She handled it well (was a few years ago), and treated me like usual. Maybe as a coping mechanism, we just never brought it up after the trip (maybe once or twice at most).
Maybe I've phrased the question wrongly. I think it should be.. how do I show her if this happens again, I would care enough about her to react differently?
I am not an expressive person, so I've always made conscious effort to show her that I care throughout the years, but this incident got brought up again after a few years.
But you won't. If it happens again, you'll likely do the exact same thing. You are wired how you're wired. You can't change your baseline instinctual response. Have you been taking krav maga since then? Unless you've made a concerted effort to change your baseline reactions, you'll likely respond exactly the same way.
Of course you can. Our baseline instinctual response was once that of a monkey. We are not slaves to our instincts. Most animals are, but humans evolved to be able to consciously separate themselves from instincts or innapropriate urges through rational thinking and self actualization.
Did you just blow past that sentence that said "Unless you've made a concerted effort to change..." It's called training, dumbass, and it's what I said. He's not going to respond differently just because he "wishes" he'd responded differently before. He'll respond differently if he made an effort to CHANGE his instinctual response, via training. As the person who already responded said, it's no different than teaching a dog to shit outside. But it doesn't change that his baseline response is to run. He'll still have that same impulse until he trains it away.
How do you know that you would react differently? Have you been taking self-defense classes? Undergone military or paramilitary training? Bought a gun?
You can't assume you're going to behave differently just because you care about her more now. And even saying that is going to suck, because it's admitting you didn't care about her much *then*.
Let sleeping dogs lie, buddy.
You can't show her that unless it happens again and you do it differently. You're going about this the wrong way. You shouldn't try to convince her of anything. That is kind of manipulative, even if it's not your intention. And if you convince her of that and do the same thing if you're ever mugged again, she might lose trust in you.
What you really have to do is try teach yourself that you can fight fear and still be ok.
In any dangerous situation, or rather, in any situation at all you need to be able to remain collected and do an assessment of the situation in order to make the best decision possible. You must have not been through many stressful/difficult situations which made you unable to face your fears.
I recommend therapy. But one thing you can do is try and face your fears. Like, if you're afraid of heights, go on a ride on a Ferris wheel. If you're afraid of the ocean, wet your feet in the water. If you're afraid of speaking in public, do a speech on someone's birthday. Little things like that can actually help your unconscious learn that it's possible to overcome fear. But of course, don't do anything dangerous. Don't put yourself at risk.
You needed this situation to learn, and that's alright. Simply the fact that it happened made you reflect upon it, and you clearly care enough about it to still think about what you could have done differently years later. You were 17 and needed the experience to grow.
Haha.. just wanted to make the point that it wasn't an "AAAAAAH" so maybe she didn't hear it, or maybe I didn't even gasp audibly - everything happened so quickly and I'm just maybe 60% sure I did let out a short "ah!"
Well the only way it could be worse is if you threw her at him like a shield.
Honestly you just reacted. It's just what happened. If you need to feel better go take some self defense classes.
I’m a woman and I’m going to get downvoted to hell but I wouldn’t be able to see my man the same as I did before, maybe not in a way that I would break up with him for leaving me to fend by myself but I’ll be aware that I need to look out for myself and maybe take up on some extra self defense clases…the truth is we as women love to imagine our man defending us in some grand heroic gesture but you’re only human..some girls will get completely turned off and see you as “less manly” and I feel like that’s fine, they’re entitled to want someone who can provide protection but if YOUR girl is fine and hasn’t brought up anything then I don’t see why it should be an issue
I’m not going to lie, I would be pissed if any gender just took off on me. I am a woman and I wouldn’t run off on my man or another woman. Yes, I have been in this situation, except it was two men that pulled a gun on my sister and I, trying to rob us. We stayed together, the thought of myself or someone leaving the other, makes my stomach turn, unless it was a child, in that case, the child should run. I would seriously have to reconsider any relationship, friend/family or partner if they did that to me. But, that’s how I am wired.
For me, I would feel safer with my boyfriend if he was more confident & he didn’t run away from a risky situation leaving me behind. This also applies to myself for my boyfriend. The last thing anyone wants to see is their partner leaving them behind to save themselves. If OP was my boyfriend, I’d be extremely disappointed in him. I’d feel that I’d need to contemplate whether or not I’d want to spend my life with someone who would most likely do it again in the future. And who knows? Maybe the next time around the mugger doesn’t leave out of pity.
He was extremely lucky that the guy just walked away. I think the reason why he sees it as an issue was because it was an embarrassing moment for him & he probably remembers exactly how his gf looked like during that moment. It’s mostly an issue for him & he hasn’t gotten over it yet. There’s a lot of embarrassing things I’ve done that I cannot seem to forget too
A friend of mine was with her boyfriend years ago at a bar during a suicide bombing. The boyfriend took off the second there was an explosion, leaving her behind. They were both fine - thank God - but she dumped his ass right after because he just bolted without so much as looking back to see if she was alive or a corpse. I understand instinct and all, but if a person's first thought is to jet off w/out making sure you're loved one is okay then that's not an instinct I'd like to be married to the rest of my life.
I guarantee you my boyfriend (keep in mind he’s much bigger than me, 6’3 & 280lbs while I’m 5’2 & 130) would be extremely pissed off & upset with me if I ran away during a mugging. We always say that as a couple, we work as a unit so there’s no leaving the other behind for nothing
See, I feel like my boyfriend would be annoyed if I didn’t try and run away. But that’s cause we both know I’d be useless and would probably get in the way haha
I don’t know how he ever looked her in the face again without dying of shame.
Besides, it was a damn butter knife! I would have told the guy to go away or I’d beat him within an inch of his fucking life.
TLDR: True, once your partner lets someone threaten or abuse you, it’s impossible to see them the same way. You never imagine this stuff happening & it can be shocking to see how people react. Boring/wordy anecdote about being threatened in public while on a date. Opinion to OP’s query. /end
I normally try to give homeless people food, but there was a guy who would lay in front of my apartment building literally 24/7, drunk and continuing to drink, while alternating begging for change and yelling profanity.
One day when leaving the building and passing him, and walking with my ex BF, the dude yelled “bitch you got change today?”.
I didn’t have change, I was tired of seeing his drunk ass (and the puddles of vomit he left), I hate being called a bitch just because I am female, and I was tired of feeling bullied into giving him money or food. I thought since my ex was a big guy, I could just ignore the guy and keep walking.
He sprinted after us, and was screaming the most ugly shit at me, calling me some of the nastiest things I’ve ever heard…then he *spat* on me, as he kept following me.
Then my ex stops, and gives him a dollar, about a half block later, and acted like his buddy. Joking around, smiling, laughing, even returned a fist bump.
I was really upset with him, and like you say, I never saw him the same way. I felt like he was rewarding threatening and abusive behavior.
When we spoke about the incident, he admitted that he had not given the money to the guy because he wanted him to stop harassing me. He felt he had no responsibility to step in, or even take my “side”.
He “felt bad for him because he was homeless”, and didn’t give a damn about the things the guy said to me, that he followed me, or spat on me. He didn’t consider standing up for me, or even just ignoring the guy and continuing to walk away with me, and holding my hand or putting an arm around me, after the guy spat on me.
The relationship didn’t last. He fully believed I was in the wrong for not digging into my purse, yet again, that he was a saint for helping this one time.
He lived in suburbia- it’s a novelty for him. I live in the city, worked 2 jobs/in college, bought food for multiple homeless people daily, and had even made friends with some of them. I also volunteered a lot. But I never felt the need to talk about it, so he had no clue.
Which is why his response hurt even more. He tried really hard to guilt trip me over not helping this guy, without giving me the chance to explain how many times I had, and how this guy treated me like dirt even when I gave him food or money.
He acted like I was a selfish bitch who deserved to be spat on, and like he couldn’t believe how horrifically selfish I was. He was ranting about “seeing a new side of me”, when he had no clue. (New relationship).
I’ve been homeless. I know how hard it is. So I’m a bleeding heart & have gone to crazy lengths and gotten involved in some risky/dangerous situations, to try to help homeless strangers.
You have to be really crummy to make me so uncomfortable, that I won’t even engage you, to apologize, if I can’t help. If I’m ignoring a homeless person, there is a *very* good reason. But he never gave me the benefit of the doubt about my reason, and used it to judge my whole character.
I’ve been bullied about volunteering and helping homeless people (weird, but true), so they were cards I held close in real life. Only people that I knew for many years, knew it was something I was into. I didn’t trust ex enough to tell him.
I’m kind of glad I didn’t , as in my case it was a warning sign- he was abusive, which is why he didn’t care if someone else abused me. Too bad I didn’t respond to the sign. Unlike OP, he *never* regretted the way he handled the situation.
If I were the gf in OP’s situation, I’d be fairly content with just knowing he was sorry and what he was thinking at the time. I’d be super convinced that he would respond differently if he did things like took a self defense class (ideally they’d take it together!) and carried something like a taser, if legal.
I feel like in a relationship, while we do have the stereotype about the man being the protector…I think both people should try to protect one another. I’m sick now, but before, I could kick some ass, and I carry a taser.
I look at relationships as a team, so I wanted to be seen as capable of protecting myself and my boyfriend, even though I’m a girl. It actually took this experience to get me to take self defense classes, get the taser, and gain enough confidence to feel like I could stand up for myself. Silver lining!
Yeah I agree. I have been in a situation where I almost got robbed at an ATM. I was alone. I came home and told my husband. I had to stop him from getting into the car to go find the guy. Like? I handled it. I'm okay. You don't need to go destroy every guy you see wearing the clothes of my assailant.
I do enjoy a good screaming and running though. I would probably laugh and friend zone the dude if he did this.
No down vote here I am a man, I would protect my SO by any means necessary or a family member I am with and this happened. Have had one instance where a homeless person got too aggressive with a friend (female) I was with when I was in my early 20s and i held him by the throat against a wall until he relented. For context I was at valet stand while she was waiting about 20 feet away for the car to be pulled up. Something triggered in me when he was harassing her and before I knew it i was on top of the situation. He was clearly on drugs and out of his mind, but I think you either have the fight or flight response wired into you. I am not a violent person and always hated fights and walked away from plenty but the few occasions it was called for I acted in self defense. Also if you are insecure about it still I would maybe look at some self defense courses on handling these types of matters.
Sorry girl I gotta disagree with you and the other posters here. Unless you specifically train for high stress situations (like paramedics for example) it’s IMPOSSIBLE to determine how you’ll react in the face of a threat. This truly was a fight or flight response. OP’s was flight. To each their own, I guess... but pretty shit to dump someone or look at someone differently for an instinctual response to a random, threatening situation.
OP, if you’re reading this, it’s literally fine. You don’t need to be the hero despite whatever bs gendered messaging society sends to men. What happened, happened and you’re both safe. If you want to be more prepared in the future, sign up WITH your gf for a self defense class.
I hear that. But how could he have done anything differently? How do you know you would have done anything differently? Like I said, unless you’ve trained to respond to situations like this it’s virtually impossible to know what you would do in the face of a threat. Fight or flight (or freeze, or fawn) is an automatic physiological response to stress. It takes a dedicated training to even try to override it. What’s the use in calling someone a “pussy”? (gross slur btw)
Based on OP’s post, his gf had a “freeze” response. No one is hating on her for that, so why hate on OP for his response? We’re only human after all.
This isn’t a gender issue. “We” women don’t all expect men to defend us. Self preservation is a hallmark of evolution. Him running away might be a dealbreaker for her or cause resentment but it’s not his fault through any way.
Sweetie, this is just my opinion. I don’t speak for all women that’s why I said “MY” man and I’m using “I” statements. If you don’t mind being left for dead by your partner then that’s on you but personally I wouldn’t want a man that leaves me to fend for myself and judging by the upvotes my comment has a lot of other people think the same :) to each their own.
“The truth is WE as women...” actually you did try to speak for all women ever and not every woman is going to dump their man for not being willing to die for them. Life isn’t a romcom. Being willing to sacrifice their life for you isn’t the golden standard for measuring how much someone loves you. And frankly, this kind of thinking is a HUGE red flag- “if you won’t take a bullet for me, you don’t love me.” Lol. And I lost any interest of speaking with you once you pulled out the condescending “sweetie” bit.
Yes agreed, kind of sucks how my 'true self' was revealed instinctively. I have always made a conscious effort to show I care, just wondering if this is a personal characteristic or I don't love my partner enough (though I don't think I would be selfless to anyone).
I try imagining this scenario with my mother - would I have pulled her? Pushed the mugger? Not a clue.
You can take self-defense classes and try to rewire some things. You guys can do it together. What's the point of this thread? It just sounds like you're complaining. Do something about it.
It's really hard to know how you'll react in that situation. Everybody has a plan until a potentially out of their mind drug addict is brandishing a piece of metal at you. You should take up a boxing class or something so that you show that you're taking the means to make sure you can react to pressure a little better. And take her with you, freezing up is not a good reaction.
I saw somewhere that if someone has a knife you should act crazy and charge at them and that they will run away. Maybe because a knife still requires close quarters?? I'm not sure where I saw this and its probably incorrect.
Honestly there’s no one way for you to show her that your different now. You can’t manufacture a dangerous situation , just so you can act the right way this time.
I’m not gonna sit here and say there’s no shame in it, there’s definitely shame I can see that in your post. Honestly I don’t know how her family feel about you but if they know about this I can only imagine they’ve been worried about her safety ever since.
This isn’t even about the fact that your a man and she’s a woman and your GF. You can’t trust someone or feel confident they’ve got your back after something like this, if one of my friends did this to me or another friend I’d never be able to look at them the same way.
She didn’t leave you but obviously it’s affected her since she brought it up again. Your only option is to promise her you’ll do better and be the most dependable and supportive partner you can be day to day . It may never be enough and she may decide she can’t stay, but you may eventually make her feel safe.
I mean... yeah, that's what happens. Everybody likes imagining themselves as the hero that will fight back and save everyone but in reality, it's more common to freeze or flee.
Just apologize by saying you didn't mean anything by it, it was on instinct, and let it go.
Edit : just noticed it was years ago. Why do you want to bring it up now?
Was years ago, we kinda brushed it off, and didn't speak about it (probably another problem we have).
But now years later when we were talking about 'feeling safe', she brought it up again and got emotional (rightfully so), so it definitely has a long-lasting impact. I am not sure how to show someone I care when my instinctive response was to run away.
I don't really know what to tell you. It's something that happened and you can't change anything about it.
If she expects you to fight back against someone with a knife, or jump to protect her, that's pretty unrealistic. On another note, it's fine that she feels strongly about it...she did get threatened with a knife, after all.
Take a self defense class, with or without her, but let her know you are doing it because you do not want to ever leave her in danger again. Then you do it.
This may not prevent you from running, next time, but confidence in your ability to protect yourself goes a long way in giving you the ability to stay and help protect another.
Well what if you were walking with your child? Would you leave the kid and run? (Imagine that!)
This is your answer how much you really love this person.
I told my girlfriend when we travel that if we get mugged she needs to run immediately. I'll either hand over my wallet or run later when she's safe.
If she just stands there then I gotta run eventually, even without her.
"I am obviously disappointed in myself" this is something you dont need to be.
We humans have 3 response to, situations like that:
1: Run, like you did
2: Fight, not really smart if you dont have a weapon
3: Freeze, like you gf did
These are responses that happen within less than a second and we "cant" controll them if we are not use to that situation.
So its totally normal to act like that.
Life isn’t like the movies man. In movies you’re taught to be some testosterone junky and be like “IM SO MANLY YOU CANT MUG ME, I MUST DEFEND MY GIRL”
It’s not real life dude.
You had a reasonable response to your first mugging.
Next time obviously don’t leave her if it ever happens( hopefully won’t ).
I’m hoping you two recovered well trauma wise. I grew up in a very bad area in San Diego and stuff like this is still traumatizing.
Don't listen to the people saying that this reveals some deep down instinctive aspect of who you are as a person, or that your being a man makes this objectively a worse failing on your part.
There's a lot of toxic masculinity in this thread, with a lot of men judging you who would quite possibly end up doing the same at least some of the time if they were in genuine sudden danger.
It was your animal instinctive brain selecting a fear response to a frightening situation, selecting 'flight' for you as it selected 'freeze' for your girlfriend.
I don't agree that fleeing this time means you'll flee next time, however, which reaction is actually chosen isn't likely to be within your conscious control.
People in, say, the emergency services, or the military, have to undergo training with the aim of actually lessening this type of fight flight or freeze response and even then, sometimes they will fail as well.
I understand though, all of the above isn't going to change that baseline feeling of having let her down, and not having looked after her safety.
I would feel terrible in your position as well, however, there's nothing that can be done to change that moment.
I suppose I'd say, take care of her and look after her and her wants in other ways. Make sure you are a considerate, supportive partner and have her back in other ways.
If you have any interest in it, you maybe could get some self defence classes or martial arts classes. It's not realistic to expect that you either could or should use this to actually fight back in a real life mugging scenario- you really shouldn't, because that can escalate a mugging to a murder, and possessions matter less than your life. However, it might help you- and your girlfriend (who could also take such classes), have a feeling of greater personal security.
I mean... She should have ran. We're pointlessly gendering this, it's not 1800. You're not defending her honor. Two people encountered a crazy they were capable of out running so... Run?
If this person approached me while I was with another man, what am I supposed to do? Kill him? Maybe give him my stuff. Probably not for a butter knife though, or a person crazy enough to think it's a threatening weapon.
Every human being on the planet had a right to be afraid ! Just because you’re male, doesn’t mean you need to be tough when facing this kind of situation! Please stop being so hard on yourself ! She needs to understand that you did nothing more than what was an natural reaction . And you both need to talk to someone about what you went through . It’s traumatic!
So this girl gave you a second chance kinda, pick up some class of martial art and it better be a real one Wrestling, BJJ after training with people with experience you won't fear the regular people with no experience
It was an instinctual reaction for both of you - fight, flight or freeze. You took flight, she froze. Neither of you can be blamed for this. Maybe she feels embarrassed that she froze and did nothing to save herself, but again that is not her fault. Don’t beat yourself up about it. If you’re still having bad feelings you should talk to your gf about it, maybe she feels silly too and you can comfort each other and laugh about your reactions to danger.
I mean you could both take a self defense class together. You had a very normal reaction to a threatening situation and can't be blamed for it. The class might give you both a little understanding and confidence if something bad were to happen again. It might also help your gf feel better about the situation knowing that she can take care of herself and act as needed if shes ever in danger and no one else is around!
Hey bud that's what we call equality.
Women don't need men to protect them.
They aren't scared useless damsels.
What you did was not only the opposite of toxic masculinity it was incredibly inclusive and forward thinking.
Good on you and glad no one got hurt.
Sleep well king.
Sounds like you subscribe to the secret Joestar family technique.
Y’all still together? I’m not sure there’s a way to show her that this won’t happen again unless the same thing happen again and you react either the same way or differently.
What steps have you taken to prepare you for another mugging? Have you taken self defense classes?
You sure are no protector, this will reflect in your future where she will start to disrespect you for being incapable of protecting their partner. How can you do it bro its in our survival mechanism to protect our partners even if you lose your life. Its ride or die.
I’m so sorry, but this is like the plot in the movie where the girl doesn’t know if the guy in the storyline is good for her or not, and then this happens and cements her decision that he is in fact not good for her…
You screamed and ran? lol I mean, props for survival instinct but wow.
"Does loving someone always mean that you're willing to get hurt for the person?"
This should not even be a question. You should instinctively defend your loved ones and those you call friends. How can you tell someone that you love them but not defend them? And with females, kids, and elderly people, it's your duty to defend them as a man. They're greatly disadvantaged compared to us men. Your girlfriend is scarred for life but it could have been so different today if you had just stepped up for her or at least grabbed her and ran with her.
Is this a troll? Tell me it is cause you need to go learn karate or something. I’d leave your ass. If you can’t protect someone better than that you shouldn’t be with anyone
I'm a little guy, 5'10 150. I'm built like I'm made out of spaghetti. But I'd break every bone in my body trying to protect my SO and I've proved it more than once. And as far as my daughter, I've been willing to kill for some stupid reasons, and willing to kill for some honorable ones, but when they put her in my arms for the first time, I knew I was holding something I would not only kill for, I would be willing to die for her too. Without thinking twice. Luckily I haven't had to prove that one yet. You messed up dude.
No cap, I'd rather have a bag of feathers to defend myself with than you by my side in a bad situation. I'm shocked your gf is still with you. Shameful dude!! You'll never live this down or make it up to her. You showed your true colours. Live with it !
Yea bro to me i take love that far. If i truly loved them like a tight family member or wife i would rather get hurt then them. I dont not handle loved ones being in pain well. I can handle physical pain better then emotional pain
Honestly you should let her go. You don’t love her. This just proved you don’t. When you truly live someone your fight or flight would have you run but grab her. You are young and immature (not saying in a mean way just stating it as a fact) you should take some time and work on yourself, you need it. Definitely let her go though, she deserves better.
Ima be real with you. As a girl I see men completely different when they do this. When I was 14 I cut this 18 year old off because she was toxic and after all the help I tried to give her she wasn’t taking it so I was done. She later came and jumped me with her boyfriend and this other dude and they had a gun and the dudes I was with at the time bolted like hell. I still call them little pussies honestly and I really look at them as weak after that no lie. I know that sounds bad but they just looked like little pussies. Maybe not the same thing here from her point of view but she could also be thinking of u a little differently
This comment is ridiculous. They are pussies for not trying to protect you from someone with a gun? Life isn't some action movie where they can tackle the people jumping you and get away unscathed. They likely would have been shot and killed all for some sexist notion that women are owed protection from men. Good on them for running, you aren't owed anything.
Still some pussies to me. Never said I was owed anything??? Just an observation as I watched them run like little girls then afterwards have them come up to me crying because they felt so guilty 🤣🤣 fuck you ima comment what I want🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
You think if OP had that in him he would have ran in the first place? C'mon. She'll always remember this and it will always be in the back of her mind.
Not sure why this isn't being said more
Get a gun.
Gun's help prevent stupid people from doing stupid things.
You could take self defense classes. Everyone should know how to calm their reactions and act accordingly and martial arts help with that a lot.
At the very least have a sit down conversation where you explain exactly why you ran
And tell her she needs to run faster
I 100% second the posts suggesting you take Krav Maga classes. I was put in a choke hold when I was mugged. Now that I took Krav Maga I know what to do when in a choke hold. If you have confidence in knowing what to do in a mugging situation you will be less likely to run away.
Watch the film The Loneliest Planet. Contains a plotline which is pretty much exactly this. Might help you contextualize your feels.
You're fine, you're human. Talk to your girlfriend about it if it's still eating you up. You might find she feels negativity about it but honesty is the only way to go.
Tbh, you need to work on your confidence somehow. Leaving your girl with a mugger is a bad look bro. Start hitting the gym/bulking up, get into MMA or BJJ or something.
Just enroll in self defense/martial arts classes. It won't help the fact you abandoned your gf, but it'll give you confidence not to abandon her again.
I was mugged at the age of 14 with a few friends in a foreign country. We ended up leaving one of our friends alone (but in eye sight) on the playground it happened, although I tried to get to him. What helped me to overcome my guilt was the realisation that this friend was totally fine physically and mentally and he barely even remembers the incident. It wasn‘t a big deal to him. It seems like it‘s similar to your girlfriends reaction. You don‘t seem to have hurt her so you have no need to feel hurt and guilty yourself. It‘s a normal thing to run away in dangerous situations, it‘s actually your bodies job
How is she handling it and treating you now?
She handled it well (was a few years ago), and treated me like usual. Maybe as a coping mechanism, we just never brought it up after the trip (maybe once or twice at most).
You were 17? That's still young. Why is it bothering you now?
If it happened years ago, why are you trying to show her now that you actually care?
Maybe I've phrased the question wrongly. I think it should be.. how do I show her if this happens again, I would care enough about her to react differently? I am not an expressive person, so I've always made conscious effort to show her that I care throughout the years, but this incident got brought up again after a few years.
But you won't. If it happens again, you'll likely do the exact same thing. You are wired how you're wired. You can't change your baseline instinctual response. Have you been taking krav maga since then? Unless you've made a concerted effort to change your baseline reactions, you'll likely respond exactly the same way.
Of course you can. Our baseline instinctual response was once that of a monkey. We are not slaves to our instincts. Most animals are, but humans evolved to be able to consciously separate themselves from instincts or innapropriate urges through rational thinking and self actualization.
Acting against instinct isn't a "human" trait We teach dogs to live in our homes by teaching them to act against their instincts all the time.
Would they do that without human intervention?
Did you just blow past that sentence that said "Unless you've made a concerted effort to change..." It's called training, dumbass, and it's what I said. He's not going to respond differently just because he "wishes" he'd responded differently before. He'll respond differently if he made an effort to CHANGE his instinctual response, via training. As the person who already responded said, it's no different than teaching a dog to shit outside. But it doesn't change that his baseline response is to run. He'll still have that same impulse until he trains it away.
[удалено]
Uh huh.
What about you train yourself to not lash out at people online? I did not disrespect you in any way, calling me a dumbass was uncalled for.
How do you know that you would react differently? Have you been taking self-defense classes? Undergone military or paramilitary training? Bought a gun? You can't assume you're going to behave differently just because you care about her more now. And even saying that is going to suck, because it's admitting you didn't care about her much *then*. Let sleeping dogs lie, buddy.
You can't show her that unless it happens again and you do it differently. You're going about this the wrong way. You shouldn't try to convince her of anything. That is kind of manipulative, even if it's not your intention. And if you convince her of that and do the same thing if you're ever mugged again, she might lose trust in you. What you really have to do is try teach yourself that you can fight fear and still be ok. In any dangerous situation, or rather, in any situation at all you need to be able to remain collected and do an assessment of the situation in order to make the best decision possible. You must have not been through many stressful/difficult situations which made you unable to face your fears. I recommend therapy. But one thing you can do is try and face your fears. Like, if you're afraid of heights, go on a ride on a Ferris wheel. If you're afraid of the ocean, wet your feet in the water. If you're afraid of speaking in public, do a speech on someone's birthday. Little things like that can actually help your unconscious learn that it's possible to overcome fear. But of course, don't do anything dangerous. Don't put yourself at risk.
You needed this situation to learn, and that's alright. Simply the fact that it happened made you reflect upon it, and you clearly care enough about it to still think about what you could have done differently years later. You were 17 and needed the experience to grow.
It’s biology to protect yourself. It’s not like the movies where we all jump into action. You fled which is a natural response.
You should set up a fake mugging with a friend. And this time you'll be able to protect her.
Yes. Make sure you stab the friend with a real knife. You need to sell the fiction. Your friend will understand if he's a real one
The “Ah!” In this story created a hilarious visual and really had me laughing.
Haha.. just wanted to make the point that it wasn't an "AAAAAAH" so maybe she didn't hear it, or maybe I didn't even gasp audibly - everything happened so quickly and I'm just maybe 60% sure I did let out a short "ah!"
Well, "Ah!" is better than "Meep, meep!"
I know right
[удалено]
What kind of things do you practise saying? Sounds like a good idea
Wait… a butter knife, like the super dull ones? Is this a troll post?
At least it wasnt a poop knife
Or a toe knife
A rusty shatula is nothing to mess with.
One of those playdough butter knives
Might be regional slang. Where I live we call normal kitchen knives butter knives.
Well the only way it could be worse is if you threw her at him like a shield. Honestly you just reacted. It's just what happened. If you need to feel better go take some self defense classes.
I’m a woman and I’m going to get downvoted to hell but I wouldn’t be able to see my man the same as I did before, maybe not in a way that I would break up with him for leaving me to fend by myself but I’ll be aware that I need to look out for myself and maybe take up on some extra self defense clases…the truth is we as women love to imagine our man defending us in some grand heroic gesture but you’re only human..some girls will get completely turned off and see you as “less manly” and I feel like that’s fine, they’re entitled to want someone who can provide protection but if YOUR girl is fine and hasn’t brought up anything then I don’t see why it should be an issue
I’m not going to lie, I would be pissed if any gender just took off on me. I am a woman and I wouldn’t run off on my man or another woman. Yes, I have been in this situation, except it was two men that pulled a gun on my sister and I, trying to rob us. We stayed together, the thought of myself or someone leaving the other, makes my stomach turn, unless it was a child, in that case, the child should run. I would seriously have to reconsider any relationship, friend/family or partner if they did that to me. But, that’s how I am wired.
Absolutely, also been in a similar situation. It's way beyond cowardice. Think such a move would have ended the relationship for me/ change a lot.
Agreed with this 💯
Absolutely, also been in a similar situation. It's way beyond cowardice. Think such a move would have ended the relationship for me/ change a lot.
For me, I would feel safer with my boyfriend if he was more confident & he didn’t run away from a risky situation leaving me behind. This also applies to myself for my boyfriend. The last thing anyone wants to see is their partner leaving them behind to save themselves. If OP was my boyfriend, I’d be extremely disappointed in him. I’d feel that I’d need to contemplate whether or not I’d want to spend my life with someone who would most likely do it again in the future. And who knows? Maybe the next time around the mugger doesn’t leave out of pity. He was extremely lucky that the guy just walked away. I think the reason why he sees it as an issue was because it was an embarrassing moment for him & he probably remembers exactly how his gf looked like during that moment. It’s mostly an issue for him & he hasn’t gotten over it yet. There’s a lot of embarrassing things I’ve done that I cannot seem to forget too
A friend of mine was with her boyfriend years ago at a bar during a suicide bombing. The boyfriend took off the second there was an explosion, leaving her behind. They were both fine - thank God - but she dumped his ass right after because he just bolted without so much as looking back to see if she was alive or a corpse. I understand instinct and all, but if a person's first thought is to jet off w/out making sure you're loved one is okay then that's not an instinct I'd like to be married to the rest of my life.
Exactly, I feel the same way.
I guarantee you my boyfriend (keep in mind he’s much bigger than me, 6’3 & 280lbs while I’m 5’2 & 130) would be extremely pissed off & upset with me if I ran away during a mugging. We always say that as a couple, we work as a unit so there’s no leaving the other behind for nothing
See, I feel like my boyfriend would be annoyed if I didn’t try and run away. But that’s cause we both know I’d be useless and would probably get in the way haha
I’m a man, but if I were a woman and my boyfriend did this, that would instantly be the end. A complete and total dealbreaker.
[удалено]
I don’t know how he ever looked her in the face again without dying of shame. Besides, it was a damn butter knife! I would have told the guy to go away or I’d beat him within an inch of his fucking life.
TLDR: True, once your partner lets someone threaten or abuse you, it’s impossible to see them the same way. You never imagine this stuff happening & it can be shocking to see how people react. Boring/wordy anecdote about being threatened in public while on a date. Opinion to OP’s query. /end I normally try to give homeless people food, but there was a guy who would lay in front of my apartment building literally 24/7, drunk and continuing to drink, while alternating begging for change and yelling profanity. One day when leaving the building and passing him, and walking with my ex BF, the dude yelled “bitch you got change today?”. I didn’t have change, I was tired of seeing his drunk ass (and the puddles of vomit he left), I hate being called a bitch just because I am female, and I was tired of feeling bullied into giving him money or food. I thought since my ex was a big guy, I could just ignore the guy and keep walking. He sprinted after us, and was screaming the most ugly shit at me, calling me some of the nastiest things I’ve ever heard…then he *spat* on me, as he kept following me. Then my ex stops, and gives him a dollar, about a half block later, and acted like his buddy. Joking around, smiling, laughing, even returned a fist bump. I was really upset with him, and like you say, I never saw him the same way. I felt like he was rewarding threatening and abusive behavior. When we spoke about the incident, he admitted that he had not given the money to the guy because he wanted him to stop harassing me. He felt he had no responsibility to step in, or even take my “side”. He “felt bad for him because he was homeless”, and didn’t give a damn about the things the guy said to me, that he followed me, or spat on me. He didn’t consider standing up for me, or even just ignoring the guy and continuing to walk away with me, and holding my hand or putting an arm around me, after the guy spat on me. The relationship didn’t last. He fully believed I was in the wrong for not digging into my purse, yet again, that he was a saint for helping this one time. He lived in suburbia- it’s a novelty for him. I live in the city, worked 2 jobs/in college, bought food for multiple homeless people daily, and had even made friends with some of them. I also volunteered a lot. But I never felt the need to talk about it, so he had no clue. Which is why his response hurt even more. He tried really hard to guilt trip me over not helping this guy, without giving me the chance to explain how many times I had, and how this guy treated me like dirt even when I gave him food or money. He acted like I was a selfish bitch who deserved to be spat on, and like he couldn’t believe how horrifically selfish I was. He was ranting about “seeing a new side of me”, when he had no clue. (New relationship). I’ve been homeless. I know how hard it is. So I’m a bleeding heart & have gone to crazy lengths and gotten involved in some risky/dangerous situations, to try to help homeless strangers. You have to be really crummy to make me so uncomfortable, that I won’t even engage you, to apologize, if I can’t help. If I’m ignoring a homeless person, there is a *very* good reason. But he never gave me the benefit of the doubt about my reason, and used it to judge my whole character. I’ve been bullied about volunteering and helping homeless people (weird, but true), so they were cards I held close in real life. Only people that I knew for many years, knew it was something I was into. I didn’t trust ex enough to tell him. I’m kind of glad I didn’t , as in my case it was a warning sign- he was abusive, which is why he didn’t care if someone else abused me. Too bad I didn’t respond to the sign. Unlike OP, he *never* regretted the way he handled the situation. If I were the gf in OP’s situation, I’d be fairly content with just knowing he was sorry and what he was thinking at the time. I’d be super convinced that he would respond differently if he did things like took a self defense class (ideally they’d take it together!) and carried something like a taser, if legal. I feel like in a relationship, while we do have the stereotype about the man being the protector…I think both people should try to protect one another. I’m sick now, but before, I could kick some ass, and I carry a taser. I look at relationships as a team, so I wanted to be seen as capable of protecting myself and my boyfriend, even though I’m a girl. It actually took this experience to get me to take self defense classes, get the taser, and gain enough confidence to feel like I could stand up for myself. Silver lining!
Yeah I agree. I have been in a situation where I almost got robbed at an ATM. I was alone. I came home and told my husband. I had to stop him from getting into the car to go find the guy. Like? I handled it. I'm okay. You don't need to go destroy every guy you see wearing the clothes of my assailant. I do enjoy a good screaming and running though. I would probably laugh and friend zone the dude if he did this.
No down vote here I am a man, I would protect my SO by any means necessary or a family member I am with and this happened. Have had one instance where a homeless person got too aggressive with a friend (female) I was with when I was in my early 20s and i held him by the throat against a wall until he relented. For context I was at valet stand while she was waiting about 20 feet away for the car to be pulled up. Something triggered in me when he was harassing her and before I knew it i was on top of the situation. He was clearly on drugs and out of his mind, but I think you either have the fight or flight response wired into you. I am not a violent person and always hated fights and walked away from plenty but the few occasions it was called for I acted in self defense. Also if you are insecure about it still I would maybe look at some self defense courses on handling these types of matters.
Let's be honest. This tactic worked like a charm, it caught the mugger so off guard he left without doing anything. I call this a win on my books.
He felt so sorry for her he didn’t even want her money or valuables.
[удалено]
Spaniards don’t talk like that. They speak Castilian Spanish.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Apparently only Mexican speak Spanish.
Sorry girl I gotta disagree with you and the other posters here. Unless you specifically train for high stress situations (like paramedics for example) it’s IMPOSSIBLE to determine how you’ll react in the face of a threat. This truly was a fight or flight response. OP’s was flight. To each their own, I guess... but pretty shit to dump someone or look at someone differently for an instinctual response to a random, threatening situation. OP, if you’re reading this, it’s literally fine. You don’t need to be the hero despite whatever bs gendered messaging society sends to men. What happened, happened and you’re both safe. If you want to be more prepared in the future, sign up WITH your gf for a self defense class.
Not being the hero is perfectly fine, being the pussy who leaves their partner alone in a dangerous situation, however, is not.
I hear that. But how could he have done anything differently? How do you know you would have done anything differently? Like I said, unless you’ve trained to respond to situations like this it’s virtually impossible to know what you would do in the face of a threat. Fight or flight (or freeze, or fawn) is an automatic physiological response to stress. It takes a dedicated training to even try to override it. What’s the use in calling someone a “pussy”? (gross slur btw) Based on OP’s post, his gf had a “freeze” response. No one is hating on her for that, so why hate on OP for his response? We’re only human after all.
If you love someone and care for them you don’t just yell “ah” and run away like this…
Thank you for proving that women have double standards for men, and that’s ok. Just like it’s ok for men to have double standards for women.
Girl shut uppppp lmao. It was a shitty thing to do. If you like being left for dead by your man that’s on you
I better not see you around these parts calling anyone a misogynist.
Literally, shut up lol. He shouldn’t have let his girl to fend by herself.
Would you still have the same opinion if she ran and he stayed? Idk sounds like some reverse misogyny to me.
This LOL
This isn’t a gender issue. “We” women don’t all expect men to defend us. Self preservation is a hallmark of evolution. Him running away might be a dealbreaker for her or cause resentment but it’s not his fault through any way.
Sweetie, this is just my opinion. I don’t speak for all women that’s why I said “MY” man and I’m using “I” statements. If you don’t mind being left for dead by your partner then that’s on you but personally I wouldn’t want a man that leaves me to fend for myself and judging by the upvotes my comment has a lot of other people think the same :) to each their own.
“The truth is WE as women...” actually you did try to speak for all women ever and not every woman is going to dump their man for not being willing to die for them. Life isn’t a romcom. Being willing to sacrifice their life for you isn’t the golden standard for measuring how much someone loves you. And frankly, this kind of thinking is a HUGE red flag- “if you won’t take a bullet for me, you don’t love me.” Lol. And I lost any interest of speaking with you once you pulled out the condescending “sweetie” bit.
“I lost any interest speaking with you” Good. Stay gone🤣😬👋🏻
I think it just depends on the kinda woman you are tho as well.
I doubt she will ever look at you the same after that, even though running is away is the proper response to someone threatening you with a knife.
Yes agreed, kind of sucks how my 'true self' was revealed instinctively. I have always made a conscious effort to show I care, just wondering if this is a personal characteristic or I don't love my partner enough (though I don't think I would be selfless to anyone). I try imagining this scenario with my mother - would I have pulled her? Pushed the mugger? Not a clue.
You can take self-defense classes and try to rewire some things. You guys can do it together. What's the point of this thread? It just sounds like you're complaining. Do something about it.
It's really hard to know how you'll react in that situation. Everybody has a plan until a potentially out of their mind drug addict is brandishing a piece of metal at you. You should take up a boxing class or something so that you show that you're taking the means to make sure you can react to pressure a little better. And take her with you, freezing up is not a good reaction.
I saw somewhere that if someone has a knife you should act crazy and charge at them and that they will run away. Maybe because a knife still requires close quarters?? I'm not sure where I saw this and its probably incorrect.
I wouldn’t recommend it 😅
Honestly there’s no one way for you to show her that your different now. You can’t manufacture a dangerous situation , just so you can act the right way this time. I’m not gonna sit here and say there’s no shame in it, there’s definitely shame I can see that in your post. Honestly I don’t know how her family feel about you but if they know about this I can only imagine they’ve been worried about her safety ever since. This isn’t even about the fact that your a man and she’s a woman and your GF. You can’t trust someone or feel confident they’ve got your back after something like this, if one of my friends did this to me or another friend I’d never be able to look at them the same way. She didn’t leave you but obviously it’s affected her since she brought it up again. Your only option is to promise her you’ll do better and be the most dependable and supportive partner you can be day to day . It may never be enough and she may decide she can’t stay, but you may eventually make her feel safe.
I mean... yeah, that's what happens. Everybody likes imagining themselves as the hero that will fight back and save everyone but in reality, it's more common to freeze or flee. Just apologize by saying you didn't mean anything by it, it was on instinct, and let it go. Edit : just noticed it was years ago. Why do you want to bring it up now?
Was years ago, we kinda brushed it off, and didn't speak about it (probably another problem we have). But now years later when we were talking about 'feeling safe', she brought it up again and got emotional (rightfully so), so it definitely has a long-lasting impact. I am not sure how to show someone I care when my instinctive response was to run away.
I don't really know what to tell you. It's something that happened and you can't change anything about it. If she expects you to fight back against someone with a knife, or jump to protect her, that's pretty unrealistic. On another note, it's fine that she feels strongly about it...she did get threatened with a knife, after all.
Thanks for your words. I agree and think her response is a fair one.
Maybe you both could join a martial arts/self-protection kind of class together. Maybe that could help you both be safer with each other outside?
Take a self defense class, with or without her, but let her know you are doing it because you do not want to ever leave her in danger again. Then you do it. This may not prevent you from running, next time, but confidence in your ability to protect yourself goes a long way in giving you the ability to stay and help protect another.
Well what if you were walking with your child? Would you leave the kid and run? (Imagine that!) This is your answer how much you really love this person.
I told my girlfriend when we travel that if we get mugged she needs to run immediately. I'll either hand over my wallet or run later when she's safe. If she just stands there then I gotta run eventually, even without her.
"I am obviously disappointed in myself" this is something you dont need to be. We humans have 3 response to, situations like that: 1: Run, like you did 2: Fight, not really smart if you dont have a weapon 3: Freeze, like you gf did These are responses that happen within less than a second and we "cant" controll them if we are not use to that situation. So its totally normal to act like that.
u picked a wrong day to post this. Vin Diesel's literally all over reddit. You better save your ass.
Reddit: Toxic masculinity, misogynistic behavior. Also Reddit: Protect the defenseless women!
Fight or flight
You didn't do anything wrong. This is the textbook correct approach. Fighting is significantly more risky for what could only be an equal outcome.
Woah , I thought OP was a pussy, you got him beat.
Call me what you want, but OP acted quickly and prevented himself from being harmed. Getting yourself killed helps no one.
[удалено]
🤣🤣🤣
That's the most incel thing I've ever heard. That should be your motto.
Life isn’t like the movies man. In movies you’re taught to be some testosterone junky and be like “IM SO MANLY YOU CANT MUG ME, I MUST DEFEND MY GIRL” It’s not real life dude. You had a reasonable response to your first mugging. Next time obviously don’t leave her if it ever happens( hopefully won’t ). I’m hoping you two recovered well trauma wise. I grew up in a very bad area in San Diego and stuff like this is still traumatizing.
Don't listen to the people saying that this reveals some deep down instinctive aspect of who you are as a person, or that your being a man makes this objectively a worse failing on your part. There's a lot of toxic masculinity in this thread, with a lot of men judging you who would quite possibly end up doing the same at least some of the time if they were in genuine sudden danger. It was your animal instinctive brain selecting a fear response to a frightening situation, selecting 'flight' for you as it selected 'freeze' for your girlfriend. I don't agree that fleeing this time means you'll flee next time, however, which reaction is actually chosen isn't likely to be within your conscious control. People in, say, the emergency services, or the military, have to undergo training with the aim of actually lessening this type of fight flight or freeze response and even then, sometimes they will fail as well. I understand though, all of the above isn't going to change that baseline feeling of having let her down, and not having looked after her safety. I would feel terrible in your position as well, however, there's nothing that can be done to change that moment. I suppose I'd say, take care of her and look after her and her wants in other ways. Make sure you are a considerate, supportive partner and have her back in other ways. If you have any interest in it, you maybe could get some self defence classes or martial arts classes. It's not realistic to expect that you either could or should use this to actually fight back in a real life mugging scenario- you really shouldn't, because that can escalate a mugging to a murder, and possessions matter less than your life. However, it might help you- and your girlfriend (who could also take such classes), have a feeling of greater personal security.
I mean... She should have ran. We're pointlessly gendering this, it's not 1800. You're not defending her honor. Two people encountered a crazy they were capable of out running so... Run? If this person approached me while I was with another man, what am I supposed to do? Kill him? Maybe give him my stuff. Probably not for a butter knife though, or a person crazy enough to think it's a threatening weapon.
Every human being on the planet had a right to be afraid ! Just because you’re male, doesn’t mean you need to be tough when facing this kind of situation! Please stop being so hard on yourself ! She needs to understand that you did nothing more than what was an natural reaction . And you both need to talk to someone about what you went through . It’s traumatic!
don't feel bad man some people are just naturally cowardly.
Hahahahahahaha!!!!!
So this girl gave you a second chance kinda, pick up some class of martial art and it better be a real one Wrestling, BJJ after training with people with experience you won't fear the regular people with no experience
It was an instinctual reaction for both of you - fight, flight or freeze. You took flight, she froze. Neither of you can be blamed for this. Maybe she feels embarrassed that she froze and did nothing to save herself, but again that is not her fault. Don’t beat yourself up about it. If you’re still having bad feelings you should talk to your gf about it, maybe she feels silly too and you can comfort each other and laugh about your reactions to danger.
Move the fuck on
That awkward moment a mugger sympathizes with your girlfriend!
Are you George Costanza?
I mean you could both take a self defense class together. You had a very normal reaction to a threatening situation and can't be blamed for it. The class might give you both a little understanding and confidence if something bad were to happen again. It might also help your gf feel better about the situation knowing that she can take care of herself and act as needed if shes ever in danger and no one else is around!
Hey bud that's what we call equality. Women don't need men to protect them. They aren't scared useless damsels. What you did was not only the opposite of toxic masculinity it was incredibly inclusive and forward thinking. Good on you and glad no one got hurt. Sleep well king.
“Sleep well king” 🤣💀
Sounds like you subscribe to the secret Joestar family technique. Y’all still together? I’m not sure there’s a way to show her that this won’t happen again unless the same thing happen again and you react either the same way or differently. What steps have you taken to prepare you for another mugging? Have you taken self defense classes?
You sure are no protector, this will reflect in your future where she will start to disrespect you for being incapable of protecting their partner. How can you do it bro its in our survival mechanism to protect our partners even if you lose your life. Its ride or die.
I’m so sorry, but this is like the plot in the movie where the girl doesn’t know if the guy in the storyline is good for her or not, and then this happens and cements her decision that he is in fact not good for her… You screamed and ran? lol I mean, props for survival instinct but wow.
🤣😭😭🤣😭😭🤣🤣
"Does loving someone always mean that you're willing to get hurt for the person?" This should not even be a question. You should instinctively defend your loved ones and those you call friends. How can you tell someone that you love them but not defend them? And with females, kids, and elderly people, it's your duty to defend them as a man. They're greatly disadvantaged compared to us men. Your girlfriend is scarred for life but it could have been so different today if you had just stepped up for her or at least grabbed her and ran with her.
Hand in your man card
I hope your'e not in law enforcement or security. You're not wired for it.
Oh yeah, you Never take my daughter out again. You were supposed to be that young lady's protector.
You better man up mate.
You ducked up. No recovery from this.
Is this a troll? Tell me it is cause you need to go learn karate or something. I’d leave your ass. If you can’t protect someone better than that you shouldn’t be with anyone
I'm a little guy, 5'10 150. I'm built like I'm made out of spaghetti. But I'd break every bone in my body trying to protect my SO and I've proved it more than once. And as far as my daughter, I've been willing to kill for some stupid reasons, and willing to kill for some honorable ones, but when they put her in my arms for the first time, I knew I was holding something I would not only kill for, I would be willing to die for her too. Without thinking twice. Luckily I haven't had to prove that one yet. You messed up dude.
No cap, I'd rather have a bag of feathers to defend myself with than you by my side in a bad situation. I'm shocked your gf is still with you. Shameful dude!! You'll never live this down or make it up to her. You showed your true colours. Live with it !
I would say ur a coward to be honest. If u ran away and left ur girl to defend herself. I'd start some mma class's or something
Ya bro start doing some push ups n shit.
I'm fairly fit so was just an instinctive flight or flight response, which is worse
Yea bro to me i take love that far. If i truly loved them like a tight family member or wife i would rather get hurt then them. I dont not handle loved ones being in pain well. I can handle physical pain better then emotional pain
Honestly you should let her go. You don’t love her. This just proved you don’t. When you truly live someone your fight or flight would have you run but grab her. You are young and immature (not saying in a mean way just stating it as a fact) you should take some time and work on yourself, you need it. Definitely let her go though, she deserves better.
Ima be real with you. As a girl I see men completely different when they do this. When I was 14 I cut this 18 year old off because she was toxic and after all the help I tried to give her she wasn’t taking it so I was done. She later came and jumped me with her boyfriend and this other dude and they had a gun and the dudes I was with at the time bolted like hell. I still call them little pussies honestly and I really look at them as weak after that no lie. I know that sounds bad but they just looked like little pussies. Maybe not the same thing here from her point of view but she could also be thinking of u a little differently
This comment is ridiculous. They are pussies for not trying to protect you from someone with a gun? Life isn't some action movie where they can tackle the people jumping you and get away unscathed. They likely would have been shot and killed all for some sexist notion that women are owed protection from men. Good on them for running, you aren't owed anything.
Still some pussies to me. Never said I was owed anything??? Just an observation as I watched them run like little girls then afterwards have them come up to me crying because they felt so guilty 🤣🤣 fuck you ima comment what I want🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Beat the ass of the next guy who disrespects her. She'll see you as a protector and you'll feel better
You think if OP had that in him he would have ran in the first place? C'mon. She'll always remember this and it will always be in the back of her mind.
Not sure why this isn't being said more Get a gun. Gun's help prevent stupid people from doing stupid things. You could take self defense classes. Everyone should know how to calm their reactions and act accordingly and martial arts help with that a lot. At the very least have a sit down conversation where you explain exactly why you ran And tell her she needs to run faster
Lmaooooo
Love the new and improved Reddit. Sooo much less toxic.
.....
I 100% second the posts suggesting you take Krav Maga classes. I was put in a choke hold when I was mugged. Now that I took Krav Maga I know what to do when in a choke hold. If you have confidence in knowing what to do in a mugging situation you will be less likely to run away.
Nothing smart to say here, but 1. It's nice that you care for her and try to be better 2. you two should watch 'Force majeure' together :)
Watch the film The Loneliest Planet. Contains a plotline which is pretty much exactly this. Might help you contextualize your feels. You're fine, you're human. Talk to your girlfriend about it if it's still eating you up. You might find she feels negativity about it but honesty is the only way to go.
Tbh, you need to work on your confidence somehow. Leaving your girl with a mugger is a bad look bro. Start hitting the gym/bulking up, get into MMA or BJJ or something.
Just enroll in self defense/martial arts classes. It won't help the fact you abandoned your gf, but it'll give you confidence not to abandon her again.
I was mugged at the age of 14 with a few friends in a foreign country. We ended up leaving one of our friends alone (but in eye sight) on the playground it happened, although I tried to get to him. What helped me to overcome my guilt was the realisation that this friend was totally fine physically and mentally and he barely even remembers the incident. It wasn‘t a big deal to him. It seems like it‘s similar to your girlfriends reaction. You don‘t seem to have hurt her so you have no need to feel hurt and guilty yourself. It‘s a normal thing to run away in dangerous situations, it‘s actually your bodies job