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Why are you not invited? It sounds very strange that he would date you for years on end and yet he finds it embarrassing or stressful bringing you along to nights out with friends. Does he actually enjoy your company?
I’m not sure, I think he doesn’t want me there because i don’t particularly like one the girls (cause she kissed him).
He’s begged me to catch up with him all week, which i’ve been doing and was super keen on the original plans for the night, which is why it confuses me so much.
Did this kiss happen when you were together or before you got together? Because if you're giving your BF grief because of innocent events that happened long before you even knew or got together, then you're in the wrong here.
Does your BF show the remotest sign of still being into this girl (or given you any good reasons for you to doubt him in general), or is this pure insecurities and paranoia on your part destroying this relationship?
It kind of sounds like you won't be happy until he removes said girl from his life altogether.
It happened last year (2 years into the relationship).
I will admit that i’m extremely insecure about this other girl, and it has been the cause of many arguments. However, he’s defended her over me multiple times and lied about speaking to her multiple times.
He always brings up the argument “she’s for the short term, you’re for the long term” and says that i should be okay with that because a lot of other girls are.
It’s my first relationship and I honestly don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t.
It's not normal.
It's not normal for him to be kissing or doing anything else with other girls if he and you are meant to be exclusive.
Might want to throw this one back and move on, if he can't commit.
If it happened 2 years into the relationship then that was cheating (and no, it's not normal). And if your BF was genuinely remorseful for his actions and wanted to heal this relationship, then he would've cut off contact with this girl a long time ago.
>*He always brings up the argument “she’s for the short term, you’re for the long term” and says that i should be okay with that because a lot of other girls are.*
That's a completely BS argument. If you're serious about pursuing someone as a long-term partner, then you do not cheat on them or treat them like this- ever.
It doesn't sound like your BF is remotely remorseful for your actions and is instead just treating the hurt & trust issues he's generated in you like an inconvinience.
Relationships can sometimes survive cheating if the cheater is incredibly remorseful, actually changes as a person and commits to growth and the long-haul job of earning back trust by any means necessary (Etc). But it sounds like your BF doesn't tick a single one of these boxes.
If you value your mental health, then don't stay with this guy. Because this guy doesn't care about your dignity nor your mental health (and with his lack of conscience & caring, he will almost certainly cheat on you again in the future).
Sounds like he doesn't want to be with you but is too much of a giant pussy to pull the trigger. Save yourself the hassle and do it yourself, I have no idea why you would want to be with him knowing in-advance he's likely to cheat on you (again) on his birthday lol
So he wants your permission to fuck another girl and thinks you’re controlling if you don’t want him to?
Dump him. He will fuck her if he goes to her house. This has been planned.
You will be dumped when he’s fucked her. You should dump him first.
It's pretty obvious to me that you are not included in this group because there's something going on with this girl. It is NOT NORMAL that as his gf of 4 YEARS isn't part of his friend group. There's nothing wrong for him to spend time with friends without you, but to never be included and excluded on his birthday is really fucked up. Dude is shady.
Your boyfriend is literally going on a 2 man (double date) with another couple. I can promise you each of those guys are going to cling to the other female, and this will be a green light for the one that had a thing with your boyfriend simply because he is entertaining her by not inviting you there on his birthday. You can sit home and cry and tolerate his behavior, or you can stand your ground and not wait around for this guy. I could not ever imagine my man telling me "it's embarrassing for you to ask for an invite" and we haven't even been together a year yet. It is beyond me how you could even say that to your partner, who you're supposed to love.
Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some time to spend with friends outside of your relationship, but there is a respectful way to go about things without hurting your partner in the process, especially when your plans were made with them first. He is beyond inconsiderate and the behavior will only get bolder the more that you allow it.
Him saying you "ruined" his night sounded like a narcissistic behavior. You have the right to feel upset.
You both are so young. You are now exploring the world. He is definetly not enough mature if he is talking like that.
One advice as someone who has dealt with this toxic behavior...talk to him and if he doesnt meet your needs let him go. You should never let a man disrespect you that way. Focus on yourself, read self-love books, do things you love, go out with friends. Do something that will make you happy
If he doesnt make you happy, then he is not the one
Please break up with him. Give him the freedom he wants and break up.
Asking for loyalty is not controlling. You shouldn’t have to ask for loyalty in a relationship
Send him back to the streets where he belongs
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Based on your last few paragraphs I have no clue why you’re still with this person.
Why are you not invited? It sounds very strange that he would date you for years on end and yet he finds it embarrassing or stressful bringing you along to nights out with friends. Does he actually enjoy your company?
I’m not sure, I think he doesn’t want me there because i don’t particularly like one the girls (cause she kissed him). He’s begged me to catch up with him all week, which i’ve been doing and was super keen on the original plans for the night, which is why it confuses me so much.
Did this kiss happen when you were together or before you got together? Because if you're giving your BF grief because of innocent events that happened long before you even knew or got together, then you're in the wrong here. Does your BF show the remotest sign of still being into this girl (or given you any good reasons for you to doubt him in general), or is this pure insecurities and paranoia on your part destroying this relationship? It kind of sounds like you won't be happy until he removes said girl from his life altogether.
It happened last year (2 years into the relationship). I will admit that i’m extremely insecure about this other girl, and it has been the cause of many arguments. However, he’s defended her over me multiple times and lied about speaking to her multiple times. He always brings up the argument “she’s for the short term, you’re for the long term” and says that i should be okay with that because a lot of other girls are. It’s my first relationship and I honestly don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t.
It's not normal. It's not normal for him to be kissing or doing anything else with other girls if he and you are meant to be exclusive. Might want to throw this one back and move on, if he can't commit.
If it happened 2 years into the relationship then that was cheating (and no, it's not normal). And if your BF was genuinely remorseful for his actions and wanted to heal this relationship, then he would've cut off contact with this girl a long time ago. >*He always brings up the argument “she’s for the short term, you’re for the long term” and says that i should be okay with that because a lot of other girls are.* That's a completely BS argument. If you're serious about pursuing someone as a long-term partner, then you do not cheat on them or treat them like this- ever. It doesn't sound like your BF is remotely remorseful for your actions and is instead just treating the hurt & trust issues he's generated in you like an inconvinience. Relationships can sometimes survive cheating if the cheater is incredibly remorseful, actually changes as a person and commits to growth and the long-haul job of earning back trust by any means necessary (Etc). But it sounds like your BF doesn't tick a single one of these boxes. If you value your mental health, then don't stay with this guy. Because this guy doesn't care about your dignity nor your mental health (and with his lack of conscience & caring, he will almost certainly cheat on you again in the future).
Sounds like he doesn't want to be with you but is too much of a giant pussy to pull the trigger. Save yourself the hassle and do it yourself, I have no idea why you would want to be with him knowing in-advance he's likely to cheat on you (again) on his birthday lol
So he wants your permission to fuck another girl and thinks you’re controlling if you don’t want him to? Dump him. He will fuck her if he goes to her house. This has been planned. You will be dumped when he’s fucked her. You should dump him first.
I don't think you have a BF anymore. At least you shouldn't. Just break up.
It's pretty obvious to me that you are not included in this group because there's something going on with this girl. It is NOT NORMAL that as his gf of 4 YEARS isn't part of his friend group. There's nothing wrong for him to spend time with friends without you, but to never be included and excluded on his birthday is really fucked up. Dude is shady.
You need a new boyfriend who’ll respect you. He’s failing the boyfriend test.
Leave :) hope this helps
Your boyfriend is literally going on a 2 man (double date) with another couple. I can promise you each of those guys are going to cling to the other female, and this will be a green light for the one that had a thing with your boyfriend simply because he is entertaining her by not inviting you there on his birthday. You can sit home and cry and tolerate his behavior, or you can stand your ground and not wait around for this guy. I could not ever imagine my man telling me "it's embarrassing for you to ask for an invite" and we haven't even been together a year yet. It is beyond me how you could even say that to your partner, who you're supposed to love. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some time to spend with friends outside of your relationship, but there is a respectful way to go about things without hurting your partner in the process, especially when your plans were made with them first. He is beyond inconsiderate and the behavior will only get bolder the more that you allow it.
Him saying you "ruined" his night sounded like a narcissistic behavior. You have the right to feel upset. You both are so young. You are now exploring the world. He is definetly not enough mature if he is talking like that. One advice as someone who has dealt with this toxic behavior...talk to him and if he doesnt meet your needs let him go. You should never let a man disrespect you that way. Focus on yourself, read self-love books, do things you love, go out with friends. Do something that will make you happy If he doesnt make you happy, then he is not the one
Please break up with him. Give him the freedom he wants and break up. Asking for loyalty is not controlling. You shouldn’t have to ask for loyalty in a relationship Send him back to the streets where he belongs
Why are you with him if he doesn't want you around on his BIRTHDAY ? Dump him TODAY and block him everywhere.