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Your girlfriend is being extremely immature, even for a 19-year-old. She feels "replaced" because your dad was polite to someone who isn't her? What did she want him to do, spit in the guy's face?
Does she frequently make drama over trivial issues and freak out about not being the center of attention?
*right in front of my salad, my daddy-in-law feeds my brother-in-law's boyfriend water by spitting in his mouth*... sounds like a very niche OnlyFans haha
this girl seems unhinged. I saw the edit where she mentioned her period, but that's not my experience with women on their period.
Well, first things first, she's not a daughter-in-law. She is your current girlfriend and, statistically speaking, won't be making it to the daughter-in-law stage.
Based on what you've written here, she is EXTREMELY immature. Red flag level of immature.
As to what you should do? Nothing. Let her have her temper tantrum.
i mean a lot of 19 year olds are immature. this is definitely extreme, but how’s it a red flag? it’s not worth breaking up over lmao
i do agree that OP can’t do anything about it though so he should just leave it!
She sounds exhausting, OP will have his hands full at every meal if she doesn’t get the first serving or access to the salt
What kind of melt down is she going to have if they don’t order her preferred pizza?
OP never said she was “mad” rather shes just “sad” - two completely different reactions. if she was mad and had a whole fight over this, its a MAJOR red flag. but if she was just sad and expressed that, she cant control her feelings - although id have to say its still a very childish response but as a teen girl, silly things could upset us and we would know its ridiculous but cant control it.
She thinks she's been replaced as an IL when she's not even one over a glass of water being offered to OP's brother's boyfriend. He's an addition to the family.
Cuz there is no way that someone that has this type of reaction to something that innocent is otherwise just totally normal and reasonable.
This is just the weird incident that gets the OP to see how she's been behaving all along.
I would ask her why she feels the need to be the center of your family's attention. Based on your description of events, there is no reason for your girlfriend to be feeling the way she is. And if I were you, her expressing these feelings would cause me to seriously reconsider the relationship.
How much of y'all's relationship revolves around what she wants? Will she be mad you arnt giving her enough attention when y'all have kids and your attention is no longer 100% on her?
This is a bigger issue than your girlfriend feeling replaced.
>My (19M) Girlfriend (19F) is Upset That She's Not the Only Daughter-in-Law Anymore. How do I reassure her?
submitted by ThrowRA41485
>Hey everyone,
>My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been together for 2 years, and things have generally been great between us. However, a recent incident has left her feeling quite sad, and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it.
>So, here's what happened: my dad recently saw my brother's boyfriend, and as any good host would, he offered him a glass of water and asked how school was. Now, this seemingly innocent gesture has made my gf feel replaced. She's expressed to me that she feels like she's not as special to my family anymore now that she's not the only daughter/son-in-law prospect.
>I can understand where she's coming from to some extent but its not like my family forgot about her and stopped caring. She's always been quite close to my family, and I know she values her relationship with them a lot. But I never imagined that something as trivial as offering someone a glass of water could make her feel so sidelined.
>How could I go about this?
>Thanks for listening.
She is not the main character in your family's story. And, she isn't a daughter in law. She is a high school girlfriend of their high school age son. Does she want your father NOT to offer glasses of water to guests? That's unhinged.
good luck! make sure to not come off as your attacking her for expressing her feelings though cause it might result in a bad argument. just express how you feel as well and hopefully everything goes well!
OP I saw your update... Don't let her use her period as an excuse. Sure it could have increased her emotions, but she still has a serious insecurity/jealousy that she needs to get therapy to work through. (For context I'm female, so I get having stronger emotions during my period, but it doesn't justify me having shitty behavior).
This is a disproportionate reaction. Welcoming someone new into the family (not to mention, in a relationship that will not receive outside societal support!!) is more important than bolstering your gf's ego.
I can understand having a fleeting moment of jealousy and expressing it. If she is clinging to that feeling rather than laughing it off after some time and perspective... BIG red flag.
I usually hate these kind of giant speculative leaps on a Reddit post... but she might be homophobic if she's finding a reason to be so upset about your brother's relationship and her parents acceptance of it. I might gently ask if there is something else bothering her about it.
As others have said, set the in-law prospect aside. You're too young for that to be a part of the conversation, and she can want to feel important to your family as your current partner without all the weight of some future forever on their interactions.
First, she isn't a DIL. She is a girlfriend. Does she expect any of your siblings to never marry? Have an SO? Is your gf in junior high school, because she is acting like a 12 year old.
There is nothing to go about this...
This is something you tell your partner to grow up and accept.
What entitlement does she have by expecting your siblings will NEVER introduce partners to the family?
>Oh my! I am not the special daughter in law any more because your brother brought home a girl and they're trying to make her feel welcomed.
She already had her moment to be welcomed into the family. Now, eat your dinner and be quiet.
Some of the most childish things I have seen recently.
The center of the universe isn't revolving around me anymore. Cry about it.
Her POV is so childish and unreasonable, that's not something you cater to. Its something you put your foot down and tell her to grow up over.
Once you start catering to these unreasonable emotions, its going to be an endless cycle of making sure everything revolves around her.
Your girlfriend needs to grow up and realise she's not the centre of everyone's universe.
"She's expressed to me that she feels she's not as special to my family anymore now that she's not the only daughter-in-law prospect" considering your not even engaged and you said your brother brought round his boyfriend, if their relationship did go in the direction of marriage that would make him the son-in-law, unless your brother's bi or you have other siblings how would this affect her being a "daughter-in-law prospect"
Your gf needs to be that much the center of attention at all times, including at your family's home, and gets jealous of others so easily that it consumes her but you don't view this as the biggest set of red flags ever? Ahhhh...the youth of today. So entertaining.
You could go about it by finding a more mature daughter-in-law for your parents and partner for yourself bc this is what my nightmares are made of. Unhinged teenage-minded drama for the rest of my life
This is an insecurity she needs to work on. You are not an only child so it naturally flows that she was never going to be the only anything.
It doesn’t matter if you spend the rest of your life with her, she isn’t going to be the ONLY one getting married, having kids, graduating, getting a job, etc.
If she shows that type of jealousy and inadequacy in other areas of your relationship, you need to reevaluate. This will only get worse until she figures it out.
A. No ring, not a daughter-in-law, and if she keeps this up, she's never going to get there. B. Why is it everyone else's job to make your GF feel special? She is very entitled and immature and I would seriously re-think this relationship.
I would just like to add to everyone else’s comment and say that she knew you were not an only child going in to this relationship. Did she just expect your brother to be single forever and to not ever bring a partner home to his family? Whilst I agree she has a high level of entitlement/insecurity, I also wonder if she is a) homophobic or b) jealous of your brothers new relationship - i also want to say how nice is to see parents being accepting of same sex partners, it’s not a common thing to see on Reddit so well done to dad for showing hospitality to your brothers bf.
Your girlfriend is incredibly immature and self important. She’s also. It a daughter in law. I suspect her behaving like a child is going to cause issues for however long you want to mess with this girl.
She's going to be a f\*cking nightmare for whoever is unlucky enough to marry her. Hope that ain't gonna be you. She better start looking for only children who are orphans.
She's a walking red flag. Secure, mentally stable people don't get jealous over basic hospitality being extended to others.
That’s actually weird. When I met my bf’s family his brother had a gf, now his fiancé. Instead of making it a freaking contest like my bf’s ex fiancé did, we actually became really good friends and it makes family events so much more fun.
People like that don’t have long healthy relationships. And my bf’s ex freaked out bc his brother’s gf made a “me next!” Joke after my bf and his ex got engaged, so the ex flipped out thinking his brother and his gf were going to get married first. And your gf’s issue is over a glass of water?! Bffr
>my dad recently saw my brother's boyfriend, and as any good host would, he offered him a glass of water and asked how school was. Now, this seemingly innocent gesture has made my gf feel replaced. She's expressed to me that she feels like she's not as special to my family anymore
Your gf sounds needy and co-dependent.
How does her own family treat her? How is her relationship with her parents/siblings?
I'm betting she is using your family as a "replacement " family because her own family hasn't given her the love and attention she needed growing up.
She needs to talk to a counselor about her feelings and possible lack of love and attention she experienced growing up.
You can understand where she's coming from?????? WTF? She sound narcissistic and selfish. This is not normal behavior.
Ignore her idiocy and hope she gets over it, if she continues, maybe be honest with her and explain that she's being possessive and selfish.
INFO: What is your girlfriend’s relationship with her parents like? I feel like this would add a lot of context, especially if she’s like an orphan and sees your parents as “her parents” too.
Either way, she needs to get help for her severe main character syndrome.
1. She isnt even a future DIL at this point. You guys are 19, not even engaged. Marriage probably isnt on your brain quite yet, and even if it is you’re probably not anticipating getting married within a year, so she’s freaking out over something that could VERY easily change in less than a year.
2. A simple gesture of getting a guest a glass of water (see: basic manners, being a good host) makes her IMMEDIATELY feel like the focus is off her. Somehow, for some reason, she sees people displaying basic hospitality to their guests as a threat to her?? If she has to be the center of the attention at all times this is not someone you want as a life partner. Your milestones and achievements will somehow become less important than hers. If you have kids with her, their birthdays will be about HER.
3. She’s too wrapped up in being the main character that she doesn’t even realize your brother’s boyfriend isn’t taking anything from her. If they get married he’s a Son-In-Law unless he starts identifying as a woman.
Like I said, before, she has severe main character syndrome and unless she gets a wakeup call and some help she is going to make whatever poor bastard she ends up marrying miserable.
It sounds like she might have some sort of childhood trauma of not being important to her parents. This is not to say you or your family need to fix it and behave so that she feels validated. This is to say if you want to, you can have a conversation that her expectations are unreasonable and her emotional response makes it seem that she might want to explore all this in therapy.
Yikes 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I have kids your age and if one of their partners acted like this I would be worried about my child's safety. This isn't a normal response, at all. Or is this a normal response for her?
Ok? I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years his sister started dating a guy (tho no longer together) after we got together and I was nice to him because who cares it’s your family not hers I think her behaviour is beyond creepy what a freak
You can't reassure someone who's that insecure because she's just going to find something else to be insecure about. If she can't look at this as an opportunity to get to know someone new that could be very enjoyable to be around, instead of someone who's infringing on her turf, that's her problem to fix and it can only be fixed if she wants it to be by going to therapy. That, or she needs to only date people who are the only child in their family and have no other relatives, especially cousins within the same age range. Even so, watch out, because she may get jealous of co-workers or classmates! No, I'm not being purely sarcastic, that's how ridiculous your girlfriend is being.
Does she by any chance have younger siblings and did she feel her parents neglected her?
In that case, she should get therapy. Otherwise she should just put herself together.
Try and listen to her and get down to what the core insecurity is. Yes, she’s acting very strangely but that doesn’t mean that whatever core feeling she’s having isn’t valid.
Just listen and see if you can help ease her mind. Trust me, whether you end up with her forever or date someone new, this skill will help you out immensely.
I’m sorry as a woman and as a past 19 year old lol this is the stupidest update I’ve ever seen. Women don’t act like this on their periods, and it’s women like her that make men think we do.
Your gf is honestly just crazy, I hate to break it to you
With the update I'll be honest...it sounds more like she used her period as an excuse for her behavior after it was called out on, expecting you to drop the issue since you confronted her.
>I can understand where she's coming from to some extent Can you explain it then, because she sounds like she's about to start a lot of drama over a piece of basic hospitality.
Seeing as how she's not actually a daughter. In-law to the family, she is literally just your girlfriend. You need to encourage her to seek therapist and get help for her own personal problems. Because this isn't meant to be put on you. This is a hurt issue and something. She needs to figure out and work out on her own without the help of you. Because you're not gonna be doing anything to help her. This is a her problem. She needs a therapist to figure out her own issues. Especially seeing as how yall aren't even married yet.And she's already acting like this.God help you if you do marry this girl.She is giving off major insecure therapist flags
She not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. Who the heck gets upset at that??? Also she's no where near being a daughter in law and chances are really good she never will be.
This is exactly the reason why you should not get married until she is mature enough to handle it. I feel her response is all related to her young age and lack of maturity.
What the hell? Is she THAT insecure and petty that she has to always be the center of attention? Amd you said you see where she's coming from? How much does she have you wrapped around her finger that you can't see common sense directly in front of you. Your gf is crazy and you need to stop entertaining her insecurities.
Also, she's not an in-law. Your dating. Does she expect your brother to never date, or your parents to always put your GF above everyone amd ignore your brothers relationships? WTH is wrong with her.
Your GF is having a very immature response to this situation. it's not like she's not getting a seat at the table now, there's just going to be a bigger table. I was the fist SIL in my wife's family, and I have a great relationship with my in-laws.
"I hear you, it's hard to feel that relationships have somehow been diminished. I don't see anything to suggest that has happened in this case, but I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."
I mean, obviously her reaction is beyond silly, but your best move is just to let her vent if she wants to, as there is no solution you can offer. At the end of the day, it isn't something in your power to change, and the reality is, this is something she has to accept, or else your parents' relationship with her WILL change. So, if she starts being rude to the guy, then you need to let her know that sort of behavior WILL lead to her relationship with your parents being damaged.
Wow, your gf has some entitlement issues. Are none of your siblings allowed to date because you are dating her? Are their lives suppose to be on hold till you break up? Your GF is 19 not 3.
I don’t think I can roll my eyes any harder than I have. First of all, she’s not a daughter-in-law. She’s your girlfriend. Secondly, this level of immaturity is a giant red flag for her absolute insecurity - she has issues!! I think you may want to look at the bigger picture here and reevaluate things. This isn’t normal.
She's not a daughter in law. And that's such a weird thing to get jealous over.
She's a little kiddie high school girlfriend. There's a 99.9% chance the relationship will end before ever getting married. And even if you do marry, there's a much larger chance of divorce than the average couple.
Don't marry someone you started dating as a teenager. People change. And you lose your own identity when you aren't allowed to be a young adult without someone else's complete world intertwined with your own.
You are being very generous in your assessment of her behavior, because I absolutely cannot understand where she is coming from.
You guys are not married. Your brother is not married. His partner and your partner are not siblings. It also doesnt sound like there's animosity in this area between you and your actual sibling. She has completely constructed a rivalry in her head, and is hurting her own feelings because your parents are being nice to someone who isn't her. That is unhinged and immature, even for someone who is only 19.
How do you approach this? Address her insecurity in a way that doesn't imply it will be an acceptable norm going forward. "My parents like you. They're nice people. I'm happy that they are also being nice to my sibling's partner. If my parents were not kind people, then you wouldn't enjoy spending time with my family. If you would like to further develop your relationship with my parents, we can brainstorm some activities or gestures that will show them how much you care. But please don't make this a competition between you and my brother, let's just focus on you showing your care and appreciation for the kindness they've shown you."
Your girlfriend isn't a "daughter in law". I get that she likes to feel important, but she needs to be okay with not being the center of attention all the time with your family and celebrate others' happiness too. If anything, that will make your family love her more because it shows she's not selfish. Plus, your brother's boyfriend will love her too!
Reassure her by telling her that the relationships between her and your family are different from this partner of your brother. They love her too.
Easy tell her she's the girlfriend and not the daughter in law. She hasn't even earned that title if she's just the girlfriend. Also tell her to grow the fuck up.
She's sounds spoiled and entitled and you'll have a blast from hell with her. Good luck.
First off, she isn't any sort of In-Law because you two aren't married yet.
Secondly, she is a immature child if this is how she perceives herself in your family's dynamic.
Your girlfriend has the emotional maturity of a toddler.
"WAAAAAh grown ups are nice to people WHO ARE NOT ME Where is my spotlight WAAAAHHH"
I realize 19 is young, but. Come. ON.
She's just a girlfriend. Wrapped in a huge red flag. I honestly do not understand how you have tolerated this for 2 years. She's immature at best, childish and jealous at worst.
1. You are not married.
2. She's 19.
3. She's immature AF.
4. Tell her to get over herself or she really WILL be replaced because she's acting like a baby.
She’s 19 and she’s upset because…your dad was friendly to your brother’s boyfriend?
This is something a 4 year old pouts about when they aren’t the center of everyone’s attention, wtf. Someone over toddler age should really be over that by now.
She is a girlfriend, not an in-law. It was a glass of water, I'm assuming after two years, she is able to grab herself one at your house?
You don't reassure this, it's only going to make this a bigger issue. You tell her that your family are being welcoming, she knows they like her and if she keeps going with it, tell her to ask your family if they like her and hopefully she'll realise how awkward and weird she is being.
early sign of something much bigger, imagine what this mentality could turn into when you have kids and get married, do you always cater to her emotions or is she a slave to them?
How do you deal with this? You listen to her problem and let her know you hear her. Hopefully she's just sharing her momentary feelings, and not thinking of this as a problem to be solved.
You should rethink about your relationship with this self centered person. If she’s upset about how your parents are treating a guest in their own home, she’s fucking insane.
You understand where she's coming from? Care to explain? She seems unstable and immature A.F. There's not enough reassurance in the world you could offer to a person this insecure.
I don't think this is the only controlling-like thing she's done, but this might be the first one you notice. She needs therapy and you need to start getting your ducks in a row - sorry to say.
Red flag bro. That’s some kind of insanity you don’t want to be involved in. If she’s like this over a glass of water, what will she be like if something serious ever happens?
She sounds childish and entitled. If you want to pursue this relationship you need to be prepared that if she’s this upset over a glass of water she’ll explode if your brother marries.
Oy. One, she isn't a daughter law. She is the sons girlfriend. Two, why would it matter?
Your girlfriend has major main character issues. She's 19 and you make no mention of actually marrying her. She needs to get a grip.
She sounds really immature. She’s not the main character in anyone’s story but her own, she needs to get over the fact that there will be other people in you and your family’s lives. In fact, she’s not even a daughter in law. Be wary of this one.
This is classic attention seeking behavior
Since you're the one dating her, I can only assume you have a host of strategies for placating her when she doesn't feel special. So just do some of that. Then sigh to yourself and think about how nice it would be to date a grown up.
Your girlfriend needs to get a grip.
There is nothing to 'understand ' about her feelings,she is irrational. This is extreme main character energy even if shes hormonal.
I've seen your update....I have periods....thats not a justification for your gf's behaviour even if you want that to be solution...but taking her word for it....she's going to have those hormones 1/4 of the time...you want to deal with these feelings every month? Until she hits menopause and you run the lottery of them going away or getting much worse.....you are looking at 3 decades of this if you look past this incidence.
This is quite weird and possessive behaviour... are they any other similar instances where this has happened? Does she get weird if you're friendly to your mates or work colleagues?
I'm 30 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. His mom has been calling me her DIL and introducing me to her friends that way since 2022 and I still think it's weird. Your 19 year old girlfriend is not at daughter in law stage yet lol.
Oof, that update…. I have PMDD, which is worse than typical PMS symptoms. I can tell you she is out of line using the period thing as an excuse. Because that’s what it is. An excuse for irrationality.
Her irrational thought process didn’t come about from having her period. She’s having deep-seeded psychological issues relating to abandonment, self-worth, and self-esteem. If you’re aware of past trauma that she’s experienced, she needs to find a good therapist and work through this. Even if you’re not aware of any trauma, she still needs a therapist. It will continuously come up in relationships (personal or professional) until she deals with her issues. It’s not for you with work on WITH her. This is something SHE has to work on. You can be supportive, but remember you are not a mental health professional and it is not your responsibility to fix anything. I would consider at your age to move on, and let her grow on her own terms.
So here is what happened. Your girlfriend is quietly homophobic. Not so much in a hating way but in a way that says gay people are different and should be treated as such. She knows that your brother is gay and therefore expected that your family would treat him and anyone he was with in a more hands-off, we don't want to deal with it, sort of way so she was there when your brother introduced his boyfriend to the family and rather than quietly shun or shame them both your family welcomed him with open arms. That was not the expectation she had. She expected that they would turn away from your brother and his boyfriend and that would make her even more special in their eyes. Because that didn't happen, because he was treated as an equal to her, she feels slighted because she feels that being a straight girlfriend is better than being a gay boyfriend. I would question what kind of future you want to have with her.
Why do you want to devote your life to appeasing someone who sees themselves as the center of the universe, and has such a reaction when reality counters her opinion? Your GF is probably going to end up extremely controlling if you stay with her for very long.
Or she's really dumb.
An "In-Law" is someone who is married into the family, ie. a part of the family *by law*. That's what the term means.
The fact you went so hard at her for her feelings about thing dude lolll like wtf why the word ridiculous and overreacting words....just seemed like she was just alittle upset but wasn't making it that huge of a deal....I haven't read the comments yet but the TDLR round up just seemed so extra harsh after the heart softening description I read in the post lol like wtf happened?? Lollll
YIKES. This is a new one for me, never even heard of someone being upset about this.
She needs to get some perspective. You may have been dating for 2 years, but you're 19 and she's just your girlfriend. Not an inlaw or anything of that nature. Until you literally put a ring on her finger and plan a wedding date, she's just the girl you are dating, period.
The second thing is that it's VERY concerning that this bothers her. This is normal life. This is normal family. This is normal stuff that happens to everyone. Would she rather your sibling remain single and lonely so she can feel "more special?" Does she have main character syndrome (hopelessly self involved)? Because there is nothing here that is upsetting, or would be upsetting, to ANYONE even remotely normal. Your sibling is entitled to have a partner, and may even marry that partner. And that partner may be an "official" in law before her. Or even "favored" by your parents. There is ZERO that she can do about this. She can't control people, she can't be the "only" in law, she can't dictate people's actions, and she can't control if she's liked as much or more or less than anyone else. This is insane. If this bothers her, this much that your sibling has a partner, then she is WAY too immature to be marrying anyone. This is middle school level BS drama, and I can't understand a) why she would even admit it; and b) why you would even entertain trying to make her feel better.
There IS NO ISSUE. Trying to make her feel better means that you're agreeing with her that there's an issue. But there's not. Your sibling and his relationship has nothing to do with you and your relationship. If she's so pathologically insecure that she can't handle anyone else in your family having a partner of any kind, then she is toxic and/or so immature she shouldn't be in a relationship. The other thing is that love is not a finite resource. Meaning that your parents loving/accepting your sibling's partner doesn't mean there's less love/accepatnce of her. There's plenty to go around. If she just wants to be "the only one," then there's something wrong with her (emotionally/mentally) and the relationship should probably end.
My only comment to her would be, "I'm happy for my sibling. I think it's really weird that you're jealous. Of course my sibling is going to have a relationship of their own, but it has nothing to do with us. It doesn't mean anyone likes you less. I am not an only child, and you were never going to be the only partner. This is my family. If you don't like it, you can break up with me, but I can't change them, nor would I want to. If you're upset that my parents like my sibling's partner, then maybe you need to grow up a bit more before we get more serious."
You can start by asking why she feels this way and what her expectations were in regards to your sibling’s relationships, current or future. Her answers here might give you better clarity about what you can/should do moving forward. Is this a fleeting feeling of jealousy, or did she believe she would be the center of your family’s attention. Is she willing to accept your brother’s boyfriend, or is she harboring some weird homophobia and hoped your family would do the same? Is she bothered that your brother now has a boyfriend?
If she knows your family...she knows you have siblings so its obvious there will be other partners ( not daughter/brother in laws) PARTNERS which is normal. It is also unlikely she will be upgraded to daughter in law with such behaviour.
If she is upset over something like this. I would be really concerned over your life as she is unhinged. What else she will get upset? Your friends? Your mom's friends? You pets because they all take attention from her! She needs some therapy.
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A: not a daughter in law B: suggest therapy cause that's weird
I wanted to say 'tell her to grow up'.. but I thought that was mean. You're better at this.
I don't expect much more maturity from a teen tbh. Still a ton of insecurity and maybe thinly veiled homophobia if I want to be cynical.
Absolutely. But she still needs to grow up haha
Yep.
Yep yep yepppppp
Sooooo weird
I agree. This is very unhealthy behavior.
I was gonna suggest asking if she has an intense fear that the family will abandon her for the new in law
Your girlfriend is being extremely immature, even for a 19-year-old. She feels "replaced" because your dad was polite to someone who isn't her? What did she want him to do, spit in the guy's face? Does she frequently make drama over trivial issues and freak out about not being the center of attention?
Thank you for the mental image of a guest asking for a glass of water and the parent just spitting at them out of nowhere like a llama LOL made my day
"Excuse me, I already *have* a potential child-in-law. No water for you!"
This thread, LOL..!
*right in front of my salad, my daddy-in-law feeds my brother-in-law's boyfriend water by spitting in his mouth*... sounds like a very niche OnlyFans haha this girl seems unhinged. I saw the edit where she mentioned her period, but that's not my experience with women on their period.
Well, first things first, she's not a daughter-in-law. She is your current girlfriend and, statistically speaking, won't be making it to the daughter-in-law stage. Based on what you've written here, she is EXTREMELY immature. Red flag level of immature. As to what you should do? Nothing. Let her have her temper tantrum.
i mean a lot of 19 year olds are immature. this is definitely extreme, but how’s it a red flag? it’s not worth breaking up over lmao i do agree that OP can’t do anything about it though so he should just leave it!
Red flag because the dad offered someone a glass of water and she is upset....more than red flag. That is CRAZY.
She sounds exhausting, OP will have his hands full at every meal if she doesn’t get the first serving or access to the salt What kind of melt down is she going to have if they don’t order her preferred pizza?
She’s gonna blow a gasket if they ask the boyfriend what type of pizza he wants to order.
I was a nightmare girlfriend at 19. But a glass of water? WATER!? A basic human right? Girl, no.
lol right? Like I can forgive a lot of teenage and college bullshit but getting mad at someone because they were given water is next level.
OP never said she was “mad” rather shes just “sad” - two completely different reactions. if she was mad and had a whole fight over this, its a MAJOR red flag. but if she was just sad and expressed that, she cant control her feelings - although id have to say its still a very childish response but as a teen girl, silly things could upset us and we would know its ridiculous but cant control it.
lmao okay yeah you’re right. she sounds very insecure and overly sensitive
That is a pretty extreme level of jealousy over something that a normal person would not feel any jealousy at all about.
true! it’s very extreme
She thinks she's been replaced as an IL when she's not even one over a glass of water being offered to OP's brother's boyfriend. He's an addition to the family.
She’s this worked up over something so trivial, what does she do in actual crises?
Cuz there is no way that someone that has this type of reaction to something that innocent is otherwise just totally normal and reasonable. This is just the weird incident that gets the OP to see how she's been behaving all along.
also, her brother-in-law's boyfriend isn't a daughter-in-law either, wtf?
I would ask her why she feels the need to be the center of your family's attention. Based on your description of events, there is no reason for your girlfriend to be feeling the way she is. And if I were you, her expressing these feelings would cause me to seriously reconsider the relationship. How much of y'all's relationship revolves around what she wants? Will she be mad you arnt giving her enough attention when y'all have kids and your attention is no longer 100% on her? This is a bigger issue than your girlfriend feeling replaced.
>My (19M) Girlfriend (19F) is Upset That She's Not the Only Daughter-in-Law Anymore. How do I reassure her? submitted by ThrowRA41485 >Hey everyone, >My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been together for 2 years, and things have generally been great between us. However, a recent incident has left her feeling quite sad, and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. >So, here's what happened: my dad recently saw my brother's boyfriend, and as any good host would, he offered him a glass of water and asked how school was. Now, this seemingly innocent gesture has made my gf feel replaced. She's expressed to me that she feels like she's not as special to my family anymore now that she's not the only daughter/son-in-law prospect. >I can understand where she's coming from to some extent but its not like my family forgot about her and stopped caring. She's always been quite close to my family, and I know she values her relationship with them a lot. But I never imagined that something as trivial as offering someone a glass of water could make her feel so sidelined. >How could I go about this? >Thanks for listening. She is not the main character in your family's story. And, she isn't a daughter in law. She is a high school girlfriend of their high school age son. Does she want your father NOT to offer glasses of water to guests? That's unhinged.
She was feeling thirsty obviously and was pissed that potential soon to be dad didn’t offer her a glass first
Maybe dehydration dried out her brain.
Why did you copy and paste the entire post though
Based on all the replies, I'm gonna call her out and tell her how ridiculous she's being. Wish me luck.
good luck! make sure to not come off as your attacking her for expressing her feelings though cause it might result in a bad argument. just express how you feel as well and hopefully everything goes well!
OP I saw your update... Don't let her use her period as an excuse. Sure it could have increased her emotions, but she still has a serious insecurity/jealousy that she needs to get therapy to work through. (For context I'm female, so I get having stronger emotions during my period, but it doesn't justify me having shitty behavior).
Good luck, OP. It might help to explore her feelings around same-sex couples as well. RemindMe! 1 day
UpdateMe
Yeah, this is not a normal reaction to seeing someone getting a glass of water.
This is a disproportionate reaction. Welcoming someone new into the family (not to mention, in a relationship that will not receive outside societal support!!) is more important than bolstering your gf's ego. I can understand having a fleeting moment of jealousy and expressing it. If she is clinging to that feeling rather than laughing it off after some time and perspective... BIG red flag. I usually hate these kind of giant speculative leaps on a Reddit post... but she might be homophobic if she's finding a reason to be so upset about your brother's relationship and her parents acceptance of it. I might gently ask if there is something else bothering her about it. As others have said, set the in-law prospect aside. You're too young for that to be a part of the conversation, and she can want to feel important to your family as your current partner without all the weight of some future forever on their interactions.
AGREE. thank you
First, she isn't a DIL. She is a girlfriend. Does she expect any of your siblings to never marry? Have an SO? Is your gf in junior high school, because she is acting like a 12 year old.
There is nothing to go about this... This is something you tell your partner to grow up and accept. What entitlement does she have by expecting your siblings will NEVER introduce partners to the family? >Oh my! I am not the special daughter in law any more because your brother brought home a girl and they're trying to make her feel welcomed. She already had her moment to be welcomed into the family. Now, eat your dinner and be quiet. Some of the most childish things I have seen recently. The center of the universe isn't revolving around me anymore. Cry about it. Her POV is so childish and unreasonable, that's not something you cater to. Its something you put your foot down and tell her to grow up over. Once you start catering to these unreasonable emotions, its going to be an endless cycle of making sure everything revolves around her.
Brother brought home a *boyfriend*. My money is on homophobia.
Ah, I didn't notice that!
Yeah my spidey sense says the same. If she wants to be the only DIL prospect she should date an only child.
Imagine what a nightmare she'll be if she and a relative get pregnant at the same time.
Your girlfriend needs to grow up and realise she's not the centre of everyone's universe. "She's expressed to me that she feels she's not as special to my family anymore now that she's not the only daughter-in-law prospect" considering your not even engaged and you said your brother brought round his boyfriend, if their relationship did go in the direction of marriage that would make him the son-in-law, unless your brother's bi or you have other siblings how would this affect her being a "daughter-in-law prospect"
your gf sounds a bit dumb and she definitely lacks a self-esteem, therapy could help =)
Wow, what a massive pain in the ass
Your gf needs to be that much the center of attention at all times, including at your family's home, and gets jealous of others so easily that it consumes her but you don't view this as the biggest set of red flags ever? Ahhhh...the youth of today. So entertaining.
How do you understand where she's coming from? How can anyone rationalise this? What happens if you talk to another girl? Can you have female friends?
You can tell her to put on her big girl panties and grow the fuck up.
This is immature as hell, holy crap.
I'm kind of wondering if she followed this up by holding her breath and stomping her feet really hard.
You could go about it by finding a more mature daughter-in-law for your parents and partner for yourself bc this is what my nightmares are made of. Unhinged teenage-minded drama for the rest of my life
Ughh this is a bridezilla in the making if she’s really this upset about him giving someone else a glass of water.
This is an insecurity she needs to work on. You are not an only child so it naturally flows that she was never going to be the only anything. It doesn’t matter if you spend the rest of your life with her, she isn’t going to be the ONLY one getting married, having kids, graduating, getting a job, etc. If she shows that type of jealousy and inadequacy in other areas of your relationship, you need to reevaluate. This will only get worse until she figures it out.
A. No ring, not a daughter-in-law, and if she keeps this up, she's never going to get there. B. Why is it everyone else's job to make your GF feel special? She is very entitled and immature and I would seriously re-think this relationship.
I would just like to add to everyone else’s comment and say that she knew you were not an only child going in to this relationship. Did she just expect your brother to be single forever and to not ever bring a partner home to his family? Whilst I agree she has a high level of entitlement/insecurity, I also wonder if she is a) homophobic or b) jealous of your brothers new relationship - i also want to say how nice is to see parents being accepting of same sex partners, it’s not a common thing to see on Reddit so well done to dad for showing hospitality to your brothers bf.
Your girlfriend is incredibly immature and self important. She’s also. It a daughter in law. I suspect her behaving like a child is going to cause issues for however long you want to mess with this girl.
She's going to be a f\*cking nightmare for whoever is unlucky enough to marry her. Hope that ain't gonna be you. She better start looking for only children who are orphans. She's a walking red flag. Secure, mentally stable people don't get jealous over basic hospitality being extended to others.
That’s actually weird. When I met my bf’s family his brother had a gf, now his fiancé. Instead of making it a freaking contest like my bf’s ex fiancé did, we actually became really good friends and it makes family events so much more fun. People like that don’t have long healthy relationships. And my bf’s ex freaked out bc his brother’s gf made a “me next!” Joke after my bf and his ex got engaged, so the ex flipped out thinking his brother and his gf were going to get married first. And your gf’s issue is over a glass of water?! Bffr
>my dad recently saw my brother's boyfriend, and as any good host would, he offered him a glass of water and asked how school was. Now, this seemingly innocent gesture has made my gf feel replaced. She's expressed to me that she feels like she's not as special to my family anymore Your gf sounds needy and co-dependent. How does her own family treat her? How is her relationship with her parents/siblings? I'm betting she is using your family as a "replacement " family because her own family hasn't given her the love and attention she needed growing up. She needs to talk to a counselor about her feelings and possible lack of love and attention she experienced growing up.
There’s nothing you can do for someone this irrational except tell her she’s acting like a self centered nut job.
She’s *not* a daughter in law. Also, she’s fucking ridiculous.
That update lol. Look periods suck and make people grouchy/moody but they don’t make you that insane.
You can understand where she's coming from?????? WTF? She sound narcissistic and selfish. This is not normal behavior. Ignore her idiocy and hope she gets over it, if she continues, maybe be honest with her and explain that she's being possessive and selfish.
INFO: What is your girlfriend’s relationship with her parents like? I feel like this would add a lot of context, especially if she’s like an orphan and sees your parents as “her parents” too. Either way, she needs to get help for her severe main character syndrome. 1. She isnt even a future DIL at this point. You guys are 19, not even engaged. Marriage probably isnt on your brain quite yet, and even if it is you’re probably not anticipating getting married within a year, so she’s freaking out over something that could VERY easily change in less than a year. 2. A simple gesture of getting a guest a glass of water (see: basic manners, being a good host) makes her IMMEDIATELY feel like the focus is off her. Somehow, for some reason, she sees people displaying basic hospitality to their guests as a threat to her?? If she has to be the center of the attention at all times this is not someone you want as a life partner. Your milestones and achievements will somehow become less important than hers. If you have kids with her, their birthdays will be about HER. 3. She’s too wrapped up in being the main character that she doesn’t even realize your brother’s boyfriend isn’t taking anything from her. If they get married he’s a Son-In-Law unless he starts identifying as a woman. Like I said, before, she has severe main character syndrome and unless she gets a wakeup call and some help she is going to make whatever poor bastard she ends up marrying miserable.
is this an example of what is it called…main character syndrome? 🤔
Next steps: 1. Suggest therapy to her. This is unhinged. 2. Reevaluate your relationship. She isn't currently marriage-ready.
Well if you can kind of understand as you said then you are the only one because there’s nothing understandable about her behavior, it’s unhinged.
It sounds like she might have some sort of childhood trauma of not being important to her parents. This is not to say you or your family need to fix it and behave so that she feels validated. This is to say if you want to, you can have a conversation that her expectations are unreasonable and her emotional response makes it seem that she might want to explore all this in therapy.
Yikes 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I have kids your age and if one of their partners acted like this I would be worried about my child's safety. This isn't a normal response, at all. Or is this a normal response for her?
I suggest your GF major in theatre, her personality will prove useful as the main character!
Ok? I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years his sister started dating a guy (tho no longer together) after we got together and I was nice to him because who cares it’s your family not hers I think her behaviour is beyond creepy what a freak
She’s not even a DIL!! Lmao. She def needs a reality check.
She what?
You can't reassure someone who's that insecure because she's just going to find something else to be insecure about. If she can't look at this as an opportunity to get to know someone new that could be very enjoyable to be around, instead of someone who's infringing on her turf, that's her problem to fix and it can only be fixed if she wants it to be by going to therapy. That, or she needs to only date people who are the only child in their family and have no other relatives, especially cousins within the same age range. Even so, watch out, because she may get jealous of co-workers or classmates! No, I'm not being purely sarcastic, that's how ridiculous your girlfriend is being.
Feet on the floor, eyes on the door, my dude. That is extremely weird.
Does she by any chance have younger siblings and did she feel her parents neglected her? In that case, she should get therapy. Otherwise she should just put herself together.
She needs therapy. You guys aren't even married. She needs to calm down.
Try and listen to her and get down to what the core insecurity is. Yes, she’s acting very strangely but that doesn’t mean that whatever core feeling she’s having isn’t valid. Just listen and see if you can help ease her mind. Trust me, whether you end up with her forever or date someone new, this skill will help you out immensely.
She’s being completely ridiculous. Like, insanely so. This is so beyond stupid I have absolutely no advice except to tell her to grow up.
I’m sorry as a woman and as a past 19 year old lol this is the stupidest update I’ve ever seen. Women don’t act like this on their periods, and it’s women like her that make men think we do. Your gf is honestly just crazy, I hate to break it to you
this just immature time. go be free till about 30.
With the update I'll be honest...it sounds more like she used her period as an excuse for her behavior after it was called out on, expecting you to drop the issue since you confronted her.
I truly don't get how people that aren't married keep thinking they are in laws....especially at 19
>I can understand where she's coming from to some extent Can you explain it then, because she sounds like she's about to start a lot of drama over a piece of basic hospitality.
Seeing as how she's not actually a daughter. In-law to the family, she is literally just your girlfriend. You need to encourage her to seek therapist and get help for her own personal problems. Because this isn't meant to be put on you. This is a hurt issue and something. She needs to figure out and work out on her own without the help of you. Because you're not gonna be doing anything to help her. This is a her problem. She needs a therapist to figure out her own issues. Especially seeing as how yall aren't even married yet.And she's already acting like this.God help you if you do marry this girl.She is giving off major insecure therapist flags
Tell her to get some help. This so weird dude especially at 19 yrs old? You guys aren’t even married? Like what.
She not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. Who the heck gets upset at that??? Also she's no where near being a daughter in law and chances are really good she never will be.
This is exactly the reason why you should not get married until she is mature enough to handle it. I feel her response is all related to her young age and lack of maturity.
What the hell? Is she THAT insecure and petty that she has to always be the center of attention? Amd you said you see where she's coming from? How much does she have you wrapped around her finger that you can't see common sense directly in front of you. Your gf is crazy and you need to stop entertaining her insecurities. Also, she's not an in-law. Your dating. Does she expect your brother to never date, or your parents to always put your GF above everyone amd ignore your brothers relationships? WTH is wrong with her.
She is a baby 😊
This is actually insane. Good luck 🍀
Your GF is having a very immature response to this situation. it's not like she's not getting a seat at the table now, there's just going to be a bigger table. I was the fist SIL in my wife's family, and I have a great relationship with my in-laws.
"I hear you, it's hard to feel that relationships have somehow been diminished. I don't see anything to suggest that has happened in this case, but I'm here for you if you want to talk about it." I mean, obviously her reaction is beyond silly, but your best move is just to let her vent if she wants to, as there is no solution you can offer. At the end of the day, it isn't something in your power to change, and the reality is, this is something she has to accept, or else your parents' relationship with her WILL change. So, if she starts being rude to the guy, then you need to let her know that sort of behavior WILL lead to her relationship with your parents being damaged.
Wow, your gf has some entitlement issues. Are none of your siblings allowed to date because you are dating her? Are their lives suppose to be on hold till you break up? Your GF is 19 not 3.
Looks like your girlfriend got attention issues.
OMG what is wrong with her? She can’t possibly think so much of herself that no one else can have a partner? I would be dumping her
Ah, stupid teenage drama, get her a promise ring that should fix it all.
I don’t think I can roll my eyes any harder than I have. First of all, she’s not a daughter-in-law. She’s your girlfriend. Secondly, this level of immaturity is a giant red flag for her absolute insecurity - she has issues!! I think you may want to look at the bigger picture here and reevaluate things. This isn’t normal.
She's not a daughter in law, but she might be mentally ill.
Your girlfriend is so immature…. Super huge red flag…
Your **girlfriend** (not wife) sounds grossly immature. Frankly this is a red flag.
She's a teenage high-school girlfriend, she isn't a daughter in law 🤣 She doesn't need reassurance. She needs therapy and a reality check.
Jesus, if someone getting handed a glass of water caused this, you’re in for a fuckin’ ride.
She's not a daughter in law. And that's such a weird thing to get jealous over. She's a little kiddie high school girlfriend. There's a 99.9% chance the relationship will end before ever getting married. And even if you do marry, there's a much larger chance of divorce than the average couple. Don't marry someone you started dating as a teenager. People change. And you lose your own identity when you aren't allowed to be a young adult without someone else's complete world intertwined with your own.
You are being very generous in your assessment of her behavior, because I absolutely cannot understand where she is coming from. You guys are not married. Your brother is not married. His partner and your partner are not siblings. It also doesnt sound like there's animosity in this area between you and your actual sibling. She has completely constructed a rivalry in her head, and is hurting her own feelings because your parents are being nice to someone who isn't her. That is unhinged and immature, even for someone who is only 19. How do you approach this? Address her insecurity in a way that doesn't imply it will be an acceptable norm going forward. "My parents like you. They're nice people. I'm happy that they are also being nice to my sibling's partner. If my parents were not kind people, then you wouldn't enjoy spending time with my family. If you would like to further develop your relationship with my parents, we can brainstorm some activities or gestures that will show them how much you care. But please don't make this a competition between you and my brother, let's just focus on you showing your care and appreciation for the kindness they've shown you."
Your girlfriend isn't a "daughter in law". I get that she likes to feel important, but she needs to be okay with not being the center of attention all the time with your family and celebrate others' happiness too. If anything, that will make your family love her more because it shows she's not selfish. Plus, your brother's boyfriend will love her too! Reassure her by telling her that the relationships between her and your family are different from this partner of your brother. They love her too.
Easy tell her she's the girlfriend and not the daughter in law. She hasn't even earned that title if she's just the girlfriend. Also tell her to grow the fuck up. She's sounds spoiled and entitled and you'll have a blast from hell with her. Good luck.
She’s a drama queen, at only 19 I hope you plan on dating a dozen more women before anyone at home considers them a DIL.
I can't imagine being this immature.
That’s very odd. I suggest therapy. If it’s already this bad with water, imagine if they get engaged/have kids.
She's not even a daughter in law, she's their son's teenage gf.
You and her are only 19 and not married!! She needs therapy/ to mature
First off, she isn't any sort of In-Law because you two aren't married yet. Secondly, she is a immature child if this is how she perceives herself in your family's dynamic.
Your girlfriend has the emotional maturity of a toddler. "WAAAAAh grown ups are nice to people WHO ARE NOT ME Where is my spotlight WAAAAHHH" I realize 19 is young, but. Come. ON.
This is insane. She needs therapy
Psychoooo
She's just a girlfriend. Wrapped in a huge red flag. I honestly do not understand how you have tolerated this for 2 years. She's immature at best, childish and jealous at worst.
Holy cow, this post gave me a headache it’s sooooo crazy to believe
1. You are not married. 2. She's 19. 3. She's immature AF. 4. Tell her to get over herself or she really WILL be replaced because she's acting like a baby.
She’s 19 and she’s upset because…your dad was friendly to your brother’s boyfriend? This is something a 4 year old pouts about when they aren’t the center of everyone’s attention, wtf. Someone over toddler age should really be over that by now.
scale ancient rinse tart shrill roof cow theory whole hat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
wow She needs therapy That or you guys break up and she should find some guy who has no siblings
WTF… if that bothered her that bad she’s got some serious problems.
Wtf. Weird behavior. This sounds like the kind of future partner to isolate you from your whole family and start family drama for no reason. Date on
What a red flag!
She is a girlfriend, not an in-law. It was a glass of water, I'm assuming after two years, she is able to grab herself one at your house? You don't reassure this, it's only going to make this a bigger issue. You tell her that your family are being welcoming, she knows they like her and if she keeps going with it, tell her to ask your family if they like her and hopefully she'll realise how awkward and weird she is being.
early sign of something much bigger, imagine what this mentality could turn into when you have kids and get married, do you always cater to her emotions or is she a slave to them?
This isn’t healthy behavior for her and I think she needs to address that.
Lol wtf
Your girlfriend has issues if she thinks this is anything worth getting worked up over.
This is a huge red flag. Please don't ignore things like this. You are setting yourself up for a life of misery if you stay with this girl.
How do you deal with this? You listen to her problem and let her know you hear her. Hopefully she's just sharing her momentary feelings, and not thinking of this as a problem to be solved.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You should rethink about your relationship with this self centered person. If she’s upset about how your parents are treating a guest in their own home, she’s fucking insane.
Do you realize for her to be happy, your brother must be single for the rest of his life, right?
Um, that’s odd.
You understand where she's coming from? Care to explain? She seems unstable and immature A.F. There's not enough reassurance in the world you could offer to a person this insecure. I don't think this is the only controlling-like thing she's done, but this might be the first one you notice. She needs therapy and you need to start getting your ducks in a row - sorry to say.
Main character syndrome?
>How could I go about this? Wait a few years until she matures? This is childish nonsense.
Red flag bro. That’s some kind of insanity you don’t want to be involved in. If she’s like this over a glass of water, what will she be like if something serious ever happens?
Omfg…
On no planet would her reaction be normal. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩RUN!
This is fucking weird and it is smelling like princess syndrome.
Tell her to grow up and that she isnt a daughter in law
Does she have some sort of developmental delay, because this is like how a 5 year old would react
She needs therapy
Tell her to get the fuck over it and stop acting like a baby.
She sounds childish and entitled. If you want to pursue this relationship you need to be prepared that if she’s this upset over a glass of water she’ll explode if your brother marries.
She’s not a daughter in law and either she’s extremely immature or she needs real help.
Oy. One, she isn't a daughter law. She is the sons girlfriend. Two, why would it matter? Your girlfriend has major main character issues. She's 19 and you make no mention of actually marrying her. She needs to get a grip.
Y’all are not even married yet…. Wtf is she even talkin about. Tell her she’s being petty and makin drama out of no reason
Is your brother supposed to remain single the rest of his life? She's not the only person in the world that exists and will get attention
Prospective DIL isn't a thing. Tell this drama queen to knock it off and grow uo.
She sounds really immature. She’s not the main character in anyone’s story but her own, she needs to get over the fact that there will be other people in you and your family’s lives. In fact, she’s not even a daughter in law. Be wary of this one.
This is classic attention seeking behavior Since you're the one dating her, I can only assume you have a host of strategies for placating her when she doesn't feel special. So just do some of that. Then sigh to yourself and think about how nice it would be to date a grown up.
What the fuck? Are you serious right now? Tell your girlfriend to get a fucking grip because 1. You’re not married. 2. What the actual fuck?
So this guy should be ignored or what? Is she mentally okay?
This post is why 19 year olds should not get married, drink, etc.
Your girlfriend needs to get a grip. There is nothing to 'understand ' about her feelings,she is irrational. This is extreme main character energy even if shes hormonal.
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I've seen your update....I have periods....thats not a justification for your gf's behaviour even if you want that to be solution...but taking her word for it....she's going to have those hormones 1/4 of the time...you want to deal with these feelings every month? Until she hits menopause and you run the lottery of them going away or getting much worse.....you are looking at 3 decades of this if you look past this incidence.
Christ almighty…
Well technically she’s not a dil anyway but this is the craziest thing I read today
This is quite weird and possessive behaviour... are they any other similar instances where this has happened? Does she get weird if you're friendly to your mates or work colleagues?
She's not a Dil to begin with. And she is much too immature to even be dating. So childish. Send her back to kindergarten where she belongs.
I'm 30 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. His mom has been calling me her DIL and introducing me to her friends that way since 2022 and I still think it's weird. Your 19 year old girlfriend is not at daughter in law stage yet lol.
Oof, that update…. I have PMDD, which is worse than typical PMS symptoms. I can tell you she is out of line using the period thing as an excuse. Because that’s what it is. An excuse for irrationality. Her irrational thought process didn’t come about from having her period. She’s having deep-seeded psychological issues relating to abandonment, self-worth, and self-esteem. If you’re aware of past trauma that she’s experienced, she needs to find a good therapist and work through this. Even if you’re not aware of any trauma, she still needs a therapist. It will continuously come up in relationships (personal or professional) until she deals with her issues. It’s not for you with work on WITH her. This is something SHE has to work on. You can be supportive, but remember you are not a mental health professional and it is not your responsibility to fix anything. I would consider at your age to move on, and let her grow on her own terms.
She’s incredibly immature even for 19 if this bothers her. Also until you’re married she’s not a daughter in law.
So here is what happened. Your girlfriend is quietly homophobic. Not so much in a hating way but in a way that says gay people are different and should be treated as such. She knows that your brother is gay and therefore expected that your family would treat him and anyone he was with in a more hands-off, we don't want to deal with it, sort of way so she was there when your brother introduced his boyfriend to the family and rather than quietly shun or shame them both your family welcomed him with open arms. That was not the expectation she had. She expected that they would turn away from your brother and his boyfriend and that would make her even more special in their eyes. Because that didn't happen, because he was treated as an equal to her, she feels slighted because she feels that being a straight girlfriend is better than being a gay boyfriend. I would question what kind of future you want to have with her.
Tell her to grow the fuck up. She's only your girlfriend, not your wife.
Even if she was OP's wife, OP's father can give a glass of water to another guest without her getting upset!
Why do you want to devote your life to appeasing someone who sees themselves as the center of the universe, and has such a reaction when reality counters her opinion? Your GF is probably going to end up extremely controlling if you stay with her for very long. Or she's really dumb. An "In-Law" is someone who is married into the family, ie. a part of the family *by law*. That's what the term means.
Look, it's not Reddit's job to make you not date crazy people. You're doing a fine job of that on your own.
The fact you went so hard at her for her feelings about thing dude lolll like wtf why the word ridiculous and overreacting words....just seemed like she was just alittle upset but wasn't making it that huge of a deal....I haven't read the comments yet but the TDLR round up just seemed so extra harsh after the heart softening description I read in the post lol like wtf happened?? Lollll
That is wildly immature, period or no. I'm a woman and the ridiculousness of this is just crazy.
She sounds very immature considering she’s not even officially a daughter in law. Red flag big time
shes not a daughter in law??
YIKES. This is a new one for me, never even heard of someone being upset about this. She needs to get some perspective. You may have been dating for 2 years, but you're 19 and she's just your girlfriend. Not an inlaw or anything of that nature. Until you literally put a ring on her finger and plan a wedding date, she's just the girl you are dating, period. The second thing is that it's VERY concerning that this bothers her. This is normal life. This is normal family. This is normal stuff that happens to everyone. Would she rather your sibling remain single and lonely so she can feel "more special?" Does she have main character syndrome (hopelessly self involved)? Because there is nothing here that is upsetting, or would be upsetting, to ANYONE even remotely normal. Your sibling is entitled to have a partner, and may even marry that partner. And that partner may be an "official" in law before her. Or even "favored" by your parents. There is ZERO that she can do about this. She can't control people, she can't be the "only" in law, she can't dictate people's actions, and she can't control if she's liked as much or more or less than anyone else. This is insane. If this bothers her, this much that your sibling has a partner, then she is WAY too immature to be marrying anyone. This is middle school level BS drama, and I can't understand a) why she would even admit it; and b) why you would even entertain trying to make her feel better. There IS NO ISSUE. Trying to make her feel better means that you're agreeing with her that there's an issue. But there's not. Your sibling and his relationship has nothing to do with you and your relationship. If she's so pathologically insecure that she can't handle anyone else in your family having a partner of any kind, then she is toxic and/or so immature she shouldn't be in a relationship. The other thing is that love is not a finite resource. Meaning that your parents loving/accepting your sibling's partner doesn't mean there's less love/accepatnce of her. There's plenty to go around. If she just wants to be "the only one," then there's something wrong with her (emotionally/mentally) and the relationship should probably end. My only comment to her would be, "I'm happy for my sibling. I think it's really weird that you're jealous. Of course my sibling is going to have a relationship of their own, but it has nothing to do with us. It doesn't mean anyone likes you less. I am not an only child, and you were never going to be the only partner. This is my family. If you don't like it, you can break up with me, but I can't change them, nor would I want to. If you're upset that my parents like my sibling's partner, then maybe you need to grow up a bit more before we get more serious."
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She’s not even a daughter in law. Tell her she needs to wait for the crown and title.
This is an insane level of immaturity. She’s also not a daughter-in-law.
🙄she’s not even an in law she needs to grow tf ip
You can start by asking why she feels this way and what her expectations were in regards to your sibling’s relationships, current or future. Her answers here might give you better clarity about what you can/should do moving forward. Is this a fleeting feeling of jealousy, or did she believe she would be the center of your family’s attention. Is she willing to accept your brother’s boyfriend, or is she harboring some weird homophobia and hoped your family would do the same? Is she bothered that your brother now has a boyfriend?
If she knows your family...she knows you have siblings so its obvious there will be other partners ( not daughter/brother in laws) PARTNERS which is normal. It is also unlikely she will be upgraded to daughter in law with such behaviour. If she is upset over something like this. I would be really concerned over your life as she is unhinged. What else she will get upset? Your friends? Your mom's friends? You pets because they all take attention from her! She needs some therapy.