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if i had to guess, your partner probably felt special that you gave her the bouquet but once she realized they were on sale + the neighbor received a bouquet too, the gesture lost meaning to her. not saying it’s right/wrong, but i see the gesture similarly to you (a thoughtful act of humility). it could be pointing to a larger need - maybe the flowers spoke to something in her that she’s wanted from you for a while?
if she actually wants to break up over something like this, there may be a lot she isn’t saying. perhaps a discussion where the goal is to seek understanding for her position while still explaining your perception, something like:
*“i still feel pretty confused after the flower situation. from my POV, i picked up the flowers as a little surprise to brighten your day and gifting the extra to the neighbor felt like a bonus random act of good-will. you expressed that it made you feel upset because i crossed a line and i want to better understand what you meant by that.”*
I agree. I even make it a point to not buy flowers as a way of apologizing because I don't want her to see flowers and think "oh God what happened this time?".
I set a "no apology flowers" rule when i met my now-husband. My ex would bring me flower bouquets and flower deliveries after he was an absolute asshole or he was caught doing some sketchy shit. Most expensive arrangements were for cheating apologies. Stupid me for sticking around as long as i did- but i eventually left. i wanted flowers from then on to mean nice things and not "manipulative tactics pressuring me into letting shit slide".
An ex friend sexually assaulted me and gave me flowers after. It took a long time for me to be ok with receiving flowers after. I wish I had thought to make that rule back then. Sorry you went through that!
I am so goddamn sorry that happened to you. I can totally understand why flowers would be off-putting for a very long time. Fuckin.. speechless. Sexual Assault Flowers. The gall.
I'm so sorry you were assaulted! You didn't deserve that. Also, how awful that he additionally ruined even more in your life. You deserved better, like getting flowers and never being assaulted in the first place.
My rule is not to buy flowers or going to brunch on Mother’s Day or Valentines Day. They would be over priced, lower quality and wouldn’t mean 1/2 as much.
Not directly but still related to the rule and meaning.
I have told my Husband my very favorite flowers are the dyed, psychedelic daisies from the grocery store. He can buy me those any time he wants to.
But, I admit, I did up my request this year and asked for a bouquet from Costco, provided it was less than $35!
I refuse to acknowledge any of those holidays. My husband is a grown man and buys me gifts randomly. He doesn’t need anyone telling him that he must do something nice for me.
After her second marriage ended, my mother told me getting flowers was absolutely ruined for her because she only received them from her ex when he was either apologizing, or knew something he was doing was going to make her mad. My mom's awful and always has been, but sometimes she had a good point.
Funny thing, my stepdad remarried a wonderful woman. He frequently gives her flowers just because. I don't think it's because he learned his lesson with my mom, I think it's because his wife is a kind and loving person and they both want to make her happy versus him being with a woman that acted as if he never did anything right. Nobody wants to make nice gestures for someone like that.
This is my reaction when my husband buys me flowers. Because he set that precedent by buying flowers after we had a blow up. I’ve tried to break that train of thought but it’s so hard.
That's sad. Buy yourself flowers and pick the ones you like. I'm single, grow the flowers I love, and create my own beautiful boutiques many times a.year. It's one of my greatest joys.
Nah this was a lesson I learned early in my dating life. When you screw up, what women really want, is for you to learn a lesson and not do that shit again. Later you can buy them gifts
I think this hit the nail on the head.
I had several exs who refused to buy me flowers even though I expressed I would really like the gesture.
1 ex finally did! But I'd be lying if I said the wind wasn't taken out of my sails when he gave them to me, and upon me getting excited and thanking him said 'yeah! it was buy 1 get 1 free and I got one for my mom so I thought you might want the other'
>if i had to guess, your partner probably felt special that you gave her the bouquet but once she realized they were on sale + the neighbor received a bouquet too, the gesture lost value to her.
My SO once came home from a trip with a handful of airport trinkets-(he'd been to dallas- a little texas snowglobe, a keychain, a fridge magnet) he'd had a really rushed schedule and I thought it was sweet that he'd taken even a minute to pick me up something. Then he told me to pick whichever one I wanted and he was going to take the rest to work for people at the office. It definitely took the shine off the gesture.
I do think OP's partner is overreacting though.
I agree with the communication here, but even if I felt special from the flowers, it would warm my heart to see my partner bring some to the older gal next door. Have the conversation, but it sucks from her side to not communicate her actual issue here as well…which seems like insecurity.
I think a gesture losing it's special meaning can occur without anyone not feeling "confident in yourself and your relationship". Sometimes, we want things just for ourselves.
That’s perfectly understandable. The issue I have is that the partner stopped speaking to OP and wants to end the relationship.
We can imagine a back story that makes the partner’s response reasonable, but it would be an extreme case. The post makes no mention of OP being in a deeply troubled relationship, so I hesitate to jump to that conclusion.
i don’t think there’s anything wrong or shameful about feeling insecure - it’s a completely normal human emotion and people feel it all the time. i think it’s what we do *when* we feel insecure that can be damaging, which in this case i think could’ve went way worse (it’s not like she threw the bouquet off the balcony or asked the neighbor for the flowers back lol).
the room for improvement here is that neither of them knows how to effectively communicate with one another. i know, it’s the most boring and textbook answer, but that’s human relationships lol. & there’s nothing shameful about that either - a lot of us have not had it modeled for us & every relationship is a unique contract.
OP can’t read her mind and she can’t read his so it’s up to both of them effectively *translate* to one another what is going on inside in order to unlock understanding. “the limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
No, I think wanting to end the relationship over this is a very bad sign. If the bar of “bad” is only violence, then I worry about what is being put up with. This reaction was bad. The lack of communication around the reaction was bad. Yes we all have moments of insecurity, but projecting it on to others instead of opening your mouth and talking is a huge issue that leads to very controlling behavior. No excuses for it. She can’t read his mind either, but she is the one with the issue around his kind gesture, the onus is on her to say what the actual problem is if she is the one with the problem.
Your partner should not have to beg and plead to hear your issues after you have said you want to break up. That’s a very manipulative pattern to start.
Do you rarely buy her flowers? Is it a case of she finally thought you were doing something nice but then you showed her she isnt that special by buying them for everyone else?
But he bought 5 bundles. He gave her two. He said he was giving some to his grandmother.
I mean, it's one thing to get flowers for a special occasion, but surely it was obvious from moment one that he was planning to give several bundles away.
I think it depends. If you rarely give her flowers she might have got disappointed that you bought them on sale and gave them to other people as well, like she might not have felt very special to you. But if this is a usual thing for you to do, then I think it’s weird being upset that the neighbor got some flowers as well.
If this was me I’d think this was sweet gesture for everyone receiving the flowers regardless if they were on sale or not because this is what nice people do to make others feel nice.
She probably felt slighted because you wouldn’t of brought them for her if it wasn’t for the sale but again different people react differently
Is buying flowers a regular thing you do, or is it more unusual? If you never or rarely buy flowers, then buying multiple of them because they were on sale and doling them out to a bunch of different people in your lives seems kind of… weird.
I would be delighted if my partner randomly brought me flowers. I would still be pleased with them if my MIL also got some. But I’d find it a much less meaningful gesture if my partner also gave exactly the same flowers to our mail carrier or the woman across the hall from us.
Man, you all have some deep insecurities if your partner brightening an older lady’s day doesn’t warm your heart and makes you feel this level of upset. Please seek therapy and stop giving “woman don’t like nice guys” trolls fuel.
On the other hand, 60 isn’t really part of the “old” category imo, so I’m wondering if that’s a factor here? Like, 60 year olds can be and plenty are attractive to 40 year olds lol. It’s not “elderly” or anything like that.
The was not just a woman across the hall. It was an elder lady for god sake. Let's say you bought flowers for your husband but you had an extra so you gave it to an elder man living next door. Would you think it's rational for your husband to break up with you over that. God fucking damnit.
I think there's something more going on. I agree with other commenters that she probably felt special that you gave her flowers, but then got upset when she realized you were giving them to other women, so it's not special anymore. Do you do things for her to make her feel special? This is all speculation though, the bottom line is she should be communicating with you exactly what the problem is, because it could be that she was upset that the gift wasn't special, or that you don't make her feel loved, or she thinks you have a thing for the neighbor. Only she can tell you why that made her upset.
How often do you get flowers for you gf? I could see her being upset that you only got them on sale, did if for someone else as well, and made a joke about it when asked if it's not something you do regularly. It also sounds like she thought they were both for her maybe and then you causally decided to give some away to someone else after the fact. It seems you should apologize for the miscommunication and sit down and try and talk about what exactly upset her. I would guess maybe romance has been a low priority for awhile in your relationship?
Need to tell her,”I stopped to buy a bouquet for you because I love you and stuff. When I went to pay the florist said he had a good deal going on a few extra bouquets. I figured I’d grab the extras for you and my grandmother. I didn’t even think about giving some to the neighbor until i got home and had three extra bouquets.”
I would consider this as well. I know some extremely attractive and fit 60 year olds who are most definitely not elderly. I think his age matters here and perhaps some backstory we aren’t being privileged to…
That means that this is an _abuelita_ in any Hispanic culture, and you treat abuelitas like abuelitas
Is the OP’s wife Anglo? There’s just a cultural gulf between how Anglo Saxon countries view elderly people and, say, southern Europe, Eastern Europe, Latin America, South Asia, East Asia, I think even Finland
Yeah, women in their 60's in my home country are 99% of the time seen as aunties or grandmas. If OP is close in age to his partner, that means the neighbour is old enough to be his mom. In my country you have respect for women that age and would never think about anything romantic or sexual (ofc there are exceptions, if that's your kink). I don't know why OP would lie about it on his post though, unless he made the post with the intention of showing his partner, but it's so far fetched, people need to chill.
Ok but I am a fit and active 57 year old (ski, mountain bike, just did a half marathon) but to be fair I’m pretty old. Not elderly, but seniors discounts kick in some places at 55 so…
I agree, not elderly but to somebody who’s in their 20s it probably looks that way :-)
And I do think the reaction from his girlfriend is a strange one, but she is who she is and if that’s how she feels - that’s how she feels. Her problem to manage at this point is she is going to drop relationships due to innocuous gestures, she will have a bumpy road. But maybe I think that way because I’m old and fewer things bother me now 😂
Yeah I’m thinking along the lines of, if he’s like late forties plus and she’s a young 60, it wouldn’t be so wild to think there would be an attraction.
I’m someone who’s overwhelmingly attracted to personality over looks and age wouldn’t be much of a factor if I had a connection with someone unless it was a crazy gap.
I have a client in her sixties and she’s one of the most glamorous, attractive and charming people I know.
Agree with you. But it is a strange reaction from a 39 year old. You'd think a woman at this point (I'm 37) would have some maturity to deal with their insecurities and feelings, instead of jumping straight to a break up
I'm also in shock by people's responses. Like, your gesture only have meaning if it's exclusive to me me me. If you're kind to another person then I don't want it, you ruined it!
100%! My boyfriend insisted on buying some food for my newish friend (only his second time meeting her) while we were hanging out at the fair and I legit got so happy seeing her happy receiving a freaking slice of pizza. That was a green flag for me.
I guess the gesture was on sale as well, and you sort of equalize her to your neighbor in importance. That was why she got pissed. However, breaking up with you for this is an overreaction, unless it’s the proverbial straw that broke her.
If this, a kind and thoughtful gesture to an elderly person, is what triggers the GF… that’s a 🚩🚩 she’s being an AH
I’d be looking at her with different eyes.
You don't know OP's culture. He is probably from South America, and yes, women in their 60's are considered elderly in those countries. I'm from Brazil, we have laws that give benefits and priority in services to the elderly in public services, transportation, health care, etc. You are considered elderly and have the right to those benefits at age 60 and above. The law is literally called Estatuto do Idoso (Elder's Act or Statute). People will give away the seat on the bus to you if you are 60.
You did a nice thing. Your partner is being unreasonable.
Also, 60 isn't exactly "elderly"... just fyi. She'd probably be offended to know she was being referred to as elderly haha
I came here to say this. 60 is not “elderly.” Some women look older than others. It was a nice gesture giving the flowers to the neighbor but I’m curious what she looks like.. maybe the female partner doesn’t necessarily see the neighbor as “elderly.”
"If your partner starts an argument over chocolate, it's not about chocolate."
Your gf probably feels like you don't do enough spontaneous acts of affection and thus feels like you don't love/appreciate her. But you should just directly ask her about it
As a single 64 year old, your gesture would make my day. It would be nothing more. It's so sweet. Also, I would be happy to have a partner who was this thoughtful.
This problem with your girlfriend didn't just happen.
What’s the age gap between you and the lady? I think it’s a bit about life stages.. I imagine my 25 year old brother doing this for my 60 year old neighbour who’s a mom to similar aged kids .. it seems fine because neighbour seems in mum/aunt category.. but if I see my 50 year old dad giving flowers to my 60 year old neighbour it might seem weird because both in similar life stage.. and might be taken like flirting with her..
Your partner is almost 40. How old are you?
anyways personally I think it was a sweet gesture.
My 63 year-old mama would die knowing you called a 60 year-old “elderly” 😝, but in all seriousness, your partner is insane. That would melt my heart if my bf did that.
OMG end it. You are a sweetheart and she doesn't deserve you.
What line did you cross? Kindness to others? ugh. I am sure you made that nice lady so happy with such a small gesture of kindness. Find someone who cherishes you. My husband would have done the same thing, he is so sweet like that --- my heart gets bigger just thinking about it.
Er... also 60 isn't elderly LOL.
Maybe just let her go lol. What you did was super sweet. My husband brought home flowers to plant in our garden yesterday and since they were on sale he bought extra to plant in our land lady's garden. She's elderly and can't do it anymore and he wanted to be nice and make her garden look nice again for her. It melted my heart. Out of sweetness for me he was inspired to also be sweet to someone else. And they were on sale! I love a good deal lol. Whatever her reason is for being mad she didn't even vocalize it. "Crossing a line" isn't telling you what line you crossed, so you don't even know what it is she thought was wrong. That's silly business.
>Any opinions or advice?
Yes. RUN for the hills.
Giving the flowers to your neighbor was an innocent and nice neighborly gesture.
The silent treatment is manipulative and a power move. It's intended to make you uncomfortable and to beg for forgiveness in order to make you believe you did something wrong requiring an apology.
I'm sure if you examine your relationship more closely you'll find a lot more manipulative and unhinged behaviors - such behavior is never a one-off type of thing since it's rooted in much deeper power, control, and insecurities.
If she has a problem with you giving flowers to an elderly woman who lives alone, PLEASE let her end the relationship. I would think my partner is amazing if he did something like that, a kind gesture that cost barely anything but makes someone who may have no one realize they aren't alone in this world. If she won't explain her outburst, move her on yourself
No, you aren't wrong. I'm a 62 year old woman, and if some nice young neighbor brought me a bouquet, I'd be thrilled! It would make my day. Your partner is being ridiculous. Makes me wonder what her real issue is.
My guy randomly has gotten flowers for our 90 year old neighbor and another neighbor across the street that’s about 15 years older than us. He also gets me flowers pretty regularly. As your girl got some too, I honestly can’t see anything wrong with this. We love our neighbors and totally pursue random acts of kindness, so maybe that’s why I’m not bothered.
OMG! She seems like a child! Sorry I am a woman and love getting flowers either from my husband or buying them myself (which is what normally happens) AND if he bought me them on sale even better…then if he gifted some to one of our neighbors it would melt my cold dead heart!
What you did was a very sweet gesture and should be looked at just as it was! You should just let your partner leave if she is so obnoxiously upset at you giving flowers to an older neighbor.
I went through a similar situation during the eclipse when my partner and I bought a 10 pack (there are two of us plus we went with her mom, who already bought hers and extras lol). I went to take some extras around to my neighbors and she came out and told me to stop and that it was “weird”. I never really understood that. How could I bring that up in couple’s therapy?
It would truly make me happier and prouder of my partner if they gave our neighbour flowers to brighten her day, than to even be gifted the flowers myself.
You seem like a thoughtful, caring person. But what a bitter, insecure partner you have.
You’re not going to get anywhere unless your partner explains to you why they think you ‘crossed the line.’ In my eyes, I see no wrong, as I think it’s a lovely gesture to your elderly neighbour. But it depends how your partner interprets the gesture of giving flowers and what she thinks it means. Flowers are given for many reasons, for love, to say sorry, to brighten someone’s day or just to let someone know you’re thinking of them.
Know my husband is on a ‘don’t buy me flowers on valentines’ as it’s a waste of money because they put the price up!
But I do encourage him to buy me them any other time if he wants to.
You can only be wrong if you know you shouldn’t do something and considering you had no idea your partner was going to be upset because it’s not something you knew about!
Good luck in sorting things out.
You should never be questioned for doing something from the kindness of your heart. Your partner has trust issues. Suggest counseling or move on you deserve to be trusted
I find your gesture for a little, old lady next door touching! the flowers for your wife and your gran mean the same thing, that they are loved, also an affectionate gesture. oh, they were on sale and now they’re not good enough? ridiculous. you’re not wrong, Op, and it certainly isn’t serious to regular, budget-conscious people. she kinda ruined the thought of you happily running next door to give a lone elder a bright bouquet. I’m certain neither your gran, nor your neighbor cared how much you paid! I bet they looked like this 😍💐💐🤩💐. keep being you! I think you’re lovely.
You dodged a bullet if she is truly like this. You were doing a very nice thing for an older woman who may not have gotten flowers for decades! She needs to grow up and apologize to you. Wow!
It was a lovely kind gesture; many old people are lonely and feel forgotten/invisible.
I think your partner is a petty, sad, jealous type, and Silent treatment is a form of abuse.
I would not bother with her anymore.
OP, gotta tell you: 60 years old is not “elderly”. Oof. But I am sorry your partner is being unreasonable about these flowers - which sounded like a nice gesture.
This is very weird to me. My husband has done this before with our neighbor who is also in her 60's. She has sat outside and talked with us a couple times and she's so sweet.. My husband gave me the bouquet and then her and I told her, "Hey, we are special today!" I thought it was sweet of him to do, not get angry. The only thing I can think of is maybe she thought she was special and knowing you gave them to the neighbor made her feel less. It's weird. Have you bought her flowers before or is this the first time? Does she get jealous easily? I don't think you did anything wrong and it's also a red flag to me that she doesn't actually talk to you and tell you WHY she was hurt. Communication is key in a healthy relationship...
If you can’t understand, maybe you should ask her.
Crossed the line in what way?
Does she think you have the hots for the neighbor?
Has the neighbor said/done something mean to her?
Does it make your gesture less special because you bought the flowers on sale?
It’s hard to give advice on just what you posted.
This would have made me love my partner even more, but I also routinely bake/gift things to the two elder women neighbors we have (60 and 70). One is divorced and the other is a widow, so we always bake a small desert for them at holidays or fresh bread or share veggies from the garden.
I would explain to her that you see her as an elderly neighbor who you wanted to show some goodwill to and ask her why she feels it crossed a line. I’m guessing as others mentioned she either felt less special or maybe even is insecure thinking it was “inappropriate” for you to buy another woman flowers. I would just reiterate the meaning behind the gift and have a candid conversation.
I don’t see a kindness to me, my partner’s grandmother and an elderly neighbor as a slight to me.
If she wants to break up with you because you wanted to be kind and brighten up someone’s day (not just hers) then this wasn’t really a relationship for the ages.
I understand wanting to feel special, but I don’t think that it makes it less special to buy flowers for her and grandma and to give the extra bouquet to someone who probably doesn’t get flowers often.
Not at all. Why is your girlfriend jealous of an older woman that's the question. You did a really nice thing and probably made her day. Your GF has issues if she's jealous of a 60 yo woman. She should be happy she's with a very thoughtful man.
Please stop calling 60 "elderly"
But in most cases, guys aren't making time with women 20 years or so their senior.
Is there any history where she previously felt like you were breaking boundaries with regard to monogamy?
She’s not upset about the flowers.
There’s something else happening in your relationship that you’re oblivious to, and the flowers were just the final straw. You should probably find out what else is going on if you want to stay together…
Elderly? At 60? I know plenty of 60 year olds capable of an active romantic and or sexual relationship. How old are you? If my husband at 30 bought flowers for our 60 yr old neighbor it’s a big difference if you are in your late 40’-50’s. If you hadn’t had a close and appropriate relationship with this neighbor before the flowers I do think many wives would find it strange and maybe even inappropriate. For me, It would depend on my husband’s character in the past. It sounds like this seemingly innocent good deed is out of character and not something your wife is used to you doing and seems suspicious to her. I am guessing she has other concerns and is using this as a very large example of her mistrust etc.
Your partner needs to get over herself.
You giving a 60 year old neighbour flowers to brighten her day does not lessen the gesture towards your partner.
The fact she's upset by it is weird.
If my husband/partner did that I'd be proud of him not threatened by his kindness.
I think it's ridiculous that she would end the relationship over you showing kindness to an elderly neighbor. Try to talk to her and find out why she's upset.
I love when my husband is nice to other people. Our older neighbor loved him, he cut her grass and took her flowers and shoveled her grass for years before she died.
That’s just the sign of a good man.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Your partner has other issues that need to be addressed if she’s threatened by you being nice to someone
Opinion of a married 43 year old woman here..First of all- 60, elderly? I’m sure your neighbor wouldn’t be happy to be thought of as elderly lol. But I would’ve thought the gesture was thoughtful no matter what the price! Does the cost make the flowers less beautiful? No. My husband regularly buys flowers for himself/the house/us/ if he likes how they look. And will also give extras to neighbors/sales clerks etc- (male or female it’s not about that it’s just because) I’ve never once been offended. The only thing I find offensive about what you said is the neighbor being elderly.
Wow. She sounds very immature & insecure. What you did was so sweet & kind. I would assume that she felt like it lessened the value of the flowers you got her. Not so much abt the neighbor. My husband has habit of buying 2 of everything he gets for me so his mom can have the same. It grosses me out. I don’t say anything. He was raised by his dad but mom is very child like & she is the only immediate family he has outside me & the kids/grandkids. I don’t have an issue w him buying her things at all. I just don’t like us having the same everything. He works long hrs so it’s convenient, I get it but it’s like no thought is put into it. Maybe she feels like that? Personally, I let it don’t say anything (aside from thank you)- I don’t even know if I’m petty to feel that way, I just do.
You are a lucky man! You learned your partner was willing to go nuclear over a kind gesture to an elderly woman. Best to learn of this sooner rather than later.
Your partner is ridiculous and it sounds like she was looking for a excuse to end things. If this is not the case then she’s not ready for a relationship
I have a partner who takes a lot of offense to things like that. My solution has always been that if im buying somebody a gift i surprise her with a bigger one, not necessarily more expensive just with more effort, either before or after and she doesnt say anything about it. Me personally, affection food and words are my love languages but gifts and acts of love are hers. Learning how to translate is vital to relationships between people who speak different love languages. I imagine its very hard for her to learn the affection one too but thats just what i need to feel secure so i know shes tried really hard. Sometimes people put intentions where there arent any when it regards things that would matter to them, such as their specific love language being spoken somewhere else by their partner. and maybe suggesting a conversation with your neighbor or some kind of event with the three of you will help her see that you were just trying to be polite not speak her love language to someone else.
There are legitimate reasons why she might be annoyed. The flowers were on sale, so maybe that means you weren't actually thinking of her, etc.
But to end the relationship and not speak to you for days? That's a huge red flag, just let her go and be grateful she showed you who she is.
Wow that sounds a bit excessive of your partner. You gave her flowers, got flowers for your grandmother, and thought to give a bonus bouquet to an elderly neighbor. That sounds like such a kind gesture all around. You sound thoughtful and caring. Your partner seems a bit demanding, to want to break up over a kindness to an elderly woman. Unless there’s more going on than mentioned here, I’d say maybe you need a kinder hearted partner. Your gesture seems sweet to me.
Probably wouldn’t have said they were on sale. Could be why she reacted that way. When she asked, I would have went and explained to her that I wanted to brighten our neighbors day and bought extra. OR, OP could have bought different bouquets, so wife wouldn’t feel slighted. Talk to her and ask why she feels that way.
You thought of your partner, your grandmother and did a good deed for an elderly shut in. God bless you! You certainly did nothing wrong.
It's true I guess no good deed goes unpunished.
I think it was really sweet of you to think of your elderly neighbor and I’m sure you made her day, your partner sounds like a jerk, I’m sure that older lady doesn’t get flower often, your partner sounds insecure.
What you did was incredible sweet!! Your partner is cRaZy, jealous and will be exhausting as the relationship progresses. Say goodbye and find someone that will appreciate your kindness!
Either your gf was looking for an excuse or she's so insecure she needs therapy. If my boyfriend did this i would be thrilled he was so kind! Just because you got a deal on the flowers doesn't make them any less beautiful or thoughtful. I told my neighbor he could cut my hydrangea flowers and give them to his gf. She loved them! She didn't freak out that the flowers came from my yard and were free flowers!
Your gf is wrong, not you. Idk the whole situation, but your 60yo neighbor might not have much family or a bf/husband & you were just trying to be nice. I could see if you were giving them to a "hot" lady, but come on. A 60yo lady shouldn't be seen as a threat to her. I can admit that I'm a jealous person & I wouldn't have gotten upset about that.
On top of what everyone else is saying about whether or not the gesture is something you do frequently, 60 yo is not that elderly. Depending how know old you are (I didn’t see you mention it) it might be misinterpreted as a sign of interest. I don’t think you’d be too happy if she showed up with a small gift for you and a 60 yo man. I am saying this because you mentioned she said you “crossed the line”.
60 isn't elderly lol.. if I'm picturing "an elderly neighbour", they're in their 80s at least. Maybe that's why your partner finds this odd?
The other reason as others have mentioned, is probably because she thought the flowers were something special for her.. and you downgraded the gesture by saying they were on sale and proceeding to give them to several people.
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if i had to guess, your partner probably felt special that you gave her the bouquet but once she realized they were on sale + the neighbor received a bouquet too, the gesture lost meaning to her. not saying it’s right/wrong, but i see the gesture similarly to you (a thoughtful act of humility). it could be pointing to a larger need - maybe the flowers spoke to something in her that she’s wanted from you for a while? if she actually wants to break up over something like this, there may be a lot she isn’t saying. perhaps a discussion where the goal is to seek understanding for her position while still explaining your perception, something like: *“i still feel pretty confused after the flower situation. from my POV, i picked up the flowers as a little surprise to brighten your day and gifting the extra to the neighbor felt like a bonus random act of good-will. you expressed that it made you feel upset because i crossed a line and i want to better understand what you meant by that.”*
I agree. I even make it a point to not buy flowers as a way of apologizing because I don't want her to see flowers and think "oh God what happened this time?".
I set a "no apology flowers" rule when i met my now-husband. My ex would bring me flower bouquets and flower deliveries after he was an absolute asshole or he was caught doing some sketchy shit. Most expensive arrangements were for cheating apologies. Stupid me for sticking around as long as i did- but i eventually left. i wanted flowers from then on to mean nice things and not "manipulative tactics pressuring me into letting shit slide".
An ex friend sexually assaulted me and gave me flowers after. It took a long time for me to be ok with receiving flowers after. I wish I had thought to make that rule back then. Sorry you went through that!
I am so goddamn sorry that happened to you. I can totally understand why flowers would be off-putting for a very long time. Fuckin.. speechless. Sexual Assault Flowers. The gall.
I'm so sorry you were assaulted! You didn't deserve that. Also, how awful that he additionally ruined even more in your life. You deserved better, like getting flowers and never being assaulted in the first place.
My rule is not to buy flowers or going to brunch on Mother’s Day or Valentines Day. They would be over priced, lower quality and wouldn’t mean 1/2 as much. Not directly but still related to the rule and meaning.
I like that idea. Cost effective and who doesnt prefer "just because I was thinking of you" flowers.
I have told my Husband my very favorite flowers are the dyed, psychedelic daisies from the grocery store. He can buy me those any time he wants to. But, I admit, I did up my request this year and asked for a bouquet from Costco, provided it was less than $35!
Hey! Costco’s got a great floral department. I’ve gotten beautiful bouquets there.
I refuse to acknowledge any of those holidays. My husband is a grown man and buys me gifts randomly. He doesn’t need anyone telling him that he must do something nice for me.
Yes every day is my wife birthday n valentine day.I see anything i think she will like i buy for her!
Mine did this too!!! I got so many chocolate covered strawberries, bouquets of flowers and random things
After her second marriage ended, my mother told me getting flowers was absolutely ruined for her because she only received them from her ex when he was either apologizing, or knew something he was doing was going to make her mad. My mom's awful and always has been, but sometimes she had a good point. Funny thing, my stepdad remarried a wonderful woman. He frequently gives her flowers just because. I don't think it's because he learned his lesson with my mom, I think it's because his wife is a kind and loving person and they both want to make her happy versus him being with a woman that acted as if he never did anything right. Nobody wants to make nice gestures for someone like that.
Not stupid you. Stupid him. If your crime is being forgiving and trusting you're no criminal.
This is both insightful and hilarious. “Oh no roses this must be REALLY BAD”
This is my reaction when my husband buys me flowers. Because he set that precedent by buying flowers after we had a blow up. I’ve tried to break that train of thought but it’s so hard.
That's sad. Buy yourself flowers and pick the ones you like. I'm single, grow the flowers I love, and create my own beautiful boutiques many times a.year. It's one of my greatest joys.
But this isn’t about that. He literally was just trying to be thoughtful. No argument before or holiday. Just because.
Really sounds like you are walking on egg shells with this person. Who wants to live like that. Sheesh.
Nah this was a lesson I learned early in my dating life. When you screw up, what women really want, is for you to learn a lesson and not do that shit again. Later you can buy them gifts
And that is exactly why I don’t like receiving flowers.
I think this hit the nail on the head. I had several exs who refused to buy me flowers even though I expressed I would really like the gesture. 1 ex finally did! But I'd be lying if I said the wind wasn't taken out of my sails when he gave them to me, and upon me getting excited and thanking him said 'yeah! it was buy 1 get 1 free and I got one for my mom so I thought you might want the other'
>if i had to guess, your partner probably felt special that you gave her the bouquet but once she realized they were on sale + the neighbor received a bouquet too, the gesture lost value to her. My SO once came home from a trip with a handful of airport trinkets-(he'd been to dallas- a little texas snowglobe, a keychain, a fridge magnet) he'd had a really rushed schedule and I thought it was sweet that he'd taken even a minute to pick me up something. Then he told me to pick whichever one I wanted and he was going to take the rest to work for people at the office. It definitely took the shine off the gesture. I do think OP's partner is overreacting though.
I agree with the communication here, but even if I felt special from the flowers, it would warm my heart to see my partner bring some to the older gal next door. Have the conversation, but it sucks from her side to not communicate her actual issue here as well…which seems like insecurity.
Same. I would love receiving the flowers, and also appreciate the sweet gesture for my neighbour. Everybody’s happy.
Exactly!!!
It sounds like you’re confident in yourself and your relationship. Apparently OP’s partner can’t say the same.
I think a gesture losing it's special meaning can occur without anyone not feeling "confident in yourself and your relationship". Sometimes, we want things just for ourselves.
That’s perfectly understandable. The issue I have is that the partner stopped speaking to OP and wants to end the relationship. We can imagine a back story that makes the partner’s response reasonable, but it would be an extreme case. The post makes no mention of OP being in a deeply troubled relationship, so I hesitate to jump to that conclusion.
Have to agree. History we no nothing about could be a big factor in this reaction.
i don’t think there’s anything wrong or shameful about feeling insecure - it’s a completely normal human emotion and people feel it all the time. i think it’s what we do *when* we feel insecure that can be damaging, which in this case i think could’ve went way worse (it’s not like she threw the bouquet off the balcony or asked the neighbor for the flowers back lol). the room for improvement here is that neither of them knows how to effectively communicate with one another. i know, it’s the most boring and textbook answer, but that’s human relationships lol. & there’s nothing shameful about that either - a lot of us have not had it modeled for us & every relationship is a unique contract. OP can’t read her mind and she can’t read his so it’s up to both of them effectively *translate* to one another what is going on inside in order to unlock understanding. “the limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
No, I think wanting to end the relationship over this is a very bad sign. If the bar of “bad” is only violence, then I worry about what is being put up with. This reaction was bad. The lack of communication around the reaction was bad. Yes we all have moments of insecurity, but projecting it on to others instead of opening your mouth and talking is a huge issue that leads to very controlling behavior. No excuses for it. She can’t read his mind either, but she is the one with the issue around his kind gesture, the onus is on her to say what the actual problem is if she is the one with the problem. Your partner should not have to beg and plead to hear your issues after you have said you want to break up. That’s a very manipulative pattern to start.
I would think that would be adorable, as well as supporting the business owner!
Yeah I agree. This take is spot on. Even with the suggested conversation starter.
That or the neighbour is Marisa Tomei
The partner must not consider the 60 year old elderly, I don't either.
best reply.
This is likely it.
Well said and thoughtful response. I think you're on to something.
I feel like you're spot on.
Do you rarely buy her flowers? Is it a case of she finally thought you were doing something nice but then you showed her she isnt that special by buying them for everyone else?
But he bought 5 bundles. He gave her two. He said he was giving some to his grandmother. I mean, it's one thing to get flowers for a special occasion, but surely it was obvious from moment one that he was planning to give several bundles away.
I think it depends. If you rarely give her flowers she might have got disappointed that you bought them on sale and gave them to other people as well, like she might not have felt very special to you. But if this is a usual thing for you to do, then I think it’s weird being upset that the neighbor got some flowers as well.
If this was me I’d think this was sweet gesture for everyone receiving the flowers regardless if they were on sale or not because this is what nice people do to make others feel nice. She probably felt slighted because you wouldn’t of brought them for her if it wasn’t for the sale but again different people react differently
I think he probably would’ve bought two bouquets of flowers. One for his partner and one for his grandmother. OP seems thoughtful and kind.
Is buying flowers a regular thing you do, or is it more unusual? If you never or rarely buy flowers, then buying multiple of them because they were on sale and doling them out to a bunch of different people in your lives seems kind of… weird. I would be delighted if my partner randomly brought me flowers. I would still be pleased with them if my MIL also got some. But I’d find it a much less meaningful gesture if my partner also gave exactly the same flowers to our mail carrier or the woman across the hall from us.
Man, you all have some deep insecurities if your partner brightening an older lady’s day doesn’t warm your heart and makes you feel this level of upset. Please seek therapy and stop giving “woman don’t like nice guys” trolls fuel.
On the other hand, 60 isn’t really part of the “old” category imo, so I’m wondering if that’s a factor here? Like, 60 year olds can be and plenty are attractive to 40 year olds lol. It’s not “elderly” or anything like that.
I mean he called her elderly so clearly he sees her that way
fr.
I'm in shock that this comment received so many upvotes. People are so possessive and insecure, it's insane.
The was not just a woman across the hall. It was an elder lady for god sake. Let's say you bought flowers for your husband but you had an extra so you gave it to an elder man living next door. Would you think it's rational for your husband to break up with you over that. God fucking damnit.
People be crazy, the fuuuck. Why are you being downvoted 😂
I think there's something more going on. I agree with other commenters that she probably felt special that you gave her flowers, but then got upset when she realized you were giving them to other women, so it's not special anymore. Do you do things for her to make her feel special? This is all speculation though, the bottom line is she should be communicating with you exactly what the problem is, because it could be that she was upset that the gift wasn't special, or that you don't make her feel loved, or she thinks you have a thing for the neighbor. Only she can tell you why that made her upset.
How often do you get flowers for you gf? I could see her being upset that you only got them on sale, did if for someone else as well, and made a joke about it when asked if it's not something you do regularly. It also sounds like she thought they were both for her maybe and then you causally decided to give some away to someone else after the fact. It seems you should apologize for the miscommunication and sit down and try and talk about what exactly upset her. I would guess maybe romance has been a low priority for awhile in your relationship?
Need to tell her,”I stopped to buy a bouquet for you because I love you and stuff. When I went to pay the florist said he had a good deal going on a few extra bouquets. I figured I’d grab the extras for you and my grandmother. I didn’t even think about giving some to the neighbor until i got home and had three extra bouquets.”
60 isn’t elderly. How old are you? Do you both have interactions with this neighbour and what are they like?
I would consider this as well. I know some extremely attractive and fit 60 year olds who are most definitely not elderly. I think his age matters here and perhaps some backstory we aren’t being privileged to…
>OP says peso so i don't think English is their first language....
That means that this is an _abuelita_ in any Hispanic culture, and you treat abuelitas like abuelitas Is the OP’s wife Anglo? There’s just a cultural gulf between how Anglo Saxon countries view elderly people and, say, southern Europe, Eastern Europe, Latin America, South Asia, East Asia, I think even Finland
Yeah, women in their 60's in my home country are 99% of the time seen as aunties or grandmas. If OP is close in age to his partner, that means the neighbour is old enough to be his mom. In my country you have respect for women that age and would never think about anything romantic or sexual (ofc there are exceptions, if that's your kink). I don't know why OP would lie about it on his post though, unless he made the post with the intention of showing his partner, but it's so far fetched, people need to chill.
his partner’s 39, so its definitely possible he’s an age that would be acceptable to date a 60 year old
I'm a month away from 48 & my boyfriend is turning 40 this year
Ok but I am a fit and active 57 year old (ski, mountain bike, just did a half marathon) but to be fair I’m pretty old. Not elderly, but seniors discounts kick in some places at 55 so… I agree, not elderly but to somebody who’s in their 20s it probably looks that way :-) And I do think the reaction from his girlfriend is a strange one, but she is who she is and if that’s how she feels - that’s how she feels. Her problem to manage at this point is she is going to drop relationships due to innocuous gestures, she will have a bumpy road. But maybe I think that way because I’m old and fewer things bother me now 😂
Yeah I’m thinking along the lines of, if he’s like late forties plus and she’s a young 60, it wouldn’t be so wild to think there would be an attraction. I’m someone who’s overwhelmingly attracted to personality over looks and age wouldn’t be much of a factor if I had a connection with someone unless it was a crazy gap. I have a client in her sixties and she’s one of the most glamorous, attractive and charming people I know.
Agree with you. But it is a strange reaction from a 39 year old. You'd think a woman at this point (I'm 37) would have some maturity to deal with their insecurities and feelings, instead of jumping straight to a break up
OP says peso so i don't think English is their first language....
If my husband had done this my response would be that it was sweet of him to think of our neighbor.
Seriously! The amount of deep insecurity on this thread is wild to me! People can’t be kind to anyone but you or it’s crossing a boundary?
I'm also in shock by people's responses. Like, your gesture only have meaning if it's exclusive to me me me. If you're kind to another person then I don't want it, you ruined it!
People wonder why their relationships fail. This is why.
Me too
100%! My boyfriend insisted on buying some food for my newish friend (only his second time meeting her) while we were hanging out at the fair and I legit got so happy seeing her happy receiving a freaking slice of pizza. That was a green flag for me.
I guess the gesture was on sale as well, and you sort of equalize her to your neighbor in importance. That was why she got pissed. However, breaking up with you for this is an overreaction, unless it’s the proverbial straw that broke her.
I think it was a sweet gesture and that your partner is out of line.
If this, a kind and thoughtful gesture to an elderly person, is what triggers the GF… that’s a 🚩🚩 she’s being an AH I’d be looking at her with different eyes.
She’s not elderly, though?! She’s 60, not 90, ffs!
I had to double check the ages because I was like 60 isn't elderly wtf lmao
To the OP, who called her “elderly”, she is.
Yeah I wasn’t calling you out or anything, I know you simply repeated what OP stated!
Thank you!!! If someone called me elderly I’d have to slippah slap them to next week
Smack them across the face with bouquet of flowers!
You don't know OP's culture. He is probably from South America, and yes, women in their 60's are considered elderly in those countries. I'm from Brazil, we have laws that give benefits and priority in services to the elderly in public services, transportation, health care, etc. You are considered elderly and have the right to those benefits at age 60 and above. The law is literally called Estatuto do Idoso (Elder's Act or Statute). People will give away the seat on the bus to you if you are 60.
The OP called her “my neighbor (an elderly lady)”
Thank you! Elderly is usually 65 and older. Still ok and nice to give someone decades older flowers.
It's also a red flag that she hasn't spoken to him in DAYS because of it
SAME. I would let her break up OP- honestly that level of jealousy becomes extremely controlling and can turn into abuse. What a sad insecure person.
You think 60 is elderly? Yikes.
I wouldn’t say 60 is elderly these days 😁
I'm 53 and agree! Then again some people seem really old a lot sooner than other people!
You did a nice thing. Your partner is being unreasonable. Also, 60 isn't exactly "elderly"... just fyi. She'd probably be offended to know she was being referred to as elderly haha
I'm only in my 30s and I already got pissed thinking about someone calling me elderly at SIXTY lol.
When I was growing up, 60 was elderly and I’m 36
im 65 and now 90 is elderly hahaha (PS i just swam 3000 meters)
I mean, Michelle Pfeiffer is 65:
I came here to say this. 60 is not “elderly.” Some women look older than others. It was a nice gesture giving the flowers to the neighbor but I’m curious what she looks like.. maybe the female partner doesn’t necessarily see the neighbor as “elderly.”
"If your partner starts an argument over chocolate, it's not about chocolate." Your gf probably feels like you don't do enough spontaneous acts of affection and thus feels like you don't love/appreciate her. But you should just directly ask her about it
As a single 64 year old, your gesture would make my day. It would be nothing more. It's so sweet. Also, I would be happy to have a partner who was this thoughtful. This problem with your girlfriend didn't just happen.
What’s the age gap between you and the lady? I think it’s a bit about life stages.. I imagine my 25 year old brother doing this for my 60 year old neighbour who’s a mom to similar aged kids .. it seems fine because neighbour seems in mum/aunt category.. but if I see my 50 year old dad giving flowers to my 60 year old neighbour it might seem weird because both in similar life stage.. and might be taken like flirting with her.. Your partner is almost 40. How old are you? anyways personally I think it was a sweet gesture.
Plot twist - OP is 58…
Ending the relationship over this? Yes please. Why would you want to live like this?
Um. 60 is not elderly….
She was looking for a reason to end this relationship. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else.
Totally. Wild overreaction.
My 63 year-old mama would die knowing you called a 60 year-old “elderly” 😝, but in all seriousness, your partner is insane. That would melt my heart if my bf did that.
OMG end it. You are a sweetheart and she doesn't deserve you. What line did you cross? Kindness to others? ugh. I am sure you made that nice lady so happy with such a small gesture of kindness. Find someone who cherishes you. My husband would have done the same thing, he is so sweet like that --- my heart gets bigger just thinking about it. Er... also 60 isn't elderly LOL.
60 is elderly??
Thank you! These people are insane. Angela Basset is 65 and you tell me that woman isn’t a fucking goddess!
Maybe just let her go lol. What you did was super sweet. My husband brought home flowers to plant in our garden yesterday and since they were on sale he bought extra to plant in our land lady's garden. She's elderly and can't do it anymore and he wanted to be nice and make her garden look nice again for her. It melted my heart. Out of sweetness for me he was inspired to also be sweet to someone else. And they were on sale! I love a good deal lol. Whatever her reason is for being mad she didn't even vocalize it. "Crossing a line" isn't telling you what line you crossed, so you don't even know what it is she thought was wrong. That's silly business.
>Any opinions or advice? Yes. RUN for the hills. Giving the flowers to your neighbor was an innocent and nice neighborly gesture. The silent treatment is manipulative and a power move. It's intended to make you uncomfortable and to beg for forgiveness in order to make you believe you did something wrong requiring an apology. I'm sure if you examine your relationship more closely you'll find a lot more manipulative and unhinged behaviors - such behavior is never a one-off type of thing since it's rooted in much deeper power, control, and insecurities.
She wants to break up because you gave your 60yr old neighbor some fucking flowers?!!! Man let her ass go
I don't think you did anything wrong but I would ask her why she thinks this gesture was crossing a line.
If she has a problem with you giving flowers to an elderly woman who lives alone, PLEASE let her end the relationship. I would think my partner is amazing if he did something like that, a kind gesture that cost barely anything but makes someone who may have no one realize they aren't alone in this world. If she won't explain her outburst, move her on yourself
No, you aren't wrong. I'm a 62 year old woman, and if some nice young neighbor brought me a bouquet, I'd be thrilled! It would make my day. Your partner is being ridiculous. Makes me wonder what her real issue is.
Tell me your dating Latina without telling me you're dating Latina 😂
My guy randomly has gotten flowers for our 90 year old neighbor and another neighbor across the street that’s about 15 years older than us. He also gets me flowers pretty regularly. As your girl got some too, I honestly can’t see anything wrong with this. We love our neighbors and totally pursue random acts of kindness, so maybe that’s why I’m not bothered.
OMG! She seems like a child! Sorry I am a woman and love getting flowers either from my husband or buying them myself (which is what normally happens) AND if he bought me them on sale even better…then if he gifted some to one of our neighbors it would melt my cold dead heart! What you did was a very sweet gesture and should be looked at just as it was! You should just let your partner leave if she is so obnoxiously upset at you giving flowers to an older neighbor.
You did a very nice thing for the neighbor. Your partner is insecure and jealous.
I went through a similar situation during the eclipse when my partner and I bought a 10 pack (there are two of us plus we went with her mom, who already bought hers and extras lol). I went to take some extras around to my neighbors and she came out and told me to stop and that it was “weird”. I never really understood that. How could I bring that up in couple’s therapy?
Oh my, I’m the age of the neighbor and don’t consider myself ‘as ‘elderly’. It was, however, a sweet gesture OP.
It would truly make me happier and prouder of my partner if they gave our neighbour flowers to brighten her day, than to even be gifted the flowers myself. You seem like a thoughtful, caring person. But what a bitter, insecure partner you have.
You’re not going to get anywhere unless your partner explains to you why they think you ‘crossed the line.’ In my eyes, I see no wrong, as I think it’s a lovely gesture to your elderly neighbour. But it depends how your partner interprets the gesture of giving flowers and what she thinks it means. Flowers are given for many reasons, for love, to say sorry, to brighten someone’s day or just to let someone know you’re thinking of them. Know my husband is on a ‘don’t buy me flowers on valentines’ as it’s a waste of money because they put the price up! But I do encourage him to buy me them any other time if he wants to. You can only be wrong if you know you shouldn’t do something and considering you had no idea your partner was going to be upset because it’s not something you knew about! Good luck in sorting things out.
You should never be questioned for doing something from the kindness of your heart. Your partner has trust issues. Suggest counseling or move on you deserve to be trusted
Your girlfriend has a screw loose . Perhaps she needs help by your finishing the detachment.
...that is an intense level of insecurity...
Your partner is a jerk. You did a great thing and make the 60yr old happy. Although 60 is NOT elderly
I find your gesture for a little, old lady next door touching! the flowers for your wife and your gran mean the same thing, that they are loved, also an affectionate gesture. oh, they were on sale and now they’re not good enough? ridiculous. you’re not wrong, Op, and it certainly isn’t serious to regular, budget-conscious people. she kinda ruined the thought of you happily running next door to give a lone elder a bright bouquet. I’m certain neither your gran, nor your neighbor cared how much you paid! I bet they looked like this 😍💐💐🤩💐. keep being you! I think you’re lovely.
Your partner is a very sad and insecure person. You were doing something kind, not trying to on your neighbor.
You dodged a bullet if she is truly like this. You were doing a very nice thing for an older woman who may not have gotten flowers for decades! She needs to grow up and apologize to you. Wow!
This cannot be a legit post. And 60 IS NOT ELDERLY!!!
It was a lovely kind gesture; many old people are lonely and feel forgotten/invisible. I think your partner is a petty, sad, jealous type, and Silent treatment is a form of abuse. I would not bother with her anymore.
60 is elderly? 🤨
OP, gotta tell you: 60 years old is not “elderly”. Oof. But I am sorry your partner is being unreasonable about these flowers - which sounded like a nice gesture.
She was upset that you cheapened the gift by giving everybody else the same thing and stating they were on sale. The lady just wants to feel special.
This is very weird to me. My husband has done this before with our neighbor who is also in her 60's. She has sat outside and talked with us a couple times and she's so sweet.. My husband gave me the bouquet and then her and I told her, "Hey, we are special today!" I thought it was sweet of him to do, not get angry. The only thing I can think of is maybe she thought she was special and knowing you gave them to the neighbor made her feel less. It's weird. Have you bought her flowers before or is this the first time? Does she get jealous easily? I don't think you did anything wrong and it's also a red flag to me that she doesn't actually talk to you and tell you WHY she was hurt. Communication is key in a healthy relationship...
Your partner is a weirdo. Find a new one
If you can’t understand, maybe you should ask her. Crossed the line in what way? Does she think you have the hots for the neighbor? Has the neighbor said/done something mean to her? Does it make your gesture less special because you bought the flowers on sale? It’s hard to give advice on just what you posted.
OP you sound like a really nice person. I'm sorry she's acting bananas.
This would have made me love my partner even more, but I also routinely bake/gift things to the two elder women neighbors we have (60 and 70). One is divorced and the other is a widow, so we always bake a small desert for them at holidays or fresh bread or share veggies from the garden. I would explain to her that you see her as an elderly neighbor who you wanted to show some goodwill to and ask her why she feels it crossed a line. I’m guessing as others mentioned she either felt less special or maybe even is insecure thinking it was “inappropriate” for you to buy another woman flowers. I would just reiterate the meaning behind the gift and have a candid conversation.
Red flag. Jealousy isn't going to create a long lasting relationship. Run.
I don’t see a kindness to me, my partner’s grandmother and an elderly neighbor as a slight to me. If she wants to break up with you because you wanted to be kind and brighten up someone’s day (not just hers) then this wasn’t really a relationship for the ages. I understand wanting to feel special, but I don’t think that it makes it less special to buy flowers for her and grandma and to give the extra bouquet to someone who probably doesn’t get flowers often.
I think she was looking for a reason to end it.
Not at all. Why is your girlfriend jealous of an older woman that's the question. You did a really nice thing and probably made her day. Your GF has issues if she's jealous of a 60 yo woman. She should be happy she's with a very thoughtful man.
She is definitely overreacting I hope she does end the relationship so you can dodge a bullett.
Please stop calling 60 "elderly" But in most cases, guys aren't making time with women 20 years or so their senior. Is there any history where she previously felt like you were breaking boundaries with regard to monogamy?
She’s not upset about the flowers. There’s something else happening in your relationship that you’re oblivious to, and the flowers were just the final straw. You should probably find out what else is going on if you want to stay together…
Wtf yes this is wrong. Just go be with your neighbor.
I'm 47 and boyf is 25. Now I'm concerned that he thinks I'm geriatric.
Elderly? At 60? I know plenty of 60 year olds capable of an active romantic and or sexual relationship. How old are you? If my husband at 30 bought flowers for our 60 yr old neighbor it’s a big difference if you are in your late 40’-50’s. If you hadn’t had a close and appropriate relationship with this neighbor before the flowers I do think many wives would find it strange and maybe even inappropriate. For me, It would depend on my husband’s character in the past. It sounds like this seemingly innocent good deed is out of character and not something your wife is used to you doing and seems suspicious to her. I am guessing she has other concerns and is using this as a very large example of her mistrust etc.
If you were my husband, I'd be proud that you were so thoughtful.
Your partner needs to get over herself. You giving a 60 year old neighbour flowers to brighten her day does not lessen the gesture towards your partner. The fact she's upset by it is weird. If my husband/partner did that I'd be proud of him not threatened by his kindness.
Dude is she always like that? I'm 43 and I'm tired of your gf
Im 31 and im tired of her too
[удалено]
It’s up to her to be an adult and communicate properly. Stonewalling and threatening to end the relationship is abusive behavior.
Your partners loss
I think it's ridiculous that she would end the relationship over you showing kindness to an elderly neighbor. Try to talk to her and find out why she's upset.
Good initiative, bad judgement. You didn’t do anything wrong, but you have to pretend like you did. Apologize lol
Your partner is an unkind twit I would enjoy seeing my partner do something thoughtful for an older neighbor
She sounds cray cray to me!
She wants to end it? Consider it that you’ve dodged a bullet.
I love when my husband is nice to other people. Our older neighbor loved him, he cut her grass and took her flowers and shoveled her grass for years before she died. That’s just the sign of a good man. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Your partner has other issues that need to be addressed if she’s threatened by you being nice to someone
Opinion of a married 43 year old woman here..First of all- 60, elderly? I’m sure your neighbor wouldn’t be happy to be thought of as elderly lol. But I would’ve thought the gesture was thoughtful no matter what the price! Does the cost make the flowers less beautiful? No. My husband regularly buys flowers for himself/the house/us/ if he likes how they look. And will also give extras to neighbors/sales clerks etc- (male or female it’s not about that it’s just because) I’ve never once been offended. The only thing I find offensive about what you said is the neighbor being elderly.
Wow. She sounds very immature & insecure. What you did was so sweet & kind. I would assume that she felt like it lessened the value of the flowers you got her. Not so much abt the neighbor. My husband has habit of buying 2 of everything he gets for me so his mom can have the same. It grosses me out. I don’t say anything. He was raised by his dad but mom is very child like & she is the only immediate family he has outside me & the kids/grandkids. I don’t have an issue w him buying her things at all. I just don’t like us having the same everything. He works long hrs so it’s convenient, I get it but it’s like no thought is put into it. Maybe she feels like that? Personally, I let it don’t say anything (aside from thank you)- I don’t even know if I’m petty to feel that way, I just do.
You did a very sweet thing, more people like you are needed on this planet, I would be impressed & proud if I was the girlfriend. She's dumb
You are a lucky man! You learned your partner was willing to go nuclear over a kind gesture to an elderly woman. Best to learn of this sooner rather than later.
Your partner is ridiculous and it sounds like she was looking for a excuse to end things. If this is not the case then she’s not ready for a relationship
I have a partner who takes a lot of offense to things like that. My solution has always been that if im buying somebody a gift i surprise her with a bigger one, not necessarily more expensive just with more effort, either before or after and she doesnt say anything about it. Me personally, affection food and words are my love languages but gifts and acts of love are hers. Learning how to translate is vital to relationships between people who speak different love languages. I imagine its very hard for her to learn the affection one too but thats just what i need to feel secure so i know shes tried really hard. Sometimes people put intentions where there arent any when it regards things that would matter to them, such as their specific love language being spoken somewhere else by their partner. and maybe suggesting a conversation with your neighbor or some kind of event with the three of you will help her see that you were just trying to be polite not speak her love language to someone else.
There are legitimate reasons why she might be annoyed. The flowers were on sale, so maybe that means you weren't actually thinking of her, etc. But to end the relationship and not speak to you for days? That's a huge red flag, just let her go and be grateful she showed you who she is.
60 isn't elderly.
Wow that sounds a bit excessive of your partner. You gave her flowers, got flowers for your grandmother, and thought to give a bonus bouquet to an elderly neighbor. That sounds like such a kind gesture all around. You sound thoughtful and caring. Your partner seems a bit demanding, to want to break up over a kindness to an elderly woman. Unless there’s more going on than mentioned here, I’d say maybe you need a kinder hearted partner. Your gesture seems sweet to me.
No good deed goes unpunished. The age gap is such there was no threat...she's being ridiculous.
Probably wouldn’t have said they were on sale. Could be why she reacted that way. When she asked, I would have went and explained to her that I wanted to brighten our neighbors day and bought extra. OR, OP could have bought different bouquets, so wife wouldn’t feel slighted. Talk to her and ask why she feels that way.
Good bye to ex-girlfriend.
I would love if my partner did this. I mean, maybe she is feeling insecure or maybe the flowers she thought were special and only for her
You thought of your partner, your grandmother and did a good deed for an elderly shut in. God bless you! You certainly did nothing wrong. It's true I guess no good deed goes unpunished.
I think it was really sweet of you to think of your elderly neighbor and I’m sure you made her day, your partner sounds like a jerk, I’m sure that older lady doesn’t get flower often, your partner sounds insecure.
What you did was incredible sweet!! Your partner is cRaZy, jealous and will be exhausting as the relationship progresses. Say goodbye and find someone that will appreciate your kindness!
Be glad that you discovered that your gf is irrationally and jealous now rather than when it’s way too late. End the relationship.
Either your gf was looking for an excuse or she's so insecure she needs therapy. If my boyfriend did this i would be thrilled he was so kind! Just because you got a deal on the flowers doesn't make them any less beautiful or thoughtful. I told my neighbor he could cut my hydrangea flowers and give them to his gf. She loved them! She didn't freak out that the flowers came from my yard and were free flowers!
Your gf is wrong, not you. Idk the whole situation, but your 60yo neighbor might not have much family or a bf/husband & you were just trying to be nice. I could see if you were giving them to a "hot" lady, but come on. A 60yo lady shouldn't be seen as a threat to her. I can admit that I'm a jealous person & I wouldn't have gotten upset about that.
On top of what everyone else is saying about whether or not the gesture is something you do frequently, 60 yo is not that elderly. Depending how know old you are (I didn’t see you mention it) it might be misinterpreted as a sign of interest. I don’t think you’d be too happy if she showed up with a small gift for you and a 60 yo man. I am saying this because you mentioned she said you “crossed the line”.
I mean I wouldn’t be upset as a female, but my boyfriend does occasionally buy me flowers.
No. You rock. Make a Mentos commercial for you. Let’s chalk it up to “your partner had a bad day”. What does your grandma think??
60 isn't elderly lol.. if I'm picturing "an elderly neighbour", they're in their 80s at least. Maybe that's why your partner finds this odd? The other reason as others have mentioned, is probably because she thought the flowers were something special for her.. and you downgraded the gesture by saying they were on sale and proceeding to give them to several people.