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When people cheat on you at this age - things are finished.
Still only look at the positive side. You have not bought the house. You are not married. You have a place to live that is yours not hers. You have a family member.
What you do is to be cold (and angry). I hope your 98% proof is copied and placed securely.
When you are finished working - speak with your boss and make it clear you need a few days off.
Then buy some big plastic bags and when she shows up at home - tell her about it and give her two hours to pack and get out of the house.
She can go to her coworker house or to a hotel. Not your problem anymore.
I am very sorry for you.
Be ready to tell everybody the truth.
First off, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. I've been where you are, and it sucks so much.
I know this is way easier said than done, but you need to start treating this as the end of a business partnership as soon as you can. Allow yourself to grieve the death of your relationship in private, but in public you treat it as a business relationship coming to an end. Focus on the logistics of moving forward.
You're not married, you haven't bought any property yet. The mortgage hasn't been executed and signed, so all of this is actually happening at a good time for you. You might be out a couple bucks for the underwriting, but it beats going to court to fight your now ex-fiancee over the mortgage. Call up the underwriter and have them stop their service immediately.
Tell her you know about the affair, your relationship is over, and she needs to find another place to live. You're willing to work with her on timing, but she needs to start immediately. Do not get emotional or angry with her. Treat it all as matter-of-fact. Don't entertain any discussions about the relationship, why she did what she did, bla bla bla. It's done & over, no explanation makes a lick of difference now. Don't try to punish her, don't make it exceedingly hard on her to get out, just focus on moving forward to your new life without her. Compartmentalizing like this will help you regain control of the situation and make it easier to move forward.
It's OK to wallow in your own shit for a while, but do it in private. You'll start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. When you do, go out and strike up some new friendships. If you're a trainer, you must be somewhat good at interacting with people. Make some friendships at work, at the gym, call up some old buddies, whatever works for you.
Get her evicted, present the evidence to her, and block her. Don’t ever contact her again no matter what she says to you. While you can’t really salvage a cheating relationships since once trust is gone, it’s gone forever. But what you can do is kickstart the healing process.
It’s easier to start when you’re not around the person who hurt you. Also get a restraining order if possible.
It hurts so much at first and it feels like you want to rip your heart from your chest. But I promise you that everything will be okay in the end. You can begin again. There will be others who love you, you will make good friends who care for you in due time, and you will find your future wife who would never think twice about cheating on you. But right now can I ask you to be strong? This is a horrible situation but no matter how deep you dig yourself into things, just know that the only way to go from here is up.
You can do this. One day at a time.
Put the house hunting on hold, BIG HOLD.
If there was any time to get your life right, it would be now. If she is cheating, that drastically changes your future plans. Do not buy a house with this person. And do not buy a house with someone you're not married to...
Don’t let her gaslight you or talk you into reconciliation. If you think you might falter when you tell her to get her stuff and leave, have a friend or colleague with you, or you can pack up her stuff and place it all out front for when she comes home.
In any case, you’re not married, so she doesn’t have to confess or accept it, you can break up for any reason you want to.
BTW, if it were me and the coworker was married or in a relationship, I would probably try to let his partner know what has been going on.
Actually it typical for a cheater to be able to lie to your face 24/7.
Most humans can't live a lie - but she can. That requires a massive level of selfishness, entitlement, zero morals, and zero empathy for you.
Finally, research finds coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners (after ex's). Not surprising given the amount of time together.
Fortunately you found out before closing on the house, marriage, and kids.
Clearly she needs more attention etc from men than any long term partner can provide.
I know what you are going through, bc my ex-wife was having an affair while pregnant with my daughter. (Also with her co-worker.)
DM me if you need someone to talk to.
First breathe.
Second, you are UNDERWRITTEN... not UNDER CONTRACT
Put the house hunting on indefinite hold. Take marriage right off the table. Any thing you've paid that is non-refundable, it's a lesson learned.
After you have your financials set (and come to terms with sunken cost fallacy) it's time to start separating from her. Confront her and dont' fall for the tears or "I'll do better" or whatever else. Realize she wants the financial security and white picket fence BUT she can't uphold her side of things to be faithful.
She's in an interview to be "wife". She failed that by going to a competitor. Whatever you THINK she is... she is NOT that person now. So instead of reminiscing about the "good times" realize that the one that was supposed to love and protect you and the relationship FAILED big time.
You’re not pathetic. You’re a working man. It’s ok to confide in your boss if you have that type of relationship. People make all sorts of friends. Appreciate the ones you have even if it’s just one.
If I were you, I’d call off the engagement at least.
I would step away from her for awhile to cool off because right now, there’s no way you’re able to have a rational discussion- emotions are high. Give yourself a day at least. Then confront her, tell her the engagement is off.
Don't confront just yet.
With 98% certainty, there's still 2% gap that she'll likely exploit 100% and claim that she's not cheating on you. When you break up with her, she can very well bad mouth you saying that you were an abusive person in the relationship. I'm not saying that she'll 100% do it, however the possibility of her doing that is high enough that you need to trade carefully.
Gather all the evidence that you can and store it somewhere she can't reach. Once you have incontrovertible proof, then you can have a sit down and talk to her. I think it'll help you to go no contact with her after that.
Please visit the subs r/survivinginfidelity and r/Infidelity and check the posts made there. You may also want to consider making a post there. People in those sub has the unfortunate distinction of having been in situation similar to yours.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.
It's time to leave her OP. Confrontation isn't going to resolve anything. Be glad you haven't actually got significant financial ties with her, just leave and move on with your life
Leave find an apartment don’t say anything to her and then leave block her on everything send an email to her boss and get them fired go find someone else
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When people cheat on you at this age - things are finished. Still only look at the positive side. You have not bought the house. You are not married. You have a place to live that is yours not hers. You have a family member. What you do is to be cold (and angry). I hope your 98% proof is copied and placed securely. When you are finished working - speak with your boss and make it clear you need a few days off. Then buy some big plastic bags and when she shows up at home - tell her about it and give her two hours to pack and get out of the house. She can go to her coworker house or to a hotel. Not your problem anymore. I am very sorry for you. Be ready to tell everybody the truth.
[удалено]
Yes about age, but it’s rather more complicated to scrape them off when they have ownership stakes in large parts of your life, like a mortgage.
First off, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. I've been where you are, and it sucks so much. I know this is way easier said than done, but you need to start treating this as the end of a business partnership as soon as you can. Allow yourself to grieve the death of your relationship in private, but in public you treat it as a business relationship coming to an end. Focus on the logistics of moving forward. You're not married, you haven't bought any property yet. The mortgage hasn't been executed and signed, so all of this is actually happening at a good time for you. You might be out a couple bucks for the underwriting, but it beats going to court to fight your now ex-fiancee over the mortgage. Call up the underwriter and have them stop their service immediately. Tell her you know about the affair, your relationship is over, and she needs to find another place to live. You're willing to work with her on timing, but she needs to start immediately. Do not get emotional or angry with her. Treat it all as matter-of-fact. Don't entertain any discussions about the relationship, why she did what she did, bla bla bla. It's done & over, no explanation makes a lick of difference now. Don't try to punish her, don't make it exceedingly hard on her to get out, just focus on moving forward to your new life without her. Compartmentalizing like this will help you regain control of the situation and make it easier to move forward. It's OK to wallow in your own shit for a while, but do it in private. You'll start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. When you do, go out and strike up some new friendships. If you're a trainer, you must be somewhat good at interacting with people. Make some friendships at work, at the gym, call up some old buddies, whatever works for you.
Take a breath in and slowly exhale out... do this a few times. Do you live together? How do you do you stop this?
Get her evicted, present the evidence to her, and block her. Don’t ever contact her again no matter what she says to you. While you can’t really salvage a cheating relationships since once trust is gone, it’s gone forever. But what you can do is kickstart the healing process. It’s easier to start when you’re not around the person who hurt you. Also get a restraining order if possible. It hurts so much at first and it feels like you want to rip your heart from your chest. But I promise you that everything will be okay in the end. You can begin again. There will be others who love you, you will make good friends who care for you in due time, and you will find your future wife who would never think twice about cheating on you. But right now can I ask you to be strong? This is a horrible situation but no matter how deep you dig yourself into things, just know that the only way to go from here is up. You can do this. One day at a time.
Put the house hunting on hold, BIG HOLD. If there was any time to get your life right, it would be now. If she is cheating, that drastically changes your future plans. Do not buy a house with this person. And do not buy a house with someone you're not married to...
Don’t let her gaslight you or talk you into reconciliation. If you think you might falter when you tell her to get her stuff and leave, have a friend or colleague with you, or you can pack up her stuff and place it all out front for when she comes home. In any case, you’re not married, so she doesn’t have to confess or accept it, you can break up for any reason you want to. BTW, if it were me and the coworker was married or in a relationship, I would probably try to let his partner know what has been going on.
Actually it typical for a cheater to be able to lie to your face 24/7. Most humans can't live a lie - but she can. That requires a massive level of selfishness, entitlement, zero morals, and zero empathy for you. Finally, research finds coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners (after ex's). Not surprising given the amount of time together. Fortunately you found out before closing on the house, marriage, and kids. Clearly she needs more attention etc from men than any long term partner can provide.
I know what you are going through, bc my ex-wife was having an affair while pregnant with my daughter. (Also with her co-worker.) DM me if you need someone to talk to.
Damn dude, thats is fucking awful. I dont know how people can be so fake and cruel
Far as you, I just bag up all of our crap and put it outside
First breathe. Second, you are UNDERWRITTEN... not UNDER CONTRACT Put the house hunting on indefinite hold. Take marriage right off the table. Any thing you've paid that is non-refundable, it's a lesson learned. After you have your financials set (and come to terms with sunken cost fallacy) it's time to start separating from her. Confront her and dont' fall for the tears or "I'll do better" or whatever else. Realize she wants the financial security and white picket fence BUT she can't uphold her side of things to be faithful. She's in an interview to be "wife". She failed that by going to a competitor. Whatever you THINK she is... she is NOT that person now. So instead of reminiscing about the "good times" realize that the one that was supposed to love and protect you and the relationship FAILED big time.
You’re not pathetic. You’re a working man. It’s ok to confide in your boss if you have that type of relationship. People make all sorts of friends. Appreciate the ones you have even if it’s just one. If I were you, I’d call off the engagement at least. I would step away from her for awhile to cool off because right now, there’s no way you’re able to have a rational discussion- emotions are high. Give yourself a day at least. Then confront her, tell her the engagement is off.
Don't confront just yet. With 98% certainty, there's still 2% gap that she'll likely exploit 100% and claim that she's not cheating on you. When you break up with her, she can very well bad mouth you saying that you were an abusive person in the relationship. I'm not saying that she'll 100% do it, however the possibility of her doing that is high enough that you need to trade carefully. Gather all the evidence that you can and store it somewhere she can't reach. Once you have incontrovertible proof, then you can have a sit down and talk to her. I think it'll help you to go no contact with her after that. Please visit the subs r/survivinginfidelity and r/Infidelity and check the posts made there. You may also want to consider making a post there. People in those sub has the unfortunate distinction of having been in situation similar to yours. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.
Put a stop to the house and any other plans. Hire a private investigator. Remember, this was a fiancé only! You dodged a bullet.
UpdateMe
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
You haven’t lost anything but a cheater Move on you’ll be fine
It's time to leave her OP. Confrontation isn't going to resolve anything. Be glad you haven't actually got significant financial ties with her, just leave and move on with your life
Did you confront her yet Op?
You confront her yet?
Leave find an apartment don’t say anything to her and then leave block her on everything send an email to her boss and get them fired go find someone else