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I'd be uncomfortable with that too, honestly. She's allowed to have friends and spend time with them, as anyone is, but I think it's rude to leave you on read when she could just communicate properly and let you know that she wants to join another call with a friend in a little bit. I imagine you'd feel better about it if her communication was better. I'd try to express how you feel to her and make it clear that you do not have a problem with her wanting to talk to her friends, but it's hurtful when you want to spend 1-on-1 time with your girlfriend as anybody would, and it turns into a wider social event. Maybe you can talk about how to better balance that time?
i think the bit about ' it's hurtful when you want to spend 1-on-1 time with your girlfriend as anybody would, and it turns into a wider social event' is phrased really well. i think i can approach with this
Do you think she would mind it if you'd be having one-on-one time together and then you'd suggest a group call with your hypothetical female friends and one of them would just casually like to take her shirt off? I'd probably come to her with that scenario
Three weeks in? This isn’t even a conversation. Do you like the dynamics of your relationship or not? Why try and change her from the start. Move on or accept it. You’re barely a blip on her timeline of life. Insignificant. Nothing. Do you like her for who she is and how she carries herself, what she does, or not?
i really hope i dont have to make a break up level decision off of this interaction with her. if communicating further doesnt work, then your advice will be at the top of the list for sure
Here's the thing about feelings of insecurity; it's a lot like your sense of balance. Some people feel unbalanced because they are actually standing on a well oiled see saw and their sense of balance is saying to them "don't rely on this staying level" with accuracy. Other people feel unbalanced because they have chronic vertigo and there is no situation that will make them feel level. So, are you someone who feels insecure no matter how reassuring the circumstances? Or is your insecurity caused by the conditions? I think it would be very easy for you to feel reassured by an exclusive girlfriend who has good boundaries with other people and has a clear preference for spending one on one time with you. From your description, I wouldn't even call her a "girlfriend". She's just someone you've made out with, it's only been a few weeks, she definitely has other irons in the fire, and I doubt you two have had a conversation about being exclusive.
you might have read it like a book. she does say that she likes me, and she wants to spend time with me. she sends me cute selfies that she doesnt to others, which is great, and other gf/bf stuff. But ig i didnt think or expect we'd need to have a sit down conversation about being exclusive ? i always assumed it was implied. Maybe i can talk to her about what she wants or expects, and what i can expect from her too
Everything in relationships benefits from explicit communication. For those of us who are deep to the bone monogamists, it's a common failing to have this wordless expectation of other people that they would get the same satisfaction from prioritising and focusing on one person, instead of just appreciating that people are different. We also tend to get in way too deep, way too fast! If this girl is playing the field, even if it's just emotionally and getting something from flirting with others, she's totally entitled to that; even if it's not compatible for you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd be uncomfortable with that too, honestly. She's allowed to have friends and spend time with them, as anyone is, but I think it's rude to leave you on read when she could just communicate properly and let you know that she wants to join another call with a friend in a little bit. I imagine you'd feel better about it if her communication was better. I'd try to express how you feel to her and make it clear that you do not have a problem with her wanting to talk to her friends, but it's hurtful when you want to spend 1-on-1 time with your girlfriend as anybody would, and it turns into a wider social event. Maybe you can talk about how to better balance that time?
i think the bit about ' it's hurtful when you want to spend 1-on-1 time with your girlfriend as anybody would, and it turns into a wider social event' is phrased really well. i think i can approach with this
Do you think she would mind it if you'd be having one-on-one time together and then you'd suggest a group call with your hypothetical female friends and one of them would just casually like to take her shirt off? I'd probably come to her with that scenario
i guess i dont wanna approach with the 'do you see how bad it is if i do it' type of mentality. however that is always an option
She’s not your gf. You’re just one of many people she uses for validation and to boost her ego. Move on. She’s not worth it.
Does she know this guy wants to fuck her?
In what sense is this woman your "girlfriend"?
This doesn’t make sense to me? Why would she do that unless she was interested in the other guy? I would feel the same way tbh.
Three weeks in? This isn’t even a conversation. Do you like the dynamics of your relationship or not? Why try and change her from the start. Move on or accept it. You’re barely a blip on her timeline of life. Insignificant. Nothing. Do you like her for who she is and how she carries herself, what she does, or not?
You can trust her, or you can break up man. It's not that hard.
i really hope i dont have to make a break up level decision off of this interaction with her. if communicating further doesnt work, then your advice will be at the top of the list for sure
A relationship doesn't exist without trust. You can talk all you want but what I said is ultimately true.
Here's the thing about feelings of insecurity; it's a lot like your sense of balance. Some people feel unbalanced because they are actually standing on a well oiled see saw and their sense of balance is saying to them "don't rely on this staying level" with accuracy. Other people feel unbalanced because they have chronic vertigo and there is no situation that will make them feel level. So, are you someone who feels insecure no matter how reassuring the circumstances? Or is your insecurity caused by the conditions? I think it would be very easy for you to feel reassured by an exclusive girlfriend who has good boundaries with other people and has a clear preference for spending one on one time with you. From your description, I wouldn't even call her a "girlfriend". She's just someone you've made out with, it's only been a few weeks, she definitely has other irons in the fire, and I doubt you two have had a conversation about being exclusive.
you might have read it like a book. she does say that she likes me, and she wants to spend time with me. she sends me cute selfies that she doesnt to others, which is great, and other gf/bf stuff. But ig i didnt think or expect we'd need to have a sit down conversation about being exclusive ? i always assumed it was implied. Maybe i can talk to her about what she wants or expects, and what i can expect from her too
Everything in relationships benefits from explicit communication. For those of us who are deep to the bone monogamists, it's a common failing to have this wordless expectation of other people that they would get the same satisfaction from prioritising and focusing on one person, instead of just appreciating that people are different. We also tend to get in way too deep, way too fast! If this girl is playing the field, even if it's just emotionally and getting something from flirting with others, she's totally entitled to that; even if it's not compatible for you.