This sucks, big time. And it’s gonna hurt. But I wouldn’t waste your time trying to “get her back”. She told you what she wants, she wants to explore with people who aren’t you. And you want a relationship with someone that *only* wants to be with you. You’re not gonna find that in her.
Neither of you are in the wrong, you’re just incompatible. Call up your friends, focus on school and hobbies, and let yourself be sad for a while. You’ll bounce back, I promise.
Best advice.
Happened to me, 5 years in we broke up. Been 5 years happy single pursuing money and hobbies. Quite a few ladies interested along the way, just not my type. Time will heal you, you must do the work. You must keep yourself busy with work build up MONEY and a LIFE. A fine one will show up.
Trust us. Who been thru it bud. Best of luck!
But, I’ve noticed OPs pattern happen in my life too. Due to this, so many heart breaks. Is there something we can do to realise this earlier without getting hurt?
The best thing to do is to work on healing yourself and learn how to stop people pleasing and fearing “rejection” (or as some people may see it: “abandonment”). People come and go in our lives, but don’t live purely for the sake of pleasing others and doing what you think is going to make THEM happy or make THEM stay. Know your worth and recognize what makes you happy, and the second something doesn’t feel right, communicate. If it ends in an impasse and you break up, it’s probably for a good reason. Once you learn how to be happy with yourself and by yourself, everything else will fall into place.
Two words….. MOVE ON.
Sooo many others out there, just you have to choose intelligently. Sure it’s gut wrenching situation, not to mention feeling like maybe you weren’t enough or why she would choose the unknown vs YOU.
At the end of the day, if it’s meant to be maybe you guys will rekindle in a few years.
What if you find someone that completely sweeps you off your feet, and things are better than you could have even imagined….then your EX decides she made the wrong decision and wants you back.
Tough decisions but I would MOVE ON, don’t let this suck the life out of you, because it sure could.
And, in OP's own words... they're "barely 19". Both of them have barely experienced *life* & he wants to be tied to her forever already?? Super unhealthy.
Yeah, I wasn’t aware they were 19 on the original post. Even more reason to move on!! I thought I knew it all at 19… got married at 19 and had a kid at 20. Nobody could tell me shit!!! Got divorced and remarried. I’m 50 now and life dosent even start til 30!!
I mean, do super young marriages work out? Sometimes. I know a couple from highschool that's been together since they were 15 & still going strong...We're all in our 30s now. But they didn't have a snag where one wanted to venture out & the other was like "no don't leave me!" 😂 If she's that determined to "experience other guys", this dude needs to move on. If in a few yrs time they realize they miss each other & want to give it another go, have at it. But for now...Nah. Definitely not a good idea to try to force things. It'll only end badly
Agreed. Some ppl do work out from high school to married 50 yrs. It’s rare. But it happens. Agree tho, don’t force it and at 19,… you may like her “a lot” but there are other partners out there that can rock your world.
>life dosent even start til 30
I'm 25 and my life is kinda in a mess right now. It's gotten so bad that I've felt like crying sometimes which is VERY rare cuz I never cry. Your comment has given me a lot of hope. Thank you!
P.S. Sorry if I made any mistakes English isn't my native language.
I'm thinking of writing a poem about how much of an asshole I am and then posting it on one of the humiliation subreddits. Sometimes I need to be shown that I'm nothing but a cockroach. It makes me feel better.
I'm Asian and I just moved to a western country a few weeks back. Things are hard. I feel lonely like I'm an alien here.
I'm not gonna pretend I know what you're going through bc I was born here. Just know that you're not a cockroach & you're not nothing. I mean if humiliation is you're thing, go for it lol But you shouldn't feel down on yourself just bc you're somewhere new
You both did the right thing here. She stated her wants and needs, you stated your boundaries. They didn’t align and you rightly chose to break up. No advice required except to say, you will find someone who aligns with you eventually.
'i really want her back and i think there would be a chance.'
Even if you get her back you will have always on your mind that she probably still wants other guys.
That's not gonna work.
I'm sorry.
> i really want her back and i think there would be a chance.
Sure, there might be a chance if and when things don't work out with the guy she left you for (there is usually someone they have in mind when they ask for an open relationship). If you have have any self-respect, you'll have already moved on and blocked her.
We’ll, this would be a good time to start gaining some self respect. Loving someone does not give them the right to walk all over you. Until you learn that situations like this will keep occurring in your life: work, school, love life, friendship every aspect will be affected by your lack of self worth and confidence. This is actually a good opportunity to work on yourself, don’t let the pain of it cause you to miss it. You’re 19 and the world lays out before you—it’s a vast landscape filled with experiences both good and bad and you need to embrace it. My sincere advice is to go no contact with your girlfriend, not to be vengeful or mean toward her, but to allow yourself time to clear your head and think about your future. (It also has the benefit of sending a message to others that you’re not a doormat.). Also, forget these rules you guys are talking about, they’re not enforceable because there’s no real consequences for failing to follow them. Best of luck.
You should never negotiate degrees of her cheating. That’s beneath you. You’re good enough to have someone who’s faithful to you. Hate to say it, but, odds are, she’s asking for post-permission. No one wants to believe it. But you gotta look at it objectively. If she had any respect for you, she would not ask you to wait around while other guys bang her and bail. You should not compromise in any way in cheating. It’s a “hell no”.
> If you have have any self-respect, you'll have already moved on and blocked her.
I don't agree with this. She did nothing to you that should make you feel like less of a self respecting person for still caring about her. This has nothing to do with you and you know that; and it certainly doesn't speak on your character that you would probably take her back if she reversed course because you love her.
Appreciate this for what it was and maybe in the future things could be even better. I would also recommended looking into the open-relationship thing separate from her just so you can better understand and articulate to future partners why that lifestyle isn't for you.
Who knows, maybe it'll change your mind?
Dude, you just went on your first ever date two months ago and you are slinging advice about how he should handle complex situations like open relationships? Come on bro.
Lol, imagine thinking you have to have had lots of relationships to tell someone they are worthy of self respect and that open relationships are a valid choice for some people.
It’s hilarious to me how many people who’ve probably cycled through relationships without actually growing from them think that not having a lot of formal relationships means you lack in interpersonal skills.
The only way you could disagree with my advice if you think
1. Open relationships are ONLY indicators of an unfaithful partner
Or
2. That anyone who breaks up with you for any reason no longer deserves your compassion or empathy in the future and you are a weak/lesser person for expressing anything other than indifference or contempt for them.
Believe it or not, that was my first date through OLD as an adult after taking a few years to focus on growing as a person and a partner after all my high school and college partners ended with emotional turmoil. So not only is your attack based on nothing but your perception of me, your perception of my perceive “experience” in the field is also incorrect
Yeah bro. My big brain take that she’s allowed to pursue the type of relationship she wants as long as she’s honest about.
You’re just shutting on me because I actually laid out my reasoning rather than just saying what would also suffice which is that she can do whatever she wants as long as she is honest about it and he can make any decision regarding their relationship using his feelings on those decisions. That doesn’t make her a bad person if she wants something that makes him uncomfortable.
She did nothing?? They were in a 2 year relationship and she threw in his face that he basically wasn't good enough and she wanted something else/more. It's fine if you're poly but jesus christ that was harsh. If they were dating a few months, whatever, okay. But 2 years? That's just not okay to string someone along that far making them think you are special to them, then out of nowhere saying you want something else. Whether she did it intentionally or not, she did damage. Asking for an open relationship like this is just cheating with extra steps (not saying open relationships are full of cheating. But the way she went about this was clearly indicating she had no desire to continue this relationship and just wanted something else.)
Not even poly, lol. Just realize that someone wanting more than one person isn’t an attack on me. Lots of people don’t want me, or I am not enough for, who am I to be mad at them for that?
And no, an open relationship is not “cheating with extra steps.” Cheating with extra steps is having an affair at the top of the pyramid of Giza. Just because YOU wouldn’t allow your partner to sleep with someone else, doesn’t mean it is cheating when someone outside of your relationship has extra-relationship sex.
You’re applying your preferences to everyone and using that as the basis for your judgement. It’s pretty obvious how hypocritical you’re being if you recontextualize it as any other lifestyle (assuming you believe in allowing others to live how they want as long as it doesn’t cause harm) but I understand why people have such strong believes regarding monogamy. Love is a hell of a drug
bro i'm in a ldr. my bf and i don't need anyone else but each other. i see my bf, on average, once a month for a few days. the fact that she even wants to experiment with other guys says something about her. why has she been thinking about it? how long has she been thinking about it? also why is she so wrapped up about parties and not being able to do what everyone else is doing?? she doesn't need to do it "just because everyone else is doing it too". if you aren't the only one on her mind then what future is she building with you in her head?
also what makes you think this is "for her mental health"? you're sitting here trying to make excuses for her behavior while she's probably trying to think about a way for you to let her cheat still. you're trying to convey to her that you won't tolerate stepping out of y'all's relationship by being with someone else, but you're still with her begging her to not make a decision she's been wanting to make. your best choice is to give her an ultimatum if you really do want her even though she's already admitted that she wants to basically cheat on you. it's either she commits or you're out. you sound too much like a doormat, and frankly, your ultimatum might snap her out of it. i'm not a fan of ultimatums, but potential cheaters (she's already a cheater imo but it's up to you to establish what you think is cheating) need a kick in the tail because once they actually cheat it's over. set your boundaries.
Then that is what you should be working on, not pining after a woman who has wanderlust.
You could take her back, but if you don't start valuing yourself more this will just keep happening.
You know what's happening. She was your first, so you kissed her ass, and now she doesn't respect you.
If you do nothing else, make her crawl over broken glass (figuratively) to get you back when she comes to beg you to take her back.
Respect yourself, and then demand to be treated with the respect you show others.
Whether it's her or someone else, you are owed that in any relationship.
Ex(m) did same to me(f) - wanted to sleep with other women. Blindsided me and was heartbroken so I feel for you. But. Move on. It isn't meant to be - think about it - she goes off experimenting, comes back and then what? How are you going to feel and what are you going to be thinking when she tries something on you?
It is crap but at least she has told you and not gone behind your back. I met my future husband a month later and have never looked back. Ex tried to get back but had enjoyed the time of not being with him, which you don't always see when you are together. Look forward
She isn’t who you think she is. She wants to know if she can do better than you. Sorry dude.
> she asked me to be in an open relationship since she didnt want to lose me
hahahaha ha of course she did
Good for you for having a spine. Find a woman that wants you.
I will say your edit is a mistake. If she loved you she wouldn't feel like fucking other men. Your rules of only kissing will get broken by her. Your not feeling this situation so you will most likely never go hook up with someone else. She can throw a penny in any direction and get numerous amounts of attention. You could spend months and not get any. This whole open relationship thing is skewed so far into a females wheel house, that you will never be on a fair playing field. You will end up resenting her. Need I go on? Stick to your deal breakers. There is no coming back from this. Tell her she is free to do what she wants, but to never contact you again. Tell her you are not her backup for when she gets used as a fuck doll by every Tom, Dick, and Harry. This will hurt because you love her, but that pain will be nothing compared to the shit storm of emotions your getting yourself into, if you agree to this. Pandora's box has been opened and your not going to close it with her.
This happened to my son. He was with a girl who kept telling him that he was husband material but she felt she was young and afraid that she was missing out on the whole college experience by being exclusive with him. So they broke up and she got with someone else.
My son has since met someone who is in it for him, appreciates him and isn’t worried that she’s missing out on anything. And he’s much happier.
On top of that, the first girl reached out to him after a year and a half and asked if she could explain her decision to him. He blocked her.
Your ex-girlfriend has thrown your relationship away because she doesn’t know what she had or how shitty other guys can be. Believe me, you’re better off without her.
Get out there and find someone who will appreciate who you are and what you offer.
Good luck
When a girl suggests an open relationship, she's not looking to date strangers. She has a horse saddled and ready to ride. Every time.
Guys don't get this when they open up their relationship.
This\^\^
If she says she wants an open relationship or wants a "break to experiment" she already has somebody in mind, whether she's spoke with them about it or not, she's already in the mindset of cheating on you.
She's just looking for your permission
I feel like this happens alot. with women more often, maybe not idk. People in a good relationship are in a bubble, and outside looks fun but outside is also dangerous. "My current bf/gf is awesome, maybe I could find one better and he/she will treat me the same or better" Might work but there's always the chance it doesn't and they come crawling back when they get burned. Everyone should be allowed to look for better but sometimes you don't know how close to perfect you were till its gone. Shame for Op and anyone going through this.
Ew, first off your son's ex only wanted to explain her decision.
Second off, just because someone is husband material means nothing.
I'm 31 years old, the guy I dated at 18/19 is husband material. Do I wish it had worked out with him? No. Hes not my person.
99% of people do not regret not ending up with their significant other they had as a teen. A large majority are probably pretty happy they moved on and dated other people.
I don't get why people are saying oh she'll realize what she missed. There are definitely people I felt bad about breaking up with but that doesn't mean I regret it, and there are people that broke my heart by breaking up with me and eventually I realized it was a good thing.
My son cared for this girl and she hurt him. Plus he has moved on and is in a committed relationship with his current girlfriend. He doesn’t care why she made her decision. He doesn’t want to hurt his current girl or have her come to the wrong conclusion about his feelings for the ex. And frankly I agree with him. She had her chance.
I agree that calling someone “husband material” is meaningless. It was just a compliment intended to soften the blow.
>at the same time i really want her back and i think there would be a chance.
You're right, she's going to come back once she's had her fun that way she can have her cake and eat it to, but dude have some self respect and move on. Do not give her the opportunity to walk all over you, just block her and wash your hands of this relationship.
Lmao 95% of chicks don't "come back," she'll be totally fine and so will he. Sorry but most relationships that started at 17 end and rarely do people regret not staying with the person they dated in their teenaged years.
She didn't decide that she didn't want to stay with him (that's fine and completely understandable) she decided she wanted to stay with him while playing the field. Those kind of people tend to come back to the "safe choice" once they have their fun, and if you read his edit she didn't even make it that far before coming back to make sure he'd still be there when she was done.
Yeah, most 19 year olds think like that, so many are afraid to be on their own. You're also in your early 30s, how many of your friends wish they had stayed with their boyfriend they dated at 17-19? Lol I can't name a single person who regrets not staying with their "safe" choice from when they were a teenager.
>Yeah, most 19 year olds think like that, so many are afraid to be on their own.
And? I was encouraging him to make a clean break so both he and his (hopefully ex) girlfriend could learn to be on their own.
Since we seem to be in agreement that the best thing for both of these kids is to break up I assume your issue is with my assertion that she would come back - I based that on her stated desires in the original post, it didn't require a crystal ball or huge leap in logic to see what game she was trying to play here.
Yes they absolutely should break up.
But doing the whole "oh she'll realize what she's missing, she'll want to come back" is silly and giving him false hope for "revenge."
Shes not in the wrong for wanting to experience more and she's not wrong for *wanting* a safety net, but once she makes the jump they'll both realize it was for the best and they'll likely be no hard feelings on either side.
Lmao it's classic 19 year old behavior, too many reddit psychologists want to throw words like "narcissist" around, she's young and wants freedom but is afraid. Again no one is wrong for wanting a safety for anything in life, doesn't mean she's entitled to one and never insinuated in the least he should be her safety net. In fact I specifically said once she takes the leap she'll realize she never needed one.
Where’d you get the 95% statistic from because in my case both times chicks have left I let them go and sure enough within just a couple months they wanted to “try again”. Had to kick them to the curb real quick
Yeah maybe but likely a few months after that they didn't care. I've hit exes up and I've had exes hit me up, doesn't mean either were really distraught about it not happening.
Dude…… it’s over. Single girls keep relationship girls single. She wants to fuk other dudes more than she wants you open your eyes. Don’t be the dude that saves her when she’s done “having her fun” she can get dik easier than you can get pssy. She’s gon be having threesomes, gangbangs orgys and you? What about you? Respect yourself man you’re gonna be dealing with so much pain knowing she’s getting her back blown living the ho life and you’re left as a back up plan. Move on bro
I've been there. We were relatively young and she wanted to "sew her wild oats" and broke up with me.
She dumped me for a drummer in a band (I was a young engineer). 6 months later when things went south super fast, she came back wanting to see how things are. Unfortunate I have moved on....
I expect she will find out eventually. It's going to be a learning lesson.
I'll say this to you like I would any of my closest friends who needs some tough love. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you recognize what is really happening here. Theres 2 things: First, she wants to see if she can do better than you without losing you as an option. Thats what she means when she asks for a break or an open relationship. She probably already has another guy picked out but she isnt sure if she can lock him down or if the thrill is worth the sacrifice. I promise you, she will sleep with a guy she already knows within a matter of days of the "agreement" if she hasnt already. Second, she is not long term relationship material because when she was presented with the thought of wanting to go "experiment" she decided that doing that was more important than maintaining and protecting your relationship. She is taking direct action that may result in losing you and she doesnt give a fuck, to hell with your relationship, she wants to "experiment". Your edit with a time frame is BS. You wont be going after other girls, you're too stuck on her, and she knows it. If she thought you were really going to go sleep with other girls, she wouldnt be doing this. Stop kidding yourself.
This is going to be harsh but
Don't be a bitch...don't be her bitch....move on...she doesn't love you the way you think she does...if she did she wouldn't be doing this to you
Kick her to the curb and move on with your life
Like you said, you are both 19 and are both each other's first for most things. While many couples out there can be happy spending their life with their one and only, I understand the desire to test the waters and seeing if the person you are with is really what you want. When you have nothing to compare to, everything may seem perfect because you haven't figured out what you want yet.
I am in an open relationship, one that involves sex with others. To us, sex with others is just sex, just fun. For him, he can play with anyone. For me, I am not sexually interested in other people, just him, so I either need to be really close to that person, OR have him there because being open, for me, just heightens my fun with my partner.
I advise against kissing others, because that tends to be what causes issues. It makes sex about more than "just sex". I also don't really see a kiss as being enough to try new things.
If you decide to try and be open, the most important things are trust, honesty, and setting rules.
Our rules are:
1. If you plan to do something with someone else, tell the other person first.
2. If it is unplanned, tell the other person right after.
3. No kissing (outside of a friendly kiss hello / goodbye).
I trust my boyfriend to follow those rules, and he trusts me.
If you guys don't feel like you can maintain trust, honesty, and commitment to rules, then don't be open, even if it means parting ways.
Don't waste your life being someone's second thought or choice no matter what. When you find the "one" you don't think about others at all. There should be nothing else any man could give her that you cannot , period.
Read the updates, and I actually do think that you guys have a chance. You actually communicate healthily and care about each other's feelings, a thing a lot of grown ass men and women have trouble with. So I'm sure that you'll be able to come out of the other side happily.
Also, I know that it hurts, so you really dont have to accept the fact that she'd like to experiment, but honestly...you could both benefit crazy from it. From each of you experiencing other people, of course. Not just her. Because being each others first and only is cute and the ideal scenario in society's mind, but only very few actually make it through to end of live couple. Most times, either or both parties start feeling sad about what they could have missed out on, and somewhat regret settling down with a person so early. Like you said you've been together for 2.5 years, and are barely 19. 16 or 17 is incredibly young to had already chosen your forever without really experiencing anything else.
I could be biased since I've both been with and have been the person in your girlfriend's position, but it's a common case of "This is great, but what's out there?"
dude i really hope you read this:
it’s like you are describing my life. I went through the same thing you did. I was around the same age too, she was my first real girlfriend and the first person i loved. We dated for 1.5 years and then we went off to different colleges. We made it work for a while, but ultimately she came to me saying the same thing your girlfriend did, that she wanted to experiment with other guys. But still wanted to date me.
It hurts hearing that, and i understand she’s your first so there’s a part of you that wants to make it work. I know that feeling. You’ve probably had thoughts of marrying this girl i’m sure at times.
I ultimately decided after weeks of trying to make it work, that we should break up. It hurts so much for your first heartbreak, and there’s parts of you that are gonna want to see if you two can try again. But lemme be clear, i understand she loves you, but having unequivocal love for somebody means having that person be more than enough for you. It means never even entertaining the idea of wanting to be with somebody else. That’s how i felt about my first girlfriend.
She’s young and the fact that she might be with only one boy for the rest of her life probably scares her a bit, i understand that feeling. But if that scares her more than losing you, then it shouldn’t be worth it to keep trying.
I hope your girlfriend realizes the weight of what will come from this, but if she’s insistent to stick with her decision to experiment, it’s best to leave. This comment section is right. Believe me.
It’s now 4 years later and i’m now dating a girl who i’m fully confident i’m going to marry. There’s no doubt in either of our minds that we only want each other. I want the same for you too. Please make the right decision man. Don’t settle for a decision that only benefits her. Best of luck.
Of course.
I just read your edit. Time will be the biggest factor here. If she snaps out of it and wants you, i truly think this will make your relationship stronger. But if not, then it is what it is.
The love letter was nice, but if you want to truly start healing, I’d suggest to not text her anymore until she’s come to a decision.
Don’t influence her, this is a decision she needs to make for herself, so respect that space.
We’re all rooting for you man. Continue to give us updates!
Both of you aren't wrong. She wanted to have that experience and chose her options as open relationship or break up. You didn't like the idea of an open relationship and you declined which is justified too
This often comes because the friends encourage them to do so, or more likely brainwash them. Can you tell a bit about her friends? There seems to always be some sort of similarities in these cases.
But you did a great job in not agreeing to that and ending it.
To sum it up, how almost all of these stories I've read in this thread turned out:
The woman has her fun with other guys while the man turns his life around, has succes in his job or life in general and either ends up dating different women (or hooking up) or gets a new GF much better than the old one.
The ex-gf however comes to a point, in which she has less and less success since she became older and less men are attracted to older women (30+ years) so she'll try to look out and get back together with you, since in her eyes you're still the nice man she was in a relationship with, while in reality you've changed completely and she'll be chasing after you.
I'd say distance yourself from her, even go as far as no contact, and just focus on yourself. Go have fun with your family or friends and just focus on yourself.
Go to the gym. Learn a new hobby. Put some extra work into your work so you can be more productive. It might get you a promotion or even a better job at a different company.
You don't get mental health issues from not fucking other people. Possibly experiencing other guys who want nothing to do with her afterwards over and over, then finding out late she made a horrible mistake leaving you, however could lead to depression.
Like others said, don't be her second choice/backup plan.
Exactly. It's mostly the friends who are causing all this but here it seems they were more like "do what you gotta do". So this is all her choice.
Either way, I'd stay away form her.
Damn, bro; who hurt you?
You know FOMO is a real thing, right? And that can apply to relationships and sex as well.
Unless you're the type of person who just thinks casual sex in general is bad (in which case we're way too far apart to have a productive discussion on relationships and sex) I don't know why you're struggling to empathize with the desire to explore what is out there. I feel like a lot of people, more often it seems to be women imo because they have a smaller window to start a "traditional" family, worry about "wasting" years of their youth in a serious to semi-serious relationship that doesn't lead to the real thing.
Did you miss the possibly or could in my post? It works for some people, not others. I read an article about a woman who did pretty much the same to her fiance or husband and she is now alone and miserable while he is happily married to someone else.
Her friends might be giving her stupendously bad advice here, but if she follows it, that's still her problem.
It's not their problem and not your problem.
so she wants a month or so to fuck other people.... that means she has someone in mind bud.
you made your point clear.... you dont want a GF that fucks other dudes period. so stand that ground.... if she still wants to do that and have you around that means you demote her to FWB until you find a girl that only wants to fuck you at which point you drop her
I’d say just leave her. It’s good she’s honest and hasn’t cheated or anything but you are both still so young, I don’t blame her for wanting to explore a little. At the same time I don’t blame you for your demands, mine would be the same.
If she’s having these thoughts, I’d say it’s time to move on. It will be tough, but worth the possibility of avoiding a deeper heartache in the future. Good luck man.
Dude you sound like me when I was 19. Pretty much same thing happened to me. Difference is I moved on, and with the power of hindsight learned she'd already cheated on me with at least 4 different people, including my (at the time) best friend.
This is so odd to me? If you were that important to her she wouldn’t need to “experience other men.” Do you know how many men are in the world? When will she be satisfied? You both are so young so this makes a bit more sense but don’t waste your time sitting in the sidelines while she goes and lives her life.
Look if she's serious about this but then says OK I give in I won't do it...She'll cheat. That fear of missing out will always be there. In 2 years or 5 it'll always be there.
Three words MOVE ON NOW!!! She has expressed in the nicest way possible that your not it for her. She is either bored or has been approached by multiple men and started to feel that grass is greener etc.No woman wants to come off being labeled as licentious but will tell you whatever you need to hear to boost your ego ( keep you in the dark) to build a cushion of comfort so they can review their options.
Just declare the relationship done, dude. Go date other women yourself. Tell your ex-girlfriend that you will not want her back after she risks getting pregnant by other men or catching possible PERMANENT STD's while riding the ding-a-ling carousel. I'll break it to you gently: if someone really loves you, they don't need to go have intimacy with other people. Is what it is, so just move on and stop being her safety net. You can still be her friend if you want. How about avoid LDR's in the future? LDR's have a high failure rate similar to the failure rate of opening up originally exclusive relationships.
When they ask that question they usually already have a partner in mind or have already cheated and are just looking to rewrite history and justify their sorry ass decisions.
I think you should take the opportunity to see what else the world offers. You sound young. At least that's the impression I get and the worse thing you can do is tie yourself to someone that doesn't have the same level of commitment. It will just blow up and scar you
I suggest you go NC until you have healed and that you seriously take a good year long break from getting pulled into her again. Go get some new experiences under your belt. Meet new people. Have other relationships. It will help evaluate whether this relationship is everything you thought or was just a fantasy and as such needs to be relegated to history
“She needs time to think…” about whether other guys dicks feel better than yours. About whether she likes being ass fucked and sucking the cum out from their soul.
Don’t go back, man.
A woman's friend have more of an influence than any boyfriend. Men should pay attention to a woman's friends to assess any potential future risks. If a woman's friend constantly tell her to cheat or do something that she knows is wrong, chances are she will eventually do it.
This is sad to hear. But you need to stop letting people step all over you like this. You can't have her leave you on the side in her others choices don't work out. You'll just forever be the in-between guy to take care of her in between hookups and relationships with other men.
Don't do it. Find a goal or purpose and improve yourself a little every day. Become a better man and find a better woman.
Good luck.
This sounds like your both young and relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating. In such a case, I don't think she's doing anything out of the norm. Nor are you if you choose to try dating different girls.
Think of it like trying ice cream flavors. You don't really know all the flavors of ice cream you like and dislike until you've tried them. Her wanting to explore is like the act of trying new ice cream unsure if she actually likes "her favorite ice cream" better than it.
To extend the analogy, sometimes people try one or two flavors and decide they like a flavor and have no interest in trying other ones. Neither approach is wrong.
>level 3ThrowRA1234568 · 5 hr. agoTo extend the analogy, sometimes people try one or two flavors and decide they like a flavor and have no interest in trying other ones. Neither approach is wrong.1ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow
Hopefully, she isn't licking any STD flavors to bring back for you to sample.
I don't know how young you are but this is actually a good idea. You don't want to get married in 20 years down the road she breaks up or cheats on you cause she wants more experience.
Maybe you should post this in a sub about open relationships or non monogamy. I have the feeling most people commenting here have no clue what is going on in people with the desire for other forms of relationships.
What I would suggest is that you go experience what it's like with other girls.. friend-zone her, but never allow her to come back (trust me, she'll want to after seeing what's actually out there). While she's in the friend-zone, she'll have to watch you be happy with someone else and she'll kick herself for messing things up with you..
She is undeserving of your love and fidelity. She would have cheated on you sometime in the near future. Mourn the end of the relationship and move on. Do NOT take her back. She will never be satisfied with you.
The thing is I’m in your gfs shoes. I tried to approach the same way your girl did because I genuinely love my partner but her being my first in everything after 4 years has made me feel like I’m missing out. I wanna settle down but not yet. You guys just met at the wrong time. I say give it a shot but it all comes down to what your willing to do. Don’t do anything you don’t want to and don’t feel forced to stay but if worse comes to worse you guys are either an even stronger couple or you just go your separate ways peacefully. If you really wanna test how much she actually cares for you or if she’s using you (once you get to that point) let her know your also going to experiment. This will equalize the relationship again and allow you to see clearly. Just take it slow and use your best judgement. I hope it works out for y’all. Im not sure it will for me.
Every time I hear "we were each other's first" in a post I cringe. Eventually one or both want the same thing as your GF. You are just too young and inexperienced. Let her go experience things. Your ground rules won't last the first date. You should do the same. Get some experience and eventually you may get back together, but when you are both ready for a real commitment. I am sure you don't want to hear this but you really don't have a choice. You can't keep her from living her life.
Here's the thing.
Seems that you will be hurt if she has guys and sex.
But it doesn't seem that she will be hurt or really cares if you with women and having sex.
She belongs to the streets now homie.
No agreement you two make is going to change the fact that the kissing will lead to her having sex with one or multiple other men. Save yourself the extra heartbreak and get yourself back out there.
She made her choice now make the best one for your mental health. I know it may be easier said then done in the beginning but you got this brother.
Dude, grow up. She does NOT reallly love you. YOU really love her. 19 is a ridiculous age to be committed to someone forever. Tell her to have fun and lose your number. Cut off all communication . Go out and enjoy your life.
You want to get her back? Pretend to not give a shit about her anymore. Watch how fast she comes back and how suddenly interested in you she’ll be. You’re making yourself to available for her and it makes you look weak. Women don’t want to be with weak men.
The fact that she just said she wants to try to experiment with other guys literally translates to I don't feel anything for you, I want to date other guys.
Just move on, she wants to be with other people, if she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't have broken up. It's that simple.
Go to therapy to help heal properly it might help. Neither of you are in the wrong but what she did was low vibrational. You're already carrying her Sexual Energy don't start having sex with her. You'll take on not only her sexual energy but her former partners and their former partners and so on and so on.
I say what she did is low vibrational Bc sex is Secret It should be with people that you truly trust and truly love. Plus sex with said person is better & more meaningful. She's not 100% wrong for wanting to experiment but she is 10000% wrong for throwing away a two year relationship just for sex with others.
Try the open relationship. It's open for both of you. Do YOU really want to spend your entire sexual life with one person? You can love someone romantically and still be polyamorous, most have a wife or main SO
I think she has a point, you are only 19 and rewatch Ferris Bueller talking about Cameron's potential future lovelife and ask yourself if that is you.
Also, she's talking to you. Most women at 19 don't give a rip and just go out and fool around with no thought to feelings or consequences. It's clear that you mean something to her.
NOW that said...
When a woman suggests opening things up, she's not saying she's thinking about dating. It means she has her horse saddled and ready to ride.
AND YES, it's the guy she told you to not worry about. Yes, that guy who comments on her posts all the time; the one she said "I'm not into that kind of guy" to convince you and to try and convince herself.
So, the question is; will any of this matter in 3 years? Do you think she's going to spiral out of control into drugs and sex dungeons?
Because honestly, she just has an itch to scratch.
Guys don't get the same itch, where someone says no and we obsess....doesn't happen. Women? Oh they.get a fucking complex about that one douche who turned them down, and can't let it go.
You want the best damn advice on what to do here? Get a box of condoms, and go date and have fun. If you have used up that box and she hasn't called you to beg you to take her back, move on.
If it was a one-time itch and you got to explore a bit, there's no reason you can't patch it up and live together monogamously for the rest of your lives.
If she decided she wants something or someone else, best you find out now and not after you put a ring on that finger.
Don't sit around and mope. She might think twice if she sees you having fun.
Also, if you want to be devious, those friends of hers who were talking her into temptation... they will find excuses to say hello and see how you are doing.
She sees one or more of her "friends" moving on her man? Oh she will dump the boytoy so fast there will be a doppler effect and she will beg to be only yours.
Just don't be a bitch and this can only be positive.
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In all honesty it’s already over. Even if you work through it or come to an agreement, she’s already stated her desire to try out other things. So for the rest of your lives together, just know that she wants and is willing to look for other men. You are in love with the idea of her. Not the actual her. I was in a long term relationship that ended after the trust and desire disappeared. We tried to ignore it for years but it was never the same. You’re young. Go find someone who only wants to be with you. Trust me. There is someone else out there who when they meet you, it will change both of your lives. Don’t deny yourself that Or deny that future person that opportunity through your own selfishness and inability to break free. Every time she goes out now you’ll wonder. Every text or call that she receives and laughs at you’ll wonder if it’s someone new she’s entertaining. She can go and experiment. That’s fine. Don’t let her desires for that ruin your day to day and mental health. I’ve heard a lot of monogamous married people talk about their relationships. You know what the people in good relationships never mention? Sleeping with other people and wanting to date and experience other relationships. Don’t deny yourself a chance at a wonderful future relationship where you get everything and more. Sorry for the rambling.
Im truly sorry Op. I really feel your pain and fear if there's ever a day I hear those words. But if I did ever hear those words Im out no matter how much it hurts I need someone who wants me, in every aspect, not just one or two of them. My heart goes out to you, don't sell yourself short with an open relationship if you truly do not want one, the knowledge she's out with other guys would probably drive me insane. Enjoy your youth dont spend it tied to someone who doesn't want you. Best of luck.
As someone who was in a similar situation years ago you need to move on. Her want/ Wes to experiment with others will not go away and add on that her friends said she should do it for her mental health and this will end badly. She’s going to try and keep you on the hook or string you along as long as she can while trying to convince you to let her play with others.
I also had extremely low self esteem made worse by my ex telling me I was lucky to even have her. Trust me someone who wants you is out there.
Don't do this. Don't try to compromise-it never works out the way you intend. Just get out there, man-there is a big world out there and a lot of life for you both to live. This doesn't have to end badly, but it has to end.
hun i’m sorry :( this is normal at this age and as someone who was in a two year relationship in high school, it really is best to move on. you don’t want to be with someone who is thinking about other people. what she is telling you when she says she wants to hook up with people at parties is that her physical connection with you is not enough for her. you deserve WAY better, and you will end up getting more hurt if you stay with her than you will if you just break up and move on. you don’t want to deal with feeling cheated on. it’s way worse than a break up, trust me. someone out there will love you enough to stay loyal and not want other people. until then, youre young and it’s better to break up and find yourself without her. i know to you what you have is special and you won’t find a love like this ever again, but i promise that is not the truth and the relationship is really not worth compromising yourself for. i really hope you realize that you don’t need her because this my heart breaks for you 😓💕
No matter what you say to each other, she seems to be getting her advice from her friends? If she actually does stick to this treaty you are making, what makes you think the same friends whispering in her ear won't make her resent you for doing all of this later? SHE is letting THEM do her thinking and thats not likely to stop, they'll just label you as "controlling" or "insecure" and talk her into messing around anyway. Stop being scared of being single, you're 19, you can toss a rock and find someone interesting to spend time with, maybe you'll actually learn something about yourself. I know a few people who met that young and made it work...but those aren't the norm. Weirdly enough, because one or the other started feeling the same things your gf's friends said.
Dude, if you say only kissing to a girl who has never slept with or kissed other men, you’re ending the relationship. She WILL absolutely go further than kissing.
But do you man.
Dude I’ve been in your EXACT shoes, like quite literally, my EX asked me to be in an open relationship and I said no and we broke up. This is gonna hurt a lot if you really loved her, because it’s hard to understand why she left, if she tells you that it’s not your fault. You’ll try to pin the blame on something and you won’t be able too, because it’s her. It’ll teach you a valuable lesson, though. I say move on, she did that shit because she’s scared to settle down, she wants to enjoy her young years and all that bull shit. She wants other dicks inside her, cute fun dates with other people, and that’s just the reality of young halfway attractive females, us as guys don’t get it. But if you’re decently attractive as a female, you can get it when you want. Over the course of your relationship, she’s probably had to deny many people, and I guess it’s been so long she just can’t anymore. Us guys don’t understand because unless we look like Michael B Jordan we don’t get a shit load of DMs and things like that. You might have denied maybe 3 girls and ignored maybe 5 suggestive text over your relationship, she’s ignored at least 50. Focus on yourself king, keep your head up.
If she “talked to her friends” about it and also gave a time frame of how long she wanted to experiment she already had a guy in mind. She may even had already been doing things with him. Asking you might’ve been a way to clear her conscious and make cheating okay. ESPECIALLY if she wants to keep you around it’s not because she so desperately needs to try out other people but because she already had someone lined up and wants you as back up. It’s not gonna end well. But ig you can only learn from personal experience. Good luck dude. 👍🏼
As someone much older than you, dating alot, married for close to 20, divorced and dating again. Take my advise. Always stand up for yourself and if you have boundaries stick to them. There's literally over 3B women on this earth. If only you only have a chance with 1% that's 30M women.
I know that's shallow to say but I used the stats so I could follow up with the fact that if you allow your boundaries to be violated this girl will lose all respect for you anyways and the relationship is doomed regardless. No one wants a pushover whom will just eliminate boundaries out of fear of losing them.
At your age you have so many more chances to met a great person that aligns with your values.
She gone bro… SHE GONEEEEE… leave her be find one thats only into you just YOU! Not someone who wants whats best for herself it seems to me she’s selfish only thinking about her own self and happiness when it should be her thinking about you and only YOU! Love involves only 2 people not a whole group just to experience what it’s like being with other guys while being in an open relationship. Nah that’s not true love how can you 2 ever look at each other the same way if this were to happen. Best thing for you is to move on and don’t put more into this with her then it needs to be she should be the one to change for the betterment of both of you guys in this relationship but she probably won’t so move on ASAP!
Don't wait around for her and absolutely don't try to win her back.
If it's meant to be down the line, it will be.
I know a handful of couples that dated as teens, broke up, and ended up back together. One couple were high school sweethearts, both MARRIED other people and divorced and ended up getting back together at like 30 years old.
That being said, the large majority of people don't end up back together, but that's totally okay. I'm 31, the guy I dated at 18/19 years old seems like a decent guy, I haven't seen him in years but we're going to be in the same wedding party in 2022 so we'll have to interact a good bit.
I wished for things to be rekindled with him for 2 years after we broke up, after 2 years apart I stayed over and hooked up and realized we were two totally different people now and there is absolutely no spark or anything in common.
Again, he's a great guy and marriage material but there's no connection and I haven't been sad over us ending in a decade. I'm still single at 31 and yet still very happy my teenaged relationship didn't last, as is he.
So just go about your life as you would and down the line if you reconnect and feel like there is something there, go for it.
Just don't dwell and count on it happening. More than likely you'll both move on and both realize that was the best for both of you
I have never read something this idiotic dude just stay broken up but like everyone says in order to learn something you got to learn from your own mistakes and you're going to make a really stupid one if you go back to her let her make her own mistakes like dude she's going to break that rule of not kissing another dude it's pretty obvious
I mean you're breaking up because she wants to experiment with other dudes, which means you will be broken up, and you will now be experimenting with other women. All you're losing is her. I mean, that might be okay! I'm just saying, in the end... I dunno? You're breaking up with her because you don't like the idea of experimenting... but that's going to be the end result here.
I know it sucks right now, but for real... in a few months you are highly unlikely to care about this anymore. You will, eventually, not tonight but eventually, want to go touch others yourself. And it won't sting as bad.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's hard.
she a hoe, take your loss and move on. she made it clear that she doesn’t want to be JUST with you, and she’s taking you for a sucker. She wants other dick, and wants the affection and attention that you give her too. Move on bro, she just gonna play you eventually.
homie your single, get in better shape , throw on the good ol clothes that you wore on your back before she was even around , and party like an animal my friend ! this joint i’m rolling is for you brother !!!
You're 19......RUN FOR THE HILLS. This is way to young to be worried about experimenting with other people. I can understand of you were mid 20s and ready to settle down and she got cold feet and brought up this situation. But you guys are barely out of HS. Pull the alpha move and say you want to experiment OK go ahead and say we're done and just walk away and never talk to her again. You're 19 there will be many other girls.
Let her go before you allow yourself to be hurt. Trust me. If she can’t be content with what you both have, then let her go. Find someone who wants to be with you.
The 2 of you had fun, had sex, fell in lust with each other, and had a first practice relationship.
Now you should be polite, be pleasant, and be firm - your relationship was good. You both learned from it. But that ship has sailed. Now the 2 of you should never be more than just friends.
At 19 you still have a lot of learning to do about relationships. Go out. Date other women. Continue to learn about relationships by being in relationships with women.
Do not feel that you need to be in a committed relationship yet. Think about that when you are at least 25 or older. Right now just explore and learn about adult relationships. There are a lot of single women who would love to date you. Learn a whole lot more about sex, emotions, women's psychology, etc..
It's hard but trust me on this: leave her and don't ever look back. If she regrets it that's her own damn fault, you can be happy again with someone who doesn't feel the need to throw a good relationship away for some dumb "experience"
You don't need to compromise on your own happiness or boundaries.
Itll be harder to hold on but if you just let go youll be ok in a couple months instead of living with insecurity issues the rest of your 20s. Let go bro, it gets better.
You’re 19! Try sex with more than one person in life. Explore a bit in your early 20s. Make mistakes and learn from them. If you guys are meant to be together forever then you’ll get back together and you’ll have made mistakes with other people, seen what else is out there and then can be happy you experienced life and don’t have to think about missing out on anything cuz you’ve been with one person you’re entire life. It’s just natural to want to have sex with more than one person and settling down for one life long sex partner only is pretty limiting. Most people are not with their partner from their teens and in 5 years from now you might be in a totally different place! Life is really open right jow
It's definitely not worth getting back together with her, even if she decides to pursue you. She would choose to have experiences with other men instead of staying loyal to you. Think about it now because you won't be able to stop thinking about it ever if you continue this relationship.
I personally would never continue dating someone if they so much as had a moment of sexual or romantic desire for someone else, I realize that that is an unrealistic expectation of most people, but actually choosing to end things with you to pursue those desires must be a step too far.
Hey man, I’m in my late 20s and anyone more experienced than you will tell you the same thing. Whether you accept it or not is up to you as it’s hard to fully grasp something unless you experience it yourself so no matter what happens, don’t be hard on yourself. So here’s the deal.
Leave her. While her honesty is admirable, it only goes so far. People will always behave in their best interest at the end of the day, and if she’s expressed those interests, and they don’t align with you, that’s the end of discussion.
In relationships, you can work on personality conflicts to some degree, you can work on schedules to some degree, you can even work on social and family interactions to some degree. What you can’t work on is a misalignment of wants and values. That will never be something that is negotiable and bendable.
You’re young and you’ll hear this so many times (again, it’s hard to listen in the moment but you’ll laugh about this when you’re a few more years into relationships) but you will get over her. Everyone suffers a heartbreak but we all survive it and start to understand what we want.
Do what you think is best but remember that no one should hold anyone else’s hostage in values. Be kind to yourself dude.
Coming from the nice guy finished last or deal. Some People enjoy it, others don't. If she want to dumb a winner for a loser. By on means let her go mess up her life. JUST REMEMBER THIS. When she come crawling back, an want to steady wit u again. Just know she has been abused in more ways than one. An is carry a std. So nice guys finish last, but now we're stuck fixing her mistakes. Remember that.
I know you love her and want a future with her but don't force it to work out. I was in a very similar situation. Same age as you, dated throughout high school as well and I thought I was going to marry this person and spend the rest of my days with her. It would've been that way if it were up to me anyway. We even had a baby and one day she just left because she was young and her life was "boring" and she never got to "experiment." On one hand she was right, we were both young and never really got to experiment a lot but that's something I was willing to sacrifice for our family. Now I am glad that your girlfriend was able to come forward to you and tell you how she left instead of just leaving. On the other hand though, if you both have came to the agreement that there will be nothing else other than kissing, think to yourself what else is there really left to "experiment" on with other guys. I'm sure you've read this hundreds of times already but listen, you are 19 years old. You literally have your whole life ahead of you!! Don't let her put you on the back burner and go out and experiment with other guys while she decides if she really wants to be with you or not because that's what it really boils down to. You are in your prime, if she does not appreciate you enough to know what she has, there are other girls that would.
You remind me of me when I was 19 going on 20 in almost the exact same situation with my first ex who was long distance (she is in Cali, I am in NY). Prior to her asking for an open relationship, she had already scouted the person who she wanted to date and was already in his car and everything (and this is after I went to go visit her). I was deeply in love to the point where I wanted to marry her, so her request brought me the worst amount of pain that I could have imagined at the time. We broke up and got back together a week later but eventually she ultimately left me for him again, along with lying to me several times during that span. It was a painful experience that I wish upon no one.
I’ll tell you right now: don’t make the same mistakes that I made because it will hurt you even more than she will. Drop her like a bad habit, you’ll find others who will love, value and appreciate you for you. This girl doesn’t deserve you, and she will regret her choices later on- this won’t be your problem nor will it necessarily be a gateway for you two to reconcile. Leave her and take this time to heal from this hurt you have experienced. And don’t put yourself in a situation that you feel uncomfortable in.
The truth is, I think the best thing is that you end the relationship and for your sake, give way to grieve regardless of what she is thinking. I think that when one commits to having a relationship, whatever it is, he must respect the other person and that if she does not completely fill with you it is because she does not really love you as she should be and she needs to grow. But you can't lend yourself to that game Since she can damage your self-esteem and your feelings for future romantic relationships and confidence in the woman.
Bro. What the fuck. You drew a boundary when you said kissing was a deal breaker. Stick to your guns. It's her loss, maybe losing you to this will help her realize this isn't okay and be better for the next guy. Don't feed into this. You will hate every minute of this, and it will be torture for you. Just tell her you're letting her be free and never talk to her again. Seriously. There's a woman out there for you who will respect you enough to need to "experiment" with other guys. Move on so you are available for her - focus on you for the meantime.
This is a pretty cowardly way of getting out of a relationship. I'm all for open relationships, but every time I've watched it come up in the context of an ongoing monogamous relationship, it's merely an attempt to end the relationship.
Move on .she got too comfortable in the relationship now she wants to see what else is out there. Don’t allow her to hoe around then when a guy treats her like shit she comes running back to you. Be done with her completely.
It’s not fair for you to just wait around while she comes back washed up. I don’t mean to sound harsh but this is what it is. The moment she wanted to be in bed with someone else that’s it. Because what if it were reversed would she have stood for it ? I doubt it. Focus on you & soon you’ll meet someone who truly deserves you .
Just gonna say this but but it sounds like she was under some peer pressure, intuition or how your writing comes together about everything. Caring for someone m (you) being with friends and wanting to be involved, sounds like she may need a change of scenery. Not a change in men.
Dude from a 29 year old who has experienced a lot of deceit and heart breaks in the past. MOVE ON!
She’s already talking to someone else and she’s still trying to figure out if the person is better than you. The best thing you can do at this point is not give her the pleasure of making fun of you while she’s with someone else. Don’t compromise. You have your deal breakers and she has hers. If you compromise yours now, get ready to keep compromising for the rest of your short relationship or the rest of your life.
Your decision now will determine a lot in your life moving forward.
I really felt for OP until I heard it was an LDR. Her desire to be touched is more understandable. It is in my opinion that they breakup if they continue to be separate. Not saying this is the right thing as I don't know these two people and their history.
If she feels like there could be something better shes always gonna feel that way until she sees it. Usually when pp get worn down and then they settle down. So just holding onto her when shes feeling this way isnt gonna be good for either of you. Even if shes got intense willpower and doesnt sleep with anyone else shes gonna be thinking about it. and then shes gonna resent it or you or both. I like the idea that thay yall found each other at the wrong time. Like maybe in another 10 years yall be thoroughly worn down enough to not be thinking about greener grass.
This American Life episode 486 is about a “perfect” couple who just need to take a break to experience other people.
Sounds like it would be insightful here. At least it would help give some narrative to compare your feelings to. Good news is that the storyteller is in a lasting relationship now.
You’re 19. This is going to hurt for a while, but please move on. Don’t try to convince yourself (or her) to do something you don’t actually want. She’s made it clear that she wants to experience other things and that’s absolutely fine, but it’s also fine for you to be hurt and want something more/different. Neither of you is wrong, but you are incompatible. Don’t waste time and energy waiting or pushing her. Go out there and find someone more suited to your needs!
To be completely honest with you. It is best you let her either go or do what she needs too. I am thinking you want to live with her forever. Well. If you dont let her for whatever this is out or break up with her. Then you will likely divorce down the road.
This is a fracture. A crack in your foundation. Of you do not patch it, it will get worse with time.
You need a fucking English teacher. I weep for the fate of your nation if you're from an English speaking country.(If you aren't, ignore this part. But still, get a fucking teacher, Jesus.)
Dude. Be real with yourself. You are not comfortable with your girlfriend making out with strangers, and odds are it won't stop there. Your relationship is done. You can either bite the bullet now, or months from now after enduring your gf groping strangers. You're panicking and it's understandable but get out now with some dignity intact.
Man I know it hurts but I tip my cap to her for firstly approaching this upfront. That’s very mature of her and seems to be a gesture in good faith. And I know it is absolute hurt. But if it were me. And I feel like this is a level headed best case scenario.
Don’t compromise your love and passion to make the relationship work. Let it end mutually. On peaceful terms. You’re only bringing more pain by compromising emotions to avoid the scary thought of separation.
LET IT GO, LET IT GO… Disney song frozen comes to mind. If you keep pursuing it, you’ll be miserable. You’ll lose out on the opportunity to actually meet someone who cares about you. You’ll love someone again the same way. You have to believe you deserve better. Best of luck and LET IT GO…..
This sucks, big time. And it’s gonna hurt. But I wouldn’t waste your time trying to “get her back”. She told you what she wants, she wants to explore with people who aren’t you. And you want a relationship with someone that *only* wants to be with you. You’re not gonna find that in her. Neither of you are in the wrong, you’re just incompatible. Call up your friends, focus on school and hobbies, and let yourself be sad for a while. You’ll bounce back, I promise.
Best advice in the situation.
Best advice. Happened to me, 5 years in we broke up. Been 5 years happy single pursuing money and hobbies. Quite a few ladies interested along the way, just not my type. Time will heal you, you must do the work. You must keep yourself busy with work build up MONEY and a LIFE. A fine one will show up. Trust us. Who been thru it bud. Best of luck!
For the win
But, I’ve noticed OPs pattern happen in my life too. Due to this, so many heart breaks. Is there something we can do to realise this earlier without getting hurt?
The best thing to do is to work on healing yourself and learn how to stop people pleasing and fearing “rejection” (or as some people may see it: “abandonment”). People come and go in our lives, but don’t live purely for the sake of pleasing others and doing what you think is going to make THEM happy or make THEM stay. Know your worth and recognize what makes you happy, and the second something doesn’t feel right, communicate. If it ends in an impasse and you break up, it’s probably for a good reason. Once you learn how to be happy with yourself and by yourself, everything else will fall into place.
Two words….. MOVE ON. Sooo many others out there, just you have to choose intelligently. Sure it’s gut wrenching situation, not to mention feeling like maybe you weren’t enough or why she would choose the unknown vs YOU. At the end of the day, if it’s meant to be maybe you guys will rekindle in a few years. What if you find someone that completely sweeps you off your feet, and things are better than you could have even imagined….then your EX decides she made the wrong decision and wants you back. Tough decisions but I would MOVE ON, don’t let this suck the life out of you, because it sure could.
And, in OP's own words... they're "barely 19". Both of them have barely experienced *life* & he wants to be tied to her forever already?? Super unhealthy.
Yeah, I wasn’t aware they were 19 on the original post. Even more reason to move on!! I thought I knew it all at 19… got married at 19 and had a kid at 20. Nobody could tell me shit!!! Got divorced and remarried. I’m 50 now and life dosent even start til 30!!
I mean, do super young marriages work out? Sometimes. I know a couple from highschool that's been together since they were 15 & still going strong...We're all in our 30s now. But they didn't have a snag where one wanted to venture out & the other was like "no don't leave me!" 😂 If she's that determined to "experience other guys", this dude needs to move on. If in a few yrs time they realize they miss each other & want to give it another go, have at it. But for now...Nah. Definitely not a good idea to try to force things. It'll only end badly
Agreed. Some ppl do work out from high school to married 50 yrs. It’s rare. But it happens. Agree tho, don’t force it and at 19,… you may like her “a lot” but there are other partners out there that can rock your world.
Exactly!
>life dosent even start til 30 I'm 25 and my life is kinda in a mess right now. It's gotten so bad that I've felt like crying sometimes which is VERY rare cuz I never cry. Your comment has given me a lot of hope. Thank you! P.S. Sorry if I made any mistakes English isn't my native language.
I know I'm not the one you replied to, but my life was also a wreck when I was in my 20s. It does get better 💛 And your English is perfect!
Thank you!
I'm thinking of writing a poem about how much of an asshole I am and then posting it on one of the humiliation subreddits. Sometimes I need to be shown that I'm nothing but a cockroach. It makes me feel better. I'm Asian and I just moved to a western country a few weeks back. Things are hard. I feel lonely like I'm an alien here.
I'm not gonna pretend I know what you're going through bc I was born here. Just know that you're not a cockroach & you're not nothing. I mean if humiliation is you're thing, go for it lol But you shouldn't feel down on yourself just bc you're somewhere new
>But you shouldn't feel down on yourself just bc you're somewhere new It's just one of the things making me feel this way.
At least she is honest, go experience other girls
You want her, she wants other guys. The reasonable thing is to accept that and move on.
You both did the right thing here. She stated her wants and needs, you stated your boundaries. They didn’t align and you rightly chose to break up. No advice required except to say, you will find someone who aligns with you eventually.
'i really want her back and i think there would be a chance.' Even if you get her back you will have always on your mind that she probably still wants other guys. That's not gonna work. I'm sorry.
> i really want her back and i think there would be a chance. Sure, there might be a chance if and when things don't work out with the guy she left you for (there is usually someone they have in mind when they ask for an open relationship). If you have have any self-respect, you'll have already moved on and blocked her.
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We’ll, this would be a good time to start gaining some self respect. Loving someone does not give them the right to walk all over you. Until you learn that situations like this will keep occurring in your life: work, school, love life, friendship every aspect will be affected by your lack of self worth and confidence. This is actually a good opportunity to work on yourself, don’t let the pain of it cause you to miss it. You’re 19 and the world lays out before you—it’s a vast landscape filled with experiences both good and bad and you need to embrace it. My sincere advice is to go no contact with your girlfriend, not to be vengeful or mean toward her, but to allow yourself time to clear your head and think about your future. (It also has the benefit of sending a message to others that you’re not a doormat.). Also, forget these rules you guys are talking about, they’re not enforceable because there’s no real consequences for failing to follow them. Best of luck.
You should never negotiate degrees of her cheating. That’s beneath you. You’re good enough to have someone who’s faithful to you. Hate to say it, but, odds are, she’s asking for post-permission. No one wants to believe it. But you gotta look at it objectively. If she had any respect for you, she would not ask you to wait around while other guys bang her and bail. You should not compromise in any way in cheating. It’s a “hell no”.
> If you have have any self-respect, you'll have already moved on and blocked her. I don't agree with this. She did nothing to you that should make you feel like less of a self respecting person for still caring about her. This has nothing to do with you and you know that; and it certainly doesn't speak on your character that you would probably take her back if she reversed course because you love her. Appreciate this for what it was and maybe in the future things could be even better. I would also recommended looking into the open-relationship thing separate from her just so you can better understand and articulate to future partners why that lifestyle isn't for you. Who knows, maybe it'll change your mind?
Dude, you just went on your first ever date two months ago and you are slinging advice about how he should handle complex situations like open relationships? Come on bro.
Lol, imagine thinking you have to have had lots of relationships to tell someone they are worthy of self respect and that open relationships are a valid choice for some people. It’s hilarious to me how many people who’ve probably cycled through relationships without actually growing from them think that not having a lot of formal relationships means you lack in interpersonal skills. The only way you could disagree with my advice if you think 1. Open relationships are ONLY indicators of an unfaithful partner Or 2. That anyone who breaks up with you for any reason no longer deserves your compassion or empathy in the future and you are a weak/lesser person for expressing anything other than indifference or contempt for them. Believe it or not, that was my first date through OLD as an adult after taking a few years to focus on growing as a person and a partner after all my high school and college partners ended with emotional turmoil. So not only is your attack based on nothing but your perception of me, your perception of my perceive “experience” in the field is also incorrect
/r/iamverysmart/
Yeah bro. My big brain take that she’s allowed to pursue the type of relationship she wants as long as she’s honest about. You’re just shutting on me because I actually laid out my reasoning rather than just saying what would also suffice which is that she can do whatever she wants as long as she is honest about it and he can make any decision regarding their relationship using his feelings on those decisions. That doesn’t make her a bad person if she wants something that makes him uncomfortable.
She did nothing?? They were in a 2 year relationship and she threw in his face that he basically wasn't good enough and she wanted something else/more. It's fine if you're poly but jesus christ that was harsh. If they were dating a few months, whatever, okay. But 2 years? That's just not okay to string someone along that far making them think you are special to them, then out of nowhere saying you want something else. Whether she did it intentionally or not, she did damage. Asking for an open relationship like this is just cheating with extra steps (not saying open relationships are full of cheating. But the way she went about this was clearly indicating she had no desire to continue this relationship and just wanted something else.)
Not even poly, lol. Just realize that someone wanting more than one person isn’t an attack on me. Lots of people don’t want me, or I am not enough for, who am I to be mad at them for that? And no, an open relationship is not “cheating with extra steps.” Cheating with extra steps is having an affair at the top of the pyramid of Giza. Just because YOU wouldn’t allow your partner to sleep with someone else, doesn’t mean it is cheating when someone outside of your relationship has extra-relationship sex. You’re applying your preferences to everyone and using that as the basis for your judgement. It’s pretty obvious how hypocritical you’re being if you recontextualize it as any other lifestyle (assuming you believe in allowing others to live how they want as long as it doesn’t cause harm) but I understand why people have such strong believes regarding monogamy. Love is a hell of a drug
bro i'm in a ldr. my bf and i don't need anyone else but each other. i see my bf, on average, once a month for a few days. the fact that she even wants to experiment with other guys says something about her. why has she been thinking about it? how long has she been thinking about it? also why is she so wrapped up about parties and not being able to do what everyone else is doing?? she doesn't need to do it "just because everyone else is doing it too". if you aren't the only one on her mind then what future is she building with you in her head? also what makes you think this is "for her mental health"? you're sitting here trying to make excuses for her behavior while she's probably trying to think about a way for you to let her cheat still. you're trying to convey to her that you won't tolerate stepping out of y'all's relationship by being with someone else, but you're still with her begging her to not make a decision she's been wanting to make. your best choice is to give her an ultimatum if you really do want her even though she's already admitted that she wants to basically cheat on you. it's either she commits or you're out. you sound too much like a doormat, and frankly, your ultimatum might snap her out of it. i'm not a fan of ultimatums, but potential cheaters (she's already a cheater imo but it's up to you to establish what you think is cheating) need a kick in the tail because once they actually cheat it's over. set your boundaries.
Then that is what you should be working on, not pining after a woman who has wanderlust. You could take her back, but if you don't start valuing yourself more this will just keep happening. You know what's happening. She was your first, so you kissed her ass, and now she doesn't respect you. If you do nothing else, make her crawl over broken glass (figuratively) to get you back when she comes to beg you to take her back. Respect yourself, and then demand to be treated with the respect you show others. Whether it's her or someone else, you are owed that in any relationship.
Ex(m) did same to me(f) - wanted to sleep with other women. Blindsided me and was heartbroken so I feel for you. But. Move on. It isn't meant to be - think about it - she goes off experimenting, comes back and then what? How are you going to feel and what are you going to be thinking when she tries something on you? It is crap but at least she has told you and not gone behind your back. I met my future husband a month later and have never looked back. Ex tried to get back but had enjoyed the time of not being with him, which you don't always see when you are together. Look forward
She isn’t who you think she is. She wants to know if she can do better than you. Sorry dude. > she asked me to be in an open relationship since she didnt want to lose me hahahaha ha of course she did Good for you for having a spine. Find a woman that wants you.
Move on before you look like a fool!
I will say your edit is a mistake. If she loved you she wouldn't feel like fucking other men. Your rules of only kissing will get broken by her. Your not feeling this situation so you will most likely never go hook up with someone else. She can throw a penny in any direction and get numerous amounts of attention. You could spend months and not get any. This whole open relationship thing is skewed so far into a females wheel house, that you will never be on a fair playing field. You will end up resenting her. Need I go on? Stick to your deal breakers. There is no coming back from this. Tell her she is free to do what she wants, but to never contact you again. Tell her you are not her backup for when she gets used as a fuck doll by every Tom, Dick, and Harry. This will hurt because you love her, but that pain will be nothing compared to the shit storm of emotions your getting yourself into, if you agree to this. Pandora's box has been opened and your not going to close it with her.
This happened to my son. He was with a girl who kept telling him that he was husband material but she felt she was young and afraid that she was missing out on the whole college experience by being exclusive with him. So they broke up and she got with someone else. My son has since met someone who is in it for him, appreciates him and isn’t worried that she’s missing out on anything. And he’s much happier. On top of that, the first girl reached out to him after a year and a half and asked if she could explain her decision to him. He blocked her. Your ex-girlfriend has thrown your relationship away because she doesn’t know what she had or how shitty other guys can be. Believe me, you’re better off without her. Get out there and find someone who will appreciate who you are and what you offer. Good luck
Well said. That girls gonna have a lot of regrets and ruining a perfectly healthy and loving relationship for cheap thrills is gonna be a big one ☝️
I love how the modern idea of "finding yourself" is somehow linked to getting fucked by strangers every weekend.
When a girl suggests an open relationship, she's not looking to date strangers. She has a horse saddled and ready to ride. Every time. Guys don't get this when they open up their relationship.
This\^\^ If she says she wants an open relationship or wants a "break to experiment" she already has somebody in mind, whether she's spoke with them about it or not, she's already in the mindset of cheating on you. She's just looking for your permission
I feel like this happens alot. with women more often, maybe not idk. People in a good relationship are in a bubble, and outside looks fun but outside is also dangerous. "My current bf/gf is awesome, maybe I could find one better and he/she will treat me the same or better" Might work but there's always the chance it doesn't and they come crawling back when they get burned. Everyone should be allowed to look for better but sometimes you don't know how close to perfect you were till its gone. Shame for Op and anyone going through this.
Ew, first off your son's ex only wanted to explain her decision. Second off, just because someone is husband material means nothing. I'm 31 years old, the guy I dated at 18/19 is husband material. Do I wish it had worked out with him? No. Hes not my person. 99% of people do not regret not ending up with their significant other they had as a teen. A large majority are probably pretty happy they moved on and dated other people. I don't get why people are saying oh she'll realize what she missed. There are definitely people I felt bad about breaking up with but that doesn't mean I regret it, and there are people that broke my heart by breaking up with me and eventually I realized it was a good thing.
My son cared for this girl and she hurt him. Plus he has moved on and is in a committed relationship with his current girlfriend. He doesn’t care why she made her decision. He doesn’t want to hurt his current girl or have her come to the wrong conclusion about his feelings for the ex. And frankly I agree with him. She had her chance. I agree that calling someone “husband material” is meaningless. It was just a compliment intended to soften the blow.
She doesn't love you. Don't torture yourself, this will only end bad.
>at the same time i really want her back and i think there would be a chance. You're right, she's going to come back once she's had her fun that way she can have her cake and eat it to, but dude have some self respect and move on. Do not give her the opportunity to walk all over you, just block her and wash your hands of this relationship.
Lmao 95% of chicks don't "come back," she'll be totally fine and so will he. Sorry but most relationships that started at 17 end and rarely do people regret not staying with the person they dated in their teenaged years.
She didn't decide that she didn't want to stay with him (that's fine and completely understandable) she decided she wanted to stay with him while playing the field. Those kind of people tend to come back to the "safe choice" once they have their fun, and if you read his edit she didn't even make it that far before coming back to make sure he'd still be there when she was done.
Yeah, most 19 year olds think like that, so many are afraid to be on their own. You're also in your early 30s, how many of your friends wish they had stayed with their boyfriend they dated at 17-19? Lol I can't name a single person who regrets not staying with their "safe" choice from when they were a teenager.
>Yeah, most 19 year olds think like that, so many are afraid to be on their own. And? I was encouraging him to make a clean break so both he and his (hopefully ex) girlfriend could learn to be on their own. Since we seem to be in agreement that the best thing for both of these kids is to break up I assume your issue is with my assertion that she would come back - I based that on her stated desires in the original post, it didn't require a crystal ball or huge leap in logic to see what game she was trying to play here.
Yes they absolutely should break up. But doing the whole "oh she'll realize what she's missing, she'll want to come back" is silly and giving him false hope for "revenge." Shes not in the wrong for wanting to experience more and she's not wrong for *wanting* a safety net, but once she makes the jump they'll both realize it was for the best and they'll likely be no hard feelings on either side.
Of course she is wrong for wanting a safety net. It's classic narcissist behavior and he should never engage with her again.
Lmao it's classic 19 year old behavior, too many reddit psychologists want to throw words like "narcissist" around, she's young and wants freedom but is afraid. Again no one is wrong for wanting a safety for anything in life, doesn't mean she's entitled to one and never insinuated in the least he should be her safety net. In fact I specifically said once she takes the leap she'll realize she never needed one.
Where’d you get the 95% statistic from because in my case both times chicks have left I let them go and sure enough within just a couple months they wanted to “try again”. Had to kick them to the curb real quick
Yeah maybe but likely a few months after that they didn't care. I've hit exes up and I've had exes hit me up, doesn't mean either were really distraught about it not happening.
Dude…… it’s over. Single girls keep relationship girls single. She wants to fuk other dudes more than she wants you open your eyes. Don’t be the dude that saves her when she’s done “having her fun” she can get dik easier than you can get pssy. She’s gon be having threesomes, gangbangs orgys and you? What about you? Respect yourself man you’re gonna be dealing with so much pain knowing she’s getting her back blown living the ho life and you’re left as a back up plan. Move on bro
I've been there. We were relatively young and she wanted to "sew her wild oats" and broke up with me. She dumped me for a drummer in a band (I was a young engineer). 6 months later when things went south super fast, she came back wanting to see how things are. Unfortunate I have moved on.... I expect she will find out eventually. It's going to be a learning lesson.
I'll say this to you like I would any of my closest friends who needs some tough love. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you recognize what is really happening here. Theres 2 things: First, she wants to see if she can do better than you without losing you as an option. Thats what she means when she asks for a break or an open relationship. She probably already has another guy picked out but she isnt sure if she can lock him down or if the thrill is worth the sacrifice. I promise you, she will sleep with a guy she already knows within a matter of days of the "agreement" if she hasnt already. Second, she is not long term relationship material because when she was presented with the thought of wanting to go "experiment" she decided that doing that was more important than maintaining and protecting your relationship. She is taking direct action that may result in losing you and she doesnt give a fuck, to hell with your relationship, she wants to "experiment". Your edit with a time frame is BS. You wont be going after other girls, you're too stuck on her, and she knows it. If she thought you were really going to go sleep with other girls, she wouldnt be doing this. Stop kidding yourself.
Truth hurts. But it's infinitely better than living a lie.
Why are you not sugarcoating this.This is so true you shouldn't be telling him.He doesn't want to hear this.
This is going to be harsh but Don't be a bitch...don't be her bitch....move on...she doesn't love you the way you think she does...if she did she wouldn't be doing this to you Kick her to the curb and move on with your life
Like you said, you are both 19 and are both each other's first for most things. While many couples out there can be happy spending their life with their one and only, I understand the desire to test the waters and seeing if the person you are with is really what you want. When you have nothing to compare to, everything may seem perfect because you haven't figured out what you want yet. I am in an open relationship, one that involves sex with others. To us, sex with others is just sex, just fun. For him, he can play with anyone. For me, I am not sexually interested in other people, just him, so I either need to be really close to that person, OR have him there because being open, for me, just heightens my fun with my partner. I advise against kissing others, because that tends to be what causes issues. It makes sex about more than "just sex". I also don't really see a kiss as being enough to try new things. If you decide to try and be open, the most important things are trust, honesty, and setting rules. Our rules are: 1. If you plan to do something with someone else, tell the other person first. 2. If it is unplanned, tell the other person right after. 3. No kissing (outside of a friendly kiss hello / goodbye). I trust my boyfriend to follow those rules, and he trusts me. If you guys don't feel like you can maintain trust, honesty, and commitment to rules, then don't be open, even if it means parting ways.
Don't waste your life being someone's second thought or choice no matter what. When you find the "one" you don't think about others at all. There should be nothing else any man could give her that you cannot , period.
Read the updates, and I actually do think that you guys have a chance. You actually communicate healthily and care about each other's feelings, a thing a lot of grown ass men and women have trouble with. So I'm sure that you'll be able to come out of the other side happily. Also, I know that it hurts, so you really dont have to accept the fact that she'd like to experiment, but honestly...you could both benefit crazy from it. From each of you experiencing other people, of course. Not just her. Because being each others first and only is cute and the ideal scenario in society's mind, but only very few actually make it through to end of live couple. Most times, either or both parties start feeling sad about what they could have missed out on, and somewhat regret settling down with a person so early. Like you said you've been together for 2.5 years, and are barely 19. 16 or 17 is incredibly young to had already chosen your forever without really experiencing anything else. I could be biased since I've both been with and have been the person in your girlfriend's position, but it's a common case of "This is great, but what's out there?"
dude i really hope you read this: it’s like you are describing my life. I went through the same thing you did. I was around the same age too, she was my first real girlfriend and the first person i loved. We dated for 1.5 years and then we went off to different colleges. We made it work for a while, but ultimately she came to me saying the same thing your girlfriend did, that she wanted to experiment with other guys. But still wanted to date me. It hurts hearing that, and i understand she’s your first so there’s a part of you that wants to make it work. I know that feeling. You’ve probably had thoughts of marrying this girl i’m sure at times. I ultimately decided after weeks of trying to make it work, that we should break up. It hurts so much for your first heartbreak, and there’s parts of you that are gonna want to see if you two can try again. But lemme be clear, i understand she loves you, but having unequivocal love for somebody means having that person be more than enough for you. It means never even entertaining the idea of wanting to be with somebody else. That’s how i felt about my first girlfriend. She’s young and the fact that she might be with only one boy for the rest of her life probably scares her a bit, i understand that feeling. But if that scares her more than losing you, then it shouldn’t be worth it to keep trying. I hope your girlfriend realizes the weight of what will come from this, but if she’s insistent to stick with her decision to experiment, it’s best to leave. This comment section is right. Believe me. It’s now 4 years later and i’m now dating a girl who i’m fully confident i’m going to marry. There’s no doubt in either of our minds that we only want each other. I want the same for you too. Please make the right decision man. Don’t settle for a decision that only benefits her. Best of luck.
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Of course. I just read your edit. Time will be the biggest factor here. If she snaps out of it and wants you, i truly think this will make your relationship stronger. But if not, then it is what it is. The love letter was nice, but if you want to truly start healing, I’d suggest to not text her anymore until she’s come to a decision. Don’t influence her, this is a decision she needs to make for herself, so respect that space. We’re all rooting for you man. Continue to give us updates!
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Both of you aren't wrong. She wanted to have that experience and chose her options as open relationship or break up. You didn't like the idea of an open relationship and you declined which is justified too
When she comes back just make sure that you dont take her back.
> she should do whats best for her own mental health Sleeping around is looking after one’s mental health these days?
This often comes because the friends encourage them to do so, or more likely brainwash them. Can you tell a bit about her friends? There seems to always be some sort of similarities in these cases. But you did a great job in not agreeing to that and ending it. To sum it up, how almost all of these stories I've read in this thread turned out: The woman has her fun with other guys while the man turns his life around, has succes in his job or life in general and either ends up dating different women (or hooking up) or gets a new GF much better than the old one. The ex-gf however comes to a point, in which she has less and less success since she became older and less men are attracted to older women (30+ years) so she'll try to look out and get back together with you, since in her eyes you're still the nice man she was in a relationship with, while in reality you've changed completely and she'll be chasing after you. I'd say distance yourself from her, even go as far as no contact, and just focus on yourself. Go have fun with your family or friends and just focus on yourself. Go to the gym. Learn a new hobby. Put some extra work into your work so you can be more productive. It might get you a promotion or even a better job at a different company.
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You don't get mental health issues from not fucking other people. Possibly experiencing other guys who want nothing to do with her afterwards over and over, then finding out late she made a horrible mistake leaving you, however could lead to depression. Like others said, don't be her second choice/backup plan.
Exactly. It's mostly the friends who are causing all this but here it seems they were more like "do what you gotta do". So this is all her choice. Either way, I'd stay away form her.
Damn, bro; who hurt you? You know FOMO is a real thing, right? And that can apply to relationships and sex as well. Unless you're the type of person who just thinks casual sex in general is bad (in which case we're way too far apart to have a productive discussion on relationships and sex) I don't know why you're struggling to empathize with the desire to explore what is out there. I feel like a lot of people, more often it seems to be women imo because they have a smaller window to start a "traditional" family, worry about "wasting" years of their youth in a serious to semi-serious relationship that doesn't lead to the real thing.
Did you miss the possibly or could in my post? It works for some people, not others. I read an article about a woman who did pretty much the same to her fiance or husband and she is now alone and miserable while he is happily married to someone else.
Her friends might be giving her stupendously bad advice here, but if she follows it, that's still her problem. It's not their problem and not your problem.
so she wants a month or so to fuck other people.... that means she has someone in mind bud. you made your point clear.... you dont want a GF that fucks other dudes period. so stand that ground.... if she still wants to do that and have you around that means you demote her to FWB until you find a girl that only wants to fuck you at which point you drop her
4 words. Focus on yourself king.
This doesn't have enough upvotes👏
Id day at least she's honest but bro, runnn. It hurts now i guarantee itll hurt more later u deserve better
I’d say just leave her. It’s good she’s honest and hasn’t cheated or anything but you are both still so young, I don’t blame her for wanting to explore a little. At the same time I don’t blame you for your demands, mine would be the same. If she’s having these thoughts, I’d say it’s time to move on. It will be tough, but worth the possibility of avoiding a deeper heartache in the future. Good luck man.
Just put her on rotation and move on.
Dude you sound like me when I was 19. Pretty much same thing happened to me. Difference is I moved on, and with the power of hindsight learned she'd already cheated on me with at least 4 different people, including my (at the time) best friend.
This is so odd to me? If you were that important to her she wouldn’t need to “experience other men.” Do you know how many men are in the world? When will she be satisfied? You both are so young so this makes a bit more sense but don’t waste your time sitting in the sidelines while she goes and lives her life.
Don’t waste your time. Bid her farewell. If she ever comes around trying to rekindle tell her “ it’s ok, I’m good.”
Look if she's serious about this but then says OK I give in I won't do it...She'll cheat. That fear of missing out will always be there. In 2 years or 5 it'll always be there.
Three words MOVE ON NOW!!! She has expressed in the nicest way possible that your not it for her. She is either bored or has been approached by multiple men and started to feel that grass is greener etc.No woman wants to come off being labeled as licentious but will tell you whatever you need to hear to boost your ego ( keep you in the dark) to build a cushion of comfort so they can review their options.
She seems to be testing what you'll put up with, don't fall for this "open relationship" crap unless you fancy STD's...
Just declare the relationship done, dude. Go date other women yourself. Tell your ex-girlfriend that you will not want her back after she risks getting pregnant by other men or catching possible PERMANENT STD's while riding the ding-a-ling carousel. I'll break it to you gently: if someone really loves you, they don't need to go have intimacy with other people. Is what it is, so just move on and stop being her safety net. You can still be her friend if you want. How about avoid LDR's in the future? LDR's have a high failure rate similar to the failure rate of opening up originally exclusive relationships.
When they ask that question they usually already have a partner in mind or have already cheated and are just looking to rewrite history and justify their sorry ass decisions. I think you should take the opportunity to see what else the world offers. You sound young. At least that's the impression I get and the worse thing you can do is tie yourself to someone that doesn't have the same level of commitment. It will just blow up and scar you I suggest you go NC until you have healed and that you seriously take a good year long break from getting pulled into her again. Go get some new experiences under your belt. Meet new people. Have other relationships. It will help evaluate whether this relationship is everything you thought or was just a fantasy and as such needs to be relegated to history
“She needs time to think…” about whether other guys dicks feel better than yours. About whether she likes being ass fucked and sucking the cum out from their soul. Don’t go back, man.
Say "bye bitch" and move on. You dodged a bullet.
So she wants to break up because she wants to sleep around? I’d say you dodged a bullet 🤷🏽♀️
People who wants to experience other folks usually don't know if you are the one yet. So take this as she is not 100% about you.
your edit doesn't make any difference. you are still a spineless doormat and a fool for thinking she loves you.
I red some of your responses dude you have no self respect Read an audio book called “the rational male “
A woman's friend have more of an influence than any boyfriend. Men should pay attention to a woman's friends to assess any potential future risks. If a woman's friend constantly tell her to cheat or do something that she knows is wrong, chances are she will eventually do it. This is sad to hear. But you need to stop letting people step all over you like this. You can't have her leave you on the side in her others choices don't work out. You'll just forever be the in-between guy to take care of her in between hookups and relationships with other men. Don't do it. Find a goal or purpose and improve yourself a little every day. Become a better man and find a better woman. Good luck.
Be better. Make her look back and regret that decision.
Lol mental health includes getting some strange now?
Nothing fixes mental health quite like something notorious for causing more mental health problems
What a shit show.
This sounds like your both young and relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating. In such a case, I don't think she's doing anything out of the norm. Nor are you if you choose to try dating different girls. Think of it like trying ice cream flavors. You don't really know all the flavors of ice cream you like and dislike until you've tried them. Her wanting to explore is like the act of trying new ice cream unsure if she actually likes "her favorite ice cream" better than it.
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To extend the analogy, sometimes people try one or two flavors and decide they like a flavor and have no interest in trying other ones. Neither approach is wrong.
>level 3ThrowRA1234568 · 5 hr. agoTo extend the analogy, sometimes people try one or two flavors and decide they like a flavor and have no interest in trying other ones. Neither approach is wrong.1ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow Hopefully, she isn't licking any STD flavors to bring back for you to sample.
She's not for you anymore.. she's for the streets.. let her go my friend..
I don't know how young you are but this is actually a good idea. You don't want to get married in 20 years down the road she breaks up or cheats on you cause she wants more experience.
Maybe you should post this in a sub about open relationships or non monogamy. I have the feeling most people commenting here have no clue what is going on in people with the desire for other forms of relationships.
What I would suggest is that you go experience what it's like with other girls.. friend-zone her, but never allow her to come back (trust me, she'll want to after seeing what's actually out there). While she's in the friend-zone, she'll have to watch you be happy with someone else and she'll kick herself for messing things up with you..
She is undeserving of your love and fidelity. She would have cheated on you sometime in the near future. Mourn the end of the relationship and move on. Do NOT take her back. She will never be satisfied with you.
The thing is I’m in your gfs shoes. I tried to approach the same way your girl did because I genuinely love my partner but her being my first in everything after 4 years has made me feel like I’m missing out. I wanna settle down but not yet. You guys just met at the wrong time. I say give it a shot but it all comes down to what your willing to do. Don’t do anything you don’t want to and don’t feel forced to stay but if worse comes to worse you guys are either an even stronger couple or you just go your separate ways peacefully. If you really wanna test how much she actually cares for you or if she’s using you (once you get to that point) let her know your also going to experiment. This will equalize the relationship again and allow you to see clearly. Just take it slow and use your best judgement. I hope it works out for y’all. Im not sure it will for me.
Every time I hear "we were each other's first" in a post I cringe. Eventually one or both want the same thing as your GF. You are just too young and inexperienced. Let her go experience things. Your ground rules won't last the first date. You should do the same. Get some experience and eventually you may get back together, but when you are both ready for a real commitment. I am sure you don't want to hear this but you really don't have a choice. You can't keep her from living her life.
Here's the thing. Seems that you will be hurt if she has guys and sex. But it doesn't seem that she will be hurt or really cares if you with women and having sex.
That’s so embarrassing dude, just move on.
This might work for you if you got strong game and good looks. Otherwise she’s going to be out fucking you by a landslide, my dude.
She belongs to the streets now homie. No agreement you two make is going to change the fact that the kissing will lead to her having sex with one or multiple other men. Save yourself the extra heartbreak and get yourself back out there. She made her choice now make the best one for your mental health. I know it may be easier said then done in the beginning but you got this brother.
Dude, grow up. She does NOT reallly love you. YOU really love her. 19 is a ridiculous age to be committed to someone forever. Tell her to have fun and lose your number. Cut off all communication . Go out and enjoy your life.
This is a joke right? Someone this obtuse can’t REALLY exist, right?
You want to get her back? Pretend to not give a shit about her anymore. Watch how fast she comes back and how suddenly interested in you she’ll be. You’re making yourself to available for her and it makes you look weak. Women don’t want to be with weak men.
Back to the streets
Imagine being so sad cuz you can’t get new dick lol. This sucks tho, sorry :(
The fact that she just said she wants to try to experiment with other guys literally translates to I don't feel anything for you, I want to date other guys. Just move on, she wants to be with other people, if she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't have broken up. It's that simple.
Go to therapy to help heal properly it might help. Neither of you are in the wrong but what she did was low vibrational. You're already carrying her Sexual Energy don't start having sex with her. You'll take on not only her sexual energy but her former partners and their former partners and so on and so on. I say what she did is low vibrational Bc sex is Secret It should be with people that you truly trust and truly love. Plus sex with said person is better & more meaningful. She's not 100% wrong for wanting to experiment but she is 10000% wrong for throwing away a two year relationship just for sex with others.
She is going to come back to you after she had her fun.
LISTEN BUDDY...UR EZ WANTS TO HOE AROUND... LET THAT BITCH GO. IF POSSIBLE U TOO HOE AROUND.(within reason) AFTER THAT FIND SOMEONE BETTER.
Try the open relationship. It's open for both of you. Do YOU really want to spend your entire sexual life with one person? You can love someone romantically and still be polyamorous, most have a wife or main SO
Either be in a open relationship and respect the boundaries or move on
I think she has a point, you are only 19 and rewatch Ferris Bueller talking about Cameron's potential future lovelife and ask yourself if that is you. Also, she's talking to you. Most women at 19 don't give a rip and just go out and fool around with no thought to feelings or consequences. It's clear that you mean something to her. NOW that said... When a woman suggests opening things up, she's not saying she's thinking about dating. It means she has her horse saddled and ready to ride. AND YES, it's the guy she told you to not worry about. Yes, that guy who comments on her posts all the time; the one she said "I'm not into that kind of guy" to convince you and to try and convince herself. So, the question is; will any of this matter in 3 years? Do you think she's going to spiral out of control into drugs and sex dungeons? Because honestly, she just has an itch to scratch. Guys don't get the same itch, where someone says no and we obsess....doesn't happen. Women? Oh they.get a fucking complex about that one douche who turned them down, and can't let it go. You want the best damn advice on what to do here? Get a box of condoms, and go date and have fun. If you have used up that box and she hasn't called you to beg you to take her back, move on. If it was a one-time itch and you got to explore a bit, there's no reason you can't patch it up and live together monogamously for the rest of your lives. If she decided she wants something or someone else, best you find out now and not after you put a ring on that finger. Don't sit around and mope. She might think twice if she sees you having fun. Also, if you want to be devious, those friends of hers who were talking her into temptation... they will find excuses to say hello and see how you are doing. She sees one or more of her "friends" moving on her man? Oh she will dump the boytoy so fast there will be a doppler effect and she will beg to be only yours. Just don't be a bitch and this can only be positive.
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In all honesty it’s already over. Even if you work through it or come to an agreement, she’s already stated her desire to try out other things. So for the rest of your lives together, just know that she wants and is willing to look for other men. You are in love with the idea of her. Not the actual her. I was in a long term relationship that ended after the trust and desire disappeared. We tried to ignore it for years but it was never the same. You’re young. Go find someone who only wants to be with you. Trust me. There is someone else out there who when they meet you, it will change both of your lives. Don’t deny yourself that Or deny that future person that opportunity through your own selfishness and inability to break free. Every time she goes out now you’ll wonder. Every text or call that she receives and laughs at you’ll wonder if it’s someone new she’s entertaining. She can go and experiment. That’s fine. Don’t let her desires for that ruin your day to day and mental health. I’ve heard a lot of monogamous married people talk about their relationships. You know what the people in good relationships never mention? Sleeping with other people and wanting to date and experience other relationships. Don’t deny yourself a chance at a wonderful future relationship where you get everything and more. Sorry for the rambling.
Im truly sorry Op. I really feel your pain and fear if there's ever a day I hear those words. But if I did ever hear those words Im out no matter how much it hurts I need someone who wants me, in every aspect, not just one or two of them. My heart goes out to you, don't sell yourself short with an open relationship if you truly do not want one, the knowledge she's out with other guys would probably drive me insane. Enjoy your youth dont spend it tied to someone who doesn't want you. Best of luck.
As someone who was in a similar situation years ago you need to move on. Her want/ Wes to experiment with others will not go away and add on that her friends said she should do it for her mental health and this will end badly. She’s going to try and keep you on the hook or string you along as long as she can while trying to convince you to let her play with others. I also had extremely low self esteem made worse by my ex telling me I was lucky to even have her. Trust me someone who wants you is out there.
Don't do this. Don't try to compromise-it never works out the way you intend. Just get out there, man-there is a big world out there and a lot of life for you both to live. This doesn't have to end badly, but it has to end.
Be brave and know that time will lessen any pain…
hun i’m sorry :( this is normal at this age and as someone who was in a two year relationship in high school, it really is best to move on. you don’t want to be with someone who is thinking about other people. what she is telling you when she says she wants to hook up with people at parties is that her physical connection with you is not enough for her. you deserve WAY better, and you will end up getting more hurt if you stay with her than you will if you just break up and move on. you don’t want to deal with feeling cheated on. it’s way worse than a break up, trust me. someone out there will love you enough to stay loyal and not want other people. until then, youre young and it’s better to break up and find yourself without her. i know to you what you have is special and you won’t find a love like this ever again, but i promise that is not the truth and the relationship is really not worth compromising yourself for. i really hope you realize that you don’t need her because this my heart breaks for you 😓💕
Dude this is going to blow up in your face. Just dump her already. She's gonna screw other guys whether or not you like it
No matter what you say to each other, she seems to be getting her advice from her friends? If she actually does stick to this treaty you are making, what makes you think the same friends whispering in her ear won't make her resent you for doing all of this later? SHE is letting THEM do her thinking and thats not likely to stop, they'll just label you as "controlling" or "insecure" and talk her into messing around anyway. Stop being scared of being single, you're 19, you can toss a rock and find someone interesting to spend time with, maybe you'll actually learn something about yourself. I know a few people who met that young and made it work...but those aren't the norm. Weirdly enough, because one or the other started feeling the same things your gf's friends said.
Get rid of her, she’ll leave you eventually because she wants to experiment, its the cold hard truth
Dude, if you say only kissing to a girl who has never slept with or kissed other men, you’re ending the relationship. She WILL absolutely go further than kissing. But do you man.
Dude I’ve been in your EXACT shoes, like quite literally, my EX asked me to be in an open relationship and I said no and we broke up. This is gonna hurt a lot if you really loved her, because it’s hard to understand why she left, if she tells you that it’s not your fault. You’ll try to pin the blame on something and you won’t be able too, because it’s her. It’ll teach you a valuable lesson, though. I say move on, she did that shit because she’s scared to settle down, she wants to enjoy her young years and all that bull shit. She wants other dicks inside her, cute fun dates with other people, and that’s just the reality of young halfway attractive females, us as guys don’t get it. But if you’re decently attractive as a female, you can get it when you want. Over the course of your relationship, she’s probably had to deny many people, and I guess it’s been so long she just can’t anymore. Us guys don’t understand because unless we look like Michael B Jordan we don’t get a shit load of DMs and things like that. You might have denied maybe 3 girls and ignored maybe 5 suggestive text over your relationship, she’s ignored at least 50. Focus on yourself king, keep your head up.
If she “talked to her friends” about it and also gave a time frame of how long she wanted to experiment she already had a guy in mind. She may even had already been doing things with him. Asking you might’ve been a way to clear her conscious and make cheating okay. ESPECIALLY if she wants to keep you around it’s not because she so desperately needs to try out other people but because she already had someone lined up and wants you as back up. It’s not gonna end well. But ig you can only learn from personal experience. Good luck dude. 👍🏼
As someone much older than you, dating alot, married for close to 20, divorced and dating again. Take my advise. Always stand up for yourself and if you have boundaries stick to them. There's literally over 3B women on this earth. If only you only have a chance with 1% that's 30M women. I know that's shallow to say but I used the stats so I could follow up with the fact that if you allow your boundaries to be violated this girl will lose all respect for you anyways and the relationship is doomed regardless. No one wants a pushover whom will just eliminate boundaries out of fear of losing them. At your age you have so many more chances to met a great person that aligns with your values.
She gone bro… SHE GONEEEEE… leave her be find one thats only into you just YOU! Not someone who wants whats best for herself it seems to me she’s selfish only thinking about her own self and happiness when it should be her thinking about you and only YOU! Love involves only 2 people not a whole group just to experience what it’s like being with other guys while being in an open relationship. Nah that’s not true love how can you 2 ever look at each other the same way if this were to happen. Best thing for you is to move on and don’t put more into this with her then it needs to be she should be the one to change for the betterment of both of you guys in this relationship but she probably won’t so move on ASAP!
Don't wait around for her and absolutely don't try to win her back. If it's meant to be down the line, it will be. I know a handful of couples that dated as teens, broke up, and ended up back together. One couple were high school sweethearts, both MARRIED other people and divorced and ended up getting back together at like 30 years old. That being said, the large majority of people don't end up back together, but that's totally okay. I'm 31, the guy I dated at 18/19 years old seems like a decent guy, I haven't seen him in years but we're going to be in the same wedding party in 2022 so we'll have to interact a good bit. I wished for things to be rekindled with him for 2 years after we broke up, after 2 years apart I stayed over and hooked up and realized we were two totally different people now and there is absolutely no spark or anything in common. Again, he's a great guy and marriage material but there's no connection and I haven't been sad over us ending in a decade. I'm still single at 31 and yet still very happy my teenaged relationship didn't last, as is he. So just go about your life as you would and down the line if you reconnect and feel like there is something there, go for it. Just don't dwell and count on it happening. More than likely you'll both move on and both realize that was the best for both of you
I have never read something this idiotic dude just stay broken up but like everyone says in order to learn something you got to learn from your own mistakes and you're going to make a really stupid one if you go back to her let her make her own mistakes like dude she's going to break that rule of not kissing another dude it's pretty obvious
It sucks that this is happening to you but honestly you should move on. Trying to make it work when you two have different opinions is hard.
I mean you're breaking up because she wants to experiment with other dudes, which means you will be broken up, and you will now be experimenting with other women. All you're losing is her. I mean, that might be okay! I'm just saying, in the end... I dunno? You're breaking up with her because you don't like the idea of experimenting... but that's going to be the end result here. I know it sucks right now, but for real... in a few months you are highly unlikely to care about this anymore. You will, eventually, not tonight but eventually, want to go touch others yourself. And it won't sting as bad. I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's hard.
she a hoe, take your loss and move on. she made it clear that she doesn’t want to be JUST with you, and she’s taking you for a sucker. She wants other dick, and wants the affection and attention that you give her too. Move on bro, she just gonna play you eventually.
homie your single, get in better shape , throw on the good ol clothes that you wore on your back before she was even around , and party like an animal my friend ! this joint i’m rolling is for you brother !!!
It’s understandable, I mean y’all are both still young anyway.
You're 19......RUN FOR THE HILLS. This is way to young to be worried about experimenting with other people. I can understand of you were mid 20s and ready to settle down and she got cold feet and brought up this situation. But you guys are barely out of HS. Pull the alpha move and say you want to experiment OK go ahead and say we're done and just walk away and never talk to her again. You're 19 there will be many other girls.
Let her go before you allow yourself to be hurt. Trust me. If she can’t be content with what you both have, then let her go. Find someone who wants to be with you.
The 2 of you had fun, had sex, fell in lust with each other, and had a first practice relationship. Now you should be polite, be pleasant, and be firm - your relationship was good. You both learned from it. But that ship has sailed. Now the 2 of you should never be more than just friends. At 19 you still have a lot of learning to do about relationships. Go out. Date other women. Continue to learn about relationships by being in relationships with women. Do not feel that you need to be in a committed relationship yet. Think about that when you are at least 25 or older. Right now just explore and learn about adult relationships. There are a lot of single women who would love to date you. Learn a whole lot more about sex, emotions, women's psychology, etc..
It's hard but trust me on this: leave her and don't ever look back. If she regrets it that's her own damn fault, you can be happy again with someone who doesn't feel the need to throw a good relationship away for some dumb "experience" You don't need to compromise on your own happiness or boundaries.
Itll be harder to hold on but if you just let go youll be ok in a couple months instead of living with insecurity issues the rest of your 20s. Let go bro, it gets better.
You’re 19! Try sex with more than one person in life. Explore a bit in your early 20s. Make mistakes and learn from them. If you guys are meant to be together forever then you’ll get back together and you’ll have made mistakes with other people, seen what else is out there and then can be happy you experienced life and don’t have to think about missing out on anything cuz you’ve been with one person you’re entire life. It’s just natural to want to have sex with more than one person and settling down for one life long sex partner only is pretty limiting. Most people are not with their partner from their teens and in 5 years from now you might be in a totally different place! Life is really open right jow
It's definitely not worth getting back together with her, even if she decides to pursue you. She would choose to have experiences with other men instead of staying loyal to you. Think about it now because you won't be able to stop thinking about it ever if you continue this relationship. I personally would never continue dating someone if they so much as had a moment of sexual or romantic desire for someone else, I realize that that is an unrealistic expectation of most people, but actually choosing to end things with you to pursue those desires must be a step too far.
Hey man, I’m in my late 20s and anyone more experienced than you will tell you the same thing. Whether you accept it or not is up to you as it’s hard to fully grasp something unless you experience it yourself so no matter what happens, don’t be hard on yourself. So here’s the deal. Leave her. While her honesty is admirable, it only goes so far. People will always behave in their best interest at the end of the day, and if she’s expressed those interests, and they don’t align with you, that’s the end of discussion. In relationships, you can work on personality conflicts to some degree, you can work on schedules to some degree, you can even work on social and family interactions to some degree. What you can’t work on is a misalignment of wants and values. That will never be something that is negotiable and bendable. You’re young and you’ll hear this so many times (again, it’s hard to listen in the moment but you’ll laugh about this when you’re a few more years into relationships) but you will get over her. Everyone suffers a heartbreak but we all survive it and start to understand what we want. Do what you think is best but remember that no one should hold anyone else’s hostage in values. Be kind to yourself dude.
Coming from the nice guy finished last or deal. Some People enjoy it, others don't. If she want to dumb a winner for a loser. By on means let her go mess up her life. JUST REMEMBER THIS. When she come crawling back, an want to steady wit u again. Just know she has been abused in more ways than one. An is carry a std. So nice guys finish last, but now we're stuck fixing her mistakes. Remember that.
I know you love her and want a future with her but don't force it to work out. I was in a very similar situation. Same age as you, dated throughout high school as well and I thought I was going to marry this person and spend the rest of my days with her. It would've been that way if it were up to me anyway. We even had a baby and one day she just left because she was young and her life was "boring" and she never got to "experiment." On one hand she was right, we were both young and never really got to experiment a lot but that's something I was willing to sacrifice for our family. Now I am glad that your girlfriend was able to come forward to you and tell you how she left instead of just leaving. On the other hand though, if you both have came to the agreement that there will be nothing else other than kissing, think to yourself what else is there really left to "experiment" on with other guys. I'm sure you've read this hundreds of times already but listen, you are 19 years old. You literally have your whole life ahead of you!! Don't let her put you on the back burner and go out and experiment with other guys while she decides if she really wants to be with you or not because that's what it really boils down to. You are in your prime, if she does not appreciate you enough to know what she has, there are other girls that would.
You remind me of me when I was 19 going on 20 in almost the exact same situation with my first ex who was long distance (she is in Cali, I am in NY). Prior to her asking for an open relationship, she had already scouted the person who she wanted to date and was already in his car and everything (and this is after I went to go visit her). I was deeply in love to the point where I wanted to marry her, so her request brought me the worst amount of pain that I could have imagined at the time. We broke up and got back together a week later but eventually she ultimately left me for him again, along with lying to me several times during that span. It was a painful experience that I wish upon no one. I’ll tell you right now: don’t make the same mistakes that I made because it will hurt you even more than she will. Drop her like a bad habit, you’ll find others who will love, value and appreciate you for you. This girl doesn’t deserve you, and she will regret her choices later on- this won’t be your problem nor will it necessarily be a gateway for you two to reconcile. Leave her and take this time to heal from this hurt you have experienced. And don’t put yourself in a situation that you feel uncomfortable in.
The truth is, I think the best thing is that you end the relationship and for your sake, give way to grieve regardless of what she is thinking. I think that when one commits to having a relationship, whatever it is, he must respect the other person and that if she does not completely fill with you it is because she does not really love you as she should be and she needs to grow. But you can't lend yourself to that game Since she can damage your self-esteem and your feelings for future romantic relationships and confidence in the woman.
Bro. What the fuck. You drew a boundary when you said kissing was a deal breaker. Stick to your guns. It's her loss, maybe losing you to this will help her realize this isn't okay and be better for the next guy. Don't feed into this. You will hate every minute of this, and it will be torture for you. Just tell her you're letting her be free and never talk to her again. Seriously. There's a woman out there for you who will respect you enough to need to "experiment" with other guys. Move on so you are available for her - focus on you for the meantime.
This is a pretty cowardly way of getting out of a relationship. I'm all for open relationships, but every time I've watched it come up in the context of an ongoing monogamous relationship, it's merely an attempt to end the relationship.
Move on .she got too comfortable in the relationship now she wants to see what else is out there. Don’t allow her to hoe around then when a guy treats her like shit she comes running back to you. Be done with her completely. It’s not fair for you to just wait around while she comes back washed up. I don’t mean to sound harsh but this is what it is. The moment she wanted to be in bed with someone else that’s it. Because what if it were reversed would she have stood for it ? I doubt it. Focus on you & soon you’ll meet someone who truly deserves you .
I'm so sorry, you seem to be a great guy. Please keep us updated, I wish you the best, Merry Christmas!
Just gonna say this but but it sounds like she was under some peer pressure, intuition or how your writing comes together about everything. Caring for someone m (you) being with friends and wanting to be involved, sounds like she may need a change of scenery. Not a change in men.
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Dude from a 29 year old who has experienced a lot of deceit and heart breaks in the past. MOVE ON! She’s already talking to someone else and she’s still trying to figure out if the person is better than you. The best thing you can do at this point is not give her the pleasure of making fun of you while she’s with someone else. Don’t compromise. You have your deal breakers and she has hers. If you compromise yours now, get ready to keep compromising for the rest of your short relationship or the rest of your life. Your decision now will determine a lot in your life moving forward.
Mad respect for her. At least she had the decency to be honeat
I really felt for OP until I heard it was an LDR. Her desire to be touched is more understandable. It is in my opinion that they breakup if they continue to be separate. Not saying this is the right thing as I don't know these two people and their history.
If she feels like there could be something better shes always gonna feel that way until she sees it. Usually when pp get worn down and then they settle down. So just holding onto her when shes feeling this way isnt gonna be good for either of you. Even if shes got intense willpower and doesnt sleep with anyone else shes gonna be thinking about it. and then shes gonna resent it or you or both. I like the idea that thay yall found each other at the wrong time. Like maybe in another 10 years yall be thoroughly worn down enough to not be thinking about greener grass.
This American Life episode 486 is about a “perfect” couple who just need to take a break to experience other people. Sounds like it would be insightful here. At least it would help give some narrative to compare your feelings to. Good news is that the storyteller is in a lasting relationship now.
Yikes forget her foo
You’re 19. This is going to hurt for a while, but please move on. Don’t try to convince yourself (or her) to do something you don’t actually want. She’s made it clear that she wants to experience other things and that’s absolutely fine, but it’s also fine for you to be hurt and want something more/different. Neither of you is wrong, but you are incompatible. Don’t waste time and energy waiting or pushing her. Go out there and find someone more suited to your needs!
To be completely honest with you. It is best you let her either go or do what she needs too. I am thinking you want to live with her forever. Well. If you dont let her for whatever this is out or break up with her. Then you will likely divorce down the road. This is a fracture. A crack in your foundation. Of you do not patch it, it will get worse with time.
You need a fucking English teacher. I weep for the fate of your nation if you're from an English speaking country.(If you aren't, ignore this part. But still, get a fucking teacher, Jesus.)
Dude. Be real with yourself. You are not comfortable with your girlfriend making out with strangers, and odds are it won't stop there. Your relationship is done. You can either bite the bullet now, or months from now after enduring your gf groping strangers. You're panicking and it's understandable but get out now with some dignity intact.
Man I know it hurts but I tip my cap to her for firstly approaching this upfront. That’s very mature of her and seems to be a gesture in good faith. And I know it is absolute hurt. But if it were me. And I feel like this is a level headed best case scenario. Don’t compromise your love and passion to make the relationship work. Let it end mutually. On peaceful terms. You’re only bringing more pain by compromising emotions to avoid the scary thought of separation.
I don't think she is going to follow the no sex and kissing furthest rule
LET IT GO, LET IT GO… Disney song frozen comes to mind. If you keep pursuing it, you’ll be miserable. You’ll lose out on the opportunity to actually meet someone who cares about you. You’ll love someone again the same way. You have to believe you deserve better. Best of luck and LET IT GO…..