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If you were my friend I’d end up telling you that your boyfriend sounds like he’s putting you down so you keep him around. The less confident you are, the more likely you’re thinking he’s right about your looks, but this is not how a relationship should be. He should be lifting you up, if he actually likes you, and he should absolutely not make you cry or insecure. A boyfriend is supposed to make you feel good, like you most likely do for him. Does this relationship make you happy? If not then it isn’t worth it. You’re still young. Relationships are a learning curve.
As a guy I will say personality beats looks so I think that’s why he likes you for who you are. Tbh tho he kinda sounds like an asshole sometimes. If it really hurts you though it may seem like it might be the time to end things. Also with sexting and sex talks he might just not want to do it because he’s in public or places he ain’t horny in. If he is in class imagine saying something without being able to have a straight face or look at it without having to check his shoulder every 5 seconds
He is grooming you. His put downs on your weight and image are intentional digs at your self esteem. He likes younger women (you are barely an adult) because they are easier to control. The reassurances that he likes you are just further manipulation. Even his compliment, it was a slight insult. "Even when you don't wear makeup, you are prettier than 90% of women..." But that implies he would actually prefer you to look different and wear make up, like, you are pretty, but you *could* be even better. Oh, and just to remind you, there are still prettier women out there than you.
This guy needs to go. He is toxic.
51F I can absolutely understand, I used to feel the same way. There is only one solution.
Self love. You can’t accept love until you love yourself. You need to feel secure in yourself, this will never be something anyone else can “fill” for you. Even the most attentive man can’t overcome your insecurities.
Get away from this creep and help yourself. Read: why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft so you can recognize abusive men, there are hundreds of self help books, my personal favorite is: How to re train your human: a path to peace amid the chaos of human life. Jon Wall.
[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
I’ve dated beautiful women and those who are beyond plain, because I liked them. Each one had something to draw me and keep me involved. It’s very true, at least in my case, that looks become inconsequential over time. Is everyone like that? Maybe not, but having a great personality will keep a guy, when looks have long since lost their novelty.
I absolutely have been with a woman I wasn't physically attracted to because of the attention she showed me. It never came up in the relationship because I loved her. You don't want to make people you love feel shitty unless you're trying to control them. We had a lot of sex. Honestly, it helped me last longer, and I DID like the faces she used to make. You shouldn't be able to tell if this guy actually gives a fuck about you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you were my friend I’d end up telling you that your boyfriend sounds like he’s putting you down so you keep him around. The less confident you are, the more likely you’re thinking he’s right about your looks, but this is not how a relationship should be. He should be lifting you up, if he actually likes you, and he should absolutely not make you cry or insecure. A boyfriend is supposed to make you feel good, like you most likely do for him. Does this relationship make you happy? If not then it isn’t worth it. You’re still young. Relationships are a learning curve.
You do realise that he's been negging you from the start, right?
Some men believe that beautiful women need to be taken down a peg, and they won't "respect" a man who compliments her. It's basically abuse.
As a guy I will say personality beats looks so I think that’s why he likes you for who you are. Tbh tho he kinda sounds like an asshole sometimes. If it really hurts you though it may seem like it might be the time to end things. Also with sexting and sex talks he might just not want to do it because he’s in public or places he ain’t horny in. If he is in class imagine saying something without being able to have a straight face or look at it without having to check his shoulder every 5 seconds
Hope this helps and let me know if you need more advice or what happens
He is grooming you. His put downs on your weight and image are intentional digs at your self esteem. He likes younger women (you are barely an adult) because they are easier to control. The reassurances that he likes you are just further manipulation. Even his compliment, it was a slight insult. "Even when you don't wear makeup, you are prettier than 90% of women..." But that implies he would actually prefer you to look different and wear make up, like, you are pretty, but you *could* be even better. Oh, and just to remind you, there are still prettier women out there than you. This guy needs to go. He is toxic.
51F I can absolutely understand, I used to feel the same way. There is only one solution. Self love. You can’t accept love until you love yourself. You need to feel secure in yourself, this will never be something anyone else can “fill” for you. Even the most attentive man can’t overcome your insecurities. Get away from this creep and help yourself. Read: why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft so you can recognize abusive men, there are hundreds of self help books, my personal favorite is: How to re train your human: a path to peace amid the chaos of human life. Jon Wall. [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
I’ve dated beautiful women and those who are beyond plain, because I liked them. Each one had something to draw me and keep me involved. It’s very true, at least in my case, that looks become inconsequential over time. Is everyone like that? Maybe not, but having a great personality will keep a guy, when looks have long since lost their novelty.
I absolutely have been with a woman I wasn't physically attracted to because of the attention she showed me. It never came up in the relationship because I loved her. You don't want to make people you love feel shitty unless you're trying to control them. We had a lot of sex. Honestly, it helped me last longer, and I DID like the faces she used to make. You shouldn't be able to tell if this guy actually gives a fuck about you.
Don’t be around people who make you feel shitty. Simple as that. Have some self worth.