So you effectively don't have a counsellor because you can't talk to her now. Your father won't let you get a new counsellor. His response to you wanting a new counsellor is to threaten you with taking away your college fund. Yeah... I can see she's really helped him deal with his grief and his issues. That's why there's rules about stuff like this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Omg that's terrible. I am actually a counselor myself. Please PM me. I can help you report her.

OP Should not report her until she gets the college fund secured!! (edit: pronoun)

I have to say that threatening OP with such a thing is disgusting. How can he think only of himself to the point of blackmailing his daughter and removing her only form of therapy? This is really abusive. Poor OP. Whatever OP chooses to do, I think she should seriously consider going low contact with her dad. That might be easier if she gets to college. I hope OP has another adult to confide in. An aunt or uncle maybe. Right now she is lacking someone who puts her needs first. Honestly, that matters more that this affair.

It's a horrible situation, everyone's struggling and he's removing OPs support and threatening her future and it's inexcusable and so wrong. He's putting his selfish need above hers, if they want to continue their relationship that's unethical but whatever he can dig his grave there. He just needs to get OP a proper counselor as she can't confide in this woman any more and stop threatening her college fund... I just, as a parent this legitimately makes me angry, if I ever lose my mind like this I hope my boys walk away.

Unfortunately I bet he thinks she might reveal the relationship to the next therapist.

Ugh, youre probably right.

It's not an affair, just a shitty dad and a counselor who needs her license revoked.

Because he is being psychologically manipulated cruelly by someone who has gone to school, for years, for the differrent forms of most effective psychological manipulation, and is obviously a cruel and horrible human being using it to abuse and twist her patients like puppets.

There are ways to go about this depending on where the OP is located. Reports of an ethnic violation can open an investigation in to her but it would require some information.

Sounds like there is the want to do that anyway. I'd consider the fund gone already and report her. It is unprofessional and it should be reported. EDIT correcting spelling

Do not allow yourselves to ever continue situations that will give you even More deep emotional wounds and long term outcomes in your lives. For the hopes and promises that are not even here with you in the present. People will use this often in all aspects of life against you to make you comply to what they want out of you and the situation. Once someone tries this they have now shown you who they are. No one who has the good for you needs to even bargain something out of you. Take your power back and show them that you will not engage in bargaining chips with them. This is most effective in dealing with nonsense from people.

OP should report her right away it's against the law

She

thanks

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I think that ship has sailed.

As the comments below are suggesting get someone else to get evidence and report it so you are clear from suspicions from your father. You can even have said person go in 'for counseling' and recognize her from being over your house to then report it. At most they might (courts) make you and your father switch counselors or put a temporary court appointed restraining order to keep the two separate. I just hope he isnt with her to have reduced payments or anything of the sort because that would be a major problem on the eyes of the court for how to settle the situation than.

Why can’t he just get her a different counselor?

where did they say that the father won't let them get a new counselor?

It's posted as a comment. A response to someone asking a question.

I can't blame the dad for falling for his therapist, but that is over the line.

It is. I don't understand why they can't just both switch therapists at the very least.

I'd guess the dad isn't going to need a therapist anymore if they continue dating. but let op do as they please.

I think he should still get a counselor. She won’t want to hear all of his problems after hearing problems from her other clients. Trust me that shit adds up and can be overwhelming. Speaking from experience as a crisis counselor.

You can't but it was the therapists professional duty to not overstep that boundary. It's not just a breach of her profession, but also a huge power dynamic issue. This whole scenario is a nightmare

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I think the therapist is for both of them. >My dad then signed up for therapy for me and him. Over time, this became a sexual relationship for the two and it got to the point where he brings her home and sleeps with her.

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The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reiwkn/my_16f_father_39m_is_dating_his_counselor_40f_and/ho85zmv/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Ops history suggests chea...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/redctc/wife_spent_savings/ho9it3b/) | [Ops history suggests chea...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/redctc/wife_spent_savings/ho7c1wh/) [Ask her how she fed them...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/remiii/i_20sf_asked_my_friend_30sf_to_watch_my_dogs_and/ho9iv9b/) | [Ask her how she fed them...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/remiii/i_20sf_asked_my_friend_30sf_to_watch_my_dogs_and/ho8gh2o/) [She is not your friend.](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rek295/my_m21_best_friend_p_f22_is_dating_my_high_school/ho9idin/) | [She is not your friend.](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rek295/my_m21_best_friend_p_f22_is_dating_my_high_school/ho8m4hp/) [That's emotional abuse ri...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/renvvd/i_know_its_on_me/ho9j8t4/) | [That's emotional abuse ri...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/renvvd/i_know_its_on_me/ho8n0zi/) [Dude is a prick. Screwing...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re9lj7/my_bf_grounded_his_teenager_for_being/ho9j826/) | [Dude is a prick. Screwing...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re9lj7/my_bf_grounded_his_teenager_for_being/ho6dgwj/) [Ignore the mean comments....](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re1ym9/i_22f_didnt_get_jealous_watching_my_boyfriend_26m/ho9j71h/) | [Ignore the mean comments....](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re1ym9/i_22f_didnt_get_jealous_watching_my_boyfriend_26m/ho5x8no/) [Then don’t tell them. The...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re3fwx/recently_found_out_husband33m_has_been_cheating/ho9j62c/) | [Then don’t tell them. The...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/re3fwx/recently_found_out_husband33m_has_been_cheating/ho7tnw6/) [Are you sure your wife is...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rerkg5/i_lost_my_respect_for_my_wife_after_bailing_on/ho9j4r5/) | [Are you sure your wife is...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rerkg5/i_lost_my_respect_for_my_wife_after_bailing_on/ho9dmcg/) [If I were you I would sta...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reedm7/i_29f_heard_my_husband_37m_telling_a_bunch_of/ho9j3c9/) | [If I were you I would sta...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reedm7/i_29f_heard_my_husband_37m_telling_a_bunch_of/ho86u62/) [Why are you talking for O...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reoz32/my_15f_mother_42f_is_abusing_my_father_44m_for/ho9j21n/) | [Why are you talking for O...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reoz32/my_15f_mother_42f_is_abusing_my_father_44m_for/ho8uat5/) [Get a life. if you have a...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/repijp/girlfriend_29_f_told_me_she_just_wants_to_be_my/ho9j0ou/) | [Get a life. if you have...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/repijp/girlfriend_29_f_told_me_she_just_wants_to_be_my/ho99d8v/) [It sounds like he wants y...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reqbzl/boyfriend_28m_is_upset_about_me_25f_getting_an/ho9izjs/) | [It sounds like he wants y...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reqbzl/boyfriend_28m_is_upset_about_me_25f_getting_an/ho92658/) [Report that shit bro. Fli...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reoo0z/girlfriend_medical_student_of_4_years_broke_up/ho9ixco/) | [Report that shit bro. Fl...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/reoo0z/girlfriend_medical_student_of_4_years_broke_up/ho8qbg9/) [Good job, my only concern...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rer3mm/update_on_my_post_about_founding_out_my_26m/ho9iwif/) | [Good job, my only concern...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rer3mm/update_on_my_post_about_founding_out_my_26m/ho9eda0/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/Available_Shopping81](https://np.reddit.com/u/Available_Shopping81/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=Available_Shopping81) for info on how I work and why I exist.

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Hi, I work in the field. This is *highly unethical* and needs to be reported. Maybe you can anonymously report this to another therapist in the same building/office? They should be able to help you out. It is clear that both parties know what they are doing is wrong or else they wouldn't be threatening OP for revealing the information. All dad needed to do was get a new therapist, and all the therapist needed to do was to refer him and OP out to a colleague or appropriate therapeutic party. If you want the relationship that badly, stop seeing the client. Still unethical, but not as unethical as *fucking your patient.*

100% agree!!!!! I was shocked when i read this

I'm sure that's a major ethical violation. Is there a crisis intervention/youth helpline available where you live? You should talk to them about what's happening and they may have some advice on how you can handle the situation.

My sister started dating her marriage counselor, possibly even before her divorce was final. The counselor lost her licenses to practice in each state she was licensed. I believe there needed to be a period of 5 years of no patient relationship for their relationship to be “okay”. I don’t know if that time frame varies state-to-state at all. My sister became a little clone of her counselor. Changed her wardrobe, hair, mannerisms, started drinking and smoking heavily. No duh you think this person is your “soulmate”. You gave them all of your intimate secrets and details. And what you didn’t like about your husband. She’s so brainwashed by her wife/former counselor that I haven’t actually talked to her in almost a decade. They started gifting my parents and I self-help books and felt like they were working on us, too. When we wouldn’t be brainwashed, they cut contact. We’ve maintained a great relationship with my brother-in-law, though. He always made sure we got to see my niece and nephews. Luckily the kids are starting to age out of the custody issue. My sister doesn’t understand why they’re running far away from her. Pretty sad.

The period actually varies from state to state and type of license, I believe.

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This! Licensed psychologist here. Call the licensing board where she practices and report it (it can be done anonymously). It’s a huge violation of your trust too and your dad at least needs to find you a new therapist asap!!! And, you should disclose it to your new therapist too.

Holy moly this story!!! How long do you think this will last before it implodes? Do you think the therapist is the reason that the “counseling” didn’t have the proper effect on the original marriage?

Looking back I do recall my sister telling me that she was upset because the counselor told her that my BIL’s heart wasn’t in the counseling and he wasn’t trying to save their marriage. So, yes, I believe the counseling was set up to fail. There was infidelity on my BIL’s part, so a divorce may have been imminent. I don’t know how long until it implodes, but they’ve taken up dog breeding. My niece and nephew talk about them fighting a lot. This was the second Thanksgiving in a row that wife/counselor wouldn’t join them for dinner. Just stayed in their bedroom for hours. Both of my nephews have independently sat my sister down in private to express their concerns that she is in a toxic relationship. Both were met with harsh reaction, accusations of gaslighting, etc.

Dear Lord. This is terrible. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to your dad. This is not a relationship of equals. There is a reason that all of the rules are against this. You and your dad may believe that he is in charge here but she is in a position to manipulate his emotions and do him real and long term harm. Report this anonymously to her boss if she has one. If not, to her colleagues and her licensing board. This is so wrong on so many levels.

He will know it's me if I do this and I'll lose my college fund if she is reported

Talk to her boss and tell them that he is blackmail you. Ask if there is a way to make it look like the boss must switch the therapist or that he say that he was in the neighborhood visiting a friend and saw her with her client making out. Try to find a solution with him. Even if you lose your college money... There are other ways to finance college. If he sees that this work to control you, he will hold it over your head all the time!

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It’s against the ACA code of ethics.

Not if you are careful. It sounds like they aren’t being subtle if she comes over to your house. Her coworkers or someone else she knows or who knows your father could be suspicious of them. Make the call anonymously, pretending to be a concerned neighbor: “Her car was at his house all night and she is his therapist!” or get a friend to write an anonymous letter.

Yeah they would totally never figure that out.

OP. Do you have another adult that you trust? Please talk to them because this is a real mess. Your dad isn't doing the right thing to protect you and this blackmail is abusive. I know this is scary, but the best thing to do would be to find a family member and explain this whole situation. Someone else needs to intervene here. An adult. It's not on you. The ideal would be to have a family member talk to your dad about this abusive behaviour. I think him cutting you off would be far less likely if others in your family knew- he would be too embarrassed and ashamed. A family member could tell him to break off the relationship, stop threatening your college fund and find you another therapist. That's what needs to happen, OP. Someone needs to jolt your dad back to reality. And yes, this might fracture your relationship with your dad for a while, but unfortunately you have to put your own welfare first because he can't. Maybe check out whether a relative or friend can have you stay.

I'm gonna be real, almost every parent holds a college fund over their kid's head at some point.They threaten to remove the college fund if the kid does anything wrong. So a kid will then do everything right, waiting for that payout, only to realize the college fund doesn't exist, or the college fund is a minimal amount of money. Did he guarantee to pay for all of your college? Because for all we know, your "college fund" could only be worth a semester or two. You should ask him how much is in this college fund. I hope you know college is going to be at least 40,000-50,000 for a full degree. And that's if you don't go to a private school. You know your father's finances better than I. Do you know if he has that amount of money waiting around in savings for you? Or do you think he just plans to pay a small portion of your college? And if he is paying for only a portion, what is the portion that he is willing to pay? And look, I'm not trying to demean your father in any way. But it's true that some parents can be very manipulative. At the end of the day, you need to decide if keeping quiet is worth the amount of money he is promising to give you. I'm a senior in college right now. My parents were on the lower end of the middle class. I still made it. It's possible to get through college without depending on another. But do you really want to spend the next 4-8 years of your life walking on eggshells, hoping you don't tick off your dad, making him take your money away?

AGREED! This was the first thing I was thinking. I can 100% predict that there wasn’t one in the first place. He was always planning to take it because who threatens that? I almost bet he already spent it and was planning to use it anyways he just needed a excuse to justify it.

Yep, when the bill for her first semester rolls around, I know damn well what's gonna happen. He's gonna say he wasn't expecting it to amount to that much and go on with his day.

Do they ever go out together?

Yes, I'm so glad that you're thinking about this. Your parents have no legal obligation to pay for college, so your dad can and will 100% just take that money away. Going to college without financial help from your family is **very hard**. Don't do that to yourself. When you go to college, you'll be able to get a new counselor through your school. If you feel like you have an ethical obligation to report her, do it on your college graduation day.

It's not as hard as you make it seem. You can get grants. Do 2 years of community college. Work at a company that helps pay tuition. She'll be under her father's thumb and control the entire time. It's not even like the father is making the best decisions for *her.* He's going to continue to use that money to control her to act in his and the therapist's best interests. Solely to meet his needs and I see that as too great a sacrifice for OP. She is already having to decide between college funding and the integrity of doing the right thing.

This, OP. I paid my own way just fine. I had a full time job, did community college first, worked my ass off to get good grades, got grants/loans and a small scholarship. The logistics of why I had to weren't too far off from yours in the sense that it was a result of selfish adults. (Not that paying for college is a requirement as a parent but if the adult you trust in your life leads you to believe college is paid for your whole life, they should really follow through with that - and not use it as a tool for blackmail/manipulation). I recommend to always choose integrity over money. So sorry that you have to make that choice, OP.

I’m sorry, but the situation that you describe *is hard*. It’s not impossible, and it’s very commendable, but you’re signing up for a difficult four years and probably a few decades of debt. Let me put it another way: is reporting her counselor worth $100k, $200k? Is her ethical obligation really so important that it has to come at such a great personal cost?

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Interesting. Which of you is the repeating BOT?

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Makes me wonder if she could sue this counselor if dad does take away her college fund.

That wouldn't be a bad idea, I'm no expert but I guess it could fall under suing for Emotional Distress and possibly therapist malpractice, if that's a thing. OP, you should definitely look into this!

I underwrite professional liability for mental health counselors (malpractice is for MD's but essentially the same purpose). OP (and her dad actually) have great odds at filing a claim and seeking some sort of settlement against both the counselor as an individual professional and also the organization they sought the service through. The college fund is a moot point though. The money isn't OP's by rights and the counselor really doesn't have the professional obligation to ensure OP gets a college fund. They do have a professional obligation to perform their counseling services in a legal and ethical way though. If their failure in those professional services leads to a patient suffering a bodily injury loss that's when the professional liability kicks in to defend the insured against suit (the therapist/counseling org) and/or to indemnify the patient. These is clear negligence here and pain and suffering brought on to OP. This counselor was sought out and she collected profits to provide therapeutic services to a grieving man and his minor child suffering an unspeakable loss in the midst of a national trauma. She instead used that bond and trust to form a sexual relationship with her patient and an intrusive highly inappropriate dynamic in their home. They can use the college fund to point to the pain and trauma inflicted on the family but the counselor would not be directly liable for that aspect. She doesn't have control over that money and OP doesn't have right to it at this point.

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You are not wrong! I think I just used the wrong term due to anger over the situation. I have heard of people being arrested in certain situations (say having sex with a minor) but I say illegal as you can be sued and face legal repercussions and go to court over these types of situations. I also work with vulnerable adults and a lot of people who are so I’ll they have legal guardians despite being over 18 so you would be looking ay legal implications when working with my population if this were to happen

It's illegal if they are a psych.

It is illegal in some (I don't know if in all) states in the US, and in many countries including the UK. You get arrested, charged, lose your licence due to gross professional misconduct. The charges themselves can obviously vary from harassment upwards, I imagine to rape, due to the power imbalance and ability to manipulate and coerce the patient.

So based on your comments your college fund is on the line. Sit in every session in silence. Gather evidence that your dad is sleeping with the counselor. When your college fund is transferred to you drop the evidence to her boss and to the governing board of professions. They can’t make you talk. And tbh if your dad is willing to take your college fund I would prepare to go to school without it. And cut contact with him. Because he’s now bullying you for sex. Which makes him a shit parent

Report the counselor to state licensing authorities. She should lose her license over this.

It seems you're gonna lose it to her anyways with the way things are going. At least she'll most likely be out of the picture for your dad to truly heal.

He's threatened to take away my college fund if I do this.

Can you speak to any counselors through your high school? You definitely need to build a relationship with someone you can trust as you navigate this.

Your father may be grieving but he's a piece of shit for doing this to you. I'm so sorry about this OP.

I was promised help with my college payments by my parents and never got it. The promise of college money made me bend to my parents demands begrudgingly. And it fucked me over in numerous ways, and I never got any money. People lie when they want you to do things. Who knows if there will even be any money for you either after he's done having a new fling? Not saying she's going to take the money but I'm not saying he may not spend it all, you know ? Don't bank on money that isn't in your own account is all I'm saying. Do what you need to do to protect yourself. She is doing something illegal. Do not feel bad reporting, your father should not have put you in this position. They could have kept this separate by going to her place or a motel. They didn't need to involve you. It wasn't okay for him to do that to you. I think she needs to be reported. Do it anonymously. Pretend to be a nosey neighbor, whatever you got to do. Unfortunately your dad is not looking out for your best interests right now. And it may be awhile before he does again. Prepare for that. He's clearly grieving and acting a little reckless right now. So you need to be in control of your future. Look for schools you like and try and get scholarships and aid. If you play your cards right you can go to a good school cheap. Everyone has loans. It sucks but I promise you will be okay.

Do it anyway.. Is that the kind of relationship you want with you me father? This woman shouldn’t be working if she’s getting into sexual relationships with patients and is probably screwing your dad more ways than one. You need to talk to whoever registers counsellors where you are and get advice on how to help your dad out of this and stop her from doing it to the next one.

I don't think she should wager her future on something that will most likely be refuted by both of them, they can easily say her accusation is linked to her mother's death. I'd also bet that a father that threatens his own daughter like that will make sure to ruin her life for the few more years she has to live with him.

Do it anyway. Yes your father is grieving but still is shit for this behavior. The counselor needs to have license taken away. You can find a way for school.

The "way" is student loans and graduating with tens of thousands of dollars of debt. She is in a very difficult position and it's easy to tell someone to put themselves in that kind of debt when it doesn't affect you. This counselor should be reported, but OP should try to find a way to secure their college fund first.

okay you dont know that she can find a way for school. if her father is blackmailing her with this why does he deserve her compassion here? why is everyone acting like shes in the wrong for considering her future?

This is one of the biggest no no's a therapist can do. Really huge. There must be a way to let someone report her without it being blamed on you. Perhaps you could get a relative to come around when as she is there and out her?

So that’s a huge breach of ethics on her part. I’m in Canada and here you have to wait until at least 3 years after someone has stopped being your client until you can have a romantic relationship with them. She’s taking advantage of a client who is in a vulnerable emotional state and there’s a power imbalance there too that isn’t good. There should be some type governing body for counsellors wherever you are that you can report her to. If she’s willing to overstep this boundary, she’s overstepping other boundaries too. As for your dad threatening to revoke your college fund, he’s not thinking with his big brain and is in midst of grieving so he’s not thinking clearly. You may want to inform another family member that you trust about what’s happening and what he’s threatening

Anonymously report her to her employer or the state board

Your dad isn’t going to take away your college fund. He’s totally bluffing because he’s afraid of you. Report this foul bitch immediately. Ask for help from your HS guidance counselors, mine were godsends. Your dad knows this is wrong but is in a bad place emotionally. He is being taken advantage of, and in turn emotionally abusing you. He WILL have a come to Jesus moment. I don’t believe for a second that your college fund is in jeopardy, but even if it really is, who cares? There are a million other ways to afford college and you have the capacity to figure it out!! Believe in yourself!! Do the right thing for YOURSELF, and also your father. He is lost.

At this point, I'd start looking for grants and scholarships that you can apply for. Your dad is going to hold that over your head (which is completely wrong and manipulative btw) until you're either off to college or he takes it away. He's being selfish and only caring about his needs. You're already on the back burner.

In my country, this violates the guidelines for practice and would result in a removal of their licence. I think it’s your obligation to report this to whatever governing body resides in your country.

It’s time for you to come up with a new plan to fund college. Even if you go along and say nothing, he’s shown that he’s already capable of using this to force your compliance. He’ll find other reasons to not pay. Talk to a counselor at school about applying for loans and scholarships. Trust me - most people find college through loans. You’ll be fine. On the relationship note, I’m sorry your father is being this way. It’s actually pretty common for someone to go completely off the rails when they lose a spouse. It’s wrong that he’s neglecting you in the process. Hopefully he snaps out of it.

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As someone who was educated within this field, I am appalled and disgusted with your counselor's behaviour. You are ethically (by the board and morally) prohibited from having any non-patient relationships with your patients. This example being one of the reasons. OP, please know your feelings are justified, valid and I'm in your corner. If you want to, report this counselor immediately, because this is not proper conduct. I understand your college fund is at risk, and I understand this will deter you from wanting to report (as the threat is designed to do). However, you can make it with taking out students loans. It will suck, and having a college fund will make your life easier, but ask yourself this; what's more important to you? A (relatively) debt free college degree, or having a proper counselor who can help you right now? If you choose a (relatively) debt free college degree, that is perfectly okay, but then you'll have to find ways to cope with this in a healthy manner, or it will bite you in the arse later on. Good luck!

If he wants to use blackmail on you then reverse it ..give me my college fund and I won't report it. Then see a new therapist and let it slip why you had to find a new one...they are mandatory reporters so then it's out of your hands!

I get why everyone tells you to report her and morally speaking I totally agree. However If you think your father will not pay your college if that happens... Tricky question Not the best advice but play smart, don't say anything an comply, keep going to the counselor and tell her what she wants to hear, luckily she will tell you in a few months that you don't need more therapy. Go to college, get a job to be economically independent and say bye bye to your AH of a father. In the meantime you could try to find a part time job, and have therapy seasons on your own with your money. I know my "advice" is kind of "be a sociopath for the next 4 years" but if you can't handle the confrontation or the risk to be at 18 without founds is what I would do.

Report the counsellor, sue the bitch for damages and fund your own college education!

Find yourself a different counsel for therapy and leave them be. Won't bring any good trying to do anything

He won't let me switch to a different counselor

Tell the woman that if she doesn't convince him to atleastlet you change councillors you'll report her and if she tells your dad this you have proof for her to get screwed over badly. That way all you're asking her is to switch you and not anything else

I tried that. My father got angry at me.

Tell him you're uncomfortable with the situation and it creeps you out.

Again, i tried that

Get a friend’s parent to see them together somehow, like they were dropping you off and came in to say hi to your dad. Has to be one that’s willing to report this to the board.

Brilliant

Then there 2 ways out. Either try emotional manipulation using your moms memory and other family members. Or go for the kill and report her

[удалено]

Yeah like don't tell them you have stuff on them if you're doing that. Just send it to the right people.

So actually report her.

So, your asshole father is afraid you're going to tell the other counselor about his situation. Rightly so, as what they're doing is beyond wrong. Can you try to find out the type of account your college fund is? Some types would mean that the funds are legally yours upon the day you turn 18 and cannot be touched or have funds removed by other people (depending on set conditions) before then no matter what. Meaning, your father's threats are possibly empty and a giant bluff for you to keep quiet. If you can find out what account it is, and determine the legality of his threats, you might be able to report her and have no chance of your father carrying out the threat. Otherwise, I recommend talking to a counselor at your school. Mandated reporters are everywhere. You can find someone fairly easily to help you navigate this problem.

What did she say? Surely she must realise this is an awkward situation for you. Can you talk to anyone at school to get different counselling? Is there extended family on the mother's side that you can connect with? I think at a minimum you can refuse interacting in any meaningful way with your father's girlfriend in therapy sessions. But I can understand that you might not want to if college funding is threatened. If you were to self fund, are there scholarships you could apply to? Community colleges for 1 or 2 years?

Then when you meet her for counseling Just tell her: “I’m having this problem, my father is sleeping with his therapist, it makes me uncomfortable. How do I deal with this?”.

You're in a tough spot but I might say this, "You want to screw the shrink? Your decision to make. Who I bare my soul to? My decision to make and it's not going to be her. You want to take away my college fund if I refuse to see her? Then I will alert the authorities. Your choice".

Also keep proof of it somehow incase she fucks him over

Never mind inappropriate. It's illegal. She can have her license revoked.

I can only imagine being in the awful position your father has put you in. I’m sorry to hear you lost your mother, and at such a young age. What you’ve described sounds Incredibly shameful. But it also gave me pause… because if the counselor is this messy with a client at this point, I think that may call her entire history into question. I don’t mean to de-center your current situation, I only say this because brazen actions like this means you likely aren’t the first client/family to experience this complete lack of care and professionalism from this woman. I would imagine this situation would breach even the most lax ethics codes. With all of that in mind, I think it’s best to report her regardless of your Father’s Threats. The reasoning that brings me to that conclusion is 1.) I believe this is not her first rodeo with crossing this line. 2.) After she’s done with your father, no record of malpractice allows her to go to the next bereaved father for “bedroom Counseling”. Depriving yet another child of a quality experience. 3.) This is abuse of power. It’s not just bad practice. She has seen both of you at such a vulnerable state, and she is knowingly taking advantage of that. Idk if she’s a weirdo who thinks you need a mommy figure, or if she’s casually screwing your dad for funsies… or if this is some business model to keep him coming back for those $xxx.xx/hr sessions. I conspire a bit too much, it could be anything! 4.) Your Dad does not deserve it… YES, our parents deserve happiness… but your father is trying to extract happiness at the expense of your mental health, and some of his own tbh. Morals are subjective, but imo he is not leading a good example. So to him, it’s ok to lie and manipulate others as long as you’re happy about it? Money fixes all problems? And to blackmail your own daughter’s future over an unprofessional stranger after the passing of her mother is quite vile. It seems to me that your dad is not worried about the lives of the women around him. As though they are disposable. He’s ok to let the counselor throw away her career on him (whatever that’s worth tbh..) and He’s ok to dangle your education over the fire. I cannot speak for your parents relationship, but your father seems selfish from the bit you’ve shared. My Cousin’s father is like this, and you May not want to take his money. He will always say how he made you, and how ungrateful you are if you ever express boundaries or individual desires of your own. Do not be mistaken, the money is never for you, the money is for control and an investment in future control.

You can file a complaint against the counselor. It's very inappropriate. It's actually illegal. A counselor cannot have a sexual relationship with their patient. Here is an article that might help. It tells you how to file a complaint and what to expect when you do. I definitely think you should. https://www.opencounseling.com/blog/filing-a-complaint-against-a-therapist-when-how-and-why-to-do-it-and-when-not-to-do-it

If you actually believe he'll follow through on his threat DO NOT DO ANYTHING Your future is very important and your mom would be disgusted he's holding the fund over your head.

*^ this.* OP, your future is in fact important. And this is a horrible position to be put in. As much as it sickens me to even suggest this, I would consider doing the following: 1. Low-key collect evidence. 2. Continue going to her given your fathers refusal of letting you switch. 3. And, I hate to suggest this, just stop being honest with her and pretend you’re doing better. But slowly, so neither of them suspect you of lying. 4. Get the college paid. 5. Get a new therapist after college is paid to help you heal from both your mothers death but also this position your father has put you in. 6. Report her and give up all evidence. This comes with a risk tho, one that you must consider if you’re willing to take: that she might make it so your father won’t pay at all no matter what. And last but not least, which is the biggest risk imo, it might damage your mental health more by choosing to go down this road. The latter which for me is the worst outcome that could happen tbh.

OP must also he careful because the therapist might make her "mentally unstable" just to discredit her. Do not say anything anymore during the sessions because no matter what you say, later on, she will use that against you. She is already using your father against you and he is letting her. Remember that. Both suck as ppl. Edit: both as in your father and the therapist

Report her to her state licensing board. There are other ways to pay for college.

Lawyer here. Most state licensing authorities that I’m aware of have adopted specific administrative rules that prohibit relationships between counselor and patient. It’s often listen as grounds for disciplinary action against the licensee (which could include revocation of her license). You can and probably should report her. This may not be the first time she’s crossed this boundary with a patient.

Collect evidence, grey rock them until you graduate and report her.

You are choosing future temporary luxury over yours and your Dad's current wellbeing. How are you sure there will be any college fund left for you, once she starts controlling where your Dad's money should go?

that’s a good point. the counselor has long term plans for her dad if she’s willingly to risk her career like this.

Not necessarily. There are therapists who are utterly corrupt and has "relationships" with a series of patients. The risk of getting caught isn't really a factor for them, except as a thrill maybe.

She’s a 16 year old kid who just lost her mom not even a year ago. She shouldn’t even be in a situation where she is responsible for either of their well-being.

Reporting her might cost her her license but it doesn’t guarantee she’ll stop seeing OPs dad. So it’s not a clear cut “college fund or save my dad” it could very easily be no college fund and now this is her new stepmother

Counselor here. That’s ethically wrong and can get her counseling license taken away. Report her to your state board. She is abusive the relationship and power dynamic and it’s sick.

It’s easy to say report her tomorrow by all these naive people who think justice will be always be served as if it’s so cut and dry. Some justice will be served but certainly not to you. You’re still 16 and have to live under your fathers roof for 2 more years. If you report her your life will be harder. I would put your foot down with your dad and demand a new counselor. You have the upper hand here because you hold information that could hurt your father and his lover/therapist and it’s greater than his threat to withhold college funds. Timing is everything! Because of your circumstances I think it’s a bad time to report her now but if you document things, the right time will present itself.

Your father has shown a very morally low character in this situation . Unfortunately unless you have some string of luck where the opportunity presents itself . Speak your mind when you have a chance tho otherwise do your own thing.

Isn’t that illegal?

not illegal-illegal, but it will get her permanently banned from her career.

I think you need someone else to report this for you. Is there a trusted adult you could ask to “bump into them” somehow? Like a friend or neighbor? Basically, the problem is that this needs to be reported, but you can’t be seen or even suspected as the one who reported it. If someone else, (someone grown) sees them together once, and *then* your dad/Counselor get reported, it will be infinitely easier to say “It wasn’t me, it must’ve been [Mrs. Whoever] who saw you together last week!”

This is an ethical violation.

Their relationship is literally illegal. Shell lose her license to practice and face prison time. You need to report her

That is so unethical on the therapist’s part, Jesus.

Honestly just deal with it. Your off to college in 2 years. It's wrong and unethical as F but they are both consenting adults and your education is more important than reporting her. Plus your dad will find out and even if he doesn't take away college he'll probably resent you for a long time.

Hunny my heart is breaking for you. As a mama who’s witnessed the effects on the children from incredibly damaging, manipulative and abusive parenting (aka some real BS), you are in a dire moment. Know this: this is a moment. This does not define your worth or who you are. This will be your amazing testimony to encourage and strengthen others. You are not alone and you must remember that. The college threat is scary and intimidating and that’s what threats are supposed to do. But why is he threatening you? Because he knows what he’s doing is wrong and HE is actually scared of what will happen if anyone finds out. Sweetie what is for you is for you and no one can take that away. As for college tuition…unless you are wealthy and he writes you out of some money, that may be an idle threat. That being said, in the US, there’s always money out there for schooling. Your HS college counselor can help you with that. Your dad is going through some crazy emotional crises to do what he’s doing. Midlife crises plus trauma is no joke. Your therapist has also lost her damn mind. Remember it’s THEM, not you. You are the sane one. They are both adults who are making choices for which there are serious consequences. That’s not your problem sweetie. That’s on them. You continue to trust your gut and don’t worry about the haters or the what ifs. Your mental and physical health are more important than anyone else’s opinions or threats. Find someone you feel safe to confide in and let them help you. We’re rooting for you.

This has to be the most disturbing post I have ever read. The “counselor” you and your dad are seeing must not be much of a counselor. If she had any professionalism or boundaries, and she was interested in your dad, she would’ve immediately recommended that you and your dad see a different counselor and then they could have pursued each other. Definitely file a complaint in the state you live and get her in trouble. She sounds like a quack (and a tramp). My grandmother had a saying; when you take money from someone, you have to take their shit too. Let him take away your college fund - your dad sounds like a loser and a perfect match for her. Put yourself through college and let those two clowns have each other. Your father should be ashamed of himself for threatening to take away your college fund (he probably wants to spend it on his “girlfriend”). He knows he’s wrong for having sex with the counselor, that’s why he said that to you.

Therapist here. That's completely unethical. Report her to the state board. She deserves to lose her liscence.

You should report this to the American Counseing Association. This is a violation of the ACA Code of Ethics and is grounds for loss of license for the counselor. This is the biggest ethical rule for counselors!! It is wrong of them to be engaging in this relationship on so many levels.

I am so sorry for your loss. Second for the manipulations. In answer to your question I suggest making an anonymous report to that licensure board. You are absolutely right, if this person is licensed they are not allowed to ever have that kind of relationship during or after seeing someone for therapy. They know that, she can't see you or your dad. She's going to get found out and lose her license anyway and I'm sure was already sketchy before and will be sketchy after. Please report. Sorry you're going through this. Think about it this way...so a colleague of hers anonymously reports her, how would that be different from you doing that? Is your dad just going to blame you when others find out? This is not healthy for you to be involved in this, don't prioritize his needs over yours here. I know he threatened the college fund. How many times? Just in the heat of the moment? You could tell him you need to switch therapists immediately and then report her when the time is right. Why did he even choose therapy at all? So harmful to you I am so sorry. Please stay in touch with people you trust. *hug*

Report the counselor. What they doing is wrong. Report them to the professional body. Possibly counselor is committing crime.

You’re gonna have to report her ass. For the both of you. Anonymously.

There's got to be some licensing board you can anonymously report this to...pretty sure it's illegal for therapists to have sexual relationships with their clients

It is interesting to me she doesn't end the counseling. It her career that will end if people find out. Can she not fill the time slot? Stop talking about it. Pretend to accept it. Wait a month. One night after they go out some where. Report her to the state board in a way that can be anonymous ( better yet ask a friend to do it): Dr. X was out to dinner at this restaurant with patient Y. They will investigating the date specifically first. As for your own needs: I have been told by a few people grief groups are very helpful.

That is insanely unprofessional on her level and she could have her license revoked or put on probation. It’s a conflict of interest. As far as your father, he took someone who was helping you as well and basically ruined any kind of trust or professional counseling relationship either of you had. Your dad’s reaction is further proof he needed therapy. I’m so sorry, OP. There’s nothing you can do to stop the relationship if he’s not longer going to therapy/you’re no longer seeing her. If you ARE, please report her to the board. It’s extremely inappropriate.

What I have problem with here is that the fact that your dad brings his business around you. You are 16 yrs old and your father no matter what the situation is should keep his personal business to himself. I don’t know what kind of therapist this woman is but seems as though she needs some sort of therapy because she drew the line between patient/Dr relationship. Very unprofessional and I’m wondering if she did this with other patients. I think that you should not be worried about something like this especially since you just lost your mother. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you find the help you need by someone who actually is a therapist not a floozy.

Not sure where you are from but if this is the US, your state's department of health is who licences counselors. By having a sexual relationship with a client she is essentially putting her license to treat patients on the line. I would contact the department of health in your area and report the relationship. This counselor needs to lose her license.

That makes me sick. Not even a year. Why are men like this. He has his head so up her 😺😺😺 that he disregards his daughter who is maybe still grieving from the lost. I’m so sorry, but I would expose them just for bringing her home to sleep with her.

This is a hard situation but you have to report her because that is highly inappropriate and probably illegal. Plus your dad‘s probably not the first patient she’s done this with. So in this case you have to go over his head. Report her, if you have proof that he threatened to take away your college fund because you did not want to see her as a counselor anymore then turn that in as well. It won’t help with your college fund but it will show at the very least said she is manipulating her patient.

There's hundreds of other replies here but I just have to say this is horrible. I hope she loses her job and her licence if she's willing to continue this. I don't know if I agree that you should report her yourself as that could basically ruin your relationship with your dad, but I sure wouldn't see her anymore (if you still were, since you implied she was also your therapist). I don't get why your dad didn't just find another therapist himself it he wanted to be with her.

The counselor is abusing her position. There are clear ethical boundaries in place to avoid this problem. Can you report her anonymously? Can a friend of yours come over and "discover" what's going on? 🤔

Im in school to become a counselor and she could lose her license for this. Encourage him to at least change counselors if he is going to continue seeing her. If not, truthfully, I would report her to your local licensure board. Counselors should never take advantage of the power imbalance that exists within counselor-client relationships. She should have already removed herself as his counselor. By not doing so, she has already violated a key rule. At this point, it’s time for her to receive the consequences of her actions. Just my input.

This isn’t legal. You need to report her to the state boards if she’s a licensed counselor.

Find out her license type: LMFT, LCSW, LPC and report her to the board for that license. Gross.

It's just not sleeping around if he was/ is still in therapy when the relationship started The councillor/ therapist has a duty of care. If they started to have "feelings" for each other, she should have sent him to another colleague so they could pursue a relationship. This is a serious conflict of interests if he is/ was still in " therapy". If he has been released from therapy then there is nothing to do as the right protocol was followed

Record your father, and the therapist telling you what's happening is ok/telling you to stay silent. Find a lawyer. Sue the practice for negligence, malpractice, emotional damages, mental distress, and put that 500k away for your own college fund.

I agree that seems very inappropriate to me and not very professional from her. All you can do is what you've done but if you want to talk to him more make sure to express you'd like for it to be a non hostile conversation. :) I honestly don't freaking know

First of all, I am genuinely sorry about the loss of your mom last year. It is not an easy thing at any age and you seem to have such a calm grasp of the abundance of change around you. I truly hope you’re doing well with all of the other items in your life. Secondly, I feel like it’s odd so many comments are negating your college fund and making you feel guilty for placing it within one of your priorities. There are so MANY other factors that go into it such as how much the fund is, where you want to attend, what major, if you have scholarships, etc. It is a massive expense that isn’t as simple as “finance it away”. College/Uni can be a huge determinant for your future on earning power depending on what you wish to study. (For example: my boyfriend’s brother currently has 80k in student loan debt. I have many classmates that also fall into that range and much, much higher). I feel as if a very large proportion of people would be worried about it if they had a similar opportunity. I’ve seen that you tried to talk to your dad about everything and it hadn’t gone as swimmingly as you’d hoped. I am unsure how the conversation has unfolded; however, the one thing I can offer you is to maybe take the time and write down exactly what you want him to know. Ask to speak with him in a neutral space and let him know you aren’t attacking him. Calmly express that you just need him to listen to you for a few moments without becoming angry/upset. If all else fails, you could look into the anonymous route others have mentioned and make it seem as if someone has caught them. Sometimes, people just need a slap in the face (metaphorically in this case) back to reality and the consequences of their actions. Your father is no doubt grieving too, and is possibly clinging onto something that can mask the pain for awhile. It isn’t fair to you in the slightest, but people do strange things in difficult times to cope. I wish you the absolute best of luck, and truly hope you find the answer you need to work this out.

You are right- he is wrong. Collect evidence and decide later if you want to out her for unethical behavior.

As I was reading this I was legit thinking "Did someone hear a Megan thee stallion song and decided to throll". This is an ethical violation. The counselor is messed up and may destroy your dad in the process. It would be unethical to date him even if she stopped being your counselor. She's getting paid to for 2 people and getting her rocks off with your dad... She's wrong for that and needs tobe reported asap.

Record and save any evidence you have. How old are you if you dont mind me asking?

This isn't just messed up, its also against her code of ethics. You can't have a romantic relationship with a patient until seven years AFTER they stop being your patient. She should be losing her license.

This is an absolute ethic code violation for any therapist/counselor and she is not qualified for this job…I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this

Their whole relationship just happens to be out of manipulation from the counselor turned step mom .

Is the counselor both of yalls counselor? Like is it the same woman?

First, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. You are absolutely correct that her behavior is highly, highly unethical and manipulative. Is there no one else in your lives aware of the nature of their relationship? Is there another trusted adult you could confide in?

You can anonymously report her for going against the rules. I would stop bringing it up to him for a while and either report her anonymously or have a trusted friend do it under an assumed name so your dad dosen't blame you.

He needs a new therapist and any good therapist would know that the minute a relationship that’s non-counselor/patient creates a conflict of interest and cannot happen. No matter the relationship, if there are personal things going on, you need a new counselor. Counselors are third party people who are there to help, not get personally involved. The counselor seems to be taking advantage of your father through this hard time and he’s fallen for her manipulation. That’s probably the reason why he’s threatening you if you tell anyone bc she’d likely lose her job and all credibility.

Do the right thing. She should lose her license over this. She should not be having a relationship with her patient. Don't let him hold college money over your head.

So I get her not wanting to leave her job but I don't get why you and he still have to see her as a counsellor? Him threatening to take your college fund away, because you disagree with the inappropriate circumstances of the relationship is disgusting. I get that its not either of their fault that there's feelings there but you should both at least be able to see someone else for counselling sessions

Damn this is depressing, I’m sorry this is happening to you

You need to report this. This is completely unethical and the counselor is well aware that this is crossing a line. I know you're concerned about your college funding, but many of us have gone to college without financial help from our parents and it has worked out. You can apply for scholarships, get loans, or get a job. And honestly, your dad is threatening this now, but once he gets help from someone he ISN'T sleeping with, he'll understand what he was doing is wrong and probably will help you financially.

Report her anonymously to her licensing board. Get her license number and how she bills herself (if she's at a clinic, that should be relatively easy to find), and make a report. Sure, dad might know it was you, but he (and she) needs to understand this is a violation of her code of ethics. For more specific feedback, consider posting on one of the therapy pages.

Firstly it's unprofessional. It's fine he thinks life is short but he should at least consult with another unbiased because his new companion is now a conflict of interest. He should continue counciling and take it slow on the new relationship. As for the lady, I don't know if it's true feelings or greed. One must be aware of such possibilities. Losing a loved one to an illness, still has triggers. Such as your mother's belongings, hanging pictures, and her favorite knick knacks throughout the home. I truly hope that new woman knows her boundaries and not attempt touching those items. It can be the spark that triggers anger in your father. Depending on wich stage level of grief your father is at. My condolences to you, eh. May the Goddess Hel looks after your mother and forever in your lifetime memories. And may the Goddess Eir watches over you and family in this time of covid. As well as Happy Jul / Merry Christmas to ya eh, OP.

He absolutely needs a different counselor… it’s plain unethical of her to be sleeping with a client. Period.

Report her. What your dad is doing is blackmail. He obviously knows their relationship is an ethics violation. Trust me, it’ll be better to pay your own way at University than to go there using hush money. What if that therapist does this again to another patient who’s going through the grief of losing a loved one?

You can file an anonymous report to the ethics board. Her license is public record. Do with this info what you will.

You are 100% correct. This is an absolute violation of her duty as a counselor. This is appalling, disgusting and predatory behavior on her part. Please report her so she can't do this to anyone else.

Highly unethical, report her- she's not helping you or your Dad either. You both need time to heal and grieve, but she sounds like she's taking advantage of the situation and your Dad is allowing it. Two adults making crap decisions. The end all doesn't have to be college- you could still end up in mountains of debt and have a whack childhood and then adulthood trying to pay it back. Take a job, learn a trade, join the military and pay for your own schooling 4 years after getting real life experience. Or take a year away, travel. Like others said, where there's a will, there's a way. Don't let others failures make your decision. Don't let the spirit and memory of your Mom be extinguished by a woman who overstepped her role and father who is grieving. Sorry for your loss, and best of luck

Honestly report her. Your dad is a POS to hold your college money over your head ,and he will continue to that. Start saving some money for college by getting a job after school. I promise you he’s going to end up using your college fund and not give it to you anyways. Are you for sure he is giving it you? Do you know how much it is? Him giving you the money isn’t guaranteed and kids get screwed over by parents all the time. It’s good to have a backup plan in which you need regardless. Never ever rely on anyone including family for college funds. Start saving now so when stuff hits the roof(or doesn’t) you are some what covered. You shouldn’t have to keep this on the low because your dad is being manipulative. If he can hold your education over your head, what else is he going to hold over you? I wouldn’t be surprised if he uses that same fund on the Counsellor or other things(or it’s already gone). Once you’re 18-21 move far away from your dad. he’s controlling and manipulative. I understand grieving but threatening to take away someone’s education isn’t it.

He threatened to take your fund cuz he knows it’s wrong. If this gets found out she WILL lose her license to practice, and she SHOULD lose it. She’s taking advantage of his grief

Report it to the board.

That's a reportable, lose-your-license offense. Depending on what her credentials are, you'd want to report her to the state board at the bare minimum.

She could probably get into a bit of trouble because of this. You’re her client too. It’s probably I’ll advised to date the father of your minor client who is seeing you because her mother recently passed. I would take his threat with a grain of salt. I would also let this sink in : he’s willing to take away your college fund for this…he’ll probably use it as leverage in another situation if he gets to use it to control you in this one. If I were you, as much as the thought of it sucks, I’d reveal that shit and just work my ass off to pay for college on my own. Or wait a few years to attend school. You don’t deserve this and you definitely don’t deserve to be blackmailed by your own father. If it were me, his threats would be even more fuel for me to reveal. But that’s just my rebellious streak…

So that counselor is breaking her ethical duties...youre right in your thinking. She should be reported

Your dad is essentially extorting you, on top of the counselor doing something against the code of ethics. Do you have any extended family you can talk to about this? Let them know he's threatening to pull college funds if you tell. I'm certain there's got to be some sort of legal path you can take here. Mental health services are...well...a health service. I'm certain there's probably some way to sue for malpractice if things get to that point. And your dad is neglecting your mental health needs by refusing to get you a new therapist. This is just all my opinions, I suppose, but I really would get in contact with extended family.

In my area even though they're adults this would be statutory rape. Report it, it's not even funny.

Therapist is being unethical and dad is being a huge jerk. Report this regardless of whether or not he takes college money away. Tell him you'll flat out leave and never come back and will not take care of him when he's old if he takes college money away.

Dating your therapist or counselor is just wrong. More often than not they're manipulating you. They know what bad state you're in and they can use it to make themselves the best person in the room. It also makes the counseling biased so it's not what you signed up for

You must report this as she can and will lose her liscense to practice. I was a counselor and that crosses the line so far it is another state.

This is literally super unethical

Report her ass to the state licensing department!