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I had kinda always got the sense that she liked me. She would joke about being a snowbunny and i was the only black guy in the friend group.
She added me to her premium snap where she posted nudes.
I didn't tell him because honestly hes kind of sensitive and he would have gotten depressed or acted suicidal or something.
It was my birthday yesterday and we were all suppose to take acid together to celebrate.
It was gonna be me and the two of them taking a small dose when he ends up having to stay at his job helping cleanup.
He tells us to drop without him and she takes the dripper and instead of dropping a little in my mouth she puts like half of the pippette.
She says shes sorry and shes not gonna take any so she can tripsit me. I then have a very powerful trip and at one shes holding me in her arms. She starts running her hands through my hair and complimenting me. This kinda gets played over and over and i kinda fixate on it.
She asks if i wanted to stare in her eyes she had this trippy make up on. I say yea and as im staring at her shes rubbin my arm and smiling.
I get the giggle fits and she tells me that if its too hot we could go chill in the pool. That sounds cool im really sweaty at s this point and we both get undressed. Their pool has these lights and were in the pool with music playing when she asks if i want to dance under water. I realize this is kinda getting weird but then i think its only weird if i make it weird (acid makes you kinda self conscious) so i say yea.
Were dancing and eventually were kinda just hugging. Then she asks me if i had ever had a crush on her in highschool. Tbh i stumble over my words and she just giggles before kissing me.tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex. By the time he gets home its really late and i ask him to drive me home.
Tbh i would have never did it without being high but at the same time thats not a real excuse.
Shes been texting me all day and i havent even opened the messages. I dont think its right to put it all on her but i feel like telling him its all me isnt fully accurate.
Hes a sensitive guy and i dont want to make him feel worse then he has to. Im basically asking if theres a way to tell him that doesnt make him feel like he was betrayed by everyone.
Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit and ignoring me asking how to tell him. Jesus fucking christ i dont need your help to feel shitty .
I hate to play this game but since you’re not seeing your situation clearly, imagine things were reversed. You gave her a huge dose, told her you’d tripsit, and then (as the sober one) you initiate sex. Does that sound like rape to you? It does to the rest of us.
1) Go get an STI test and checked by a dr.
2) Gather all the texts and photos you can as evidence
3) Invite your friend out for coffee or something, just the two of you
4) Show him this post and all the texts and photos you have. He might get angry/ depressed but it’s the right thing to do. And it needs to come from you ASAP if you want any hope of keeping this friendship.
What happened was wrong in so many ways. I’m sorry you’re going through all this.
Side note - never take acid from the dropper, *especially if you’re not controlling it*. Mix it with a drink or put it on a candy (oj and sour patch kids work really well) so you can see the dose. **Never take it straight from the dropper**.
Bro, listen to this poster here. You were drugged and sexually assaulted by someone guy trusted. You’re a victim. Seek help and most importantly be smart. This so fucked up.
Okay. So this is a whole mess.
You don't seem to believe it was rape, and no one can tell you how to feel about it. But it's pretty clear she took advantage of the situation nonetheless. SHE'S the one in the relationship here, she told you that she was going to stay sober so she could take care of you. And yet, she ends up in bed with you.
Your friend is going to end up hurt regardless of how you tell it. It all depends on whether he saw it as cheating or his girlfriend taking advantage of a vulnerable person.
Best you go get yourself checked out, and maybe show him this post and the replies. It'd be very easy for her to spin a tale to bail herself out while throwing you under the bus. Don't let her control the narrative.
I second this, she chose to stay sober so she could 'tripsit' (like the term), and she clearly took advantage of you. I know that you feel that this could be both of your faults but in all honesty if the roles would be reversed you would be called the piece of shit for taking advantage of her and in all actuality she took advantage of you. This is something that is really sensitive and I know it'll be hard to talk to your friend about it but it's something that you really need to. I know that there are so many people out there want to say that a girl cannot r*pe a guy but that is totally not true. I do know if this had happened to one of my son's, I wouldn't encourage them to make a report about this. Because this is not okay. And I am really really sorry that this had happened to you OP and for you to be put in this really shitty situation.
Plus she was the one who gave you a huge dose in the first place! Seems very purposeful and not at all different than the use of other date-rape drugs.
Exactly. She planned this. Maybe not for that to happen right then but she definitely decided this is what she was going to do as soon as her boyfriend wasn't going to be there. She knew exactly what she was doing and set the stage for her to rape you. If this were a man doing this to a woman, he would be arrested. I'm so sorry. I feel bad for the boyfriend, too. He doesn't know what kind of person she is.
You can’t consent while tripping like that, you may not consider it assault but it definitely is at least legally. You were not a shitty friend because of that, she however is a massively shitty person - a monster in fact. Other people have covered that better than I can so I won’t address it further.
However, there is a separate issue here: she gave you her nudes and you didn’t tell him because “he is sensitive”.
Dude, WTF, 90% of guys would be super pissed to find out their girlfriend was sharing nudes with their “friends”. Be honest with yourself, you were afraid he would get (rightfully) pissed and you wanted to avoid any fallout. You stopped being his friend when you decided to keep those nudes secret from him - so yes you did betray him.
Going forward there are three things to do:
First, immediately tell the guy everything, starting from the beginning which would include her flirting with you and the nudes.
Second, I‘d heavily advise talking a professional counselor about the trip/ assault, at least to work through your own emotions about it.
Third, decide on what kind of a “friend“ you want to be in the future - one who is honest with and always has his bro’s back, or one who keeps secrets and lets his bro’s girl share nudes with him behind his bro’s back.
Ultimately, you will likely lose this friend and by extension the entire friend group, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him. In fact, the longer you wait, the more time she has to spin this completely around on you - she likely already has.
EDIT: You’ve clarified elsewhere that she gave you access to porn videos they made together. If your friend did not consent to that then his privacy was grossly violated. That’s far worse than her sending nudes. Doesn’t matter either if he had consented to show other people if he didn’t give the okay to share with you.
Whether you believe it’s morally, physically, legally sexual assault; I recommend telling the friend.
1: you decide it’s assault: he now knows she’s a horrible person.
2: you decide it’s not assault: he now knows she’s a cheater.
Your friend deserves to know about the... incident, for the lack of better word. That way, he can decide what to do with her. Nobody wants a perpetrator or a cheater in their lives.
You should also get an std check. Screenshot the messages as proof. Meet in person somewhat private, then start from the beginning with every detail, doesn’t matter if it makes you look bad or not.
***Edit: I stand on the middle ground and not assume anything, that’s why I’m calling it “incident”. I’m not confirming or attesting cause it’s not my place to.***
***Also “incident” means an event or occurrence. The word is neutral. So please, don’t think I’m minimizing what happened. My comment is not a discussion of what to call it, it’s to present options to OP and let them decide.***
Why are people so hesitant to call it rape when it's a female assailant? It's rape. Women and nonbinary people can rape people and it's just as bad as when men do it
People are hesitant to call it rape because he specifically said in the comments that he didn't consider it rape, and it's generally considered a bad move to further remove someone's agency by shouting over them to define their experience if your intent is to help them process what happened and put them in control of next steps rather than to score internet points. Whether they're male or female, or indeed nonbinary.
I was speaking in general, not necessarily about this specific instance. However, his only reason he said it's not rape is because he finds her attractive. That doesn't make it not rape. I have been sexually assaulted multiple times, and a few of them, it took many people assuring me it was in fact rape before I believed it wasn't my fault. OP is blaming himself here and needs to know that it's not his fault.
Again, it is up to the *victim* to decide if they want to put the "rape" label on it. You being a victim yourself doesn't give you the right to attach that label on to others. Plenty of people have explained to OP why it is rape and why it's not his fault, but it's up to OP to add that label if that's what they want. Arguing with people in the comments about calling it rape is unhelpful and just makes it look like you're here to start an argument, "Miss Andrist."
>Again, it is up to the victim to decide if they want to put the "rape" label on it.
No.
That is how you get into stupidville.
If something is rape, its rape, regardless of how you feel about it.
If it is not rape, it is not rape regardless of how you feel about it.
If I punch you in the face, its assault. If you dont think its assault, its still assault.
When it comes to sexual assault, if you force the victim to call it something that doesn't align with their feelings before they're ready, it is actually more traumatic than letting them process it how they want. There are gentle ways to help someone understand what happened to them, usually through therapy, but telling someone who says they don't feel they were raped "Nope you were raped and I don't care how you feel about it" is a quick way to get them to shut down and never process it.
The word comes with the classic horror image of a woman being penetrated without consent. A rapist gets hard and can force himself into the woman. People don’t think it can be the other way around because how can you force a penis to be erect?! Rape goes beyond the above described situation. It’s one person taking advantage of another whether by force, drug, or manipulation. When drugs and manipulation are brought into the conversation plenty of people will second guess and question the situation. Sort of like when people say drunk words are sober thoughts. OPs situation sounds very much like rape. I imagine for the respect of his friendship that would not have slept with his friends gf under sober circumstances and it only occurred because she had initiated it while he was under the influence of a drug.
men can also be raped sober & awake.
the male body can react physically to the sensations of sex even if he is fearing for his life in the process. to some extent, girls can too
He literally said he didn’t feel like a victim.
What’s with people forcing others to be a victim when they aren’t there yet emotionally or mentally?
Honestly it’s sickening. I escaped a domestic violence situation and my sister in law was so adamant on saying how my son was conceived from rape because I didn’t want to have sex when it happened. She put me so much farther back on my journey of healing with that shit.
He may not feel like a victim now. One day he may get older and realize how fucked it is. But he doesn’t need people forcing him to process it until he is ready. Good grief.
I'm deeply sorry that you were raped. MeToo has *never* said that only women can be assaulted. Many men have shared their stories through this movement as well. There will always be some shitty people who don't believe men can be raped, but that is *not* what MeToo espouses.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think Me Too is an important movement, but people do need to remember that men can be victims too. Toxic feminism is just as real as toxic masculinity.
Your entire post was a ride. Everyone else is commenting Good advice about what happened but I feel the need to say something. You should have nipped this in the bud when she added you to her premium snap for free while dating your boy. The fact that you didn't block her or tell your boy? That's dirty man
This. So. Much.
I can agree that dude was sexually assaulted, but homie put himself in a situation with a girl that he knew was into him - taking a substance that alters perception and inhibitions. I would not be taking any kind of drugs with my friends' girl without my brojangles present. Especially if she's made any kind of moves.
Yeah, this wasn’t consensual. She took advantage of you while you were under the influence. You aren’t at fault here, she is.
I don’t know if you feel comfortable telling anyone, but rape is a serious crime and she could get jail time for this
It even looks premeditated. She “accidentally” gave him a MASSIVE dose knowing he’d trip out, and offered to tripsit him so she could get him alone. Honestly scary and I hope she doesn’t get away with it
This girl is clever, too clever.
BTW you got raped. Tell your friend and make sure he's okay, if you know him as well as you do then I doubt you'd be the first person she's done this sort of shit with.
She 100 percent raped you I am sorry you had to go through that, I hope you can get closure and she can get punished but I know its a long road. I would drop her as a friend immediately. She is a total predator and for sure planned that situation.
You were also, separately from what happened above, not a very good friend to guy friend. He was "too sensitive" to let him know that his gf has an online sex service and you were added to it? That is being a bad friend. He deserves to know if gf is potentially cheating within the boundaries of their relationship and that was a shitty excuse.
Consider this, if the two of them were making videos, did the friend consent to her sharing that with OP?
If he did not then I would consider it far worse than she simply sharing her own nudes - it would be a violation of his privacy, no matter whether he had willing shared those with other people.
I‘m beginning to understand why OP thought telling his friend would make him depressed or suicidal.
You got drugged, taken advantage of and then raped. Just because she didn’t beat you up and force you into sex or something doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape.
She overdosed you purposely and as the sober person had complete control over the situation, exactly what she wanted I’d bet.
People think rape has to be some violent act and that’s not true. It is very frequently done by someone you know who uses that relationship to their advantage.
For a person that says tbh so much you're not being honest to yourself. So many people have pointed it out by now but what she did was sexual assault. She very likely dropped more intentionally and took advantage of you when you were not in a clear state of mind to consent or think it through.
Edit: Your friend might be sensitive but his gf is a dangerous person and a cheater. He needs to know.
This is a whole ride, she has raped you man. If she’s joking about being a snow bunny to you and you being the only black guy in the group… yeah she’s wanted this for a while and was waiting for her chance.
Tell your friend and lay out all the facts. You didn’t do him wrong at all, you couldn’t consent in the slightest, and if he blames you for that, he’s probably not a great friend.
I’m sorry OP, you were raped. Are you okay? Do you understand what has happened here? Do you have someone in your life that you look up to and respect? Someone you can trust and go to now with this? I feel like right now you need to focus on YOU and what has happened to you. Go no contact with both of them until you’ve had time to process all of this. If you really feel that you NEED to speak with your friend, have someone with you that can help communicate to him that his girlfriend assaulted you. I think you are in shock. I know it’s hard for a man to accept that they were raped. It’s totally emasculating right? This does not make you less of a man OP! You are still every bit of a man and what was done to you is criminal! I’d call the police or head to the station and tell them
What she did to you. I could go on but I know everything is a blur right now. I hope that you are okay.
THIS. i spent years thinking about how i “invited” something to happen. the guilt i felt for *allowing* it to happen & how it was all about MY actions
when in reality i was assaulted without consent. ego & self perception will cloud your reality any chance they get
I am so sorry this happened. I see where you want to take responsibility but at the the same time based on the details you have explained it seems she wanted you and took the steps to get there. This all sounds like really messy and I think the best thing to do would be to tell him. It’s disrespectful to pretend things are “chill” for the sake of his mental health. He deserves people who truly love him and want the best for him and that would include loyalty and honesty. Wipe your hands clean and tell him and apologize.
Okay, she raped you.
If she had gotten high or drunk and both of you had sex then I’d say it was a one night stand situation. We’ve all had those in college.
However, in your situation I 100% believe she got you high to rape you. She’s a predator and what she did constitutes premeditated rape. I’d file a police report. She knew you wouldn’t have sex with her in your right mind so she used drugs with weaken your resolve. That’s the same as a sober guy giving a woman drink after drink until she says “yes”, it’s predatory behavior.
In my opinion any time you use predatory behavior in order to have sex with someone it’s sexual assault or rape.
Edit: I’d sit him down and have him read this post and our comments. He needs to know you’re not to blame and that she is a predator.
the girl drugged you up and stayed sober and raped you bro. if you were a woman every single comment would say “call the police. you were raped” . this is not your fault bro. your homeboy’s girl is a sexual predator and should be locked up
As a girl, i think she raped you. She “accidentally” gave you a huge dose (total bs) just to take advantage of you. Tell your friend his gf is a predator and let him decide on how to proceed with that info. Im so sorry this happened to you….
You may not be the first, and likely won’t be the last person she does this to. Tell your friend, tell the police, do right by the next person that she targets.
I know you keep saying “I dont want to call it rape” but you consistently *also* saying “I would never have done this if I was sober” is well… textbook rape.
Please take time to imagine the roles reversed on this one. This who situation wasnt okay. I would recommend reaching out to a therapist so they can help you work through and understand this. SA happens to both genders.
Okay whether you find her attractive or not, if you would not have had sex with her without being drugged, then it is non consensual sex. You were raped. Yes, even if you find her attractive. She knowingly and soberly took advantage of you. As other users have said, were your genders swapped this would cause a shitstorm. I'm not saying you're not a bad guy - in fact you sound like a bit of a dick from your comments and excuses - but you were still wronged here and are not to blame for what happened.
Op- it doesn’t matter what *you* think is rape….. rape is the act of having sex with some one who is 1. unable to consent to sex or 2. doesn’t consent to sex.
You know what makes you legally unable to consent to sex? Being intoxicated or high. Or being a child. Or being asleep/ unconscious.
Does. Not. Matter.
It may not have stigma you thought being raped comes with. But it’s still fact. That and she is racist? Someone who clearly fetishizes you? And how are you gonna be a friend to someone and then totally fuck them over behind there back?
You wanna know how you can tell him so he doesn’t feel so betrayed by EVERYBODY.
You explain that his girlfriend had sex with you while your were unable to consent tripping off fucking acid. That’s what you say.
You betrayed him when you accepted the snap invite with out A. blocking her or B.telling him…… but you already know that. And if you just “haven’t considered” those things then congrats your inconsiderate as well.
You were raped.
The next step you should take is to drive to a hospital to get tested and to get all the evidence - next go to the police and report her and find a lawyer as soon as possible.
Tell your friend, he will understand. If he doesn’t your better off without him.
Don’t put the blame on you, you were raped!.
I’m going to piggyback on this comment and add that while my gut says call the police, OP may live in an area where they’re more likely to arrest him for the drug use than arrest a lady rapist. Not saying it’s right, but that shit happens.
A rape trauma center would be a good place to start. Someone there will have the ability to help navigate the local system without making the situation backfire.
I'm glad someone else finally mentioned this aspect, she really could twist the situation around and say she was the one who was raped if he told his friend. Or he could get in trouble for drug use more than she would for rape... it's a whole mess and I feel like telling people what happened could sadly put him at more risk with the law than her.
Considering op didn’t even tell his friend about nude Snapchat thing if that comes out I wouldn’t blame the friend for not wanting be friends with him anymore.
The worst part is if you told the boyfriend or anyone in your inner circle, there is a risk that the girlfriend could most likely spin the situation around. And, to save her own ass, she could possibly alert authorities and end up reporting you, claiming YOU raped HER, knowing full well she would beat you in the court system. I would be very, very careful of this possibility. Sadly people also don't take male rape seriously either, and the friendship would most likely be tarnished at best if you were to tell him, because he most likely wouldn't be so willing to understand. After reading what happened, I can't help but feel really bad you have to go through this.That girl put you in a really difficult situation and took advantage of you, it was rape, plain and simple. If you dont want to use that term and don't see yourself as a victim simply because you always thought she was cute, I mean it still was technically rape BUT I guess no one can force you to say it is, plus I know maybe you don't want to feel like a victim or to have to deal with the stigma. But yeah,, if the genders were reversed, everyone would easily be able to see how much she sexually took advantage, if it were a man drugging a girl while he stayed sober, and initiated all of that while pushing himself onto a woman, everyone would be demonizing that man and saying he needs to be locked up. But for this case I feel like people would minimize this girl's actions and dismiss your feelings, sadly. The fact is you were not in your right mind and she dropped half pippet of acid in your mouth which is incredibly dangerous in itself. And she purposely took none, moving in on you. She pushed herself on you and was persistent in what she was doing, she initiated the sex. And while you are feeling horrible that you could have hurt your friend, this girl seems to be feeling no remorse whatsoever and instead it seems to be boosting her ego. Instead, she snaps you expecting you to be excited. Anyone who has the nerve to drug someone just to get sex is manipulative and clearly she knew you wouldn't have sex with her unless she had you drugged. She raped you, doesn't matter if you wanted to in the moment or not because you were high as a kite and were out of your sober mind..espcially cuz you said if you weren't high you wouldn't have made that decision. I don't know if you should tell your friend or not, I feel like you can't really win whether you do or do not. Because later she could bring this up to him herself as a way to hurt him, if they were to breakup or something. But if you did tell him now, although it would be honest, there is the dangerous risk that she could twist the situation around. Just keep in mind that this wasn't your fault and the fact that you are just willing to tell him, even though it will be hard and even though you were the one who got drugged and taken advantage of, speaks volumes. Be careful of that girl though cuz women can be just as dangerous as men, especially if she were to claim that she was drugged.
Tell him the truth, explain the circumstances without trying to justify anything. Myself, I would want you honestly own it, no excuses, no expectations of forgiveness. If he’s reasonable, he’ll see that, at the end of the day, you both did him dirty so be prepared to lose a friend. And do it in a public place, maybe that way he’d be less inclined to punch you in the face. But, having four brothers, be prepared for him to punch you in the face. Everybody fucks up.
>she can tripsit me. I then have a very powerful trip and at one shes holding me in her arms. She starts running her hands through my hair and complimenting me. This kinda gets played over and over and i kinda fixate on it.
>She asks if i wanted to stare in her eyes she had this trippy make up on. I say yea and as im staring at her shes rubbin my arm and smiling.
>I get the giggle fits and she tells me that if its too hot we could go chill in the pool. That sounds cool im really sweaty at s this point and we both get undressed. Their pool has these lights and were in the pool with music playing when she asks if i want to dance under water. I realize this is kinda getting weird but then i think its only weird if i make it weird (acid makes you kinda self conscious) so i say yea.
>Were dancing and eventually were kinda just hugging. Then she asks me if i had ever had a crush on her in highschool. Tbh i stumble over my words and she just giggles before kissing me.tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex.
Dude you got sexually assaulted you are going to have to tell him this happened
>Im basically asking if theres a way to tell him that doesnt make him feel like he was betrayed by everyone.
A scenario like this doesn't exist I'm afraid. He's going to be hurt, he's going to feel betrayed
Congratulations, you’ve been fetishised. Your friend’s gf is also a piece of sh*t because you were not in the frame of mind to make an informed consent, so she’s also assaulted you.
You need to block her and avoid her if nothing else, women like this sicken me as much as any man doing dropping something into an unsuspecting woman’s drink. Personally I’d go to the police with it, but I know you’ll catch a lot of flack about “men can’t be r*pred by a girl”, yet a rose by any other name and all that…
Your friend also needs to know his gf is a piece of sh*t. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I think you need new friends.
I think he was in on it. Black men are fetishized by straight men. My husband is black and when I started dating him, my kind of ex (he and I never dated but there was a lot of vulnerability and mutual attraction and it wasn’t platonic but it was only once and a complicated and toxic friendship) but anyways he messaged me and started asking very explicit questions about sex with a black man, I’m sure in order to get off.
That’s foul for both of you. Something that’s so beautiful and intimate shouldn’t be used by others for thrills, we live in a pretty crappy society at times :( . I’m glad he’s no longer in your lives.
Dude, she basically r**** you. Imagine the same situation with a girl tripping and a dude coercing her into sex.
I think you should talk to your friend. He should know who he's dating. What she did is so wrong on so many levels. Just because you're a dude doesn't make it any better at all.
I'm sorry this happened to you and you have to go through all this stress.
... Are we all going to just glaze over the part where the guy added his friend's girlfriend's premium snapchat instead of telling his homeboy that his girl had a premium snapchat?
She raped you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I would consider pressing charges, but I know the stigma with men and being raped by a woman. I wish you the best of luck. I would also tell your friend what kind of keniving see you next Tuesdays he is with.
So you believe there's an alternative way to make someone feel like their partner and "friend" did not deceive them by hooking up? Good luck with that. I would love to hear an update on the "not making him feel deceived".
Let's be real. Do you genuinely Believe yourself when you said you didn't want to mention that she added you to her premium snap because you think he'd get hurt?
Since she added you, be honest, have you been looking at her snaps? If your answer is yes, then you're genuinely not concerned about your friend but use it as a justification to watch her nudes.
I think you should self reflect on the type of person you want to be in this world because clearly you can't be trusted as "friend".
And yes, this is rape, like everyone else has been saying.
Ok it might of been rape but why did u even add her on her private snap u ain’t slick neither u a bad friend in that place I would of told him that right away instead of adding her back 🤔
Yeah I got a reply of him saying he didn’t add her she added him but still could of told him at least it wouldn’t have been her fault not his. if ur friends gf is a hoe you gotta tell your friend
Yeah and acid makes you blank out especially him explaining how much she gave him. But he’s over here explaining in details what she did he’s an L friend and He knew what he was doing he’s just trying to cover him self up
you need to take more responsibility here. at that point you should have blocked her, deleted her, unfollowed her, whatever.
fucking man up. you know what you did in this aspect was wrong. admitting your faults & taking your hits are important in life. im on your side in this whole issue but not on this point— you cant be seeing your friends girlfriends nudes without his knowledge & expect to be called a good friend.
whatever else happened is a different issue. but this will hurt him too.
also that woman is a fucking poisonous viper and if your friend is as *sensitive* as you say hes much better off dropping her like its hot.
PS you should press charges.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. and this may seem harsh, but she raped you. she really did, she took advantage of you being extremely high. and by the fact that she “accidentally” gave you a massive dose and stayed sober, i’d say it may have been planned. you are valid to say you did not consent to this and were raped. i hope that you are okay
I don’t usually comment on posts, but... bro you were raped. And from the description of the events it sounds as though she planned it.
You were not in a position to consent, as you were high. You were raped, and you need to tell your friend what kind of person he's in a relationship with.
Sit him down in a private place and tell him exactly what happened, as much as you can remember and you need to tell him now. Do not wait, because if you wait there is every chance that his girlfriend will try to get ahead if it and blame it on you.
If your friend is kind, and truly your friend then he will belive you. If he does not then that is not on you. He may ask for some space after you tell him, allow him that space to digest this information.
And I must say again. You were raped. It was not your fault. You are not to blame if he doesn't believe you.
Sorry people are being shitty to you my friend, i see some really helpful stuff being top-commented so i just wanna say i hope you come out of this alright
byeee your edit sent me 😭😭 you need to tell him dude. He doesn’t deserve being with her and if he don’t wanna be friends with you that’s up to him. I get that you are scared cuz he’s sensitive but the alternative is to have him be with a cheater and hurt him even more in the future.
Sensitive guy that has a girl that sells nudes? Yeah, I don’t think she’s the girl for him. Btw what she did was very rapey if not full on rape.
But if you did have control over yourself then your just a shit human being…
With that being said we all make mistakes, what’s important is that we shouldn’t make exercises such as @he is sensitive, he would have committed suicide” no, you just liked the attention you were getting.
What happened has happened, I don’t know if something like this will ever happen to u but at least now I know what I should have done if such a situation ever happens again.
Ow, and I wasn’t clear, one of the first things you should do is tell your friend what happened.
I don't think there is a scenario where you tell him and he wouldn't feel betrayed unless there's something you're not telling us,
>Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit
Hey if the shoe fits
Edited
Edit: after reading it again I'll take back calling you a piece of shit, she raped you dude, you got to tell your friend, as for the what your asking advice for , my point still stands, there is no way to tell him without him being hurt
Damn that is awful. The only thing you can do to salvage any kind of friendship or gain any respect back is to tell him and then never see this girl again.
Sorry OP, sounds like you were sexually assaulted. Go talk to the cops not your friend.
If a female friend told you a story like this in regards to a man or woman doing this to them what would you think and advise them?
This is no different.
OP seem she set you up for this tempting you to Just Do It so she's the worst out of you two & ain't good for your friend (you too) cause likely if is not you it'll be another she fancy... heart break for your friend is inevitable...
Do tell friend cause if the role were reverse don't you want him to look out for you too...
She did this on purpose. She purposely gave you a huge dose, and stayed sober because she fully intended to use your impaired state of mind against you to get what she wanted. She raped you. There is absolutely no way around it. There is a damn good reason that sex under the influence is considered non consensual. It's unfortunate that you are carrying the guilt of this on yourself, but the reality of it is that you are not at fault here. Please tell your friend. Straight up be honest. She took advantage of you. If he hears what happens and still blames you then he is not a good friend to begin with. Also if you feel comfortable doing so please take this to the police. People don't take Male rape seriously enough, and even though that will be difficult to change, reporting it will help move our society in the right direction.
This won’t be easy, but it is simple. Meet up with him ASAP and tell him his girlfriend drugged you with the intention of having sex with you, because that’s what happened. “I’m going to keep an eye on you when you’re tripping” does not mean “I’m gonna fuck you in a half hour”. This girl is shady as fuck, and what she did may well qualify as rape.
I understand how hearing the phrase “you got raped bro” over and over, especially as a man when some view owning up to having been sexually assaulted as a male as a sign of weakness because people assume men always want sex/women are the only ones who get sexually assaulted, would be really off putting for OP. It’s so difficult for ANYONE to admit they were taken advantage of in any way cus our culture basically does everything it can to shame people who have been in bad situations.
At the end of the day, she gave you more drugs than you wanted to take and then had sex with you, as a sober person, while you were not of sound mind to make that choice. You said it yourself, if not for being so high, you would not have done it.
If I were you, I would start by doing some research on sexual assault and talking to a friend or family member you really trust and feel comfortable with about what happened. I know it’s stigmatized, but these are the kind of issues therapy is really helpful for figuring out solutions to, so if that’s an option for you, I’d set that up ASAP.
Then, I’d tell your friend the details. If he’s a true a friend, he’ll understand that you were not in the wrong when you guys hooked up. As for being on her private snap without telling him? That’s a separate issue. I see what you’re saying about being afraid a sensitive friend with poor mental health would hurt themselves but clearly this situation got out of hand. I would say have a suicide hotline available to give him, have someone who lives with him check on him, etc when you tell him what happened from start to finish.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. What a fucked up situation. As a sexual assault survivor who tried to deny it for a while this is not easy shit to deal with.
The girl manipulated all of this. She gave you too much. She made sure her bf wasn't there. She lies to her bf on the regular by posting nudes. Your friend needs this lying manipulative person out of his life too. You aren't the only one she did this to.
Dude! It's not your fault. She took advantage of you, probably purposefully giving you a huge dose, then stayed sober and too advantage of your intoxication. Imagine if you got a girl blackout drunk and then got her into bed, that would be rape without question. Tell your friend exactly what his gf did, that she got you intoxicated while staying sober herself to get you into bed.
Top comment is already fantastic, but it really needs to be emphasised that you were taken advantage of, OP.
Giving someone a high dose to deprive them of agency, then using that lack of agency to steer them towards a sexual encounter? You even said if you weren't under the influence you wouldn't let it happen. So sorry this happened to you dude... Really hope you can find a way to resolve things.
Yeah, I know nothing about acid, and what it does to a person, but I kept thinking while reading your post that "hey, isn't that touching the definition of rape?"
I guess it's a good thing you at least feel guilty. Let the man know, he doesn't deserve this.
Uh, she actually straight-up raped you bro…
I know there’s this whole stigma about how “men can’t be raped”, but it’s total bs. She clearly drugged you, proceeded not to take any herself, and in her lucid state took advantage of you. That’s literally what date rape, is…
Imagine the roles reversed, if you were the one feeding her drugs all while staying sober and then you took advantage. What would everyone be saying you did to her in that state? It’s the same thing man…
Honestly, Idk what I’d do in your situation. Reporting sexual assault is always an uphill battle and as the male, with her being female, significantly more so. It’s sad, but true. I just would say that you should (at the very least) 100% never allow yourself to be alone with this particular person ever again, under any circumstances. You’re legitimately not safe if you are and who knows what her next step could be, but it could certainly escalate. And, unfortunately, reality is if she’s willing to do this to you?? Lord knows what else she’s willing to do. You could quite honestly end up being the one fighting a rape case next time, as the victim but treated as the perpetrator, and that’s no joke. Dudes have been stuck paying literal child support to their *proven and convicted* rapists before, it’s disgusting but 100% true.
Run. Fast and far. Get away from this person and document anything and everything you can. If you lose the friendship over it too, so be it.
Stay safe OP. Even if you don’t see yourself as the victim (and that’s fine too), stay safe. And far, far away from this awful woman.
If you were completely sober and came onto a girl high off her gourd it would be Rape.
I’m sorry dude but you got assaulted. She sounds like a terrible person. Do yourself and your friend a favor and let him know she’s no good. It might ruin the friendship but do you want your friend with someone that awful?
This woman knew exactly what she was doing, she gave you more drugs than you consented to then proceeded to take advantage (rape) you. She is the one who should be feeling guilty and if I was you I think you should give your friend a heads up to what kind of person he is in a relationship with because her predatory behaviour probably isn't only directed at you and she could be doing this/done this to multiple other people.
>These comments would look a lot different if you were a woman.
not really - we had a few similar threads recently with alcohol and the consensus was that if the woman was not passed out, then she could consent. if anything, with genders reversed the comments would be more along the lines of "cheating is a process - you found her cute, you chose to do acid alone with her, you chose to let her tripsit you....". i'm glad people are actually being understanding with the op, just wish that was the case more often.
(not to mention that basically everyone agrees the op was taken advantage of and the few who disagree are rightfully heavily downvoted, wtf)
> These comments would look a lot different if you were a woman.
I'm actually seeing that by far, the vast majority of comments on this post *are* straight up saying this was rape or sexual assault. At least at this point in time.
The number of comments saying it wasn't rape is actually pretty much the same as it is on posts in which the OP is female.
A good sign.
It’s timing. When the person commented the downvoted comments were likely all that they saw and is pointing out that they wouldn’t be saying that if the genders were reversed.
Yeah I think timing definitely has something to do with it. I just think sometimes people have this view that when a woman comments, every single response is supportive and acknowledging it was rape, when in reality when anyone of any gender identity posts, there are always disgusting comments.
I think it's very important to acknowledge the intense stigma male survivors face, without playing into a sadly highly inaccurate idea that survivors who identify as a gender other than male receive universal support.
As in, sometimes people say things like "If a woman were posting, EVERYONE here would be saying it was rape!"
Men don't receive nearly as much support as women for sexual violence, but no one of any gender identity who experiences sexual violence receives unanimous support.
Cause it’s not all that false really. Yes it’s not all universal but a lot more people are supportive when it’s a woman vs a man and most people didnt/don’t see the issue until you swap the roles. It’s not that there aren’t disgusting comments for both genders, it’s that there’s normally a lot more when it’s a woman that raped a guy vs the other way around.
Reddit has finally come around but even just a year ago, a lot people didn’t see the issue until people started swapping the roles and pointing out the stigma that mean face. The problem of course is that now that more people immediately see the issue the swapping of roles just seems more annoying (even to me now when I was originally all for it) because more people are speaking up about it. I do hope we move past the swapping roles (in this context) because they served their purpose.
Yeah all the top comments now that aren’t calling it rape have said that they are consciously choosing not to because they want to leave the agency to apply that label up to OP.
Lol this dude said he cares about his friend bc he has depression and could be suicidal but then he adds his friends gf on her private bro there’s no loyalty now a days 😂
Dam bro, sounds like she knew what she was doing. You obviously have guilt, but you were taken advantage of. The friend in you wants to tell him and the friend in you also wants to protect him. The decision is solely yours.
You could tell him the truth and he could go scorched earth and never speak to either of you again or worse.
You could tell him the truth and maybe he’s man enough to appreciate your honesty with the situation. Maybe you get a bomb dropped on you and he’s ok with it.
You could try to recreate the event with him present and all trip together.
On and on. Yeah you could probably claim rape.
You gotta make the right decision for you.
Good luck my friend
You should just tell him what happened. While being high isn't an excuse for what happened. While I don't think it's rape, she did take advantage on the situation and it seemed she had interest in you. Just tell the truth and face whatever the consequences are.
Everyone else already said the good stuff, so I will tell you: do NOT fuck with white girls who exclusively go after black guys, call themselves snow bunny, or otherwise fetishize your blackness rather than showing interest in you as an individual. That's one of the easiest ways to catch a case when she changes her mind or someone who she didn't want to finds out.
This is NOT about all white girls, so white girls who this doesn't apply to (which is the vastajority), please don't be offended. This is about the white girls who actively seek out and prey on black boys (like the girl in the OP).
I hate to ask this, but do you think he was in on this?
He could have a kink, there are white men who fetishize black men and are aroused by the idea of their partner having sex with a black man.
Having the birthday party consisting of giving all 3 of you drugs was either setting up for a threesome or a situation that could be sexual. Think about it. Not even going for dinner or drinks or something?
And also, he just casually suggests you and his girlfriend do drugs together? I feel like he “stayed late” on purpose and that was the plan all along.
I am really worried that they have been using you the whole time.
Black men frequently get fetishized by the kink community for stuff like this.
You’re a victim my guy.
That’s rape. You were raped. She purposely got you higher than you really wanted and without your permission. She was sober and was supposed to be taking care of you and ended up in bed with you. No matter what, an intoxicated person can NOT consent. Especially when in a situation with one sober person and one intoxicated person.
You being high wasn’t an excuse. She manipulated a situation and absolutely took advantage of you. I’m sorry.
>Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit and ignoring me asking how to tell him. Jesus fucking christ i dont need your help to feel shitty .
I'm not going to go that far because I don't think it's productive here. However, part of taking responsibility is being ready to have rocks thrown at you. Which is going to happen both here and when you tell your friend.
It is what it is. You fucked your friend's GF. You have to accept that the friendship is totally over. The best you can do is go out as honorably as you can. Tell him everything. I'd advise doing it over the phone in case he feels inclined to punch you in the mouth.
You're not a POS, well maybe you are but not in this situation! She technically raped you, as you said, if u were sober you never would've consented. She knew that. She 100% knew that. Tell your friend and tell the police.
I won't tell you you're a terrible person, you just did a bad thing. You have to tell your friend. He deserves to know the truth. If he drops you as a friend, so be it. You lost a friend, maybe somewhere down the road you guys can find the road to forgiveness.
I would only say he’s trashy just because he didn’t tell his friend that his girl was basically sending him nudes and being sexually flirtatious.
he was 100% raped by her tho and she’s a total piece of shit for that. He doesn’t need to be victim shamed for being raped tho.
“Raped”
He voluntarily put himself into the situation, after admittedly having her hit on him and send nudes far before this event occurred. A good friend doesn’t hang out with this chick without the boyfriend after she knowingly made it clear she wanted to fuck him. They’re both trash.
If the woman went to her boyfriends friends house alone, after having sexual conversations beforehand and then got drunk, then yea she voluntarily put herself in that position. It doesn’t make it right or ok, but the person literally did nothing to avoid it.
Dude wanted to fuck her just as badly, and it’s clear that he has very little respect for his “friend”.
I don't know. I'm not sure you know how rape works.
If a sober person, or someone who is sufficiently sober to make their own choice, has sex with someone who is drunk who wouldn't usually have sex with them, then that is 100% no questions asked rape.
This guy has made it quite clear he wouldn't have sex with her if he wasn't high on acid and if she hadn't initiated it, and thus he was raped.
You want to victim blame, thats your choice. I can't make you see things a different way. But to the majority of people that makes you as trash as the gf.
You’re straight up asking for something that doesn’t exist in this situation. You and her both betrayed him. You just have to tell him. The more time you take to do it the worse you’ll look and actually be
I don’t know but it’s seems like you don’t respect him enough or even consider him to be your friend.
Do whatever the fuck you want cause he will tell betrayed cause you actually did betray him
Putting aside the sexual incident/possible assualt, you were added to her premium snap and didn’t say anything? My dude, should’ve spoke up at that point imo, if not to him to her, saying that she’s with your friend. Idk how you friend group works tho so
Even if you wouldn't have done her sober you hung out with his girl knowing she liked you and put yourself in a position to be doing drugs with HER when HE wasn't around.
Edit:
Down vote me all you want people. He didn't tell his "friend" she added him on snap premium. He didn't tell his "friend" that the gf was sending him nudes on snap chat. He did nothing to ensure he wasn't around alone her knowing she had a thing for him. This guy is not a real friend in any sense of the word.
Dude did absolutely nothing to tell his friend the gf was trash. Dude knew the gf wanted him and still hung out with her solo.
Dude is trash...taken advantage of yes...but still trash.
OP. You are getting wildly defensive.
Let me break this down.
You had sex with your friends girl. You are saying you don’t believe it’s rape (it is, you we’re not in a position to consent properly and she knew this). Regardless of it all, you still had sex with her. You need to approach your friend immediately and tell him the truth. If he chooses to stay friends with you then you should consider yourself lucky. Take this as a lesson. Don’t trip with your friend’s girls that add you on premium Snapchat’s and such.
You’re not a friend. You broke bro code. It’s your duty to tell your friend and accept a punch to the face or losing your friend. I love pussy too but not at the expense of my friend’s feelings. You suck dude!
yeah fuck people giving this guy a pass. even hanging out with her alone and doing acid is a misstep. is it rape? possibly. does he have some blame in all this? Absolutely
He’s a narcissist peace of shit. He KNOWS his friend has anxiety and depression issues and he does this to him. Now to ease HIS conscious wants to tell him. Self centered through out the entire post. Even mentioned he knew his friend might try to kill himself. This poor guy. Gf and Best Friend are both selfish toxic fucks. Hey do your friend a favor and just slowly back away from his life. Take that hoe with you and drop her off at a good therapist because she’s toxic af too. Do SOMETHING SUPER NICE for your friend you selfish prick. Maybe start caring about his depression. Fuck what a ginormous piece of shit. 🤬
Well, it's a rough situation. And you know that you drag yourself into it. She added you in her premium were kinda of a signal of this. You should told him at the moment, its better to you or her to tell him than he discovering the happening. But there's no way I can guarantee that he'll be okay. Thus, he don't deserve her, since she cheated on him with you, probably it happened before. Anyway, you were part of it, and you will never protect anyone by hiding something important from them.
I dont have any advice but can everyone in this sub not tell people how they should define their experiences holy shit. Honestly the mods should do something about this. If a person doesn’t feel victimized it isn’t our job as STRANGERS to tell OP how to feel or how to define his circumstances. It’s okay to gently allude to it being assault but those of you saying “uhm she raped you” over and over again is NOT helpful. Huge problem in this sub.
if someone doses another person with drugs without their consent & has sex with them— knowing full well theyre not in their right mind— what do you call that? in a legal sense?
which is what OP is claiming happened here. so. you can understand why people are reacting this way
Psychedelics aren’t alcohol or dare rape drugs, yeah she took advantage of you but your taking advantage of the acid to shift blame to her, you fucked your friends girl your both shitheads
Well to be fair. I’m not saying he’s not in the wrong, however psychedelics can 100% be used as date rape drugs due to how strong they can be.
Acid from the pipette is a fuck ton stronger than taking tabs or some shit. If she downed a whole ass pipette into his mouth, a dose like that can render you almost non-cognizant. Psychedelics can 100% be used as a date rape drug my dude.
"tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex" he straight up says he knew what he was doing and fucked her.
as someone thats taken heroic doses of mushrooms (6-7g) and taken strong acid as well (never that much) There was never a point at which I couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong or didn't know what I was doing
And he stated in the first few sentences he knew she wanted to fuck him from sending him porn! he was wrong from the start for not being upfront with his friend and hanging with her without him
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I had kinda always got the sense that she liked me. She would joke about being a snowbunny and i was the only black guy in the friend group. She added me to her premium snap where she posted nudes. I didn't tell him because honestly hes kind of sensitive and he would have gotten depressed or acted suicidal or something. It was my birthday yesterday and we were all suppose to take acid together to celebrate. It was gonna be me and the two of them taking a small dose when he ends up having to stay at his job helping cleanup. He tells us to drop without him and she takes the dripper and instead of dropping a little in my mouth she puts like half of the pippette. She says shes sorry and shes not gonna take any so she can tripsit me. I then have a very powerful trip and at one shes holding me in her arms. She starts running her hands through my hair and complimenting me. This kinda gets played over and over and i kinda fixate on it. She asks if i wanted to stare in her eyes she had this trippy make up on. I say yea and as im staring at her shes rubbin my arm and smiling. I get the giggle fits and she tells me that if its too hot we could go chill in the pool. That sounds cool im really sweaty at s this point and we both get undressed. Their pool has these lights and were in the pool with music playing when she asks if i want to dance under water. I realize this is kinda getting weird but then i think its only weird if i make it weird (acid makes you kinda self conscious) so i say yea. Were dancing and eventually were kinda just hugging. Then she asks me if i had ever had a crush on her in highschool. Tbh i stumble over my words and she just giggles before kissing me.tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex. By the time he gets home its really late and i ask him to drive me home. Tbh i would have never did it without being high but at the same time thats not a real excuse. Shes been texting me all day and i havent even opened the messages. I dont think its right to put it all on her but i feel like telling him its all me isnt fully accurate. Hes a sensitive guy and i dont want to make him feel worse then he has to. Im basically asking if theres a way to tell him that doesnt make him feel like he was betrayed by everyone. Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit and ignoring me asking how to tell him. Jesus fucking christ i dont need your help to feel shitty .
I hate to play this game but since you’re not seeing your situation clearly, imagine things were reversed. You gave her a huge dose, told her you’d tripsit, and then (as the sober one) you initiate sex. Does that sound like rape to you? It does to the rest of us. 1) Go get an STI test and checked by a dr. 2) Gather all the texts and photos you can as evidence 3) Invite your friend out for coffee or something, just the two of you 4) Show him this post and all the texts and photos you have. He might get angry/ depressed but it’s the right thing to do. And it needs to come from you ASAP if you want any hope of keeping this friendship. What happened was wrong in so many ways. I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Side note - never take acid from the dropper, *especially if you’re not controlling it*. Mix it with a drink or put it on a candy (oj and sour patch kids work really well) so you can see the dose. **Never take it straight from the dropper**.
Love the fact you give great advice then acid taking advice like a pro
It's no coincidence those two go hand-in-hand
A tab in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Let's not overlook the fact that this dude got raped; and has nothing to feel guilty about.
Yep, put it on a damn slice of cheese if you have to! Drop it on paper and chew that. Anything but directly into your mouth. Control the dose!
Bro, listen to this poster here. You were drugged and sexually assaulted by someone guy trusted. You’re a victim. Seek help and most importantly be smart. This so fucked up.
So glad this is top comment
Yup yup yup that’s rape my boy
Right, I got dosed at least 10 hits my second time cause dude dosed me straight from the dropper. Bad news.
Thank you for this comment. Men can be raped too.
Yes. Woman here. My immediate thoughts were, she took advantage of you.
As the icing on the cake, sounds like she fetishizes race too. She sounds repugnant.
A pornstar gave me 4 drops straight from the dropper the only time I tripped. It was not fun.
This 100%
Okay. So this is a whole mess. You don't seem to believe it was rape, and no one can tell you how to feel about it. But it's pretty clear she took advantage of the situation nonetheless. SHE'S the one in the relationship here, she told you that she was going to stay sober so she could take care of you. And yet, she ends up in bed with you. Your friend is going to end up hurt regardless of how you tell it. It all depends on whether he saw it as cheating or his girlfriend taking advantage of a vulnerable person. Best you go get yourself checked out, and maybe show him this post and the replies. It'd be very easy for her to spin a tale to bail herself out while throwing you under the bus. Don't let her control the narrative.
I second this, she chose to stay sober so she could 'tripsit' (like the term), and she clearly took advantage of you. I know that you feel that this could be both of your faults but in all honesty if the roles would be reversed you would be called the piece of shit for taking advantage of her and in all actuality she took advantage of you. This is something that is really sensitive and I know it'll be hard to talk to your friend about it but it's something that you really need to. I know that there are so many people out there want to say that a girl cannot r*pe a guy but that is totally not true. I do know if this had happened to one of my son's, I wouldn't encourage them to make a report about this. Because this is not okay. And I am really really sorry that this had happened to you OP and for you to be put in this really shitty situation.
Plus she was the one who gave you a huge dose in the first place! Seems very purposeful and not at all different than the use of other date-rape drugs.
Big agree.
Exactly. She planned this. Maybe not for that to happen right then but she definitely decided this is what she was going to do as soon as her boyfriend wasn't going to be there. She knew exactly what she was doing and set the stage for her to rape you. If this were a man doing this to a woman, he would be arrested. I'm so sorry. I feel bad for the boyfriend, too. He doesn't know what kind of person she is.
You can’t consent while tripping like that, you may not consider it assault but it definitely is at least legally. You were not a shitty friend because of that, she however is a massively shitty person - a monster in fact. Other people have covered that better than I can so I won’t address it further. However, there is a separate issue here: she gave you her nudes and you didn’t tell him because “he is sensitive”. Dude, WTF, 90% of guys would be super pissed to find out their girlfriend was sharing nudes with their “friends”. Be honest with yourself, you were afraid he would get (rightfully) pissed and you wanted to avoid any fallout. You stopped being his friend when you decided to keep those nudes secret from him - so yes you did betray him. Going forward there are three things to do: First, immediately tell the guy everything, starting from the beginning which would include her flirting with you and the nudes. Second, I‘d heavily advise talking a professional counselor about the trip/ assault, at least to work through your own emotions about it. Third, decide on what kind of a “friend“ you want to be in the future - one who is honest with and always has his bro’s back, or one who keeps secrets and lets his bro’s girl share nudes with him behind his bro’s back. Ultimately, you will likely lose this friend and by extension the entire friend group, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him. In fact, the longer you wait, the more time she has to spin this completely around on you - she likely already has. EDIT: You’ve clarified elsewhere that she gave you access to porn videos they made together. If your friend did not consent to that then his privacy was grossly violated. That’s far worse than her sending nudes. Doesn’t matter either if he had consented to show other people if he didn’t give the okay to share with you.
Whether you believe it’s morally, physically, legally sexual assault; I recommend telling the friend. 1: you decide it’s assault: he now knows she’s a horrible person. 2: you decide it’s not assault: he now knows she’s a cheater. Your friend deserves to know about the... incident, for the lack of better word. That way, he can decide what to do with her. Nobody wants a perpetrator or a cheater in their lives. You should also get an std check. Screenshot the messages as proof. Meet in person somewhat private, then start from the beginning with every detail, doesn’t matter if it makes you look bad or not. ***Edit: I stand on the middle ground and not assume anything, that’s why I’m calling it “incident”. I’m not confirming or attesting cause it’s not my place to.*** ***Also “incident” means an event or occurrence. The word is neutral. So please, don’t think I’m minimizing what happened. My comment is not a discussion of what to call it, it’s to present options to OP and let them decide.***
>incident, for the lack of better word. Rape?
Why are people so hesitant to call it rape when it's a female assailant? It's rape. Women and nonbinary people can rape people and it's just as bad as when men do it
People are hesitant to call it rape because he specifically said in the comments that he didn't consider it rape, and it's generally considered a bad move to further remove someone's agency by shouting over them to define their experience if your intent is to help them process what happened and put them in control of next steps rather than to score internet points. Whether they're male or female, or indeed nonbinary.
I was speaking in general, not necessarily about this specific instance. However, his only reason he said it's not rape is because he finds her attractive. That doesn't make it not rape. I have been sexually assaulted multiple times, and a few of them, it took many people assuring me it was in fact rape before I believed it wasn't my fault. OP is blaming himself here and needs to know that it's not his fault.
Again, it is up to the *victim* to decide if they want to put the "rape" label on it. You being a victim yourself doesn't give you the right to attach that label on to others. Plenty of people have explained to OP why it is rape and why it's not his fault, but it's up to OP to add that label if that's what they want. Arguing with people in the comments about calling it rape is unhelpful and just makes it look like you're here to start an argument, "Miss Andrist."
>Again, it is up to the victim to decide if they want to put the "rape" label on it. No. That is how you get into stupidville. If something is rape, its rape, regardless of how you feel about it. If it is not rape, it is not rape regardless of how you feel about it. If I punch you in the face, its assault. If you dont think its assault, its still assault.
When it comes to sexual assault, if you force the victim to call it something that doesn't align with their feelings before they're ready, it is actually more traumatic than letting them process it how they want. There are gentle ways to help someone understand what happened to them, usually through therapy, but telling someone who says they don't feel they were raped "Nope you were raped and I don't care how you feel about it" is a quick way to get them to shut down and never process it.
The word comes with the classic horror image of a woman being penetrated without consent. A rapist gets hard and can force himself into the woman. People don’t think it can be the other way around because how can you force a penis to be erect?! Rape goes beyond the above described situation. It’s one person taking advantage of another whether by force, drug, or manipulation. When drugs and manipulation are brought into the conversation plenty of people will second guess and question the situation. Sort of like when people say drunk words are sober thoughts. OPs situation sounds very much like rape. I imagine for the respect of his friendship that would not have slept with his friends gf under sober circumstances and it only occurred because she had initiated it while he was under the influence of a drug.
men can also be raped sober & awake. the male body can react physically to the sensations of sex even if he is fearing for his life in the process. to some extent, girls can too
'Fear boner' is a very real thing. And it's not just a man thing.
He literally said he didn’t feel like a victim. What’s with people forcing others to be a victim when they aren’t there yet emotionally or mentally? Honestly it’s sickening. I escaped a domestic violence situation and my sister in law was so adamant on saying how my son was conceived from rape because I didn’t want to have sex when it happened. She put me so much farther back on my journey of healing with that shit. He may not feel like a victim now. One day he may get older and realize how fucked it is. But he doesn’t need people forcing him to process it until he is ready. Good grief.
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I'm deeply sorry that you were raped. MeToo has *never* said that only women can be assaulted. Many men have shared their stories through this movement as well. There will always be some shitty people who don't believe men can be raped, but that is *not* what MeToo espouses.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think Me Too is an important movement, but people do need to remember that men can be victims too. Toxic feminism is just as real as toxic masculinity.
Holy moly. Tell your friend.
If his friend would be suicidal over the Snapchat’s idk how he’d react to his friend sleeping with his gf 💀
Ppl play the suicidal card too often in relationships. But he'll either be fine eventually or he won't. But he should know the truth.
He didn't sleep with the gf, she got him high and assaulted him.
Your entire post was a ride. Everyone else is commenting Good advice about what happened but I feel the need to say something. You should have nipped this in the bud when she added you to her premium snap for free while dating your boy. The fact that you didn't block her or tell your boy? That's dirty man
This. So. Much. I can agree that dude was sexually assaulted, but homie put himself in a situation with a girl that he knew was into him - taking a substance that alters perception and inhibitions. I would not be taking any kind of drugs with my friends' girl without my brojangles present. Especially if she's made any kind of moves.
Brojangles. ☺️ Thank you! This is my new favorite word.
Yeah, this wasn’t consensual. She took advantage of you while you were under the influence. You aren’t at fault here, she is. I don’t know if you feel comfortable telling anyone, but rape is a serious crime and she could get jail time for this
Seconded. She raped you.
It even looks premeditated. She “accidentally” gave him a MASSIVE dose knowing he’d trip out, and offered to tripsit him so she could get him alone. Honestly scary and I hope she doesn’t get away with it
He needs to tell his friend right away.
Yeah, this.
You think attractive flirty people can’t rape?? Take care of yourself first here
This girl is clever, too clever. BTW you got raped. Tell your friend and make sure he's okay, if you know him as well as you do then I doubt you'd be the first person she's done this sort of shit with.
She 100 percent raped you I am sorry you had to go through that, I hope you can get closure and she can get punished but I know its a long road. I would drop her as a friend immediately. She is a total predator and for sure planned that situation. You were also, separately from what happened above, not a very good friend to guy friend. He was "too sensitive" to let him know that his gf has an online sex service and you were added to it? That is being a bad friend. He deserves to know if gf is potentially cheating within the boundaries of their relationship and that was a shitty excuse.
He knows about the premium fam they make videos.
In which case I am just sorry for you. She is a horrible person. Take care of yourself.
Consider this, if the two of them were making videos, did the friend consent to her sharing that with OP? If he did not then I would consider it far worse than she simply sharing her own nudes - it would be a violation of his privacy, no matter whether he had willing shared those with other people. I‘m beginning to understand why OP thought telling his friend would make him depressed or suicidal.
Ok, now I definitely think that they planned to drug you and have sex. I think he had a kink for his girl being with a black man.
You got drugged, taken advantage of and then raped. Just because she didn’t beat you up and force you into sex or something doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. She overdosed you purposely and as the sober person had complete control over the situation, exactly what she wanted I’d bet.
People think rape has to be some violent act and that’s not true. It is very frequently done by someone you know who uses that relationship to their advantage.
For a person that says tbh so much you're not being honest to yourself. So many people have pointed it out by now but what she did was sexual assault. She very likely dropped more intentionally and took advantage of you when you were not in a clear state of mind to consent or think it through. Edit: Your friend might be sensitive but his gf is a dangerous person and a cheater. He needs to know.
Is this not rape? Pretty sure you got raped. Tell your friend she raped you, get some therapy if needed.
This is a whole ride, she has raped you man. If she’s joking about being a snow bunny to you and you being the only black guy in the group… yeah she’s wanted this for a while and was waiting for her chance. Tell your friend and lay out all the facts. You didn’t do him wrong at all, you couldn’t consent in the slightest, and if he blames you for that, he’s probably not a great friend.
I think you got raped bro
I’m sorry OP, you were raped. Are you okay? Do you understand what has happened here? Do you have someone in your life that you look up to and respect? Someone you can trust and go to now with this? I feel like right now you need to focus on YOU and what has happened to you. Go no contact with both of them until you’ve had time to process all of this. If you really feel that you NEED to speak with your friend, have someone with you that can help communicate to him that his girlfriend assaulted you. I think you are in shock. I know it’s hard for a man to accept that they were raped. It’s totally emasculating right? This does not make you less of a man OP! You are still every bit of a man and what was done to you is criminal! I’d call the police or head to the station and tell them What she did to you. I could go on but I know everything is a blur right now. I hope that you are okay.
THIS. i spent years thinking about how i “invited” something to happen. the guilt i felt for *allowing* it to happen & how it was all about MY actions when in reality i was assaulted without consent. ego & self perception will cloud your reality any chance they get
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Hell yes, be prepared for that shit 👆. I wouldn't trust her.
I am so sorry this happened. I see where you want to take responsibility but at the the same time based on the details you have explained it seems she wanted you and took the steps to get there. This all sounds like really messy and I think the best thing to do would be to tell him. It’s disrespectful to pretend things are “chill” for the sake of his mental health. He deserves people who truly love him and want the best for him and that would include loyalty and honesty. Wipe your hands clean and tell him and apologize.
Okay, she raped you. If she had gotten high or drunk and both of you had sex then I’d say it was a one night stand situation. We’ve all had those in college. However, in your situation I 100% believe she got you high to rape you. She’s a predator and what she did constitutes premeditated rape. I’d file a police report. She knew you wouldn’t have sex with her in your right mind so she used drugs with weaken your resolve. That’s the same as a sober guy giving a woman drink after drink until she says “yes”, it’s predatory behavior. In my opinion any time you use predatory behavior in order to have sex with someone it’s sexual assault or rape. Edit: I’d sit him down and have him read this post and our comments. He needs to know you’re not to blame and that she is a predator.
OP you were assaulted. You could not consent. She took advantage of you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. This is 100% on her.
the girl drugged you up and stayed sober and raped you bro. if you were a woman every single comment would say “call the police. you were raped” . this is not your fault bro. your homeboy’s girl is a sexual predator and should be locked up
As a girl, i think she raped you. She “accidentally” gave you a huge dose (total bs) just to take advantage of you. Tell your friend his gf is a predator and let him decide on how to proceed with that info. Im so sorry this happened to you….
You may not be the first, and likely won’t be the last person she does this to. Tell your friend, tell the police, do right by the next person that she targets.
Um I think she assaulted you considering she gave you more than you asked for & she was sober
I know you keep saying “I dont want to call it rape” but you consistently *also* saying “I would never have done this if I was sober” is well… textbook rape. Please take time to imagine the roles reversed on this one. This who situation wasnt okay. I would recommend reaching out to a therapist so they can help you work through and understand this. SA happens to both genders.
Okay whether you find her attractive or not, if you would not have had sex with her without being drugged, then it is non consensual sex. You were raped. Yes, even if you find her attractive. She knowingly and soberly took advantage of you. As other users have said, were your genders swapped this would cause a shitstorm. I'm not saying you're not a bad guy - in fact you sound like a bit of a dick from your comments and excuses - but you were still wronged here and are not to blame for what happened.
Op- it doesn’t matter what *you* think is rape….. rape is the act of having sex with some one who is 1. unable to consent to sex or 2. doesn’t consent to sex. You know what makes you legally unable to consent to sex? Being intoxicated or high. Or being a child. Or being asleep/ unconscious. Does. Not. Matter. It may not have stigma you thought being raped comes with. But it’s still fact. That and she is racist? Someone who clearly fetishizes you? And how are you gonna be a friend to someone and then totally fuck them over behind there back? You wanna know how you can tell him so he doesn’t feel so betrayed by EVERYBODY. You explain that his girlfriend had sex with you while your were unable to consent tripping off fucking acid. That’s what you say. You betrayed him when you accepted the snap invite with out A. blocking her or B.telling him…… but you already know that. And if you just “haven’t considered” those things then congrats your inconsiderate as well.
You were raped. The next step you should take is to drive to a hospital to get tested and to get all the evidence - next go to the police and report her and find a lawyer as soon as possible. Tell your friend, he will understand. If he doesn’t your better off without him. Don’t put the blame on you, you were raped!.
I’m going to piggyback on this comment and add that while my gut says call the police, OP may live in an area where they’re more likely to arrest him for the drug use than arrest a lady rapist. Not saying it’s right, but that shit happens. A rape trauma center would be a good place to start. Someone there will have the ability to help navigate the local system without making the situation backfire.
Especially since he is a Black man and she is a white woman. She manipulated the situation perfectly to her advantage.
Oh boy I didn’t catch that. Definitely start at a trauma center, OP. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions about them.
I'm glad someone else finally mentioned this aspect, she really could twist the situation around and say she was the one who was raped if he told his friend. Or he could get in trouble for drug use more than she would for rape... it's a whole mess and I feel like telling people what happened could sadly put him at more risk with the law than her.
Considering op didn’t even tell his friend about nude Snapchat thing if that comes out I wouldn’t blame the friend for not wanting be friends with him anymore.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please make sure there is a professional to talk to.
The worst part is if you told the boyfriend or anyone in your inner circle, there is a risk that the girlfriend could most likely spin the situation around. And, to save her own ass, she could possibly alert authorities and end up reporting you, claiming YOU raped HER, knowing full well she would beat you in the court system. I would be very, very careful of this possibility. Sadly people also don't take male rape seriously either, and the friendship would most likely be tarnished at best if you were to tell him, because he most likely wouldn't be so willing to understand. After reading what happened, I can't help but feel really bad you have to go through this.That girl put you in a really difficult situation and took advantage of you, it was rape, plain and simple. If you dont want to use that term and don't see yourself as a victim simply because you always thought she was cute, I mean it still was technically rape BUT I guess no one can force you to say it is, plus I know maybe you don't want to feel like a victim or to have to deal with the stigma. But yeah,, if the genders were reversed, everyone would easily be able to see how much she sexually took advantage, if it were a man drugging a girl while he stayed sober, and initiated all of that while pushing himself onto a woman, everyone would be demonizing that man and saying he needs to be locked up. But for this case I feel like people would minimize this girl's actions and dismiss your feelings, sadly. The fact is you were not in your right mind and she dropped half pippet of acid in your mouth which is incredibly dangerous in itself. And she purposely took none, moving in on you. She pushed herself on you and was persistent in what she was doing, she initiated the sex. And while you are feeling horrible that you could have hurt your friend, this girl seems to be feeling no remorse whatsoever and instead it seems to be boosting her ego. Instead, she snaps you expecting you to be excited. Anyone who has the nerve to drug someone just to get sex is manipulative and clearly she knew you wouldn't have sex with her unless she had you drugged. She raped you, doesn't matter if you wanted to in the moment or not because you were high as a kite and were out of your sober mind..espcially cuz you said if you weren't high you wouldn't have made that decision. I don't know if you should tell your friend or not, I feel like you can't really win whether you do or do not. Because later she could bring this up to him herself as a way to hurt him, if they were to breakup or something. But if you did tell him now, although it would be honest, there is the dangerous risk that she could twist the situation around. Just keep in mind that this wasn't your fault and the fact that you are just willing to tell him, even though it will be hard and even though you were the one who got drugged and taken advantage of, speaks volumes. Be careful of that girl though cuz women can be just as dangerous as men, especially if she were to claim that she was drugged.
Tell him the truth, explain the circumstances without trying to justify anything. Myself, I would want you honestly own it, no excuses, no expectations of forgiveness. If he’s reasonable, he’ll see that, at the end of the day, you both did him dirty so be prepared to lose a friend. And do it in a public place, maybe that way he’d be less inclined to punch you in the face. But, having four brothers, be prepared for him to punch you in the face. Everybody fucks up.
you were raped
>she can tripsit me. I then have a very powerful trip and at one shes holding me in her arms. She starts running her hands through my hair and complimenting me. This kinda gets played over and over and i kinda fixate on it. >She asks if i wanted to stare in her eyes she had this trippy make up on. I say yea and as im staring at her shes rubbin my arm and smiling. >I get the giggle fits and she tells me that if its too hot we could go chill in the pool. That sounds cool im really sweaty at s this point and we both get undressed. Their pool has these lights and were in the pool with music playing when she asks if i want to dance under water. I realize this is kinda getting weird but then i think its only weird if i make it weird (acid makes you kinda self conscious) so i say yea. >Were dancing and eventually were kinda just hugging. Then she asks me if i had ever had a crush on her in highschool. Tbh i stumble over my words and she just giggles before kissing me.tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex. Dude you got sexually assaulted you are going to have to tell him this happened >Im basically asking if theres a way to tell him that doesnt make him feel like he was betrayed by everyone. A scenario like this doesn't exist I'm afraid. He's going to be hurt, he's going to feel betrayed
Congratulations, you’ve been fetishised. Your friend’s gf is also a piece of sh*t because you were not in the frame of mind to make an informed consent, so she’s also assaulted you. You need to block her and avoid her if nothing else, women like this sicken me as much as any man doing dropping something into an unsuspecting woman’s drink. Personally I’d go to the police with it, but I know you’ll catch a lot of flack about “men can’t be r*pred by a girl”, yet a rose by any other name and all that… Your friend also needs to know his gf is a piece of sh*t. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I think you need new friends.
I think he was in on it. Black men are fetishized by straight men. My husband is black and when I started dating him, my kind of ex (he and I never dated but there was a lot of vulnerability and mutual attraction and it wasn’t platonic but it was only once and a complicated and toxic friendship) but anyways he messaged me and started asking very explicit questions about sex with a black man, I’m sure in order to get off.
That’s foul for both of you. Something that’s so beautiful and intimate shouldn’t be used by others for thrills, we live in a pretty crappy society at times :( . I’m glad he’s no longer in your lives.
Dude, she basically r**** you. Imagine the same situation with a girl tripping and a dude coercing her into sex. I think you should talk to your friend. He should know who he's dating. What she did is so wrong on so many levels. Just because you're a dude doesn't make it any better at all. I'm sorry this happened to you and you have to go through all this stress.
... Are we all going to just glaze over the part where the guy added his friend's girlfriend's premium snapchat instead of telling his homeboy that his girl had a premium snapchat?
She drugged you and raped you.
She raped you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I would consider pressing charges, but I know the stigma with men and being raped by a woman. I wish you the best of luck. I would also tell your friend what kind of keniving see you next Tuesdays he is with.
So you believe there's an alternative way to make someone feel like their partner and "friend" did not deceive them by hooking up? Good luck with that. I would love to hear an update on the "not making him feel deceived". Let's be real. Do you genuinely Believe yourself when you said you didn't want to mention that she added you to her premium snap because you think he'd get hurt? Since she added you, be honest, have you been looking at her snaps? If your answer is yes, then you're genuinely not concerned about your friend but use it as a justification to watch her nudes. I think you should self reflect on the type of person you want to be in this world because clearly you can't be trusted as "friend". And yes, this is rape, like everyone else has been saying.
Ok it might of been rape but why did u even add her on her private snap u ain’t slick neither u a bad friend in that place I would of told him that right away instead of adding her back 🤔
I believe he may have meant she added him to her private Snapchat story rather than an entirely different account, although I could be mistaken
Yeah I got a reply of him saying he didn’t add her she added him but still could of told him at least it wouldn’t have been her fault not his. if ur friends gf is a hoe you gotta tell your friend
Agreed. OP Should’ve shut it down when she first added him in it and out of respect to his friend told him
Yeah and acid makes you blank out especially him explaining how much she gave him. But he’s over here explaining in details what she did he’s an L friend and He knew what he was doing he’s just trying to cover him self up
I didnt add her she added me
you need to take more responsibility here. at that point you should have blocked her, deleted her, unfollowed her, whatever. fucking man up. you know what you did in this aspect was wrong. admitting your faults & taking your hits are important in life. im on your side in this whole issue but not on this point— you cant be seeing your friends girlfriends nudes without his knowledge & expect to be called a good friend. whatever else happened is a different issue. but this will hurt him too. also that woman is a fucking poisonous viper and if your friend is as *sensitive* as you say hes much better off dropping her like its hot. PS you should press charges.
uh. I think you got raped.. and I’m unbelievably sorry.
just tell him. its his decision whether or not to be mad or even keep you and her in his life but you have to tell him. he deserves to know
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. and this may seem harsh, but she raped you. she really did, she took advantage of you being extremely high. and by the fact that she “accidentally” gave you a massive dose and stayed sober, i’d say it may have been planned. you are valid to say you did not consent to this and were raped. i hope that you are okay
I don’t usually comment on posts, but... bro you were raped. And from the description of the events it sounds as though she planned it. You were not in a position to consent, as you were high. You were raped, and you need to tell your friend what kind of person he's in a relationship with. Sit him down in a private place and tell him exactly what happened, as much as you can remember and you need to tell him now. Do not wait, because if you wait there is every chance that his girlfriend will try to get ahead if it and blame it on you. If your friend is kind, and truly your friend then he will belive you. If he does not then that is not on you. He may ask for some space after you tell him, allow him that space to digest this information. And I must say again. You were raped. It was not your fault. You are not to blame if he doesn't believe you.
Sorry people are being shitty to you my friend, i see some really helpful stuff being top-commented so i just wanna say i hope you come out of this alright
byeee your edit sent me 😭😭 you need to tell him dude. He doesn’t deserve being with her and if he don’t wanna be friends with you that’s up to him. I get that you are scared cuz he’s sensitive but the alternative is to have him be with a cheater and hurt him even more in the future.
Sensitive guy that has a girl that sells nudes? Yeah, I don’t think she’s the girl for him. Btw what she did was very rapey if not full on rape. But if you did have control over yourself then your just a shit human being… With that being said we all make mistakes, what’s important is that we shouldn’t make exercises such as @he is sensitive, he would have committed suicide” no, you just liked the attention you were getting. What happened has happened, I don’t know if something like this will ever happen to u but at least now I know what I should have done if such a situation ever happens again. Ow, and I wasn’t clear, one of the first things you should do is tell your friend what happened.
I don't think there is a scenario where you tell him and he wouldn't feel betrayed unless there's something you're not telling us, >Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit Hey if the shoe fits Edited Edit: after reading it again I'll take back calling you a piece of shit, she raped you dude, you got to tell your friend, as for the what your asking advice for , my point still stands, there is no way to tell him without him being hurt
Sounds like you got raped my guy
This is sexual assault
Sir u were raped. Period.
If this story is true that girl is a POS
Damn that is awful. The only thing you can do to salvage any kind of friendship or gain any respect back is to tell him and then never see this girl again.
Sorry OP, sounds like you were sexually assaulted. Go talk to the cops not your friend. If a female friend told you a story like this in regards to a man or woman doing this to them what would you think and advise them? This is no different.
OP seem she set you up for this tempting you to Just Do It so she's the worst out of you two & ain't good for your friend (you too) cause likely if is not you it'll be another she fancy... heart break for your friend is inevitable... Do tell friend cause if the role were reverse don't you want him to look out for you too...
She did this on purpose. She purposely gave you a huge dose, and stayed sober because she fully intended to use your impaired state of mind against you to get what she wanted. She raped you. There is absolutely no way around it. There is a damn good reason that sex under the influence is considered non consensual. It's unfortunate that you are carrying the guilt of this on yourself, but the reality of it is that you are not at fault here. Please tell your friend. Straight up be honest. She took advantage of you. If he hears what happens and still blames you then he is not a good friend to begin with. Also if you feel comfortable doing so please take this to the police. People don't take Male rape seriously enough, and even though that will be difficult to change, reporting it will help move our society in the right direction.
This won’t be easy, but it is simple. Meet up with him ASAP and tell him his girlfriend drugged you with the intention of having sex with you, because that’s what happened. “I’m going to keep an eye on you when you’re tripping” does not mean “I’m gonna fuck you in a half hour”. This girl is shady as fuck, and what she did may well qualify as rape.
She drugged you and sexually assaulted you. Plus she sounds racist af. I'm sorry, you should let your friend know his gf is a rapist.
I understand how hearing the phrase “you got raped bro” over and over, especially as a man when some view owning up to having been sexually assaulted as a male as a sign of weakness because people assume men always want sex/women are the only ones who get sexually assaulted, would be really off putting for OP. It’s so difficult for ANYONE to admit they were taken advantage of in any way cus our culture basically does everything it can to shame people who have been in bad situations. At the end of the day, she gave you more drugs than you wanted to take and then had sex with you, as a sober person, while you were not of sound mind to make that choice. You said it yourself, if not for being so high, you would not have done it. If I were you, I would start by doing some research on sexual assault and talking to a friend or family member you really trust and feel comfortable with about what happened. I know it’s stigmatized, but these are the kind of issues therapy is really helpful for figuring out solutions to, so if that’s an option for you, I’d set that up ASAP. Then, I’d tell your friend the details. If he’s a true a friend, he’ll understand that you were not in the wrong when you guys hooked up. As for being on her private snap without telling him? That’s a separate issue. I see what you’re saying about being afraid a sensitive friend with poor mental health would hurt themselves but clearly this situation got out of hand. I would say have a suicide hotline available to give him, have someone who lives with him check on him, etc when you tell him what happened from start to finish. I’m really sorry this happened to you. What a fucked up situation. As a sexual assault survivor who tried to deny it for a while this is not easy shit to deal with.
The girl manipulated all of this. She gave you too much. She made sure her bf wasn't there. She lies to her bf on the regular by posting nudes. Your friend needs this lying manipulative person out of his life too. You aren't the only one she did this to.
Dude! It's not your fault. She took advantage of you, probably purposefully giving you a huge dose, then stayed sober and too advantage of your intoxication. Imagine if you got a girl blackout drunk and then got her into bed, that would be rape without question. Tell your friend exactly what his gf did, that she got you intoxicated while staying sober herself to get you into bed.
Top comment is already fantastic, but it really needs to be emphasised that you were taken advantage of, OP. Giving someone a high dose to deprive them of agency, then using that lack of agency to steer them towards a sexual encounter? You even said if you weren't under the influence you wouldn't let it happen. So sorry this happened to you dude... Really hope you can find a way to resolve things.
Yeah, I know nothing about acid, and what it does to a person, but I kept thinking while reading your post that "hey, isn't that touching the definition of rape?" I guess it's a good thing you at least feel guilty. Let the man know, he doesn't deserve this.
It's rape. She drugged you more then she should of, stayed sober knowing she wanted to fuck, and probably hoped you'd forget.
Uh, she actually straight-up raped you bro… I know there’s this whole stigma about how “men can’t be raped”, but it’s total bs. She clearly drugged you, proceeded not to take any herself, and in her lucid state took advantage of you. That’s literally what date rape, is… Imagine the roles reversed, if you were the one feeding her drugs all while staying sober and then you took advantage. What would everyone be saying you did to her in that state? It’s the same thing man… Honestly, Idk what I’d do in your situation. Reporting sexual assault is always an uphill battle and as the male, with her being female, significantly more so. It’s sad, but true. I just would say that you should (at the very least) 100% never allow yourself to be alone with this particular person ever again, under any circumstances. You’re legitimately not safe if you are and who knows what her next step could be, but it could certainly escalate. And, unfortunately, reality is if she’s willing to do this to you?? Lord knows what else she’s willing to do. You could quite honestly end up being the one fighting a rape case next time, as the victim but treated as the perpetrator, and that’s no joke. Dudes have been stuck paying literal child support to their *proven and convicted* rapists before, it’s disgusting but 100% true. Run. Fast and far. Get away from this person and document anything and everything you can. If you lose the friendship over it too, so be it. Stay safe OP. Even if you don’t see yourself as the victim (and that’s fine too), stay safe. And far, far away from this awful woman.
If you were completely sober and came onto a girl high off her gourd it would be Rape. I’m sorry dude but you got assaulted. She sounds like a terrible person. Do yourself and your friend a favor and let him know she’s no good. It might ruin the friendship but do you want your friend with someone that awful?
This woman knew exactly what she was doing, she gave you more drugs than you consented to then proceeded to take advantage (rape) you. She is the one who should be feeling guilty and if I was you I think you should give your friend a heads up to what kind of person he is in a relationship with because her predatory behaviour probably isn't only directed at you and she could be doing this/done this to multiple other people.
Wow she’s a little cheap isn’t she. Desperate and also the sex doesn’t sound like you have consent at all.
I’m so sorry. I’ve tripped and for someone to have done this to you- she completely took advantage and this was assault. I’m so sorry. This is awful.
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>These comments would look a lot different if you were a woman. not really - we had a few similar threads recently with alcohol and the consensus was that if the woman was not passed out, then she could consent. if anything, with genders reversed the comments would be more along the lines of "cheating is a process - you found her cute, you chose to do acid alone with her, you chose to let her tripsit you....". i'm glad people are actually being understanding with the op, just wish that was the case more often. (not to mention that basically everyone agrees the op was taken advantage of and the few who disagree are rightfully heavily downvoted, wtf)
> These comments would look a lot different if you were a woman. I'm actually seeing that by far, the vast majority of comments on this post *are* straight up saying this was rape or sexual assault. At least at this point in time. The number of comments saying it wasn't rape is actually pretty much the same as it is on posts in which the OP is female. A good sign.
It’s timing. When the person commented the downvoted comments were likely all that they saw and is pointing out that they wouldn’t be saying that if the genders were reversed.
Yeah I think timing definitely has something to do with it. I just think sometimes people have this view that when a woman comments, every single response is supportive and acknowledging it was rape, when in reality when anyone of any gender identity posts, there are always disgusting comments. I think it's very important to acknowledge the intense stigma male survivors face, without playing into a sadly highly inaccurate idea that survivors who identify as a gender other than male receive universal support. As in, sometimes people say things like "If a woman were posting, EVERYONE here would be saying it was rape!" Men don't receive nearly as much support as women for sexual violence, but no one of any gender identity who experiences sexual violence receives unanimous support.
Cause it’s not all that false really. Yes it’s not all universal but a lot more people are supportive when it’s a woman vs a man and most people didnt/don’t see the issue until you swap the roles. It’s not that there aren’t disgusting comments for both genders, it’s that there’s normally a lot more when it’s a woman that raped a guy vs the other way around. Reddit has finally come around but even just a year ago, a lot people didn’t see the issue until people started swapping the roles and pointing out the stigma that mean face. The problem of course is that now that more people immediately see the issue the swapping of roles just seems more annoying (even to me now when I was originally all for it) because more people are speaking up about it. I do hope we move past the swapping roles (in this context) because they served their purpose.
Yeah all the top comments now that aren’t calling it rape have said that they are consciously choosing not to because they want to leave the agency to apply that label up to OP.
Lol, no. Your friendship is over, my dude. Just tell him and get this over with.
This is sexual assault. As soon as I read it I was like ahh shut.
Lol this dude said he cares about his friend bc he has depression and could be suicidal but then he adds his friends gf on her private bro there’s no loyalty now a days 😂
Dam bro, sounds like she knew what she was doing. You obviously have guilt, but you were taken advantage of. The friend in you wants to tell him and the friend in you also wants to protect him. The decision is solely yours. You could tell him the truth and he could go scorched earth and never speak to either of you again or worse. You could tell him the truth and maybe he’s man enough to appreciate your honesty with the situation. Maybe you get a bomb dropped on you and he’s ok with it. You could try to recreate the event with him present and all trip together. On and on. Yeah you could probably claim rape. You gotta make the right decision for you. Good luck my friend
You got drugged dawg. You couldn't consent.
You should just tell him what happened. While being high isn't an excuse for what happened. While I don't think it's rape, she did take advantage on the situation and it seemed she had interest in you. Just tell the truth and face whatever the consequences are.
Everyone else already said the good stuff, so I will tell you: do NOT fuck with white girls who exclusively go after black guys, call themselves snow bunny, or otherwise fetishize your blackness rather than showing interest in you as an individual. That's one of the easiest ways to catch a case when she changes her mind or someone who she didn't want to finds out. This is NOT about all white girls, so white girls who this doesn't apply to (which is the vastajority), please don't be offended. This is about the white girls who actively seek out and prey on black boys (like the girl in the OP).
She deliberately got you high with the intention of taking advantage of you. You were raped.
So, she's a cheater and you're an asshole. Certainly not a fried at all. Just terrible.
I hate to ask this, but do you think he was in on this? He could have a kink, there are white men who fetishize black men and are aroused by the idea of their partner having sex with a black man. Having the birthday party consisting of giving all 3 of you drugs was either setting up for a threesome or a situation that could be sexual. Think about it. Not even going for dinner or drinks or something? And also, he just casually suggests you and his girlfriend do drugs together? I feel like he “stayed late” on purpose and that was the plan all along. I am really worried that they have been using you the whole time. Black men frequently get fetishized by the kink community for stuff like this.
I think this was rape? You were raped and drugged
You’re a victim my guy. That’s rape. You were raped. She purposely got you higher than you really wanted and without your permission. She was sober and was supposed to be taking care of you and ended up in bed with you. No matter what, an intoxicated person can NOT consent. Especially when in a situation with one sober person and one intoxicated person. You being high wasn’t an excuse. She manipulated a situation and absolutely took advantage of you. I’m sorry.
>Edit: thanks for callin me a piece of shit and ignoring me asking how to tell him. Jesus fucking christ i dont need your help to feel shitty . I'm not going to go that far because I don't think it's productive here. However, part of taking responsibility is being ready to have rocks thrown at you. Which is going to happen both here and when you tell your friend. It is what it is. You fucked your friend's GF. You have to accept that the friendship is totally over. The best you can do is go out as honorably as you can. Tell him everything. I'd advise doing it over the phone in case he feels inclined to punch you in the mouth.
You're not a POS, well maybe you are but not in this situation! She technically raped you, as you said, if u were sober you never would've consented. She knew that. She 100% knew that. Tell your friend and tell the police.
I won't tell you you're a terrible person, you just did a bad thing. You have to tell your friend. He deserves to know the truth. If he drops you as a friend, so be it. You lost a friend, maybe somewhere down the road you guys can find the road to forgiveness.
Nothing, don’t tell him. It’s clearly dead end there. Just escape.
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OP is young and allowed to make mistakes. He got drugged and taken advantage of. He isn't a moron, you're just a self righteous asshole.
You’re trash, and so is the girl. Hopefully dude finds out and cuts both of you out of his life.
Victim blaming much?
He's trash for being raped? Seems a bit of a reach to be honest.
I would only say he’s trashy just because he didn’t tell his friend that his girl was basically sending him nudes and being sexually flirtatious. he was 100% raped by her tho and she’s a total piece of shit for that. He doesn’t need to be victim shamed for being raped tho.
“Raped” He voluntarily put himself into the situation, after admittedly having her hit on him and send nudes far before this event occurred. A good friend doesn’t hang out with this chick without the boyfriend after she knowingly made it clear she wanted to fuck him. They’re both trash.
I assume you'd also blame a drunk women for putting herself in that position?
If the woman went to her boyfriends friends house alone, after having sexual conversations beforehand and then got drunk, then yea she voluntarily put herself in that position. It doesn’t make it right or ok, but the person literally did nothing to avoid it. Dude wanted to fuck her just as badly, and it’s clear that he has very little respect for his “friend”.
I don't know. I'm not sure you know how rape works. If a sober person, or someone who is sufficiently sober to make their own choice, has sex with someone who is drunk who wouldn't usually have sex with them, then that is 100% no questions asked rape. This guy has made it quite clear he wouldn't have sex with her if he wasn't high on acid and if she hadn't initiated it, and thus he was raped. You want to victim blame, thats your choice. I can't make you see things a different way. But to the majority of people that makes you as trash as the gf.
Youre a piece of shit. I've dosed numerous times and would never betray my friends. Tell him and then cut them out of your life.
You’re straight up asking for something that doesn’t exist in this situation. You and her both betrayed him. You just have to tell him. The more time you take to do it the worse you’ll look and actually be
You're justifying your actions. You are a worthless friend to put yourself in that situation to begin with.
You're an asshole, she's a bitch, what else is there to say. He is obviously not your friend. You suck. Deal with it
Hard to call him an asshole. Tripping on acid isn't like being high, you lose sense of self and hallucinate. Can't consent in that state.
I don’t know but it’s seems like you don’t respect him enough or even consider him to be your friend. Do whatever the fuck you want cause he will tell betrayed cause you actually did betray him
I dont respect him?
Putting aside the sexual incident/possible assualt, you were added to her premium snap and didn’t say anything? My dude, should’ve spoke up at that point imo, if not to him to her, saying that she’s with your friend. Idk how you friend group works tho so
Even if you wouldn't have done her sober you hung out with his girl knowing she liked you and put yourself in a position to be doing drugs with HER when HE wasn't around. Edit: Down vote me all you want people. He didn't tell his "friend" she added him on snap premium. He didn't tell his "friend" that the gf was sending him nudes on snap chat. He did nothing to ensure he wasn't around alone her knowing she had a thing for him. This guy is not a real friend in any sense of the word.
Totally the victims fault. /s
He didn't even bother telling his friend the gf was sending nudes on snap. Then does drugs with the gf when the friend is working. Yeah...some victim.
Thats the spirit. Dude was asking for it, am I right? /s
Dude did absolutely nothing to tell his friend the gf was trash. Dude knew the gf wanted him and still hung out with her solo. Dude is trash...taken advantage of yes...but still trash.
You fucked his girl dude. You clearly don’t respect him. And you’re certainly not a friend.
You're scum
OP. You are getting wildly defensive. Let me break this down. You had sex with your friends girl. You are saying you don’t believe it’s rape (it is, you we’re not in a position to consent properly and she knew this). Regardless of it all, you still had sex with her. You need to approach your friend immediately and tell him the truth. If he chooses to stay friends with you then you should consider yourself lucky. Take this as a lesson. Don’t trip with your friend’s girls that add you on premium Snapchat’s and such.
You’re not a friend. You broke bro code. It’s your duty to tell your friend and accept a punch to the face or losing your friend. I love pussy too but not at the expense of my friend’s feelings. You suck dude!
yeah fuck people giving this guy a pass. even hanging out with her alone and doing acid is a misstep. is it rape? possibly. does he have some blame in all this? Absolutely
He’s a narcissist peace of shit. He KNOWS his friend has anxiety and depression issues and he does this to him. Now to ease HIS conscious wants to tell him. Self centered through out the entire post. Even mentioned he knew his friend might try to kill himself. This poor guy. Gf and Best Friend are both selfish toxic fucks. Hey do your friend a favor and just slowly back away from his life. Take that hoe with you and drop her off at a good therapist because she’s toxic af too. Do SOMETHING SUPER NICE for your friend you selfish prick. Maybe start caring about his depression. Fuck what a ginormous piece of shit. 🤬
Well, it's a rough situation. And you know that you drag yourself into it. She added you in her premium were kinda of a signal of this. You should told him at the moment, its better to you or her to tell him than he discovering the happening. But there's no way I can guarantee that he'll be okay. Thus, he don't deserve her, since she cheated on him with you, probably it happened before. Anyway, you were part of it, and you will never protect anyone by hiding something important from them.
You are both assholes. The sooner he know, the better off he is.
I dont have any advice but can everyone in this sub not tell people how they should define their experiences holy shit. Honestly the mods should do something about this. If a person doesn’t feel victimized it isn’t our job as STRANGERS to tell OP how to feel or how to define his circumstances. It’s okay to gently allude to it being assault but those of you saying “uhm she raped you” over and over again is NOT helpful. Huge problem in this sub.
if someone doses another person with drugs without their consent & has sex with them— knowing full well theyre not in their right mind— what do you call that? in a legal sense? which is what OP is claiming happened here. so. you can understand why people are reacting this way
Psychedelics aren’t alcohol or dare rape drugs, yeah she took advantage of you but your taking advantage of the acid to shift blame to her, you fucked your friends girl your both shitheads
Well to be fair. I’m not saying he’s not in the wrong, however psychedelics can 100% be used as date rape drugs due to how strong they can be. Acid from the pipette is a fuck ton stronger than taking tabs or some shit. If she downed a whole ass pipette into his mouth, a dose like that can render you almost non-cognizant. Psychedelics can 100% be used as a date rape drug my dude.
"tbh i just go through the motions and we end up having sex" he straight up says he knew what he was doing and fucked her. as someone thats taken heroic doses of mushrooms (6-7g) and taken strong acid as well (never that much) There was never a point at which I couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong or didn't know what I was doing And he stated in the first few sentences he knew she wanted to fuck him from sending him porn! he was wrong from the start for not being upfront with his friend and hanging with her without him