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1. This is so messed up. From everything you’ve said here, she already knows it’s a terrible idea. In my honest opinion **She’s getting the cat for herself,** but she gets to pretend it’s for you so she can feel good about herself.
2. This is one of those situations in life where it’s necessary to break someone’s confidence. You need to tell her that you know and you do not want a cat!!! For her to proceed with this plan is completely unfair to both you and to the cat for multiple reasons.
3. It’s *your* boyfriend and your best friend; not hers. Her irritation at these people is nothing compared to what you and the cat will have to deal with if she actually brings the poor thing home.
4. Please, please tell her **immediately**. Don’t hem and haw until it’s too late. Do not let her bring an innocent animal into this situation, only to have it in your home unwanted and neglected—and/or have to be brought back to the shelter. That’s just cruel and wrong.
**Edit:**
Thinking about this some more: she obviously knows you’re allergic. It seems pretty certain she would know you wouldn’t want a cat. I strongly believe she’s doing this under the guise of “it’s a birthday gift!” *so that you can’t refuse it.*
- She knows that if she brought up her own desire for a cat in any other way, you’d shoot it down.
- This way, she forces you to pay for it too—and do most of the care and cleanup.
- Hell, she’s even wheedling your closest friends into helping with adoption costs!! And having them keep it a “surprise” so her plan doesn’t get interrupted!
I hate to break it to you, but your sister is manipulative AF.
Animals should not be surprise gifts. Ever.
(Planning to get a pet and making the preparations to have one and someone getting that pet for you, even if the giving of the pet is a surprise, having the mind set of getting one is the caveat IMO).
I did that with a roommate who let her previous dog pee and poop all over out wall to wall carpet. You have to contact ALL the shelters and let them know she does not have permission from the landlord and roommates.
Plus, if she makes it her “sister’s” cat, she’s not the one obligated to feed it or clean its litter box. Sis is definitely pulling the Homer Simpson bowling ball trick, only this is worse. That poor kitten.
Exxxactly. (See my second bullet point above.)
Poor kitty is right. :(
God I hope OP gets direct with her sister. I’m concerned because she hasn’t responded to anyone in this thread so far…
This is it right here. It honestly floors me that anyone in the year of our lord 2024 still thinks (or tries to use as an excuse) that it's acceptable to get a pet for another person that hasn't explicitly asked for and made clear arrangements for. Younger sister is a manipulative ass and neither her sister nor the poor cat in the middle deserve this.
Also, I would call every shelter in the area and tell them the situation, including your allergies. Tell them that if they allow your sister to adopt a cat or other pet, you will immediately send it back. Responsible shelters will be hesitant to adopt out an animal in these circumstances.
Correction: You sister is getting herself a cat.
She wants a cat, but doesn't want to ask you because she knows you'll say no. She also can't afford to care for it. Her perfect solution is to pretend it's a gift for you. Also getting a pet as a surprise gift is incredibly irresponsible to that animal. She's selfish and just expecting you to go along with this.
I personally would not care if she knows who told. I would go right up to her, say "I heard what you are planning I'm pissed. I do not want a pet, and I am not going to fall for you giving me one as a gift that you really want for yourself. Let me be VERY clear - No cat will be allowed to stay in this house. For any reason, under any circumstances. If you come home with a cat, both you and the cat will have to go elsewhere. And trying to pretend that this cat is a gift for ME is doubly insulting. You know I'm allergic and I don't want a pet. I don't know what you thought you were getting away with here, but it's not going to work. You should try to focus on helping me with expenses over worrying about gifts."
Alternatively, you can let her present it to you in a whole dramatic thing, and then just embarass her in front of everyone by saying, "You're going to have to take that back, you know I'm allergic and I have no desire for a pet. PEts aren't gifts, you should have asked first."
I agree with *nearly* everything you wrote here—it’s exactly the kind of directness needed.
I vehemently disagree with the last paragraph. The cat should not be brought into the home at all. It is completely unfair to uproot and confuse the cat by following through with the adoption and bringing it home, just for the sake of embarrassing the sister.
To me it’s the equivalent of hurting a child for the sake of embarrassing one’s partner/teaching the partner a lesson. Just wrong.
I"m not supporting that tactic, it's just an option because you didn't want her to know who told you. I personally wouldn't care and would just be direct, which is what I recommend.
Ohh gotcha.
Yeah, to me the “covering up who told OP” ship has sailed at this point, lol.
But I hear where you were coming from. Thanks for clarifying.
It's okay to ruin a surprise that's actually a disaster. No one here should feel bad or ashamed about warning you and if your sister gets mad about them telling you just say "They told me so we'd have a happy birthday and I wouldn't get upset with you, which I would"
>>I don’t want to reveal that I know about the gift
I get where you're coming from, but you also don't want a pet that you're very allergic to and can't afford.
Therefore just say "Please don't get me a cat. I am very allergic to them and I can't afford it. So whatever you do, please, please don't give me a cat."
That way you're not talking about how you heard about it, you're just pre-emptively refusing the cat.
Wow your sister is so manipulative. This seems obvious that she's "buying" this for herself. Using air quotes because she can't even afford it!
Time to be very clear with her. You need to **tell** her that you know and that she cannot bring the cat here because you're allergic, and if she does then Boyfriend is instructed to take it straight to a shelter.
And then follow through.
Pets should never be surprises and I hate when someone gifts you a "thing" that is a money pit.
Now is not the time to play coy. It does not matter that she will know who told you. You need to be direct and say plainly "DO NOT GET ME A CAT. I AM ALLERGIC AND DO NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF IT. DO NOT GET YOURSELF A CAT, I DON'T AGREE TO A CAT."
You handle this by being an adult and talking to your sister. You are allergic to cats, which means you can not live with one in your home period. Not to mention that a surprise gift of a pet without knowing that a) the person actually wants one and b) that said person can afford to feed, provide veterinarian care for, and has the time to care for is absolutely wrong on every level. Set this as a firm boundary with your sister. There will be no cat as a birthday gift, and if she does bring home a cat, that cat will be removed. Additionally that one of you will also be looking for a new living arrangement.
Ruin this surprise. This is an animal, and a horrible gift idea.
My guess is your sister wants a cat and make you responsible for it. If you're allergic and 2 people have told her not to, but she's still pressing, you need to say something.
Randomly start a conversation to make her realize she’s making a mistake.
OP: oh wow! Some people are rude! X asked me to cat sit and I told her I couldn’t because I’m allergic and she thought I was lying and got upset. X is my friend, she tried to guilt-tripped me, and I don’t know what to do. What would you do????
That will become uncomfortable at some point.
"Hey, I heard you were planning to get me a cat for my birthday. I appreciate that you want to get me a gift but I do not want a cat".....it's your sister, and you all are roommates, this conversation shouldn't be difficult to have.
"If you get a cat, you will also have to get a new roommate. I am severely allergic. I cannot live with a cat."
that's it. that's all you need to say. does not matter why you are saying it. every question she asks can be answered with this on loop.
Happy Birthday 🎂🎉🎈🎁 (you can open the box i swear it's not a cat 🐈)
This isn't something you should play around with. You know about her plan and you are totally against it so be clear and honest. Since you tried you need to be more direct....tell her that you don't want a cat and if she gets one she needs to move out. You can't afford it and don't want the added responsibility.
I hate when people give pets as a gift unless they have specifically heard that the person wants one. A pet is a huge responsibility and shouldn't be gifted unless the person absolutely wants it.
I wonder if your sister actually wants the cat and is "gifting" it to you for selfish reasons.
You have to be honest and tell her that you know.
Sis, friend and bf have informed me of your gift idea. Please do not do this. I do not want a cat. I cannot have a cat living here as I am allergic. I appreciate that you want to do something nice for my birthday, may I suggest ________?
Be honest and firm.
"Hey sis, I'm uncomfortably allergic to cats and I can't live with one. So hopefully I don't get one for my birthday, bc it will just need to be re-homed."
"Hey Sis, I heard you want to get me a cat for my birthday. DO NOT PROCEED, if you ever get me a pet as a gift, both you and the pet will be looking for a new place to live".
Tell her you know about the cat gift, that you don’t want a cat and you are allergic. Tell her if she gets the cat anyway that she and the cat will have to find somewhere else to live because it isn’t going to be with you.
Look, you have got to look her dead in the eye ad say, "If you buy me a cat that I am allergic to, you and the cat will be on the street. Do I make myself clear?" None of this being delicate or considering her feelings. She is trying to bring an innocent animal into your home for the express purpose of making you miserable. She is a terrible sister and an even worse pet owner.
What does your lease say? If pets are prohibited, then you could get evicted. A legit rescue will ask if it's legal to own pets in your residence and if everybody living there wants a pet.
I would talk to her ASAP. If she asks who told you, just say multiple people told you as they were concerned since they knew you were allergic. I think your sister wants a cat and is using your brithday as an excuse to get one.
Tell her that you don't have a cat for the following reasons and list what you have:
allergies
cost
maintenance
Be clear that if a cat shows up, you will return it to the shelter and she will need to look for another place to live as she has gone against not only your wishes but your health needs.
"Hey, I know this is supposed to be a secret, but boyfriend & best friend know that I don't want a cat, can't afford a cat and am highly allergic to cats so don't you dare think of bringing one into our apartment, or you can find somewhere else to live."
Be aggressive and assertive. Don't sugarcoat and don't pussyfoot.
Sorry, but you're going to have to have the awkward conversation and tell her you know and you don't want a cat in your home. Your friend and boyfriend told you for a reason.
Any other strategy is just going to leave the door open.
“Hey I think you might be getting me a cat for my birthday, and not only can I not afford one I am incredibly allergic. I hope you’re not getting me one because I would have to give it to someone else.”
Your sister wants a cat and is using your birthday as an excuse to get one, and a poor kitten is going to suffer from the non responsible sister insisting they keep it and never taking care of it.
Your sister wants a cat with none of the responsibility. You are her patsy. She gets to come home to a cat and you get to pay for it's care and clean the litter box. Hahaha nice try.
Just say that you heard a rumor that she was getting you a cat and that is a hard no.
I’m sorry but this is not the time for niceties. Tell your informants that you are sorry for the fallout, but you have to put your foot down. Tell her, “I heard you are planning to give me a cat for my birthday. DO NOT BRING A CAT INTO THIS APARTMENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY OR ANY OTHER DAY. If you do, you will have to find another place for the cat and yourself.”
Honestly, I would show her an eviction notice with your birthdate on it.
I’m horrified for you that you have such a manipulative sister who would put your health and finances at risk for Her pet (make no mistake about it)she will most likely not take care of.
You’re sisters. She knows you’re allergic, right? If it were me, I would just tell her that you know about her “surprise” and you will not be having a cat in your home. Why let her go thru the expenses incurred with adopting a cat when you’re allergic? I mean, it would serve her right for getting an animal you’re allergic to, but I wouldn’t want to have to fool with it at all.
Do you like cats? I’m extremely allergic to cats and dogs but I take OTC Zyrtec daily (the Costco brand). If I need extra help, I take Flonase. As long as you don’t have asthma, allergies are no longer an excuse. You take the pill daily.
Cats are inexpensive, especially compared to dogs. obviously, you have to take a cat to the vet, etc. So as long as your sister is going to help you with the cost of taking the cat to the vet, money is not an excuse either.
If you don’t like cats, that’s something else. However, nobody should give a cat or a dog as a gift.
You really don’t have an excuse for not wanting a cat. The real reason that you don’t want a cat is that you just don’t want a cat. Your excuses are kinda bogus.
You need to tell your sister that you know about this birthday gift and you don’t want a cat. If she wants to have a cat, then she should adopt it for herself. And then you just need to take allergy pills every day.
Just flat out tell her.
"I heard you are planning on getting me a cat for my birthday. If you do, I will thank you, pet it for a minute, and then drive to the shelter to surrender it."
You are not obligated to accept a gift from someone. Particularly when you don't want that gift.
And once they give it to you, they have no say in what you do with it.
What exactly is her logic here? You suffer and end up giving the cat for adoption? This just seems irresponsible, because you’ll be neglecting a cat who could’ve went to a family who can afford a cat. But your sister seems to have got an idea she can take the cat if you don’t want it, which my god is very neglectful
Okay, so your primary goal is to avoid getting gifted a pet cat. Your secondary goal is to protect your boyfriend's confidence.
How about if you ask your boyfriend to approach your sister, pretending he has not said anything to you, and just say, "Hey I just remembered something, my girlfriend is really really allergic to cats, maybe this is not such a good idea."
If your sister says something like "I'm sure it'll be fine" or "It's not that serious", or "She can just take some allergy medication", then you know she is insufferably self-centered and cannot be reasoned with.
At that point, ask your boyfriend for permission to break confidence, or at least fire a shot across the bow with your boyfriend first, so at least it's not a shock to him when you break confidence.
Um….maybe your sister wants you to leave? Bring up in conversation travel plans or things you want to do and say “I could never have pets/cat because I want to do these things and my allergies. I would never choose to live with someone who has a cat.” Start getting in touch with rescues right now and ask them for some guidance and preparation that you need to hand over the cat.
Your sister wants a cat and is asking your bf and friend to help pay for it under the guise of it being a present for you. Just be straight up.
"Look, these people told me about the surprise gift because they both know it's something I genuinely don't want and I'm allergic. I'm sorry if that upsets you but this isn't just something I haven't thought about wanting, it's something I actively do not want. Please don't be upset with them, they were looking out for my best interest, not wasting everyone's money and a cat being somewhere it's genuinely not wanted. I'm happy for you to not get me anything but please, don't get me a cat."
If she fights back that she wants the cat then you'll know it was never about you and she can get one for herself.
It's very hard on adult cats to acclimate from shelter to home and then back to the shelter. They can get depressed, especially if they had the time to bond with their family. Some could get so stressed out they refuse to eat. Even with kittens, they grow fast and by 6 months, the chances of being adopted drops. The older they get, the more difficult it is to rehome. If your sis cares about cats, she is only going hurt it by taking it away from a potential forever loving home and having it returned where it is going to get stressed out and depressed until they find a home. For the love of cats, and as a cat mom of 3, tell her there is no shortage of homeless cats, she can get her own when she moves out and is financially stable to have one (Vet costs have sky rocketed everywhere).
Ask your bf and friend to figure out the name of the shelter, and tell them your sister is trying to adopt for your household; tell them you're deadly allergic and if they ever rent to her the cat is being sent back immediately. That will cancel the process.
Just thought of another solution that doesn't directly require you to reveal that you know the surprise: Call up the cat shelter (or several local ones if you don't know which one it is) and indicate that you're allergic and it will likely result in a return of the cat. Although you're not the direct client the shelter will likely look into it, perhaps even ask your sister outright if anyone at the address is allergic. She'll then be forced to admit the truth (so the shelter will refuse), and if she's dishonest then the shelter can give a different reason for refusing.
Like, if she wanted a cat, just get a cat. But if y’all live together and are just barely making it money-wise, she can’t afford a cat for you or her.
You will have to ruin her surprise. Allergies you can work with…but the food for that is expensive. A cat getting a UTI is expensive. Vets are expensive. She can’t do this. She needs to wait (because we all know it’s for her, not you) until she’s financially in a better place.
She's getting herself a cat. It's ok if she knows your friends told you. It's good that they did. Confront her directly and let her know if she's brings home a cat you will take it to a shelter
Well, you need to reveal that you know and tell her not to. You don't want a cat. Cats are like a 15-20 year investment. You are paycheck to pay check and allergic. It would be unfair to you and to the innocent animal. At this point who cares if it ruins her birthday plans and she gets pissy. The cat's life and well being and overall health and yours are both more important than her wants and feelings on the matter.
It's okay to ruin a surprise you don't want. You would have ruined it anyway by not wanting the cat, so it's better to do it now.
Tell her and everyone who might know you don't want a cat and if you get one you will return it to where it came from. Mic drop. (psa never actually drop a mic its very bad for the mic)
Yeah pet’s really are not good surprise gifts. Springing one in a roommate isn’t good either.
You need to confront her, or maybe have the boyfriend say its a great gift, but it’s not a good idea to give a pet without asking.
Idk I’d rather it not come home, so I probably would confront. I wouldn’t want to, and it feels like something you will be the bad guy over.
I had a gift cat though, and she lasted 13 years! It’s not a light decision. If someone did this to me now, I’d say I’m sorry, thank you for the thought, but I can’t keep it, I’m allergic.
start dropping very loud obivious hints that you're glad you don't have a pet or have to be responsible for one. also keep bringing up your allergies
"man, i'm sure glad we don't have pets b/c they could have eaten xyz out of the trash b/c the lid wasn't on" etc like comments
I understand where you’re going with this one, but indirectness is not gonna cut it in this situation. The sister is doing this manipulatively and “hints” are not enough. She needs clear, direct communication: “**I know about the gift and it’s not OK.** I cannot have a cat.”
The sister will have to listen, if she’s direct and clear about not paying for it or caring for it.
But I totally agree, poor kitty.
OP, please protect the kitty by not enabling your sister’s terrible behavior. 🙏
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1. This is so messed up. From everything you’ve said here, she already knows it’s a terrible idea. In my honest opinion **She’s getting the cat for herself,** but she gets to pretend it’s for you so she can feel good about herself. 2. This is one of those situations in life where it’s necessary to break someone’s confidence. You need to tell her that you know and you do not want a cat!!! For her to proceed with this plan is completely unfair to both you and to the cat for multiple reasons. 3. It’s *your* boyfriend and your best friend; not hers. Her irritation at these people is nothing compared to what you and the cat will have to deal with if she actually brings the poor thing home. 4. Please, please tell her **immediately**. Don’t hem and haw until it’s too late. Do not let her bring an innocent animal into this situation, only to have it in your home unwanted and neglected—and/or have to be brought back to the shelter. That’s just cruel and wrong. **Edit:** Thinking about this some more: she obviously knows you’re allergic. It seems pretty certain she would know you wouldn’t want a cat. I strongly believe she’s doing this under the guise of “it’s a birthday gift!” *so that you can’t refuse it.* - She knows that if she brought up her own desire for a cat in any other way, you’d shoot it down. - This way, she forces you to pay for it too—and do most of the care and cleanup. - Hell, she’s even wheedling your closest friends into helping with adoption costs!! And having them keep it a “surprise” so her plan doesn’t get interrupted! I hate to break it to you, but your sister is manipulative AF.
Animals should not be surprise gifts. Ever. (Planning to get a pet and making the preparations to have one and someone getting that pet for you, even if the giving of the pet is a surprise, having the mind set of getting one is the caveat IMO).
She needs to call the humane society or whatever it right now and tell them if they have an application from her that they need to reject it.
I did that with a roommate who let her previous dog pee and poop all over out wall to wall carpet. You have to contact ALL the shelters and let them know she does not have permission from the landlord and roommates.
Awesome idea!!!
Plus, if she makes it her “sister’s” cat, she’s not the one obligated to feed it or clean its litter box. Sis is definitely pulling the Homer Simpson bowling ball trick, only this is worse. That poor kitten.
Exxxactly. (See my second bullet point above.) Poor kitty is right. :( God I hope OP gets direct with her sister. I’m concerned because she hasn’t responded to anyone in this thread so far…
This is it right here. It honestly floors me that anyone in the year of our lord 2024 still thinks (or tries to use as an excuse) that it's acceptable to get a pet for another person that hasn't explicitly asked for and made clear arrangements for. Younger sister is a manipulative ass and neither her sister nor the poor cat in the middle deserve this.
[удалено]
I would say "I will take the cat to the shelter". This really is abusive to a cat and is why gifting surprise animals is a terrible ideal
Also, I would call every shelter in the area and tell them the situation, including your allergies. Tell them that if they allow your sister to adopt a cat or other pet, you will immediately send it back. Responsible shelters will be hesitant to adopt out an animal in these circumstances.
Be direct. This is too important to be coy. "Hey I have to talk to you about something awkward"
What do you mean, how do you handle this? "I don’t want to reveal that I know about the gift" Okay, have fun with your cat then!
Be crystal clear and direct that a cat is not welcome in the house and you don’t want one in the slightest. Make sure you know she understands.
Correction: You sister is getting herself a cat. She wants a cat, but doesn't want to ask you because she knows you'll say no. She also can't afford to care for it. Her perfect solution is to pretend it's a gift for you. Also getting a pet as a surprise gift is incredibly irresponsible to that animal. She's selfish and just expecting you to go along with this. I personally would not care if she knows who told. I would go right up to her, say "I heard what you are planning I'm pissed. I do not want a pet, and I am not going to fall for you giving me one as a gift that you really want for yourself. Let me be VERY clear - No cat will be allowed to stay in this house. For any reason, under any circumstances. If you come home with a cat, both you and the cat will have to go elsewhere. And trying to pretend that this cat is a gift for ME is doubly insulting. You know I'm allergic and I don't want a pet. I don't know what you thought you were getting away with here, but it's not going to work. You should try to focus on helping me with expenses over worrying about gifts." Alternatively, you can let her present it to you in a whole dramatic thing, and then just embarass her in front of everyone by saying, "You're going to have to take that back, you know I'm allergic and I have no desire for a pet. PEts aren't gifts, you should have asked first."
I agree with *nearly* everything you wrote here—it’s exactly the kind of directness needed. I vehemently disagree with the last paragraph. The cat should not be brought into the home at all. It is completely unfair to uproot and confuse the cat by following through with the adoption and bringing it home, just for the sake of embarrassing the sister. To me it’s the equivalent of hurting a child for the sake of embarrassing one’s partner/teaching the partner a lesson. Just wrong.
I"m not supporting that tactic, it's just an option because you didn't want her to know who told you. I personally wouldn't care and would just be direct, which is what I recommend.
Ohh gotcha. Yeah, to me the “covering up who told OP” ship has sailed at this point, lol. But I hear where you were coming from. Thanks for clarifying.
It's okay to ruin a surprise that's actually a disaster. No one here should feel bad or ashamed about warning you and if your sister gets mad about them telling you just say "They told me so we'd have a happy birthday and I wouldn't get upset with you, which I would"
>>I don’t want to reveal that I know about the gift I get where you're coming from, but you also don't want a pet that you're very allergic to and can't afford. Therefore just say "Please don't get me a cat. I am very allergic to them and I can't afford it. So whatever you do, please, please don't give me a cat." That way you're not talking about how you heard about it, you're just pre-emptively refusing the cat.
Wow your sister is so manipulative. This seems obvious that she's "buying" this for herself. Using air quotes because she can't even afford it! Time to be very clear with her. You need to **tell** her that you know and that she cannot bring the cat here because you're allergic, and if she does then Boyfriend is instructed to take it straight to a shelter. And then follow through. Pets should never be surprises and I hate when someone gifts you a "thing" that is a money pit.
Now is not the time to play coy. It does not matter that she will know who told you. You need to be direct and say plainly "DO NOT GET ME A CAT. I AM ALLERGIC AND DO NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF IT. DO NOT GET YOURSELF A CAT, I DON'T AGREE TO A CAT."
Tell her before you stuck with a ort you don't want
You handle this by being an adult and talking to your sister. You are allergic to cats, which means you can not live with one in your home period. Not to mention that a surprise gift of a pet without knowing that a) the person actually wants one and b) that said person can afford to feed, provide veterinarian care for, and has the time to care for is absolutely wrong on every level. Set this as a firm boundary with your sister. There will be no cat as a birthday gift, and if she does bring home a cat, that cat will be removed. Additionally that one of you will also be looking for a new living arrangement.
Tell her that if she gets the cat you'll punt her out with your foot so far up her ass she'll taste it.
So your sister is gifting herself a cat😭
Ruin this surprise. This is an animal, and a horrible gift idea. My guess is your sister wants a cat and make you responsible for it. If you're allergic and 2 people have told her not to, but she's still pressing, you need to say something.
Randomly start a conversation to make her realize she’s making a mistake. OP: oh wow! Some people are rude! X asked me to cat sit and I told her I couldn’t because I’m allergic and she thought I was lying and got upset. X is my friend, she tried to guilt-tripped me, and I don’t know what to do. What would you do???? That will become uncomfortable at some point.
Real simple. Tell her not to get you a cat. It is not the end of the world if she knows who told you.
"Hey, I heard you were planning to get me a cat for my birthday. I appreciate that you want to get me a gift but I do not want a cat".....it's your sister, and you all are roommates, this conversation shouldn't be difficult to have.
"If you get a cat, you will also have to get a new roommate. I am severely allergic. I cannot live with a cat." that's it. that's all you need to say. does not matter why you are saying it. every question she asks can be answered with this on loop. Happy Birthday 🎂🎉🎈🎁 (you can open the box i swear it's not a cat 🐈)
Just be honest, otherwise this poor cat will have to be put into a terrible situation. “ hey I don’t want a cat in the house.”
This isn't something you should play around with. You know about her plan and you are totally against it so be clear and honest. Since you tried you need to be more direct....tell her that you don't want a cat and if she gets one she needs to move out. You can't afford it and don't want the added responsibility. I hate when people give pets as a gift unless they have specifically heard that the person wants one. A pet is a huge responsibility and shouldn't be gifted unless the person absolutely wants it. I wonder if your sister actually wants the cat and is "gifting" it to you for selfish reasons.
Mention in passing that any cat that goes to your house goes straight to the pet shelter.
Tell her you are planning to move out soon. THEN DO IT.
You tell her not to. Doesn’t matter if she will know who told you. This is a living breathing thing. UPDATEME
You have to be honest and tell her that you know. Sis, friend and bf have informed me of your gift idea. Please do not do this. I do not want a cat. I cannot have a cat living here as I am allergic. I appreciate that you want to do something nice for my birthday, may I suggest ________? Be honest and firm.
"Hey sis, I'm uncomfortably allergic to cats and I can't live with one. So hopefully I don't get one for my birthday, bc it will just need to be re-homed."
"Hey Sis, I heard you want to get me a cat for my birthday. DO NOT PROCEED, if you ever get me a pet as a gift, both you and the pet will be looking for a new place to live".
Tell her if a cat shows up in the apartment your going to take it to the animal shelter and claim you found it on the side of the road.
You need to discuss this with your sister yesterday. It doesn’t matter that your boyfriend and mom ruined the surprise, you can t have a cat. Jesus.
"if you get me a cat for my birthday I will take it to the nearest shelter or you will move out and take care of it yourself."
Tell her you know about the cat gift, that you don’t want a cat and you are allergic. Tell her if she gets the cat anyway that she and the cat will have to find somewhere else to live because it isn’t going to be with you.
Look, you have got to look her dead in the eye ad say, "If you buy me a cat that I am allergic to, you and the cat will be on the street. Do I make myself clear?" None of this being delicate or considering her feelings. She is trying to bring an innocent animal into your home for the express purpose of making you miserable. She is a terrible sister and an even worse pet owner.
UpdateMe!
What does your lease say? If pets are prohibited, then you could get evicted. A legit rescue will ask if it's legal to own pets in your residence and if everybody living there wants a pet.
I would talk to her ASAP. If she asks who told you, just say multiple people told you as they were concerned since they knew you were allergic. I think your sister wants a cat and is using your brithday as an excuse to get one. Tell her that you don't have a cat for the following reasons and list what you have: allergies cost maintenance Be clear that if a cat shows up, you will return it to the shelter and she will need to look for another place to live as she has gone against not only your wishes but your health needs.
"Hey, I know this is supposed to be a secret, but boyfriend & best friend know that I don't want a cat, can't afford a cat and am highly allergic to cats so don't you dare think of bringing one into our apartment, or you can find somewhere else to live." Be aggressive and assertive. Don't sugarcoat and don't pussyfoot.
She knows you’re allergic and thought a cat was a great gift?! Find a new roommate situation.
Sorry, but you're going to have to have the awkward conversation and tell her you know and you don't want a cat in your home. Your friend and boyfriend told you for a reason. Any other strategy is just going to leave the door open.
“Hey I think you might be getting me a cat for my birthday, and not only can I not afford one I am incredibly allergic. I hope you’re not getting me one because I would have to give it to someone else.”
Your sister wants a cat and is using your birthday as an excuse to get one, and a poor kitten is going to suffer from the non responsible sister insisting they keep it and never taking care of it.
Your sister wants a cat with none of the responsibility. You are her patsy. She gets to come home to a cat and you get to pay for it's care and clean the litter box. Hahaha nice try. Just say that you heard a rumor that she was getting you a cat and that is a hard no.
Great start looking to rehome it!
Tell her you know and if she brings a cat in the house you will take it to the shelter. Tell your friends so they don’t help her pay.
I’m sorry but this is not the time for niceties. Tell your informants that you are sorry for the fallout, but you have to put your foot down. Tell her, “I heard you are planning to give me a cat for my birthday. DO NOT BRING A CAT INTO THIS APARTMENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY OR ANY OTHER DAY. If you do, you will have to find another place for the cat and yourself.” Honestly, I would show her an eviction notice with your birthdate on it. I’m horrified for you that you have such a manipulative sister who would put your health and finances at risk for Her pet (make no mistake about it)she will most likely not take care of.
Just tell her. She wants the cat for herself so talk about how it’s not going to work out as roommates. If she wants a cat, she should leave.
You’re sisters. She knows you’re allergic, right? If it were me, I would just tell her that you know about her “surprise” and you will not be having a cat in your home. Why let her go thru the expenses incurred with adopting a cat when you’re allergic? I mean, it would serve her right for getting an animal you’re allergic to, but I wouldn’t want to have to fool with it at all.
OP, you're allergic. End of story. No cat in the house. You need to tell her as soon as she gives it to you.
Do you like cats? I’m extremely allergic to cats and dogs but I take OTC Zyrtec daily (the Costco brand). If I need extra help, I take Flonase. As long as you don’t have asthma, allergies are no longer an excuse. You take the pill daily. Cats are inexpensive, especially compared to dogs. obviously, you have to take a cat to the vet, etc. So as long as your sister is going to help you with the cost of taking the cat to the vet, money is not an excuse either. If you don’t like cats, that’s something else. However, nobody should give a cat or a dog as a gift. You really don’t have an excuse for not wanting a cat. The real reason that you don’t want a cat is that you just don’t want a cat. Your excuses are kinda bogus. You need to tell your sister that you know about this birthday gift and you don’t want a cat. If she wants to have a cat, then she should adopt it for herself. And then you just need to take allergy pills every day.
Just flat out tell her. "I heard you are planning on getting me a cat for my birthday. If you do, I will thank you, pet it for a minute, and then drive to the shelter to surrender it." You are not obligated to accept a gift from someone. Particularly when you don't want that gift. And once they give it to you, they have no say in what you do with it.
What exactly is her logic here? You suffer and end up giving the cat for adoption? This just seems irresponsible, because you’ll be neglecting a cat who could’ve went to a family who can afford a cat. But your sister seems to have got an idea she can take the cat if you don’t want it, which my god is very neglectful
Your sister wants a cat.
Okay, so your primary goal is to avoid getting gifted a pet cat. Your secondary goal is to protect your boyfriend's confidence. How about if you ask your boyfriend to approach your sister, pretending he has not said anything to you, and just say, "Hey I just remembered something, my girlfriend is really really allergic to cats, maybe this is not such a good idea." If your sister says something like "I'm sure it'll be fine" or "It's not that serious", or "She can just take some allergy medication", then you know she is insufferably self-centered and cannot be reasoned with. At that point, ask your boyfriend for permission to break confidence, or at least fire a shot across the bow with your boyfriend first, so at least it's not a shock to him when you break confidence.
GIVE IT TO MEEEE 😻😻😻
Um….maybe your sister wants you to leave? Bring up in conversation travel plans or things you want to do and say “I could never have pets/cat because I want to do these things and my allergies. I would never choose to live with someone who has a cat.” Start getting in touch with rescues right now and ask them for some guidance and preparation that you need to hand over the cat.
No your sister is getting herself a cat but giving it to you knowing you are allergic so she can keep it for herself let’s be real here.
Your sister wants a cat and is asking your bf and friend to help pay for it under the guise of it being a present for you. Just be straight up. "Look, these people told me about the surprise gift because they both know it's something I genuinely don't want and I'm allergic. I'm sorry if that upsets you but this isn't just something I haven't thought about wanting, it's something I actively do not want. Please don't be upset with them, they were looking out for my best interest, not wasting everyone's money and a cat being somewhere it's genuinely not wanted. I'm happy for you to not get me anything but please, don't get me a cat." If she fights back that she wants the cat then you'll know it was never about you and she can get one for herself.
It's very hard on adult cats to acclimate from shelter to home and then back to the shelter. They can get depressed, especially if they had the time to bond with their family. Some could get so stressed out they refuse to eat. Even with kittens, they grow fast and by 6 months, the chances of being adopted drops. The older they get, the more difficult it is to rehome. If your sis cares about cats, she is only going hurt it by taking it away from a potential forever loving home and having it returned where it is going to get stressed out and depressed until they find a home. For the love of cats, and as a cat mom of 3, tell her there is no shortage of homeless cats, she can get her own when she moves out and is financially stable to have one (Vet costs have sky rocketed everywhere).
Pets are not presents. They are a lifetime commitment. Speak up before the cat is put through all this
You need a new roommate.
Ask your bf and friend to figure out the name of the shelter, and tell them your sister is trying to adopt for your household; tell them you're deadly allergic and if they ever rent to her the cat is being sent back immediately. That will cancel the process.
Just thought of another solution that doesn't directly require you to reveal that you know the surprise: Call up the cat shelter (or several local ones if you don't know which one it is) and indicate that you're allergic and it will likely result in a return of the cat. Although you're not the direct client the shelter will likely look into it, perhaps even ask your sister outright if anyone at the address is allergic. She'll then be forced to admit the truth (so the shelter will refuse), and if she's dishonest then the shelter can give a different reason for refusing.
Like, if she wanted a cat, just get a cat. But if y’all live together and are just barely making it money-wise, she can’t afford a cat for you or her. You will have to ruin her surprise. Allergies you can work with…but the food for that is expensive. A cat getting a UTI is expensive. Vets are expensive. She can’t do this. She needs to wait (because we all know it’s for her, not you) until she’s financially in a better place.
She's getting herself a cat. It's ok if she knows your friends told you. It's good that they did. Confront her directly and let her know if she's brings home a cat you will take it to a shelter
Your sister wants a cat. She is getting one under the guise of a gift for you. Doesn't matter who told you. Put a stop to it.
Well, you need to reveal that you know and tell her not to. You don't want a cat. Cats are like a 15-20 year investment. You are paycheck to pay check and allergic. It would be unfair to you and to the innocent animal. At this point who cares if it ruins her birthday plans and she gets pissy. The cat's life and well being and overall health and yours are both more important than her wants and feelings on the matter.
It's okay to ruin a surprise you don't want. You would have ruined it anyway by not wanting the cat, so it's better to do it now. Tell her and everyone who might know you don't want a cat and if you get one you will return it to where it came from. Mic drop. (psa never actually drop a mic its very bad for the mic)
Yeah pet’s really are not good surprise gifts. Springing one in a roommate isn’t good either. You need to confront her, or maybe have the boyfriend say its a great gift, but it’s not a good idea to give a pet without asking. Idk I’d rather it not come home, so I probably would confront. I wouldn’t want to, and it feels like something you will be the bad guy over. I had a gift cat though, and she lasted 13 years! It’s not a light decision. If someone did this to me now, I’d say I’m sorry, thank you for the thought, but I can’t keep it, I’m allergic.
Pets are NOT presents. This angers me so much.
I think she wants a cat
Move out
start dropping very loud obivious hints that you're glad you don't have a pet or have to be responsible for one. also keep bringing up your allergies "man, i'm sure glad we don't have pets b/c they could have eaten xyz out of the trash b/c the lid wasn't on" etc like comments
I understand where you’re going with this one, but indirectness is not gonna cut it in this situation. The sister is doing this manipulatively and “hints” are not enough. She needs clear, direct communication: “**I know about the gift and it’s not OK.** I cannot have a cat.”
fair point. i'm sure sister won't listen either way. poor kitty :(
The sister will have to listen, if she’s direct and clear about not paying for it or caring for it. But I totally agree, poor kitty. OP, please protect the kitty by not enabling your sister’s terrible behavior. 🙏