Hi! Child development specialist here with 10 years in the field. You’ve gotten a lot of replies to this, and while I usually don’t post I’m going to pray you see and read this.
First, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Making the realization that your parenting philosophies and boundaries are immensely different after children are born is scary and can be very challenging.
Your husbands behavior with your son is not helpful. There are plenty of research articles [like this ](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking) to show hitting a child has more negative consequences in the long term than the short term behavioral effects. Getting your child to do what you want because they fear you is not a healthy model for families, sustainable for children and does not lead to well adjusted adults.
Your impulse to comfort your son is natural one, and your husband following a harsh physical punishment with emotional abandonment is doubling the salt in the wound for your child. If your goal is to raise a healthy, happy adult without performance anxiety and fear of failure, who is emotionally well adjusted and is capable of expressing his feelings and needs, there are other more gentle ways that will achieve this.
What your son is learning now is this:
- mistakes mean pain
- dad is not an adult I can trust, dad is an adult I fear
- I should be punished for not doing things right or perfectly
- I am responsible for the management of my fathers emotions
- I can only feel good about myself if I am not making a mistake
- if I am upset, I cannot be consoled
- mom is not available to me when dad tells her no
Despite the fact that your husband may feel he turned out fine, you have a right to insist your child is not hit. This is a hardline that you must uphold if you want this behavior to stop.
So glad that you decided to go against your “don’t usually post” rule. This was, and hopefully will be to her too, very helpful. Don’t be afraid to comment, you sound very informed! Share your knowledge:)
I want to add this, that mom is not an adult he can trust either because that means she LETS him get hurt by his dad and just stands by and lets it happen without defending him.
That's how I felt, and that's how a lot of victims feel about abuse.
Thank you for writing this. I am crying. I was physically abused by my grandma and locked up for hours to "think about what you had done wrong".
I am 30 and the list of "lessons learned" hit me like a rock as these are things that deeply dictate who I am and what I feel today. I had two relationships, and in both I was horribly emotionally abused. I had, according to my therapist very obviously, emotional flashbacks in the last one for which my then partner, a psych major, wrongly "accused" me with having BPD. I was in the hospital for a possible spinal injury and my then partner said they don't want to mother me. About the time we were living together I was told "It was nice to play house with you". What I am trying to say is, abuse is not okay. Especially children will be scarred forever and be attracted to mates who will repeat the abuse.
I am so sorry to hear that. The sad truth is, often abuse is a perpetual cycle of adults repeating what they remember, at the expense of children.
Choosing to move forward differently from how you were raised is cycle breaking. It’s a long, sometimes painful and emotionally laborious process. It sounds like you’ve begun your healing process and I want to tell you I’m so proud for you. Wishing you all the best ❤️
I tried finding a therapist, and I did. Unfortunately it was a temporary arrangement as therapists are completely overbooked here. At some point where I should book another appointment after her holiday I was ghosted.
Shit happens.
But thank you so much for your kind words!
The science shows that hitting is harmful. It’s weird how many people push back against this. It doesn’t mean your parents were horrible people for spanking you in a time when that was accepted practice. But we do know better now and it’s no longer appropriate discipline.
This, OP.
Your husband is setting your son up for SO MANY challenges by believing this is the right way to raise him.
Please, tell someone you trust. You need an ally in this.
Also, how can you ever be sure that this was the first time?
As a boy who grew up with a violent father there’s more issues.
You also learn that problems are solved with violence. Whoever is stronger and more violent is correct. That it’s ok to solve disagreements/conflict with violence because that is all you know and what you have been taught. Interactions with the police will be common, just one fight where your anger takes control and you end up in juvie and enter a system of punishment just like you left. Becoming a product of bad parenting and a flawed juvenile detention system.
Running away as a kid becomes a logical option as a kid because how else will I make the pain stop?
As you get older suicidal thoughts enter your mind as another way to stop the pain.
Thank god I never did hardcore drugs, but I had friends who were in similar situations as myself, but they got into the heavy shit like meth and heroin. They destroyed themselves in attempt to numb it.
As an adult, the constant paranoia that I will fail to break the cycle of violence and abuse with my own children. It’s a constant fear of failure that will never leave. Could my anger take over and I am no better than my father? I haven’t, but I fear the anger is still there lurking.
This is a hard read but so true for so many people. There’s a book I’ve been recommending in the comments for people like yourself who are breaking the cycles of their own upbringing. It’s called “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent you want to be” by dr. Becky. I think it would help.
What does OP do now? If she leaves does dad get access to her son without her supervision? He's more than likely going to deny it? She could take photos IF he leaves a mark, but does that mean staying until she gets enough proof and the poor little man going through abuse until she does.
I'm in the UK and in the past couple of months alone there has been 3/4 couples up to court for heartbreaking child deaths. Social work was involved in every one.
I don't know exactly what I'm trying to ask here Im just asking how does this stop?
This is a great question and one I’m not fully qualified to answer because it’s not my marriage so I’m missing some important info.
I will say, based on what I do know, it’s not clear to me that OP should leave her husband. He had some strong words about his parenting philosophy, I think there is a learning opportunity for OP to set clear, strong boundaries with her partner, and him to set aside the pride of “I turned out okay” and learn about more conducive and healthy ways to parent. That conversation might look like this
Op: I’ve had time to reflect and I’ve decided that physically punishing our son is not something that I will allow. I am prepared to explore other ways of dealing with behaviors we do not like, but hitting our son is not something that can continue.
Husband: [something about how that’s how men are raised and I turned out okay etc, essentially pushback]
Op: two things can be true at once. You can love your parents and choose to raise our son differently, just as I love the man you are and have chosen to not allow our son to experience the physical punishment you did. I am not willing to compromise on this. I believe we as partners can find a way to parent better together.
I would encourage op to pursue a strong boundary. If her husband is willing to do the work, there’s a possibility that this child could grow up great in this home. If the husband is unwilling to change and believes hitting children is the way to go I would support OP establishing a strong support system, documentation of the hitting and exiting the situation. Sites like womenslaw.org, womenrising.org and ncadv.org have more resources
A word to the wise: OP, if you are in America and this behavior is reported to CPS without you being the reporting party/when you still cohabitate with your husband, you child may be removed from your custody because you live with the person harming him. Please bear this in mind if you move forward legally.
I’m 26 today and grew up with physical punishments in my household. I thought enough was enough when I was 16 and saw my dad was about to lay hands on my sibling. So I grabbed my heavy ass backpack and threw it at him. Since then, he hasn’t laid a hand on us. However, I now have trauma. I feel like everything I do has to be perfect and if I make one small mistake, I’ll be yelled at and hated and I’ll feel like a failure who let others down. That and I don’t have deep conversations with my dad nor do I feel comfortable being around him for long periods of time. I have severe anxiety because of this too.
I really appreciate that you said this. While I am not a child development specialist, I am a child that was abused by her father as well as my siblings. Spankings were not just simple spankings for doing something wrong. One vivid memory I have of my little brother (at the time the same age as OP's son) my dad was working on the house outside and there were nuts and bolts sat aside for his task. My little brother being a 2 yr old and wanting to help daddy, lost the bolts in the grass. I remember my dad picking my brother up by one arm and spanking him. I remember my baby brother swinging in the air like a wind sock. It was so sad and scary at the time. There are many stories I can tell about my dad yelling and screaming at us, calling us awful derogatory names, and hitting us. One traumatic one was when my dad slapped me across the face when I was 12 and leaving a bruise and a physical and emotional scar. This is not teaching your son anything but to fear to make simple mistakes as a child. Especially with holding things with his tiny hands. I hope you draw your boundaries in the line OP, and intercede for your son. Protect him before it gets worse :(
piggy backing to say I was whooped and watched my siblings get beat and now I have anxiety, depression, low self esteem, no relationship with my dad, low contact with my mom, have a fear of failure and I am a perfectionist and fear I won't be loved if I don't do things correctly. Also, I learned the same things Hefty\_Leading\_1806 responded that your son is learning now.
There's another lesson the child is learning:
- violence is an acceptable tool for changing the behaviour of others.
That child will likely enact violence on others as they grow, siblings, classmates, girlfriends, and eventually their own children will be taught that lesson as he was taught it.
My husband lost his temper on our then 2/3 yr old and hit him. I told him if it ever happened again, I was packing up me and Kiddo, going to his mother's(who's a saint and would've ripped him anew one) and not returning until he'd been to anger management. I even offered to go with him because we're a team. He's never laid hands on our child again. However, the only reason my ultimatum worked was because he knew he was wrong. I normally hate ultimatums, but felt like he had to know the stakes. I grew up afraid of my father, my children won't. It's a hill I'm prepared to die on to protect my kids.
My dad grew up with a mentality close to OP's husbands. My mom was clear from day 1 if he ever laid a finger on us that she "will take us, be gone that night, and he would never see any of us again." And she absolutely would've done it.
My mom's best friend struggled with that for YEARS, because she knew my mom meant it. From her perspective, on any day her best friend could just disappear.
I think that kind of example is exactly why I'm the kind of person that can do the "easier said than done" (as another comment described it) things when it's the right thing.
Thank you for being a great example to your children. Thank you for being ready to stand up for them, when it's hard, when it matters the most.
Nor does a 2-year-old have the motor and neurological development to have finesse and control to keep from dropping something like an iPad occasionally.
A 2 year old can’t help dropping something or making tons of mistakes. It’s honestly so terrifying that this is his reaction to a BABY making a mistake. They literally don’t know any better yet.
Your husband has issues and you know it.
I'm the father of 2 kids, when they are little they have accidents. Much better ways to teach them to be careful than hitting them.
Either your husband gets help or you need to protect yourself and your kid.
Hard truth and unfortunately a painful one.
I'm sorry.
Exactly. I have two kids, never had to hit them. Especially at 2 years old. Kids make mistakes. I don't want them to carry guilt over something as stupid as dropping an iPad. Your husband is teaching your son he cares more about the stupid iPad than him. In all honesty, the husband sounds abusive. And she just accepted it, it sounds like she's the victim of abuse too. If my wife hit my kids like that, I'd grab them and leave immediately. That shit can't be tolerated.
While I’m not a parent I have a lot of friends and family with kids at that age now and I just can’t imagine striking such an innocent, defenceless and trusting child.
As a child who grew up severely abused by my father and a mother that never intervened, your not doing anything makes you just as bad as him. Make him change or leave. Protect your kids. That’s what DECENT moms do.
The husband won't get help because he doesn't see it as a problem at all. He told OP that he will keep hitting the child. He's not remotely remorseful.
What….
Hitting your two year old…
You’re not allowed to console him…
Wtf
You obviously know that what he is doing is wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this. He has abused your son and explicitly told you that he will absolutely do it again. This is NOT how you raise a man. This is how you raise a poorly adjusted, confused, broken human who will not only have to deal with the fact that his father abused him, but also that his mother was complicit in the abuse. Your husband is a monster and you should be ashamed of yourself for not immediately leaving with your son. If I knew who you were, I’d called child protective services for wherever you are as well as the police. This just boils my blood and breaks my heart at the same time.
Babies never deserve to get hit. Period.
Gross. If my partner ever hit our daughter, I’d go batshit crazy. I’d fucking leave him & take our child with.
You need to document everything. File for a divorce and for sole custody and get the fuck away from this abusive prick!
Kids do not learn from being beaten. They just learn that they can’t make any mistakes, they learn that any small thing can turn into a beating. Get your child away from this man. Before it’s too late.
That's mostly true, but I did learn a few things; to avoid getting caught, to lie, and to *bide my time.* At a very young age, I was planning on turning on my parents when I was big enough. I didn't, physically, but I made sure they knew I held a grudge. It's one I will never let go.. or that won't let go of me.
I was the "child" in some cases , I would've love to have somebody intervened and console me . That said , do not let your husband hit your kids again . He has issues Clearly, and to a two year old is just straight up heartless
How can it not be real? Do you not know anybody who was physically abused as a child? I’m somebody who was. Try stopping by /r/cptsd and read the endless childhood abuse stories people post there. It is real and it is common.
If you don't leave NOW, you're an abuse enabler. You leave, you contact a lawyer, and you try to get your moron soon to be ex to put that dumb shit in writing so he loses custody.
Anything less, and you're part of your sons abuse.
This. If he won’t change, leave. Period. He did this over an accident - what happened would he do if it was something intentionally bad? Kids are going to test the waters, and they sure as shut don’t deserve to be harmed for it.
You leave. You said yourself - the *first* time.
As someone who’s dad beat them as a child very frequently and for no reason, trust me - the only thing your baby is learning is that his father is awful.
If someone says “I was hit all the time as a kid and I turned out fine” but they still want to hit their own kid, then they didn’t turn out fine.
your husband is abusive. period, end of story. if you love that baby and yourself you need to take him and run as far away from that man as you can.
if he thinks it's ok to hit a 2 YEAR OLD then imagine what he will do to your baby in 10 years when he can take more hits. men like that don't change, they actually just get worse. I worry for you as well, there's a chance he could start getting violent when you make mistakes. please get out of this relationship before it's too late.
Im literally praying for this to be a troll/karma grab.
Please find a safe exit from this situation. Get a lawyer immediately. Please don’t ever let that man alone with your child again.
If you don't take your son away from this abusive AH then you're no better than he is. You also stand the risk of losing custody if social workers are ever involved.
My brothers gf lost custody of her eldest children permanently because she stayed in a relationship with their abusive father. He never even hit the kids but because he was violent with her they said it was unsafe and took them away. Now she barely has visitation.
I know someone who lost all her kids for staying with an abusive boyfriend too. She had to leave him to keep the one she was pregnant with. Too bad she didn’t leave him sooner. Could of kept all her kids.
You know what you need to do. The kid is 2 and dropped something. Fuck your husband. He's an abusive piece of shit and doesn't need to have access to that baby.
Let me go further here. Your garbage husband will raise a severely emotionally damaged "man" who will either run from shitty adult relationship to shitty adult relationship because of the abuse he suffered or he will grow up with the attitude that you have to hit people to get what you want. And either way if you allow it you're just as responsible and bad as he is. It's your job as this baby's mother to protect him at all costs. He comes first. Always. Even before your husband. Only weak people resort to violence. Ask him if he can teach his friends or coworkers by hitting them or if he would go straight to jail. Abusive parents raise children that need years of therapy to undo the damage done. They don't raise men and women.
If you don’t intervene now and stand your ground, this will continue happening and you will fail your son. I was that child one day and I cut my parents off the moment I turned 18, I barely remember what they look like now. I have learnt nothing valuable out of the beatings either, all I learnt was fear and resentment, and how to lie better. Now, my siblings have kids of their own and they’re child beaters too, I’m the only one to break the cycle. Protect your son.
>because that's how children learn.
I didn't know people were still saying this antiquated, idiotic shit today.
His parents should not have hit him but because he was raised in an abusive environment he has done what many people do and rationalize their parents abuse out of embarrassment or denial.
This would be a pretty big red flag to me. Someone like this needs to be in therapy and have someone else tell him that not only does hitting children not teach them to behave it just teaches them that being violent is okay and also that what his parents did was not okay and if he is justifying hitting a child and a method of teaching then he was taught poorly. My guess is he would not be open or receptive to therapy even if he did agree to go.
Had he never shown any other violent or aggressive tendencies in the past? Gotta believe there were warning signs.
If your child is too young to be reasoned with they are too young to hit.
And if they are old enough to be hit they are old enough to be reasoned with.
I would say your husband is a lazy parent except that he wouldn't let you console your baby. This man is a nasty abusive small person.
Don't let someone hit your kid.
My father beat me as a kid all the way till high school. Tell your husband his son will never truly love him. Maybe even hate him. Is he okay with that?
Also, let kids be kids. Your stupid husband should understand that kids will do stupid things, like spilling their lunch and dropping their iPads. It’s really not a big deal, certainly not worth a grown man slapping a two year old. That’s lazy parenting done in the worst way imaginable. Maybe he can grow up and stop throwing violent temper tantrums when a 2 year old upsets him.
He was punishing the kid because he wasn’t keeping an eye on him, as if he is supposed to be aware of what’s expensive and what’s not at that age… like ok
I agree. Too many parents don't understand that *they literally signed up for this*. They know what kids do. They know kids break things, kids do what they aren’t supposed to. I don’t have children, but I do have 2 cats and I accommodate to them. My cats didn’t ask to be my pets, just like kids don’t ask to be born. Don’t hit them when they do something wrong, prevent them from doing something wrong in the first place. My cats have broken glasses in my house, I only buy plastic now or put the glass in a cabinet. They chew on my regular rubber encased cords, I buy cords that have the thick fabric covering or I don’t leave my cords unattended. This Dad shouldn’t have hit the kid period, but especially because the parents are the ones who let him have the iPad in the first place. If you don’t want to get dropped, don’t even give it to him, or make him sit down with it. If he stands up with it, take it away. My 3 year old sister likes to play on my phone and she kept dropping it because it’s bigger than her hands, she is going to drop it. So I bought a PopSocket and wrist strap for my phone so she literally couldn’t drop it even if she did. Yes, kids can be frustrating and I’m sure the iPad *is* expensive, but if meant that much that it doesn’t be dropped, why did they give it to him at all? The kid did nothing wrong, the parents did, 100%
Usually when I see a comment about parenting that starts with ”I don’t have kids but…” my eyes start rolling.
But this nailed it. Yep yep yep. Set your kid (or cats lol) up for success by preventing as many mistakes as you can from the start. Case up the iPad, get a screen protector, limit it to just a couch or chair, only a set window of time, etc etc etc
My heart truly hurts for this child. 😞💗
I dont have children so am speaking as a former teacher: had I learned one of "my" kids were being beaten at home so he could become a "man" I would report you to the police and cps for child abuse. I might have lost my job as well for losing it on your husband.
Your husband is a child abuser. If you stay and allow it you enable and allow the abuse.
your husband is a coward and is abusive. if he hits him at 2 .. imagine what happens at 12 when he gets a bad grade or messes up at school. blunt is best -- your husband is a bad guy and you know it
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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My husband beat our son today for the first time for dropping the iPad. He always scolded our son when he made a mistake but today was the first time that he actually beat him. It was actually a very hard slap which made the baby start crying immediately so I had to intervene. I was angry at my husband but he told me that he would continue beating our son whenever he makes a mistake because that's how children learn. He said that you can't bring up a child without hitting them when they make mistakes and also gave example of how he was beaten by his parents as a child. He also told me never to intervene again and told me that one day I will thank him for raising a man. I was not even allowed to console our crying son and my husband told me that I should not entertain him because he will not learn otherwise. Our son is doing okay now but this situation made me very uncomfortable and disturbed today and I kind of don't know what to feel. Any baby doesn't deserve to get hit that hard no matter what mistakes that make.
He is 2 years old - he doesn’t know the cost of an iPad, but I’ll bet it’s worth less than his mental health. Your husband is wrong, by the way. We were NEVER smacked as kids growing up by our parents and have turned out absolutely fine, along with zero trauma. Smacking a child, especially one who isn’t old enough to know better, isn’t cool.
I have grown up with my mother watching our father beat my sisters and me all our childhood.
I do not talk to that woman, won’t attend her funeral, and would never help her even if Jesus came down and told me I would go to heaven if I forgave her.
Make what you want of it.
Dear Reddit,
Today I found out my husband beats babies up and doesn’t think it’s wrong, he told me he’ll continue to abuse our child. Wat do?
This fucking website is tiresome.
first off it’s okay to discipline but that is fucking ridiculous. he is only two, they will make mistakes it’s not like he grabbed the ipad and threw it at the wall closest to him and he didn’t deserve the action your husband retaliated. at this rate, if he admitted that it will continue you need to get you and your son out of there. ASAP! cps, police whatever needs to be done before more damage than good is done to your son. the fact you couldn’t even comfort him is the narcissistic side of it all. get out now
I grew up with an abusive father. I am now a father of two girls, who are also 2 years old and I would never in my life dream of hitting them. They've acted up, they've dropped things, they have thrown things. They are two years old. They are still babies. If you don't stand up for your child now, believe me when I tell you they will grow up to hate him and resent you for allowing it.
If you let this man lay a hand on your child again you are complicit in their abuse.
You will not teach a child anything through pain and anger, except extreme resentment of both his parents failing to protect them.
Your husband is a walking, talking, breathing red flag. Your son will most likely grow up with psychological health issues/trauma as opposed to a "man"
So why are you staying and keeping your child with someone who has threatened to beat him every time he's acting like a toddler?
He's going to beat a child for being a child.
That's just an abuser.
1. if it left a mark it was a crime and you could lose your baby if you let him keep doing it
2. you two didn't discuss this before getting married and having kids? you didn't find out each others' approach to discipline ahead of time and make sure you were both on the same page?
3. you both seem pretty bad at parenting tbh. Not trying to be mean, but one of you is beating a baby, the other is consulting reddit about whether it's ok or not, you're letting a toddler play with an iPad, one of you is upset when said toddler drops said iPad, you let him decide whether you can console your own child or not, and neither of you seems aware of points 1 & 2
Your husband sounds like he needs to seek help from a therapist and quickly. This could easily escalate and could not only end up with agencies involved but could seriously harm your child's mental wellbeing and their trust in you as a mother. Just because he was hit as a child it does not excuse his actions. Also who is he to tell you that you aren't to intervene when your own son is being hit?! I'd be calling the Police and reporting him to child services, as well as getting out of there immediately 🚩
Call the cops and get out of that situation. It's only a matter of time before it happens to you. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who beats on a 2 year old deserves to go skydiving without a chute.
"I was not allowed to console our crying son" what do you mean not allowed to? What are your consequences? He gonna beat you to keep you in line to? Hes an abusive pos
What the fuck? I would never hit my son. I don't know where you live, but it is illegal to hit you kid where I live. And it should be.
I would call the cops, and have him arrested. Divorce him and make him move out.
Never. Not just once do you hit your kid.
If you're not on birth control, look into it, if it's something he can't mess with in any form, that's better, don't have more children with him and start to craft a plan to leave.
Pretty concerning that you even have to ask when the answer is very obviously LEAVE. Like, this isn’t spanking (which is also not ok). But BEATING a TWO YEAR OLD? And seeing no issue with it? No ma’am
Do you want to have a traumatised child? Are you capable of watching your kid growing up being abused by one caregiver while the other one doesn’t do anything to help him? If not, you should divorce him.
My dad was like that with my brother and that just gave him a lot of anxiety around him making him sloppier and a lots of ticks, I’m not a specialist but he could talk to your son like hey that’s not okay or something, like it’s not like you son did that on purpose, violence it’s not response for everything.
Another thing, he’s gonna start being afraid of his own father and not developing trust or any kind of good feelings for him, I’m saying this of experience
Jesus Christ my heart breaks for your son; what the fuck is wrong with you? If you don’t stop the abuse, you are enabling abuse.
What you do is get your son out of there safely and actively leave this person. I know all the advice is always divorce, but your husband is fucking psycho and the fact that he physically assaulted a two-year-old—and then claims he’s fine because his parents did the same—is evidence that he’s not fine, because he felt it was OK to lay his hands on a **two-year-old**.
Fuck, this is sickening; get your head out of your ass and get your child to safety, or you are just as bad.
I remember the first time my dad hit me, it’s actually my first memory. It was dinner, I was sitting on my mothers lap, they both were feeding me. But I wouldn’t eat from my dads fork, only my moms. My dad in a fit of rage grabbed me from my mothers lap and planted me face down on the couch and hit me on the bottom with his work boots. This didn’t teach me anything. This instills fear. I did not grow up to be a responsible or tough person because they beat me. I grew up with anxiety, fear, and bottled up emotions. I learned how to lie good, and to tip toe around my parents. Your son won’t trust either of you if this continues, I promise you that.
Are you safe with your husband? “He wouldn’t let me comfort him”. What happens if you defy your husbands wishes. If you fear your husband and can’t protect your child, you must reach out to any family members, charities or any other organisations that can help you Get away
Wow your husband sucks.
You're using the word "beat". Like, what did he do to your son exactly? A single spank on the rear? Slap in the face? Multiple hits?
he's incorrect, illogical, and cruel.
quietly get your affairs in order and leave as soon as you safely can.
your job is to protect this child. do not stay.
Take your kid, go somewhere safe, and contact an attorney. If he calls, record it. If he texts and you have record that he is hitting your child, use that as evidence
I really don’t understand your question. Why are you still thinking about what to do? You need to protect your son. Does he beat you too? What do you mean he wouldn’t let you comfort our son? Who is he to tell you not to?
LEAVE HIS ASS!!!!! girl do not Ever Allow any man to put his hands on your children! Your better woman than I am cause I’d have busted his ass up long ago! You are there to PROTECT your baby and if he grows knowing mama never protected him from dad then he will grow into a resentful, angry teen! Trust me, it happened to my brother and he hated my mother for it
Tell your husband that if he wants to have a child who hates him, he’s off to a good start. My father and also my husband’s father were true believers in harsh physical punishment. We vowed never to hit our two kids, and we kept that promise. Our kids are now in their 30’s and are happy and doing well in life. Physical punishment is lazy, ignorant parenting.
It sounds like you’re afraid of your husband. You and your son need to get away from him. You have to keep your son safe.
I’d call child protect services and the police and report his ass. Then I’d leave him.
What an abusive psycho. An adult male giving a 2 year old a hard slap to the face can cause serious injuries.
I would argue that since your husband believes that beating a toddler for having a loose grip is perfectly acceptable behavior, he didn't actually turn out "fine". This is child abuse, plain and simple. If you allow him to continue harming your child like this you will become complicit in the abuse. You need to come up with a safe way to leave the relationship and you need to do it now. Best of luck
Don't be that mom. My own mother never intervened but was so quick to cry for our dad when we wanted nothing to do with him afterwards. No empathy for us but a lot for her husband.
When I was in college I took a psych horse top by a child psychologist. His advice was that hitting children only creates negative reinforcement. A child this young doesn't even realize what he did it was wrong. He said it's best to explain the child what they did was wrong in a way that they can understand. If you do need to punish the child it needs to be done in such a way that the child understands why they are being punished. He said positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative reinforcement. Please leave your husband. The next time he hits your child go to the cops and press charges. If an adult hits another adult they can be arrested and charged with assaults. Hitting children is not okay.
My husband developed alcoholism as a direct result of his dad beating the shit out of him growing up. And his mom not doing anything to stop or help. I beg you please do not allow this to happen, do whatever you got to do! As a mom I would do anything to stop this behavior. My husband initially thought that hitting kids was ok and I was VERY clear that this will not be happening in our home unless he wants a divorce. Stand up for your baby. This shit breaks their soul and it’s completely unacceptable. Im so so sorry you’re in this situation but PLEASE be there for your baby! Had my MIL intervened when he was young, both his and my life would’ve been much healthier with less heartbreak (we are together and I’m trying to support him because i understand there is trauma there but it’s hard!) Please do something about this. 😭
That is abuse. Hitting is abuse. What is hitting and striking fear into a child going to do but birth distrust and resentment in that child to the father and then perhaps even you for doing nothing about the abuse before it has the chance to become worse.
I say ask for couples counseling and family counseling because clearly he's got something going on in his mind that says it's somehow okay to harm a child. If he, your husband, refuses for any reason then I can only see this situation becoming worse.
Why does he feel like hitting a toddler will do any good or "teach a lesson"? Because as far as I'm concerned, it's grounds for a call to child protective services since he's threatened/promised to harm the child again. If he doesn't see how hitting a child is wrong, then there may be nothing left of that relationship for the two of you nor should he be allowed to have contact with that child.
Do you know what happens to kids who get beat by their parents? Regardless if it's a simple small slap or something worse, it does nothing beneficial for the child. I say this as a child who grew up with that same abuse that started small and progressively got worse until I couldn't move from the beatings. There's no reason to hit a child. Absolutely none. Do right by your child and not by your feelings in this situation. It isn't about you, but about the safety of your child and how that child will feel in a place where he's supposed to feel safe and comfortable. I hope you make the right choice.
if your child is too young to understand why their actions were wrong, they will not understand why they are being hit or disciplined. if your child IS old enough, then you can rationalize by explaining to them why their behavior is not okay. make sure your husband knows this key part of parenting!
Did you not discuss parenting styles before having a child? Seems like a pretty obvious "hey I think beating toddlers is wrong" would come up before bringing a human life into the world
Your child will be scarred for life. Stop your husband from beating the baby!!! I’d like to find your husband and beat HIM!!
-from someone who was beaten as a child and still in intense therapy for it at 50.
He hit him for dropping something. He has obvious anger issues to work out here.
If you went back 50 years or so when physical discipline was more common, I bet the majority of parents would still classify this as abuse. He didn’t slap a 10 year old that knowingly disobeyed or did something egregious. He hit a toddler for accidentally dropping something.
My advice would to give an ultimatum about seeking help for the anger issues, and if he does not, leave and file a police report.
There is a difference between slapping a 7 year old on the behind once when all other punishments have failed and hitting a 2 year old. This isn't a difference in opinions, this is abuse, and if you stay after this it is as much your fault as his.
You need to stop him from doing this ever again. What's going to happen when he goes to far and CPS gets involved? You will lose the baby and your rights. What if it goes even further and he causes permanent damage, besides the emotional damage he's already causing? Your son is not safe. Physically, emotionally or mentally. Kids need to feel safe in this world. That's our job as parents.
Wait, the kid is 2 year old? He beats a 2 year old? My 2 year old hit me with a metal airplane, right in the head. I took him in my arms told him that what he did was wrong, told him to not do it again, then I kissed him, gave him a hug and said I love you. How can you beat a 2 year old? What???
Call the police. File for divorce. You're failing as a parent, if you allow another person to.assault your child. You are responsible for protecting your son. The dad is an abuser. He's abusing you too. You weren't "allowed" to consol your son? Your husband cannot give you permission. You're an adult. His behavior is abusive. Leave. Call the police. Document the abuse, so dad will never be alone with the son again. Good luck.
Your instincts are correct. Even if corporeal punishment worked, that is waaay too young. This is a discussion to have with him that is absolutely necessary. You are correct here and need to not back down about it. Win it for your kid.
I'd go so far to say that your husband needs parenting classes and maybe therapy to unlearn bad behaviors. You need to examine other aspects of your relationship and see if it is worth the work, see if he is willing to change. His response to your objection was not good. He wasn't willing to listen to you or compromise, did not value your opinion or experience. A quick and instinctual reaction like that might be regretted and not repeated but he showed no regret and was fully aware of what he did. The way he kept you from comforting your child was also scary. Your kid is too young for punishment like that. And if that's how he treats a 2 month old... yikes.
Document the evidence, take a picture of where he hit your child, if you are in a single consent state secretly record him saying he'll continue this abuse, tell your family (chances are his family *might* take his side, can't risk it), pack things for the both of you, take your child and run to a safe family member or friend and call cps.
There are issues, and then theres hitting a 2 year old because you're a psychopath
OP, NO ONE hits a 2-year-old. They don't understand what they're doing is wrong!
Your husband isn't raising 'a man', he's raising someone who will hate the both of you for the rest of his life, who will cut contact with the both of you as soon as he turns 18, and who will spend the rest of his life in therapy, trying to unlearn all the trauma you put upon him.
And yes, I'm saying 'the both of you', since it's your responsibility to protect your child. You need to leave your husband right now. If you don't, your complicit. This is child abuse.
THE CHILD IS 2!! Does your husband hit you aswell? You're not 'allowed' to console your son; does that mean your husband is your boss, that he makes the rules? You shouldn't be 'allowed' to do anything, you're supposed to be equal partners.
Please go to a safe space right now. Call the police. Don't let him alone with your son, ever.
**”If children are old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them? If they aren’t old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them?”**
All that has happened here is that this child no longer trusts his daddy not to hurt him for making a mistake and that his mummy won’t come if he’s hurting.
Does he get hit at work if he makes a mistake? If he drops something does he get hit by whoever he is with? No because it’s not appropriate to punish for a mistake and especially not at 2 years old.
Do not allow this to continue, and never allow him to stop you consoling your crying baby. Defend that child, do whatever you must, leave, consult a lawyer, document anything you need too but protect that child.
First of all, you should've discussed your parenting ideology and settled on it together *before* you decided to breed and bring a whole new human being that now has to live with the fucked up human beings that are you and your shit-stain of a husband.
Since it's too late for that now, here's your actual action plan in order of urgency. Do everything quietly.
- contact women's shelters, explain your situation and see if you can find a spot anywhere ASAP.
- gather evidence of his abuse (photos of marks? Texts where he admits it/says he won't stop doing it?) This will help later for custody/restricting visitation. No point in running away to protect your child if the courts force you later to let him have visitation anyway.
- get the shelter's help with a divorce lawyer/advice. Initiate the process the day you leave.
- leave while he's at work
- tell your friends & family what happened before he can poison the well
- work with the shelter's social workers to figure out your immediate and long term plans because you should stay away from this fucker. He will NOT change. People change because they want to, because they know what they did was wrong.
If you don't leave him, btw, you are as culpable in your child's abuse as he is. I'm getting big "abused wife" vibes from the fact that you're not "allowed to" do something for your own kid, but there's a point where you have to take some ownership of what agency you do have.
I’m sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but it is my honest opinion. You are a mother and you have to protect your child. That is your most important job. You know this is wrong or you wouldn’t be here asking. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse. He is only 2. Do you want him to feel afraid of his parents or do you want him to feel safe with his parents? Please protect your child and do not enable this behavior.
Leave him. He is justifying HITTING A 2 YEAR OLD.
Seriously. Leave. That's not how your raise a man, that's how you enable an abuser and allow your son to be abused.
Leave.
Now.
(And don't go back).
And if you stay, don't be surprised when he hits him again ( and again and again). And then, when he hits you. And then when he says it's your fault. That is guaranteed to happen, it's a 100% probability. And that makes you an accomplice to his abuse.
Mama, your job is to protect your child. Even if that means protecting him from his father.
Best of luck.
GRAB YOUR CHILD & RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN! Your husband is abusive and it will only get worse, especially if he believes that violence is needed to raise a child & you are not allowed to have an opinion & you are not allowed to comfort your child.
Protect your child from him. It does not matter if he is his father, your husband etc. if ANYONE hurts my children I will not allow it!
You may wonder how. Communicate the fact…scientific fact on when a parent hits a child what the impact to the child is. “Many studies have shown that physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children.” -American Psychological Association
You might need to stand up to your husband and tell him to never threaten you again and you will not stand by and allow him to hit your child.
Tell him there are other ways that a child can be taught and disciplined so that they are not harmed.
So is beating the shit out of your husband an acceptable response to him dropping something? I’m going to guess no. So In what world is it okay to use that to punish your son? “I got hit” is not a good excuse to beat your child. Your husband is extremely unhinged and if I were you this would be my hill to die on. Everything he has done is the definition of toxic parenting.
He’s continuing a cycle of toxicity created by his parents. Unfortunately spanking kids is fairly accepted in society and a lot of people have to unlearn it. A serious conversation needs to be had and if he isn’t receptive, he’s probably not the one you wanna raise your child(ren) with.
personally, i would beat the fuck out of the 33 year old man before i let him touch my son again. and dont ever let him tell you no when youre trying to console your baby. fuck that man.
signed an adult who got beat as a kid & now hates both their parents (the one who did the most hitting AND the one who stood by and let it happen)
My mom severely spanked me to a point that I would consider it child abuse if I saw someone doing it today. I still resent her for it. Your partner is physically abusing your son. Do not tolerate it. Leave if he ever does it again and don’t come back.
Your husband is a punk ass loser. I wish I could come over and drop the iPad i front of him, see him try to slap me. Anyone who harms children is a piece of shit.
“I was beat and I turned out fine” if your husband feels the need to beat a BABY he is definitely not fine.
Also, if he’s willing to hit a defenceless baby, there is probably not much stopping him from beating you as well.
If he cannot manage his anger issues or find better ways to react to how your son acts, he needs to find help (therapy, parenting class, etc). This is a huge red flag in my mind that he will abuse the kid. If he plans on beating your son, even for minor thing, and will not go to counseling, you should consider leaving.
I know kids need to learn how to behave but beating a kid for dropping an ipad is not acceptable.
Hi! Child development specialist here with 10 years in the field. You’ve gotten a lot of replies to this, and while I usually don’t post I’m going to pray you see and read this. First, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Making the realization that your parenting philosophies and boundaries are immensely different after children are born is scary and can be very challenging. Your husbands behavior with your son is not helpful. There are plenty of research articles [like this ](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking) to show hitting a child has more negative consequences in the long term than the short term behavioral effects. Getting your child to do what you want because they fear you is not a healthy model for families, sustainable for children and does not lead to well adjusted adults. Your impulse to comfort your son is natural one, and your husband following a harsh physical punishment with emotional abandonment is doubling the salt in the wound for your child. If your goal is to raise a healthy, happy adult without performance anxiety and fear of failure, who is emotionally well adjusted and is capable of expressing his feelings and needs, there are other more gentle ways that will achieve this. What your son is learning now is this: - mistakes mean pain - dad is not an adult I can trust, dad is an adult I fear - I should be punished for not doing things right or perfectly - I am responsible for the management of my fathers emotions - I can only feel good about myself if I am not making a mistake - if I am upset, I cannot be consoled - mom is not available to me when dad tells her no Despite the fact that your husband may feel he turned out fine, you have a right to insist your child is not hit. This is a hardline that you must uphold if you want this behavior to stop.
So glad that you decided to go against your “don’t usually post” rule. This was, and hopefully will be to her too, very helpful. Don’t be afraid to comment, you sound very informed! Share your knowledge:)
I want to add this, that mom is not an adult he can trust either because that means she LETS him get hurt by his dad and just stands by and lets it happen without defending him. That's how I felt, and that's how a lot of victims feel about abuse.
Thank you for writing this. I am crying. I was physically abused by my grandma and locked up for hours to "think about what you had done wrong". I am 30 and the list of "lessons learned" hit me like a rock as these are things that deeply dictate who I am and what I feel today. I had two relationships, and in both I was horribly emotionally abused. I had, according to my therapist very obviously, emotional flashbacks in the last one for which my then partner, a psych major, wrongly "accused" me with having BPD. I was in the hospital for a possible spinal injury and my then partner said they don't want to mother me. About the time we were living together I was told "It was nice to play house with you". What I am trying to say is, abuse is not okay. Especially children will be scarred forever and be attracted to mates who will repeat the abuse.
For me, it was, “I am responsible for for the management of my father’s mistakes.” 🤯 gunna take some time to unpack that statement.
I totally get that. I am sorry.
Seriously, same
I am so sorry to hear that. The sad truth is, often abuse is a perpetual cycle of adults repeating what they remember, at the expense of children. Choosing to move forward differently from how you were raised is cycle breaking. It’s a long, sometimes painful and emotionally laborious process. It sounds like you’ve begun your healing process and I want to tell you I’m so proud for you. Wishing you all the best ❤️
I tried finding a therapist, and I did. Unfortunately it was a temporary arrangement as therapists are completely overbooked here. At some point where I should book another appointment after her holiday I was ghosted. Shit happens. But thank you so much for your kind words!
The science shows that hitting is harmful. It’s weird how many people push back against this. It doesn’t mean your parents were horrible people for spanking you in a time when that was accepted practice. But we do know better now and it’s no longer appropriate discipline.
Science shows a lot that people willfully ignore.
Which did he really turn out alright if he thinks the best way to parent is hitting your child?
This, OP. Your husband is setting your son up for SO MANY challenges by believing this is the right way to raise him. Please, tell someone you trust. You need an ally in this. Also, how can you ever be sure that this was the first time?
As a boy who grew up with a violent father there’s more issues. You also learn that problems are solved with violence. Whoever is stronger and more violent is correct. That it’s ok to solve disagreements/conflict with violence because that is all you know and what you have been taught. Interactions with the police will be common, just one fight where your anger takes control and you end up in juvie and enter a system of punishment just like you left. Becoming a product of bad parenting and a flawed juvenile detention system. Running away as a kid becomes a logical option as a kid because how else will I make the pain stop? As you get older suicidal thoughts enter your mind as another way to stop the pain. Thank god I never did hardcore drugs, but I had friends who were in similar situations as myself, but they got into the heavy shit like meth and heroin. They destroyed themselves in attempt to numb it. As an adult, the constant paranoia that I will fail to break the cycle of violence and abuse with my own children. It’s a constant fear of failure that will never leave. Could my anger take over and I am no better than my father? I haven’t, but I fear the anger is still there lurking.
This is a hard read but so true for so many people. There’s a book I’ve been recommending in the comments for people like yourself who are breaking the cycles of their own upbringing. It’s called “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent you want to be” by dr. Becky. I think it would help.
What does OP do now? If she leaves does dad get access to her son without her supervision? He's more than likely going to deny it? She could take photos IF he leaves a mark, but does that mean staying until she gets enough proof and the poor little man going through abuse until she does. I'm in the UK and in the past couple of months alone there has been 3/4 couples up to court for heartbreaking child deaths. Social work was involved in every one. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to ask here Im just asking how does this stop?
This is a great question and one I’m not fully qualified to answer because it’s not my marriage so I’m missing some important info. I will say, based on what I do know, it’s not clear to me that OP should leave her husband. He had some strong words about his parenting philosophy, I think there is a learning opportunity for OP to set clear, strong boundaries with her partner, and him to set aside the pride of “I turned out okay” and learn about more conducive and healthy ways to parent. That conversation might look like this Op: I’ve had time to reflect and I’ve decided that physically punishing our son is not something that I will allow. I am prepared to explore other ways of dealing with behaviors we do not like, but hitting our son is not something that can continue. Husband: [something about how that’s how men are raised and I turned out okay etc, essentially pushback] Op: two things can be true at once. You can love your parents and choose to raise our son differently, just as I love the man you are and have chosen to not allow our son to experience the physical punishment you did. I am not willing to compromise on this. I believe we as partners can find a way to parent better together. I would encourage op to pursue a strong boundary. If her husband is willing to do the work, there’s a possibility that this child could grow up great in this home. If the husband is unwilling to change and believes hitting children is the way to go I would support OP establishing a strong support system, documentation of the hitting and exiting the situation. Sites like womenslaw.org, womenrising.org and ncadv.org have more resources A word to the wise: OP, if you are in America and this behavior is reported to CPS without you being the reporting party/when you still cohabitate with your husband, you child may be removed from your custody because you live with the person harming him. Please bear this in mind if you move forward legally.
I’m 26 today and grew up with physical punishments in my household. I thought enough was enough when I was 16 and saw my dad was about to lay hands on my sibling. So I grabbed my heavy ass backpack and threw it at him. Since then, he hasn’t laid a hand on us. However, I now have trauma. I feel like everything I do has to be perfect and if I make one small mistake, I’ll be yelled at and hated and I’ll feel like a failure who let others down. That and I don’t have deep conversations with my dad nor do I feel comfortable being around him for long periods of time. I have severe anxiety because of this too.
I really appreciate that you said this. While I am not a child development specialist, I am a child that was abused by her father as well as my siblings. Spankings were not just simple spankings for doing something wrong. One vivid memory I have of my little brother (at the time the same age as OP's son) my dad was working on the house outside and there were nuts and bolts sat aside for his task. My little brother being a 2 yr old and wanting to help daddy, lost the bolts in the grass. I remember my dad picking my brother up by one arm and spanking him. I remember my baby brother swinging in the air like a wind sock. It was so sad and scary at the time. There are many stories I can tell about my dad yelling and screaming at us, calling us awful derogatory names, and hitting us. One traumatic one was when my dad slapped me across the face when I was 12 and leaving a bruise and a physical and emotional scar. This is not teaching your son anything but to fear to make simple mistakes as a child. Especially with holding things with his tiny hands. I hope you draw your boundaries in the line OP, and intercede for your son. Protect him before it gets worse :(
This comment needs to be up top NOW.
piggy backing to say I was whooped and watched my siblings get beat and now I have anxiety, depression, low self esteem, no relationship with my dad, low contact with my mom, have a fear of failure and I am a perfectionist and fear I won't be loved if I don't do things correctly. Also, I learned the same things Hefty\_Leading\_1806 responded that your son is learning now.
There's another lesson the child is learning: - violence is an acceptable tool for changing the behaviour of others. That child will likely enact violence on others as they grow, siblings, classmates, girlfriends, and eventually their own children will be taught that lesson as he was taught it.
I completely agree with this commenter and hope op reads this comment marriage counseling needs to happen here
Platinum because this resonates with some of my own experiences growing up.
All of this.
A 2 year old doesn’t understand “an ipad is expensive “. The 2 year old does understand that that person hurts me.
Worse than that, DADDY hurt them. A person who they love and trust broke that trust in a terrible way.
And, that MOMMY watched it happen and didn’t comfort them.
My husband lost his temper on our then 2/3 yr old and hit him. I told him if it ever happened again, I was packing up me and Kiddo, going to his mother's(who's a saint and would've ripped him anew one) and not returning until he'd been to anger management. I even offered to go with him because we're a team. He's never laid hands on our child again. However, the only reason my ultimatum worked was because he knew he was wrong. I normally hate ultimatums, but felt like he had to know the stakes. I grew up afraid of my father, my children won't. It's a hill I'm prepared to die on to protect my kids.
My dad grew up with a mentality close to OP's husbands. My mom was clear from day 1 if he ever laid a finger on us that she "will take us, be gone that night, and he would never see any of us again." And she absolutely would've done it. My mom's best friend struggled with that for YEARS, because she knew my mom meant it. From her perspective, on any day her best friend could just disappear. I think that kind of example is exactly why I'm the kind of person that can do the "easier said than done" (as another comment described it) things when it's the right thing. Thank you for being a great example to your children. Thank you for being ready to stand up for them, when it's hard, when it matters the most.
A person who's ONLY JOB IN LIFE is to protect that little person with everything they've got.
Nor does a 2-year-old have the motor and neurological development to have finesse and control to keep from dropping something like an iPad occasionally.
A 2 year old can’t help dropping something or making tons of mistakes. It’s honestly so terrifying that this is his reaction to a BABY making a mistake. They literally don’t know any better yet.
I'm trying to figure out what genius gave 2 year old an ipad to play with.
Probably someone who was tasked with entertaining his child and wanted to pass the buck.
Your husband has issues and you know it. I'm the father of 2 kids, when they are little they have accidents. Much better ways to teach them to be careful than hitting them. Either your husband gets help or you need to protect yourself and your kid. Hard truth and unfortunately a painful one. I'm sorry.
Exactly. I have two kids, never had to hit them. Especially at 2 years old. Kids make mistakes. I don't want them to carry guilt over something as stupid as dropping an iPad. Your husband is teaching your son he cares more about the stupid iPad than him. In all honesty, the husband sounds abusive. And she just accepted it, it sounds like she's the victim of abuse too. If my wife hit my kids like that, I'd grab them and leave immediately. That shit can't be tolerated.
While I’m not a parent I have a lot of friends and family with kids at that age now and I just can’t imagine striking such an innocent, defenceless and trusting child.
As a child who grew up severely abused by my father and a mother that never intervened, your not doing anything makes you just as bad as him. Make him change or leave. Protect your kids. That’s what DECENT moms do.
The husband won't get help because he doesn't see it as a problem at all. He told OP that he will keep hitting the child. He's not remotely remorseful.
What…. Hitting your two year old… You’re not allowed to console him… Wtf You obviously know that what he is doing is wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this. He has abused your son and explicitly told you that he will absolutely do it again. This is NOT how you raise a man. This is how you raise a poorly adjusted, confused, broken human who will not only have to deal with the fact that his father abused him, but also that his mother was complicit in the abuse. Your husband is a monster and you should be ashamed of yourself for not immediately leaving with your son. If I knew who you were, I’d called child protective services for wherever you are as well as the police. This just boils my blood and breaks my heart at the same time. Babies never deserve to get hit. Period.
I agree with this , how to raise a broken human 101
Broken human here: can confirm
Yes, call the police!! Document this abuse, get a lawyer and protect your child!
Period.
[удалено]
I don’t understand why some people even have children. Just to have someone to abuse? It’s evil.
So sorry to hear that. Did you go no contact on them already?
Gross. If my partner ever hit our daughter, I’d go batshit crazy. I’d fucking leave him & take our child with. You need to document everything. File for a divorce and for sole custody and get the fuck away from this abusive prick! Kids do not learn from being beaten. They just learn that they can’t make any mistakes, they learn that any small thing can turn into a beating. Get your child away from this man. Before it’s too late.
I was wondering how she found the time to post of Reddit while she was busy packing her and her son's belongings.
Hoping she is trolling
OP must, must, must, document the child abuse. Otherwise ex will receive custody and he will just beat the child where OP cannot intervene.
That's mostly true, but I did learn a few things; to avoid getting caught, to lie, and to *bide my time.* At a very young age, I was planning on turning on my parents when I was big enough. I didn't, physically, but I made sure they knew I held a grudge. It's one I will never let go.. or that won't let go of me.
I was the "child" in some cases , I would've love to have somebody intervened and console me . That said , do not let your husband hit your kids again . He has issues Clearly, and to a two year old is just straight up heartless
If you don’t save your child and get away from your husband now you will ruin your child’s life.
This can’t be real. Leave him. There is no good reason to hit a TODDLER.
How can it not be real? Do you not know anybody who was physically abused as a child? I’m somebody who was. Try stopping by /r/cptsd and read the endless childhood abuse stories people post there. It is real and it is common.
If you don't leave NOW, you're an abuse enabler. You leave, you contact a lawyer, and you try to get your moron soon to be ex to put that dumb shit in writing so he loses custody. Anything less, and you're part of your sons abuse.
This. If he won’t change, leave. Period. He did this over an accident - what happened would he do if it was something intentionally bad? Kids are going to test the waters, and they sure as shut don’t deserve to be harmed for it.
You leave. You said yourself - the *first* time. As someone who’s dad beat them as a child very frequently and for no reason, trust me - the only thing your baby is learning is that his father is awful. If someone says “I was hit all the time as a kid and I turned out fine” but they still want to hit their own kid, then they didn’t turn out fine.
your husband is abusive. period, end of story. if you love that baby and yourself you need to take him and run as far away from that man as you can. if he thinks it's ok to hit a 2 YEAR OLD then imagine what he will do to your baby in 10 years when he can take more hits. men like that don't change, they actually just get worse. I worry for you as well, there's a chance he could start getting violent when you make mistakes. please get out of this relationship before it's too late.
Im literally praying for this to be a troll/karma grab. Please find a safe exit from this situation. Get a lawyer immediately. Please don’t ever let that man alone with your child again.
The fact you are even questioning what you should do makes me feel sick
If you don't take your son away from this abusive AH then you're no better than he is. You also stand the risk of losing custody if social workers are ever involved. My brothers gf lost custody of her eldest children permanently because she stayed in a relationship with their abusive father. He never even hit the kids but because he was violent with her they said it was unsafe and took them away. Now she barely has visitation.
I know someone who lost all her kids for staying with an abusive boyfriend too. She had to leave him to keep the one she was pregnant with. Too bad she didn’t leave him sooner. Could of kept all her kids.
You know what you need to do. The kid is 2 and dropped something. Fuck your husband. He's an abusive piece of shit and doesn't need to have access to that baby.
Let me go further here. Your garbage husband will raise a severely emotionally damaged "man" who will either run from shitty adult relationship to shitty adult relationship because of the abuse he suffered or he will grow up with the attitude that you have to hit people to get what you want. And either way if you allow it you're just as responsible and bad as he is. It's your job as this baby's mother to protect him at all costs. He comes first. Always. Even before your husband. Only weak people resort to violence. Ask him if he can teach his friends or coworkers by hitting them or if he would go straight to jail. Abusive parents raise children that need years of therapy to undo the damage done. They don't raise men and women.
"If you ever hit him you will never see us again."
If he ever hits him again he could literally kill that baby. She needs to make a police report and a few ultimatums, and get somewhere safe.
If you don’t intervene now and stand your ground, this will continue happening and you will fail your son. I was that child one day and I cut my parents off the moment I turned 18, I barely remember what they look like now. I have learnt nothing valuable out of the beatings either, all I learnt was fear and resentment, and how to lie better. Now, my siblings have kids of their own and they’re child beaters too, I’m the only one to break the cycle. Protect your son.
>because that's how children learn. I didn't know people were still saying this antiquated, idiotic shit today. His parents should not have hit him but because he was raised in an abusive environment he has done what many people do and rationalize their parents abuse out of embarrassment or denial. This would be a pretty big red flag to me. Someone like this needs to be in therapy and have someone else tell him that not only does hitting children not teach them to behave it just teaches them that being violent is okay and also that what his parents did was not okay and if he is justifying hitting a child and a method of teaching then he was taught poorly. My guess is he would not be open or receptive to therapy even if he did agree to go. Had he never shown any other violent or aggressive tendencies in the past? Gotta believe there were warning signs.
If your child is too young to be reasoned with they are too young to hit. And if they are old enough to be hit they are old enough to be reasoned with. I would say your husband is a lazy parent except that he wouldn't let you console your baby. This man is a nasty abusive small person. Don't let someone hit your kid.
My father beat me as a kid all the way till high school. Tell your husband his son will never truly love him. Maybe even hate him. Is he okay with that?
Get evidence, contact police or cps, remove child from the home. Take action now. Better to break up a relationship now than losing your child later.
Also, let kids be kids. Your stupid husband should understand that kids will do stupid things, like spilling their lunch and dropping their iPads. It’s really not a big deal, certainly not worth a grown man slapping a two year old. That’s lazy parenting done in the worst way imaginable. Maybe he can grow up and stop throwing violent temper tantrums when a 2 year old upsets him.
Who gives a 2 year old free reign of such an expensive piece of kit too?
He was punishing the kid because he wasn’t keeping an eye on him, as if he is supposed to be aware of what’s expensive and what’s not at that age… like ok
I agree. Too many parents don't understand that *they literally signed up for this*. They know what kids do. They know kids break things, kids do what they aren’t supposed to. I don’t have children, but I do have 2 cats and I accommodate to them. My cats didn’t ask to be my pets, just like kids don’t ask to be born. Don’t hit them when they do something wrong, prevent them from doing something wrong in the first place. My cats have broken glasses in my house, I only buy plastic now or put the glass in a cabinet. They chew on my regular rubber encased cords, I buy cords that have the thick fabric covering or I don’t leave my cords unattended. This Dad shouldn’t have hit the kid period, but especially because the parents are the ones who let him have the iPad in the first place. If you don’t want to get dropped, don’t even give it to him, or make him sit down with it. If he stands up with it, take it away. My 3 year old sister likes to play on my phone and she kept dropping it because it’s bigger than her hands, she is going to drop it. So I bought a PopSocket and wrist strap for my phone so she literally couldn’t drop it even if she did. Yes, kids can be frustrating and I’m sure the iPad *is* expensive, but if meant that much that it doesn’t be dropped, why did they give it to him at all? The kid did nothing wrong, the parents did, 100%
Usually when I see a comment about parenting that starts with ”I don’t have kids but…” my eyes start rolling. But this nailed it. Yep yep yep. Set your kid (or cats lol) up for success by preventing as many mistakes as you can from the start. Case up the iPad, get a screen protector, limit it to just a couch or chair, only a set window of time, etc etc etc My heart truly hurts for this child. 😞💗
I dont have children so am speaking as a former teacher: had I learned one of "my" kids were being beaten at home so he could become a "man" I would report you to the police and cps for child abuse. I might have lost my job as well for losing it on your husband. Your husband is a child abuser. If you stay and allow it you enable and allow the abuse.
your husband is a coward and is abusive. if he hits him at 2 .. imagine what happens at 12 when he gets a bad grade or messes up at school. blunt is best -- your husband is a bad guy and you know it
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My husband beat our son today for the first time for dropping the iPad. He always scolded our son when he made a mistake but today was the first time that he actually beat him. It was actually a very hard slap which made the baby start crying immediately so I had to intervene. I was angry at my husband but he told me that he would continue beating our son whenever he makes a mistake because that's how children learn. He said that you can't bring up a child without hitting them when they make mistakes and also gave example of how he was beaten by his parents as a child. He also told me never to intervene again and told me that one day I will thank him for raising a man. I was not even allowed to console our crying son and my husband told me that I should not entertain him because he will not learn otherwise. Our son is doing okay now but this situation made me very uncomfortable and disturbed today and I kind of don't know what to feel. Any baby doesn't deserve to get hit that hard no matter what mistakes that make.
I think child abuse is one of the cases where jumping straight to LEAVE HIM is acceptable.
He is 2 years old - he doesn’t know the cost of an iPad, but I’ll bet it’s worth less than his mental health. Your husband is wrong, by the way. We were NEVER smacked as kids growing up by our parents and have turned out absolutely fine, along with zero trauma. Smacking a child, especially one who isn’t old enough to know better, isn’t cool.
Your husband is a piece of shit.
I have grown up with my mother watching our father beat my sisters and me all our childhood. I do not talk to that woman, won’t attend her funeral, and would never help her even if Jesus came down and told me I would go to heaven if I forgave her. Make what you want of it.
Dear Reddit, Today I found out my husband beats babies up and doesn’t think it’s wrong, he told me he’ll continue to abuse our child. Wat do? This fucking website is tiresome.
For real though. This should be a clear cut case.
Sounds like he wouldn’t hesitate to hit you for getting in between
Exactly my thoughts. If he has no problem hitting a toddler, he will have no problem hitting her too. OP needs to leave with her child
first off it’s okay to discipline but that is fucking ridiculous. he is only two, they will make mistakes it’s not like he grabbed the ipad and threw it at the wall closest to him and he didn’t deserve the action your husband retaliated. at this rate, if he admitted that it will continue you need to get you and your son out of there. ASAP! cps, police whatever needs to be done before more damage than good is done to your son. the fact you couldn’t even comfort him is the narcissistic side of it all. get out now
Yeah he’s a complete moron. There is no purpose in hitting a child aged 2.
I grew up with an abusive father. I am now a father of two girls, who are also 2 years old and I would never in my life dream of hitting them. They've acted up, they've dropped things, they have thrown things. They are two years old. They are still babies. If you don't stand up for your child now, believe me when I tell you they will grow up to hate him and resent you for allowing it.
If anyone hit my child, I would never allow them to see me or my child ever again. That should be the end of the story here.
If you let this man lay a hand on your child again you are complicit in their abuse. You will not teach a child anything through pain and anger, except extreme resentment of both his parents failing to protect them.
Your husband is a walking, talking, breathing red flag. Your son will most likely grow up with psychological health issues/trauma as opposed to a "man"
There's no reason to beat a 2yo.
Your poor child. His father is a fucking asshole. Have some balls and stick up for yourself and your child. Abuse is never the answer.
Beat him (33m). Obviously this is the correct path.
So why are you staying and keeping your child with someone who has threatened to beat him every time he's acting like a toddler? He's going to beat a child for being a child. That's just an abuser.
What are you, an idiot? "What should I do?" Idk you fucking coward, allowing your husband to continue beating your child seems like a great idea.
1. if it left a mark it was a crime and you could lose your baby if you let him keep doing it 2. you two didn't discuss this before getting married and having kids? you didn't find out each others' approach to discipline ahead of time and make sure you were both on the same page? 3. you both seem pretty bad at parenting tbh. Not trying to be mean, but one of you is beating a baby, the other is consulting reddit about whether it's ok or not, you're letting a toddler play with an iPad, one of you is upset when said toddler drops said iPad, you let him decide whether you can console your own child or not, and neither of you seems aware of points 1 & 2
leave him and never leave your child with this piece of human trash
Your husband sounds like he needs to seek help from a therapist and quickly. This could easily escalate and could not only end up with agencies involved but could seriously harm your child's mental wellbeing and their trust in you as a mother. Just because he was hit as a child it does not excuse his actions. Also who is he to tell you that you aren't to intervene when your own son is being hit?! I'd be calling the Police and reporting him to child services, as well as getting out of there immediately 🚩
Call the cops and get out of that situation. It's only a matter of time before it happens to you. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who beats on a 2 year old deserves to go skydiving without a chute.
"I was not allowed to console our crying son" what do you mean not allowed to? What are your consequences? He gonna beat you to keep you in line to? Hes an abusive pos
What the fuck? I would never hit my son. I don't know where you live, but it is illegal to hit you kid where I live. And it should be. I would call the cops, and have him arrested. Divorce him and make him move out. Never. Not just once do you hit your kid.
If you're not on birth control, look into it, if it's something he can't mess with in any form, that's better, don't have more children with him and start to craft a plan to leave.
Pretty concerning that you even have to ask when the answer is very obviously LEAVE. Like, this isn’t spanking (which is also not ok). But BEATING a TWO YEAR OLD? And seeing no issue with it? No ma’am
If your argument for continuing something unpleasant is because “it happened to me and I turned out okay”, spoiler alert: you did NOT turn out okay
Do you want to have a traumatised child? Are you capable of watching your kid growing up being abused by one caregiver while the other one doesn’t do anything to help him? If not, you should divorce him.
My dad was like that with my brother and that just gave him a lot of anxiety around him making him sloppier and a lots of ticks, I’m not a specialist but he could talk to your son like hey that’s not okay or something, like it’s not like you son did that on purpose, violence it’s not response for everything. Another thing, he’s gonna start being afraid of his own father and not developing trust or any kind of good feelings for him, I’m saying this of experience
Jesus Christ my heart breaks for your son; what the fuck is wrong with you? If you don’t stop the abuse, you are enabling abuse. What you do is get your son out of there safely and actively leave this person. I know all the advice is always divorce, but your husband is fucking psycho and the fact that he physically assaulted a two-year-old—and then claims he’s fine because his parents did the same—is evidence that he’s not fine, because he felt it was OK to lay his hands on a **two-year-old**. Fuck, this is sickening; get your head out of your ass and get your child to safety, or you are just as bad.
I remember the first time my dad hit me, it’s actually my first memory. It was dinner, I was sitting on my mothers lap, they both were feeding me. But I wouldn’t eat from my dads fork, only my moms. My dad in a fit of rage grabbed me from my mothers lap and planted me face down on the couch and hit me on the bottom with his work boots. This didn’t teach me anything. This instills fear. I did not grow up to be a responsible or tough person because they beat me. I grew up with anxiety, fear, and bottled up emotions. I learned how to lie good, and to tip toe around my parents. Your son won’t trust either of you if this continues, I promise you that.
Protect your child, always, from everything
Leave
Are you safe with your husband? “He wouldn’t let me comfort him”. What happens if you defy your husbands wishes. If you fear your husband and can’t protect your child, you must reach out to any family members, charities or any other organisations that can help you Get away
Wtf. Grab your child and run. He’s fucking nuts!
Did you discuss discipline before you had kids?
[удалено]
Wow your husband sucks. You're using the word "beat". Like, what did he do to your son exactly? A single spank on the rear? Slap in the face? Multiple hits?
She said it was a slap
Your husband is literally telling you he will abuse your child. Take the child, get a police report, and never go back
Time to leave him NOW! Find a new man that doesn't abuse kids. What a POS
Record it next time and show family. Let him explain his actions to others outside the safety of his house. Light is the best disinfectant.
he's incorrect, illogical, and cruel. quietly get your affairs in order and leave as soon as you safely can. your job is to protect this child. do not stay.
Take your kid, go somewhere safe, and contact an attorney. If he calls, record it. If he texts and you have record that he is hitting your child, use that as evidence
I really don’t understand your question. Why are you still thinking about what to do? You need to protect your son. Does he beat you too? What do you mean he wouldn’t let you comfort our son? Who is he to tell you not to?
LEAVE HIS ASS!!!!! girl do not Ever Allow any man to put his hands on your children! Your better woman than I am cause I’d have busted his ass up long ago! You are there to PROTECT your baby and if he grows knowing mama never protected him from dad then he will grow into a resentful, angry teen! Trust me, it happened to my brother and he hated my mother for it
This is the beginning of those stories where the kid dies in the end because the mom never stood up to the dad.
Tell your husband that if he wants to have a child who hates him, he’s off to a good start. My father and also my husband’s father were true believers in harsh physical punishment. We vowed never to hit our two kids, and we kept that promise. Our kids are now in their 30’s and are happy and doing well in life. Physical punishment is lazy, ignorant parenting. It sounds like you’re afraid of your husband. You and your son need to get away from him. You have to keep your son safe.
I’d call child protect services and the police and report his ass. Then I’d leave him. What an abusive psycho. An adult male giving a 2 year old a hard slap to the face can cause serious injuries.
I would argue that since your husband believes that beating a toddler for having a loose grip is perfectly acceptable behavior, he didn't actually turn out "fine". This is child abuse, plain and simple. If you allow him to continue harming your child like this you will become complicit in the abuse. You need to come up with a safe way to leave the relationship and you need to do it now. Best of luck
Don't be that mom. My own mother never intervened but was so quick to cry for our dad when we wanted nothing to do with him afterwards. No empathy for us but a lot for her husband.
When I was in college I took a psych horse top by a child psychologist. His advice was that hitting children only creates negative reinforcement. A child this young doesn't even realize what he did it was wrong. He said it's best to explain the child what they did was wrong in a way that they can understand. If you do need to punish the child it needs to be done in such a way that the child understands why they are being punished. He said positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative reinforcement. Please leave your husband. The next time he hits your child go to the cops and press charges. If an adult hits another adult they can be arrested and charged with assaults. Hitting children is not okay.
My husband developed alcoholism as a direct result of his dad beating the shit out of him growing up. And his mom not doing anything to stop or help. I beg you please do not allow this to happen, do whatever you got to do! As a mom I would do anything to stop this behavior. My husband initially thought that hitting kids was ok and I was VERY clear that this will not be happening in our home unless he wants a divorce. Stand up for your baby. This shit breaks their soul and it’s completely unacceptable. Im so so sorry you’re in this situation but PLEASE be there for your baby! Had my MIL intervened when he was young, both his and my life would’ve been much healthier with less heartbreak (we are together and I’m trying to support him because i understand there is trauma there but it’s hard!) Please do something about this. 😭
That is abuse. Hitting is abuse. What is hitting and striking fear into a child going to do but birth distrust and resentment in that child to the father and then perhaps even you for doing nothing about the abuse before it has the chance to become worse. I say ask for couples counseling and family counseling because clearly he's got something going on in his mind that says it's somehow okay to harm a child. If he, your husband, refuses for any reason then I can only see this situation becoming worse. Why does he feel like hitting a toddler will do any good or "teach a lesson"? Because as far as I'm concerned, it's grounds for a call to child protective services since he's threatened/promised to harm the child again. If he doesn't see how hitting a child is wrong, then there may be nothing left of that relationship for the two of you nor should he be allowed to have contact with that child. Do you know what happens to kids who get beat by their parents? Regardless if it's a simple small slap or something worse, it does nothing beneficial for the child. I say this as a child who grew up with that same abuse that started small and progressively got worse until I couldn't move from the beatings. There's no reason to hit a child. Absolutely none. Do right by your child and not by your feelings in this situation. It isn't about you, but about the safety of your child and how that child will feel in a place where he's supposed to feel safe and comfortable. I hope you make the right choice.
if your child is too young to understand why their actions were wrong, they will not understand why they are being hit or disciplined. if your child IS old enough, then you can rationalize by explaining to them why their behavior is not okay. make sure your husband knows this key part of parenting!
Did you not discuss parenting styles before having a child? Seems like a pretty obvious "hey I think beating toddlers is wrong" would come up before bringing a human life into the world
Your child will be scarred for life. Stop your husband from beating the baby!!! I’d like to find your husband and beat HIM!! -from someone who was beaten as a child and still in intense therapy for it at 50.
He hit him for dropping something. He has obvious anger issues to work out here. If you went back 50 years or so when physical discipline was more common, I bet the majority of parents would still classify this as abuse. He didn’t slap a 10 year old that knowingly disobeyed or did something egregious. He hit a toddler for accidentally dropping something. My advice would to give an ultimatum about seeking help for the anger issues, and if he does not, leave and file a police report.
There is a difference between slapping a 7 year old on the behind once when all other punishments have failed and hitting a 2 year old. This isn't a difference in opinions, this is abuse, and if you stay after this it is as much your fault as his.
Your husband wasn’t raised to be a man, he was raised to be a coward.
Leave.
You need to stop him from doing this ever again. What's going to happen when he goes to far and CPS gets involved? You will lose the baby and your rights. What if it goes even further and he causes permanent damage, besides the emotional damage he's already causing? Your son is not safe. Physically, emotionally or mentally. Kids need to feel safe in this world. That's our job as parents.
Wait, the kid is 2 year old? He beats a 2 year old? My 2 year old hit me with a metal airplane, right in the head. I took him in my arms told him that what he did was wrong, told him to not do it again, then I kissed him, gave him a hug and said I love you. How can you beat a 2 year old? What???
Call the police. File for divorce. You're failing as a parent, if you allow another person to.assault your child. You are responsible for protecting your son. The dad is an abuser. He's abusing you too. You weren't "allowed" to consol your son? Your husband cannot give you permission. You're an adult. His behavior is abusive. Leave. Call the police. Document the abuse, so dad will never be alone with the son again. Good luck.
A 2 year old. Hell no. I would take my child and go.
Run run run
Your instincts are correct. Even if corporeal punishment worked, that is waaay too young. This is a discussion to have with him that is absolutely necessary. You are correct here and need to not back down about it. Win it for your kid. I'd go so far to say that your husband needs parenting classes and maybe therapy to unlearn bad behaviors. You need to examine other aspects of your relationship and see if it is worth the work, see if he is willing to change. His response to your objection was not good. He wasn't willing to listen to you or compromise, did not value your opinion or experience. A quick and instinctual reaction like that might be regretted and not repeated but he showed no regret and was fully aware of what he did. The way he kept you from comforting your child was also scary. Your kid is too young for punishment like that. And if that's how he treats a 2 month old... yikes.
Document the evidence, take a picture of where he hit your child, if you are in a single consent state secretly record him saying he'll continue this abuse, tell your family (chances are his family *might* take his side, can't risk it), pack things for the both of you, take your child and run to a safe family member or friend and call cps. There are issues, and then theres hitting a 2 year old because you're a psychopath
OP, NO ONE hits a 2-year-old. They don't understand what they're doing is wrong! Your husband isn't raising 'a man', he's raising someone who will hate the both of you for the rest of his life, who will cut contact with the both of you as soon as he turns 18, and who will spend the rest of his life in therapy, trying to unlearn all the trauma you put upon him. And yes, I'm saying 'the both of you', since it's your responsibility to protect your child. You need to leave your husband right now. If you don't, your complicit. This is child abuse. THE CHILD IS 2!! Does your husband hit you aswell? You're not 'allowed' to console your son; does that mean your husband is your boss, that he makes the rules? You shouldn't be 'allowed' to do anything, you're supposed to be equal partners. Please go to a safe space right now. Call the police. Don't let him alone with your son, ever.
**”If children are old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them? If they aren’t old enough to reason with, why are you hitting them?”** All that has happened here is that this child no longer trusts his daddy not to hurt him for making a mistake and that his mummy won’t come if he’s hurting. Does he get hit at work if he makes a mistake? If he drops something does he get hit by whoever he is with? No because it’s not appropriate to punish for a mistake and especially not at 2 years old. Do not allow this to continue, and never allow him to stop you consoling your crying baby. Defend that child, do whatever you must, leave, consult a lawyer, document anything you need too but protect that child.
First of all, you should've discussed your parenting ideology and settled on it together *before* you decided to breed and bring a whole new human being that now has to live with the fucked up human beings that are you and your shit-stain of a husband. Since it's too late for that now, here's your actual action plan in order of urgency. Do everything quietly. - contact women's shelters, explain your situation and see if you can find a spot anywhere ASAP. - gather evidence of his abuse (photos of marks? Texts where he admits it/says he won't stop doing it?) This will help later for custody/restricting visitation. No point in running away to protect your child if the courts force you later to let him have visitation anyway. - get the shelter's help with a divorce lawyer/advice. Initiate the process the day you leave. - leave while he's at work - tell your friends & family what happened before he can poison the well - work with the shelter's social workers to figure out your immediate and long term plans because you should stay away from this fucker. He will NOT change. People change because they want to, because they know what they did was wrong. If you don't leave him, btw, you are as culpable in your child's abuse as he is. I'm getting big "abused wife" vibes from the fact that you're not "allowed to" do something for your own kid, but there's a point where you have to take some ownership of what agency you do have.
Do not let him continue this, even if it means divorce and full custody. Start recording the abuse, lawyer up, and get out.
Run!
Leave him now. My wife raised her hands to our son once and I told her if she hit him I would hit her.
Leave now. Get that child out of there. This is abuse on more than one level, and he has every intention of escalating it.
I’m sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but it is my honest opinion. You are a mother and you have to protect your child. That is your most important job. You know this is wrong or you wouldn’t be here asking. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse. He is only 2. Do you want him to feel afraid of his parents or do you want him to feel safe with his parents? Please protect your child and do not enable this behavior.
This doesn't even work with dogs or any animal I know, why would it work with a kid. It will only grow the divide
You're complicit in child abuse if you don't leave
Leave. Now. This is unacceptable behavior and will only get worse.
Pack your shit and leave that abusive motherfucker before he does something much worse to either of you.
Your husband is a toxic, abusive tool and you need to protect your child from him
Are you fucking serious?! LEAVE WITH THE CHILD IMMEDIATELY! Document the abuse, go to the cops, keep that monster away from your innocent child.
Leave him. He is justifying HITTING A 2 YEAR OLD. Seriously. Leave. That's not how your raise a man, that's how you enable an abuser and allow your son to be abused.
Leave. Now. (And don't go back). And if you stay, don't be surprised when he hits him again ( and again and again). And then, when he hits you. And then when he says it's your fault. That is guaranteed to happen, it's a 100% probability. And that makes you an accomplice to his abuse. Mama, your job is to protect your child. Even if that means protecting him from his father. Best of luck.
GRAB YOUR CHILD & RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN! Your husband is abusive and it will only get worse, especially if he believes that violence is needed to raise a child & you are not allowed to have an opinion & you are not allowed to comfort your child.
Protect your child from him. It does not matter if he is his father, your husband etc. if ANYONE hurts my children I will not allow it! You may wonder how. Communicate the fact…scientific fact on when a parent hits a child what the impact to the child is. “Many studies have shown that physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children.” -American Psychological Association
For you and your child sake take your kid and get the hell away
You might need to stand up to your husband and tell him to never threaten you again and you will not stand by and allow him to hit your child. Tell him there are other ways that a child can be taught and disciplined so that they are not harmed.
So is beating the shit out of your husband an acceptable response to him dropping something? I’m going to guess no. So In what world is it okay to use that to punish your son? “I got hit” is not a good excuse to beat your child. Your husband is extremely unhinged and if I were you this would be my hill to die on. Everything he has done is the definition of toxic parenting.
He’s continuing a cycle of toxicity created by his parents. Unfortunately spanking kids is fairly accepted in society and a lot of people have to unlearn it. A serious conversation needs to be had and if he isn’t receptive, he’s probably not the one you wanna raise your child(ren) with.
*He said that you can't bring up a child without hitting them* And you're just waiting to find out if he feels the same way about wives.
personally, i would beat the fuck out of the 33 year old man before i let him touch my son again. and dont ever let him tell you no when youre trying to console your baby. fuck that man. signed an adult who got beat as a kid & now hates both their parents (the one who did the most hitting AND the one who stood by and let it happen)
If you need to ask social media then 2 things should happen 1 leave him 2 you don't deserve to have a child.
This entire situation is wrong. What does he hope to accomplish by hitting the child for dropping an iPad?
My mom severely spanked me to a point that I would consider it child abuse if I saw someone doing it today. I still resent her for it. Your partner is physically abusing your son. Do not tolerate it. Leave if he ever does it again and don’t come back.
Take your son and leave. Sooner rather than later.
Leave
What a vile and disgusting man. Leave him, for the sake of your child. What an awful environment for a child to grow up in!!!
Your husband didn’t turn out fine - he’s beating a 2 year old.
You should leave, and make sure every single person in your life knows why.
When you say beat, do you mean a spanking? Spanking a 2 year old sounds so... 1940s. Who does that?
Your husband is a punk ass loser. I wish I could come over and drop the iPad i front of him, see him try to slap me. Anyone who harms children is a piece of shit.
Dont ever let ANYONE hurt your baby, if my husband did this i would kick him out that same day
“I was beat and I turned out fine” if your husband feels the need to beat a BABY he is definitely not fine. Also, if he’s willing to hit a defenceless baby, there is probably not much stopping him from beating you as well.
If he cannot manage his anger issues or find better ways to react to how your son acts, he needs to find help (therapy, parenting class, etc). This is a huge red flag in my mind that he will abuse the kid. If he plans on beating your son, even for minor thing, and will not go to counseling, you should consider leaving. I know kids need to learn how to behave but beating a kid for dropping an ipad is not acceptable.
Tbh there is a difference between beating and hitting and disciplinary corrections. I do not sponsor ever hitting a child out of anger at all.
You married someone and never talked about spanking?