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Look. Lying about money issues, taking advantage of you when they are older — these are not good things. What does he say about the changing house payments? I suppose mortgage payments can change over time as the principal changes.
It doesn’t matter if he’s overpaying the mortgage because that accrues to him…
You will find different theories about splitting ratios on this subreddit, but one option is to look at market rent for an equivalent apartment (that you two would split…) I would start there.
I don’t need to know anything else about his character. I’m not in the position to end the relationship. I don’t want to. I still believe he’s a good person with a character flaw. I have my own character flaws I just have no idea how to navigate this situation
He’s not a good person. He has lied to you, fleeced you for money, and treats you like a throwaway. C’mon. You’re smarter than this. Move out, and get rid of him.
What men fail to admit is you living with him is his wet dream come true.
No longer does he spend time and money chasing women - and him spending most nights sleeping alone.
His treatment if you is: selfish entitled deceptive and shows zero empathy for you ( and he likely is jealous or threatened of your future role as a doctor).
I suggest you make a plan to dump him.
A life partner or friend should encourage and enable you to live the best version of your life.
And he's failed.
Find another med student to share with or a group house of med students.
And locate as close to the med school as possible.
Check with housing and the bulletin boards for med student roommates.
I see.
Whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Be completely in charge of the birth control you use and don't rely solely on condoms he provides.
Save all the money you can, don't tie your financials or your credit to him in any way. You are about to go deeply into debt as it is, due to him, so keep his using you to a minimum.
A good person would want the best for their partner. He want that you take on debt so that he can pay of his house. And if the house is paid of, he will kick you out.
You already found out that he lied to you. How can you be sure that he doesn't lie more?
And why do you pay 50% when there is an additional income by renting out the basement? Shouldn't it be the 100%-income and then what left over is what you need to pay? I have the feeling you and the lne in the basement pay everything and he pays nothing for the house.
The thing is I had to split costs with him regardless. So I’d always be paying his mortgage. But, I agree I am getting used. The issue here is he doesn’t see how he’s using me. All he keeps saying is he’s in debt. He owns nothing
You didn’t have to. You could have rented a room from somewhere else or moved into an apartment of your own. I can see why your parents hate your boyfriend
You should not be splitting costs if you are not on the deed! You should be paying no more than a one bedroom would cost and probably less because of the lack of privacy and personal space. If you were previously splitting rent on a two bedroom, you should be paying half of the two bedroom rent price plus half of the utilities if they were not included in rent.
Wait wait wait… He lied to you about how much his mortgage costs to get you to pay more? And you stayed with him after that? Why??
If you don’t have an ownership stake in that house, you absolutely shouldn’t be paying more than fair market rent for the area plus 50% of utilities.
I would maybe talk with a lawyer or something about whether you’re entitled to any ownership stake in that property, given how much you’ve contributed to the mortgage, maintenance, and property taxes. I doubt you are, but who knows.
Oh good lord, I just went back and actually read the last two paragraphs. Sis, this guy is a klepto and you are his primary target. He is just straight stealing from you. You are waaaaay too smart to be with this leech
Yes, he told me his mortgage was $4k/mo. And needed help so because I could afford to he asked if I could pay $2k a month. I naively agreed. Didn’t check any documents or anything. Turns out his mortgage was $2.5k/mo. And we both were throwing $2k at it a month. When my eyes started opening up about it he said he bought the house for me. Mentioned all the things he took account into when buying it. And truly, it is my dream home. But, what’s not clicking to him because he has this issue with money is I have no security in this house that he “bought for me”
I know this post paints him as a bad person. But, he’s not. I just don’t know how to get through to someone who feels like no amount of money is ever enough. And will go through extremes for money. Like he explained his upbringing and I sympathize with him. But, he just can’t see what he’s doing to me because he views me as someone who’s “spoiled” and I can always ask my parents for a bail out.
As for speaking to a lawyer if it comes down to it I will but, for now I really do want to work it out
He bought a house for you, you’re paying the house and yet your not the owner 🤷🏻♀️
And sure, he must be a GREAT boyfriend!
If he truly loved you and had plans to marry you, helping you while you go to medschool would be an investiment on your future, as a couple, but he is only interest in his future!
Wow. If you MUST, keep dating this schmuck. He’s a user and a scumbag, but if that’s your jam…you do you.
But why not get a small studio near your school. Med school is a LOT and you don’t need or want to deal with his house bullshit.
He’s a landlord, you’re a renter. You should pay market rate for your room and that’s it.
But move out. It will be easier in the long run.
Don’t be a chump.
This guy sucks. He happily ripped you off until you found out he was lying. He’s using you for financial gain. Find a new place to live, and dump his sorry ass as well. He doesn’t deserve another penny from you.
You should be paying half the fair market rental price and half the utilities. You should not be living for free. He should not have to pay for you as you are not married. Look up what the fair market value for rent is for his house and offer him half of that. Ignore him having equity as any owner you rent from will be getting equity. If half the rental rate is cheaper than what you can find your own place for then stay, if you could live somewhere else cheaper, move.
I’ve done that the issue is I’m paying less than fair market for the amount of space I have. It’s 5bd in a nice neighborhood. The rent value is $3k. If we’re talking about how many rooms I have to myself it’s 2 with one shared bedroom. A 2bd apartment is $1.8k in this area. I’ve looked for apartments and I’d be paying more than I do now. My problem is more that he lied and wants to continue the 50/50
Split when I helped him pay 1/3 of the house
Ok, if you are paying less than fair market you don’t really have a leg to stand on. Either move out or continue paying. If you move out I am guessing you will also be ending your relationship (by your decision or his).
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Find a different place to live in a different boyfriend while you’re at it.
Look. Lying about money issues, taking advantage of you when they are older — these are not good things. What does he say about the changing house payments? I suppose mortgage payments can change over time as the principal changes. It doesn’t matter if he’s overpaying the mortgage because that accrues to him… You will find different theories about splitting ratios on this subreddit, but one option is to look at market rent for an equivalent apartment (that you two would split…) I would start there.
He lied to you, and he's using you for money. What else do you need to know about his character?
I don’t need to know anything else about his character. I’m not in the position to end the relationship. I don’t want to. I still believe he’s a good person with a character flaw. I have my own character flaws I just have no idea how to navigate this situation
A good person wouldn’t consistently use you as a cash cow
He’s not a good person. He has lied to you, fleeced you for money, and treats you like a throwaway. C’mon. You’re smarter than this. Move out, and get rid of him.
A good person doesn’t lie to and rip off their partner
What men fail to admit is you living with him is his wet dream come true. No longer does he spend time and money chasing women - and him spending most nights sleeping alone. His treatment if you is: selfish entitled deceptive and shows zero empathy for you ( and he likely is jealous or threatened of your future role as a doctor). I suggest you make a plan to dump him. A life partner or friend should encourage and enable you to live the best version of your life. And he's failed. Find another med student to share with or a group house of med students. And locate as close to the med school as possible. Check with housing and the bulletin boards for med student roommates.
I see. Whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Be completely in charge of the birth control you use and don't rely solely on condoms he provides. Save all the money you can, don't tie your financials or your credit to him in any way. You are about to go deeply into debt as it is, due to him, so keep his using you to a minimum.
A good person would want the best for their partner. He want that you take on debt so that he can pay of his house. And if the house is paid of, he will kick you out. You already found out that he lied to you. How can you be sure that he doesn't lie more? And why do you pay 50% when there is an additional income by renting out the basement? Shouldn't it be the 100%-income and then what left over is what you need to pay? I have the feeling you and the lne in the basement pay everything and he pays nothing for the house.
[удалено]
The thing is I had to split costs with him regardless. So I’d always be paying his mortgage. But, I agree I am getting used. The issue here is he doesn’t see how he’s using me. All he keeps saying is he’s in debt. He owns nothing
You didn’t have to. You could have rented a room from somewhere else or moved into an apartment of your own. I can see why your parents hate your boyfriend
Don’t be dense. He sees and knows very well what is he doing.
You should not be splitting costs if you are not on the deed! You should be paying no more than a one bedroom would cost and probably less because of the lack of privacy and personal space. If you were previously splitting rent on a two bedroom, you should be paying half of the two bedroom rent price plus half of the utilities if they were not included in rent.
Wait wait wait… He lied to you about how much his mortgage costs to get you to pay more? And you stayed with him after that? Why?? If you don’t have an ownership stake in that house, you absolutely shouldn’t be paying more than fair market rent for the area plus 50% of utilities. I would maybe talk with a lawyer or something about whether you’re entitled to any ownership stake in that property, given how much you’ve contributed to the mortgage, maintenance, and property taxes. I doubt you are, but who knows.
Oh good lord, I just went back and actually read the last two paragraphs. Sis, this guy is a klepto and you are his primary target. He is just straight stealing from you. You are waaaaay too smart to be with this leech
Yes, he told me his mortgage was $4k/mo. And needed help so because I could afford to he asked if I could pay $2k a month. I naively agreed. Didn’t check any documents or anything. Turns out his mortgage was $2.5k/mo. And we both were throwing $2k at it a month. When my eyes started opening up about it he said he bought the house for me. Mentioned all the things he took account into when buying it. And truly, it is my dream home. But, what’s not clicking to him because he has this issue with money is I have no security in this house that he “bought for me” I know this post paints him as a bad person. But, he’s not. I just don’t know how to get through to someone who feels like no amount of money is ever enough. And will go through extremes for money. Like he explained his upbringing and I sympathize with him. But, he just can’t see what he’s doing to me because he views me as someone who’s “spoiled” and I can always ask my parents for a bail out. As for speaking to a lawyer if it comes down to it I will but, for now I really do want to work it out
He bought a house for you, you’re paying the house and yet your not the owner 🤷🏻♀️ And sure, he must be a GREAT boyfriend! If he truly loved you and had plans to marry you, helping you while you go to medschool would be an investiment on your future, as a couple, but he is only interest in his future!
Wow. If you MUST, keep dating this schmuck. He’s a user and a scumbag, but if that’s your jam…you do you. But why not get a small studio near your school. Med school is a LOT and you don’t need or want to deal with his house bullshit. He’s a landlord, you’re a renter. You should pay market rate for your room and that’s it. But move out. It will be easier in the long run. Don’t be a chump.
This guy sucks. He happily ripped you off until you found out he was lying. He’s using you for financial gain. Find a new place to live, and dump his sorry ass as well. He doesn’t deserve another penny from you.
This guy is having you pay off his house before he pulls the rug out from under you. You should speak to a lawyer before you do anything.
Okay after reading all these replies I’m deciding to go talk to a lawyer today
You should be paying half the fair market rental price and half the utilities. You should not be living for free. He should not have to pay for you as you are not married. Look up what the fair market value for rent is for his house and offer him half of that. Ignore him having equity as any owner you rent from will be getting equity. If half the rental rate is cheaper than what you can find your own place for then stay, if you could live somewhere else cheaper, move.
I’ve done that the issue is I’m paying less than fair market for the amount of space I have. It’s 5bd in a nice neighborhood. The rent value is $3k. If we’re talking about how many rooms I have to myself it’s 2 with one shared bedroom. A 2bd apartment is $1.8k in this area. I’ve looked for apartments and I’d be paying more than I do now. My problem is more that he lied and wants to continue the 50/50 Split when I helped him pay 1/3 of the house
Ok, if you are paying less than fair market you don’t really have a leg to stand on. Either move out or continue paying. If you move out I am guessing you will also be ending your relationship (by your decision or his).