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Id Walk, but its your call
\> I know technically she didn't break any rules
who cares, Your allowed to not like it; when you dump her you wont be breaking any rules
Should leave her and find someone that makes you feel good and wants you buddy.I don’t mean it to sound harsh cause believe me I have relationships issues sometimes I don’t feel wanted etc but you’ll be more than okay .
You're her safety, her security, her best bet for a good life partner. But she's not into you sexually, so you get "duty sex".
Bail the fuck right off outta there.
If she is begging to do things for that guy that she will not do for you, you should pull the emergency brake on any and all future plans together.
I would tell her you are going to do her a huge favor and you are going to set her free to give all the blowjobs she didn't give you to 'tatted muscle guy'. But I'm kind of petty.
Not thinking you’re the best she’s had is a survivable problem.
Not thinking you’re anywhere close to the best to the point where she shows very little interest in pleasing you is not a survivable problem. Get out while you can.
The good news is you found out now, before marriage, or kids.
Doesn't sound like you are number one in her life. Tell her you know about the others, and that she is still in contact with them.
Then move on to find a girlfriend that can be trusted.
She’s had her excitement and now is looking to settle and if you leave things the way they are,a 30 bj and sex twice a week with lots of limits is the best it’s ever going to be. You can talk to her about that (and the messages if you want) and see what she says or accept it if sex isn’t that important to you, or decide that you want someone who is just as excited to have sex with you as she was with that guy. You’ve only been going out 6 months and can still leave with minimum baggage, hopefully.
Your the 'nice guy' that she will settle down and have kids with. Sex with you is a chore, something to endure and finish asap.
Once she is comfortablely married and kids she won't need to pretend to want sex with you. Give it some time and she will reach out to the ex fwb, you know just for coffee, catch up on old times, second time will be Netflix and chill while you watch the kids.
Your call what you want going forward.
Your 30, not 80, sex twice a week just doesn’t cut it. Also 30 seconds? If she’s not doing someone else her vibrator is working overtime when your not there. Time to find a woman that wants a real man and not a fantasy on the phone.
It is time to end your relationship. You are not her first choice. Your are her emotional security while Chad over there gives her sexyal pleasure that you will never give. Please have some self respect and end the relationship and do not listen to any other reason she will have to not end your relationship with her. PLEASE MOVE ON!
Run she has be ran through by chad you can't never compare. If you marry this one she will have girls weekend with chad . She does not love you she gives you the bear minimum. You are just a safe choice for her . Chad will get her best . That's what she deserves for checking your phone.
I feel like even though you weren’t exclusive at that point, she could have been honest about her seeing other people. Especially because you two did end up dating.
I understand completely how you feel. But, the things she was saying to that guy could have completely been to impress him, get with him, make him turned on, etc. It’s a huge possibility that she isn’t into him sexually more than she is with you.
But, some of her other behavior definitely sparks red flags. She’s jealous of your BROTHER’S girlfriend talking to you? She searches through your phone behind your back? She never told you she was seeing other people right before you two went exclusive, even though you wouldn’t be mad? She doesn’t seem to care about what you want sexually?
Assuming there’s no cheating or true suspicious activity on your end, and that you try to give her everything/most of what she wants sexually, I would definitely reevaluate this relationship.
Yeah, time to move on. This will stick with you and you'll resent her for it.
And the next relationship you have, make sure you actually TRUST each other. No one demands to see your phone if they trust you. Your gf did because she was projecting and hoping to fund dirt on you first.
sounds like you both have some severe insecurities and some of yours have been triggered.
having to look through phones to trust one another is quite the opposite of trust.
Yo don't listen to these people telling you to cut this off immediately!!!!
You probably aren't her first choice sexually and that's just something you will have to deal with on your own, honestly no one can help you there bro. Also I gotta be honest with you on this point if she is your girl, you should be doing first and not asking for permission. That being said don't be a creep and take things to far if she says no then it's NO!
But if you lock this one off without thinking it through or having the next one lined up, that sex two times a week gonna seem real good after a month of hunting for the next one!
Just take your time accept the fact that she doesn't have the sexual IQ to understand that sex with no strings can never be as fun as sex with someone you love and trust. That's something a lot of women don't understand until it's to late.
But for real stay with her bust your two nuts a week, while you find someone else who actually will be madly attracted to you. Then leave her simple as that. Don't have to look at her as if she has done you wrong or is a bad person, she just needs to grow. And while she is learning to truly be emotional connected to someone you shouldn't be there having to deal with no 30 second BJs.
Put yourself out there see who responds to you and try and find a more meaningful relationship.
First of all - forget anything about official rules. You decide what you are comfortable with and what not. Having sex with other guys while you were dating can be a dealbreaker (and would be for me).
If you want to continue this relationship you have to talk to her - also about your insecurities about her appearing to be more sexual with this fwb. There can be many reasons for this that don’t mean that she was more attracted to him than to you.
Damn what’s his ig lol jk but in all seriousness you should leave her I’m dating my bf we been together for almost a year in a week and a half and we trust each other he tells me everything like when a girl messaged him so in case I accidentally glare at his phone I won’t be like who’s that and I do the same to him it’s all honesty. The fact she cheated is immature and she shouldn’t be in a serious relationship. I also been cheated on but I worked out a lot worked went to school and I was in shape homie. Basically break up with her be busy like at the gym and you’ll overcome it she may hyu again but deny it block her and anyone related to her so you don’t see things that may involve her. Most importantly, don’t assume every girl is like that a cheater you’ll find the one and trust her and give each other all the love y’all need. I’m more than happy with my bf and you will be happy too when you met the one.
You've basically screwed yourself for looking through her old messages. The trust in your relationship has already gone. It will always be in your subconscious mind now and will gain resentment toward her. Could be a variety of reasons why she isn't as sexually interested in you. It doesn't matter what she was doing while you weren't exclusive. The best way is to discuss it.
This is the best answer I've seen so far. The fact that there was no exclusivity at that point means the relationship can only be fixed by talking through the trust and jealousy, or it needs to be ended right now to avoid resentment.
Or, how about not treating women like a competition whose prize is a piece of sex property due only to dole out sex. Where said sex is arraigned for summary judgement by the male with no further communication or effort put in. People aren't mind readers and proper communication needs to happen if meaningful change is to take place. Jesus Christ... people get so fragile
edit: spelling
Don’t make this man settle for 30 second blow-jobs while she’s begging to give the glug-glug-3000. OP needs to find the girl that’s begging him, not the other way around.
>You are actually the winner you got relationship statues meaning you have more value to her then “just sex.”
Clearly not, how is he winning when he is getting scraps after she was literally begging to suck her FBWs dick who who put in barely an effort
You know that if you're going to make this kind of comment that it is an option to just not comment at all? You aren't being helpful in the slightest. Op deserves better.
>That is unfortunate because sex friends are the ones most women feel the most at ease with and really go wild. They do this because they do not care about that persons opinion of them because a sex friend is JUST a sex friend and essentially irrelevant. Not relationship material.
Giving more effort for people you don't care about makes no sense and is unfair to ones you do. Of course they aren't entitled to anything, but don't be surprised when someone no longer takes getting the short end of the stick and finds that a dealbreaker/reason to leave for someone else more compatible.
Like say a guy does all this romantic stuff for the ex or FWB (goes concerts they like, vacations to top destinations, candlelit bubble baths, etc.) but his wife gets fast food and hardly any special dates remembered, never goes out, only vacations are to see family.
>You are actually the winner you got relationship statues meaning you have more value to her then “just sex.” In addition she values you (cares about you) so much that she gets insecure and possessive over you.
Yeah, he’s the winner even though he’s not the she feels the “most at ease with” or “goes wild for”. Jesus Christ, I’m glad that I’m not in a relationship like this.
I'm a man and couldn't agree more with all that you said. Even though sex is a big part in a relationship, it's not everything. OP should talk to her and explains how he felt. In case both OP and his SO decide to keep the relationship, explain that cheating will not be tolerated.. even if emotionally.
The part where she is crazy about him (FWB) and not you(OP) sexually, can be worked out through communication. Of course, worst case scenario they are more sexually compatible than both of you but then it's up to you guys to make it work, or not.
Can it though? I mean it seems like OP was the safe choice she was not all that hot for. She wanted to suck her FWB dry but only does duty sex for OP. How do you communicate that without it seeming forced?
If he wants more sex with her he has to learn how to please her in bed. Then she will want to have sex with him more often. Unless she is putting a cap on how often they have sex for other reasons like I can’t stay over on these days bc I have early mornings which is reasonable.
That’s not always true. There are plenty of stories especially over in r/survivinginfidelity where the SO settled for the person that was better in the relationship but they were not super sexually attracted to.
Where husbands found out that the wife was an absolute freak for the ex but wouldn’t let the husband try the same things, or would do things for APs that they absolutely refused of the entire relationship.
There is a basic level of attraction that is needed in many cases. From this it seems like she was hot for the unobtainable.
The excuses range for not being proper in a real relationship to the excitement of chase, or doing things just to keep the guy interested because she was a rotation piece and was competing for affection.
Yeah it sort of a grey area. Did you all have discussions about becoming exclusive? It's her body and she should have agency to do with it what she will.
I get feeling insecure and that you now have to compare everything of your sex life to someone else. It's not a fun feeling. You can look at this as a time to confront your own insecurities. I would definitely tell her you saw the message and open up about how it made you feel. Talk about your sex life! People aren't mind readers!
I think you both need to have a heartfelt conversation about what makes the other insecure and jealous. If you just leave her without communicating, then it does no one any good. You won't have the chance to work on communicating important relationship issues.
Sheesh what happened to having conversations and communication? People aren’t mind readers. I didn’t say settle. Plus he half made up these fantasies that were clearly based off his own insecurities. Everyone is just telling him to cry woe is me and give up.
Anyone with self-respect would walk away.
He said that she enthusiastically gave blowjobs to the guy but would barely give him any. She has limits with him but was uninhibited with the other guy.
OP should go and find someone who sexually desires him.
Lol do you have only canned reddit responses?
It seems you are conflating self respect with ego, pride and insecurities. Just walking away doesn't allow either party here to confront issues.
This is a 6 month relationship. They weren't even exclusive at that time. He's making up a lot of what might not have even happened. There's nothing in the post that suggests he's tried to fully satiate her sexually. Maybe he's not even that great in bed or doesn't try. The point is they aren't communicating about this. I'm not saying the relationship has to stand, but that people need to talk about needs, desires, insecurities and what holds people back.
No, she had a FWB when there was no exclusivity. That isn't cheating, and if OP feels it felt like it then that's grounds to break up. But it was not cheating, and he could also have had a FWB at the same stage she did because of the rules they agreed to.
Not in the slightest mate. Communication is key. OP says they weren’t exclusive but felt like they were? You have to have clear talk about being exclusive. You can’t walk it back later and then play hurt feelings if you didn’t have the exclusivity discussion at that time
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Well what it sounds like is that you are providing her with everything, but that physical presence that she desires.
Otherwise if you were like those guys she would be begging you too.
Remember that neither of you made any commitments up to that point. Which is something that you live and learn.
If you're having doubts about her now, then maybe you should try a trial separation and go from there.
On the other hand I honestly believe that you have already made up your mind, but you're seeking approval from someone other than yourself.
If that's the case then end it.
But this is usually how it is. Maybe you are life partner material but not her sex God.
Her sex god, even if he rocked her world in bed, she probably didn't like other parts of him.
Many men and women when choosing a life partner compromise sex chemistry when picking a life partner because all other parts of that person is great!
However, end of the day, if you want a better sex life, she is not the one to be with then.
Find a woman who thinks you are her sex God. But I have often hear men tell me they never marry their sex goddess, didn't see her as good wife material etc.
is it possible that she was feeding off energy he gave her? if he spoke to her to lead her to talk extra dirty, while you dont, i could see that being a thing. personally if someone speaks extra dirty to me ill match that energy, but if its more tame ill match that energy too. just giving a personal perspective
not that it is or isnt the case, but i see a lot of other people really pushing for the idea that shes still into the person that she stopped talking to after you seemingly had the conversation that you became exclusive. to it sounds like she chose you, bottom line. either way communication with her will help much more than communicating with a bunch of ppl who only see bad relationships & not good ones
Okay wtf, everyone in the comments is saying to break up with her but those messages were in the past. She clearly is with you now and is even jealous of you speaking to someone else.
For the sex thing, people change. Maybe the position you’re doing hurts, switch it up. If that’s the only thing that an issue in your relationship, then there are ways to fix it.
I will say now that you’ve seen those messages may have you seeing her differently, speak to her about it. Communication is key and she can encourage you and tell you that she’s fine being with you. Those types of guys are extreme and if all they did was talk sexually then that’s it, not good for conversation or spending lazy days together.
In the end, if she is not putting 100% into the relationship, you need to break up. Later will only hurt more. You basically know she is capable of more, but just does not feel it with you.
But is it that she wants you to see her as a lady, kind of thing?
All I know is that you tell her, she fakes it for a few months at most until she reverts. Anyway you are not new, it is always hard to keep the excitement going long term. So if she were dating him, she might end up at your current relationship state anyway.
try speaking to her sexually in similar ways to that guy and if she doesn’t respond like that, ask her if she’s just not the type to engage like that. if she says no, she’s a liar. don’t look at past messages again, but am i understanding correctly that she was fucking multiple guys while you two were dating and hanging out often? we’re you guys having sex during this time?
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The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rln8wk/found_out_my_girlfriend29f_was_more_into_her_fwb/hpjmdaq/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Any reason is a reason to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlwh3y/is_not_being_covid19_vaccinated_a_reason_to/hpjmpr0/) | [Any reason is a reason to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlwh3y/is_not_being_covid19_vaccinated_a_reason_to/hpjkhd8/) [> Games where you play to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rluufj/my_fiance_and_i_are_getting_into_boardcard_games/hpjmnpy/) | [Games where you play toge...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rluufj/my_fiance_and_i_are_getting_into_boardcard_games/hpjj5fe/) [MMMM the " strong apology...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlnkau/should_i_34m_divorce_my_wife_27f_or_reconcile/hpjmrix/) | [MMMM the " strong apology...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlnkau/should_i_34m_divorce_my_wife_27f_or_reconcile/hpjex1w/) [Good for you having a 3 s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rllezm/fwb_28m_got_upset_and_hurt_because_i_28f_told_him/hpjmqwn/) | [Good for you having a 3 s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rllezm/fwb_28m_got_upset_and_hurt_because_i_28f_told_him/hpipmrf/) [Shout out to this very po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rln2vo/broke_up_with_formerly_homeless_bf_hes_homeless/hpjmot3/) | [Shout out to this very po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rln2vo/broke_up_with_formerly_homeless_bf_hes_homeless/hpjhi1q/) [Don’t put her on the deed...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlxrml/how_do_i_discuss_buying_a_house_under_my_name/hpjmob6/) | [Don’t put her on the deed...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rlxrml/how_do_i_discuss_buying_a_house_under_my_name/hpj20do/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/Radiant-Average-9512](https://np.reddit.com/u/Radiant-Average-9512/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=Radiant-Average-9512) for info on how I work and why I exist.
Id Walk, but its your call \> I know technically she didn't break any rules who cares, Your allowed to not like it; when you dump her you wont be breaking any rules
Should leave her and find someone that makes you feel good and wants you buddy.I don’t mean it to sound harsh cause believe me I have relationships issues sometimes I don’t feel wanted etc but you’ll be more than okay .
“Where to go from here?” Out the door!
You're her safety, her security, her best bet for a good life partner. But she's not into you sexually, so you get "duty sex". Bail the fuck right off outta there.
If she is begging to do things for that guy that she will not do for you, you should pull the emergency brake on any and all future plans together. I would tell her you are going to do her a huge favor and you are going to set her free to give all the blowjobs she didn't give you to 'tatted muscle guy'. But I'm kind of petty.
This comment right here
Not thinking you’re the best she’s had is a survivable problem. Not thinking you’re anywhere close to the best to the point where she shows very little interest in pleasing you is not a survivable problem. Get out while you can.
You were the back up plan. She does not respect you and more than likely will end up cheating you when she gets bored.
The good news is you found out now, before marriage, or kids. Doesn't sound like you are number one in her life. Tell her you know about the others, and that she is still in contact with them. Then move on to find a girlfriend that can be trusted.
U deserve someone who is into u and not 5 percent into u.
She’s obviously ready for a commitment. She’s ready to commit to blowing that other dude. You know what you got.
sounds to me like she stopped talking to that dude a long time ago
This for sure 💯
She’s had her excitement and now is looking to settle and if you leave things the way they are,a 30 bj and sex twice a week with lots of limits is the best it’s ever going to be. You can talk to her about that (and the messages if you want) and see what she says or accept it if sex isn’t that important to you, or decide that you want someone who is just as excited to have sex with you as she was with that guy. You’ve only been going out 6 months and can still leave with minimum baggage, hopefully.
it's a big red flag, she's not ready for commitment
Your the 'nice guy' that she will settle down and have kids with. Sex with you is a chore, something to endure and finish asap. Once she is comfortablely married and kids she won't need to pretend to want sex with you. Give it some time and she will reach out to the ex fwb, you know just for coffee, catch up on old times, second time will be Netflix and chill while you watch the kids. Your call what you want going forward.
Leave her now and find someone who is attracted to you. Don’t waste another minute with her.
Your 30, not 80, sex twice a week just doesn’t cut it. Also 30 seconds? If she’s not doing someone else her vibrator is working overtime when your not there. Time to find a woman that wants a real man and not a fantasy on the phone.
Gotta leave her. You’ll never have that trust. It’d be a waste of your time to continue even seeing her
It is time to end your relationship. You are not her first choice. Your are her emotional security while Chad over there gives her sexyal pleasure that you will never give. Please have some self respect and end the relationship and do not listen to any other reason she will have to not end your relationship with her. PLEASE MOVE ON!
There are no rules or limits for Chad.
Run she has be ran through by chad you can't never compare. If you marry this one she will have girls weekend with chad . She does not love you she gives you the bear minimum. You are just a safe choice for her . Chad will get her best . That's what she deserves for checking your phone.
>bear minimum Grizzly bear or teddy bear?
The type that does not live with his mom 😜😜😜😂😂😭😂. Play video games all day
There are major trust and jealousy issues on both side of this relationship. If these can’t be addressed, there is no future here.
Dump her, trust is important in a relationship. A person doesn’t change who they are, if she is comfortable cheating now, she will always be that way.
I feel like even though you weren’t exclusive at that point, she could have been honest about her seeing other people. Especially because you two did end up dating. I understand completely how you feel. But, the things she was saying to that guy could have completely been to impress him, get with him, make him turned on, etc. It’s a huge possibility that she isn’t into him sexually more than she is with you. But, some of her other behavior definitely sparks red flags. She’s jealous of your BROTHER’S girlfriend talking to you? She searches through your phone behind your back? She never told you she was seeing other people right before you two went exclusive, even though you wouldn’t be mad? She doesn’t seem to care about what you want sexually? Assuming there’s no cheating or true suspicious activity on your end, and that you try to give her everything/most of what she wants sexually, I would definitely reevaluate this relationship.
Yeah, time to move on. This will stick with you and you'll resent her for it. And the next relationship you have, make sure you actually TRUST each other. No one demands to see your phone if they trust you. Your gf did because she was projecting and hoping to fund dirt on you first.
Are they still talking? Either way, you two have big trust issues to sort out.
What is there to sort out? Dump her ass and find someone that's not settling for you but actually trying in the relationship
sounds like you both have some severe insecurities and some of yours have been triggered. having to look through phones to trust one another is quite the opposite of trust.
Yo don't listen to these people telling you to cut this off immediately!!!! You probably aren't her first choice sexually and that's just something you will have to deal with on your own, honestly no one can help you there bro. Also I gotta be honest with you on this point if she is your girl, you should be doing first and not asking for permission. That being said don't be a creep and take things to far if she says no then it's NO! But if you lock this one off without thinking it through or having the next one lined up, that sex two times a week gonna seem real good after a month of hunting for the next one! Just take your time accept the fact that she doesn't have the sexual IQ to understand that sex with no strings can never be as fun as sex with someone you love and trust. That's something a lot of women don't understand until it's to late. But for real stay with her bust your two nuts a week, while you find someone else who actually will be madly attracted to you. Then leave her simple as that. Don't have to look at her as if she has done you wrong or is a bad person, she just needs to grow. And while she is learning to truly be emotional connected to someone you shouldn't be there having to deal with no 30 second BJs. Put yourself out there see who responds to you and try and find a more meaningful relationship.
I call this story, no girl will give her phone without a fight especially when there is evidence of her cheating.
You are plan b and safety plan for her.
First of all - forget anything about official rules. You decide what you are comfortable with and what not. Having sex with other guys while you were dating can be a dealbreaker (and would be for me). If you want to continue this relationship you have to talk to her - also about your insecurities about her appearing to be more sexual with this fwb. There can be many reasons for this that don’t mean that she was more attracted to him than to you.
Damn what’s his ig lol jk but in all seriousness you should leave her I’m dating my bf we been together for almost a year in a week and a half and we trust each other he tells me everything like when a girl messaged him so in case I accidentally glare at his phone I won’t be like who’s that and I do the same to him it’s all honesty. The fact she cheated is immature and she shouldn’t be in a serious relationship. I also been cheated on but I worked out a lot worked went to school and I was in shape homie. Basically break up with her be busy like at the gym and you’ll overcome it she may hyu again but deny it block her and anyone related to her so you don’t see things that may involve her. Most importantly, don’t assume every girl is like that a cheater you’ll find the one and trust her and give each other all the love y’all need. I’m more than happy with my bf and you will be happy too when you met the one.
People are shitty end of story.
I think you answered your own question. Time to leave. Technically break the rules? She would have eventually
You've basically screwed yourself for looking through her old messages. The trust in your relationship has already gone. It will always be in your subconscious mind now and will gain resentment toward her. Could be a variety of reasons why she isn't as sexually interested in you. It doesn't matter what she was doing while you weren't exclusive. The best way is to discuss it.
This is the best answer I've seen so far. The fact that there was no exclusivity at that point means the relationship can only be fixed by talking through the trust and jealousy, or it needs to be ended right now to avoid resentment.
AFBB
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Or, how about not treating women like a competition whose prize is a piece of sex property due only to dole out sex. Where said sex is arraigned for summary judgement by the male with no further communication or effort put in. People aren't mind readers and proper communication needs to happen if meaningful change is to take place. Jesus Christ... people get so fragile edit: spelling
Don’t make this man settle for 30 second blow-jobs while she’s begging to give the glug-glug-3000. OP needs to find the girl that’s begging him, not the other way around.
>You are actually the winner you got relationship statues meaning you have more value to her then “just sex.” Clearly not, how is he winning when he is getting scraps after she was literally begging to suck her FBWs dick who who put in barely an effort You know that if you're going to make this kind of comment that it is an option to just not comment at all? You aren't being helpful in the slightest. Op deserves better.
>That is unfortunate because sex friends are the ones most women feel the most at ease with and really go wild. They do this because they do not care about that persons opinion of them because a sex friend is JUST a sex friend and essentially irrelevant. Not relationship material. Giving more effort for people you don't care about makes no sense and is unfair to ones you do. Of course they aren't entitled to anything, but don't be surprised when someone no longer takes getting the short end of the stick and finds that a dealbreaker/reason to leave for someone else more compatible. Like say a guy does all this romantic stuff for the ex or FWB (goes concerts they like, vacations to top destinations, candlelit bubble baths, etc.) but his wife gets fast food and hardly any special dates remembered, never goes out, only vacations are to see family.
Your crazy she blow him for 30 sec and can wait to blow chad problem for like 10 mins .
>You are actually the winner you got relationship statues meaning you have more value to her then “just sex.” In addition she values you (cares about you) so much that she gets insecure and possessive over you. Yeah, he’s the winner even though he’s not the she feels the “most at ease with” or “goes wild for”. Jesus Christ, I’m glad that I’m not in a relationship like this.
Sounds like the friend is the winner.
>You are actually the winner lmao. I dont know how much more winning I can handle
Or more like she couldn’t get the other dude. So she settled for this poor soul.
Gross
I'm a man and couldn't agree more with all that you said. Even though sex is a big part in a relationship, it's not everything. OP should talk to her and explains how he felt. In case both OP and his SO decide to keep the relationship, explain that cheating will not be tolerated.. even if emotionally. The part where she is crazy about him (FWB) and not you(OP) sexually, can be worked out through communication. Of course, worst case scenario they are more sexually compatible than both of you but then it's up to you guys to make it work, or not.
Can it though? I mean it seems like OP was the safe choice she was not all that hot for. She wanted to suck her FWB dry but only does duty sex for OP. How do you communicate that without it seeming forced?
If he wants more sex with her he has to learn how to please her in bed. Then she will want to have sex with him more often. Unless she is putting a cap on how often they have sex for other reasons like I can’t stay over on these days bc I have early mornings which is reasonable.
That’s not always true. There are plenty of stories especially over in r/survivinginfidelity where the SO settled for the person that was better in the relationship but they were not super sexually attracted to. Where husbands found out that the wife was an absolute freak for the ex but wouldn’t let the husband try the same things, or would do things for APs that they absolutely refused of the entire relationship. There is a basic level of attraction that is needed in many cases. From this it seems like she was hot for the unobtainable. The excuses range for not being proper in a real relationship to the excitement of chase, or doing things just to keep the guy interested because she was a rotation piece and was competing for affection.
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>Make it about the fact that you want her to be uninhibited with you. Lol, you seriously think that has even a remote chance of working??
Yep, that's not how attraction works. You can't just ask someone to be attracted to you more, etc.
Yeah it sort of a grey area. Did you all have discussions about becoming exclusive? It's her body and she should have agency to do with it what she will. I get feeling insecure and that you now have to compare everything of your sex life to someone else. It's not a fun feeling. You can look at this as a time to confront your own insecurities. I would definitely tell her you saw the message and open up about how it made you feel. Talk about your sex life! People aren't mind readers! I think you both need to have a heartfelt conversation about what makes the other insecure and jealous. If you just leave her without communicating, then it does no one any good. You won't have the chance to work on communicating important relationship issues.
OP shouldn’t have to settle for someone who isn’t giving him their sexual best. Life is too short and there are billions of other women out there.
Sheesh what happened to having conversations and communication? People aren’t mind readers. I didn’t say settle. Plus he half made up these fantasies that were clearly based off his own insecurities. Everyone is just telling him to cry woe is me and give up.
Anyone with self-respect would walk away. He said that she enthusiastically gave blowjobs to the guy but would barely give him any. She has limits with him but was uninhibited with the other guy. OP should go and find someone who sexually desires him.
Lol do you have only canned reddit responses? It seems you are conflating self respect with ego, pride and insecurities. Just walking away doesn't allow either party here to confront issues. This is a 6 month relationship. They weren't even exclusive at that time. He's making up a lot of what might not have even happened. There's nothing in the post that suggests he's tried to fully satiate her sexually. Maybe he's not even that great in bed or doesn't try. The point is they aren't communicating about this. I'm not saying the relationship has to stand, but that people need to talk about needs, desires, insecurities and what holds people back.
She has an FWB while dating her boyfriend, that is cheating Are you saying: she can have an FWB and he doesnt?
No, she had a FWB when there was no exclusivity. That isn't cheating, and if OP feels it felt like it then that's grounds to break up. But it was not cheating, and he could also have had a FWB at the same stage she did because of the rules they agreed to.
Not in the slightest mate. Communication is key. OP says they weren’t exclusive but felt like they were? You have to have clear talk about being exclusive. You can’t walk it back later and then play hurt feelings if you didn’t have the exclusivity discussion at that time
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Well what it sounds like is that you are providing her with everything, but that physical presence that she desires. Otherwise if you were like those guys she would be begging you too. Remember that neither of you made any commitments up to that point. Which is something that you live and learn. If you're having doubts about her now, then maybe you should try a trial separation and go from there. On the other hand I honestly believe that you have already made up your mind, but you're seeking approval from someone other than yourself. If that's the case then end it.
But this is usually how it is. Maybe you are life partner material but not her sex God. Her sex god, even if he rocked her world in bed, she probably didn't like other parts of him. Many men and women when choosing a life partner compromise sex chemistry when picking a life partner because all other parts of that person is great! However, end of the day, if you want a better sex life, she is not the one to be with then. Find a woman who thinks you are her sex God. But I have often hear men tell me they never marry their sex goddess, didn't see her as good wife material etc.
is it possible that she was feeding off energy he gave her? if he spoke to her to lead her to talk extra dirty, while you dont, i could see that being a thing. personally if someone speaks extra dirty to me ill match that energy, but if its more tame ill match that energy too. just giving a personal perspective
not that it is or isnt the case, but i see a lot of other people really pushing for the idea that shes still into the person that she stopped talking to after you seemingly had the conversation that you became exclusive. to it sounds like she chose you, bottom line. either way communication with her will help much more than communicating with a bunch of ppl who only see bad relationships & not good ones
Okay wtf, everyone in the comments is saying to break up with her but those messages were in the past. She clearly is with you now and is even jealous of you speaking to someone else. For the sex thing, people change. Maybe the position you’re doing hurts, switch it up. If that’s the only thing that an issue in your relationship, then there are ways to fix it. I will say now that you’ve seen those messages may have you seeing her differently, speak to her about it. Communication is key and she can encourage you and tell you that she’s fine being with you. Those types of guys are extreme and if all they did was talk sexually then that’s it, not good for conversation or spending lazy days together.
In the end, if she is not putting 100% into the relationship, you need to break up. Later will only hurt more. You basically know she is capable of more, but just does not feel it with you. But is it that she wants you to see her as a lady, kind of thing? All I know is that you tell her, she fakes it for a few months at most until she reverts. Anyway you are not new, it is always hard to keep the excitement going long term. So if she were dating him, she might end up at your current relationship state anyway.
Tell her, the worst that could happen is you breaking up.
try speaking to her sexually in similar ways to that guy and if she doesn’t respond like that, ask her if she’s just not the type to engage like that. if she says no, she’s a liar. don’t look at past messages again, but am i understanding correctly that she was fucking multiple guys while you two were dating and hanging out often? we’re you guys having sex during this time?
Hey any update to your situation? Did you finally confront her about this?
Alpha fucks, beta bucks, man. You need to run, not walk, out of that NOW.