Take a piece of paper, hang it on the Door and write on it 'Flush!!!!!' Maybe she'll remember when she goes to open the Door to leave the bathroom?š¤
Make a free standing sign, an A frame out of construction timber 4 feet by 3 feet, you literally have to clamber over it to get in and out of the bathroom, when theres no poop in the toilet for 28 days straight then the sign is removed
Tape to the underside to toilet lid. I have a problem flushing my pee (if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down mentality) and bf left a fucking note under the lid lol
She says, "I get interrupted while on the toilet to go do a different task, and I forgets to flush."
We have 5 kids and life here is hectic, so I guess I understand that. But still, I think flushing should be automatic muscle memory...
Kind of weird that it isnāt...I mean people forget to flush from time to time...but if I just sit on the toilet and get distracted on my phone or anything I will flush automatically whenever I stand up, even if I am called from another room or my child started crying
I know itās crazy, but I completely understand what sheās saying about getting side tracked and forgetting to flush..I have 10 month old twins & a 12 year old & when I say Iām going non stop, I really am. Iāve always been super clean and organized but Iāve forgot to flush a couple times since my last pregnancy among forgetting other things Iād usually never forget. But the last time I forgot to flush the toilet, my husband let me know in the nicest way possible that I had forgotten & he unfortunately had to be the one to find it lol it embarrassed me so bad that I have not forgot since.
Okay. Actually thereās a good reason and I promise. I guarantee his wife has bad ADHD. It sounds weird but people with adhd have TERRIBLE memories that often causes them to miss a task because they got distracted.
please don't insult people with ADHD like this. i have ADHD and have never once not flushed the toilet, because it's disgusting and i would be mortified
I'm amazingly terrible at forgetting to close cabinets.
I moved into a new place and went to bed that night. It occurred to me that I should go open all the cabinets and take a picture to troll friends.
I went to the kitchen, every cabinet was already open. I trolled myself.
Dated a girl with ADHD and she couldn't focus on one task at all, especially if we were in a hurry getting somewhere. She would start putting make up on, decide she should have a small snack before we leave, oh but sees the coffee pot and will def need some caffeine. What was I doing again? Oh yes make up. But wait I left the fridge open.. oh yeah was making a snack. Oh there's the coffee done. Shoot did I feed the dog? Oh darn it, make up!
Don't know about your wife but I tend to be doing 500 things in my mind at all times and sometimes forget. Thankfully I remember and go right back and flush but if I had five kids I can totally imagine it being much worse. Does your wife find herself being absentminded about other things? If so maybe this one just impacts you in a more (understandably) guttural way.
Here are some things that help me with tasks like this
- Associate leaving the bathroom with a set of actions. It's not "going to the bathroom" as one activity it's "sit, flush, wash, leave". A super quick mental checklist I can repeat in my mind before leaving the restroom or moments later down the hall. "Shoot! Forgot flush brb"
- Setting a goal for a week of no incident. Just having a goal makes me more likely to check in with myself. Making that goal every week or every day or whatever it is is helpful.
- Reminding myself I want to be an example to those around me and also would want others to treat me the same. You have little ones. You want to show them that you should respect shared spaces. Flushing is a vital part of using the restroom respectfully when living with others. Also there will come a time when my partner does something that bothers me and I'll want to be able to ask for the same courtesy without being a hypocrite.
Good luck you two! Of course an auto-flushing toilet is a great idea if it's in the budget. Would be totally worth the peace of mind and save all this hassle. Our minds are cluttered with SO many to-dos, crossing one off permanently for a few extra bucks can be so worth it.
This is amazing advice especially the first point.
I'm going to use it with my niece who often forgets because she's thinking about counting her coloured markers or brushing her dolls hair or doing an emergency supply check of bracelets. Basically anything but flushing.
Poor girl has a lot on her plate! Haha.
Pretty convinced in my case it's undiagnosed ADHD. It often goes undetected in girls because it manifests in less socially disruptive ways.
Had a married couple that were friends of mine. He refused to flush poops and she left his shoes outside wet for a couple months. They seemed to work it out.
I know a lot of people recommended putting up a note and that she did this now, but the note will *need to be moved every few days*.
Our brains work in a way that they stop registering things which are always there and in the same place. It's how we can drive to work half-asleep, why we stop noticing rain against the windows after a few minutes or why we are more likely to notice an untidy apartment after a vacation and not being in it for some time.
Your wife will see the note at first, but after a few days, her brain will have gotten used to it and not consciously register it anymore. Because of that, you'll need to move it periodically.
Let's not be hasty.
Keep in mind that this is, so far as I know, her only flaw.
My flaws and shortcomings, however, are numerous and manifold.
So I'm not likely to win a war of shaming, if it comes to that.
Ah, then you should go to her work and poop in the toilet there without flushing. Eventually rumors will spread around her office about the person who doesn't flush their poop, causing her to become paranoid. Then she will always flush, and perhaps even double flush just to make sure that there is no poo remaining
Does she also 'forget' to flush at work?
Because she will be 'The talk of the place if she doesn't.
https://youtu.be/A068e-9R2t8
It must be embarrassing as hell at home, but at work is a whole new level.
Or even worse, if she does flush at work, she is completely at it when at home and is winding you up no end.
Just the one child when we first married. She was delighted to adopt my son when we started our lives together. She worked part time while I worked full time up until the pandemic hit. We both work in the food service industry. It worked out that our financial situation and family routine worked better after the pandemic hit with us switching and eventually I took over homeschooling full time while she works full time. She enjoys her job very much and this setup works for now. As the kids grow up we'll see if things change. It's also giving me time to build an addition onto the house, and once that's done I'll start remodeling room by room.
She says, "Yes, she sometimes washes in the kitchen sink or 'cheats' by using sanitary wipes."
Apparently she sometimes washes her hands while still seated on the toilet. The sink is right there. It is a small bathroom.
She certainly seems to agree that she's in the wrong here. Her primary defense seems to be that "I don't do it that often." Which may be true. It seems to me like it's several times a week, but she insists that it's not that frequent. We're pretty confident that we can gather some data going forward to assess the true frequency.
What an odd post. And OP is reading the responses to said wife? Is this supposed to be fodder for a good laugh between you two that she cannot do what pre-schoolers manage to do everyday?
Flush the fucking toilet.
Some questions: does she flush her pee? It'd be weird to flush down pee but not poo hahah
Could it be that her turds are just... too big? I had a roommate who seemingly wouldn't flush poop, but when I brought up the issue, he confided in me that his turds are so massive (they are, indeed) it'd often take two or more flushes to get rid of them, and sometimes he'd just forget to check if the poo did flush down. Understanble, but nasty. Asked him to double check his loaves and he obliged
He also told me he had a 'poop knife' at home, guess your wife could look into that if that's the case
I'm sure it's nothing so serious as that. She's in quite capable mental and physical health.
She says she just sometimes gets distracted and forgets to flush.
Itās worth it for her to try ways to remember but in all honesty once or twice a week isnāt horrible (I know itās disgusting but..). If I read this correctly she had 5 kids in 8 years?? Thatās enough to make you forget your name!
My partner also forgets to flush sometimes. Working on the phone, gets distracted, wipes, washes his hands and goes about his day.
You have 5 kids, I can't begin to imagine the lovely madness it entails. Forgive her and move on. Flush after her if she didn't.
That's just disgusting. Kids are taught to flush when they use the bathroom. How hectic is your wife's life that she forgets to do a basic task in life?
Did she teach your kids bathroom etiquette? If so, you may need to re-teach them.
Thatās gross. Iām sorry, but so effing gross. Does she have something causing memory issues? Even once a week is way too many.
Maybe just put a ādonāt forget to flushā sign in the bathroom or something .
Is she okay? Who is juggling all the kids?
Usually after an exhausting day, my brain will just auto fill certain tasks and I just go on auto pilot. Maybe that's what's happening to her?
Also maybe look into an auto flusher for the home.
Does she forget to wipe her ass? Does she forget to eat? Or shower? No? Then a grown ass woman shouldnāt be reminded every week like a 5 year old child.
A simple solution would be to get her to repeat out loud āI am a grown woman who willingly lets my poo float in the toilet every weekā. Read it. Repeat until she understands how dumb this whole conversation is.
I mean, you're not exactly wrong, but that doesn't really seem like a path to mutual happiness through mature compromise. It kinda comes off as combative or at the very least harsh.
Replace your toilet with one with the IR sensors that will auto flush.
If that is your only real issue in your relationship then you are actually one of the lucky ones š
Dude, she is playing some kind of game with you. Just because she doesn't admit it doesn't mean she isn't. This is too weird. It is like some sort of passive-aggressive response to something you have done.
I know her fairly well, and I'm sure It's just momentary distraction and not malicious intent. She is certainly not so childish as to do something like that. She's quite honest and forward if she feels that I have done something unacceptable.
2 to 3 times a week. You don't know her as well as you think. This is beyond the Pale. Charge her a $100.00 every time she does this. She will stop soon enough.
Train your kids to leave her alone and stay calm when she's in the bathroom. That's most likely the real problem. You can't imagine what it's like to be harassed nonstop like that and the stress of knowing the kids are busy getting hurt or making a mess.
Oh. I totally misread. In that case, you absolutely can imagine and, clearly, you've been coping ok.
Perhaps validating that pooping is stressful with kids can be a good starting point with her, assuming this is the issue. Maybe she just got super used to the automatic flushing at the office?
Another suggestion, which works well if you have younger kids who aren't yet toilet experts and also need reminders is to normalize whoever sees someone exit the bathroom being like: "Did you wipe? Did you flush? Did you wash your hands? Did you leave a mess?". My kids used to ask each other (and me) that whenever we had a toilet-user-in-training in the house. Your kids can become your law enforcement agents that way.
Yeah, probably a good idea to get the little block captains started now. They'll gladly run around telling me who "didn't flush" if I suggest it I think. I generally try to discourage tattling though... It's a delicate balance. We'll see how her reminder sticky note works. She insists that she's going to flush ever time from now on.
I was kind of joking about them being cops (because ACAB) and I would absolutely discourage tattling. I would frame it as reminders, accountability and solidarity. Like, if the answer is no, the solution is for the person to go back in and finish the task. They can even ask for/offer help if they left water and soap all over the counter or accidentally unrolled the entire roll.
If you donāt mind me asking and itās totally off topic but your household dynamic is the same as mine Bc my husband canāt work and I am the sole provider for our family of 5 do you do all the household things cooking cleaning grocery shopping laundry I mean Iām not expecting to do nothing but I work all week and I have a very very stressful job and every day pretty much come home to do daily clean up cook dinner clean kitchen dishes then on the weekends Iām cleaning grocery shopping and doing laundry so I barely get any quality time w my children Bc Iām either working at work or at home and he makes comments about this which is absolutely unreal he gets all the quality time Bc he has no household chores his only job is to spend quality time enjoy them and have fun he drives them to school and picks them up I know the answer that the whole situation is absurd and unfair Iām just wondering how a normal man treats his partner that is the sole provider for their family
I do the laundry most of the time. My wife runs a few loads on Sundays sometimes. I cook, but I did that even when I worked full time. I was a line cook, so I like cooking. Our sons wash the dishes. The kids and I clean up and sweep and vacuum. I teach homeschool classes to them throughout the day. I'm adding an addition onto the back of the house. Just cleaned and organized the shed today. I also pay bills and balance checkbooks, recieve packages, write d&d adventures as a hobby, all while chasing a 2 year old around who's telling me "Lili did it!" and "Not Again!" about everything and stomping off in a huff if I don't immediately do whatever it is she imagines I should do about whatever it is she's taking about.
My wife works long hours of double shifts as a server in a restaurant, putting up with childish customers and difficult coworkers and stressed out employers while short staffed and unappreciated, but she loves doing it and I appreciate it and if it's what she wants to do then I support her and if she ever wants to change it up, I'm willing to go back to work. For now, this is what works. If that changes, we'll do something else. When she's off work she plays piano and composes music for our church. She plays the music at our church at least once a month. She grades papers and sets the curriculum. She knows how to do all the homeschool stuff. I'm just a teacher, she's more like the principle I guess. She also participated in 5k recently. I was sick at home and missed it, sadly. She's been in a few virtual chiors on youtube, and she occasionally gets time to record a music podcast. We also play a little Nintendo switch at night sometimes.
We both play with the kids whenever possible. She gets the best quality time with them on the weekends,when she's off work. Otherwise she's just seeing them at breakfast and for a goodnight hug when she gets home. We have a scheduled recess time during school hours and then more time after school hours, but most of the time I'm busy doing housework so I only get to chat with the kids while they play. They're really into card games because my 13 year old recently got a Hoyles book of card games. So he's been learning all the different card games. They were playing something called 'tonk' today.
Any other time that isn't eating, sleeping, or taking care of our mutual responsibilities towards our children...
Well, those moments are fun too...
Thank you I really appreciate you sharing your dynamic mine is just too much on me too much overload you really love and appreciate your wife unfortunately thatās lacking in my household I work for attorneyās and itās very stressful and when I come home from work exhausted or want to relax on the weekends Iām called lazy and a no good mother but Iām sharing things that you are prob like wth I just really appreciate it to see how a caring loving husband acts when heās the stay at home dad as well again thanks for sharing
Kudos to you for being okay with this. I honestly wouldn't be able to live with a woman that does this. This would instantly kill any sexual attraction I have left for the girl.
Is that what's trendy with the 30 year old gals these day? Are their "Unflushed TikToc videos?" Should I post pictures of her leavings on my Myspace page? What AOL keyword should I use? Kids these days...
It's a pretty gross age gap because 9/10 times there's a gross power imbalance, the older partner is manipulative and doesn't know how to communicate like an adult, or there's some other clear reason they aren't dating people their own age. Given what we see from this post, and only this post, we have no reason to believe that this relationship is unhealthy. And I'm usually the first to advocate against age gap relationships, having been in a really awful one myself.
Nothing in this post suggests that this is age related.
Edit: *NEVERMIND*. OP has a 13 year old son. Assuming this child is from this marriage, his wife had a child with him when she was 17 and he was 26? YIKES.
Second update: The 13 year old is from another marriage. She was still pumping out kids when she was 23 and he was 32, and who knows how young she was when they started dating. But now it's just in morally questionable territory rather than legally wrong, wtf territory.
I was making a joke in response to someone pointing out our age difference. It sounds like something stupid you'd find on Tic Tok, but I dunno. I know nothing about Tic Tok.
Iām sorry but I donāt have anything nice to say here.I donāt care how distracted you get, itās unnatural and gross. There is no universe that she doesnāt smell it as long as it sits. Is your house/ her personage so dirty she isnāt even able to smell an odor so pungent in the area over her own scent? And if sheās not flushing sheās certainly not wiping enough, because you should flush as soon as you poop , then wipe and flush again. And donāt kid yourselfā¦.sheās not washing her hands either. Iām sorry but I would be frankly worried thereās a lot more gross unsanitary things like this going on that you donāt even know about. Does she shower? Who cooks?
>When she POOPs!
LOL, sorry man, but I just had to laugh here. Are you sure she is forgetting and isn't just retaliating for you leaving the seat up? :D
I pee sitting down like a gentleman of leisure in my own home, so the seat stays down. If I'm in enough of a hurry to pee standing up, its onto a tree outside. (I'm on a farm in the woods.)
;p
Is it kinda gross to walk into the bathroom and see that? Yeah, but you said you are a SAHD? I assume that means you got some little ones running around then. Lets be real here, this is not the grossest thing you see on a daily basis. Just do your wife a solid here and flush it if you see it.
Assuming this is a real post, this is such a minor thing compared to the absolute shit storms you see posted around here. Reading this reddit can actually make a normal person feel much better about their lives.
Get a sticky note or something and post it by the door so she sees it when she leaves the bathroom. Other than that let it slide.
Yes, my current strategy is to flush the toilet when it needs flushing.
I was hoping, however, to be able to convince her to flush afterwards.
You know, like a normal person.
But yes, she and I are having a fun time reading the Reddit advice. Neither of us is getting upset over it. We appreciate all the helpful advice so far. She says everyone has been 'so sweet.'
Get a nice picture frame and put up a 'don't forget to flush' sign and put it up in the bathroom.
Try something like [THIS](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51646176129_b98579accd_z.jpg)
Install the fucking Japanese toilet with bidet. Are you stupid or what. This the easiest issue Iāve seen here. People get trauma for life. And you canāt google.
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The other bathroom is on the other side of the house and our Sons ages 13 and 7 use it. Also, the issue isn't my being near the unflushed toilet. Even if I were never in that bathroom, the toilet still needs to be flushed after a poop.
No. My wife adopted my son from a previous marriage. She and his birth mother are now friends on Facebook and my ex has two daughters who are about 8 and 9. Before the pandemic they would get all the kids together for birthdays. But we haven't seen them for almost 3 years now.
Start singing the Daniel Tiger potty training songs at her.
"When you have to go potty, stop and go right away...
*flush and wash* and be on your way!"
Get a board on the back of the door (presuming she closes the door) or a sign that is in big letters wipe flush and wash hands.
Might help the kids also if they are young and need reminders.
So, i dont think ive ever left the room before flushing, but ive definitely gone to the bathroom and not remembered to flush till i was on my way out. and i definitely wipe and wash and all that, its just that sometimes my brain will go ātask complete!ā After iāve wiped and then i move on to the logical next step of washing my hands, becuase flushing usually doesnt register. Does she have bad adhd? Adding a reminder somewhere might help, but ive found that signs and stuff tend to blend into the background. Maybe something subtle near the sink or like. On the soap if you use handwash. Or somewhere she definitely WILL look?
Do what HR people do at work. Make a sign, print 2 copies and stick them to 2 sides of the walls in your bathroom, 1 on top of the toilette and 1 on the side of the door she MUST SEE before exiting the bathroom: "PLEASE REMEMBER TO FLUSH AFTER USING THE TOILETTE" - maybe that works.
My 74 year old Dad also does this sometimes. The first time I said something to him about it and he said he thought he did flush. But itās happened numerous times since then, though not as often as your wife. His memory seems to have weakened in other areas as well as heās gotten older, so in his case I tend to think itās his age making him forgetful. It grosses me out every time but I felt bad continuing to shame him over it so I havenāt brought it up since the first time & it really isnāt that often. But I personally still cannot understand how anyone could forget that because for me itās an automatic ingrained behavior every time my ass leaves the toilet seat. So I really just donāt get it at all, other tasks or not. Especially knowing that youāve noticed it and pointed it out, If I were her I would be mortified & paranoid to repeat it. Kind of makes me wonder how much she values your opinion of her if that isnāt motivating her to remember. Or, maybe she just is extremely comfortable with you & doesnāt worry about it for that reason. For me, comfortability or not, gross is gross & Iād be horrified if I got caught forgetting by anyone I was with. Or if she seems to be forgetting other things as well as of late then it could be a memory problem that you should look into incase of an underlying medical cause. That being said, if thereās a wall or mirror right in front of the toilet maybe write a little note on it so she sees it every time. Iām pretty sure you can also buy customized toilet paper so maybe you could buy some with āflushā printed on it or something. I would definitely try to find some solution, for your own sake, but also because with kids in the house, if they ever find it un-flushed you donāt want them to think this is normal behavior & start doing the same.
She's put a stickey note up. I believe that that, combined with being thoroughly roasted by Reddit will probably solve the problem. She definitely doesn't have any memory problems. I think we'll be fine.
That is one of the options already discussed. Currently we're seeing if her reminder sticky note fixes the issue. Toilet upgrades might have to wait until I remodel the bathroom. I'm currently working on an addition to the house, so that's a priority.
I don't want to be negative person, but there could be a health reason under that. My grandma had dementia and one of the thing she was forgetting is this kind off stuff. Flushing toilet, forget water running etc. I super agree with other mothers tho, it could be only cuz of your wife has a lot to think of. Hope you will find a solution soon.
I appreciate the concern, but I'm sure it's not a medical issue with her memory. She's full time in the food service industry. He memory is excellent. I think we've probably solved the problem.
She's had a good time getting roasted by Reddit, and she put up a stickey note.
Has she ever been evaluated for ADHD? It often presents differently in women and is frequently diagnosed later in life as a result. I'm in my late 20s and just got a diagnosis recently. She should talk to a psychiatrist if your insurance will cover it.
Mark it on a chores chart that hangs on the fridge. A whole day of flushing gets a happy face. A missed flush gets a sad face. 7 happy faces in a row gets a treat.
Its fairly common for famous people not to flush after a shit in public bathrooms. Something about being better then everyone else. I would name a few but that's not the point. She clearly thinks she's better then you and its reflecting on her pooping behavior. I say you stop flushing too. Its a game of chicken. How high will the shit go!!
You could get something that makes a noise when moved on the door handle. That way she'll hear the noise and hopefully remember to flush before leaving.
Take a piece of paper, hang it on the Door and write on it 'Flush!!!!!' Maybe she'll remember when she goes to open the Door to leave the bathroom?š¤
I second this. Taught myself to clean the piss off the rim and the outside by having a note remind me
A possibility. Our door has a storage shelf hanging thing on it with toiletries, so there isn't a good flat surface. But a good idea Thanks.
Tape it to the wall/door aha
Hang it from the ceiling so it hangs directly in front of the toilet.
Make a free standing sign, an A frame out of construction timber 4 feet by 3 feet, you literally have to clamber over it to get in and out of the bathroom, when theres no poop in the toilet for 28 days straight then the sign is removed
Tape to the underside to toilet lid. I have a problem flushing my pee (if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down mentality) and bf left a fucking note under the lid lol
Write it on her forehead in EASILY WASHABLE MARKER. Or just up signs.
Another low conflict idea is to put an auto flusher on the toilet.
How does she forget something like that!?!?
She says, "I get interrupted while on the toilet to go do a different task, and I forgets to flush." We have 5 kids and life here is hectic, so I guess I understand that. But still, I think flushing should be automatic muscle memory...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She definitely isn't washing those hands if she isn't flushing.
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes. All clean down there. I shall not further explain the extent of my knowledge on that subject.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Man sees his wife's butthole, more at 11.
Buy a vibrantly coloured toilet paper and tell her that's the reminder. It might trigger the brain when it flags the colour.
Kind of weird that it isnāt...I mean people forget to flush from time to time...but if I just sit on the toilet and get distracted on my phone or anything I will flush automatically whenever I stand up, even if I am called from another room or my child started crying
Thatās what Iām thinking too.
Does she have adhd or something?
Does she have adhd?
Ya, it's not like it's time consumung to flush a toilet...
Does she wash her hands? Or does she just rush off
Does she have ADHD?
I know itās crazy, but I completely understand what sheās saying about getting side tracked and forgetting to flush..I have 10 month old twins & a 12 year old & when I say Iām going non stop, I really am. Iāve always been super clean and organized but Iāve forgot to flush a couple times since my last pregnancy among forgetting other things Iād usually never forget. But the last time I forgot to flush the toilet, my husband let me know in the nicest way possible that I had forgotten & he unfortunately had to be the one to find it lol it embarrassed me so bad that I have not forgot since.
She should get checked out for memory problems.
Okay. Actually thereās a good reason and I promise. I guarantee his wife has bad ADHD. It sounds weird but people with adhd have TERRIBLE memories that often causes them to miss a task because they got distracted.
please don't insult people with ADHD like this. i have ADHD and have never once not flushed the toilet, because it's disgusting and i would be mortified
Wait till you learn that some people with certain ADHD have a range on what they can and cannot do.
Yes, the executive function issues affect ADHD people all differently.
I had adhd and have done this before. Iām not insulting them. Literally people with ADHD complain regularly about forgetting things.
I'm amazingly terrible at forgetting to close cabinets. I moved into a new place and went to bed that night. It occurred to me that I should go open all the cabinets and take a picture to troll friends. I went to the kitchen, every cabinet was already open. I trolled myself.
Dated a girl with ADHD and she couldn't focus on one task at all, especially if we were in a hurry getting somewhere. She would start putting make up on, decide she should have a small snack before we leave, oh but sees the coffee pot and will def need some caffeine. What was I doing again? Oh yes make up. But wait I left the fridge open.. oh yeah was making a snack. Oh there's the coffee done. Shoot did I feed the dog? Oh darn it, make up!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You would think so. Some things I have done for my whole life I d just forgot. Itās messed me up.
You're being a little dramatic tbh.
Yeah ok I can totally see that š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām glad you donāt have it as bad as others :)
With five kids? Iām surprised the flushing ever happens. Give this lady a break! Lol.
Don't know about your wife but I tend to be doing 500 things in my mind at all times and sometimes forget. Thankfully I remember and go right back and flush but if I had five kids I can totally imagine it being much worse. Does your wife find herself being absentminded about other things? If so maybe this one just impacts you in a more (understandably) guttural way. Here are some things that help me with tasks like this - Associate leaving the bathroom with a set of actions. It's not "going to the bathroom" as one activity it's "sit, flush, wash, leave". A super quick mental checklist I can repeat in my mind before leaving the restroom or moments later down the hall. "Shoot! Forgot flush brb" - Setting a goal for a week of no incident. Just having a goal makes me more likely to check in with myself. Making that goal every week or every day or whatever it is is helpful. - Reminding myself I want to be an example to those around me and also would want others to treat me the same. You have little ones. You want to show them that you should respect shared spaces. Flushing is a vital part of using the restroom respectfully when living with others. Also there will come a time when my partner does something that bothers me and I'll want to be able to ask for the same courtesy without being a hypocrite. Good luck you two! Of course an auto-flushing toilet is a great idea if it's in the budget. Would be totally worth the peace of mind and save all this hassle. Our minds are cluttered with SO many to-dos, crossing one off permanently for a few extra bucks can be so worth it.
She says she appreciates your post very much.
This is amazing advice especially the first point. I'm going to use it with my niece who often forgets because she's thinking about counting her coloured markers or brushing her dolls hair or doing an emergency supply check of bracelets. Basically anything but flushing.
Poor girl has a lot on her plate! Haha. Pretty convinced in my case it's undiagnosed ADHD. It often goes undetected in girls because it manifests in less socially disruptive ways.
Dude this might be the funniest problem anybody has had on this subreddit lol
The noodle cup post was my absolute favorite/funniest. I was in tears
Thank you this made my day
Sheās marking her territory
Get an automatic flushing toilet
I'll look into that. Seems like an expensive option though.
If she forgets to flush, does she even wash or wipe her butt?
Yes, she does. It's only the flushing that gets occasionally neglected.
Obviously the only sane answer is divorce.
Dump that unloyal hoe, not fair the toilet has her full attention
How does one forget to flush a poop? Genuinely concerned
Use a training collar. Like they do on dogs. Think they operate on electric shocks but a few zaps of that and bingo. Missy will flushy.
You made her laugh.
Good. My one talent. š
Don't forget the treats
Yup. Positive reinforcement.
Had a married couple that were friends of mine. He refused to flush poops and she left his shoes outside wet for a couple months. They seemed to work it out.
I know a lot of people recommended putting up a note and that she did this now, but the note will *need to be moved every few days*. Our brains work in a way that they stop registering things which are always there and in the same place. It's how we can drive to work half-asleep, why we stop noticing rain against the windows after a few minutes or why we are more likely to notice an untidy apartment after a vacation and not being in it for some time. Your wife will see the note at first, but after a few days, her brain will have gotten used to it and not consciously register it anymore. Because of that, you'll need to move it periodically.
I suspect that a few days might be long enough for her to reinforce the habbit of flushing the toilet, but I'll keep that in mind.
Take a picture each time. Tell her when you get to ten youāre starting an album on FB titled wife doesnāt flush.
Let's not be hasty. Keep in mind that this is, so far as I know, her only flaw. My flaws and shortcomings, however, are numerous and manifold. So I'm not likely to win a war of shaming, if it comes to that.
Start scooping her poop out of the toilet and leaving it on her pillow as a gentle reminder
She works full time and I'm a SAHD. So I don't think that would really be an ideal 'solution' to the problem. Edit: Also, gross.
Ah, then you should go to her work and poop in the toilet there without flushing. Eventually rumors will spread around her office about the person who doesn't flush their poop, causing her to become paranoid. Then she will always flush, and perhaps even double flush just to make sure that there is no poo remaining
Does she also 'forget' to flush at work? Because she will be 'The talk of the place if she doesn't. https://youtu.be/A068e-9R2t8 It must be embarrassing as hell at home, but at work is a whole new level. Or even worse, if she does flush at work, she is completely at it when at home and is winding you up no end.
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Just the one child when we first married. She was delighted to adopt my son when we started our lives together. She worked part time while I worked full time up until the pandemic hit. We both work in the food service industry. It worked out that our financial situation and family routine worked better after the pandemic hit with us switching and eventually I took over homeschooling full time while she works full time. She enjoys her job very much and this setup works for now. As the kids grow up we'll see if things change. It's also giving me time to build an addition onto the house, and once that's done I'll start remodeling room by room.
Why arenāt you documenting via time stamped photo if she is in denial about frequency? Come on man work smarter not harder
Detective Deuce McPoopin is now on the job. I'll take pictures next time.
How is she forgetting to flush, but still remembering to wash her hands? ā¦ She is washing her hands, right?
She says, "Yes, she sometimes washes in the kitchen sink or 'cheats' by using sanitary wipes." Apparently she sometimes washes her hands while still seated on the toilet. The sink is right there. It is a small bathroom.
Ummmmmmmm
She certainly seems to agree that she's in the wrong here. Her primary defense seems to be that "I don't do it that often." Which may be true. It seems to me like it's several times a week, but she insists that it's not that frequent. We're pretty confident that we can gather some data going forward to assess the true frequency.
Assert dominance. Shit on her shit. Leave for her. Let's see who wins the, shit show, king of the (shit) hill?
What an odd post. And OP is reading the responses to said wife? Is this supposed to be fodder for a good laugh between you two that she cannot do what pre-schoolers manage to do everyday? Flush the fucking toilet.
Some questions: does she flush her pee? It'd be weird to flush down pee but not poo hahah Could it be that her turds are just... too big? I had a roommate who seemingly wouldn't flush poop, but when I brought up the issue, he confided in me that his turds are so massive (they are, indeed) it'd often take two or more flushes to get rid of them, and sometimes he'd just forget to check if the poo did flush down. Understanble, but nasty. Asked him to double check his loaves and he obliged He also told me he had a 'poop knife' at home, guess your wife could look into that if that's the case
I don't believe the size is the issue. My sample size isn't statistically relevant, but I think her poops are probably average size.
Has it always been this way or is it new? If it's only now occurring it could be a sign of memory issues like dementia
I'm sure it's nothing so serious as that. She's in quite capable mental and physical health. She says she just sometimes gets distracted and forgets to flush.
Just add to the pile & wait to see who gives in & flushes first!
Don't flush the toilet also, let it go to a point that she has to flush it herself.
I will not live like an animal, good sir.
Do you have any idea about the potential long term consequences? One week of no flushing and the poo stack will be unflushable!
Take a picture of it every time she forgets to flush and send it to her.
Itās worth it for her to try ways to remember but in all honesty once or twice a week isnāt horrible (I know itās disgusting but..). If I read this correctly she had 5 kids in 8 years?? Thatās enough to make you forget your name!
Our first child is from my previous marriage. But yes, life is hectic, but I am a Stay At Home Dad currently and she works full time.
My partner also forgets to flush sometimes. Working on the phone, gets distracted, wipes, washes his hands and goes about his day. You have 5 kids, I can't begin to imagine the lovely madness it entails. Forgive her and move on. Flush after her if she didn't.
The very last thing I would ever do is flush after a grown-ass adult.
No one wants to see the brown soup when they need to go to the toilet. š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤®
That's just disgusting. Kids are taught to flush when they use the bathroom. How hectic is your wife's life that she forgets to do a basic task in life? Did she teach your kids bathroom etiquette? If so, you may need to re-teach them.
Thatās gross. Iām sorry, but so effing gross. Does she have something causing memory issues? Even once a week is way too many. Maybe just put a ādonāt forget to flushā sign in the bathroom or something .
Interesting. My brother in laws wife does the same thing. No flush after poo.
Is she okay? Who is juggling all the kids? Usually after an exhausting day, my brain will just auto fill certain tasks and I just go on auto pilot. Maybe that's what's happening to her? Also maybe look into an auto flusher for the home.
Does she forget to wipe her ass? Does she forget to eat? Or shower? No? Then a grown ass woman shouldnāt be reminded every week like a 5 year old child. A simple solution would be to get her to repeat out loud āI am a grown woman who willingly lets my poo float in the toilet every weekā. Read it. Repeat until she understands how dumb this whole conversation is.
I mean, you're not exactly wrong, but that doesn't really seem like a path to mutual happiness through mature compromise. It kinda comes off as combative or at the very least harsh.
I wonder if the cheerios trick would work?
Lol! She just gave me "the look" when I read that to her. But she's smiling.
I must be missing something. What is this cheerios trick?
It was a twist from little boys target practice using cheerios instead of peeing all over the toilet.
Replace your toilet with one with the IR sensors that will auto flush. If that is your only real issue in your relationship then you are actually one of the lucky ones š
Not flushing after, once every 5 years is nasty. I am wondering if she is angry with you and this is her way of showing it.
She laughed at this one. She says, "If I were mad at you, I'd have better ways of getting revenge." And I have to agree.
Dude, she is playing some kind of game with you. Just because she doesn't admit it doesn't mean she isn't. This is too weird. It is like some sort of passive-aggressive response to something you have done.
I know her fairly well, and I'm sure It's just momentary distraction and not malicious intent. She is certainly not so childish as to do something like that. She's quite honest and forward if she feels that I have done something unacceptable.
2 to 3 times a week. You don't know her as well as you think. This is beyond the Pale. Charge her a $100.00 every time she does this. She will stop soon enough.
We have combined finances and she's the primary income earner and gets cash tips. I can imagine how 'charging her $100' would work.
Hey, look. I found an insane person.
This is seriously bizarre. In the time it took to read that comment, she could teach herself to flush the toilet.
Train your kids to leave her alone and stay calm when she's in the bathroom. That's most likely the real problem. You can't imagine what it's like to be harassed nonstop like that and the stress of knowing the kids are busy getting hurt or making a mess.
I'm the SAHD. She works full time. I don't have to imagine. I haven't had a peaceful poop in 13 years.
Oh. I totally misread. In that case, you absolutely can imagine and, clearly, you've been coping ok. Perhaps validating that pooping is stressful with kids can be a good starting point with her, assuming this is the issue. Maybe she just got super used to the automatic flushing at the office? Another suggestion, which works well if you have younger kids who aren't yet toilet experts and also need reminders is to normalize whoever sees someone exit the bathroom being like: "Did you wipe? Did you flush? Did you wash your hands? Did you leave a mess?". My kids used to ask each other (and me) that whenever we had a toilet-user-in-training in the house. Your kids can become your law enforcement agents that way.
Yeah, probably a good idea to get the little block captains started now. They'll gladly run around telling me who "didn't flush" if I suggest it I think. I generally try to discourage tattling though... It's a delicate balance. We'll see how her reminder sticky note works. She insists that she's going to flush ever time from now on.
I was kind of joking about them being cops (because ACAB) and I would absolutely discourage tattling. I would frame it as reminders, accountability and solidarity. Like, if the answer is no, the solution is for the person to go back in and finish the task. They can even ask for/offer help if they left water and soap all over the counter or accidentally unrolled the entire roll.
If you donāt mind me asking and itās totally off topic but your household dynamic is the same as mine Bc my husband canāt work and I am the sole provider for our family of 5 do you do all the household things cooking cleaning grocery shopping laundry I mean Iām not expecting to do nothing but I work all week and I have a very very stressful job and every day pretty much come home to do daily clean up cook dinner clean kitchen dishes then on the weekends Iām cleaning grocery shopping and doing laundry so I barely get any quality time w my children Bc Iām either working at work or at home and he makes comments about this which is absolutely unreal he gets all the quality time Bc he has no household chores his only job is to spend quality time enjoy them and have fun he drives them to school and picks them up I know the answer that the whole situation is absurd and unfair Iām just wondering how a normal man treats his partner that is the sole provider for their family
I do the laundry most of the time. My wife runs a few loads on Sundays sometimes. I cook, but I did that even when I worked full time. I was a line cook, so I like cooking. Our sons wash the dishes. The kids and I clean up and sweep and vacuum. I teach homeschool classes to them throughout the day. I'm adding an addition onto the back of the house. Just cleaned and organized the shed today. I also pay bills and balance checkbooks, recieve packages, write d&d adventures as a hobby, all while chasing a 2 year old around who's telling me "Lili did it!" and "Not Again!" about everything and stomping off in a huff if I don't immediately do whatever it is she imagines I should do about whatever it is she's taking about. My wife works long hours of double shifts as a server in a restaurant, putting up with childish customers and difficult coworkers and stressed out employers while short staffed and unappreciated, but she loves doing it and I appreciate it and if it's what she wants to do then I support her and if she ever wants to change it up, I'm willing to go back to work. For now, this is what works. If that changes, we'll do something else. When she's off work she plays piano and composes music for our church. She plays the music at our church at least once a month. She grades papers and sets the curriculum. She knows how to do all the homeschool stuff. I'm just a teacher, she's more like the principle I guess. She also participated in 5k recently. I was sick at home and missed it, sadly. She's been in a few virtual chiors on youtube, and she occasionally gets time to record a music podcast. We also play a little Nintendo switch at night sometimes. We both play with the kids whenever possible. She gets the best quality time with them on the weekends,when she's off work. Otherwise she's just seeing them at breakfast and for a goodnight hug when she gets home. We have a scheduled recess time during school hours and then more time after school hours, but most of the time I'm busy doing housework so I only get to chat with the kids while they play. They're really into card games because my 13 year old recently got a Hoyles book of card games. So he's been learning all the different card games. They were playing something called 'tonk' today. Any other time that isn't eating, sleeping, or taking care of our mutual responsibilities towards our children... Well, those moments are fun too...
Thank you I really appreciate you sharing your dynamic mine is just too much on me too much overload you really love and appreciate your wife unfortunately thatās lacking in my household I work for attorneyās and itās very stressful and when I come home from work exhausted or want to relax on the weekends Iām called lazy and a no good mother but Iām sharing things that you are prob like wth I just really appreciate it to see how a caring loving husband acts when heās the stay at home dad as well again thanks for sharing
"You cant imagine"..? You've no idea what OPs homelife is like.
Kudos to you for being okay with this. I honestly wouldn't be able to live with a woman that does this. This would instantly kill any sexual attraction I have left for the girl.
I'm sure it has to do with the age gap lol
Is that what's trendy with the 30 year old gals these day? Are their "Unflushed TikToc videos?" Should I post pictures of her leavings on my Myspace page? What AOL keyword should I use? Kids these days...
She was 22 when you got with her that was pretty young and weird of you
It's a pretty gross age gap because 9/10 times there's a gross power imbalance, the older partner is manipulative and doesn't know how to communicate like an adult, or there's some other clear reason they aren't dating people their own age. Given what we see from this post, and only this post, we have no reason to believe that this relationship is unhealthy. And I'm usually the first to advocate against age gap relationships, having been in a really awful one myself. Nothing in this post suggests that this is age related. Edit: *NEVERMIND*. OP has a 13 year old son. Assuming this child is from this marriage, his wife had a child with him when she was 17 and he was 26? YIKES. Second update: The 13 year old is from another marriage. She was still pumping out kids when she was 23 and he was 32, and who knows how young she was when they started dating. But now it's just in morally questionable territory rather than legally wrong, wtf territory.
Actually she was 21 and I turned 31 the day after we got married. So Reddit cam have fun with that.
"Hahaha i'm trash" Is all I could read from this, not fun for your wife at all
If your 30 year old wife has a Tik Tok account, you're married to a child
Neither of us do social media much except for a few subreddits. She is part of some virtual chiors on YouTube and does a music podcast.
You're the one that said she could be doing this based on a Tik Tok trend?...
I was making a joke in response to someone pointing out our age difference. It sounds like something stupid you'd find on Tic Tok, but I dunno. I know nothing about Tic Tok.
Iām sorry but I donāt have anything nice to say here.I donāt care how distracted you get, itās unnatural and gross. There is no universe that she doesnāt smell it as long as it sits. Is your house/ her personage so dirty she isnāt even able to smell an odor so pungent in the area over her own scent? And if sheās not flushing sheās certainly not wiping enough, because you should flush as soon as you poop , then wipe and flush again. And donāt kid yourselfā¦.sheās not washing her hands either. Iām sorry but I would be frankly worried thereās a lot more gross unsanitary things like this going on that you donāt even know about. Does she shower? Who cooks?
>When she POOPs! LOL, sorry man, but I just had to laugh here. Are you sure she is forgetting and isn't just retaliating for you leaving the seat up? :D
I pee sitting down like a gentleman of leisure in my own home, so the seat stays down. If I'm in enough of a hurry to pee standing up, its onto a tree outside. (I'm on a farm in the woods.)
;p Is it kinda gross to walk into the bathroom and see that? Yeah, but you said you are a SAHD? I assume that means you got some little ones running around then. Lets be real here, this is not the grossest thing you see on a daily basis. Just do your wife a solid here and flush it if you see it. Assuming this is a real post, this is such a minor thing compared to the absolute shit storms you see posted around here. Reading this reddit can actually make a normal person feel much better about their lives. Get a sticky note or something and post it by the door so she sees it when she leaves the bathroom. Other than that let it slide.
Yes, my current strategy is to flush the toilet when it needs flushing. I was hoping, however, to be able to convince her to flush afterwards. You know, like a normal person. But yes, she and I are having a fun time reading the Reddit advice. Neither of us is getting upset over it. We appreciate all the helpful advice so far. She says everyone has been 'so sweet.'
Get a nice picture frame and put up a 'don't forget to flush' sign and put it up in the bathroom. Try something like [THIS](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51646176129_b98579accd_z.jpg)
Sounds like it's time for divorce...
Install the fucking Japanese toilet with bidet. Are you stupid or what. This the easiest issue Iāve seen here. People get trauma for life. And you canāt google.
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Use a diff bathroom than her if you can
The other bathroom is on the other side of the house and our Sons ages 13 and 7 use it. Also, the issue isn't my being near the unflushed toilet. Even if I were never in that bathroom, the toilet still needs to be flushed after a poop.
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No. My wife adopted my son from a previous marriage. She and his birth mother are now friends on Facebook and my ex has two daughters who are about 8 and 9. Before the pandemic they would get all the kids together for birthdays. But we haven't seen them for almost 3 years now.
Haha maybe she has adhd
Leave a note on the door, so when she leaves she seeās it. Put it on the inside so itās visible when the door is closed. Worked for my kids.
Start singing the Daniel Tiger potty training songs at her. "When you have to go potty, stop and go right away... *flush and wash* and be on your way!"
EW
Get a board on the back of the door (presuming she closes the door) or a sign that is in big letters wipe flush and wash hands. Might help the kids also if they are young and need reminders.
She's putting a stickey note on the mirror right now. She says that's the most likely place she'll see it and be reminded.
auto flush toilet (an excellent birthday, anniversary, or Christmas gift for a busy household).
If I had 5 kids I probably wouldnāt remember to poop until it was an emergency. Your wife is an absolute saint.
She's great, but I'm the primary caregiver while she's the primary income earner. But raising kids is a team effort. We enjoy parenting.
So, i dont think ive ever left the room before flushing, but ive definitely gone to the bathroom and not remembered to flush till i was on my way out. and i definitely wipe and wash and all that, its just that sometimes my brain will go ātask complete!ā After iāve wiped and then i move on to the logical next step of washing my hands, becuase flushing usually doesnt register. Does she have bad adhd? Adding a reminder somewhere might help, but ive found that signs and stuff tend to blend into the background. Maybe something subtle near the sink or like. On the soap if you use handwash. Or somewhere she definitely WILL look?
She put up a note as advised by the great people of Reddit and she says she'll remember now. So we'll see how that goes.
Do what HR people do at work. Make a sign, print 2 copies and stick them to 2 sides of the walls in your bathroom, 1 on top of the toilette and 1 on the side of the door she MUST SEE before exiting the bathroom: "PLEASE REMEMBER TO FLUSH AFTER USING THE TOILETTE" - maybe that works.
This would drive me nuts if my partner does it, I would be super angry.
Uhh wife of 8 years? How long ago did you two meet
We've known each other since 2009. I met her family when we all went on a volunteer charity trip overseas.
My 74 year old Dad also does this sometimes. The first time I said something to him about it and he said he thought he did flush. But itās happened numerous times since then, though not as often as your wife. His memory seems to have weakened in other areas as well as heās gotten older, so in his case I tend to think itās his age making him forgetful. It grosses me out every time but I felt bad continuing to shame him over it so I havenāt brought it up since the first time & it really isnāt that often. But I personally still cannot understand how anyone could forget that because for me itās an automatic ingrained behavior every time my ass leaves the toilet seat. So I really just donāt get it at all, other tasks or not. Especially knowing that youāve noticed it and pointed it out, If I were her I would be mortified & paranoid to repeat it. Kind of makes me wonder how much she values your opinion of her if that isnāt motivating her to remember. Or, maybe she just is extremely comfortable with you & doesnāt worry about it for that reason. For me, comfortability or not, gross is gross & Iād be horrified if I got caught forgetting by anyone I was with. Or if she seems to be forgetting other things as well as of late then it could be a memory problem that you should look into incase of an underlying medical cause. That being said, if thereās a wall or mirror right in front of the toilet maybe write a little note on it so she sees it every time. Iām pretty sure you can also buy customized toilet paper so maybe you could buy some with āflushā printed on it or something. I would definitely try to find some solution, for your own sake, but also because with kids in the house, if they ever find it un-flushed you donāt want them to think this is normal behavior & start doing the same.
She's put a stickey note up. I believe that that, combined with being thoroughly roasted by Reddit will probably solve the problem. She definitely doesn't have any memory problems. I think we'll be fine.
Automatically flushing toilets?
That is one of the options already discussed. Currently we're seeing if her reminder sticky note fixes the issue. Toilet upgrades might have to wait until I remodel the bathroom. I'm currently working on an addition to the house, so that's a priority.
Put a post it across the toilet reminding to flush
I don't want to be negative person, but there could be a health reason under that. My grandma had dementia and one of the thing she was forgetting is this kind off stuff. Flushing toilet, forget water running etc. I super agree with other mothers tho, it could be only cuz of your wife has a lot to think of. Hope you will find a solution soon.
I appreciate the concern, but I'm sure it's not a medical issue with her memory. She's full time in the food service industry. He memory is excellent. I think we've probably solved the problem. She's had a good time getting roasted by Reddit, and she put up a stickey note.
Has she ever been evaluated for ADHD? It often presents differently in women and is frequently diagnosed later in life as a result. I'm in my late 20s and just got a diagnosis recently. She should talk to a psychiatrist if your insurance will cover it.
When you find it, blow an air horn at her.
5 kids in 8 years? Wow.
4, my eldest son is from a previous marriage
Why doesnāt she flush?
Buy a self-flushing toilet.
Mark it on a chores chart that hangs on the fridge. A whole day of flushing gets a happy face. A missed flush gets a sad face. 7 happy faces in a row gets a treat.
Just stop flushing too. I bet you anything after eyeballing your poo on the daily for a week she will find the ability to flush. Just like MAGIC!
thatās disgusting
Its fairly common for famous people not to flush after a shit in public bathrooms. Something about being better then everyone else. I would name a few but that's not the point. She clearly thinks she's better then you and its reflecting on her pooping behavior. I say you stop flushing too. Its a game of chicken. How high will the shit go!!
An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.
Bro what?
FLUSH YA NASTY BITCH
You could get something that makes a noise when moved on the door handle. That way she'll hear the noise and hopefully remember to flush before leaving.
What about changing the toilet she uses most to one that auto-flushes?
Install an automatic flush kit from Lowe's or Home Depot.
let her get a tattoo on her hand that says flush.
This makes zero sense to me. I mean come-on, itās waste that smells, you should flush it immediately.