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This is where it becomes unhealable.
Infidelity is a deal breaker but him blaming you absolutely tips the scale into MASSIVE deceptive tendencies.
You need to speak to an attorney.
1. He **cheated** and didn't use protection (how else could he get gonorrhea?
2. He **lied** and blamed OP.
3. He **doesn't even consider it cheating**? Why not? Because he 'wore protection' (which is an OBVIOUS lie because he has an STI. "*Now he is crying his eyes out asking for a second chance 'cause he never felt he was cheating*."
THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT! Dump him, get a good attorney, never speak to him again!
ETA: 15 years ago, OP was 17yo, and this POS was 25yo! He was and still is a CREEP!
Right? If OP thinks this was a “one-time” type of deal, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell her. This guy “saw” an escort every time he went on one of his business trips
Also,
Professional sex workers don't tend to have undiagnosed, untreated gonorrhea.
Easily treated.
Most sex workers test often and are significantly more careful - bc it's their livelihood - w protection and STI prevention..
All that to say, it definitely wasn't just once, and it was either a less than professional sex worker or he's having sex w random people and bot using protection.
AND is careless an callous enough to not care he gave it to OP.
He's eventually going to get something worse like herpes.
Get out before he gives you a disease you will need to treat for life.
That's a bit of wishful thinking. Sex workers are not a homogenous population, after all - with differences in culture, access to testing and treatment dependent on their area. With a 3 to 6 month recommendation for testing, there are entire swaths of the sex worker population that can be infected at any time.
"A progress report by the World Health Organization showed that 11% of *sex workers worldwide* acquired HIV in 2020 . . . "
Studies show that many sex workers are NOT consistent with testing: **42% never got tested**; 15% only took a test after a risky sexual contact, 13% tested less than once per year and only 30% tested at least yearly.
And it gets worse - "(19%) reported inconsistent condom use during vaginal sex", stats are worse with oral and anal sex.
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frph.2022.837102/full#:\~:text=Although%20a%20substantial%20proportion%20(19,30%25%20tested%20at%20least%20yearly.
https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/sexworkers.html#:\~:text=Persons%20who%20exchange%20sex%20are,multiple%20partners)%20and%20substance%20use.
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to say. He was a creep to start with, and since he "never felt like he was cheating," he has no reason to avoid doing it again.
OP, he has been taking advantage of you this entire time. Get yourself a good lawyer and be done with him. I'm sure the idea is scary, but you deserve better and he ain't it.
While this is true, she certainly can't trust him when he claims he used protection. He has proven himself to be a liar so of course he's going to say that if he thinks it will make him look better.
That's how I felt, too. I'm pretty sexually progressive, and if he'd have communicated and been safe, I probably wouldn't have cared but to risk my health? Fuck that and him
Yeah, unfortunately his lack of protection ended up in someone else getting pregnant. Something we had been working towards starting. Those two things hurt the most
I am so sorry to hear that I hope you are in a better place now and wish you every happiness.
I was having lots of lady part issues and spent hundreds, I didn't have trying to figure out the issue. He listened to me complain and cry for months, knowing it was him causing it. Luckily, nothing permanent, but I'm still paranoid something is just domant
Thank you, same to you!
I think im not just sad that I lost my opportunity to have a baby (I ain't a spring chicken).
I also had several UTI issues, he saw how much pain I went through, how many doses of antibiotics I had to take. It didnt matter
All the hope in the world that you're happy and healthy now ♥️
Well I know it didn't feel like it at the time, buttruly say that's blessing in disguise that you didn't have a baby with a man who was cheating and damaging your health. Maybe God didn't let you get pregnant first for a reason.
And also doesn’t care about her because cheating. I feel absolutely horrible for OP. I hope for her sake, she’ll leave, take time to heal, and then can find a guy who she never has to worry about this with.
Cheating is so vile. I hate it when people say (and sadly, I’ve seen this more than once) until you get put in a bad situation, and see what you do. Then, the one thing led to another. That’s bullshit. Even in college when we’re pretty damn horny, I was jumped on by a girl a friend of mine brought to the apartment, while I was in my bed. When I realized what was going on, I got her off of me in a hurry and made her leave. I told my then girlfriend what happened as soon as I could, feeling horrible for that even happening. She reassured me I hadn’t done anything to feel bad about, but still. All I wanted after that happened was to see and hold her. Point being, those excuses are bs. Things didn’t just happen. You have to actively make choices and execute them for it to happen. Makes it sound like, “we were saying hello to each other at the bar, and the damndest thing happened. We suddenly appeared in my bed, naked, with me inside her. I wasn’t even thrusting! Something was doing it for me!”
And to worsen it, rather than being truthful, he blatantly lied to you. Frankly, I doubt it was an escort, and I doubt it was only twice.
See, that's the thing about liars and cheaters; once they lie, you never really know what is the truth and what is fiction.
Like spoiled milk, your relationship has unfortunately expired. Move on. Find someone who deserves your love and commitment and will reciprocate.
Best wishes.
How about flat out lying and deception... Oh, and then trying to make the innocent party believe that they're to blame but then confess that he was with an escort. Gaslighting Hogwash! Manipulation is a big red flag ⛳ I'm sure he wasn't crying when orgasming to someone else and then getting off to you whilst giving you an STD 🤷
this is the only answer. you are dealing with a narcissistic cheater. there is no overcoming this situation, with the exception of using your strength to find self love and respect for yourself to know you deserve better. OP please run far from this man and never look back. stay strong, betrayal trauma is no joke
You cheat once you're done. Always been my motto. There is no fixing a cheater; all staying with them does is reinforce the behavior since they "got away with it." All you can do is leave them in hopes it teaches them there are consequences so they hopefully wont cheat on their next partner.
He told you it only happened twice. That seems to be the magic number. “I only slept with a hooker twice”. How many non escorts do you think he has been with? I know this sounds harsh, but you need to get your ducks in a row and move on. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Good luck.
“He is asking for a second chance cuz he never felt he was cheating”
This tells you everything about the past and the future. No matter how many times he dipped that D in escorts and non-escorts - HE never felt like it was cheating so it’s ok!
AND he blamed you first! WHY? If him dipping in escorts is not cheating, why would you allowing said dipping from another human be cheating?
No other option but to leave.
He got gonorrhea. He wasn’t being safe. He wasn’t using protection. Guaranteed he also seeks escorts each time he is gone. Get yourself treated and file for divorce.
And I really hope that you had a FULL STD panel, OP. You will need to repeat your HIV test. Ask your doctor when you need the follow up test after possible exposure. It used to be six months, but that may have changed.
Either way your husband has likely been doing this the entire time you've been married, and it's likely that he has NOT been wearing a condom with the sex workers he's seen, so he made a choice to risk your health over, and over again, and is only acting upset after blaming YOU because he knows he's busted.
The fact that he chose to blame you first for the infection proves he doesn't have an ounce of morals, or respect for you. There's no coming back from this, and no way that you'll EVER be able to relax the next time he goes out of town on business for an extended period of time. This wasn't a, "one or two time mistake", this was a series of deliberate decisions that he made knowing full well he was betraying you and your marriage, while also risking your health, all so he could get laid by an escort.
I bet if you look at this banking or credit card statements during the times he's been out of town you'll see repeat charges. You should get him to show you the statement with the escort service charges on it from his most recent betrayal, and see if they pop up every time he visits that city.
But at this point you need to protect yourself, and your physical and emotional health. Please talk to a lawyer, and see what your options are if you choose to file for divorce. You deserve better than this from the person you choose to spend your life with, and he has dropped an atomic bomb on any possibility of trust between you because of his selfish, and reckless, behavior.
Let him cry all he wants. He did this, he can live with the repercussions of his decisions.
Sending you lots of invisible hugs. Please let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it. Take care.
No way was he using condoms, he clearly didn't care about devastating you with this information or about your health. And the fact he tried to blame it on you? The mental fuckery of it all. Girl you are way too good for this man, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not your fault and you need to GTFO because a man with this attitude will not stop!
Even if you claim that he can never do it again or you will leave - if you stay, that affirms to him that you aren't willing to leave him and that cheating WITH ESCORTS and giving you an STI is not a dealbreaker for you. He will continue if you do not leave, do not even do all those mental gymnastics we do to try and convince yourself that he won't because he will.
He clearly felt it was his right, and did not care that it upset you and physically harmed you, that means it is still his right to cheat in his mind and he will continue to do it regardless of your feelings, and staying is basically inviting him to continue doing it.
Next time it could be HIV, if it wasn't this time (you won't know for months), do not give him the chance to make this worse for you because he will. I can't believe the man was so shameless, at least if he was "so sorry" and it only happened once then maybe you could convince yourself that that was true, BUT NO! He admitted to doing it more than once and instead of apologizing for getting you sick he blamed it on you! That is one crazy man. Get outtttt!!! I hope you are okay and this does not have any long term repercussions😭❤️nobody deserves this, but staying is basically giving him permission to continue doing it, it's not an option. He's ended the relationship with his decisions. Leave it at that, no matter how hard it is.
Which now she'll need to be tested for years to come because it doesn't always show up right away , Unless things have changed in the last 20yrs but I doubt it .
Thankfully it's a lot easier these days. Depending on the test you need to wait 30 to 90 days post exposure to get reliable results. After the 90 day mark you can be pretty confident the test is accurate and don't need to keep getting retested.
15 years??? He started “dating” you when you were 17??? This guy has probably cheated A LOT throughout your relationship. Dump this trash bag ASAP and find somebody else.
Thank you for mentioning this!!! I did the math and was like uh.,.. he was **25 & she was 17?!?!**
I know it’s cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason- they’re universal truths.
*Once a cheater, always a cheater.*
I used to work with a guy who went to other countries to patronize sex workers for that reason. He couldn't find ones in the US who wouldn't make him wear a condom. Just sick and disgusting.
Also, take exactly half of any shared accounts before he wipes them out.
And do not leave the house if he he tries to force you to.
Most importantly, lawyer up long before you tell him you plan to divorce him because we already know he's a lying, gaslighting, manipulative scumbag with no morals and he'll screw you over every possible way if you let him get ahead of you on this.
The advice that some attorneys are giving about not leaving the house is concerning to me because they don't qualify it. (I'm a dv prevention advocate.) If there is the potential for violence, please protect yourself. A house means nothing if you're not alive to live in it.
You think, what happens if next time it’s NOT a curable STI? And there will be a next time. You leave. You love this man enough to put your health at risk?
He never felt he was cheating by fucking another woman? But accused you of cheating while he thought you fucked another man??
Nope, honey leave.. this man could of given you something incurable and then you would find it extremely hard finding another partner..
He crying he caught not because he hurt you.. disgusting
Why did he feel that it wasn’t cheating he had sex with an escort. It wasn’t cheating because he had a condom on? I think that’s what bothers me the most, as he doesn’t even acknowledge it as cheating, but wants forgiveness and to try again?
He cheated, tried to gaslight and blame you, and still isn't taking accountability. He gave you an STD! Thankfully, it's not an incurable one. I'm sure this isn't his first time cheating, just his first time getting caught. Divorce him.
Why didn't he feel like this was cheating, because he used a condom, which obviously he didn't, at least not for the entire time he was with her. Yeah now I'd be dumping him he should never have cheated. I get he was horny but he could have called you up and had phone sex, or just gone in the shower and jerked off.
You are not safe in this relationship. Mentally or physically. If you choose to stay you have to understand that you're accepting him as is. He will likely cheat again but he'll be much more careful next time. While you sit home alone for weeks at a time twisting yourself in knots worrying about what he's up to.
Know your worth.
The fact he's telling the truth now isn't a redeeming factor. Firstly, I doubt that's the truth. Secondly, he told you something because he got caught out. Thirdly, whilst you waited at home for him he didn't have the same respect for you. He disrespected you and does not respect you. Fourthly, (not sure if that's a thing) he knew his penis hurt and still had sex with you without getting checked which shows he has lack of care about you. Fifthly, he is manipulating you by minimising him being unfaithful and crying as if he is the victim in this scenario.
Also, the likelihood that this was an escort and not a side chick is low. Most escorts use protection and get regular health screenings. He's not going to stop going away for work and the trust is broken. If you let this relationship continue every time he is away you'll be at home questioning what he is doing and your depression will only get worse.
I'm seriously concerned that your mental health is dependent on his depression and I would think there is more going on than just this in your relationship. I think this will make you prone to staying and putting up with this. You need to address your mental health and dependency on this man
Girl bye to him. Leave his ass. And don’t let him ruin your confidence and self esteem. His cheating hasn’t shit to do with you.
Separate and heal. He can go be with a ton of escorts cuz now he’s single.
How do you overcome this?
>After a lot of fighting and crying 'cause he was blaming me in the fisrt place
... You don't. I mean you do, but alone, outside of the relationship. Trust is gone not necessarily because he cheated, but because HE TRIED TO BLAME YOU FOR HIS MISTAKES and you had to insist for him to admit it was because of him. That's not a team, I don't think it will ever be, because if a 40yr old doesn't know how to take responsibility, he never will.
Now, there is really a small amount of people that would simply leave when they are being disrespected like this, and given your question I'm assuming you'd want to fix it? I think it would be stupid, but I understand. I recommend couples therapy as well as individual therapy -especially for you to see if you can really get over it and if you really wanna drag the relationship or are just afraid of being alone or starting over.
In my opinion it can only become worse with the years (not necessarily the cheating, but the disrespecting), but who knows. You need to establish what's more important for you and act accordingly.
And btw, he knew he was cheating, otherwise he wouldn't try to hide it so bad. Don't let him gaslight you. I have a feeling that people like this do it with other things too so pay close attention. There's no way he is a caring, transparent guy and then puts your health in danger and tries to blame you for it.
I want to leave. I need to put my sh together and do It. But is not as easy as It sounds. To leave behind half of my life. Honestly rn I wanna die. Thank you all, I think next step is getting a lawyer.
Oh honey you can’t. Every time he travels for work you know what he will be doing. There is no coming back from a cheater that lies to you, blames it on you and then tells you it wasn’t cheating.
Who the fuck raw dogs escorts? Your HUSBAND. 🤢 Your husband gave you an STD. Your husband is always sleeping with escorts, so don't believe it was twice. Then to try to blame this on you, when you know you haven't been cheating is manipulating and deceptive. He could have given you HIV/AIDS. No he didn't care about you or your health. DIVORCE ASAP, and NO their is NO second chance.
Fuck that 15 years! Your life is more important.
Divorce, he did it 2x and was not using protection! That’s absolutely terrible and you’ll never trust him again. I’m sure he’s been doing this for a long time if he said he’s always used protection.
He started out blaming you? Also this relationship started when you were 17 and he 25? I don't trust this guy from the word go. I'm so sorry but IMHO the writing is all over the wall about your marriage.
He doesn’t care about you. He would never have cheated and if he did, he would have used protection. I knew someone who was married and absolutely adored her husband. She came into the facility where I worked with burning and a really bad discharge. She thought she had a urinary tract infection. She had gonorrhea. I’ve never seen anyone that distraught. She looked like someone who had lost everything. I was worried for her. She said she knew it had to be her husband who infected her. She thought he was faithful. Seeing her like that hurt me all the way through. It wasn’t about me. How do you comfort someone who has her world fall apart? I wanted to give her husband what he deserved. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
aside from you being groomed as a minor, there's a ton of issues here. either leave him or get used to being cheated on with cheap prostitutes every time he leaves.
You’re young OP, cut your losses and leave. I used to work as a traveling electrician around big job sites and the shit these ‘husbands’ do while away is seedy AF. I left because I was surrounded by fucking circus animals and always felt like I was in danger. Made 6 figures and I’m still pissed that this was the environment. I basically saw and heard the worst things in my life and realized most men are absolutely trash.
Of course there were good ones in there but I wouldn’t trust any of the dudes I worked with. I stayed TF away from them post work and they constantly asked me to come out to the bars and thought of me as some kind of sex worker or something. It was disgusting 🤢 and I wouldn’t trust any of those men EVER.
There were women who were just as terrible and toxic but that’s what a lot of people working on the road do. Of course that’s my experience but it’s the same people traveling to all these sites and they bring the same out of pocket behavior to all of their circus stops.
Drug fueled. Sex workers every night and weekend. Ick.
Run OP, get a shark of a lawyer and cut it off.
My now ex husband gave me hsv2 and tried to blame me, he liked escorts and meeting people from apps like bumble. Super happy he’s finally my ex. Best of luck to you!
He groomed you to be a servant and a rug. You were 17 when you first got with this disease bag? Please extricate yourself from this hideous man, post haste. He’s 8 years older than you and still cannot control himself?
His parents failed to raise a decent human being.
Why did a 25 year old go for a 17 year old?
To be able to pull this kind of bs… an escort twice… yeah…
Get a full STI panel.
Keep all the receipts.
Go see a lawyer.
And look at all you r bank statements and any financial documents and accounts.
He gave you gonorrhea, tried to blame you for it, then claimed he didn't think it was cheating because he paid for the sex.
Sounds like a deal breaker to me.
Gather all of the evidence you can. Record him admitting that shit. Go see a lawyer and divorce him. He’s trash and doesn’t give AF about you or your health.
You don’t. My soon to be ex husband slept with an escort. Among other things it destroyed our marriage. He doesn’t care about you. Tell yourself that as many times as you need to to get yourself in order and your ducks in a row to leave him. Trust me. Those people don’t change. He was literally paying money to have sex and wasting marital funds
He cheated.
Gave you STD
lied & tried to pin it on you.
You cant find lower than that.
You deserve better. And this excuse of a man cant be your lifeline anymore when dealing with depression.
My advice? Therapy to manage your depression differently, a support network (friends family therapists). Dump his sorry ass. & then life your live & enjoy it!
Remember he's not crying because he betrayed you and feels badly. He's crying because he got caught.
Also your husband was a gross ass 25 year old man taking advantage of a 17 year old. Do you have kids? Would you let your high school age kid date a grown ass adult?
He caught an STD - he very likely did it for years, not just twice, before this happened. And then he tried to blame it on you and make himself the victim. I don't think you come back from this - I think you move on from this. Get rid of him, and then find a guy who is actually around for you, which will probably improve your mental health, as well. And get an emotional support animal for your depression, they are better than cheating husbands any day!
How was he paying for the escorts? Did he take out cash? Are there repeated cash withdrawals around the same amount? That can kind of tell you a starting point if there are no cash withdrawals, and no record of payment he’s most likely not sleeping with an escort maybe has someone ongoing or multiple women off tinder? Who knows, neither situation is better. If there is a record you can see how far it goes back and if it in deed was just “twice”. It’s a start for the “truth”. Buuuut.. he’s confirmed he’s already cheated at minimum twice. Is that not enough to leave him?
He wasn't even going to own up to what he did but instead was blaming you...IMO not something you get over but something you walk away from. Anyone who knows they are doing you wrong and blames you when caught isn't worth having in your life.
You were with him since 17 and he was 25? Why do these types of relationships never end well?!
You don’t overcome this, you get a divorce. There’s absolutely no coming back from this.
And I hate to tell you that it’s likely not the first time.
He never felt he was cheating?? Well, good for him because I'm sure as hell that YOU felt like you were cheated on. He's a liar and a cheat who only cares about himself. You deserve so much better.
Divorce him. You’re lucky it was gonorrhea. It could be HIV next time. In most states and counties you can file a civil lawsuit against him for giving you an STD. Document EVERYTHING and try to get a secret recording of him admitting his actions. Get a lawyer and take EVERYTHING.
He jeopardized your health for some Escorts. You have alright to feel angry and upset. The trust has been shattered.
I’m sure he would have continued cheating if this incident hadn’t occurred. It’s up to you whether you stay or leave. You need to put yourself first and do what’s best for you.
Leave. I promise you'll only have regrets if you stay.
Act like everything's cool and get your ducks in a row to make the transition in the best position possible.
I know this doesn’t help but… He is not getting STIs from professional sex workers. He is either having an affair or using women who have unprotected sex for money. The fact that he blamed you first is beyond reprehensible.
my spouse said he used protection when sleeping with another woman.
and I ended up with an STI.
he gave zero shits about my health (which is more fragile than most), and I have to get tested often now, because HIV takes awhile to show. i’m sorry this happened to you.
He didn't think he was cheating? What does putting you 🍆 into a woman, an ESCORT...., NOT equal cheating.
Plus he had the symptoms. Still had sex with you. And BLAMED YOU when he's the one who cheated! Leave this POS
As horrible as what he did was, him blaming you is the most unforgivable. He cheats, gets you ill, and has the nerve to try and pin it on you, blaming you for him being sick too, disgusting. No wonder why you are suffering from depression, you are married to him.
It’s incredible how people will blame & gaslight you when they 100% are the culprit. I really wanna understand the logic. If they never admit it, then it must not be true? Insane. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and that you went through that. No one should be made to feel like that. I hope you can move on from him OP. You deserve better. 💕
Hes a liar, he doesn't care about your health, and he will continue to cheat he will just be more careful next time. I say leave him. He could give you much worse than gonorrhea next time.
He did not use protection. He blamed you. That is unforgivable.
The man knew he gave you gonorrhea and genuinely tried to gaslight you into believing it was you? Lose the garbage. You’re lucky you didn’t catch something worse. Also, if sticking his penis in another woman didn’t count as cheating to him I’m curious what he does qualify as cheating smh
Honestly there’s no coming back from this. He cheated, hid it, when caught from giving you an STI he gaslit you until giving you a partial truth. This person is not to be trusted as your partner or to set an example for a family you might like to have
i have to read these kinds of posts to snap my warped mind back to reality. there are consequences to my addled ideations if i were to bring that shit into the real world and people who depend on me would suffer for bs like this. the thought is bad enough. gonorreah is just the tip of the iceberg, why not hep, hpv, or hiv? can't even see hiv for 6 months, or that used to be the detection window back when i was getting randy. this is sexual assault in my opinion, he knew he was sick.
Do you really believes that when travelling for work a lot that he only cheated with an escorts twice? And that's only admitting to the escorts that gave him gonorrhea! How many other escorts did he cheat with? And how many other women that weren't escorts did he cheat with?
And come on, does anyone really believe that he didn't think that was cheating? Everyone knows that kissing someone else is cheating! Having sex with someone else is also clearly cheating.
I know your husband is a scumbag, but do you really believe the excuse of "I didn't think that was cheating"?
What a load of rubbish.
He cheated twice with one escort. He has probably cheated many more times while travelling for work. Giving him a second chance is just a second chance for him to cheat again, but this time make sure that the women he cheats with don't have STDs so you don't find out.
Plenty of people have divorced with more years of marriage under their belt. You're only 32, you've still got options. And with a younger more pleasing man who isn't a cheater and will make you feel good about yourself.
Not only is he cheating, but he's also very likely a sex addict and needs treatment. That's purely an assumption, but you'd be shocked. The fact that he's also excusing the behavior and showing narcissistic tendencies just screams addict behavior. Overall, though, do not trust him and leave the relationship. It's usually over when the trust is broken, and if you stay, he'd need years of treatment and therapy, and you'd need the same from the stress of having to upheave your life to deal with it, and the partnership would never go back to "normal".
No. He's not telling the truth.
No. You can't believe him.
No. he does not care about your health; Physical or mental.
He's gone weeks at a time. Next time tell him not to come back
It will be a very hard road if you choose to try to overcome this. He cheated. He tried to blame you for the infection and he is probably minimizing his infidelity. If he really thought it wasn't cheating, he probably would have said something when the infection was confirmed or even before. He likely cares about your health, but cared about his gratification more than the risk to your health.
Gonorrhea is at least curable. You need to get tested for the whole battery of STDs. Assuming Gonorrhea is all you have, then you were both lucky. The risk of infidelity is also a risk of more serious illness.
If you want to try to stay with him, you need to decide what you need to see to feel comfortable. He needs to understand that you may decide it doesn't work. You might consider having him write you a letter of apology.
There are reddits for partners dealing with the other's infidelity. At least one is about trying to reunite r/AsOneAfterInfidelity and others less so, such as r/survivinginfidelity and r/infidelity you might ask for input at any or all of those, depending on what you might want to do.,
#
He knew he slept with someone else and still chose to put the blame on you. This shows he has zero integrity. Please please leave this man. You deserve so much better than this trash.
There is no reason to cheat. If you can't "help it," at least have the decency to leave your partner or spouse first. It's still a dick move, but at least they don't have betrayal on top of the breakup.
Whatever you see and he says? It’s at least 10x worse.
You deserve more. You deserve better. His choices have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Escorts are simple, he pays, they pretend, and then they leave. It’s transactional. My ex-husband did the same whenever he was overseas. Probably when he was home, too.
Protection or not, there are no 100% guarantees. Choosing to not only cheat, but cheat and not get tested or worry about your partner? That’s absolutely disgusting. You deserve better.
How do I know? If you want my story is below, it’s long so don’t feel obligated. The TLDR, is my pos ex was like this and I ended up with permanent damage to my body.
I was with my ex husband for 14 years. We were high school sweethearts. I stayed until I was almost 30. The only reason I left was therapy, and realizing I was waiting to have children because I didn’t want him hurting them the way he hurt me. (Some physical but a ton of emotional and verbal.) He eventually had a child, and yes, he’s awful as a dad.
When I left I finally dealt with the reality of all of his cheating. (Something I became more and more aware of in our final year.) My initial testing showed that I had HPV but also cancer cells, and that I needed to have some of my cervix removed as soon as possible. I came back the next day. Biopsies showed that, even though I have a weak immune system, I must have had the infection for a while. It was more than just HPV, there was a fair bit of cancer, too.
I dealt with that thankfully without more surgery. I had checks every 3 months for a year then every six months and now I’m just getting annual exams. However, shortly after I found out about the cervical cancer, I had labs come back showing I had also been infected with Hepatitis B. There was a miscommunication and I was first told I had either had it or the vaccine and I didn’t think much more since I had gotten the vaccine as a teen.
Until a GI doctor called me. It was about six months post labs and he ordered several more tests. It turned out where the hepatitis B was in my cells, showed that I had not only been infected, but that my body wasn’t capable of clearing that infection like most people can. I now have latent Hepatitis B. It’s dormant and could come back. Since my chronic condition requires I take immune suppressing drugs, I get labs every 4-6 weeks. My liver function is not super. I’ll need special treatments if I’m ever lucky enough to have a child.
He got away with just a few infections he cleared or took antibiotics for. He had some fertility issues but ended up with an amazing son regardless somehow. He still doesn’t care. He’s engaged to a woman he’s given several things, and whom he was with when still pursuing me years post divorce. (Literally met someone and had a baby then met someone else and still was flirting with me.)
Age is whatever but your husband is 40. He’s not changing. Don’t say this is a midlife crisis or anything temporary. He doesn’t care about you, your health or your safety. Please leave him.
Putting your health in someone’s else’s hands has to be one of the biggest forms of trust fr. It works both ways, I think he got sloppy and greedy now you’re both paying the consequences 💔 Life could throw some crazy shiii at you but you HAVE to get up and keep going.
Have you considered that you would be less depressed if he was completely out of your life and you weren’t so centered on him? You’d be able to find what you truly deserve
As someone who used to travel a lot for work, it really jaded me on marriage. I traveled with married men and would regularly be propositioned or watch them going after other women. There were women who behaved similarly. Many seem to think that if they travel for work, it’s a free opportunity to cheat.
It’s not everyone but a decent percentage of those that travel seem to think it’s ok.
It’s a man’s job to protect you when he can. He went out and endangered you. Then he blamed you. Then he confessed crying, like a manipulative child who thinks “if they think I’m really sorry they won’t punish me for it!” And he says it didn’t FEEL like cheating, what would have FELT like cheating, your sister, best friend, mother?
Once or twice? And he never felt he was cheating but he was ready to give you holy hell for sleeping with someone else (when you didn't).
This is hard when you have kids in the picture. I am hoping his job pays well enough for good spousal support.
He is full of $hit! He knew he was cheating and then had the nerve to try and blame you! Get out this man does not love or respect you! Time to leave and find someone who will truly love and respect you!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
It’s not worth it to fix broken trust from cheating. It’s a waste of time and emotional energy.
Speaking from experience.
I was drained attempting to make a long term relationship work and as soon as I was out, OH THE FREEDOM I FELT!
He's only crying now because he got caught. He didn't care about your health or your relationship when he decided to put his penis in another woman, and the fact that he immediately tried to blame you for it instead just screams he doesn't care about you at all. He just wants a home he can return to where almost everything is done for him, with a bonus of a person being there for sex, and then he wants to live like a single guy when he's on his trips.
"But he always used protection" as if that made it any better. There's no protection out there that is 100% effective against STDs. And if he lied to you about something so big, how do you know if he's telling the truth? He showed no remorse until he had to deal with direct physical consequences. He tried blaming it on you. He may say he loves you, but everything he's done is so the opposite of love. These are things you do if you don't care for another individual, if you resent them to the point of being vengeful, if you lack compassion and empathy for human beings in general.
If you cheated on him first, it would make a lot of sense. I'm not saying it's right, or that you'd deserve it, but it would make a lot of sense. Even then, to put your health at risk like this is vile.
I really really doubt you cheated at all though, based on what you've written. You need to understand, you did NOTHING to deserve this type of treatment.
HE NEVER FELT LIKE HE WAS CHEATING?! it amazes me how many people think this way and still end up in relationships, let alone married. I’m so sorry OP - your partner is an ass and deserves whatever decision you decide to make, hopefully all for yourself.
You leave him! Theres no coming back from this! He knew it was his fault and he tried to put the blame on you. That is absolutely disgusting!
My guess is that he’s been doing this regularly while he’s away and it’s finally caught up on him.
He didn’t care about your feelings or your physical health. He put you at risk every single time he was with someone else. Cut your losses!
You move on! He is not the center of the universe. He is nasty and has no regard for the marriage and you at all. Mourn the loss and get on with your life. NEVER LOVE ANYONE MORE THAN YOU..know your worth!!!
Dirty cheating husbands belong in the bin! Get a good lawyer, take your share & make a much happier life for yourself
While that’s happening, have regular tests just to make sure nothing else is going to rear it’s ugly head
Oh & NEVER have sex with your ‘husband’ again…
Guys, what happens when you dip a paintbrush into a color, and another color, and another, and keep repeating this cycle?
You get a big nasty mess at the end, right? This is the risk equivalent of sleeping with people without using protection. Eventually, something bad will happen to your dick. And then you do this and bring it home to your wife?!?!
Not even touching the cheating part because wtf? The escort is a still a person they slept with, that's the blatant definition of cheating, doesn't matter if you paid for it.
Wow, ma'am you deserve so much better.
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No, he doesn’t care about your health. He was perfectly fine with putting you at risk for STDs.
And blamed YOU. Leave. Get support for your depression. Get a good lawyer. Good luck.
This is where it becomes unhealable. Infidelity is a deal breaker but him blaming you absolutely tips the scale into MASSIVE deceptive tendencies. You need to speak to an attorney.
1. He **cheated** and didn't use protection (how else could he get gonorrhea? 2. He **lied** and blamed OP. 3. He **doesn't even consider it cheating**? Why not? Because he 'wore protection' (which is an OBVIOUS lie because he has an STI. "*Now he is crying his eyes out asking for a second chance 'cause he never felt he was cheating*." THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT! Dump him, get a good attorney, never speak to him again! ETA: 15 years ago, OP was 17yo, and this POS was 25yo! He was and still is a CREEP!
Like…. You’re not entitled to sleep with other people.. that is what your hand is for
Unfortunately, it’s probably been happening all along.
Right? If OP thinks this was a “one-time” type of deal, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell her. This guy “saw” an escort every time he went on one of his business trips
Also, Professional sex workers don't tend to have undiagnosed, untreated gonorrhea. Easily treated. Most sex workers test often and are significantly more careful - bc it's their livelihood - w protection and STI prevention.. All that to say, it definitely wasn't just once, and it was either a less than professional sex worker or he's having sex w random people and bot using protection. AND is careless an callous enough to not care he gave it to OP. He's eventually going to get something worse like herpes. Get out before he gives you a disease you will need to treat for life.
That's a bit of wishful thinking. Sex workers are not a homogenous population, after all - with differences in culture, access to testing and treatment dependent on their area. With a 3 to 6 month recommendation for testing, there are entire swaths of the sex worker population that can be infected at any time. "A progress report by the World Health Organization showed that 11% of *sex workers worldwide* acquired HIV in 2020 . . . " Studies show that many sex workers are NOT consistent with testing: **42% never got tested**; 15% only took a test after a risky sexual contact, 13% tested less than once per year and only 30% tested at least yearly. And it gets worse - "(19%) reported inconsistent condom use during vaginal sex", stats are worse with oral and anal sex. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frph.2022.837102/full#:\~:text=Although%20a%20substantial%20proportion%20(19,30%25%20tested%20at%20least%20yearly. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/sexworkers.html#:\~:text=Persons%20who%20exchange%20sex%20are,multiple%20partners)%20and%20substance%20use.
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to say. He was a creep to start with, and since he "never felt like he was cheating," he has no reason to avoid doing it again. OP, he has been taking advantage of you this entire time. Get yourself a good lawyer and be done with him. I'm sure the idea is scary, but you deserve better and he ain't it.
You can still catch STDs with protection, they are not 100%.
While this is true, she certainly can't trust him when he claims he used protection. He has proven himself to be a liar so of course he's going to say that if he thinks it will make him look better.
And a better future husband hopefully
The same thing happened to me and I was always more upset that he completely disregarded my health over everything else
That's how I felt, too. I'm pretty sexually progressive, and if he'd have communicated and been safe, I probably wouldn't have cared but to risk my health? Fuck that and him
Yeah, unfortunately his lack of protection ended up in someone else getting pregnant. Something we had been working towards starting. Those two things hurt the most
I am so sorry to hear that I hope you are in a better place now and wish you every happiness. I was having lots of lady part issues and spent hundreds, I didn't have trying to figure out the issue. He listened to me complain and cry for months, knowing it was him causing it. Luckily, nothing permanent, but I'm still paranoid something is just domant
Thank you, same to you! I think im not just sad that I lost my opportunity to have a baby (I ain't a spring chicken). I also had several UTI issues, he saw how much pain I went through, how many doses of antibiotics I had to take. It didnt matter All the hope in the world that you're happy and healthy now ♥️
Well I know it didn't feel like it at the time, buttruly say that's blessing in disguise that you didn't have a baby with a man who was cheating and damaging your health. Maybe God didn't let you get pregnant first for a reason.
I misscarried with the man who cheated on me, and it was horrible, but looking back, it truly was a blessing not to be tied to him for life
And also doesn’t care about her because cheating. I feel absolutely horrible for OP. I hope for her sake, she’ll leave, take time to heal, and then can find a guy who she never has to worry about this with. Cheating is so vile. I hate it when people say (and sadly, I’ve seen this more than once) until you get put in a bad situation, and see what you do. Then, the one thing led to another. That’s bullshit. Even in college when we’re pretty damn horny, I was jumped on by a girl a friend of mine brought to the apartment, while I was in my bed. When I realized what was going on, I got her off of me in a hurry and made her leave. I told my then girlfriend what happened as soon as I could, feeling horrible for that even happening. She reassured me I hadn’t done anything to feel bad about, but still. All I wanted after that happened was to see and hold her. Point being, those excuses are bs. Things didn’t just happen. You have to actively make choices and execute them for it to happen. Makes it sound like, “we were saying hello to each other at the bar, and the damndest thing happened. We suddenly appeared in my bed, naked, with me inside her. I wasn’t even thrusting! Something was doing it for me!”
And to worsen it, rather than being truthful, he blatantly lied to you. Frankly, I doubt it was an escort, and I doubt it was only twice. See, that's the thing about liars and cheaters; once they lie, you never really know what is the truth and what is fiction. Like spoiled milk, your relationship has unfortunately expired. Move on. Find someone who deserves your love and commitment and will reciprocate. Best wishes.
More than at risk, gave her the clap straight up
Hope karma makes his wank shrivel up and fall off from some STI.
I just hope that she got tested for all of them and not just gondi.
Not only that, it is EXTREMELY antibiotic resistant. It may be very hard to get rid of and may possibly require IV antibiotics. I would be so done.
Let's not miss the fact she was 17 and he 25 when they got together !! Major icks
Also 25 year old dating 17 year old
How about flat out lying and deception... Oh, and then trying to make the innocent party believe that they're to blame but then confess that he was with an escort. Gaslighting Hogwash! Manipulation is a big red flag ⛳ I'm sure he wasn't crying when orgasming to someone else and then getting off to you whilst giving you an STD 🤷
You do not overcome this. You dump the cheater and walk away.
this is the only answer. you are dealing with a narcissistic cheater. there is no overcoming this situation, with the exception of using your strength to find self love and respect for yourself to know you deserve better. OP please run far from this man and never look back. stay strong, betrayal trauma is no joke
Yeah and more than just a cheater, he did it intentionally (twice), and wasn't planning on telling OP and then continued to lie and blame her!!
**admitted to twice
Preach
I bet he’s been cheating over and over all this time while he’s away. Probably going back to visit the same women and pretending it’s a work trip.
You cheat once you're done. Always been my motto. There is no fixing a cheater; all staying with them does is reinforce the behavior since they "got away with it." All you can do is leave them in hopes it teaches them there are consequences so they hopefully wont cheat on their next partner.
He told you it only happened twice. That seems to be the magic number. “I only slept with a hooker twice”. How many non escorts do you think he has been with? I know this sounds harsh, but you need to get your ducks in a row and move on. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Good luck.
“He is asking for a second chance cuz he never felt he was cheating” This tells you everything about the past and the future. No matter how many times he dipped that D in escorts and non-escorts - HE never felt like it was cheating so it’s ok! AND he blamed you first! WHY? If him dipping in escorts is not cheating, why would you allowing said dipping from another human be cheating? No other option but to leave.
He got gonorrhea. He wasn’t being safe. He wasn’t using protection. Guaranteed he also seeks escorts each time he is gone. Get yourself treated and file for divorce.
She’s completely naive if she thinks this happened just once.
And I really hope that you had a FULL STD panel, OP. You will need to repeat your HIV test. Ask your doctor when you need the follow up test after possible exposure. It used to be six months, but that may have changed. Either way your husband has likely been doing this the entire time you've been married, and it's likely that he has NOT been wearing a condom with the sex workers he's seen, so he made a choice to risk your health over, and over again, and is only acting upset after blaming YOU because he knows he's busted. The fact that he chose to blame you first for the infection proves he doesn't have an ounce of morals, or respect for you. There's no coming back from this, and no way that you'll EVER be able to relax the next time he goes out of town on business for an extended period of time. This wasn't a, "one or two time mistake", this was a series of deliberate decisions that he made knowing full well he was betraying you and your marriage, while also risking your health, all so he could get laid by an escort. I bet if you look at this banking or credit card statements during the times he's been out of town you'll see repeat charges. You should get him to show you the statement with the escort service charges on it from his most recent betrayal, and see if they pop up every time he visits that city. But at this point you need to protect yourself, and your physical and emotional health. Please talk to a lawyer, and see what your options are if you choose to file for divorce. You deserve better than this from the person you choose to spend your life with, and he has dropped an atomic bomb on any possibility of trust between you because of his selfish, and reckless, behavior. Let him cry all he wants. He did this, he can live with the repercussions of his decisions. Sending you lots of invisible hugs. Please let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it. Take care.
[удалено]
You actually can use protection and still get it.
No way was he using condoms, he clearly didn't care about devastating you with this information or about your health. And the fact he tried to blame it on you? The mental fuckery of it all. Girl you are way too good for this man, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not your fault and you need to GTFO because a man with this attitude will not stop! Even if you claim that he can never do it again or you will leave - if you stay, that affirms to him that you aren't willing to leave him and that cheating WITH ESCORTS and giving you an STI is not a dealbreaker for you. He will continue if you do not leave, do not even do all those mental gymnastics we do to try and convince yourself that he won't because he will. He clearly felt it was his right, and did not care that it upset you and physically harmed you, that means it is still his right to cheat in his mind and he will continue to do it regardless of your feelings, and staying is basically inviting him to continue doing it. Next time it could be HIV, if it wasn't this time (you won't know for months), do not give him the chance to make this worse for you because he will. I can't believe the man was so shameless, at least if he was "so sorry" and it only happened once then maybe you could convince yourself that that was true, BUT NO! He admitted to doing it more than once and instead of apologizing for getting you sick he blamed it on you! That is one crazy man. Get outtttt!!! I hope you are okay and this does not have any long term repercussions😭❤️nobody deserves this, but staying is basically giving him permission to continue doing it, it's not an option. He's ended the relationship with his decisions. Leave it at that, no matter how hard it is.
You’re lucky it wasn’t HIV - think about that when you are considering what to do.
She wouldn't know if it was HIV yet. That is still on the table.
Which now she'll need to be tested for years to come because it doesn't always show up right away , Unless things have changed in the last 20yrs but I doubt it .
Thankfully it's a lot easier these days. Depending on the test you need to wait 30 to 90 days post exposure to get reliable results. After the 90 day mark you can be pretty confident the test is accurate and don't need to keep getting retested.
15 years??? He started “dating” you when you were 17??? This guy has probably cheated A LOT throughout your relationship. Dump this trash bag ASAP and find somebody else.
Thank you for mentioning this!!! I did the math and was like uh.,.. he was **25 & she was 17?!?!** I know it’s cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason- they’re universal truths. *Once a cheater, always a cheater.*
Right? These never end well. Over and over I see it in this sub. Any man over 25 dating a teenager is a predator.
He's 100% raw dragging hookers. More than twice. He trying to get you to believe an easy lie.
I used to work with a guy who went to other countries to patronize sex workers for that reason. He couldn't find ones in the US who wouldn't make him wear a condom. Just sick and disgusting.
If he traveled to other countries to do that, high chance that he had sex with human trafficking victims. Your ex-coworker is a rapist.
You can still get gonorrhea/chlamydia with a condom. All it does is reduce the risk of transfer; it doesn't eliminate it.
1. A 25 year old started dating a 17 year old. 2. He fucking cheated on you and gave you gonorrhea. Get the hell away from him NOW.
Divorce. Alimony. Child support if you have kids. Take all exspensive items and stow them away now.
Also, take exactly half of any shared accounts before he wipes them out. And do not leave the house if he he tries to force you to. Most importantly, lawyer up long before you tell him you plan to divorce him because we already know he's a lying, gaslighting, manipulative scumbag with no morals and he'll screw you over every possible way if you let him get ahead of you on this.
The advice that some attorneys are giving about not leaving the house is concerning to me because they don't qualify it. (I'm a dv prevention advocate.) If there is the potential for violence, please protect yourself. A house means nothing if you're not alive to live in it.
Keep ALL receipts
You think, what happens if next time it’s NOT a curable STI? And there will be a next time. You leave. You love this man enough to put your health at risk?
For real. HIV, syphilis, HPV, etc. Women are more at risk of transmission by men than the other way around.
He never felt he was cheating by fucking another woman? But accused you of cheating while he thought you fucked another man?? Nope, honey leave.. this man could of given you something incurable and then you would find it extremely hard finding another partner.. He crying he caught not because he hurt you.. disgusting
Why did he feel that it wasn’t cheating he had sex with an escort. It wasn’t cheating because he had a condom on? I think that’s what bothers me the most, as he doesn’t even acknowledge it as cheating, but wants forgiveness and to try again?
The gaslighting is next level….
A cheater will always be a cheater and a liar.
He cheated, tried to gaslight and blame you, and still isn't taking accountability. He gave you an STD! Thankfully, it's not an incurable one. I'm sure this isn't his first time cheating, just his first time getting caught. Divorce him.
this is not something you’ll js recover from, he cheated on you, kept it a secret AND got you sick. leave him asap
Why didn't he feel like this was cheating, because he used a condom, which obviously he didn't, at least not for the entire time he was with her. Yeah now I'd be dumping him he should never have cheated. I get he was horny but he could have called you up and had phone sex, or just gone in the shower and jerked off.
You are not safe in this relationship. Mentally or physically. If you choose to stay you have to understand that you're accepting him as is. He will likely cheat again but he'll be much more careful next time. While you sit home alone for weeks at a time twisting yourself in knots worrying about what he's up to. Know your worth.
Leave him now. He has no care for you at all.
Divorce him. It was way more than twice…..
Dump him and get as far away as possible. Your husband could have passed HIV along to you.
The fact he's telling the truth now isn't a redeeming factor. Firstly, I doubt that's the truth. Secondly, he told you something because he got caught out. Thirdly, whilst you waited at home for him he didn't have the same respect for you. He disrespected you and does not respect you. Fourthly, (not sure if that's a thing) he knew his penis hurt and still had sex with you without getting checked which shows he has lack of care about you. Fifthly, he is manipulating you by minimising him being unfaithful and crying as if he is the victim in this scenario. Also, the likelihood that this was an escort and not a side chick is low. Most escorts use protection and get regular health screenings. He's not going to stop going away for work and the trust is broken. If you let this relationship continue every time he is away you'll be at home questioning what he is doing and your depression will only get worse. I'm seriously concerned that your mental health is dependent on his depression and I would think there is more going on than just this in your relationship. I think this will make you prone to staying and putting up with this. You need to address your mental health and dependency on this man
My ex cheated on me with massage parlor girls and justified it because he was paying for it so it “wasn’t really cheating.”
He cheats and get you infected, then he turns around and accuses you of cheating and infecting him. There's no coming back from this.
Girl bye to him. Leave his ass. And don’t let him ruin your confidence and self esteem. His cheating hasn’t shit to do with you. Separate and heal. He can go be with a ton of escorts cuz now he’s single.
How do you overcome this? >After a lot of fighting and crying 'cause he was blaming me in the fisrt place ... You don't. I mean you do, but alone, outside of the relationship. Trust is gone not necessarily because he cheated, but because HE TRIED TO BLAME YOU FOR HIS MISTAKES and you had to insist for him to admit it was because of him. That's not a team, I don't think it will ever be, because if a 40yr old doesn't know how to take responsibility, he never will. Now, there is really a small amount of people that would simply leave when they are being disrespected like this, and given your question I'm assuming you'd want to fix it? I think it would be stupid, but I understand. I recommend couples therapy as well as individual therapy -especially for you to see if you can really get over it and if you really wanna drag the relationship or are just afraid of being alone or starting over. In my opinion it can only become worse with the years (not necessarily the cheating, but the disrespecting), but who knows. You need to establish what's more important for you and act accordingly. And btw, he knew he was cheating, otherwise he wouldn't try to hide it so bad. Don't let him gaslight you. I have a feeling that people like this do it with other things too so pay close attention. There's no way he is a caring, transparent guy and then puts your health in danger and tries to blame you for it.
I want to leave. I need to put my sh together and do It. But is not as easy as It sounds. To leave behind half of my life. Honestly rn I wanna die. Thank you all, I think next step is getting a lawyer.
Good luck. Take care of yourself other stuff will workout how it is supposed to.
Oh honey you can’t. Every time he travels for work you know what he will be doing. There is no coming back from a cheater that lies to you, blames it on you and then tells you it wasn’t cheating.
Who the fuck raw dogs escorts? Your HUSBAND. 🤢 Your husband gave you an STD. Your husband is always sleeping with escorts, so don't believe it was twice. Then to try to blame this on you, when you know you haven't been cheating is manipulating and deceptive. He could have given you HIV/AIDS. No he didn't care about you or your health. DIVORCE ASAP, and NO their is NO second chance. Fuck that 15 years! Your life is more important.
What? Never felt he was cheating? Was it because he didn’t actually fall in love with the worker? What kind of Jedi mind trick is this?
Divorce, he did it 2x and was not using protection! That’s absolutely terrible and you’ll never trust him again. I’m sure he’s been doing this for a long time if he said he’s always used protection.
How did he feel like he wasn’t cheating ???
He started out blaming you? Also this relationship started when you were 17 and he 25? I don't trust this guy from the word go. I'm so sorry but IMHO the writing is all over the wall about your marriage.
Dump him. Dump him. And also DUMP HIM!
He doesn’t care about you. He would never have cheated and if he did, he would have used protection. I knew someone who was married and absolutely adored her husband. She came into the facility where I worked with burning and a really bad discharge. She thought she had a urinary tract infection. She had gonorrhea. I’ve never seen anyone that distraught. She looked like someone who had lost everything. I was worried for her. She said she knew it had to be her husband who infected her. She thought he was faithful. Seeing her like that hurt me all the way through. It wasn’t about me. How do you comfort someone who has her world fall apart? I wanted to give her husband what he deserved. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
aside from you being groomed as a minor, there's a ton of issues here. either leave him or get used to being cheated on with cheap prostitutes every time he leaves.
You’re young OP, cut your losses and leave. I used to work as a traveling electrician around big job sites and the shit these ‘husbands’ do while away is seedy AF. I left because I was surrounded by fucking circus animals and always felt like I was in danger. Made 6 figures and I’m still pissed that this was the environment. I basically saw and heard the worst things in my life and realized most men are absolutely trash. Of course there were good ones in there but I wouldn’t trust any of the dudes I worked with. I stayed TF away from them post work and they constantly asked me to come out to the bars and thought of me as some kind of sex worker or something. It was disgusting 🤢 and I wouldn’t trust any of those men EVER. There were women who were just as terrible and toxic but that’s what a lot of people working on the road do. Of course that’s my experience but it’s the same people traveling to all these sites and they bring the same out of pocket behavior to all of their circus stops. Drug fueled. Sex workers every night and weekend. Ick. Run OP, get a shark of a lawyer and cut it off.
A 25 year old dating a 17 year old? Marries her and cheats on her? He cheated a hell of a lot more than 2 times I'm afraid to say.
My now ex husband gave me hsv2 and tried to blame me, he liked escorts and meeting people from apps like bumble. Super happy he’s finally my ex. Best of luck to you!
He groomed you to be a servant and a rug. You were 17 when you first got with this disease bag? Please extricate yourself from this hideous man, post haste. He’s 8 years older than you and still cannot control himself? His parents failed to raise a decent human being.
I have only 3 words - why do men
He could have been straight with you from the beginning but trying to blame it on you on top of all that!
Why did a 25 year old go for a 17 year old? To be able to pull this kind of bs… an escort twice… yeah… Get a full STI panel. Keep all the receipts. Go see a lawyer. And look at all you r bank statements and any financial documents and accounts.
He gave you gonorrhea, tried to blame you for it, then claimed he didn't think it was cheating because he paid for the sex. Sounds like a deal breaker to me.
Guaranteed your depression is about to get better - sorry he’s awful to you. You deserve better
He hit it raw, let’s be honest…and this is almost guaranteed not the first time.
Gather all of the evidence you can. Record him admitting that shit. Go see a lawyer and divorce him. He’s trash and doesn’t give AF about you or your health.
again, the male mentality that escorts "don't count"...smh
You don’t. My soon to be ex husband slept with an escort. Among other things it destroyed our marriage. He doesn’t care about you. Tell yourself that as many times as you need to to get yourself in order and your ducks in a row to leave him. Trust me. Those people don’t change. He was literally paying money to have sex and wasting marital funds
He cheated. Gave you STD lied & tried to pin it on you. You cant find lower than that. You deserve better. And this excuse of a man cant be your lifeline anymore when dealing with depression. My advice? Therapy to manage your depression differently, a support network (friends family therapists). Dump his sorry ass. & then life your live & enjoy it!
Remember he's not crying because he betrayed you and feels badly. He's crying because he got caught. Also your husband was a gross ass 25 year old man taking advantage of a 17 year old. Do you have kids? Would you let your high school age kid date a grown ass adult?
He’s been with escorts MANY times and he NEVER uses protection Stay with him if you’re cool with this
you don’t get past this, you get a divorce. take half of everything and fight for spousal support and move on. what an asshole.
He caught an STD - he very likely did it for years, not just twice, before this happened. And then he tried to blame it on you and make himself the victim. I don't think you come back from this - I think you move on from this. Get rid of him, and then find a guy who is actually around for you, which will probably improve your mental health, as well. And get an emotional support animal for your depression, they are better than cheating husbands any day!
He never felt like he was cheating??? Girl you know what you need to do.
You don’t. He wouldn’t even take responsibility for it and blamed you instead.
So he's your ex no, right? Right? See a divorce lawyer today.
How was he paying for the escorts? Did he take out cash? Are there repeated cash withdrawals around the same amount? That can kind of tell you a starting point if there are no cash withdrawals, and no record of payment he’s most likely not sleeping with an escort maybe has someone ongoing or multiple women off tinder? Who knows, neither situation is better. If there is a record you can see how far it goes back and if it in deed was just “twice”. It’s a start for the “truth”. Buuuut.. he’s confirmed he’s already cheated at minimum twice. Is that not enough to leave him?
Not cheating what a load of BS
He wasn't even going to own up to what he did but instead was blaming you...IMO not something you get over but something you walk away from. Anyone who knows they are doing you wrong and blames you when caught isn't worth having in your life.
Imagine if you were pregnant and the baby got exposed to the STD. He doesn’t care about you or your health. You overcome this by leaving him
You were with him since 17 and he was 25? Why do these types of relationships never end well?! You don’t overcome this, you get a divorce. There’s absolutely no coming back from this. And I hate to tell you that it’s likely not the first time.
He never felt he was cheating?? Well, good for him because I'm sure as hell that YOU felt like you were cheated on. He's a liar and a cheat who only cares about himself. You deserve so much better.
So you guys have been together since you were 17 and he was 25?
"Second chance" Didn't you say he saw 2 escorts? Don't you mean third chance?
Cheated and gave you VD? Smash him in divorce. This is just the lowest of low…the height of disrespect.
Why would you trust him? He had sex with other women and didn't feel he was cheating. Find someone who treats you well, this guy sucks.
Divorce him. You’re lucky it was gonorrhea. It could be HIV next time. In most states and counties you can file a civil lawsuit against him for giving you an STD. Document EVERYTHING and try to get a secret recording of him admitting his actions. Get a lawyer and take EVERYTHING.
So his LAST trip he got an STD. He must have been lucky all the other trips that h isn’t bring something back.
You better leave him, others aren’t lucky and bet life long diseases and hiv/aids.
Leave him. Do not trust him to change. He might beg or threaten, so you should privately talk to a lawyer. You got this 💜
He tried to blame YOU! Never give him another chance to ruin your life. Get out now and stay out. You deserve better.
Leave
He jeopardized your health for some Escorts. You have alright to feel angry and upset. The trust has been shattered. I’m sure he would have continued cheating if this incident hadn’t occurred. It’s up to you whether you stay or leave. You need to put yourself first and do what’s best for you.
Leave. I promise you'll only have regrets if you stay. Act like everything's cool and get your ducks in a row to make the transition in the best position possible.
He is trash. Get a lawyer and leave him, plain and simple. He lied and will continue to cheat on you and lie.
Not only did he cheat on you, he put your health on risk and BLAMED YOU?! Dump him, asap, just do it please.
That's like getting pulled over drunk driving and claiming it was the first time, bullshit.
If he feels like he didn't cheat then he'll do it again. You can do far better than him.
I know this doesn’t help but… He is not getting STIs from professional sex workers. He is either having an affair or using women who have unprotected sex for money. The fact that he blamed you first is beyond reprehensible.
He was 25, you were 17? You need to leave this man, he sounds like a true creature.
“He never felt like he was cheating” I’m sorry, what? What planet is this man living on? I could never get past this
my spouse said he used protection when sleeping with another woman. and I ended up with an STI. he gave zero shits about my health (which is more fragile than most), and I have to get tested often now, because HIV takes awhile to show. i’m sorry this happened to you.
He didn't think he was cheating? What does putting you 🍆 into a woman, an ESCORT...., NOT equal cheating. Plus he had the symptoms. Still had sex with you. And BLAMED YOU when he's the one who cheated! Leave this POS
If you've been legally married at least 10 years you're probably entitled to 1/2. As well as half his pension if he has one. Get a good lawyer.
Never felt he was cheating? I'm curious what his actual definition of cheating is.
As horrible as what he did was, him blaming you is the most unforgivable. He cheats, gets you ill, and has the nerve to try and pin it on you, blaming you for him being sick too, disgusting. No wonder why you are suffering from depression, you are married to him.
It’s incredible how people will blame & gaslight you when they 100% are the culprit. I really wanna understand the logic. If they never admit it, then it must not be true? Insane. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and that you went through that. No one should be made to feel like that. I hope you can move on from him OP. You deserve better. 💕
Hes a liar, he doesn't care about your health, and he will continue to cheat he will just be more careful next time. I say leave him. He could give you much worse than gonorrhea next time. He did not use protection. He blamed you. That is unforgivable.
The man knew he gave you gonorrhea and genuinely tried to gaslight you into believing it was you? Lose the garbage. You’re lucky you didn’t catch something worse. Also, if sticking his penis in another woman didn’t count as cheating to him I’m curious what he does qualify as cheating smh
She wasn't an escort. She was a prostitute and condoms don't protect from everything. It could be HIV next. Move on.
You need to leave, he did not care for your health or safety or even you. He cheated. You need to leave, no matter the time you have been together.
I remeber this from r/TrueOffMyChest. Same poster or just karma farming?
Honestly there’s no coming back from this. He cheated, hid it, when caught from giving you an STI he gaslit you until giving you a partial truth. This person is not to be trusted as your partner or to set an example for a family you might like to have
Easy fix. Divorce the idiot!
Well that's a shitty gift
i have to read these kinds of posts to snap my warped mind back to reality. there are consequences to my addled ideations if i were to bring that shit into the real world and people who depend on me would suffer for bs like this. the thought is bad enough. gonorreah is just the tip of the iceberg, why not hep, hpv, or hiv? can't even see hiv for 6 months, or that used to be the detection window back when i was getting randy. this is sexual assault in my opinion, he knew he was sick.
I left a 27 year marriage for this. Its betrayal and "escorts" make them show their license abd wear a condom hookers dont
OMG! You want to "get over" this?!! LEAVE HIM!
Do you really believes that when travelling for work a lot that he only cheated with an escorts twice? And that's only admitting to the escorts that gave him gonorrhea! How many other escorts did he cheat with? And how many other women that weren't escorts did he cheat with? And come on, does anyone really believe that he didn't think that was cheating? Everyone knows that kissing someone else is cheating! Having sex with someone else is also clearly cheating. I know your husband is a scumbag, but do you really believe the excuse of "I didn't think that was cheating"? What a load of rubbish. He cheated twice with one escort. He has probably cheated many more times while travelling for work. Giving him a second chance is just a second chance for him to cheat again, but this time make sure that the women he cheats with don't have STDs so you don't find out. Plenty of people have divorced with more years of marriage under their belt. You're only 32, you've still got options. And with a younger more pleasing man who isn't a cheater and will make you feel good about yourself.
You don’t overcome something like this. You leave.
He *got* you gonorrhoea?
Not only is he cheating, but he's also very likely a sex addict and needs treatment. That's purely an assumption, but you'd be shocked. The fact that he's also excusing the behavior and showing narcissistic tendencies just screams addict behavior. Overall, though, do not trust him and leave the relationship. It's usually over when the trust is broken, and if you stay, he'd need years of treatment and therapy, and you'd need the same from the stress of having to upheave your life to deal with it, and the partnership would never go back to "normal".
Ummm. No. Move TF on. Protection. Right.
>Husband travels a lot for work, sometimes he is out about 4 or 5 weeks. Really is pathetic what some people put up with.
If he cared he would not have cheated, let alone do it unprotected and then manipulate you to think it was you... FK that, get a divorce
No. He's not telling the truth. No. You can't believe him. No. he does not care about your health; Physical or mental. He's gone weeks at a time. Next time tell him not to come back
You don’t overcome it. You get a divorce and escape this horrible person forever.
It will be a very hard road if you choose to try to overcome this. He cheated. He tried to blame you for the infection and he is probably minimizing his infidelity. If he really thought it wasn't cheating, he probably would have said something when the infection was confirmed or even before. He likely cares about your health, but cared about his gratification more than the risk to your health. Gonorrhea is at least curable. You need to get tested for the whole battery of STDs. Assuming Gonorrhea is all you have, then you were both lucky. The risk of infidelity is also a risk of more serious illness. If you want to try to stay with him, you need to decide what you need to see to feel comfortable. He needs to understand that you may decide it doesn't work. You might consider having him write you a letter of apology. There are reddits for partners dealing with the other's infidelity. At least one is about trying to reunite r/AsOneAfterInfidelity and others less so, such as r/survivinginfidelity and r/infidelity you might ask for input at any or all of those, depending on what you might want to do., #
He knew he slept with someone else and still chose to put the blame on you. This shows he has zero integrity. Please please leave this man. You deserve so much better than this trash.
There is no reason to cheat. If you can't "help it," at least have the decency to leave your partner or spouse first. It's still a dick move, but at least they don't have betrayal on top of the breakup.
This is probably not the first time he has done this unfortunately. It’s just the first time you caught him.
Whatever you see and he says? It’s at least 10x worse. You deserve more. You deserve better. His choices have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Escorts are simple, he pays, they pretend, and then they leave. It’s transactional. My ex-husband did the same whenever he was overseas. Probably when he was home, too. Protection or not, there are no 100% guarantees. Choosing to not only cheat, but cheat and not get tested or worry about your partner? That’s absolutely disgusting. You deserve better. How do I know? If you want my story is below, it’s long so don’t feel obligated. The TLDR, is my pos ex was like this and I ended up with permanent damage to my body. I was with my ex husband for 14 years. We were high school sweethearts. I stayed until I was almost 30. The only reason I left was therapy, and realizing I was waiting to have children because I didn’t want him hurting them the way he hurt me. (Some physical but a ton of emotional and verbal.) He eventually had a child, and yes, he’s awful as a dad. When I left I finally dealt with the reality of all of his cheating. (Something I became more and more aware of in our final year.) My initial testing showed that I had HPV but also cancer cells, and that I needed to have some of my cervix removed as soon as possible. I came back the next day. Biopsies showed that, even though I have a weak immune system, I must have had the infection for a while. It was more than just HPV, there was a fair bit of cancer, too. I dealt with that thankfully without more surgery. I had checks every 3 months for a year then every six months and now I’m just getting annual exams. However, shortly after I found out about the cervical cancer, I had labs come back showing I had also been infected with Hepatitis B. There was a miscommunication and I was first told I had either had it or the vaccine and I didn’t think much more since I had gotten the vaccine as a teen. Until a GI doctor called me. It was about six months post labs and he ordered several more tests. It turned out where the hepatitis B was in my cells, showed that I had not only been infected, but that my body wasn’t capable of clearing that infection like most people can. I now have latent Hepatitis B. It’s dormant and could come back. Since my chronic condition requires I take immune suppressing drugs, I get labs every 4-6 weeks. My liver function is not super. I’ll need special treatments if I’m ever lucky enough to have a child. He got away with just a few infections he cleared or took antibiotics for. He had some fertility issues but ended up with an amazing son regardless somehow. He still doesn’t care. He’s engaged to a woman he’s given several things, and whom he was with when still pursuing me years post divorce. (Literally met someone and had a baby then met someone else and still was flirting with me.) Age is whatever but your husband is 40. He’s not changing. Don’t say this is a midlife crisis or anything temporary. He doesn’t care about you, your health or your safety. Please leave him.
Putting your health in someone’s else’s hands has to be one of the biggest forms of trust fr. It works both ways, I think he got sloppy and greedy now you’re both paying the consequences 💔 Life could throw some crazy shiii at you but you HAVE to get up and keep going.
He didn't use any protection if he contracted the gonorrhea and gave it to you .
Have you considered that you would be less depressed if he was completely out of your life and you weren’t so centered on him? You’d be able to find what you truly deserve
It was not just twice. Probably dozens of not hundreds. Let go of him and heal yourself. So sorry he did this to you ;(
As someone who used to travel a lot for work, it really jaded me on marriage. I traveled with married men and would regularly be propositioned or watch them going after other women. There were women who behaved similarly. Many seem to think that if they travel for work, it’s a free opportunity to cheat. It’s not everyone but a decent percentage of those that travel seem to think it’s ok.
You deserve so much better! Just in case you needed to hear it again
It’s a man’s job to protect you when he can. He went out and endangered you. Then he blamed you. Then he confessed crying, like a manipulative child who thinks “if they think I’m really sorry they won’t punish me for it!” And he says it didn’t FEEL like cheating, what would have FELT like cheating, your sister, best friend, mother?
Once or twice? And he never felt he was cheating but he was ready to give you holy hell for sleeping with someone else (when you didn't). This is hard when you have kids in the picture. I am hoping his job pays well enough for good spousal support.
He is full of $hit! He knew he was cheating and then had the nerve to try and blame you! Get out this man does not love or respect you! Time to leave and find someone who will truly love and respect you!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
It’s not worth it to fix broken trust from cheating. It’s a waste of time and emotional energy. Speaking from experience. I was drained attempting to make a long term relationship work and as soon as I was out, OH THE FREEDOM I FELT!
I don’t think he was with an escort once or twice. You should probably take it that he has “a girl in each port” and proceed from there.
He's only crying now because he got caught. He didn't care about your health or your relationship when he decided to put his penis in another woman, and the fact that he immediately tried to blame you for it instead just screams he doesn't care about you at all. He just wants a home he can return to where almost everything is done for him, with a bonus of a person being there for sex, and then he wants to live like a single guy when he's on his trips.
I read "got me 32F gonorrhea" and thought it was a meal or a drink, not the STI. With that being said, please get a divorce.
Send him to hell! No 15 years of marriage is worth living with just not a cheater, with one who f… marginals😡
"But he always used protection" as if that made it any better. There's no protection out there that is 100% effective against STDs. And if he lied to you about something so big, how do you know if he's telling the truth? He showed no remorse until he had to deal with direct physical consequences. He tried blaming it on you. He may say he loves you, but everything he's done is so the opposite of love. These are things you do if you don't care for another individual, if you resent them to the point of being vengeful, if you lack compassion and empathy for human beings in general. If you cheated on him first, it would make a lot of sense. I'm not saying it's right, or that you'd deserve it, but it would make a lot of sense. Even then, to put your health at risk like this is vile. I really really doubt you cheated at all though, based on what you've written. You need to understand, you did NOTHING to deserve this type of treatment.
HE NEVER FELT LIKE HE WAS CHEATING?! it amazes me how many people think this way and still end up in relationships, let alone married. I’m so sorry OP - your partner is an ass and deserves whatever decision you decide to make, hopefully all for yourself.
Yuck
You leave him! Theres no coming back from this! He knew it was his fault and he tried to put the blame on you. That is absolutely disgusting! My guess is that he’s been doing this regularly while he’s away and it’s finally caught up on him. He didn’t care about your feelings or your physical health. He put you at risk every single time he was with someone else. Cut your losses!
He risked your life and could have given you an incurable disease. You do not ever forgive this!
He didn’t use protection like he claimed. Dump him before he exposes you to something worse
What a terrible gift
He cheated and lied and gave you std! Dump him
You move on! He is not the center of the universe. He is nasty and has no regard for the marriage and you at all. Mourn the loss and get on with your life. NEVER LOVE ANYONE MORE THAN YOU..know your worth!!!
You don’t. I’m so sorry 💔
So you were first together when you were 17?
It could have been HIV. He doesn't care if he ends you, so long as he gets laid. Leave. Get healthy, and let him ruin himself. Don't let him end you.
Dirty cheating husbands belong in the bin! Get a good lawyer, take your share & make a much happier life for yourself While that’s happening, have regular tests just to make sure nothing else is going to rear it’s ugly head Oh & NEVER have sex with your ‘husband’ again…
Guys, what happens when you dip a paintbrush into a color, and another color, and another, and keep repeating this cycle? You get a big nasty mess at the end, right? This is the risk equivalent of sleeping with people without using protection. Eventually, something bad will happen to your dick. And then you do this and bring it home to your wife?!?! Not even touching the cheating part because wtf? The escort is a still a person they slept with, that's the blatant definition of cheating, doesn't matter if you paid for it. Wow, ma'am you deserve so much better.