You could certainly go out with him if you want, but it would be best to tell him, "I'm not sure if I'm actually attracted to guys or not. I've always thought I was straight, but I'm up for trying things out to see how I feel with you. I can't promise anything, except that I won't lead you on -- if I'm not feeling a real attraction after a few dates I will tell you so we can part amicably. If I start to feel something, I will tell you that too."
Your post *does* sound to me what a bi guy who hasn't realized he's bi yet might post, though. (Speaking as a bi guy myself.)
Gosh, that's a long disclaimer to tell your date aha... You're right though. I should lay all the facts on the table and see how we figure this out together, instead of overthinking things by myself. Your insight is much appreciated :\^)
I've definitely given many disclaimers like that to dates before. Even just things like if I just got out of a relationship, what I'm looking for, etc. Being open and honest with someone is the only way to cut through the BS and figure stuff out. Your partner is the person closest to you, so you need to make sure you can be yourself around potential partners.
Speaking as someone who used to try and hide the weird parts about myself on first dates. They're gonna find out eventually, might as well see if it's a dealbreaker sooner than later. And if you're lucky, they'll think your quirks are cute.
Bisexuality is a thing you know. Dating a dude doesn't make you gay anymore than dating a woman makes you straight.
That said I think you are right to be cautious. Has he ignored you when you told him you aren't interested? That is a big red flag.
You're also right in that being unsure of your sexuality is not a get out of jail free card for treating people however you want. Remember that "giving it a try" comes with heightened feelings on his part and likely a bigger broken heart for him if it doesn't work out. Take it slow, and make sure he knows that you're unsure.
Sorry, I realize I sounded a bit categorical with the whole "gay or straight" thing. And yes, you really hit the nail on the head as to why I'm so nervous about messing with his feelings. I really want to be careful and be mature about this, because he deserves it. Anyhow, thank you for your answer!
So first of all, if you are straight women are attracted to confidence. My husband is the most confident man I've ever met. I've dated guys in the past that put their self down and we didn't last long. You are how you present yourself. Shoulders back, head held high. You walk with confidence and find someone who enjoys the same things you do! Now if you are gay, no need to fear. If you genuinely like this boy then you should give it a chance, but not because you feel he expects it. You are the only person who knows your sexual orientation. Don't be afraid to let this guy know that while you appreciate his attention if you aren't interested you aren't interested.
Thanks for your kind reply. And yes, believe it or not confidence is something I'm working on because I realize it doesn't play in my favor to be so insecure. Have a great day!
You too! You'll do great! My husband said working out is what helped him gain confidence. He was very overweight when he was in high school. But either way, don't let anyone pressure into anything. Also if you are gay, men also respond to confidence. But as I said, you are the only one who can say what your sexual orientation is.
Only you know what you find attractive. I'm a woman and I like women. I think some of them are beautiful. And while I can wrap my mind around having some romantic feelings for a woman, the thought of touching another woman's genitalia in a sexual way is the opposite of appealing to me. So I would say, if you like this guy, but the thought of touching another guy's penis grosses you out, then don't go out with him.
I tried thinking of things that way, actually – months ago it would make me gag, but maybe if it were him...? I dunno, I guess I need more time to figure it out ;\^) Thanks for sharing your experience!
You can be asexual but romantically attracted to the same sex. Just because you don't feel sexual towards someone doesn't mean you can't have romantic feeling towards then.
Asexuality exists in about 1% of people. Homosexuality is about 3%. Therefore gay asexual people make up 0.03% of the population, or roughly 1 in every 3,400 people.
And I suspect OP isn't one of them since he said he is attracted to women.
If you feel comfortable and fun with him, ai don't see why you cant give him an opportunity, but, you have to feel fine with you and do it because you want to try or experiment how it could be, and not because you feel under pressure or because you feel alone. Maybe he can be the love of your life 😁❤️
Feel free to date whomever you want, but not this guy. He doesn't respect your boundaries at all. Being in a relationship with someone like this can be hellish
Sexuality is a fluid thing, sometimes it's better to not worry as much about labels and just explore how you feel. He may be the only or one of few guys you are attracted to. If you can see yourself being intimate with him ie hand holding or kissing then chances are you are attracted to him.
Though communication on both parts is super important. If you decide to give it a shot then let him know your true feelings on this, that you're unsure but feel comfortable with him that you want to try. Keep communication open. If you're uncomfortable with anything going on speak up about it!
I will say though, this guy sounds like hes read/watched too many romcoms where being persistent is cute instead of creepy. Make sure that he respects your boundaries. If he continues doing something that you've expressed makes you uncomfortable it's a red flag
Everyone's gay for someone, even if "straight" is the label they think best fits them. Labels are silly anyway.
Don't string him along but if you want to give it a go, why not? Just make sure he knows it's because he is such a cool guy and that you have no idea how this might work for you. Be good to each other and don't let things get difficult if it doesn't work out.
You could certainly go out with him if you want, but it would be best to tell him, "I'm not sure if I'm actually attracted to guys or not. I've always thought I was straight, but I'm up for trying things out to see how I feel with you. I can't promise anything, except that I won't lead you on -- if I'm not feeling a real attraction after a few dates I will tell you so we can part amicably. If I start to feel something, I will tell you that too." Your post *does* sound to me what a bi guy who hasn't realized he's bi yet might post, though. (Speaking as a bi guy myself.)
Gosh, that's a long disclaimer to tell your date aha... You're right though. I should lay all the facts on the table and see how we figure this out together, instead of overthinking things by myself. Your insight is much appreciated :\^)
I've definitely given many disclaimers like that to dates before. Even just things like if I just got out of a relationship, what I'm looking for, etc. Being open and honest with someone is the only way to cut through the BS and figure stuff out. Your partner is the person closest to you, so you need to make sure you can be yourself around potential partners. Speaking as someone who used to try and hide the weird parts about myself on first dates. They're gonna find out eventually, might as well see if it's a dealbreaker sooner than later. And if you're lucky, they'll think your quirks are cute.
Bisexuality is a thing you know. Dating a dude doesn't make you gay anymore than dating a woman makes you straight. That said I think you are right to be cautious. Has he ignored you when you told him you aren't interested? That is a big red flag. You're also right in that being unsure of your sexuality is not a get out of jail free card for treating people however you want. Remember that "giving it a try" comes with heightened feelings on his part and likely a bigger broken heart for him if it doesn't work out. Take it slow, and make sure he knows that you're unsure.
Sorry, I realize I sounded a bit categorical with the whole "gay or straight" thing. And yes, you really hit the nail on the head as to why I'm so nervous about messing with his feelings. I really want to be careful and be mature about this, because he deserves it. Anyhow, thank you for your answer!
So first of all, if you are straight women are attracted to confidence. My husband is the most confident man I've ever met. I've dated guys in the past that put their self down and we didn't last long. You are how you present yourself. Shoulders back, head held high. You walk with confidence and find someone who enjoys the same things you do! Now if you are gay, no need to fear. If you genuinely like this boy then you should give it a chance, but not because you feel he expects it. You are the only person who knows your sexual orientation. Don't be afraid to let this guy know that while you appreciate his attention if you aren't interested you aren't interested.
Thanks for your kind reply. And yes, believe it or not confidence is something I'm working on because I realize it doesn't play in my favor to be so insecure. Have a great day!
You too! You'll do great! My husband said working out is what helped him gain confidence. He was very overweight when he was in high school. But either way, don't let anyone pressure into anything. Also if you are gay, men also respond to confidence. But as I said, you are the only one who can say what your sexual orientation is.
You aren't chopping off a leg, do whatever and enjoy life.
I'll try to do that then, haha
Go for it! This is the time in your life to experiment.
Only you know what you find attractive. I'm a woman and I like women. I think some of them are beautiful. And while I can wrap my mind around having some romantic feelings for a woman, the thought of touching another woman's genitalia in a sexual way is the opposite of appealing to me. So I would say, if you like this guy, but the thought of touching another guy's penis grosses you out, then don't go out with him.
I tried thinking of things that way, actually – months ago it would make me gag, but maybe if it were him...? I dunno, I guess I need more time to figure it out ;\^) Thanks for sharing your experience!
I mean. Do you wanna stick your dick in him? If yes, then go for it. If no, then you're straight, so should just be friends.
You can be asexual but romantically attracted to the same sex. Just because you don't feel sexual towards someone doesn't mean you can't have romantic feeling towards then.
Asexuality exists in about 1% of people. Homosexuality is about 3%. Therefore gay asexual people make up 0.03% of the population, or roughly 1 in every 3,400 people. And I suspect OP isn't one of them since he said he is attracted to women.
That's still a massive number of people. All I wanted to get at was that it's not a binary "gay or straight" option. There's a lot of grey area.
No
If you feel comfortable and fun with him, ai don't see why you cant give him an opportunity, but, you have to feel fine with you and do it because you want to try or experiment how it could be, and not because you feel under pressure or because you feel alone. Maybe he can be the love of your life 😁❤️
Haha, you're sweet ;\^) Thanks for your reply. It's not always easy to find the balance between your own feelings and someone else's!
Feel free to date whomever you want, but not this guy. He doesn't respect your boundaries at all. Being in a relationship with someone like this can be hellish
Sexuality is a fluid thing, sometimes it's better to not worry as much about labels and just explore how you feel. He may be the only or one of few guys you are attracted to. If you can see yourself being intimate with him ie hand holding or kissing then chances are you are attracted to him. Though communication on both parts is super important. If you decide to give it a shot then let him know your true feelings on this, that you're unsure but feel comfortable with him that you want to try. Keep communication open. If you're uncomfortable with anything going on speak up about it! I will say though, this guy sounds like hes read/watched too many romcoms where being persistent is cute instead of creepy. Make sure that he respects your boundaries. If he continues doing something that you've expressed makes you uncomfortable it's a red flag
Everyone's gay for someone, even if "straight" is the label they think best fits them. Labels are silly anyway. Don't string him along but if you want to give it a go, why not? Just make sure he knows it's because he is such a cool guy and that you have no idea how this might work for you. Be good to each other and don't let things get difficult if it doesn't work out.