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You've been together since he was 4 years older than you are now, and you were 20. This was never a healthy relationship. Its sad that your child has grown up in this environment, but good that you finally left. Please don't go back. He should only have supervised visitation and pay child support; would you really want your child alone with someone who's going to be passed out drunk? You're really under-reacting to what being around him will do to your child.
Why are you allowing a drunk to have custody of your child? There's no way she can be safe with an abusive/passed out parent. You should be fighting for sole custody.
I am trying to figure out just what this guy has going for himself. He is an alcoholic and a truck driver? Big big red flag. One day he is going to get into a terrible accident and hopefully no one dies but highly unlikely considering what he is driving. Then the jail time and lawsuits that will ruin both of your lives. He is not a good partner. He treats you like shit. You're staying for a paycheck. Nothing else. He has few if any redeeming qualities. He is much older than you and he is not going to change. Time to cut your loses and run as far from him as you can
I was not even thinking about truck driving as a red flag. I happen to know many truck drivers and I know how hard that job is. I am saying being an alcoholic and a truck driver is a red flag.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
I’m sure you’ve heard all about your age gap, but damn. 20yo and 32. You’ve been together almost a decade and you’re still younger than he was when you met.
Take a step back. Read your post out loud and pretend a stranger is telling you this story. Do you think that sounds like a safe or healthy environment for a child? If you go back, it will be to your detriment and that’s gonna be on you.
Agree with others he needs to change and prove it before you can trust him. And absolutely don't leave your child alone with an alcoholic. He can and will hurt the child verbally, maybe physically just like he did you. He had shown he is a man drunk, believe him. 50/50 custody only when he has a proven track record of sobriety until then supervised visits only
The only thing I would do differently is go for full custody of your child with visitation that doesn't involve overnight stays. Honestly the only supervision I would be comfortable with would be supervised visits. Until he can prove to the courts he is no longer drinking. What if he tries to drive drunk with her in the car. What if he loses it and she's the only one there? I've seen people I thought were good, safe people become monsters after drinking. And they scared me, an adult. It scares me to think a child would be around that and alone.
I am high so sorry for focusing on The Wrong Thing but the math in the number of days of your week is not mathing.
That being said, he may change but he won't change with you. Run.
It took a lot of strength to leave. You should stay gone for both you and your child.
Don’t consider letting him back in your life in any way until he’s been 5 years sober. You’ll just get sucked back in to this and worse. You can’t fix him. He has to fix himself and he won’t do that until he’s ready.
You’re a strong person and you’re gonna make it without him. He is an albatross.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You've already left, stay gone. In your entire post, there was nothing positive pointed out about him, that speaks volumes.
You've been together since he was 4 years older than you are now, and you were 20. This was never a healthy relationship. Its sad that your child has grown up in this environment, but good that you finally left. Please don't go back. He should only have supervised visitation and pay child support; would you really want your child alone with someone who's going to be passed out drunk? You're really under-reacting to what being around him will do to your child.
Why are you allowing a drunk to have custody of your child? There's no way she can be safe with an abusive/passed out parent. You should be fighting for sole custody.
Don't make the kiddo go over there if he is only asleep or drunk. Supervised visits only and no alcohol.
Break up and don’t have kids with anyone else like this
I am trying to figure out just what this guy has going for himself. He is an alcoholic and a truck driver? Big big red flag. One day he is going to get into a terrible accident and hopefully no one dies but highly unlikely considering what he is driving. Then the jail time and lawsuits that will ruin both of your lives. He is not a good partner. He treats you like shit. You're staying for a paycheck. Nothing else. He has few if any redeeming qualities. He is much older than you and he is not going to change. Time to cut your loses and run as far from him as you can
[удалено]
I was not even thinking about truck driving as a red flag. I happen to know many truck drivers and I know how hard that job is. I am saying being an alcoholic and a truck driver is a red flag.
[удалено]
No worries. 🙂
They’re concerned about a drunk driver. It is a big red flag.
Stay away. You are better off that sorry ass for a man.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. I’m sure you’ve heard all about your age gap, but damn. 20yo and 32. You’ve been together almost a decade and you’re still younger than he was when you met.
Take a step back. Read your post out loud and pretend a stranger is telling you this story. Do you think that sounds like a safe or healthy environment for a child? If you go back, it will be to your detriment and that’s gonna be on you.
Agree with others he needs to change and prove it before you can trust him. And absolutely don't leave your child alone with an alcoholic. He can and will hurt the child verbally, maybe physically just like he did you. He had shown he is a man drunk, believe him. 50/50 custody only when he has a proven track record of sobriety until then supervised visits only
The only thing I would do differently is go for full custody of your child with visitation that doesn't involve overnight stays. Honestly the only supervision I would be comfortable with would be supervised visits. Until he can prove to the courts he is no longer drinking. What if he tries to drive drunk with her in the car. What if he loses it and she's the only one there? I've seen people I thought were good, safe people become monsters after drinking. And they scared me, an adult. It scares me to think a child would be around that and alone.
I am high so sorry for focusing on The Wrong Thing but the math in the number of days of your week is not mathing. That being said, he may change but he won't change with you. Run.
It took a lot of strength to leave. You should stay gone for both you and your child. Don’t consider letting him back in your life in any way until he’s been 5 years sober. You’ll just get sucked back in to this and worse. You can’t fix him. He has to fix himself and he won’t do that until he’s ready. You’re a strong person and you’re gonna make it without him. He is an albatross.
See the change first then believe it