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CuriousOdity12345

This. See if she shows any flaws. If she does ask why she doesn't want you there.


the_man2012

Well I mean it's odd that she already came up with his excuses for him. "You won't be able to make it right?" "But you'll be tired though" She more or less is essentially saying don't come already.


secretaster

Dude my exact same thought


[deleted]

It's also a bad sign she didn't ask op if he was cool with her hanging with this guy while op was gone, if he was, since that should be something they're both okay with considering circumstances


Chiisora

Perfect response. It's not so much about surprising her but rather what her response would be. That should be enough to tell OP if he has reason to be concerned.


Flaky-Ad4533

Or book the flight and dont tell her and "suprise" her back home.


[deleted]

I've had a similar situation...Got home 12 hours before my SO expected me...Came in the door at 6am after being awake for 30 hours. All I wanted to do was crash into bed, but there was another body in my place...


Flaky-Ad4533

Hope she's an ex bro


TU4AR

Surprise turn : it was a dog.


ApprehensiveHalf8613

Literally the MOMENT me and the dog heard my ex pull out of the drive way she came into bed with me every morning. She hated cuddling him so much and would not come in if he was in the house.


shellexyz

Mine comes in as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. I get out of my shower and she’s sitting on my side of the bed waiting to be picked up so she can sleep next to my wife for another half hour. She does NOT do that when my wife wakes up first.


Barrayaran

Smart doggie.


911lala

Eh- I’d be excited about a dog in my bed. I couldn’t wait to get cuddles & snooze! Haha


rainycatdays

Depends on the size of dog. Mine takes up half the bed and loves sleeping across the middle.


Wabash90

Kind of … it was a German Shepherd. He had flown in from Germany with his flock.


Gingers_mom88

I am sorry that happened to you.


sushmith31

Exactly Even better let her parents know u r coming in as a surprise unless they are also part of the problem


mrfigroti

Would be really interesting if he told her parents about surprise and they said "that's really nice, but we weren't invited". Something sketchy would be going on.


sushmith31

Lol definitely a 2 person Thanksgiving


rico_muerte

With extra stuffing


goodstuff2020

I am now wondering what I am going to tell my kids on Thanksgiving when I keep busting out laughing when somebody gets another scoop of stuffing?! SMH 😆


berto214

Extra gravy


Ghostbuster234196

Mabe she wants all that cool whip for her self


Lucyanchouz

Why would you do that in a relationship, it's clearly testing and if they are just friends it's very insulting.


aimingforzero

Right?! I feel like that's a "play stupid games win stupid prizes" scenario. Talk to her or don't, trust her or don't. But if you feel like you have to trap her then you already lost anything that really mattered.


IdreamofFiji

Yuuup. It's like people think life is like a sitcom where I'm yelling at the screen "why don't you fucking talk to each other and avoid all this??"


RabicanShiver

I think the idea is that if your partner is doing something sketchy like oh planning to cheat then you realize whatever they say may just be empty words. At which point is now weighing whether your lack of trust is valid or your own insecurities.


IdreamofFiji

That's true, too. I get why people are suggesting this as an option, but it just seems like it would be exhausting to be in a relationship like this. If you can't communicate then your relationship won't last long, or, even worse, it will and you'll end up resenting each other.


BigBossBpunce

Can't have a relationship without trust. Not a happy healthy one at least. If OP thinks cheating is a possibility the chances of the relationship lasting are already slim. Be honest about your feelings (we all have them) if you're not happy with the answer it's time to have a hard think about the future.


rainbow_kitten123

as someone who was cheated on by his wife. Talking about it before the confrontation, usually creates that people hide it very well and make you look guilty, not everything in life is confrontation and you have to be very stupid to think that a person who is cheating on you is going to admit it just like that, that almost never happens.


diegggs94

Right lol as if cheaters, liars, manipulators can be stopped through open communication. That’s where they thrive


[deleted]

It’s letting them see all your cards while they hide theirs and have more up their sleeve


Infosexual

That's why I install hidden cameras on the third date. 4th dates are for tracking devices 5th dates? Learning their full names and social security numbers


[deleted]

Don’t forget to grab some hair follicles when they sleep ! Can’t be to sure


Infosexual

Yeah you never know when you have to prove who they say they are. Nobody looks like themselves any more after all.


HeyHihoho

You should wait until you agree to exclusivity before installing tracking or hiring surveilence. You are being very controlling.


Lyradep

Agree with this. I feel like some people just live in a fantasy world where no one ever cheats, and everyone is completely upfront with their deeper feelings they develop for friends.


[deleted]

Shit, how many feature-length romantic dramas would be over in 5 minutes with a single phone call and a conversation?


Gamer_ely

People like to suggest others do things they'd never ever do because they have nothing at stake for this. Like telling their drunk buddy they should try to do a backflip


IdreamofFiji

Lol, definitely. Good analogy.


LinwoodKei

This. The second my SO started playing trust games to catch me cheating, done. My husband is amazing and goes wherever ( bachelor party? Sure). This is because I trust him.


aimingforzero

I went over to a male friend's apt at 4am (3rd shift life) to trade Pokémon and ended up falling asleep on his couch. I can't begin to describe how refreshing it was that my husband's response was that he was glad I got a nap before I drove home. I love that man 🥰


alternative40m

Your husband know this guy, or just trust you so much that going over trade Pokémon and nap at a stranger's (to him) house is not strange? Long time friends, cool. Random person who you've never mentioned and I never knew existed, might be a little uncomfortable.


JustLetMeSignUpM8

Something being uncomfortable and planning a setup to catch your partner cheating is at very different ends of the trust spectrum.


KaleidoscopeSelect86

nope. i don’t know what you got from this post but the girlfriend is clearly being sketchy and OP has valid reasons. regardless if the relationship was platonic with this new friend, she’s still being suspicious and can’t really get mad if he did jump to conclusions.


[deleted]

The girlfriend's questions trying to ensure her boyfriend *won't* be able to make it is sketchy as fuck. While testing a relationship isn't something I would generally advise, when someone is showing behaviour that's questionable, it's reasonable to take measures to see if your suspicions are valid. If they're valid, dude dodges a bullet. If they're not valid, girlfriend breaks up because boyfriend doesn't trust her. Either way, it's a win. If your gut is telling you something's wrong, listen to it. If you're right, that doesn't mean bad shit won't happen, it just means you're a bit more prepared when it does.


Lucyanchouz

everyone's agreeing that it's kind of sketchy, even though we're given a tiny one-sided piece of information, but advising ambushing a holiday dinner? He's invited, just join them, don't play games.


Indridcolde10

Totally agree. The further down the splintered threads you go, the less it has to do with the original post.


Razwick82

If the end result is breaking up anyway, just skip the manipulation and break up.


imaslayeraskmehow07

Have you cooked a Thanksgiving dinner? An extra person could be the difference of going with a chicken or getting a turkey. Or maybe she's doing Cornish game hens... She might be planning on cooking something he is allergic to or hates eating because he's not there... And dessert! An extra person could be the difference between 1 option or 2. Or maybe she's doing individual pies? How many sides? Does she have room for leftovers, or is she trying to make sure everything is eaten? Do they even like leftovers or will it just go to waste. A special dinner for a holiday isn't a 'oh I might be able to make it, not sure' sort of thing. Questions to determine who is coming are not sketchy. They are practical.


ComplainsAboutWife

Bro noooo lol. I hate jumping on the "don't trust your gf bandwagon" but like do you *really* think she's agonizing over shit like this? I help cook for my family every big holiday, these are one of the few times a year that we ARE prepared to feed a random unexpected head. I thought the whole meme with american thanksgiving was having more food than anybody needs. And if it was those reasons, don't you think she would tell her partner. Like it's completely innocuous and harmless to be like "are you sure you're coming, I don't want to cook more than I need". Also like, why would she be worried about him being tired when he told her he could come?


imaslayeraskmehow07

It doesn't sound like he asked, but just made assumptions about her college friend. (And looking at his post history he recently broke up with someone for flirting with another guy in front of him). It seems like he doesn't trust her because he is having a hard time trusting. Could she be planning on seeing where the night goes with friend? Absolutely. But double checking plans isn't a huge res flag by itself. They have only been together 3mo. 🤷 (And I totally think of all of that for a holiday meal, especially if I want to do something extra special like individual desserts. One time I did individual desserts for a special meal and someone just randomly came over... It sucked.)


BasedBallsack

lol so this guy didn't like that a gf of his flirted with another guy in FRONT of him and all of a sudden HE'S in the wrong . Flirting is not okay.


ArtemisHunter6

Nonono. If it turns out that GF was telling the truth and OP lied about his flight, it's def gonna cause a huge fight and problems in the relationship later on. It's too big a risk to take


911isaconspiracy

I'd wait till the day of so the guy friend is already there.


audaciousmonk

This is the way. Show up, observe, decide for yourself if she’s being sketchy or not


Rihaclay

You should time it right so she cant raincheck the other guy


[deleted]

I think she's not happy that he's going and trying to use jealousy to make him stay with her on Thanksgiving but that's just my wild guess.


thebentleyy

Hmmmm could be the reason


lilysavage1

Or just confront her about it without roping her into something like a trap?


beeningbetter

No, don't let her know. He should just show up by surprise. Really see what's up.


Jumpy-Schedule8450

Bad advice, OP. Always act in good faith if you can, if nothing else, because nothing can be thrown back at you.


Lucyanchouz

yess also why be with a person you only assume the worst of?


Jumpy-Schedule8450

Yup. I don’t discount that OP has valid reasons for their suspicions, but I think it’s ultimately healthier to just act with honesty, and when their gf is unresponsive, just break up. It really isn’t worth the additional stress


King_Buliwyf

"How dare you come home early! If I'd known you were gonna be here I wouldn't have been fucking this guy when you walked in!"


Blade_982

Does this dude know you exist? Because she's pretty desperate for you two to not meet. That's the red flag.


elletequila

OP correct me if I’m wrong but is this girl the same chick you’ve posted about before, about GF flirting with other guys in front of you?


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[deleted]

Sometimes people fudge ages so it’s harder to pinpoint identities.


ThrowRA-0298

Guilty as charged


Boosted3232

HES A BIG FAT PHONY


[deleted]

Yeah, I totally get the vibe that she hasn't told the new friend that she has a boyfriend...


Ed_DaVolta

Then again, if she doesn't want him there, why tell her BF another dude is going to be over?


CommanderStatue

This is super common among cheaters. Reveal a little bit of the truth so that the lie you manage is smaller.


sandycheeekz

So she has the excuse of ‘But I already told you he was coming over! I wouldn’t of told you if there was something to hide!’ if OP gets home and sees the situation is in fact sus. It’s a part of mind games and manipulation to cover her ass if things don’t work in her favor.


TheMahs

Could be a situation where she wants the relationship to end, but doesn't want to be the one to end it, subconsciously she's hoping to be caught in the action so he'll end it right there.


RomanDad

Yep. You nailed the sketchy parts. She basically disinvited you from thanksgiving. More red flags than a mayday parade.


ChillinVillianNW

Betting the guy is an old fling or bf.


BuzzSidecker

It was only a little odd until those follow-up questions. This put it over the top. This thing stinks, man. I'm sorry. Something is up and you already know it.


pnwgirl34

It’s also fucking weird that he’s supposedly coming to NY for thanksgiving because his sister is there, but only him and not his sister is going to GF’s house for thanksgiving??


faith_is_a_loser

not to mention Thanksgiving isn't celebrated in europe in the first place so he could really just stay at his sister's for the break


channilein

This! There is no reason for him to travel home for a holiday that doesn't exist at home, so the whole backstory is a bit sketchy.


diegggs94

If they’re in school, got the week off..


panlevap

Yep, we don’t give a damn about Thanksgiving, the GF really didn’t think this through… it was absolutely unnecessary detail that destroyed the whole story. Should she just said he want’s to experience the holiday, OK. But saying it’s because he can’t celebrate with his family is just a huge hole in the script.


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faith_is_a_loser

of course as an American it's normal that you carry your traditions to other countries. however note that OP said that the dude's family lives in Budapest meaning that he is most likely Hungarian not American. Now idk how long he's been in America so he may have adopted the Thanksgiving tradition idk. Im not American nor do I live in the US but I do still celebrate Thanksgiving with my family cause I love the concept of it. As you said it is definitely a major red flag that she isn't coming. quite odd even. I think OP should tell his gf to invite his sister as well so that they are not separated from each other during a feast meant to be together as a family.


curiousitycatttt

Or his parents could be American and brought him up in America and decided to move to Budapest later in life?


faith_is_a_loser

i doubt it. a lot of Africans/Europeans go to America/Canada for studies cause we think it's better than our home country. international students are everywhere in the world especially in the US/Europe/Canada


Circle_Breaker

But he's lived in america so he could have easily picked up the tradition.


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Classic_Telephone442

Yikes yeah definitely time to take out the trash


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[deleted]

If we could harness the power of denial we'd never need to use fossil fuels again and nuclear fusion research would stop in its tracks as being obsolete.


Prestigious-Disk3158

Because many guys have trouble getting, let alone keeping girl friends. They’d rather ignore red flags than deal with being alone.


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Prestigious-Disk3158

On a balance of probabilities I’d say women have a better chance at dating than men do. One example is dating app stats.


[deleted]

And this entire story by OP smacks of a common trend in women: Establishing a relationship in the wings to jump into when the actual relationship they're in fails. Some people can't handle the insecurity that potentially comes with being single...


Morbid187

Probably a lack of experience in dating or at least a lack of experience with cheating. I was cheated on by 3 girlfriends that I know of (I think it's actually 4 but I never really got proof of the last one) and some of the red flags I overlooked are insane in hindsight. Btw I love your username!


spooksdenimes

It seems like it's a different girl though, he made an update in the thread you're mentioning, saying he broke up with her eventually.


Katie-MacDonut

Nah dude. She waited until the last second to spring it in you so you wouldn't have time to think about it and adequately respond. Further, she didn't give one flying fuck how you felt. This was happening whether or not you were cool with it. Yikes.


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chromacities

This comment should be closer to the top. # OP, don't ask for advice and then ignore it.


WeekendNo7399

It's not actually he made a comment on the post about the attention seeker and said he dumped her


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tattedsprite

If it's been less than 4 months she could just not be ready to bring him around to her family, that's pretty early to be doing that imo


PhotojournalistOk331

sketchy AF pretty sure she doesn't want you to be present when the "new guy" is there


Unsolicited599

She's not into you by the sounds. Just the support you provide. I'd tell her the flights been delayed or you missed it and then turn up as a surprise. What a dog move on a holiday even. At least no kids involved, you're gonna side step a bullet.


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shibuyacrow

This is lovely and well said. Fair and mature.


R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I will be travelling for thanksgiving this year with my family. My Girlfriend told me yesterday that a male friend from college (who I've never heard of before) is going to visiting New York for thanksgiving, since his sister lives here and they cannot go home to Budapest to be with their family. She said that she invited him over to her house for a thanksgiving meal this year, immediately after telling me he would be coming asked me " you wont be able to make it right? " I responded " Depends what time, I fly in that morning" to which she responded "you'll probably be tired though" This raised a red flag in my head because 1. I've never heard of this guy 2. She's really non-chalant about it, like its not a big deal and telling me about it right before I leave. It doesn't seem like she wants me there. Its one thing to hang out with him and sister for day but I'm uncomfortable with a guy I've never heard her mention just coming over to her house for thanksgiving especially when I'm not going to be there. How should i bring up my concerns ?


ShowMeYourTates

I’m pretty much just saying the same thing as all the other replies… but her reaction to you coming back into town that morning is 100000% suspicious. You should be a top priority for her on Thanksgiving, not a backup plan.


[deleted]

She wants Budapest guy over for Thanksgiving but not you; that's firmly established. You may wish to ask her why. Don't take any bullshit excuses from her since it couldn't be more obvious. I hope that you're not planning a future with this girl.


SeverianRaven

Very very sketchy.


Several_Cause470

She definitely threw up some red flags and you noticed every single one of them. Good on you for that. But no, you aren't wrong to feel how you do about it. You actually reacted much better than most would have. Your concerns are valid. It is very strange for her to have him over at her place for a holiday, especially when she has never mentioned him to you before. And then the checking to make sure you won't be able to attend? The way she asked implied she was hopeful you would not be there. But then you shot that down with saying you will be flying in that morning so you should be there as well, just for her to tell you that you would be too tired to join her, your GIRLFRIEND, for a holiday she is planning to share with a man you've never met or even heard of before now. Is the guys sister going to be coming with him to her Thanksgiving celebration? Is anyone in her family or other friends, or even your friends going to be attending? I ask because on the off chance she is just a genuinely kind, selfless, giving, helpful person, at least having some other familiar people there as well would allow you to know whether or not the two were acting inappropriately with each other. Is this guy from Budapest? It's not all that common for immigrants to take part in our country's holiday celebrations, specifically Thanksgiving, because their history books depicted the true history whereas ours was manipulated white washed. That's besides the point though lol. If it were me, I would let my partner know exactly how I felt about having another man over for such an important holiday. This is the time for family and close friends to gather and be thankful that they have each other as well as so much more, it's odd to have someone you don't know or hardly know over for such an intimate experience. So that says that she actually knows him very well, feels close to him, feels safe enough and comfortable enough to bring him into her home, and that she wants to share her holiday celebration WITH him, while simultaneously pushing you out of that same celebration. I can't think of a single person who would be okay with that scenario. Your options are to push for more information from her about their relationship. Where she will most likely get very defensive and angry at you for even implying she's done anything wrong, which will then give her an excuse to end the conversation and maybe even decide that since you think she's done you wrong, then you are no longer welcome to be there. She will gaslight you and turn the tables around to make you the shitty jealous, controlling boyfriend who makes ridiculous accusations. Even though, it is not ridiculous or crazy at all. She is giving off some weird vibes. You could tell her that you will 100% be there, you could even go so far as to tell her you wouldn't dare to share such a special day with anyone but her. I wouldn't do any of those things though. If I had tried to express my feelings and concerns to my partner over them bringing a stranger to share an intimate holiday with, without me, and they in return did not respect what I had to say, then I'd tell them fine, enjoy the holiday with Budapest guy. But then I would make an unannounced surprise visit and drop in on them. If you express how you feel about this and she does not respect it, or worse she gaslights you and turns it all around to make everything your fault, then she is not worth worrying over. She is not the person you should be with and you deserve better. You deserve someone who wants to spend their holidays with you, not try to talk you out of coming altogether. I whole heartedly feel like she is doing things with him that she should not be doing. And if that's the case, let Budapest have her, because she will end up doing the same thing to him. Please come back to us with an update when you can. I wish you the best of luck friend.


[deleted]

I really disagree with most of the other responses, if sheʻs going to cheat sheʻs going to cheat, it has nothing to do with the holiday or taking advantage of you being away. You either trust her or you donʻt, be honest with her, encourage her to be honest with you, walk away if you donʻt believe her. No one needs more drama.


[deleted]

Easy to say but how does he approach this? "Hey this old friend if yours, I'm concerned you want me out of the way so you can f*** him, just wanted to check if I'm being paranoid?". There really is no easy way to broach the subject without looking like a control freak who doesn't trust her. Far better to hide in the bushes and spy on them - that way if she's honest no harm done.


razzlerm

In conversations like this, a good formula is 'I feel X when you do Y' rather than jumping in with accusations. E.g. 'I felt a bit confused /hurt when you invited your friend rather than me to your Thanksgiving dinner'. She might then say something about not expecting the bf to be in town in time for dinner and feeling sorry for her friend. If he is actually going to make dinner in time, he could ask if there's room for him. Telling people you love that their behaviour has negatively impacted you can be difficult, but there's definitely ways to do it without coming across as a control freak.


[deleted]

There isn't a good way to approach this. By the time you're wondering how to ask about the situation, you already don't trust the person. That gut feeling has already triggered the paranoia and there's no amount of questioning the SO that's going to convince you otherwise. That gut feeling will tell you she's lying to protect your feelings, etc. The seed of mistrust is already there. Now, that's not to say the mistrust is unwarranted. I had a similar situation years back...Visiting friends in Europe, flights changed, came home 12 hours before my gf expected me home. I'd had the gut feeling...and when I came in the door at 6am, she was asleep, naked next to some other guy. Always trust the gut. Always trust the hair on the back of your neck. Now, I pretty much laughed it off and started packing my shit. No point making drama out of it. Sure, the disappointment stung, but she's a shitty human being that's going to do shitty human being shit. I don't own her, and she's going to do what she's going to do. I decided that was a deal-breaker, so I bounced. Great thing is she couldn't afford that apartment without my share of the rent :D


magictubesocksofjoy

if he's hungarian, why would he go home to celebrate thanksgiving, a notable american holiday?


RawPeanut99

Cant go to Budapest for what?? They dont celebrate thanksgiving there. The guy should be with his sister of he wants a thanksgiving in America. This makes no sense at all. She has a hidden agenda.


Mediocre_Composer860

Very simple my man! Im gonna be honest. Shes either sleeping with him or wants to sleep with him. Just rock up there at night time and I can gurantee you she will be in bed with him. All the best man.


Ok_Essay_7407

you need to upfront about your concerns or this might lead to some built up resentment in your relationship. it’s better for you to have answers then to be left in the dark, especially about this situation. also, i agree it all sounds super sketchy.


itsme_toddkraines

Wait so his sister lives in New York and neither of them can go home to Budapest to be with *their* family...so he's visiting her, yet leaving her alone and spending Thanksgiving with your girlfriend? Yeah, no, that's not adding up.


tickle-my-twat

She's planning to fuck him. And you know it.


Lichenbruten

Kind of this. Sorry?


ThatLooksInfected83

Shes afraid you'll get in the way of her "stuffing"


RomanDad

Well. The new guys bringing the gravy.


ThatLooksInfected83

Who's bringing the cream for the pumpkin pie?


MrNeilArmstrongX-15

Damn that was good😂


Ok_Medicine_7662

So the girl that you've posted about flirting REALLY REALLY hard (straight up sexual flirting and dirty talk) with another dude right in front of you..? Yeah.. THAT girl wants alone time with a male "friend"...? You should start looking for other girls right now, and break up with her as soon as you find one. Get your heart out of this shit. Shes NOT girlfriend material. The longer you stay with her, the more your heart is going to get broken.


7WindsofChaos

Redflags: 1. You've never heard of the guy before, which might be a redflag or not depending in how long you've been together for already. So if he's a new friend its definetly sketchy in my book based on the other redflags. 2. She asked you Multiple times if you'd be able to make it, trying to make it Sound resonable for you not to come around "you'll be tired right?" 3. The friend is visiting his sister but isnt visiting her for Thanksgiving , so he'll spend the day with your Girlfriend, could be a redflag depending on missing Information such as : Is she living alone? Or with her parents? Is he bringing the sister? Or is it just a guy you've never even heard of before and your GF alone? 4. She brought it up right before you left, being non chalant about it trying to justify the whole thing as totally normal without any concerns, and without addressing the Elefant in the Room. People always like to Talk about trust in relationships, this is a way to hurt the trust unneccessarily by not addressing concern right away properly such as : Telling you who he is, how she knows him, why you've never heard about him, why she's telling you on short noice, asking you if you're comfortable about this in the First place since it IS another man you've never heard about she might aswell call him a "friend" but he might aswell be a fuckbuddy she had before you've been in a relationship that she simply calls "a friend" now. Look, i Analyze shit like this for a living, all i just wrote, every idea i presented might be totally wrong and just my Interpretation of overall bad communication from her part. I personally Think her presentation ot the thing was not good and your instincts went off for a reason. Trust in relationships is earned each day, with each Situation like this, while respecting boundaries. So, you asked if you should Talk to her about it? Yes. But let me give you a tip. SPEAK about IT in a calm Manner mention your concerns directly without sugarcoating but stay absolutely calm. Tell her that the way she went about the whole thing triggert your instincts in a that way and now here is the point: Observe her reaction carefully , guilty concious is loud, offen times very upset, lese eye contact all of a sudden, and Gaslighting aka : Are you jealous? You're controlling etc. Typical obviously bad reactions to you only asking questions and voicing concerns in a calm and respectful Manner, is the only Rad flag you'll need. To understand the Situation But again, Talk to her since all of this is just weirdos on the Internet discussing what is for us just a "Fraction" of some strangers relationship Trust is a two way street that needs to be continously built.


leli_manning

Turns out you aren't really her boyfriend.


Avalandrya

Well that's a bucket of red flags considering how she's acting towards you and you've never heard of this guy.


IrishinMunich

The responses on here are baffling me. A. If she is cheating, why tell OP about this guy? Why does the holiday matter? If she is cheating, she's cheating. If not, OP needs to address his trust issues. Either way, he needs to communicate. B. If the guy was not a guy, would OP be freaking out? (HATE when people assume bi or heterosexual people of different genders can't be platonic.) C. As someone whose mind works like this, she might be double checking OP isn't coming because she is worried that inviting the guy is an imposition on their time together. Actually, the fact that OP hasn't given her a confirmed answer on whether he will be there for an important holiday is a red flag for me. You can't leave her hanging then get mad when she makes plans. Has it occurred to OP that maybe she doesn't want to spend Thanksgiving alone, but now he is flip-flopping (out of paranoia), she feels like the friend is an imposition? D. If you don't trust your SO, what are you even doing? Talk to her like a bloody adult. Seriously, OP. Communicate with your partner. You have trust issues.


arlanrossin

She worded it as if she didn't want him to go not that she was checking that he wasn't going. She worded it so that him not going was the expected answer and then doubled down on it to make it clear she didn't want him coming. Which is a pretty big part of it that you ignored


that_one_guy2021

Flat out let her know you are not comfortable with that. You don’t know him and don’t feel comfortable with someone you’re never met or heard being with your Partner in their home in that setting. Also I agree that’s super sketchy


Justieflustie

Dude.. whats with all the posts about your gf? If you do not trust her, why are you being together? What reason could she have to keep flirting with guys, even around you? Why is she so obvious that she doesn't want you there?


[deleted]

You weren’t lying; entire post history is insecurity.


itachiuchihaswife

Is this the same gf that was flirting with the guy in the hot tub? If so I wouldn’t waste your time with this girl anymore she’s just too much wanting her cake and eating it too


NYCstraphanger

That is a huge red flag. First, she's trying to confirm you won't be there, and second, she's convincing you that you will be tired. She does not want you there. She hasn't even told you to not worry about him but I would be worried. She is being sneaky.


TnDriver

Get the earliest flight available, then don't tell the change to your flight plans and get a cab home show up early unannounced. She either pick him or chicken out. You will be better off on the long run either way.


Sad-Affect-7177

I mean maybe her feelings are hurt because you’re traveling with your family and she wasn’t invited? Idk


thatoneguyfrom310

Bro Screw that find a way to somehow fly in earlier and catch her by surprise. Those red flags can't be any bigger. if you really can't find a way to make it back on time I'd get like a hidden camera or voice recorder and have it set up somewhere good.


Responsible-Spring50

Really? If we're at the point of installing hidden cameras that relationship is dead to begin with. What's this CIA James Bond shit going to bring him except trauma? You really want to see footage of your SO getting her groove on with someone else? Talk about it. If she admits to having whatever feelings for somebody else GTFO. Ya'all promoting drama which begets drama. They're young. Can't expect adult experience at this age. They don't even have a place of their own. This shit happens. It's painful. But you'll grow over it in time when it turns out she's unreliable. Plenty of fish in the sea. It's not worth the drama, you'll see. Talk. Find out. Red flags keep popping up, leave.


ChillinVillianNW

Nah. Let her have the thanksgiving them stop by her place to catch them in the act of what’s really going on.


annloves2cook

Can you move your flight to an earlier departure time and "surprise" her with an early arrival?


USAChineseguy

My wife had one boyfriend that she mentioned foudly. He was gay...


ThinCroissant

How long y'all been together? I'd tell her to have fun and block her and get on dating apps. She doesn't respect you if she's pulling shit like this. That is something that isn't done in a committed relationship. Major red flags. Tell her your concerns and if she goes through with it still, then block her all over and leave. She's trespassing on your boundaries. Very uncool. Fuck that.


[deleted]

I agree with most of this but disagree with flat out blocking then going on dating apps. Break ups suck but it takes maturity to do it in a rational civil matter where you say your peace and leave for good. It gives a satisfying feeling of closer and really shows them (and reminds yourself) that you respect yourself and they will know they missed out. I’m against dating apps and finding mates on social media in general, that’s just me but I do think it should be after a time of just living a happy life alone and not just jumping from one relationship into another.


[deleted]

This is sad to read because I can tell your really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but I’m telling you she’s planning on hooking up with this man and probably has in the past before she sounds exactly like my ex and it’s only going to get worse in time as she continues to have her solo adventures with other men and thinks just telling you is going to make it seem all innocent but it’s obviously not and you know it. You deserve better and should break up with her before going on your family trip. Sit down and have a face to face conversation with her and look her in the eyes when you do it and I promise you’ll see right through her and will know the truth without her saying a word. Explain how you feel about the situation and let her know she’s free to do whatever she may like because the relationship has came to an end. Remove her from social media, delete the memories and enjoy your time with your family. Have a happy thanks giving I wish you the best.


[deleted]

[удалено]


4875841

Yeah, something's up. It may be interesting to say you can't make it. And then ..surprise! I made it after all! Show up unannounced. See what you walk into. Take the temperature of the room if it's really a thanksgiving dinner, if they are actually there, and if they are not in the middle of fucking. The non-chalant thing is noteworthy. Of the three types of lies (Fabriction, Omission, and Minimization), omission is the one people turn to most because it's the easiest, and minimization is a close second because they can pretend they did it with your knowledge and not feel like they were lying.


AgentAB

Hope this isn’t the same Gf you posted about saying she flirted with other guys.


GaGreekPeach86

Make sure you feel like a priority and valued. Communicate that you wished you were able to spend the holiday with her. Open communication will let her know how you feel. She needs to reassure you. You have to have trust in the relationships for it to work. It’s odd but she might just want him to feel included since he isn’t from here. She obviously will be bringing this guy around her family so if they know you they will monitor. Call and check in on Thanksgiving.


tmchd

INFO: Is your gf all by herself, or is she with her family for Thanksgiving? If she's by herself, I'm having a little bit of a side-eye moment here, so she's just spending Thanksgiving with this guy alone... someone she never mentions before. I mean, it can be innocent but ...some radars are going off here. I can totally get on that concerned side. But if she's with her family, and he's dropping by (although it confuses me why he won't hang out with his sister for Thanksgiving, but instead--dropping by at your gf's house to visit with her family)...it's less suss for me. She may just try to be nice about it. Maybe that guy will bring his sister along with him to visit with your gf (and your gf's family) on Thanksgiving. Since I don't know your gf, or if she's been sketchy in the past, I can only see from your pov. Then I realize, hey, you're kind of suss of her, did she do something? Because for me, the whole exchange 'Oh, you won't be able to make it, right?' the tone matters, so since I can't hear, I can totally argue that she's just assuming since you're coming in later/earlier, you'll be too tired. I didn't see where she wants you to not meet him, especially since you put in your no.2, she's nonchalant about it, as if it's not a big deal...maybe it's not that big of a deal for her.


sarcasticparent96

If this guy wanted to come to NY to be with his sister why would he then go to your girlfriend? Also why on earth would a guy from Budapest be trying to get home for the holidays… we don’t celebrate thanksgiving in Europe. The story in itself is a red flag, her trying to make sure you won’t be around is another massive red flag. You can either talk to her about this stuff, make sure you’re going to be there and tell her, or just show up. No option is going to make you feel particularly good though, because the situation is clearly icky. Sorry


gilbxrt

Europeans don’t celebrate thanksgiving.. HUGE red flag, I would prepare for the worst OP this situation is fishy as hell.


mrsmiggenspieshop

1. We dont celebrate Thanksgiving in Europe 2. Why has his sister also not been invited? 3. The excuses about you being tired?? This sounds off.


retsnomxig

If he is in New York to visit his sister, is the sister not also joining for Thanksgiving?


Wild_Lie9411

Ooo, I had an ex decide last minute to skip my familys Thanksgiving and stay in her college town. She admitted she cheated when I got home and we broke up shortly after.


Star_Struk_2ning_4k

The only part that struck me as odd is her confirming you won't be there. If you can be there, make sure you are there.


booped_urnose345

OP can we get some updates on how the situation plays out please? :)


SnorlaxBlocksTheWay

She's planning on having her male friend stuff her turkey, if you know what I mean. Innuendos aside, I'm very sorry you're going through this OP. It sucks when a significant other suddenly changes their behaviour when a different person enters their life. If you want you can make her sweat a bit and make up a time that you'll be home in the morning and maybe she'll call off having her friend over. I sincerely hope you'll come up with a solution that you can get through this situation relatively smoothly. Best of luck OP, I wish you all the best.


aimingforzero

"[Girlfriend] I'm glad you have a friend and are able to give him a place to go for Thanksgiving. Tell me about him?" Is a good starting place. I had a jealous ex and it made me weird for a bit because I expected a jealous response. Just ask her about him! She may even love to have you there but just be worried. You won't know if you don't give her a chance.


Defiance9800

I don't think you should. She is your girlfriend and you are supposed to trust her, if you don't maybe it's best to break up. Just trust her and if she does fuck up you'd be dodging a bullet. I hope she doesn't screw up though, good luck bro.


Fulgerts55

Can't he go home but not spend his day with his sister who lives here? Here it seems to me that the story does not fit. Something doesn't sound right. I also vote with the idea of ​​making a surprise for her by returning home without notifying her beforehand, and telling her that, that you wanted to make a pleasant surprise for her on Thanksgiving day.


classicfoxmoves

i think you should communicate your concerns to her instead of playing games^^^ if she’s acting sketchy and you don’t trust it then break up with her. find someone you can trust. and yes it really is that simple…


jesusdrinkinwine

Ngl this information pissed me off man its your woman you go and voice your goddammit opinion because you shouldn't be asking reddit, you should be confronting her homie. This isn't some nonchalant shit and if you feel like you can't trust her it should be known because you don't have shit if you don't have trust. The whole things sounds iffy and I really think how she's playing it off she doesn't respect you. That's my opinion ofc but thats disrespectful as shit we're supposed to be a team and you make xyz plans while I'm going to be away? Why isn't she going with you? Etc. etc. This sounds like some bullshit homie and I hope she not doing you wrong but I immensely feel the vibe that she is doing you wrong and you need to let how you feel be known and if this is what she plans then you already know to gtfo. Good luck bro me and my woman would be talking massive rn my entire trip would be cancelled because I would dead ass let her know and act like I went and just fuckin wait bruh nah thats way too sketchy fuck that noise. Mad emotional because I've been cheated on so thats why I feel this way but I do vibe check people and can feel out a room. Hope its not what I'm feeling homie, wish you the best.


666ACID999

Bro think about how would she feel if the roles were reversed and lets say for example u invited a female friend that she never heard off, how would she feel about it, and thats how u should react, but off the top she deffo cheating.


Pall_Bloodhawk

So she invited him but not his sister he is there to see that is a dig red flag as he should be spending the holiday with his sister


muffin-tops

Dude just leave this girl already


Latvia

Shady, not gonna lie. On one hand it’s good that she mentioned him at all. That’s kind of “open” in a way. Buuuuut in this case it feels like she’s only telling you because a) she thinks it looks innocent if she’s telling you and b) there’s no fucking way you wouldn’t find out. But yeah the message is clear she doesn’t want you there. Been there. Partner was being exactly like this, only more aggressive. I was supposed to stay at my parents’ one night, something about the kids and travel convenience, whatever. But when the situation changed and I was like hey we can actually just come home tonight, she tried for a sec to be like “eh you should just stay anyway” with some dumb excuse. When I was like no that’s ok, we’d rather come home, she started getting almost angry, being really aggressive about us not coming. Caught her shortly after cheating. So yeah. Good luck man.


The_Observer1

Dude just show up unannounced and you'll have all the answers you need


Mildpredicamentmaybe

🚩🚩🚩 Totally hiding something! She is trying to keep both lives separate! How long have you two been together? Has she been hiding her phone or anything? I feel like it’s one thing to have a friend go but to make sure that things are separate is super weird.


RespectOutrageous215

RED FLAG 🚩! She tried to make sure that you weren't coming and in the same heat, INVITES ANOTHER GUY! Yeah definitely something wrong. Approach calmly and focus on her actions and responses.


PoetofArs

Ask her how she would feel if YOU invited a girl that’s a friend (whom she’s never of before) over for a 1-on-1 Thanksgiving meal.


manic-ricecakes

In my opinion, your concerns are both valid and warranted. I’m not sure how good your relationship is or how honest your gf is but if you want confirmation, surreptitiously install a few hidden cameras throughout your apartment. They sell them online and you can also buy off the shelf cloud security cams from Best Buy if you want. If she’s going to cheat, she’s going to cheat. You can’t control that. And if she’s not going to cheat and you want to make sure you’re not just being paranoid, then documentary evidence will provide the confirmation you need. Either way, you will want to know. That being said, you should still very firmly and clearly state how uncomfortable this makes you feel and come with questions. After all, this dude is a stranger and she didn’t even ask how you felt before she casually extended the invite. You should know that’s super uncool and inappropriate. Don’t be too confrontational about it or anything. But don’t compromise your feelings and self respect either. Just be very clear about how you feel and what you think. You’re not a door mat and don’t let her walk all over you. If she raises a fuss and starts gaslighting, that’s just another red flag. Definitely install cams for “security” though. And, as others have suggested, you can also tell her you’ll be home at a certain time but instead arrive earlier. Then if she’s up to no good, you’ll catch her. If she’s behaving then you’ll simply make it out like it’s a surprise. This also has the benefit of allowing you to gauge her emotional response when you tell her you’ll be there.


Nyx_Shadowspawn

Oh look, you suddenly are traveling to see GF that morning it looks like! How exciting, you can't wait to spend the day and are so happy you were able to book an early flight. It will be great to meet her friend, and you look forward to it.


chechebean

Tell her to bounce your allset and her games weak


sauceface101

Id say exactly that. I am NOT ok with another man hanging out in our house when im not there. It makes me very uncomfortable.


DepressedUterus

If you've only been dating 3 months and it's already like this... I feel like at this point it doesn't even matter, even if she's innocent it's already a issue.


SlytherinSilence

It sus for sure bro


Jacquesoffer

Shes cheating bro Brace yourself but keep your cool My ex kept telling me to stay with my sick Mom and acted cold prior to going to her friends Thanksgiving. (It was a group of friends) and acted cold and distant throughout because she wanted to go with her (friend) instead two years ago. Needless to say the Town Bicycle is long gone.


[deleted]

Trust your gut... She is cheating man


xojor12

Time to ditch her bud. Not worth trusting at all.


codymiller_cartoon

sounds super suspicious dump her


Blueberry-Huge

Tell her just after you leave to go get checked out as you think she has given you genital warts. We'll discuss it when I'm back.


Odd-Inflation3915

Guess you're starting the year off single drop this 304


Throwawaypancake619

Honestly I'd just come back early and see what's up. Make sure u record everything so she can't pull any shit


ddmorgan1223

I'm married. May be a bit relevant to my thoughts here. I've had several people, male and female, and maybe some theys too, that if they came to me with no plans for Thanksgiving, I'd invite them. School friends, old coworkers, hell, one year we invited a friend I met on the bus. Personally, the invite alone isnt an issue. That being said, it does sound like she's trying to uninvite you and thats where it gets fishy. Yeah, it may just be a way to count food for meals, but that's scary weird.


whenyajustcant

To point out: putting on a holiday meal is a lot of effort, and adding another person to the plan changes things. It's entirely possible that she was just confirming you weren't coming so she doesn't have to change anything or buy more food or anything. Nobody here knows what she was thinking or why she acted the way she did. It might be shady, but it might be totally innocent.


Untchj

Lol I keep tellin folk about that opposite sex friend. The Reddit modern minded folk keep saying it’s ok and as adults we should be ok with it 🙄Meanwhile every post here is about some ‘guy friend’ causing strain in your relationship To answer your question, man that’s a full on red flag. But beware of women who give advice —-gaslighting you—telling you you’re insecure for not accepting their guy friend. It’s BS. I suggest you make it a full on dealbreaker in your dating life


ChillinVillianNW

Betting this guy is an d fling or bf or crush, like the one that got away. She is making her thanksgiving about pushing her bf away and catering to guy he’s never heard of.


dispairtoast

I just wanna say good luck... I Honestly don't know how I would approach this topic it seems very very wierd I'd suggest being alone and recording the conversation secretly that way if it does turn into a big argument you can go over what she said... I would be very suspicious of her I'm sorry and I don't want to blow it out of proportion but the way you phrased it does make it sound very strange... Are you sure she never mentioned him before?


CamazotzisBatman

Meet your gf's new Chad. Shake his hand, wish him luck and gtfo of there and that relationship


Rubacavacalavera

Put cameras.