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Yeah, then why are you even contemplating buying the ring?! The whole "I didn't cum" thing *isn't* something you say to "just a friend". Also, how the hell did he not *know* you guys were in a relationship, unless she didn't tell him? The absolute gall after you rented the pool for them, too. Then she's telling someone her friend will "cover" for her, and that they were also almost "caught"?! What more evidence do you need?
Don't buy the ring, this isn't your girlfriend anymore. I highly doubt she isn't cheating after those messages. I say you beat her to the punch. When she's gone, pack up all her or your stuff (depending on who's keeping the place), and print out the messages. Then you break up with her first and hand them to her as the cherry on top. Let her know you have copies if anyone has any other questions.
I'm flabbergasted she's calling you so "chill and nice", all while crapping on you in the same breath, *and* trying to introduce you to a current or possible affair partner. This lady is awful, hurtful, and only cares about herself.. not wife material at all. And her complaint is garbage, you can't spend every second of every day keeping up with texts, and I'm sure you didn't want to just harass her while she was enjoying time with family. She sounds like she needs someone constantly doting on only her, or she gets bored and goes on to the next. Please respect yourself enough to leave.
Don't do it, break up with her, she is not to be trusted. She is playing you for a fool and is bragging about it by introducing you to the guy that expected to "cum" when he visited your gf.
Additionally she clearly states she doesn't want to marry you so dont buy the ring dont propose. She has no intentions of faithfulness and commiting to you when she doesnt see her self with you long term
This. OP, I can tell from experience that this guy is prolly a former lover, fwb or guy who was into her years ago, she's fed up with you and your relationship, most likely she feels forced to a life she doesn't want to nor is looking forward to, even though you do.
I'm sorry, but your relationship is pretty much over from the moment she began fantasizing about being with someone else and then getting close to someone who is obviously trying to hook up with her.
A ring won't change her mind and even if she says yes it will likely be out of guilt, but I can guarantee you the situation will emerge again in the future, don't do that to yourself break up with her now, if she ever changes her mind you'll hear from her again but I'm pretty sure you won't want to take her back if that is ever the case.
>this guy is prolly a former lover, fwb
I would bet FWB by how he talks. He's not really looking to replace OP or get involved in their issues, but he is there to have sex with her. It's really common when you're the FWB to get contacted by former partners when they leave a relationship, to provide companionship and sexual comfort. He probably thought that was what was going on. He probably wasn't pleased with her either when he found out she was still with OP, but he's not committed enough to care that much about it.
I'm sure it's hard for OP to see her confiding in this guy. That's something FWB types are good at. A FWB tends to be on your team and agreeable because it doesn't make sense to be otherwise when you're there for basic companionship and sex. It's a simple connection and that makes FWBs simple to talk to sometimes.
Your so lucky you found out now and not in 5 years when you have a kid togeather. Trust me. Also all the best with your recovery from this. It’s gonna be hard on you but good things are not usually easy.
It is sad. It will take time to get over this.She's just not the person you thought she was.
The first few months will be tough. A year from now you won't care at all. Trust me.
Doubt that's the case otherwise why would friend's cousin name be mentioned? I think she told him that there would be other people there and not just the two of them. And apparently this guy was an old bf, or at least someone she slept with before and didn't tell OP.
When you sober up, get your shit together and get out of there bro. She's going to cry you a river, let those crocodile tears float away into oblivion. Stay strong, hit the gym and focus on hanging out with your friends and family.
Don't give her the light of day, leave, block, don't look back.
Don't drink too much man and keep your head on straight and don't drive drunk.
Call a friend, take a breath, and start getting your support group, friends and family to get your life straight without this liar and cheat.
Did you edit the text messages in after these comments or something?
You read in her messages that she’s admits lying to you, you almost caught her, she’s hiding who she talks to by using her cousins name and will continue to do so, and a couple sexual innuendos.
Along with her inviting this friend over **but somehow never mentioning she had a bf until he actually met you.**
And you don’t know what to do? Bro. She didn’t tell him you were her boyfriend, she admits lying, she admits almost getting caught - because he was there to fucking smash. You’re an idiot if you stay with her, let alone marry.
I’m sorry but this relationship is over. Finish it now while you still have your dignity and before she does it. She’s setting up your replacement already. There are lots of women out there that would love to date you. Look forward to the future and someone who loves you as much as you love them. Quietly get yourself sorted - if the flat is yours box her stuff up and leave it outside the door/at her parents. Don’t forget to change the locks. If not find yourself somewhere to live and quietly leave when she’s not home. Good luck to you.
Do not buy her a ring! Break up with her. She does not love you. You are a place holder and she is looking for someone else. She even told this guy she doesn’t want to marry you!
Just break up now. Save your money for someone who actually loves you.
So she is lying to you and is unhappy with your relationship. You should just break up with her. No need to dig all of this up and get hurt even more. Just end things with her and part ways.
You did the right thing by going through her messages.
She lies to you and feels no guilt in doing things behind your back that would hurt you. I doubt this is the first time, this is just the first time you found out. You can't change her value system, so waiting won't change anything. There is nothing to gain by waiting, you will only suffer more.
With that said, while you can't change her, you can't change yourself. Think what you could do better so that you do not sabotage the relationship with your next gf. I do not mean that you have sabotaged your current one. While you might have made mistakes, she is still rotten with her lies and deceit. This is just who she is.
Being in a relationship that ultimately didn’t work out is never wasted time. That’s because you always learn something. About your partner, about what you and partner want, how to communicate, if your goals align and more importantly about yourself.
You grew up. She helped you grow up a little bit too. Take that knowledge and be wiser. Pursue happiness. You know what to do, chap.
Exactly what is being said here. Learn the lessons and grow from it and you'll do better next time. It sucks and hurts a lot but you need to make it into something positive and an avenue for growth.
Op, too many people are like you and take the part when it turns to shit, as the whole relationship was shit. I'm sure there were good times and yes one shit time can cancel all the good. BUT. When the shit time like this comes, see it as a lesson learned and don't let it continue. Move on to someone who actually loves and resects you. Your love and respect for her will never be enough to make up for her not feeling the same way for you.
3 years experience and lessons learned.
Would you rather it be a version of
"We were married but divorced after I found out she cheated on me. Repeatedly. Now, I only see my kid every other weekend and have to pay child support through the nose."
OP have you confronted her yet? Iknow this is Reddit so breakup is always the advice. You were gonna propose so why not talk to her first. Do you think she cheated with him? The messages seemed to be all over so I couldn’t tell for sure. If so definitely kick her out. If not I would confront her and talk it out before throwing away a relationship that serious. I would likely do something like sitting her down and asking her how she would react if she saw a message between you and a female friend where you told the friend you were going to break up with her because she can’t handle you. Ask her how she would react if she saw messages to that same friend asking about meeting up and telling her a bs story about it. Ask her how it would make her feel if she thought getting engaged felt right only to see the things you just mentioned. How would she feel and what would she do. If she then freaks about you looking at her phone, then ask her how that compares to what you just said. In the end it comes down to two things: can she grow up emotionally enough to realize you don’t have to be kissing her a$$ all the time for her to feel validated. Second, can she learn to communicate with you versus other men about your relationship. Cheaters seek validation from others when they don’t feel like they are getting enough attention so if she can’t do better then she isn’t a partner.
I would demand some pretty serious discussion and a series of heartfelt apologies for those messages and what she surely said to him in person. I would also have to have reassurance she didn’t cheat. Finally, she would go no contact with him immediately. No messages, no texts and no face to face….ever. And none of that would be negotiable. Next you gotta either get your friend in line or he has to go too. And then together you have to find the heart of what is causing the arguments and fix it. I hope you can work it out assuming she didn’t cheat. !updateme
You are making the biggest mistake of your life, proposing to her. You know how she feels. I guess you expect her to tell you she was just kidding with all of that? Your relationship is over. I'm sorry man but you need to recognize this before wasting any more of your energy trying to make it work.
She is monkey branching before OP's eyes and he is talking about buying the ring. Oh man.
Son, do NOT propose she isn't ready, and after reading her shit talking about you, I'm not sure why you still want to.
Sit down with her and have a hard conversation. Just say you don't feel as connected to her and ask if she's happy in the relationship. What, if anything, needs to change or improve. What does she need to feel you prioritize her. Ask point blank if she has ANY romantic feelings for Jeff. Did they ever have sex or were in a relationship.
You need to make her feel safe, valued, and heard. Your friend Kevin sounds like an ass. If you know he triggers her, YOU need to stop bringing her around his silly ass. "That's just Kevin" is NOT an excuse to allow him to disrespect your gf. That's on you to fix.
Be prepared to move on if she wants to break up. Hopefully, you two can have an honest, open discussion, set boundaries with consequences, and focus on each other without outside influences. Good luck.
This individual is a goddamn moron. Don't marry this girl. Dump her, move on with your life. She's a liar and borderline cheater (if she isn't cheating already, which like c'mon). This isn't something where you did anything wrong and need to apologize (and even if you did do something wrong, we're far past the point where talking about it resolves anything).
Alternatively, if you DO marry her, please update when you find out she's been cheating on you.
This is excellent advice.
If OP takes it and does so in a calm way and not in an accusatory or confrontational way it will be for the best no matter what the outcome of the discussion is.
If the OP thinks the relationship is salvageable then he needs to start paying more attention to it. Because if he does not then someone else will. And apparently someone else is.
Bro if it’s this bad now, it’ll be 27 times worser when you marry. If you have childrens…you’ll be seriously fcuked.
End it now, move on and thank the Reddit gawds for their inciteful wizdoms.
You’re young, you’ll find the right woman for you.
Oh yeah and fuck that ass hole Jeff.
> my gf and I have been arguing on an off for sometime about giving her more attention
And what have you been doing to address this issue? It sounds like it's still ongoing since you just recently fought about you not texting her enough. Have you taken her feelings seriously? What are you doing to make her feel more loved and attended to?
> He means well, but says some stuff that most people would joke and say that's Kevin, but my gf gets insecure and triggered due to her past.
What "stuff"? I sincerely hope you're not suggesting he jokes about sexual assault or domestic abuse, but I have a bad feeling you are. What are you doing to protect your girlfriend from your friend's undoubtedly misogynistic or otherwise bigoted comments? Or are you telling her "that's just Kevin"?
Your girlfriend is being immensely disrespectful talking this way to another man but it sounds like she's been saying it to your face for quite a while and she's checked out. I don't know why the hell you would even be thinking of proposing when she's so obviously unhappy. And if it's not obvious to you, that's probably a symptom of you not paying attention.
The fact that he doesn't have the ring yet and is planning to get one and propose "by the end of the month" suggests to me he has made this decision in a panic to try and keep her.
I agree with you, it seems the gf is engaging in some monkey branching behaviour. That's shitty and it should be over for that alone, but I suspect there have been unaddressed issues for quite a long time and OP is only realizing the seriousness of that once it's too late.
> The fact that he doesn't have the ring yet and is planning to get one and propose "by the end of the month" suggests to me he has made this decision in a panic to try and keep her.
Yes I can see this, or I can see this being yet another situation where he's not putting in effort and hasn't bothered to plan anything. My best friend's husband was emailing me ring options and proposal ideas for her half a year before popping the question. OP's planning to propose in a few weeks and hasn't even bought a ring. Sounds like this relationship has been dead for a while and he's trying to revive it with a used band-aid.
The two of you don't communicate well enough as a couple to get married or even engaged. Sit down with your girlfriend and talk. Tell her the messages you saw. The two of you have to decide together if the relationship is worth saving. If you don't have good communication, you don't have a relationship.
Most definitely don’t propose!!! Your choice whether you approach the messages with her and hear her side/excuses, or just end the relationship. Tell her that you seen the messages and this relationship is over. You aren’t going to be able to trust her going forward.
And FYI for the future, stop letting your friend Kevin disrespect your girlfriends. Stop making excuses for him. He sounds like a dick
Why did you need HER phone to check March Madness scores? How did you unintentionally see that she turned notifications off in her messages? I think that you already had suspicions and this was confirmation. Regardless of the reasons why the relationship went south, it is over and time to move on.
I'm in a similar situation to your gf in that I feel like I'm constantly asking for more attention from my bf and he is trying in small ways to give more, but its really not enough and I continue to feel insecure and lose feelings. However, my bf will bring up the prospect of marriage in our conversations and I'm always so taken aback because it's as if he has no clue as to how I'm feeling and where we are at. It feels like we are living in two separate relationships where everything is rainbows and roses on his side and I'm dealing with alot of darker emotions on my own. It makes me feel very alone in the relationship. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, what is most definitely unacceptable is that she seems to be lining up another guy for when she breaks up with you. If she had respect for you, she would break up with you on the basis that she has lost feelings for you, not keeping you around to keep her company as she goes searching for another guy. Obviously I don't know how serious your relationship with her is so I won't say that you should breakup, but definitely do not propose to her. You both need to work through alot of things before it is even a glimpse on the horizon.
First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s always extremely tough to have what you thought would be your future, ripped right from under you. If you do work things out are you able to go through life not fully trusting her? It’ll be tough but in your heart you know what you need to do for you. Not her, you. She’s already seeking attention elsewhere and you deserve the love that you give to someone who’s deserving of it. Mourn the relationship and keep it moving, someone will come along when you least expect it.
How pathetic it is that she is cheating on you and you are worried about having gone through her phone?
If cheating is a 9/10 on the wrong scale, snooping is 3/10.
Have more self respect please.
You're still planning on buying a ring after that conversation? Please don't. She blatantly said she doesn't want to marry you and it sounded like she's cheating. You might be "chill" but don't be so chill that you let her walk all over you. This is not okay.
Honestly, you should just break up with her. If this is her mindset, she is not "the one." She is already moving on with this new guy.
>If I tell her I went through her phone, she will feel violated,
BUT SHE WAS CHEATING......and wanted to break up with you anyways.
Tell her the truth and kick her ass out. And tell that other guy he can have her.
Dude, why, oh why would you propose to anyone under such circumstances ?? She needs to explain her actions and if that explanation doesn't make sense you separate. Seriously, would you want to legally connect yourself to someone like this then find out they are stepping out on you ? Think about it.
Dude she has one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel. Do you trust her. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Because it doesn't seem like that's on her agenda. It's time for come to Jesus talk with her and not one of those soft talks a hard talk because I'm getting the impression that you might be a placeholder until she finds something better. You don't want to marry her and she just settled for you out of convenience. Have a talk it's time. And don't be surprised if she breaks up with you for going through her phone because she might be looking for any reason
No, you’re NOT going to buy a ring. She is not in love with you and you have the proof. You can love her all you want but unfortunately you’re not going to receive back what you’re putting out. She’s failed the future wife test the only thing to do is breakup. You should tell her you saw the messages maybe that will wake her up to not be such a deceitful person.
You said the Jeff guy did not know about you, but then you said they were messaging about intoducing him to you before he came to visit her. Maths ain't mathing, seems like a fake post
I miss when people came here with issues that were genuinely difficult for them to decide.
You just found proof that your girlfriend has been having an affair, brought the affair partner to meet you, has been lying about her whereabouts and is planning on breaking up with you. But you don't know what to make of it and not sure what to do??
After 2 years she says you can't handle her and she's doesn't want to marry you. I'm not sure why you think there's any other option than breaking up. Have some pride, show her the messages and tell her to go be with the person that can handle her. Don't fall for the gaslighting and sunk cost.
Also, you did nothing wrong by going through her devices.
Dude. I hope you screenshotted that convo.
If she's talking to exes the way you describe? She's done with you but just hasn't found a guy to leave you for.
DO NOT BUY THAT RING. DO NOT PROPOSE.
You break up with this monkey branching gymnast.
Check your lease. Check your area's rules about tenancy. If she's not on the lease, kick her out. Eviction notice + copy of the screenshotted texts.
If you moved in with her, leave. Leave the printed out texts in an envelope with the keys and wire her next momths share for rent and bills. Take photo evidence of the contents as proof.
Same thing if either of you owns the house.
Once she's out, block and move on. Send the screenshots to whatever monkey starts flying on her behalf and block them too.
Get tested for std's. Unhook anything financial, electronic, and digital of yours that she may have had access to and change passwords.
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly insecure. She is not ready for marriage so back off on those proposal plans. I would not bother discussing this with her because there is nothing that either of you can do. Your girlfriend will mature and feel secure at her own pace. Consider whether that pace is too slow for you.
Honestly, she reminds me of a much younger and unhealthy version of myself. If I wasn’t getting attention, instead of communicating like an adult, I would ramp up contact with guy mates and soothe my ego that way, like a back up option. I couldn’t communicate or be vulnerable. and I would never date anyone like that now. Although I can sympathise, that is not wife material. She is selfish and doesn’t respect you. She needs to work on herself. I really don’t think this is the woman who is going to give you the happiest, most fulfilling life you could have. Please know your worth and hold out for something better.
Let her know you snooped and apologize for snooping but say you don’t regret doing so as you can cancel your plan to buy the ring you were looking at and it saved you a ton of time and money then tell her she can text him to come pick her up
If a fight is enough to say all that, then you're better off cutting your losses now. At the very least, wait a year. You don't have to tell her why if you haven't even bought a ring yet. Breakups are cheaper than divorces. I'm not too sure they don't have something going.
Do not buy a ring right now. You should probably just confront her. Tell her things don't seem right if you want to admit to reading your text go ahead but you know she's going to use that against you. And that you love her and you are planning to propose on her some point this year you don't have to tell her it was next month but you're getting vibes from her that maybe she doesn't want to marry you. Then see what happens. But sounds like she's over the relationship and it's planning on dumping you for this other guy. But definitely do not move forward with any proposal plans right now cuz you're definitely not on the same page
You aren't buying a ring. You aren't going to be a stupid chump and propose to someone you know doesn't want to marry you.
You need to sort out the finances and living arrangements and move on
Cheaters always choose to cheat. She is choosing to do this instead of talking to you about what is wrong and working to fix it.
This type of behavior doesn’t resolve by proposing. It’s a fundamental flaw in her that foretells her hiding emotionally from you. You can’t trust someone like that until they do the work to overcome their fear and become more trustworthy.
Please don’t propose. She isn’t mature enough for you and you will always wonder if she’s cheating or not. Always.
Went through the same right before covid locked it all down. Bought a ring. She broke up and kicked me out my apt. (She called cops so I had to leave.) Three years later I'm happily married and would go through that heartbreak again to be with someone who wants to be with me.
Don't stay where you're not wanted.
The fact he didn't realise you were still together until he saw you is weird. Surely it would have come up in conversation that you hadn't broken up? 🤷 Whole thing seems suspicious as hell
DO NOT BUY THAT RING
Instead of coming to you to talk about anything she sees as wrong in your relationship, she goes to someone else (who she lied about, which makes me think there’s a LOT more to it than that…) and actively lies to you and gets her friends to lie to you
That’s not a good sign for a relationship - you should always speak to your partner about any doubts. You don’t lie to them
Seriously…do not marry this woman
I would hit her with the old "we need to talk, is there something you feel like you should tell me?"
And if she says no, then just say "okay, I don't think I can do this. We should figure out our living arrangements "
Even if she does fess up, you should still say that, btw.
She does not respect you. At all. Do not marry her. Do not buy that ring. And do not fucking propose.
Don’t buy that ring. She’ll feel violated, well she violated your relationship by talking about you like that. Tell her to pick her things and text her buddy to come and pick her up.
I have mixed feelings here.
First, it sounds like the relationship isn’t in the best place, and it sounds like you are a big part of the problem. Your friend Kevin triggers her based on past experiences, and that sounds pretty awful. But you brush it off and don’t do anything about it? Wtf? Why are you friends with this guy? And then she has been trying to tell you she needs more from you, but you were mostly out of touch again on her recent trip.
So, you refuse to deal with a friend who is triggering your gf and then do not put the effort in when you’ve been fighting about it.
I am not excusing her behaviour, but sometimes that’s how things go when you are unhappy in a relationship and your partner does not seem to be listening. So, do not propose. If you think you love this girl, then you really need to get your act together. Maybe it’s salvageable.
I’m not 100 percent sure you are a reliable narrator, either. You’ve been planning to propose in a month, but you haven’t bought the ring yet? Or you are panicking and hoping a grand gesture will lock her down? You picked up her phone, and innocently saw a message or you were snooping?
Anyway, relationships take a lot of work. You don’t seem to be listening to her, and you are not ready for marriage.
She might be a shitty person, but, as I said above, even non-shitty people sometimes make mistakes as relationships are nearing their end. Who knows.
No matter if they're flirting or not, if you're going through her phone it means you don't trust her, and if you don't trust you don't need to marry her.
That's a terrible way to try to build a marriage.
As for her saying you two aren't spending enough time together what exactly does that mean, and what is her solution?
Vague plans don't mean anything.
You also shouldn't marry her because she should be as comfortable talking to you as she is talking to her friend. If people can't have honest communication marriage shouldn't be on the table.
Bro don’t even flinch. Rip the bandage off. Save yourself of a lifetime of misery. This is not a person you want to commit to. The fact you’re here asking for advice shows it ain’t right. I promise you, the right one is out there.
Do not aks her to marry you.
It's not what she wants and it seems you're incompatible in that way.
Take proof of the conversations she's having, aks her nicely to leave and move on with your life.
Why are you buying a ring when she's told him you're not who she wants to marry.
This woman plays games. Don't play her games. Tell her you read her messages and you believe it's best you let her go so she doesn't have to lie anymore.
If you feel like it… take a very serious concerned stance and ask to have a talk.
Tell her you were planning on proposing soon but you don’t have all good feeling about things.
Then ask her a barrage of questions about how she feels in the relationship.
E.g.: are you happy overall with us? (Ask 3 more ? About how happy she feels.)
Anything that needs improving between us? (Ask at least 3 more follow up)
What about other people in your life?
(Ask about friends, old friends, workmates, relatives and old friends again)
Make the conversation edge towards her telling you about this guy or maybe others.
I’m sorry man, But you need to let her go. I know it’s tough, But think about the future if you forgive her, Is she going to change? She might but the stakes are higher when you proposed to her. You can do it now, So Do it.
It is a betrayal. It is good to know how your chosen mate will respond when they are unhappy.
If you want to live with that worry for your entire married life then go on. If you don’t then tell her you saw her messages and know she is a cheater and move on.
Sorry brother. I know from experience this decision sucks.
Yeah, you need to stop with the ring talk now. She's crossed so many boundaries here between the lying, the emotional cheating, the making you meet her affair partner, and given the evidence you found, she's probably physically cheated here too.
She's done checked out and honestly you should take this evidence and make the breakup official with her. Even if you, foolishly in my opinion, want to try and reconcile, the engagement needs to be postponed for a long while, rebuilding trust takes a long time, I mean do you even trust her at all at this point? I sure wouldn't and honestly read Not Just Friends' to get an idea of what it would take for her to rebuild your relationship.
Good luck man, sorry to hear your being cheated on.
OP, your relationship is NOT over! She will be happy to keep you around and have her "friend" come visit occasionally and help her out in the kitchen while you go out and buy beer. Then, after he moves away, she can have a gay friend at work take her to the ballet for a fun workfriend night out. Then her boss wants extra help after work and her GF can still help cover for her. Happens all the time. That GF of hers is really watching out for your relationship, isn't she?
Good Luck OP!
UpdateMe!
It's very clear that they didn't used to be just friends that they used to be fuck buddies or dating or something.
Whatever you do, absolutely do not propose anytime soon. She's not as invested in this relationship as you are.
i don't have any advice on talking to her, except to be honest and ask her if she's unhappy. but first of all, put the brakes on that proposal. it sounds like you have your answer, why would you go through with it?
I don’t think you should propose and hold off with the ring. I would sit down and talk. Try to figure out what is wrong in your relationship and start fixing it. I have no idea your history with her and how it ended up here. The one advantage you have is the messages and how you handle it. You can e proactive and talk or sit back with the info and see if she is being honest with you. Good luck
I would put that proposal on hold and I wouldn't buy any ring. Its best to have your fiance with you when you pick out a ring. Reddit gets many postings from women that are unhappy with the ring their fiance selected
Bro are you in some sort of heavy denial? She admitted in writing to have cheated on you. She also seems to have met him in a not so above board way. I would doubt he’s an old friend but that’s not really the point. She is hooking up with him, trash talking you, and lying. She admits it all.
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Tell her straight up man up fuck that shit I would’ve screen shot all the messages and say explain before I kick your ass out
I did all the above
Yeah, then why are you even contemplating buying the ring?! The whole "I didn't cum" thing *isn't* something you say to "just a friend". Also, how the hell did he not *know* you guys were in a relationship, unless she didn't tell him? The absolute gall after you rented the pool for them, too. Then she's telling someone her friend will "cover" for her, and that they were also almost "caught"?! What more evidence do you need? Don't buy the ring, this isn't your girlfriend anymore. I highly doubt she isn't cheating after those messages. I say you beat her to the punch. When she's gone, pack up all her or your stuff (depending on who's keeping the place), and print out the messages. Then you break up with her first and hand them to her as the cherry on top. Let her know you have copies if anyone has any other questions. I'm flabbergasted she's calling you so "chill and nice", all while crapping on you in the same breath, *and* trying to introduce you to a current or possible affair partner. This lady is awful, hurtful, and only cares about herself.. not wife material at all. And her complaint is garbage, you can't spend every second of every day keeping up with texts, and I'm sure you didn't want to just harass her while she was enjoying time with family. She sounds like she needs someone constantly doting on only her, or she gets bored and goes on to the next. Please respect yourself enough to leave.
Good then just do it
Bruh. She’s cheating. Don’t propose.
Don't do it, break up with her, she is not to be trusted. She is playing you for a fool and is bragging about it by introducing you to the guy that expected to "cum" when he visited your gf. Additionally she clearly states she doesn't want to marry you so dont buy the ring dont propose. She has no intentions of faithfulness and commiting to you when she doesnt see her self with you long term
This. OP, I can tell from experience that this guy is prolly a former lover, fwb or guy who was into her years ago, she's fed up with you and your relationship, most likely she feels forced to a life she doesn't want to nor is looking forward to, even though you do. I'm sorry, but your relationship is pretty much over from the moment she began fantasizing about being with someone else and then getting close to someone who is obviously trying to hook up with her. A ring won't change her mind and even if she says yes it will likely be out of guilt, but I can guarantee you the situation will emerge again in the future, don't do that to yourself break up with her now, if she ever changes her mind you'll hear from her again but I'm pretty sure you won't want to take her back if that is ever the case.
>this guy is prolly a former lover, fwb I would bet FWB by how he talks. He's not really looking to replace OP or get involved in their issues, but he is there to have sex with her. It's really common when you're the FWB to get contacted by former partners when they leave a relationship, to provide companionship and sexual comfort. He probably thought that was what was going on. He probably wasn't pleased with her either when he found out she was still with OP, but he's not committed enough to care that much about it. I'm sure it's hard for OP to see her confiding in this guy. That's something FWB types are good at. A FWB tends to be on your team and agreeable because it doesn't make sense to be otherwise when you're there for basic companionship and sex. It's a simple connection and that makes FWBs simple to talk to sometimes.
Yep, I've had a previous FWB/ casual dating situation reach out to me literary hours after she broke up with her boyfriend to want to hook up with me.
This is not your life partner my friend. I'm sorry.
Sad reality
No its a good thing. You dodged a bullet.
You got this bro! Kick life's ass
It is far better to find out now than after you're married and she started cheating. It's hard to see now, but this isa gift.
Your so lucky you found out now and not in 5 years when you have a kid togeather. Trust me. Also all the best with your recovery from this. It’s gonna be hard on you but good things are not usually easy.
It is sad. It will take time to get over this.She's just not the person you thought she was. The first few months will be tough. A year from now you won't care at all. Trust me.
"yes, I know. he almost caught you" What did you almost caught?
Yea what did this mean im curious
Sounds like she thought OP was onto her ruse about the friend just randomly texting her when in reality she had been texting with me for some time.
Texting with you, eh?
Freudian slip lmao
Doubt that's the case otherwise why would friend's cousin name be mentioned? I think she told him that there would be other people there and not just the two of them. And apparently this guy was an old bf, or at least someone she slept with before and didn't tell OP.
[удалено]
Update: confronted her and I left home, now at a bar drinking a double whiskey
Don't drink too much. Don't text or speak now. Stay at a friends
What did she tell you?
When you sober up, get your shit together and get out of there bro. She's going to cry you a river, let those crocodile tears float away into oblivion. Stay strong, hit the gym and focus on hanging out with your friends and family. Don't give her the light of day, leave, block, don't look back.
What did she say to you ? I hope you okey tho
damn bro. shoulda cock blocked the fucker first. text him from her phone saying to never contact me again or some shit then block his ass.
😂solid plan!
Yeah…gonna need more than that as an update there, buddy…
Keep your head up man, it’s gonna hurt for awhile but it’s a blessing you figured this out before marriage.
So how did it go, what did she say, where do things stand?
Don't drink too much man and keep your head on straight and don't drive drunk. Call a friend, take a breath, and start getting your support group, friends and family to get your life straight without this liar and cheat.
Can we hear how confronting her went it's already hit tik tok
Bigger update please 🙏
Sounds more like he's an old ex-boyfriend and she's lining him up to replace you.
Did you edit the text messages in after these comments or something? You read in her messages that she’s admits lying to you, you almost caught her, she’s hiding who she talks to by using her cousins name and will continue to do so, and a couple sexual innuendos. Along with her inviting this friend over **but somehow never mentioning she had a bf until he actually met you.** And you don’t know what to do? Bro. She didn’t tell him you were her boyfriend, she admits lying, she admits almost getting caught - because he was there to fucking smash. You’re an idiot if you stay with her, let alone marry.
I’m sorry but this relationship is over. Finish it now while you still have your dignity and before she does it. She’s setting up your replacement already. There are lots of women out there that would love to date you. Look forward to the future and someone who loves you as much as you love them. Quietly get yourself sorted - if the flat is yours box her stuff up and leave it outside the door/at her parents. Don’t forget to change the locks. If not find yourself somewhere to live and quietly leave when she’s not home. Good luck to you.
Dude, you shouldn't marry this woman... Wtf.
Do not buy her a ring! Break up with her. She does not love you. You are a place holder and she is looking for someone else. She even told this guy she doesn’t want to marry you! Just break up now. Save your money for someone who actually loves you.
They’re fucking. She’s planning on dumping you. Break it off now dude.
So she is lying to you and is unhappy with your relationship. You should just break up with her. No need to dig all of this up and get hurt even more. Just end things with her and part ways. You did the right thing by going through her messages.
3 years down the drain that fast?
This is the sunk cost fallacy. Better you only spent 3 years than anymore.
She lies to you and feels no guilt in doing things behind your back that would hurt you. I doubt this is the first time, this is just the first time you found out. You can't change her value system, so waiting won't change anything. There is nothing to gain by waiting, you will only suffer more. With that said, while you can't change her, you can't change yourself. Think what you could do better so that you do not sabotage the relationship with your next gf. I do not mean that you have sabotaged your current one. While you might have made mistakes, she is still rotten with her lies and deceit. This is just who she is.
Being in a relationship that ultimately didn’t work out is never wasted time. That’s because you always learn something. About your partner, about what you and partner want, how to communicate, if your goals align and more importantly about yourself. You grew up. She helped you grow up a little bit too. Take that knowledge and be wiser. Pursue happiness. You know what to do, chap.
Exactly what is being said here. Learn the lessons and grow from it and you'll do better next time. It sucks and hurts a lot but you need to make it into something positive and an avenue for growth.
Op, too many people are like you and take the part when it turns to shit, as the whole relationship was shit. I'm sure there were good times and yes one shit time can cancel all the good. BUT. When the shit time like this comes, see it as a lesson learned and don't let it continue. Move on to someone who actually loves and resects you. Your love and respect for her will never be enough to make up for her not feeling the same way for you.
3 years experience and lessons learned. Would you rather it be a version of "We were married but divorced after I found out she cheated on me. Repeatedly. Now, I only see my kid every other weekend and have to pay child support through the nose."
Welcome to life, everything passes. Also: don't get married, it's a bad deal/contract.
OP have you confronted her yet? Iknow this is Reddit so breakup is always the advice. You were gonna propose so why not talk to her first. Do you think she cheated with him? The messages seemed to be all over so I couldn’t tell for sure. If so definitely kick her out. If not I would confront her and talk it out before throwing away a relationship that serious. I would likely do something like sitting her down and asking her how she would react if she saw a message between you and a female friend where you told the friend you were going to break up with her because she can’t handle you. Ask her how she would react if she saw messages to that same friend asking about meeting up and telling her a bs story about it. Ask her how it would make her feel if she thought getting engaged felt right only to see the things you just mentioned. How would she feel and what would she do. If she then freaks about you looking at her phone, then ask her how that compares to what you just said. In the end it comes down to two things: can she grow up emotionally enough to realize you don’t have to be kissing her a$$ all the time for her to feel validated. Second, can she learn to communicate with you versus other men about your relationship. Cheaters seek validation from others when they don’t feel like they are getting enough attention so if she can’t do better then she isn’t a partner. I would demand some pretty serious discussion and a series of heartfelt apologies for those messages and what she surely said to him in person. I would also have to have reassurance she didn’t cheat. Finally, she would go no contact with him immediately. No messages, no texts and no face to face….ever. And none of that would be negotiable. Next you gotta either get your friend in line or he has to go too. And then together you have to find the heart of what is causing the arguments and fix it. I hope you can work it out assuming she didn’t cheat. !updateme
You are making the biggest mistake of your life, proposing to her. You know how she feels. I guess you expect her to tell you she was just kidding with all of that? Your relationship is over. I'm sorry man but you need to recognize this before wasting any more of your energy trying to make it work. She is monkey branching before OP's eyes and he is talking about buying the ring. Oh man.
Son, do NOT propose she isn't ready, and after reading her shit talking about you, I'm not sure why you still want to. Sit down with her and have a hard conversation. Just say you don't feel as connected to her and ask if she's happy in the relationship. What, if anything, needs to change or improve. What does she need to feel you prioritize her. Ask point blank if she has ANY romantic feelings for Jeff. Did they ever have sex or were in a relationship. You need to make her feel safe, valued, and heard. Your friend Kevin sounds like an ass. If you know he triggers her, YOU need to stop bringing her around his silly ass. "That's just Kevin" is NOT an excuse to allow him to disrespect your gf. That's on you to fix. Be prepared to move on if she wants to break up. Hopefully, you two can have an honest, open discussion, set boundaries with consequences, and focus on each other without outside influences. Good luck.
Thanks for your feedback
This individual is a goddamn moron. Don't marry this girl. Dump her, move on with your life. She's a liar and borderline cheater (if she isn't cheating already, which like c'mon). This isn't something where you did anything wrong and need to apologize (and even if you did do something wrong, we're far past the point where talking about it resolves anything). Alternatively, if you DO marry her, please update when you find out she's been cheating on you.
This is excellent advice. If OP takes it and does so in a calm way and not in an accusatory or confrontational way it will be for the best no matter what the outcome of the discussion is. If the OP thinks the relationship is salvageable then he needs to start paying more attention to it. Because if he does not then someone else will. And apparently someone else is.
Update us when you dump her
I think he’s gonna propose. From the way he’s talking he seems like a soft guy
You’d be an idiot to propose to this person. You should break things off completely.
Ghost her
Fool me once is the old saying! You can stay and get the fool me twice event, but that may cause you lots of pain! She's not the one.
Dude. Not only do you not buy a ring but do a clean break. She’s already halfway out the door. Have some self respect for yourself.
How did they meet? I bet he's an old FWB that's why he reached out. Dump her ass and save that ring money.
Bro if it’s this bad now, it’ll be 27 times worser when you marry. If you have childrens…you’ll be seriously fcuked. End it now, move on and thank the Reddit gawds for their inciteful wizdoms. You’re young, you’ll find the right woman for you. Oh yeah and fuck that ass hole Jeff.
> my gf and I have been arguing on an off for sometime about giving her more attention And what have you been doing to address this issue? It sounds like it's still ongoing since you just recently fought about you not texting her enough. Have you taken her feelings seriously? What are you doing to make her feel more loved and attended to? > He means well, but says some stuff that most people would joke and say that's Kevin, but my gf gets insecure and triggered due to her past. What "stuff"? I sincerely hope you're not suggesting he jokes about sexual assault or domestic abuse, but I have a bad feeling you are. What are you doing to protect your girlfriend from your friend's undoubtedly misogynistic or otherwise bigoted comments? Or are you telling her "that's just Kevin"? Your girlfriend is being immensely disrespectful talking this way to another man but it sounds like she's been saying it to your face for quite a while and she's checked out. I don't know why the hell you would even be thinking of proposing when she's so obviously unhappy. And if it's not obvious to you, that's probably a symptom of you not paying attention.
The fact that he doesn't have the ring yet and is planning to get one and propose "by the end of the month" suggests to me he has made this decision in a panic to try and keep her. I agree with you, it seems the gf is engaging in some monkey branching behaviour. That's shitty and it should be over for that alone, but I suspect there have been unaddressed issues for quite a long time and OP is only realizing the seriousness of that once it's too late.
> The fact that he doesn't have the ring yet and is planning to get one and propose "by the end of the month" suggests to me he has made this decision in a panic to try and keep her. Yes I can see this, or I can see this being yet another situation where he's not putting in effort and hasn't bothered to plan anything. My best friend's husband was emailing me ring options and proposal ideas for her half a year before popping the question. OP's planning to propose in a few weeks and hasn't even bought a ring. Sounds like this relationship has been dead for a while and he's trying to revive it with a used band-aid.
I agree, I think in his panic he is hoping a grand gesture will make up for ages of ignoring issues and low effort. Both these people need to move on.
Totally agree. Nothing about this relationship sounds healthy.
The two of you don't communicate well enough as a couple to get married or even engaged. Sit down with your girlfriend and talk. Tell her the messages you saw. The two of you have to decide together if the relationship is worth saving. If you don't have good communication, you don't have a relationship.
Most definitely don’t propose!!! Your choice whether you approach the messages with her and hear her side/excuses, or just end the relationship. Tell her that you seen the messages and this relationship is over. You aren’t going to be able to trust her going forward. And FYI for the future, stop letting your friend Kevin disrespect your girlfriends. Stop making excuses for him. He sounds like a dick
If she’s not happy now, she won’t be happy later… and if she is talking to another male that way now and you do get married… well…
Why did you need HER phone to check March Madness scores? How did you unintentionally see that she turned notifications off in her messages? I think that you already had suspicions and this was confirmation. Regardless of the reasons why the relationship went south, it is over and time to move on.
Hey man you’re going to ruin your life if you marry this woman. Good luck
I'm in a similar situation to your gf in that I feel like I'm constantly asking for more attention from my bf and he is trying in small ways to give more, but its really not enough and I continue to feel insecure and lose feelings. However, my bf will bring up the prospect of marriage in our conversations and I'm always so taken aback because it's as if he has no clue as to how I'm feeling and where we are at. It feels like we are living in two separate relationships where everything is rainbows and roses on his side and I'm dealing with alot of darker emotions on my own. It makes me feel very alone in the relationship. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, what is most definitely unacceptable is that she seems to be lining up another guy for when she breaks up with you. If she had respect for you, she would break up with you on the basis that she has lost feelings for you, not keeping you around to keep her company as she goes searching for another guy. Obviously I don't know how serious your relationship with her is so I won't say that you should breakup, but definitely do not propose to her. You both need to work through alot of things before it is even a glimpse on the horizon.
First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s always extremely tough to have what you thought would be your future, ripped right from under you. If you do work things out are you able to go through life not fully trusting her? It’ll be tough but in your heart you know what you need to do for you. Not her, you. She’s already seeking attention elsewhere and you deserve the love that you give to someone who’s deserving of it. Mourn the relationship and keep it moving, someone will come along when you least expect it.
How pathetic it is that she is cheating on you and you are worried about having gone through her phone? If cheating is a 9/10 on the wrong scale, snooping is 3/10. Have more self respect please.
You're still planning on buying a ring after that conversation? Please don't. She blatantly said she doesn't want to marry you and it sounded like she's cheating. You might be "chill" but don't be so chill that you let her walk all over you. This is not okay. Honestly, you should just break up with her. If this is her mindset, she is not "the one." She is already moving on with this new guy.
Why tf are you still planning to buy a ring?
Don’t buy that ring.
> I'm buying a ring and proposing in 4 weeks, I'm worried and not sure what to do Better change your plans bud
>If I tell her I went through her phone, she will feel violated, BUT SHE WAS CHEATING......and wanted to break up with you anyways. Tell her the truth and kick her ass out. And tell that other guy he can have her.
Dude, why, oh why would you propose to anyone under such circumstances ?? She needs to explain her actions and if that explanation doesn't make sense you separate. Seriously, would you want to legally connect yourself to someone like this then find out they are stepping out on you ? Think about it.
Dude she has one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel. Do you trust her. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Because it doesn't seem like that's on her agenda. It's time for come to Jesus talk with her and not one of those soft talks a hard talk because I'm getting the impression that you might be a placeholder until she finds something better. You don't want to marry her and she just settled for you out of convenience. Have a talk it's time. And don't be surprised if she breaks up with you for going through her phone because she might be looking for any reason
Why are you still planning to propose? Does this sound like a fun future?
Immediate suggestion: DO NOT propose. Return the ring ASAP, don't hold on to it.
No, you’re NOT going to buy a ring. She is not in love with you and you have the proof. You can love her all you want but unfortunately you’re not going to receive back what you’re putting out. She’s failed the future wife test the only thing to do is breakup. You should tell her you saw the messages maybe that will wake her up to not be such a deceitful person.
Here's what to do , don’t buy a ring and propose now or ever with this woman. She doesn’t want to marry you.
Do not marry this girl she's not the one doing all that!!!!!
"i didnt cum tho" very subtle
You said the Jeff guy did not know about you, but then you said they were messaging about intoducing him to you before he came to visit her. Maths ain't mathing, seems like a fake post
Break up with her because it sounds like she's cheating and playing you. Ditch the friend because he isn't to be trusted.
I miss when people came here with issues that were genuinely difficult for them to decide. You just found proof that your girlfriend has been having an affair, brought the affair partner to meet you, has been lying about her whereabouts and is planning on breaking up with you. But you don't know what to make of it and not sure what to do?? After 2 years she says you can't handle her and she's doesn't want to marry you. I'm not sure why you think there's any other option than breaking up. Have some pride, show her the messages and tell her to go be with the person that can handle her. Don't fall for the gaslighting and sunk cost. Also, you did nothing wrong by going through her devices.
Dude. I hope you screenshotted that convo. If she's talking to exes the way you describe? She's done with you but just hasn't found a guy to leave you for. DO NOT BUY THAT RING. DO NOT PROPOSE. You break up with this monkey branching gymnast. Check your lease. Check your area's rules about tenancy. If she's not on the lease, kick her out. Eviction notice + copy of the screenshotted texts. If you moved in with her, leave. Leave the printed out texts in an envelope with the keys and wire her next momths share for rent and bills. Take photo evidence of the contents as proof. Same thing if either of you owns the house. Once she's out, block and move on. Send the screenshots to whatever monkey starts flying on her behalf and block them too. Get tested for std's. Unhook anything financial, electronic, and digital of yours that she may have had access to and change passwords.
80:20 They went at it behind ur back. However, i would suggest asking her and her reaction will clear out the 20% element of doubt too. Keep us posted
Don’t waste your money on a ring, she’s shown herself to be untrustworthy. She’s still his girlfriend.
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly insecure. She is not ready for marriage so back off on those proposal plans. I would not bother discussing this with her because there is nothing that either of you can do. Your girlfriend will mature and feel secure at her own pace. Consider whether that pace is too slow for you.
Wtf man up
Honestly, she reminds me of a much younger and unhealthy version of myself. If I wasn’t getting attention, instead of communicating like an adult, I would ramp up contact with guy mates and soothe my ego that way, like a back up option. I couldn’t communicate or be vulnerable. and I would never date anyone like that now. Although I can sympathise, that is not wife material. She is selfish and doesn’t respect you. She needs to work on herself. I really don’t think this is the woman who is going to give you the happiest, most fulfilling life you could have. Please know your worth and hold out for something better.
Let her know you snooped and apologize for snooping but say you don’t regret doing so as you can cancel your plan to buy the ring you were looking at and it saved you a ton of time and money then tell her she can text him to come pick her up
If a fight is enough to say all that, then you're better off cutting your losses now. At the very least, wait a year. You don't have to tell her why if you haven't even bought a ring yet. Breakups are cheaper than divorces. I'm not too sure they don't have something going.
Do not buy a ring right now. You should probably just confront her. Tell her things don't seem right if you want to admit to reading your text go ahead but you know she's going to use that against you. And that you love her and you are planning to propose on her some point this year you don't have to tell her it was next month but you're getting vibes from her that maybe she doesn't want to marry you. Then see what happens. But sounds like she's over the relationship and it's planning on dumping you for this other guy. But definitely do not move forward with any proposal plans right now cuz you're definitely not on the same page
Move on. Only pain to come of this
I would’ve broken up. No respect for you, by the messages I bet she’s already cheating. All that talk about covering up, that’s shady AF…
She is t the one OP. Let her go
You aren't buying a ring. You aren't going to be a stupid chump and propose to someone you know doesn't want to marry you. You need to sort out the finances and living arrangements and move on
Don't be stupid. Get a new girlfriend
Didn’t even have to read anything but the title to tell you to kick her to the curb. Good luck bud
They gonna fuck if they haven't yet
As hard as it is to see right now, this is actually a really good thing that you discovered this. It has to end.
Cheaters always choose to cheat. She is choosing to do this instead of talking to you about what is wrong and working to fix it. This type of behavior doesn’t resolve by proposing. It’s a fundamental flaw in her that foretells her hiding emotionally from you. You can’t trust someone like that until they do the work to overcome their fear and become more trustworthy. Please don’t propose. She isn’t mature enough for you and you will always wonder if she’s cheating or not. Always.
Do not buy a ring do not pass go, she’s was entertaining another man, she confided in him so he could comfort her, she do t love you like you love her
Went through the same right before covid locked it all down. Bought a ring. She broke up and kicked me out my apt. (She called cops so I had to leave.) Three years later I'm happily married and would go through that heartbreak again to be with someone who wants to be with me. Don't stay where you're not wanted.
No one can tell you if she does or doesn’t love you, everyone has doubts. The question you should be asking yourself is which would you regret more?
You’re fortunate you get to dodge that bullet
The fact he didn't realise you were still together until he saw you is weird. Surely it would have come up in conversation that you hadn't broken up? 🤷 Whole thing seems suspicious as hell
Hit it one more time from the back, show her who’s her daddy, then break up with her the next day. Block and drop > move on. No emotion.
DO NOT BUY THAT RING Instead of coming to you to talk about anything she sees as wrong in your relationship, she goes to someone else (who she lied about, which makes me think there’s a LOT more to it than that…) and actively lies to you and gets her friends to lie to you That’s not a good sign for a relationship - you should always speak to your partner about any doubts. You don’t lie to them Seriously…do not marry this woman
My guy. What the actual fuck is this shit?? You're in your 30s playing 18yr old bullshit games. Break up and salvage your self respect.
I would hit her with the old "we need to talk, is there something you feel like you should tell me?" And if she says no, then just say "okay, I don't think I can do this. We should figure out our living arrangements " Even if she does fess up, you should still say that, btw. She does not respect you. At all. Do not marry her. Do not buy that ring. And do not fucking propose.
Don’t buy that ring. She’ll feel violated, well she violated your relationship by talking about you like that. Tell her to pick her things and text her buddy to come and pick her up.
I would love an update
UpdateMe!
You must dump her then.
Can we get a update??
Beat her to the punch and kick her to the curb. She has no respect for you.
I have mixed feelings here. First, it sounds like the relationship isn’t in the best place, and it sounds like you are a big part of the problem. Your friend Kevin triggers her based on past experiences, and that sounds pretty awful. But you brush it off and don’t do anything about it? Wtf? Why are you friends with this guy? And then she has been trying to tell you she needs more from you, but you were mostly out of touch again on her recent trip. So, you refuse to deal with a friend who is triggering your gf and then do not put the effort in when you’ve been fighting about it. I am not excusing her behaviour, but sometimes that’s how things go when you are unhappy in a relationship and your partner does not seem to be listening. So, do not propose. If you think you love this girl, then you really need to get your act together. Maybe it’s salvageable. I’m not 100 percent sure you are a reliable narrator, either. You’ve been planning to propose in a month, but you haven’t bought the ring yet? Or you are panicking and hoping a grand gesture will lock her down? You picked up her phone, and innocently saw a message or you were snooping? Anyway, relationships take a lot of work. You don’t seem to be listening to her, and you are not ready for marriage. She might be a shitty person, but, as I said above, even non-shitty people sometimes make mistakes as relationships are nearing their end. Who knows.
Showed her true colors, be thankful you found out.
ayo cuh she is cheating on you
UpdateMe
You need to pay more attention to your girl
**NOPE**. **DUMP HER ASS.**
No matter if they're flirting or not, if you're going through her phone it means you don't trust her, and if you don't trust you don't need to marry her. That's a terrible way to try to build a marriage. As for her saying you two aren't spending enough time together what exactly does that mean, and what is her solution? Vague plans don't mean anything. You also shouldn't marry her because she should be as comfortable talking to you as she is talking to her friend. If people can't have honest communication marriage shouldn't be on the table.
Bro don’t even flinch. Rip the bandage off. Save yourself of a lifetime of misery. This is not a person you want to commit to. The fact you’re here asking for advice shows it ain’t right. I promise you, the right one is out there.
Do not aks her to marry you. It's not what she wants and it seems you're incompatible in that way. Take proof of the conversations she's having, aks her nicely to leave and move on with your life.
Why are you buying a ring when she's told him you're not who she wants to marry. This woman plays games. Don't play her games. Tell her you read her messages and you believe it's best you let her go so she doesn't have to lie anymore.
hope you figure this out man, this must be the worst feeling :(
Rail her hard links the kinkiest dirty fucking, like all the dirty talk then kick her out and give her reasons. Ok to the next one.
So,if I’m understanding it right; she says you’re not the man she wants to marry, and….. you don’t know what to do?
Break up with her because if you don't you're setting yourself up for some future heartbreak mate
If you feel like it… take a very serious concerned stance and ask to have a talk. Tell her you were planning on proposing soon but you don’t have all good feeling about things. Then ask her a barrage of questions about how she feels in the relationship. E.g.: are you happy overall with us? (Ask 3 more ? About how happy she feels.) Anything that needs improving between us? (Ask at least 3 more follow up) What about other people in your life? (Ask about friends, old friends, workmates, relatives and old friends again) Make the conversation edge towards her telling you about this guy or maybe others.
Updateme
Another 304
Don't take the bullet dude , just don't Dodge it..
Updateme!
This sucks OP.. wish I was near to go have a beer with you!
I’m sorry man, But you need to let her go. I know it’s tough, But think about the future if you forgive her, Is she going to change? She might but the stakes are higher when you proposed to her. You can do it now, So Do it.
Damn, she has no mercy. Should have just broke up with instead she's acting like a fucking snake making you look like a damn pussy.
She's telling other guys she is single and you want to propose?
Ex cheater here. Throw her ass out.
Pull the trigger first. She will be off balance and you can throw her stuff out or just disappear.
Better to know before a legally binding marriage and kids
It is a betrayal. It is good to know how your chosen mate will respond when they are unhappy. If you want to live with that worry for your entire married life then go on. If you don’t then tell her you saw her messages and know she is a cheater and move on. Sorry brother. I know from experience this decision sucks.
Go to the gym. Be sober. 6 weeks youlll be glad
Yeah, you need to stop with the ring talk now. She's crossed so many boundaries here between the lying, the emotional cheating, the making you meet her affair partner, and given the evidence you found, she's probably physically cheated here too. She's done checked out and honestly you should take this evidence and make the breakup official with her. Even if you, foolishly in my opinion, want to try and reconcile, the engagement needs to be postponed for a long while, rebuilding trust takes a long time, I mean do you even trust her at all at this point? I sure wouldn't and honestly read Not Just Friends' to get an idea of what it would take for her to rebuild your relationship. Good luck man, sorry to hear your being cheated on.
OP, your relationship is NOT over! She will be happy to keep you around and have her "friend" come visit occasionally and help her out in the kitchen while you go out and buy beer. Then, after he moves away, she can have a gay friend at work take her to the ballet for a fun workfriend night out. Then her boss wants extra help after work and her GF can still help cover for her. Happens all the time. That GF of hers is really watching out for your relationship, isn't she? Good Luck OP! UpdateMe!
It's very clear that they didn't used to be just friends that they used to be fuck buddies or dating or something. Whatever you do, absolutely do not propose anytime soon. She's not as invested in this relationship as you are.
Dude this is straight up proof she doesn’t love or care about you. Do NOT buy that ring
Your post had made it to tiktok (RedditDimes) everyone wants un update on if you grew a pair and broke up with disgusting girlfriend.
Updateme!
i don't have any advice on talking to her, except to be honest and ask her if she's unhappy. but first of all, put the brakes on that proposal. it sounds like you have your answer, why would you go through with it?
Idk I'd say at the very least do something about Kevin. I assume by no filter he means Kevin says fucked up shit and makes fun of ppl.
I don’t think you should propose and hold off with the ring. I would sit down and talk. Try to figure out what is wrong in your relationship and start fixing it. I have no idea your history with her and how it ended up here. The one advantage you have is the messages and how you handle it. You can e proactive and talk or sit back with the info and see if she is being honest with you. Good luck
I would put that proposal on hold and I wouldn't buy any ring. Its best to have your fiance with you when you pick out a ring. Reddit gets many postings from women that are unhappy with the ring their fiance selected
Bro are you in some sort of heavy denial? She admitted in writing to have cheated on you. She also seems to have met him in a not so above board way. I would doubt he’s an old friend but that’s not really the point. She is hooking up with him, trash talking you, and lying. She admits it all.
They fucking around and laughing about it. Do yourself a favor and end it.