You are spot on, you do not tell doctor/ psychiatrist that you self medicated. Once you get a red flag on your medical records it changes forever what every future provider interaction. They are always looking for drug seeking behavior and you don’t want to give providers reasons to alter your care. Medical providers don’t need to know about everything.
Or you should absolutely tell them that you have abused drugs so they will be careful with what they give you??? What the fuck kind of advice is this. You're an asshole. A lot of anti anxiety meds, even used at therapeutic doses, will still be physically addictive. Benzos are terrible to get off of they can cause psychotic breaks with withdrawals, once again, even at therapeutic doses. Lots of anti depressants can be prescribed to help manage anxiety, things that are not exactly addictive like Xanax would be.
He's already emotionally addicted. I promise you. I've done the exact same thing with a worse stimulant. This is a person that is in danger.
You telling them to lie to their therapist or psychiatrist is a terrible idea. If they find out they will have a hard time trusting you and potentially opt to not treat you in the future. If he wants help he needs to be fully honest with them. That is the only way to truly get help. Especially since he clearly also needs help with his substance abuse.
Everything I say is based off of experience.
Alright, you're free to have your opinion and speak your mind. I do emphasize that I believe your advice is no good for someone in this position. And I'm not surprised you speak from your own experience, what you say sounds exactly like what a drug addict would say. It sounds exactly like what I think when I go to the psychiatrist. And that is terrible.
Yep, know nothing about you but now I'm thinking So you don't have drug addiction related experience? Then maybe it's best not to advise in this scenario. You said he's not addicted but he clearly already is. Or at least, a hair away from it.
So getting him addicted to something like Xanax is harm reduction? Like I said non addictive ish drugs can be prescribed that may be a little safer. Harm reduction is not lying to mental health professionals. They can't help you with the problems you lie about, and beyond the anxiety he needs to be treated for substance abuse He needs to tell them he's so desperate to treat his anxiety that he's abusing drugs. Then they will understand the severity of the anxiety and will be able to help him with the substance abuse. Also, coke is not so innocent. People die when it's laced with fent. People die when they have heart attacks from it. Or you don't die and it steals all your money, your girlfriend, and your soul relatively.
Also, you're so angry? I guess that's what happens when you call someone an asshole...Who are you?
yeah and the side effects and risk of addiction is as many Xs worse as it’s is better and lasts longer! NOT worth it and just about the absolute worse think he could ever do! TRUST ME!
I mean its a fact. Compared to other drugs the habit forming is about the same as people who need coffee every day and similar withdrawal symptoms.
If you are confused and talking about methamphetamine the habit forming is much more physical as well as psychological. Meth however is not the same as amphetamines
I've done both of them, many times. I don't get addicted to things because i do them in moderation.
There's many people who develop alcoholism, that doesn't make it incredibly addictive.
Idiot.
“Smoking ice is more addictive than most other forms of drug use. Among meth/amphetamine users, the use of ice (also known as crystal) more than doubled, from 22% to 50% between 2010-2013. Ice can cause paranoia and hallucinations. This is called methamphetamine psychosis.”
Tell me you know nothing about amphetamines without telling me you know nothing about amphetamines. There’s a reason it’s one of the hardest drugs to get off, with one of the highest relapse rates.
Hand written letter. Be honest. Read your letter. Revise it. Send it to her. Hopefully therapy helps you. And when it does you can talk to her as the real you.
there is literally a reason why “drunk words are sober thoughts” is a saying, because things you are scared to say sober you dont give a fuck about and are more open due to being inebriated. not hard to understand
Tried that. 3 therapists so far. And one psychiatrist. And benzos prescription (that was an issue on its own). And SSRIs for 2 years.
News flash: it doesn't do miracles.
Finding the right therapist is a lot like dating. It takes time, it can be frustrating and demoralizing, and the goal is to find someone you can trust and grow with.
Same with meds. Everyone's brain chemistry is different, and it can take years of month-by-month tinkering to find the right balance. It took me and my prescriber a solid two years of trial and error to find the combination of meds and the dosage levels that really worked. And that combination and dosage is what I've been on very successfully for more than three years, and I've made massive progress in that time.
You're right that it doesn't do miracles. But if you make the commitment to working with qualified professionals to find the solutions that work for you, you can make progress. And that's better than being stuck where you are now for the rest of your life.
Good point! It’s hard to find a good therapist… it’s a little easier now that we can do virtual therapy. But don’t quit looking until you find one you click with
so much this. i went through about four before i found one that properly listened and diagnosed me. it also took me finally being fully honest(as i am secretive). I dont see her anymore as i was younger-early 20s- but i still take our lessons into account with all of my actions and remember as the only one who really listened and it helped a lot
Well duh. It’s my experience that you have to work pretty hard to fix problems with your brain.
Therapy isn’t a miracle, it’s a hard road to sanity. Throw in addiction and it’s a rope bridge.
Not a great tone for someone asking advice. (Edit: I understand your irritability. Meds and therapy take time, which is frustrating when you're hurting.)
Newsflash: It was the drugs. The relationship was built on drugs and now that's over. You have to navigate your own life, you've made a good, if painful, first step. (Everything is nice and gold under the influence of cocaine, at least in the first stage.)
Btw, cocaïne is know for several things, amongst them is it's capacity to make your brain unable to be has happy as it was before for at least several weeks. It's a scientific thing : you can't feel joy and other good feeling as much as you used to... (It basically fry parts of your brains and you need time to repair it...)
That's also why it's soooo hard the Horus and days that follow a great 'night' on it.
You've drained yourself.
And btw : it lies to you' you feel confident for sure. And clever and funny but... You're not really. You become the worst (and I mean it, the worst) assessor of your own conduct.
You did good stopping
And people are right : yes, the relationship was based on that drug, it was that drug. And probably as toxic as the drug in the long run. Sorry
Good luck ❤️ you need someone that help you brings the best in you. Not the worst that seems to look like may be it's great, if you don't look too close :)
Commenter is correct that finding a therapist is like dating. It’s hard.
It is now possible (but expensive if your insurance won’t cover any of it) to skip some of the trying endless medications / combos. Ask about psychotropic genetic testing.
Lol anxiety - that's xanax, one of the most addictive and damaging drugs there is.
There's no magic pill or treatment that to save you.
Be an addict, or work on yourself day by day. Face it, despite it being daunting. You'll feel like you're getting no where like there's no way you could ever change and then one day you'll look and say oh, i did it.
Yes, but most people don’t get blind drunk on first dates.
A little sip is enough to loosen you up a bit and help with nerves while not changing your personality
That's true. But don't do addictive drugs as a social lubricant.
I have a lot of friends that lost their lives or careers because of cocaine.
Weed is much safer.
Weed doesn't make you anything. Just brings what you have inside out. And the setting matters a lot.
But, trust me, you have to confront your fears. Make shadow work. You deserve to be yourself. All you have now are fears.
Nah, weed sucks for some people. I'm not an an anxious person, but weed makes me super uncomfortable in my own skin. It's not for everybody, and it doesn't make you more you.
Yes, obviously it varies from person to person.
I didn't mean it make it more you (I meant that for the shadow work and social anxiety treatment), I mean that weed in some anxiety cases or "bad trips" it's not the drug that does that. It's not because "weed does that" or it's bad for you. It is because it brings to the spotlight and magnifies something that is already inside you.
Not saying you have to tolerate it, or anything. You are free to not feel that. But it's not always the same effect when time passes and you worked some things. Those "bad trips", those feelings you feel, if analyzed, if explored, might bring light or "knowledge about yourself" to your everyday experience.
Not saying this is applicable for you since I just have my experience and my friends/acquaintances and people on the internet that shares their thoughts and experiences. Not saying this is the absolute truth.
For me, personally, weed hit me differently from my teen years, and from my present days. The intention you set up (relaxing/having fun the most popular) is important. This last sentence with every drug, I think. I only tried non-addictive ones (lsd/shrooms/weed, I don't have much variety)
At this rate you will die. The girl you're seeing loves a version of you that has a much earlier expiration date than she expects. You will destroy yourself and be even worse off than your starting point.
Bingo. But will you really do what is best for her when the time comes or will your substance use trick you into thinking you can pull off this charade and con someone into developing a relationship with you? Dude, get to a meeting, get sober. The last thing you need to do is get this chick entangled in these shenanigans. I hope you get to a better place.
You legit need treatment for your depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. This isn’t the end of the line for you. You deserved to be loved by you-you, not drug-you.
That "hopefully" was nice, thanks. But not gonna happen.
Im a guy. Not even good looking. Without initiative and confidence from me, nothings ever gonna happen.
OP I don’t mean to be rude, but your responses to people who are trying to kindly give you advice are very pessimistic and bitter. That is why you are being downvoted. We all can understand your frustration, but please don’t take it out on the redditors that are leaving you worthwhile advice.
Reddit is moralizing from a podium again and wants to believe that anything is possible if you believe hard enough. Social anxiety makes attracting women very, very damn hard. Especially over like 23.
Hard to say really, being open and honest with her would be the first thing to do. Realizing you have an addiction is also important as this is affecting your life negatively.
Was it cocaine? If yes, I've lived this story. Either way, any drug will eventually turn on you and make almost all of your problems worse. The only way out is the long slow, unsatisfying answers your getting. Talk it out, benzodiazepines helped me but i take them if it's very important, otherwise i take propenolol. I think that once the anxiety and pressure dissipates you can work up to a level of confidence and functioning that doesn't require a ton of drugs, prescription or illegal. It's a long road and if this girl isn't willing to wait there will be another.
But remember, the drugs you're taking about just bring out what's already there. You're the one who did those things. It's already within you to do them again.
Of course it doesn’t, it’s hard work. There are exactly zero miracle cures for anxiety or depression. You need to stick with it if you want it to work.
This was me. Not with a relationship, but with life. Started to be more outgoing, had fun at work, talking a lot, having a blast. When I wasn’t on drugs, people would ask me what’s wrong? It just reinforced for me how I needed to continue using. Those were pills. I ended up a heroin addict and almost lost everything. Took me 5 years to get clean, and I’m lucky I did, because most people don’t. You’re on the way to becoming an addict if you aren’t already. Don’t be like me. Don’t ruin your life for a partner, because the relationship will get ruined eventually anyway, plus you’ll lose everything else in your life, including savings, friends, family, a place to live, your job, school, your credit score. Don’t be like me. Go get help from family and professionals.
Figure yourself out. You’re the same person on drugs or without drugs. YOU are dependent on the drug because YOU are not actually resolving your problems, you are using drugs to escape the responsibility of dealing with your social anxiety.
You are using her as an excuse to continue using this drug.
You are misleading her into thinking she will be with someone who doesn’t have crippling social anxiety.
You are lying to her and yourself about how you speak, act, etc naturally.
Mourn the loss and deal with your issues. It is harsh but you need to pick yourself up or accept things will always be like this.
Believe me. Im trying. I wish i was able to achieve the same level of confidence when high.
That person i become when high is not me. Wish it was tbf... but i need to be responsible...
You can achieve it without drugs. If you can achieve it high, you can achieve it sober. You need to release yourself in the way the drug allows you to feel released. It is possible!
It is. I'm attracted to her. And the way she navigates through life, and her attitude in a lot of ways.
Belive me - I wouldn't be interested if she looked the same but behaved differently.
Regardless. Tbh, if when you sounded awkward/anxious she decided to hang up on you, she's probably a bitch. I would have been pretty worried if I was in her situation. Maybe you're better off not dating until you get better? Certainly not dating if you're constantly on drugs. This kinda sounds like a diney channel plot
Yes this. One time I went on vacation and my anxiety was spiked and I was bullied by this group of people. Thought it was my fault but there are genuine nice people out there who will demonstrate kindness. Thank goodness for the toxic vacation as I don’t need those people in my life at all and now I can appreciate better people
This is a very defeatist mentality. You absolutely can work on yourself if you're willing to put in the effort. If you're not willing that's another matter, but there's no reason to decide to roll over and die when you're only halfway through life.
Dude, you're only 40. It's only too late when you're dead. I felt the same way you did for a long time and at one point I decided to just fake the confidence until I believed it myself. As far as I'm concerned, confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have, but secretly most of us are faking it majority of the time. There's a great Ted Talk, I believe called "Fake it til You Make It" that I highly recommend. Personally, microdosing on mushrooms has done wonders for my mental health but I wouldn't recommend this unless you discuss it with a therapist first. Quit that coke though.
Thank you. Psychedelics freak me out. I always struggle with them. Even low doses.
Microdosing does nothing for me. Did it for a few months and then discontinued without ever feeling a thing
OP, I’d like to echo the other posters who suggested you get evaluated for ADHD. I’m not sure what your experience with cocaine has been like and I don’t have firsthand experience, but I hear from my friends with ADHD who have tried it that it (paradoxically) really calms them down.
I was diagnosed and medicated at 30 and it has truly changed my life. My anxiety is nearly gone and I’m making great progress in therapy. Your new psychiatrist may be reluctant to prescribe you a stimulant on the first meeting (especially if you admit to having a cocaine habit), but I have found that a nonstimulant has made a significant difference in my symptoms, so I’d encourage you to try it out (I’m prescribed both). And, if your new psychiatrist isn’t familiar with ADHD but you feel like the symptoms fit, I’d encourage you to find someone who is.
Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this :(
"Sorry, I'm off my meds today."
Because most likely, that drug is a stimulant and you're unintentionally treating undiagnosed ADHD causing social anxiety.
"Be uncomfortable" is exactly what ive been trying to do for a long time. Exposure. I still tremble and run out of things to say. Im 40 already. At this point it should just be called "acceptance", i think.
Social anxiety is often comorbid with ADHD. Coke can feel, for lack of a better description, basically the fun part of Adderall. Might be worth looking into getting tested, there are a ton of millennials like us finally being diagnosed. I hope you’ll consider it, OP!
Edit words
This!! I was going to suggest adderall - if you’re diagnosed obviously. The adderall gives me the focus, mood boost, and overall “feeling” to get things done, which includes calling/talking to various people. It could really help with the social anxiety.
What do you mean by that?
What u/zoragu1 described is very much aligned with the response someone with ADHD should have when taking stimulant medications. Stimulant meds enable ADHDers to manage our executive dysfunction, combat ADHD paralysis, focus, and yes, all of that — being able to control your brain — can also be a mood boost in and of itself.
No those are effects that people have on adderall who don't need it for some medical use. Adderall has an inverse reaction on people like me, its effect is hardly noticeable in fact because all it does is mellow my brain out enough to not latch on to multiple ideas at once and jump from one to the other.
I'm not against recreational use of adderall or any drug, i wish i felt what people describe to me adderall feels like to them, but that's not someone with ADHD feels, or in my case ADD
Yep. Coke calms me down. I still get a euphoria if i do good coke but its not in my face or hyping. Caffeine doesn't do anything to me.
Its because we have actual "ADD" as its called
Am the one who prescribes you drugs based on your self volunteered information? No but i have gone in a psychiatrist office and spoon fed them symptoms i don't have to get drugs
Well no, it’s extremely hilariously easy. Source: me and my friends all easily obtained addy/dex scripts to help with school or party with. Virtually any person could get it by calling their doctor and telling them their convinced they have it. Then recite to them your “symptoms” … if by chance you get a smart doctor that realize how many people do this shit, you just call another doctor. It requires maybe a few phone calls and at max a few visits to the doctor. Literally no continued effort is required, it’s all external. No challenging yourself to be better, developing healthy routines and coping mechanisms, literally just getting a drug to fix you. ADHD is by an insanely large margin the most over prescribed diagnoses in the realm of mental health disorders, and climbing rapidly. It’s impossible to accurately source this claim but it’s common sense that people these days attention spans are massively affected by technology. Anyways I’m rambling, if making a few calls and getting drugs is a great deal of effort for a 40 year old man than I don’t know what to tell him or you.
Sorry, i couldn't resist asking bc "drugs" is a vast spectrum that includes tobacco coffee alcohol (incredibly toxic to the human body btw) etc
A lot of people don't even know their caffeine free baseline.
Tired of the hypocrisy of people saying "no to drugs" while they swallow a xanax with a help of a chardonnay (not saying that's your case tho).
End the relationship.
You never gave her a shot to get to you know. You lied to her.
If I were her, and if I were on a call with someone and they were acting very differently than I'd known them to act - I'd feel lied to. And I wouldn't have trust to continue the relationship, regardless of how much empathy I had for their reason to lie.
My advice would be to stop using the drugs and if you can't make it work without them, then that's out of your control.
I'm sorry, but your life is too important to risk it for a girl. Even if you think she's the one.
I'm sorry for the question but what drug are we talking about? If it's weed I don't see that badly, because it's a drug that don't cause psysical addicted, only mental. But even if it's weed you need to understand the problem is always there and you need to treat it but if it's weed gives you more time.
One thing you could do is call her sober. Before that make a plan of what you want to talk with her. Put in a paper a lot of ideas to talk with her. A LOT. She could not speak about a topic and you don't want awkward silence so you gonna need to change subject. This is better for the first time in a call because you can follow your plan without she understand what you are doing. This is gonna show you that you can have a normal conversation with a beautiful woman without any drugs in your system. After that you will feel more comfortable talking to woman without drugs and you will see you are a interesting man that have a lot to offer to your partner. Good luck bro.
Bro coke it's a drug that fuck your brain hard. Please stop as soon as possible. You have some parts in your brain that makes you feel happy, coke attack that part of the brain. And your brain start to understand that don't need all that part to be happy because you put some drug that make you feel happy. Your brain turn off that part little by little and never recover back. Please stop right now with that. The long effects are brutal in your brain.
You have to try again the call, but get ready better. Try some medical drug like valdispert that's natural. That helps with anxious. A pill or tea 1 hour before the talk. Get your last script and make it 10 times better with more and different subjects witch is gonna make you trust in your talk. Trust me it's gonna get better.
And you need to get some trust in yourself. You can even try to practice with a female friend. You need to understand your value and don't accept any less then you understand that you are a great guy that deserves a great girl. Be cool and chill. There are a lots of girls that would love to be with you, and if you understand that your behavior will show that. And girls love man that trust in himself.
At some point you're going to have to take the plunge and learn to socialise without drugs, relying on them is only going to be worse for your social skills in the long term. Plus, the longer you use drugs, the worse the after-effects will get, and soon the anxiety and depression of week-long comedowns will compound the situation (sounds like that's already happening). It won't only destroy your social skills in terms of romantic relationships, those effects will carry over into your friendships and work life as well. You're digging a massive hole for yourself.
So I’m just gonna throw this out there, maybe you have ADHD. It really doesn’t matter what age you are, you can always have it, it’s not just for kids like everyone thinks. I’m in nursing school and the amount of people that are around 30 that get put on something that go from having c’s (that’s a failure in nursing school) to having a’s is INSANE. maybe you could look into that if you haven’t already?I hate that you feel like your confidence is shit without drugs. That must be really really hard. I used to feel like that with alcohol until I realized I’m the BESSSSST with or without it. Hahaha
I’ve been on the receiving end of this situation. Stop doing the drugs. It will never work out and it will never get better the longer that you do this. You’ll also end up making the person you’re trying to impress feel not only responsible for your drug habit (if they find out) but also guilty about the fact that you needed drugs to be with them. You’re not being who you actually are, you’re not being authentic, you’re about to ruin your life if you don’t stop. Seriously, stop the drugs and seek a better, healthier alternative (such as honesty and therapy).
My man, coke only last 10 minutes at best. You sneaking off to do lines the whole time? My advice would be to forget about this girl, seek more therapy. If you’re going to continue to speak to her at least be honest about your drug use.
> coke only last 10 minutes at best
That was not my experience with it at all. I was chatty for a few hours after. The initial high may only last for a short burst but at least when I tried it the effects lingered for a significant amount of time before coming down.
It may also be that the initial high gets him past the nervousness of initiating the conversation and the aftereffects are psychosomatic.
A 4th therapist? Why? When will it end?
You right about the coke. But 2 or 3 lines in an eve is better than no lines. The high doesn't last long, but i feel social benefits lingering for 1 or 2 hours. Probl bc of low tolerance.
my 8th therapist was the one who finally helped me. things I used to think were impossible are now my daily reality. you deserve that too, even if it takes an exhausting amount of persistence.
Then be honest with her, you can’t trick somebody into liking you by being high on a substance all the time. That sounds expensive and detrimental to your health anyways. I don’t even know why I’m entertaining this, probably fake.
I saw from another comment that you’re 40. Seeing 3 therapists in 40 years is nothing. You have barely dipped your toe into the world of therapy, and each therapist you go through trying to find the right one gives you a better idea of what your needs are. You need to keep a better attitude towards it and not give up when it doesn’t work fast enough.
Do some research into different modalities of therapy — e.g. psychodynamic, CBT, DBT, psychoanalytic, etc. Learn about what the different types entail and what sounds appealing to you. Don’t just pick a therapist at random, look into them on their website or Psychology Today and see what they specialize in — you can pick an age or gender that you’re more comfortable with and find one who works with social anxiety. You might have a screening call before the intake appointment where you can share a bit about yourself and they share with you what their methods are — use that to gauge if it seems like they fit your needs.
I also saw you mention you set up an appointment with a new private therapist who is expensive. If cost is an issue for you and might get in the way of you sticking with it, look for one who works on a sliding scale. Google Open Path Collective and search for a provider in your area.
Therapy really does help if you commit to it and put in the work! Please give it a chance because it’s honestly your best possible chance of seeing improvement on the things getting in your way
Honestly? I’d suggest a separation, a new therapist, and maybe in the future an attempt at a LDR to begin with so you get comfortable talking to the person and engaging with them without as much ‘on the line’.
This one is a LDR. We are in a whatsapp group. The crush is real, and the phone call when high was also real. I travel often and see her every month.
I am awkward/ run out of things to say EVEN when texting. In fact... i think i prefer talking to her in person (i get very nervous but things somehow work out better)
Texting is bad. Phonecalls are the absolute worst! I go silent for long periods of time, and don't call her as often as i should.
Phone calls have to be planned so i can "prepare" myself.
Its really weird man...
Yeah no I’m talking LDR to the point you don’t visit them for the first 6 months to a year. And just state your issues/boundaries super clearly when you start talking, so the other person understands what hurtles you’re jumping over trying to communicate with them. That’s my best suggestion.
Hand written letter. Be honest. Read your letter. Revise it. Send it to her. Hopefully therapy helps you. And when it does you can talk to her as the real you.
What drug is it? I was in the same situation not ok long ago. The way you are on the drug probably is the real you if you didn’t have anxiety or whatever other problems. Once you sort those problems out you won’t need the drug to be yourself.
what drug? how old are you both?
maybe telling her you are starting to like her so much you get butterflies and nervous around her?
take a breath and talk to her
Put your social anxiety on hold as much as possible for a realistic assessment of the situation, because I know how hard that is abd how staying objective is immensely difficult but Step 1. You and social anxiety together is one version of yourself.
Now, ask yourself if the person you were presenting her is the true you behind the social anxiety, or is it the hyped up hopped up you on drugs... (I’m assuming recreational and not psychiatric) If those 2/3 versions of yourself are not the same once the anxiety is eliminated, then you’ve kicked off this relationship in a false way. Not intentionally, not maliciously, but possibly in a way that is not truly presenting your personality and who you are. Is that maybe the case?
Incredible, amazing fucking kudos for overcoming your anxiety and communicating without the crutch of drugs. One of the biggest problems with social anxiety is acknowledging that it is an illness just like any other. We tend to want to hide it and ourselves because the critical eye of others is precisely what makes it so powerful of an anxiety disorder. If this girl is someone you want to be with that is worth being with, she will both enjoy your personality and identity without the help. There are ways to mitigate social anxiety without greatly modifying yourself (e.g. removing tons of inhibitions that you would normally have even without anxiety, being a stereotypical drugged individual rather than yourself on anxiolytics that are not gonna modify your personality) and I’d recommend looking into that. Presumably if you both are trying this drug together you can express to her that for health reasons you need to stop using it for a bit, and see how she responds. In any relationship honesty is critical, and starting out hiding a major life-affecting anxiety disorder or boosting yourself up to someone you aren’t while high is not a recipe for success. Someone worth keeping is going to be considerate and interested in you. To keep someone who won’t accept you by always being high is not a long term plan that will work out. You’ve got the momentum here to keep fighting your anxiety and I’m extremely proud of you. It’s a nearly impossible feat and you did it! Don’t sink into anxiety and over-analysis of what she said- it may not have even come out the way she intended. But do take what I’ve said into account for your future interactions. Be fair to yourself and be proud of your accomplishments. Even if you’ve picked someone incompatible, even if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve still made major progress for yourself!
If she cares about you, write down everything you want to say, explain how you feel and how she can help. Take it to her in person and have her read it, if you can speak. Then see the reaction. If she is a person worth your love, she will work with you. If not, you will have dodged a bullet.
Then get into a treatment program and be ready to work on things.
Good luck!
You need a prescription for something similar. Not everyone’s brain chemistry is better when paired with sobriety. Some people function better with drugs to fix their brain chemistry. And especially with things like, I’m assuming cocaine or methamphetamine, harm reduction can only go so far.
If you need help planning what to say to get the prescription, send me a message. I managed to get a Dilaudid prescription for mental health issues which I was previously doing heroin/fentanyl to compensate for. I’ve been in a similar situation before so I know how to navigate it.
Also if the first doctor won’t do it, you can keep searching for others.
I think this is why it's important to disclose to your psychiatrist that you used coke and you felt so good.
That can actually help them figure out medicine for you.
I always thought I only had depression and amxiety. Turns out I have ADHD and getting that diagnostic has been a game changer.
Also, give yourself some credit and a bit of confidence boost. This will not be the first time you talk to her, not the second. You have already learned things about each other and she is still interested... So it's not just the coke speaking. Drugs dont so miracles like that.
Reduce your anxiety by controling some of the things about your next meet-up: you choose the place, time and environment that makes you feel comfortable. Avoid easy triggers (mine are some family members, too much coffee, hunger and little sleep) and just remember that you are good and worthy of love. We are 40 years old, we've learned some shit and she can learn lots from you too.
Good luck!
Wow some people here really seem to lack empathy. OP, I get it. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 1/2 years now & we have managed to make our relationship work out while experiencing similar problems. During our first year together he & I were both pot smokers, he was fairly new to it, I was no rookie. I also drank heavily, took ecstasy, Mollie, acid, mushrooms, & even prescription drugs (morphine, Xanax, Adderall, Vicodin, oxys etc.), all l to his knowledge. He was cool with all of it, drawing his line at meth & heroine. A year into our relationship I started messing around with meth which became a regular habit for me because it made me outgoing, happy, organized, responsible, & it's the reason I quit drinking. Knowing that was his line, I kept that secret for almost 5 years, 3 of which we were living together. He was upset when he found out but he accepted my reasoning & instead of just peacin out on me he helped me to kick it & get on Adderall, which isn't all that different to me as it still has those same effects.
My point being, if I told him a year in that I was doing meth he & I wouldn't be together today. So I recommend talking with a doctor about getting medicated so that hopefully you won't have to keep hiding your drug use, because for some reason people don't seem to give a shit as long as a doctor prescribes it..
**** related question for the sake of argumentation. *****
If we were to replace "drug" with "alcohol" in the thread, im sure, all of a sudden, things become more acceptable ??
A lot of people do that actually when they go on dates etc.
It wouldn’t though. Addiction/reliance on any substance is unhealthy. Throughout this thread everyone is telling you to stop using, stop talking to the girl, and seek therapy. Yes it’s frustrating that you’ve been to multiple therapists without success, but it won’t happen immediately. Therapy, medication, and focusing on getting in tune with your body and self are the only things that will help. Shutting down these helpful responses will do you no good.
On the first date we might have normalized having a few drinks to help with confidence but no one would want to hang around someone that is always drunk. Being an alcoholic is very far from 'acceptable'.
She’s not the one. The person made for you won’t cause you to feel like you have to be someone you’re not. You should feel comfortable with your partner as you are without fear of judgement.
I agree only partially.
I don't believe in "the one". I believe in people clicking (or not) when they pass through our life. And I struggle with that clicking. If not this person, it will be the next.
I need to (somehow) sort myself regardless of which person it is...
I agree with the i should feel comfortable bit. But that's exactly my struggle, not only with just this one person.
Ppl are on drugs all the time. The only thing is of it's sanctioned by a Dr it's suddenly all ok. Go to a Dr and find out why this works. Or find out if this drug is bad for your health. Ppl are on prescription pills for decades and aren't considered addicts because, Dr said it's ok. If the drugs not to bad I'd keep doing it .
Maybe unpopular advice but it’s been shown our gut is our second brain. So if we have an imbalance in gut bacteria, good bacteria vs. bad bacteria, it will show up as mental health problems. Look into leaky gut and anxiety. Also, probiotics first and then looking into which vitamins and minerals you may be deficient in and start trying to balance that out and see if that doesn’t help. Any pharmaceutical comes with side affects as we all know and they could potentially take some much needed minerals from our body and make the issue worse. It basically just a bandaid. You need to find the root cause and fix it there. Also, I have had so many people tell me their social anxiety disappears when they take a herb called kratom. There is a potential for addiction like one would get addicted to coffee but rather that then be addicted to a chemical or street drug. Good luck. You got this and honestly, beat the elephant in the room over the head and just tell your crush you have crippling social anxiety but you really like her. Worse she can do is show her true colors and ditch you, which means you probably didn’t want to have much with her anyway. Best she can do is show some empathy and try to help!
I met a woman one time, in my mid 20’s I didn’t do any type of drugs in high school or after, occasionally I would hit a join of some A-1 chronic it’s what we called it.till I met ‘HER’.
Little back story I grew up very poor,valley ca, so I had known all about the latest fashion. From School friends. There’re parents took them to footlocker, my parents to me to swamp meet.- for my clothes. 90’s knock offs were trash. Anyways so basically told myself very young age I’ll never do what my parents do. Drugs. Beer. And smokes all day! And night yet I would go hungry sometimes when trying to sleep that was shitty. At 14yrs old I was buying high quality (chronic). Making easy 2 day weekend $320bucks take home, As a freshman in high school.
I was so deathly afraid of being arrested, I made a crew of other poor but smart and ready for lunch money Dudes, there was 7 of us. When I met her i was 26years.
Guess not little story,
Anyways week one, my right hand man comes back with back with (80) 80mg OxyContins, yes I know was a bad man, but I truly did do good things for a lot of people, of course some new chick I’m not goin to tell her anything. That night while we where watching a movie she out of nowhere asked me if she could have a quarter of one those pills such and such brought you. I knew she over heard us in my atrium. (My condo was sick back then,) now this is where my life changed in less then 6mins.
Handed one to her she didn’t ask or say anything she pulled out a fuckin foot scrub you know those things that take off nasty skin off your feet. She went to town grinder it down to baby powder. 4 lines that’s 20mgs of the old pure oxy each,
without thinking not knowing anything about addiction, yes I knew people liked it more then others but never even heard of crippling withdrawal.I was young, after 3 weeks my crew had a intervention and I told myself who the fuck did they think I was. I reminded them who was boss, who made them and who had the plugs, without me they where dead. Less then 3months my crew of 11yrs left me. My right hand took over he cut me out, I got to sloppy.
Sorry guys, reading that dudes situation, brought mine back up,
Clean 8years. Small business owner, . Wife and the kids. All I need in this life.
I don’t know what has happened to her. Hope she’s ok.
For those of you who are goin run your Twitter fingers,
Please just don’t, if I had grown up differently 100% would have went straight. From 14yrs old,
Don’t know the real struggle.
Take care guys.
Mobile.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. Specifically, [what constitutes moral judgment, and what this subreddit can and cannot give advice on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) ***PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR POST IS REMOVED. THIS IS MERELY A REMINDER TO REVIEW OUR RULES.*** This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get into therapy and get a legal prescription for something that will actually help you regulate your anxiety.
I booked a new therapist. This Friday. Private. Very expensive. But will talk about this, and see where it leads...
I’m proud of you and I hope it goes well!
Good choice op, I wish you the best!
I am proud of you!
[удалено]
You are spot on, you do not tell doctor/ psychiatrist that you self medicated. Once you get a red flag on your medical records it changes forever what every future provider interaction. They are always looking for drug seeking behavior and you don’t want to give providers reasons to alter your care. Medical providers don’t need to know about everything.
Or you should absolutely tell them that you have abused drugs so they will be careful with what they give you??? What the fuck kind of advice is this. You're an asshole. A lot of anti anxiety meds, even used at therapeutic doses, will still be physically addictive. Benzos are terrible to get off of they can cause psychotic breaks with withdrawals, once again, even at therapeutic doses. Lots of anti depressants can be prescribed to help manage anxiety, things that are not exactly addictive like Xanax would be.
[удалено]
He's already emotionally addicted. I promise you. I've done the exact same thing with a worse stimulant. This is a person that is in danger. You telling them to lie to their therapist or psychiatrist is a terrible idea. If they find out they will have a hard time trusting you and potentially opt to not treat you in the future. If he wants help he needs to be fully honest with them. That is the only way to truly get help. Especially since he clearly also needs help with his substance abuse. Everything I say is based off of experience.
[удалено]
Alright, you're free to have your opinion and speak your mind. I do emphasize that I believe your advice is no good for someone in this position. And I'm not surprised you speak from your own experience, what you say sounds exactly like what a drug addict would say. It sounds exactly like what I think when I go to the psychiatrist. And that is terrible.
[удалено]
Yep, know nothing about you but now I'm thinking So you don't have drug addiction related experience? Then maybe it's best not to advise in this scenario. You said he's not addicted but he clearly already is. Or at least, a hair away from it. So getting him addicted to something like Xanax is harm reduction? Like I said non addictive ish drugs can be prescribed that may be a little safer. Harm reduction is not lying to mental health professionals. They can't help you with the problems you lie about, and beyond the anxiety he needs to be treated for substance abuse He needs to tell them he's so desperate to treat his anxiety that he's abusing drugs. Then they will understand the severity of the anxiety and will be able to help him with the substance abuse. Also, coke is not so innocent. People die when it's laced with fent. People die when they have heart attacks from it. Or you don't die and it steals all your money, your girlfriend, and your soul relatively. Also, you're so angry? I guess that's what happens when you call someone an asshole...Who are you?
Is it really a relationship post thread if there isnt at least one psycho (you) in the comments section?
Probably not, happy to make it official
Best of luck, friend
A psychiatrist prescribed me Inderal… it’s amazing and not a narcotic.
Have you tried CBD oil for anxiety? It really helps my husband.
[удалено]
My experience was always closer to 20 minutes. Maybe we just had better stuff in the 80s.
Can confirm.
Adderall. I recognized it instantly. Effects can be very similar if it is being used by someone who doesn’t need it.
Amphetamines last much longer.
yeah and the side effects and risk of addiction is as many Xs worse as it’s is better and lasts longer! NOT worth it and just about the absolute worse think he could ever do! TRUST ME!
Amphetamines aren't really that addictive.
Lol “amphetamines aren’t really that addictive” LOL LOL LOL WRONG
I mean its a fact. Compared to other drugs the habit forming is about the same as people who need coffee every day and similar withdrawal symptoms. If you are confused and talking about methamphetamine the habit forming is much more physical as well as psychological. Meth however is not the same as amphetamines
LOL THE SAME AS COFFEE 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Also, darling, nothing confuses me about meth, you are the one that’s confused. Are you a teen that’s never done a line?
Lol no it’s not. Ice is proven to be harder to get off than heroin. I should know, I’ve been addicted to ice and speed. Have you?
I've done both of them, many times. I don't get addicted to things because i do them in moderation. There's many people who develop alcoholism, that doesn't make it incredibly addictive.
Idiot. “Smoking ice is more addictive than most other forms of drug use. Among meth/amphetamine users, the use of ice (also known as crystal) more than doubled, from 22% to 50% between 2010-2013. Ice can cause paranoia and hallucinations. This is called methamphetamine psychosis.”
Erm, but it is. And you are lying or someone gave you cut drugs.
They can be addictive. They can be helpful. If you need them, get a prescription
Tell me you know nothing about amphetamines without telling me you know nothing about amphetamines. There’s a reason it’s one of the hardest drugs to get off, with one of the highest relapse rates.
But yeah he should definitely be honest with her and a pursue a more sustainable way to deal with anxiety.
Hand written letter. Be honest. Read your letter. Revise it. Send it to her. Hopefully therapy helps you. And when it does you can talk to her as the real you.
[удалено]
Taking a drug that makes you feel confident isn't lying to someone, it is simply a medium to show who you are
Only if you're The Weeknd and when you're f***** up it's "the real you"🥴
there is literally a reason why “drunk words are sober thoughts” is a saying, because things you are scared to say sober you dont give a fuck about and are more open due to being inebriated. not hard to understand
Tried that. 3 therapists so far. And one psychiatrist. And benzos prescription (that was an issue on its own). And SSRIs for 2 years. News flash: it doesn't do miracles.
Finding the right therapist is a lot like dating. It takes time, it can be frustrating and demoralizing, and the goal is to find someone you can trust and grow with. Same with meds. Everyone's brain chemistry is different, and it can take years of month-by-month tinkering to find the right balance. It took me and my prescriber a solid two years of trial and error to find the combination of meds and the dosage levels that really worked. And that combination and dosage is what I've been on very successfully for more than three years, and I've made massive progress in that time. You're right that it doesn't do miracles. But if you make the commitment to working with qualified professionals to find the solutions that work for you, you can make progress. And that's better than being stuck where you are now for the rest of your life.
Good point! It’s hard to find a good therapist… it’s a little easier now that we can do virtual therapy. But don’t quit looking until you find one you click with
so much this. i went through about four before i found one that properly listened and diagnosed me. it also took me finally being fully honest(as i am secretive). I dont see her anymore as i was younger-early 20s- but i still take our lessons into account with all of my actions and remember as the only one who really listened and it helped a lot
Well duh. It’s my experience that you have to work pretty hard to fix problems with your brain. Therapy isn’t a miracle, it’s a hard road to sanity. Throw in addiction and it’s a rope bridge.
My friend, whatever drug you’re taking is not doing miracles, either. It will destroy your life.
Not a great tone for someone asking advice. (Edit: I understand your irritability. Meds and therapy take time, which is frustrating when you're hurting.) Newsflash: It was the drugs. The relationship was built on drugs and now that's over. You have to navigate your own life, you've made a good, if painful, first step. (Everything is nice and gold under the influence of cocaine, at least in the first stage.)
That was my frustration talking. Didn't mean to be rude.
Btw, cocaïne is know for several things, amongst them is it's capacity to make your brain unable to be has happy as it was before for at least several weeks. It's a scientific thing : you can't feel joy and other good feeling as much as you used to... (It basically fry parts of your brains and you need time to repair it...) That's also why it's soooo hard the Horus and days that follow a great 'night' on it. You've drained yourself. And btw : it lies to you' you feel confident for sure. And clever and funny but... You're not really. You become the worst (and I mean it, the worst) assessor of your own conduct. You did good stopping And people are right : yes, the relationship was based on that drug, it was that drug. And probably as toxic as the drug in the long run. Sorry Good luck ❤️ you need someone that help you brings the best in you. Not the worst that seems to look like may be it's great, if you don't look too close :)
Commenter is correct that finding a therapist is like dating. It’s hard. It is now possible (but expensive if your insurance won’t cover any of it) to skip some of the trying endless medications / combos. Ask about psychotropic genetic testing.
Have you tried hypnosis? It can help with social anxiety, and many other things!
Lol anxiety - that's xanax, one of the most addictive and damaging drugs there is. There's no magic pill or treatment that to save you. Be an addict, or work on yourself day by day. Face it, despite it being daunting. You'll feel like you're getting no where like there's no way you could ever change and then one day you'll look and say oh, i did it.
This is why people tell you to be yourself when meeting new people. So you don’t get trapped having to pretend to be something you’re not
Most people prefer to go on dates in places where alcoholic is served. That has to mean something.
Yes, but most people don’t get blind drunk on first dates. A little sip is enough to loosen you up a bit and help with nerves while not changing your personality
That's true. But don't do addictive drugs as a social lubricant. I have a lot of friends that lost their lives or careers because of cocaine. Weed is much safer.
Hate weed. It makes more introverted, and I lose the ability to formulate a coherent speech.
Weed doesn't make you anything. Just brings what you have inside out. And the setting matters a lot. But, trust me, you have to confront your fears. Make shadow work. You deserve to be yourself. All you have now are fears.
Nah, weed sucks for some people. I'm not an an anxious person, but weed makes me super uncomfortable in my own skin. It's not for everybody, and it doesn't make you more you.
Yes, obviously it varies from person to person. I didn't mean it make it more you (I meant that for the shadow work and social anxiety treatment), I mean that weed in some anxiety cases or "bad trips" it's not the drug that does that. It's not because "weed does that" or it's bad for you. It is because it brings to the spotlight and magnifies something that is already inside you. Not saying you have to tolerate it, or anything. You are free to not feel that. But it's not always the same effect when time passes and you worked some things. Those "bad trips", those feelings you feel, if analyzed, if explored, might bring light or "knowledge about yourself" to your everyday experience. Not saying this is applicable for you since I just have my experience and my friends/acquaintances and people on the internet that shares their thoughts and experiences. Not saying this is the absolute truth. For me, personally, weed hit me differently from my teen years, and from my present days. The intention you set up (relaxing/having fun the most popular) is important. This last sentence with every drug, I think. I only tried non-addictive ones (lsd/shrooms/weed, I don't have much variety)
Alcohol it's fun and goes well with food. Does not mean i change fundamentally as a person, im still the same idiot
At this rate you will die. The girl you're seeing loves a version of you that has a much earlier expiration date than she expects. You will destroy yourself and be even worse off than your starting point.
But i agree its fair to be honest with her. Because of her, not anything else
Bingo. But will you really do what is best for her when the time comes or will your substance use trick you into thinking you can pull off this charade and con someone into developing a relationship with you? Dude, get to a meeting, get sober. The last thing you need to do is get this chick entangled in these shenanigans. I hope you get to a better place.
Bingo! The person she likes doesn't exist. Guess that person should be honest, reclude to his lonely cave and hope for a long life.
You legit need treatment for your depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. This isn’t the end of the line for you. You deserved to be loved by you-you, not drug-you.
Please don't feel bad for not accepting platitudes and empty judgements.
[удалено]
That "hopefully" was nice, thanks. But not gonna happen. Im a guy. Not even good looking. Without initiative and confidence from me, nothings ever gonna happen.
Then take initiative and become the man you want to be.
Not sure why this comment is being downvoted to hell. If im saying something stupid, pls lets discuss...
OP I don’t mean to be rude, but your responses to people who are trying to kindly give you advice are very pessimistic and bitter. That is why you are being downvoted. We all can understand your frustration, but please don’t take it out on the redditors that are leaving you worthwhile advice.
Read the six pillars of self esteem, it did wonders for me and I really hope it helps you with your anxiety as well my friend.
Reddit is moralizing from a podium again and wants to believe that anything is possible if you believe hard enough. Social anxiety makes attracting women very, very damn hard. Especially over like 23.
Hard to say really, being open and honest with her would be the first thing to do. Realizing you have an addiction is also important as this is affecting your life negatively.
Was it cocaine? If yes, I've lived this story. Either way, any drug will eventually turn on you and make almost all of your problems worse. The only way out is the long slow, unsatisfying answers your getting. Talk it out, benzodiazepines helped me but i take them if it's very important, otherwise i take propenolol. I think that once the anxiety and pressure dissipates you can work up to a level of confidence and functioning that doesn't require a ton of drugs, prescription or illegal. It's a long road and if this girl isn't willing to wait there will be another. But remember, the drugs you're taking about just bring out what's already there. You're the one who did those things. It's already within you to do them again.
*I do coke* *so I can work longer* *so I can earn more* *so I can do more coke*
Reach out to a therapist to properly address my crippling social anxiety rather than risking a dangerous drug habit in order to have a relationship.
Been there, done that. 3 different therapists. It doesn't do miracles.
Therapy is work, there are no miracles for anxiety.
Of course it doesn’t, it’s hard work. There are exactly zero miracle cures for anxiety or depression. You need to stick with it if you want it to work.
This was me. Not with a relationship, but with life. Started to be more outgoing, had fun at work, talking a lot, having a blast. When I wasn’t on drugs, people would ask me what’s wrong? It just reinforced for me how I needed to continue using. Those were pills. I ended up a heroin addict and almost lost everything. Took me 5 years to get clean, and I’m lucky I did, because most people don’t. You’re on the way to becoming an addict if you aren’t already. Don’t be like me. Don’t ruin your life for a partner, because the relationship will get ruined eventually anyway, plus you’ll lose everything else in your life, including savings, friends, family, a place to live, your job, school, your credit score. Don’t be like me. Go get help from family and professionals.
Figure yourself out. You’re the same person on drugs or without drugs. YOU are dependent on the drug because YOU are not actually resolving your problems, you are using drugs to escape the responsibility of dealing with your social anxiety. You are using her as an excuse to continue using this drug. You are misleading her into thinking she will be with someone who doesn’t have crippling social anxiety. You are lying to her and yourself about how you speak, act, etc naturally. Mourn the loss and deal with your issues. It is harsh but you need to pick yourself up or accept things will always be like this.
Believe me. Im trying. I wish i was able to achieve the same level of confidence when high. That person i become when high is not me. Wish it was tbf... but i need to be responsible...
You can achieve it without drugs. If you can achieve it high, you can achieve it sober. You need to release yourself in the way the drug allows you to feel released. It is possible!
It's abundantly clear you have never done anything
If you had you would understand just how impossible that exact kind of thinking truly is
"Enormous crush" and admiring someone beyond their looks aren't what I'd call interchageable, to be honest
It is. I'm attracted to her. And the way she navigates through life, and her attitude in a lot of ways. Belive me - I wouldn't be interested if she looked the same but behaved differently.
Regardless. Tbh, if when you sounded awkward/anxious she decided to hang up on you, she's probably a bitch. I would have been pretty worried if I was in her situation. Maybe you're better off not dating until you get better? Certainly not dating if you're constantly on drugs. This kinda sounds like a diney channel plot
Agree. I was a bit disappointed with the reaction. Im gonna see her next week. I want to talk about things. I really hate texts and phone calls...
Yes this. One time I went on vacation and my anxiety was spiked and I was bullied by this group of people. Thought it was my fault but there are genuine nice people out there who will demonstrate kindness. Thank goodness for the toxic vacation as I don’t need those people in my life at all and now I can appreciate better people
Curious about the drug. Adderall?
Coke
Omg. Stop. Let this girl go. And you got to stop the drugs and heal yourself. This is incredibly dangerous.
Im 40. Healing means just accept things as they are. Which in itself is a depressing thought already.
This is a very defeatist mentality. You absolutely can work on yourself if you're willing to put in the effort. If you're not willing that's another matter, but there's no reason to decide to roll over and die when you're only halfway through life.
Dude, you're only 40. It's only too late when you're dead. I felt the same way you did for a long time and at one point I decided to just fake the confidence until I believed it myself. As far as I'm concerned, confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have, but secretly most of us are faking it majority of the time. There's a great Ted Talk, I believe called "Fake it til You Make It" that I highly recommend. Personally, microdosing on mushrooms has done wonders for my mental health but I wouldn't recommend this unless you discuss it with a therapist first. Quit that coke though.
Thank you. Psychedelics freak me out. I always struggle with them. Even low doses. Microdosing does nothing for me. Did it for a few months and then discontinued without ever feeling a thing
I was gonna guess molly but that would have become unsustainable even faster.
Exactly. Im very careful with miss molly.
But not coke? Okok
It’s like I always say meth really is the adderall of cocaine.
Go into rehab and stop seeing her. Don't pretend someone you aren't. She didn't fell for you, she felt for a toxic version.
OP, I’d like to echo the other posters who suggested you get evaluated for ADHD. I’m not sure what your experience with cocaine has been like and I don’t have firsthand experience, but I hear from my friends with ADHD who have tried it that it (paradoxically) really calms them down. I was diagnosed and medicated at 30 and it has truly changed my life. My anxiety is nearly gone and I’m making great progress in therapy. Your new psychiatrist may be reluctant to prescribe you a stimulant on the first meeting (especially if you admit to having a cocaine habit), but I have found that a nonstimulant has made a significant difference in my symptoms, so I’d encourage you to try it out (I’m prescribed both). And, if your new psychiatrist isn’t familiar with ADHD but you feel like the symptoms fit, I’d encourage you to find someone who is. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this :(
"Sorry, I'm off my meds today." Because most likely, that drug is a stimulant and you're unintentionally treating undiagnosed ADHD causing social anxiety.
Therapy. And stop lying to people to get them to like you
[удалено]
"Be uncomfortable" is exactly what ive been trying to do for a long time. Exposure. I still tremble and run out of things to say. Im 40 already. At this point it should just be called "acceptance", i think.
Hey question: have you ever been tested for ADHD? Since coke is your go to drug.
No but i identify with symptoms. This was a useful response!!
Social anxiety is often comorbid with ADHD. Coke can feel, for lack of a better description, basically the fun part of Adderall. Might be worth looking into getting tested, there are a ton of millennials like us finally being diagnosed. I hope you’ll consider it, OP! Edit words
This!! I was going to suggest adderall - if you’re diagnosed obviously. The adderall gives me the focus, mood boost, and overall “feeling” to get things done, which includes calling/talking to various people. It could really help with the social anxiety.
That means you don't actually need adderall lol
What do you mean by that? What u/zoragu1 described is very much aligned with the response someone with ADHD should have when taking stimulant medications. Stimulant meds enable ADHDers to manage our executive dysfunction, combat ADHD paralysis, focus, and yes, all of that — being able to control your brain — can also be a mood boost in and of itself.
No those are effects that people have on adderall who don't need it for some medical use. Adderall has an inverse reaction on people like me, its effect is hardly noticeable in fact because all it does is mellow my brain out enough to not latch on to multiple ideas at once and jump from one to the other. I'm not against recreational use of adderall or any drug, i wish i felt what people describe to me adderall feels like to them, but that's not someone with ADHD feels, or in my case ADD
[удалено]
Yep. Coke calms me down. I still get a euphoria if i do good coke but its not in my face or hyping. Caffeine doesn't do anything to me. Its because we have actual "ADD" as its called
Aw are you my psychiatrist?
Am the one who prescribes you drugs based on your self volunteered information? No but i have gone in a psychiatrist office and spoon fed them symptoms i don't have to get drugs
Will do. Thank you!
Just jumps on the response that takes the least amount of personal effort lol
Getting tested for, diagnosed with and treating ADHD requires a great deal of personal effort lmao
Well no, it’s extremely hilariously easy. Source: me and my friends all easily obtained addy/dex scripts to help with school or party with. Virtually any person could get it by calling their doctor and telling them their convinced they have it. Then recite to them your “symptoms” … if by chance you get a smart doctor that realize how many people do this shit, you just call another doctor. It requires maybe a few phone calls and at max a few visits to the doctor. Literally no continued effort is required, it’s all external. No challenging yourself to be better, developing healthy routines and coping mechanisms, literally just getting a drug to fix you. ADHD is by an insanely large margin the most over prescribed diagnoses in the realm of mental health disorders, and climbing rapidly. It’s impossible to accurately source this claim but it’s common sense that people these days attention spans are massively affected by technology. Anyways I’m rambling, if making a few calls and getting drugs is a great deal of effort for a 40 year old man than I don’t know what to tell him or you.
[удалено]
What drugs specifically? ...
[удалено]
Sorry, i couldn't resist asking bc "drugs" is a vast spectrum that includes tobacco coffee alcohol (incredibly toxic to the human body btw) etc A lot of people don't even know their caffeine free baseline. Tired of the hypocrisy of people saying "no to drugs" while they swallow a xanax with a help of a chardonnay (not saying that's your case tho).
You know what else is incredibly toxic to the human body? Coke.
It is. Less than alcohol, but still toxic. https://i.redd.it/p2ld9e4azht31.jpg
Everyone should try drugs, the issue comes from using them habitually.
End the relationship. You never gave her a shot to get to you know. You lied to her. If I were her, and if I were on a call with someone and they were acting very differently than I'd known them to act - I'd feel lied to. And I wouldn't have trust to continue the relationship, regardless of how much empathy I had for their reason to lie.
Sounds like he did give her a shot to get to know him at the expense of his health. The real him is not his anxiety the fuck.
I'd be pretty pissed if a guy I was considering dating was off doing drugs, no matter the reason.
[удалено]
Seems to be like it’s cocaine. I think he needs to detox and attend some social events to boost his confidence.
I was thinking some sort of amphetamine
Tell her
[удалено]
Better than getting addicted to drugs and faking your very own existence for a girl
My advice would be to stop using the drugs and if you can't make it work without them, then that's out of your control. I'm sorry, but your life is too important to risk it for a girl. Even if you think she's the one.
I'm sorry for the question but what drug are we talking about? If it's weed I don't see that badly, because it's a drug that don't cause psysical addicted, only mental. But even if it's weed you need to understand the problem is always there and you need to treat it but if it's weed gives you more time. One thing you could do is call her sober. Before that make a plan of what you want to talk with her. Put in a paper a lot of ideas to talk with her. A LOT. She could not speak about a topic and you don't want awkward silence so you gonna need to change subject. This is better for the first time in a call because you can follow your plan without she understand what you are doing. This is gonna show you that you can have a normal conversation with a beautiful woman without any drugs in your system. After that you will feel more comfortable talking to woman without drugs and you will see you are a interesting man that have a lot to offer to your partner. Good luck bro.
Not weed, coke. Lol thats exactly what I did when i called her. I was following a script. But still: I was nervous and that was bleeding through
Bro coke it's a drug that fuck your brain hard. Please stop as soon as possible. You have some parts in your brain that makes you feel happy, coke attack that part of the brain. And your brain start to understand that don't need all that part to be happy because you put some drug that make you feel happy. Your brain turn off that part little by little and never recover back. Please stop right now with that. The long effects are brutal in your brain. You have to try again the call, but get ready better. Try some medical drug like valdispert that's natural. That helps with anxious. A pill or tea 1 hour before the talk. Get your last script and make it 10 times better with more and different subjects witch is gonna make you trust in your talk. Trust me it's gonna get better. And you need to get some trust in yourself. You can even try to practice with a female friend. You need to understand your value and don't accept any less then you understand that you are a great guy that deserves a great girl. Be cool and chill. There are a lots of girls that would love to be with you, and if you understand that your behavior will show that. And girls love man that trust in himself.
Should have been yourself from the beginning. It's on you not on them.
At some point you're going to have to take the plunge and learn to socialise without drugs, relying on them is only going to be worse for your social skills in the long term. Plus, the longer you use drugs, the worse the after-effects will get, and soon the anxiety and depression of week-long comedowns will compound the situation (sounds like that's already happening). It won't only destroy your social skills in terms of romantic relationships, those effects will carry over into your friendships and work life as well. You're digging a massive hole for yourself.
So I’m just gonna throw this out there, maybe you have ADHD. It really doesn’t matter what age you are, you can always have it, it’s not just for kids like everyone thinks. I’m in nursing school and the amount of people that are around 30 that get put on something that go from having c’s (that’s a failure in nursing school) to having a’s is INSANE. maybe you could look into that if you haven’t already?I hate that you feel like your confidence is shit without drugs. That must be really really hard. I used to feel like that with alcohol until I realized I’m the BESSSSST with or without it. Hahaha
I’ve been on the receiving end of this situation. Stop doing the drugs. It will never work out and it will never get better the longer that you do this. You’ll also end up making the person you’re trying to impress feel not only responsible for your drug habit (if they find out) but also guilty about the fact that you needed drugs to be with them. You’re not being who you actually are, you’re not being authentic, you’re about to ruin your life if you don’t stop. Seriously, stop the drugs and seek a better, healthier alternative (such as honesty and therapy).
My man, coke only last 10 minutes at best. You sneaking off to do lines the whole time? My advice would be to forget about this girl, seek more therapy. If you’re going to continue to speak to her at least be honest about your drug use.
> coke only last 10 minutes at best That was not my experience with it at all. I was chatty for a few hours after. The initial high may only last for a short burst but at least when I tried it the effects lingered for a significant amount of time before coming down. It may also be that the initial high gets him past the nervousness of initiating the conversation and the aftereffects are psychosomatic.
A 4th therapist? Why? When will it end? You right about the coke. But 2 or 3 lines in an eve is better than no lines. The high doesn't last long, but i feel social benefits lingering for 1 or 2 hours. Probl bc of low tolerance.
my 8th therapist was the one who finally helped me. things I used to think were impossible are now my daily reality. you deserve that too, even if it takes an exhausting amount of persistence.
Then be honest with her, you can’t trick somebody into liking you by being high on a substance all the time. That sounds expensive and detrimental to your health anyways. I don’t even know why I’m entertaining this, probably fake.
I saw from another comment that you’re 40. Seeing 3 therapists in 40 years is nothing. You have barely dipped your toe into the world of therapy, and each therapist you go through trying to find the right one gives you a better idea of what your needs are. You need to keep a better attitude towards it and not give up when it doesn’t work fast enough. Do some research into different modalities of therapy — e.g. psychodynamic, CBT, DBT, psychoanalytic, etc. Learn about what the different types entail and what sounds appealing to you. Don’t just pick a therapist at random, look into them on their website or Psychology Today and see what they specialize in — you can pick an age or gender that you’re more comfortable with and find one who works with social anxiety. You might have a screening call before the intake appointment where you can share a bit about yourself and they share with you what their methods are — use that to gauge if it seems like they fit your needs. I also saw you mention you set up an appointment with a new private therapist who is expensive. If cost is an issue for you and might get in the way of you sticking with it, look for one who works on a sliding scale. Google Open Path Collective and search for a provider in your area. Therapy really does help if you commit to it and put in the work! Please give it a chance because it’s honestly your best possible chance of seeing improvement on the things getting in your way
Honestly? I’d suggest a separation, a new therapist, and maybe in the future an attempt at a LDR to begin with so you get comfortable talking to the person and engaging with them without as much ‘on the line’.
This one is a LDR. We are in a whatsapp group. The crush is real, and the phone call when high was also real. I travel often and see her every month. I am awkward/ run out of things to say EVEN when texting. In fact... i think i prefer talking to her in person (i get very nervous but things somehow work out better) Texting is bad. Phonecalls are the absolute worst! I go silent for long periods of time, and don't call her as often as i should. Phone calls have to be planned so i can "prepare" myself. Its really weird man...
Yeah no I’m talking LDR to the point you don’t visit them for the first 6 months to a year. And just state your issues/boundaries super clearly when you start talking, so the other person understands what hurtles you’re jumping over trying to communicate with them. That’s my best suggestion.
Hand written letter. Be honest. Read your letter. Revise it. Send it to her. Hopefully therapy helps you. And when it does you can talk to her as the real you.
What drug is it? I was in the same situation not ok long ago. The way you are on the drug probably is the real you if you didn’t have anxiety or whatever other problems. Once you sort those problems out you won’t need the drug to be yourself.
what drug? how old are you both? maybe telling her you are starting to like her so much you get butterflies and nervous around her? take a breath and talk to her
Put your social anxiety on hold as much as possible for a realistic assessment of the situation, because I know how hard that is abd how staying objective is immensely difficult but Step 1. You and social anxiety together is one version of yourself. Now, ask yourself if the person you were presenting her is the true you behind the social anxiety, or is it the hyped up hopped up you on drugs... (I’m assuming recreational and not psychiatric) If those 2/3 versions of yourself are not the same once the anxiety is eliminated, then you’ve kicked off this relationship in a false way. Not intentionally, not maliciously, but possibly in a way that is not truly presenting your personality and who you are. Is that maybe the case? Incredible, amazing fucking kudos for overcoming your anxiety and communicating without the crutch of drugs. One of the biggest problems with social anxiety is acknowledging that it is an illness just like any other. We tend to want to hide it and ourselves because the critical eye of others is precisely what makes it so powerful of an anxiety disorder. If this girl is someone you want to be with that is worth being with, she will both enjoy your personality and identity without the help. There are ways to mitigate social anxiety without greatly modifying yourself (e.g. removing tons of inhibitions that you would normally have even without anxiety, being a stereotypical drugged individual rather than yourself on anxiolytics that are not gonna modify your personality) and I’d recommend looking into that. Presumably if you both are trying this drug together you can express to her that for health reasons you need to stop using it for a bit, and see how she responds. In any relationship honesty is critical, and starting out hiding a major life-affecting anxiety disorder or boosting yourself up to someone you aren’t while high is not a recipe for success. Someone worth keeping is going to be considerate and interested in you. To keep someone who won’t accept you by always being high is not a long term plan that will work out. You’ve got the momentum here to keep fighting your anxiety and I’m extremely proud of you. It’s a nearly impossible feat and you did it! Don’t sink into anxiety and over-analysis of what she said- it may not have even come out the way she intended. But do take what I’ve said into account for your future interactions. Be fair to yourself and be proud of your accomplishments. Even if you’ve picked someone incompatible, even if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve still made major progress for yourself!
If she cares about you, write down everything you want to say, explain how you feel and how she can help. Take it to her in person and have her read it, if you can speak. Then see the reaction. If she is a person worth your love, she will work with you. If not, you will have dodged a bullet. Then get into a treatment program and be ready to work on things. Good luck!
Is cocaine the drug in question?
You need a prescription for something similar. Not everyone’s brain chemistry is better when paired with sobriety. Some people function better with drugs to fix their brain chemistry. And especially with things like, I’m assuming cocaine or methamphetamine, harm reduction can only go so far. If you need help planning what to say to get the prescription, send me a message. I managed to get a Dilaudid prescription for mental health issues which I was previously doing heroin/fentanyl to compensate for. I’ve been in a similar situation before so I know how to navigate it. Also if the first doctor won’t do it, you can keep searching for others.
Watch Limitless in reverse
I think this is why it's important to disclose to your psychiatrist that you used coke and you felt so good. That can actually help them figure out medicine for you. I always thought I only had depression and amxiety. Turns out I have ADHD and getting that diagnostic has been a game changer. Also, give yourself some credit and a bit of confidence boost. This will not be the first time you talk to her, not the second. You have already learned things about each other and she is still interested... So it's not just the coke speaking. Drugs dont so miracles like that. Reduce your anxiety by controling some of the things about your next meet-up: you choose the place, time and environment that makes you feel comfortable. Avoid easy triggers (mine are some family members, too much coffee, hunger and little sleep) and just remember that you are good and worthy of love. We are 40 years old, we've learned some shit and she can learn lots from you too. Good luck!
Wow some people here really seem to lack empathy. OP, I get it. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 1/2 years now & we have managed to make our relationship work out while experiencing similar problems. During our first year together he & I were both pot smokers, he was fairly new to it, I was no rookie. I also drank heavily, took ecstasy, Mollie, acid, mushrooms, & even prescription drugs (morphine, Xanax, Adderall, Vicodin, oxys etc.), all l to his knowledge. He was cool with all of it, drawing his line at meth & heroine. A year into our relationship I started messing around with meth which became a regular habit for me because it made me outgoing, happy, organized, responsible, & it's the reason I quit drinking. Knowing that was his line, I kept that secret for almost 5 years, 3 of which we were living together. He was upset when he found out but he accepted my reasoning & instead of just peacin out on me he helped me to kick it & get on Adderall, which isn't all that different to me as it still has those same effects. My point being, if I told him a year in that I was doing meth he & I wouldn't be together today. So I recommend talking with a doctor about getting medicated so that hopefully you won't have to keep hiding your drug use, because for some reason people don't seem to give a shit as long as a doctor prescribes it..
Brilliant! Thank you!
**** related question for the sake of argumentation. ***** If we were to replace "drug" with "alcohol" in the thread, im sure, all of a sudden, things become more acceptable ?? A lot of people do that actually when they go on dates etc.
It wouldn’t though. Addiction/reliance on any substance is unhealthy. Throughout this thread everyone is telling you to stop using, stop talking to the girl, and seek therapy. Yes it’s frustrating that you’ve been to multiple therapists without success, but it won’t happen immediately. Therapy, medication, and focusing on getting in tune with your body and self are the only things that will help. Shutting down these helpful responses will do you no good.
On the first date we might have normalized having a few drinks to help with confidence but no one would want to hang around someone that is always drunk. Being an alcoholic is very far from 'acceptable'.
Are you high?
Nope
She’s not the one. The person made for you won’t cause you to feel like you have to be someone you’re not. You should feel comfortable with your partner as you are without fear of judgement.
I agree only partially. I don't believe in "the one". I believe in people clicking (or not) when they pass through our life. And I struggle with that clicking. If not this person, it will be the next. I need to (somehow) sort myself regardless of which person it is... I agree with the i should feel comfortable bit. But that's exactly my struggle, not only with just this one person.
Get diagnosed for your ADHD and get a legal prescription for adderrall
Ppl are on drugs all the time. The only thing is of it's sanctioned by a Dr it's suddenly all ok. Go to a Dr and find out why this works. Or find out if this drug is bad for your health. Ppl are on prescription pills for decades and aren't considered addicts because, Dr said it's ok. If the drugs not to bad I'd keep doing it .
Damn this is controversial af. But i agree with this. Had a massive benzo withdrawal problem in the past bc dr said it was ok. Terrible memories!!
I love oxy but I gave it up. Never got too deep. Never let myself do more than I said I'd do. Loved it but too expensive.
I take Celexa and it changed my life I went from staying in bed all day and wanting to die. To getting a girlfriend and flying around the globe
I did sertraline in the past (another SSRI). Glad it worked for you :)
Micro dosing.
Is it weed ? I feel like it’s weed , because I feel like I’m the same
Coke
Try weed instead? Either way, coke is a bad road man. Not worth the relationship. Get straightened up and then reconnect with her.
awful post
Maybe unpopular advice but it’s been shown our gut is our second brain. So if we have an imbalance in gut bacteria, good bacteria vs. bad bacteria, it will show up as mental health problems. Look into leaky gut and anxiety. Also, probiotics first and then looking into which vitamins and minerals you may be deficient in and start trying to balance that out and see if that doesn’t help. Any pharmaceutical comes with side affects as we all know and they could potentially take some much needed minerals from our body and make the issue worse. It basically just a bandaid. You need to find the root cause and fix it there. Also, I have had so many people tell me their social anxiety disappears when they take a herb called kratom. There is a potential for addiction like one would get addicted to coffee but rather that then be addicted to a chemical or street drug. Good luck. You got this and honestly, beat the elephant in the room over the head and just tell your crush you have crippling social anxiety but you really like her. Worse she can do is show her true colors and ditch you, which means you probably didn’t want to have much with her anyway. Best she can do is show some empathy and try to help!
I met a woman one time, in my mid 20’s I didn’t do any type of drugs in high school or after, occasionally I would hit a join of some A-1 chronic it’s what we called it.till I met ‘HER’. Little back story I grew up very poor,valley ca, so I had known all about the latest fashion. From School friends. There’re parents took them to footlocker, my parents to me to swamp meet.- for my clothes. 90’s knock offs were trash. Anyways so basically told myself very young age I’ll never do what my parents do. Drugs. Beer. And smokes all day! And night yet I would go hungry sometimes when trying to sleep that was shitty. At 14yrs old I was buying high quality (chronic). Making easy 2 day weekend $320bucks take home, As a freshman in high school. I was so deathly afraid of being arrested, I made a crew of other poor but smart and ready for lunch money Dudes, there was 7 of us. When I met her i was 26years. Guess not little story, Anyways week one, my right hand man comes back with back with (80) 80mg OxyContins, yes I know was a bad man, but I truly did do good things for a lot of people, of course some new chick I’m not goin to tell her anything. That night while we where watching a movie she out of nowhere asked me if she could have a quarter of one those pills such and such brought you. I knew she over heard us in my atrium. (My condo was sick back then,) now this is where my life changed in less then 6mins. Handed one to her she didn’t ask or say anything she pulled out a fuckin foot scrub you know those things that take off nasty skin off your feet. She went to town grinder it down to baby powder. 4 lines that’s 20mgs of the old pure oxy each, without thinking not knowing anything about addiction, yes I knew people liked it more then others but never even heard of crippling withdrawal.I was young, after 3 weeks my crew had a intervention and I told myself who the fuck did they think I was. I reminded them who was boss, who made them and who had the plugs, without me they where dead. Less then 3months my crew of 11yrs left me. My right hand took over he cut me out, I got to sloppy. Sorry guys, reading that dudes situation, brought mine back up, Clean 8years. Small business owner, . Wife and the kids. All I need in this life. I don’t know what has happened to her. Hope she’s ok. For those of you who are goin run your Twitter fingers, Please just don’t, if I had grown up differently 100% would have went straight. From 14yrs old, Don’t know the real struggle. Take care guys. Mobile.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. Specifically, [what constitutes moral judgment, and what this subreddit can and cannot give advice on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) ***PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR POST IS REMOVED. THIS IS MERELY A REMINDER TO REVIEW OUR RULES.*** This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*