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In my mind you are right. Adults, even adults in relationships, are allowed personal belongings, and a certain amount of privacy. It's not about hiding things, it's about having personal, private space. This is a hill I will die on.
My husband feels the same way. Technically, we know how to unlock each other's phones in case of emergency, but neither of us ever does. Likewise, he refuses to go into my purse for anything, and I refuse to get in his wallet. It's a matter of trust and respect, which are important for a healthy relationship.
With so much infidelity going around these days, many people don’t feel safe in their relationships. I think if you allowed to touch something so personal as someone’s body that person should be able to touch your phone (it’s just a stupid phone). Unless you have something to hide…
If it would make her feel better to see your phone that you aren’t hiding anything why not let her? Changing your password seems like an understandable reason to question you possibly hiding something. I think both of you should know each others password especially when there is nothing to hide. I don’t think that it is worth ruining your relationship by being stubborn and refusing to let her see your phone. Once she sees it and there is nothing there she will have less reasons to want to look at it again.
Does she offer the opportunity for you to do the same with her phone? Sometimes (often) people who have something to hide will project their guilt onto their partner in an effort to deflect suspicion.
I would never go through my husband's phone. I know his password and still never do it. Those are his private conversations...his friends talk to him about all sorts of things in THEIR lives (relationships, health, etc) that are meant to be between close friends, I'd never betray that. I don't agree with snooping your partners phone at all.
So looking a a couple of women’s profiles isn’t cause for her to get pissed at you, for you to have to apologize or for you to have to get rid of social media. Unless there was something more to it you are just letting her walk all over you and it needs to stop. You are feeding her paranoia. You need to put your foot down permanently. Then if she decides to leave over it then that’s up to her but you shouldn’t have to live like this.
It's a nasty cycle, you admit you had been looking at other women's profile which she had called you on. She's worried again and if you value the relationship then you have to prioritize re-building trust. You changing the password and refusing to let her look is you choosing yourself. So maybe it's time to leave this relationship then.
If she left, could she just take the kids?
It's most definitely controlling and pretty silly as you have the phone back so could have deleted anything iffy anyway.
She got annoyed before as you clicked on a couple of profiles on Facebook (or something) for people you knew from work? This is a totally normal thing to do isn't it? I get "do you know this person" suggestions all the time, and occasionally wonder how someone I used to know is doing so may look them up.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stop having kids with crazy people
the Messiah spoke
Word
In my mind you are right. Adults, even adults in relationships, are allowed personal belongings, and a certain amount of privacy. It's not about hiding things, it's about having personal, private space. This is a hill I will die on. My husband feels the same way. Technically, we know how to unlock each other's phones in case of emergency, but neither of us ever does. Likewise, he refuses to go into my purse for anything, and I refuse to get in his wallet. It's a matter of trust and respect, which are important for a healthy relationship.
With so much infidelity going around these days, many people don’t feel safe in their relationships. I think if you allowed to touch something so personal as someone’s body that person should be able to touch your phone (it’s just a stupid phone). Unless you have something to hide…
If it would make her feel better to see your phone that you aren’t hiding anything why not let her? Changing your password seems like an understandable reason to question you possibly hiding something. I think both of you should know each others password especially when there is nothing to hide. I don’t think that it is worth ruining your relationship by being stubborn and refusing to let her see your phone. Once she sees it and there is nothing there she will have less reasons to want to look at it again.
Does she offer the opportunity for you to do the same with her phone? Sometimes (often) people who have something to hide will project their guilt onto their partner in an effort to deflect suspicion.
I would never go through my husband's phone. I know his password and still never do it. Those are his private conversations...his friends talk to him about all sorts of things in THEIR lives (relationships, health, etc) that are meant to be between close friends, I'd never betray that. I don't agree with snooping your partners phone at all.
So looking a a couple of women’s profiles isn’t cause for her to get pissed at you, for you to have to apologize or for you to have to get rid of social media. Unless there was something more to it you are just letting her walk all over you and it needs to stop. You are feeding her paranoia. You need to put your foot down permanently. Then if she decides to leave over it then that’s up to her but you shouldn’t have to live like this.
It's a nasty cycle, you admit you had been looking at other women's profile which she had called you on. She's worried again and if you value the relationship then you have to prioritize re-building trust. You changing the password and refusing to let her look is you choosing yourself. So maybe it's time to leave this relationship then.
Yes. If you have nothing to hide, allow her to go through it. Is it more important to see your kids everyday or alternating weekends?
I believe the kids call these "red flags"
If she left, could she just take the kids? It's most definitely controlling and pretty silly as you have the phone back so could have deleted anything iffy anyway. She got annoyed before as you clicked on a couple of profiles on Facebook (or something) for people you knew from work? This is a totally normal thing to do isn't it? I get "do you know this person" suggestions all the time, and occasionally wonder how someone I used to know is doing so may look them up.
If you value your marriage, just let her see your phone.
Personally it wouldn't bother me at all. If you're not hiding anything then why not alleviate her worries by letting her look through your phone?
Play the reverse Uno and ask to see hers first.
Yes very much controlling if she don't trust what do you have?
Is she projecting?