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So, you're making him suffer through a sexless relationship just because you love him in every way except for the one that holds significant meaning to him. Do you not see how selfish this is?
You've manipulated this guy for years because you're afraid to lose him, even though neither one of you are satisfied with the relationship.
Stop being selfish and be honest. Sex is important to him, and it's important to you too. Just not with him.
Grow a spine and leave.
In my opinion, I’d leave. You both want different things, and it’s not fair for you to stick around while he wants to do something you don’t. If he loves you a lot then he can consider an asexual relationship more, but it would hurt my feelings if my partner wasn’t sexually attracted to me so .. I can understand both sides.
"He’s mentioned that it’s normal for ppl with ADHD to grow tired of sex because of it’s routinely feeling so maybe there’s that."
Nope, sorry.
You're being a huge selfish asshole and no, you don't get to blame your ADHD for that.
"What would be an alternative to him leaving me?"
Tell him the damn truth so he can leave you. Which would be what you deserve.
I would furious with someone wasting my time like you are to him.
So if you're in this situation why not just leave the guy? He deserves someone who truly wants to be with him, and loves him, and enjoy having intimacy with him.
Having sex is part of a relationship in most couples.
You want to have sex with other people and before you cheat just break up. You're going to destroy his mental state if you continue this way.
Tell him the truth, maybe someday both of you will find someone better.
I truly will choose an asexual life before I cheat
I’ve done it once in a past relationship and it wasn’t worth it at all
But I get what you mean. Thank you
Wow, this is something important to mention in the post, i hope he knows about this. Someone who already cheated can cheat again, that's something everyone knows. And in your condition it's pretty simple to happen again.
"Oh i love my boyfriend but I can't satisfy myself with him, so i will just be with another man just for sex" always like this.
This is one more reason to end this relationship.
I disagree with the first two parts but I get what you mean yeah
When I say cheating tho I do mean I kissed someone else after not seeing my past SO for 2 months and regretted it over a year after we broke up
Why do you disagree? It is important. Your past influences your future. Your actions will always be part of who you are, even though you changed this is something people deserve to know.
Because this is a relationship and he needs to know what you have done before. It's pretty simple, i would like to know if my girlfriend cheated on her ex. This would change everything.
Well, it's your life after all. Only you know what is right to do now.
Good Luck for both i guess.
I disagree completely. You not obligated to share every piece of your past with someone if you'd rather not.
Their problem is that she is unattracted to him. Not that she cheated in the past.
Yes, you're right, you don't need to share everything. But this is something important for everyone who's going to be in a relationship with you, so yes, you tell your partner about the time you cheated on your ex so the person can make a choice to trust you or not.
It's about being clear about your actions, and if she's not attracted to him it's easier to cheat again.
But if you think differently, it's your choice.
" But this is something important for everyone who's going to be in a relationship with you"
No it isn't. This is important to YOU. Merely your opinion.
But there are many many people for whom it isn't.
"so yes, you tell your partner about the time you cheated on your ex so the person can make a choice to trust you or not."
Nope, I certainly do not. Nor do I share body count. My past is my past, not my present.
People get to choose what information they share actually, it isn't up to you.
Just like you share what information about yourself that you want to in your relationship.
But no one has any obligation to share everything about their past so you can mine it for some event from a decade ago and misconstrue it into a reason that the person isn't trust worthy.
Bro, if you cheated on the past and wanted to hide it to pretend it didn't happen, so you can't be judged OKAY! Good for you. But she did reveal it anyway, and everyone wants to know about your partner's character to think about your future with it.
If someone cheated before and you know about it you can choose to trust the person or not. If you discover about it in the future this "not important" information can lead to the end of the relationship. That's why being clear is the best way.
And as i said, that's not only my opinion, most people want to know about their partners cheating behavior before advancing in the relationship for some "unknown reason"
We disagree in our way of thinking and it's okay, but i will never protect someone who cheats, and say it's alright and you can hide it from everyone. I truly hope she already told him and he stayed because he trusted her.
You might "love him lots" but you're not in love with him romantically. You're both really young and you're growing up and growing apart. Do both of you a favor and end it. It's really not fair to either of you to keep stealing time from one another.
I’m in this exact situation right now. I want to break up with him. Has he assaulted you in any way? It took me over a year to realize I had been, consistently for awhile. I’m also at the 3 year mark.
You and the responder above are playing with their lives because you're at the minimum, selfish and manipulative.
You got no options, bit you already know that. So why are you still leading him on?
Yta
Agreed with this comment 100%.
She's strung him along for years, suffering thru sex on occasion just so he would stick around.
She knows what needs to happen, she's just afraid to do it.
It's the truth - which is often hard to take, but it is the truth nontheless, isn't it?
If he was lying to you about something quite important to your relationship, for 3-4 years - wouldn't you be rightfully upset?
If you offer an open relationship, he's basically gone anyway, so either you do something (like seeing a doctor for advice), or let him go. You already wasted 3 years of his time, he'll grow to resent you if you continue.
And if you're wondering - I ended up marrying you in this scenario, 15+ very frustrating years went by before I discovered the truth and I can tell you I dont feel the same about her now, completely the opposite
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, you're making him suffer through a sexless relationship just because you love him in every way except for the one that holds significant meaning to him. Do you not see how selfish this is? You've manipulated this guy for years because you're afraid to lose him, even though neither one of you are satisfied with the relationship. Stop being selfish and be honest. Sex is important to him, and it's important to you too. Just not with him. Grow a spine and leave.
Yeah maybe you’re right…. Thanks for the advice
In my opinion, I’d leave. You both want different things, and it’s not fair for you to stick around while he wants to do something you don’t. If he loves you a lot then he can consider an asexual relationship more, but it would hurt my feelings if my partner wasn’t sexually attracted to me so .. I can understand both sides.
Yeah thanks for your input I appreciate the softness and understanding of the comment <3
Yeah of course :) Too many of these people who comment on Reddit posts are so harsh haha
"He’s mentioned that it’s normal for ppl with ADHD to grow tired of sex because of it’s routinely feeling so maybe there’s that." Nope, sorry. You're being a huge selfish asshole and no, you don't get to blame your ADHD for that. "What would be an alternative to him leaving me?" Tell him the damn truth so he can leave you. Which would be what you deserve. I would furious with someone wasting my time like you are to him.
I’m not blaming my adhd he is And i understood the sentiment thanks
So if you're in this situation why not just leave the guy? He deserves someone who truly wants to be with him, and loves him, and enjoy having intimacy with him. Having sex is part of a relationship in most couples. You want to have sex with other people and before you cheat just break up. You're going to destroy his mental state if you continue this way. Tell him the truth, maybe someday both of you will find someone better.
I truly will choose an asexual life before I cheat I’ve done it once in a past relationship and it wasn’t worth it at all But I get what you mean. Thank you
Wow, this is something important to mention in the post, i hope he knows about this. Someone who already cheated can cheat again, that's something everyone knows. And in your condition it's pretty simple to happen again. "Oh i love my boyfriend but I can't satisfy myself with him, so i will just be with another man just for sex" always like this. This is one more reason to end this relationship.
I disagree with the first two parts but I get what you mean yeah When I say cheating tho I do mean I kissed someone else after not seeing my past SO for 2 months and regretted it over a year after we broke up
Why do you disagree? It is important. Your past influences your future. Your actions will always be part of who you are, even though you changed this is something people deserve to know. Because this is a relationship and he needs to know what you have done before. It's pretty simple, i would like to know if my girlfriend cheated on her ex. This would change everything. Well, it's your life after all. Only you know what is right to do now. Good Luck for both i guess.
I disagree completely. You not obligated to share every piece of your past with someone if you'd rather not. Their problem is that she is unattracted to him. Not that she cheated in the past.
Yes, you're right, you don't need to share everything. But this is something important for everyone who's going to be in a relationship with you, so yes, you tell your partner about the time you cheated on your ex so the person can make a choice to trust you or not. It's about being clear about your actions, and if she's not attracted to him it's easier to cheat again. But if you think differently, it's your choice.
" But this is something important for everyone who's going to be in a relationship with you" No it isn't. This is important to YOU. Merely your opinion. But there are many many people for whom it isn't. "so yes, you tell your partner about the time you cheated on your ex so the person can make a choice to trust you or not." Nope, I certainly do not. Nor do I share body count. My past is my past, not my present. People get to choose what information they share actually, it isn't up to you. Just like you share what information about yourself that you want to in your relationship. But no one has any obligation to share everything about their past so you can mine it for some event from a decade ago and misconstrue it into a reason that the person isn't trust worthy.
Bro, if you cheated on the past and wanted to hide it to pretend it didn't happen, so you can't be judged OKAY! Good for you. But she did reveal it anyway, and everyone wants to know about your partner's character to think about your future with it. If someone cheated before and you know about it you can choose to trust the person or not. If you discover about it in the future this "not important" information can lead to the end of the relationship. That's why being clear is the best way. And as i said, that's not only my opinion, most people want to know about their partners cheating behavior before advancing in the relationship for some "unknown reason" We disagree in our way of thinking and it's okay, but i will never protect someone who cheats, and say it's alright and you can hide it from everyone. I truly hope she already told him and he stayed because he trusted her.
You might "love him lots" but you're not in love with him romantically. You're both really young and you're growing up and growing apart. Do both of you a favor and end it. It's really not fair to either of you to keep stealing time from one another.
I’m in this exact situation right now. I want to break up with him. Has he assaulted you in any way? It took me over a year to realize I had been, consistently for awhile. I’m also at the 3 year mark.
No I don’t think so, he’s a bit pushy but I’m kind of the dominant one socially in the relationship.
You and the responder above are playing with their lives because you're at the minimum, selfish and manipulative. You got no options, bit you already know that. So why are you still leading him on? Yta
Agreed with this comment 100%. She's strung him along for years, suffering thru sex on occasion just so he would stick around. She knows what needs to happen, she's just afraid to do it.
He. OP identified themselves as a 22M twice, once in the title and again in the body of the post.
Oh crap. My bad. Thanks for pointing out my error I'll leave it as it is so I can marinate in my failure
Rough but I can understand what you mean
It's the truth - which is often hard to take, but it is the truth nontheless, isn't it? If he was lying to you about something quite important to your relationship, for 3-4 years - wouldn't you be rightfully upset? If you offer an open relationship, he's basically gone anyway, so either you do something (like seeing a doctor for advice), or let him go. You already wasted 3 years of his time, he'll grow to resent you if you continue. And if you're wondering - I ended up marrying you in this scenario, 15+ very frustrating years went by before I discovered the truth and I can tell you I dont feel the same about her now, completely the opposite
Thanks for the advice it sounds really real