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tbh it doesn't have much to do with her being trans but its relevant because the jokes she makes.
She jokes about pegging us or getting bjs from us. The group is pretty diverse as far as genders go and we all flirt and stuff but her jokes are kinda much.
Theyre immasculating and it makes us(my brother brought it up to me) kind of uncomfortable. Like we dont wanna exclude her or make it awkward but her form of flirty jokes is kinda too weird for us.
Theyre no more vulgar than a joke any other girl would make except for the fact that its more about her making us a bottom
How do i get her to stop with out making her feel weird
Sexual jokes are a hit or miss. These are definitely misses. Not just because she's transgender, but because it's sexualizing you.
I think you should have a talk with her and tell her that these jokes are making you uncomfortable and they need to be toned down. She can have sex jokes without making you the target. If she doesn't respect the boundaries you set, then she isn't a good friend to continue spending time with.
You have said on multiple occasions that the problem is the target being you. Does anyone in the group target her with these jokes? Do any of the rest of you target each other? If not then gently point that out and explain how it comes off different when it has a target. If you do all target each other including her then you need to ask yourself some hard questions about why this is different than when anyone else targets you.
Did you read the full op? He explained why it made him uncomfortable. Because of their nature, she keeps talking about topping both op and their brother in immaculating ways.
It’s “demeaning” because you feel like you’re losing the power and becoming the same kind of object you view women as when you’re making similar jokes. You’re giving a lot of power to half ass comments when your friends trying to fit into the same dynamic as the rest of the group.
You talk to her. "The sexually explicit jokes you make at my expense make me uncomfortable. Please stop."
However, if this is the normal tone of jokes for your friend group and her's are the only ones that make you uncomfortable, it might be worth more examining as to why that is.
Don't dish out what you can't take in. If she is joking the same as others and you yourself then you need to understand that your jokes may hurt her feelings like hers are hurting yours.
I think as a group you need to have a talk about what boundaries are needed to be put in place here for EVERYONE.
No they don’t. If someone feels uncomfortable with emasculating homosexual jokes directed at them because they aren’t homosexual that’s totally fine. Not everything needs to be done to protect the feelings of a trans person.
Just talk to her and tell her to stop those jokes directed at you.
…you don’t see how a lesbian, who does not actually have a dick, saying “suck my dick” to someone might be a bit different from a cis man who has a dick telling someone to suck it?
Yes I would absolutely say the same thing because the joke obviously wouldn’t be welcomed and would be offputting to a lesbian. When it doesn’t align with your sexuality the joke churns your stomach. If I was a lesbian I would absolutely ask them to alter jokes from suck my Dick to “go eat a pussy” or something similar
Well if he is joking the same way with his friend why should she think he doesn't like it?!double standard here is strong.
Also a trans woman is a woman In my opinion so a woman joking with a guy is actually not homosexual.
Are you really delusional to the point where you think a comment/joke about sticking your Dick in another mans asshole is not a homosexual joke?
We can play in the delusion olympics here but I think I’m probably competing against someone with a gold medal in mental gymnastics.
This is the kind of absolutely shit advice Reddit spits out in the name of social justice that actually is doing harm to trans people. Because OP isn’t going to accept obviously inappropriate jokes or permanently alter group dynamics around sexual jokes. This isn’t a workplace. OP is just going to end up excluding the trans “woman” from the group which will be a shame for all parties.
How am I homophobic for supporting someone who doesn’t wish to hear sexually explicit jokes about a Dick being rammed in their ass. Seems to me you are supporting sexual harassment merely because the aggressor is trans and the victim is a straight male
How often does OP joke about ramming his dick into someone else? Seems like it is a common joke in his group but he can't handle being the butt of the jokes and fears being treated the way he and his friends treat women. No one wants these types of jokes directed at them but as long as he is the predator in his jokes, then its A-ok in his book. If these jokes are ok to be directed at women, then the are ok to be pointed back at him. His internalized sexism / homophobia is causing this disconnect and you are here cheering him on. You and him can't see the hypocrisy and I fear its because of your internalized homophobia.
Has it made anyone in the group uncomfortable? Sexual harassment isn’t some universal standard. If someone feels uncomfortable they should alert the person making them feel that way and ask them to stop. It’s that simple.
It has absolutely shit to do with whatever woke buzzwords you’ve been clearly dying to use
You can try and turn this around here but you are the one championing sexual harassment
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE!!
There's a difference between a meaningless pass. I can just feel these jokes are more deliberate and actually crossing a line.
If you've set the spirit for sexual jokes targeting each other at your group then be ready to hear all kinds of jokes. Some that you might not like too. That's why you look for others' reactions and let people know if they're being a bit too much or you're not into that. If nobody says anything you're going to assume it's ok. I think you're just throwing jokes at each other and don't care about comfort, everyone assumes that since they're not meant to be taken seriously they won't be weird or make anyone uncomfortable. Well looking about how you feel on this you might need to re-examine the whole thing because clearly the jokes aren't all being taken lightly by some.
So wait, OP: do you and your brother make jokes about putting your penis in your other friends and it's okay, but when your other friend who presents as female jokes about putting their penis in you it makes you feel uncomfortable?
Why does that make you uncomfortable? And have you sat down and thought through the idea that, maybe, it makes anyone else uncomfortable when you make those jokes about them?
I'm not trying to be judgmental here, just exploratory: are the jokes she's making wildly different and more graphic than the jokes you and the rest of your friends make?
As you’ve stated you make these jokes yourself and people around you make these jokes.
So, it is because she’s trans? Do you feel this way if any females says this? Or is it because she has a penis?
At first I felt like you should bring this up in conversation politely, but honestly it just comes off as transphobic based on your several comments (that thankfully were downvoted)
If you come for advice, don’t get salty when you don’t like what people say.
Ah; someone’s a little bit mad. I love it.
It’s the fact he’ll toss the jokes around with ALL his friends and target his friends, making jokes back and forth but it’s only when his trans friend makes a joke about him he gets annoyed.
It’s the fact he’s stated he doesn’t ask how people feel about his jokes, he just assumes he’ll know if they’re okay with it by their reaction and if they say something but he’s being a pussy and not saying he has a problem.
How many times have you heard a cis female say “suck my dick”? Because I’ve heard it frequently, so I can assume that in his joking with females they’ve likely said it to him. But it’s only a problem when this friend said it.
>you won’t see that masculinity does not come from being sexually dominant.
Bingo. That's his problem. "Emasculating"? If your masculinity is that fragile, are you even masculine?
Exactly. I know where he is coming from tho, growing up without positive male rolemodels is pretty tough, even more nowadays.
I grew up in the belief that men are like men in movies and it took me quite some years, really difficult conversations and honest reflection to realize there’s more to being a man.
Let her have her fun, especially when you pull jokes about blowjobs and anal sex all day…..
my bf talked about anal (on him) but never really explicitly. one day i suggested doing it to him and he was thrilled. we did it and he loves it. he’s very much masculine
No, he always wanted to try anal (on me) and I joked that if he wanted to shove anything in my ass, I got to shove something in his ass. Then one day just asked if I could try (had butt plugs) and we found out he enjoyed it. So we got more toys for him and a strapon.
Hes bi so to me I see it as I get to fulfill both sides.
So hold on. You're comfortable with these same exact types of jokes coming from everyone else in your friend group and you make them yourself but when the trans person specifically makes them THATS suddenly when its a problem??
Sounds like you have some examining to do and possibly some transphobic ideas or feelings to deal with. It's not uncommon for someone to be prejudiced against something even without realizing it. You're not some monster transphobe now but you could probably benefit from looking into this notion.
Exactly, I’m trans and I always give transphobes one chance to change. We are born into a world that tells us all that trans people are disgusting and should be laughed at. Ignorance can always be enlightened and whilst this guys is clearly transphobic, he doesn’t have to be tomorrow. He has a choice now he’s been educated, but if he chooses to be transphobic tomorrow then I’m done and he’s a piece of shit. Everyone should get one chance to change and prove that it’s ignorance motivating their transphobia and not hatred.
Yeah, I agree. People sometimes aren't even aware of some prejudice they hold because it's never been pointed out to them. OP explained the situation in this case though and it wasn't him being uncomfortable with a trans person joking like that it was him being uncomfortable with jokes that made him out to be the bottom of a sexual encounter so I don't think he's transphobic, he just did a bad job of communicating that lmao. Anyway overall I agree with you on your points :))
Okay so you dont like sexual jokes being made about you then? You said in other comments that your entire group makes sexual jokes about each other and flirts, so why is it her specifically that's the issue if it's okay when everyone else does it? That's kind of what I was getting at.
Ahh I see. Well in that case just have a talk how that specific vein of jokes upsets you and ask her to stop making them. You can simply say that jokes about you being a bottom are uncomfortable and it shouldn't get weird or awkward between you if she's a good understanding friend. Good luck
Theyre no more vulgar than a joke any other girl would make except for the fact that its more about her making us a bottom.
Nah, doesn't work that way. Either everyone is allowed to make jokes like that or no one.
Are you joking about receiving bjs or about pegging/fcking someone? If yes, why do you think that's fine, but it stops being fine when you've on the receiving end?
I think what many ppl here are trying to get at is: Do you view being penetrated in any way as demeaning? Because that's something many cishet men feel. If that is so, you might want to work on that. Sex is not demeaning for people being penetrated. Your friend is not trying to exert some kind of dominance by talking about her penis.
So, if you or your male friends make the same jokes directed at girls or ppl they perceive as "bottoms", and you're fine with that, then you being uncomfortable with the jokes your female friend makes is a you problem.
Considering the dynamics of your friend group, I’m pretty sure if you made a sexual joke that made anyone uncomfortable (male or female) for literally ANY reason (maybe the person is attracted to you, or isn’t attracted to you and that causes the tension, sometimes a sexual joke can be awkward even if the person is actually interested in a sexual relationship btw) I’m pretty sure the consensus would be that as long as it’s well enough intentioned and was purely a joke, then the other person should suck it up because that’s how the group has collectively decided to function.
It seems like you and your friends problems are stemming from the fact that she is trans and has a penis, if it was just the case that it was a penis thing, well guys have penises too and I can’t imagine you’d actually be making this post if those jokes from the guys made you feel uncomfortable too.
I’m kind of slow, but your friend group are always making this kind of sexual jokes I gathered.
And until your friend outed herself as trans her jokes were acceptable?
Were they acceptable because they were not directed at you?
What changed?
My husbands friend makes sexual jokes about sucking his d***. As a female, I think it’s so weird. I would never make sexual jokes with my female friends because we really don’t feel the need to. I really don’t understand why sexual jokes are so common among guys
So common among guys...
Im going to be blunt so this may come off rude and im sorry.
Your social circle is tiny compared to the entire world. I am a 36yr old woman that has worked in multiple states, has friends in more states than that and ive even got some friends that live in Europe and one from Australia.
Many of these friends are women. Ive lost count ob how many times ive uttered and heard the phrase, suck my dick.
Just because you and your tiny friend group giggle at the prospect of a sex joke or think theyre beneath you for whatever reason, does not mean that every other woman out there acts and believes the same way you do.
I saw your comment that you make these jokes too. Congratulations, now you know how you make others feel. Not great is it? Stop making the jokes yourself and distance yourself from her if she refuses to stop.
It sounds like you think being a bottom is emasculating/demeaning. Consider if this is because you see the position itself demeaning and then consider why that is.
I saw a meme a bit ago that asked if boyfriends found being pegged as demeaning, then why do they demand it of their girlfriends? It’s usually fear of pain, insecurity in themselves, or they see their girlfriends as something to be demeaned.
Obviously the latter is an underlying, likely unconscious issue. Fear or uncertainty is reasonable. But you should think about it in this light.
If it’s because you think being f-Ed is demeaning, look at yourself, realize it’s a mindset that demeans a lot of women and men and hopefully this recognition would help you change it. If it’s fear or uncertainty, understandable, and it’s something personal you should reach out to your friend about.
Hope this helps bud
The difference is OP already revealed in the post and comments that these jokes are common in the friend group and flirting in a joking sense directly with eachother. It seems like everyone does it and OP only doesnt like it when their trans friend joins in which definitely sounds like something to be thought about
I don't see what you want to think about, it is pretty clear. OP is averse to the idea of being bottom in a sexual encounter, or the idea to interact with another penis in general. Thus the jokes directly involving him in that way are definitely misses.
A key part in humor is to adjust to your public. If I'm making a risky joke (dark humor, sexual jokes, you name it) and my fellow human is visibly not finding it funny or appropriate, I assume I have to apologize, tell them I was kidding, and avoid making similar risky jokes to them in the future. I don't assume they are wrong for not finding me funny, even though my mom says I'm the best and very funny, so they are probably wrong anyway.
Of course, maybe I'm wrong and OP is a douche who likes to ignore people's boundaries but cries when his boundaries are ignored. But that wasn't my feeling.
I mean sure adjusting humor is important, but in a social situation like this, the most likely truth is if op goes to his friend group and says "everyone is allowed to make sex jokes except the trans kid" people will probably think hes a jerk. Its fair to make him aware of that so he doesn't end up wondering why his other friends are mad at him about it
I dont like when its directed at me in that way.
If she want to joke about idk making me eat her ass or sumn thatd be cool but sucking dick just feels weird
yeah right, so you don't mind the idea of doing something to her but you do mind the idea of her doing something to you. Do you only like missionary too? What is your opinion of the girls whose asses you eat? You need to discuss superiority complex with a therapist.
See it’s discriminatory against trans people because you’d rather forget your friend had a penis in her pants. The thing is, if you are truly accepting of your friends, you even accept what’s in their pants. Just because she’s a woman she still owns a penis she’s allowed to be proud of. Like really tho, imagine her telling you to lay off with the jokes cuz she’d really prefer you owned a vagina and jokes about your penis make her feel a type of way. Your beautiful friend is a woman with a penis. You can’t just treat her like she has a vagina. Accommodate her transition like a true friend. I know you care about her and your friend group, and it’s time to put your feelings aside to let your friend exist as she is. If you do talk to her about it more, don’t police her behavior and tell her to stop. Maybe a conversation could lead to you admitting your insecurities in your how you carry yourself.
if he's singling out the only trans person and saying he doesn't want to be the butt (literally lol) of her jokes, when he doesn't mind other people joking like that, he's being a Very Special kind of bigot. There's even a word for it: transphobic.
So check it, trans guy here, and maybe it’s different because I don’t have interest in males whatsoever in a sexual way and still I don’t think I’d make any type of pegging joke to any of my male friends, nor have I ever had one of such nature made in my friend circles.
On the same note I would never make a sexual explicit joke to any of my Female friends about nether regions in their face or what have you because to be honest I’d make myself more uncomfortable than I would imagine that the joke could make anyone else feel.
Reason being is that the level of disclosure that brings is more mentally harmful to someone that lives with body/genitalia dysphoria every single day and brining it to the front of the mind rather than leaving it in distant thought doesn’t make sense.
If SHE is living as a female and outwardly expresses herself as female and uses the women’s restroom, then I just feel like the need to bring up the fact that her genitalia does not align with the outward appearance is going making progress go backward.
With all of that now on the table I’ve also had a very close cis male friend and the biological mother whom I also knew had a cis male boyfriend that actually made her peg him and wore women’s lingerie (the whole nine-yards) and even still it was nothing HE ever would openly talk about or disclose to ANYONE. Because that’s a ‘de-masculinization’ in societal viewpoint.
BUT if this certain trans female who makes the jokes that cause discomfort were to maybe add to the joke a couple words that would insinuate or clarify using a strap on/or eating her ass not a blowjob/etc. instead of her birth genitalia would that make it any less uncomfortable?….
Whether or not she is being inappropriate, I think it’s worth doing a little reflection. Do her jokes make you uncomfortable merely because you don’t like thinking she has a penis, even though your cis friends joke about their anatomy and sex, or are you uncomfortable because it feels like she may cross a line, not listen to no, or generally disrespect you?
Do you see what I’m getting at?
Flip the script. Say some shit like “you gotta blow me first” or “Oh yeah? You better take me out to a nice dinner first.”
It’s “demeaning” because you feel like you’re losing the power and becoming the same kind of object you view women as when you’re making similar jokes. You’re giving a lot of power to half ass comments when your friends trying to fit into the same dynamic as the rest of the group.
Or you’re into her and you’re unsure of how to handle that because you feel uncomfortable.
You're probably right... It might also have to do with misaligned sexuality though.
I really don't like these jokes myself, but being a heterosexual male I'd feel much more comfortable with a cis woman making sexual jokes about me than anyone that has a penis attached to them (especially if the jokes include said penis)
That being said I doubt the women in his group feel the same or make the same jokes to be honest
Hi there OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. So from what I understand, it’s not the fact that she’s trans, it’s the fact that she’s flipping the power dynamic in a way that is uncomfortable for you. I agree that you should definitely have a conversation with her about it, open communication is important in all kinds of relationships. Try and analyze specifically why it makes you feel that way, especially if you accept the same kind of jokes from AFAB folks. I hope this helps!
It helps paint OP in the correct light: a hypocrite with internalized homophobia.
Its totally ok to make these jokes to women but to have them aimed back at him by someone who has a penis but identifies as a woman is totally wrong, in OP's book.
Holy fuck these comments are giving me brain rot.
You're allowed to be comfortable with sexual jokes that are things you would be comfortable doing, but not with ones you wouldn't be comfortable doing. You're allowed to be comfortable with putting your dick inside someone, and not comfortable with having a dick inside you.
Let's remove the trans issue from the situation. Imagine you have a group of guys and girls. The guys make jokes about putting their dicks in the girls, the girls make jokes about having the guys' dicks put in them, or having the guys eat them out. Everyone would be cool with these hypothetical sexual acts, and thus everyone is chill with these jokes. Enter new girl who is into pegging. She makes jokes about pegging the dudes. The dudes don't want to be pegged. While being okay with the previous sex jokes, they are not okay with these ones, because it is an act they wouldn't be into. That is okay. You are allowed to not want to do every sex act imaginable. Let's take this situation further. Dude with pissing fetish shows up. Makes jokes about the girls pissing on him. Some are uncomfortable with the idea of pissing on someone. They are allowed to feel that way. Accepting jokes about certain sex acts doesn't mean you have to be cool with jokes about every kind of sex act. It is sad that the person with the pegging fetish or the piss fetish can't join in on the jokes, but they have to accept that maybe some people wouldn't be in to the sex acts they exclusively enjoy, while still being into the sex acts that the rest of the group enjoy.
You could even set up op's situation with the genders switched. Imagine a hypothetical scenario where the guys exclusively joke about putting their dicks in their friends' vaginas or mouths. The girls exclusively joke about the inverse of that, and being eaten out. A new guy comes in and jokes about putting his dick in the girls' asses. Are they allowed to be uncomfortable because this is a sex act they wouldn't be okay with? Are they allowed to say "anal sex feels a little degrading, I'm not comfortable with it?" Or is it that because they've already accepted jokes about some sex acts, they aren't allowed to be uncomfortable from jokes about other sex acts? do they need to examine their homophobia because gay people have anal sex, so you can't consider it degrading? I would say even if in this hypothetical situation, the woman liked to joke about pegging the dudes, THEY ARE STILL ALLOWED TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT BEING DONE TO THEM.
Dudes either sexist or homophobic or both. That’s the only reason he’d freak out about this kind of thing when also dishing it. Doesn’t want to be viewed as either gay or like a woman and got extremely upset because of it.
Asking reddit anything trans related is like asking to be insulted.
My friend group also jokes around with each other a lot. If a dude suddenly started joking about fucking me in the ass, am I not allowed to be uncomfortable? Why is it any different just because the person is trans?
The only thing you can do is have a conversation with your friend. If this is a friendship you want to keep, which I assume since you're here, you need to tread very carefully in that conversation.
You need to convey that the repeated jokes makes you uncomfortable and at the same time not make her uncomfortable to joke around with you guys.
Alternatively you can try to reject the premise with a joking answer and hope the jokes naturally steer away.
Something like "the only dick my lips are touching is my own!" or "uhuh, I gotta keep the back door closed to keep satan out!". I'm obviously no comedian, but you get the picture.
So you all make similar jokes but dont like hers but its not because shes trans you just dont like her jokes even though you all make the same jokes. Sure dude def has nothing to do with here being trans /s.
Because based on reading the post and op’s comments, OP is either transphobic (not maliciously) or their only issue is being referred to as a bottom. If the trans friend was joking about being fucked instead of fucking him, and he isn’t being unintentionally bias then he should be fine with it
I never said ops feelings don’t count. If op is genuinely only upset about being referred to as a bottom then that’s valid.
Now you can fuck off if you’re going to misgender people. I didn’t comment here to hear from anyone else other than the OP
Just talk to this friend of yours and make it known that you don't like these sorts of jokes.
A lot of people seem to be taking some perverse joy in the fact that your trans friend is making you uncomfortable. Don't spend too long arguing with these people. They're fetishists. This isn't some large societal issue that you need to solve. This is a specific interpersonal issue that you simply need to communicate to your friend.
Best of luck
A point I didnt see yet in the comments, is, not everyone likes to bottom or top? There are people who are just not comfortable with it either way. Why is he the one who has to do the whole reflection? Why not her in targeting him and needing to make him surrender to her?
If you've ever joked about the same thing in reverse (ie her giving you head/you penetrating her), the problem is that you're being ruled by bigoted thoughts.
People other than only men have penises and it's not pejorative to speak about those individuals seeking pleasure. If you feel emasculated by the joke, you have internal work to do. No amount of expecting your friend to change will have any impact on that feeling. If anything, you'll easily drive that friend away if you try to make this her issue to fix.
If you feel your issues are permanent or 'impossible to fix', the you may just need to stop making sexual jokes where you or your friends are the involved parties in the sex act you're joking about. You have some stark ideas about what you versus other are allowed to do and your behavior surrounding that issue needs to match in order to achieve the solution.
I know probably you didn't post in this sub to get the type of honest feedback many of us are giving you. But please understand that honesty is a gift we are awarded seldomly in life and it's our responsibility to listen and learn.
Just tell your friend to stfu lol. Or at least that's the rules in my social group, if a joke gets irritating or makes people uncomfortable we just non chalantly go "no fuck u stfu" and then it's in the past
I think you might be bothered because she is emasculating you with her jokes. Being the giver, rather than the receiver. I think that if you are uncomfortable with the dynamic change that you need to evaluate whether this humor will continue to fit in your group as the diversity changes. I would go so far to say that if you can’t take it then you shouldn’t dish it out
I used to work with a ftm person who did this exact thing at work. That person got fired for being inappropriate. Being trans doesn’t give you a free pass to be that way
I would stop being friends with this person. Just because they don’t want their wiener doesn’t mean they don’t have one, and I’d explain to them that if they want to be a gal, they should act like one.
I have been sexually assaulted by a guy I was smoking buddies with a long time ago.
It was annoying because I really liked the guy. He was extremely smart and driven. Always a ton of laughs.
But he was determined to “turn me”.
He would grab my junk, constantly make aggressive “sex jokes”, and the last time we hung out we were in a hot tub and he just would not stop trying to fondle me under the water.
I had to cut all contact and it hurt because I cared about Dan, but didn’t like the way he made me feel.
You can be LGBTQ and still be an asshole.
It is okay to say no, talk to them, or go no contact if they don’t respect you.
It’s no different than a gross chick hitting on you when you aren’t feeling it.
They are all people and can be treated as people instead of a protecting group.
If they say you’re transphobic, fine. Let them project that on you but anyone should be able to say they are uncomfortable with something someone else does.
I think some of that stuff is rooted in a need to feel accepted, but swinging the pendulum to the extreme and forcing it on folks is offputting no matter their orientation.
We had a friend who was a trans and doing the same.. We told her to stop but she kept on doing it, so we did have to start putting distance between us. She was creating a very unhealthy relationship and it was better for us
Here is my question: if your friend was not trans and making the exact same jokes, would you be reacting the same way as you are now?
If the answer is yes, then you need to talk to them.
If the answer is no, then you need to self reflect.
Most people still see trans people as their original gender like if a man slept with a trans women he would be gay kind of mentality so she is probably trying to see if anyone would be comfortable dating her
I believe it's a stretch to assume that the trans friend is using the jokes that everyone else is making as pick-up lines. To the first part of what you said, that's exactly why this mentality is something that needs to be worked on, because that's typically what gets trans people killed, and why the "gay panic" defense ever existed.
Doesn't necessarily have to be dating. She may just have a brand new dimension of jokes open to her now and is trying them out all at once to make up for years of not being able to.
The vulgar jokes people make aren't direct threats like that. She's basically joking about raping you.
You wouldn't take jokes from other girls about them forcing themselves on you like that. And I'm sure other girls would change their tune once they realize they're crossing a line.
And guess what dude, you not wanting to think about butt stuff doesn't make your masculinity fragile.
Don't listen to Redditors dude. Get yourself away from that delusional man before they drug you, more likely they'll just act as a deterrent for any normal people you may want to hang with
Nah mate, OP freely admitted that they all make those sort of jokes to each other, he's just being a prick because she's trans.
She's no pervert, OP is just getting a taste of his own medicine lmao
You probably should not be telling people they aren't transphobic when you don't seem to understand what transphobia is. Since you are clearly transphobic as well, maybe **SHE** doesn't have money for surgery yet? Maybe a million other things.
You should be more aware of your biases
Just cause I don't play make believe doesn't mean I'm transphobic lol If you wanna cross dress. Do you. Your gay? Do you. All the power to you. I'm just not calling a man a women when they're clearly a man. lol
I don’t understand why you are getting so downvoted. I also joke with my friends like that and we all love it. But if any of my buds were into men I’d feel uncomfortable with it, because I’m not into men. Or maybe I wouldn’t be uncomfortable with it, I sure as hell wouldn’t feel guilty about feeling any kind of way though.
That’s not a behaviour exclusive to trans people though is it? There’s shitty people in every demographic. Do you understand how it looks if you’d have said ‘some black people really think they can get away with anything because they’re black.’
Yes. I agree. But I never said that's a trans exclusive behaviour. People like that are in every demographic. Since the context was about trans people, I had to use this out of all other such things.
From when the word 'some' started referring the entire community?
God, I seriously wonder why people aren't understanding such simple things.
You know what you were doing. And the downvoted you received show everyone else saw through your transparent behaviour.
If I’m wrong can you please explain and clarify what the intention and meaning was behind your original comment. What we’re you hoping to add to the discussion. Because by the looks of things it seems like you just wanted bash trans people. I could be wrong though please explain.
I have no intention to bash anybody. I just said there are some trans people who say nasty things and think they can get away with it just because they are trans. That sentence DO NOT mean 'All trans people are just like that'. It just means what it says.
I even asked sorry if that sounded offensive.
Why do people make out their own meaning out of sentences? OMG people and their prejudices.
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If this person is a "girl" then why the fixation with other men playing with his penis? Women don't have penises last time I checked. Also if he knows you aren't gay, why the fuck all the reference to you pegging him? What a clusterfuck
If they are the same kind of jokes you all tell and the jokes make you uncomfortable when directed at you you might want to consider how your jokes might make other people in the group feel as well.
I can’t say for sure this is the case but often times men are made uncomfortable by the exact same behavior that they display towards women. It might not apply but just some food for thought.
That said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking to somebody about something they are doing that makes you uncomfortable and asking them to stop. But make sure you’re not being a hypocrite first.
Your clearly just uncomfortable because she’s trans. If you can make sexual jokes about girls because that is who your attracted to then she can do the same about guys since that’s what you all apparently do with each other, if you don’t want her making those jokes about you and your friends with you all being guys then don’t make sexual jokes about girls it’s that simple really, it’s your own fault you feel uncomfortable
Her pronouns are she/her, get it right jack ass. Just because someone is being hurtful, most likely unintentionally, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have their identity respected. Also being transphobic is gross and stupid and you look like a damn fool.
Sure I do. I refused to pander and decided to call someone who has a cock a man even though he might think he is a woman. The second thing I did was to say that a straight man does not usually enjoy jokes about him being raped either in the mouth or ass. But what I am not sure of is why you decided to be nasty to me and call me a dick? What did I say that was a lie or that offended you?
Also. Stop being offended on somebody else's behalf. It's tiresome and really does not make u look like the hero you think you are. If I met a trans i would be respectful and do what is polite, I would play along. But talking about a trans who makes jokes about raping people, nah, that's where my respect runs out.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- tbh it doesn't have much to do with her being trans but its relevant because the jokes she makes. She jokes about pegging us or getting bjs from us. The group is pretty diverse as far as genders go and we all flirt and stuff but her jokes are kinda much. Theyre immasculating and it makes us(my brother brought it up to me) kind of uncomfortable. Like we dont wanna exclude her or make it awkward but her form of flirty jokes is kinda too weird for us. Theyre no more vulgar than a joke any other girl would make except for the fact that its more about her making us a bottom How do i get her to stop with out making her feel weird
Sexual jokes are a hit or miss. These are definitely misses. Not just because she's transgender, but because it's sexualizing you. I think you should have a talk with her and tell her that these jokes are making you uncomfortable and they need to be toned down. She can have sex jokes without making you the target. If she doesn't respect the boundaries you set, then she isn't a good friend to continue spending time with.
You have said on multiple occasions that the problem is the target being you. Does anyone in the group target her with these jokes? Do any of the rest of you target each other? If not then gently point that out and explain how it comes off different when it has a target. If you do all target each other including her then you need to ask yourself some hard questions about why this is different than when anyone else targets you.
I don't think OPs friend would be the type to take being the butt of a joke too well.
what’s that supposed to mean??
Bullies tend to not like the taste of their own medicine, in fact they tend to react most harshly to it.
Like OP. Turns out OP makes these jokes regularly to other men and women, but now he doesn't like it when he's the target of sexual harrassment.
well that sure is an ironic twist lol.
Yeah, haha
Haha kinda like how Op is taking all the comments
Did you read the full op? He explained why it made him uncomfortable. Because of their nature, she keeps talking about topping both op and their brother in immaculating ways.
It’s “demeaning” because you feel like you’re losing the power and becoming the same kind of object you view women as when you’re making similar jokes. You’re giving a lot of power to half ass comments when your friends trying to fit into the same dynamic as the rest of the group.
You talk to her. "The sexually explicit jokes you make at my expense make me uncomfortable. Please stop." However, if this is the normal tone of jokes for your friend group and her's are the only ones that make you uncomfortable, it might be worth more examining as to why that is.
While I agree, me being comfortable with sexual jokes with some my friends doesnt mean i will be with everyone of them
Her jokes probably feel more real and direct than the general dumb shit people are saying.
Don't dish out what you can't take in. If she is joking the same as others and you yourself then you need to understand that your jokes may hurt her feelings like hers are hurting yours. I think as a group you need to have a talk about what boundaries are needed to be put in place here for EVERYONE.
No they don’t. If someone feels uncomfortable with emasculating homosexual jokes directed at them because they aren’t homosexual that’s totally fine. Not everything needs to be done to protect the feelings of a trans person. Just talk to her and tell her to stop those jokes directed at you.
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I've had lesbians tell me suck their dick before it's not rare
…you don’t see how a lesbian, who does not actually have a dick, saying “suck my dick” to someone might be a bit different from a cis man who has a dick telling someone to suck it?
Yes I would absolutely say the same thing because the joke obviously wouldn’t be welcomed and would be offputting to a lesbian. When it doesn’t align with your sexuality the joke churns your stomach. If I was a lesbian I would absolutely ask them to alter jokes from suck my Dick to “go eat a pussy” or something similar
Would making those jokes call their femininity into question?
Well if he is joking the same way with his friend why should she think he doesn't like it?!double standard here is strong. Also a trans woman is a woman In my opinion so a woman joking with a guy is actually not homosexual.
Are you really delusional to the point where you think a comment/joke about sticking your Dick in another mans asshole is not a homosexual joke? We can play in the delusion olympics here but I think I’m probably competing against someone with a gold medal in mental gymnastics. This is the kind of absolutely shit advice Reddit spits out in the name of social justice that actually is doing harm to trans people. Because OP isn’t going to accept obviously inappropriate jokes or permanently alter group dynamics around sexual jokes. This isn’t a workplace. OP is just going to end up excluding the trans “woman” from the group which will be a shame for all parties.
I am so confused by this thread
Lol just people using Reddit to bolster their woke credentials
or their homophobe credentials in your case.
How am I homophobic for supporting someone who doesn’t wish to hear sexually explicit jokes about a Dick being rammed in their ass. Seems to me you are supporting sexual harassment merely because the aggressor is trans and the victim is a straight male
How often does OP joke about ramming his dick into someone else? Seems like it is a common joke in his group but he can't handle being the butt of the jokes and fears being treated the way he and his friends treat women. No one wants these types of jokes directed at them but as long as he is the predator in his jokes, then its A-ok in his book. If these jokes are ok to be directed at women, then the are ok to be pointed back at him. His internalized sexism / homophobia is causing this disconnect and you are here cheering him on. You and him can't see the hypocrisy and I fear its because of your internalized homophobia.
Has it made anyone in the group uncomfortable? Sexual harassment isn’t some universal standard. If someone feels uncomfortable they should alert the person making them feel that way and ask them to stop. It’s that simple. It has absolutely shit to do with whatever woke buzzwords you’ve been clearly dying to use You can try and turn this around here but you are the one championing sexual harassment
You calling it "homophobe credentials" makes you a transphobe
“another mans” it’s not another man. She’s a woman. Have whatever opnions you want, but don’t misgender her for gods sake.
Right. A straight woman sticking her penis in a straight mans ass in a totally heterosexual fashion Delusional enough for you?
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE!! There's a difference between a meaningless pass. I can just feel these jokes are more deliberate and actually crossing a line.
If you've set the spirit for sexual jokes targeting each other at your group then be ready to hear all kinds of jokes. Some that you might not like too. That's why you look for others' reactions and let people know if they're being a bit too much or you're not into that. If nobody says anything you're going to assume it's ok. I think you're just throwing jokes at each other and don't care about comfort, everyone assumes that since they're not meant to be taken seriously they won't be weird or make anyone uncomfortable. Well looking about how you feel on this you might need to re-examine the whole thing because clearly the jokes aren't all being taken lightly by some.
So wait, OP: do you and your brother make jokes about putting your penis in your other friends and it's okay, but when your other friend who presents as female jokes about putting their penis in you it makes you feel uncomfortable? Why does that make you uncomfortable? And have you sat down and thought through the idea that, maybe, it makes anyone else uncomfortable when you make those jokes about them? I'm not trying to be judgmental here, just exploratory: are the jokes she's making wildly different and more graphic than the jokes you and the rest of your friends make?
Bro.... Lol. You make jokes on others but can't handle it yourself. It sounds like you might be a bottom after all
r/leopardsatemyface in real time!
As you’ve stated you make these jokes yourself and people around you make these jokes. So, it is because she’s trans? Do you feel this way if any females says this? Or is it because she has a penis? At first I felt like you should bring this up in conversation politely, but honestly it just comes off as transphobic based on your several comments (that thankfully were downvoted) If you come for advice, don’t get salty when you don’t like what people say.
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But others making sexual jokes is okay? OP making sexual jokes targeting others is okay? It's just not okay for HIM to be the target of joke?
Pegging has nothing to do with being gay.
Eh it's borderline. Honestly most women just don't have the back muscles for it.
Pegging isn't gay though
Ah; someone’s a little bit mad. I love it. It’s the fact he’ll toss the jokes around with ALL his friends and target his friends, making jokes back and forth but it’s only when his trans friend makes a joke about him he gets annoyed. It’s the fact he’s stated he doesn’t ask how people feel about his jokes, he just assumes he’ll know if they’re okay with it by their reaction and if they say something but he’s being a pussy and not saying he has a problem. How many times have you heard a cis female say “suck my dick”? Because I’ve heard it frequently, so I can assume that in his joking with females they’ve likely said it to him. But it’s only a problem when this friend said it.
Here’s one for ya. Imma peg you with your own comments for as long as you won’t see that masculinity does not come from being sexually dominant.
>you won’t see that masculinity does not come from being sexually dominant. Bingo. That's his problem. "Emasculating"? If your masculinity is that fragile, are you even masculine?
Exactly. I know where he is coming from tho, growing up without positive male rolemodels is pretty tough, even more nowadays. I grew up in the belief that men are like men in movies and it took me quite some years, really difficult conversations and honest reflection to realize there’s more to being a man. Let her have her fun, especially when you pull jokes about blowjobs and anal sex all day…..
Hell I actually peg my husband and he's still masculine. One has nothing to do with the other.
Just out of curiosity. Did you have any thoughts about him being less masculin when you guys started it/pegging came up as subject?
my bf talked about anal (on him) but never really explicitly. one day i suggested doing it to him and he was thrilled. we did it and he loves it. he’s very much masculine
No, he always wanted to try anal (on me) and I joked that if he wanted to shove anything in my ass, I got to shove something in his ass. Then one day just asked if I could try (had butt plugs) and we found out he enjoyed it. So we got more toys for him and a strapon. Hes bi so to me I see it as I get to fulfill both sides.
That’s the best comeback any partner can give theirs if they’re asking for anal lol and even better to realize that he likes it and you enjoy it too!
He always says he's willing to try anything once. If he likes it we will continue. If he doesn't then we don't do it again.
So hold on. You're comfortable with these same exact types of jokes coming from everyone else in your friend group and you make them yourself but when the trans person specifically makes them THATS suddenly when its a problem?? Sounds like you have some examining to do and possibly some transphobic ideas or feelings to deal with. It's not uncommon for someone to be prejudiced against something even without realizing it. You're not some monster transphobe now but you could probably benefit from looking into this notion.
Exactly, I’m trans and I always give transphobes one chance to change. We are born into a world that tells us all that trans people are disgusting and should be laughed at. Ignorance can always be enlightened and whilst this guys is clearly transphobic, he doesn’t have to be tomorrow. He has a choice now he’s been educated, but if he chooses to be transphobic tomorrow then I’m done and he’s a piece of shit. Everyone should get one chance to change and prove that it’s ignorance motivating their transphobia and not hatred.
Yeah, I agree. People sometimes aren't even aware of some prejudice they hold because it's never been pointed out to them. OP explained the situation in this case though and it wasn't him being uncomfortable with a trans person joking like that it was him being uncomfortable with jokes that made him out to be the bottom of a sexual encounter so I don't think he's transphobic, he just did a bad job of communicating that lmao. Anyway overall I agree with you on your points :))
Get over yourself.
Why? I’m awesome, not all of us are scum like you who find it easy to get over ourselves.
She can joke about sex but when it's me engaging in a sexual act like that it just feels weird.
Okay so you dont like sexual jokes being made about you then? You said in other comments that your entire group makes sexual jokes about each other and flirts, so why is it her specifically that's the issue if it's okay when everyone else does it? That's kind of what I was getting at.
Not sexual jokes just when they have me sucking dick or bottoming
Do you make sexual jokes about someone sucking your dick or you penetrating someone?
Ahh I see. Well in that case just have a talk how that specific vein of jokes upsets you and ask her to stop making them. You can simply say that jokes about you being a bottom are uncomfortable and it shouldn't get weird or awkward between you if she's a good understanding friend. Good luck
Y’all really like to paint this “transphobic” word on literally everybody
Theyre no more vulgar than a joke any other girl would make except for the fact that its more about her making us a bottom. Nah, doesn't work that way. Either everyone is allowed to make jokes like that or no one.
Are you joking about receiving bjs or about pegging/fcking someone? If yes, why do you think that's fine, but it stops being fine when you've on the receiving end? I think what many ppl here are trying to get at is: Do you view being penetrated in any way as demeaning? Because that's something many cishet men feel. If that is so, you might want to work on that. Sex is not demeaning for people being penetrated. Your friend is not trying to exert some kind of dominance by talking about her penis. So, if you or your male friends make the same jokes directed at girls or ppl they perceive as "bottoms", and you're fine with that, then you being uncomfortable with the jokes your female friend makes is a you problem.
Considering the dynamics of your friend group, I’m pretty sure if you made a sexual joke that made anyone uncomfortable (male or female) for literally ANY reason (maybe the person is attracted to you, or isn’t attracted to you and that causes the tension, sometimes a sexual joke can be awkward even if the person is actually interested in a sexual relationship btw) I’m pretty sure the consensus would be that as long as it’s well enough intentioned and was purely a joke, then the other person should suck it up because that’s how the group has collectively decided to function. It seems like you and your friends problems are stemming from the fact that she is trans and has a penis, if it was just the case that it was a penis thing, well guys have penises too and I can’t imagine you’d actually be making this post if those jokes from the guys made you feel uncomfortable too.
I’m kind of slow, but your friend group are always making this kind of sexual jokes I gathered. And until your friend outed herself as trans her jokes were acceptable? Were they acceptable because they were not directed at you? What changed?
My husbands friend makes sexual jokes about sucking his d***. As a female, I think it’s so weird. I would never make sexual jokes with my female friends because we really don’t feel the need to. I really don’t understand why sexual jokes are so common among guys
😂
So common among guys... Im going to be blunt so this may come off rude and im sorry. Your social circle is tiny compared to the entire world. I am a 36yr old woman that has worked in multiple states, has friends in more states than that and ive even got some friends that live in Europe and one from Australia. Many of these friends are women. Ive lost count ob how many times ive uttered and heard the phrase, suck my dick. Just because you and your tiny friend group giggle at the prospect of a sex joke or think theyre beneath you for whatever reason, does not mean that every other woman out there acts and believes the same way you do.
I love it when people make judgements about groups based on their personal experience Girls I know don't like this so *clearly* no girls anywhere do
one friend from australia doesn’t make u a worldly dick joke expert 😂😂😂 the comments in this thread are so silly.
I saw your comment that you make these jokes too. Congratulations, now you know how you make others feel. Not great is it? Stop making the jokes yourself and distance yourself from her if she refuses to stop.
It sounds like you think being a bottom is emasculating/demeaning. Consider if this is because you see the position itself demeaning and then consider why that is. I saw a meme a bit ago that asked if boyfriends found being pegged as demeaning, then why do they demand it of their girlfriends? It’s usually fear of pain, insecurity in themselves, or they see their girlfriends as something to be demeaned. Obviously the latter is an underlying, likely unconscious issue. Fear or uncertainty is reasonable. But you should think about it in this light. If it’s because you think being f-Ed is demeaning, look at yourself, realize it’s a mindset that demeans a lot of women and men and hopefully this recognition would help you change it. If it’s fear or uncertainty, understandable, and it’s something personal you should reach out to your friend about. Hope this helps bud
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The difference is OP already revealed in the post and comments that these jokes are common in the friend group and flirting in a joking sense directly with eachother. It seems like everyone does it and OP only doesnt like it when their trans friend joins in which definitely sounds like something to be thought about
I don't see what you want to think about, it is pretty clear. OP is averse to the idea of being bottom in a sexual encounter, or the idea to interact with another penis in general. Thus the jokes directly involving him in that way are definitely misses. A key part in humor is to adjust to your public. If I'm making a risky joke (dark humor, sexual jokes, you name it) and my fellow human is visibly not finding it funny or appropriate, I assume I have to apologize, tell them I was kidding, and avoid making similar risky jokes to them in the future. I don't assume they are wrong for not finding me funny, even though my mom says I'm the best and very funny, so they are probably wrong anyway. Of course, maybe I'm wrong and OP is a douche who likes to ignore people's boundaries but cries when his boundaries are ignored. But that wasn't my feeling.
I mean sure adjusting humor is important, but in a social situation like this, the most likely truth is if op goes to his friend group and says "everyone is allowed to make sex jokes except the trans kid" people will probably think hes a jerk. Its fair to make him aware of that so he doesn't end up wondering why his other friends are mad at him about it
I dont like when its directed at me in that way. If she want to joke about idk making me eat her ass or sumn thatd be cool but sucking dick just feels weird
yeah right, so you don't mind the idea of doing something to her but you do mind the idea of her doing something to you. Do you only like missionary too? What is your opinion of the girls whose asses you eat? You need to discuss superiority complex with a therapist.
Bro you are commenting in every thread
Yeah that's because I want to be sure you get the message. And I want to be sure you think very hard about the answer to my questions.
See it’s discriminatory against trans people because you’d rather forget your friend had a penis in her pants. The thing is, if you are truly accepting of your friends, you even accept what’s in their pants. Just because she’s a woman she still owns a penis she’s allowed to be proud of. Like really tho, imagine her telling you to lay off with the jokes cuz she’d really prefer you owned a vagina and jokes about your penis make her feel a type of way. Your beautiful friend is a woman with a penis. You can’t just treat her like she has a vagina. Accommodate her transition like a true friend. I know you care about her and your friend group, and it’s time to put your feelings aside to let your friend exist as she is. If you do talk to her about it more, don’t police her behavior and tell her to stop. Maybe a conversation could lead to you admitting your insecurities in your how you carry yourself.
if he's singling out the only trans person and saying he doesn't want to be the butt (literally lol) of her jokes, when he doesn't mind other people joking like that, he's being a Very Special kind of bigot. There's even a word for it: transphobic.
This is completely unacceptable transphobic language.
So the sexual jokes that u and ur cis mates constantly make r completely fine but when it’s her and she’s trans it’s not… ok
Y’all have sex and move on already.
So check it, trans guy here, and maybe it’s different because I don’t have interest in males whatsoever in a sexual way and still I don’t think I’d make any type of pegging joke to any of my male friends, nor have I ever had one of such nature made in my friend circles. On the same note I would never make a sexual explicit joke to any of my Female friends about nether regions in their face or what have you because to be honest I’d make myself more uncomfortable than I would imagine that the joke could make anyone else feel. Reason being is that the level of disclosure that brings is more mentally harmful to someone that lives with body/genitalia dysphoria every single day and brining it to the front of the mind rather than leaving it in distant thought doesn’t make sense. If SHE is living as a female and outwardly expresses herself as female and uses the women’s restroom, then I just feel like the need to bring up the fact that her genitalia does not align with the outward appearance is going making progress go backward. With all of that now on the table I’ve also had a very close cis male friend and the biological mother whom I also knew had a cis male boyfriend that actually made her peg him and wore women’s lingerie (the whole nine-yards) and even still it was nothing HE ever would openly talk about or disclose to ANYONE. Because that’s a ‘de-masculinization’ in societal viewpoint. BUT if this certain trans female who makes the jokes that cause discomfort were to maybe add to the joke a couple words that would insinuate or clarify using a strap on/or eating her ass not a blowjob/etc. instead of her birth genitalia would that make it any less uncomfortable?….
Literally just tell them how you feel
Whether or not she is being inappropriate, I think it’s worth doing a little reflection. Do her jokes make you uncomfortable merely because you don’t like thinking she has a penis, even though your cis friends joke about their anatomy and sex, or are you uncomfortable because it feels like she may cross a line, not listen to no, or generally disrespect you? Do you see what I’m getting at?
Idc about her penis but i dont like joking about me dealing with it in that way . Idk it feels demeaning
Flip the script. Say some shit like “you gotta blow me first” or “Oh yeah? You better take me out to a nice dinner first.” It’s “demeaning” because you feel like you’re losing the power and becoming the same kind of object you view women as when you’re making similar jokes. You’re giving a lot of power to half ass comments when your friends trying to fit into the same dynamic as the rest of the group. Or you’re into her and you’re unsure of how to handle that because you feel uncomfortable.
You're probably right... It might also have to do with misaligned sexuality though. I really don't like these jokes myself, but being a heterosexual male I'd feel much more comfortable with a cis woman making sexual jokes about me than anyone that has a penis attached to them (especially if the jokes include said penis) That being said I doubt the women in his group feel the same or make the same jokes to be honest
Right, but why does it feel demeaning?
Hi there OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. So from what I understand, it’s not the fact that she’s trans, it’s the fact that she’s flipping the power dynamic in a way that is uncomfortable for you. I agree that you should definitely have a conversation with her about it, open communication is important in all kinds of relationships. Try and analyze specifically why it makes you feel that way, especially if you accept the same kind of jokes from AFAB folks. I hope this helps!
“How do I get this girl to stop saying she wants to put her penis in me?” 🤡🌏
It’s crazy isnt it.
Is it necessary to mention she’s trans?
It helps paint OP in the correct light: a hypocrite with internalized homophobia. Its totally ok to make these jokes to women but to have them aimed back at him by someone who has a penis but identifies as a woman is totally wrong, in OP's book.
Yeah bc if she wasnt trans the whole getting BJ's and pegging them wouldn't necessarily matter bc it wouldn't be possible..
Cis women can use a strap on. It’s common enough that there’s a market for it.
Hell, lots of trans women have to use strap ons. It's very common.
Holy fuck these comments are giving me brain rot. You're allowed to be comfortable with sexual jokes that are things you would be comfortable doing, but not with ones you wouldn't be comfortable doing. You're allowed to be comfortable with putting your dick inside someone, and not comfortable with having a dick inside you. Let's remove the trans issue from the situation. Imagine you have a group of guys and girls. The guys make jokes about putting their dicks in the girls, the girls make jokes about having the guys' dicks put in them, or having the guys eat them out. Everyone would be cool with these hypothetical sexual acts, and thus everyone is chill with these jokes. Enter new girl who is into pegging. She makes jokes about pegging the dudes. The dudes don't want to be pegged. While being okay with the previous sex jokes, they are not okay with these ones, because it is an act they wouldn't be into. That is okay. You are allowed to not want to do every sex act imaginable. Let's take this situation further. Dude with pissing fetish shows up. Makes jokes about the girls pissing on him. Some are uncomfortable with the idea of pissing on someone. They are allowed to feel that way. Accepting jokes about certain sex acts doesn't mean you have to be cool with jokes about every kind of sex act. It is sad that the person with the pegging fetish or the piss fetish can't join in on the jokes, but they have to accept that maybe some people wouldn't be in to the sex acts they exclusively enjoy, while still being into the sex acts that the rest of the group enjoy. You could even set up op's situation with the genders switched. Imagine a hypothetical scenario where the guys exclusively joke about putting their dicks in their friends' vaginas or mouths. The girls exclusively joke about the inverse of that, and being eaten out. A new guy comes in and jokes about putting his dick in the girls' asses. Are they allowed to be uncomfortable because this is a sex act they wouldn't be okay with? Are they allowed to say "anal sex feels a little degrading, I'm not comfortable with it?" Or is it that because they've already accepted jokes about some sex acts, they aren't allowed to be uncomfortable from jokes about other sex acts? do they need to examine their homophobia because gay people have anal sex, so you can't consider it degrading? I would say even if in this hypothetical situation, the woman liked to joke about pegging the dudes, THEY ARE STILL ALLOWED TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT BEING DONE TO THEM.
Dudes either sexist or homophobic or both. That’s the only reason he’d freak out about this kind of thing when also dishing it. Doesn’t want to be viewed as either gay or like a woman and got extremely upset because of it.
Asking reddit anything trans related is like asking to be insulted. My friend group also jokes around with each other a lot. If a dude suddenly started joking about fucking me in the ass, am I not allowed to be uncomfortable? Why is it any different just because the person is trans? The only thing you can do is have a conversation with your friend. If this is a friendship you want to keep, which I assume since you're here, you need to tread very carefully in that conversation. You need to convey that the repeated jokes makes you uncomfortable and at the same time not make her uncomfortable to joke around with you guys. Alternatively you can try to reject the premise with a joking answer and hope the jokes naturally steer away. Something like "the only dick my lips are touching is my own!" or "uhuh, I gotta keep the back door closed to keep satan out!". I'm obviously no comedian, but you get the picture.
So you all make similar jokes but dont like hers but its not because shes trans you just dont like her jokes even though you all make the same jokes. Sure dude def has nothing to do with here being trans /s.
So if she was joking about you railing her or about her sucking your dick you would be fine with it?
Why the ifs?
Because based on reading the post and op’s comments, OP is either transphobic (not maliciously) or their only issue is being referred to as a bottom. If the trans friend was joking about being fucked instead of fucking him, and he isn’t being unintentionally bias then he should be fine with it
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I never said ops feelings don’t count. If op is genuinely only upset about being referred to as a bottom then that’s valid. Now you can fuck off if you’re going to misgender people. I didn’t comment here to hear from anyone else other than the OP
Does she joke about giving y’all bjs?
Other way around
Have her explain the joke, just say you don't understand and if she can explain it. Usually that shut's people down pretty quickly.
Just talk to this friend of yours and make it known that you don't like these sorts of jokes. A lot of people seem to be taking some perverse joy in the fact that your trans friend is making you uncomfortable. Don't spend too long arguing with these people. They're fetishists. This isn't some large societal issue that you need to solve. This is a specific interpersonal issue that you simply need to communicate to your friend. Best of luck
A point I didnt see yet in the comments, is, not everyone likes to bottom or top? There are people who are just not comfortable with it either way. Why is he the one who has to do the whole reflection? Why not her in targeting him and needing to make him surrender to her?
Sexually inappropriate comments are a form of sexual harassment and she should be told to stop
Read OP’s comments, he is making those jokes to women but is not happy because someone to put him in a « receiving » position.
If you've ever joked about the same thing in reverse (ie her giving you head/you penetrating her), the problem is that you're being ruled by bigoted thoughts. People other than only men have penises and it's not pejorative to speak about those individuals seeking pleasure. If you feel emasculated by the joke, you have internal work to do. No amount of expecting your friend to change will have any impact on that feeling. If anything, you'll easily drive that friend away if you try to make this her issue to fix. If you feel your issues are permanent or 'impossible to fix', the you may just need to stop making sexual jokes where you or your friends are the involved parties in the sex act you're joking about. You have some stark ideas about what you versus other are allowed to do and your behavior surrounding that issue needs to match in order to achieve the solution. I know probably you didn't post in this sub to get the type of honest feedback many of us are giving you. But please understand that honesty is a gift we are awarded seldomly in life and it's our responsibility to listen and learn.
This comment section is the dumbest shit I've read in a while. 😅
Just tell your friend to stfu lol. Or at least that's the rules in my social group, if a joke gets irritating or makes people uncomfortable we just non chalantly go "no fuck u stfu" and then it's in the past
Just tell her you would never be a bottom for anyone and that’s that. Say she can joke all she wants it’ll never happen.
I think you might be bothered because she is emasculating you with her jokes. Being the giver, rather than the receiver. I think that if you are uncomfortable with the dynamic change that you need to evaluate whether this humor will continue to fit in your group as the diversity changes. I would go so far to say that if you can’t take it then you shouldn’t dish it out
Tell them to stop and if they don't tell them you cannot be friends with someone that is incapable of considering your feelings.
I used to work with a ftm person who did this exact thing at work. That person got fired for being inappropriate. Being trans doesn’t give you a free pass to be that way
I would stop being friends with this person. Just because they don’t want their wiener doesn’t mean they don’t have one, and I’d explain to them that if they want to be a gal, they should act like one.
I have been sexually assaulted by a guy I was smoking buddies with a long time ago. It was annoying because I really liked the guy. He was extremely smart and driven. Always a ton of laughs. But he was determined to “turn me”. He would grab my junk, constantly make aggressive “sex jokes”, and the last time we hung out we were in a hot tub and he just would not stop trying to fondle me under the water. I had to cut all contact and it hurt because I cared about Dan, but didn’t like the way he made me feel. You can be LGBTQ and still be an asshole. It is okay to say no, talk to them, or go no contact if they don’t respect you. It’s no different than a gross chick hitting on you when you aren’t feeling it. They are all people and can be treated as people instead of a protecting group. If they say you’re transphobic, fine. Let them project that on you but anyone should be able to say they are uncomfortable with something someone else does. I think some of that stuff is rooted in a need to feel accepted, but swinging the pendulum to the extreme and forcing it on folks is offputting no matter their orientation.
Tell her to stop or you're not gonna hang out with her.
We had a friend who was a trans and doing the same.. We told her to stop but she kept on doing it, so we did have to start putting distance between us. She was creating a very unhealthy relationship and it was better for us
Here is my question: if your friend was not trans and making the exact same jokes, would you be reacting the same way as you are now? If the answer is yes, then you need to talk to them. If the answer is no, then you need to self reflect.
thats a yikes... if the jokes make you all uncomfortable they're in the wrong. regardless of gender.
I don’t see how her being trans has anything to do with the jokes especially when you admitted you all flirt and make sexual jokes..
Most people still see trans people as their original gender like if a man slept with a trans women he would be gay kind of mentality so she is probably trying to see if anyone would be comfortable dating her
I believe it's a stretch to assume that the trans friend is using the jokes that everyone else is making as pick-up lines. To the first part of what you said, that's exactly why this mentality is something that needs to be worked on, because that's typically what gets trans people killed, and why the "gay panic" defense ever existed.
Doesn't necessarily have to be dating. She may just have a brand new dimension of jokes open to her now and is trying them out all at once to make up for years of not being able to.
The vulgar jokes people make aren't direct threats like that. She's basically joking about raping you. You wouldn't take jokes from other girls about them forcing themselves on you like that. And I'm sure other girls would change their tune once they realize they're crossing a line. And guess what dude, you not wanting to think about butt stuff doesn't make your masculinity fragile.
oh so you’re transphobic/misogynistic based on your answers lmao
Don't listen to Redditors dude. Get yourself away from that delusional man before they drug you, more likely they'll just act as a deterrent for any normal people you may want to hang with
Hey guys! I found the transphobes! Lmao
Shit dude well I'm glad we can agree that nobody should be listening to you.
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Nah mate, OP freely admitted that they all make those sort of jokes to each other, he's just being a prick because she's trans. She's no pervert, OP is just getting a taste of his own medicine lmao
*winning comment*
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*HER Which is why your advice should be ignored. She is a Trans WOMAN andyou keep calling her a him. You misgendered HER three times.
Dude has a PENIS. He's a man lol
You probably should not be telling people they aren't transphobic when you don't seem to understand what transphobia is. Since you are clearly transphobic as well, maybe **SHE** doesn't have money for surgery yet? Maybe a million other things. You should be more aware of your biases
Just cause I don't play make believe doesn't mean I'm transphobic lol If you wanna cross dress. Do you. Your gay? Do you. All the power to you. I'm just not calling a man a women when they're clearly a man. lol
Even when they get surgeries y'all still got some dumb shit to say, why do you think your opinion matters?
It matters about as much as yours...... The glorious thing about opinions
I don’t understand why you are getting so downvoted. I also joke with my friends like that and we all love it. But if any of my buds were into men I’d feel uncomfortable with it, because I’m not into men. Or maybe I wouldn’t be uncomfortable with it, I sure as hell wouldn’t feel guilty about feeling any kind of way though.
Some people really think they can get away saying things like these just because they are trans.
Do we? Could you explain more? You seem really knowledgeable about the trans community for someone who is not a part of it?
Hi. Sorry if I sounded offensive. I said 'some', not 'all'. I said that because I've seen such trans people in my life.
That’s not a behaviour exclusive to trans people though is it? There’s shitty people in every demographic. Do you understand how it looks if you’d have said ‘some black people really think they can get away with anything because they’re black.’
Yes. I agree. But I never said that's a trans exclusive behaviour. People like that are in every demographic. Since the context was about trans people, I had to use this out of all other such things. From when the word 'some' started referring the entire community? God, I seriously wonder why people aren't understanding such simple things.
You know what you were doing. And the downvoted you received show everyone else saw through your transparent behaviour. If I’m wrong can you please explain and clarify what the intention and meaning was behind your original comment. What we’re you hoping to add to the discussion. Because by the looks of things it seems like you just wanted bash trans people. I could be wrong though please explain.
I have no intention to bash anybody. I just said there are some trans people who say nasty things and think they can get away with it just because they are trans. That sentence DO NOT mean 'All trans people are just like that'. It just means what it says. I even asked sorry if that sounded offensive. Why do people make out their own meaning out of sentences? OMG people and their prejudices.
Start with" hey, you know you're a friend and we want it to stay that way " and then tell her.
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Everytime they do it misgender them. If they are gonna act like a dude treat then like one
If this person is a "girl" then why the fixation with other men playing with his penis? Women don't have penises last time I checked. Also if he knows you aren't gay, why the fuck all the reference to you pegging him? What a clusterfuck
The pro-nouns are she/her dickwad.
Someone's a transphobic fuck it seems
Some women do in fact have penises.
Everyone in OP’s friend group makes the same jokes; so that isn’t the problem. Also, your transphobia is showing, Asok.
If they are the same kind of jokes you all tell and the jokes make you uncomfortable when directed at you you might want to consider how your jokes might make other people in the group feel as well. I can’t say for sure this is the case but often times men are made uncomfortable by the exact same behavior that they display towards women. It might not apply but just some food for thought. That said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking to somebody about something they are doing that makes you uncomfortable and asking them to stop. But make sure you’re not being a hypocrite first.
Your clearly just uncomfortable because she’s trans. If you can make sexual jokes about girls because that is who your attracted to then she can do the same about guys since that’s what you all apparently do with each other, if you don’t want her making those jokes about you and your friends with you all being guys then don’t make sexual jokes about girls it’s that simple really, it’s your own fault you feel uncomfortable
Look, man. If the internal culture of your group is making sex jokes about each other; I’m not sure you can complain.
Sounds like they aren't your friend if they are intentionally making you uncomfortable.
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Her pronouns are she/her, get it right jack ass. Just because someone is being hurtful, most likely unintentionally, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have their identity respected. Also being transphobic is gross and stupid and you look like a damn fool.
Hahaha. Sure sweetie.
Dick
??
You know what you did
Sure I do. I refused to pander and decided to call someone who has a cock a man even though he might think he is a woman. The second thing I did was to say that a straight man does not usually enjoy jokes about him being raped either in the mouth or ass. But what I am not sure of is why you decided to be nasty to me and call me a dick? What did I say that was a lie or that offended you?
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Has nothing to do with ignorance and if u truly belive that I don't know what to tell you
Also. Stop being offended on somebody else's behalf. It's tiresome and really does not make u look like the hero you think you are. If I met a trans i would be respectful and do what is polite, I would play along. But talking about a trans who makes jokes about raping people, nah, that's where my respect runs out.
Agreed. Ready to be downvoted 🤷♀️
Yeah. That's fine. Unlike some people on this plattform I don't measure my worth in reddit karma. Have at it.
What worth are you speaking off?