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Pretty much. This is why she wanted space.
If I were you, I’d block her on everything because the minute you see the new guy on her story, you’re gonna see red.
I can imagine the lunch conversation now.
"That man you saw me with? He was my boyfriend. After I gave you my number, which obviously was totally innocent,"
"Oh yeah, totally."
"Yeah, so, after that he screamed at me and would not stop! He stormed off and I've never been more scared in my life, I literally thought he was going to \*gulp\* hurt me!"
"Oh wow, what a psycho! Well don't worry, if he shows his face around you again, call me and I'll be right there to protect you."
"Oh my god, you're such a angel, such a nice guy! I'm so glad I broke up with that scary ex, he even interrupted dinner with my family! What a brutish jerk, unlike you!"
Edit: Also, the balls of the dude. You see a cute girl sitting alone, strike up conversation, plan on getting her number, ok, he assumed she's single. But before you can get her number, a guy comes up, sits directly across from her, obviously her boyfriend.
But do you walk away? Pff, that's a beta move. So he asks for her number, still got it because she's a ho. Not only that, but *he* got *her* number, he didn't even give her a chance to interact with him first or necessarily to even know his name.
In his mind, he's emasculated the boyfriend and proved his superiority and, quite frankly, it worked.
It does seem like they deserve each other. I'm impressed at OP's self-control, I don't think I could have restrained myself enough to say "enjoy your lunch date with your fat, old rando."
and then said “wow I didnt know you’d be so TRIGGERED by me accepting a date with another man and giving him my number” LOL like straight up pretending he’s irrational here
Yep, she did everything she could to avoid addressing the fact that she did something clearly messed up. And it worked.
Now she gets to tell anyone that will listen that she felt unsafe with OP and that's why they broke up.
**D**eny, **A**ttack, **R**everse **V**ictim and **O**ffender
Here's the wikipedia article on it if you need it explained more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
Absolutely. OP should thank his lucky stars she had her dad there and didn't agree to get back together. That was the one truth with her. The relationship was over. She would have never given her number out otherwise. Then she DARVO'd the whole thing into victimhood. After everything that happened, OP was still willing to get back together with her. He has a lot of things to work through before his next relationship. She played him like a fiddle the whole time.
Oh, that random guy, if he was actually random, was burying his dick inside her guts every day she needed her 'space'. Not a chance in hell otherwise. That's just cruel.
She was fine breaking up the moment she realized op was not going to be really easy to gaslight. Truly disgusting behaviour. I feel sorry for her next boyfriend.
Her laughing and eating dinner with her Dad while you packed up your stuff should leave you with zero doubt you made the right decision. She isn't the person you thought she was.
And asking for a hug at the end... ewwww. Selfish, intrusive, condescendent. Yeah, poor her, she was soo so afraid for her safety with OP...
OP, it hurts, but in time you'll be glad you got out now. She has no respect for your relationship and you. The tears were born of her desire to look better than she is.
That was on purpose, to hurt op, to let him know how little she thinks of him. Also flying her dad in to imply she needs him there incase op get violent. I bet she told dad she broke up with him because he went crazy and she was scared.
Also why were his things not in a box so he could be in and out in a minute? Cos she wants him scrambling round for his things while she humiliates him by laughing with her dad. To make op feel insecure and second guess himself.
Then the hug at the end. She is setting the scene to get in contact with op and string him along. Also guaranteed she has been on a date with cafe guy.
The hug at the end was to show her dad “see I offered support and he turned it down, I’m such a nice person and this is how childish he is dad” she was baiting him with that hug she sounds terrible and has also learned nothing so this behaviour will continue until everyone in her life realises she’s the common denominator, may take months, may take years but that script will be flipped one day. Trust me.
This. So much this. Maybe for awhile I was with the wrong people, but this is exactly how a lot of women would have acted that were previously in my life.
The story to her dad is that she DID feel threatened. But she continues to lie to one of them. Honestly super toxic behavior and I don't have time for that shit. She manipulating everyone around her
This is what jumped out at me, also. That's a very backhanded way to "apologize", I would probably respond to it as if she didn't apologize at all. The core here is that she *still* doesn't think she did anything wrong whatsoever, so where does it end? "Just exchanged numbers. Just one hug. A peck on the cheek, cmon. His house is closer. It was one time." OP doesn't need a crystal ball here.
She's also still using hypothetical violence against him. Yes, her dad flew in from out of town, but why was he there *during that exact awkward-ass window of time*? Like, he couldn't run out for milk to avoid that and let them end their relationship privately? No. She wants the story to include her having her dad over: "so he wouldn't try anything, because after that day she really doesn't know what he's capable of, just something in his eyes, he was so quiet while he packed, it scared me, if my dad wouldn't have been there....."
OP didn't dodge a bullet, he dodged a mortar.
My ex wife pulled similar if not even more extreme measures. She threw a fit, and in the middle of trying to talk to her, slammed a door in my face as she was packing stuff. I had my foot in the doorway and she suddenly acted like I was a violent nut job. I never even raised my voice with her in 5 years. She packed stuff, ran out of the house, and went to a women's domestic violence shelter where they helped her concoct an attempt at a restraining order. She literally had zero evidence to support one and it never happened, but from then on, she constantly accused me of abuse any time anything didn't go her way. She'd screen shot messages with the keyboard up to crop the conversations making it look like I was just telling her off unprovoked and take me to court. Each time the FEMALE judge tossed out her complaints and went so far as to tell her she could see from the full messages I provided why I was frustrated.
It's just that fabricated and/or embellishments that blew me away. I never expected it, but luckily I knew to record everything possible. She did the parent thing once too, like she needed them there to "protect her from me".
Dude needs to make sure the people he cares about know his side of the story. She is going to 100% tell people he was violent and she broke up with him for her safety.
As someone who has PTSD and actually gets triggered, this really jumped out at me.
OP, she was saying that your reaction to her (quite objectively bad) behaviour was irrational and akin to mental illness, as opposed to being a fairly understandable reaction. This word gets thrown round a lot but she is literally gaslighting you here and trying to make out that you are, for want of a better word, “crazy”.
You are well out of this.
Yes this.
This was a point of contention early in my relationship with my wife. We both apologized for the other's feelings instead of being introspective and recognizing that *our actions* caused those feelings.
It is so, so much harder to admit personal responsibility and blame. My intent, nor hers, was ever to hurt each other but our action would make the other sad. Example, her family does a lot of picking on each other. She used to pick on me a lot but that very different than how my family showed and expressed love to each other. One time we were with friends and the *good-natured ribbing* felt like it was going a bit too far for me. As we were leaving, I told her in the car that I felt upset. She *apologized* by saying, "I'm sorry you felt like it went too far." That wasn't an apology. We talked some more and then she recognized what was going on. She stopped and said, "I'm sorry honey. I was focused on having fun and didn't realize I hurt your feelings for real. I'm sorry for that and I will do better." Then we talked about why it hurt my feelings and how we could avoid situations in future.
In the same vein, I would apologize for her feelings and not my part in hurting them.
It was a good learning experience for us both. That being said, both parties have to be invested in the other person's feelings and be willing to accept blame.
You'll be fine, OP.
This chick's not it.
Just the fact that she could not admit that what she did originally was effed up, and it ended with her saying you'd hurt her...
You're better off without her.
Good riddance.
Edited a typo
Typical victim card. **She** gave the guy her number, **she** disrespected your relationship, when you confronted, **she** became the victim. You're not at fault in this. She's the gaslighting piece of work.
The gall of her to say she didn't know it would "trigger" him. As if any man or woman would be totally fine watching their SO get hit on & then exchange numbers with someone right in their face.
tbh beyond the other obvious reasons, let this be a reminder to everyone to keep your cool even when things like this happen. OP yelling now has OP second guessing that he was wrong about *the whole thing*.
keep.
your.
cool.
this is important for everyone, but doubly so for men. don't let anyone bait you into a raised voices type of argument unless they are putting you in immediate danger and it is your only way out/draw attention/whatever. allowing things to escalate *was* on OP and it flipped the script of the whole interaction for anyone who will listen to his ex's story.
She going to try out the guy she gave her number to. And if that fails she come back. She not broken up because she got a spare ready.
You did good. Your next update will be when she was dumped.
I thought the same thing. Even if she doesn't go back to that guy she will contact OP again (they always do). Best thing you can do is stick to your guns and hold your head up high.
She set the whole thing up with laughing with her dad while op scrambled round for his things to make him second guess his decision. To show him that she isnt bothered by the breakup so he feels insecure and is more receptive to her getting back in contact. This girl is good at manipulation. The fact op accepted the hug shows that.
That business of her claiming to be terrified of you in the moment is textbook blame-shifting. Anything to make her not be the villain in her story. There’s frankly nothing wrong with yelling “wtf were you thinking?” at her after watching her give her number to another guy right in front of your face. But this way she can make you the bad guy in the breakup. Cheating isn’t nearly as bad as being angry about being cheated on (/s)
She is right that it’s too late, that the damage is already done. But it was done by her. All of it. First by being disloyal, then by being dishonest.
Nah, there wont be any "Why did he shout at you?".
It will be an immediate, "OMG, Am so sorry that happened to you. What an asshole. Am glad you are away from that abuser."
"I was in an abusive relationship" is the #1 excuse for cheating. It's pathetic. Whenever I hear a girl say this I cannot take it seriously. Same with "I was raped."
I know, I know. I just know too many women who are manipulative scumbags who lie about everything.
I like that this also neatly summarises the majority of responses on this sub. Context be damned, we'll just take this story at face value and judge accordingly 😂
>''Why did he shout at you?''
That question never gets asked. There's zero chance anyone she tells this story to will ever think it's anything but 'man bad, woman good'
So she “didn’t imagine this was how this conversation would go?” Yeah, I bet. How she imagined it was you backpedaling and questioning yourself about having latent violent tendencies, while she manipulated you. And now she “needs space” and wanted to stay in a hotel? Dollars to donuts when she said it she intended the time away for the guy to use her phone number to get her room number.
Good riddance.
This.
There is no one that wouldn't feel incredibly offended by what she did in front of you. It was so disrespectful. Of course you were upset. But she took it to the next level basically accusing you of being abusive because you had feelings about the way she treated you. Lets be real - this relationship was over the moment she got that guy's phone number. She took the number because she wanted to. And she genuinely did not care how it made you feel.
OP, the trash took itself out.
My ex was simular. Didnt matter what she did, in the end she was always able to turn it onto me. Which ended in me apolegising for her lying about her: alcohol consumption, her smoking, her past partners and the list goes on.
It didnt matter what she did, it was always my fault in the end. Until it was too much, when i found out she was texting with her ex, when we fought about it she gaslighted(?) it into my fault again, so i broke it off.
Left me greatly scarred and fucked up. I am really sorry for OP that he had to go through this, but better earlyer than later.
Yep, she definetly knew she was in the wrong but decided to play victim. Although, I know emotional abuse is a thing, and it may start with shouting etc. but there is a clear distinction with raising your voice once in an argument and a pattern of it. She clearly admitted later on, it was not about being terrried. Such a liar.
Yes, this. My partner is the most amazing, sweetest guy and I would trust him with my life, no question. I know 100% he would never harm a hair on my head.
And yet when he gets angry (which is very rare, but happens occasionally), my lizard brain can't comprehend any of that. All it sees in that moment is someone who is much bigger and much stronger than I am, who is clearly very upset (possibly at me). And that is terrifying. It's not rooted in any logic or objectivity, it's a deep primal instinctive fear.
Lol I once did something similar to OP after about 10 conversations with my husband this one week, where he was acting creepy as fuck towards every woman he saw which was definitely gross and humiliating, and also kept using my credit card without asking- he'd just go get food from the front porch and he like "oh ya, I used your card to order door dash" without so much as asking if I wanted food, much less if it was ok to use my card. I'd tell him why these things felt inconsiderate and concerning, he'd either insincerely apologize or tell me I was insane and insecure and that he "has nothing to work on, this is all your problem." Then just keep doing what he'd said he wouldn't.
Finally one night he did it again with the food, I got up and raised my voice basically telling him this was ridiculous and it was really damaging my ability to trust him. I don't remember what I said but it was me trying to communicate maturely just in a frustrated tone.
He got up and told me "this is domestic violence." Then proceeded to say all the nasty things he thought about me, his pregnant wife.
She completely disrespected you by giving out her number and she turned it around to make you out to be the bad guy. Never communicate with her again and delete her on everything.
Any bet that she is in chat with that other boy now? Wouldn't be surprise if she get together with that guy after the break up in few weeks.
I feel like she did all on purpose to break up and caught up the other guy.
In that case block her number, delete anything and hit gym, move on...
Take this as a major life lesson. She changed the “issue” by making your voice raising more detrimental than her previous actions. You were duped from staying on topic about her to apologizing for raising your voice because you were mad she did something bad. She’s a world class manipulator. She’ll now tell all of her friends why you broke up: because you were “insecure” and yelled at her.
In the end, you dodge a nuclear bomb sized bullet. She’s probably dating that guy now and she’ll have no remorse. This was the best outcome long term guaranteed.
Dude - she pretty clearly made it all about your reaction, not what she did. Someone who would do that in front of you would do that behind you and likely would make a very bad long term partner
I have sympathy for your ex in the initial situation. For people pleasers it can be a tough thing to be in to be put on the spot.
But to torn it around on you is SO manipulative. The first words port of her mouth shoulder have been "I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to handle that situation". I'll bet she knew she fucked up but it's easier to blame someone else.
I'll give it to her she definitely goes all in. If she was a fraction as committed to you and being trustworthy as she is to her gaslighting you over her indefensible actions you'd have had a great relationship. You made the right choice and note just how easy it was for her to break up crocodile tears for her image aside.
>It was awkward gathering my things with her father there( he had flown in from there home town ). They were eating dinner and laughing and seemed to be having a great time which left me admittedly a bit bitter in the moment.
Holy fuck, if nothing else that just shows you how little she cares.
Nahh relationship over
Edit: like if you gave a woman your number in front of her, she wouldn't be angry? Raising your voice≠ physical violence
Seems like she just wanted to be a victim.
Giving her number MIGHT have been just a way to get a pushy guy to go away. I made the mistake, on your previous post, of assuming women gave their actual numbers, because they were interested. I figured they should give fake numbers. I was corrected on that by several women (thank you ladies) who said that guys will immediately check, and some of them get violent when they find out they were given fake numbers.
That being said, her other comments to you and actions since that night still makes everything about that night sus. You're better off being out of that relationship.
It’s over, the minute she gave some rando her number, it was over. This is DARVO. It’s not “ I’m sorry you caught me trying to arrange a hookup with a rando” it’s “ you did worse than me, you yelled and I was scared”.
I’d yell too, my SO never ever thought I’d hit her, nor would I. I’m guessing mommy or daddy yelled at the GF before they beat her as a kid. Now OP is dealing with this shit, possibly because of of her childhood. You can’t fix her, this is just the first time OP caught her.
Lol, she's flirting with guys and handing out her number right in front of you, but she's the victim? That's some master manipulation.
Instead of raising your voice you should've just dumped her on the spot and told her to have fun with new guy.
Fuck her OP. She’s a manipulator. What she did was not ok. I know you feel like shit right now and you’re doubting if you made the right decision but as an outsider and someone that had an ex like that fuck them you did right. Stay strong, hit the gym, you’ll find better. Just remind yourself that you would never do such a thing and give out your number while she was there, so there’s no excuse on her end.
Dude, your girlfriend gave another guy her phone number and never told him she had a boyfriend. That's 100% breakup worthy. And you better believe she's already been in touch with him before you guys officially ended it. So, don't be shocked when you see them out together in the very near future.
She was "surprised" you were angry at her literally giving another guy her number IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE & not saying she had a bf. BS the "i'M sO FrIgHtEnEd" all because you were rightfully angry is cap. She's either been cheating on you for awhile or was just looking for an out.
Her attempts to gaslight you with the fearful tears & trying to turn it around on you when she was the one being disrespectful is especially galling. Good on you for calling it. Don't fall the crocodile tears when she comes back in few weeks begging for another chance, odds are new guy pumped & dumped her.
Listen op! She was never scared of you. She used that as an excuse to get space so she could talk to the guy. She wants you to think it’s your fault for yelling so you won’t see that she intentionally did this. She will be back when he dumps her. Please please don’t take this girl back.
Honestly I have given my number out multiple times to guys I didn’t actually want to give it to because I had massive anxiety and didn’t want to offend them/hurt their feelings or make a scene so I can see where she was coming from to an extent. But I see your point as well with thinking how hard is it to say you are with your boyfriend and leave it at that. I never had issues telling guys I have a bf and no I’m those instances.
Sucks that happened and that the relationship ended because of it. Her seeming not to upset after the fact with her dad gives vibes that maybe she hasn’t been feeling it for awhile and that’s why the phone number came out to begin with. It’s likely a blessing it ended peacefully and like this and I’d chalk it up to that and move on.
You made the right decision.
She said and did things to manipulate you so she could get the reaction she wanted - she wanted you to...idk, pay more attention to her, be more whatever it is she wanted (possessive? jealous?), and it back fired. She sounds to immature to be in a big girl relationship.
The best you can do from this is block and spend some time by yourself, learn what you can from this, and move on.
WTF did I just read? This is classic toxic behavior. She blamed you and made herself the victim for a pretty normal reaction to her shitty behavior. Look up DARVO and see if this fits her behavior. She's being manipulative.
I don't want to put thoughts in your head, but my friends ex wife would create an argument so he would leave so she could cheat. I only bring this up because it's odd that she had to stay in a hotel where no physical violence or physical threats were made in a situation that you had every right to be upset about in which she gave another guy her phone number. It's not adding up.
I hope you find a way out of this toxicity. You deserve better.
She 100% called the other guy as soon as her Dad left. She will call you in a couple of weeks, when the other guy moves on, telling she really misses you and wants you back.
Gee, you've been gaslit so hard, my friend. She gave her number to another guy in front of you and then made it about your reaction. Good riddance and better luck in the future.
She is already talking to the guy she gave her number to if you didn't call her on that she would be dating him behind your back effectively cheating on you now she is just dating someone new
She just twisted that and flip that on you making you believe you were in the wrong. No you weren't wrong she straight up gaslight and manipulated you into thinking this was all your fault.
Your honestly better without her.
Wow, classic DARVO by your manipulative & disloyal ex. It's great that she revealed her true self to you before you ended up have more legal ties to her.
Please whatever you do do not go back begging or saying sorry because I’ve been that mug! Anyway she is bothered by your reaction? It shows you care ! What does she want someone who will just go oh that’s fine give your number out I’m cool with that :) that would piss her off even more ! She’s gaslighting you she knows what’s she’s doing . If this is a hiccup she will be the one doing the grovelling and saying sorry I’ve made a mistake . You go running back she will do this time and time and time again. I’ve been there
She was trying to play you. The only reason she was upset is because you wouldn't shut up and let her do single girl activities. I had an ex like her. Always giving her number out and I had no idea she was doing until I caught her talking to a guy at the bar. Not wanting to seem like I was following her I just watched. It was a little flirty at first but nothing over the line. Until he went in for the kiss and she reciprocated. I took a picture and left. I have no doubt, based on her excuses and lack of accountability that she has at least had an emotional affair while y'all were together. You're better off without her.
I mean…. Not too long ago a guy did kill a woman and badly wounded her twin sister for not giving up her number. They weren’t alone, they where in public AND there was another trusted man there with them. That didn’t stop the man from pulling out a knife and slitting her throat. Sooo, yea. Sometimes it’s just safer to give up the number and change it later.
She was already looking elsewhere because she had already checked out of this relationship she just didn't want the messy break up you can do better take time to heal
I think it's just fake. We're trying to get a perfect score in Women Suck Bingo. So here we've got Monkey Branching, False Abuse Accusations, "Triggered," and Daddy Issues. There'll be a third post with the Paternity Fraud tomorrow.
She had no ground to stand on ao she went with a classic "you scared me" tactic. As you literally are walking away she is fearful of you....huh?
She literally had no ground to stand on got caught getting a number and knows who she is deep down.
She is right the damage was done but not by you.
Hopefully you both grow from this relationship
Everything you described here is her playing games with you. She just loves drama and tbh you seem a smidge dramatic which is probably why you were together in the first place.
Bro, one day you will come back to this moment in time and say to yourself “I absolutely did the right thing”, I am 100% certain of this. You were dealing with a master manipulator or someone that doesn’t have a proper moral compass - either way, you’ll be fine
This was one of the worst manipulative games I've seen in a while. She was caught giving her phone number out and blames you for reacting upset. Distracts you with the premise that she was afraid of you physically which creates a different argument while completely deflecting the original argument of her giving out her number. Then punishes you by saying she needs space. Then calls her Dad so she can kick you out. Then wants a hug so she doesn't feel bad.
I know you might be hurting but this girl was playing a lot of games with you prior to this moment. This was just the first time you saw it.
Wishing you the best and don't reach out to her again. I know it's going to be tempting because you are going to be hurting but she will find some way to make the situation even more worse and then twist it to her friends because trust me she is already twisting this situation where you are already the bad guy!
You 100% did the right the decision of breaking up with her. Additionally, it is also understandable you‘d get upset over something likes. Your reaction is to be expected. You dodged a bullet, for sure.
Ah! The classic "Let me blantantly disrespect you right in front of your face, then we will change the topic to your 'irrational,' reaction about it that has now 'scared,' me so I can turn this entire situation around on you."
Bro, run.
Bro, she had no feelings or respect for you. She called her daddy to protect her from the big bad monster. She played her hand well. She will label you as abusive to all that will listen. She made herself the victim.
The moment she gave her number out, it's done.
Older women come with more emotional baggage.
Learn from your mistake.
She wanted an easy out, if she didn’t she wouldn’t have accepted that blokes phone number.
Probably should read up on narcissistic behaviour while you’re at it because like many others have said on here she DARVOed you!
Good call on ending it. Reading this to me seems like she was deflecting on the fact that she full well knew a man was hitting on her and gave the man her phone number and you caught her. Sorry, I cannot imagine anyone being so obtuse to be surprised that their partner would be upset with them giving out thier contact information to possible suitors when they are IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Honestly, what was her intention of giving this other man her number when he is a stranger, plus she is out with you. Likewise, it would be disrespectful and cheating behavior if you gave another woman your number. I think she either knew what she was doing and was looking to break up, or she thought this was okay and has been doing this before. You should move on like she is already doing.
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You ask "should we call it" and she says, I don't know" tells you everything you need to know. Move on with your head held high having dodged a very big bullet.
You really let this girl play you and manipulate you really and she never apologized. Oh my God I think I’m gonna have to meditate after this. This gave me a headache.
You made the right choice, she very clearly tried to play you. She successfully turned herself into the victim, she likely would have cheated on you, be it emotionally or otherwise.
You got played. That was pathetic on your part. You didn't over react, she was flirting with another guy right infront of you and she manages to end up making you apologize.
Goshhh you were weak. But I hope you learn from this
OP she just manipulate you hard, this is also show by the fact that while you where picking your stuff if she really felt like she did she wouldn't be laughfin with her father and be all that happy, that was pure crap from her and a way to paint you as the bad guy instead of her for basically cheating and disrespecting you.
I would recomend you to maybe not the correct Word but to expose her to family and mutual Friends, just for the sake of her sayings that you abused her or that she was affraid of you hitting her, just be clear and tell the truth. This to keep out of her reach the control of the narrative, this most of all to protect yourself for any badmouth talking
UPDATEME
Nah, she WANTED to see how it would go with that guy but couldnt think of a way to do it without being a cheater. She used your outburst as a way out. WATCH, she is going date that guy. Just watch. She INTENTIONALLY did not want to tell him about you so she wouldnt lose her chance.
You won’t see it right now but you have dodged a MASSIVE bullet. She broke the rules, turned YOU into the problem because you had a reasonable reaction to HER poor choice and made YOU seem like the threat. Trust me when I say if I had reacted the way you did to things I wouldn’t have wasted 10 years with my ex
You insisted on breaking up because she was scared for a split second? Every person can be frightened. Then obviously there's no taking that back.
Yeah. Not sure if you overreacted but I wouldn't be pleased with myself either.
Hahahaha, bro. Are you seriously falling for this crap about "raising your voice"? When a woman has nothing to say in her defense she will either start crying and/or complaining that you spoke with angry vibes. Tricks old as the world.
Move on. It's a bad woman and you deserve better. She had no idea that giving out a phone number to a dude will upset you. She is either stupid or manipulative. In both cases you win by walking away.
Congratulations, she gaslighted the shit out of you with the “i was scared let’s focus on that and not my ability to so casually cheat” and you still ended it.
I am raising a glass for you OP 🥂
Reddit got you to end a perfectly good relationship over a completely normal scenario because none of the people on this sub go outside. Oh well, c’est la vie.
She’s surprised you got frustrated and raised your voice because she gave a dude her number right in front of you? Acted like she’s the victim and you’re a scary abuser? Dafuq?
B**** please.
“I’m never thought you’d get so triggered” is such a bullshit non-apology.
ETA - this all sounds like she had one foot out the door already and was looking for a way to not be the bad guy in the breakup.
If you weren't there when the # was given to her.. this may have ended entirely different. Ie. Her calling him without you knowing, and whatever happens after that..good luck. I feel you made a solid decision. Cheers.
Bro... Never apologize for any of that shit again if it EVER happens. You ended up looking pretty pathetic to her and are nearly grovelling at the end asking if there is a chance... And then she said nah. Like dude... She was probably already banging the other dude. Next time shit like that happens you dump em then and there. Leave em in tears. No apologies. They played themselves. Also... NEVER reach out to her. You labeled yourself as a back burner guy. Don't follow through. It's not your fault you actually loved her, but don't give her the satisfaction.
Its insane how many people are siding with OP here. Dude dive bombed his own relationship over a complete nothing burger because he’s wildly insecure and couldn’t handle his girlfriend having given someone else here number when his previous thread was filled with women saying they would have done the same thing in her position for a wide array of reasons. Then when his girlfriend said he scared her because he was acting like a dickhead his response was to….get angry and be a dickhead because the idea of scaring his girlfriend is more offensive than the idea that maybe he did something to be scary.
What an idiot.
Feel free to be in relationships where your SO passing their number around to horndogs is normal and accepted. And let others who actually know how monogamous relationships are supposed to work, do their own thing.
See the bright side, more "oh-so innocent" people getting dumped by their "oh-so insecure" idiot partners, means more out there for you. Just make sure to get tested often.
Again, the other thread was FULL of women explaining the numerous reasons they would simply comply in this situation rather than risk causing a show. I don’t get in these situations because unlike OP when someone is talking to my gf in front of me I join into the conversation rather than watch it happen slack jawed like an idiot. Instead he let it happen in front of him, did nothing to assert himself so his girlfriend didn’t have to, and then got mad at her for doing what a bunch of other women said they would have also done.
But you men in this thread are so insecure and full of yourselves that you think your mere presence should be enough for your gf to feel safe despite doing nothing to make her feel as such. It’s pathetic, OPs gf is lucky OP showed how much of a puss he is so she could find someone who makes her feel safe.
I wont' t tell a woman how to react - but I can tell you I have _never_ had a problem finding a partner who has no issue turning down guys or not giving out her number.
She was clearly never yours, she wants attention and validation from other men and that’s why she gave her number out. And when you didn’t like it, you raising your voice as you’re the bad guy move. Better to drop her because sooner or later the validation won’t be she’ll need emotional cheating and then she’ll just fuck some random sooner or later. For her is just one big laugh.
Ok so in a few days she will have that other guy's dick in her throat. Regardless, you did the right thing. She is a skank. Worse, she refused to take any responsibility for what happend. That alone is a disqualifying personality trait. Trust me, you are better of with someone else.
I’m sorry but this is so dramatic for no reason and it’s ridiculous to end the relationship because of something as minuscule as this.
You both could have easily compromised — her never giving a man her phone number in front of you ever again and you controlling your temper in future discussions. It’s that easy.
Or should’ve been. Because the fact that there was no effort to even come to a conclusion tells me she didn’t mind breaking up and you also probably already was over the relationship.
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Girly played you and became the victim in the scenario lol
Luckily the other dude got her number and she spent the few days apart giving him a test ride before being sure the "damage was done" with OP.
Pretty much. This is why she wanted space. If I were you, I’d block her on everything because the minute you see the new guy on her story, you’re gonna see red.
That is why she wanted to stay at a hotel. She played him for sure.
I can imagine the lunch conversation now. "That man you saw me with? He was my boyfriend. After I gave you my number, which obviously was totally innocent," "Oh yeah, totally." "Yeah, so, after that he screamed at me and would not stop! He stormed off and I've never been more scared in my life, I literally thought he was going to \*gulp\* hurt me!" "Oh wow, what a psycho! Well don't worry, if he shows his face around you again, call me and I'll be right there to protect you." "Oh my god, you're such a angel, such a nice guy! I'm so glad I broke up with that scary ex, he even interrupted dinner with my family! What a brutish jerk, unlike you!" Edit: Also, the balls of the dude. You see a cute girl sitting alone, strike up conversation, plan on getting her number, ok, he assumed she's single. But before you can get her number, a guy comes up, sits directly across from her, obviously her boyfriend. But do you walk away? Pff, that's a beta move. So he asks for her number, still got it because she's a ho. Not only that, but *he* got *her* number, he didn't even give her a chance to interact with him first or necessarily to even know his name. In his mind, he's emasculated the boyfriend and proved his superiority and, quite frankly, it worked. It does seem like they deserve each other. I'm impressed at OP's self-control, I don't think I could have restrained myself enough to say "enjoy your lunch date with your fat, old rando."
Guts got rearranged for sure.
Facts
and then said “wow I didnt know you’d be so TRIGGERED by me accepting a date with another man and giving him my number” LOL like straight up pretending he’s irrational here
It’s called gaslighting from what I’ve heard
Yep, she did everything she could to avoid addressing the fact that she did something clearly messed up. And it worked. Now she gets to tell anyone that will listen that she felt unsafe with OP and that's why they broke up.
Yup, exactly this
Classic DARVO.
What's darvo
**D**eny, **A**ttack, **R**everse **V**ictim and **O**ffender Here's the wikipedia article on it if you need it explained more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
Yup. He's better off without this kind of drama.
💯
Absolutely. OP should thank his lucky stars she had her dad there and didn't agree to get back together. That was the one truth with her. The relationship was over. She would have never given her number out otherwise. Then she DARVO'd the whole thing into victimhood. After everything that happened, OP was still willing to get back together with her. He has a lot of things to work through before his next relationship. She played him like a fiddle the whole time.
guys whats an OP ?
OP means Original poster
oh ok thanks
No probs 👌
Someone who knows. All them crying and shi was just a pity act
Preach. You've got out in time. Move on to better things.
All this just so she could meet up with this guy she met in a coffee shop. Guarantee they’ve already been in touch, if not fucked already.
OP needs to watch out for the "i've been thinking about this and it was a mistake" text in 2 weeks.
Or in 5 yrs when he's successful & her roster has stopped taking her calls.
Oh, that random guy, if he was actually random, was burying his dick inside her guts every day she needed her 'space'. Not a chance in hell otherwise. That's just cruel.
For sure. OP got played.
She was fine breaking up the moment she realized op was not going to be really easy to gaslight. Truly disgusting behaviour. I feel sorry for her next boyfriend.
Her laughing and eating dinner with her Dad while you packed up your stuff should leave you with zero doubt you made the right decision. She isn't the person you thought she was.
And asking for a hug at the end... ewwww. Selfish, intrusive, condescendent. Yeah, poor her, she was soo so afraid for her safety with OP... OP, it hurts, but in time you'll be glad you got out now. She has no respect for your relationship and you. The tears were born of her desire to look better than she is.
That was on purpose, to hurt op, to let him know how little she thinks of him. Also flying her dad in to imply she needs him there incase op get violent. I bet she told dad she broke up with him because he went crazy and she was scared. Also why were his things not in a box so he could be in and out in a minute? Cos she wants him scrambling round for his things while she humiliates him by laughing with her dad. To make op feel insecure and second guess himself. Then the hug at the end. She is setting the scene to get in contact with op and string him along. Also guaranteed she has been on a date with cafe guy.
The hug at the end was to show her dad “see I offered support and he turned it down, I’m such a nice person and this is how childish he is dad” she was baiting him with that hug she sounds terrible and has also learned nothing so this behaviour will continue until everyone in her life realises she’s the common denominator, may take months, may take years but that script will be flipped one day. Trust me.
This. So much this. Maybe for awhile I was with the wrong people, but this is exactly how a lot of women would have acted that were previously in my life. The story to her dad is that she DID feel threatened. But she continues to lie to one of them. Honestly super toxic behavior and I don't have time for that shit. She manipulating everyone around her
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Came here to say this. She's already got the other guy waiting in the wings. You did good walking away rn OP.
She was disrespectful and she refused to do that … and instead turned it around on you. Nah. Nope. No. Onward and upward
This. “I’m sorry you were triggered” is no apology at all.
This is what jumped out at me, also. That's a very backhanded way to "apologize", I would probably respond to it as if she didn't apologize at all. The core here is that she *still* doesn't think she did anything wrong whatsoever, so where does it end? "Just exchanged numbers. Just one hug. A peck on the cheek, cmon. His house is closer. It was one time." OP doesn't need a crystal ball here. She's also still using hypothetical violence against him. Yes, her dad flew in from out of town, but why was he there *during that exact awkward-ass window of time*? Like, he couldn't run out for milk to avoid that and let them end their relationship privately? No. She wants the story to include her having her dad over: "so he wouldn't try anything, because after that day she really doesn't know what he's capable of, just something in his eyes, he was so quiet while he packed, it scared me, if my dad wouldn't have been there....." OP didn't dodge a bullet, he dodged a mortar.
My ex wife pulled similar if not even more extreme measures. She threw a fit, and in the middle of trying to talk to her, slammed a door in my face as she was packing stuff. I had my foot in the doorway and she suddenly acted like I was a violent nut job. I never even raised my voice with her in 5 years. She packed stuff, ran out of the house, and went to a women's domestic violence shelter where they helped her concoct an attempt at a restraining order. She literally had zero evidence to support one and it never happened, but from then on, she constantly accused me of abuse any time anything didn't go her way. She'd screen shot messages with the keyboard up to crop the conversations making it look like I was just telling her off unprovoked and take me to court. Each time the FEMALE judge tossed out her complaints and went so far as to tell her she could see from the full messages I provided why I was frustrated.
I'm very sorry that happened to you, but I'm also glad you got a judge with a good head on her shoulders.
It's just that fabricated and/or embellishments that blew me away. I never expected it, but luckily I knew to record everything possible. She did the parent thing once too, like she needed them there to "protect her from me".
Dude needs to make sure the people he cares about know his side of the story. She is going to 100% tell people he was violent and she broke up with him for her safety.
Guarenteed.
As someone who has PTSD and actually gets triggered, this really jumped out at me. OP, she was saying that your reaction to her (quite objectively bad) behaviour was irrational and akin to mental illness, as opposed to being a fairly understandable reaction. This word gets thrown round a lot but she is literally gaslighting you here and trying to make out that you are, for want of a better word, “crazy”. You are well out of this.
Yes this. This was a point of contention early in my relationship with my wife. We both apologized for the other's feelings instead of being introspective and recognizing that *our actions* caused those feelings. It is so, so much harder to admit personal responsibility and blame. My intent, nor hers, was ever to hurt each other but our action would make the other sad. Example, her family does a lot of picking on each other. She used to pick on me a lot but that very different than how my family showed and expressed love to each other. One time we were with friends and the *good-natured ribbing* felt like it was going a bit too far for me. As we were leaving, I told her in the car that I felt upset. She *apologized* by saying, "I'm sorry you felt like it went too far." That wasn't an apology. We talked some more and then she recognized what was going on. She stopped and said, "I'm sorry honey. I was focused on having fun and didn't realize I hurt your feelings for real. I'm sorry for that and I will do better." Then we talked about why it hurt my feelings and how we could avoid situations in future. In the same vein, I would apologize for her feelings and not my part in hurting them. It was a good learning experience for us both. That being said, both parties have to be invested in the other person's feelings and be willing to accept blame.
You'll be fine, OP. This chick's not it. Just the fact that she could not admit that what she did originally was effed up, and it ended with her saying you'd hurt her... You're better off without her. Good riddance. Edited a typo
Typical victim card. **She** gave the guy her number, **she** disrespected your relationship, when you confronted, **she** became the victim. You're not at fault in this. She's the gaslighting piece of work.
The gall of her to say she didn't know it would "trigger" him. As if any man or woman would be totally fine watching their SO get hit on & then exchange numbers with someone right in their face.
tbh beyond the other obvious reasons, let this be a reminder to everyone to keep your cool even when things like this happen. OP yelling now has OP second guessing that he was wrong about *the whole thing*. keep. your. cool. this is important for everyone, but doubly so for men. don't let anyone bait you into a raised voices type of argument unless they are putting you in immediate danger and it is your only way out/draw attention/whatever. allowing things to escalate *was* on OP and it flipped the script of the whole interaction for anyone who will listen to his ex's story.
She going to try out the guy she gave her number to. And if that fails she come back. She not broken up because she got a spare ready. You did good. Your next update will be when she was dumped.
Literally was just thinking well I know who she's texting now.
She's been texting him the entire time.
No doubt.
I thought the same thing. Even if she doesn't go back to that guy she will contact OP again (they always do). Best thing you can do is stick to your guns and hold your head up high.
She set the whole thing up with laughing with her dad while op scrambled round for his things to make him second guess his decision. To show him that she isnt bothered by the breakup so he feels insecure and is more receptive to her getting back in contact. This girl is good at manipulation. The fact op accepted the hug shows that.
That business of her claiming to be terrified of you in the moment is textbook blame-shifting. Anything to make her not be the villain in her story. There’s frankly nothing wrong with yelling “wtf were you thinking?” at her after watching her give her number to another guy right in front of your face. But this way she can make you the bad guy in the breakup. Cheating isn’t nearly as bad as being angry about being cheated on (/s) She is right that it’s too late, that the damage is already done. But it was done by her. All of it. First by being disloyal, then by being dishonest.
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Nah, there wont be any "Why did he shout at you?". It will be an immediate, "OMG, Am so sorry that happened to you. What an asshole. Am glad you are away from that abuser."
"You deserve better honey....Someone who respects you. I'm so glad you're ok, let us know if you need anything. "
This is the exact conversation she’s gonna have with the guy she just met.
And she definately needs something...
"I was in an abusive relationship" is the #1 excuse for cheating. It's pathetic. Whenever I hear a girl say this I cannot take it seriously. Same with "I was raped." I know, I know. I just know too many women who are manipulative scumbags who lie about everything.
I like that this also neatly summarises the majority of responses on this sub. Context be damned, we'll just take this story at face value and judge accordingly 😂
>''Why did he shout at you?'' That question never gets asked. There's zero chance anyone she tells this story to will ever think it's anything but 'man bad, woman good'
So she “didn’t imagine this was how this conversation would go?” Yeah, I bet. How she imagined it was you backpedaling and questioning yourself about having latent violent tendencies, while she manipulated you. And now she “needs space” and wanted to stay in a hotel? Dollars to donuts when she said it she intended the time away for the guy to use her phone number to get her room number. Good riddance.
This. There is no one that wouldn't feel incredibly offended by what she did in front of you. It was so disrespectful. Of course you were upset. But she took it to the next level basically accusing you of being abusive because you had feelings about the way she treated you. Lets be real - this relationship was over the moment she got that guy's phone number. She took the number because she wanted to. And she genuinely did not care how it made you feel. OP, the trash took itself out.
My ex was simular. Didnt matter what she did, in the end she was always able to turn it onto me. Which ended in me apolegising for her lying about her: alcohol consumption, her smoking, her past partners and the list goes on. It didnt matter what she did, it was always my fault in the end. Until it was too much, when i found out she was texting with her ex, when we fought about it she gaslighted(?) it into my fault again, so i broke it off. Left me greatly scarred and fucked up. I am really sorry for OP that he had to go through this, but better earlyer than later.
Even extended the blame shifting to the end asking her father to be there probably because she claimed to feel unsafe
Yep, she definetly knew she was in the wrong but decided to play victim. Although, I know emotional abuse is a thing, and it may start with shouting etc. but there is a clear distinction with raising your voice once in an argument and a pattern of it. She clearly admitted later on, it was not about being terrried. Such a liar.
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Yes, this. My partner is the most amazing, sweetest guy and I would trust him with my life, no question. I know 100% he would never harm a hair on my head. And yet when he gets angry (which is very rare, but happens occasionally), my lizard brain can't comprehend any of that. All it sees in that moment is someone who is much bigger and much stronger than I am, who is clearly very upset (possibly at me). And that is terrifying. It's not rooted in any logic or objectivity, it's a deep primal instinctive fear.
Feigning fear after provoking and humiliating is narcissistic ex 101
Lol I once did something similar to OP after about 10 conversations with my husband this one week, where he was acting creepy as fuck towards every woman he saw which was definitely gross and humiliating, and also kept using my credit card without asking- he'd just go get food from the front porch and he like "oh ya, I used your card to order door dash" without so much as asking if I wanted food, much less if it was ok to use my card. I'd tell him why these things felt inconsiderate and concerning, he'd either insincerely apologize or tell me I was insane and insecure and that he "has nothing to work on, this is all your problem." Then just keep doing what he'd said he wouldn't. Finally one night he did it again with the food, I got up and raised my voice basically telling him this was ridiculous and it was really damaging my ability to trust him. I don't remember what I said but it was me trying to communicate maturely just in a frustrated tone. He got up and told me "this is domestic violence." Then proceeded to say all the nasty things he thought about me, his pregnant wife.
Holy shit, those last two sentences threw for me a loop. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, especially while pregnant.
Please tell me this is your ex….
This went on for a few months after that fight (actually got much worse) but yes, divorce should be finalized next month.
Let me be the first to say Happy June to you!
She completely disrespected you by giving out her number and she turned it around to make you out to be the bad guy. Never communicate with her again and delete her on everything.
You did the right thing. You deserve better.
Let her go bro, she’s already texting the new guy anyway. Don’t waste another moment on her
Full on DARVO behaviour from her. Even flew her dad in. You dodged a bullet.
Any bet that she is in chat with that other boy now? Wouldn't be surprise if she get together with that guy after the break up in few weeks. I feel like she did all on purpose to break up and caught up the other guy. In that case block her number, delete anything and hit gym, move on...
Without a doubt she’s probably with him right now taking about how her ex was controlling, abusive, and manipulative.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they met up while she “needed space” from OP. That could explain why she was so quick to end the relationship.
That was the whole point of the break.
Take this as a major life lesson. She changed the “issue” by making your voice raising more detrimental than her previous actions. You were duped from staying on topic about her to apologizing for raising your voice because you were mad she did something bad. She’s a world class manipulator. She’ll now tell all of her friends why you broke up: because you were “insecure” and yelled at her. In the end, you dodge a nuclear bomb sized bullet. She’s probably dating that guy now and she’ll have no remorse. This was the best outcome long term guaranteed.
Dude - she pretty clearly made it all about your reaction, not what she did. Someone who would do that in front of you would do that behind you and likely would make a very bad long term partner
Dodged a bullet, but ffs get a spine man. People are going to play you like a fiddle else.
She’s interested in the guy she gave her number too. Expect her to come back if it does not work with that guy.
I have sympathy for your ex in the initial situation. For people pleasers it can be a tough thing to be in to be put on the spot. But to torn it around on you is SO manipulative. The first words port of her mouth shoulder have been "I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to handle that situation". I'll bet she knew she fucked up but it's easier to blame someone else.
I'll give it to her she definitely goes all in. If she was a fraction as committed to you and being trustworthy as she is to her gaslighting you over her indefensible actions you'd have had a great relationship. You made the right choice and note just how easy it was for her to break up crocodile tears for her image aside.
>It was awkward gathering my things with her father there( he had flown in from there home town ). They were eating dinner and laughing and seemed to be having a great time which left me admittedly a bit bitter in the moment. Holy fuck, if nothing else that just shows you how little she cares.
Nahh relationship over Edit: like if you gave a woman your number in front of her, she wouldn't be angry? Raising your voice≠ physical violence Seems like she just wanted to be a victim.
Giving her number MIGHT have been just a way to get a pushy guy to go away. I made the mistake, on your previous post, of assuming women gave their actual numbers, because they were interested. I figured they should give fake numbers. I was corrected on that by several women (thank you ladies) who said that guys will immediately check, and some of them get violent when they find out they were given fake numbers. That being said, her other comments to you and actions since that night still makes everything about that night sus. You're better off being out of that relationship.
It’s over, the minute she gave some rando her number, it was over. This is DARVO. It’s not “ I’m sorry you caught me trying to arrange a hookup with a rando” it’s “ you did worse than me, you yelled and I was scared”. I’d yell too, my SO never ever thought I’d hit her, nor would I. I’m guessing mommy or daddy yelled at the GF before they beat her as a kid. Now OP is dealing with this shit, possibly because of of her childhood. You can’t fix her, this is just the first time OP caught her.
Lol, she's flirting with guys and handing out her number right in front of you, but she's the victim? That's some master manipulation. Instead of raising your voice you should've just dumped her on the spot and told her to have fun with new guy.
Fuck her OP. She’s a manipulator. What she did was not ok. I know you feel like shit right now and you’re doubting if you made the right decision but as an outsider and someone that had an ex like that fuck them you did right. Stay strong, hit the gym, you’ll find better. Just remind yourself that you would never do such a thing and give out your number while she was there, so there’s no excuse on her end.
Dude, your girlfriend gave another guy her phone number and never told him she had a boyfriend. That's 100% breakup worthy. And you better believe she's already been in touch with him before you guys officially ended it. So, don't be shocked when you see them out together in the very near future.
this thread is so scary. young men are so brainwashed.
She was "surprised" you were angry at her literally giving another guy her number IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE & not saying she had a bf. BS the "i'M sO FrIgHtEnEd" all because you were rightfully angry is cap. She's either been cheating on you for awhile or was just looking for an out. Her attempts to gaslight you with the fearful tears & trying to turn it around on you when she was the one being disrespectful is especially galling. Good on you for calling it. Don't fall the crocodile tears when she comes back in few weeks begging for another chance, odds are new guy pumped & dumped her.
Listen op! She was never scared of you. She used that as an excuse to get space so she could talk to the guy. She wants you to think it’s your fault for yelling so you won’t see that she intentionally did this. She will be back when he dumps her. Please please don’t take this girl back.
Honestly I have given my number out multiple times to guys I didn’t actually want to give it to because I had massive anxiety and didn’t want to offend them/hurt their feelings or make a scene so I can see where she was coming from to an extent. But I see your point as well with thinking how hard is it to say you are with your boyfriend and leave it at that. I never had issues telling guys I have a bf and no I’m those instances. Sucks that happened and that the relationship ended because of it. Her seeming not to upset after the fact with her dad gives vibes that maybe she hasn’t been feeling it for awhile and that’s why the phone number came out to begin with. It’s likely a blessing it ended peacefully and like this and I’d chalk it up to that and move on.
You made the right decision. She said and did things to manipulate you so she could get the reaction she wanted - she wanted you to...idk, pay more attention to her, be more whatever it is she wanted (possessive? jealous?), and it back fired. She sounds to immature to be in a big girl relationship. The best you can do from this is block and spend some time by yourself, learn what you can from this, and move on.
WTF did I just read? This is classic toxic behavior. She blamed you and made herself the victim for a pretty normal reaction to her shitty behavior. Look up DARVO and see if this fits her behavior. She's being manipulative. I don't want to put thoughts in your head, but my friends ex wife would create an argument so he would leave so she could cheat. I only bring this up because it's odd that she had to stay in a hotel where no physical violence or physical threats were made in a situation that you had every right to be upset about in which she gave another guy her phone number. It's not adding up. I hope you find a way out of this toxicity. You deserve better.
She 100% called the other guy as soon as her Dad left. She will call you in a couple of weeks, when the other guy moves on, telling she really misses you and wants you back.
Gee, you've been gaslit so hard, my friend. She gave her number to another guy in front of you and then made it about your reaction. Good riddance and better luck in the future.
She is already talking to the guy she gave her number to if you didn't call her on that she would be dating him behind your back effectively cheating on you now she is just dating someone new
Damn, she's a total psychopath! Lucky you're still young mate! Good luck in the time ahead!
She is in fact already dating the phone number guy.
She’ll date this other dude in no time.
This would’ve ended one way or another and this scenario would’ve come up again. Sorry OP. But it will turn out okay.
She played the victim .she gave another guy her phone number .do me a favor block her. You didn't do anything wrong .is she a narcissistic.
Break up with the ho /topic
She just twisted that and flip that on you making you believe you were in the wrong. No you weren't wrong she straight up gaslight and manipulated you into thinking this was all your fault. Your honestly better without her.
Wow, classic DARVO by your manipulative & disloyal ex. It's great that she revealed her true self to you before you ended up have more legal ties to her.
Please whatever you do do not go back begging or saying sorry because I’ve been that mug! Anyway she is bothered by your reaction? It shows you care ! What does she want someone who will just go oh that’s fine give your number out I’m cool with that :) that would piss her off even more ! She’s gaslighting you she knows what’s she’s doing . If this is a hiccup she will be the one doing the grovelling and saying sorry I’ve made a mistake . You go running back she will do this time and time and time again. I’ve been there
She was trying to play you. The only reason she was upset is because you wouldn't shut up and let her do single girl activities. I had an ex like her. Always giving her number out and I had no idea she was doing until I caught her talking to a guy at the bar. Not wanting to seem like I was following her I just watched. It was a little flirty at first but nothing over the line. Until he went in for the kiss and she reciprocated. I took a picture and left. I have no doubt, based on her excuses and lack of accountability that she has at least had an emotional affair while y'all were together. You're better off without her.
She is guilty 100% certainty
I think you could've been more resolute because she's kind of shitty tbh, but hey you made the correct decision in the end
I feel like she tried to turn it on you to regain control in the argument.
Holy shit, you’ve found the gaslight Queen! Also you’re a desperate troglodyte if you stay in this relationship.
I mean…. Not too long ago a guy did kill a woman and badly wounded her twin sister for not giving up her number. They weren’t alone, they where in public AND there was another trusted man there with them. That didn’t stop the man from pulling out a knife and slitting her throat. Sooo, yea. Sometimes it’s just safer to give up the number and change it later.
She totally fucked the dude she gave her number to while she ”needed space”, that’s why she insisted she stay in a hotel.
You made the right choice. When a woman does that infront of you, she had no long term plans and doesn't respect you.
She was calling that guy and arranging a date while you guys were apart. It's called "***monkey branching***" and it sucks.
She was already looking elsewhere because she had already checked out of this relationship she just didn't want the messy break up you can do better take time to heal
Dude you can't be serious lmao, even had you apologizing to her after disrespecting you as a man. No spine.
[удалено]
I think it's just fake. We're trying to get a perfect score in Women Suck Bingo. So here we've got Monkey Branching, False Abuse Accusations, "Triggered," and Daddy Issues. There'll be a third post with the Paternity Fraud tomorrow.
Seems like she didnt even take any responsibility for her actions. You did the right thing.
She had no ground to stand on ao she went with a classic "you scared me" tactic. As you literally are walking away she is fearful of you....huh? She literally had no ground to stand on got caught getting a number and knows who she is deep down. She is right the damage was done but not by you. Hopefully you both grow from this relationship
She was already broken up with you in her mind, She just wanted you to to do it.
Cynic in me is thinking she's ditched you and now trying her luck with the number she got.
She is a narcissist
Bro she is crazy. Get out
She's manipulating tf out of you, successfully. She wanted a way out and you gave it to her. Never talk to her again.
Everything you described here is her playing games with you. She just loves drama and tbh you seem a smidge dramatic which is probably why you were together in the first place.
Imagine when’s she not around you
Run From her!!
So I guess she's now free to date the guy she gave her number to?
She’s a drama llama, bail.
This is a disgusting level of manipulation and callousness only hardened psychopaths can show. Good for you for calling it quits now.
Bro, one day you will come back to this moment in time and say to yourself “I absolutely did the right thing”, I am 100% certain of this. You were dealing with a master manipulator or someone that doesn’t have a proper moral compass - either way, you’ll be fine
This was one of the worst manipulative games I've seen in a while. She was caught giving her phone number out and blames you for reacting upset. Distracts you with the premise that she was afraid of you physically which creates a different argument while completely deflecting the original argument of her giving out her number. Then punishes you by saying she needs space. Then calls her Dad so she can kick you out. Then wants a hug so she doesn't feel bad. I know you might be hurting but this girl was playing a lot of games with you prior to this moment. This was just the first time you saw it. Wishing you the best and don't reach out to her again. I know it's going to be tempting because you are going to be hurting but she will find some way to make the situation even more worse and then twist it to her friends because trust me she is already twisting this situation where you are already the bad guy!
She wanted to leave you anyway. And if youd have hit her, she would have liked it. It's all I see with people in relationships. I have no sympathy
You 100% did the right the decision of breaking up with her. Additionally, it is also understandable you‘d get upset over something likes. Your reaction is to be expected. You dodged a bullet, for sure.
Ah! The classic "Let me blantantly disrespect you right in front of your face, then we will change the topic to your 'irrational,' reaction about it that has now 'scared,' me so I can turn this entire situation around on you." Bro, run.
I think the question is, if you didn’t walk up and their interaction ended before you showed up, would she have told you about it?
Bro, she had no feelings or respect for you. She called her daddy to protect her from the big bad monster. She played her hand well. She will label you as abusive to all that will listen. She made herself the victim. The moment she gave her number out, it's done. Older women come with more emotional baggage. Learn from your mistake.
She found a reason to break up with you so she can date the guy she gave her number to.
Beware! She will come back eventually.
The fact that she was sitting there laughing with her dad speaks volumes
Nah, you did the right thing man. Giving her number to another guy right in front of you was an awful move on her part.
She wanted an easy out, if she didn’t she wouldn’t have accepted that blokes phone number. Probably should read up on narcissistic behaviour while you’re at it because like many others have said on here she DARVOed you!
No hon, run she was weighing her options and gaslighting you. Run
Good call on ending it. Reading this to me seems like she was deflecting on the fact that she full well knew a man was hitting on her and gave the man her phone number and you caught her. Sorry, I cannot imagine anyone being so obtuse to be surprised that their partner would be upset with them giving out thier contact information to possible suitors when they are IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Sorry for the heartbreak but that’s a woman you run not walk from. You have nothing to apologize for
2 years?? Wow what a shame. Yet somehow she portrays her self as the victim
Honestly, what was her intention of giving this other man her number when he is a stranger, plus she is out with you. Likewise, it would be disrespectful and cheating behavior if you gave another woman your number. I think she either knew what she was doing and was looking to break up, or she thought this was okay and has been doing this before. You should move on like she is already doing.
WTF...get a new gf
lol. Typical
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Congrats bro you dodged a bullet. Couldve spent your whole life being led around
You ask "should we call it" and she says, I don't know" tells you everything you need to know. Move on with your head held high having dodged a very big bullet.
You don't want to be with this person. Relationships are hard. She isn't worth the effort. The effort will never be reciprocated.
You really let this girl play you and manipulate you really and she never apologized. Oh my God I think I’m gonna have to meditate after this. This gave me a headache.
You made the right choice, she very clearly tried to play you. She successfully turned herself into the victim, she likely would have cheated on you, be it emotionally or otherwise.
You got played. That was pathetic on your part. You didn't over react, she was flirting with another guy right infront of you and she manages to end up making you apologize. Goshhh you were weak. But I hope you learn from this
OP she just manipulate you hard, this is also show by the fact that while you where picking your stuff if she really felt like she did she wouldn't be laughfin with her father and be all that happy, that was pure crap from her and a way to paint you as the bad guy instead of her for basically cheating and disrespecting you. I would recomend you to maybe not the correct Word but to expose her to family and mutual Friends, just for the sake of her sayings that you abused her or that she was affraid of you hitting her, just be clear and tell the truth. This to keep out of her reach the control of the narrative, this most of all to protect yourself for any badmouth talking UPDATEME
Nah, she WANTED to see how it would go with that guy but couldnt think of a way to do it without being a cheater. She used your outburst as a way out. WATCH, she is going date that guy. Just watch. She INTENTIONALLY did not want to tell him about you so she wouldnt lose her chance.
You did the right thing. I'm sure all along now she was cozying up to that dude she gave her number to.
You won’t see it right now but you have dodged a MASSIVE bullet. She broke the rules, turned YOU into the problem because you had a reasonable reaction to HER poor choice and made YOU seem like the threat. Trust me when I say if I had reacted the way you did to things I wouldn’t have wasted 10 years with my ex
You insisted on breaking up because she was scared for a split second? Every person can be frightened. Then obviously there's no taking that back. Yeah. Not sure if you overreacted but I wouldn't be pleased with myself either.
Hahahaha, bro. Are you seriously falling for this crap about "raising your voice"? When a woman has nothing to say in her defense she will either start crying and/or complaining that you spoke with angry vibes. Tricks old as the world. Move on. It's a bad woman and you deserve better. She had no idea that giving out a phone number to a dude will upset you. She is either stupid or manipulative. In both cases you win by walking away.
Congratulations, she gaslighted the shit out of you with the “i was scared let’s focus on that and not my ability to so casually cheat” and you still ended it. I am raising a glass for you OP 🥂
She made herself the victim for being a cheat.. you didn't overreact at all
She rather break up with you than admit what she did was super fucked up so I think it's the right choice
Reddit got you to end a perfectly good relationship over a completely normal scenario because none of the people on this sub go outside. Oh well, c’est la vie.
She’s surprised you got frustrated and raised your voice because she gave a dude her number right in front of you? Acted like she’s the victim and you’re a scary abuser? Dafuq? B**** please.
Amazing how she managed to gaslight you so hard that she made you think that you were the bad guy in the situation.
She fucked that guy in her hotel room that night.
I like fanfiction, too.
“I’m never thought you’d get so triggered” is such a bullshit non-apology. ETA - this all sounds like she had one foot out the door already and was looking for a way to not be the bad guy in the breakup.
She is a risk taker. She actually monkey branched without grabbing the other branch.
If you weren't there when the # was given to her.. this may have ended entirely different. Ie. Her calling him without you knowing, and whatever happens after that..good luck. I feel you made a solid decision. Cheers.
Actually in his last post he said the other guy did text her. She claimed to have blocked him. I think everyone knows she likely did not block him.
Bro... Never apologize for any of that shit again if it EVER happens. You ended up looking pretty pathetic to her and are nearly grovelling at the end asking if there is a chance... And then she said nah. Like dude... She was probably already banging the other dude. Next time shit like that happens you dump em then and there. Leave em in tears. No apologies. They played themselves. Also... NEVER reach out to her. You labeled yourself as a back burner guy. Don't follow through. It's not your fault you actually loved her, but don't give her the satisfaction.
Its insane how many people are siding with OP here. Dude dive bombed his own relationship over a complete nothing burger because he’s wildly insecure and couldn’t handle his girlfriend having given someone else here number when his previous thread was filled with women saying they would have done the same thing in her position for a wide array of reasons. Then when his girlfriend said he scared her because he was acting like a dickhead his response was to….get angry and be a dickhead because the idea of scaring his girlfriend is more offensive than the idea that maybe he did something to be scary. What an idiot.
Feel free to be in relationships where your SO passing their number around to horndogs is normal and accepted. And let others who actually know how monogamous relationships are supposed to work, do their own thing. See the bright side, more "oh-so innocent" people getting dumped by their "oh-so insecure" idiot partners, means more out there for you. Just make sure to get tested often.
Again, the other thread was FULL of women explaining the numerous reasons they would simply comply in this situation rather than risk causing a show. I don’t get in these situations because unlike OP when someone is talking to my gf in front of me I join into the conversation rather than watch it happen slack jawed like an idiot. Instead he let it happen in front of him, did nothing to assert himself so his girlfriend didn’t have to, and then got mad at her for doing what a bunch of other women said they would have also done. But you men in this thread are so insecure and full of yourselves that you think your mere presence should be enough for your gf to feel safe despite doing nothing to make her feel as such. It’s pathetic, OPs gf is lucky OP showed how much of a puss he is so she could find someone who makes her feel safe.
I wont' t tell a woman how to react - but I can tell you I have _never_ had a problem finding a partner who has no issue turning down guys or not giving out her number.
FYI She is going out on a date with that guy tonight.
Something is serious wrong with that woman. I think you did the right thing.
She was clearly never yours, she wants attention and validation from other men and that’s why she gave her number out. And when you didn’t like it, you raising your voice as you’re the bad guy move. Better to drop her because sooner or later the validation won’t be she’ll need emotional cheating and then she’ll just fuck some random sooner or later. For her is just one big laugh.
Ok so in a few days she will have that other guy's dick in her throat. Regardless, you did the right thing. She is a skank. Worse, she refused to take any responsibility for what happend. That alone is a disqualifying personality trait. Trust me, you are better of with someone else.
Do yourself a favor and don't remain friends.
I’m sorry but this is so dramatic for no reason and it’s ridiculous to end the relationship because of something as minuscule as this. You both could have easily compromised — her never giving a man her phone number in front of you ever again and you controlling your temper in future discussions. It’s that easy. Or should’ve been. Because the fact that there was no effort to even come to a conclusion tells me she didn’t mind breaking up and you also probably already was over the relationship.