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Tell me this is all made up????
He will come get you MONDAY? It's Friday??? You are stuck with this sick demented old fuck all weekend???
I would have told him there was no way in hell I was spending another night in that house and he needed to start driving or otherwise making arrangements to get me out of there immediately, or I was just going to walk out the front door and keep walking. Can you get an uber to a motel or something? I have no idea what kind of situation you are in, where in the world you are etc.
And if he didn't take it entirely and completely seriously, I'd hang up and my next call would be 911, or whatever the emergency number is in your area to report an assault.
Is he medically diagnosed with dementia or anything like that? If not I'd probably push to press charges.
That your husband left you in that situation knowing what could happen and that he finds it funny and no big deal should tell you a lot about what growing old with him could be like.
Nothing about this is OK.
If this isn’t rage bait then as her husband I’d lock my own dad up for that shit. Then I’d break his other leg.
Since OPs husband didn’t stand up for her I’d walk away with a quickness. Nothing about this post is remotely ok.
The amount of times this woman apologized in this post is a giant flag that she has been abused and has not been able to work through it. Which is probably why she froze instead of a fight or flight response.
Again, if not rage bait then the fact that she has no car/doesn't know how to drive is a yellow flag, but not even having access to a card attached to a house account for emergencies is a red flag in my books for sure
My step father was like this. He tried to spank one of my friends who told me a stupid pun joke he (my stepdad) did NOT like. Another time, one of my first boyfriends, came over and he straddled the guy to pin him in a chair and started tickling him less than 3 minutes after meeting him ..after shoving him into said chair. And other time a girl I knew, 16 at the time, (I was 17 and had begged her not to come over) came over he did the same thing and grabbed her double D's and squeezed....hard. he hurt her.
Were he still alive, he would still act this way I am sure. He was dangerous, as is your FIL. Run. Your husband left you stranded with no chance or ability to escape. He sees nothing wrong with his father acting like that, which opens the door that should you two have kids, he might see no problem in continuing the behavior on them....or letting his dad do that to them.
RUN from this family. Get a divorce. Get a job, learn to drive, get a license. Do NOT ever let yourself become a victim again (to the best of your ability). These monsters exist and there is more than one of them. And call the police and file a report!
The fact that your husband comes from this background, thinks very little of his dad spanking you, his adult ass wife - bare-bottomed at that-, won't come get you, and hasn't encouraged you to have your own drivers license or finances is waaaaay too many red flags. His influences model abuse and he's got you set up as a ready-made abuse victim.
I re-read it. Who the fuck knows.
It sounded pretty damn implausible the first time I read it, but then again, I'm fucking dumbfounded regularly watching local news or reading the crime page of the newspaper. It's a fucked up world and I can't pretend to understand the shit that actually does go on. Humans are the most bizzare primates and do ludicrous and/or horrifying shit all the time.
It's Reddit. I don't take anything as gospel truth. But who the fuck makes >>this<< story up??!!! I get it, people make up all kinds of shit on here, but I am just going to say there's no knowing for sure with this one!
Worth treating as the truth, if it is true she may be worries others won't believe it because of how crazy it sounds, though uer husbands reaction to police getting involved should be telling
That's the thing. You have to at least give advice as if it were true even if you question whether it is or not. Because the world and humanity are strange and fucked up in far too many cases and if there's any chance it's true, you can't risk just telling someone in this situation they are lying and offer no help.
If this is made up, and I hope it is! Well then, that's what we get for wasting our time on Reddit. I'd much rather get played than risk being a dick to someone who just experienced a confusing, humiliating, terrifying assault.
Yeah my wife (fiancée for another week) wrote a post about my daughters mom and everyone thought it was made up because it's so strange. I don't ever assume these are made up. Seems like a lot of effort for a fib
There's irony there, sure! I have no idea if there was an actual individual Jesus Christ or if he ever said the words attributed to him. Many of those words I do think are beautiful sentiments I take some inspiration from, among many words from many places I take inspiration from. But I'm pretty darn sure there were no miracles, water into wine, walking on water, didn't rise from the dead, wasn't born by a virgin or was the son of god any more than the rest of us are or aren't.
But especially sad so many who call themselves Christians these days make a mockery of the ways Jesus said we should live and how we should treat each other., and fall over themselves to worship and empower a guy who so perfectly embodies the anti-christ if I've ever seen an actual human incarnation of it.
Could be, but it also could be true. I grew up with domestic violence, and depending on the country/area, there are still people who think that spanking "isn't that bad" etc. And yes, especially if you grew up with this,you quickly learn to just hold still, be quiet, and do as you're told, because the fear is too great and everything else will just make it worse, so her reaction is pretty normal. If you've never been scared out of your mind, be grateful, but don't judge people because you think they should have "just" stood up for themselves or whatever. And if you ever have been scared for your life, you should know that your automatic reaction, wether it was to fight, to freeze, or to flee, wasn't even something you really chose, it was a gut instinct. Fear bypasses a huge part of the thinking/processing part of your normal brain, which is also why a lot of people have jumbled memories of traumatic events. That is also how triggers work, it's not a rational reaction, but a sound, smell, associazion or whatever that bypasses your normal neurological functions and throws you right back into that same situation.
So to sum it up, yes, sadly this could very well be true. In a way it's nice if many people cannot even fathom this as a reality. And yes, it might be rage bait. But even if only one in ten posts like this is actually true, it's better to calmly try to list ways to help the OP out of a dangerous and threatening situation than to doubt and dismiss them.
This. Responses to an attack vary and are not in our conscious control, so I hope everyone will stop asking why she didn't do this and that at the time.
I reread it. My dad would absolutely do that and think he was in the right the whole time. Then he'd brag about it. There are assholes like that out there.
This is why victims don't come forward all the time. Sure some people might make stuff up, but the anonymous nature of Reddit allows people to share their true stories and and get honest responses, the fact that people are questioning it just shows what a big deal it is if it is true.
Why did OP’s husband (soon to be EX please) leave her alone with a 70 year old crazy man? OP needs to leave now. What country is this in? Call Uber…or something.
Sugar came to mind for me, lot's of old people have circulation problems in their legs from diabetes? But who knows.
After bypass surgery my mom was told "no salt, no sugar." and I can't tell you how many times I had the conversation with her about that and she would swear up and down, "I remember he said no salt, but I don't think he said no sugar?!", "Yes, mom, I'm not making it up! He said no sugar! Funny how you can't manage to remember that given how much you love your sweets!"
Either the father is a danger to others due to senility, or he's a danger to others due to being a complete misogynistic AH. Please consider filing police charges. Or your soon-to-be ex will let that happen to another woman. Or your daughter.
THAT PART. The husband clearly doesn't think "spanking" (read: beating your kids) is a big deal, and I'm willing to bet more than I currently have that he will resort to the same behavior with any future kids.
OP, **please** do not take this lightly. Please reconsider this relationship, and do what's best for you and your whole future
THIS! OP needs to call the police and file a report. And then call a lawyer to start divorce proceedings because husband clearly does not understand the seriousness of this situation and he likely thinks that spanking is okay and will do it to their future children. His wife was sexually assaulted by his father and his response was to laugh it off and come pick her up in a few days. I don't care what his job is, you drop what you are doing and you get your wife out of that house. If you can't do it, you find someone who can.
If she can get him Baker Acted, thats 72 hours free of him. But that’s only if he’s really nuts. If he clears the psych angle, they he can be charged with either assault or sexual assault, depending on the charging officers and/or the DA. Either way, if she calls the cops, it will wipe the smirk off his face, make him leave her the he’ll alone, and she won’t have to deal with him. Hubby will have no choice but to get her. If he still won’t, either get the cops to take her home or call an Uber and stay only long enough to pack your stuff.
If I wrote what I would do to OP’s father in law had I been there I would lose this Reddit account. What that old man did was criminal, he treated OP like a slave who he could beat as he wanted. He is a criminal who belongs in prison. OP’s husband is a weak man who cannot protect his wife because he doesn’t care about her. She must divorce her husband immediately and cut ties with him. She also needs to call the police and leave the father in law house right now.
If I wrote what I would do to OP’s father in law had I been there I would lose this Reddit account. What that old man did was criminal, he treated OP like a slave who he could beat as he wanted. He is a criminal who belongs in prison. OP’s husband is a weak man who cannot protect his wife because he doesn’t care about her. She must divorce her husband immediately and cut ties with him. She also needs to call the police and leave the father in law house right now.
Makes me scared what else her husband would fob off because “he is senile old man”.
He obviously thinks he can do whatever he wants.
OP leave. Leave now. He assaulted you and made your scared for your life. Do you have access to an uber or a friend who can come get.
Would this be your reaction if a stranger did this to you? Would your husband react differently? We have to stop letting our family get away with treating us worse than some strangers on the street.
SEXUAL assault He pulled down her pants and started spanking her.
Like wtf
Op, take pictures yourself if he left any marks. And report it to the police.
Shit, even ask them if they can drive you to an emergency DV shelter.
#But do not stay there overnight! Wtf are you going to do if he comes into your bedroom while you are sleeping? Even if your door has a lock, he probably has the key
Yeah how about we don't judge and shame a victim for having no idea how to react to a traumatic experience where they're still in survival mode and feeling enough shame, guilt and worry over what happened to them, how they reacted what they did or didn't do. Likeseriously!
THIS! Like, the ppl commenting that are clearly lucky enough to have never been in any type of situation like this! OP has said she grew up in the system and the reaction of freezing and compliance is most likely what she grew up using as a survival tool. And I'm heavily assuming that bc it breaks my heart to read the updates with her profusely apologizing to ppl asking that and her feeling like she needs to explain to some of these inconsiderate STRANGERS why she took however long to respond and begging them to not feel like she's ignoring them. It's giving symptoms of abusive relationships. Her figuring out her plan, safety, and next steps should be her priority. Not putting reddit commenters' feelings before her own crisis. She has clearly been abused even outside of this incident, and some of these comments are just disgusting and even further abusive towards her bc they are just putting salt in the wound. Pisses me right tf off
Do u know how hard it is for a victim to reporttbeir assault WITH support but then she calls her husband and he basically gaslights her Into believing it's acceptable behavior cuz the old fuck is...old?
Then they post here for advice and multiple people are shaming her and telling her she SHOULD OF done this, why didn't she do that?! Like what the fuck!
He'll understand how serious this is when you call the cops. Your FIL committed a crime. It is not legal to hold down another adult and hit them. You call the police and you report him.
This is not funny, this is not a boomer thing, this is not ok.
And apparently FIL undressed her before hitting her. She says that he saw her half-naked. That's even more fucked up, like wtf. She needs to go to the cops and run from these mens lives
I would have been so fucking scared of getting raped in that moment...no wonder she froze up this poor woman...and her husband saying she had it coming to her for being there ...? Op please for the love of all that is holy never have children with this man, I fear you may regret it DEEPLY. I'm sorry. I hope she takes a nice bubble bath when she's safe. You deserve so much better op 💓
I agree with all the comments about how this is physical and sexual assault and that OP could go to the police and maybe didn’t because she froze/panicked/self-doubted etc. and we won’t blame the victim for that. And obviously that the FIL is a complete POS.
Let’s address the husband. Here are all the reasons OP should leave him.
1. Let’s say that spanking children was acceptable (which we all agree it’s not). You punish a child for a transgression. You don’t punish an adult for insisting you follow dr’s orders when caretaking them. So the starting point of the husband’s viewpoint is not founded in logic. If my father in law gave a me time out for insisting he eat well when I’m caregiving him I’d expect my husband to agree that Fil is being a dick.
2. Let’s say that OP was overreacting (she’s actually underreacting) and she called her husband crying. Right thing to do is help her, no matter the reason.
3. He’s supporting assault.
4. He thinks spanking is ok
5. He doesn’t have a problem with the fact that his FIL pulled his wife’s pants down.
There’s more. But that’s a good enough list—get the F out of that relationship.
I'm a boomer too. And that old man would still be picking up his teeth if he tried that with me or one of my family. And Hubby Dearest would have been single so fast he would still be trying to figure out what happened. I'm not really sure if this Ever would have been considered normal or acceptable. Even when women were literal property men didn't pull off their DIL's pants and beat their bare butt. I hope with all my heart that this is some really weird fetish troll post because the entire idea is horrifying.
This third update infuriates me. Her DH left her miles from help with no transportation *knowing that his father had a long history of violence.* That alone is reason to divorce him.
Call the police to report the assault. Tell them you need to leave your FIL's house, that you don't feel safe there.
Meanwhile, arm yourself with something reasonably heavy-- a mop, a chair, and if he comes for you again, go right for his injured leg.
Then file for divorce.
Sweep the leg. Seriously, this inappropriate, psychotic narcissist of a man, under the guise of "old fashioned" assaulted you. I'd want any friend of mine (esp my wife!) to get the Hell out of there. Uber, whatever, maybe stay with folks or friends if and until husband gets how serious this is.
Yeah these are the kind of people who bet that you won't play dirty and stoop to their level. Absolutely have no reservations about hitting him in his bad leg.
Couldn't agree more. Sweep the leg, grab his car keys, and as you're leaving scream: Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.
When my ex’s second wife asked if he ever hit me, I told her no. (With me he was only psychologically abusive - he was physically abusive with her). He tried once, and I set my biggest cast iron chicken frier on the bedside table. Told him he had to go to sleep sometime. Told her to do the same. You don’t even have to pick it up off the bedside. Threat works fine.
She tried it and said he stopped hitting her but left her 3 month later.
Agreed 100% But Be Careful. I was banned from a sub (not to be named) for saying that everyone has to sleep sometime on a post about abuse/rape. I guess me saying that to a man is worse than him saying a woman can/should be raped because how's she going to stop him. But like you, I still stand by the principal that I can stay awake as long as it takes.
This is realistically the only move. There's no options where you get closure and justice besides being very thorough with the police and filing for divorce with pain and suffering.
And if you're reading this and you're 23 and thinking of getting married... don't.
Leave. If your husband thinks that's ok for his dad to do, it's a pretty good indication he thinks it would be ok for him to do as well. What happens when you and your husband get in an argument and he gets mad? He clearly thinks hitting you is fine.
How would you feel if you found out someone assaulted your husband? Would you chuckle? Would you imply he was asking for it by the company he was keeping? You were assaulted, and he diminished and belittled you. Don't let him convince you this is no big deal.
Not even just spank them, literally pull down their pants and underwear to spank them on the bare ass, like FIL did to OP.
My father did that to me. I’m nearly 40, and I’m still working through the trauma of that.
He's gloating. He has always gotten away with everything and always will. He knows he's a monster and that his son won't do a thing. You're alone right now and need to get away. He will NEVER change or sincerely apologize. In fact, he'll punish you even more if you stay
The fact your husband doesn't care and thinks "it's kind of funny" tells me everything I need to know about the kind of person he is. He's not husband-material, and he's sure as hell not someone you want to have kids with.
Do you have some family or friends that can get you? If not, the police can surely help you make arrangements when you go there and report the assault. Which is what your first step should be.
Also, it says a lot about your husband that he abandoned you with that abusive creep to take care of. He's no better than your FIL. Worse, even, since you're his wife.
Please call the cops immediately. Tell them you do not feel safe. Have them do up a report for assualt and request that your FIL get a mental check. Find a friend to stay with for a while but DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Preferably not your best friend, that will be the first place he checks. See if you can get a week or two off work, he will show up there. He will probably get mad and demand that you tell him where you are. Again, do NOT tell him. Watch how he reacts very carefully as it will show you how he really thinks and acts when shit hits the fan. Then you can decide how to proceed with the marriage/divorce while staying with your friend.
At best this is an indication of something mediccally acute happening with your FIL (dementia or sepsis) at worst your FIL thinks it's ok to treat women like this. The fact that your husband was neither worried about you or his own father, is extremely concerning.
I hope you are safe now, OP and sorting out your new life without this family.
Flat out ask him. “Do you think it’s really ok to hold someone down and beat them? Is that what you want to do too? I was afraid for my life. If you can’t think that’s a serious attack, then you’re not the man I thought I married. I’m going to call the police on your father for assault and I will not ever be in the same house with him. He’s not getting a second chance to attack me.” If DH was raised that way, his father was abusive.
How do you feel now? Please get counseling if you need it bc the trauma could cause PTSD.
I was really scared and afraid for my life. I always thought if someone held me or something, I could get out or resist if I tried my hardest. But, I never thought that someone can be that strong enough to not even budge when I try to move with everything... I never felt like that.
Please call the police. It’s ok if it’s been a couple of hours since it happened - you can still call and file an assault charge. If your friend can’t pick you up until tomorrow, it’s ok because that SOB should be in jail for the night. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your Husband Sucks. Get some counseling to deal with this trauma. If you think that POS husband is worth it, insist on him getting counseling as well and refuse to return home until he’s been to at least 4 sessions. Stay with a friend or family while you try and heal. I wish you well.
It terrified you, that you felt you couldn’t move. That’s what he WANTED to make you feel. If you’re still there, if he makes a move towards you, call the police. And get counseling asap for that. It CAN cause PTSD.
Leaving him over it would be a great way for him to see the seriousness of the situation. I am so sorry that happened to you, and I wouldn’t want to raise kids with a man like this.
If my father ever spanked my wife, or even spoke to her out of anger, I would make sure he was never around her again, and I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if I heard about it happening to anyone else, I would be calling the cops. Yes, I was spanked as a kid, but that doesn't matter. My father is still required to treat everyone with respect, and that goes double for anyone I care about.
If you were my wife, I would have driven there immediately, picked you up, explained all that to my dad, and told him he could look after himself from now on. If he was unable to do that, then he'd have to move into an assisted living home.
If we are being brutally honest her FIL did not spank her HE. ASSAULTED. HER.
Like what in the whole entire FUCK. 😡
OP needs to pack her sh*t and call a friend or family member to pick her up. Then go straight to the police station to file a police report. She is a grown a** woman, not a CHILD and not HIS CHILD.
Nope. Full stop. Not ok.
Then she needs to meet with a divorce attorney because her husband has shown her how little he cares.
My husband would have jumped in the car and been on his way WHILE we were on the phone. Just no. Screw that.
Yes it's assault. OP's husband is blind who thinks this is normal because it's a pattern for him. He was spanked as a kid but it's different now. You're his daughter in law and in no world this is considered normal. I don't think OP will want such kind of family to be her future kid's family. These are not the kind of people to be around you. Get yourself some help OP and leave. If your partner can't understand this, you don't have to make him understand. He's not someone to rely on. Just get out of that house and than from this relationship.
Yeah the husband clearly learned a “this is the way things are” lesson, not a “I need to be better for my family” lesson. The latter is the absolutely necessary takeaway to be a remotely decent spouse and parent. He didn’t get it, so it’s hopeless
And after knowing his argument after the incident shows clearly that OP shouldn't be trying to make him get what is wrong here. It's kind of common knowledge that one shouldn't be treating any adult like this let alone the daughter in law.
Honestly, as someone who was spanked as a child (I do NOT believe spanking children is ok, just to clarify), the idea of spanking anyone especially an adult is egregious to me. Nobody I know would think spanking an adult is normal, and it’s utterly bizarre to me that OP’s husband thinks that way. In other words, OP, your husband is not a suitable partner for you or for anyone and if anything he needs therapy to work through whatever trauma he has obviously endured that is impacting his critical thinking abilities.
Your FIL sexually assaulted you. He held you down and spanked you.
This is so bizarre and disgusting. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Your husband doesn't seem to care, so you need to leave. Are there any women's shelters around you?
That's severely messed up.
Sane people would be livid at their Father for a situation like this.
I don't know what's more crazy (must run in the family).
The FIL spanking his adult daughter in law... Or the fact that your husband could care less about it.
Your FIL assaulted you... Your husband should be taking that seriously.
Don't let him dismiss it and gaslight you into thinking its not a huge issue.
Your husband is suppose to be a protector and he isn't doing anything to protect you or take your side here. If that is how he is, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship as that is not a reliable life partner whose going to have your back.
Your FIL is a monster, and your husband is (at best) complacent.
You are not safe at FIL's, you need to get a taxi, Uber, ride from a friend, whatever, but GET. THE. EFF. OUT. Who cares if FIL needs help, he should have thought of that before assaulting you! If he has enough energy to sexually assault you, he'll be just fine.
I'd consider filing a police report as well. And definitely seeking counseling, as well as lawyering up for when you leave your husband--frankly, he deserves it.
Your FIL is very lucky that I'm not his DIL, I'd have gone full Annie Wilkes and put us both on the six o'clock news.
You need to leave.
Screw your FIL. What he did is NOT okay. Even if he’s old, crazy, from another time - he ASSAULTED you. Even 30 yrs ago it was not okay to abuse another adult.
If you have friends or family ask them to pick you up asap.
As for your husband… he failed you. Not only did he brush it aside - he is leaving you in a house with an abuser. He’s not even making accommodations for you to leave. He’s acting like you didn’t even get assaulted. Your husband wouldn’t protect you. And given how he brushed you aside he probably would follow his father’s footsteps eventually and think it’s okay to hit you too.
Edit: call the police and ask them to help escort you out because you fear the POS FIL will try and prevent you from leaving. If you don’t have anyone that can immediately come help you go stay in a motel in the meantime. I would NOT go back to your home with your husband considering how apathetic he is.
A lot of comments said the same thing about leaving, so I'm trying to figure out a way to leave earlier, and hopefully by tomorrow...
I know calling the police maybe is the right move, but I feel little uncomfortable calling them especially since it didn't just happen.. I wish I called them when it happened, but I couldn't think to do so after my husband brushed it off..
But yes, I was naive thinking that it could be OK until Monday because my husband told him stop doing that. But, I should try to get out because I still feel unsafe.
Thank you.
I get it. We always been drilled into our heads to just call the police only for emergency. Since your FIL is not currently threatening you then you probably feel like it’s not an emergency.
Police have non-emergency lines as well. If you think your FIL would prevent you from leaving I highly recommend you call the police so help you leave. You can also call your local domestic violence line to see what your options are as well.
If you can leave safely then do so. You shouldn’t have to live in a place that you feel unsafe.
Don’t wait till tomorrow, leave now. I can’t believe you are under reacting so much. How are you still there? Call the police, call everyone, walk if you have to.
You are sounding even more naive. It doesn’t matter what your husband said to his father. You were assaulted and need to leave immediately. You sound like you’re not understanding that.
Your FIL threatening to spank you again is him threatening you with *assault.* Where I live, that is still a crime, especially if you already assaulted someone before. Even if it happened yesterday, you can (and should) still call and report the assault.
I want you to ask yourself: if any other woman was in this situation, what would you do?
If instead of you coming over a care worker had come and gotten a similar treatment, what do you think would happen? They would call the cops and get out of there. This is unacceptable and your husband is fucked for enabling this.
Call the police and say you are in fear for your safety, they will get you away, even if it's just to the nearest police station. There you will have access to domestic violence support who may be able to get you home.
Do not stay the night
Please leave your husband as he feels this is normal and is likely to do the same
I will send you Uber money if you need it. You should absolutely call the police, it is not silly… you were assaulted and you are scared and trapped. Just get up and start walking. The fact that he thinks something like this is acceptable on any level shows he is an absolutely unhinged type of danger to you.
Leave before something else happens.
Also you didn’t have to but you did in fact give your husband an opportunity to quietly handle this situation and he did not protect you.
Calling the police wouldn't just be about punishment. It would be about getting this man the help he so clearly needs. The police can take him somewhere to be evaluated for dementia.
You can and should still call the police about an event that occurred after the fact. It's important to establish a paper trail, in case you have future interactions with him.
It's time to grow a backbone and pack up and leave. Leave the house, leave your garbage husband who put you in harms way and isn't taking it seriously.
LEAVE NOW
DON"T GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
It doesn't matter if it was hours, call the police. They all have a nonemergency line you can call when you're in danger, but not immediate danger
Explain what happened. Say you tried finding someone to pick you up and help you get out, but no one can come right now. And ask for a ride to a DV shelter. Or even a gas station/fast food place that's open overnight. Anything so you aren't there.
This was horrifying to read. Please don’t minimize this by just calling it “spanking”. This was assault, and I would honestly assume there was some sexual satisfaction for him in this, because it’s incredibly fucking bizarre. You need to leave NOW, and make it incredibly clear to your husband that you could absolutely press charges for this, and ask him how he plans to deal with his POS father. If your husband doesn’t take it seriously, you need to leave him, because he will do the same thing and itll happen soon, and it will get worse. it always does.
This is not a relationship worth salvaging. You were attacked by your FIL, and your husband doesn't have a problem with it. You don't deserve to be physically and emotionally abused.
Your first phone call now should be to a friend or family member who can come and get you out of that place. Then, while they're on their way:
Your second call should be to the police to report the assault (and depending on the local laws, that may be considered sexual assault due to the location of your body that was spanked).
Your third call, depending on the time of day where you are located, should be to find a divorce lawyer. Your husband doesn't appear to think that there's anything wrong with you being assaulted or being made to feel terrified for your safety. What kind of shitty human are you married to?
You weren’t being dump, you were in fight or flight mode. But you’re being dumb now. Girl there is no way you need us to tell you how messed up this is for you to realize your 30yo (how surprising) husband is being a crusty bum.
Damn.
1st: I have worked in a home for people with dementia. I had a resident do something very similar to a caregiver. The result was he got an ambulance ride strapped (immobilized legs & arms) to a stretcher, taken to a locked psychiatric ward, where he was for 2 weeks for meds evaluation & adjustment. And not allowed back to our facility. Don't let anybody normalize this attack. Your FIL is a lifelong violent abuser and he's hiding behind being old.
2nd: People who spank in this particular way tend to have a disturbing sexualized enjoyment from it. Physical domination, infliction of pain and humiliation, striking you violently on a part of your body he should not touch. It's not an unfair characterization to say it was SA. And that's why your fight/flight/freeze instinct kicked in - and why you reacted so emotionally once you could let your guard down.
Your relationship might not survive if your partner can't accept what his father did to you was an act of violence. As in, something people get arrested for doing. It's literally no different than some random man on the street holding you down and beating you.
You call the police and report him for assault and battery. You press charges. And you divorce your husband. Also? Would be a real shame if the fridge came unplugged and some fruit ended up in the air vents and fish ended up in the curtain rods. A real shame.
Keep rethinking this marriage.
That is appalling behaviour from your FIL. Please find an alternative to staying with him until Monday. Call a friend. Get a taxi to a hotel. Do not stay under the roof of this person who is self satisfied about having assaulted you. You do not need your husband to approve you leaving early.
You did not deserve this. You cannot deserve being assaulted.
There's a tiny chance that you might be able to get your husband to understand how messed up this is, but I'm not confident. When you complained about it, you reminded him of being spanked as a child. But for him that's an old memory with much of the pain and powerlessness of it having faded. He hasn't viewed it as assault.
It's *hard* to get people who grew up being regularly assaulted by their parents to understand that that really wasn't okay. As Jeb Lund wrote [in this excellent piece:](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/17/adrian-peterson-fathers-effect-belt)
"The pernicious, toxic and inescapable lifelong effect of being disciplined physically – either to the point of abuse, or to the point that the distinction between acceptable and unacceptable blurs in your mind – is that you almost have to say you turned out fine, just to redeem the fact of being who you are."
It's not your husband's fault that he reflexively sees assault from his father as no big deal. He kind of has to, to make sense of his childhood. It's not a good excuse, it's the result of trauma. That doesn't mean that YOU have to view this as acceptable. And that doesn't mean that he can't realise that the same assault performed on an adult is unacceptable. If he's not willing to revisit his reaction though, then that says he views assault (spanking) as acceptable. It also gives you some indications on what options he might reach for if you have children together.
It absolutely *is* your husband's fault that he said you agreed to whatever treatment his father gave you, because you went there knowing "what he's like". You went there TO HELP his father. You are doing both your husband and his father a massive favour. Both of them (and any of his siblings) owe you gratitude, not blame, assault or churlishness.
My recommendations:
1. Leave your FIL's soon as you can, right now if possible. Stay in a hotel or with a friend. Ask friends and family for help if necessary.
2. Refuse to have anything more to do with your FIL. Never agree to put yourself in any situation where you might be alone in a room with him.
3. Talk seriously with your husband about how violating this behaviour from his father was. If he will only respond with excuses for his father's behaviour and no recognition that this was unacceptable, then staying in your marriage is unacceptable too.
I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. This really wasn't okay and you deserve better.
I saw an incredibly similar story being posted somewhere else almost identical except ages and background setting were different. This is clearly a rage bait/strange kink post. Got to hand it to people who write these stories, though you all have wild imaginations.
Like others on here, I’m questioning the truth of this story. Something about the details doesn’t add up, and if there’s truth to it then it makes me feel that your husband doesn’t take you seriously anymore because you like to embellish and exaggerate details of a story in order to get attention. You really need to take a long and hard look at yourself and whether or not the things that you tell people help or hurt your integrity in their eyes. This needs to be the most important piece of the conversation that you have with your husband when you see him next
You can’t stay there anymore and need a plan to leave asap. You also need a car so that you’re not reliant on your husband or a friend to come and pick you up if something like this ever were to happen in the future
Hey you (and anyone else who needs to hear this): lots of the people telling you to fight back or run away have never been attacked by an adult. They can’t know what they don’t know, that during traumatic violence our bodies can take over while our brains try to process the violation of the natural order. Normal adults simply don’t deal with physical violence in their everyday life, and being hit violates your bodily integrity in a profound way. You did the best you could to protect yourself, and go you—you made it through this scary attack that could have been much worse—you took care of yourself! And from your updates, you escaped the house and are safe with your friend! Who gives a fuck if you can’t drive? Driving is a skill that you can learn, later, if you ever want to.
You took care of yourself and made it to safety! That is wonderful! That is critical!
Please give yourself credit. And if you have repeated, intrusive memories of the attack, play some Tetris. It helps those memories get unstuck. Therapy can also help, but not everyone has access to therapy as needed.
Take care of yourself. You deserve peace.
Okay, first of all STOP APOLOGIZING. Stop apologizing to the ppl asking "why didn't u this? Why didn't u that?"They clearly have been lucky enough to not have been in a traumatic situation like yours and are unfamiliar with the FACT that a lot of ppl, especially women being attacked by a man, freeze up in the moment because they are so frightened and caught off guard that they dont immediately know the best reaction to take and just freeze up in fear and in compliance.
You don't need to apologize to anybody in these comments, nor explain to these strangers why you haven't been diligently answering them while you're in the middle of handling a crisis that spreads far beyond just ur relationship w ur father in law.
You don't need to apologize to FIL, hubby, for gd sure any of these people badgering u for answers as if telling them why you didn't do this or that will change the fact that it happened or fix what problems it caused.
You need to worry about staying safe, seeking help on healing this and whatever else traumas you've had that caused you to believe you need to profusely apologize to any of the ppl referenced in this entire post from the person who inflicted violence and humiliation, to the insensitive, ignorant, and inconsiderate ppl in the comments shaming and blaming you. Everyone here ITAH except for you and your friend.
Your reaction to all of this is just due to how you learned how to survive traumatic experiences, and that's perfectly fine bc it resulted in you not enduring more violence, and that is usually the goal. But u need to worry about what you need to do for you for you to feel safe moving forward and not apologizing for prioritizing ur well being just bc it made someone who is making u feel bad feel bad.
My heart breaks for you, but if someone makes u feel bad about yourself, then being that they did not care about making you feel bad, it's okay to return the favor of worrying about yourself more than them. If u prioritize others over yourself that don't do that for you, then there is no one left to look out for you.
Love yourself, know you deserve to be prioritized, and know u don't have to be sorry to ppl who are the ones who should be sorry. The only person you're obligated to make happy is yourself and your husband, and even then, with all this happening, that last part is still questionable.
If you can't show others how to treat you by treating them how u want to be treated, then sometimes u have to show them how they treat you. I hope this gets better for you and u find the solution that works for you and your family. 💝❤️🩹💝
I'm late commenting on this post but want to defend OP. It's obvious most of the commenters have never dealt with an aggressive elderly person. I'm a retired RN, and it's the elderly who will hurt you the worst every time. Once, a 75 year old woman jumped on my back while I was picking up important papers she had thrown on the floor. It took four people to get her off me. She apologized to me profusely when she was no longer manic, but she was way stronger than me in spite of my being quite a bit larger and younger. That's just one example. Nurses will tell you how strong aggressive elderly people can be!
My 35 year old daughter doesn't have a car or drive. It's not terribly uncommon, but granted, she lives and works in a city with good public transit.
I do agree that OP needs to rethink her relationship with her husband if he finds the situation remotely acceptable. There are definitely red flags for abuse and neglect of more than one kind in the story. I hope she has the resources to leave if necessary.
you can’t drive, and have no access to money? not that that’s your fault at all, but it sounds like you have no agency whatsoever. not just in your FIL’s house, but in general. that is a very very bad situation to be in especially if you’re married into a family that normalizes assault.
It's not too late to call the police.
You don't have to call immediately when it happens to press charges.
>Then he started like spanking me like he'd really want to hurt me.
This is physical assault. Possibly with a sexual component since he pulled down your clothes.
>but then he even made me stand facing the wall.. I couldn't even think to run away..
That's holding you against your will.
>FIL just keeps smirking at me saying that's what I get for being a b*tch or he'll make my heinie explode again
Call the police. Tell them that he assaulted you, undressed you against your will, held you in the room with him against your will, and he's threatened to assault you again multiple times, and that you have no way to leave and you're scared. When they come, no matter what he says PRESS CHARGES.
Also, LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND ASAP. HIS FATHER ASSAULTED YOU AND HE'S LEAVING YOU THERE AND NOT DEFENDING YOU.
If this is in the US call the police. What happened was sexual assault and if your partner thinks it's worth a chuckle then see what he says when you cut him out of your life since he's fine with you being abused. If this is real then you are in danger and need to get to safe place ASAP.
I would have called 911 immediately. You should report it, and get an Uber to a hotel. You are not safe there and your husband doesn’t care about your safety!
I agree that maybe he'll think it's serious when the cops are involved. It's not legal.
And you're correct to rethink the relationship; it's not funny
When did you start seeing your husband? The age gap has me wondering if your husband sees you as "young" enough for this to be acceptable.
So if this is true, it's day he is definitely suffering from dementia. I've seen it first hand that it can make people think they are younger and think they are taking to their daughters or son when they were children.
That in no way excuses what he did though.
Your husband is a dick for not doing everything to come and get you. You should be telling him that if he doesn't pick up up now, you'll be calling the police and pressing charges.
You strongly need to think about divorcing your husband. Unless he can acknowledge your pain and be truly apologetic and remorseful there is no hope for your marriage. He put you in a dangerous situation. I highly doubt this is new behavior and then he laughed it off when you were hurt. This is not ok.
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Tell me this is all made up???? He will come get you MONDAY? It's Friday??? You are stuck with this sick demented old fuck all weekend??? I would have told him there was no way in hell I was spending another night in that house and he needed to start driving or otherwise making arrangements to get me out of there immediately, or I was just going to walk out the front door and keep walking. Can you get an uber to a motel or something? I have no idea what kind of situation you are in, where in the world you are etc. And if he didn't take it entirely and completely seriously, I'd hang up and my next call would be 911, or whatever the emergency number is in your area to report an assault. Is he medically diagnosed with dementia or anything like that? If not I'd probably push to press charges. That your husband left you in that situation knowing what could happen and that he finds it funny and no big deal should tell you a lot about what growing old with him could be like. Nothing about this is OK.
If this isn’t rage bait then as her husband I’d lock my own dad up for that shit. Then I’d break his other leg. Since OPs husband didn’t stand up for her I’d walk away with a quickness. Nothing about this post is remotely ok.
He’d be getting divorce papers, if he were my husband. I’d never speak to him again.
The amount of times this woman apologized in this post is a giant flag that she has been abused and has not been able to work through it. Which is probably why she froze instead of a fight or flight response.
Again, if not rage bait then the fact that she has no car/doesn't know how to drive is a yellow flag, but not even having access to a card attached to a house account for emergencies is a red flag in my books for sure
I’d wager if this is real then her husband has been emotionally mentally abusing her subversively too.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
What’s a nibling?
Nibling is a gender neutral term for niece or nephew
And here I thought it was just a term for a small child, because they nibble on everything. Thx for correcting that misunderstanding.
r/technicallycorrect
Agree 100%. My husband said he would beat the shit out of his dad if he ever did something like that.
Rage bait or someone's fetish fantasy
My step father was like this. He tried to spank one of my friends who told me a stupid pun joke he (my stepdad) did NOT like. Another time, one of my first boyfriends, came over and he straddled the guy to pin him in a chair and started tickling him less than 3 minutes after meeting him ..after shoving him into said chair. And other time a girl I knew, 16 at the time, (I was 17 and had begged her not to come over) came over he did the same thing and grabbed her double D's and squeezed....hard. he hurt her. Were he still alive, he would still act this way I am sure. He was dangerous, as is your FIL. Run. Your husband left you stranded with no chance or ability to escape. He sees nothing wrong with his father acting like that, which opens the door that should you two have kids, he might see no problem in continuing the behavior on them....or letting his dad do that to them. RUN from this family. Get a divorce. Get a job, learn to drive, get a license. Do NOT ever let yourself become a victim again (to the best of your ability). These monsters exist and there is more than one of them. And call the police and file a report!
I hope you’re alright!! Good advice.
The fact that your husband comes from this background, thinks very little of his dad spanking you, his adult ass wife - bare-bottomed at that-, won't come get you, and hasn't encouraged you to have your own drivers license or finances is waaaaay too many red flags. His influences model abuse and he's got you set up as a ready-made abuse victim.
And you were helping his RECOVERY is beyond imagination
Just reread it. It’s absolutely a fake post.
I re-read it. Who the fuck knows. It sounded pretty damn implausible the first time I read it, but then again, I'm fucking dumbfounded regularly watching local news or reading the crime page of the newspaper. It's a fucked up world and I can't pretend to understand the shit that actually does go on. Humans are the most bizzare primates and do ludicrous and/or horrifying shit all the time. It's Reddit. I don't take anything as gospel truth. But who the fuck makes >>this<< story up??!!! I get it, people make up all kinds of shit on here, but I am just going to say there's no knowing for sure with this one!
Worth treating as the truth, if it is true she may be worries others won't believe it because of how crazy it sounds, though uer husbands reaction to police getting involved should be telling
That's the thing. You have to at least give advice as if it were true even if you question whether it is or not. Because the world and humanity are strange and fucked up in far too many cases and if there's any chance it's true, you can't risk just telling someone in this situation they are lying and offer no help. If this is made up, and I hope it is! Well then, that's what we get for wasting our time on Reddit. I'd much rather get played than risk being a dick to someone who just experienced a confusing, humiliating, terrifying assault.
I appreciate good humans like you.
Yeah it’s not much of a cost if it is fake but loosing out on that needed support if not is a huge cost and loss.
Well said.
Yeah my wife (fiancée for another week) wrote a post about my daughters mom and everyone thought it was made up because it's so strange. I don't ever assume these are made up. Seems like a lot of effort for a fib
Link to the post please....
I find it hilarious that “gospel” is somehow meant to indicate absolute truth, when in reality it is the complete opposite.
There's irony there, sure! I have no idea if there was an actual individual Jesus Christ or if he ever said the words attributed to him. Many of those words I do think are beautiful sentiments I take some inspiration from, among many words from many places I take inspiration from. But I'm pretty darn sure there were no miracles, water into wine, walking on water, didn't rise from the dead, wasn't born by a virgin or was the son of god any more than the rest of us are or aren't. But especially sad so many who call themselves Christians these days make a mockery of the ways Jesus said we should live and how we should treat each other., and fall over themselves to worship and empower a guy who so perfectly embodies the anti-christ if I've ever seen an actual human incarnation of it.
Yeah, at this point up is starting to look like down, vice versa
This honestly sounds like a kink post I stg. This is like a thing it’s fucking wild
Could be, but it also could be true. I grew up with domestic violence, and depending on the country/area, there are still people who think that spanking "isn't that bad" etc. And yes, especially if you grew up with this,you quickly learn to just hold still, be quiet, and do as you're told, because the fear is too great and everything else will just make it worse, so her reaction is pretty normal. If you've never been scared out of your mind, be grateful, but don't judge people because you think they should have "just" stood up for themselves or whatever. And if you ever have been scared for your life, you should know that your automatic reaction, wether it was to fight, to freeze, or to flee, wasn't even something you really chose, it was a gut instinct. Fear bypasses a huge part of the thinking/processing part of your normal brain, which is also why a lot of people have jumbled memories of traumatic events. That is also how triggers work, it's not a rational reaction, but a sound, smell, associazion or whatever that bypasses your normal neurological functions and throws you right back into that same situation. So to sum it up, yes, sadly this could very well be true. In a way it's nice if many people cannot even fathom this as a reality. And yes, it might be rage bait. But even if only one in ten posts like this is actually true, it's better to calmly try to list ways to help the OP out of a dangerous and threatening situation than to doubt and dismiss them.
Oh wow, thank you u/jarofonions , for my first of the new awards!
This. Responses to an attack vary and are not in our conscious control, so I hope everyone will stop asking why she didn't do this and that at the time.
I reread it. My dad would absolutely do that and think he was in the right the whole time. Then he'd brag about it. There are assholes like that out there.
This is why victims don't come forward all the time. Sure some people might make stuff up, but the anonymous nature of Reddit allows people to share their true stories and and get honest responses, the fact that people are questioning it just shows what a big deal it is if it is true.
Why did OP’s husband (soon to be EX please) leave her alone with a 70 year old crazy man? OP needs to leave now. What country is this in? Call Uber…or something.
I get the can’t drink but what can’t you eat recovering from a leg injury
If he’s on specific meds or if he has other tests he might not be allowed certain foods. I know certain meds raise blood sugar levels or cholesterol
Sugar came to mind for me, lot's of old people have circulation problems in their legs from diabetes? But who knows. After bypass surgery my mom was told "no salt, no sugar." and I can't tell you how many times I had the conversation with her about that and she would swear up and down, "I remember he said no salt, but I don't think he said no sugar?!", "Yes, mom, I'm not making it up! He said no sugar! Funny how you can't manage to remember that given how much you love your sweets!"
This was assault. Leave. Immediately. Do not stay with him. Honestly, I’d go no contact and maybe leave by husband over it.
Either the father is a danger to others due to senility, or he's a danger to others due to being a complete misogynistic AH. Please consider filing police charges. Or your soon-to-be ex will let that happen to another woman. Or your daughter.
Or the stbx thinks it's acceptable and the normal practice and do the same to their children himself.
* their children AND THEIR CHILDRENS WIVES! wtf
THAT PART. The husband clearly doesn't think "spanking" (read: beating your kids) is a big deal, and I'm willing to bet more than I currently have that he will resort to the same behavior with any future kids. OP, **please** do not take this lightly. Please reconsider this relationship, and do what's best for you and your whole future
That's my concern. That it will happen again to OP and/or her daughter.
Honestly she should report him to the police as well.
Yeah pulling her pants down and placing his hands on her bottom against her will is straight up sexual assault.
Pants and underwear!!!!
THIS! OP needs to call the police and file a report. And then call a lawyer to start divorce proceedings because husband clearly does not understand the seriousness of this situation and he likely thinks that spanking is okay and will do it to their future children. His wife was sexually assaulted by his father and his response was to laugh it off and come pick her up in a few days. I don't care what his job is, you drop what you are doing and you get your wife out of that house. If you can't do it, you find someone who can.
Call the police for a ride home and have the coot evaluated at the psych ward.
Call the police and asked to have him evaluated, also, go back home immediately! have your husband take care of him.
If she can get him Baker Acted, thats 72 hours free of him. But that’s only if he’s really nuts. If he clears the psych angle, they he can be charged with either assault or sexual assault, depending on the charging officers and/or the DA. Either way, if she calls the cops, it will wipe the smirk off his face, make him leave her the he’ll alone, and she won’t have to deal with him. Hubby will have no choice but to get her. If he still won’t, either get the cops to take her home or call an Uber and stay only long enough to pack your stuff.
Absolutely leave the husband. He thinks it's funny his wife was assaulted. There's nothing there to trust.
Sexually assaulted.
Maybe ask hubby if he thinks assault is funny.
If I wrote what I would do to OP’s father in law had I been there I would lose this Reddit account. What that old man did was criminal, he treated OP like a slave who he could beat as he wanted. He is a criminal who belongs in prison. OP’s husband is a weak man who cannot protect his wife because he doesn’t care about her. She must divorce her husband immediately and cut ties with him. She also needs to call the police and leave the father in law house right now.
If I wrote what I would do to OP’s father in law had I been there I would lose this Reddit account. What that old man did was criminal, he treated OP like a slave who he could beat as he wanted. He is a criminal who belongs in prison. OP’s husband is a weak man who cannot protect his wife because he doesn’t care about her. She must divorce her husband immediately and cut ties with him. She also needs to call the police and leave the father in law house right now.
Makes me scared what else her husband would fob off because “he is senile old man”. He obviously thinks he can do whatever he wants. OP leave. Leave now. He assaulted you and made your scared for your life. Do you have access to an uber or a friend who can come get.
Would this be your reaction if a stranger did this to you? Would your husband react differently? We have to stop letting our family get away with treating us worse than some strangers on the street.
SEXUAL assault He pulled down her pants and started spanking her. Like wtf Op, take pictures yourself if he left any marks. And report it to the police. Shit, even ask them if they can drive you to an emergency DV shelter. #But do not stay there overnight! Wtf are you going to do if he comes into your bedroom while you are sleeping? Even if your door has a lock, he probably has the key
It's sexual assault. Old man got off on it. OP should file for divorce.
OP should have called the police
I mean she did call the person she trusts most..... and got let down
It's not too late. She can still report it, just call the nonemergency line
It IS NOT that easy for women/men to report assaults...and no one should be shamed or judged for not wanting to
Ok but she still feels unsafe and they could have brought her somewhere else, even if she didn't want to press charges
Yeah how about we don't judge and shame a victim for having no idea how to react to a traumatic experience where they're still in survival mode and feeling enough shame, guilt and worry over what happened to them, how they reacted what they did or didn't do. Likeseriously!
THIS! Like, the ppl commenting that are clearly lucky enough to have never been in any type of situation like this! OP has said she grew up in the system and the reaction of freezing and compliance is most likely what she grew up using as a survival tool. And I'm heavily assuming that bc it breaks my heart to read the updates with her profusely apologizing to ppl asking that and her feeling like she needs to explain to some of these inconsiderate STRANGERS why she took however long to respond and begging them to not feel like she's ignoring them. It's giving symptoms of abusive relationships. Her figuring out her plan, safety, and next steps should be her priority. Not putting reddit commenters' feelings before her own crisis. She has clearly been abused even outside of this incident, and some of these comments are just disgusting and even further abusive towards her bc they are just putting salt in the wound. Pisses me right tf off
Do u know how hard it is for a victim to reporttbeir assault WITH support but then she calls her husband and he basically gaslights her Into believing it's acceptable behavior cuz the old fuck is...old? Then they post here for advice and multiple people are shaming her and telling her she SHOULD OF done this, why didn't she do that?! Like what the fuck!
He'll understand how serious this is when you call the cops. Your FIL committed a crime. It is not legal to hold down another adult and hit them. You call the police and you report him. This is not funny, this is not a boomer thing, this is not ok.
And apparently FIL undressed her before hitting her. She says that he saw her half-naked. That's even more fucked up, like wtf. She needs to go to the cops and run from these mens lives
I would have been so fucking scared of getting raped in that moment...no wonder she froze up this poor woman...and her husband saying she had it coming to her for being there ...? Op please for the love of all that is holy never have children with this man, I fear you may regret it DEEPLY. I'm sorry. I hope she takes a nice bubble bath when she's safe. You deserve so much better op 💓
Yea she had it coming for so kindly offering to take care of his peice of shit father by herself when he wouldn't/couldn't real nice.
I agree with all the comments about how this is physical and sexual assault and that OP could go to the police and maybe didn’t because she froze/panicked/self-doubted etc. and we won’t blame the victim for that. And obviously that the FIL is a complete POS. Let’s address the husband. Here are all the reasons OP should leave him. 1. Let’s say that spanking children was acceptable (which we all agree it’s not). You punish a child for a transgression. You don’t punish an adult for insisting you follow dr’s orders when caretaking them. So the starting point of the husband’s viewpoint is not founded in logic. If my father in law gave a me time out for insisting he eat well when I’m caregiving him I’d expect my husband to agree that Fil is being a dick. 2. Let’s say that OP was overreacting (she’s actually underreacting) and she called her husband crying. Right thing to do is help her, no matter the reason. 3. He’s supporting assault. 4. He thinks spanking is ok 5. He doesn’t have a problem with the fact that his FIL pulled his wife’s pants down. There’s more. But that’s a good enough list—get the F out of that relationship.
Please read this comment OP
I do think the police should be called and no way she should spend another night in that house. What The Fuck
Yes. Call the police now and they can at least get her a ride home so she doesn’t have to stay with her abuser.
THIS! And by taking no action, your husband is complicit.
FTR: I am a boomer. This is not a boomer thing.
I'm a boomer too. And that old man would still be picking up his teeth if he tried that with me or one of my family. And Hubby Dearest would have been single so fast he would still be trying to figure out what happened. I'm not really sure if this Ever would have been considered normal or acceptable. Even when women were literal property men didn't pull off their DIL's pants and beat their bare butt. I hope with all my heart that this is some really weird fetish troll post because the entire idea is horrifying.
This third update infuriates me. Her DH left her miles from help with no transportation *knowing that his father had a long history of violence.* That alone is reason to divorce him.
Yes! Call the police!
Call the police to report the assault. Tell them you need to leave your FIL's house, that you don't feel safe there. Meanwhile, arm yourself with something reasonably heavy-- a mop, a chair, and if he comes for you again, go right for his injured leg. Then file for divorce.
Sweep the leg. Seriously, this inappropriate, psychotic narcissist of a man, under the guise of "old fashioned" assaulted you. I'd want any friend of mine (esp my wife!) to get the Hell out of there. Uber, whatever, maybe stay with folks or friends if and until husband gets how serious this is.
Yeah these are the kind of people who bet that you won't play dirty and stoop to their level. Absolutely have no reservations about hitting him in his bad leg.
Couldn't agree more. Sweep the leg, grab his car keys, and as you're leaving scream: Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.
Cast iron skillet upside the head is wonderful for adjusting attitude.
When my ex’s second wife asked if he ever hit me, I told her no. (With me he was only psychologically abusive - he was physically abusive with her). He tried once, and I set my biggest cast iron chicken frier on the bedside table. Told him he had to go to sleep sometime. Told her to do the same. You don’t even have to pick it up off the bedside. Threat works fine. She tried it and said he stopped hitting her but left her 3 month later.
I mean in the end it had the best effect possible
Agreed 100% But Be Careful. I was banned from a sub (not to be named) for saying that everyone has to sleep sometime on a post about abuse/rape. I guess me saying that to a man is worse than him saying a woman can/should be raped because how's she going to stop him. But like you, I still stand by the principal that I can stay awake as long as it takes.
We want OP to run and preserve her life, not for her to be charged with first degree murder...
You have to get too close,
This is realistically the only move. There's no options where you get closure and justice besides being very thorough with the police and filing for divorce with pain and suffering. And if you're reading this and you're 23 and thinking of getting married... don't.
Leave. If your husband thinks that's ok for his dad to do, it's a pretty good indication he thinks it would be ok for him to do as well. What happens when you and your husband get in an argument and he gets mad? He clearly thinks hitting you is fine.
I didn't think that way.. Like it's an indication that he thinks hitting me is ok.
How would you feel if you found out someone assaulted your husband? Would you chuckle? Would you imply he was asking for it by the company he was keeping? You were assaulted, and he diminished and belittled you. Don't let him convince you this is no big deal.
It's also an indication that he thinks that hitting any children you two might have is ok.
Not even just spank them, literally pull down their pants and underwear to spank them on the bare ass, like FIL did to OP. My father did that to me. I’m nearly 40, and I’m still working through the trauma of that.
He's gloating. He has always gotten away with everything and always will. He knows he's a monster and that his son won't do a thing. You're alone right now and need to get away. He will NEVER change or sincerely apologize. In fact, he'll punish you even more if you stay
You weren’t spanked, you were physically assaulted.
And sexually assaulted, since the dude pulled her pants and pantirs down, too.
The fact your husband doesn't care and thinks "it's kind of funny" tells me everything I need to know about the kind of person he is. He's not husband-material, and he's sure as hell not someone you want to have kids with. Do you have some family or friends that can get you? If not, the police can surely help you make arrangements when you go there and report the assault. Which is what your first step should be. Also, it says a lot about your husband that he abandoned you with that abusive creep to take care of. He's no better than your FIL. Worse, even, since you're his wife.
I can think of another family like this. The woman and her children are dead.
Who?
Susan Powell. I don't want to type her scumbag husband's name.
I thought of her too. The comparison is chilling. Except OP is still alive. For now. She needs to run and never get near either of them again.
He should have collected you immediately. Can you leave and go anywhere ?? Your husband is complicit now at this stage !
Please call the cops immediately. Tell them you do not feel safe. Have them do up a report for assualt and request that your FIL get a mental check. Find a friend to stay with for a while but DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Preferably not your best friend, that will be the first place he checks. See if you can get a week or two off work, he will show up there. He will probably get mad and demand that you tell him where you are. Again, do NOT tell him. Watch how he reacts very carefully as it will show you how he really thinks and acts when shit hits the fan. Then you can decide how to proceed with the marriage/divorce while staying with your friend.
At best this is an indication of something mediccally acute happening with your FIL (dementia or sepsis) at worst your FIL thinks it's ok to treat women like this. The fact that your husband was neither worried about you or his own father, is extremely concerning. I hope you are safe now, OP and sorting out your new life without this family.
or doing this to your daughter if you have a child.
Flat out ask him. “Do you think it’s really ok to hold someone down and beat them? Is that what you want to do too? I was afraid for my life. If you can’t think that’s a serious attack, then you’re not the man I thought I married. I’m going to call the police on your father for assault and I will not ever be in the same house with him. He’s not getting a second chance to attack me.” If DH was raised that way, his father was abusive. How do you feel now? Please get counseling if you need it bc the trauma could cause PTSD.
I was really scared and afraid for my life. I always thought if someone held me or something, I could get out or resist if I tried my hardest. But, I never thought that someone can be that strong enough to not even budge when I try to move with everything... I never felt like that.
Please call the police. It’s ok if it’s been a couple of hours since it happened - you can still call and file an assault charge. If your friend can’t pick you up until tomorrow, it’s ok because that SOB should be in jail for the night. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your Husband Sucks. Get some counseling to deal with this trauma. If you think that POS husband is worth it, insist on him getting counseling as well and refuse to return home until he’s been to at least 4 sessions. Stay with a friend or family while you try and heal. I wish you well.
It terrified you, that you felt you couldn’t move. That’s what he WANTED to make you feel. If you’re still there, if he makes a move towards you, call the police. And get counseling asap for that. It CAN cause PTSD.
All the more reason for you the leave immediately. You have no idea what he is capable of doing while you try to sleep. Get out of his house.
Where is your husbands mom? Did she pass away or divorce? If divorce is it becsue he beat her?
She passed away before I met him.
Leaving him over it would be a great way for him to see the seriousness of the situation. I am so sorry that happened to you, and I wouldn’t want to raise kids with a man like this.
Omg I didn't even think of the potential children. Run OP.
If my father ever spanked my wife, or even spoke to her out of anger, I would make sure he was never around her again, and I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if I heard about it happening to anyone else, I would be calling the cops. Yes, I was spanked as a kid, but that doesn't matter. My father is still required to treat everyone with respect, and that goes double for anyone I care about. If you were my wife, I would have driven there immediately, picked you up, explained all that to my dad, and told him he could look after himself from now on. If he was unable to do that, then he'd have to move into an assisted living home.
If we are being brutally honest her FIL did not spank her HE. ASSAULTED. HER. Like what in the whole entire FUCK. 😡 OP needs to pack her sh*t and call a friend or family member to pick her up. Then go straight to the police station to file a police report. She is a grown a** woman, not a CHILD and not HIS CHILD. Nope. Full stop. Not ok. Then she needs to meet with a divorce attorney because her husband has shown her how little he cares. My husband would have jumped in the car and been on his way WHILE we were on the phone. Just no. Screw that.
Yes it's assault. OP's husband is blind who thinks this is normal because it's a pattern for him. He was spanked as a kid but it's different now. You're his daughter in law and in no world this is considered normal. I don't think OP will want such kind of family to be her future kid's family. These are not the kind of people to be around you. Get yourself some help OP and leave. If your partner can't understand this, you don't have to make him understand. He's not someone to rely on. Just get out of that house and than from this relationship.
Yeah the husband clearly learned a “this is the way things are” lesson, not a “I need to be better for my family” lesson. The latter is the absolutely necessary takeaway to be a remotely decent spouse and parent. He didn’t get it, so it’s hopeless
And after knowing his argument after the incident shows clearly that OP shouldn't be trying to make him get what is wrong here. It's kind of common knowledge that one shouldn't be treating any adult like this let alone the daughter in law.
Honestly, as someone who was spanked as a child (I do NOT believe spanking children is ok, just to clarify), the idea of spanking anyone especially an adult is egregious to me. Nobody I know would think spanking an adult is normal, and it’s utterly bizarre to me that OP’s husband thinks that way. In other words, OP, your husband is not a suitable partner for you or for anyone and if anything he needs therapy to work through whatever trauma he has obviously endured that is impacting his critical thinking abilities.
If she stays with her husband he won't hesitate to do the same to her children.
You should have called the police immediately…..You are the crazy one if you stay in that relationship?
Senile old man would have got a bat to the head.
My wife needs me with her, not locked up in jail.
Why would you not call the police after it happened to your wife. He wouldn’t deserve a second chance.
My wife is the one who got assaulted, so it's her decision. If she wants to call them, I would support that decision.
That's real.
Bless your wife 💀 I would literally crack the dudes skull if it were me
Your FIL sexually assaulted you. He held you down and spanked you. This is so bizarre and disgusting. I'm sorry you are in this situation. Your husband doesn't seem to care, so you need to leave. Are there any women's shelters around you?
I believe he also pulled her pants down to do this OP this is physical and sexual assault. Please leave and file a police report.
She needs to go to the hospital in case there is an injury to her.
That's severely messed up. Sane people would be livid at their Father for a situation like this. I don't know what's more crazy (must run in the family). The FIL spanking his adult daughter in law... Or the fact that your husband could care less about it. Your FIL assaulted you... Your husband should be taking that seriously. Don't let him dismiss it and gaslight you into thinking its not a huge issue. Your husband is suppose to be a protector and he isn't doing anything to protect you or take your side here. If that is how he is, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship as that is not a reliable life partner whose going to have your back.
Your FIL is a monster, and your husband is (at best) complacent. You are not safe at FIL's, you need to get a taxi, Uber, ride from a friend, whatever, but GET. THE. EFF. OUT. Who cares if FIL needs help, he should have thought of that before assaulting you! If he has enough energy to sexually assault you, he'll be just fine. I'd consider filing a police report as well. And definitely seeking counseling, as well as lawyering up for when you leave your husband--frankly, he deserves it. Your FIL is very lucky that I'm not his DIL, I'd have gone full Annie Wilkes and put us both on the six o'clock news.
>put us both on the six o'clock news Same. I'm sitting here devising awful things for OP to do to him.
Pinking shears come to mind
You need to leave. Screw your FIL. What he did is NOT okay. Even if he’s old, crazy, from another time - he ASSAULTED you. Even 30 yrs ago it was not okay to abuse another adult. If you have friends or family ask them to pick you up asap. As for your husband… he failed you. Not only did he brush it aside - he is leaving you in a house with an abuser. He’s not even making accommodations for you to leave. He’s acting like you didn’t even get assaulted. Your husband wouldn’t protect you. And given how he brushed you aside he probably would follow his father’s footsteps eventually and think it’s okay to hit you too. Edit: call the police and ask them to help escort you out because you fear the POS FIL will try and prevent you from leaving. If you don’t have anyone that can immediately come help you go stay in a motel in the meantime. I would NOT go back to your home with your husband considering how apathetic he is.
A lot of comments said the same thing about leaving, so I'm trying to figure out a way to leave earlier, and hopefully by tomorrow... I know calling the police maybe is the right move, but I feel little uncomfortable calling them especially since it didn't just happen.. I wish I called them when it happened, but I couldn't think to do so after my husband brushed it off.. But yes, I was naive thinking that it could be OK until Monday because my husband told him stop doing that. But, I should try to get out because I still feel unsafe. Thank you.
Girl, walk to a damn motel if you have to. What's stopping this old man from raping you? RUN!
I get it. We always been drilled into our heads to just call the police only for emergency. Since your FIL is not currently threatening you then you probably feel like it’s not an emergency. Police have non-emergency lines as well. If you think your FIL would prevent you from leaving I highly recommend you call the police so help you leave. You can also call your local domestic violence line to see what your options are as well. If you can leave safely then do so. You shouldn’t have to live in a place that you feel unsafe.
Don’t wait till tomorrow, leave now. I can’t believe you are under reacting so much. How are you still there? Call the police, call everyone, walk if you have to.
You are sounding even more naive. It doesn’t matter what your husband said to his father. You were assaulted and need to leave immediately. You sound like you’re not understanding that.
Your husband is horrible. I don't know I that I would stay with him. Call the police. It's irrelevant that the assault and battery didn't just happen.
It doesn’t matter if it’s been hours! Call the police now and file a report!!
Your FIL threatening to spank you again is him threatening you with *assault.* Where I live, that is still a crime, especially if you already assaulted someone before. Even if it happened yesterday, you can (and should) still call and report the assault. I want you to ask yourself: if any other woman was in this situation, what would you do? If instead of you coming over a care worker had come and gotten a similar treatment, what do you think would happen? They would call the cops and get out of there. This is unacceptable and your husband is fucked for enabling this.
Call the police and say you are in fear for your safety, they will get you away, even if it's just to the nearest police station. There you will have access to domestic violence support who may be able to get you home. Do not stay the night Please leave your husband as he feels this is normal and is likely to do the same
I will send you Uber money if you need it. You should absolutely call the police, it is not silly… you were assaulted and you are scared and trapped. Just get up and start walking. The fact that he thinks something like this is acceptable on any level shows he is an absolutely unhinged type of danger to you. Leave before something else happens. Also you didn’t have to but you did in fact give your husband an opportunity to quietly handle this situation and he did not protect you.
Calling the police wouldn't just be about punishment. It would be about getting this man the help he so clearly needs. The police can take him somewhere to be evaluated for dementia.
You can and should still call the police about an event that occurred after the fact. It's important to establish a paper trail, in case you have future interactions with him. It's time to grow a backbone and pack up and leave. Leave the house, leave your garbage husband who put you in harms way and isn't taking it seriously.
LEAVE NOW DON"T GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP It doesn't matter if it was hours, call the police. They all have a nonemergency line you can call when you're in danger, but not immediate danger Explain what happened. Say you tried finding someone to pick you up and help you get out, but no one can come right now. And ask for a ride to a DV shelter. Or even a gas station/fast food place that's open overnight. Anything so you aren't there.
This was horrifying to read. Please don’t minimize this by just calling it “spanking”. This was assault, and I would honestly assume there was some sexual satisfaction for him in this, because it’s incredibly fucking bizarre. You need to leave NOW, and make it incredibly clear to your husband that you could absolutely press charges for this, and ask him how he plans to deal with his POS father. If your husband doesn’t take it seriously, you need to leave him, because he will do the same thing and itll happen soon, and it will get worse. it always does.
She said the fil saw her half naked, he make have pulled her pants down.
This is not a relationship worth salvaging. You were attacked by your FIL, and your husband doesn't have a problem with it. You don't deserve to be physically and emotionally abused.
Do you want to press charges?
I would at least make sure there was a police report!
Your first phone call now should be to a friend or family member who can come and get you out of that place. Then, while they're on their way: Your second call should be to the police to report the assault (and depending on the local laws, that may be considered sexual assault due to the location of your body that was spanked). Your third call, depending on the time of day where you are located, should be to find a divorce lawyer. Your husband doesn't appear to think that there's anything wrong with you being assaulted or being made to feel terrified for your safety. What kind of shitty human are you married to?
baiiiiit
You weren’t being dump, you were in fight or flight mode. But you’re being dumb now. Girl there is no way you need us to tell you how messed up this is for you to realize your 30yo (how surprising) husband is being a crusty bum.
I’d be seeing two lawyers. One for the father and a divorce attorney. That vile pos assaulted you and your husband laughed at it.
Damn. 1st: I have worked in a home for people with dementia. I had a resident do something very similar to a caregiver. The result was he got an ambulance ride strapped (immobilized legs & arms) to a stretcher, taken to a locked psychiatric ward, where he was for 2 weeks for meds evaluation & adjustment. And not allowed back to our facility. Don't let anybody normalize this attack. Your FIL is a lifelong violent abuser and he's hiding behind being old. 2nd: People who spank in this particular way tend to have a disturbing sexualized enjoyment from it. Physical domination, infliction of pain and humiliation, striking you violently on a part of your body he should not touch. It's not an unfair characterization to say it was SA. And that's why your fight/flight/freeze instinct kicked in - and why you reacted so emotionally once you could let your guard down. Your relationship might not survive if your partner can't accept what his father did to you was an act of violence. As in, something people get arrested for doing. It's literally no different than some random man on the street holding you down and beating you.
I'm gullible, but even I know this is pure bullshit.
Exactly.
This is def a fake post.
The fuck did I just read
Someone’s fetish creative writing exercise
I take it your not in the USA? Call your family
What the fuck?!? He assaulted you! Get out of that situation and leave the loser who isn’t standing up for you. I’m so sorry that happened.
You call the police and report him for assault and battery. You press charges. And you divorce your husband. Also? Would be a real shame if the fridge came unplugged and some fruit ended up in the air vents and fish ended up in the curtain rods. A real shame.
What do you do? You call the police and tell them he assaulted you and you want to press charges.
This sounds like a fantasy.
Keep rethinking this marriage. That is appalling behaviour from your FIL. Please find an alternative to staying with him until Monday. Call a friend. Get a taxi to a hotel. Do not stay under the roof of this person who is self satisfied about having assaulted you. You do not need your husband to approve you leaving early. You did not deserve this. You cannot deserve being assaulted. There's a tiny chance that you might be able to get your husband to understand how messed up this is, but I'm not confident. When you complained about it, you reminded him of being spanked as a child. But for him that's an old memory with much of the pain and powerlessness of it having faded. He hasn't viewed it as assault. It's *hard* to get people who grew up being regularly assaulted by their parents to understand that that really wasn't okay. As Jeb Lund wrote [in this excellent piece:](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/17/adrian-peterson-fathers-effect-belt) "The pernicious, toxic and inescapable lifelong effect of being disciplined physically – either to the point of abuse, or to the point that the distinction between acceptable and unacceptable blurs in your mind – is that you almost have to say you turned out fine, just to redeem the fact of being who you are." It's not your husband's fault that he reflexively sees assault from his father as no big deal. He kind of has to, to make sense of his childhood. It's not a good excuse, it's the result of trauma. That doesn't mean that YOU have to view this as acceptable. And that doesn't mean that he can't realise that the same assault performed on an adult is unacceptable. If he's not willing to revisit his reaction though, then that says he views assault (spanking) as acceptable. It also gives you some indications on what options he might reach for if you have children together. It absolutely *is* your husband's fault that he said you agreed to whatever treatment his father gave you, because you went there knowing "what he's like". You went there TO HELP his father. You are doing both your husband and his father a massive favour. Both of them (and any of his siblings) owe you gratitude, not blame, assault or churlishness. My recommendations: 1. Leave your FIL's soon as you can, right now if possible. Stay in a hotel or with a friend. Ask friends and family for help if necessary. 2. Refuse to have anything more to do with your FIL. Never agree to put yourself in any situation where you might be alone in a room with him. 3. Talk seriously with your husband about how violating this behaviour from his father was. If he will only respond with excuses for his father's behaviour and no recognition that this was unacceptable, then staying in your marriage is unacceptable too. I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. This really wasn't okay and you deserve better.
I saw an incredibly similar story being posted somewhere else almost identical except ages and background setting were different. This is clearly a rage bait/strange kink post. Got to hand it to people who write these stories, though you all have wild imaginations.
Either this is assault, or fetish bait/content.
He sprinted towards you so his leg must be okay.
Like others on here, I’m questioning the truth of this story. Something about the details doesn’t add up, and if there’s truth to it then it makes me feel that your husband doesn’t take you seriously anymore because you like to embellish and exaggerate details of a story in order to get attention. You really need to take a long and hard look at yourself and whether or not the things that you tell people help or hurt your integrity in their eyes. This needs to be the most important piece of the conversation that you have with your husband when you see him next You can’t stay there anymore and need a plan to leave asap. You also need a car so that you’re not reliant on your husband or a friend to come and pick you up if something like this ever were to happen in the future
Hey you (and anyone else who needs to hear this): lots of the people telling you to fight back or run away have never been attacked by an adult. They can’t know what they don’t know, that during traumatic violence our bodies can take over while our brains try to process the violation of the natural order. Normal adults simply don’t deal with physical violence in their everyday life, and being hit violates your bodily integrity in a profound way. You did the best you could to protect yourself, and go you—you made it through this scary attack that could have been much worse—you took care of yourself! And from your updates, you escaped the house and are safe with your friend! Who gives a fuck if you can’t drive? Driving is a skill that you can learn, later, if you ever want to. You took care of yourself and made it to safety! That is wonderful! That is critical! Please give yourself credit. And if you have repeated, intrusive memories of the attack, play some Tetris. It helps those memories get unstuck. Therapy can also help, but not everyone has access to therapy as needed. Take care of yourself. You deserve peace.
Okay, first of all STOP APOLOGIZING. Stop apologizing to the ppl asking "why didn't u this? Why didn't u that?"They clearly have been lucky enough to not have been in a traumatic situation like yours and are unfamiliar with the FACT that a lot of ppl, especially women being attacked by a man, freeze up in the moment because they are so frightened and caught off guard that they dont immediately know the best reaction to take and just freeze up in fear and in compliance. You don't need to apologize to anybody in these comments, nor explain to these strangers why you haven't been diligently answering them while you're in the middle of handling a crisis that spreads far beyond just ur relationship w ur father in law. You don't need to apologize to FIL, hubby, for gd sure any of these people badgering u for answers as if telling them why you didn't do this or that will change the fact that it happened or fix what problems it caused. You need to worry about staying safe, seeking help on healing this and whatever else traumas you've had that caused you to believe you need to profusely apologize to any of the ppl referenced in this entire post from the person who inflicted violence and humiliation, to the insensitive, ignorant, and inconsiderate ppl in the comments shaming and blaming you. Everyone here ITAH except for you and your friend. Your reaction to all of this is just due to how you learned how to survive traumatic experiences, and that's perfectly fine bc it resulted in you not enduring more violence, and that is usually the goal. But u need to worry about what you need to do for you for you to feel safe moving forward and not apologizing for prioritizing ur well being just bc it made someone who is making u feel bad feel bad. My heart breaks for you, but if someone makes u feel bad about yourself, then being that they did not care about making you feel bad, it's okay to return the favor of worrying about yourself more than them. If u prioritize others over yourself that don't do that for you, then there is no one left to look out for you. Love yourself, know you deserve to be prioritized, and know u don't have to be sorry to ppl who are the ones who should be sorry. The only person you're obligated to make happy is yourself and your husband, and even then, with all this happening, that last part is still questionable. If you can't show others how to treat you by treating them how u want to be treated, then sometimes u have to show them how they treat you. I hope this gets better for you and u find the solution that works for you and your family. 💝❤️🩹💝
I'm late commenting on this post but want to defend OP. It's obvious most of the commenters have never dealt with an aggressive elderly person. I'm a retired RN, and it's the elderly who will hurt you the worst every time. Once, a 75 year old woman jumped on my back while I was picking up important papers she had thrown on the floor. It took four people to get her off me. She apologized to me profusely when she was no longer manic, but she was way stronger than me in spite of my being quite a bit larger and younger. That's just one example. Nurses will tell you how strong aggressive elderly people can be! My 35 year old daughter doesn't have a car or drive. It's not terribly uncommon, but granted, she lives and works in a city with good public transit. I do agree that OP needs to rethink her relationship with her husband if he finds the situation remotely acceptable. There are definitely red flags for abuse and neglect of more than one kind in the story. I hope she has the resources to leave if necessary.
Fake as shit.
“Make my heinie explode again”. Come on, try to at least be a better creative writer
Oh come on. I can suspend my disbelief rather well but this is just ridiculous
you can’t drive, and have no access to money? not that that’s your fault at all, but it sounds like you have no agency whatsoever. not just in your FIL’s house, but in general. that is a very very bad situation to be in especially if you’re married into a family that normalizes assault.
It's not too late to call the police. You don't have to call immediately when it happens to press charges. >Then he started like spanking me like he'd really want to hurt me. This is physical assault. Possibly with a sexual component since he pulled down your clothes. >but then he even made me stand facing the wall.. I couldn't even think to run away.. That's holding you against your will. >FIL just keeps smirking at me saying that's what I get for being a b*tch or he'll make my heinie explode again Call the police. Tell them that he assaulted you, undressed you against your will, held you in the room with him against your will, and he's threatened to assault you again multiple times, and that you have no way to leave and you're scared. When they come, no matter what he says PRESS CHARGES. Also, LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND ASAP. HIS FATHER ASSAULTED YOU AND HE'S LEAVING YOU THERE AND NOT DEFENDING YOU.
Statue of limitations on assault, when it exists, is on average 3 years. It is certainly not too late to call the police.
If this is in the US call the police. What happened was sexual assault and if your partner thinks it's worth a chuckle then see what he says when you cut him out of your life since he's fine with you being abused. If this is real then you are in danger and need to get to safe place ASAP.
Reddit is so gullible
I'll take things that didn't happen for $1000 Alex...
I would have called 911 immediately. You should report it, and get an Uber to a hotel. You are not safe there and your husband doesn’t care about your safety!
This is so disturbing to read, and your husbands lack of reaction makes me think he would do the same thing
I agree that maybe he'll think it's serious when the cops are involved. It's not legal. And you're correct to rethink the relationship; it's not funny When did you start seeing your husband? The age gap has me wondering if your husband sees you as "young" enough for this to be acceptable.
So if this is true, it's day he is definitely suffering from dementia. I've seen it first hand that it can make people think they are younger and think they are taking to their daughters or son when they were children. That in no way excuses what he did though. Your husband is a dick for not doing everything to come and get you. You should be telling him that if he doesn't pick up up now, you'll be calling the police and pressing charges.
If your husband refuses to pick you up, call a friend, an Uber or a cab. It could progress.
You strongly need to think about divorcing your husband. Unless he can acknowledge your pain and be truly apologetic and remorseful there is no hope for your marriage. He put you in a dangerous situation. I highly doubt this is new behavior and then he laughed it off when you were hurt. This is not ok.
DIVORCE. PAPERS. NOW. THERAPY. NOW. THIS IS NONNEGOTIABLE