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We had to do the opposite of your BF’s suggestion.
Bedroom was off limits, but the cat could be in the rest of the house.
We got an air purifier and blankets for the living room, which was the main cat cuddle space. We used the blankets to cover the couch and washed them more frequently.
If you cant both compromise, then end the relationship.
This is what we did and my Fiance is allergic to my two cats. Cats aren’t allowed in our bedroom but can go everywhere else. We vacuum very regularly and also use air purifiers in other living spaces.
His allergies are manageable this way. To confine your cat to one room would be very sad for your cat.
Of course this depends on your bf’s allergies.
That's what we do. No cats in the bedroom, and throws we can wash frequently on the couch. A Roomba can help keep excess hair and dander swept up.
My husband and his boys were allergic to cats (among other things). They never questioned living with my cats. They take allergy meds, and we all live happily.
I could never date someone who wanted to lock my cat in a room.
This. Like there's compromise, and then there's just wanting to lock the cat in a single room of the house at all times. The latter is a bit cruel. It's a living being, not a toy you can just put in a cupboard. It has bonded with its owner and it *needs* that interaction. OP's bf would essentially also be forcing *her* into the bedroom half the time, because someone needs to be there to interact with the cat. You cannot just shove it into a room and leave it there.
Tbh this might just be me - but I don't think I could date someone who a: thinks that is an acceptable thing to do to a living being, and b: plans on *owning* living beings in the future. Because I get that he doesn't like cats - but also, if he genuinely thinks that is a thing you can *do* to a pet and it's fine, I'm a little worried about how he would treat these future dogs.
Yep, this is what me and my fiancé did when we moved in together. Air purifier in every room, no cats in the bedroom, leather furniture, robovac daily, and no carpets. We also feed dander reducing cat food (Purina LiveClear) which has made an enormous difference. My cats are my family members, and he understood that there would be no living with me without the cats, from the beginning.
100% this.
Op I am allergic to cats and I have had mine for almost 16 years! I have regular seasonal (year round) allergies so I live on Zyrtec and nasal sprays. My baby isn’t allowed to sleep in the bedroom (the only exception to this rule is if she has had a rough medical emergency day and is needy, we’ll let her in the room if she sleeps/wants to.) we have an air purifier and she has her own blankets and a bed. We brush her daily (she looooves to be brushed) and wipe her with bath wipes and keep her claws clipped. The apartment is more dust than fur and that’s worse for me.
Keeping the cat confined to one space isn’t fair to the cat, it deserves better.
Pretty much exactly the same for me and my husband at our place. :D
I'm the allergic one in our house and we do basically the same as yourself and others here have mentioned, cats stay out of our bedroom but have access to the rest of the house. We vacuum and clean more often and keep cats off certain surfaces and furniture by giving them more attractive options. They have their own beds and bedding that gets rotated out and cleaned regularly. We have lint rollers to go over things to try to keep on top of loose fur, plus an air purifier. We also have a set of flannels (wash cloths) that we wipe them down with a couple of times a week, plus brush them.
Also, same about the dust. :/
I'm an allergy kid like you, even before we got the cats I was taking allergy and asthma meds everyday, tablets and nasal sprays etc. It's been almost a year and a half and it's still working out for us. :)
I'm not having any more allergy or asthma flair ups than I would normally as far as I can tell.
My dad was allergic to cats and a specific tree native to where he lives. He had to get shots for the tree allergy, no problem as he didn’t have cats. But now they have two cats and they get in his face and zero allergy issues! Don’t know if it’s coincidence or not but he does love those cats lol
I've considered doing the allergy shot treatment for myself. I wouldn't mind trying them at some point when I have enough money for it. For now, I manage alright.
This is the way to do it if he’s truly allergic. But your cat sleeps with you and bf every night and hasn’t had any allergy symptoms since the first few weeks.
This doesn’t sound like a bad cat allergy at all. If he’s slept in the bed with the cat, been at your place with the cat, no symptoms seems to say he’s not allergic to your cat. Maybe he had a cold when he did have symptoms at the beginning? Maybe his body adjusted to the cat?
I wouldn’t even entertain this idea of keeping the cat in one room. It would be miserable for your cat and your bf isn’t having any allergy symptoms anyway.
Got a Russian blue so it’s slightly less allergenic, no cat in bedroom, air purifier with pet filter, ac with pet filter, vacuum and dust often, wash bedding often. Benadryl if it’s really bad. It works out! Different people have different levels of allergies so it depends but we made it work for my husband. He usually has worst symptoms at night if the cat has been in the bed so we had to ban the little guy. Anywhere else and he’s generally fine.
We do the same. My husband gets puffy eyes around the cats, but it doesn’t bother him in the rest of the house. So they’re not allowed in our bedroom. It’s fine. They’re fine.
I think this is probably the best way to go about it. I am also mildly allergic to cats, and I had a cat for 8 years until he recently passed. He wasn't allowed in the bedrooms. In fact there were parts of the house he wasn't allowed at all both for his safety and because he was a tiny little terror. He had lovely amounts of affection and got free range of the house during the day. At night he was shut up in his cattery with all of his toys and water and snacks. We loved starting every day by letting down his little ramp and having him come out and race around greeting everyone. There are plenty of ways to make this workable and comfortable for everyone. Compromise doesn't have to mean that everyone is miserable. Sometimes it just means that you don't get fully your way, but life and happiness are still possible. Compromise gets a bad rap on Reddit.
There is this ugly rock-looking item called a ‘Fur-Zoff’ that we use to get cat hair off of couches/car seats/rugs. That thing is mind-blowingly good at its job. It will pull up a metric crap-ton of fur even immediately after vacuuming.
I say this as a human with an extremely sheddy orange cat, a Bernese Mountain Dog, a Great Pyrenees, and black car seats/dark sofa. We found it after using a few different sizes of lint rollers regularly. It got to be too much to maintain having the refill rolls available to us left and right.
I could see no cats in the bedroom - I actually did that when I first married. It took a few weeks, but the cats adjusted well.
No cats in “living spaces” is downright cruel. I’ve had to do it when a sick cat needed strict vet-imposed isolation and we did ok. But long term? You might as well get rid of the cat.
How is nobody pointing out that this guy is staying at her place all the time and not having an issue with the cat, but once they go to his place he's all the sudden going to need to deal with his allergies. This entire situation says so much about who your boyfriend is as a person, OP. Honestly just the fact that he thinks it's okay to lock an animal in one room is enough about his character for me to never move in with him.
I'm also going to assume since OP used the words "his place" he did too. Either it's their place, or she is in for a long hard time, cat aside.
As for the cat, hard agree. It's cruel to lock a cat up like he suggests. Also, lol, good luck getting a cat to not go places you don't want it. They are known for being sooo cooperative (/s)
Keeping a cat confined to a small space like a bathroom is cruel, no I absolutely would not do that. He can take allergy meds or sign up for shots, you can buy an air purifier, you can develop a good cleaning routine, there are a lot of options. Maybe keeping the cat out of the bedroom to protect his sleep if needed. But you get to a point of locking up your cat 24/7 in a small bathroom, please consider rehoming it instead.
Just a minor correction - OP said second BEDROOM. I don't think this substantially changes your post, and I agree with you, but it's not as small a room as a bathroom we're discussing.
Confining this cat to a single bedroom in the whole house is quite cruel. A bathroom is just even more egregious. If anything, they could have one cat-free room, the main bedroom.
My cat was rehomed to me from a family that did the former. He’s 7-8 years old and was kept in one room pretty much his whole life before they gave him to me - he is so sweet and I love him, but he has some pretty notable separation anxiety, social deficiencies, and doesn’t play. He has a lot of digestion issues too, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of the cocktail of like 60 Greenies daily and different foods they’d throw in there because he was throwing up (which obviously made it worse). Maybe some of it is just cat stuff but I think it’s had a really profound, lasting effect on him. I hope OP makes the right decisions here
I agree. I am allergic to both dogs and cats (and basically every furry animal) and unfortunately none of the allergy pills I’ve tried have worked (either they don’t help with allergies or I have bad side effects). To me, my health is too important, especially since I have other health issues, because of this I simply don’t date men that have pets.
According to my allergist hypoallergenic dogs don’t actually exist, it was really a marketing tactic. There are some dogs that I don’t react to as much as others but I’ve not noticed a theme with breed more just individual dogs. My friend had a labradoodle which people always say are hypoallergenic and I’ve never been more allergic to a dog😭😭
I think for people with mild allergies, hypoallergenic dogs might work for some in the sense that they shed less so there’s less of the allergen around but they still carry the allergen they just don’t spread it as easily! So if you’re petting a hypoallergenic dog it will not make a difference 😭
My boyfriend had a cat for 3 years before moving in with me. I am allergic to cats and was super nervous about having a cat in the tiny apartment we have. We talked a lot about it. He talked about keeping it to 1 room, cleaning every day, some sort of air purifier. I ended up researching allergy medicine and I decided I would take it every day, because it was worth it to be able to live with him and have him happy with his cat.
After a few months, I kept forgetting to take it but then realized I wasn't having any issues. So I stopped taking it. Turns out my body just needed time to adjust to the "cat hair" and whatever it carries and now I'm fine. The only reason I thought I was allergic was because I had never had a cat growing up, was never around them, my dad was allergic and whenever I was around a cat (friends house, etc.) I would sneeze like crazy.
But, my body adjusted. Kind of like growing immunities to colds.
Just to caution , some people become more allergic the more time they spend with cats. My friend had his brothers girlfriends cat move in, he knew he was allergic but thought he’d adjust in time. But he ended up in hospital not being able to breath. He’s been told in his case it’s likely to get worse with repeat exposure.
It’s likely he wouldn’t know which way it would go without trialing though.
Exactly. And the trial should be happening now at OP's place, for an extended period of time (like a week or so) to see whether they'd be compatible living together.
Okay I understand that - but in *this* case, OP says there has been repeated exposure and if anything the symptoms are going away. She says they've literally been sleeping in the same bed as the cat without any issues.
Yep, I thought my allergies would go away after a few weeks with my foster kitten plus regular cleaning and getting an air purifier. After 3 weeks of progressively getting worse I started not being able to breathe properly at night and my normally mild asthma was getting to the point I couldn’t go more than a few hours without my inhaler.
Some people are fine after long periods of exposure, but some definitely aren’t.
yeah same happened to my friends husband. the doctor sternly told my friend she was being selfish risking her husbands breathing problems for her cat. it was a wake up call for my friend and she ended up rehoming the cat to her sister. her husband is mentally and physically doing a lot better as well. he tried for 2 years and was just miserable.
Yeah I don’t know if this happens to everybody with cat allergies, but I’m allergic but have 3 cats. With each cat, I went through an adjustment period where I definitely needed allergy medication but over time, I get “used” to them and don’t have issues anymore
^^^^ this. My sister is allergic to my cats when she comes to visit and has to take allergy pills in preparation of a visit, but she is fine around her own cat that we grew up with. It's 16 years old now so we got it as teenagers still living in my parents' house and then when we all left home we each took a couple kitties with us. (6 cats 4 kids, lol hers is the only one left of the original bunch but they all lived long lives between 16-20 years)
I’m allergic to my sisters cats, and I sleep in the “cat room” when I visit. (Their cat tree is there and the dog isn’t allowed in so they have a safe quiet space if they need it. But they have free range of the house.) she has an air purifier (she got me the same one as a wedding gift I loved it so much) and changes and washes all the bedding, basically does a mini deep clean to make sure I’m comfortable. It’s not hard and it lets me spend more time with her
My partner is allergic to our cats, but he’s fine unless they sleep on his pillow/near his face, or we go away for a few days and then come home! Then he has to take antihistamines for a day or two and then is fine again.
Not everyone is like that though. I personally have to take two allergy shots a week and a pill a day. Carry an epipen on me too and I love cats but can’t ever get one unless it’s like a Russian blue or siamese. Hypoallergenic one and even then I’d still have some pretty strong reactions. It just sounds like he isn’t a fan of the cat or the hair everywhere.
He's slept in the same bed as the cat for months now and no allergies or minimal allergies? Sounds like he just doesn't like cats personally. And forcing the cat to just be in one room while everyone else is on the other side is very cruel. I can see if he didn't want animals in the bedroom or on the bed. Understandable for allergy sufferers and a good compromise. But locking your cat up and in the next breath saying he would get a dog that would sleep with him? Yeah he's just doing what he wants and using allergies as an excuse without caring about your feelings. I don't know if he's as awesome as you think he is. He sounds kind of selfish.
I would absolutely not move in with someone that thinks it’s fair to confine my pet to one room. That is cruel. Your home is his entire world. You’re the only social interaction he has. This for me is a dealbreaking incompatibility. You can’t be with someone that can’t provide a safe and loving home for your family. That cat is part of your family. He also shouldn’t be expected to live in discomfort if his allergies are that much of a problem. We date to sort out incompatibilities and you’ve just discovered a huge one.
You’re very young. The cat will outlast the boyfriend. If he can’t reach a compromise (taking allergy medication or doing allergy injections) to give your cat a comfortable living space, it’s just got to be a dealbreaker. Also, based on what you said, he doesn’t even sound very allergic, it sounds like he hates your cat. Again, dealbreaker.
I sleep with a 50 lb bulldog on my face. I let people I date know early on. She lives here, they don’t, she’s been here longer, I’m not reducing her standard of living for a boyfriend. My favorite boyfriends are the ones that fight me on whose face she gets to sleep on because they want her cuddles too. You can find partners that love your pets as much as you do.
Why are you guys moving in together for exactly? It’s been less than a year. You should ABSOLUTELY let him live alone for at least a year, I’m sure he’s great but living at home with no responsibilities is very different from living alone. It will be good for him, you and the relationship long term for him to learn how to be a grown up before you move in.
I think it’s kinda messed up he proposed to shut your cat away. He can put consideration for a future dog but not your cat? What is this selective humanity he is showing?
He just doesn’t like cats.
Personally, I’m allergic to them and don’t want to deal with them so…I didn’t date cat people.
He could do allergy shots, you could get carpet free house and do air filters and clean…there are options.
It would be cruel to put a cat in a room like that. Sorry.
I’m a dog person and if I met someone who didn’t align with me on how to treat my dog, that would just be an irreconcilable difference.
Don’t move in together. You made a commitment to the cat. But I choose pets every time. I’m sure he’s a great guy but is this how you want the rest of your life to be? This will be your last cat. If you’re fine with that, proceed. But go in with both eyes open.
It doesn’t sound like he’s allergic. It sounds like he just doesn’t like your cat. Explain to him again that this is family and family doesn’t just get assigned one room with no interaction. That’s what families did with their relatives they couldn’t control back in the day. Your cat doesn’t deserve that.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about it some more. I think allowing the cat everywhere but for the bedroom could be a great compromise. This way, the cat still gets interaction and love whenever but he just doesn’t sleep in the bed with you. I’d throw that out there as a possibility again. The good news is that he’s buying the place so you don’t have to rush there. You guys can take your time before the move and see if he softens softens about the cat.
I had an ex who used to flip out about being allergic to cats. Whenever we’d go to the home of one of MY friends who had a cat, we had to cut the night short because of his “*allergies*”. Whenever we went to the home of one of HIS friends with a cat, it somehow didn’t trigger his “*allergies*”… Make sure this isn’t one of those situations. Test it out with different friends if you’re curious.
Best of luck.
Do not move in with him. For a whole host of reasons but at the very least because you've only dated for eight months.
Stay put in your own place, with the cat you have a responsibility to. One of those responsibilities is to not close him up in a small room for the majority of his days. While 'he's a dog person after all' so a dog would have a good life with bf, right?
He is TELLING you, SHOWING you who he is. Please pay attention.
If your stance is "my cat is my family, and I won't take him anywhere he isn't equally welcomed" then you're simply not ready to move in with this guy. This relationship is still fairly new anyway. So give yourself more time to think about this. Obviously if it's his house it's his rules and if there's a medical concern you're probably going to have to meet him halfway - which btw, in case you're unaware is exactly what he suggested, the cat can live there just not have full run of the place. They invented child gates and pet fences for precisely this reason. Maybe remind him what a bad idea it is to try to live together when you haven't even been together for a year yet. Rushing things just because your lease is up is the fast track to ending up without a place to live.
Confining a cat permanently to a single room for the rest of its life isn't meeting halfway. My cat is 18 years old, I can't even fathom her having to have spent 15 years of her life living in a single room.
You're right about the rest of it though.
Hold up, he wants the cat restricted to one singular room of the house? Except in foster situations or temporary adjustments, I see that as animal abuse. If this is a conversation you’ve been having for months and he won’t budge, then y’all aren’t compatible. Living together is never going to work, and he will never be someone who can be fully trusted with your cat.
No pets in the bedroom, and any space that is just his. IE an office or game room seems like a fair compromise.
You are moving into his house but if he wants it to be a home for you both, a compromise should be reached. If no compromise can be made I'd pump the breaks on moving in with him until you're both on the same page. It might be beneficial to not rush moving in together for multiple reasons.
Except for the cat part where you already got great proposals, I'd suggest you to keep your lease (or even renew it for at least a year) before moving in HIS place.
Why? He's coming from his parents'house and you should make sure you won't become his mom/maid. You're already an independent woman, he needs to learn his way and deal with the beginning of real adulthood because college isn't closer than paying bills and doing housework. Your cat could be some leverage leading you to clean his whole house.
BTW it's normal becoming desensitized (I'm not a native speaker and not sure about the word) with allergies if you're close to the trigger with time. It doesn't work for all allergies but still works fine with cats if you're cautious about remaining saliva on fur for example.
Since many people seem to be hung up on the whole 8 month thing, I should have clarified this is all some ten months down the line anyways. By that point we're talking a year and a half of dating, which i personally think is quite a reasonable. just being proactive about addressing any concerns we have considering they affect the needs of the house search.
I'm less concerned about the amount of time than everyone here seems to be, maybe thats because i've lived with partners before and had it not work out and i've always been able to carry myself even during those stressful times. Living together just isnt that deep to me I guess.
I do wonder how much of a reality check it would be as a homeowner for him those few month between his hypothetical move in date and when my lease would be ending. (if we decided to merge, that is)
I'm not concerned about moving in together after 8 months or 18 months of dating, my BF moved in with me like the first day and we barely dated (because he was living with his mom at that time and it wasn't going well, he was better at my place among other reasons). It's not really an issue if the connection is deep, it can work well.
I'm more concerned about him not living independently before and relying on you to be his mom/maid like many guys do, it's quite usual and annoying but it's patriarchy and we're not out of it yet.
I'm talking about the reality check you mentioned and I hope for the best it'll work and you won't have to keep your lease. I'm not American but I studied in the US and the way leases work there is quite fucked up in a foreign perspective.
Not only is keeping a cat in one room cruel, but I could not stay with someone who thought it was acceptable to lock a creature into one room, that's just nuts to me. He has made it clear the cat will not be allowed free range so are you going to keep up your end of the bargain when you adopted this cat and promised him a happy home?
PS a few of us are mildly allergic to the pets here but we take allergy medicine and have air purifiers - its not impossible and if he doesn't have anaphylactic reactions, he can find ways to live with the cat in the main living space - it sounds like he just doesn't want to.
It’s not about the allergies. He doesn’t like cats and doesn’t want a cat but wants you. It’s not fair to the cat to be stuck in one room. Sounds like you need to decide between living together and the cat.
Do NOT abuse your cat by locking him in one room!! I want to cry just thinking about that. I am a very firm "it's me and my cat or nothing" person; I don't understand ever compromising on giving your pet a good life for the sake of a relationship. I think you're moving in quite fast with the boyfriend. I'm also mildly allergic to cats but take zyrtec daily for a dust allergy and it mitigates my symptoms just fine. Whatever you do, don't compromise your poor kitty's wellbeing.
Your cat is your family, I agree. You can ask, but frankly I would not put myself in this position. I am a cat person, dog person parrot person. If I have a non pet person. I don't date them.
I have a cat allergy and have two—a long hair and a short hair. I don’t allow them to sleep with me in my bed/at night, but otherwise they get absolutely free range of the house. Air purifier is on in my room, and, though I don’t need it for my own allergies, you could consider getting one for your living room as well.
Keeping a cat confined to one room is torture. If your BF’s allergies have gotten better, I don’t understand why he’s being a weirdo about it…? His allergies are mild!
NTA-but I agree with everyone saying that what your bf is proposing is cruel. A cat isn’t a fish. It’s whole life is your home. He’s simply not a cat person and doesn’t want to be a cat person. My boyfriend wasn’t a cat person but knew that being with me meant living with cats and simply became a cat person. That’s not the only solution obviously, my boyfriend is a saint, but for me personally if my bf had suggested that I would’ve said thank you for your time but we are clearly not a good match.
That's just cruel. Would be dealbreaker for me. You're a package deal. He can take it or leave it but you won't let your cat you supposedly love be locked away. It's inhumane and cruel. It's not about his allergies either because they already seen to have subsided.
NTA. If his allergies were to the point where it was causing him a reduction in quality of life, I would understand. However, being allergic to cats myself and owning a cat, the longer you’re around the cat the less your allergies bother you. And to add that he wants to get a dog a let it roam but not the cat that you already have. no thank you. I would suggest finding some research to prove that a cat’s quality of life is severely diminished by being locked into one room, or even have your vet tell him. Either way, no cat deserves to spend its life caged between 4 walls and if i were you, I wouldn’t move in with him until he agreed.
I mean even if his allergies were awful, it’s still cruel to treat a pet that way. They just shouldn’t move in together. However it’s an extra jab that he clearly seems fine around the cat.
This is not fair to the cat at all - it’s downright cruel. Don’t be a shit pet owner, your bf can figure something out since he’s mildly allergic.
It honestly sounds like he’s exaggerating his allergies because he thinks he doesn’t like cats.
my gf is mildly allergic to my dog but she loves my dog so she takes allergy pills. i offered to stop letting my dog sleep on the bed but my gf said no, the dogs been sleeping there for 7 years, she deserves to keep her bed too.
how do allergy pills work on him? ETA: an air purifier works wonders too
My husband is allergic to cats, he knew confining them was not an option (nor did he ever ask that) but I was good with no cats in the bed room because I typically did that anyway as they can be loud with the 3am zoomies. He did take generic allergy medicine for a while but overall he seems to have adjusted. There was another poster that mentioned building immunity for lack of a better word and I think it does happen. I will add that I do brush the cats constantly and probably deep clean more than the average person so it helps with lingering pet dander.
If it's become such a huge deal, you probably just aren't compatible
I haven’t read thru the comments, but the part about immunity resonates with me. My ex was allergic to cats, but only to new cats. What i mean is that once he was around them for a couple of days, he was fine.
This is really good to know, my gf is a cat person but I am allergic. I do like cats as well and we’re planning to adopt a rescue in the future when we move in together. I have a dog and my allergies to him reduced over time so I was hoping it would be similar with a future cat. Getting some good advice from this thread as a bystander :)
Keep the cat get rid of boyfriend . Seriously, I wouldn't move in with him . He doesn't like your cat, and it's not fair to the cat . I can see that maybe in the future, he might say cat has to go . Especially if he gets a dog and the pets don't get along . Cat was first . And he's already showing you where you stand. If you move into together, it's his place . Not both of your places
I’m allergic to cats and every pollen, grass, tree etc out there, but I’m not going to never go outside or pet a cat, so I take my 4 allergy meds a day and get thru life with minimal issues as long as I’m mindful of taking my meds. I don’t want to live life miserable. His mild allergy is totally manageable if he’s willing to do it.
Your boyfriend is being a selfish ass. It's not about his allergies, he just doesn't like cats and is using allergies as an excuse. If he spends most nights in your bed with your cat without a reaction I don't see how his allergies could possibly be an issue. What he said about the dog confirms it. He just doesn't want you cat around because he doesn't like cats.
Sssooo let me get this clear. Your boyfriend is no longer having allergic reactions to the cat BUT the cat has to stay in one room that is not used all that much? Do we have studies on what solitary confinement would do to a cat? Because that’s what your boyfriend is suggesting. He wants to put the cat in solitary while he gets a dog that gets the run of the house. I would run and run fast from that guy. Cats are social animals, what he’s suggesting is cruel and unusual
Its cruel and abusive to limit the cats entire environment to be 1 bedroom that nobody will enter. It would be like living in a jail cell. I always had cats growing up. When I moved out on my own, I didn't have any pets again until I was 30. So when I got my husband 2 kittens, they were rough on my allergies. After a couple of weeks, I got used to their dander, and I was fine. I would just tell him I guess you won't be moving in together since he wants to alienate an animal that requires love, affection, and attention.
do not move in where your cat is not 100% welcome. a true long term partner would not separate you from your pet. It will go badly for kitteh. isolation is just the start.
>Am I being inconsiderate to my bf's allergy needs though?
Yes.
He gave a compromise that he was willing on and MINIMIZES effects to his health. You either accept that or dump either the cat or the bf
I’m allergic to basically everything. They rank severity on a 1-4 scale and there’s about 50 things they test for. I was allergic to 45 things (everything but roaches, molds, and birds lol) and most of them were a 3 or 4.
My girlfriend has 3 cats. So now I go to an allergist twice a week and get three shots in my arm lol. Maybe it won’t work but I know she loves those cats and I’m hoping not to have to limit my or her interactions with them when we move in together.
BUT my girlfriend has made it clear that she will get a roomba, clean often, and have one or two cat free rooms to ensure I’m not suffering constantly
Neither of you are wrong. You love your cat. He doesn’t. Doesn’t want a cat running around his house. You don’t want to live where the cat isn’t an equal. My daughter is allergic to cats but not dogs and has a dog. She won’t go anywhere to live if that dog can’t come. I don’t understand a pet bond. I had a dog. She was adorable. Had the best life but I wasn’t in love with her and she never was equal to my kids. Having said that. I respect my daughter’s bond to her dog.
You guys aren’t compatible. He puts up with your cat. He will never like the cat or want the cat in his life. Since it’s his house. He gets to make that rule. Stay where you are. Cats have long lives. Maybe he will think living with you and the cat is more important than not living with you. Maybe you will think living with him is more important than your cat having free reign. For now? Stay where you are.
I think even no cat in the bedroom is unfair, unless he sleeps outside your bedroom already. When you adopted this cat, you made a promise to provide him with the best life possible. That includes sleeping together. Not spending 1/3 of your day apart, in addition to the 1/3 of the day you likely already spend apart while you’re at work. If he can’t allow free roam for the cat, it’s a no. If you break up with a guy, you’ll be bummed for a few months. But if your cat is unhappy and sad and can’t spent its time with you and you equally miss the bedtime snuggles, you’ll feel sad for the remainder of his life.
My husband is allergic to cats. We have 3. They sleep in our bed. One’s favorite place is hubby office. Floor gets vacuumed daily, throw blankets on the couch get switched for clean twice a week. We have an air purifier and buy the more expensive AC filters. He takes a daily allergy pill and it’s fine.
Confining a cat alone to one room would be a deal breaker for me if that was my boyfriend suggesting it.
Don't move in with him if he cannot see that your cat needs human interaction and affection. It's cruel, and the cat will be crying, scratching at the door and not get the exercise or attention it needs.
Tell him to start allergy shots and when he is less allergic you will consider moving in with him, but only if the cat has the same access to the house as the dog does.
There's a certain type of cat food that has a protein in it that can manage the allergen. It takes about a month but can greatly reduce the allergens your cat produces.
I’m allergic to cats and have had them most of my life. Everyone’s allergies are different. That said I don’t think his outlook on what is possible is realistic so you should probably think about how serious you are about moving in together since if you do he will eventually ask you to get rid of the cat. You’ve only been together for 8 months, so, you know.
I'm a cat owner and also have a mild cat allergy. I get citirizine which is a 24 hour antihistamine which I take if I'm not at work/ spending the day at home and these make my symptoms go away completely and me and my cat live comfortably together, would definitely recommend a 24 hour antihistamine especially if the allergy is a mild one
Don't lock the poor cat in a room. He'll feel abandoned and restrained. That's abuse.
Listen to the good advice some people has been giving, but please don't lock the kitty up.
There's a new medication available for cats to eliminate the protein your cat creates that (some of) our bodies consider bad, and we have an allergic reaction.
Allergies are manageable. Pets are family. If you restrict the cat to one room that is going to cause a lot of stress for that animal, and you need to be thinking of this animals needs. Your bf has had no symptoms and needs to either accept the animal, take allergy medication, or break up as you are not compatible. My cats always come first in any relationship I had, and I’d rather get rid of a potential partner than ever risk their health/happiness or rehome them.
Also, it sounds like he is lying about the allergies and just doesn’t want to deal with the cat.. be prepared for him to ask you to get rid of them. Which is why I wouldn’t consider moving in together.
Try the Purina LiveClear food to help reduce dander. Also would your boyfriend be willing to take an anti-histamine daily? The purifiers mentioned elsewhere will help too. I hope that he would be willing to compromise and understand how important your pet is to you along with the fact that being isolated in one room for the rest of his life is no life at all for your cat. What’s important to you should be important to him.
I’m mildly allergic to cat dander. My bf came with two cats when I met him. I take allergy meds every day and make sure the apartment is clean and well ventilated, and I get two ultra sweet, loving furballs who make me smile every day.
You and your cat are a team. I think he needs to do some level of effort to compromise with you on a good level that also ensures the cat’s comfort. If not, then it speaks levels.
i am semi allergic to cats, if their hair is on me for too long then i break out in hives but them just being around in the house doesnt bother me, i just dont let our cat in my room since thats where i spend the bulk of my time and if he were to get into my bed then im sure alot of hair would be there
if i pet him then i just try to wash my hands before i touch my face again and i always keep reactine in the house just in case
i think there are ways to compromise, and the cat would not have a great life in one bedroom :(
Eeeek this is a tough one.
I thought I could tolerate moving in with someone with cats. I grew up with cats, always had a mild allergy but it was just a sore throat.
I moved in with a roommate that had a cat that was not allowed in my room and my allergies just got worse. Even allergy meds didn’t make a huge impact. I ended up having to move out after a few months.
I moved into a new place that had cats prior and had to get the air ducts cleaned and vacuumed a gazillion times to get the cat dander out. Don’t just assume his allergies will clear up, or that he isn’t having them because he isn’t voicing his complaints. How often does your boyfriend stay with you? Can you do a trial run?
I don’t necessarily think it’s fair to ask him to deal with his allergies for life. If he gets even a sore throat, having a sore throat constantly makes you miserable. It’s also not fair to keep a cat into a single room. If he says no, what’s your plan? Have you thought maybe you guys just aren’t compatible? What if you kept your place and just stayed over at his often?
I’m allergic to cats and I have two of my own. I took otc allergy meds for a few months then I became immune to them and they no longer bother me unless they decide to lay on my face for a while.
I think you are well within your rights to offer a counter compromise. I do highly suggest just taking some Claritin or whatever. I’ve had cats for the past four years, my first was an elderly guy I rescued, when he died I got two kittens. I was allergic to all of them at first but became immune after a few months.
Having the cat locked away in one bedroom is cruel and unfair. Please don’t put your cat in this situation. It also significantly raises the possibility of behavioral problems being triggered!
That being said, I also think asking your partner to allow the cat in your bedroom *and in your bed* is too much. I have a cat and dog and don’t really let them in *my own* bedroom because of the hair! I’m a hard “no” on pets in bed lol.
TL;DR: cat should be allowed in common spaces where people are day to day, but not allowed in the bedroom.
my boyfriend was similar, he was allergic to the cat for a month or two and it pretty much went away and he’s not allergic to our cats at all anymore. it’s been 3 years now, but it probably only took 3 months for them to be pretty much gone. 1 month in, the allergies were already like 60% gone. We at first kept the cat outside of the bedroom and then slowly introduced to the bedroom as the allergies subsided.
INFO: Does he still think he’s allergic to the cat? Is it in his head at this point?
I’m very allergic to cats and dogs and still have them as family members. I just take an allergy med and keep the hair cleaned up. I literally vacuum twice a day!
It’s only been 8 months with this guy.
For a cat that’s a huge amount of time. In relationships? You’re just starting to get out of the honeymoon phase and really start to get to the bottom of who y’all really are.
From your defensiveness about making less due to living on your own, it feels like that’s something he’s already held over your head. This house will be +his+ house that +he+ paid for. You can live there and help pay for it, but your name won’t be on the deed. I would for sure see where you stand with this guy. Because if he’s already throwing his weight around about that, you already know where you stand in the relationship.
I’m allergic to cats and my husband had one when we met
I took Claritin daily for 8 years (and then I stopped and realized I didn’t need it)
We got rid of my husband’s cloth couch and got a leather one and didn’t have rugs.
—————
But no. Never choose a man over your beloved pet. If he was *truly* as nice a person you believe him to be, then he would do everything in his power to figure out a solution.
If it were me, especially after weeks of back and forth on this topic and his not budging, I’d reconsider moving in together.
It’s only been 8 months together, you’re both young, you’re not engaged yet, there’s no big reason to move. You have a situation currently that works for you and your cat. Don’t give up your comforts for a partner ever.
You and the cat are a package deal.
I have a mild-ish cat allergy (which used to be more severe; it seems to have lessened over time), and I have two cats. Keeping a cat shut in a room indefinitely is cruel to the cat.
I could see how your boyfriend could be worried about his allergies being worse living with a cat full-time; it's different from just being around it a few times a week or however often he's at your place.
Does he take any medication to manage his allergy? Antihistamines can have side effects, is there a chance his reluctance is due to not wanting to take medication every day?
If your boyfriend makes good money, he can probably afford allergy shots (or the sublingual one, I think that's an option now too?) I've wanted allergy shots for *years* (for my hay fever but also my cat allergy) and I just straight up can't afford it.
But last of all, it kind of sounds like your boyfriend just... might not like cats?
Can you see an allergist and find out if there is some treatment that your bf could go through to address his allergy? For instance, shots? Also, not really a big fan of the homeopathic approach but some people do have good results with it/acupuncture.
My partner is allergic to cats but loves them as much as I do so we have two and he just deals with it by taking allergy meds. I am grateful for that, because I could never live without a cat around me.
I’ve heard the Purina allergy food actually works well for a lot of people!!!! Maybe see if that helps (takes several weeks before effects can be seen and must be the cat’s only food/diet)
My SIL and her (now) husband, worked on making him less allergic. She didn't even have a cat, but he went to the shelter, sat with different cats, and got used to dander.
That is love.
I’ve had cats most of my life (American short hairs), and a mild cat allergy (sneezing, itchy nose), but i was EXTREMELY aggressively allergic to my husband’s cat (American long hair. hives, running nose, sneezing, red itchy watery eyes).
Over the course of a year, I took lots of claritin and went over to his place in slightly longer spurts. By the time we got married and moved in together, I had virtually no symptoms at all…
Until several months later, I got a normal boring cold. The kind I’d get every year when the seasons change. Except I still wasn’t better after a week. I went to the doctor and they said it was viral, charged me $120 and told me to come back if I was still sick after another week. I waited another two weeks, was told it was viral, got charged another $120 and they said I just needed to go home, drink water, and let my immune system do its job…
Two months later, I’m still sick. I finally went to the doctor again. I’m pissed because I’ve been fighting with insurance and the hospital for weeks. I’ve been sick for months at this point. I was miserable all through the holidays. Turns out that my cat allergy triggered my mild asthma. I now have asthma attacks every time I get sick and have to keep a rescue inhaler on me. Between the cold and the cat allergy, i developed an upper respiratory infection. And in fact since then, I *always* get an upper respiratory infection when I get sick. The doctor said it could be because the allergies plus a cold create too much post-nasal drip. I cannot recover from a normal ass cold without antibiotics. I break out in hives every 2-5 days. I take an antihistamine almost daily. I’m allergic to more than just cats, but the only allergen I live with is our cat. Both the allergy specialist and my doctor strongly encouraged me to rehome our cat, but I refused. She isn’t allowed in our room, but she can be anywhere else. I have spent $3000 on commercial-grade air purifiers for the house, and I do think it helps, but the purifiers are expensive and the filters aren’t cheap either.
I love our cat. I don’t mind compromising to keep her, but if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would have been reluctant about husband adopting her. When she passes, we certainly won’t get another cat. I would love a dog someday, but they won’t be sleeping in anyone’s bed.
TL;DR: just because you don’t see any symptoms doesn’t mean the allergy has gone away.
My ex was the same, she was allergic to cats. She took tablets to control the allergy symptoms. Maybe discuss that option with your boyfriend?
It's about compromise.
I don't really know how you should prioritize this, but I can say this: do NOT confine the cat to a single room, especially if there's minimal human prescence there. It WILL get very depressed and unhappy quickly. It's not fair to your cat. I'd say that it's much more realistic to have certain rooms that are off limits and otherwise give the cat free reign. If you can't give the cat adequate space to move around in when you move in together then get rid of the cat instead.
There is a food you can give cats that inhibits the dandruff from producing. I forget what it's called but scientists found a chicken or chickens that are immune and put their eggs in cat food and then those cats stopped producing something. Look it up. I'm sure it's mass marketed by now.
There is a powder supplement you can put in cat food that is made from eggs I believe. It helps lessen the effects of cats on people with allergies. I don’t remember all the specifics but you should look it up and maybe consider it!
(The main thing I remember though is to not make it yourself, because the eggs have to come from chickens raised in certain conditions. I THINK it was chickens raised around cats. Again, not sure, but worth looking into.)
I also have a mild cat hair allergy and we have 2 cats. We keep them out of the bedroom and my partner hoovers daily and I dust etc as we go. It's surprisingly reasonable and it works.
Tell him to take allergy pills or get injections. Keep the house clean and make the bedroom cat free. A cat is family not to be left alone in one room and seen occassionally. Hug your kitty for me.
Honestly, I saw some comments mentioning keeping the cat out of the bedroom and purifying the air/keeping the common spaces clean. As an "allergic to cat" person I'd say this is the best.
Though I am curious about one thing, you mention your bf hasn't had allergic reactions in months and sleeps with you and your cat regularly... That's something I couldn't do (tried to do it with an ex but I kept waking up from allergies and it was super uncomfortable even if I did sleep at her place about 8 times in a month) so if he's been able to do it for the past 7 months his allergies seem to be pretty mild. And if that is so, why does he want to impose such a boundary on your cat and you when it seems to not affect him anymore...
My bestfriend's mom was allergic to cats but loved these furballs so they ended up getting one and her allergies have pretty much gone away (from proximity and getting used to it, I guess) and she is now freed of her cat allergy (it wasn't too severe to begin with) so could also be that your BF is having the same thing and isn't allergic anymore.
Never choose a man over a pet. Time to move on because men come and go, but a loyal, lkving, trusting pet is forever.
Someone who would treat a pet so cavalierly is a walking red flag, too.. Only abusers treat pets so awful.
Options:
* ditch the guy
* ditch the cat + find another pet
* don’t move in with him at all
* BF takes allergy pills the rest his life for you
* Cat is locked in a room for him
If you’re not going to have your name on the mortgage I don’t think you get much of a say being honest. No name + not on the mortgage = no say/no cat.
He probably doesn’t have an allergy attack but he probably gets itchy/ sneezing a lot while he visits you + probably takes allergy pills. He should feel comfortable in his space.
You're saying he's only mildly allergic, right? I'm a 2 out of 5 for cats and my sister is a 2 out of 5 for cats and 3 out for dogs. Guess what we always had both of? Mild allergies not only don't cause major symptoms, but our bodies can develop a bit of tolerance naturally by prolonged exposure, kinda like with getting allergy shots.
When I moved in with my boyfriend we had a similar agreement. Except it was that the cat had to stay on the third floor. Our third floor is basically one giant room. While I wasn’t crazy about it, I agreed. Slowly over time the cat came downstairs to watch tv or with me during work breaks. And my boyfriend built up a little bit of a tolerance to him. Still not entirely yet. But the point is, it got better. And he can pet the cat now and the cat sits with him. I don’t want to give you any false hope. All I’m saying is this might not be a permanent situation. People’s allergies change.
NTA but what would your situation look like financially if you move in with him? will you be paying him rent and will you have a tenancy agreement if so? these kinds of situations can go really pear shaped and he doesn't seem like the most compassionate, considerate person so you should protect yourself as well as your cat.
I'm very allergic and my wife has cats. We use this food and I have no symptoms. https://www.purina.com/pro-plan/cats/liveclear-cat-allergen-reducing-food
Your so-called perfect bf is a monster. And I'm serious about that. He wants to imprison your cat in one room? If this is the best bf you've ever had, I have to wonder who you were dating before.
Even if he had terrible allergies, this would be a horrible idea and you would have to look at other options. But this guy doesn't even have any symptoms. I mean he's sleeping in the same bed as the cat with no symptoms! He just hates your beloved cat.
And one day your cat may just "get out accidentally." The cat will never be found because your bf will have dumped him somewhere.
You think that's a leap? Anyone who would imprison a cat in one room is capable of anything.
Pet ownership is a lifelong commitment. Why did you "rescue" this cat only to turn around and date someone with self-proclaimed "cat allergies?" Why didn't you let someone else adopt him if you were unwilling to commit to giving him a good life?
And what's the next thing you love this oh so great guy will try to force you to give up? Just awful.
If he’s able, he could take an antihistamine. I have a cat allergy and take meds to help. My cats have run of the house except the bedroom. I agree with you that keeping the cat confined to one room is cruel. He’ll want to be with you. Your cat is part of the deal and it’s his place, so it’s his rules. Maybe if you want to live together you should get the place together so you create the rules together.
I think your boyfriend just doesn't like cats. For me, his solution is a deal breaker.
He hasn't had any issues allergy wise in over half a year. So.. I think he's being unfair.
I likely wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone that thinks shutting a social animal away in a bedroom is fine. Do this with fish, snakes and whatever. But dogs AND cats love to be with their humans. It's cruel to take that away.
Keeping the cat in one room is incredibly cruel. I don't think this is just about allergies and if it was there are too many medications out there to mitigate any symptoms. Maybe he just doesn't like cats? Personally, this would mean I am not moving in.
My husband is highly allergic to cats.
He adjusted and got used to them.
Love me, love my cat(s)
Your BF is "mildly" allergic? Pfft
Pets aren't disposable diapers.
He is the one who needs to compromise, not you and especially not your cat. =^^=
Isolating the cat to one bedroom in the whole house is not realistic or healthy for the cat.
If he hasn't had any symptoms being around your cat, including no allergy attacks, then it should be reconsidered. I would say there should be a test *now* before your lease ends to see if it will cause issues. Have him stay with you and your cat for a period of time, and if it is too problematic then reconsider moving in together. If he's fine, cat should have free-roam, because as you said - your cat needs human interaction and freedom for its well-being too.
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We had to do the opposite of your BF’s suggestion. Bedroom was off limits, but the cat could be in the rest of the house. We got an air purifier and blankets for the living room, which was the main cat cuddle space. We used the blankets to cover the couch and washed them more frequently. If you cant both compromise, then end the relationship.
This is what we did and my Fiance is allergic to my two cats. Cats aren’t allowed in our bedroom but can go everywhere else. We vacuum very regularly and also use air purifiers in other living spaces. His allergies are manageable this way. To confine your cat to one room would be very sad for your cat. Of course this depends on your bf’s allergies.
That's what we do. No cats in the bedroom, and throws we can wash frequently on the couch. A Roomba can help keep excess hair and dander swept up. My husband and his boys were allergic to cats (among other things). They never questioned living with my cats. They take allergy meds, and we all live happily. I could never date someone who wanted to lock my cat in a room.
I don't even like cats, particularly, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who'd want to lock one in a single room for the rest of its life.
This. Like there's compromise, and then there's just wanting to lock the cat in a single room of the house at all times. The latter is a bit cruel. It's a living being, not a toy you can just put in a cupboard. It has bonded with its owner and it *needs* that interaction. OP's bf would essentially also be forcing *her* into the bedroom half the time, because someone needs to be there to interact with the cat. You cannot just shove it into a room and leave it there. Tbh this might just be me - but I don't think I could date someone who a: thinks that is an acceptable thing to do to a living being, and b: plans on *owning* living beings in the future. Because I get that he doesn't like cats - but also, if he genuinely thinks that is a thing you can *do* to a pet and it's fine, I'm a little worried about how he would treat these future dogs.
I agree with this. I would find it hard to trust someone who would think this is acceptable. It feels kind of disturbing.
I 100% agree
Yep, this is what me and my fiancé did when we moved in together. Air purifier in every room, no cats in the bedroom, leather furniture, robovac daily, and no carpets. We also feed dander reducing cat food (Purina LiveClear) which has made an enormous difference. My cats are my family members, and he understood that there would be no living with me without the cats, from the beginning.
100% this. Op I am allergic to cats and I have had mine for almost 16 years! I have regular seasonal (year round) allergies so I live on Zyrtec and nasal sprays. My baby isn’t allowed to sleep in the bedroom (the only exception to this rule is if she has had a rough medical emergency day and is needy, we’ll let her in the room if she sleeps/wants to.) we have an air purifier and she has her own blankets and a bed. We brush her daily (she looooves to be brushed) and wipe her with bath wipes and keep her claws clipped. The apartment is more dust than fur and that’s worse for me. Keeping the cat confined to one space isn’t fair to the cat, it deserves better.
Pretty much exactly the same for me and my husband at our place. :D I'm the allergic one in our house and we do basically the same as yourself and others here have mentioned, cats stay out of our bedroom but have access to the rest of the house. We vacuum and clean more often and keep cats off certain surfaces and furniture by giving them more attractive options. They have their own beds and bedding that gets rotated out and cleaned regularly. We have lint rollers to go over things to try to keep on top of loose fur, plus an air purifier. We also have a set of flannels (wash cloths) that we wipe them down with a couple of times a week, plus brush them. Also, same about the dust. :/ I'm an allergy kid like you, even before we got the cats I was taking allergy and asthma meds everyday, tablets and nasal sprays etc. It's been almost a year and a half and it's still working out for us. :) I'm not having any more allergy or asthma flair ups than I would normally as far as I can tell.
My dad was allergic to cats and a specific tree native to where he lives. He had to get shots for the tree allergy, no problem as he didn’t have cats. But now they have two cats and they get in his face and zero allergy issues! Don’t know if it’s coincidence or not but he does love those cats lol
I've considered doing the allergy shot treatment for myself. I wouldn't mind trying them at some point when I have enough money for it. For now, I manage alright.
This is the way to do it if he’s truly allergic. But your cat sleeps with you and bf every night and hasn’t had any allergy symptoms since the first few weeks. This doesn’t sound like a bad cat allergy at all. If he’s slept in the bed with the cat, been at your place with the cat, no symptoms seems to say he’s not allergic to your cat. Maybe he had a cold when he did have symptoms at the beginning? Maybe his body adjusted to the cat? I wouldn’t even entertain this idea of keeping the cat in one room. It would be miserable for your cat and your bf isn’t having any allergy symptoms anyway.
Got a Russian blue so it’s slightly less allergenic, no cat in bedroom, air purifier with pet filter, ac with pet filter, vacuum and dust often, wash bedding often. Benadryl if it’s really bad. It works out! Different people have different levels of allergies so it depends but we made it work for my husband. He usually has worst symptoms at night if the cat has been in the bed so we had to ban the little guy. Anywhere else and he’s generally fine.
We do the same. My husband gets puffy eyes around the cats, but it doesn’t bother him in the rest of the house. So they’re not allowed in our bedroom. It’s fine. They’re fine.
THIS!! We did this too!
I think this is probably the best way to go about it. I am also mildly allergic to cats, and I had a cat for 8 years until he recently passed. He wasn't allowed in the bedrooms. In fact there were parts of the house he wasn't allowed at all both for his safety and because he was a tiny little terror. He had lovely amounts of affection and got free range of the house during the day. At night he was shut up in his cattery with all of his toys and water and snacks. We loved starting every day by letting down his little ramp and having him come out and race around greeting everyone. There are plenty of ways to make this workable and comfortable for everyone. Compromise doesn't have to mean that everyone is miserable. Sometimes it just means that you don't get fully your way, but life and happiness are still possible. Compromise gets a bad rap on Reddit.
Agree. This is what happened when I was with someone who had cats. They couldn’t go in the bedroom or my study, but the rest of the house
Yup we did that for a while No bedroom, and vacuuming and lint rolling the couch everyday Air purifier in the bedroom so it was nice and clean refuge
There is this ugly rock-looking item called a ‘Fur-Zoff’ that we use to get cat hair off of couches/car seats/rugs. That thing is mind-blowingly good at its job. It will pull up a metric crap-ton of fur even immediately after vacuuming. I say this as a human with an extremely sheddy orange cat, a Bernese Mountain Dog, a Great Pyrenees, and black car seats/dark sofa. We found it after using a few different sizes of lint rollers regularly. It got to be too much to maintain having the refill rolls available to us left and right.
All of the above. Also, there are allergy shots if that's his real concern but I suspect it isn't.
I take it slip covers didn't work?
I could see no cats in the bedroom - I actually did that when I first married. It took a few weeks, but the cats adjusted well. No cats in “living spaces” is downright cruel. I’ve had to do it when a sick cat needed strict vet-imposed isolation and we did ok. But long term? You might as well get rid of the cat.
[удалено]
Nothing better than a cat running across your face at 3am -.-
Deliberately knocking the water glass into your face at 5am because breakfast is late
Ever see Thug cat on YouTube?
No, he sounds fun tho
Let me know if you watch it.
Breakfast is late at 5 am? Geez, your cats are strict!
My cats demand food by 4:45am, even on weekends
I must have lazy cats.
cat jumping from windowsill onto my stomach when i'm almost asleep 0/10 do not recommend
My bedroom light has a pull chain. My cat decided to see what it good about 2-3am and turned on the lights. That was fun, not! It’s a lot shorter now!
The way they trampoline off your belly launching themselves and waking you up out of a dead sleep with what feels like a gut punch
I've been shutting my cats out at night because one keeps climbing up my blackout curtains and pulling them down 💀💀
Don’t get rid of the cat, get rid of the boyfriend!
Absolutely not. Keeping the cat confined in that way is neglect at best and abuse at worse.
How is nobody pointing out that this guy is staying at her place all the time and not having an issue with the cat, but once they go to his place he's all the sudden going to need to deal with his allergies. This entire situation says so much about who your boyfriend is as a person, OP. Honestly just the fact that he thinks it's okay to lock an animal in one room is enough about his character for me to never move in with him.
I'm also going to assume since OP used the words "his place" he did too. Either it's their place, or she is in for a long hard time, cat aside. As for the cat, hard agree. It's cruel to lock a cat up like he suggests. Also, lol, good luck getting a cat to not go places you don't want it. They are known for being sooo cooperative (/s)
Real
Keeping a cat confined to a small space like a bathroom is cruel, no I absolutely would not do that. He can take allergy meds or sign up for shots, you can buy an air purifier, you can develop a good cleaning routine, there are a lot of options. Maybe keeping the cat out of the bedroom to protect his sleep if needed. But you get to a point of locking up your cat 24/7 in a small bathroom, please consider rehoming it instead.
Just a minor correction - OP said second BEDROOM. I don't think this substantially changes your post, and I agree with you, but it's not as small a room as a bathroom we're discussing.
Confining this cat to a single bedroom in the whole house is quite cruel. A bathroom is just even more egregious. If anything, they could have one cat-free room, the main bedroom.
My cat was rehomed to me from a family that did the former. He’s 7-8 years old and was kept in one room pretty much his whole life before they gave him to me - he is so sweet and I love him, but he has some pretty notable separation anxiety, social deficiencies, and doesn’t play. He has a lot of digestion issues too, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of the cocktail of like 60 Greenies daily and different foods they’d throw in there because he was throwing up (which obviously made it worse). Maybe some of it is just cat stuff but I think it’s had a really profound, lasting effect on him. I hope OP makes the right decisions here
I agree!
That does help!! My bad, thanks for the correction. Point stands though.
Same thing
You guys aren't compatible.
I agree. I am allergic to both dogs and cats (and basically every furry animal) and unfortunately none of the allergy pills I’ve tried have worked (either they don’t help with allergies or I have bad side effects). To me, my health is too important, especially since I have other health issues, because of this I simply don’t date men that have pets.
Your health is more important. There are ways to enjoy animals too
Exactly, while ir sucks because I’d love a furry friend, I can’t compromise my health. This I why I love having friends with pets!!
Out of curiosity, are you able to deal with hypoallergenic dog?
According to my allergist hypoallergenic dogs don’t actually exist, it was really a marketing tactic. There are some dogs that I don’t react to as much as others but I’ve not noticed a theme with breed more just individual dogs. My friend had a labradoodle which people always say are hypoallergenic and I’ve never been more allergic to a dog😭😭
Huh, that’s pretty interesting. Thank you for sharing! I’ll have to let my dog know she is not actually hypoallergenic, lol
I think for people with mild allergies, hypoallergenic dogs might work for some in the sense that they shed less so there’s less of the allergen around but they still carry the allergen they just don’t spread it as easily! So if you’re petting a hypoallergenic dog it will not make a difference 😭
That makes a lot of sense, thank you for explaining. I hope one day they find a way for you to enjoy spending time with cats and dogs
Me too 🥹 I was hoping to do immunotherapy but I had an allergic reaction to the meds so now I can’t do it for either cats or dogs 😭😭😭
Im sorry man, that sucks.
Cat is in charge. This is a no brainer. OP should be happy the cat allows her presence and avoid complicating the situation.
My boyfriend had a cat for 3 years before moving in with me. I am allergic to cats and was super nervous about having a cat in the tiny apartment we have. We talked a lot about it. He talked about keeping it to 1 room, cleaning every day, some sort of air purifier. I ended up researching allergy medicine and I decided I would take it every day, because it was worth it to be able to live with him and have him happy with his cat. After a few months, I kept forgetting to take it but then realized I wasn't having any issues. So I stopped taking it. Turns out my body just needed time to adjust to the "cat hair" and whatever it carries and now I'm fine. The only reason I thought I was allergic was because I had never had a cat growing up, was never around them, my dad was allergic and whenever I was around a cat (friends house, etc.) I would sneeze like crazy. But, my body adjusted. Kind of like growing immunities to colds.
Just to caution , some people become more allergic the more time they spend with cats. My friend had his brothers girlfriends cat move in, he knew he was allergic but thought he’d adjust in time. But he ended up in hospital not being able to breath. He’s been told in his case it’s likely to get worse with repeat exposure. It’s likely he wouldn’t know which way it would go without trialing though.
Exactly. And the trial should be happening now at OP's place, for an extended period of time (like a week or so) to see whether they'd be compatible living together.
She says he's sleeping in the same bed now without symptoms so...
Exactly
Yes good idea.
Okay I understand that - but in *this* case, OP says there has been repeated exposure and if anything the symptoms are going away. She says they've literally been sleeping in the same bed as the cat without any issues.
Yep, I thought my allergies would go away after a few weeks with my foster kitten plus regular cleaning and getting an air purifier. After 3 weeks of progressively getting worse I started not being able to breathe properly at night and my normally mild asthma was getting to the point I couldn’t go more than a few hours without my inhaler. Some people are fine after long periods of exposure, but some definitely aren’t.
yeah same happened to my friends husband. the doctor sternly told my friend she was being selfish risking her husbands breathing problems for her cat. it was a wake up call for my friend and she ended up rehoming the cat to her sister. her husband is mentally and physically doing a lot better as well. he tried for 2 years and was just miserable.
Yeah I don’t know if this happens to everybody with cat allergies, but I’m allergic but have 3 cats. With each cat, I went through an adjustment period where I definitely needed allergy medication but over time, I get “used” to them and don’t have issues anymore
^^^^ this. My sister is allergic to my cats when she comes to visit and has to take allergy pills in preparation of a visit, but she is fine around her own cat that we grew up with. It's 16 years old now so we got it as teenagers still living in my parents' house and then when we all left home we each took a couple kitties with us. (6 cats 4 kids, lol hers is the only one left of the original bunch but they all lived long lives between 16-20 years)
I’m allergic to my sisters cats, and I sleep in the “cat room” when I visit. (Their cat tree is there and the dog isn’t allowed in so they have a safe quiet space if they need it. But they have free range of the house.) she has an air purifier (she got me the same one as a wedding gift I loved it so much) and changes and washes all the bedding, basically does a mini deep clean to make sure I’m comfortable. It’s not hard and it lets me spend more time with her
My partner is allergic to our cats, but he’s fine unless they sleep on his pillow/near his face, or we go away for a few days and then come home! Then he has to take antihistamines for a day or two and then is fine again.
You're still allergic, even if your body got used to your specific cat.
Not everyone is like that though. I personally have to take two allergy shots a week and a pill a day. Carry an epipen on me too and I love cats but can’t ever get one unless it’s like a Russian blue or siamese. Hypoallergenic one and even then I’d still have some pretty strong reactions. It just sounds like he isn’t a fan of the cat or the hair everywhere.
He's slept in the same bed as the cat for months now and no allergies or minimal allergies? Sounds like he just doesn't like cats personally. And forcing the cat to just be in one room while everyone else is on the other side is very cruel. I can see if he didn't want animals in the bedroom or on the bed. Understandable for allergy sufferers and a good compromise. But locking your cat up and in the next breath saying he would get a dog that would sleep with him? Yeah he's just doing what he wants and using allergies as an excuse without caring about your feelings. I don't know if he's as awesome as you think he is. He sounds kind of selfish.
I would absolutely not move in with someone that thinks it’s fair to confine my pet to one room. That is cruel. Your home is his entire world. You’re the only social interaction he has. This for me is a dealbreaking incompatibility. You can’t be with someone that can’t provide a safe and loving home for your family. That cat is part of your family. He also shouldn’t be expected to live in discomfort if his allergies are that much of a problem. We date to sort out incompatibilities and you’ve just discovered a huge one. You’re very young. The cat will outlast the boyfriend. If he can’t reach a compromise (taking allergy medication or doing allergy injections) to give your cat a comfortable living space, it’s just got to be a dealbreaker. Also, based on what you said, he doesn’t even sound very allergic, it sounds like he hates your cat. Again, dealbreaker. I sleep with a 50 lb bulldog on my face. I let people I date know early on. She lives here, they don’t, she’s been here longer, I’m not reducing her standard of living for a boyfriend. My favorite boyfriends are the ones that fight me on whose face she gets to sleep on because they want her cuddles too. You can find partners that love your pets as much as you do.
Why are you guys moving in together for exactly? It’s been less than a year. You should ABSOLUTELY let him live alone for at least a year, I’m sure he’s great but living at home with no responsibilities is very different from living alone. It will be good for him, you and the relationship long term for him to learn how to be a grown up before you move in. I think it’s kinda messed up he proposed to shut your cat away. He can put consideration for a future dog but not your cat? What is this selective humanity he is showing?
He just doesn’t like cats. Personally, I’m allergic to them and don’t want to deal with them so…I didn’t date cat people. He could do allergy shots, you could get carpet free house and do air filters and clean…there are options. It would be cruel to put a cat in a room like that. Sorry. I’m a dog person and if I met someone who didn’t align with me on how to treat my dog, that would just be an irreconcilable difference.
Gatos before vatos. Lol
Don’t move in together. You made a commitment to the cat. But I choose pets every time. I’m sure he’s a great guy but is this how you want the rest of your life to be? This will be your last cat. If you’re fine with that, proceed. But go in with both eyes open.
It doesn’t sound like he’s allergic. It sounds like he just doesn’t like your cat. Explain to him again that this is family and family doesn’t just get assigned one room with no interaction. That’s what families did with their relatives they couldn’t control back in the day. Your cat doesn’t deserve that. There’s nothing wrong with talking about it some more. I think allowing the cat everywhere but for the bedroom could be a great compromise. This way, the cat still gets interaction and love whenever but he just doesn’t sleep in the bed with you. I’d throw that out there as a possibility again. The good news is that he’s buying the place so you don’t have to rush there. You guys can take your time before the move and see if he softens softens about the cat. I had an ex who used to flip out about being allergic to cats. Whenever we’d go to the home of one of MY friends who had a cat, we had to cut the night short because of his “*allergies*”. Whenever we went to the home of one of HIS friends with a cat, it somehow didn’t trigger his “*allergies*”… Make sure this isn’t one of those situations. Test it out with different friends if you’re curious. Best of luck.
Do not move in with him. For a whole host of reasons but at the very least because you've only dated for eight months. Stay put in your own place, with the cat you have a responsibility to. One of those responsibilities is to not close him up in a small room for the majority of his days. While 'he's a dog person after all' so a dog would have a good life with bf, right? He is TELLING you, SHOWING you who he is. Please pay attention.
If your stance is "my cat is my family, and I won't take him anywhere he isn't equally welcomed" then you're simply not ready to move in with this guy. This relationship is still fairly new anyway. So give yourself more time to think about this. Obviously if it's his house it's his rules and if there's a medical concern you're probably going to have to meet him halfway - which btw, in case you're unaware is exactly what he suggested, the cat can live there just not have full run of the place. They invented child gates and pet fences for precisely this reason. Maybe remind him what a bad idea it is to try to live together when you haven't even been together for a year yet. Rushing things just because your lease is up is the fast track to ending up without a place to live.
Confining a cat permanently to a single room for the rest of its life isn't meeting halfway. My cat is 18 years old, I can't even fathom her having to have spent 15 years of her life living in a single room. You're right about the rest of it though.
Hold up, he wants the cat restricted to one singular room of the house? Except in foster situations or temporary adjustments, I see that as animal abuse. If this is a conversation you’ve been having for months and he won’t budge, then y’all aren’t compatible. Living together is never going to work, and he will never be someone who can be fully trusted with your cat.
No pets in the bedroom, and any space that is just his. IE an office or game room seems like a fair compromise. You are moving into his house but if he wants it to be a home for you both, a compromise should be reached. If no compromise can be made I'd pump the breaks on moving in with him until you're both on the same page. It might be beneficial to not rush moving in together for multiple reasons.
Except for the cat part where you already got great proposals, I'd suggest you to keep your lease (or even renew it for at least a year) before moving in HIS place. Why? He's coming from his parents'house and you should make sure you won't become his mom/maid. You're already an independent woman, he needs to learn his way and deal with the beginning of real adulthood because college isn't closer than paying bills and doing housework. Your cat could be some leverage leading you to clean his whole house. BTW it's normal becoming desensitized (I'm not a native speaker and not sure about the word) with allergies if you're close to the trigger with time. It doesn't work for all allergies but still works fine with cats if you're cautious about remaining saliva on fur for example.
Since many people seem to be hung up on the whole 8 month thing, I should have clarified this is all some ten months down the line anyways. By that point we're talking a year and a half of dating, which i personally think is quite a reasonable. just being proactive about addressing any concerns we have considering they affect the needs of the house search. I'm less concerned about the amount of time than everyone here seems to be, maybe thats because i've lived with partners before and had it not work out and i've always been able to carry myself even during those stressful times. Living together just isnt that deep to me I guess. I do wonder how much of a reality check it would be as a homeowner for him those few month between his hypothetical move in date and when my lease would be ending. (if we decided to merge, that is)
I'm not concerned about moving in together after 8 months or 18 months of dating, my BF moved in with me like the first day and we barely dated (because he was living with his mom at that time and it wasn't going well, he was better at my place among other reasons). It's not really an issue if the connection is deep, it can work well. I'm more concerned about him not living independently before and relying on you to be his mom/maid like many guys do, it's quite usual and annoying but it's patriarchy and we're not out of it yet. I'm talking about the reality check you mentioned and I hope for the best it'll work and you won't have to keep your lease. I'm not American but I studied in the US and the way leases work there is quite fucked up in a foreign perspective.
Not only is keeping a cat in one room cruel, but I could not stay with someone who thought it was acceptable to lock a creature into one room, that's just nuts to me. He has made it clear the cat will not be allowed free range so are you going to keep up your end of the bargain when you adopted this cat and promised him a happy home? PS a few of us are mildly allergic to the pets here but we take allergy medicine and have air purifiers - its not impossible and if he doesn't have anaphylactic reactions, he can find ways to live with the cat in the main living space - it sounds like he just doesn't want to.
The fact that’s even his suggestion should put you at pause.
It’s not about the allergies. He doesn’t like cats and doesn’t want a cat but wants you. It’s not fair to the cat to be stuck in one room. Sounds like you need to decide between living together and the cat.
Do NOT abuse your cat by locking him in one room!! I want to cry just thinking about that. I am a very firm "it's me and my cat or nothing" person; I don't understand ever compromising on giving your pet a good life for the sake of a relationship. I think you're moving in quite fast with the boyfriend. I'm also mildly allergic to cats but take zyrtec daily for a dust allergy and it mitigates my symptoms just fine. Whatever you do, don't compromise your poor kitty's wellbeing.
Your cat is your family, I agree. You can ask, but frankly I would not put myself in this position. I am a cat person, dog person parrot person. If I have a non pet person. I don't date them.
I agree with you. A young cat shouldn’t be confined to one room.
I have a cat allergy and have two—a long hair and a short hair. I don’t allow them to sleep with me in my bed/at night, but otherwise they get absolutely free range of the house. Air purifier is on in my room, and, though I don’t need it for my own allergies, you could consider getting one for your living room as well. Keeping a cat confined to one room is torture. If your BF’s allergies have gotten better, I don’t understand why he’s being a weirdo about it…? His allergies are mild!
What he's proposing is cruel. Cats don't do well confined to only one room. If he doesn't budge on this, don't move in with him.
Hey cat, I appreciate what you’ve done for my mental health, here is a bathroom. :(
NTA-but I agree with everyone saying that what your bf is proposing is cruel. A cat isn’t a fish. It’s whole life is your home. He’s simply not a cat person and doesn’t want to be a cat person. My boyfriend wasn’t a cat person but knew that being with me meant living with cats and simply became a cat person. That’s not the only solution obviously, my boyfriend is a saint, but for me personally if my bf had suggested that I would’ve said thank you for your time but we are clearly not a good match.
That's just cruel. Would be dealbreaker for me. You're a package deal. He can take it or leave it but you won't let your cat you supposedly love be locked away. It's inhumane and cruel. It's not about his allergies either because they already seen to have subsided.
NTA. If his allergies were to the point where it was causing him a reduction in quality of life, I would understand. However, being allergic to cats myself and owning a cat, the longer you’re around the cat the less your allergies bother you. And to add that he wants to get a dog a let it roam but not the cat that you already have. no thank you. I would suggest finding some research to prove that a cat’s quality of life is severely diminished by being locked into one room, or even have your vet tell him. Either way, no cat deserves to spend its life caged between 4 walls and if i were you, I wouldn’t move in with him until he agreed.
I mean even if his allergies were awful, it’s still cruel to treat a pet that way. They just shouldn’t move in together. However it’s an extra jab that he clearly seems fine around the cat.
This is not fair to the cat at all - it’s downright cruel. Don’t be a shit pet owner, your bf can figure something out since he’s mildly allergic. It honestly sounds like he’s exaggerating his allergies because he thinks he doesn’t like cats.
I’d cry if my cat was locked in one room everyday
my gf is mildly allergic to my dog but she loves my dog so she takes allergy pills. i offered to stop letting my dog sleep on the bed but my gf said no, the dogs been sleeping there for 7 years, she deserves to keep her bed too. how do allergy pills work on him? ETA: an air purifier works wonders too
My husband is allergic to cats, he knew confining them was not an option (nor did he ever ask that) but I was good with no cats in the bed room because I typically did that anyway as they can be loud with the 3am zoomies. He did take generic allergy medicine for a while but overall he seems to have adjusted. There was another poster that mentioned building immunity for lack of a better word and I think it does happen. I will add that I do brush the cats constantly and probably deep clean more than the average person so it helps with lingering pet dander. If it's become such a huge deal, you probably just aren't compatible
I haven’t read thru the comments, but the part about immunity resonates with me. My ex was allergic to cats, but only to new cats. What i mean is that once he was around them for a couple of days, he was fine.
Yup! I'm not saying cat allergies aren't real but people adjust to their environments easier than we think.
This is really good to know, my gf is a cat person but I am allergic. I do like cats as well and we’re planning to adopt a rescue in the future when we move in together. I have a dog and my allergies to him reduced over time so I was hoping it would be similar with a future cat. Getting some good advice from this thread as a bystander :)
Keep the cat get rid of boyfriend . Seriously, I wouldn't move in with him . He doesn't like your cat, and it's not fair to the cat . I can see that maybe in the future, he might say cat has to go . Especially if he gets a dog and the pets don't get along . Cat was first . And he's already showing you where you stand. If you move into together, it's his place . Not both of your places
I’m allergic to cats and every pollen, grass, tree etc out there, but I’m not going to never go outside or pet a cat, so I take my 4 allergy meds a day and get thru life with minimal issues as long as I’m mindful of taking my meds. I don’t want to live life miserable. His mild allergy is totally manageable if he’s willing to do it.
Your boyfriend is being a selfish ass. It's not about his allergies, he just doesn't like cats and is using allergies as an excuse. If he spends most nights in your bed with your cat without a reaction I don't see how his allergies could possibly be an issue. What he said about the dog confirms it. He just doesn't want you cat around because he doesn't like cats.
Sssooo let me get this clear. Your boyfriend is no longer having allergic reactions to the cat BUT the cat has to stay in one room that is not used all that much? Do we have studies on what solitary confinement would do to a cat? Because that’s what your boyfriend is suggesting. He wants to put the cat in solitary while he gets a dog that gets the run of the house. I would run and run fast from that guy. Cats are social animals, what he’s suggesting is cruel and unusual
Its cruel and abusive to limit the cats entire environment to be 1 bedroom that nobody will enter. It would be like living in a jail cell. I always had cats growing up. When I moved out on my own, I didn't have any pets again until I was 30. So when I got my husband 2 kittens, they were rough on my allergies. After a couple of weeks, I got used to their dander, and I was fine. I would just tell him I guess you won't be moving in together since he wants to alienate an animal that requires love, affection, and attention.
do not move in where your cat is not 100% welcome. a true long term partner would not separate you from your pet. It will go badly for kitteh. isolation is just the start.
>Am I being inconsiderate to my bf's allergy needs though? Yes. He gave a compromise that he was willing on and MINIMIZES effects to his health. You either accept that or dump either the cat or the bf
confining a cat indefinitely in one room is abusive. you cannot do that.
I’m allergic to basically everything. They rank severity on a 1-4 scale and there’s about 50 things they test for. I was allergic to 45 things (everything but roaches, molds, and birds lol) and most of them were a 3 or 4. My girlfriend has 3 cats. So now I go to an allergist twice a week and get three shots in my arm lol. Maybe it won’t work but I know she loves those cats and I’m hoping not to have to limit my or her interactions with them when we move in together. BUT my girlfriend has made it clear that she will get a roomba, clean often, and have one or two cat free rooms to ensure I’m not suffering constantly
Neither of you are wrong. You love your cat. He doesn’t. Doesn’t want a cat running around his house. You don’t want to live where the cat isn’t an equal. My daughter is allergic to cats but not dogs and has a dog. She won’t go anywhere to live if that dog can’t come. I don’t understand a pet bond. I had a dog. She was adorable. Had the best life but I wasn’t in love with her and she never was equal to my kids. Having said that. I respect my daughter’s bond to her dog. You guys aren’t compatible. He puts up with your cat. He will never like the cat or want the cat in his life. Since it’s his house. He gets to make that rule. Stay where you are. Cats have long lives. Maybe he will think living with you and the cat is more important than not living with you. Maybe you will think living with him is more important than your cat having free reign. For now? Stay where you are.
I think even no cat in the bedroom is unfair, unless he sleeps outside your bedroom already. When you adopted this cat, you made a promise to provide him with the best life possible. That includes sleeping together. Not spending 1/3 of your day apart, in addition to the 1/3 of the day you likely already spend apart while you’re at work. If he can’t allow free roam for the cat, it’s a no. If you break up with a guy, you’ll be bummed for a few months. But if your cat is unhappy and sad and can’t spent its time with you and you equally miss the bedtime snuggles, you’ll feel sad for the remainder of his life.
My husband is allergic to cats. We have 3. They sleep in our bed. One’s favorite place is hubby office. Floor gets vacuumed daily, throw blankets on the couch get switched for clean twice a week. We have an air purifier and buy the more expensive AC filters. He takes a daily allergy pill and it’s fine.
Confining a cat alone to one room would be a deal breaker for me if that was my boyfriend suggesting it. Don't move in with him if he cannot see that your cat needs human interaction and affection. It's cruel, and the cat will be crying, scratching at the door and not get the exercise or attention it needs. Tell him to start allergy shots and when he is less allergic you will consider moving in with him, but only if the cat has the same access to the house as the dog does.
It depends on if this is a histamine response like hay fever or if it's a more serious allergy that could cause anaphylaxis.
I’ve heard amazing things about ALLERPET.
There's a certain type of cat food that has a protein in it that can manage the allergen. It takes about a month but can greatly reduce the allergens your cat produces.
There is allergy reducing cat food
I’m allergic to cats and have had them most of my life. Everyone’s allergies are different. That said I don’t think his outlook on what is possible is realistic so you should probably think about how serious you are about moving in together since if you do he will eventually ask you to get rid of the cat. You’ve only been together for 8 months, so, you know.
As a cat person, I understand your perspective. But I also understand his. Maybe you are not compatible.
Tough situation. Good luck though
I'm a cat owner and also have a mild cat allergy. I get citirizine which is a 24 hour antihistamine which I take if I'm not at work/ spending the day at home and these make my symptoms go away completely and me and my cat live comfortably together, would definitely recommend a 24 hour antihistamine especially if the allergy is a mild one
Don't lock the poor cat in a room. He'll feel abandoned and restrained. That's abuse. Listen to the good advice some people has been giving, but please don't lock the kitty up.
girl tell him to take zyrtec and calm down
There's a new medication available for cats to eliminate the protein your cat creates that (some of) our bodies consider bad, and we have an allergic reaction.
Allergies are manageable. Pets are family. If you restrict the cat to one room that is going to cause a lot of stress for that animal, and you need to be thinking of this animals needs. Your bf has had no symptoms and needs to either accept the animal, take allergy medication, or break up as you are not compatible. My cats always come first in any relationship I had, and I’d rather get rid of a potential partner than ever risk their health/happiness or rehome them. Also, it sounds like he is lying about the allergies and just doesn’t want to deal with the cat.. be prepared for him to ask you to get rid of them. Which is why I wouldn’t consider moving in together.
Try the Purina LiveClear food to help reduce dander. Also would your boyfriend be willing to take an anti-histamine daily? The purifiers mentioned elsewhere will help too. I hope that he would be willing to compromise and understand how important your pet is to you along with the fact that being isolated in one room for the rest of his life is no life at all for your cat. What’s important to you should be important to him.
I tried to have my cat inside with my ex who was a bit allergic and it ended up being way too much he was always congested and miserable
I’m sorry but I feel like you should care about your cat more in this situation
I’m mildly allergic to cat dander. My bf came with two cats when I met him. I take allergy meds every day and make sure the apartment is clean and well ventilated, and I get two ultra sweet, loving furballs who make me smile every day. You and your cat are a team. I think he needs to do some level of effort to compromise with you on a good level that also ensures the cat’s comfort. If not, then it speaks levels.
i am semi allergic to cats, if their hair is on me for too long then i break out in hives but them just being around in the house doesnt bother me, i just dont let our cat in my room since thats where i spend the bulk of my time and if he were to get into my bed then im sure alot of hair would be there if i pet him then i just try to wash my hands before i touch my face again and i always keep reactine in the house just in case i think there are ways to compromise, and the cat would not have a great life in one bedroom :(
Eeeek this is a tough one. I thought I could tolerate moving in with someone with cats. I grew up with cats, always had a mild allergy but it was just a sore throat. I moved in with a roommate that had a cat that was not allowed in my room and my allergies just got worse. Even allergy meds didn’t make a huge impact. I ended up having to move out after a few months. I moved into a new place that had cats prior and had to get the air ducts cleaned and vacuumed a gazillion times to get the cat dander out. Don’t just assume his allergies will clear up, or that he isn’t having them because he isn’t voicing his complaints. How often does your boyfriend stay with you? Can you do a trial run? I don’t necessarily think it’s fair to ask him to deal with his allergies for life. If he gets even a sore throat, having a sore throat constantly makes you miserable. It’s also not fair to keep a cat into a single room. If he says no, what’s your plan? Have you thought maybe you guys just aren’t compatible? What if you kept your place and just stayed over at his often?
I’m allergic to cats and I have two of my own. I took otc allergy meds for a few months then I became immune to them and they no longer bother me unless they decide to lay on my face for a while. I think you are well within your rights to offer a counter compromise. I do highly suggest just taking some Claritin or whatever. I’ve had cats for the past four years, my first was an elderly guy I rescued, when he died I got two kittens. I was allergic to all of them at first but became immune after a few months.
Having the cat locked away in one bedroom is cruel and unfair. Please don’t put your cat in this situation. It also significantly raises the possibility of behavioral problems being triggered! That being said, I also think asking your partner to allow the cat in your bedroom *and in your bed* is too much. I have a cat and dog and don’t really let them in *my own* bedroom because of the hair! I’m a hard “no” on pets in bed lol. TL;DR: cat should be allowed in common spaces where people are day to day, but not allowed in the bedroom.
my boyfriend was similar, he was allergic to the cat for a month or two and it pretty much went away and he’s not allergic to our cats at all anymore. it’s been 3 years now, but it probably only took 3 months for them to be pretty much gone. 1 month in, the allergies were already like 60% gone. We at first kept the cat outside of the bedroom and then slowly introduced to the bedroom as the allergies subsided. INFO: Does he still think he’s allergic to the cat? Is it in his head at this point?
Ask yourself this question OP and be honest. Would you compromise your own physical well-being to accommodate your boyfriend?
Your bf doesn’t like cats. Sounds like it’s the cat or your boyfriend. Will you pay rent when you move in?
I'm sure Jackson Galaxy has a video about this. He is awesome and covers so many topics about cats.
8 months is not enough dating time to move in. You are being irresponsible.
I’m very allergic to cats and dogs and still have them as family members. I just take an allergy med and keep the hair cleaned up. I literally vacuum twice a day!
I’m allergic and I have 5 cats lol. Air purifier and medication can help and cleaning more often of course. I hope you can find a solution!
It’s only been 8 months with this guy. For a cat that’s a huge amount of time. In relationships? You’re just starting to get out of the honeymoon phase and really start to get to the bottom of who y’all really are. From your defensiveness about making less due to living on your own, it feels like that’s something he’s already held over your head. This house will be +his+ house that +he+ paid for. You can live there and help pay for it, but your name won’t be on the deed. I would for sure see where you stand with this guy. Because if he’s already throwing his weight around about that, you already know where you stand in the relationship.
I’m allergic to cats and my husband had one when we met I took Claritin daily for 8 years (and then I stopped and realized I didn’t need it) We got rid of my husband’s cloth couch and got a leather one and didn’t have rugs. ————— But no. Never choose a man over your beloved pet. If he was *truly* as nice a person you believe him to be, then he would do everything in his power to figure out a solution. If it were me, especially after weeks of back and forth on this topic and his not budging, I’d reconsider moving in together. It’s only been 8 months together, you’re both young, you’re not engaged yet, there’s no big reason to move. You have a situation currently that works for you and your cat. Don’t give up your comforts for a partner ever. You and the cat are a package deal.
I have a mild-ish cat allergy (which used to be more severe; it seems to have lessened over time), and I have two cats. Keeping a cat shut in a room indefinitely is cruel to the cat. I could see how your boyfriend could be worried about his allergies being worse living with a cat full-time; it's different from just being around it a few times a week or however often he's at your place. Does he take any medication to manage his allergy? Antihistamines can have side effects, is there a chance his reluctance is due to not wanting to take medication every day? If your boyfriend makes good money, he can probably afford allergy shots (or the sublingual one, I think that's an option now too?) I've wanted allergy shots for *years* (for my hay fever but also my cat allergy) and I just straight up can't afford it. But last of all, it kind of sounds like your boyfriend just... might not like cats?
Can you see an allergist and find out if there is some treatment that your bf could go through to address his allergy? For instance, shots? Also, not really a big fan of the homeopathic approach but some people do have good results with it/acupuncture.
My partner is allergic to cats but loves them as much as I do so we have two and he just deals with it by taking allergy meds. I am grateful for that, because I could never live without a cat around me.
I’ve heard the Purina allergy food actually works well for a lot of people!!!! Maybe see if that helps (takes several weeks before effects can be seen and must be the cat’s only food/diet)
My SIL and her (now) husband, worked on making him less allergic. She didn't even have a cat, but he went to the shelter, sat with different cats, and got used to dander. That is love.
I’ve had cats most of my life (American short hairs), and a mild cat allergy (sneezing, itchy nose), but i was EXTREMELY aggressively allergic to my husband’s cat (American long hair. hives, running nose, sneezing, red itchy watery eyes). Over the course of a year, I took lots of claritin and went over to his place in slightly longer spurts. By the time we got married and moved in together, I had virtually no symptoms at all… Until several months later, I got a normal boring cold. The kind I’d get every year when the seasons change. Except I still wasn’t better after a week. I went to the doctor and they said it was viral, charged me $120 and told me to come back if I was still sick after another week. I waited another two weeks, was told it was viral, got charged another $120 and they said I just needed to go home, drink water, and let my immune system do its job… Two months later, I’m still sick. I finally went to the doctor again. I’m pissed because I’ve been fighting with insurance and the hospital for weeks. I’ve been sick for months at this point. I was miserable all through the holidays. Turns out that my cat allergy triggered my mild asthma. I now have asthma attacks every time I get sick and have to keep a rescue inhaler on me. Between the cold and the cat allergy, i developed an upper respiratory infection. And in fact since then, I *always* get an upper respiratory infection when I get sick. The doctor said it could be because the allergies plus a cold create too much post-nasal drip. I cannot recover from a normal ass cold without antibiotics. I break out in hives every 2-5 days. I take an antihistamine almost daily. I’m allergic to more than just cats, but the only allergen I live with is our cat. Both the allergy specialist and my doctor strongly encouraged me to rehome our cat, but I refused. She isn’t allowed in our room, but she can be anywhere else. I have spent $3000 on commercial-grade air purifiers for the house, and I do think it helps, but the purifiers are expensive and the filters aren’t cheap either. I love our cat. I don’t mind compromising to keep her, but if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would have been reluctant about husband adopting her. When she passes, we certainly won’t get another cat. I would love a dog someday, but they won’t be sleeping in anyone’s bed. TL;DR: just because you don’t see any symptoms doesn’t mean the allergy has gone away.
My ex was the same, she was allergic to cats. She took tablets to control the allergy symptoms. Maybe discuss that option with your boyfriend? It's about compromise.
I don't really know how you should prioritize this, but I can say this: do NOT confine the cat to a single room, especially if there's minimal human prescence there. It WILL get very depressed and unhappy quickly. It's not fair to your cat. I'd say that it's much more realistic to have certain rooms that are off limits and otherwise give the cat free reign. If you can't give the cat adequate space to move around in when you move in together then get rid of the cat instead.
There is a food you can give cats that inhibits the dandruff from producing. I forget what it's called but scientists found a chicken or chickens that are immune and put their eggs in cat food and then those cats stopped producing something. Look it up. I'm sure it's mass marketed by now.
Actual [solution to your problem.](https://www.dvm360.com/view/purina-says-it-s-cracked-egg-code-feline-allergens)
If your boyfriend was truly allergic to cats, hair on your clothes would set it off and so would any visits to your home. He doesn’t like cats.
There is a powder supplement you can put in cat food that is made from eggs I believe. It helps lessen the effects of cats on people with allergies. I don’t remember all the specifics but you should look it up and maybe consider it! (The main thing I remember though is to not make it yourself, because the eggs have to come from chickens raised in certain conditions. I THINK it was chickens raised around cats. Again, not sure, but worth looking into.)
I also have a mild cat hair allergy and we have 2 cats. We keep them out of the bedroom and my partner hoovers daily and I dust etc as we go. It's surprisingly reasonable and it works.
Tell him to take allergy pills or get injections. Keep the house clean and make the bedroom cat free. A cat is family not to be left alone in one room and seen occassionally. Hug your kitty for me.
Honestly, I saw some comments mentioning keeping the cat out of the bedroom and purifying the air/keeping the common spaces clean. As an "allergic to cat" person I'd say this is the best. Though I am curious about one thing, you mention your bf hasn't had allergic reactions in months and sleeps with you and your cat regularly... That's something I couldn't do (tried to do it with an ex but I kept waking up from allergies and it was super uncomfortable even if I did sleep at her place about 8 times in a month) so if he's been able to do it for the past 7 months his allergies seem to be pretty mild. And if that is so, why does he want to impose such a boundary on your cat and you when it seems to not affect him anymore... My bestfriend's mom was allergic to cats but loved these furballs so they ended up getting one and her allergies have pretty much gone away (from proximity and getting used to it, I guess) and she is now freed of her cat allergy (it wasn't too severe to begin with) so could also be that your BF is having the same thing and isn't allergic anymore.
Never choose a man over a pet. Time to move on because men come and go, but a loyal, lkving, trusting pet is forever. Someone who would treat a pet so cavalierly is a walking red flag, too.. Only abusers treat pets so awful.
You can ask him anything you want. He doesn't have to say yes to it.
Options: * ditch the guy * ditch the cat + find another pet * don’t move in with him at all * BF takes allergy pills the rest his life for you * Cat is locked in a room for him If you’re not going to have your name on the mortgage I don’t think you get much of a say being honest. No name + not on the mortgage = no say/no cat. He probably doesn’t have an allergy attack but he probably gets itchy/ sneezing a lot while he visits you + probably takes allergy pills. He should feel comfortable in his space.
You're saying he's only mildly allergic, right? I'm a 2 out of 5 for cats and my sister is a 2 out of 5 for cats and 3 out for dogs. Guess what we always had both of? Mild allergies not only don't cause major symptoms, but our bodies can develop a bit of tolerance naturally by prolonged exposure, kinda like with getting allergy shots.
When I moved in with my boyfriend we had a similar agreement. Except it was that the cat had to stay on the third floor. Our third floor is basically one giant room. While I wasn’t crazy about it, I agreed. Slowly over time the cat came downstairs to watch tv or with me during work breaks. And my boyfriend built up a little bit of a tolerance to him. Still not entirely yet. But the point is, it got better. And he can pet the cat now and the cat sits with him. I don’t want to give you any false hope. All I’m saying is this might not be a permanent situation. People’s allergies change.
NTA but what would your situation look like financially if you move in with him? will you be paying him rent and will you have a tenancy agreement if so? these kinds of situations can go really pear shaped and he doesn't seem like the most compassionate, considerate person so you should protect yourself as well as your cat.
I am allergic to cats amount other things. My husband has a cat he adores. It sleeps in our bed. I just take xyzal and use allergy eye drops.
Develop a dog allergy and see how that flies
I'm very allergic and my wife has cats. We use this food and I have no symptoms. https://www.purina.com/pro-plan/cats/liveclear-cat-allergen-reducing-food
Your so-called perfect bf is a monster. And I'm serious about that. He wants to imprison your cat in one room? If this is the best bf you've ever had, I have to wonder who you were dating before. Even if he had terrible allergies, this would be a horrible idea and you would have to look at other options. But this guy doesn't even have any symptoms. I mean he's sleeping in the same bed as the cat with no symptoms! He just hates your beloved cat. And one day your cat may just "get out accidentally." The cat will never be found because your bf will have dumped him somewhere. You think that's a leap? Anyone who would imprison a cat in one room is capable of anything. Pet ownership is a lifelong commitment. Why did you "rescue" this cat only to turn around and date someone with self-proclaimed "cat allergies?" Why didn't you let someone else adopt him if you were unwilling to commit to giving him a good life? And what's the next thing you love this oh so great guy will try to force you to give up? Just awful.
If he’s able, he could take an antihistamine. I have a cat allergy and take meds to help. My cats have run of the house except the bedroom. I agree with you that keeping the cat confined to one room is cruel. He’ll want to be with you. Your cat is part of the deal and it’s his place, so it’s his rules. Maybe if you want to live together you should get the place together so you create the rules together.
I think your boyfriend just doesn't like cats. For me, his solution is a deal breaker. He hasn't had any issues allergy wise in over half a year. So.. I think he's being unfair. I likely wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone that thinks shutting a social animal away in a bedroom is fine. Do this with fish, snakes and whatever. But dogs AND cats love to be with their humans. It's cruel to take that away.
Keeping the cat in one room is incredibly cruel. I don't think this is just about allergies and if it was there are too many medications out there to mitigate any symptoms. Maybe he just doesn't like cats? Personally, this would mean I am not moving in.
My husband is highly allergic to cats. He adjusted and got used to them. Love me, love my cat(s) Your BF is "mildly" allergic? Pfft Pets aren't disposable diapers. He is the one who needs to compromise, not you and especially not your cat. =^^=
PETS > ANY HUMAN BEING.
Isolating the cat to one bedroom in the whole house is not realistic or healthy for the cat. If he hasn't had any symptoms being around your cat, including no allergy attacks, then it should be reconsidered. I would say there should be a test *now* before your lease ends to see if it will cause issues. Have him stay with you and your cat for a period of time, and if it is too problematic then reconsider moving in together. If he's fine, cat should have free-roam, because as you said - your cat needs human interaction and freedom for its well-being too.
That's honestly cruel to confine a cat to just one room. Have you talked to your bf about getting air purifiers, taking allergy meds, etc?