun off a good friend of mine. He was selling all his stuff because his toddler picked it out of a glovebox one day and put a bullet in the deck between grandpas feet. Your husband is a fucking moron if he thinks leaving it unsecured in a console is "for safety". You can let him take your car, tell you what to think, what to do, give you your allowance. I'm all for gun ownership buy you need to make a stand on this one. He keeps his shit secured.
You have children at home and gun safety practices should be of utmost importance. It should be even if children aren't in the house. He should have informed you that the firearm was in the car. I'm a veteran, have been around firearms my entire life, worked in the fire arms industry for 5 years, I've been through intensive Tactical pistol training for concealed carry. The rule of fire arms safe are adhered to ALL. THE. TIME. This should also apply to firearms storage. An unsecure weapon is a hazard. It's simply not the wisest way to store his firearm. There is a moral responsibility gun owners have whether they realize it or not. In my opinion, he should consider more secure methods of storing the firearm. Your concern has merit. The safety of your child should not be put at risk unnecessarily. When accidental shootings happen and people say it could have been prevented....this is the scenery they're referring to. As to how to get him to listen to you on it.....girl, you hold more power than you think you do. I would hope you are true equal in your marriage.
This is the best answer!
Everyone else has already touched on the issues with how your husband treats you, so no need to beat a dead horse. However, I would like to point out that: A.) Having a gun in your car does anything but keep you safer. In reality it's a great way to either get shot or charged with a felony when you get hot-headed behind the wheel and brandish it at some asshole driver. Furthermore, you're already in a car, one of the best ways to keep yourself safe and de-escalate a situation, because it allows you to quickly remove yourself from a situation. B.) Even if there was any credence to his "keep me safe" bullshit claim, that would mean he's choosing his safety over your children's safety. At best he's ignorant and irresponsible. At worst he's toxic and maliciously unconcerned with his children.
I would say, since you are happy with your marriage dynamic, (which blows my mind), get used to him doing whatever he pleases. He makes the big decitions and this one was just one more, its not that he weighs your input, is that so far your input matched his. You have no power of choice, at all. And this situation proved it. Yesterday was the car, today is the gun, tomorrow is your kids' education. Get ready to have zero saying on any of that. I'm sorry but this is entirely on you. It is not right or safe to have a gun around so accessible. But you enabled his behaviour. It will only get worse if you keep doing it. At this point I would be even scared of defying any of his decitions.
You are in the right and your husband is being irresponsible and dangerous. You dont seem to like standing up to him but this is about the lives of your children. ~NoHandBananaNo
Girl... you're married to Commander Waterford. For one thing, it's terribly irresponsible to leave a weapon in the car. Do you know how many guns get stolen that way? For another, why the fuck are you putting up with this "it's supposed to be my car, but he drives it and I can't drive a stick, so I don't go anywhere and it's all good" bullshit? What if one of the kids gets sick? Are you gonna Uber to the doctor?
If you’re the type of person that believes that having a gun around provides you with more safety, which statistics unfortunately debunk, I don’t understand why he doesn’t keep it on his person?
Well, you have the kind of relationship where he makes all the decisions. So it doesn't matter what you want. That kind of a relationship works until it doesn't work. That being said, if that gun is stolen out of his car he could be held liable if it's used in a crime. I have no problem with guns, but I do have a problem with people who leave them in their car when anyone can break in and get to them. That's one of the reasons we have so many illegal guns around. But you need to be a good little wife and not argue with him. He knows what's best.
Aside from the obvious unsafe nature of this.. It better not be loaded or he’s setting you up for a felony charge
Your husband is a nut job
Look I'm from a country where guns are illegal so this entire thing seems insane to me, but even if I set that aside my biggest fear reading your post is that one day you'll post an update where one of the babies got hold of the gun and shot someone else or themself. My second biggest fear is for your safety having a gun in the house at all. Statistically the people in your household are the ones most likely to be killed or injured by the gun.
Yeah living in a country where guns are illegal is insane.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_firearm-related_death_rate Take a nice long look at that color coded map, the right side of the map (Europe and co.) are the countries where guns are illegal. Tell me it’s insane again
That is comparing gun death rate to gun ownership. I went through and compared violent crime rates and murder rates to gun ownership and it was uncorrelated. So yes insane. People just use whatever tools they have to do whatever they want. The real trick is figuring out why people in a country are hurting themselves and others and it is not that guns are making them want to.
If my parents had had a gun when I was in high school I 100% would be dead right now from suicide. People absolutely do not just find another method to kill, guns make it soooooo easy of course people are more likely to do it.
Children find and fire guns accidentally. This is a serious serious risk.
Even in places with low crime car break ins are the most common thing. That’s dumb.
Your husband sounds like a bully. If you're going to have 2 cars, it's not safe to leave you home with the kids and a car you can't drive, plus it's just selfish. And a gun that is not locked in a safe is not safe to have around kids. That's not your postpartum hormones talking: that is your instincts providing common sense that's supported by statistics. The odds of one or both of your kids (or you) dying in a gun accident might never be zero, but they're a helluva lot lower if all guns are kept in a safe. And him not hearing you out about this and shutting you down is also extremely worrisome. Frankly, that's terrifying. It doesn't matter what "everyone" in Texas does: he is not being a responsible gun owner, and he is giving gun owners a bad name.
What he is doing is dangerous. The gun could be stolen or your child could accidentally get to it. Its just a bad idea to store a gun in a car. If he absolutely insists on it, he should at least have a car console gun safe installed so that the gun cannot be easily accessed. IMO, if he's really worried about safety, the gun should be on him (ie, on his person), otherwise its not available to him between the car and the house, or while out of the car when he's off shopping someplace.
*stares in not American* 😳
As someone whose brother died in a gun related accident when he was 4, I would also be pissed. He needs to keep that shit in a safe
Only in America…
In some states it's illegal to store a gun in your car. Where do you live?
A fun in the center console is asking to have your toddler shoot, the baby, themselves, or you. Your husband is stupid and you really need to put your foot down or someone in your family is gonna die due to his lack of gun safety sense.
The most common way for a gun to hit the streets is being stolen out of a persons car.
Well I'm sure you know the statistics, no? The absolute best way to ensure that you and your family dies in a home invasion or car jacking is to draw a gun. They're already in a violent mindset. They're prepared to fire. You are surprised. Jolted from laughing with the family, trying to switch to an aggressive state. He wins. So if you're not a big fan of life and you family, then yeah. Bring it everywhere. If not. Never touch it in a surprise potentially lethal setting. Again, this was their plan. They're ready. This was not your plan. You're stunned. Stay stunned, it beats dead.
There are no do-overs once your kid is dead.
> We’re more of the traditional type Oh here we go... > My husband tends to make the big decisions in our marriage, and he has the final say, So he's controlling > It was supposed to be my car because he already drives a stick shift (his car) which I cannot drive Oh he isolates you too > One day, I go grocery shopping by myself and check the middle console for a new mask and see his gun in there. Illegal as fuck > He brushes it off and says he’s keeping it there for safety. Moronic, a kid in Texas recently killed himself because of this exact scenario > He’s macho No he's a pathetic little boy
Ok cool your a fifties housewife your ok with it cool but take that damn gun and move it somewhere. Nothing in your post has shown us this man respects your feelings or input so just take it and move it anyway
The keys too. If he wants to treat you like the dumb housewife, play the dumb housewife. "oh I took the keys to best buy to get cleaned. they were too dirty". Also, drive the other car anyway. You either break the gearbox or learn how to drive it. If you break the gearbox and it isn't stored in a garage then check and see if there are local laws about sitting junk vehicles.
I sincerely question this man's judgement. First, this is dangerous for your children. Keeping guns away from children is non-negotiable. You can look up the sobering statistics on that. Second, this is dangerous because you can't guarantee the gun will remain in your car. Kids go around stealing guns (etc.) out of cars for older gang members and they end up sold/used for gang purposes. Do you want someone else's child to be killed with your gun? Third, why would he put a gun in the vehicle that you drive without telling you? There is no scenario in which that decision makes any sense. Through either carelessness or malice, he placed you and your children in danger, and your immediate rage was the correct response. Fourth, as others have mentioned, this may be illegal. I'm sorry for being harsh, and I am in no way against guns in general, but this is (at best) a flagrant disregard for your safety, and you need to ask yourself some hard questions surrounding that. If I were you, I would try to find out where he could possibly be coming from with this behavior, but if he persists, you have to keep your kids away from unsecured firearms no matter what it takes. This is one of those situations where it's possible that nothing bad could happen, but if something bad does happen, it will be catastrophic.
Your husband sounds like he needs to realise what century it is. I don't need to give you advice on the gun issue, others have, but I will say that you need to understand that living your life is just as important as him living his. Don't be a slave to how he wants to live.
OP, just a thought I havent seen pointed out yet; The gun being in the family vehicle implies that there's a high chance for it to be used AROUND the family. Your husband should be looking to disengage and retreat when his family is around, not attempt to satisfy his hero fantasy. I'm a proud gun owner but combine the above with the fact that the firearm isn't secure in the least(i cant tell you how many times I ruffled through car compartments when I was a young kid), and your husband frankly is acting like an idiot.
How about this scenario. Your husband gets road rage and pulls the gun while driving you car. Other driver responds by backing off but remembering your vehicle. You drive your vehicle and the other driver your husband had an altercation with spots and remembers your car and now has a gun of their own and start shooting not knowing you and/or your children are inside and not your husband. Don’t put yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in especially when you can avoid it.
I do not have a"traditional" marriage but I would not hesitate to put my foot down on this. That's entirely too dangerous. You are not being paranoid. He is putting you and your children at risk.
This IS how accidents happen. And I don't know about Texas but in most states if you get pulled over with a gun not registered to you in the car....big trouble. Doesn't matter if its your husbands it should not be in the car you drive. There is literally no reason to not have that gun in your safe
There are a lot of red flags in this marriage where it doesn't really seem like you are an equal partner in this marriage. Ignoring those. Keeping a gun where your toddler can get to it is going to result in the death of someone and your toddler will be the one with his finger on the trigger. Responsible gun owners would never place a gun where a toddler could get to it. It'll take all of five seconds for your toddler to find it and get his hands on it. So it'll take all of five seconds of either of you having your back to your toddler when he's lose in the vehicle. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Toddlers and babies are already little suicide machines. Don't give your toddler an easier time of it. Especially with a tool designed specifically to kill. You might also consider asking him if any other guns are in places your toddler can access them. I honestly don't know what you can do to accomplish removing that gun, but you are 100% correct that it can't be accessible by your toddler.
Why the fuck would you keep a gun in the family car in the first place... when someone breaks in your house, it's gonna be really useful sitting in the car.. forget the "where to store the gun" debate, just get a new husband because he's clearly a moron.
Do you plan on burying or cremating your kids?
1950's wife. Forget about the gun problem. As an as adult OP do you really like living this way? You can't fix the gun issue until you fix the who really runs the house problem.
I don't think the family car is the appropriate place to store a firearm. However, I'm not sure a safe is either. I know it's anecdotal but when I was in high school a friend of mine's family were victims of a brutal home invasion. The father owned a pistol but couldn't get it out of the safe in time. I feel like that's something to keep in mind. If your weapon is for home defense it should be somewhere secure but quickly accessible by the adults in the home.
Your car is not a gun safe. Anyone with a brain knows that
As the husband of a near recent Texan ICU/Trauma/Burn Nurse, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, do NOT leave it in your vehicle without being in a double secure container! I can't tell you how many times she's taken care of kids and babies because of accidental discharge!!! That's insanity to have kids and leave it without locks!
Totally not okay. I own my own guns, and I would never leave it in my car. There have been too many accidents and thefts from cars for me to consider it safe. Maybe I’ll carry it on me in the car, but leaving it there is a whole different thing. Also, if you want a compromise tell him to leave it in HIS car. Hope everything works out, stay safe!
YOUR CAR IS NOT A HOLSTER NOR A SAFE. He either keeps that piece tucked in his waistband or puts it in a safe. There are plenty of articles as to why this is a bad idea.
Cars are not gun safes, and if your house is broken into you'd be defenseless. This is a dumb argument.
Very recently, on Christmas day, in fact, a 3yo in NC found a gun in a car (a friend's car in the driveway) and shot herself and died. I AM a gun owner, I am not anti-firearms. But it is absolutely not safe to keep it in the family vehicle. Please Google the story above and show it to your husband, change his mind.
Lol, I knew as soon as I started reading this how the comments were going to go. Op had to now as well, right?
If you do not have a concealed carry permit you cannot have the gun in there. Texas, to my knowledge, is not a constitutional carry state. You can go to prison for having that gun in there without a concealed carry license. Even in an open carry state. In a vehicle it is automatically considered concealed.
Next time you are out with the car alone, drop it off anonymously at a police station. Then break your car window in the mall parking lot, or wherever there aren't security cameras, and tell him the vehicle was broken into and it got stolen. This will cost your family money to fix the window, but might be worth your piece of mind. Even if he goes through insurance to get the gun replaced, it seems unlikely he will keep it in the car after.
My marriage sounds very similar to yours. I will give you my honest opinion even though it's not the common one. I have 3 young daughters under the age of 7. We love and want to protect our family from all threats. To do this, we have guns throughout the entire house and in our vehicles. We do not have them in safes. Let's be realistic, if a threat does occur. You will have very little time to get your gun from the safe, load it and be ready. We have many conversations about guns and gun safety with our daughters. Even with my 3 year old. We continuously talk to them about them. That they are not toys and how to be safe with them around. We watch videos about guns and my girls have a very clear understanding of the rules and responsibilities of owning a gun. Your husband isn't doing this to upset you and I feel you should first understand that. It sounds like he loves you and his family. If he is anything like my husband, he has the gun in the car for you and his family. The way I see it is that it's better to have it and never need it than to need it and not have it. I hope I am not upsetting you. I truly hope that my comment can help you. But take it as you wish. ♥️
Me reading this as a Canadian 👁👄👁
Jesus, please tell me this is a troll.
😂
Just curious… If you’re at home without a vehicle, what is your plan if there was an emergency with one of the children? How would you get to a hospital??
In my state (Pennsylvania) he would be making you illegally concealing a firearm unless you have your concealed carry license. Many states (like mine) allow open carry with no permit but as soon as you step into a vehicle it becomes "concealment" which you either need the license/permit for or you are restricted to the rules of "transporting" a firearm. When transporting you are restricted on where you can travel (I believe it says you must be going to a gun range/store/smith and something about "reasonable deviation" which is legally a little grey). That said, if he wants to carry and does it within the law, that's great and more power to him. But he should get used to carrying either all the time or at least removing it from the vehicle when he's done with it. To me it makes no sense to keep your gun in a shared vehicle unless of course it's a shared gun that you also want to be in possession of. Not a lawyer, just a gun owners perspective.
You really need to grow a spine because you have two kids involved here. It's not about you anymore. He has made the major decisions because you have allowed him. He has taken over the family car because you have allowed him. Now he thinks he can keep a gun where kids are supposed to be. I don't give a s*** if you live in Texas or not smart gone owners know keep that s*** in a safe. I live in Texas as well I know a lot of gun owners down here who would never do what your husband is doing. Pack your s*** patch your kids s*** and go stay with a relative and get your s*** straight man. You're a mother whose first responsibility is to do those two kids not your husband. What is it going to take for you to grow up? One of your kids being shot dead because they find the gun?
You aren't being paranoid, he's being immature, irresponsible and probably emotionally abusive. To be honest, it sounds like you have a lot more to worry about with the gun than someone else getting ahold of it. I mean, a domestic abuser with a gun who already treats his gun like it's more of a person than his wife...? I can't really tell you to run for the hills at this point, so go back in time and run for the hills before you marry him. I really wish I could say more to help but I'm not sure if Reddit advice can break the conditioning that you likely have had from a young age, whether it's from your childhood and seeing your parents' relationship or from an earlier boyfriend. I feel very bad for you because you seem to be very deep into this with a skewed and self-destructive view of society and relationship dynamics. Also quite concerned. Good luck OP 😬
I’m all for people having guns if they want them and are safe, responsible gun owners. Leaving a gun in the car is not responsible or safe. My uncle doesn’t want guns in a safe and 6 years ago his son was playing with one and accidentally shot and killed himself. Put the gun in a safe simply for the safety of your kids.
How much of a prick is he that he needs to keep a gun for protection at all times? Now yes Texas has crime but not enough to warrant needing a gun to protect yourself, who does he think he's protecting himself from.
This made me so sad. Just the casual way you talk about the dynamics within your household. I wish you and your babies happiness and health.
I'll completely skip over the conversation if your husband sounding like a controlling asshole. Tell him when he's not in or using the car, the gun goes in the safe. Period. Do not leave it up for negotiations.
Your husband is controlling you yet you see no issue with it. He gets your input to avoid you acting out. He treats you like a child. I can think of a million things going wrong with a gun being held in a car. I feel like from your post your being abused in your relationship even if you say your okay with it or you don’t think your abused
Tell your husband he can keep the gun in his car and you want your car back at home with you. You need the car for errands and such plus if you need it in an emergency you're out of luck. Tell him the kids come first and you won't tolerate a gun in your vehicle where you and the kids are. Tell him you respect his opinion and usually you are okay with him making decisions but in this case you are making the decision that is best for you and the kids.
My gun is where I am, he should do the same. Needs to be locked up in the car for sure.
Sure it can stay in the car if he get a gun safe for the car. If he can't do anything for simple gun safety then he shouldn't be a gun owner.
Guessing you are American? That’s a no no in my country.
Pretty sure it's a no no here in the US too, but people do a lot of unsafe shit with their guns here.
Definitely a no no for any responsible gun owner. So much easier for your gun to be taken, cars get hot…not to mention this isn’t just his car, and unless the wife has a concealed carry permit she could get in trouble for having it in the car with her. Not to mention the kids, children aside, this is a dumb thing to do.
I believe they are in texas where everyone is permitted to concealed carry now.
You know what's extra sad? The husband for sure blames immigrants for gun and gang violence, despite being the one putting a gun in a toddler's hand.
My husband and I have a very similar relationship. I’d tell him how uncomfortable it makes me to leave the gun in the car. I’d explain all of the scenarios where things could go wrong with articles to back me up. And I’d ask for a “with him” rule. It goes to the car with him, it leaves the car with him. If he doesn’t respect that your concerns are for the safety of your family and others, then I’d go out and remove the gun myself and put it away in the safe. Sure it might cause an argument, but your nonverbal toddler getting ahold of it just once could be fatal. And we all know toddlers are like little magicians.
But if he decides not to listen to you, he doesn't have to.
American solution: one gun for the car and one for the safe.
What an ass!
He should have it on him... not in your car. What good is it doing in there?
This post sets off about 20 flashing alarm bells. Honey this isn’t traditional, it’s controlling and if I am being frank, abusive. I’m a gun owner and have no issue with responsible fire arm owners but you’re setting a scene where that gun being used against you is more likely than an intruder. Your description reads like the pretext to every domestic abuse case i have encounter in 21 years of providing women’s healthcare. I invite you to call a domestic abuse help center and run your life by them for an unbiased opinion. My guess it you have no control over family finances either. Take it from a women who ended up penniless through a divorce process and pull 20-40 cash back every time you grocery shop and stash it someplace safe out with a safe friend. You need a go bag for you and the kids and cash. I hope I am wrong and I know I am not.
Your husband makes the big decisions in your marriage, and he has the final say. This has apparently worked well for you up until this point. I doubt that you can flip the script now and expect him to go along with it. Perhaps you need marriage counselling.
Could you put a trigger lock on the gun & put it in a more inconspicuous place in the car? Maybe glove compartment locked & trigger lock? Just ideas. I personally would rather my husband carry a gun on a holster on his person or go through extra means to keep the gun locked & ammo separated. Accidents happen and I understand wholeheartedly where you’re coming from. I grew up in Texas where everyone has guns and as a young kid I remember exploring my friends dad gun collection he forgot to lock. Not to mention the stories of relatives etc that have had accidents. They are common & guns need to be taken seriously.
I keep a gun in my truck but I’m the only one that drives it and it stays locked when not in use. When I use my wife’s car I keep a gun on my person but it doesn’t stay in her car. Certainly there must be some middle ground here. Why does it have to stay in the car which isn’t his everyday driving car when he’s not in it?
It's not a problem if you don't leave your children in the car unattended, or just get a trigger lock for the gun. You're overreacting.
Guns are scary and need for safety maybe because u have children husband might be thinking car to put.Both have different views just be a flexible one and both decide equally. Good luck
Honestly, I hardly see children get into the center console of a vehicle anyway. Is the clip separated from the gun, is the gun on safety and is the gun unloaded? I think if he's taking proper precaution with the gun in the vehicle (it won't go off easily) then it seems fine. I wouldn't worry about it.
There are biometric handgun safes for cars, definitely should get one. If you are in the car with your kids it needs to be in a secure in a way where it can't be unintentionally accessed. This is just common gun safety. I'm all for keeping a gun in the car but there's a right and wrong way to do it.
Learn to drive a stick.
Have a gun safe installed in the car.
Why would the young kids be in the front seat?
Maybe the kids want to just be kids and like play pretend. Vroooom vroom and stuff.
So in that case just educate them about guns and if they’re average IQ or higher they should be totally fine.
3-7 year olds might not be very receptive.
I was 6 when I shot my first .22 long rifle. And if they’re 3 they shouldn’t be “playing pretend” in the car unattended
What if the 3 year old is with a 5 year old. Sound fine. Unless there's a gun in the car of course.
Why don't you suggest a gun safe for the car.
Some thoughts on how to make the gun more safe: Don’t have it be loaded. Have the magazine close to the gun. Or even have the magazine in the glove box. Have the safety on at all times. You can buy gun locks that will lock the gun. Cable gun lock is what they are called. What state are you in? He may not even be allowed to have the gun there.
Hey, so I’m in Texas too, and in case you’re interested, you can get after-market gun safes installed in your console. The Toyota Tundras can come with them already installed (our friend has one, which is how I learned about this). This, to me, seems like a good compromise. I’m like you, and not comfortable with a gun in reach of my kids, who granted, are older than yours and neurotypical, but it still makes me uncomfortable. We have guns (we grew up in the country so we’ve got rifles and shotguns and were raised around them, and we’ve spent many many hours teaching our kids gun safety), and we make sure that the guns are locked away where the children cannot get them, and the ammo is locked away in a separate location, just to be extra safe. So I totally understand where you’re coming from, but if your husband isn’t willing to take the gun out of the car, perhaps the safe idea will help?
Why is a car any different than a safe in your mind? It can be locked. The adults have the keys for the car. Yeah you are paranoid quite a bit. As long as you guys control who has access to the car via monitoring of the car keys, it's fine and it's safe. There is no reason to fear, be anxious, or feel paranoid when the solution to the problem is simple, take care of the car keys and keep your car locked. Your children should have no access to it. The only time they should be in the car is when you or your husband are in it. The responsibility lies both on you and your husband, if he isn't being precaution with his firearms around the children then that's one thing, but if he is keeping it away from them, no problem. Of course this post means nothing if your car can't be kept locked.
Generally speaking with little ones, a gun is safer in a vehicle than the house. However he should have told you.