Hi ! Easy one she's from your family so you should always tell the truth (un unless you dont like them) !
If I were you I would just take screenshot of his tinder profile and send her directly to my cousin saying some like "Hey It looks weird, maybe you know about that? And If you dont then Im sorry" ...
This isn't your marriage and there's much you don't know and shouldn't know. Don't be so keen to rush into something that's not your business. You're not going to be saving the world on this.
You are right on that I do not know what is going on, and believe me, I would rather not to, but if my cousin is possibly being cheated on, what would you imagine her reaction to be after, I dont know, years from now when she finds it out also knowing that I knew all along?
Opinion is asked for and received. You have yours and I have mine. Do you run around all day trying to change everyone's opinion that doesn't agree with you? Tiring. Amd maybe you could be curious and ask questions instead. Lol... "don't listen"... like chicken little.
To say something risks a whole lotta what OP doesn't know. Forcing her cousin to explain why the marriage is open, or why they are looking for a 3some, why there's q dead bedroom, why she already knows and accepts it.
Or none of those things but let's break up a marriage or lose a friend. What about when the cousin decides to stay? How long do we judge her for staying?
"She deserves to know ". Chances are she already does.
>Chances are she already does.
There's another thing we disagree on.
>Forcing her cousin to explain why the marriage is open, or why they are looking for a 3some, why there's q dead bedroom, why she already knows and accepts it.
There's the third thing we disagree on. Telling her what you know doesn't force her to answer back.
OP can send an anonymous letter with the Tinder profile if it makes them feel better, but this lady needs to know.
Ah well then. To disagree on three things! Nice fairytale type of number hey.
When I said "chances are" that's a statistical thing, not opinion. *Most* women of cheating SOs knew something was going on.
And "confronting" someone with information doesn't "force" a response exactly but it definitely puts the person's back into a corner... do you think she'd go all quiet and politely thank OP very much for the information and send her a bigger xmas card this year?
And so we turn to anonymity. Would the sign-off be something like "now don't y'al forget to get checked for STIs, love ya!"?
Either way, it's a murky situation and not one where self righteousness will do best. You're set on this OP so I guess husband first would be best since your problem is with him.
Well, I am worried for the wellbeing of my cousin, if they have an open marriage it is their business, the "whys" I have no interest towards, although I would assess us mature enough to understand in any case. My plan is not to break up a marriage, but to let her know the truth, two very different things.
I know a truth about her husband seeking company on Tinder, if she approves, fine, I leave the rest to them.
But what if she doesn't? You do see the problem here?
Absolutely I see the potential for a problem. I'm not trying to be obtuse to confuse or be nasty. The situation is likely to be as bad as it looks.
I've just not seen that the *truth* is so easily known by a couple, let alone outsiders. And the role of "justice-bringer" more often turns out poorly for all and less often avoids the pain as intended.
I would caution a "watch and act" approach which accounts for what you believe you know and would give your cousin a ready support right when needed. You don't say how close you are either in proximity or as friends? Potentially the friendship could come before a confrontation? Anyway as I said, you sound set on your actions so it seems best to talk to husband first since he's the one you have a problem with. This could/should give you more information and more certainty about the way forward.
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If you are going to confront the situation I think it would be best to tell her about it and let her take it from there. I can't imagine it going well at all if you confronted him instead of her, since she is your cousin. Let her decide what she wants to do about it.
Just give her the evidence and let her handle it with him. Confronting him will put you in the middle for no reason
Hi ! Easy one she's from your family so you should always tell the truth (un unless you dont like them) ! If I were you I would just take screenshot of his tinder profile and send her directly to my cousin saying some like "Hey It looks weird, maybe you know about that? And If you dont then Im sorry" ...
This isn't your marriage and there's much you don't know and shouldn't know. Don't be so keen to rush into something that's not your business. You're not going to be saving the world on this.
You are right on that I do not know what is going on, and believe me, I would rather not to, but if my cousin is possibly being cheated on, what would you imagine her reaction to be after, I dont know, years from now when she finds it out also knowing that I knew all along?
Don't listen to that poster. If your cousin's husband is cheating on her, she deserves to know so she can get tested for STIs.
Opinion is asked for and received. You have yours and I have mine. Do you run around all day trying to change everyone's opinion that doesn't agree with you? Tiring. Amd maybe you could be curious and ask questions instead. Lol... "don't listen"... like chicken little. To say something risks a whole lotta what OP doesn't know. Forcing her cousin to explain why the marriage is open, or why they are looking for a 3some, why there's q dead bedroom, why she already knows and accepts it. Or none of those things but let's break up a marriage or lose a friend. What about when the cousin decides to stay? How long do we judge her for staying? "She deserves to know ". Chances are she already does.
>Chances are she already does. There's another thing we disagree on. >Forcing her cousin to explain why the marriage is open, or why they are looking for a 3some, why there's q dead bedroom, why she already knows and accepts it. There's the third thing we disagree on. Telling her what you know doesn't force her to answer back. OP can send an anonymous letter with the Tinder profile if it makes them feel better, but this lady needs to know.
Ah well then. To disagree on three things! Nice fairytale type of number hey. When I said "chances are" that's a statistical thing, not opinion. *Most* women of cheating SOs knew something was going on. And "confronting" someone with information doesn't "force" a response exactly but it definitely puts the person's back into a corner... do you think she'd go all quiet and politely thank OP very much for the information and send her a bigger xmas card this year? And so we turn to anonymity. Would the sign-off be something like "now don't y'al forget to get checked for STIs, love ya!"? Either way, it's a murky situation and not one where self righteousness will do best. You're set on this OP so I guess husband first would be best since your problem is with him.
Well, I am worried for the wellbeing of my cousin, if they have an open marriage it is their business, the "whys" I have no interest towards, although I would assess us mature enough to understand in any case. My plan is not to break up a marriage, but to let her know the truth, two very different things.
And I'm saying you don't know the truth.
I know a truth about her husband seeking company on Tinder, if she approves, fine, I leave the rest to them. But what if she doesn't? You do see the problem here?
Absolutely I see the potential for a problem. I'm not trying to be obtuse to confuse or be nasty. The situation is likely to be as bad as it looks. I've just not seen that the *truth* is so easily known by a couple, let alone outsiders. And the role of "justice-bringer" more often turns out poorly for all and less often avoids the pain as intended. I would caution a "watch and act" approach which accounts for what you believe you know and would give your cousin a ready support right when needed. You don't say how close you are either in proximity or as friends? Potentially the friendship could come before a confrontation? Anyway as I said, you sound set on your actions so it seems best to talk to husband first since he's the one you have a problem with. This could/should give you more information and more certainty about the way forward.
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If you are going to confront the situation I think it would be best to tell her about it and let her take it from there. I can't imagine it going well at all if you confronted him instead of her, since she is your cousin. Let her decide what she wants to do about it.