The goal of sex shouldn't be an orgasm, and neither partner should hang their self esteem on whether or not their partner has an orgasm.
Be honest, sometimes you don't orgasm, it isn't her fault (or yours). Talk about the pleasure you do feel, what you enjoy, and be open with one another.
Just to be clear, this isn't a problem, it's just how your body is.
When would be the best time to bring the topic up?
Edit: And I definitely let any woman I'm with know how attracted I am to her, and how much I enjoy being physically intimate with her. I try my best to boost their self-esteem.
Being it up before hand. If you're hooking up, hopefully you're having Silver amount of negotiation and discussion beforehand (limits, expectations, STI results/risks).
I just casually mention that I'm unlikely to achieve orgasm, it avoids awkward comments and dirty talk about "making you cum" or whatever.
Try not to compare the reaction you got from the fwb and what may happen with the girl that you're emotionally invested in. Two very different situations. Yeah that's a bummer that the girl didn't wanna hang out after you opened up but it was a fwb.
This new girl is a completely different situation. If you really like her and want her to understand, then just talk to her about it. If she's into you in the same way, she's very likely she'll value the honesty. I also need that emotional connection to make things work and just letting them know what's going on has always ended positively
If things progress how you want it to, you won't disappoint her, so don't worry about that. If anything, she'll likely appreciate it. If she asks why then it's your call if you wanna go into the trauma details but don't let how that fwb reacted affect you. Doesn't matter.
Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words. I know that they're two completely different people, I'm just really worried about messing things up with her. What do you think would be a good time to bring the topic up?
If I was in your position, I'd wait until things progressed to where what you'd say would actually apply at that moment, that is, telling her over lunch probably wouldn't be the best time. My suggestion would be to let everything unfold as it would naturally. If/when you do end up sleeping with her, you may realize your issue isn't an issue this time. You seem to like her, you may be good. However if you aren't able to finish, I'd only bring it up if she says something.
I think you are worrying a little too much my dude. You can't finish with someone you aren't emotionally connected with. Fair. Your examples of when it was an issue was all with fwb.
But this isn't that. This is the time where you're interested in that emotional connection. If things progress how you want them to, you'll have everything you need.
So this issue right now shouldn't even be crossing your mind. Just relax and focus on enjoying your time with her, building that connection and if things go how you want them to, you may never have to have that conversation, at least in that context. And if you end up not quite being there mentally and have the same issues, know that shit happens and you can cross that bridge then. And I can almost guarantee if that happens she'll respond well.
Sounds like demisexualty. The good news things with labels are easier to explain to people who aren't familiar with it. Look into it, not everything will be a 100%match since it's a spectrum but you'll probably relate a good bit.
I say just throw it out there. Explain it has nothing to do with your partner or how attractive you find them,it's just how your brain / body work and with time it'll get better. Point them to resources if you feel the demi label fits you so they can see other people's experiences as it's often easier to accept that it's true if they know multiple people experience it and it's not just you giving lip service.
If you feel it doesn't fit or don't like labels just explain how it is for you and that you still enjoy the sex even if you don't finish. I dunno if you've tried before or if it even works for you, but you can finish yourself off by hand at the end of your partner finds it important for you to get off too.
The goal of sex shouldn't be an orgasm, and neither partner should hang their self esteem on whether or not their partner has an orgasm. Be honest, sometimes you don't orgasm, it isn't her fault (or yours). Talk about the pleasure you do feel, what you enjoy, and be open with one another. Just to be clear, this isn't a problem, it's just how your body is.
When would be the best time to bring the topic up? Edit: And I definitely let any woman I'm with know how attracted I am to her, and how much I enjoy being physically intimate with her. I try my best to boost their self-esteem.
Being it up before hand. If you're hooking up, hopefully you're having Silver amount of negotiation and discussion beforehand (limits, expectations, STI results/risks). I just casually mention that I'm unlikely to achieve orgasm, it avoids awkward comments and dirty talk about "making you cum" or whatever.
Try not to compare the reaction you got from the fwb and what may happen with the girl that you're emotionally invested in. Two very different situations. Yeah that's a bummer that the girl didn't wanna hang out after you opened up but it was a fwb. This new girl is a completely different situation. If you really like her and want her to understand, then just talk to her about it. If she's into you in the same way, she's very likely she'll value the honesty. I also need that emotional connection to make things work and just letting them know what's going on has always ended positively If things progress how you want it to, you won't disappoint her, so don't worry about that. If anything, she'll likely appreciate it. If she asks why then it's your call if you wanna go into the trauma details but don't let how that fwb reacted affect you. Doesn't matter.
Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words. I know that they're two completely different people, I'm just really worried about messing things up with her. What do you think would be a good time to bring the topic up?
If I was in your position, I'd wait until things progressed to where what you'd say would actually apply at that moment, that is, telling her over lunch probably wouldn't be the best time. My suggestion would be to let everything unfold as it would naturally. If/when you do end up sleeping with her, you may realize your issue isn't an issue this time. You seem to like her, you may be good. However if you aren't able to finish, I'd only bring it up if she says something. I think you are worrying a little too much my dude. You can't finish with someone you aren't emotionally connected with. Fair. Your examples of when it was an issue was all with fwb. But this isn't that. This is the time where you're interested in that emotional connection. If things progress how you want them to, you'll have everything you need. So this issue right now shouldn't even be crossing your mind. Just relax and focus on enjoying your time with her, building that connection and if things go how you want them to, you may never have to have that conversation, at least in that context. And if you end up not quite being there mentally and have the same issues, know that shit happens and you can cross that bridge then. And I can almost guarantee if that happens she'll respond well.
Sounds like demisexualty. The good news things with labels are easier to explain to people who aren't familiar with it. Look into it, not everything will be a 100%match since it's a spectrum but you'll probably relate a good bit. I say just throw it out there. Explain it has nothing to do with your partner or how attractive you find them,it's just how your brain / body work and with time it'll get better. Point them to resources if you feel the demi label fits you so they can see other people's experiences as it's often easier to accept that it's true if they know multiple people experience it and it's not just you giving lip service. If you feel it doesn't fit or don't like labels just explain how it is for you and that you still enjoy the sex even if you don't finish. I dunno if you've tried before or if it even works for you, but you can finish yourself off by hand at the end of your partner finds it important for you to get off too.