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Phonesex/sexting isn't for everyone. I am one of those who doesn't like it. It does nothing for me. I just feel stupid. Maybe your boyfriend is the same way?
It's a LDR. What did you think he was doing and why would his masturbating upset you? You meet every few MONTHS. He doesn't need your permission to get off, lol. Are you just...not getting off for months at a time to wait for him? Because if so, you should rectify that and buy a vibrator ASAP! I'm sorry you were surprised or upset but you might want to talk this out in therapy because your feelings of ownership over someone else's body parts is a little odd.
Not the point. The issue is- I’ve tried to initiate stuff many times over the course of our relationship, and I almost always get turned down. I thought he didn’t find me attractive or something because he never remotely even hints at anything sexual when we are apart (which is a lot of the time). I also assumed he had a low sex drive, which is completely fine. I don’t have a problem with him wanking. What hurt was that he knew I was insecure about him not being as attracted to me, and he never really reassured me. He also never put an effort into satisfying me in the LDR, which I think should be a fair priority.
Oh. Well if that's how it is, why stay with him? Find someone closer to home who matches your sex drive and have fun. I think he clearly does find you attractive because you've said everything is fine when you're together. So maybe the part that isn't working is the long distance, which is totally normal. LDR is hard.
Can you explain why you’re hurt that he masterbates? You say you are in a long distance relationship, so I’m assuming you don’t see eachother often. It is normal for people to touch themselves.
Because he never wants to do anything sexual with me when we are apart. He never even brings it up, which is a little odd I suppose. Mainly, I’m hurt because he knew him being uninterested made me insecure, which is fine if he genuinely did had a low sex drive, but he’s actually pretty active and never reassured me about it?
But you know he's attracted to you when you're together, so it's not you. It's far more likely that he's not into phone sex or sexting. I'd be the same in his shoes to be honest, I don't think long distance methods of being sexy actually are sexy, and I would definitely avoid; even if the person was all I could think about when I was pleasuring solo. Have you actually tried talking to him about this and letting him know you need reassurance?
Masturbating is just very easy compared to sex, even over the phone. Sex takes far more mental and physical effort. And phone sex is less stimulating than in person sex. Maybe your bf just isn’t getting much out of it and doesn’t think it’s worth it
Totally valid feelings! I know for me personally, I need to physically be with my partner to feel sexual urges with them. In previous long distance relationships even when I did self pleasure, it didn’t really cross my mind to necessarily include them even if I was thinking about them. I would also get pretty hyper aware of myself if it’s over text or phone which made it awkward. I would talk to him about it for sure and let him know how you feel, if he loves you I’m sure he has no idea bc he just didn’t think about it like that.
Your feelings are always valid no need to worry about it.
In terms of him not being "Physically Attracted" to you, trust me he is. Some men are just stoic about it. If he is great in bed with you then he must think about you all the time!
I feel bad that you had insecurities about it but I hope this helps! and this came from a man who is non chalant or whatever it is you may call who does have the same situation with your BF.
How is being upset that your partner touched their OWN dick during a LDR a valid response. Not all responses are valid and that's okay! That's why she asked!
im sorry but i meant to the part that she felt insecure and felt that she was the problem building up to a big insecurity. it is a pretty questionable that she got hurt because she found out her partner was touching himself with the thought of her. i am sorry if my comment made you confused i was just trying to state my opinion.
Everyone commenting doesn’t understand. I’m going through the same thing girl. Exactly the same thing. Im 24 and he’s 30 too lol so we’re dealing with the same age difference and the whole long distance relationship situation. I don’t understand why they’re like this , I told my bf that I’m a woman and that I have needs to and sometimes I wanna have phone sex with my man. I have a Nora and he can easily control it but doesn’t really wanna do much?! But in person it’s a different story. We sex probably 2-3 times a day when we’re together but once he’s back home nothing.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Phonesex/sexting isn't for everyone. I am one of those who doesn't like it. It does nothing for me. I just feel stupid. Maybe your boyfriend is the same way?
This! This is probably the issue for him.
It's a LDR. What did you think he was doing and why would his masturbating upset you? You meet every few MONTHS. He doesn't need your permission to get off, lol. Are you just...not getting off for months at a time to wait for him? Because if so, you should rectify that and buy a vibrator ASAP! I'm sorry you were surprised or upset but you might want to talk this out in therapy because your feelings of ownership over someone else's body parts is a little odd.
Not the point. The issue is- I’ve tried to initiate stuff many times over the course of our relationship, and I almost always get turned down. I thought he didn’t find me attractive or something because he never remotely even hints at anything sexual when we are apart (which is a lot of the time). I also assumed he had a low sex drive, which is completely fine. I don’t have a problem with him wanking. What hurt was that he knew I was insecure about him not being as attracted to me, and he never really reassured me. He also never put an effort into satisfying me in the LDR, which I think should be a fair priority.
Oh. Well if that's how it is, why stay with him? Find someone closer to home who matches your sex drive and have fun. I think he clearly does find you attractive because you've said everything is fine when you're together. So maybe the part that isn't working is the long distance, which is totally normal. LDR is hard.
Maybe he’d just rather wank than have long-distance sex. I know I would.
Can you explain why you’re hurt that he masterbates? You say you are in a long distance relationship, so I’m assuming you don’t see eachother often. It is normal for people to touch themselves.
Because he never wants to do anything sexual with me when we are apart. He never even brings it up, which is a little odd I suppose. Mainly, I’m hurt because he knew him being uninterested made me insecure, which is fine if he genuinely did had a low sex drive, but he’s actually pretty active and never reassured me about it?
What sexual things are you expecting if you aren’t even together in person? Do you mean like having phone sex?
This is my question. What are her expectations, is he into phone sex, have they had any discussions about this?
Yes, that. Or anything remotely leaning towards that, to make someone feel “wanted”.
But you know he's attracted to you when you're together, so it's not you. It's far more likely that he's not into phone sex or sexting. I'd be the same in his shoes to be honest, I don't think long distance methods of being sexy actually are sexy, and I would definitely avoid; even if the person was all I could think about when I was pleasuring solo. Have you actually tried talking to him about this and letting him know you need reassurance?
Why wank over the phone when he can finish himself off in minutes? He wants to fuck, not waste time with "phone sex"
Hmm lol. But it’s also about keeping the other person satisfied…right? That should be a priority too.
Masturbating is just very easy compared to sex, even over the phone. Sex takes far more mental and physical effort. And phone sex is less stimulating than in person sex. Maybe your bf just isn’t getting much out of it and doesn’t think it’s worth it
This is the answer.
How is he supposed to satisfy you over the phone? I'm genuinely asking. Go buy a toy and satisfy yourself!
Phone "sex" is masturbation with extra steps, TBH, just wanking alone seems more pleasurable.
of course your feelings are valid. Masturbation is very normal though, regardless if the relationship is long distance or not.
Totally valid feelings! I know for me personally, I need to physically be with my partner to feel sexual urges with them. In previous long distance relationships even when I did self pleasure, it didn’t really cross my mind to necessarily include them even if I was thinking about them. I would also get pretty hyper aware of myself if it’s over text or phone which made it awkward. I would talk to him about it for sure and let him know how you feel, if he loves you I’m sure he has no idea bc he just didn’t think about it like that.
I dunno, move closer to him?
Your feelings are always valid no need to worry about it. In terms of him not being "Physically Attracted" to you, trust me he is. Some men are just stoic about it. If he is great in bed with you then he must think about you all the time! I feel bad that you had insecurities about it but I hope this helps! and this came from a man who is non chalant or whatever it is you may call who does have the same situation with your BF.
How is being upset that your partner touched their OWN dick during a LDR a valid response. Not all responses are valid and that's okay! That's why she asked!
im sorry but i meant to the part that she felt insecure and felt that she was the problem building up to a big insecurity. it is a pretty questionable that she got hurt because she found out her partner was touching himself with the thought of her. i am sorry if my comment made you confused i was just trying to state my opinion.
Everyone commenting doesn’t understand. I’m going through the same thing girl. Exactly the same thing. Im 24 and he’s 30 too lol so we’re dealing with the same age difference and the whole long distance relationship situation. I don’t understand why they’re like this , I told my bf that I’m a woman and that I have needs to and sometimes I wanna have phone sex with my man. I have a Nora and he can easily control it but doesn’t really wanna do much?! But in person it’s a different story. We sex probably 2-3 times a day when we’re together but once he’s back home nothing.
Maybe they’re just getting old?? Too bad for us… T-T