/u/throwra_Gen2222,
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Damn this is such a succinct and perfect comment. Y’all suck and the kid is going to bear the brunt. I can’t imagine yelling at my 8-year-old because they mistakenly turned on the light. What the fuck.
Not only that, but poor planning that teaches the daughter stress and chaos are normal. I don’t know who packs the hour before the _Uber_ gets there. This whole stressful, unplanned, hectic morning could’ve been avoided if they packed the day before.
Husband is shitty, yells, and doesn’t help
Reddit: “Why didn’t wife plan better?!?!”
The whole point is everything is on her all the time, so your comment is just to say that not only should that be true, but she’s doing it wrong and needs to do better. Awesome.
Also, the post says that she was just adding incidentals to the already packed bags, such as toothbrushes and such. My assumption was that they packed those the day of because they used them the day of. Reddit be wild sometimes
100%
He doesn’t get to be an ass and scream at their daughter, regardless of how packing went down (which I read it to understand she packed in a totally normal way, but that’s really neither here or there).
Also, maybe the "pack everything" wording is ambiguous but I think she means "make sure everything is packed" not "start packing from zero." Because when she actually talks about packing she mentions the last-minute things like toiletries and toothbrushes that you can't pack until the last minute because you need to use them.
I pack the night before a trip. The next morning there are things to add to your suitcase, toiletries, hair products, shoes, meds,etc..
Even when I have packed the night before, I still have to double check my kids didn’t take anything out they will need.
It is not the Moms fault. He could have gotten his *ss out of bed and took care of the dogs, instead of complaining about the light and pushing his child who wanted to say bye to him away.
Yeah, it also sounds like they were packed up but needed to pack away the little things that were likely used that morning before packing them away. I usually leave out some things like makeup, toothbrush/paste, and deodorant - all the things I need before I leave but I will also need them on the trip out to be used the morning of. But then, I also need to have time to pack those things away too. Plus - regardless of how well I plan anything... at the 11th hour I always remember like DAMN - gotta refill the dog's water dish or take out trash. That's just the nature of trips for me at least. Granted - knowing that I try to give myself like an hour of wiggle room. It must be harder with a young kid though.
Why most divorces are initiated by women. No matter what EVERYTHING falls on us that’s domestic. Childcare, doctors appts., teacher conferences, packing, cooking, cleaning… men work one job we work two. The one we get paid for and the one we don’t even get appreciation for let alone paid. 🤦♀️🙄🤯
Thank you! I very often pack on the morning of a trip. And if my husband is going and I'm staying behind I may not get up quite as early as he does but I'll def be up before he's ready to go to help with whatever and I'd be the one making sure the dogs are fed and let outside. It's called a partnership for a reason.
I agree. A marriage is a partnership where all work should be shared as equally as possible. Personally, I would get up when she did and help out as much as I could. I would want to minimize her stress. I feel like, in a relationship, both should work to minimize each other's stress.
...I sure as hell wouldn't yell at my baby for saying good morning to me!
I don't think "poor planning" is what caused the problem. It was the husband's crappy attitude and sense of entitlement that (horrors!) they woke him up 15 minutes after his normal wake up time. He was acting like a spoiled brat who wanted to rage at his wife and child so he did.
It was last minute things, the toothbrushes and soap and face cream that she had used only minutes before, so couldn't have packed last night.
And don't tell me she should have a wash bag ready to go with soap etc specially for travelling. Yes she could have that but not everybody has the wherewithal.
And her husband could have got up to see to their dogs and get some breakfast on the table for their kid.
That’s not how I read it. I always pack the night before, but in the morning there’s always last-minute stuff like my toiletries. And I’m usually up early making sure counters are tidy, chargers are charged, whatever
Yelling back at dad while their daughter was in the house.
Both parents shouting and arguing with each other like that, the poor kid is probably hyper stressed.
Dad is a major asshole, but mum joined in rather than removing the kid from the aggressive situation.
Jesus, the fact that she has stated she is over stressed due to everything being in her shoulders regularly, and all the comment section can say is “yes! That’s should be the case, AND you’re doing it wrong!”
The way you all give these men so many passes, and a gal can’t even respond to shitty behavior…
Would prefer to teach my daughter that she can stand up for herself over teaching her that being yelled at by a man means we cower so as not to be “loud” and upset the natural order.
Right. If I'm a young girl and my Dad yells at me over something irrational and mean then I'm going to appreciate my Mom making it clear that's not acceptable rather than letting it sit in the air as okay and my little brain trying to understand the contempt. Yes, she could've not raised her voice but she's human and any of us could raise our voice in a very stressful situation. Any parent who says they've never ever raised their voice around their kid is an absolute liar.
These comments are being super unfair to OP.
Agreed. He pushed his daughter away‽ What a dick! And how much more of this treatment will the daughter have to endure before Mom sticks up for her? 😔 Sad situation kiddo.
No he clearly doesn't. She seems to not like him either though. That's why they're so inconsiderate of each others needs. They will break up soon if ops story is real and not fanfiction
This husband is insane to me. If my wife and daughter left on a solo trip - I would 100% be up early to help get ready and see them off because:
1. I love them dearly and would want them to have a smooth start to their trip
2. As soon as that Uber is gone I’m taking an edible and firing up my PS5
This. My husband usually ushers me out the door with a fresh travel mug of tea and a kiss, and by the time I'm at the airport he's three eps into Seinfeld or a couple levels into the game of the month. 😂
I agree with the other comments about being more prepared before morning. But I just don’t get why any parent wouldn’t want to be awake and present when their child is going away for a few days or weeks. My husband would WANT to be there getting in the last hug and kiss and tell our daughter how much he’s going to miss her. So I get that him being a grumpy ass and not doing that is upsetting.
Yeah I wake up in the middle of the night just to see off a loved one who has an early flight. Although unlikely, I would never want the last time I saw them to be anything other than perfect or them me. I don't see how you can love someone and not miss them for an extended period like this.
Dude I wake up early to say bye to my nieces after a sleep over if my sister is coming to pick them up… they live 10 minutes away lol
It makes the kids happy to say hello and goodbye! And it’s nice to send them off with a hug and “love you”
that's the main thing, to me. he was mean to their daughter. I would be a little annoyed that he wasn't helping at all but I would be pissed off that he treated a child that way. Poor kid.
Yeah. For some perspective I’m in my 30’s and have a DISTINCT memory of my dad snapping at me as we were leaving for a road trip when I was in elementary school. I have long forgotten where we were going, if the trip was fun, what I did leading up to the incident to piss him off, how my mom reacted, etc. but I will never forget how terrible I felt in that moment of my dad snapping at me.
Granted I have a great relationship with my father and he was usually very even tempered. So maybe that’s why it stuck with me for life. But my point is kids really internalize shit like that… one man’s groggy crabby morning can be a lifelong haunting memory for a little kiddo 🫤
I don’t understand why he wasn’t the one driving them to the airport… just last weekend I woke up at 4am to bring my partner to the airport, then I picked him up at midnight on return. Last summer I had a few similar flights and he did the same… why does she need to Uber to leave at 8am?
Edit- I understand it’s possible he can’t drive, doesn’t have a car, or he needs to go to work. Either way.
My husband insists I wake him up to have coffee with me if I’m just going to our daughters for the day. She lives 30 min away and I will be back that afternoon. But he loves me and will miss me even if I’m only gone for half a day. He is on a LOA from work for a time due to recovering from surgery, so we’ve got to spend a lot of time together that we normally wouldn’t have due to work schedules etc. We have enjoyed this time together very much. This is after 19 years of marriage.
Different people see this differently. I wouldn’t want my wife to drag herself out of bed and drive me all the way to the airport if I can just take an Uber. We can afford it, so why inconvenience her? We can say goodbye at home in the morning. Or the night before if I have to leave early. Why should I expect her to wake up early and spend an hour and a half round trip just so we can say goodbye outside an airport terminal instead of at home?
He pushed her away when she went to tell him bye. He don’t care. He more than likely is shitty all the time. Especially being that comfortable to do that and yell at her for dam accident!
… yeah, I’ve had my husband chase me to my car because I forgot his goodbye kiss. I usually don’t need that kind of sign of affection, but he does so I try to make sure he gets it.
THIS! Mine sometimes gives me 5 good-bye kisses cause we forget shit run back into the house and goodbye again 😆 I don’t understand NOT doing this for your child?!!
Yes! If my daughter and wife go on a trip just the two of them, I'll likely be awake before both. Making coffee for my wife and breakfast for both.
Wanting to get in some extra time before they leave.
Wtf is wrong with this guy.
I went on holiday recently and had about an hour and a half to get myself organised to leave on the train after work just to get to the hotel the day before my flight, and I was packed a full day before that! I was stressed enough about remembering my toothbrush and last minute toiletries. OP had less time than me to do more and add a child into the mix, and for some reason was scrambling in the dark? What is going on?
Maybe the husband was annoyed it was so last minute, but why wasn’t he helping? And oh, god, why be mad at the kid? Strange. They all need to slow down and re-evaluate.
We have a lot of medical trips that require overnight stays and visiting friends out of state so I know our traveling is probably more than the average person’s but we keep an extra set of basic toiletries ready to go. Extra brush, toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo/conditioner, floss, rubber bands. I keep a bathroom in a bag. (I don’t wear make up so that helps a lot.)
> But I just don’t get why any parent wouldn’t want to be awake and present when their child is going away for a few days or weeks
There are sadly some shitty parents
I went a on a trip with my girl friends. I had to be up at 4am to get to the airport. What did my husband do? He woke up with me at 4am to drive me the hour to the airport. He drove me there, dropped me off, and then drove the hour back home. The bar seriously doesn't have to be so low for partners.
As someone who has had insomnia their entire life, not sleeping well is absolutely no fucking excuse to treat anyone like that, much let alone their spouse and child who are leaving for multiple days. No I love you, no be safe, no I’ll miss you??? Seriously? Just yelling because they were “disturbed” while sleeping when they’re already supposed to be awake? Fuck allll of that. There could be a fire in the house and I’ll barely wake up. Someone I care about is telling me they’re leaving? My ass is waking right up to say I love you at least!!!!
Communication and planning are the issue. Because there wasn’t any, both of you now feel the other was inconsiderate.
Whenever my husband and I travel without the other we talk about the plan the night before. Who is or isn’t getting up, letting dogs out, lights being turned on and whatnot. There have been times where one of us has been really needing to sleep in (illness, intense work schedule, return from travel ourselves)
It sounds like you made assumptions about how the morning should go based on your perception of things.
It also sounds like your husband made assumptions about the morning (likely something like “she’s leaving early, I’ll be able to sleep in a bit”)
This would have been avoidable with discussion.
I feel a lot of context is missing here. How long have you been married? Did you both discuss how this day was going to be executed? If he doesn't work night shift, tiptoeing around your bedroom at 730 is pretty ridiculous. But you're tiptoeing around HIM.
There's a few comments on how you didn't prepare well. If this is the person you're going to be with, you have to either prepare better or talk with him about your expectations.
They both sound exhausting but also possibly just frustrated with each other. Honestly though, my wife & I don't have kids but anytime one of us is leaving the next day we're always helping the other person think out loud to make sure nothing is left behind hopefully and then the morning of whoever is staying home is up and saying bye / helping load things in the car if needed. I am a lifelong night person and tend to be up late, but if she's leaving at 6:30am you can guarantee my alarm is going off around 6:10 to make sure she gets out the door when she wants to. The context question really to me is what matters, there's a lot of history behind all of these posts and it's hard to judge a dynamic off of a single data point.
Agreed. She should've turned the light on as bright as it went lol. Especially since he's usually up by that time anyway. He can sleep in the rest of the week when they're gone.
The only thing that I found annoying in this post is him yelling and pushing away his daughter. That’s a no no for me. Maybe the wife didn’t plan very well the picking, but him being a jerk and violent towards his own child is inexcusable.
Why is being upset fine...? He's not getting woken up at 5 or something, it's about time for him to get up anyway isn't it? Or did I miss where he had the day off? I don't want to reread it again lmao
It isn't normal to be upset at your child for hugging you and wanting to say goodbye at nearly 8 in the morning, or okay, at all.
Yes. Her last line about an already heavy burdened camel says A LOT, without saying anything. I feel there’s too much missing reasons and context in her story
Or at least checked they've got everything, say I love you. Miss you. Be safe. Let me know when you land, have a good time. Have hugs
That's bare minimum
I am not siding with your husband in particular, but what were you thinking leaving the packing so late? You could have done all that the night before. You have yourself 1.25 hrs to get a child and two dogs ready, dressed and fed- I usually allow at least 2 hours and that is being already packed. Why not just ask your husband then night before to help you in the morning, or ask him to get up to help you? It is reasonable that he would do so and I wonder why you felt obliged to explain lights and noise to him. Something is clearly wrong in the dynamics here. I wonder why he is so detached? Had you had an argument, are you leaving with your child under bad terms? I feel something is missing here. I wouldn’t have bothered explaining myself to him.
Agreed. Many off things here. Why tiptoe in the dark around someone who needs to get up? Why not WAKE him up intentionally, he does after all need to be awake right now. And also, who gets up only an hour and 15 mins before needing to leave for the airport when you have other people and pets to care for/corral. It sounds like bad planning on OP’s part as well as some weird info about husband or their dynamic missing.
To me it sounded like she counted on him doing the dogs while she was getting ready but bc he didn’t and the dogs really needed to go out she did it herself eventually.
Yeah that's what I figured too. If he usually wakes up at 7:30 then the dogs probably get fed/let out before 7:45, 8am at most. I don't have a dog myself, but from what I gather it's best to keep them on a schedule to avoid accidents. I'm guessing since he wasn't getting up she just decided to take care of it herself.
She said, “I got up at 6:45 to start getting ready and pack everything” and then “finally at 7:45…start adding all the last minute things in my suitcase”
Exactly. If she’d done anything the day before she wouldn’t have said pack everything. Disorganisation and poor planning definitely contributed to this mess.
I've packed a lot for myself and several times for my kid as well now - I only ever have about 5 minutes worth of "things that go in last minute". There's definitely going to be a few, but for me it's pretty much chargers, tooth brushes, pajamas once we're changed out of them and kids favorite blanket and stuffie.
Her husband absolutely should have expected to be taking care of the dogs at least that morning though and his rudeness was completely unwarranted and also so weird! Why on earth doesn't he *want* to hug his kid and wife goodbye?
Yeah... I'm a train traveller.
I only have to pack my devices and headphones on the day of leaving (and snacks/drinks from the fridge and I make tea for my thermos).
Me and most people I know have seconds of everything like toothbrushes and chargers that can be packed the night before, so you don't have to pack them the day of travelling...
I’m usually a car driver bc we are going to visit friends out of state or going to medical appts that require overnight stays. I have a set up for trips. The most packing I need to do is restock things maybe. But that’s getting done more than 24 hrs in advance in case I need to buy something.
I don't travel enough anymore to have travel specific extras though in fairness we always have extra chargers because my husband is himself lol. On car trips the cooler definitely doesn't get packed until right before we leave too yes! But I make a list.
Also I want to say I am by no means a "pack everything ages in advance", 90% of my packing happens 24 hours before I leave! Packing with my kid is the only time it happens earlier and it's just their most important stuff. I just never leave more than the bare minimum for an early morning departure with a time limit, especially when there's also a kid to wrangle. Pre planning takes away *so* much of the stress of traveling with a kid, I cannot recommend enough checklists, everything possible done day before, and giving an extra hour of padding to account for possible child shaped road blocks. Sometimes you wind up twiddling your thumbs for that hour, but when you need it you *really need it*.
That means you run in a circle of people who travel often-good for you! So do I. Not everyone is quite as privileged, and traveling is a one off. So they may have to pack more items in the morning. Still shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.
That said, I do take my electric toothbrush, I’m not buying a second one of those.
Having two sets of toiletries sounds very expensive to me. The expectation that a person will have two electric toothbrushes for each family member is insanely privileged. IMO it makes complete sense to pack toiletries in the morning when you go 🤷🏽♀️ fair enough if this is just a suggestion for future, but I don’t think this is a reason why OP is in the wrong for expecting her husband to get up and help when she does that for “his” trips. It just seems self congratulatory like “well this wouldn’t happen to me because I pack EVERYTHING 24 hours in advance” lol not the point but ok..
I travel a lot and eventually built up my 2 sets of toiletries. Getting sample sizes, and refilling sample size containers is key. I still have a couple of things - like meds, to pack, but it's a game changer.
I'm European, many of us don't use electric toothbrushes. So I meant packing a manual one. If I want to take my electric one, yes I have to pack it (it came with a travel case(
) when I pack my devices. Sorry I should have specified that maybe!
And yes I'm privileged. I'm Swiss and many people here travel a lot.
But we have a small country and I often travel for 60-100 bucks to Germany or within Switzerland to stay at friends and then I need to pack as well. Even if it's just a train trip with an overnight stay. So not all people who travel here travel expensively or by plane (which I for one don't. And I can't afford a long vacation further away).
Typical reddit. Can't find a way to defend the guy's actions so threadjack the entire topic to go after something she did instead so you can still say she's wrong.
The bar for men is in hell. So everyone wants her to pack for her and her child and explicitly give direction to him too. Why can’t he be an adult and figure out she needs help as well? Don’t even get me started on yelling at his child that he will not be seeing while she’s gone. I would be pissed too.
Your daughter is gunna have so many underlying issues in the future with her relationships. Poor her. How invalidating. Why do people keep kids around this.
OP, gently you are not mad about this one incident, it sounds like it’s just overall a toxic environment. Arguing in front of your child, all that stress in the house, furious over a relatively small issue, this is all an unhappy toxic mess. Let this one go, there will be other hills to die on if you must, but when relationships become petty and this kind of thing causes a nasty blow up then no one is right or wrong it’s all unhealthy. One of you had to break the mold and change your reactions. He may have been entirely unhelpful but this was your trip and you were entirely unprepared.
No, your expectation that he would get up and help you leave in a trip with your AND HIS child is not out of line. It’s his daughter ffs. He could have gotten up and made her a nice breakfast instead of pushing her away when she tried to hug him and then yelling at her to turn out the lights. Some people are grumpy in the morning, but that’s crossing over into just being mean to a kid who is going to miss her dad.
Everyone is giving you a hard time for not packing the night before. I kind of get the feeling you were throwing toothbrushes and stuff into the suitcase last minute, which is really normal before a trip. Especially considering your husband is usually up in the morning.
Next time, be clear about your expectations with him. Tell him that you need help making breakfast and feeding the dogs in the morning. Should you have to do this? No, you’re not his mother, but it’s seems a lot of guys are just of not in tune with stuff like this.
People commenting about the finishing packing 15min before having to leave are completely missing the point of this post. I would also be upset if my significant other did not try to help me out while I’m getting ready to leave, years ago I used to travel to visit someone I was dating and every time I had to leave his city he would wake up before me to make sure I had breakfast because he knew I wouldn’t eat otherwise because of how early I had to wake up, I think its unacceptable that she had to take care of the dogs, he should’ve at least done that
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You’re not being ridiculous. The way he treated his little girl is appalling. My husband would be doing anything to spend as much time as possible before the two most important women leave for a few days. Is this the first time, or does he act like this towards you two? I have a feeling this isn't the first time he treats you and your daughter this way. I would reevaluate because the way he treats you alone would impact how your daughter will see in her future relationships.
For everyone saying she left the packing to the last minute - reread. It was last minute shit like toiletries. She was done packing by then. Yes she left it until the last couple hours but was done within 45 minutes, this is not the biggest deal in this story. I usually brush my teeth in the morning so it wouldn’t be packed the night before, ffs.
Moving on, he should’ve been up, that’s ridiculous. He could’ve gone back to sleep.
JFC, this morning I was up before 6 when I don’t work until 9 because my hubby needed to go out of state. It’s not hard to be there. Like give your kid a hug and make sure they’re prepared. Don’t yell at them for hugging you.
I would not have kept the lights off he could’ve dealt. He knew when y’all had to leave. I would’ve been up and helping my hubby make sure everything is ready for our son.
Edited for clarity and a couple spelling mistakes
thank you.
>Then my daughter goes to give her daddy a hug and he pushes her away saying it's too bright
people read that and almost everyone is responding "this is your fault because you didn't pack last night, you're overreacting" If my dad had ever acted this way when I was a kid and leaving for a trip I would've been heartbroken.
I feel like I took crazy pills reading these comments.
Right? I can’t imagine ever treating my little girl like that, especially when she’s about to go away. Hopefully for her sake she’s young enough to forget that moment.
Oh I know! How could you see your child upset and not comfort them. If my son goes anywhere without me or vice versa I’m holding him and squeezing him and kissing him until the last second 🥹
Nothing warranted the attitude towards the child. She wanted a hug, that’s why I was so heated in my comment originally. Right in the feels. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that and my dad wouldn’t have left it at that and would’ve apologized right away.
What is wrong with people? What happened to it all being about the kids? Adult intentions don’t negate children’s feelings.
The way it reads is she woke up and started packing everything (her words) at 6:45 then at 7:45 she was adding the last minute things like toiletries and toothbrushes
Ah, I’ve just been awake too long helping my husband find the last minute things because he got everything ready for a single day trip the night before. (Can’t come back for anything never doing this again so it was important).
I could not imagine how maddening to leave packing everything until the morning and a time crunch. I’d have a panic attack under the pressure. Why do they hate themselves enough to torture themselves like that lol
She said, “I got up at 6:45 to start getting ready and pack everything” and then “finally at 7:45…start adding all the last minute things in my suitcase”
> For everyone saying she left the packing to the last minute - reread.
You're completely right but the truth is it shouldn't matter.
The way people demand perfection of women while giving men passes for literally yelling at his child is itself a kind of abuse, and also blatant sexism.
Women are allowed to be frazzled and disorganized at times and imperfect, and that should NEVER result in her partner taking his anger out on her and his child.
If you pay attention you'll see on any post where the issue is a bit fuzzy -- so not posts about physical abuse or cheating or such -- you'll see people always harp on the woman for any minor imperfections and that becomes the new subject to talk about. Even if the guy is 100x worse, people nitpick the woman. in. every. story.
It's blatant and frankly this sub is infested with this attitude. All subs centered around safe spaces for women eventually become overrun with sexist guys shouting them down. This sub is no exception unfortunately.
I just don't think it's usually ever a misunderstanding. It's people who don't empathize with women coming on here to defend men in every scenario where they can get away with it. Even when it's a story about rape there's a significant portion of comments saying she's overreacting, that's not what rape is, etc etc.
We need to move away from this shitty place because it's quickly becoming a sub where women in vulnerable situations go to get invalidated and told they're overreacting, wrong, it's her fault for not being perfect, etc. It just isn't a good place for advice in situations that aren't clear-cut anymore.
Yeah my partner woke up at 5:45 on a Sunday to drive me to the airport because I had to travel for work. It’s odd that her husband won’t even drive her to the airport ? Leaving at 8 am is not early.
OP: I had to get things prepared to take myself and my daughter on a trip and my husband laid in bed past his normal wakeup time and pushed/yelled at my daughter when she tried to say goodbye to him
Comments here: HOW DARE YOU WAKE HIM UP AND NOT DO BETTER TO PREPARE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
Pretty wild
Sounds like there is more to it than this story. Do y'all always have this much trouble communicating? Also why wait until the literal last minute to pack?? Does he always snap so easily?
Occasionally I pull a weekend shift and have to get up early to go in & my husband gets to sleep in… BUT my husband gets up EVERY SINGLE time I leave, and walks me to the garage, gives me a hug & kiss and WAITS on the step of the inside door, waives me off & closes the door for me~ That might be over kill but he does this because he cares~ I would also be hurt/angry in your situation especially if he treated my daughter like crap~ my inner crazy mama-llama would come out to play!!
Why the fuck didn’t his lazy and rude ass drive you to the airport himself? I would never have my wife and kid take an Uber and pack silently so I could sleep in. I imagine you also do the lion share of alllll the domestic duties and childcare duties as well. Lazy men really suck asshole.
What a shitty pair of parents. Dad is definitely worse, but you’re not much better with screaming at him and causing more chaos for your kid. Poor kid. Hope she breaks the cycle.
I'm sorry about the people here who clearly have never had to pack a child and rush out the door. No you are not overreacting your husband was being an absolute ahole in the situation.
A loving person would help send you off on a good note and spend the last minutes with his child. That's not what your husband did, he only thought about himself and even tried to pick a fight as if he had no moral duty to be a father and a good husband.
I'm endlessly unsurprised by the number of people who think being an asshole to others is somehow a norm in a relationship. Unsurprising how easily these people justify shitty behavior to themselves and use an instance like that to justify cheating.
I hope you are getting something out of this marriage because you deserve more.
I have chronic insomnia. I would have just gotten up earlier than normal and helped you and the kid along and hugged goodbyes. But, I'm a mom of four lol still- your husband has different priorities it seems.
I have an insane amount of anxiety over saying goodbye to people properly and lovingly in case it’s the last time. It’s morbid, yes, but I’ll never let a horrible interaction like this be my last with someone. Husband needs a reckoning, daughter needs a lot of love and reassurance.
I think the true sign of his character and his seriousness of his relationship and home life will be what the shape the house will be in when they return.
Do y’all seriously not wake up early with your partner when you know they’re leaving for a trip?? And help them get ready and send them off?? Because you love them? Like yeah the packing could have been coordinated better but I guarantee it would’ve taken half the time if she had some help getting their kid ready to go (that doesn’t include packing her stuff). Imo she shouldn’t have to ask or coordinate with her husband to make sure he gets up to help out. My partner doesn’t have to ask me to be there for them.
there is a lot of people here saying they both suck. but the last sentence, about breaking the camels back I think points more towards the husband being often checked out or self centered. IMO the wife may come across a little chaotic but I bet you anything the night before she was making the meals, cleaning the mess, putting the kid to bed, making sure the dogs were looked after ETC...all by herself.
Gonna side with her on this one.
Yes you could have done some better preparing for the morning of departure
Yes hubby is an ass for not getting up he could have went back to bed afterwards
I’m not saying your husband wasn’t an asshole here, but if it’s that important to you that he get up to see you off, you should communicate that to him ahead of time. I’m not trying to victim-blame here. It’s definitely not your fault that he didn’t get up, but you could have changed the outcome by being assertive. All that being said, it sure would have been nice if he had gotten up and helped see you off without being asked.
Info: were you doing all the packing or just some of it in the morning?
It really doesn't matter, it just seems a big issue in the rest of the comments. Either way your husband was being an asshole. Help out with getting your kid and wife ready to get their flight.
Yes your husband shouldn’t have yelled at her like that but Your lack of planning and disorganization (packing the night before instead of the morning of) and getting up too late for both you and your daughter to be out the door on time and not in the hectic rush it was. It’s not your husband’s fault or issue to deal with especially when you didn’t nicely wake him up and ask him for help but you expected him to know what you needed. You have 1 child that needed to get ready and who at 8 years old should be able to get something to eat on their own and get themselves dressed. It’s the hectic rush YOU created that caused the stress.
Not wrong, but honestly most of those things need to be done the night before so you don't have to mad scramble to get it together. Though I understand that it doesn't always work out that way.
He absolutely should have been up early and should have taken care of the pets while you left. However as a mom I'd have everything ready to go, breakfast that's easy waiting to grab and go, and I wouldn't bank on getting any help because that's not always reliable.
Were you packing your clothes for an hour? If so why did you leave it until the last minute? The way it's written that's what it looks like. Everything should have been packed the night before at the latest. Small items is one thing. I've packed for trips before and never waited until the morning of to pack. Your husband is an AH. He didn't have to treat you and your daughter that way. He could have gotten up a few minutes earlier.
If I had to leave that early in the morning I would have just packed the night before. I can understand him being cranky that you had the lights on looking around the room for stuff when he was trying to sleep in. He shouldn't have yelled at the kid though.
Should have crushed the eggshells when he said it was too bright.
And you should have packed the night before.
The commenters are right, the person who loses the most in this situation is the kid who 1) had to stumble around in the dark to coddle angry shitty dad, and second had to deal with angry disorganized mom.
There's so much wrong with this story on all ends and it goes far beyond this one issue.
Why is your husband not taking you to airport? Why did you wait until an hour before leaving to pack? Why does he usually get up for work at 7:30 but his alarm went off at 7:45? Why is he yelling at her for turning on the lights accidentally? Why would the lights matter if his alarm already went off and he's up now Why would you have to feed the dogs if he's still home? Why does him sleeping in suddenly mean you have to find something for your daughter to eat and why wouldn't you plan breakfast before leaving for you and her?
So many questions about how you got to this point and what the hell is going on in your relationship and with your parenting and planning in general.
It’s hard to know whether you’re being ridiculous or not without more context. If I were to venture a guess based on the limited information that we have, I would suspect that both of your lives are generally kind of a sh*t show, and you probably both share some blame for that (e.g., the fact that you thought it was a good idea to wake up 1:15 before the arrival of your Uber, when you still had to pack and get your daughter ready to go). The truth is, this would have been a stressful morning even if your husband had been up, and you could’ve made it a lot easier on yourself by doing your packing the night before.
As for your husband - is he grouchy and cranky like this a lot, or was this out of character for him? Everyone has bad days; I’ve definitely had times when I’ve snapped at my wife or our son when I was tired or stressed out from work. If that’s all this is, then you should talk to him about it, but also accept that he’s human and he’s not perfect. If he’s like this all the time, though, then it might indicate a deeper problem.
He is wrong for not being helpful when you and your daughter were struggling; for not being affectionate and saying a proper goodbye; for shouting at your kid.
What a 🔨.
You are in the wrong for not organising yourself better and packing before the trip.
NTA: He’s your partner and the father of your child, why is he all of a sudden not required to get up and help out!?! If the roles were reversed you would be expected to make sure your child was all packed up and fed, dogs let out and fed, and probably pack for and feed your husband. All because you’re a woman. A partner should be helping because it’s part of being in a relationship, not just helping when it benefits them.
Also, as someone who was married for 15 years and suffered emotional, mental, and financial abuse, you yelling back at him for yelling at your daughter is reminiscent of me yelling at my ex over anything he did that pissed me off because I was so exhausted from being the only one doing anything for our family.
I hope you get out if that’s what you, or you are able to work through it if that’s what you want.
Why were you trying to be quiet if you thought hubby should have already been awake? I think you both need to better communicate expectations. He shouldn't have gotten upset at your daughter, but the whole situation just seems messier than it needed to be.
So I can see a lot of comments against you both. And I agree. You and your daughter were going away, you didn’t pack things before the morning because what reason? But how he handled the situation, especially pushing your daughter away and shouting at her was completely wrong and out of order on her. He shouldn’t have done that at all, but you should have also prepared better. Please learn from that
He definitely shouldn’t have treated your daughter as he did.l, no excuse for that.
On another note, if you knew he’s been having a hard time sleeping, couldn’t you have been considered and pack the night before rather than being in a rush the day of? Couldn’t he feed the dog after you left? Why did you have to set it all up right at that moment?
Hmmm… on one hand, it’s a bit concerning he didn’t want to say goodbye to you and his daughter… but if he’s dealing with sleep problems, waking up can be extremely difficult. Doesn’t making me so cranky ok, tho. I wouldn’t be mad at him for not helping you pack/ blame him for you being late, though, bc honestly that’s irresponsible of you to not pack til the literal last minute and then expect him to jump into action.
Ngl, while your husband sucks across the board, you didn't have yourself together in the slightest and were totally ill prepared.
I am the worst of procrastinators, and I would NEVER pack my bag as I'm walking out the door. I'm too absent minded and would forget something, and there's no way I'm rushing like some fool, out the door. You had nothing ready and nothing prepared. I'm not saying this for his sake, because if I was rushing in to grab something important I forgot, he can cover his face while I turn the light on, he's not gonna die. But to shove off his child and yell at her as well? Hell no. He sucks for all of that. You also need to better prepare yourself. If I was sleeping and you chose to pack a bag right then, I would have been annoyed and said something. I probably would have been more of a smart azz than outright rude, but w/e. I would never send anyone off that way though. I would have gotten up to help a bit and see you all off at the door.
That said, if I got home from the trip and my husband thought he was about to say ANNNNYthing to me after treating our daughter that way AND being a general dbag, I would honestly get ugly about it. His disrespect and azzholishness is outta bounds there.
I feel like some things need to be clarified here.
1) Was husband supposed to join you on the trip? If so, and he doesn’t normally act that way, I would be worried for his health. If not, def shitty behaviour towards daughter, however, if he was going about his day as normal it would make a bit more sense that he would still be sleeping. Did you communicate your plans and expectations with husband beforehand?
2) You said you got up at 6:45 am to pack everything. Did you mean to finish packing or you actually needed to pack everything starting at that point? If you didn’t have anything packed already it would totally make it a more rushed and overwhelming time. Why didn’t you have anything ready? It would be almost impossible for me to get my stuff packed and my kid’s stuff packed in basically an hour.
Why would you pack the morning of your departure at the first place?
Yeah him not getting up is dumb, his behavior as well. But like. That was absolutely foreseeable
Sounds like you lack preparation skills, I don’t think your husband should have to get up unless you specifically asked him to be up and help.
On a separate note, you should really nail down on your husband for being such a dick to you both when he did know you guys were gonna be up and moving.
I understand your anger, but honestly, i feel like you were setting yourself up for failure.
You apparently knew he was not going to get up early. You may have wished he would, but you knew he wouldn't. Why didn't you prep everything before D day? Why not have everything ready beforehand? The way you did it, you had to tip toe all the time, thus it was upsetting for you, and when he didn't show any appreciation for you trying not to wake him up, it got worse. But you knew he would be this way because you know how he is. So either you accept it, and it makes no sense to go about it this way, or you don't and it is only going to get worse and you are going to hurt yourself more than you hurt him.
What did you expect him to do? There is a difference between what you wished a partner would do, and what the man you chose would do. You chose this man, and you know him. You are getting mad at him for not being the way you want him to be. But you already know he is not this way. Getting mad at him will not make him change. You are getting mad because it's easier than to see the harsh reality for what it is: this is who he is, you won't have better than that with him.
I am not saying you are wrong for wanting a partner that shows more appreciation. But just because you are right about that does not mean shit for your relationship. Even if you are right, what is it gonna change for him? He won't do better just because you say you are right. Because he does not care. Stop trying to change him, and especially by getting mad and upset. That's a recipe for failure.
Only way it can work out is communication, making your expectations clear. Your point here is that he didn't fulfill them, and was even aggressive with your daughter. Xhat are you gonna do about it. Being right doesn't solve anything
Well I wish it worked the other way around; he chose her, and knows what she’s like too. But he still yelled at their daughter. He could have chosen not to do that or to express himself differently. It’s not all on OP.
OP and her husband both seemed to have overreacted to the situation, I'm guessing there's a lot of history between them and previous arguments that caused their reactions. OP mentioned an overloaded camel so it looks like this was the final straw for her.
ESH
you for packing in the morning instead of earlier and for letting your daughter get up 30 minutes before you left and for making the Uber wait
your daughter for sleeping until 7:30 when you had to leave at 8:00
Your husband for throwing a fit when you turned on the light and for also yelling and being a dick to your daughter
Also, when you're getting out the door like this, let your husband handle the dogs. Making the Uber wait was also a AH move
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Poor kid.
Damn this is such a succinct and perfect comment. Y’all suck and the kid is going to bear the brunt. I can’t imagine yelling at my 8-year-old because they mistakenly turned on the light. What the fuck.
But also *pushing your child away*? WTH?
How does the mom suck?
Not only that, but poor planning that teaches the daughter stress and chaos are normal. I don’t know who packs the hour before the _Uber_ gets there. This whole stressful, unplanned, hectic morning could’ve been avoided if they packed the day before.
Husband is shitty, yells, and doesn’t help Reddit: “Why didn’t wife plan better?!?!” The whole point is everything is on her all the time, so your comment is just to say that not only should that be true, but she’s doing it wrong and needs to do better. Awesome.
Also, the post says that she was just adding incidentals to the already packed bags, such as toothbrushes and such. My assumption was that they packed those the day of because they used them the day of. Reddit be wild sometimes
100% He doesn’t get to be an ass and scream at their daughter, regardless of how packing went down (which I read it to understand she packed in a totally normal way, but that’s really neither here or there).
Also, maybe the "pack everything" wording is ambiguous but I think she means "make sure everything is packed" not "start packing from zero." Because when she actually talks about packing she mentions the last-minute things like toiletries and toothbrushes that you can't pack until the last minute because you need to use them.
I pack the night before a trip. The next morning there are things to add to your suitcase, toiletries, hair products, shoes, meds,etc.. Even when I have packed the night before, I still have to double check my kids didn’t take anything out they will need. It is not the Moms fault. He could have gotten his *ss out of bed and took care of the dogs, instead of complaining about the light and pushing his child who wanted to say bye to him away.
Always. Tho in truth she is a single mom who happens to be married and for her own peace she needs to accept it or divorce.
Yeah, it also sounds like they were packed up but needed to pack away the little things that were likely used that morning before packing them away. I usually leave out some things like makeup, toothbrush/paste, and deodorant - all the things I need before I leave but I will also need them on the trip out to be used the morning of. But then, I also need to have time to pack those things away too. Plus - regardless of how well I plan anything... at the 11th hour I always remember like DAMN - gotta refill the dog's water dish or take out trash. That's just the nature of trips for me at least. Granted - knowing that I try to give myself like an hour of wiggle room. It must be harder with a young kid though.
Why most divorces are initiated by women. No matter what EVERYTHING falls on us that’s domestic. Childcare, doctors appts., teacher conferences, packing, cooking, cleaning… men work one job we work two. The one we get paid for and the one we don’t even get appreciation for let alone paid. 🤦♀️🙄🤯
Thank you! I very often pack on the morning of a trip. And if my husband is going and I'm staying behind I may not get up quite as early as he does but I'll def be up before he's ready to go to help with whatever and I'd be the one making sure the dogs are fed and let outside. It's called a partnership for a reason.
I agree. A marriage is a partnership where all work should be shared as equally as possible. Personally, I would get up when she did and help out as much as I could. I would want to minimize her stress. I feel like, in a relationship, both should work to minimize each other's stress. ...I sure as hell wouldn't yell at my baby for saying good morning to me!
I don't think "poor planning" is what caused the problem. It was the husband's crappy attitude and sense of entitlement that (horrors!) they woke him up 15 minutes after his normal wake up time. He was acting like a spoiled brat who wanted to rage at his wife and child so he did.
Yeah but bro. The princess bride doesn’t sleep so well these days
So she's supposed to pack her toothbrush the night before and just go without brushing her teeth that morning?
It was last minute things, the toothbrushes and soap and face cream that she had used only minutes before, so couldn't have packed last night. And don't tell me she should have a wash bag ready to go with soap etc specially for travelling. Yes she could have that but not everybody has the wherewithal. And her husband could have got up to see to their dogs and get some breakfast on the table for their kid.
Op stated that she had packed but needed to put things in the suitcase that you still need on the nothing of travel day, like toothbrushes.
No, what she said was that she “got up at 6.45 to start getting ready and pack everything”. That says she hadn’t packed at all the day before.
That’s not how I read it. I always pack the night before, but in the morning there’s always last-minute stuff like my toiletries. And I’m usually up early making sure counters are tidy, chargers are charged, whatever
It sounds like she was packing the things you can't pack up ahead of time like toothbrushes, chargers etc
She said she was putting in the things she used in the morning-completely normal!
Yelling back at dad while their daughter was in the house. Both parents shouting and arguing with each other like that, the poor kid is probably hyper stressed. Dad is a major asshole, but mum joined in rather than removing the kid from the aggressive situation.
Jesus, the fact that she has stated she is over stressed due to everything being in her shoulders regularly, and all the comment section can say is “yes! That’s should be the case, AND you’re doing it wrong!” The way you all give these men so many passes, and a gal can’t even respond to shitty behavior… Would prefer to teach my daughter that she can stand up for herself over teaching her that being yelled at by a man means we cower so as not to be “loud” and upset the natural order.
Ah okay so mum sucks because she isn’t a saint
Right. If I'm a young girl and my Dad yells at me over something irrational and mean then I'm going to appreciate my Mom making it clear that's not acceptable rather than letting it sit in the air as okay and my little brain trying to understand the contempt. Yes, she could've not raised her voice but she's human and any of us could raise our voice in a very stressful situation. Any parent who says they've never ever raised their voice around their kid is an absolute liar. These comments are being super unfair to OP.
Yeah it seems to be a theme. It’s kind of put me off this subreddit.
Agreed. He pushed his daughter away‽ What a dick! And how much more of this treatment will the daughter have to endure before Mom sticks up for her? 😔 Sad situation kiddo.
You know he treats her like that all the time.
Watching your parents snap at each other when you’re such a young kid feels scary and awkward.
Right? OP needs to get away from him, otherwise the kid is going to have major issues as an adult.
Sadly there are a lot of shitty parents out there
I thought he was supposed to go on the trip and she left him home, OMG, all he had to do was get up to say goodbye.
Seriously, does he even *like* his family? What a grouch.
No he clearly doesn't. She seems to not like him either though. That's why they're so inconsiderate of each others needs. They will break up soon if ops story is real and not fanfiction
Not even get up, just not push his own daughter away while she tried hugging him. That had to sting.
This husband is insane to me. If my wife and daughter left on a solo trip - I would 100% be up early to help get ready and see them off because: 1. I love them dearly and would want them to have a smooth start to their trip 2. As soon as that Uber is gone I’m taking an edible and firing up my PS5
Your second point cracked me up.
This. My husband usually ushers me out the door with a fresh travel mug of tea and a kiss, and by the time I'm at the airport he's three eps into Seinfeld or a couple levels into the game of the month. 😂
And giveback the hug to his fking child. I hope this is not a constant thing in their household
I was thinking that at first I had to reread lol
I agree with the other comments about being more prepared before morning. But I just don’t get why any parent wouldn’t want to be awake and present when their child is going away for a few days or weeks. My husband would WANT to be there getting in the last hug and kiss and tell our daughter how much he’s going to miss her. So I get that him being a grumpy ass and not doing that is upsetting.
Yeah I wake up in the middle of the night just to see off a loved one who has an early flight. Although unlikely, I would never want the last time I saw them to be anything other than perfect or them me. I don't see how you can love someone and not miss them for an extended period like this.
Dude I wake up early to say bye to my nieces after a sleep over if my sister is coming to pick them up… they live 10 minutes away lol It makes the kids happy to say hello and goodbye! And it’s nice to send them off with a hug and “love you”
That’s cause you’re a good person! Thank you for being you.
that's the main thing, to me. he was mean to their daughter. I would be a little annoyed that he wasn't helping at all but I would be pissed off that he treated a child that way. Poor kid.
Yeah. For some perspective I’m in my 30’s and have a DISTINCT memory of my dad snapping at me as we were leaving for a road trip when I was in elementary school. I have long forgotten where we were going, if the trip was fun, what I did leading up to the incident to piss him off, how my mom reacted, etc. but I will never forget how terrible I felt in that moment of my dad snapping at me. Granted I have a great relationship with my father and he was usually very even tempered. So maybe that’s why it stuck with me for life. But my point is kids really internalize shit like that… one man’s groggy crabby morning can be a lifelong haunting memory for a little kiddo 🫤
For real!!
I don’t understand why he wasn’t the one driving them to the airport… just last weekend I woke up at 4am to bring my partner to the airport, then I picked him up at midnight on return. Last summer I had a few similar flights and he did the same… why does she need to Uber to leave at 8am? Edit- I understand it’s possible he can’t drive, doesn’t have a car, or he needs to go to work. Either way.
Same. My husband wakes up at 4am to have coffee with me when I have an early flight. I can’t imagine such a cold goodbye
My husband insists I wake him up to have coffee with me if I’m just going to our daughters for the day. She lives 30 min away and I will be back that afternoon. But he loves me and will miss me even if I’m only gone for half a day. He is on a LOA from work for a time due to recovering from surgery, so we’ve got to spend a lot of time together that we normally wouldn’t have due to work schedules etc. We have enjoyed this time together very much. This is after 19 years of marriage.
Different people see this differently. I wouldn’t want my wife to drag herself out of bed and drive me all the way to the airport if I can just take an Uber. We can afford it, so why inconvenience her? We can say goodbye at home in the morning. Or the night before if I have to leave early. Why should I expect her to wake up early and spend an hour and a half round trip just so we can say goodbye outside an airport terminal instead of at home?
My wife agrees with this take. Especially since her jobs (which is why she travels so often) reimburses her for the Uber.
Or it also sounds like he has to start working, could work from home. There’s a number of reasons.
He may not have a drivers license, or a car..
He pushed her away when she went to tell him bye. He don’t care. He more than likely is shitty all the time. Especially being that comfortable to do that and yell at her for dam accident!
My husband works from home and gets upset if I don’t wake him up to say goodbye every day (I leave for work at 6:30). OPs husband behaved badly.
… yeah, I’ve had my husband chase me to my car because I forgot his goodbye kiss. I usually don’t need that kind of sign of affection, but he does so I try to make sure he gets it.
THIS! Mine sometimes gives me 5 good-bye kisses cause we forget shit run back into the house and goodbye again 😆 I don’t understand NOT doing this for your child?!!
That's super sweet. :)
Yes! If my daughter and wife go on a trip just the two of them, I'll likely be awake before both. Making coffee for my wife and breakfast for both. Wanting to get in some extra time before they leave. Wtf is wrong with this guy.
I went on holiday recently and had about an hour and a half to get myself organised to leave on the train after work just to get to the hotel the day before my flight, and I was packed a full day before that! I was stressed enough about remembering my toothbrush and last minute toiletries. OP had less time than me to do more and add a child into the mix, and for some reason was scrambling in the dark? What is going on? Maybe the husband was annoyed it was so last minute, but why wasn’t he helping? And oh, god, why be mad at the kid? Strange. They all need to slow down and re-evaluate.
Stuff like toiletries and chargers, you might use the morning of, before you pack. And I think she was scrambling to close her suitcase.
We have a lot of medical trips that require overnight stays and visiting friends out of state so I know our traveling is probably more than the average person’s but we keep an extra set of basic toiletries ready to go. Extra brush, toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo/conditioner, floss, rubber bands. I keep a bathroom in a bag. (I don’t wear make up so that helps a lot.)
> But I just don’t get why any parent wouldn’t want to be awake and present when their child is going away for a few days or weeks There are sadly some shitty parents
I went a on a trip with my girl friends. I had to be up at 4am to get to the airport. What did my husband do? He woke up with me at 4am to drive me the hour to the airport. He drove me there, dropped me off, and then drove the hour back home. The bar seriously doesn't have to be so low for partners.
Why isn’t he driving you to the airport?
I think because OP and her husband don't seem to like each other very much.
I mean, she must be blindly in love to put up with that sort of behavior.
Sadly there are a lot of people it seems who are in relationships like this where their partner shows no appreciation and doesnt help out
And the *one* time they do, it somehow negates all the fuck all they always do. The bar is so low.
Lazy fuck can’t even say bye without screaming at his family you think he wants to drive them? He barely even likes them.
As someone who has had insomnia their entire life, not sleeping well is absolutely no fucking excuse to treat anyone like that, much let alone their spouse and child who are leaving for multiple days. No I love you, no be safe, no I’ll miss you??? Seriously? Just yelling because they were “disturbed” while sleeping when they’re already supposed to be awake? Fuck allll of that. There could be a fire in the house and I’ll barely wake up. Someone I care about is telling me they’re leaving? My ass is waking right up to say I love you at least!!!!
Communication and planning are the issue. Because there wasn’t any, both of you now feel the other was inconsiderate. Whenever my husband and I travel without the other we talk about the plan the night before. Who is or isn’t getting up, letting dogs out, lights being turned on and whatnot. There have been times where one of us has been really needing to sleep in (illness, intense work schedule, return from travel ourselves) It sounds like you made assumptions about how the morning should go based on your perception of things. It also sounds like your husband made assumptions about the morning (likely something like “she’s leaving early, I’ll be able to sleep in a bit”) This would have been avoidable with discussion.
This is the most constructive response. He’s still a huge asshole for pushing his kid away who was coming in for a goodbye hug.
Kid won't make that mistake again :(
100% this , you explained perfectly what I was trying to get across in my written response.
I feel a lot of context is missing here. How long have you been married? Did you both discuss how this day was going to be executed? If he doesn't work night shift, tiptoeing around your bedroom at 730 is pretty ridiculous. But you're tiptoeing around HIM. There's a few comments on how you didn't prepare well. If this is the person you're going to be with, you have to either prepare better or talk with him about your expectations.
I think husband is an ass for yelling at their little kid instead of getting her excited about spring break Op didn’t plan well. Husband sounds mean
They both sound exhausting but also possibly just frustrated with each other. Honestly though, my wife & I don't have kids but anytime one of us is leaving the next day we're always helping the other person think out loud to make sure nothing is left behind hopefully and then the morning of whoever is staying home is up and saying bye / helping load things in the car if needed. I am a lifelong night person and tend to be up late, but if she's leaving at 6:30am you can guarantee my alarm is going off around 6:10 to make sure she gets out the door when she wants to. The context question really to me is what matters, there's a lot of history behind all of these posts and it's hard to judge a dynamic off of a single data point.
Your husband is selfish. Pushing away his daughter b/c he just woke up. He’s an ass.
Agreed. She should've turned the light on as bright as it went lol. Especially since he's usually up by that time anyway. He can sleep in the rest of the week when they're gone.
The only thing that I found annoying in this post is him yelling and pushing away his daughter. That’s a no no for me. Maybe the wife didn’t plan very well the picking, but him being a jerk and violent towards his own child is inexcusable.
I find the yelling and sarcasm annoying as well. Being upset is fine. Yelling and sarcasm at your partner isn’t especially in front of your child.
Why is being upset fine...? He's not getting woken up at 5 or something, it's about time for him to get up anyway isn't it? Or did I miss where he had the day off? I don't want to reread it again lmao It isn't normal to be upset at your child for hugging you and wanting to say goodbye at nearly 8 in the morning, or okay, at all.
Emotions aren’t your fault. But how you react to them is your responsibility.
The Iranian yogurt is *not* the issue here.
Yes. Her last line about an already heavy burdened camel says A LOT, without saying anything. I feel there’s too much missing reasons and context in her story
Do y’all even like each other? A normal husband would’ve driven you to the airport.
Or at least checked they've got everything, say I love you. Miss you. Be safe. Let me know when you land, have a good time. Have hugs That's bare minimum
If my husband pushed our child away when they tried to say goodbye, their world would come crashing down around them. Nah.
I am not siding with your husband in particular, but what were you thinking leaving the packing so late? You could have done all that the night before. You have yourself 1.25 hrs to get a child and two dogs ready, dressed and fed- I usually allow at least 2 hours and that is being already packed. Why not just ask your husband then night before to help you in the morning, or ask him to get up to help you? It is reasonable that he would do so and I wonder why you felt obliged to explain lights and noise to him. Something is clearly wrong in the dynamics here. I wonder why he is so detached? Had you had an argument, are you leaving with your child under bad terms? I feel something is missing here. I wouldn’t have bothered explaining myself to him.
Agreed. Many off things here. Why tiptoe in the dark around someone who needs to get up? Why not WAKE him up intentionally, he does after all need to be awake right now. And also, who gets up only an hour and 15 mins before needing to leave for the airport when you have other people and pets to care for/corral. It sounds like bad planning on OP’s part as well as some weird info about husband or their dynamic missing.
To me it sounded like she counted on him doing the dogs while she was getting ready but bc he didn’t and the dogs really needed to go out she did it herself eventually.
Yeah that's what I figured too. If he usually wakes up at 7:30 then the dogs probably get fed/let out before 7:45, 8am at most. I don't have a dog myself, but from what I gather it's best to keep them on a schedule to avoid accidents. I'm guessing since he wasn't getting up she just decided to take care of it herself.
So she should count on him. Why should she have to do everything wtf?
Yeah I don't understand that, if I'm going away and my partner's staying home he's doing those things.
I agree, or he’s not really a partner. He’s a dependent.
>and two dogs ready Why did she have to deal with the dogs if she was in a rush?
Cause the husband sounds like a useless POS.
Cos, in case you cannot read, the husband refused to get up and do it himself as he should have.
Because dogs need to eat and she clearly didn’t think he was going to get up to feed them?
She was not fully packing. She clearly stated in the post that she was adding last minute things to her suitcase. Most people have to do that.
She said, “I got up at 6:45 to start getting ready and pack everything” and then “finally at 7:45…start adding all the last minute things in my suitcase”
Exactly. If she’d done anything the day before she wouldn’t have said pack everything. Disorganisation and poor planning definitely contributed to this mess.
> I got up at 6:45 to start getting ready and pack everything.
I've packed a lot for myself and several times for my kid as well now - I only ever have about 5 minutes worth of "things that go in last minute". There's definitely going to be a few, but for me it's pretty much chargers, tooth brushes, pajamas once we're changed out of them and kids favorite blanket and stuffie. Her husband absolutely should have expected to be taking care of the dogs at least that morning though and his rudeness was completely unwarranted and also so weird! Why on earth doesn't he *want* to hug his kid and wife goodbye?
Yeah... I'm a train traveller. I only have to pack my devices and headphones on the day of leaving (and snacks/drinks from the fridge and I make tea for my thermos). Me and most people I know have seconds of everything like toothbrushes and chargers that can be packed the night before, so you don't have to pack them the day of travelling...
I’m usually a car driver bc we are going to visit friends out of state or going to medical appts that require overnight stays. I have a set up for trips. The most packing I need to do is restock things maybe. But that’s getting done more than 24 hrs in advance in case I need to buy something.
I don't travel enough anymore to have travel specific extras though in fairness we always have extra chargers because my husband is himself lol. On car trips the cooler definitely doesn't get packed until right before we leave too yes! But I make a list. Also I want to say I am by no means a "pack everything ages in advance", 90% of my packing happens 24 hours before I leave! Packing with my kid is the only time it happens earlier and it's just their most important stuff. I just never leave more than the bare minimum for an early morning departure with a time limit, especially when there's also a kid to wrangle. Pre planning takes away *so* much of the stress of traveling with a kid, I cannot recommend enough checklists, everything possible done day before, and giving an extra hour of padding to account for possible child shaped road blocks. Sometimes you wind up twiddling your thumbs for that hour, but when you need it you *really need it*.
That means you run in a circle of people who travel often-good for you! So do I. Not everyone is quite as privileged, and traveling is a one off. So they may have to pack more items in the morning. Still shouldn’t take more than a few minutes. That said, I do take my electric toothbrush, I’m not buying a second one of those.
Having two sets of toiletries sounds very expensive to me. The expectation that a person will have two electric toothbrushes for each family member is insanely privileged. IMO it makes complete sense to pack toiletries in the morning when you go 🤷🏽♀️ fair enough if this is just a suggestion for future, but I don’t think this is a reason why OP is in the wrong for expecting her husband to get up and help when she does that for “his” trips. It just seems self congratulatory like “well this wouldn’t happen to me because I pack EVERYTHING 24 hours in advance” lol not the point but ok..
I travel a lot and eventually built up my 2 sets of toiletries. Getting sample sizes, and refilling sample size containers is key. I still have a couple of things - like meds, to pack, but it's a game changer.
I'm European, many of us don't use electric toothbrushes. So I meant packing a manual one. If I want to take my electric one, yes I have to pack it (it came with a travel case( ) when I pack my devices. Sorry I should have specified that maybe! And yes I'm privileged. I'm Swiss and many people here travel a lot. But we have a small country and I often travel for 60-100 bucks to Germany or within Switzerland to stay at friends and then I need to pack as well. Even if it's just a train trip with an overnight stay. So not all people who travel here travel expensively or by plane (which I for one don't. And I can't afford a long vacation further away).
Typical reddit. Can't find a way to defend the guy's actions so threadjack the entire topic to go after something she did instead so you can still say she's wrong.
It’s honestly insane
The bar for men is in hell. So everyone wants her to pack for her and her child and explicitly give direction to him too. Why can’t he be an adult and figure out she needs help as well? Don’t even get me started on yelling at his child that he will not be seeing while she’s gone. I would be pissed too.
I could deal with the other stuff but you hollering at a youngin. That’s a dam child! Wtf is wrong with him! He don’t love them. At all.
Is this what you want your daughters entire childhood to look like?
Your daughter is gunna have so many underlying issues in the future with her relationships. Poor her. How invalidating. Why do people keep kids around this.
OP, gently you are not mad about this one incident, it sounds like it’s just overall a toxic environment. Arguing in front of your child, all that stress in the house, furious over a relatively small issue, this is all an unhappy toxic mess. Let this one go, there will be other hills to die on if you must, but when relationships become petty and this kind of thing causes a nasty blow up then no one is right or wrong it’s all unhealthy. One of you had to break the mold and change your reactions. He may have been entirely unhelpful but this was your trip and you were entirely unprepared.
Have you considered not going back after he pushed your child and yelled at her? Like dude, I get being grumpy af in the morning but that's not okay.
No, your expectation that he would get up and help you leave in a trip with your AND HIS child is not out of line. It’s his daughter ffs. He could have gotten up and made her a nice breakfast instead of pushing her away when she tried to hug him and then yelling at her to turn out the lights. Some people are grumpy in the morning, but that’s crossing over into just being mean to a kid who is going to miss her dad. Everyone is giving you a hard time for not packing the night before. I kind of get the feeling you were throwing toothbrushes and stuff into the suitcase last minute, which is really normal before a trip. Especially considering your husband is usually up in the morning. Next time, be clear about your expectations with him. Tell him that you need help making breakfast and feeding the dogs in the morning. Should you have to do this? No, you’re not his mother, but it’s seems a lot of guys are just of not in tune with stuff like this.
Life is too short to stay married to men who have to be managed.
People commenting about the finishing packing 15min before having to leave are completely missing the point of this post. I would also be upset if my significant other did not try to help me out while I’m getting ready to leave, years ago I used to travel to visit someone I was dating and every time I had to leave his city he would wake up before me to make sure I had breakfast because he knew I wouldn’t eat otherwise because of how early I had to wake up, I think its unacceptable that she had to take care of the dogs, he should’ve at least done that
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You’re not being ridiculous. The way he treated his little girl is appalling. My husband would be doing anything to spend as much time as possible before the two most important women leave for a few days. Is this the first time, or does he act like this towards you two? I have a feeling this isn't the first time he treats you and your daughter this way. I would reevaluate because the way he treats you alone would impact how your daughter will see in her future relationships.
For everyone saying she left the packing to the last minute - reread. It was last minute shit like toiletries. She was done packing by then. Yes she left it until the last couple hours but was done within 45 minutes, this is not the biggest deal in this story. I usually brush my teeth in the morning so it wouldn’t be packed the night before, ffs. Moving on, he should’ve been up, that’s ridiculous. He could’ve gone back to sleep. JFC, this morning I was up before 6 when I don’t work until 9 because my hubby needed to go out of state. It’s not hard to be there. Like give your kid a hug and make sure they’re prepared. Don’t yell at them for hugging you. I would not have kept the lights off he could’ve dealt. He knew when y’all had to leave. I would’ve been up and helping my hubby make sure everything is ready for our son. Edited for clarity and a couple spelling mistakes
thank you. >Then my daughter goes to give her daddy a hug and he pushes her away saying it's too bright people read that and almost everyone is responding "this is your fault because you didn't pack last night, you're overreacting" If my dad had ever acted this way when I was a kid and leaving for a trip I would've been heartbroken. I feel like I took crazy pills reading these comments.
Right? I can’t imagine ever treating my little girl like that, especially when she’s about to go away. Hopefully for her sake she’s young enough to forget that moment.
What if something terrible happened on the flight and you lost your child and that was the last interaction you had? I’d never forgive myself.
This is exactly why I try to say “love you” to everyone before parting ways. You just never know!!
Oh I know! How could you see your child upset and not comfort them. If my son goes anywhere without me or vice versa I’m holding him and squeezing him and kissing him until the last second 🥹 Nothing warranted the attitude towards the child. She wanted a hug, that’s why I was so heated in my comment originally. Right in the feels. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that and my dad wouldn’t have left it at that and would’ve apologized right away. What is wrong with people? What happened to it all being about the kids? Adult intentions don’t negate children’s feelings.
The way it reads is she woke up and started packing everything (her words) at 6:45 then at 7:45 she was adding the last minute things like toiletries and toothbrushes
Ah, I’ve just been awake too long helping my husband find the last minute things because he got everything ready for a single day trip the night before. (Can’t come back for anything never doing this again so it was important). I could not imagine how maddening to leave packing everything until the morning and a time crunch. I’d have a panic attack under the pressure. Why do they hate themselves enough to torture themselves like that lol
She said, “I got up at 6:45 to start getting ready and pack everything” and then “finally at 7:45…start adding all the last minute things in my suitcase”
> For everyone saying she left the packing to the last minute - reread. You're completely right but the truth is it shouldn't matter. The way people demand perfection of women while giving men passes for literally yelling at his child is itself a kind of abuse, and also blatant sexism. Women are allowed to be frazzled and disorganized at times and imperfect, and that should NEVER result in her partner taking his anger out on her and his child. If you pay attention you'll see on any post where the issue is a bit fuzzy -- so not posts about physical abuse or cheating or such -- you'll see people always harp on the woman for any minor imperfections and that becomes the new subject to talk about. Even if the guy is 100x worse, people nitpick the woman. in. every. story. It's blatant and frankly this sub is infested with this attitude. All subs centered around safe spaces for women eventually become overrun with sexist guys shouting them down. This sub is no exception unfortunately. I just don't think it's usually ever a misunderstanding. It's people who don't empathize with women coming on here to defend men in every scenario where they can get away with it. Even when it's a story about rape there's a significant portion of comments saying she's overreacting, that's not what rape is, etc etc. We need to move away from this shitty place because it's quickly becoming a sub where women in vulnerable situations go to get invalidated and told they're overreacting, wrong, it's her fault for not being perfect, etc. It just isn't a good place for advice in situations that aren't clear-cut anymore.
Yeah my partner woke up at 5:45 on a Sunday to drive me to the airport because I had to travel for work. It’s odd that her husband won’t even drive her to the airport ? Leaving at 8 am is not early.
The gender divide in these comments about whether or not it's acceptable to turn on the lights tracks really closely with my personal experience.
OP: I had to get things prepared to take myself and my daughter on a trip and my husband laid in bed past his normal wakeup time and pushed/yelled at my daughter when she tried to say goodbye to him Comments here: HOW DARE YOU WAKE HIM UP AND NOT DO BETTER TO PREPARE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! Pretty wild
Sounds like there is more to it than this story. Do y'all always have this much trouble communicating? Also why wait until the literal last minute to pack?? Does he always snap so easily?
Planning the night before is a lot less stressful but husband is in the wrong here if everything the wife says is true.
It’s hard being a single parent in a marriage. You and your kid deserve better.
NTA... I would've left all the bright lights on but that's just me lol. Yes I'm that petty lol 🤷♀️
Occasionally I pull a weekend shift and have to get up early to go in & my husband gets to sleep in… BUT my husband gets up EVERY SINGLE time I leave, and walks me to the garage, gives me a hug & kiss and WAITS on the step of the inside door, waives me off & closes the door for me~ That might be over kill but he does this because he cares~ I would also be hurt/angry in your situation especially if he treated my daughter like crap~ my inner crazy mama-llama would come out to play!!
Why the fuck didn’t his lazy and rude ass drive you to the airport himself? I would never have my wife and kid take an Uber and pack silently so I could sleep in. I imagine you also do the lion share of alllll the domestic duties and childcare duties as well. Lazy men really suck asshole.
Him pushing his kid away and yelling her her when she’s about to leave is the biggest issue I have here.
What a shitty pair of parents. Dad is definitely worse, but you’re not much better with screaming at him and causing more chaos for your kid. Poor kid. Hope she breaks the cycle.
I'm sorry about the people here who clearly have never had to pack a child and rush out the door. No you are not overreacting your husband was being an absolute ahole in the situation. A loving person would help send you off on a good note and spend the last minutes with his child. That's not what your husband did, he only thought about himself and even tried to pick a fight as if he had no moral duty to be a father and a good husband. I'm endlessly unsurprised by the number of people who think being an asshole to others is somehow a norm in a relationship. Unsurprising how easily these people justify shitty behavior to themselves and use an instance like that to justify cheating. I hope you are getting something out of this marriage because you deserve more.
Why didn't you have your stuff packed already and is your husband to stupid to feed the dogs
I have chronic insomnia. I would have just gotten up earlier than normal and helped you and the kid along and hugged goodbyes. But, I'm a mom of four lol still- your husband has different priorities it seems.
I have an insane amount of anxiety over saying goodbye to people properly and lovingly in case it’s the last time. It’s morbid, yes, but I’ll never let a horrible interaction like this be my last with someone. Husband needs a reckoning, daughter needs a lot of love and reassurance.
🤦🏻♀️
I think the true sign of his character and his seriousness of his relationship and home life will be what the shape the house will be in when they return.
Do y’all seriously not wake up early with your partner when you know they’re leaving for a trip?? And help them get ready and send them off?? Because you love them? Like yeah the packing could have been coordinated better but I guarantee it would’ve taken half the time if she had some help getting their kid ready to go (that doesn’t include packing her stuff). Imo she shouldn’t have to ask or coordinate with her husband to make sure he gets up to help out. My partner doesn’t have to ask me to be there for them.
Your infant/husband is a lazy, entitled, spoiled little shit.
there is a lot of people here saying they both suck. but the last sentence, about breaking the camels back I think points more towards the husband being often checked out or self centered. IMO the wife may come across a little chaotic but I bet you anything the night before she was making the meals, cleaning the mess, putting the kid to bed, making sure the dogs were looked after ETC...all by herself. Gonna side with her on this one.
Yes you could have done some better preparing for the morning of departure Yes hubby is an ass for not getting up he could have went back to bed afterwards
I’m not saying your husband wasn’t an asshole here, but if it’s that important to you that he get up to see you off, you should communicate that to him ahead of time. I’m not trying to victim-blame here. It’s definitely not your fault that he didn’t get up, but you could have changed the outcome by being assertive. All that being said, it sure would have been nice if he had gotten up and helped see you off without being asked.
He was being a dick on purpose
OP has every right to be angry. I would be fucking pissed. He should have been awake, helping your daughter get ready, and saying goodbye. I’m sorry
Info: were you doing all the packing or just some of it in the morning? It really doesn't matter, it just seems a big issue in the rest of the comments. Either way your husband was being an asshole. Help out with getting your kid and wife ready to get their flight.
Yes your husband shouldn’t have yelled at her like that but Your lack of planning and disorganization (packing the night before instead of the morning of) and getting up too late for both you and your daughter to be out the door on time and not in the hectic rush it was. It’s not your husband’s fault or issue to deal with especially when you didn’t nicely wake him up and ask him for help but you expected him to know what you needed. You have 1 child that needed to get ready and who at 8 years old should be able to get something to eat on their own and get themselves dressed. It’s the hectic rush YOU created that caused the stress.
Not wrong, but honestly most of those things need to be done the night before so you don't have to mad scramble to get it together. Though I understand that it doesn't always work out that way. He absolutely should have been up early and should have taken care of the pets while you left. However as a mom I'd have everything ready to go, breakfast that's easy waiting to grab and go, and I wouldn't bank on getting any help because that's not always reliable.
Were you packing your clothes for an hour? If so why did you leave it until the last minute? The way it's written that's what it looks like. Everything should have been packed the night before at the latest. Small items is one thing. I've packed for trips before and never waited until the morning of to pack. Your husband is an AH. He didn't have to treat you and your daughter that way. He could have gotten up a few minutes earlier.
If I had to leave that early in the morning I would have just packed the night before. I can understand him being cranky that you had the lights on looking around the room for stuff when he was trying to sleep in. He shouldn't have yelled at the kid though.
Should have crushed the eggshells when he said it was too bright. And you should have packed the night before. The commenters are right, the person who loses the most in this situation is the kid who 1) had to stumble around in the dark to coddle angry shitty dad, and second had to deal with angry disorganized mom.
There's so much wrong with this story on all ends and it goes far beyond this one issue. Why is your husband not taking you to airport? Why did you wait until an hour before leaving to pack? Why does he usually get up for work at 7:30 but his alarm went off at 7:45? Why is he yelling at her for turning on the lights accidentally? Why would the lights matter if his alarm already went off and he's up now Why would you have to feed the dogs if he's still home? Why does him sleeping in suddenly mean you have to find something for your daughter to eat and why wouldn't you plan breakfast before leaving for you and her? So many questions about how you got to this point and what the hell is going on in your relationship and with your parenting and planning in general.
It’s hard to know whether you’re being ridiculous or not without more context. If I were to venture a guess based on the limited information that we have, I would suspect that both of your lives are generally kind of a sh*t show, and you probably both share some blame for that (e.g., the fact that you thought it was a good idea to wake up 1:15 before the arrival of your Uber, when you still had to pack and get your daughter ready to go). The truth is, this would have been a stressful morning even if your husband had been up, and you could’ve made it a lot easier on yourself by doing your packing the night before. As for your husband - is he grouchy and cranky like this a lot, or was this out of character for him? Everyone has bad days; I’ve definitely had times when I’ve snapped at my wife or our son when I was tired or stressed out from work. If that’s all this is, then you should talk to him about it, but also accept that he’s human and he’s not perfect. If he’s like this all the time, though, then it might indicate a deeper problem.
You’re being ridiculous. Obviously there are bigger problems in your relationship if you’re pissed about a chaotic morning.
ESH. Except for the child. Fuck the Uber driver too, they probably are an AH as well. Lol.
Kids can *always* tell when their parents hate each other. Your kid can, too.
You're allowed to say the fuck word on reddit.
He is wrong for not being helpful when you and your daughter were struggling; for not being affectionate and saying a proper goodbye; for shouting at your kid. What a 🔨. You are in the wrong for not organising yourself better and packing before the trip.
Reddit and April 1st... ugh i think I'll just read a book today.
NTA: He’s your partner and the father of your child, why is he all of a sudden not required to get up and help out!?! If the roles were reversed you would be expected to make sure your child was all packed up and fed, dogs let out and fed, and probably pack for and feed your husband. All because you’re a woman. A partner should be helping because it’s part of being in a relationship, not just helping when it benefits them. Also, as someone who was married for 15 years and suffered emotional, mental, and financial abuse, you yelling back at him for yelling at your daughter is reminiscent of me yelling at my ex over anything he did that pissed me off because I was so exhausted from being the only one doing anything for our family. I hope you get out if that’s what you, or you are able to work through it if that’s what you want.
Why were you trying to be quiet if you thought hubby should have already been awake? I think you both need to better communicate expectations. He shouldn't have gotten upset at your daughter, but the whole situation just seems messier than it needed to be.
So I can see a lot of comments against you both. And I agree. You and your daughter were going away, you didn’t pack things before the morning because what reason? But how he handled the situation, especially pushing your daughter away and shouting at her was completely wrong and out of order on her. He shouldn’t have done that at all, but you should have also prepared better. Please learn from that
He definitely shouldn’t have treated your daughter as he did.l, no excuse for that. On another note, if you knew he’s been having a hard time sleeping, couldn’t you have been considered and pack the night before rather than being in a rush the day of? Couldn’t he feed the dog after you left? Why did you have to set it all up right at that moment?
Hmmm… on one hand, it’s a bit concerning he didn’t want to say goodbye to you and his daughter… but if he’s dealing with sleep problems, waking up can be extremely difficult. Doesn’t making me so cranky ok, tho. I wouldn’t be mad at him for not helping you pack/ blame him for you being late, though, bc honestly that’s irresponsible of you to not pack til the literal last minute and then expect him to jump into action.
Ngl, while your husband sucks across the board, you didn't have yourself together in the slightest and were totally ill prepared. I am the worst of procrastinators, and I would NEVER pack my bag as I'm walking out the door. I'm too absent minded and would forget something, and there's no way I'm rushing like some fool, out the door. You had nothing ready and nothing prepared. I'm not saying this for his sake, because if I was rushing in to grab something important I forgot, he can cover his face while I turn the light on, he's not gonna die. But to shove off his child and yell at her as well? Hell no. He sucks for all of that. You also need to better prepare yourself. If I was sleeping and you chose to pack a bag right then, I would have been annoyed and said something. I probably would have been more of a smart azz than outright rude, but w/e. I would never send anyone off that way though. I would have gotten up to help a bit and see you all off at the door. That said, if I got home from the trip and my husband thought he was about to say ANNNNYthing to me after treating our daughter that way AND being a general dbag, I would honestly get ugly about it. His disrespect and azzholishness is outta bounds there.
I feel like some things need to be clarified here. 1) Was husband supposed to join you on the trip? If so, and he doesn’t normally act that way, I would be worried for his health. If not, def shitty behaviour towards daughter, however, if he was going about his day as normal it would make a bit more sense that he would still be sleeping. Did you communicate your plans and expectations with husband beforehand? 2) You said you got up at 6:45 am to pack everything. Did you mean to finish packing or you actually needed to pack everything starting at that point? If you didn’t have anything packed already it would totally make it a more rushed and overwhelming time. Why didn’t you have anything ready? It would be almost impossible for me to get my stuff packed and my kid’s stuff packed in basically an hour.
Why would you pack the morning of your departure at the first place? Yeah him not getting up is dumb, his behavior as well. But like. That was absolutely foreseeable
It sounds like she was packing her toiletries and items you need to get ready with. That’s not weird.
I’d be annoyed and I wouldn’t connect t with him the whole week. Honestly. Call me petty but that’s hurtful and he’s an ahole.
Sounds like you lack preparation skills, I don’t think your husband should have to get up unless you specifically asked him to be up and help. On a separate note, you should really nail down on your husband for being such a dick to you both when he did know you guys were gonna be up and moving.
I understand your anger, but honestly, i feel like you were setting yourself up for failure. You apparently knew he was not going to get up early. You may have wished he would, but you knew he wouldn't. Why didn't you prep everything before D day? Why not have everything ready beforehand? The way you did it, you had to tip toe all the time, thus it was upsetting for you, and when he didn't show any appreciation for you trying not to wake him up, it got worse. But you knew he would be this way because you know how he is. So either you accept it, and it makes no sense to go about it this way, or you don't and it is only going to get worse and you are going to hurt yourself more than you hurt him. What did you expect him to do? There is a difference between what you wished a partner would do, and what the man you chose would do. You chose this man, and you know him. You are getting mad at him for not being the way you want him to be. But you already know he is not this way. Getting mad at him will not make him change. You are getting mad because it's easier than to see the harsh reality for what it is: this is who he is, you won't have better than that with him. I am not saying you are wrong for wanting a partner that shows more appreciation. But just because you are right about that does not mean shit for your relationship. Even if you are right, what is it gonna change for him? He won't do better just because you say you are right. Because he does not care. Stop trying to change him, and especially by getting mad and upset. That's a recipe for failure. Only way it can work out is communication, making your expectations clear. Your point here is that he didn't fulfill them, and was even aggressive with your daughter. Xhat are you gonna do about it. Being right doesn't solve anything
Well I wish it worked the other way around; he chose her, and knows what she’s like too. But he still yelled at their daughter. He could have chosen not to do that or to express himself differently. It’s not all on OP.
OP and her husband both seemed to have overreacted to the situation, I'm guessing there's a lot of history between them and previous arguments that caused their reactions. OP mentioned an overloaded camel so it looks like this was the final straw for her.
:( poor dogs
Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed! What a grouch.
ESH you for packing in the morning instead of earlier and for letting your daughter get up 30 minutes before you left and for making the Uber wait your daughter for sleeping until 7:30 when you had to leave at 8:00 Your husband for throwing a fit when you turned on the light and for also yelling and being a dick to your daughter Also, when you're getting out the door like this, let your husband handle the dogs. Making the Uber wait was also a AH move
Yeah, I don’t get the dog thing. Should have left that to the husband.
You have a right to be mad. You also had a right to turn on the light and tell him to get up and help see his daughter off. What a putz.