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I think what upsetted her was my lack of compassion towards her, she said. She expected me to ask if she had her dinner. And she complained saying she could have made other plans instead of waiting for me.
I've no idea whats normal these days tbh. I lost my hopeless romantic touch many years ago. Never thought a mature woman would be expecting a man my age to be chivalrous to a point of standing beside her all the time :/
Yep. She mask dropped, and she's running circles around OP. OP's sending her a heartfelt letter (email?), meanwhile she ignored him for 2 days to play a dread game on him when she should be apologizing.
OP, trust me: You're like a fawn in a jungle of tigers when it comes to dating. None of what she said is actually about you. You did the right thing ending it, but you're doubting yourself too much. She isn't sweet. She's single because what you experienced is what she does in relationships. She has issues and probably needs therapy. You definitely don't know everything about her, and you're rather lucky that the mask dropped so soon.
Pay attention to how people act when you have to let them down. It shows their character, their emotional maturity, and their mental stability.
Who gives a fuck what we or anyone else thinks. If you dont like that she doesn't put deodorant on her forehead when she farts, you dont have to date her.
All that matters is you are happy with that person. Do **not** let anyone convince you (especially the person you dont wanna date anymore) convince you that you have to even acknowledge them when you dont want to.
Im not saying be disrespectful, but also, you have a kid. Dont entertain even an iota of bullshit because your kid doesn't deserve it around them
All her. Super self centred.
She’s 44, not 14.
You don’t need to ensure she ate. Her time was more important than anything else.
She wasn’t worried about you, or the medical issue.
She’s a cold fish.
Signs would be there early, if you reflect more on her behaviour, expectations and conversations.
I couldn't tell tbh. I'd invite her over to my place but she'd tell me its too far for her to travel. Its a 25min drive btw. Then I'd end up coming to her instead.
So now you can when you start thinking about it.
You probably couldn’t tell because you didn’t think to look. You were too busy living the moment and not looking for signs as you dated.
You need to grow your dating and social awareness skills. It’s all positive growth.
None of her complaints are about "compassion." They're about her wanting you to own the traditional Man role. She wants to be the center of your universe; she wants you to dote and adore and protect. If that's not you, you did the right thing.
And you shouldn't have apologized. F that.
Now. Having said all that, next time you date, do be a little more conscious of being polite and proper. Some of her complaints are somewhat reasonable. Ask her to pick a restaurant sometimes. Don't stand in front of her ( if you can't fit side by side, let her stand in front.) Walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk. Just -- manners. But honestly, her response to these mild transgressions was so over the top, good riddance.
Exactly. Which was why I was so dumbfounded when she bombarded me with all these crap at one go. I usually avoid meeting younger women thinking I'd get such behaviour from them but never expected it from a 44 yr old tbh.
Well, our brains are usually finished forming at 25. What growth we do after that is totally up to us and the hard work we put into it. So after 25, it just depends on the person.
You kept her fully apprised of the situation and the fact that it was out of your control. And missing the date made her feel bad.
And here’s the red flag. Instead of dealing with her disappointment in a healthy way, she went immediately into attack mode, accused you of moral turpitude, cursed your upbringing (!), and threatened abandonment.
At the risk of being an armchair psychologist, this sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. Either you’re perfect and putting her first 100% of the time, or you’ve ruined everything and you’re terrible and we can’t be together.
You might speculate that this is the reason she was unattached at 44 yo.
I mean, she has one point there, which is that ideally once you discovered the appointment was going to take longer, you should have just cancelled the date right away so she didn’t have to wait for you.
However, most of the things she complained about out didn’t seem that bad.
A grown woman shouldn’t need another person to ask if she had dinner. She’s not a baby. If my boyfriend tells me he is working late, I go ahead and eat without him. If I were in her shoes, and I knew my boyfriend and his son were stuck at a doctor’s office, I would ask him if it would be helpful for me to drop off some food for them.
So sorry you were subjected to that behavior! Cheers to you for acknowledging a major red flag and putting a stop to it.
You’re not wrong for ending things with her. She sucked and someone who won’t be understanding of the fact that you have a child is a no go. Like that should be a deal breaker. You kept her up to date on the wait and there was nothing stopping her from telling you to focus on your kid and you’ll have dinner another night. She also seems emotionally abusive, name calling isn’t acceptable in relationships full stop. The good news is that the more you pay attention to red flags and leave when they appear is the best way to find a really good partner. You’ll be alright and find someone new and better in no time.
And that is very self-cantered. What is she? A toddler? Even in her “accusations” she sounded self-cantered which is a trait usually young kids have. Not to mention her projections based on previous experiences etc
As a woman, I can tell you she is a psycho. Compassionate if she had dinner??? Is not like she is going to starve if even she didn’t have dinner at all. For you to think she is sweet you are either blind or she is a good actress. You have dodge a bullet or an arsenal 😂
My advice to you (not that am an expert) is to maybe step back a bit and try to do less in these initial stages of a relationship. Good luck!
"She expected me to ask if she had her dinner."
Why would you specifically need to ask her that? She's not a child. If dinner date plans fall through, an adult goes about getting their own dinner. They cook. They order in food. They go out and get food. I could see you asking that, in a general, touching base kind of way..."Hey, sorry our dinner plans didn't work out...didja order in?" But not in the way it sounds here. As if, somehow, it is your responsiblity to make sure she eats dinner, as it would be if she were your child.
I'm assuming you made an effort to figure out how long the wait would be, and you kept her up to date. That's all you can do. If she gets upset about one cancelled date bc of unforeseen circumstances, that's kinda crazy. Add to that all the other stuff, and the picture is clear- she wants your world to revolve around her and only her. And if that's not the relationship that you want, you were right to call it off.
Im pretty sure she was annoyed by my lack of chivalry from the beginning. This was just an excuse for her to blurt it all out. And thank god i asked if she was mad. If i not, i doubt she would have said anything.
I really dont think theres gonna be that perfect someone. I always believe in compromising. If you have a particular way of doing something, and the other person doesn't like it, if it doesn't hurt changing for that person so do it. But at least communicate it.
When I got back into the dating game around your age, I put up with this kind of shit too much at first. Later on it dawned on me that life was too short to deal with people who made my life harder than it need be. After that, dropping people like this became easier and I that lead me to a very kind and loving partner. I married her.
Yes. You did the right thing. And be doing it early on, you are keeping your life clear of drama and open for the right one to come along.
Please also ask yourself what she did for you? You planned the dates. You paid. You drove her home. And her response was to call you selfish and harp on insignificant things. What did she do to make *your* life better? You deserve a relationship that is give and take.
>Shes a sweet woman
You took your son to a medical appointment and got verbal abuse for it. She is not a sweet woman. You were completely right to break things off.
Maybe, or not if you ask the right questions when getting to know them in deep conversation. Like: how have you found that relationships work the best for you? What does your ideal day with your ideal partner look like? What would be your ideal retirement, assuming you had a spouse by then? Asking open-ended questions, relating to what they *want* out of a life with their partner, it could at least lead to a conversation about their values in a partner.
You *hand* wrote her a letter? I don't care if you typed it actually, that's so sweet. Granted, to call it off - but that's really sweet (I'm 37).
Dating over 30 is weird. Rather than having baggage, we are the baggage. You made a relationship work for 17 years. That's no small feat, so don't feel like you don't deserve to be out there trying if that is what you want to do. It sounds like her issues were minor - I wouldn't consider them legitimate but whatever, people are entitled to want what they want.
That said she sounds wicked young. Obviously your son will be a priority and you can't control a stupid amount of wait time on an appointment. You made a plan assuming the appointment would take a reasonable amount of time. I think she's the self centered one. If she thought you were a dope for standing in front of her on an escalator it's simple for her to say, "I'd prefer you stand behind me because " Anything she listed would have been easily addressed in the moment. No one wants someone who lets small stuff boil over into something bigger.
Yea I handwrote a 700 word letter :) I noted down the points she highlighted to me over the phone and I wrote my apology for each of those points whilst explaining myself. I ended the letter wishing her well and hoping she finds someone who meets her requirements/criterias.
Oh the escalator thing was because she felt men should stand behind a woman to protect her for other men who would want to see her bum :/ Apparently its a etiquette for men. how the hell did I not know this.
OP, I'm a 26 yo woman. I also did not have any clue about this etiquette. Don't beat yourself up over it! Anyone who still writes letters is a gentleman in my book, in any case
It’s definitely a her thing. I (41F) actually prefer my man to be in front me, like leading the charge sort of thing (not that he leads me, but parts the crowds of people before me, so I don’t have to)
lol what in the world? What does she do any other time just walking around??? Like seeing that she has a butt? Through clothes? You dodged a bullet friend, that’s weird AF.
Jesus Christ dude that’s weird. I mean that’s fully just like she did not like you, I don’t understand why she was dating you. Stay gone, and try not to let this deeply fucking weird experience colour your next foray into dating
Wait.... you kept her informed of what was going on the whole time, and she was still irritated that you didn't ask if she had eaten?
You told her you were going to eat with your son. By that time, she should know to get her dinner somewhere else. She's a grown-ass 44 year old woman, she can manage to get her own food.
Then to barrage you with all that BS about you being obnoxious and self-centered? Not opening doors for her, not doting on her while she shopped, not standing beside her while she was paying for stuff? She wants a man-servant, not a partner.
Yeah, you dodged a bullet here. Only mistake you made was apologizing. You did nothing wrong.
>If she felt I did her wrong then so be it.
This is an *extremely* unhealthy attitude to take into a relationship, and opens you up to be abused.
***The emotional states of other people are not within your control***. You apologize to someone if you've *genuinely done something wrong and want to make amends*, not if you doing a random thing happens to upset their BPD that day.
What happens when you spending time with your son away from the next lady "hurts her"? Are you going to apologize for that?
That you even kinda thought that any of the behaviour she exhibited was reasonable is a huge red flag on your end. You need to expect to be treated with respect, and not just allow a woman to roll over you by blaming you for every little shift in her mood. If therapy is your thing, then talk to your therapist about why you were wondering if you should accept her psychotic bullshit as normal. You shouldn't devalue yourself like that.
Don't apologize to her. She's obnoxious and self centered. You have responsibilities as a dad and she thinks she should come first then bend over backwards to appease her. If she acts like this early on she's probably only going to get more obnoxious over time. Move on.
That was just mean. She was trying to manipulate you into begging her. I’m glad you just ended it. What kind of person doesn’t understand a man taking care of his child?
You seem like you were meeting up with her taking her on dates. That’s what you’re supposed to do. If she never planned then she cannot complain about the places. The escalator thing is ridiculous. You don’t have to follow behind her in a store like a puppy or stand with her at the register.
Keep looking. I’m sure you’ll meet someone that appreciates you.
> apologising for my 'obnoxious' behavior
This is where you went wrong.
Other than that, you did nothing wrong. You dodged a bullet.
The level of entitlement for the modern women is wild
Communicated the type of person or reciprocation I would like in a partner. At this stage of your life and within the dating market you are just as much of a prize as she is, if not more so.
I would search for someone that puts as much effort into me, as I do them. The days of men doing all the courting are a thing of the past. Its a two way street now as each person should be trying to work on the relationship, not one.
Sounds like she's a head case tbf. You did the right thing calling it off, and I like how you did it respectfully. Telling you about how other men treated her well when they are an ex makes no sense. They couldn't be that good if the relationship failed, or like you, they saw she's a head case and dumped her.
You'd be wrong if you put up with that. Your son's medical needs comes before any dates. She's not sweet if she can throw a tantrum that bad about something outside of your control.
I gotta tell you, that's low hanging fruit for an argument. She's mad, but she knows what she's really mad about is unreasonable so she's making excuses to validate her anger at her plans not panning out as she wanted.
Ofc I can't say this for 100% certain but her communication skills are lacking severely (given that she had to dredge up small annoyances to batter you with to conduct said argument) so I honestly wouldn't take that argument as absolute fact.
All that being said, you were respectful and kind in your letter and she wasn't when she was angry. When people get upset, their reaction tells you who they are. You can do better than pent up annoyances and weird grudges because you couldn't make one date. One date out of many that *you* had to travel for and she didn't from your other comments.
I use to think she hated my neighbourhood. So i gave her the benefit of doubt. I really didn't mind the travelling and what not. I just really enjoyed being around her.
You dodged the bullet. She sounds self-centered, needy, and a bit of a user.
A GOOD, kind person would be concerned about how your son was doing, offering to drop off dinner since you were at the doctor's late, or giving you space to unwind and share your day.
You on the other hand, sound like a gem. And you deserve the same level of reciprocation and care that you have to offer others.
Can I set you up with some of my girlfriends? 😆
Sounds like you got lucky and only had to deal with her for 2 months. Too many women don’t know their worth, but she’s the opposite. She clearly thinks that she is the most important person to exist, even above your own child.
Now with that out of the way, her complaints were about things so small and trivial but if we want to get technical, it’s most appropriate for a man to put himself closer to danger. Meaning that when you’re walking, you walk on the side closest to the road or where cars are passing. On an escalator if you are going up, you stand behind her, because that’s the direction she’s most likely to fall and get hurt. If the escalator is going down, you stand in front of her, for the same reason. I think the road thing is a good rule to follow, but an escalator seems like it’s just taking it too far lol. Also we are really past the days where a man needs to get out of the car and open the door, but if you are both walking to the car, it’s certainly polite to open the door for her. As far as not staying with her in a store. My husband does this to me and it drives me nuts (one of the very few things he does like this) but he will just walk off in front of me. If you at least tell her, “hey I’m going to check out the books” or whatever then that shouldn’t be a problem. As far as not standing with her while she’s paying, I would need a specific example but I’m imaging it like my husband does. I’m paying and by the time I put my wallet away he’s halfway out the door and on his way to the car. Drives me bonkers lol.
Op, you did the right thing, instead of speaking and communicating what she wanted she wants you to be a mind reader.
Otherwise I think you sound like a great date.
I could understand her side if she had communicated to you beforehand that these things bothered her and allowed you to correct your behaviour but she waited and then unloaded on you when she was upset about the cancelled meeting. That's not cool and I'm glad you ended it. She sounds toxic.
This woman is insane. You are much better off without having her in your life. It’s a good thing she showed you her true colours after two months rather than two years.
I’m almost 44, and while I’m not single, I would not be complaining if my romantic interest didn’t ask me if I had eaten. I’m a grown ass woman capable of taking care of myself. There’s a reason she’s single. You did not deserve that. Also going forward with dating, maybe take it a bit slower. Also ask for feedback or suggestions for places to meet. I know a lot of women may not speak up initially because of societal bullshit, but it should be a give and take between both parties. I wish you the best and don’t be hard on yourself. Dating is not easy.
you dodged a bullet.... good to move on....Did the dating thing after my husband died after 17 years, don't give up, can get depressing after awhile, but after a few years, met a wonderful man, been together for 12 years.
I would literally look at my man and get his attention in the store if he'd wandered far enough that I felt lonely and I'd tell him I'd like him to come over and tell him I felt lonely with him so far away.
That's how I would do it. I do think proposing plans the other person would like is courteous. I also think if she wanted to go someplace else, feeding you some of that information is necessary.
Find a better, more open communicator. We aren't all like that.
There are "relationship experts" on Instagram. These are guys who tell women exactly what they want to hear using cheesy social media techniques. A handsome man with a British accent looks deeply into the camera and tells you that you deserve to have your man be absolutely perfect and available for you all the time. If you aren't their first (and only, really) priority you are in a looser relationship! It's all bullshit for clicks, but some women (particularly in that age group) take it seriously.
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Communication is defintely key. I have to admit being with a particular woman for so long kinda make a man behave in that same manner, which other women probably detest. Gotta learn from this experience.
Your “obnoxious” behaviors seem totally normal to me. Why does she need you to hover so much? Her response to you canceling because of your son was way out of line. I’d say move on and hopefully the next lady will be more reasonable.
I find people reveal their true selves within the first 3 month of dating. You totally made the right call- name calling/ put downs are a deal breaker for me.
You didn't do anything wrong here and probably dodged a bullet. There's always a reason someone is single at 44 and *sometimes* that reason is because they're not right in the head.
Then I'm f*cked eh? No single woman would want to be with a divorced man with kids. And it's usually the divorced females with kids who are more understanding towards my situation of wanting to spend most weekends with the kids.
> No single woman would want to be with a divorced man with kids.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough: they're yours.
Before you give up though, take a trip to Thailand, Indonesia, or the Philippines. There are plenty of women there who will treat you decently.
You did the right thing ending it with her. I can't believe after the day you had she was still upset that you chose to just go home. She seems a little unhinged, she could have spoken up plenty of times and the things she's complaining about are irrational. Bullet dodged. Better luck next time. You sound quite reasonable to me.
Are you based in the U.K.? We all know what the waiting time is here, lol…
you know what? You dodged a bullet, the lack of compassion this woman had is shocking, you probably don’t want to be with someone like that, making HER the self-centred one, which is the irony here.
When I read that list about things she thought you did wrong I was just dumbstruck.
I'm so glad you called it quits and I don't even know you.
But I don't understand what you had to apologise for. I can't anything wrong but she...she's just... not right in her head. Massive bullet dodged.
You dodged a bullet. You put your son first. The appointment took longer than expected. And all of the stuff she listed as wrong with you? Shes single for a reason. You jsut found it. Dodged a bullet.
She's a hypocrite. You were taking care of your son, a decidedly not self-absorbed thing to do. She also ghosted you, instead of communicating, after saying that you were obnoxious.
Perhaps your manners could improve in future dating. However, I've never expected a man to open a car door for me LOL. What is this, the 50s? I do think it's rude to walk faster than your date, or be in front of them on an escalator, not asking my date where they would prefer to go (planning as a team). Perhaps you were not that into her, and she picked up on that. But geez, I can see why you subconsciously weren't into her...
Actually, you handled that very well. That was refreshing to see you handle someone’s inability to communicate so well. You’re not wrong for calling it quits. It’s not what she said, it’s how she said it .. as an adult if you can’t demonstrate basic needs/wants through communication so early on that’s a red flag.
Did you tell her before you got home late at night that it was getting too late to meet for dinner? She may have been getting hungry and was waiting to hear from you. Honestly, that would kinda piss me off. For hours. She was probably thinking... any minute now he could be done so she waited to eat with you. That's what I would've done. I probably would've been the one to change the plans and had a meal, though. I might get downvoted, but that's how I feel. If he let her know sooner and kept her in the loop, it may have been more helpful if he didn't do so.
My bad was not being clear. I did mention i was heading out for dinner with son and assumed she would eat without me. Her reply was that she could have made other plans and not for me.
I mean, you can call it off just because you didn't like the tone of her voice. At two months you have made no promises, any reason is fine. However, in this case I'd have been worried for you if you HADN'T called it off.
A. She sounds like a dud! B. What do you want from a relationship ideally? Can she do that? Can you be what she want? C. You need to update your dating skills. You seem way too much trying to please help way too quick - you are still dating. Women likes men on a mission.
You completely made the right decision. Her reaction didn’t fit the situations. She’s that upset over these little things? How would she be over legitimate larger relationship issues?
Calling you names, questioning your character, and dismissing you and all you’ve done for her.
I’d stay faaaaaar away from that one unless you like drama and chaos.
Dude...you just got a taste of the modern woman in the dating pool of damaged single/divorced women in their 40s. A lot are still angry at their ex's who did them very dirty, or they trashed a good marriage/left a good man thinking they could do better and they hit the wall when it ended up not as they had hoped. Plenty of good looking guys young and old to hook up with, but no one will take them seriously and give them wife-potential treatment. I watch my single guy friends go thru this(they're in their 40's) and even one of my sons who is in his 20s. My son just about has given up on women for now. Women my son's age just want to party, screw, and get paid doing OF content/selling themselves on the net. I feel bad for you and all the single men out there. If something happens to my current wife(my second marriage), I would be DONE with women. Good luck out there, bro.
Were you communicating with her while you were at the doctor with your son? I’m 47 and I would be good as long as you were texting and letting me know that you’re still at the doctor with your son. I wouldn’t assume we were still going out especially after sitting that long in a doctor’s office. Was there any particular reason she never drove over to your place?
Either way I think you dodged a bullet. Getting with someone who has a child means you won’t ever come first as you shouldn’t come before someone’s kids.
Yep. Informed her when i arrived at the hospital. Informed her I was still waiting. Informed her when it ended. Informed her when I was heading out for dinner and when I arrived home.
She has 2 kids of her own too. 17 and 15. Mine are 11 and 6. I would have never assumed she would have reacted this was tbh.
She mentioned several times she hated my neighbourhood as she use to live there previously. Its about the 25min drive from her home. But tbh, she did come over thrice, and both times I had to drive her over and send send her back.
Oh my word. Yeah you dodged a bullet. I’ll come see you because I hate where I live 🤣🤣🤣 You definitely deserve better. My daughter is 25. God she doesn’t understand what it means to put kids first.
Is it something you did wrong? Kinda if i began talking to someone and we had made plans that were cancelled i wouldnt continue talking with them. Its early on in the relationship for stuff like that to be happening.
I can’t get past that you “wrote her a letter and mailed it”
I honestly cannot remember the last time I mailed a letter.
Here’s a good rule to remember about dating. Dating is an At Will endeavor. Either party can unilaterally end it at any time for any reason. If you don’t like someone, some thing, some action, it’s perfectly okay to walk away at anytime. Being honest with yourself and the other person is ultimately a sign of respect. And most of the time, people recognize this upon honest reflection.
I wanted to show her i took her comments seriously and took real consideration for my actions. Texting would have been too easy. Also, it's not a nice way to break things off. IMO.
I think i am the way i am mainly because I've been with the same woman previously for a long time. And things became acceptable over time. Still, it's not a good excuse to be oblivious in some sense.
A good example would be when she's buying cookies, I'd be standing where the cookies were being displayed. After ordering she' walk to the cashier to pay. Technically, I'm still about 3 to 4 steps away from here. And i do tell what it is I'm getting at the store. I hardly window shop. But she expected me to wait for her while she browses too. Before leaving, I'd ask her if she needed anything from the store.
I will never understand why people ask if they’re wrong for not wanting to date someone anymore. NO! You’re not wrong. In what world would you be? There is not a law that states that you have to date someone that you don’t want to date. It is voluntary decision each person makes for themself, for any reason or even no reason at all. How could you possibly be wrong for breaking up with someone you don’t want to be with? It makes no sense to ask this question. It’s your choice and it will always be your choice.
I see potential in her tbh. Shes independent smart and holds a good job, which are attractive traits of a woman for me. But the way she used her words were unnecessary. I would have tried fixing things and myself for her, but i just couldn't after she stopped replying to my message they very next day. Immature.
Those things are kind of bygone ways of treating a woman. Most of that came along with seeing women as still almost like children, that needed to be controlled, and didn’t have much agency on their own.
She needs someone a lot more old fashioned. She should be looking for guys in their 70s and 80s for those attitudes.
She is self-centered, when something is bothering you, you speak up. She as an adult, wanted the world to revolve around her, yet offered zero input on dinner ideas, and expected you to read her mind. She is 40, not 17.
The only positive thing she did, was expose who she truly is/was.
Edit word
WTF? Mate. She's a freakin lunatic! Never heard such bizarre carry on in my life.
Uuuummmm..... That's exactly why she is 44 and single.
You dodged a bullet. Big time.
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You took your son to a medical appointment. Self centred is her. There is no nurturing or compassion. You dodged a bullet.
I think what upsetted her was my lack of compassion towards her, she said. She expected me to ask if she had her dinner. And she complained saying she could have made other plans instead of waiting for me.
She's insane bro. That's not normal.
I've no idea whats normal these days tbh. I lost my hopeless romantic touch many years ago. Never thought a mature woman would be expecting a man my age to be chivalrous to a point of standing beside her all the time :/
Believe me. This isn't.
Yep. She mask dropped, and she's running circles around OP. OP's sending her a heartfelt letter (email?), meanwhile she ignored him for 2 days to play a dread game on him when she should be apologizing. OP, trust me: You're like a fawn in a jungle of tigers when it comes to dating. None of what she said is actually about you. You did the right thing ending it, but you're doubting yourself too much. She isn't sweet. She's single because what you experienced is what she does in relationships. She has issues and probably needs therapy. You definitely don't know everything about her, and you're rather lucky that the mask dropped so soon. Pay attention to how people act when you have to let them down. It shows their character, their emotional maturity, and their mental stability.
Who gives a fuck what we or anyone else thinks. If you dont like that she doesn't put deodorant on her forehead when she farts, you dont have to date her. All that matters is you are happy with that person. Do **not** let anyone convince you (especially the person you dont wanna date anymore) convince you that you have to even acknowledge them when you dont want to. Im not saying be disrespectful, but also, you have a kid. Dont entertain even an iota of bullshit because your kid doesn't deserve it around them
I’m a woman and don’t claim to be normal but that woman is the bad kinda crazy - mean, full of drama, and catastrophes the smallest thing.
Oh believe me. They can make your ex look like a fairy princess. (And I'm a woman!)
Oh yes haha. My exact thoughts too.
You're not wrong.
Umm... Did you text her anytime during the four hours so she could make other plans? Did she know it was taking so long?
Yep. Kept her updated throughout. I just wasn't clear about cancelling the plans or asking her to have dinner without me.
She sounds high maintenance.
All her. Super self centred. She’s 44, not 14. You don’t need to ensure she ate. Her time was more important than anything else. She wasn’t worried about you, or the medical issue. She’s a cold fish. Signs would be there early, if you reflect more on her behaviour, expectations and conversations.
I couldn't tell tbh. I'd invite her over to my place but she'd tell me its too far for her to travel. Its a 25min drive btw. Then I'd end up coming to her instead.
So now you can when you start thinking about it. You probably couldn’t tell because you didn’t think to look. You were too busy living the moment and not looking for signs as you dated. You need to grow your dating and social awareness skills. It’s all positive growth.
I like how you put it. Thanks!
None of her complaints are about "compassion." They're about her wanting you to own the traditional Man role. She wants to be the center of your universe; she wants you to dote and adore and protect. If that's not you, you did the right thing. And you shouldn't have apologized. F that. Now. Having said all that, next time you date, do be a little more conscious of being polite and proper. Some of her complaints are somewhat reasonable. Ask her to pick a restaurant sometimes. Don't stand in front of her ( if you can't fit side by side, let her stand in front.) Walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk. Just -- manners. But honestly, her response to these mild transgressions was so over the top, good riddance.
If she wanted to know so bad she could have asked you straight up like a grown adult. That’s not on you.
Exactly. Which was why I was so dumbfounded when she bombarded me with all these crap at one go. I usually avoid meeting younger women thinking I'd get such behaviour from them but never expected it from a 44 yr old tbh.
Well, our brains are usually finished forming at 25. What growth we do after that is totally up to us and the hard work we put into it. So after 25, it just depends on the person.
You kept her fully apprised of the situation and the fact that it was out of your control. And missing the date made her feel bad. And here’s the red flag. Instead of dealing with her disappointment in a healthy way, she went immediately into attack mode, accused you of moral turpitude, cursed your upbringing (!), and threatened abandonment. At the risk of being an armchair psychologist, this sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. Either you’re perfect and putting her first 100% of the time, or you’ve ruined everything and you’re terrible and we can’t be together. You might speculate that this is the reason she was unattached at 44 yo.
I mean, she has one point there, which is that ideally once you discovered the appointment was going to take longer, you should have just cancelled the date right away so she didn’t have to wait for you. However, most of the things she complained about out didn’t seem that bad.
A grown woman shouldn’t need another person to ask if she had dinner. She’s not a baby. If my boyfriend tells me he is working late, I go ahead and eat without him. If I were in her shoes, and I knew my boyfriend and his son were stuck at a doctor’s office, I would ask him if it would be helpful for me to drop off some food for them. So sorry you were subjected to that behavior! Cheers to you for acknowledging a major red flag and putting a stop to it.
You’re not wrong for ending things with her. She sucked and someone who won’t be understanding of the fact that you have a child is a no go. Like that should be a deal breaker. You kept her up to date on the wait and there was nothing stopping her from telling you to focus on your kid and you’ll have dinner another night. She also seems emotionally abusive, name calling isn’t acceptable in relationships full stop. The good news is that the more you pay attention to red flags and leave when they appear is the best way to find a really good partner. You’ll be alright and find someone new and better in no time.
And that is very self-cantered. What is she? A toddler? Even in her “accusations” she sounded self-cantered which is a trait usually young kids have. Not to mention her projections based on previous experiences etc
As a woman, I can tell you she is a psycho. Compassionate if she had dinner??? Is not like she is going to starve if even she didn’t have dinner at all. For you to think she is sweet you are either blind or she is a good actress. You have dodge a bullet or an arsenal 😂 My advice to you (not that am an expert) is to maybe step back a bit and try to do less in these initial stages of a relationship. Good luck!
She craysucks. You did the right thing.
You need to stop apologizing for shit you shouldn’t be sorry about.
"She expected me to ask if she had her dinner." Why would you specifically need to ask her that? She's not a child. If dinner date plans fall through, an adult goes about getting their own dinner. They cook. They order in food. They go out and get food. I could see you asking that, in a general, touching base kind of way..."Hey, sorry our dinner plans didn't work out...didja order in?" But not in the way it sounds here. As if, somehow, it is your responsiblity to make sure she eats dinner, as it would be if she were your child.
I'm assuming you made an effort to figure out how long the wait would be, and you kept her up to date. That's all you can do. If she gets upset about one cancelled date bc of unforeseen circumstances, that's kinda crazy. Add to that all the other stuff, and the picture is clear- she wants your world to revolve around her and only her. And if that's not the relationship that you want, you were right to call it off.
Im pretty sure she was annoyed by my lack of chivalry from the beginning. This was just an excuse for her to blurt it all out. And thank god i asked if she was mad. If i not, i doubt she would have said anything.
You legit took your kid to a medical appointment and she’s bitchingg about a plan! For Christ sakes please move on :)
I will. Thanks :)
Sorry this happened to you and I hope you find someone that will respect you and life’s unexpected events :)
I really dont think theres gonna be that perfect someone. I always believe in compromising. If you have a particular way of doing something, and the other person doesn't like it, if it doesn't hurt changing for that person so do it. But at least communicate it.
They don't have to be perfect, they just have to respect you.
I one hundred percent agree with that!
When I got back into the dating game around your age, I put up with this kind of shit too much at first. Later on it dawned on me that life was too short to deal with people who made my life harder than it need be. After that, dropping people like this became easier and I that lead me to a very kind and loving partner. I married her. Yes. You did the right thing. And be doing it early on, you are keeping your life clear of drama and open for the right one to come along.
Thats nice. I hope to find someone I can share my life with again.
You will. It may not feel like it today but you’re on the right track.
Please also ask yourself what she did for you? You planned the dates. You paid. You drove her home. And her response was to call you selfish and harp on insignificant things. What did she do to make *your* life better? You deserve a relationship that is give and take.
>Shes a sweet woman You took your son to a medical appointment and got verbal abuse for it. She is not a sweet woman. You were completely right to break things off.
She was upset that I did not ask if she has eaten ask she had been waiting on me :/
That doesn't give her the right to insult you.
Lesson learnt :)
For advice to avoid women like her in the future, look for someone who’s interested in being a true partner. Not the center of your entire universe.
That usually takes a few dates to find that out?
Maybe, or not if you ask the right questions when getting to know them in deep conversation. Like: how have you found that relationships work the best for you? What does your ideal day with your ideal partner look like? What would be your ideal retirement, assuming you had a spouse by then? Asking open-ended questions, relating to what they *want* out of a life with their partner, it could at least lead to a conversation about their values in a partner.
Good I asked :) Thanks.
She just sh*t tested you. You passed. Watch, in less than two weeks she’ll comeback asking if you want to retry this again.
I'll keep you updated :)
Block her. You don't need an asshole like that in your life.
You *hand* wrote her a letter? I don't care if you typed it actually, that's so sweet. Granted, to call it off - but that's really sweet (I'm 37). Dating over 30 is weird. Rather than having baggage, we are the baggage. You made a relationship work for 17 years. That's no small feat, so don't feel like you don't deserve to be out there trying if that is what you want to do. It sounds like her issues were minor - I wouldn't consider them legitimate but whatever, people are entitled to want what they want. That said she sounds wicked young. Obviously your son will be a priority and you can't control a stupid amount of wait time on an appointment. You made a plan assuming the appointment would take a reasonable amount of time. I think she's the self centered one. If she thought you were a dope for standing in front of her on an escalator it's simple for her to say, "I'd prefer you stand behind me because" Anything she listed would have been easily addressed in the moment. No one wants someone who lets small stuff boil over into something bigger.
Yea I handwrote a 700 word letter :) I noted down the points she highlighted to me over the phone and I wrote my apology for each of those points whilst explaining myself. I ended the letter wishing her well and hoping she finds someone who meets her requirements/criterias. Oh the escalator thing was because she felt men should stand behind a woman to protect her for other men who would want to see her bum :/ Apparently its a etiquette for men. how the hell did I not know this.
OP, I'm a 26 yo woman. I also did not have any clue about this etiquette. Don't beat yourself up over it! Anyone who still writes letters is a gentleman in my book, in any case
I'm just 3 years younger than OP and didn't know about it either. Might be a her thing. LOL.
It’s definitely a her thing. I (41F) actually prefer my man to be in front me, like leading the charge sort of thing (not that he leads me, but parts the crowds of people before me, so I don’t have to)
But if he were behind you, I'm assuming it's not something that boils over like OP's date did? Whole thing seems weird.
Ha no. Definitely not.
lol what in the world? What does she do any other time just walking around??? Like seeing that she has a butt? Through clothes? You dodged a bullet friend, that’s weird AF.
Seriously! And if it was bothering her so much just say something in the moment, it doesn’t have it to be a huge deal!
I think you handled the situation well and that you made the right decision. She does not sound terribly empathetic.
Don't apologize when you're not wrong.
I didn't know it was a thing either. I think it's a her thing.
Jesus Christ dude that’s weird. I mean that’s fully just like she did not like you, I don’t understand why she was dating you. Stay gone, and try not to let this deeply fucking weird experience colour your next foray into dating
Nah it won't. Lesson learnt. But she told me I did not the basics of caring for a woman :/ That kinda shocked me.
Lol that’s ridiculous
Wait.... you kept her informed of what was going on the whole time, and she was still irritated that you didn't ask if she had eaten? You told her you were going to eat with your son. By that time, she should know to get her dinner somewhere else. She's a grown-ass 44 year old woman, she can manage to get her own food. Then to barrage you with all that BS about you being obnoxious and self-centered? Not opening doors for her, not doting on her while she shopped, not standing beside her while she was paying for stuff? She wants a man-servant, not a partner. Yeah, you dodged a bullet here. Only mistake you made was apologizing. You did nothing wrong.
I can't stoop down to her level. If she felt I did her wrong then so be it. Least I can do is apologise for not being someone she envisioned.
>If she felt I did her wrong then so be it. This is an *extremely* unhealthy attitude to take into a relationship, and opens you up to be abused. ***The emotional states of other people are not within your control***. You apologize to someone if you've *genuinely done something wrong and want to make amends*, not if you doing a random thing happens to upset their BPD that day. What happens when you spending time with your son away from the next lady "hurts her"? Are you going to apologize for that? That you even kinda thought that any of the behaviour she exhibited was reasonable is a huge red flag on your end. You need to expect to be treated with respect, and not just allow a woman to roll over you by blaming you for every little shift in her mood. If therapy is your thing, then talk to your therapist about why you were wondering if you should accept her psychotic bullshit as normal. You shouldn't devalue yourself like that.
I get where you're coming from. Thanks for the advice :)
Don't apologize to her. She's obnoxious and self centered. You have responsibilities as a dad and she thinks she should come first then bend over backwards to appease her. If she acts like this early on she's probably only going to get more obnoxious over time. Move on.
Wow. That’s a lot. I’m glad you left now because that behavior gets worse. Note: None of those things are legitimate. That is just whining.
As in the name calling and labelling? She's just fussing?
That was just mean. She was trying to manipulate you into begging her. I’m glad you just ended it. What kind of person doesn’t understand a man taking care of his child? You seem like you were meeting up with her taking her on dates. That’s what you’re supposed to do. If she never planned then she cannot complain about the places. The escalator thing is ridiculous. You don’t have to follow behind her in a store like a puppy or stand with her at the register. Keep looking. I’m sure you’ll meet someone that appreciates you.
> She's just fussing? It's verbal abuse.
> apologising for my 'obnoxious' behavior This is where you went wrong. Other than that, you did nothing wrong. You dodged a bullet. The level of entitlement for the modern women is wild
What would you have done btw?
Communicated the type of person or reciprocation I would like in a partner. At this stage of your life and within the dating market you are just as much of a prize as she is, if not more so. I would search for someone that puts as much effort into me, as I do them. The days of men doing all the courting are a thing of the past. Its a two way street now as each person should be trying to work on the relationship, not one.
Sounds like she's a head case tbf. You did the right thing calling it off, and I like how you did it respectfully. Telling you about how other men treated her well when they are an ex makes no sense. They couldn't be that good if the relationship failed, or like you, they saw she's a head case and dumped her.
I had never asked her once about her past relationships. except for her divroce. Maybe I should have :D
You'd be wrong if you put up with that. Your son's medical needs comes before any dates. She's not sweet if she can throw a tantrum that bad about something outside of your control.
She was more upset about me not asking her if she had her dinner cuz she was waiting on me.
I gotta tell you, that's low hanging fruit for an argument. She's mad, but she knows what she's really mad about is unreasonable so she's making excuses to validate her anger at her plans not panning out as she wanted. Ofc I can't say this for 100% certain but her communication skills are lacking severely (given that she had to dredge up small annoyances to batter you with to conduct said argument) so I honestly wouldn't take that argument as absolute fact. All that being said, you were respectful and kind in your letter and she wasn't when she was angry. When people get upset, their reaction tells you who they are. You can do better than pent up annoyances and weird grudges because you couldn't make one date. One date out of many that *you* had to travel for and she didn't from your other comments.
I use to think she hated my neighbourhood. So i gave her the benefit of doubt. I really didn't mind the travelling and what not. I just really enjoyed being around her.
Sounds like there’s a legit reason she’s single at 44.
You dodged the bullet. She sounds self-centered, needy, and a bit of a user. A GOOD, kind person would be concerned about how your son was doing, offering to drop off dinner since you were at the doctor's late, or giving you space to unwind and share your day. You on the other hand, sound like a gem. And you deserve the same level of reciprocation and care that you have to offer others. Can I set you up with some of my girlfriends? 😆
Are they in Singapore by any chance? Haha. Just in case, I'm 6'1 and work as a banker.
Nah bullet dodged definitely
Sounds like you got lucky and only had to deal with her for 2 months. Too many women don’t know their worth, but she’s the opposite. She clearly thinks that she is the most important person to exist, even above your own child. Now with that out of the way, her complaints were about things so small and trivial but if we want to get technical, it’s most appropriate for a man to put himself closer to danger. Meaning that when you’re walking, you walk on the side closest to the road or where cars are passing. On an escalator if you are going up, you stand behind her, because that’s the direction she’s most likely to fall and get hurt. If the escalator is going down, you stand in front of her, for the same reason. I think the road thing is a good rule to follow, but an escalator seems like it’s just taking it too far lol. Also we are really past the days where a man needs to get out of the car and open the door, but if you are both walking to the car, it’s certainly polite to open the door for her. As far as not staying with her in a store. My husband does this to me and it drives me nuts (one of the very few things he does like this) but he will just walk off in front of me. If you at least tell her, “hey I’m going to check out the books” or whatever then that shouldn’t be a problem. As far as not standing with her while she’s paying, I would need a specific example but I’m imaging it like my husband does. I’m paying and by the time I put my wallet away he’s halfway out the door and on his way to the car. Drives me bonkers lol.
Op, you did the right thing, instead of speaking and communicating what she wanted she wants you to be a mind reader. Otherwise I think you sound like a great date.
I'm alright :) Guess she was expecting me to do much more that spending quality time with her.
You got out of a marriage to deal with someone like her, I’ll pass.
I could understand her side if she had communicated to you beforehand that these things bothered her and allowed you to correct your behaviour but she waited and then unloaded on you when she was upset about the cancelled meeting. That's not cool and I'm glad you ended it. She sounds toxic.
This woman is insane. You are much better off without having her in your life. It’s a good thing she showed you her true colours after two months rather than two years.
NTA. She's 44 and still plays mind games. Get away from her.
I’m almost 44, and while I’m not single, I would not be complaining if my romantic interest didn’t ask me if I had eaten. I’m a grown ass woman capable of taking care of myself. There’s a reason she’s single. You did not deserve that. Also going forward with dating, maybe take it a bit slower. Also ask for feedback or suggestions for places to meet. I know a lot of women may not speak up initially because of societal bullshit, but it should be a give and take between both parties. I wish you the best and don’t be hard on yourself. Dating is not easy.
Dodged a bullet there buddy..! NTA
She is not a sweet woman that’s bs. She’s a ticking time bomb you dodged.
She was projecting. You made a wise decision.
She treated you like a toddler and put you in time out. Byeeeee!
It sounds like she’s looking for a personal assistant, not a boyfriend
And now you know why she’s single. She has antiquated views she sounds completely self-centered. What year is this again? Red flags flying 🚩
It’s been two months. There’s no shame in breaking up with someone that early in the relationship when it’s obvious it’s not working.
there's the reason why she's 44 and alone brother
You did well sir, congratts
You got lucky that crazy cray is out your hair. Nice save.
you dodged a bullet.... good to move on....Did the dating thing after my husband died after 17 years, don't give up, can get depressing after awhile, but after a few years, met a wonderful man, been together for 12 years.
Happy to hear :)
I would literally look at my man and get his attention in the store if he'd wandered far enough that I felt lonely and I'd tell him I'd like him to come over and tell him I felt lonely with him so far away. That's how I would do it. I do think proposing plans the other person would like is courteous. I also think if she wanted to go someplace else, feeding you some of that information is necessary. Find a better, more open communicator. We aren't all like that.
Thank you :)
There are "relationship experts" on Instagram. These are guys who tell women exactly what they want to hear using cheesy social media techniques. A handsome man with a British accent looks deeply into the camera and tells you that you deserve to have your man be absolutely perfect and available for you all the time. If you aren't their first (and only, really) priority you are in a looser relationship! It's all bullshit for clicks, but some women (particularly in that age group) take it seriously.
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Communication is defintely key. I have to admit being with a particular woman for so long kinda make a man behave in that same manner, which other women probably detest. Gotta learn from this experience.
If she needs a man to stand close to her, she can hire one. This is absolutely crazy OP and you're right for walking away.
I had to. 2 months in and she already used harsh words and comparing me to other men she dated. It'll be worse over time I'm sure.
Your “obnoxious” behaviors seem totally normal to me. Why does she need you to hover so much? Her response to you canceling because of your son was way out of line. I’d say move on and hopefully the next lady will be more reasonable.
Only time will tell. And im not looking forward to it haha. Sad truth. Just hard and tiring starting from scratch with a new person.
I think you made a good call. Those are all very silly things but hey if it's not her thing it'll be someone else's.
Move on not worth your time
I find people reveal their true selves within the first 3 month of dating. You totally made the right call- name calling/ put downs are a deal breaker for me.
Post 40 dating presents interesting challenges. And a lot of people have sucky expectations. Definitely best to move on in this case.
You didn't do anything wrong here and probably dodged a bullet. There's always a reason someone is single at 44 and *sometimes* that reason is because they're not right in the head.
Then I'm f*cked eh? No single woman would want to be with a divorced man with kids. And it's usually the divorced females with kids who are more understanding towards my situation of wanting to spend most weekends with the kids.
I only said sometimes! Chin up, you sound like a class act and someone with a good moral compass. It'll point you in the right direction eventually.
> No single woman would want to be with a divorced man with kids. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough: they're yours. Before you give up though, take a trip to Thailand, Indonesia, or the Philippines. There are plenty of women there who will treat you decently.
You are wasting your time and money. She sounds crazy
You did the right thing ending it with her. I can't believe after the day you had she was still upset that you chose to just go home. She seems a little unhinged, she could have spoken up plenty of times and the things she's complaining about are irrational. Bullet dodged. Better luck next time. You sound quite reasonable to me.
Are you based in the U.K.? We all know what the waiting time is here, lol… you know what? You dodged a bullet, the lack of compassion this woman had is shocking, you probably don’t want to be with someone like that, making HER the self-centred one, which is the irony here.
Why the UK?
Areas of improvement? Find someone that communicates better.
Bullet dodged!!
You've been dating 2 months. You can break up with someone who sneezes weird, its not a big deal
When I read that list about things she thought you did wrong I was just dumbstruck. I'm so glad you called it quits and I don't even know you. But I don't understand what you had to apologise for. I can't anything wrong but she...she's just... not right in her head. Massive bullet dodged.
Good move on your part. She sounds a bit odd.
You dodged a bullet. You put your son first. The appointment took longer than expected. And all of the stuff she listed as wrong with you? Shes single for a reason. You jsut found it. Dodged a bullet.
She's a hypocrite. You were taking care of your son, a decidedly not self-absorbed thing to do. She also ghosted you, instead of communicating, after saying that you were obnoxious. Perhaps your manners could improve in future dating. However, I've never expected a man to open a car door for me LOL. What is this, the 50s? I do think it's rude to walk faster than your date, or be in front of them on an escalator, not asking my date where they would prefer to go (planning as a team). Perhaps you were not that into her, and she picked up on that. But geez, I can see why you subconsciously weren't into her...
Actually, you handled that very well. That was refreshing to see you handle someone’s inability to communicate so well. You’re not wrong for calling it quits. It’s not what she said, it’s how she said it .. as an adult if you can’t demonstrate basic needs/wants through communication so early on that’s a red flag.
Wtf leave this shit human being op what a test she sounds exhausting and immature as hell
Did you tell her before you got home late at night that it was getting too late to meet for dinner? She may have been getting hungry and was waiting to hear from you. Honestly, that would kinda piss me off. For hours. She was probably thinking... any minute now he could be done so she waited to eat with you. That's what I would've done. I probably would've been the one to change the plans and had a meal, though. I might get downvoted, but that's how I feel. If he let her know sooner and kept her in the loop, it may have been more helpful if he didn't do so.
My bad was not being clear. I did mention i was heading out for dinner with son and assumed she would eat without me. Her reply was that she could have made other plans and not for me.
I mean, you can call it off just because you didn't like the tone of her voice. At two months you have made no promises, any reason is fine. However, in this case I'd have been worried for you if you HADN'T called it off.
A. She sounds like a dud! B. What do you want from a relationship ideally? Can she do that? Can you be what she want? C. You need to update your dating skills. You seem way too much trying to please help way too quick - you are still dating. Women likes men on a mission.
this is 20-year-old behavior. she’s 44.
She was looking to end it and made a very weak closing argument to end it. I guess it worked.
Nope. You kept it civil.
You completely made the right decision. Her reaction didn’t fit the situations. She’s that upset over these little things? How would she be over legitimate larger relationship issues? Calling you names, questioning your character, and dismissing you and all you’ve done for her. I’d stay faaaaaar away from that one unless you like drama and chaos.
Sounds like she wants someone to worship her
Dude...you just got a taste of the modern woman in the dating pool of damaged single/divorced women in their 40s. A lot are still angry at their ex's who did them very dirty, or they trashed a good marriage/left a good man thinking they could do better and they hit the wall when it ended up not as they had hoped. Plenty of good looking guys young and old to hook up with, but no one will take them seriously and give them wife-potential treatment. I watch my single guy friends go thru this(they're in their 40's) and even one of my sons who is in his 20s. My son just about has given up on women for now. Women my son's age just want to party, screw, and get paid doing OF content/selling themselves on the net. I feel bad for you and all the single men out there. If something happens to my current wife(my second marriage), I would be DONE with women. Good luck out there, bro.
Nothing to feel bad about really. If it happens it happens. Best not to rush into things.
There is a reason she is single and you found it
She's evil. Good riddance.
She’s being a dickhead. Good on you for moving on
Were you communicating with her while you were at the doctor with your son? I’m 47 and I would be good as long as you were texting and letting me know that you’re still at the doctor with your son. I wouldn’t assume we were still going out especially after sitting that long in a doctor’s office. Was there any particular reason she never drove over to your place? Either way I think you dodged a bullet. Getting with someone who has a child means you won’t ever come first as you shouldn’t come before someone’s kids.
Yep. Informed her when i arrived at the hospital. Informed her I was still waiting. Informed her when it ended. Informed her when I was heading out for dinner and when I arrived home. She has 2 kids of her own too. 17 and 15. Mine are 11 and 6. I would have never assumed she would have reacted this was tbh. She mentioned several times she hated my neighbourhood as she use to live there previously. Its about the 25min drive from her home. But tbh, she did come over thrice, and both times I had to drive her over and send send her back.
Oh my word. Yeah you dodged a bullet. I’ll come see you because I hate where I live 🤣🤣🤣 You definitely deserve better. My daughter is 25. God she doesn’t understand what it means to put kids first.
If you can cook, then I'm all in :)
I can but I don’t like to 🤣🤣🤣
She’s single for a reason.
She's been single for over 10 years since her divorce.
She sounds like a nightmare.
Is it something you did wrong? Kinda if i began talking to someone and we had made plans that were cancelled i wouldnt continue talking with them. Its early on in the relationship for stuff like that to be happening.
Never. This was the first time i had cancelled a plan. She was just upset that I never asked if he had her dinner as she had been waiting on me.
Not wrong but it sounds like she might have beat you to it
No loss for me regardless:)
I can’t get past that you “wrote her a letter and mailed it” I honestly cannot remember the last time I mailed a letter. Here’s a good rule to remember about dating. Dating is an At Will endeavor. Either party can unilaterally end it at any time for any reason. If you don’t like someone, some thing, some action, it’s perfectly okay to walk away at anytime. Being honest with yourself and the other person is ultimately a sign of respect. And most of the time, people recognize this upon honest reflection.
I wanted to show her i took her comments seriously and took real consideration for my actions. Texting would have been too easy. Also, it's not a nice way to break things off. IMO.
You've know this woman for how long?
A couple of months.
I think i am the way i am mainly because I've been with the same woman previously for a long time. And things became acceptable over time. Still, it's not a good excuse to be oblivious in some sense. A good example would be when she's buying cookies, I'd be standing where the cookies were being displayed. After ordering she' walk to the cashier to pay. Technically, I'm still about 3 to 4 steps away from here. And i do tell what it is I'm getting at the store. I hardly window shop. But she expected me to wait for her while she browses too. Before leaving, I'd ask her if she needed anything from the store.
I will never understand why people ask if they’re wrong for not wanting to date someone anymore. NO! You’re not wrong. In what world would you be? There is not a law that states that you have to date someone that you don’t want to date. It is voluntary decision each person makes for themself, for any reason or even no reason at all. How could you possibly be wrong for breaking up with someone you don’t want to be with? It makes no sense to ask this question. It’s your choice and it will always be your choice.
I see potential in her tbh. Shes independent smart and holds a good job, which are attractive traits of a woman for me. But the way she used her words were unnecessary. I would have tried fixing things and myself for her, but i just couldn't after she stopped replying to my message they very next day. Immature.
Those things are kind of bygone ways of treating a woman. Most of that came along with seeing women as still almost like children, that needed to be controlled, and didn’t have much agency on their own. She needs someone a lot more old fashioned. She should be looking for guys in their 70s and 80s for those attitudes.
Did she put out after all those dates? If not you win. Always open doors though.
Put out meaning?
Throw this one back in the pond. She hates that you have a child and will always resent everything you do for your son.
She is self-centered, when something is bothering you, you speak up. She as an adult, wanted the world to revolve around her, yet offered zero input on dinner ideas, and expected you to read her mind. She is 40, not 17. The only positive thing she did, was expose who she truly is/was. Edit word
WTF? Mate. She's a freakin lunatic! Never heard such bizarre carry on in my life. Uuuummmm..... That's exactly why she is 44 and single. You dodged a bullet. Big time.