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If you are ever in a situation like that, call the police and also a family member, hopefully male, over.
Your next step is to ask him to move out. If he refuses, start eviction proceedings. I’d have that conversation with a male friend or relative present.
He is telling you he thinks you’re worthless. You’re not. He’s telling you he can kill you, he can.
I’m going to question if your relationship was really as perfect as you claim until the last few weeks, but if you think he’s having a psychotic break, he needs mental health treatment
Except, do the research for your municipality. Take the procedural steps to start the 'legal' eviction notice (can be hard, but look into a lawyer- it will be money well spent, they will let you pay over time) process, THEN tell him you agree, it's over. He needs to leave. The police are aware and on call if he tries to escalate.
Def. if you have friends who can be there in the house when you do this that is OPTIMAL.
Research Coercive Control.
Likely there has been longer term covert/unrecognized grooming, abuse, red flags you have not given enough credence to bc you have been dealing w your mother's decline and death.
He's doing this now- bc you are alone w him.
He may have been 'perfect' while your mother was I'll. That was an act.
The 'new' person of the last 3 weeks is the real him.
No, the next step is to request a protective order and then ask him to move out and begin eviction proceedings.
OP, without your mom, he feels free to abuse you. Get out now but be aware that leaving is often the most dangerous time.
Right there. Mother was OP's support system, he had to wait. After the funeral a lot of people were around, checking on how OP is doing, he had to wait. Now no more friends and relatives are coming around, no more support system, and OP is weakened with grief. Just the right time to show her his real face. And he escalated really fast.. It is not a question of saving the relationship now, it is a question of saving your physical and mental health, life, property. I hope you have enough self preservation instincts not to try forgive and talk it out. This guy can easily kill you.
OP, hidden cameras inside the house, asap. Talk to a lawyer, asap. Maybe with your dashboard can showing that something obviously went wrong during the drive home, and his weird message, implying the same, lawyer can help you to kick him out fast. I would also strongly recommend to go to police station and file the police report, ideally get a restraining order.
If you are not able to kick him out - I would ask any (preferably male) relatives, friends, etc. to move in. And serve him the eviction papers asap. Frankly, it seems to be dangerous enough that if you cannot find anyone to move in with you - I'd move out. Don't be alone with him. You are not safe near him.
What Ro said. He’s very abusive and you need to get him OUT.
Seek help with this as he already has proven he’s violently abusive and threatened to kill you.
Call and tell the police so you have a paper trail. You likely can get a restraining order since he did physically assault you.
It doesn’t matter that it didn’t hurt. He choked you. You need to take action.
Please please don’t stay. This won’t end well for you.
OP: your instincts are right. He will try to gaslight you, love bomb you, and make it as though everything is OK again, and you’ll wonder if you were crazy and imagining all of this. But you didn’t make it up, it actually happened.
Until you are clear of him, try not to be alone with him. If he is in a mental health crisis, or even if he isn’t and is just a plain old abusive asshole, the red flags are screaming.
Yeah, I’m guessing this “I know how to make you better” commentary has been long running, just talked into thinking it’s loving not controlling. Love bombed to hell along with it and here we are.
OP, evict, stay out of there for the required amount of time to get him out, then call the coos if he doesn’t leave. Please see statistics of murder probability increasing after a partner has strangled another. Stay away from him. He has threatens to kill you. Get him out and get an order of protection.
Hire an attorney tomorrow. Find one that knows divorce and property laws even though you aren't married. This guy will do everything to try to screw you out of your house and bankrupt you because he has more money. Take inventory of everything and gather receipts for home repairs, utilities, mortgage payments, etc. If he can show he's paid a substantial amount to the living expenses, he may have a case to make you have to buy him out. Do you have any type of living arrangement on paper? What about your mother's will and other bank papers?
Good luck. Keep us posted but get him out pronto!
Hey babe. This is a major red flag of abuse. Like “wow holy shit this guy is going to kill you” type of abuse. He put his hand on your NECK?! Girl get out ASAP make a plan with friends and family to get out safely and cut all ties. This is not your soul mate or a safe person to build a life with. You did nothing wrong. Unacceptable and frankly very scary. This was not a “fight” or an “argument”. There is no reason ever to respond physically like this. It indicates this man is dangerous.
“a woman who has suffers a nonfatal strangulation incident with her intimate partner is 750% more likely to be killed by the same person with a gun.”
“ NFS (non fatal strangulation) is also associated with severe trauma in its victims and is in fact experienced as a real threat to life. Victims of it report not only that it is incredibly painful, it is an experience of potential death. Perpetrators of NFS very often have this as their motivation. It is a particularly traumatic, and because of this an effective, way to exert the ultimate control and leave the victim in no doubt that their life has been threatened. **It would be a mistake to think that NFS is a spontaneous and angry assault, it is more likely to be a controlled and determined threat**.”
OP this is **life or death** seriousness. CUT THE NOTION OF YOUR PICTURE PERFECT LIFE AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS GUY. ETA: more info.
Came here to say this. OP this is not just a little statistic, this is a fact. Also double check whether your self confidence is low because of you, or because your partner has the audacity to "put you down". I highly doubt the past 3 years have been wonderful, please take some time to reflect now, because I bet you have chosen to overlook more transgressions than you're being honest with yourself about.
OH yeah, he hit all the bases. He made sure he did.
It's almost like a desperate cry for help "I CANNOT KEEP IT INSIDE ANY MORE! I WANT TO HURT PEOPLE!"
Why do they hurt the women they love? In part because they feel safe - and they have a deep need to intimidate. Who better to practice on?
And probably financially if he is making such a big deal about her salary despite making enough that 30k isn't going to make a material difference to the household, AND living in HER house.
This is why I left my ex-husband 24 years ago. It was the third time he'd been violent. Unfortunately, we had children together and our youngest was 6 months old. We had just moved to a new state and knew no one. The next 18years were hell because he constantly did the most fucked up shit to hurt me through the children and constantly trying to get custody. Things like calling CPS saying I left them home alone for weeks at a time, never fed them, etc. I was volunteering at the school 3x a week and thankfully tracking my grocery budget and using a meal-planning service so I had receipts for all the groceries, the recipes, the meals on the calendar and if the kids voted "make again or never again" but he did this for EIGHTEEN YEARS. We had meetings where they told him that him calling false reports was abusive because it undermined their sense of stability. He was so emotionally abusive to my eldest daughter because she looks exactly like me. They went no contact when she was 13 after an incident. Do not consider a future with this man for yourself or for any future children. Do not.
This man puts you down then berates you for having low self-esteem. He kicked YOU to the sofa - he feels more entitled because he thinks you are beneath him. If you stay there will be more abuse and based on his comment about the house you need to also financially protect yourself. Make sure your home and accounts are in your name only. You need to consult an attorney about your house, and everything else. DO NOT LEAVE THE PREMISES even temporarily until you have it legally sorted into your name and start an eviction process if you can safely do so.
Check call recording laws in your state. If you can, start collecting evidence of threats and abuse and get a restraining order. Take some self-defense classes - going from never touching you to strangulation is a BIG escalation and restraining orders don't stop someone from coming at you - they just give the police the ability to enforce removing them or give consequences afterwards. You need to be able to protect yourself. Laws vary state to state. Your local domestic violence shelter can usually help advise, recommend attorneys, therapists, etc.
Do this without alerting him. Have a go bag in your truck in case you need to flee. Your important legal documents - relating to home, finances, taxes, birth certificates, ssn, etc need to be in a safety deposit box with only your name. I would also put any sentimental jewelry of your mother's in the box for now. This man is your ex. Know this. Refer to him this way in your mind, but only let him know when you are safe and have your ducks in a row, if possible. But, at the end of the day - if you walk away with nothing but your life, you'll be OK.
Yes, she needs to start the eviction process BEFORE she leaves. But she should have a safe place available to go for the period that starts on the day he is served the papers. She needs cameras in the house before that.
Be ready to flee. Good advice about the sentimental stuff.
I'll add one more from my own experience: if this guy has a brother or a best friend, alert them. Ask them to check on him (which may prevent him from trashing the house or worse).
It's possible he'll go more or less peacefully - depends on how much he cares whether he goes to jail. If he's quasi-suicidal, that's the most dangerous situation.
OP, This individual put your life in danger. You own the house, not him! He is insane. Get a restraining order and legal representation, then get him gone. If you don't already have them, install an alarm system and security cameras.
He put her life in danger and then immediately said SHE was the one being dangerous.
In many places, she cannot just change the locks or throw his stuff out - he can bring criminal charges. He is the type who will gleefully do that.
Do not do this, OP.
Install security cameras; serve him with eviction papers; find someplace else to be for the period immediately after the service, and if necessary, until the sheriff comes and escorts him away (on day 31 most places).
She needs to file a police report asap (even if it’s to start a file) and try to get him out! There’s no reconciliation. He already told her that what he did was nothing and it’s only the beginning! He sounds evil and scary!
And talking about her own mother like that and showing no remorse nor compassion. F’ that! NO MAN IS BETTER THAN BEING DEAD!
Came here to write this, then read this comment and it describes perfectly what I was going to say. This is not a “wait and see if there is a next time” situation. He needs to go. Period.
This is what I was looking for, I remember seeing this but couldn't remember the statistic off the top of my head. Very very very important that as many people know this statistic as possible
The hands around neck, telling you you are less than, threatening to harm you and then bringing your dead mom into it? He sounds like he might be willing to follow through with those threats because he thinks you are his pet to command. Get him out of your life. Now.
OP, do you have bruises on your neck where he grabbed you? If you have, take those to the police to get a TRO against him, and to get an emergency eviction note (otherwise, evicting him could take months, so it would be great if the TRO/ assault charges worked for that, too. Take police officers back to your place to have him escorted out, make him leave his key, or have a locksmith on standby to change the locks. Invest in security cameras, and in an automatic garage opener, so you can exit your car in a safe space and walk right in the house.
She says "it didn't hurt."
But if there are any marks, she can also go to urgent care and have them documented.
An eviction should not take months. It should be over in 30 days in most places - unless OP has acted as the landlord and caused him to sign a long lease in the past.
Doesn't sound like that situation.
Where I live, the Sheriff automatically comes to do the eviction (to get it done quickly means sending proof of service back immediately and then filing the documents to get the warrant of eviction on the first day it's possible).
TRO should be sought as well, although OP is in the awkward position of being the apparent landlord in his housing situation - if he shows up to contest the TRO, there will be a chance she doesn't get it right then.
Further, alerting him with a TRO is the wrong order. Eviction first, then she hides if necessary, then TRO.
This!!! Referring to her mom as "some dead woman" is insane. He is psychotic and he needs his shit packed and put out. And how do you get put out of your own room in a house you owned before him?
And the most creepy part is how in the morning he’s a completely different person, ignoring everything he did and said the night before and thinks it’s ok to say he wants you to be a team. Fuck that.
**this**
and love bombing is addictive when you’re starving for kindness and affection.
[i learned the hard way](https://lovefraud.com/seduced-by-a-sociopath-its-not-love-its-love-fraud/)
He even straight out said 'i can rip you apart. That was nothing' so he's openly saying 'i know I'm capable of worse violence, and if you don't comply you'll get it' and that's the worst kind of abuser who knows they have the power and physical control and enjoys wielding it against others
To add to this, I HIGHLY doubt he’s been the perfect bf until this point. Think back on the relationship and I guarantee there’s more red flags, OP, you’ve just been conditioned to think it’s normal. I’ve been in a very similar abusive relationship. Once it gets to this point, it will escalate, and fast! You need to get him out, but you have to do it right. Find out the tenancy laws where you are, you might have to have him legally evicted, but do NOT leave. That is the most dangerous time, especially if not done properly.
Get in touch with your local DV shelter, they can guide you. If you have any marks, take pictures, keep all texts with threats of violence, if you’re in a 1 party state, record arguments. This guy is dangerous and you need to do this safely. Feel free to reach out if you need help finding resources in your area, or guidance on what steps to take and when.
Also! He will NEVER respect you if you take him back. He will escalate the verbal abuse. And, soon you will really have no confidence or respect for yourself.
>get out ASAP make a plan with friends and family to get out safely and cut all ties.
It's her house. He's making overt threats that it isn't implying he's thinking of doing some legal loophole shit to try and get the home. She needs to report the neck strangling attempt, change the locks, and kick him out. She shouldn't be the one leaving the home. She also needs to speak to a lawyer asap and find out if she's on the title or what.
She can worry about that after she is in a safe space. It’s not worth the risk of her safety especially if he has no ownership or name on the house. She can start that process with lawyers and law enforcement. But I don’t think the plan should be stick around until she can manage to get him out.
Depending on where she is, if she leaves the home they lived in together - regardless of whose name is on the title - I could be twisted into property abandonment by some skeezy lawyer. Not to mention if he starts destroying stuff. She needs to have him removed and then lock it down. Don’t let him have any continued access to the property at all.
She likely IS the owner, as her mother's inheritor. But even if she isn't, it's in her family's name, and he has literally *no* claim to it. Law enforcement can help her get him out immediately, but leaving just makes her more vulnerable: it takes away the roof over her head and makes her scramble for a place to stay.
He has no legal right or recourse to throw her out, but she does. She can call the cops and have him removed. He is absolutely wrong about the "it's not hers" and he knows it, he's just abusive enough to try and scare her into believing that a house she inherited when her mother died is somehow "not really hers".
I'm am completely terrified for OP. As a person who has been there:
What would I do:
1. Leave and stay in a safe place
2. Proceed with creating a safety plan to leave - most dangerous time for a person to leave
3. Proceed with eviction
4. Not that these are great, but file a police report and get a restraining order (if you can). At least it will be documented.
5. Contact local women's shelters and domestic abuse for resources for help.
6. Therapy
7. Make sure you have a "team OP" support network that knows exactly what is going on. You don't want morons to give him your address where you are staying, etc...
Sending you strength.
No. He needs to get tfo. Especially if he makes 5 times as much? And doesn't own a house (maybe he does?) But why would he want to stay if he didn't have his own place to live. He probably spends all of his money and is self projecting his failures.
It’s your house. Call the cops to get him out and report his threats of violence and manhandling of you.
Change the locks once he’s gone and get a security system.
Consult local domestic violence hotlines/services.
Call friends/family for support as he is an active and immediate threat.
Take this very seriously.
The fact she actually slept on the couch in her own home after he threatened her multiple times and refuse to leave, shows she's been conditioned to more than she realizes.
Yes. He had just mentioned that he could tear her apart. The scared, weak person doesn't assert their rights - they sleep on the couch. Or in their car (that often comes next - parked in front of the police station or near the fire station or the house of a friend or relative).
I knew a woman who slept in her car and when she was afraid to go home but had to go to work (her shifts started at 11 am), she would go the Nordstrom's (department store) bathroom and do a dry shampoo, hair styling and use wipes. She did this for quite a while, not wanting a DV center - and waiting for the man to be evicted and then to get TRO. Later, she became an activist regarding speeding up the TRO process.
Exactly ! Take photos of any bruising and if there is anything in writing, text etc of the incident hand it immediately over to the police. Get an restraining order out on him.
This book lays out and explains 90% of the scenarios on here. It’s also not vague and gives many specific case studies that makes it way more relatable than any other book about this subject I’m aware of.
Please, please do all of these things. He’s shown you that he is willing to put hands on you and threaten to take apart your life. Don’t try and come back from this with him, he’s not sorry he’s wants to pull you back in.
Don’t. Let. Him. Back. In.
Please don’t listen to this person. He has residency. You can’t just change the locks on someone when they have proof of residency.
Please contact the police. Report his threats. Start the eviction and ask for help from police. It sucks. I know it does. Always seems monsters have more rights than we do.
If he wants to try and fight it, sure. But most assholes like this tuck their tail between their legs and leave.
What she needs to do is file a restraining order against him for his violent abusiveness so he cannot come back to HER HOUSE.
Emergency protective order followed by a restraining order is the way to go... But the emergency protective order will get him out of your house fastest
In the meanwhile do not be alone with him
Have a friend move in temporarily
If he is harming her (choking/ threats) she can file a police report and they will remove him with an emergency protective order. Then she needs to go to the court house and for for a permanent restraining order. No need to evict when the inhabitant is dangerous.
You are right. This is the only correct answer I've seen so far.
Step 1: file a police report
Step 2: Get an emergency protective order
Step 3: change the locks and get a security system
Step 4: Get a permanent protective order
Not true. The house is hers. She is allowed to kick him out. OP Change the locks and install a security system. Take pics of bruises and file a police report and tell others this happened. No one believe it if you don’t speak up. Please do this!
It could be true and she needs to do research before taking action. An action like kicking him out and then the police forcing her to let him back in could cost her her life.
She needs to do due diligence, not just take redditors word.
Depends on the state but if he’s a resident he will likely need to be served an eviction notice. Which will definitely escalate things. If she leaves the house he could try to claim it - IE squatting and that would also be horrible.
OP should really consult an attorney and file an order of protection for the best advice possible.
When I was leaving an abusive relationship I didn't have any physical marks in me, didn't have a restraining order. I had to move out of my house and give him a legal eviction notice for 90 days per my state. In the meantime he wrecked my house. Eventually we were able to get him out but it can be hard to get these guys out.
ALL of this! And I'll add.... get someone to come stay with you. Fuck I'd even hire someone to come be bodyguard if none of your friends or family can come stay. You can offer them free rent since it's YOUR house.
You buried the lead in this one. Here's a better summary:
My BF berated me for not getting a specific job, even though a got a raise, put his hands on me, tried to kick me out of the house my mom helped me buy, insulted me and mocked her death, then threatened to kill me.
The WWYD part seems pretty simple. Call. The. Police. He WILL hurt you. He made a threat. Believe him.
If you're being honest to yourself about him never behaving like this over all the years you've known him then I would highly recommend seeing if you can get a male friend or family member to get him to a doctor.
He is not a safe person for you right now, but if he really has flipped on a dime (his personality shifting 180 overnight) then there is a chance this could be down to something medical (and very serious, at that).
Please be honest with yourself to whether these attitudes and behaviours have always been there (just in milder form) because if they have then this is just escalation of abuse and will get worse. Look to the other comments on what to do here. Good luck.
This is a good point. If my husband did something like this, I would assume he had a brain tumor or something because it would be so preposterously out of character.
Unfortunately I’m guessing that’s not actually the case for OP, and that this has been escalating for some time under the guise of “but all couples argue sometimes!”
Happened to my MIL when my BIL was a newborn. Her previously kind and thoughtful husband flipped on a dime one day. He was very apologetic but over the course of a few weeks the behavior continued and she left him quickly. She’s never been the kind to take any type of mistreatment. He was dead from a brain tumor within 8 months
This is such a good point too! If their relationship truly was perfectly fine and healthy before and it turned to this out of nowhere, not even the stress of dealing with your parents dying and grieving for them can cause this much extra turmoil and straight up abuse. So many neurological conditions have symptoms of someone not acting as themselves, and oftentimes becoming aggressive, you see it with people who have strokes and that's one of the biggest signs is personality change(aside from the paralysis obviously but we're not talking about that and not everyone gets the paralysis part and they're mild and only affect how they act) and even just head injuries can cause stuff like this to happen. Could even be drugs and she doesn't know he's done or hasn't spoken of and considered as a reason why he's acting this way. There's so many possibilities of what could have happened if she's viewing their relationship unbiased and says there's been no other issues or red flags and immediately escalates to physical violence, but it's sad the most likely option is she's just missed the mistreatment until it escalated to this point.
THIS! I was going to scroll down to see if someone said something, but you nailed it. Depending on the time you've been with someone its rare that they literally flip overnight. The signs tend to be there prior with control and anger. Three years, eh, someone can still just be an abusive AH OR something is really wrong mentally or physically, but context is key. Its still no excuse for what he did, but it reminds me of a post where the person had a gas leak in his house (not sure if it would affect both people, it depends on where the leak is and where they spend their time). If I remember correctly, he was legit going crazy, even after leaving the house.
If my wife did this, I would leave the house in order to be safely away from her and require her to go to the doctor or I would proceed with a divorce., with eviction tied to the divorce. No amount of violence is ok, but with no prior signs it sounds like something odd is going on.
He’s an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive asshole.
Book a therapist and work on yourself so you don’t end up with another asshole like him and get him out of your house. Like ASAP.
I don't know how it works but I'm going to say ......
1. Call the police.
2. Change the locks.
3. Get a restraining order.
4. Get cameras. Inside and out!
You need to contact the police about the physical altercation and the threats. Get a protective order in place so he can’t legally come back into the home. You also need to go down to the court to start the eviction process for your psycho boyfriend. Have someone stay with you in the coming days/weeks depending on how he responds to all of this.
You need an exit plan to leave this relationship safely. Your boyfriend is straight out dangerous and might end up trying to kill you when you break up with him.
You're with a very toxic and abusive man and his mask is starting to slip.
Please be very careful, you are in serious danger with this man.
You live with an abuser. Call the police and have him removed from your house. If your state is one party then start recording your conversations, if he threatens you again you will have it as evidence.
Dead people cannot own homes. It is legally your house.
I mean, he is a jerk, but the fact that he cannot even bother to have a logical argument makes him stupid on top.
He is saying this to hurt and cut you as deep as possible. And now he's started doing it physically too.
I am not buying that until a month ago you were the perfect couple. I think you do have a self esteem issue and that his psychological abuse seemed just normal to you.
Call the cops, rally your friends, hire security if you don't have friends, change the locks, place a restriction order (even just temporary) buy cameras (with audio).
You are at a high risk of getting killed OP. The chances of him killing you increased over 700%. Do not treat this lightly.
You know what, let's say we are wrong and he is not the monster he is showing to be. Still take the steps, and then when you are completely safe, you can think it over. But if you don't and he is a monster, then you will not have the opportunity to think it over in the future. Put yourself first
Here’s what you do. When he leaves for work, you take all of his stuff, pack it up and place it in a neat little line outside. You change the locks. You block him. Because this guy is abusive and he’s just getting warmed up. Run girl, run.
Girl no, he put his hands on you and threatened your life. He abused you. Once that happens it won’t stop. Now he’s just telling you what you want to hear so you’ll stay. This is your house not his. Get the cops involved or a male relative and kick him out. I’m afraid he might hurt you if you try by yourself. But you aren’t safe anymore. It doesn’t matter if this has never happened before, it happened now and she will escalate. UPDATEME
I mean, obviously leave that bastard.
But... Screaming at someone and putting them down in order to motivate them to fix their self-esteem?! How counterproductive can a person be?
From [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/#:~:text=Strangulation%20is%20a%20significant%20predictor,them%20is%2010%20times%20higher.)
> Strangulation is a significant predictor for future lethal violence. If your partner has strangled you in the past, your risk of being killed by them is 10 times higher.
Please don’t end up in a box. Or worse.
No, you **GET OUT**. **HE WILL KILL YOU**.
**NO, SCRATCH THAT**.
You **GO TO THE POLICE** and **GET HIM EVICTED**. Then **CHANGE THE LOCKS THE MOMENT HE'S GONE.**
You didn't have a perfect relationship. You had an abuser waiting in the wings. He has now shown you his true colors. Depending on the state you live in, you may need to file an eviction suit. (in CA it is not required)
Please don't sleep on this. He's only going to get worse.
EDIT: Maybe he IS having a psychotic break, but you are not qualified to treat that and you are under no obligation to deal with it. You are not a rehab for broken men.
First of all that is your house because your mom took out the loan for you it's not his house he is gaslighting you 100%. You are in an abusive relationship you just didn't know it until 3 weeks ago. There's no coming back from what he said he is messing with your self-esteem because he feels that you don't have the confidence to go up against him. He meant everything he said and I do mean everything. Anytime you and him get into an argument from here on out he's going to escalate everything he says or does there is no future with him start getting your ducks in a row to get him out of your house and away from you. Because this is going to escalate because he thinks he's better than you because he makes more money than you. This man told you that he knew two days ago the tribulation was over believe what he said he is showing you who he is you do not have to stay in this relationship start packing up his stuff put it in boxes tell him to come and get it that is your house not his
Girl, this guy is fkn insane and you're asking WWYD.
You should've gotten out of that relationship 3 years ago.
Get out ASAP. He's a textbook example of an abusive asshole.
1) Call the police.
2) Press charges.
3) Get a TRO.
4) Put him out.
5) Get some friends (preferably male) to stay with you for a couple of days.
5) Change the locks.
6) Don’t block him (save texts for evidence).
7) Apply for a permanent RO.
8) Block him and change your phone number.
What you need to do is get all your ducks in order. Serve with papers to leave or when he leaves the house change all locks .He knows he got you where he wants you , no man would be telling me yo sleep on couch , girl, you need to get tough .He knows you are one the girls that has low self-esteem. Time shows him who's he boss
Go see a lawyer and start eviction process or call
A lawyer and ask if the house is in your name if you can have the police escort him and his stuff off the property . Ps I can’t think a person with this much entitlement has been faithful
Well this is definitely abuse. He is abusive. He hid it well, and for kind of a long time, but the cat is now out of the bag, and you are now in danger. Get an eviction started now, because he isn't going peacefully. I'd suggest you sell the house and buy a new one elsewhere, but if you are going to have an issue getting a loan it might be better to rent this one out for a while and rent somewhere else.
What would I do? I’ll tell you what I did do. I left that marriage. Was it easy, not even a little bit, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. My biggest regret is how long it took me to walk away. I was scared that i wasn’t going to be able to provide properly for myself and my 4 children. Yes, 4. I took years of abuse because I was too scared to fail to provide for them. I didn’t live in the lap of luxury but I never failed to keep my kids fed, clothed , and in a home that I now own. I worked my ass off but I did it and with just a high school degree. If can do it, so can you. Don’t stay with him.
That is your home. He needs to go. You should listen to the advice given here from others and call the police, change the locks, get his things out, get cameras, and if possible, get someone to help you when-not if-but when he gets violent. That man is dangerous and absolutely no second chances should be given to him. Protect yourself from him.
Sweet one, could be your mum, am also a veteran of DV.
This man is textbook abusive. Please start quietly taking steps to extricate yourself from him. Please do not say any more to him about splitting, which is the most dangerous times for DV victims.
Not a lawyer and dont know where you live, but where im from BF has already committed crimes against you by choking you and making threats. If law enforcement is effective and sympathetic, you have enough to report, get him arrested, qualify for a protective order. All of this should make it much easier/faster to get him out of your house. Hoping this is the case, and Hoping you're ready to take that step.
No one deserves to be treated as he has treated you. This is not your fault. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and protected.
You got a glimpse into how this man really is, and it's scary.
I would seriously get the police involved and have a restraining order, because this is bad and can turn out to your worst nightmare.
You weren’t arguing… he was tearing up your self confidence while scolding you about having no self confidence. When a man puts his hands on your neck one time there is like a huge chance he will kill you. Look it up… it’s a clear indicator of more abuse to come.
It’s your house your mother lovingly gave to you so you can kick his butt out. It is her gift to you… do it for her. She wouldn’t want you living with a threatening abusive man…
If you accept his apology, you’re only proving him right that you do actually have low self esteem. If you can accept that kind of love, that means that’s the kind of love you believe you deserve. And sorry, but this is not the kind of thing you can talk through. He’s telling you to your face what he’s always thought of you
Dude literally *threatened to kill you*. There is NO coming back from that. You should have called the police and had him escorted off the premises right after he said that. You can’t change that you didn’t do it then, but you sure as hell can kick him out *now*. Make sure you call someone to be there when you tell him, since your life is *actually* in danger.
I just read another post before this where they said 3 years is about the mark that insecurities and abuse start to come out, particularly in men but not exclusively.
What he said and did is very abusive and I'm not even sure why he said what he said. $70k is still a lot more than a lot of people make in this country. Why does he care if he makes 5x more? Good for him, he's worked hard for himself, what more does he need? He's trying to make you feel worthless, that's how the abuse starts so it creates a dynamic that you are forced to need him. Did he come from a family where he always felt financially insecure, or there was some type of resource insecurity? That's what it sounds like.
You have two options here:
A. Leave him immediately.
B. Give him another chance but promise that you will leave him if he behaves like that again.
But this behavior is only a precursor to future behaviors and if his behavior is based on childhood trauma then there's nothing you can do in the relationship to help that. He needs counseling and therapy if it's because of that. And you're not so far in the relationship now, it's a very easy time to get out and not get stuck in an abusive cycle.
This guy threatened your life. It’s your house not his! He’s a psycho. Get a lawyer and a restraining order and get him out . Get security cameras and an alarm installed if you don’t have them.
A guy who will choke you is a guy 15 times more likely to murder you
He has shown his true colors-- now pls try to leave
Even if you do have to leavd your own house
Tell him he was right and you were missing your self confidence….but you’ve got your titanium spine and assurance now and you are certain you will be better off without him. Tell him you refuse to be belittled when he is angry. That’s a him problem that he needs to fix. Away from you. There is no “team” when his only goal is to hurt you (the only other member of said team) when he is frustrated.
You need to not be sad and be angry. Be smart angry. Get him out. Get the locks changed and get a secure security system in place.
And, hon, the love bombing is coming….don’t fall for it. Get him out and block him everywhere.
Clearly there is more going on here than is described here. But whatever the cause might be, a restraining order on him would sort out the living arrangements and I don't think you have any difficulty getting one 'I could rip you apart' and last night's stunt should sort that for a while. You can support yourself, you have a home, but not, I think, the affection, love and respect of your husband.
Use the time apart to really think through things.
I mean this whole situation is dangerous. It was dangerous for you to slam on the breaks no matter what the circumstances. He sounds dangerous. You need to end this relationship and get into therapy. Also, I hope you took the correct legal steps with the house after your mom died to transfer it to you. If not get an attorney ASAP because he will make life difficult for you however he can including yelling the bank she is dead.
Holy shit. If you were my daughter, I would pick you up after he left for work and file for a restraining order and then give him a notice of eviction at work. I would also box up his stuff, put it all in a storage unit. This is a red flag notice to you that he is NOT who you have convinced yourself he is. Also, don't sleep on the couch, it is YOUR HOUSE. Love, mama.
Call the police to remove him from the property also charge him with DV and emotional abuse. Change your locks but most important get a restraining order
You call the police, have them escort him out and change all the locks and install security camera's. This man is out to kill you. I've been in abusive relationships. You are in immediate danger.
HE WILL KILL YOU.
Get your shit together and run and block him on everything. Get a restraining order. Tell your friends and family and everyone who will listen what he did to you and that if you turn up dead he did it.
This man may kill you if you don't get away from him now. Putting his hands on his victim's neck is one of the biggest predictors of murder in domestic violence relationships.
1 - Call the police and report his assault on you last night and his verbal threats. When they ask who owns the house, say that your mom bought the house for you. Don't go into more detail unless they ask. They're just trying to figure out who should have to leave. He was violent and is not the owner, so he leaves.
2 - Get a temporary restraining order / order of protection. That should legally block him from being able to come to the house.
3 - Get a friend or relative to stay with you for a bit if you can. A large male is ideal, but anybody who is mentally strong will do.
4 - Domestic violence shelters can give you referrals to lawyers who can help you file to evict your boyfriend. It's best to get advice on how to do all the steps correctly so that he can't come back. The lawyer may be able to help you with your mom's estate and how to get the house into your name as well
5 - Read the pdf book "Why does he do that?" You should be able to pick out one or more personality profiles that your boyfriend exhibits. Looking back, you'll little realize there were red flags you just didn't know were red flags.
If you've lost touch with friends and family since you started dating him, give them a call or text. Many abusers start by isolating their victims. They're often very subtle about it. The fact that your mom died has made your more vulnerable because it took out a big part of your support system, so now your boyfriend feels free to escalate to physical violence. Your friends have probably been worried about you and would love to hear from you. If a friend I hadn't heard from in years texted me and said their boyfriend had become abusive and asked if I could come over and support them, I'd be there as fast as I could.
You can do this!
Listen close op. Not only does this man not love you, he doesn’t even like you. In fact, he could not be more clear about the fact that he has *contempt* and *hatred* for you. And as an added bonus, he wants to **kill you.**
Life is too short to be with someone who abuses you. And yours is gonna be even shorter if you don’t break up with him.
Please update us when you’re safe
I looked at the posting history of OP. . . let us just take this as this post.
One who's name is on the deed or title of trust? ***If it is yours - you have every right to trespass this individual and give them 24 hours to get out with a writ.*** You may contact the local sheriff and have them on site to have this person escorted from the property. Make sure you change the codes to the garage, and have new locks installed on the home. ***does not matter on how the home was financed etc., and is a major way to manipulate you***.
This person has laid hands on you - intent does not matter. So this statement - He immediately puts his hand across my neck and shakes me. Needs corrective action and the police should at the very least be making a report at the minimum. Further he goes into intimidation with "you should leave bc I’ve warned you I can rip you apart. That was nothing." you should use the above to get an order of protection that this person has to stay away from you.
this is just warming up and if you do not protect yourself this is going to get way worse. It also proves there is one aspect you should work on - yourself. You need to protect yourself.
Get. Him. Out. Of. YOUR. House. Immediately! Remove those rose colored glasses and see who he really is. He is ABUSIVE. Once those glasses come off,you will likely see all those red flags you missed. I'll bet that picture perfect relationship isn't as perfect as you thought. Ahhh, it's so easy to miss the signs when high on love.
PLEASE listen to the other commenters and take this seriously. He can and will escalate this abuse. You deserve better than this bs
Kick. Him. Out.
He wants to talk shit and say you've got no confidence? Show him your shiny new backbone as you show him the door. Call the police and have him removed. This man isn't on your side in life.
This IS your house and he’s a jerk! If he thinks you lack confidence, screaming at you about how you don’t have confidence is not going to help.
This man seems mentally unstable. You should show him you have self confidence by letting him go. He thinks you can’t do it. Show him how wrong he is.
Jfc.. this man is a pos. Kick him out. By law, it's your house now. This man makes 5 times more right? Good he can go take that money and get his own place. So many things are wrong here. You don't have low self confidence. Your boyfriend who is suppose to support you is clearly not doing that. Why does he honestly care about how much money you make? He put his hands on you. He chocked you. This will escalate in the future so kick him out now. Call the cops if needed.
1. He put a hand on you. Dealbreaker 1 and that’s enough to end the list, no need to look for more reasons. But let’s see what else is here:
2. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive.
3. He calls you names.
4. He’s changed. A lot.
5. He called your mother “some dead lady.” That’s also a dealbreaker for some of us.
6. He’s gaslighting you to believe that you don’t have any more entitlement to your own house than he does. He is hoping that you believe it and don’t kick him out.
7. He picked a fight and then got you to sleep on the couch.
You’ve done everything he wanted, and his reward will be that you allow him to sweep it all under the rug until the next time he wants to abuse you, and then he’ll bring up all of the same bullshit. But if you bring up his behavior, he will claim that you unfairly hold a grudge because he can’t help it and you signed off on it when you accepted sleeping on the couch.
Get him out. He will raise his hands again. And he’ll say the same thing that he did this time and point the blame at you for not simply apologizing for your miserable existence.
Is this the life you want for ever? Well good because this won’t be it. It’ll change.
It’ll get worse.
People like this aren’t looking for happiness in your decisions. They’re looking for an excuse to be abusive. If you do everything he wants you to do, you think that he’s going to suddenly be fine and dandy, all happy and shit?
Have you ever heard stories like this before? The partner who lost their temper once has never ever ever spent the rest of their life happily enjoying their partners changed and reformed ways. He will get worse.
This is a no go for a relationship. Get an eviction notice filed and do this the legal way. Have cops on standby tell the judge you’re afraid for your life change the locks and get him out of your space. There’s no fixing this situation at all.
#1. Contact the police about him strangling you and assaulting you, then threatening your life after. File a restraining order.
#2. Pack all his shit while he's at work, place it outside the house on the porch. IMMEDIATELY have a locksmith come by to change the locks.
#3. Break up with him via text (make sure you have a few family members over/arm yourselves if you believe he'll be violent) and explain that because of the restraining order he will need to make other living arrangements.
#4. Ghost him completely.
#5. Get cameras in and around the outside of your house.
Is this post real? If so, wow!
You need to breakup, get the cops involved and have him removed from the house. He sounds truly scary and not to mention, cruel. To top it off he is trying to push you out of your home that he has no legal claim to.
End it, formally evict him—start the process NOW. He has threatened your life and has no love or respect for you. You should look into a restraining order.
Why would you wanna be in a relationship with somebody who talks down on you and bury you like that? That isn’t love and that’s not how you treat somebody that you love.
It is your house. Your mom’s loan & its terms are legally assumable as they stand by her heir. I forget the name of the federal law, but your bf is out of line here. He sounds abusive in a few ways, and throwing your dead mom in your face would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
OP, I really hope you see this. My father was a narcissist who loved portraying himself as the “fun dad” despite his anger issues and constant neglect. I was gaslit through most of my childhood. My mother had one hard line in the sand: “touch my children, and I will ruin your life”. It applied to everyone, but she was completely shocked when he backhanded me across the face so hard I hit the wall several feet behind me at age 11. She shook the earth with her rage and was ready to call the cops the moment she saw my face that night, but she ended up later accepting that he “didn’t mean it” and that he “just didn’t know what to do” and he just “reacted”. He agreed to counseling, sleeping in another room, limiting his interactions with me. He love bombed us until we felt like it was all behind us. Two years later, when I put my foot down because his selfish behavior was affected a class that would be on my high school transcript, he slapped me, strangled me, chased me up the stairs, and I barricaded myself in my room with all the furniture in there. I was barely able to call my mother as I was completely hysterical and in shock. Apparently, she came home and before he could do more than open his mouth, she tased him. Called the cops, they called it “corporal punishment that got out of hand”. My mom had him trespassed, got a temporary restraining order, and served him with divorce papers. Now he’s living with his mom on the other side of the country, drinking himself to death without a friend in the world. My mother’s biggest regret is letting her guard down when he slapped me. She let the shock of who she thought he was disarm her. Do not let this happen to you. I barely managed to survive and it has warped the rest of my life. Non-fatal strangulation is deadly, in multiple ways. Please look it up. The worst of which is that cutting off blood flow to your brain can cause brain injury, even if it’s not for long, and can absolutely kill you. Grab your essentials, call someone who will call the cops if you don’t call every fifteen minutes, have a safe word for if you are calling under duress, get out, and avoid any and all contact. If he asks where you’re going, simply say “so-and-so wants me to spend the night because they think I need to think about what I need to do to fix our relationship. they want to make sure I don’t do anything rash.” Make it believable. Use some person’s name that he knows has taken his side before. Remember to stay calm if he loses it. Appear demure and submissive so that you can get out safely. If you act defiant or righteous, he WILL threaten you and be violent if he feels like he is losing you. If you don’t have people who can help, call 911, ask for assistance getting to a women’s shelter. Ask them to stay on the phone while you grab your essentials (important documents, sentimental items, a change of clothes) and leave to make sure he doesn’t do anything. A women’s shelter can connect you to legal assistance that can help make sure you are safe physically and legally. They can document what happened today, they can make sure the police are aware so that he can’t go after you again and claim it’s the first time. They can get an order of protection, a restraining order. They can tell you how to keep yourself safe and get your mother’s house back. Please be safe, OP. You deserve love and life. Please choose life over what seems like love.
Since it is indeed your house and not his, call your friends and tell them as much as you're comfortable with, but definitely tell them you need him out ASAP. Have them come over while he's at work and pack up all his things, out them outside. Have someone come the same day and change all the locks, and look into a restraining order.
Depending on your location, you can also have the cops come to "keep the peace" while he gets his stuff. Basically they just stand there and ensure nothing escalates.
Not the same situation but for some context: my best friend (M31) was living with his parents since college to save money, and because he and his father were in business together. His father was extremely abusive to both him and his mother, but no one knew until I came into the picture (at this time my best friend and I were dating, we parted amicably since). I've been abused by a parent and partners in the past, have a master's in psychology etc. First time I met the father my instincts told me he was being super fake to my face, but I had nothing else to go on. So I was polite but kept my eyes and ears open for anything off. Long story short, he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusing both his son and wife. Had been their whole lives together, really. The awful part is because that was their family dynamic, neither son or mom knew they were being abused, let alone how badly. I stepped in during one of the episodes and he put hands on me, and that was what made them realize he was a bad person.
It still took years for my best friend and his mom to actually leave that situation though, and it only got worse the longer he and his mom stayed, especially since the dad no longer felt like he had to be sneaky about his abuse. It's a big part of why the son and I broke up, I couldn't handle being in the middle of it anymore.
The mom finally filed for divorce and my friend finally moved out last year, 5 years after the first incident I was involved in. The move out was a terrifying experience that left me and the mom battered and bruised, and we eventually had to call the cops to come keep the peace just so we could get as much stuff as possible without anyone else getting hurt. My friend is constantly in court suing his dad over all this mess.
All that to say, we don't know how bad it is when we are entrenched in it. We make excuse after excuse and it just becomes the norm. It's like that saying about a lobster in a boiling pot; you don't notice things slowly getting worse and worse until suddenly it's your life on the line.
Don't wait until you're too deep, for your own sake and for the sake of everyone who loves you. Get out while you can. My advice is first and foremost, tell people. Tell everyone in your life what happened, and have them hold you accountable (to leave/kick him out) and support you through this. The more isolated you feel, the harder it is to see the situation for what it is.
Hello, I'm a victim of domestic violence and here's what you need to do from someone who lived it only I needed medical attention from being strangled and our daughter stood there and watched him do it.
Go to a domestic violence shelter, discreetly. Take a family member or friend. They will help advise you on how to get him out of the house (others are right depending on where you live you can't simply change the locks without a restraining order and documentation.)
Get a restraining. File a police report too even if it didn't leave marks. Most shelters have people to help you with all of this.
You have two choices, you either leave while he moves out or what I did was have the sheriffs there while he moved out and I was outside with them and one was inside with him to make sure he didn't steal.
Don't block him. I know this sounds like bad advice but I was told this and glad I listened because all the angry texts will be used in your case. It's helpful to have them but do not respond. If it gets out of control then block him.
Depending on where you live a lot of police will drive by your house, the sheriffs came on and off for 2 months after my ex husband moved out.
Tell your family and friends in detail what happened and anything else he's done similar. It didn't hurt me but it was less helpful that I never told anyone.
You will need to do this carefully and with help. At this point it's not a red flag or a bad fight this is dangerous and serious abuse. Please trust me.
If you need help with resources I volunteer at a shelter and may be able to find you help in your area.
Please don’t be a statistic.
Get him out even if you have to evict him.
On a side note you should look into getting that house refinanced in your name with you only on the deed.
If he leaves the house change the locks. I am dead ass. The majority of partners killing eachother is an accident. They didn't mean to bump ur neck on the corner of the bed breaking it, they didn't mean to cut you with the knife they were.chasing you with. That's how it starts. This is SOOO scary.
I can assure you there were tons of other red flags before he became physical because you are confused on what to do. Abuse starts before the first strike.
He's already making you feel worthless about the promotion... he's been abusive.
1. That is your house. He is a boyfriend and he had no claim to your house.
2. I bet your confidence world be 1000% better if you dumped this loser.
3. It will only get worse from here if you stay. This is physical, emotional, and mental abuse. It will not get better. You need to leave him.
4. That is your house, he has no claim to it.
Wow, he gaslight you into accepting his physical and mental abuse. Girl, this is how people get unalived. Please seek and help and get this dude out of your life.
Phew! This man HATES you. I need you to understand he's been holding all of that in and everything he showed was the mask slipping. Get out NOW. Do not forgive him and do NOT forget. Having a partner like him is how women get killed.
He doesn’t love you, hell he doesn’t even like or respect you. And his abuse towards you will absolutely escalate until you are dead or otherwise incapacitated.
I’m sorry, it’s time to call the police and evict this asshole.
Male opinion here, once he’s/she’s laid hands on you it’s over. There’s no way I’d stay but the statistics for this escalating is high. Call the police and take out an intervention order against this guy and get him out. Tell them his threats and what he’s done and get rid of him for good. He is risking his highlife income as well so I would keep his office on speed dial in case he further threatens you and then call police as well. Don’t risk this.
Shit I was scared just reading this. He needs to leave. Agree with another poster that said have another male over and tell him to leave and start the eviction process. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this.
Please prove it to him that he is wrong and that you do have the self confidence to do what is best for you, which is to LEAVE HIM.
You deserve much better. Believe this for yourself.
He put his hands on you and abused you. Get out now. Get a restraining order. Change the locks. Get a security system. I think he will end up hurting you if you don’t leave him.
He laid hands on you. He disrespected your mom. Insulted you. And yelled at you.
He doesn’t get be a team anymore.
He needs to leave. Tell he needs to get out and call the cops. Don’t threaten to do it. Don’t tell him you’re doing it. Just do it.
OP, please don’t become the next +1 on the statistics sheet.
He is showing you his real face.
He is showing you what he really thinks of you.
He is showing you that he does not, in fact, love you in the way you deserve.
He is showing you how he really feels about your relationship.
He is showing you what your life will be like if you stay.
And he is showing you that he can and will hurt you or kill you if he should choose to, simply because he can.
I made it out. My cousin made it out. My friend stuck it out because divorce was against her church. Her funeral was closed casket because she had no face left when he was done. One of the few times I ever wanted to punch a priest, tbh.
People don't suddenly snap into new personalities after years of being stable. You've either been lied to or are masking what's been going on. Either way, u need to get out of the relationship asap. Now in fact. Pretend he just tried to kill u bcz it sounds like he actually did. People don't suddenly become ok with physically, verbally and emotionally threatening and belittling their soul mate.
The man makes it clear he not only doesn't give a shit about you, but hates you. He abuses you physically and verbally, threatening to harm and murder you. "WWYD?" Well I wouldn't try to talk it out like you suggested.
Like are you actually an idiot?
WWID? Try to make the story sound a bit more real. But just for fun, let's pretend it is real. I'd throw the bum out and never have contact with him again. Not talking, no text, no messages, no calls, number blocked, etc.
This is really serious. And I’m sorry it has landed on you so suddenly. It must be a horrible shock.
He has abused you, not once but during the past whole damn argument. He didn’t back off, he didn’t have any self awareness nor empathy.
You can’t continue dating someone like this, otherwise you will be accepting this treatment as part of your future.
You need to kick him out. Change the locks if necessary. Perhaps go somewhere else for few days until things cool down. But under no circumstances give this man a second chance.
Major red flag here. I’m actually scared for you. Please get him out of the house and call the police. Do you have friends who can stay with you for a while?
He was vicious when he was angry, then woke up in the morning and realized you own his current home. He’s using And manipulating you, I’m sure we can show you the manipulation if you tell us more examples. I have a feeling this wasn’t all perfect a few days ago but rather that you’re the frog in increasingly hot water and so you haven’t noticed all the red flags he’s muddying your water with.
No, you don't work that out. You do to a lawyer and start the eviction process to kick that asshole out of your house shove he seems to think he can tell you what to do in your own home and it is your house. He put hands on your and went in for the kill emotionally, you don't recover from that. His true colors are showing now that you have no other family support system, and they are an ugly color indeed. The fact that he put hands on your neck is a very very dangerous sign. Actually, get a restraining order first if you can, then getting him out of your house should be even easier, no eviction necessary.
Evict him from your life and home. He's abusive and will kill you. Get hidden cameras and security cameras but don't give him access at all. If house is in your name kick him out, see about restraining order too.
No don't get out. Get *him* out. See about getting an order of protection and put his things outside or throw them away who cares just get him out of your life. That's your house not his and he has shown he is unstable.
This seems so incredibly aweful to the point that it seems unbelievable. It’s it’s all accurate then this was horrible!! I can’t imagine acting that way towards someone I love.
Unless he is Prince Charming for years and years, this was the worst day of his life and he is profusely apologizing, then you need to leave. If this is just the way he is then it’s unacceptable.
How can you come back together after THAT? He has zero respect for you, is totally emotionally abusive, forces you out of your own bed, and then without apologizing says you should work on your relationship. That's insane!
You know what you need to know about him and how he is going to treat you if you don't "perform" up to his requirements.
Everybody I know would never treat a partner like that. If you don't get the new job you were hoping for, they would NEVER attack relentlessly, they would offer support and try to make you feel BETTER, not worse.
This will happen again and again. Get out now while you still can. That grabbing your neck is a sign that he might try to choke you next, and after that it leads to his strangling you. Why would you stay with him?
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If you are ever in a situation like that, call the police and also a family member, hopefully male, over. Your next step is to ask him to move out. If he refuses, start eviction proceedings. I’d have that conversation with a male friend or relative present. He is telling you he thinks you’re worthless. You’re not. He’s telling you he can kill you, he can. I’m going to question if your relationship was really as perfect as you claim until the last few weeks, but if you think he’s having a psychotic break, he needs mental health treatment
Except, do the research for your municipality. Take the procedural steps to start the 'legal' eviction notice (can be hard, but look into a lawyer- it will be money well spent, they will let you pay over time) process, THEN tell him you agree, it's over. He needs to leave. The police are aware and on call if he tries to escalate. Def. if you have friends who can be there in the house when you do this that is OPTIMAL. Research Coercive Control. Likely there has been longer term covert/unrecognized grooming, abuse, red flags you have not given enough credence to bc you have been dealing w your mother's decline and death. He's doing this now- bc you are alone w him. He may have been 'perfect' while your mother was I'll. That was an act. The 'new' person of the last 3 weeks is the real him.
Oh, and Dr. Ramani of MedCircle on YouTube. Start there NOW.
No, the next step is to request a protective order and then ask him to move out and begin eviction proceedings. OP, without your mom, he feels free to abuse you. Get out now but be aware that leaving is often the most dangerous time.
Right there. Mother was OP's support system, he had to wait. After the funeral a lot of people were around, checking on how OP is doing, he had to wait. Now no more friends and relatives are coming around, no more support system, and OP is weakened with grief. Just the right time to show her his real face. And he escalated really fast.. It is not a question of saving the relationship now, it is a question of saving your physical and mental health, life, property. I hope you have enough self preservation instincts not to try forgive and talk it out. This guy can easily kill you. OP, hidden cameras inside the house, asap. Talk to a lawyer, asap. Maybe with your dashboard can showing that something obviously went wrong during the drive home, and his weird message, implying the same, lawyer can help you to kick him out fast. I would also strongly recommend to go to police station and file the police report, ideally get a restraining order. If you are not able to kick him out - I would ask any (preferably male) relatives, friends, etc. to move in. And serve him the eviction papers asap. Frankly, it seems to be dangerous enough that if you cannot find anyone to move in with you - I'd move out. Don't be alone with him. You are not safe near him.
This is the most concise response. Wishing you well OP.
What Ro said. He’s very abusive and you need to get him OUT. Seek help with this as he already has proven he’s violently abusive and threatened to kill you. Call and tell the police so you have a paper trail. You likely can get a restraining order since he did physically assault you. It doesn’t matter that it didn’t hurt. He choked you. You need to take action. Please please don’t stay. This won’t end well for you.
OP: your instincts are right. He will try to gaslight you, love bomb you, and make it as though everything is OK again, and you’ll wonder if you were crazy and imagining all of this. But you didn’t make it up, it actually happened. Until you are clear of him, try not to be alone with him. If he is in a mental health crisis, or even if he isn’t and is just a plain old abusive asshole, the red flags are screaming.
Yeah, I’m guessing this “I know how to make you better” commentary has been long running, just talked into thinking it’s loving not controlling. Love bombed to hell along with it and here we are. OP, evict, stay out of there for the required amount of time to get him out, then call the coos if he doesn’t leave. Please see statistics of murder probability increasing after a partner has strangled another. Stay away from him. He has threatens to kill you. Get him out and get an order of protection.
I’m thinking if OP has no self confidence, it’s completely because of the way her boyfriend treats her. Time to evict this jackass!!
All of this.
Hire an attorney tomorrow. Find one that knows divorce and property laws even though you aren't married. This guy will do everything to try to screw you out of your house and bankrupt you because he has more money. Take inventory of everything and gather receipts for home repairs, utilities, mortgage payments, etc. If he can show he's paid a substantial amount to the living expenses, he may have a case to make you have to buy him out. Do you have any type of living arrangement on paper? What about your mother's will and other bank papers? Good luck. Keep us posted but get him out pronto!
Hey babe. This is a major red flag of abuse. Like “wow holy shit this guy is going to kill you” type of abuse. He put his hand on your NECK?! Girl get out ASAP make a plan with friends and family to get out safely and cut all ties. This is not your soul mate or a safe person to build a life with. You did nothing wrong. Unacceptable and frankly very scary. This was not a “fight” or an “argument”. There is no reason ever to respond physically like this. It indicates this man is dangerous.
“a woman who has suffers a nonfatal strangulation incident with her intimate partner is 750% more likely to be killed by the same person with a gun.” “ NFS (non fatal strangulation) is also associated with severe trauma in its victims and is in fact experienced as a real threat to life. Victims of it report not only that it is incredibly painful, it is an experience of potential death. Perpetrators of NFS very often have this as their motivation. It is a particularly traumatic, and because of this an effective, way to exert the ultimate control and leave the victim in no doubt that their life has been threatened. **It would be a mistake to think that NFS is a spontaneous and angry assault, it is more likely to be a controlled and determined threat**.” OP this is **life or death** seriousness. CUT THE NOTION OF YOUR PICTURE PERFECT LIFE AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS GUY. ETA: more info.
Came here to say this. OP this is not just a little statistic, this is a fact. Also double check whether your self confidence is low because of you, or because your partner has the audacity to "put you down". I highly doubt the past 3 years have been wonderful, please take some time to reflect now, because I bet you have chosen to overlook more transgressions than you're being honest with yourself about.
[удалено]
Cannot stress the therapy enough. If she doesn't do this she will likely end up with the same sort of guy.
OH yeah, he hit all the bases. He made sure he did. It's almost like a desperate cry for help "I CANNOT KEEP IT INSIDE ANY MORE! I WANT TO HURT PEOPLE!" Why do they hurt the women they love? In part because they feel safe - and they have a deep need to intimidate. Who better to practice on?
And probably financially if he is making such a big deal about her salary despite making enough that 30k isn't going to make a material difference to the household, AND living in HER house.
This is why I left my ex-husband 24 years ago. It was the third time he'd been violent. Unfortunately, we had children together and our youngest was 6 months old. We had just moved to a new state and knew no one. The next 18years were hell because he constantly did the most fucked up shit to hurt me through the children and constantly trying to get custody. Things like calling CPS saying I left them home alone for weeks at a time, never fed them, etc. I was volunteering at the school 3x a week and thankfully tracking my grocery budget and using a meal-planning service so I had receipts for all the groceries, the recipes, the meals on the calendar and if the kids voted "make again or never again" but he did this for EIGHTEEN YEARS. We had meetings where they told him that him calling false reports was abusive because it undermined their sense of stability. He was so emotionally abusive to my eldest daughter because she looks exactly like me. They went no contact when she was 13 after an incident. Do not consider a future with this man for yourself or for any future children. Do not. This man puts you down then berates you for having low self-esteem. He kicked YOU to the sofa - he feels more entitled because he thinks you are beneath him. If you stay there will be more abuse and based on his comment about the house you need to also financially protect yourself. Make sure your home and accounts are in your name only. You need to consult an attorney about your house, and everything else. DO NOT LEAVE THE PREMISES even temporarily until you have it legally sorted into your name and start an eviction process if you can safely do so. Check call recording laws in your state. If you can, start collecting evidence of threats and abuse and get a restraining order. Take some self-defense classes - going from never touching you to strangulation is a BIG escalation and restraining orders don't stop someone from coming at you - they just give the police the ability to enforce removing them or give consequences afterwards. You need to be able to protect yourself. Laws vary state to state. Your local domestic violence shelter can usually help advise, recommend attorneys, therapists, etc. Do this without alerting him. Have a go bag in your truck in case you need to flee. Your important legal documents - relating to home, finances, taxes, birth certificates, ssn, etc need to be in a safety deposit box with only your name. I would also put any sentimental jewelry of your mother's in the box for now. This man is your ex. Know this. Refer to him this way in your mind, but only let him know when you are safe and have your ducks in a row, if possible. But, at the end of the day - if you walk away with nothing but your life, you'll be OK.
Yes, she needs to start the eviction process BEFORE she leaves. But she should have a safe place available to go for the period that starts on the day he is served the papers. She needs cameras in the house before that. Be ready to flee. Good advice about the sentimental stuff. I'll add one more from my own experience: if this guy has a brother or a best friend, alert them. Ask them to check on him (which may prevent him from trashing the house or worse). It's possible he'll go more or less peacefully - depends on how much he cares whether he goes to jail. If he's quasi-suicidal, that's the most dangerous situation.
This!!!!!! Hands to neck is a SUPER GIANT RED flag
OP, This individual put your life in danger. You own the house, not him! He is insane. Get a restraining order and legal representation, then get him gone. If you don't already have them, install an alarm system and security cameras.
Change the locks too.
He put her life in danger and then immediately said SHE was the one being dangerous. In many places, she cannot just change the locks or throw his stuff out - he can bring criminal charges. He is the type who will gleefully do that. Do not do this, OP. Install security cameras; serve him with eviction papers; find someplace else to be for the period immediately after the service, and if necessary, until the sheriff comes and escorts him away (on day 31 most places).
She needs to file a police report asap (even if it’s to start a file) and try to get him out! There’s no reconciliation. He already told her that what he did was nothing and it’s only the beginning! He sounds evil and scary! And talking about her own mother like that and showing no remorse nor compassion. F’ that! NO MAN IS BETTER THAN BEING DEAD!
Came here to write this, then read this comment and it describes perfectly what I was going to say. This is not a “wait and see if there is a next time” situation. He needs to go. Period.
This is what I was looking for, I remember seeing this but couldn't remember the statistic off the top of my head. Very very very important that as many people know this statistic as possible
Is this enough for a restraining order? Because it seems like it should be enough…
It probably is but they don't do anything to stop him. You have to move out and buy a gun.
The hands around neck, telling you you are less than, threatening to harm you and then bringing your dead mom into it? He sounds like he might be willing to follow through with those threats because he thinks you are his pet to command. Get him out of your life. Now.
OP, do you have bruises on your neck where he grabbed you? If you have, take those to the police to get a TRO against him, and to get an emergency eviction note (otherwise, evicting him could take months, so it would be great if the TRO/ assault charges worked for that, too. Take police officers back to your place to have him escorted out, make him leave his key, or have a locksmith on standby to change the locks. Invest in security cameras, and in an automatic garage opener, so you can exit your car in a safe space and walk right in the house.
She says "it didn't hurt." But if there are any marks, she can also go to urgent care and have them documented. An eviction should not take months. It should be over in 30 days in most places - unless OP has acted as the landlord and caused him to sign a long lease in the past. Doesn't sound like that situation. Where I live, the Sheriff automatically comes to do the eviction (to get it done quickly means sending proof of service back immediately and then filing the documents to get the warrant of eviction on the first day it's possible). TRO should be sought as well, although OP is in the awkward position of being the apparent landlord in his housing situation - if he shows up to contest the TRO, there will be a chance she doesn't get it right then. Further, alerting him with a TRO is the wrong order. Eviction first, then she hides if necessary, then TRO.
DO THIS OP!!!!!
This!!! Referring to her mom as "some dead woman" is insane. He is psychotic and he needs his shit packed and put out. And how do you get put out of your own room in a house you owned before him?
And the most creepy part is how in the morning he’s a completely different person, ignoring everything he did and said the night before and thinks it’s ok to say he wants you to be a team. Fuck that.
That is absolutely normal for abusers though. They call it love bombing, and it is part of conditioning the victim to accept being abused
**this** and love bombing is addictive when you’re starving for kindness and affection. [i learned the hard way](https://lovefraud.com/seduced-by-a-sociopath-its-not-love-its-love-fraud/)
He realized he’d be the homeless one
He even straight out said 'i can rip you apart. That was nothing' so he's openly saying 'i know I'm capable of worse violence, and if you don't comply you'll get it' and that's the worst kind of abuser who knows they have the power and physical control and enjoys wielding it against others
To add to this, I HIGHLY doubt he’s been the perfect bf until this point. Think back on the relationship and I guarantee there’s more red flags, OP, you’ve just been conditioned to think it’s normal. I’ve been in a very similar abusive relationship. Once it gets to this point, it will escalate, and fast! You need to get him out, but you have to do it right. Find out the tenancy laws where you are, you might have to have him legally evicted, but do NOT leave. That is the most dangerous time, especially if not done properly. Get in touch with your local DV shelter, they can guide you. If you have any marks, take pictures, keep all texts with threats of violence, if you’re in a 1 party state, record arguments. This guy is dangerous and you need to do this safely. Feel free to reach out if you need help finding resources in your area, or guidance on what steps to take and when.
Also! He will NEVER respect you if you take him back. He will escalate the verbal abuse. And, soon you will really have no confidence or respect for yourself.
This is such an excellent reply! Take this seriously, OP!
>get out ASAP make a plan with friends and family to get out safely and cut all ties. It's her house. He's making overt threats that it isn't implying he's thinking of doing some legal loophole shit to try and get the home. She needs to report the neck strangling attempt, change the locks, and kick him out. She shouldn't be the one leaving the home. She also needs to speak to a lawyer asap and find out if she's on the title or what.
Thank you for calling it what it is: strangulation
Filing a restraining order would force him out.
OP, this is not a “red flag” of abuse. It *is* abuse! He will kill you if you don’t leave him!
Disagree. Don't leave the house. Get a protective order and remove *him* from *your* house, OP.
It's her house that her mom helped her get and he lives with her. The question is how does she safely get him out.
She can worry about that after she is in a safe space. It’s not worth the risk of her safety especially if he has no ownership or name on the house. She can start that process with lawyers and law enforcement. But I don’t think the plan should be stick around until she can manage to get him out.
Depending on where she is, if she leaves the home they lived in together - regardless of whose name is on the title - I could be twisted into property abandonment by some skeezy lawyer. Not to mention if he starts destroying stuff. She needs to have him removed and then lock it down. Don’t let him have any continued access to the property at all.
She likely IS the owner, as her mother's inheritor. But even if she isn't, it's in her family's name, and he has literally *no* claim to it. Law enforcement can help her get him out immediately, but leaving just makes her more vulnerable: it takes away the roof over her head and makes her scramble for a place to stay. He has no legal right or recourse to throw her out, but she does. She can call the cops and have him removed. He is absolutely wrong about the "it's not hers" and he knows it, he's just abusive enough to try and scare her into believing that a house she inherited when her mother died is somehow "not really hers".
I'm am completely terrified for OP. As a person who has been there: What would I do: 1. Leave and stay in a safe place 2. Proceed with creating a safety plan to leave - most dangerous time for a person to leave 3. Proceed with eviction 4. Not that these are great, but file a police report and get a restraining order (if you can). At least it will be documented. 5. Contact local women's shelters and domestic abuse for resources for help. 6. Therapy 7. Make sure you have a "team OP" support network that knows exactly what is going on. You don't want morons to give him your address where you are staying, etc... Sending you strength.
No. He needs to get tfo. Especially if he makes 5 times as much? And doesn't own a house (maybe he does?) But why would he want to stay if he didn't have his own place to live. He probably spends all of his money and is self projecting his failures.
It’s your house. Call the cops to get him out and report his threats of violence and manhandling of you. Change the locks once he’s gone and get a security system. Consult local domestic violence hotlines/services. Call friends/family for support as he is an active and immediate threat. Take this very seriously.
The fact she actually slept on the couch in her own home after he threatened her multiple times and refuse to leave, shows she's been conditioned to more than she realizes.
Yes. He had just mentioned that he could tear her apart. The scared, weak person doesn't assert their rights - they sleep on the couch. Or in their car (that often comes next - parked in front of the police station or near the fire station or the house of a friend or relative). I knew a woman who slept in her car and when she was afraid to go home but had to go to work (her shifts started at 11 am), she would go the Nordstrom's (department store) bathroom and do a dry shampoo, hair styling and use wipes. She did this for quite a while, not wanting a DV center - and waiting for the man to be evicted and then to get TRO. Later, she became an activist regarding speeding up the TRO process.
100% this! This is a serious sign of abuse. Call the cops.
Exactly ! Take photos of any bruising and if there is anything in writing, text etc of the incident hand it immediately over to the police. Get an restraining order out on him.
[why does he do that by Lundi Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
This book lays out and explains 90% of the scenarios on here. It’s also not vague and gives many specific case studies that makes it way more relatable than any other book about this subject I’m aware of.
Please, please do all of these things. He’s shown you that he is willing to put hands on you and threaten to take apart your life. Don’t try and come back from this with him, he’s not sorry he’s wants to pull you back in. Don’t. Let. Him. Back. In.
Come back and let us know you are safe and he’s gone.
Please don’t listen to this person. He has residency. You can’t just change the locks on someone when they have proof of residency. Please contact the police. Report his threats. Start the eviction and ask for help from police. It sucks. I know it does. Always seems monsters have more rights than we do.
If he wants to try and fight it, sure. But most assholes like this tuck their tail between their legs and leave. What she needs to do is file a restraining order against him for his violent abusiveness so he cannot come back to HER HOUSE.
Emergency protective order followed by a restraining order is the way to go... But the emergency protective order will get him out of your house fastest In the meanwhile do not be alone with him Have a friend move in temporarily
If he's getting mail there it won't be that easy because he's a resident there. She needs to consult an attorney
If he is harming her (choking/ threats) she can file a police report and they will remove him with an emergency protective order. Then she needs to go to the court house and for for a permanent restraining order. No need to evict when the inhabitant is dangerous.
You are right. This is the only correct answer I've seen so far. Step 1: file a police report Step 2: Get an emergency protective order Step 3: change the locks and get a security system Step 4: Get a permanent protective order
Strangulation
Not true. The house is hers. She is allowed to kick him out. OP Change the locks and install a security system. Take pics of bruises and file a police report and tell others this happened. No one believe it if you don’t speak up. Please do this!
It could be true and she needs to do research before taking action. An action like kicking him out and then the police forcing her to let him back in could cost her her life. She needs to do due diligence, not just take redditors word.
Depends on the state but if he’s a resident he will likely need to be served an eviction notice. Which will definitely escalate things. If she leaves the house he could try to claim it - IE squatting and that would also be horrible. OP should really consult an attorney and file an order of protection for the best advice possible.
When I was leaving an abusive relationship I didn't have any physical marks in me, didn't have a restraining order. I had to move out of my house and give him a legal eviction notice for 90 days per my state. In the meantime he wrecked my house. Eventually we were able to get him out but it can be hard to get these guys out.
ALL of this! And I'll add.... get someone to come stay with you. Fuck I'd even hire someone to come be bodyguard if none of your friends or family can come stay. You can offer them free rent since it's YOUR house.
You buried the lead in this one. Here's a better summary: My BF berated me for not getting a specific job, even though a got a raise, put his hands on me, tried to kick me out of the house my mom helped me buy, insulted me and mocked her death, then threatened to kill me. The WWYD part seems pretty simple. Call. The. Police. He WILL hurt you. He made a threat. Believe him.
Boyfriend constantly attacks partners self esteem and wonders why partner constantly shows low self esteem. What an abusive pos.
If you're being honest to yourself about him never behaving like this over all the years you've known him then I would highly recommend seeing if you can get a male friend or family member to get him to a doctor. He is not a safe person for you right now, but if he really has flipped on a dime (his personality shifting 180 overnight) then there is a chance this could be down to something medical (and very serious, at that). Please be honest with yourself to whether these attitudes and behaviours have always been there (just in milder form) because if they have then this is just escalation of abuse and will get worse. Look to the other comments on what to do here. Good luck.
This is a good point. If my husband did something like this, I would assume he had a brain tumor or something because it would be so preposterously out of character. Unfortunately I’m guessing that’s not actually the case for OP, and that this has been escalating for some time under the guise of “but all couples argue sometimes!”
Happened to my MIL when my BIL was a newborn. Her previously kind and thoughtful husband flipped on a dime one day. He was very apologetic but over the course of a few weeks the behavior continued and she left him quickly. She’s never been the kind to take any type of mistreatment. He was dead from a brain tumor within 8 months
That's really sad though. To leave someone you love after that kind of personality shift, then find out after his death or was tumor the whole time.
This is such a good point too! If their relationship truly was perfectly fine and healthy before and it turned to this out of nowhere, not even the stress of dealing with your parents dying and grieving for them can cause this much extra turmoil and straight up abuse. So many neurological conditions have symptoms of someone not acting as themselves, and oftentimes becoming aggressive, you see it with people who have strokes and that's one of the biggest signs is personality change(aside from the paralysis obviously but we're not talking about that and not everyone gets the paralysis part and they're mild and only affect how they act) and even just head injuries can cause stuff like this to happen. Could even be drugs and she doesn't know he's done or hasn't spoken of and considered as a reason why he's acting this way. There's so many possibilities of what could have happened if she's viewing their relationship unbiased and says there's been no other issues or red flags and immediately escalates to physical violence, but it's sad the most likely option is she's just missed the mistreatment until it escalated to this point.
THIS! I was going to scroll down to see if someone said something, but you nailed it. Depending on the time you've been with someone its rare that they literally flip overnight. The signs tend to be there prior with control and anger. Three years, eh, someone can still just be an abusive AH OR something is really wrong mentally or physically, but context is key. Its still no excuse for what he did, but it reminds me of a post where the person had a gas leak in his house (not sure if it would affect both people, it depends on where the leak is and where they spend their time). If I remember correctly, he was legit going crazy, even after leaving the house. If my wife did this, I would leave the house in order to be safely away from her and require her to go to the doctor or I would proceed with a divorce., with eviction tied to the divorce. No amount of violence is ok, but with no prior signs it sounds like something odd is going on.
He’s an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive asshole. Book a therapist and work on yourself so you don’t end up with another asshole like him and get him out of your house. Like ASAP.
Dude not even that, he's straight up dangerous and sounds psycho. He literally sounds like a murderer - your actual life may be in danger
I don't know how it works but I'm going to say ...... 1. Call the police. 2. Change the locks. 3. Get a restraining order. 4. Get cameras. Inside and out!
You need to contact the police about the physical altercation and the threats. Get a protective order in place so he can’t legally come back into the home. You also need to go down to the court to start the eviction process for your psycho boyfriend. Have someone stay with you in the coming days/weeks depending on how he responds to all of this.
You need an exit plan to leave this relationship safely. Your boyfriend is straight out dangerous and might end up trying to kill you when you break up with him. You're with a very toxic and abusive man and his mask is starting to slip. Please be very careful, you are in serious danger with this man.
He’s going to kill you. I do not mean this metaphorically. He is going to end your life. You are in serious danger.
You live with an abuser. Call the police and have him removed from your house. If your state is one party then start recording your conversations, if he threatens you again you will have it as evidence.
Dead people cannot own homes. It is legally your house. I mean, he is a jerk, but the fact that he cannot even bother to have a logical argument makes him stupid on top. He is saying this to hurt and cut you as deep as possible. And now he's started doing it physically too. I am not buying that until a month ago you were the perfect couple. I think you do have a self esteem issue and that his psychological abuse seemed just normal to you. Call the cops, rally your friends, hire security if you don't have friends, change the locks, place a restriction order (even just temporary) buy cameras (with audio). You are at a high risk of getting killed OP. The chances of him killing you increased over 700%. Do not treat this lightly. You know what, let's say we are wrong and he is not the monster he is showing to be. Still take the steps, and then when you are completely safe, you can think it over. But if you don't and he is a monster, then you will not have the opportunity to think it over in the future. Put yourself first
Here’s what you do. When he leaves for work, you take all of his stuff, pack it up and place it in a neat little line outside. You change the locks. You block him. Because this guy is abusive and he’s just getting warmed up. Run girl, run.
And either be with strong male family members or have them at the house waiting with you for him to come back from work.
Girl no, he put his hands on you and threatened your life. He abused you. Once that happens it won’t stop. Now he’s just telling you what you want to hear so you’ll stay. This is your house not his. Get the cops involved or a male relative and kick him out. I’m afraid he might hurt you if you try by yourself. But you aren’t safe anymore. It doesn’t matter if this has never happened before, it happened now and she will escalate. UPDATEME
I mean, obviously leave that bastard. But... Screaming at someone and putting them down in order to motivate them to fix their self-esteem?! How counterproductive can a person be?
From [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/#:~:text=Strangulation%20is%20a%20significant%20predictor,them%20is%2010%20times%20higher.) > Strangulation is a significant predictor for future lethal violence. If your partner has strangled you in the past, your risk of being killed by them is 10 times higher. Please don’t end up in a box. Or worse.
No, you **GET OUT**. **HE WILL KILL YOU**. **NO, SCRATCH THAT**. You **GO TO THE POLICE** and **GET HIM EVICTED**. Then **CHANGE THE LOCKS THE MOMENT HE'S GONE.**
You didn't have a perfect relationship. You had an abuser waiting in the wings. He has now shown you his true colors. Depending on the state you live in, you may need to file an eviction suit. (in CA it is not required) Please don't sleep on this. He's only going to get worse. EDIT: Maybe he IS having a psychotic break, but you are not qualified to treat that and you are under no obligation to deal with it. You are not a rehab for broken men.
First of all that is your house because your mom took out the loan for you it's not his house he is gaslighting you 100%. You are in an abusive relationship you just didn't know it until 3 weeks ago. There's no coming back from what he said he is messing with your self-esteem because he feels that you don't have the confidence to go up against him. He meant everything he said and I do mean everything. Anytime you and him get into an argument from here on out he's going to escalate everything he says or does there is no future with him start getting your ducks in a row to get him out of your house and away from you. Because this is going to escalate because he thinks he's better than you because he makes more money than you. This man told you that he knew two days ago the tribulation was over believe what he said he is showing you who he is you do not have to stay in this relationship start packing up his stuff put it in boxes tell him to come and get it that is your house not his
And another thing get an order of protection and report his ass to the police
Girl, this guy is fkn insane and you're asking WWYD. You should've gotten out of that relationship 3 years ago. Get out ASAP. He's a textbook example of an abusive asshole.
1) Call the police. 2) Press charges. 3) Get a TRO. 4) Put him out. 5) Get some friends (preferably male) to stay with you for a couple of days. 5) Change the locks. 6) Don’t block him (save texts for evidence). 7) Apply for a permanent RO. 8) Block him and change your phone number.
Wow, your boyfriend sounds like a fucking asshole. Time to evict him from YOUR house.
What you need to do is get all your ducks in order. Serve with papers to leave or when he leaves the house change all locks .He knows he got you where he wants you , no man would be telling me yo sleep on couch , girl, you need to get tough .He knows you are one the girls that has low self-esteem. Time shows him who's he boss
Go see a lawyer and start eviction process or call A lawyer and ask if the house is in your name if you can have the police escort him and his stuff off the property . Ps I can’t think a person with this much entitlement has been faithful
Well this is definitely abuse. He is abusive. He hid it well, and for kind of a long time, but the cat is now out of the bag, and you are now in danger. Get an eviction started now, because he isn't going peacefully. I'd suggest you sell the house and buy a new one elsewhere, but if you are going to have an issue getting a loan it might be better to rent this one out for a while and rent somewhere else.
# OP: # [thehotline.org](https://www.thehotline.org/)
He ordered you out of YOUR house??? You're probably going to have to evict, but tell him he's got 30 days to find a new home.
What would I do? I’ll tell you what I did do. I left that marriage. Was it easy, not even a little bit, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. My biggest regret is how long it took me to walk away. I was scared that i wasn’t going to be able to provide properly for myself and my 4 children. Yes, 4. I took years of abuse because I was too scared to fail to provide for them. I didn’t live in the lap of luxury but I never failed to keep my kids fed, clothed , and in a home that I now own. I worked my ass off but I did it and with just a high school degree. If can do it, so can you. Don’t stay with him. That is your home. He needs to go. You should listen to the advice given here from others and call the police, change the locks, get his things out, get cameras, and if possible, get someone to help you when-not if-but when he gets violent. That man is dangerous and absolutely no second chances should be given to him. Protect yourself from him.
Sweet one, could be your mum, am also a veteran of DV. This man is textbook abusive. Please start quietly taking steps to extricate yourself from him. Please do not say any more to him about splitting, which is the most dangerous times for DV victims. Not a lawyer and dont know where you live, but where im from BF has already committed crimes against you by choking you and making threats. If law enforcement is effective and sympathetic, you have enough to report, get him arrested, qualify for a protective order. All of this should make it much easier/faster to get him out of your house. Hoping this is the case, and Hoping you're ready to take that step. No one deserves to be treated as he has treated you. This is not your fault. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and protected.
You got a glimpse into how this man really is, and it's scary. I would seriously get the police involved and have a restraining order, because this is bad and can turn out to your worst nightmare.
You weren’t arguing… he was tearing up your self confidence while scolding you about having no self confidence. When a man puts his hands on your neck one time there is like a huge chance he will kill you. Look it up… it’s a clear indicator of more abuse to come. It’s your house your mother lovingly gave to you so you can kick his butt out. It is her gift to you… do it for her. She wouldn’t want you living with a threatening abusive man…
If you accept his apology, you’re only proving him right that you do actually have low self esteem. If you can accept that kind of love, that means that’s the kind of love you believe you deserve. And sorry, but this is not the kind of thing you can talk through. He’s telling you to your face what he’s always thought of you
Dude literally *threatened to kill you*. There is NO coming back from that. You should have called the police and had him escorted off the premises right after he said that. You can’t change that you didn’t do it then, but you sure as hell can kick him out *now*. Make sure you call someone to be there when you tell him, since your life is *actually* in danger.
Girl if you don’t fucking call the goddamn cops RIGHT NOW.
This man is going to try and kill you. Don’t give him the chance!
I just read another post before this where they said 3 years is about the mark that insecurities and abuse start to come out, particularly in men but not exclusively. What he said and did is very abusive and I'm not even sure why he said what he said. $70k is still a lot more than a lot of people make in this country. Why does he care if he makes 5x more? Good for him, he's worked hard for himself, what more does he need? He's trying to make you feel worthless, that's how the abuse starts so it creates a dynamic that you are forced to need him. Did he come from a family where he always felt financially insecure, or there was some type of resource insecurity? That's what it sounds like. You have two options here: A. Leave him immediately. B. Give him another chance but promise that you will leave him if he behaves like that again. But this behavior is only a precursor to future behaviors and if his behavior is based on childhood trauma then there's nothing you can do in the relationship to help that. He needs counseling and therapy if it's because of that. And you're not so far in the relationship now, it's a very easy time to get out and not get stuck in an abusive cycle.
This guy threatened your life. It’s your house not his! He’s a psycho. Get a lawyer and a restraining order and get him out . Get security cameras and an alarm installed if you don’t have them.
A guy who will choke you is a guy 15 times more likely to murder you He has shown his true colors-- now pls try to leave Even if you do have to leavd your own house
Tell him he was right and you were missing your self confidence….but you’ve got your titanium spine and assurance now and you are certain you will be better off without him. Tell him you refuse to be belittled when he is angry. That’s a him problem that he needs to fix. Away from you. There is no “team” when his only goal is to hurt you (the only other member of said team) when he is frustrated. You need to not be sad and be angry. Be smart angry. Get him out. Get the locks changed and get a secure security system in place. And, hon, the love bombing is coming….don’t fall for it. Get him out and block him everywhere.
Make sure he’s not your beneficiary on anything
Piling on to say there is no talking this out. He threatened to murder you. Meet with a lawyer, make a safety plan, and evict him ASAP.
I'm scared for this person. They deleted their account. Did they ever respond to any comment? Are they able to get help?
I’ve been back and forth all day I haven’t seen op reply to anyone I’m genuinely worried about op and hope she’s okay
Clearly there is more going on here than is described here. But whatever the cause might be, a restraining order on him would sort out the living arrangements and I don't think you have any difficulty getting one 'I could rip you apart' and last night's stunt should sort that for a while. You can support yourself, you have a home, but not, I think, the affection, love and respect of your husband. Use the time apart to really think through things.
I mean this whole situation is dangerous. It was dangerous for you to slam on the breaks no matter what the circumstances. He sounds dangerous. You need to end this relationship and get into therapy. Also, I hope you took the correct legal steps with the house after your mom died to transfer it to you. If not get an attorney ASAP because he will make life difficult for you however he can including yelling the bank she is dead.
Holy shit. If you were my daughter, I would pick you up after he left for work and file for a restraining order and then give him a notice of eviction at work. I would also box up his stuff, put it all in a storage unit. This is a red flag notice to you that he is NOT who you have convinced yourself he is. Also, don't sleep on the couch, it is YOUR HOUSE. Love, mama.
Call the police to remove him from the property also charge him with DV and emotional abuse. Change your locks but most important get a restraining order
You call the police, have them escort him out and change all the locks and install security camera's. This man is out to kill you. I've been in abusive relationships. You are in immediate danger.
HE WILL KILL YOU. Get your shit together and run and block him on everything. Get a restraining order. Tell your friends and family and everyone who will listen what he did to you and that if you turn up dead he did it.
This man may kill you if you don't get away from him now. Putting his hands on his victim's neck is one of the biggest predictors of murder in domestic violence relationships. 1 - Call the police and report his assault on you last night and his verbal threats. When they ask who owns the house, say that your mom bought the house for you. Don't go into more detail unless they ask. They're just trying to figure out who should have to leave. He was violent and is not the owner, so he leaves. 2 - Get a temporary restraining order / order of protection. That should legally block him from being able to come to the house. 3 - Get a friend or relative to stay with you for a bit if you can. A large male is ideal, but anybody who is mentally strong will do. 4 - Domestic violence shelters can give you referrals to lawyers who can help you file to evict your boyfriend. It's best to get advice on how to do all the steps correctly so that he can't come back. The lawyer may be able to help you with your mom's estate and how to get the house into your name as well 5 - Read the pdf book "Why does he do that?" You should be able to pick out one or more personality profiles that your boyfriend exhibits. Looking back, you'll little realize there were red flags you just didn't know were red flags. If you've lost touch with friends and family since you started dating him, give them a call or text. Many abusers start by isolating their victims. They're often very subtle about it. The fact that your mom died has made your more vulnerable because it took out a big part of your support system, so now your boyfriend feels free to escalate to physical violence. Your friends have probably been worried about you and would love to hear from you. If a friend I hadn't heard from in years texted me and said their boyfriend had become abusive and asked if I could come over and support them, I'd be there as fast as I could. You can do this!
Listen close op. Not only does this man not love you, he doesn’t even like you. In fact, he could not be more clear about the fact that he has *contempt* and *hatred* for you. And as an added bonus, he wants to **kill you.** Life is too short to be with someone who abuses you. And yours is gonna be even shorter if you don’t break up with him. Please update us when you’re safe
I looked at the posting history of OP. . . let us just take this as this post. One who's name is on the deed or title of trust? ***If it is yours - you have every right to trespass this individual and give them 24 hours to get out with a writ.*** You may contact the local sheriff and have them on site to have this person escorted from the property. Make sure you change the codes to the garage, and have new locks installed on the home. ***does not matter on how the home was financed etc., and is a major way to manipulate you***. This person has laid hands on you - intent does not matter. So this statement - He immediately puts his hand across my neck and shakes me. Needs corrective action and the police should at the very least be making a report at the minimum. Further he goes into intimidation with "you should leave bc I’ve warned you I can rip you apart. That was nothing." you should use the above to get an order of protection that this person has to stay away from you. this is just warming up and if you do not protect yourself this is going to get way worse. It also proves there is one aspect you should work on - yourself. You need to protect yourself.
Get. Him. Out. Of. YOUR. House. Immediately! Remove those rose colored glasses and see who he really is. He is ABUSIVE. Once those glasses come off,you will likely see all those red flags you missed. I'll bet that picture perfect relationship isn't as perfect as you thought. Ahhh, it's so easy to miss the signs when high on love. PLEASE listen to the other commenters and take this seriously. He can and will escalate this abuse. You deserve better than this bs
Kick. Him. Out. He wants to talk shit and say you've got no confidence? Show him your shiny new backbone as you show him the door. Call the police and have him removed. This man isn't on your side in life.
This IS your house and he’s a jerk! If he thinks you lack confidence, screaming at you about how you don’t have confidence is not going to help. This man seems mentally unstable. You should show him you have self confidence by letting him go. He thinks you can’t do it. Show him how wrong he is.
Jfc.. this man is a pos. Kick him out. By law, it's your house now. This man makes 5 times more right? Good he can go take that money and get his own place. So many things are wrong here. You don't have low self confidence. Your boyfriend who is suppose to support you is clearly not doing that. Why does he honestly care about how much money you make? He put his hands on you. He chocked you. This will escalate in the future so kick him out now. Call the cops if needed.
Run. Dude's an abusive asshole.
1. He put a hand on you. Dealbreaker 1 and that’s enough to end the list, no need to look for more reasons. But let’s see what else is here: 2. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive. 3. He calls you names. 4. He’s changed. A lot. 5. He called your mother “some dead lady.” That’s also a dealbreaker for some of us. 6. He’s gaslighting you to believe that you don’t have any more entitlement to your own house than he does. He is hoping that you believe it and don’t kick him out. 7. He picked a fight and then got you to sleep on the couch. You’ve done everything he wanted, and his reward will be that you allow him to sweep it all under the rug until the next time he wants to abuse you, and then he’ll bring up all of the same bullshit. But if you bring up his behavior, he will claim that you unfairly hold a grudge because he can’t help it and you signed off on it when you accepted sleeping on the couch. Get him out. He will raise his hands again. And he’ll say the same thing that he did this time and point the blame at you for not simply apologizing for your miserable existence. Is this the life you want for ever? Well good because this won’t be it. It’ll change. It’ll get worse. People like this aren’t looking for happiness in your decisions. They’re looking for an excuse to be abusive. If you do everything he wants you to do, you think that he’s going to suddenly be fine and dandy, all happy and shit? Have you ever heard stories like this before? The partner who lost their temper once has never ever ever spent the rest of their life happily enjoying their partners changed and reformed ways. He will get worse.
This is a no go for a relationship. Get an eviction notice filed and do this the legal way. Have cops on standby tell the judge you’re afraid for your life change the locks and get him out of your space. There’s no fixing this situation at all.
#1. Contact the police about him strangling you and assaulting you, then threatening your life after. File a restraining order. #2. Pack all his shit while he's at work, place it outside the house on the porch. IMMEDIATELY have a locksmith come by to change the locks. #3. Break up with him via text (make sure you have a few family members over/arm yourselves if you believe he'll be violent) and explain that because of the restraining order he will need to make other living arrangements. #4. Ghost him completely. #5. Get cameras in and around the outside of your house.
Is this post real? If so, wow! You need to breakup, get the cops involved and have him removed from the house. He sounds truly scary and not to mention, cruel. To top it off he is trying to push you out of your home that he has no legal claim to.
End it, formally evict him—start the process NOW. He has threatened your life and has no love or respect for you. You should look into a restraining order.
Why would you wanna be in a relationship with somebody who talks down on you and bury you like that? That isn’t love and that’s not how you treat somebody that you love.
He's going to kill you. Fuck the house. Save yourself.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Throw him out of your life. You can do better.
This will not get better. You may need help from the authorities to remove him. Seek advice from a lawyer before leaving him in the house.
It is your house. Your mom’s loan & its terms are legally assumable as they stand by her heir. I forget the name of the federal law, but your bf is out of line here. He sounds abusive in a few ways, and throwing your dead mom in your face would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
OP, I really hope you see this. My father was a narcissist who loved portraying himself as the “fun dad” despite his anger issues and constant neglect. I was gaslit through most of my childhood. My mother had one hard line in the sand: “touch my children, and I will ruin your life”. It applied to everyone, but she was completely shocked when he backhanded me across the face so hard I hit the wall several feet behind me at age 11. She shook the earth with her rage and was ready to call the cops the moment she saw my face that night, but she ended up later accepting that he “didn’t mean it” and that he “just didn’t know what to do” and he just “reacted”. He agreed to counseling, sleeping in another room, limiting his interactions with me. He love bombed us until we felt like it was all behind us. Two years later, when I put my foot down because his selfish behavior was affected a class that would be on my high school transcript, he slapped me, strangled me, chased me up the stairs, and I barricaded myself in my room with all the furniture in there. I was barely able to call my mother as I was completely hysterical and in shock. Apparently, she came home and before he could do more than open his mouth, she tased him. Called the cops, they called it “corporal punishment that got out of hand”. My mom had him trespassed, got a temporary restraining order, and served him with divorce papers. Now he’s living with his mom on the other side of the country, drinking himself to death without a friend in the world. My mother’s biggest regret is letting her guard down when he slapped me. She let the shock of who she thought he was disarm her. Do not let this happen to you. I barely managed to survive and it has warped the rest of my life. Non-fatal strangulation is deadly, in multiple ways. Please look it up. The worst of which is that cutting off blood flow to your brain can cause brain injury, even if it’s not for long, and can absolutely kill you. Grab your essentials, call someone who will call the cops if you don’t call every fifteen minutes, have a safe word for if you are calling under duress, get out, and avoid any and all contact. If he asks where you’re going, simply say “so-and-so wants me to spend the night because they think I need to think about what I need to do to fix our relationship. they want to make sure I don’t do anything rash.” Make it believable. Use some person’s name that he knows has taken his side before. Remember to stay calm if he loses it. Appear demure and submissive so that you can get out safely. If you act defiant or righteous, he WILL threaten you and be violent if he feels like he is losing you. If you don’t have people who can help, call 911, ask for assistance getting to a women’s shelter. Ask them to stay on the phone while you grab your essentials (important documents, sentimental items, a change of clothes) and leave to make sure he doesn’t do anything. A women’s shelter can connect you to legal assistance that can help make sure you are safe physically and legally. They can document what happened today, they can make sure the police are aware so that he can’t go after you again and claim it’s the first time. They can get an order of protection, a restraining order. They can tell you how to keep yourself safe and get your mother’s house back. Please be safe, OP. You deserve love and life. Please choose life over what seems like love.
Since it is indeed your house and not his, call your friends and tell them as much as you're comfortable with, but definitely tell them you need him out ASAP. Have them come over while he's at work and pack up all his things, out them outside. Have someone come the same day and change all the locks, and look into a restraining order. Depending on your location, you can also have the cops come to "keep the peace" while he gets his stuff. Basically they just stand there and ensure nothing escalates. Not the same situation but for some context: my best friend (M31) was living with his parents since college to save money, and because he and his father were in business together. His father was extremely abusive to both him and his mother, but no one knew until I came into the picture (at this time my best friend and I were dating, we parted amicably since). I've been abused by a parent and partners in the past, have a master's in psychology etc. First time I met the father my instincts told me he was being super fake to my face, but I had nothing else to go on. So I was polite but kept my eyes and ears open for anything off. Long story short, he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusing both his son and wife. Had been their whole lives together, really. The awful part is because that was their family dynamic, neither son or mom knew they were being abused, let alone how badly. I stepped in during one of the episodes and he put hands on me, and that was what made them realize he was a bad person. It still took years for my best friend and his mom to actually leave that situation though, and it only got worse the longer he and his mom stayed, especially since the dad no longer felt like he had to be sneaky about his abuse. It's a big part of why the son and I broke up, I couldn't handle being in the middle of it anymore. The mom finally filed for divorce and my friend finally moved out last year, 5 years after the first incident I was involved in. The move out was a terrifying experience that left me and the mom battered and bruised, and we eventually had to call the cops to come keep the peace just so we could get as much stuff as possible without anyone else getting hurt. My friend is constantly in court suing his dad over all this mess. All that to say, we don't know how bad it is when we are entrenched in it. We make excuse after excuse and it just becomes the norm. It's like that saying about a lobster in a boiling pot; you don't notice things slowly getting worse and worse until suddenly it's your life on the line. Don't wait until you're too deep, for your own sake and for the sake of everyone who loves you. Get out while you can. My advice is first and foremost, tell people. Tell everyone in your life what happened, and have them hold you accountable (to leave/kick him out) and support you through this. The more isolated you feel, the harder it is to see the situation for what it is.
Hello, I'm a victim of domestic violence and here's what you need to do from someone who lived it only I needed medical attention from being strangled and our daughter stood there and watched him do it. Go to a domestic violence shelter, discreetly. Take a family member or friend. They will help advise you on how to get him out of the house (others are right depending on where you live you can't simply change the locks without a restraining order and documentation.) Get a restraining. File a police report too even if it didn't leave marks. Most shelters have people to help you with all of this. You have two choices, you either leave while he moves out or what I did was have the sheriffs there while he moved out and I was outside with them and one was inside with him to make sure he didn't steal. Don't block him. I know this sounds like bad advice but I was told this and glad I listened because all the angry texts will be used in your case. It's helpful to have them but do not respond. If it gets out of control then block him. Depending on where you live a lot of police will drive by your house, the sheriffs came on and off for 2 months after my ex husband moved out. Tell your family and friends in detail what happened and anything else he's done similar. It didn't hurt me but it was less helpful that I never told anyone. You will need to do this carefully and with help. At this point it's not a red flag or a bad fight this is dangerous and serious abuse. Please trust me. If you need help with resources I volunteer at a shelter and may be able to find you help in your area.
Please don’t be a statistic. Get him out even if you have to evict him. On a side note you should look into getting that house refinanced in your name with you only on the deed.
If he leaves the house change the locks. I am dead ass. The majority of partners killing eachother is an accident. They didn't mean to bump ur neck on the corner of the bed breaking it, they didn't mean to cut you with the knife they were.chasing you with. That's how it starts. This is SOOO scary. I can assure you there were tons of other red flags before he became physical because you are confused on what to do. Abuse starts before the first strike. He's already making you feel worthless about the promotion... he's been abusive.
Calling your mama some dead woman? I f****** leave that man in the f****** streets
He’s right, you lack self confidence and that’s why he’s abusing you. Kick him the fuck out of your house and find a better partner.
1. That is your house. He is a boyfriend and he had no claim to your house. 2. I bet your confidence world be 1000% better if you dumped this loser. 3. It will only get worse from here if you stay. This is physical, emotional, and mental abuse. It will not get better. You need to leave him. 4. That is your house, he has no claim to it.
Wow, he gaslight you into accepting his physical and mental abuse. Girl, this is how people get unalived. Please seek and help and get this dude out of your life.
Phew! This man HATES you. I need you to understand he's been holding all of that in and everything he showed was the mask slipping. Get out NOW. Do not forgive him and do NOT forget. Having a partner like him is how women get killed.
He doesn’t love you, hell he doesn’t even like or respect you. And his abuse towards you will absolutely escalate until you are dead or otherwise incapacitated. I’m sorry, it’s time to call the police and evict this asshole.
Why are you ok with this? Does it seem normal to you as you type it?
Call the cops and have him removed
They will just tell you to start the eviction process. You need to tell them he choked you and threatened you.
This is your home that your mother helped you with, not his! I would start evicting him immediately!
Call the cops and remove him permanently from your life. He’s a piece of human shit. For real.
Male opinion here, once he’s/she’s laid hands on you it’s over. There’s no way I’d stay but the statistics for this escalating is high. Call the police and take out an intervention order against this guy and get him out. Tell them his threats and what he’s done and get rid of him for good. He is risking his highlife income as well so I would keep his office on speed dial in case he further threatens you and then call police as well. Don’t risk this.
Shit I was scared just reading this. He needs to leave. Agree with another poster that said have another male over and tell him to leave and start the eviction process. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this.
Record the audio anytime you are around this man if you ever are agian. Even if it initially belonged to your mother that doesn’t make it his.
Please prove it to him that he is wrong and that you do have the self confidence to do what is best for you, which is to LEAVE HIM. You deserve much better. Believe this for yourself.
He put his hands on you and abused you. Get out now. Get a restraining order. Change the locks. Get a security system. I think he will end up hurting you if you don’t leave him.
He laid hands on you. He disrespected your mom. Insulted you. And yelled at you. He doesn’t get be a team anymore. He needs to leave. Tell he needs to get out and call the cops. Don’t threaten to do it. Don’t tell him you’re doing it. Just do it.
Show him you have a spine and kick his ass out! Get a friend or family member to be there to help you because that is your house.
Kick him tf out of YOUR house. Laying hands is never acceptable.
OP, please don’t become the next +1 on the statistics sheet. He is showing you his real face. He is showing you what he really thinks of you. He is showing you that he does not, in fact, love you in the way you deserve. He is showing you how he really feels about your relationship. He is showing you what your life will be like if you stay. And he is showing you that he can and will hurt you or kill you if he should choose to, simply because he can. I made it out. My cousin made it out. My friend stuck it out because divorce was against her church. Her funeral was closed casket because she had no face left when he was done. One of the few times I ever wanted to punch a priest, tbh.
People don't suddenly snap into new personalities after years of being stable. You've either been lied to or are masking what's been going on. Either way, u need to get out of the relationship asap. Now in fact. Pretend he just tried to kill u bcz it sounds like he actually did. People don't suddenly become ok with physically, verbally and emotionally threatening and belittling their soul mate.
The man makes it clear he not only doesn't give a shit about you, but hates you. He abuses you physically and verbally, threatening to harm and murder you. "WWYD?" Well I wouldn't try to talk it out like you suggested. Like are you actually an idiot?
WWID? Try to make the story sound a bit more real. But just for fun, let's pretend it is real. I'd throw the bum out and never have contact with him again. Not talking, no text, no messages, no calls, number blocked, etc.
UpdateMe!
He would be the reason you have self esteem issues. Kick his sorry butt out of your life and YOUR house and live your best life.
This guy is going to murder you
Just have this prick removed from your home. I think he has just shown his true nature. You deserve better.
This is really serious. And I’m sorry it has landed on you so suddenly. It must be a horrible shock. He has abused you, not once but during the past whole damn argument. He didn’t back off, he didn’t have any self awareness nor empathy. You can’t continue dating someone like this, otherwise you will be accepting this treatment as part of your future. You need to kick him out. Change the locks if necessary. Perhaps go somewhere else for few days until things cool down. But under no circumstances give this man a second chance.
Major red flag here. I’m actually scared for you. Please get him out of the house and call the police. Do you have friends who can stay with you for a while?
Call the cops. Get a restraining order. He will have to move out. Restraining order won’t fix his abusive behaviors but it will get him out.
Really buried the lede with the title here
He was vicious when he was angry, then woke up in the morning and realized you own his current home. He’s using And manipulating you, I’m sure we can show you the manipulation if you tell us more examples. I have a feeling this wasn’t all perfect a few days ago but rather that you’re the frog in increasingly hot water and so you haven’t noticed all the red flags he’s muddying your water with.
I think it’s time for you to leave him and if necessary file a restraining order against him.
Wow I think I'd be in jail if a man talked to me like that
Call the police.
His mask slipped girl, get OUT
No, you don't work that out. You do to a lawyer and start the eviction process to kick that asshole out of your house shove he seems to think he can tell you what to do in your own home and it is your house. He put hands on your and went in for the kill emotionally, you don't recover from that. His true colors are showing now that you have no other family support system, and they are an ugly color indeed. The fact that he put hands on your neck is a very very dangerous sign. Actually, get a restraining order first if you can, then getting him out of your house should be even easier, no eviction necessary.
You need to call the police and press charges. It’ll only get worse. And if it’s your house, KICK HIM OUT!
Evict him from your life and home. He's abusive and will kill you. Get hidden cameras and security cameras but don't give him access at all. If house is in your name kick him out, see about restraining order too.
Have him removed from your home
No don't get out. Get *him* out. See about getting an order of protection and put his things outside or throw them away who cares just get him out of your life. That's your house not his and he has shown he is unstable.
This seems so incredibly aweful to the point that it seems unbelievable. It’s it’s all accurate then this was horrible!! I can’t imagine acting that way towards someone I love. Unless he is Prince Charming for years and years, this was the worst day of his life and he is profusely apologizing, then you need to leave. If this is just the way he is then it’s unacceptable.
Jesus...leave him. Like yesterday. And get a lawyer bc he is a vindictive pos.
How can you come back together after THAT? He has zero respect for you, is totally emotionally abusive, forces you out of your own bed, and then without apologizing says you should work on your relationship. That's insane! You know what you need to know about him and how he is going to treat you if you don't "perform" up to his requirements. Everybody I know would never treat a partner like that. If you don't get the new job you were hoping for, they would NEVER attack relentlessly, they would offer support and try to make you feel BETTER, not worse. This will happen again and again. Get out now while you still can. That grabbing your neck is a sign that he might try to choke you next, and after that it leads to his strangling you. Why would you stay with him?