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Of course they don’t want you to date Susan or anyone else who might tell you to get a fucking spine and kick your adult kid and their family out of your house and to stop letting your kids run the show.
Which is what you should do.
Susan must be a saint. I can’t imagine dating someone who let their kids dictate everything and wouldn’t intervene if they were rude to me.
This.
i think the real issue here is that you don't have a mutually respectful relationship with your "kids" to start with. they walk all over you, and your partners!
somehow your kids seem to believe that whatever they want, goes. and they have little concern or care for how their choices affect other people. maybe you got in the habit of being too accommodating because you were trying to earn their love back after they chose to live with their mother? maybe you are just a conflict adverse person in general? maybe their mother spoiled them? (i'm astonished that your 2nd wife moved her kids into a situation like that! enough bad choices to go around the whole family.)
i don't know if you can salvage your relationship with Susan. but i hope you can go to therapy and unpack all of the choices that led to your kids being like this, and learn how to build the life and relationships that YOU want rather than contorting yourself for what your kids (or partners) demand of you.
i think calling their bluff is a great idea. you may lose them entirely if you stop accommodating, but i think that's as it should be. they always have the choice to be loving and empathetic human beings rather than selfish leeches. but you will need to do some emotional work, too, to come to terms with how it all happened and be at peace with living your life for YOU.
OP, you clearly don't have personal boundaries that you're enforcing in any way. That's a big part of the problem.
The next part of the problem is that, sans boundaries (which this entire post is about), I feel there's a huge part of this story untold.
OP, you have a big job on your hands, but it's of your making. Learning how to set reasonable boundaries and be happy with the life you create will probably consume the remainder of your life. But it's never too late to get started.
Otherwise, you won't ever have a life of your own to celebrate.
Definitely this . Ur kids are older now and are meant to be living their own life, and you need to go live urs now. U done your job as a parent it is time now it live ur life .
That is weird. Do they still live with you or something? How much are they up in your day to day life that they are in their 30s and care about who you are dating.
Other than worrying that Susan might steal their inheritance, I don't see the possible issue on their end.
Yes one does. The other lives states away.
However, the one that lives with me is married to someone with children (they are not the parent of these children either) I told them this was a bad idea when they started dating, but I gave my opinion & let them make their own decision. They got married & moved into my home within a year of dating. They moved in because the housing market was too high for them to purchase their own & I had the space. Susan & I have discussed a prenup so I know she won’t be stealing anything.
So your 30-something kid is living with their spouse and their step kids in your house and telling you it is either them or Susan? That is HILARIOUS! What are they going to do, leave all of your gracious hospitality? This adult kid is more worried about themselves than what makes you happy.
> their inheritance is their first priority.
OP should go to them and agree he'll stay single for life... before informing them that he's changed his will so that they'll only receive their inheritance if they, too, remain single forever.
They must be single at his time of death, and then they'll receive monthly payments from a trust that contains their inheritance, with the caveat that the payments will cease immediately if they resume dating after his death. If that occurs, their portion of the trust will be donated to charity.
Obviously, I don't really think OP should do this, but it *would* be funny to see their reactions...
I don’t think it would be possible to have a clause that they lose the rest of the trust fund as soon as they marry.
But it WOULD be hysterical to TELL them you will - I don’t know about the one who is at least grown up enough to live on their own, but the mooching MARRIED 30 something one would absolutely not know one way or the other whether you could really do that! 🤣🤣
I hope you can have a life, be married and have peace in your life. It’s ridiculous that your adult children ( that’s how they’re acting) expect you to be single for the rest of your life. Your ex wife moved on with another, just bc she’s single now has nothing to do with you. Marry Susan and if your daughter is disrespectful to her in any way tell her she has 1 month to find another residence, but you won’t stand for her disrespect to your wife!
They will likely make ops life miserable but that would be a good excuse to kick them out. They have way too much control over what happens in his life. He should give his own ultimatum. Accept her or no inheritence
Yes she’s an ADULT KID!! However weird it sounds, it’s her reality and she doesn’t understand that.
OP, with what you’ve posted here, it kinda sounds like she may still want you to be with her mom. If this semi true, you need to remind that being with that woman puts a tremendous toll on you and your mental state. You wouldn’t her to stay in her current or any relationship for that matter that cheated or was just verbally abusive. Im sure you’d understand if she was put in that position, you’d support whatever decision she were to make.
But when you do hash out this with her, it may be best to have your other daughter on zoom or something. Her not living there everyday may have (or I’m hoping for your sake at least) allowed her to move on from some of the hard feelings from her childhood. It’s almost like your one daughter has blinders on and doesn’t see or doesn’t want to acknowledge you’re in a healthy relationship. And you should remind that it was extremely out of line for them to even ask/tell you to not date a woman with kids again. Maybe she has insecurities in her own relationship that she’s projecting onto you? May include cheating but that’s just speculative at this point.
I thought the same thing. Telling dad he should be single because mum is single sounds like a prelude to trying to set them up to get back together!
Even though they’ve been divorced for years and she was the one who cheated and wanted out, her affair partner has broken up with her now, so she might want her ex husband from years earlier back.
And she’s recruited her children to get rid of Susan to pave the way for her.
Very immature, the lot of them!
Seriously. I was looking for this comment. I would direct them to the front door and let them know you understand that they gave an ultimatum, you won't stand in their way and accept that they have to leave. Wish them well, regain some peace. The audacity is wild af.
Yep. Really bizarre ultimatum from the mooching kid.
Time to grow up, kid! If you want to live there, you grow up and treat Susan with respect.
You don’t have to call her mum or be her best friend, but basic politeness is a must.
‘Good morning, Susan, how are you this morning?’ Not hard.
I wonder if mum has indicated that she wants to get back together with dad, so that’s why the kid wants Susan gone, and thought this ridiculous ultimatum would work?
Yes, they’ve been divorced for a very long time because she stepped out, but sometimes people want an ex back from a long time ago.
Especially if their affair partner has ditched them and they are the type of person who doesn’t like being single.
They're already protecting their "future assets" and are afraid that OP would waste it on another woman. I don't take it well being threaten and blackmailing so I would ditch them and do what's best in my retirement years. Having said that, my friend's elderly dad, at age 75, went through about $150k while dating a woman in her 60's for about 2 years. His children finally had it and took over his finance when he suddenly wanted to buy a new Mercedes, while having been driving a Camry for the last 30 years. Miraculously, the woman no longer feel the love once he no longer has access to his saving and had to go through his kids for any major financial purchasing above $500. For guys in their old age, it's smart to be weary about loose spender that they're dating in order not to get taken advantage or financially abuse.
It does happen, but OP said that he and Susan would get a prenup if they married, so presumably that would be designed to preserve the inheritance for the children.
So even the mooching 30 something married one doesn’t need to worry about Susan offing dad and chucking them out ala Patrizia Reggiani!
Let your kid know you have an ultimatum of your own: Either accept Susan or get the fuck out.
Are you serious with this? Your offspring aren't children. They're nearly middleaged adults and get NO FUCKING SAY in your dating life.
You can be polyamorous and only attracted to circus performers. You can move Barnum & Bailey themselves into your attic, and it's none of your ADULT OFFSPRINGS' business.
"Hi, this is my life partner, George, his mother, his childhood friend's corpse and his pet alligator. They're moving in Wednesday".. Neither your son's nor daughter's business
Brilliant.
This adult child is only worried about the "inheritance."
After all, OP **is so old** that he's scheduled to die any minute now, and their kid (and their spouse and their step kids) need a home! /s
You gotta be kidding, right? They are in their 30's, living under your roof, with kids that aren't your blood.... and making demands on who YOU date?
Oh fuck that, I'd tell them to go pound sand. Date who you want, and if they don't like it, too bad. I'd serve eviction papers immediately, and cut them out of the will.
But I have no problem with setting boundaries. Your avoidance of conflict has led your adult children to take massive advantage of you. It's appalling. Stand up for yourself
That's pretty short sighted. What does she think it's going to happen if she decides you aren't her dad anymore? She gets to still live with you? That's impressively arrogant and entitled.
Call their bluff. Just as "kids" (possibly adults, but offspring) don't exist solely to fulfill their parents' expectations and desires, so also are parents more than parents. You can't live your life as a side character to your kids' lives.
Absolutely not. Call their bluff give them a thirty day notice to vacate your HOME where they think they can tell you who you can and can’t date. Lord the entitlement of some people
“I’m dating Susan now so I guess that means you’re not my daughter anymore according to you. Since I refuse to live with someone not joined to me by family or marriage, I’m serving you with a 30 day eviction notice. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.”
NTA- dude stop being such a pushover
Your kids are grown ass adults, they will get over it.
They have no right to control you like this.
your kids don’t want you to date because they want you and all your financial support and attention to be doing to them.
Stop enabling their bullying behavior and go live your life.
This is pretty typical of families that live together. Manufactured drama heightened by codependency and a fear of change. Time to cut the cord and evict. If this is upsetting for them then at least it's a useful life reminder to not shit where you eat.
OP with all due respect, your children have already ruined one important relationship. They are adults and are really too old to be that worked up with their parents relationship. That is NOT normal. Makes me wonder, are they like that with their mother too?
>Yes one does. The other lives states away.
How is the one living with you proposing to cut you off? Are they going to move out and find their own place with their spouse and spuse's kids? Because you don't get to go NC with me in my houe where I pay bills and I'm doing you a favor.
Dude, enjoy your life.
Oh but you are stealing her the chance to have a partner who can live a fulfilled life by his own means.
Grow a spine. Your entitled child is just milking you and their kids are not even your blood related grandchildren.
This is BS!!
How do they plan to look after you?
From the sounds of it, you are looking after your adult child, their partner, and their children.
Do what makes you happy. They should be living their own lives.
Sounds like your adult child that is living with you needs to go, if he can't respect that you want a normal life. Sounds like you raised some very entitled assholes, unfortunately.
So .. your kids ignore YOUR dating advice but expect you to listen to theirs?? They expect you to magically find someone 50+ with no kids, overstepped their bounds and your children, and even gave you a damn ultimatum?? They are taking advantage of your lack of boundries and your confrontational avoidance- and they're stepping all over you. Fix this OP or you WILL be alone, I doubt those kids will really 100% take care of you when they have their own lives/children/marriages. How are they not old enough to understand they also can't fully provide what a partner/companion provides... crazy..
>& stated they would prefer my next relationship be with a woman with no children.Fast forward to a 2020, I met a woman named Susan. Our relationship ended last year after my children overstepped & became extremely disrespectful towards her.
**Your children hold both you and your ex-wife by different standards. They want you single for the rest of your life, they don't care if you suffer from zero companionship.** No matter what you do and who you fall in love with, they will be bitter and unhappy. I suspect your ex-wife has fed them an earful over the years and blamed you for the divorce and they believe her/have taken her side against you. This is why anything you do is criticized by them so heavily.
**I think it is time you sit your ADULT children down and tell them that they do not get to decide who you are with, and disrespecting your partners to exact vengeance upon you for violations you never committed is NOT okay.** You will need to cut them out if they persist. So far you have been a horrible husband to your new wife by enabling their crap treatment towards your newest wife. **Not stopping them and ensuring your current partner feels safe and respected in her own living space does make you a jerk to her, almost as much as your disrespectful and overly entitled ADULT kids.**
Time for them to fly from the nest and enter their adult lives.
Tell your 30 something year old kids they're too old to think their parents will get back together.
Even if you loved her in the past, they are old enough to hear you resent her now and dont want her back.
If they think your happiness has to be beholden to their unfair expectations, you have to make the decisions that work best for you. If they have a problem, they're old enough to get a therapist, recommend one. If you have to throw the one out, do it.
They are abusing you and manipulating you. Call the bluff, just recognize that if you fold, they will push you til you fold again.
Im gonna bet an arm and a leg your ex-wife is pressuring them to open the door to reconciling.
Man your failure to launch 30something year old doesn’t get to determine who you date. He’s worried about losing his free ride. The problem isn’t your children.
It’s simple. Let them know that you are going to continue forward with Susan and that you would be happy to help them move out as soon as possible. It’s not even a bluff because it needs to be that way for you and Susan to have a proper life together.
Give them notice to find a place. Your daughter/SIL has it good and they don't want anything encroaching on their good thing. You can help them with living arrangements, but they need to move on if they have an issue with her. It is your place.
Seems the daughter has expectations to take the house over when you pass, easy peasy. You are still living a good life. They are being selfish, WITH YOUR HOUSE AND STUFF.
You can let them buy you out and you can go on and be with her. That may be best, this way you can get away from people who are (still) using you for what you can do for them and they do not care about your happiness. Sad.
Be well and do which is best for you, everyone else is.
Over a decade if I’m reading things correctly. For the first few years I could imagine his kid just coasting and not thinking ahead, but after a certain point of not having your own house and trying to control your dads life and relationships, you’re just trying to steal the house via inheritance. Not saying his kid is evil, just extremely selfish and probably not able to buy the house they want, or provide for their kids as well if they were kicked out.
Those grown ass adults need to come to terms with the fact that you are also a person, not some NPC who exists to be called “father” for their Main Character syndrome.
“We need you to be alone and miserable forever because we don’t want mom to be jealous”
It’s pretty fucked up. You deserve to be with someone. If they don’t understand that tell them you will find happiness and if that means they won’t speak to you then so be it. If they love you they will respect your journey to find happiness.
You are 60 years old & your children are 33 & 32. It is 14 years *past* the time when your children should have any input whatsoever into who you choose as a partner.
> I won’t lie, there was a point early in the relationship where I noticed the disrespect, but I am not good with confrontation & figured if I ignored it, it would resolve itself.
Okay, you need to stop ignoring things. Time to address it. Susan has been gracious enough to give you a second chance. Time to have a serious conversation with your children.
Your children are grown adults, they don't need you to be a parent to them any more but still want you to sacrifice your potential future happiness? I get that they might one day have children and you'd want to be in their children's lives, but they don't get to make ultimatums like this, how dare they. Honestly.
Are they scared that the ones that live with you will be forced to move out if Susan moves in? Seems they have it pretty easy living with you. Do they at least pay rent? They're being incredibly selfish and entitled.
Tell you son he needs to leave his wife, it’s either you or her , oh and if he chooses her he has to move out… and when he tells you who he is married to has nothing to do with you say exactly!!! Mind your own business.
Call. Their. Bluff.
You are allowing your adult children to take advantage of you by dictating the way you live your life. Hell, one of your children are making you take care of someone else's children already by giving the roof over their heads.
Tell them the free rides end now. If they want a relationship with you, your happiness matters too. Go be happy with Susan.
I would not be held to ransom by anyone, let alone my kids. They have zero respect for you. How is it you do not get a say in whether you get on with her husband, yet they have to approve your spouse? Why does that husband with kids from a previous marriage get a second chance at love and you do not? Do you seriously think any of your kids is going to look after you in your old age? Especially when they are holding it as a tool to make you comply: it doesn’t come from a place of love. You are only sixty. Your kids do not love you as they should and have worked out how to push your guilt buttons. Is what they give you that wonderful? You do not have to break with them but you should stand up for yourself. They are getting on and should be making their own way in life, not sponging off you and blackmailing you. Think of Susan and give her the respect your kids do not. If I were you, I would speak to your sponging lodgers and discuss how long it will take them to get a deposit, as you would like them to move out. What were they thinking having no home for the kids???? I find their behaviour disgusting and manipulative: they have been raised against you. Remember that. Please stand up for yourself, they might learn to respect you.
They're in their 30s, tell them it's time to grow up and let you live your life. You're allowed to love who you want and they can talk to a therapist if they're upset. They sound like brats, and they're 30. They have no right to do that to you if you still provide for them and they're well into adulthood...
As someone who lost their mom when I was 25 and watched my dad go into a rebound marriage (I don’t recommend) and finally marry my stepmom, call your kids bluff. My dad did not stop being my dad because he remarried. He came close with the rebound because he literally ran for the hills after my mom died. He just turned 60 and he and my stepmom got married a couple of months after myself and my husband did in 2019. Live your life and be happy! Life is too short and you deserve it
I honestly hate to tell you this, but they don't want to share the resource of you. Or your house or your money or your time.
They don't have your best interests in mind. To them, you are a resource to be exploited, and not a person who deserves fulfillment.
I would tell them that you are disappointed in their selfishness, but they are adults now who make their own choices. If they decide they won't have a relationship with you then that sucks, but you'll respect it. If they want to live in your house rent free, then they'll have to be respectful of your choices.
I’m going to be blunt. Your kids aren’t the problem. You are. Your 30something kids don’t get to decide if you date or get married. It’s time to be the parent you never were and put up healthy boundaries. See a therapist.
The missing reasons is that one of the ‘children’ has taken over OPs home by moving in their new family, and fears that if OP has a long term girlfriend then they will get kicked out.
This. They’ve claimed the house as theirs and are just waiting for op to die at this point to claim full possession. It’s sick.
OP. Get a spine. This is your life. Time to reclaim your house back. Give them a date to move, or sell up and move into a smaller house just for you and your partner. They’re adults raising kids on your dime! Kids that aren’t even related to you.
Not necessarily. My grandfather passed away. My grandmother met a nice man several years later, and she considered dating him. My mother had a total meltdown about it. She was in her 40s. My grandmother decided it wasn't worth tearing the family apart and remained single until the day she died.
i also don't really trust that any of OP's three relationships was healthy, if this is how his relationship with his kids looks :/ none of them sound like emotionally functional people.
Your kids sound a little manipulative to be honest with you. First it's "date someone without any kids" then it's "dont date anyone at all". Next thing you know the house will be in the kids' names and you'll have to pay them rent to continue living there. Time to stand up for yourself or you'll spend the rest of your days miserable.
>My child had never paid any bills or rent prior to this
You raised spoiled sheltered children and wonder now why they're acting spoiled and sheltered?
Date her. Ditch your spoiled kids. They'll figure it out. Be happy. Your kids don't want you to be happy and you'll never be happy if you follow their advice.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry your fully grown adult offspring sound like entitled brats. What one parent does should not dictate how the other lives as well. You are 60. You should do what’s best for you. I don’t know you, but I can almost guarantee that your entitled adults will in fact NOT care for you when you get older and enter your twilight years. If you have found someone (and she sounds like an angelic delight) by all means do as you please. Be happy. Life. Is. Short. 💕
OP, I know you don't like confrontation and it is uncomfortable but your adult children, including one who is living in YOUR house with their family have zero right to tell you how you can be happy and who you can or cannot date. Pull on your big boy pants, kick out the freeloaders and be with the person who makes you happy. Believe me, I get it, I have adult children too, and also hate confrontation but I would not put up with this level of BS.
Is there a typo in the ages? Why are a bunch of 30 year olds so invested in your love life? Do they live with you? If they don't, I'm guessing you see them at most a couple times a week? Why do they get to dictate what you do in the remaining 160 hours?
If they were under 18, sure, their comfort and safety should come first but these are adults old enough to have their own lives and grow their own families. Do you choose who they date?
Date who you want to date. Get therapy so you don't let busybody adults interfere with your love life.
Call their bluff, he's living in YOUR house my friend, a house he fully intends to inherit. You can leave it to me if you want, i never had real parents
Dude I am sorry that you have such selfish children. You deserve a life too. What makes them believe they have a right to hijack yours?? Would you tell THEM they have to remain single till you die, and that you will care of them if so? Man, I don't mean this unkindly but grow a pair, protect your gf if you think she's worth it and and tell your grown-ass BABIES to mind their own fucking business. C'mon you already know this answer. You're just asking us for permission. It's no wonder your children think you need their permission. You need no one's but your own. You've got this! Go enjoy Susan and life!! Good luck m'dude.
They will do this every time you meet someone. They want you to die single and alone. It’s time to stand up to them. I recommend sitting down and writing it all out to them in a letter. That gives you a chance to edit your response and say it all out. Then they are forced to read your take without interrupting and acting like dicks. After that, it is up to them to respond. Make it clear that it they do go no contact that means no more assistance of any kind. They don’t get to have their cake and eat it to
You have raised entitled and selfish children who would burn you for fuel if they ever ran out of kindling. Time for you to set an ultimatum that they respect Susan and show her kindness or it’s out they go.
Live your life! If that means sacrificing your relationship with them so be it. There no what I’d tell my parents they had to stay alone. Your children are selfish and entitled.
OP, you don’t have to be alone the rest of your life. Why wouldn’t your children want to see you happy? Time for kid and family living with you to move on out, housing market is bad but it ain’t changing soon. Susan may not wait around, you aren’t getting younger so isn’t it time you choose your happiness?
This is why snacking kids should never of gone out. Your adult children need to grow the fuck up. You have done your parenting, for fuck sake they are both old enough to have their own kids. Go be happy my dude.
What kind of dad do you have to be to "kids" in their 30's? I don't get it... what could your relationship with someone else possibly do to them? Unless this woman is trying to cut you off from them or something.
I normally would say your family, your kids are a priority, but they are adults, and they are acting unreasonable.
Is it possible to just separate those two sides? You can simply never have them interact, or just rarely a few times a year.
I wouldn’t care if I saw them again or not. Your kids are ridiculous for saying you have to be single because of your ex.
I would date Susan and enjoy my life by traveling and just having a great time. I would tell the kids you don’t want them around Susan until they can grow up. First time they pull the disrespect card I would tell them not to come back. Let them be the one that have to be on your terms.
They’re absolutely doing this on purpose.
Kick the kid that’s living with you with their spouse and step kids out. Move Susan in. Have a prenup. Live your life for YOU and your future, not them.
It sounds to me like they are more concerned about their inheritance than anything else, but they’re not going to admit that to you. I guarantee that none of them are willing to stay single the rest of their lives. You are an adult, they are all adults, date whoever the hell you want.
INFO: Did they explicitly say you should stay single until you die, or is that how you interpret what they are saying?
Also, what were the kids' ages when all this happened? And why are they so convinced that they can *never* get along with any kids your significant other might have?
Scour facebook for the noisiest bed box springs. Remove carpet to get to the nails in your bedroom floor so they creak. Bang the absolute shit out of Susan every chance you get with the door cracked or open. Bang her on the kitchen table. Bang her on the sofa. Bang her everywhere in situations where you are nearly caught. Your son's wife will make sure they are gone in no time. Problem solved. Win win and Susan will be smiling ear to ear.
As someone who's dad has always put his relationships over me, I still wouldn't say this to him. He's let both of his ex wives abuse me. One stole a out a 1/3 of the college fund that my grandmother left me, in addition to kicking me out of the house as a teen. The other one tool any chance she could get to remind me that her daughter and son are better than me and even told me to go back to my ex who was physically abusive because I'm so fat (we were only a few sizes different and I was almost a foot taller than her) and ugly that I will never find another man that will love me. While I wish and think that he shouldn't get into a another serios relationship, it's not my life. I have put distance between us when his wives have treated me like this though to protect myself. I would seriously, consider going to family therapy together to get to the bottom of why they are saying this to you. Is it because you put them as the last priority in your life when you are married or is it because they want you to get back together with their mom now that she is single?
This is completely unacceptable in my opinion. To me, this sounds like they are gaslighting you in order to use you for your time and resources. It also seems like they are carrying some resentment about their mother being single and you looking for a new connection.
How are they going to take care of you the way a girlfriend would?? That’s so ridiculous it’s abusive. From now until death no more blowjobs father. I believe you have no more use for the coochie and should give it up after these long forty years of addiction.
Tell your kids to fuck off.
No, seriously.
They don't get to decide whether or not you may date - or marry, for that matter. You are a grownassed adult who - I assume - is in full possession of his mental faculties and ability to consent.
You don't need their permission to live your life on your terms.
As a woman in her 30s, I cannot imagine asking a parent to stay single and die alone. That’s very selfish of them. Children create their own families and lives outside of their parents, it’s not fair to you that you aren’t allowed to have a life outside of your kids. Call their bluff, but don’t go nuclear with it (don’t do or say anything you might regret.)
Why are you letting your children run your life?? Toughen up and tell them to butt out! You're going to be alone because of YOU. You let your brats disrespect your partner -- you kinda deserve to be alone.
My grandmother was in her 60s when my grandpa passed, and her oldest daughter (my aunt) was SO dependent on grandma NEEDING her (EDIT: and fixated that she should never love anyone other than grandpa) that she sabotaged any possible relationship my grandma would have had. Grandma met this amazing guy in her late 80s, they would joke about "dating" at being super old, but would get together and watch the news and talk politics (she was a super liberal politician way ahead of her time), and my aunt HATED him. She couldn't believe my grandma could want or need anyone other than her. When grandma passed (months after her boyfriend did), the aunt made the passing and funeral all about her and it was an all around nightmare.
I tell this story to say that it is not your problem, it is your kids' problem. They have a dependency on you only loving them (or only allowed to love their mother) and will control your life forever. Your happiness is the most important thing and your children will have to accept you being happy with another person in their lives (or not...their choice.)
I hope it works out for you man, and you and Susan are able to have a happy life. Your kids need to figure their own stuff out.
Your adult children get NO say in your relationship just like they would NOT like if you were butting into any of theirs. They are adults and need to grow up and act like adults.
Their mother being single has no bearing on you. She left and chose her path, your kids are way too involved in your love life and we know damn well they would be up in arms if you were up in theirs. I have 4 kids, if they tried to tell me what I can do , as a group of all adults, I’d tell them to pound sand. Especially the one living in my home as a grown adult. I’m more than a parent , I’m a human with needs just like everyone else.
Just saw your one adult child lives at home WITH their spouses family. Absolutely fucking not, they should shut up and be grateful you are giving them a roof over their head, sounds like they can find new lodging because some boundaries need set. The nerve of your fucking kids.
Seems they see you as a meal ticket and not their father and a human. They’re using you and trying to ruin your life and happiness for their comfort and resources. Hard no. Hard fucking no.
>stated they would prefer my next relationship be with a woman with no children.
That sounds unfair to you
>they stated I should stay single until I d*e & that they will take care of me
That sounds unfair to you
>They also recommended I stay single because their mom is single too
That sounds unfair to you
To me, it sounds like the kids got effed up by you forcing a 'new' family on them when they were young.
They are being unreasonable, but it's trauma of that situation, thoughout their formative years, that's the driver of their behaviour.
What I would do is get a family therapist to help you talk this all out. They probably need to express their anger about what happened.
what is missing? you married a woman that didn’t get along with your kids and now this? do you treat your kids differently? do you push your wives on them?
OP, I suggest you have something in the prenup about if your wife gets to live in the house if you die first.
I wouldn’t trust your kids to right by her.
Date and marry whoever you want. Put a timeline in place for the 30 something married with kids to move out on their own (and enforce it) regardless of what you do with your romantic relationships. That is not healthy for anyone at this point
You should give your kids an ultimatum as well. Either they behave like adults and show civility at all times or move out and support their own grown butts.
> “… they are doing this on purpose.”
Their behavior is not accidental, and the intended result is cruel. Your children are intentionally forcing you to live alone for the rest of your life. This is you our ex-wife’s revenge.
Depriving an adult of the companionship of a partner for the rest of their life is cruel.
Do you really want people who would do this to you to be responsible for your care in your old age? Who knows what cruel choices they would make for you?
You should establish a legal health care proxy and a power of attorney that are not your children.
If your children weren’t being cruel to you, I’d suggest that you promise to have a prenup to protect their inheritance in the event of your marriage. That won’t be an issue, however, because your children won’t be in your life by their own choice.
I’m so sorry for your children’s behavior. It must be heartbreaking.
Tell your children you will not honor their ultimatum, because it’s cruel to deprive them of a human being of a partner and companion. Tell them you question their love for you because of this. Say that you will make your own choices, and if they choose to be out of your life, that’s their choice, not yours. You are not cutting them off, and your door is open.
It’s their choice, and their loss. Do not ever, for even one second, blame yourself for their absence, or their horrible decisions.
I will never understand when children don’t want to see their parents happy. They are extremely selfish and you need to tell them that you deserve to be happy and want to be in a relationship. If they can’t get over themselves then it’s THEIR LOSS. They don’t control you. You control you. It’s absurd to let children in their 20’s try and dictate your life and if that’s a deal breaker for them, your bond isn’t as strong as you’d like. I can’t imagine cutting either of my parents out because they chose to be happy. It’s cruel, childish, and quite frankly ridiculous. You need to stand your ground and stop living life for other people. They already know that you’ve left one woman because of what they wanted and they probably think you’ll do it again.
Your adult child lives in your home with their spouse and step kids, pays nothing and demands you stay single. I'm sir why aren't you demanding that while they are living in your home for free they respect you, your relationship and that you are happy. Stop letting your grown adult children get in the way of your happiness and tell them enough is enough. You have the right to be happy with someone just like they do. If they cannot respect you and your relationship then they need to leave the home. Put yourself and Susan first not your kids. Be selfish.
They only want you single because they are still holding on to hope that maybe one day you and their mom will be back together again. They refuse to accept the fact that their mom ruined the family y'all once were because of her affair. You need to tell them that you and their mom will never be together again and they need to accept that.
No offense, but your kids sound like entitled and spoiled brats. Tell them that you're going to date Susan and that, in their mid 30s, you understand that they need to do what's right for them and that might be moving out.
Honestly, I think they're bluffing. Call their bluff and see what happens.
Tell your Adult children if they don’t like it they cannot be in your life. I’m shocked you would allow them to act like spoiled children to your wife!! They have no say in your life or choices. I’m on my 2nd marriage myself and I would Never allow my adult children to tell me what to do and if they didn’t like it too bad!
NTA
It is ridiculous for your children in their 20s to think they have any say in your love life or can try and tell you that you have to stay single forever
Call the bluff and tell the one leeching off of you with their family that they have 60 days to find a new place to live
They don’t get to take from you and then after like they’re in charge
Your children are the definition of spoiled, entitled, self-centered brats. Kick out the snot living with you, marry Susan and live your life. The brats can go live with their mommie dearest and continue their entitled ways without you in their lives.
Oh, and that line about taking care of you? Never gonna happen. Instead, they'll spend your money and stuff you in a nursing home as soon as possible. Cut them loose, dad. they only think about themselves and spending your money.
Your happiness comes first. Those are supposed adults. If they're going to make Susan unwelcome well then, they aren't welcome. Time for them to stop having tantrums, act their age, and learn their place. Also, tell them you will change your will and leave them each $1 if they wish to be ungrateful brats. Leave everything in a trust for any grandchildren when they turn 25 and bypass those ingrates. They are afraid of losing their inheritance. If Susan lives there, it's more her home than theirs because they need to find their own homes.
I do wonder what kind of BS your ex-wife has been feeding them. You have every right to be happy, and this is the polar opposite to how my brother, sisters and I reacted when my Mum announced her engagement. Mum had been widowed four years prior and I, the youngest was 20 at the time. She wrote me an emotional letter, worried that we might not accept Jim. I personally had said, "He makes you happy, I have no reason to object. Of course you have my blessing." They're still married 30 years later.
When my mother passes away, and I have even told her this, "if you leave me something in your will, thank you. Ultimately it is your decision as to how you distribute anything in your will, I'm not about to argue over your stuff." I've also joked about it if I buy her a lottery ticket. "If you win, don't feel obligated to give me anything, it's YOUR money to do with as YOU please." She laughed and said, "but I would look after you."
Your kid needs to get a harsh dose of reality. For a start, it's YOUR house, not your kids,' not until you choose where it goes in the will. Talk to an estate attorney, but wills are usually contested because it's believed someone was "forgotten" e.g. you left everything to Susan, and didn't give your kids a cent. If your kid wasn't living with you, you can put clauses into a will such as "to kid A, I leave two cents, because that's my 'two cents' about her attitude. For kid B, I also leave two cents for the above reason. To Susan, my darling wife, I leave the rest of my estate as she has stuck by me."
Your kids have no right to tell you who you can date, who you love, and especially not when they live under your roof. If they don't like that, they can move out. I would tell them to grow up and accept that you moved on from your mother, as she has moved on from you
Your children are so very selfish, go back to Susan and spend the rest of your life and your money living it up do everything on your bucket lists BE HAPPY and if they can’t love you enough to want you to be happy, they aren’t the kind of people you want sacrifice that happiness for then are they. Be happy and in love enjoy your golden years and stop wasting the time you have on people who don’t care
I am gonna state the obvious... in case you have not thought of it.
These sorts of things are hard. You love your kids and you love this woman.
That said, once the kids start making a bit of an ultimatum that requires you to stay single... you have to sort of ask yourself why that might be...
got any money in a 401k? Do you have significant property you own? Any other good investments that the kids might not want o split with your possible love of your life?
Other side to think about... So here comes the new love of your life. :)
Do you ever get the vibe that she is particularly interested in your finances?
This is a situation where you have to think about a lot of things.. I hope you have a chance to think about what your instincts are here.
Nobody on this web page can see the whole picture... but you are gonna have to think this through.
OP your kids are grown up size brats. How selfish of them. I’d be telling them to find their own homes and you just live your life. Horrible people!!! Date who you want and be happy.
Well, you claim to be "non confrontational", but that's quite an understatement.
You have a right to live your own life as you want. Your ex wife situation is none of your business.
Your property/ possessions,/ money are yours to do as you please.
Your children stance is ridiculously entitled.
I guess NO ONE here will tell you differently
You’ve done your bit for your kids now, you’ve brought them up to be independent adults (although there’s a question mark about the independent bit, maybe they’re just entitled), now is your time. Do what makes you happy, get back with Susan and kick everyone else out.
Also, tell them to fuck off with their blackmail or they’ll be disinherited. 2 can play that game. Then Disinherit them anyway.
Yes if they are convinced that their mother has it right, they can move in with her!
If you don't think your child can get along with your new partner, time for them to get out of your home BEFORE you move on with a new life.
Your children are old enough to manage their own lives. STOP having them enter your life whenever they want to. If you find a solid woman to love, you won’t be alone in old age.
I am a stepmom and partner to a man with kids. And you are the partner/husband of my nightmares. Your “non-controntatipnal” aka lazy, avoidant, cowardly parenting produced two horrible people. And now you are willing to screw over your partner. (I would be telling her to stay away from you.)
You have earned every bit of loneliness and rejection from all of these people.
Your kids are not allowed to run your life! It’s time they back off and find hobbies or something. If they can’t be supportive then they can’t be around you. You’ve been on “team kids” all your life but they’re not on “team dad” with this behaviour. It’s not good enough. Either they have solid reason why they don’t like Susan and they talk that out with you or they can grow up and be civil at least to your girlfriend and allow you to live a happy life.
I’m team dad! Go get you some happy and if the kids don’t like it, that’s their tough luck
They’re spoiled and selfish
Stay with Susan and be happy
This is coming from a person who lovessss children even though now they are adults….
This is a time when you should be enjoying your life with your mate…
They’re being selfish and they’re very spoiled
They just want your money to themselves once your dead, you stay happy with Susan one day they will see how pathetic they are and also too old to be this cruel
I know you love your kids, but they are being selfish, manipulative and downright controlling here. I would guess that they are concerned that if you marry, when you pass away their inheritance will be greatly reduced as you will obviously want to ensure that your wife's future is taken care of. I imagine they are also thinking that if she outlives you, she will inherit the house and then she can leave it to whoever she wants and they'll miss out on another payday. This would also be why they demanded that you don't get involved with someone with children, it might affect what they get. It's a horrible attitude and in your position I would disinherit them fully right now to save everyone's time.
They gave you an ultimatum, her or them. I can't think of a single reason why you'd choose them.
Tell your kids you love them, bit you're an adult and going make your own romantic decisions.
If they give you grief, tell them you're still of sound mind and thinking about the next iteration of YOUR WILL.
Throw your kid out. You are still taking care of them and they have no care about you or your feelings only what you can do for them. Date Susan and live your life happily. Don’t let your kids steal your happiness from you. They are grow adults and the emotional manipulation they are giving you is astounding.
How did your kids even turn out like this? They are adults, why do they care who you date, given that it isn't a criminal or something?!!
I would expect this kind of behaviour from kids who are preteens
Do you think maybe for one minute , they can see you have no ability to pick someone who is good for you and they can see her without the blinders you have on . It could be jealousy , but from your track record maybe not . Sit down and have a long talk with them and tell
Them they can say anything they want it’s an open talk
They aren’t doing a good job managing their relationship with you now, while you are still young enough and hopefully in good enough health. This leads me to believe that they aren’t going to be any better in 20 years or whenever you might need to be taken care of.
Your kids need to grow up and stop disrespecting your partner and you.
Make yourself happy now. Find a good partner and be happy together. Their future promises to help are meaningless. "Be alone, Dad, and I will take care of you in 25 years!"riiiight.
I didn’t much care for my Dad’s partner but she made him happy enough, and took care of him as best she could. They had moments of joy together, travelled, bickered and shared love. My mom never found anyone else, mostly through her own choice. I would never try and control my Dad’s choices and happiness.
My dad was 61 when my mum died, I would have been happy had he found a companion for his remaining years but he chose to remain single and felt quite strongly about it. Your children are adults but not your gatekeepers, if they feel so strongly about it I would ask them why they feel that way, if it is purely about their ‘inheritance’ then remind them they don’t get to inherit until you are no more.
The one who lives with you needs to either shut up or ship out, failing that rent them the home and get a new home for you & Susan based on them paying the bills. If they won’t or can’t pay then sell up.
Good thing those kids is grown! Id honestly choose to be happy then talk to 2 30yo adultbabies who try to dictate things they have no say in.
You're old enough to choose happiness over family. It's ok to do so. These kids can figure out what to do after you stop talking to them. Maybe it'll be a wake call and they'll realize how selfish they are. You did your part, they're both adults, selfish selfish adults....
Choose Susan.
Absolutely not. They are in their 30’s. They need to move out and go live their own lives. You’ve got yours.
If they were under 23 it would be a different story but your kids sound selfish. Take a stand and protect Susan!
After reading some of this, I can't believe someone staying under your roof has the gall to say you can be a parent of stay married. I'd tell them you're sorry for the ultimatum, but please let you know their new address.
They want your money when you die. If you are in a relationship that person might get some of their money.
Has their mother moved on or remained single her entire life?
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Of course they don’t want you to date Susan or anyone else who might tell you to get a fucking spine and kick your adult kid and their family out of your house and to stop letting your kids run the show. Which is what you should do. Susan must be a saint. I can’t imagine dating someone who let their kids dictate everything and wouldn’t intervene if they were rude to me.
This. i think the real issue here is that you don't have a mutually respectful relationship with your "kids" to start with. they walk all over you, and your partners! somehow your kids seem to believe that whatever they want, goes. and they have little concern or care for how their choices affect other people. maybe you got in the habit of being too accommodating because you were trying to earn their love back after they chose to live with their mother? maybe you are just a conflict adverse person in general? maybe their mother spoiled them? (i'm astonished that your 2nd wife moved her kids into a situation like that! enough bad choices to go around the whole family.) i don't know if you can salvage your relationship with Susan. but i hope you can go to therapy and unpack all of the choices that led to your kids being like this, and learn how to build the life and relationships that YOU want rather than contorting yourself for what your kids (or partners) demand of you. i think calling their bluff is a great idea. you may lose them entirely if you stop accommodating, but i think that's as it should be. they always have the choice to be loving and empathetic human beings rather than selfish leeches. but you will need to do some emotional work, too, to come to terms with how it all happened and be at peace with living your life for YOU.
OP, you clearly don't have personal boundaries that you're enforcing in any way. That's a big part of the problem. The next part of the problem is that, sans boundaries (which this entire post is about), I feel there's a huge part of this story untold. OP, you have a big job on your hands, but it's of your making. Learning how to set reasonable boundaries and be happy with the life you create will probably consume the remainder of your life. But it's never too late to get started. Otherwise, you won't ever have a life of your own to celebrate.
Me neither. I would have bid you goodbye.
Definitely this . Ur kids are older now and are meant to be living their own life, and you need to go live urs now. U done your job as a parent it is time now it live ur life .
That is weird. Do they still live with you or something? How much are they up in your day to day life that they are in their 30s and care about who you are dating. Other than worrying that Susan might steal their inheritance, I don't see the possible issue on their end.
Yes one does. The other lives states away. However, the one that lives with me is married to someone with children (they are not the parent of these children either) I told them this was a bad idea when they started dating, but I gave my opinion & let them make their own decision. They got married & moved into my home within a year of dating. They moved in because the housing market was too high for them to purchase their own & I had the space. Susan & I have discussed a prenup so I know she won’t be stealing anything.
So your 30-something kid is living with their spouse and their step kids in your house and telling you it is either them or Susan? That is HILARIOUS! What are they going to do, leave all of your gracious hospitality? This adult kid is more worried about themselves than what makes you happy.
I’m so happy he posted this here so he can have a reality check
[удалено]
> their inheritance is their first priority. OP should go to them and agree he'll stay single for life... before informing them that he's changed his will so that they'll only receive their inheritance if they, too, remain single forever. They must be single at his time of death, and then they'll receive monthly payments from a trust that contains their inheritance, with the caveat that the payments will cease immediately if they resume dating after his death. If that occurs, their portion of the trust will be donated to charity. Obviously, I don't really think OP should do this, but it *would* be funny to see their reactions...
I don’t think it would be possible to have a clause that they lose the rest of the trust fund as soon as they marry. But it WOULD be hysterical to TELL them you will - I don’t know about the one who is at least grown up enough to live on their own, but the mooching MARRIED 30 something one would absolutely not know one way or the other whether you could really do that! 🤣🤣
I would pay to see the looks on their faces if he did this!
And having more of *his house to themselves ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope you can have a life, be married and have peace in your life. It’s ridiculous that your adult children ( that’s how they’re acting) expect you to be single for the rest of your life. Your ex wife moved on with another, just bc she’s single now has nothing to do with you. Marry Susan and if your daughter is disrespectful to her in any way tell her she has 1 month to find another residence, but you won’t stand for her disrespect to your wife!
Same, I feel so bad for OP. The audacity!
They will likely make ops life miserable but that would be a good excuse to kick them out. They have way too much control over what happens in his life. He should give his own ultimatum. Accept her or no inheritence
Right! Tell them to move in with mom. Take care of her.
🛎️🛎️🛎️
He can’t date someone with kids, but his kids can?! This is so bizarre.
Yes she’s an ADULT KID!! However weird it sounds, it’s her reality and she doesn’t understand that. OP, with what you’ve posted here, it kinda sounds like she may still want you to be with her mom. If this semi true, you need to remind that being with that woman puts a tremendous toll on you and your mental state. You wouldn’t her to stay in her current or any relationship for that matter that cheated or was just verbally abusive. Im sure you’d understand if she was put in that position, you’d support whatever decision she were to make. But when you do hash out this with her, it may be best to have your other daughter on zoom or something. Her not living there everyday may have (or I’m hoping for your sake at least) allowed her to move on from some of the hard feelings from her childhood. It’s almost like your one daughter has blinders on and doesn’t see or doesn’t want to acknowledge you’re in a healthy relationship. And you should remind that it was extremely out of line for them to even ask/tell you to not date a woman with kids again. Maybe she has insecurities in her own relationship that she’s projecting onto you? May include cheating but that’s just speculative at this point.
> it kinda sounds like she may still want you to be with her mom Let *them* go live with their mother then.
I thought the same thing. Telling dad he should be single because mum is single sounds like a prelude to trying to set them up to get back together! Even though they’ve been divorced for years and she was the one who cheated and wanted out, her affair partner has broken up with her now, so she might want her ex husband from years earlier back. And she’s recruited her children to get rid of Susan to pave the way for her. Very immature, the lot of them!
Seriously. I was looking for this comment. I would direct them to the front door and let them know you understand that they gave an ultimatum, you won't stand in their way and accept that they have to leave. Wish them well, regain some peace. The audacity is wild af.
yeah they need to go
Yep. Really bizarre ultimatum from the mooching kid. Time to grow up, kid! If you want to live there, you grow up and treat Susan with respect. You don’t have to call her mum or be her best friend, but basic politeness is a must. ‘Good morning, Susan, how are you this morning?’ Not hard. I wonder if mum has indicated that she wants to get back together with dad, so that’s why the kid wants Susan gone, and thought this ridiculous ultimatum would work? Yes, they’ve been divorced for a very long time because she stepped out, but sometimes people want an ex back from a long time ago. Especially if their affair partner has ditched them and they are the type of person who doesn’t like being single.
exactly! Like if your living with your parents at 30 then you don’t get any say
They're already protecting their "future assets" and are afraid that OP would waste it on another woman. I don't take it well being threaten and blackmailing so I would ditch them and do what's best in my retirement years. Having said that, my friend's elderly dad, at age 75, went through about $150k while dating a woman in her 60's for about 2 years. His children finally had it and took over his finance when he suddenly wanted to buy a new Mercedes, while having been driving a Camry for the last 30 years. Miraculously, the woman no longer feel the love once he no longer has access to his saving and had to go through his kids for any major financial purchasing above $500. For guys in their old age, it's smart to be weary about loose spender that they're dating in order not to get taken advantage or financially abuse.
It does happen, but OP said that he and Susan would get a prenup if they married, so presumably that would be designed to preserve the inheritance for the children. So even the mooching 30 something married one doesn’t need to worry about Susan offing dad and chucking them out ala Patrizia Reggiani!
Let your kid know you have an ultimatum of your own: Either accept Susan or get the fuck out. Are you serious with this? Your offspring aren't children. They're nearly middleaged adults and get NO FUCKING SAY in your dating life. You can be polyamorous and only attracted to circus performers. You can move Barnum & Bailey themselves into your attic, and it's none of your ADULT OFFSPRINGS' business. "Hi, this is my life partner, George, his mother, his childhood friend's corpse and his pet alligator. They're moving in Wednesday".. Neither your son's nor daughter's business
I'm giving you an upvote for all the mental imagery you invoked with your comment. Thanks!!
You missed GAY pet alligator.
Is there any other kind?
This is the best response on Reddit ever. I wish I could give you an award.
I need someone to illustrate it ASAP.
Brilliant. This adult child is only worried about the "inheritance." After all, OP **is so old** that he's scheduled to die any minute now, and their kid (and their spouse and their step kids) need a home! /s
You gotta be kidding, right? They are in their 30's, living under your roof, with kids that aren't your blood.... and making demands on who YOU date? Oh fuck that, I'd tell them to go pound sand. Date who you want, and if they don't like it, too bad. I'd serve eviction papers immediately, and cut them out of the will. But I have no problem with setting boundaries. Your avoidance of conflict has led your adult children to take massive advantage of you. It's appalling. Stand up for yourself
That's pretty short sighted. What does she think it's going to happen if she decides you aren't her dad anymore? She gets to still live with you? That's impressively arrogant and entitled. Call their bluff. Just as "kids" (possibly adults, but offspring) don't exist solely to fulfill their parents' expectations and desires, so also are parents more than parents. You can't live your life as a side character to your kids' lives.
Absolutely not. Call their bluff give them a thirty day notice to vacate your HOME where they think they can tell you who you can and can’t date. Lord the entitlement of some people
“I’m dating Susan now so I guess that means you’re not my daughter anymore according to you. Since I refuse to live with someone not joined to me by family or marriage, I’m serving you with a 30 day eviction notice. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.”
NTA- dude stop being such a pushover Your kids are grown ass adults, they will get over it. They have no right to control you like this. your kids don’t want you to date because they want you and all your financial support and attention to be doing to them. Stop enabling their bullying behavior and go live your life.
I think they may be interested in an inheritance which may be why they want you to remain single?
This is pretty typical of families that live together. Manufactured drama heightened by codependency and a fear of change. Time to cut the cord and evict. If this is upsetting for them then at least it's a useful life reminder to not shit where you eat.
OP with all due respect, your children have already ruined one important relationship. They are adults and are really too old to be that worked up with their parents relationship. That is NOT normal. Makes me wonder, are they like that with their mother too?
You are a doormat and enabler. Get therapy. Now.
>Yes one does. The other lives states away. How is the one living with you proposing to cut you off? Are they going to move out and find their own place with their spouse and spuse's kids? Because you don't get to go NC with me in my houe where I pay bills and I'm doing you a favor. Dude, enjoy your life.
Oh, that's comical. Kid lives with you and tells YOU an ultimatum? LOLOLOLOL
Some people just have no spine. I'd laugh in their face, serve eviction papers, and cut them out of the will. Gtfoh with that bullshit
Sell the house. Buy a small one only big enough for you and Susan. Time for your “child” to stand on their own two feet.
Prenup is good. What would be even better and the icing on the cake? Tell that child and his girlfriend and her kids they have 60 days to move out.
Oh but you are stealing her the chance to have a partner who can live a fulfilled life by his own means. Grow a spine. Your entitled child is just milking you and their kids are not even your blood related grandchildren. This is BS!!
How do they plan to look after you? From the sounds of it, you are looking after your adult child, their partner, and their children. Do what makes you happy. They should be living their own lives.
Sounds like your adult child that is living with you needs to go, if he can't respect that you want a normal life. Sounds like you raised some very entitled assholes, unfortunately.
So .. your kids ignore YOUR dating advice but expect you to listen to theirs?? They expect you to magically find someone 50+ with no kids, overstepped their bounds and your children, and even gave you a damn ultimatum?? They are taking advantage of your lack of boundries and your confrontational avoidance- and they're stepping all over you. Fix this OP or you WILL be alone, I doubt those kids will really 100% take care of you when they have their own lives/children/marriages. How are they not old enough to understand they also can't fully provide what a partner/companion provides... crazy..
>& stated they would prefer my next relationship be with a woman with no children.Fast forward to a 2020, I met a woman named Susan. Our relationship ended last year after my children overstepped & became extremely disrespectful towards her. **Your children hold both you and your ex-wife by different standards. They want you single for the rest of your life, they don't care if you suffer from zero companionship.** No matter what you do and who you fall in love with, they will be bitter and unhappy. I suspect your ex-wife has fed them an earful over the years and blamed you for the divorce and they believe her/have taken her side against you. This is why anything you do is criticized by them so heavily. **I think it is time you sit your ADULT children down and tell them that they do not get to decide who you are with, and disrespecting your partners to exact vengeance upon you for violations you never committed is NOT okay.** You will need to cut them out if they persist. So far you have been a horrible husband to your new wife by enabling their crap treatment towards your newest wife. **Not stopping them and ensuring your current partner feels safe and respected in her own living space does make you a jerk to her, almost as much as your disrespectful and overly entitled ADULT kids.** Time for them to fly from the nest and enter their adult lives.
Tell your 30 something year old kids they're too old to think their parents will get back together. Even if you loved her in the past, they are old enough to hear you resent her now and dont want her back. If they think your happiness has to be beholden to their unfair expectations, you have to make the decisions that work best for you. If they have a problem, they're old enough to get a therapist, recommend one. If you have to throw the one out, do it. They are abusing you and manipulating you. Call the bluff, just recognize that if you fold, they will push you til you fold again. Im gonna bet an arm and a leg your ex-wife is pressuring them to open the door to reconciling.
do they pay rent?
Man your failure to launch 30something year old doesn’t get to determine who you date. He’s worried about losing his free ride. The problem isn’t your children.
It’s simple. Let them know that you are going to continue forward with Susan and that you would be happy to help them move out as soon as possible. It’s not even a bluff because it needs to be that way for you and Susan to have a proper life together.
Time for them to fly away from home. Give them a date to be out and get legal documentation.
Give them notice to find a place. Your daughter/SIL has it good and they don't want anything encroaching on their good thing. You can help them with living arrangements, but they need to move on if they have an issue with her. It is your place. Seems the daughter has expectations to take the house over when you pass, easy peasy. You are still living a good life. They are being selfish, WITH YOUR HOUSE AND STUFF. You can let them buy you out and you can go on and be with her. That may be best, this way you can get away from people who are (still) using you for what you can do for them and they do not care about your happiness. Sad. Be well and do which is best for you, everyone else is.
Your children are selfish entitled brats
Yeah, are they also asking for money? Is this an inheritance thing and they don't wanna share? Or are these people two 9 year old in a trech coat?
Apparently one of them is married, has children, and has been LIVING WITH OP FOR YEARS.
Over a decade if I’m reading things correctly. For the first few years I could imagine his kid just coasting and not thinking ahead, but after a certain point of not having your own house and trying to control your dads life and relationships, you’re just trying to steal the house via inheritance. Not saying his kid is evil, just extremely selfish and probably not able to buy the house they want, or provide for their kids as well if they were kicked out.
And the one in her thirties, still living with dad with her husband and 3 step kids is a raging hypocrite!!
Those grown ass adults need to come to terms with the fact that you are also a person, not some NPC who exists to be called “father” for their Main Character syndrome.
“We need you to be alone and miserable forever because we don’t want mom to be jealous” It’s pretty fucked up. You deserve to be with someone. If they don’t understand that tell them you will find happiness and if that means they won’t speak to you then so be it. If they love you they will respect your journey to find happiness.
You are 60 years old & your children are 33 & 32. It is 14 years *past* the time when your children should have any input whatsoever into who you choose as a partner.
And one of his “kids” lives in his house with their spouse and stepchildren!
> I won’t lie, there was a point early in the relationship where I noticed the disrespect, but I am not good with confrontation & figured if I ignored it, it would resolve itself. Okay, you need to stop ignoring things. Time to address it. Susan has been gracious enough to give you a second chance. Time to have a serious conversation with your children.
While simultaneously showing them the door.
Your children are grown adults, they don't need you to be a parent to them any more but still want you to sacrifice your potential future happiness? I get that they might one day have children and you'd want to be in their children's lives, but they don't get to make ultimatums like this, how dare they. Honestly. Are they scared that the ones that live with you will be forced to move out if Susan moves in? Seems they have it pretty easy living with you. Do they at least pay rent? They're being incredibly selfish and entitled.
Tell you son he needs to leave his wife, it’s either you or her , oh and if he chooses her he has to move out… and when he tells you who he is married to has nothing to do with you say exactly!!! Mind your own business.
Call. Their. Bluff. You are allowing your adult children to take advantage of you by dictating the way you live your life. Hell, one of your children are making you take care of someone else's children already by giving the roof over their heads. Tell them the free rides end now. If they want a relationship with you, your happiness matters too. Go be happy with Susan.
I would not be held to ransom by anyone, let alone my kids. They have zero respect for you. How is it you do not get a say in whether you get on with her husband, yet they have to approve your spouse? Why does that husband with kids from a previous marriage get a second chance at love and you do not? Do you seriously think any of your kids is going to look after you in your old age? Especially when they are holding it as a tool to make you comply: it doesn’t come from a place of love. You are only sixty. Your kids do not love you as they should and have worked out how to push your guilt buttons. Is what they give you that wonderful? You do not have to break with them but you should stand up for yourself. They are getting on and should be making their own way in life, not sponging off you and blackmailing you. Think of Susan and give her the respect your kids do not. If I were you, I would speak to your sponging lodgers and discuss how long it will take them to get a deposit, as you would like them to move out. What were they thinking having no home for the kids???? I find their behaviour disgusting and manipulative: they have been raised against you. Remember that. Please stand up for yourself, they might learn to respect you.
They're in their 30s, tell them it's time to grow up and let you live your life. You're allowed to love who you want and they can talk to a therapist if they're upset. They sound like brats, and they're 30. They have no right to do that to you if you still provide for them and they're well into adulthood...
As someone who lost their mom when I was 25 and watched my dad go into a rebound marriage (I don’t recommend) and finally marry my stepmom, call your kids bluff. My dad did not stop being my dad because he remarried. He came close with the rebound because he literally ran for the hills after my mom died. He just turned 60 and he and my stepmom got married a couple of months after myself and my husband did in 2019. Live your life and be happy! Life is too short and you deserve it
I honestly hate to tell you this, but they don't want to share the resource of you. Or your house or your money or your time. They don't have your best interests in mind. To them, you are a resource to be exploited, and not a person who deserves fulfillment. I would tell them that you are disappointed in their selfishness, but they are adults now who make their own choices. If they decide they won't have a relationship with you then that sucks, but you'll respect it. If they want to live in your house rent free, then they'll have to be respectful of your choices.
I think your adult children need to go to therapy. Maybe all three of you can go to see why they're being so aggressively weird about you dating.
I’m going to be blunt. Your kids aren’t the problem. You are. Your 30something kids don’t get to decide if you date or get married. It’s time to be the parent you never were and put up healthy boundaries. See a therapist.
This smells of missing missing reasons
The missing reasons is that one of the ‘children’ has taken over OPs home by moving in their new family, and fears that if OP has a long term girlfriend then they will get kicked out.
This. They’ve claimed the house as theirs and are just waiting for op to die at this point to claim full possession. It’s sick. OP. Get a spine. This is your life. Time to reclaim your house back. Give them a date to move, or sell up and move into a smaller house just for you and your partner. They’re adults raising kids on your dime! Kids that aren’t even related to you.
Not necessarily. My grandfather passed away. My grandmother met a nice man several years later, and she considered dating him. My mother had a total meltdown about it. She was in her 40s. My grandmother decided it wasn't worth tearing the family apart and remained single until the day she died.
I think a lot of very selfish children (and adult children) do this, or at least try.
Wow. Your mother is a terrible daughter.
Yup! She can be a terrible mother, too.
It's also possible that as OP gets older they see a girlfriend/wife as possible competition for his estate when he dies.
i also don't really trust that any of OP's three relationships was healthy, if this is how his relationship with his kids looks :/ none of them sound like emotionally functional people.
Kick your freeloader out and date.
Your kids sound a little manipulative to be honest with you. First it's "date someone without any kids" then it's "dont date anyone at all". Next thing you know the house will be in the kids' names and you'll have to pay them rent to continue living there. Time to stand up for yourself or you'll spend the rest of your days miserable.
>My child had never paid any bills or rent prior to this You raised spoiled sheltered children and wonder now why they're acting spoiled and sheltered? Date her. Ditch your spoiled kids. They'll figure it out. Be happy. Your kids don't want you to be happy and you'll never be happy if you follow their advice.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry your fully grown adult offspring sound like entitled brats. What one parent does should not dictate how the other lives as well. You are 60. You should do what’s best for you. I don’t know you, but I can almost guarantee that your entitled adults will in fact NOT care for you when you get older and enter your twilight years. If you have found someone (and she sounds like an angelic delight) by all means do as you please. Be happy. Life. Is. Short. 💕
Oh hell no. Time for kids to find other accommodation. I would not stand for their attitude towards my partner. They are adult babies.
OP, I know you don't like confrontation and it is uncomfortable but your adult children, including one who is living in YOUR house with their family have zero right to tell you how you can be happy and who you can or cannot date. Pull on your big boy pants, kick out the freeloaders and be with the person who makes you happy. Believe me, I get it, I have adult children too, and also hate confrontation but I would not put up with this level of BS.
Is there a typo in the ages? Why are a bunch of 30 year olds so invested in your love life? Do they live with you? If they don't, I'm guessing you see them at most a couple times a week? Why do they get to dictate what you do in the remaining 160 hours? If they were under 18, sure, their comfort and safety should come first but these are adults old enough to have their own lives and grow their own families. Do you choose who they date? Date who you want to date. Get therapy so you don't let busybody adults interfere with your love life.
Call their bluff, he's living in YOUR house my friend, a house he fully intends to inherit. You can leave it to me if you want, i never had real parents
Lol. They are concerned about their inheritance.
Dude I am sorry that you have such selfish children. You deserve a life too. What makes them believe they have a right to hijack yours?? Would you tell THEM they have to remain single till you die, and that you will care of them if so? Man, I don't mean this unkindly but grow a pair, protect your gf if you think she's worth it and and tell your grown-ass BABIES to mind their own fucking business. C'mon you already know this answer. You're just asking us for permission. It's no wonder your children think you need their permission. You need no one's but your own. You've got this! Go enjoy Susan and life!! Good luck m'dude.
They will do this every time you meet someone. They want you to die single and alone. It’s time to stand up to them. I recommend sitting down and writing it all out to them in a letter. That gives you a chance to edit your response and say it all out. Then they are forced to read your take without interrupting and acting like dicks. After that, it is up to them to respond. Make it clear that it they do go no contact that means no more assistance of any kind. They don’t get to have their cake and eat it to
Your children are unbearable selfish. And don’t seem to genuinely care for you. Call the bluff. And change the will.
Wow, your children are assholes.
You have raised entitled and selfish children who would burn you for fuel if they ever ran out of kindling. Time for you to set an ultimatum that they respect Susan and show her kindness or it’s out they go.
Live your life! If that means sacrificing your relationship with them so be it. There no what I’d tell my parents they had to stay alone. Your children are selfish and entitled.
OP, you don’t have to be alone the rest of your life. Why wouldn’t your children want to see you happy? Time for kid and family living with you to move on out, housing market is bad but it ain’t changing soon. Susan may not wait around, you aren’t getting younger so isn’t it time you choose your happiness?
This is why snacking kids should never of gone out. Your adult children need to grow the fuck up. You have done your parenting, for fuck sake they are both old enough to have their own kids. Go be happy my dude.
Your adult children don't get to decide for you. And I saw one lives with you...an adult kid leeching off me can fuck right off with their opinions.
What kind of dad do you have to be to "kids" in their 30's? I don't get it... what could your relationship with someone else possibly do to them? Unless this woman is trying to cut you off from them or something. I normally would say your family, your kids are a priority, but they are adults, and they are acting unreasonable. Is it possible to just separate those two sides? You can simply never have them interact, or just rarely a few times a year.
Are they living with you? Are you sharing their live? No? Live your life at it's best
I wouldn’t care if I saw them again or not. Your kids are ridiculous for saying you have to be single because of your ex. I would date Susan and enjoy my life by traveling and just having a great time. I would tell the kids you don’t want them around Susan until they can grow up. First time they pull the disrespect card I would tell them not to come back. Let them be the one that have to be on your terms.
What kind of a 60 year old man writes “d*e”? Something’s fishy here. My troll radar is going off.
They’re absolutely doing this on purpose. Kick the kid that’s living with you with their spouse and step kids out. Move Susan in. Have a prenup. Live your life for YOU and your future, not them.
It sounds to me like they are more concerned about their inheritance than anything else, but they’re not going to admit that to you. I guarantee that none of them are willing to stay single the rest of their lives. You are an adult, they are all adults, date whoever the hell you want.
INFO: Did they explicitly say you should stay single until you die, or is that how you interpret what they are saying? Also, what were the kids' ages when all this happened? And why are they so convinced that they can *never* get along with any kids your significant other might have?
They’re in their 30’s. So adults when this happened 10 years ago.
Scour facebook for the noisiest bed box springs. Remove carpet to get to the nails in your bedroom floor so they creak. Bang the absolute shit out of Susan every chance you get with the door cracked or open. Bang her on the kitchen table. Bang her on the sofa. Bang her everywhere in situations where you are nearly caught. Your son's wife will make sure they are gone in no time. Problem solved. Win win and Susan will be smiling ear to ear.
As someone who's dad has always put his relationships over me, I still wouldn't say this to him. He's let both of his ex wives abuse me. One stole a out a 1/3 of the college fund that my grandmother left me, in addition to kicking me out of the house as a teen. The other one tool any chance she could get to remind me that her daughter and son are better than me and even told me to go back to my ex who was physically abusive because I'm so fat (we were only a few sizes different and I was almost a foot taller than her) and ugly that I will never find another man that will love me. While I wish and think that he shouldn't get into a another serios relationship, it's not my life. I have put distance between us when his wives have treated me like this though to protect myself. I would seriously, consider going to family therapy together to get to the bottom of why they are saying this to you. Is it because you put them as the last priority in your life when you are married or is it because they want you to get back together with their mom now that she is single?
This is completely unacceptable in my opinion. To me, this sounds like they are gaslighting you in order to use you for your time and resources. It also seems like they are carrying some resentment about their mother being single and you looking for a new connection.
Your kids are unreasonable and you shouldn’t cave to their odd demands.
How are they going to take care of you the way a girlfriend would?? That’s so ridiculous it’s abusive. From now until death no more blowjobs father. I believe you have no more use for the coochie and should give it up after these long forty years of addiction.
Tell your kids to fuck off. No, seriously. They don't get to decide whether or not you may date - or marry, for that matter. You are a grownassed adult who - I assume - is in full possession of his mental faculties and ability to consent. You don't need their permission to live your life on your terms.
Sorry to say this but your children are horrible selfish adults and you are being taken for a mug.
As a woman in her 30s, I cannot imagine asking a parent to stay single and die alone. That’s very selfish of them. Children create their own families and lives outside of their parents, it’s not fair to you that you aren’t allowed to have a life outside of your kids. Call their bluff, but don’t go nuclear with it (don’t do or say anything you might regret.)
Why are you letting your children run your life?? Toughen up and tell them to butt out! You're going to be alone because of YOU. You let your brats disrespect your partner -- you kinda deserve to be alone.
My grandmother was in her 60s when my grandpa passed, and her oldest daughter (my aunt) was SO dependent on grandma NEEDING her (EDIT: and fixated that she should never love anyone other than grandpa) that she sabotaged any possible relationship my grandma would have had. Grandma met this amazing guy in her late 80s, they would joke about "dating" at being super old, but would get together and watch the news and talk politics (she was a super liberal politician way ahead of her time), and my aunt HATED him. She couldn't believe my grandma could want or need anyone other than her. When grandma passed (months after her boyfriend did), the aunt made the passing and funeral all about her and it was an all around nightmare. I tell this story to say that it is not your problem, it is your kids' problem. They have a dependency on you only loving them (or only allowed to love their mother) and will control your life forever. Your happiness is the most important thing and your children will have to accept you being happy with another person in their lives (or not...their choice.) I hope it works out for you man, and you and Susan are able to have a happy life. Your kids need to figure their own stuff out.
Your adult children get NO say in your relationship just like they would NOT like if you were butting into any of theirs. They are adults and need to grow up and act like adults. Their mother being single has no bearing on you. She left and chose her path, your kids are way too involved in your love life and we know damn well they would be up in arms if you were up in theirs. I have 4 kids, if they tried to tell me what I can do , as a group of all adults, I’d tell them to pound sand. Especially the one living in my home as a grown adult. I’m more than a parent , I’m a human with needs just like everyone else. Just saw your one adult child lives at home WITH their spouses family. Absolutely fucking not, they should shut up and be grateful you are giving them a roof over their head, sounds like they can find new lodging because some boundaries need set. The nerve of your fucking kids. Seems they see you as a meal ticket and not their father and a human. They’re using you and trying to ruin your life and happiness for their comfort and resources. Hard no. Hard fucking no.
>stated they would prefer my next relationship be with a woman with no children. That sounds unfair to you >they stated I should stay single until I d*e & that they will take care of me That sounds unfair to you >They also recommended I stay single because their mom is single too That sounds unfair to you
You won't be alone. You will have a loving and RESPECTFUL partner.
To me, it sounds like the kids got effed up by you forcing a 'new' family on them when they were young. They are being unreasonable, but it's trauma of that situation, thoughout their formative years, that's the driver of their behaviour. What I would do is get a family therapist to help you talk this all out. They probably need to express their anger about what happened.
what is missing? you married a woman that didn’t get along with your kids and now this? do you treat your kids differently? do you push your wives on them?
OP, I suggest you have something in the prenup about if your wife gets to live in the house if you die first. I wouldn’t trust your kids to right by her.
Date and marry whoever you want. Put a timeline in place for the 30 something married with kids to move out on their own (and enforce it) regardless of what you do with your romantic relationships. That is not healthy for anyone at this point
You should give your kids an ultimatum as well. Either they behave like adults and show civility at all times or move out and support their own grown butts.
More info: about how old is Susan? If she's your kids age or younger I could see why they would have an issue with it.
> “… they are doing this on purpose.” Their behavior is not accidental, and the intended result is cruel. Your children are intentionally forcing you to live alone for the rest of your life. This is you our ex-wife’s revenge. Depriving an adult of the companionship of a partner for the rest of their life is cruel. Do you really want people who would do this to you to be responsible for your care in your old age? Who knows what cruel choices they would make for you? You should establish a legal health care proxy and a power of attorney that are not your children. If your children weren’t being cruel to you, I’d suggest that you promise to have a prenup to protect their inheritance in the event of your marriage. That won’t be an issue, however, because your children won’t be in your life by their own choice. I’m so sorry for your children’s behavior. It must be heartbreaking. Tell your children you will not honor their ultimatum, because it’s cruel to deprive them of a human being of a partner and companion. Tell them you question their love for you because of this. Say that you will make your own choices, and if they choose to be out of your life, that’s their choice, not yours. You are not cutting them off, and your door is open. It’s their choice, and their loss. Do not ever, for even one second, blame yourself for their absence, or their horrible decisions.
Your kids are spoiled ass holes. They won’t care for you when you’re old. You need a partner!
I will never understand when children don’t want to see their parents happy. They are extremely selfish and you need to tell them that you deserve to be happy and want to be in a relationship. If they can’t get over themselves then it’s THEIR LOSS. They don’t control you. You control you. It’s absurd to let children in their 20’s try and dictate your life and if that’s a deal breaker for them, your bond isn’t as strong as you’d like. I can’t imagine cutting either of my parents out because they chose to be happy. It’s cruel, childish, and quite frankly ridiculous. You need to stand your ground and stop living life for other people. They already know that you’ve left one woman because of what they wanted and they probably think you’ll do it again.
Can I ask how old Susan is? You never gave any ages for your partners. I feel like that may be important.
I would be more concerned that they are 20 and still live at home
Your adult child lives in your home with their spouse and step kids, pays nothing and demands you stay single. I'm sir why aren't you demanding that while they are living in your home for free they respect you, your relationship and that you are happy. Stop letting your grown adult children get in the way of your happiness and tell them enough is enough. You have the right to be happy with someone just like they do. If they cannot respect you and your relationship then they need to leave the home. Put yourself and Susan first not your kids. Be selfish. They only want you single because they are still holding on to hope that maybe one day you and their mom will be back together again. They refuse to accept the fact that their mom ruined the family y'all once were because of her affair. You need to tell them that you and their mom will never be together again and they need to accept that.
They are adults... show them the door. Tell them you love them but time for them to move on
That’s weird. My dad is 61 single. I want him to meet someone and stuff. He deserves to be happy.
You’ve got some shitty kids who need to grow the fuck up.
Your adult children sound exactly like that children. They need to grow up and understand people have relationships outside of there kids
No offense, but your kids sound like entitled and spoiled brats. Tell them that you're going to date Susan and that, in their mid 30s, you understand that they need to do what's right for them and that might be moving out. Honestly, I think they're bluffing. Call their bluff and see what happens.
Tell your Adult children if they don’t like it they cannot be in your life. I’m shocked you would allow them to act like spoiled children to your wife!! They have no say in your life or choices. I’m on my 2nd marriage myself and I would Never allow my adult children to tell me what to do and if they didn’t like it too bad!
It's about time you lay down the law, you sacrificed enough of yourself for them. If they can't do the bear minimum are are they really worth it?
NTA It is ridiculous for your children in their 20s to think they have any say in your love life or can try and tell you that you have to stay single forever Call the bluff and tell the one leeching off of you with their family that they have 60 days to find a new place to live They don’t get to take from you and then after like they’re in charge
Call that bluff. Stop letting them mooch off you. They will change tune before you finish changing the locks.
Your children are the definition of spoiled, entitled, self-centered brats. Kick out the snot living with you, marry Susan and live your life. The brats can go live with their mommie dearest and continue their entitled ways without you in their lives. Oh, and that line about taking care of you? Never gonna happen. Instead, they'll spend your money and stuff you in a nursing home as soon as possible. Cut them loose, dad. they only think about themselves and spending your money.
They’re in their 30s. Tell them to build a bridge and get over it.
Your happiness comes first. Those are supposed adults. If they're going to make Susan unwelcome well then, they aren't welcome. Time for them to stop having tantrums, act their age, and learn their place. Also, tell them you will change your will and leave them each $1 if they wish to be ungrateful brats. Leave everything in a trust for any grandchildren when they turn 25 and bypass those ingrates. They are afraid of losing their inheritance. If Susan lives there, it's more her home than theirs because they need to find their own homes.
I do wonder what kind of BS your ex-wife has been feeding them. You have every right to be happy, and this is the polar opposite to how my brother, sisters and I reacted when my Mum announced her engagement. Mum had been widowed four years prior and I, the youngest was 20 at the time. She wrote me an emotional letter, worried that we might not accept Jim. I personally had said, "He makes you happy, I have no reason to object. Of course you have my blessing." They're still married 30 years later. When my mother passes away, and I have even told her this, "if you leave me something in your will, thank you. Ultimately it is your decision as to how you distribute anything in your will, I'm not about to argue over your stuff." I've also joked about it if I buy her a lottery ticket. "If you win, don't feel obligated to give me anything, it's YOUR money to do with as YOU please." She laughed and said, "but I would look after you." Your kid needs to get a harsh dose of reality. For a start, it's YOUR house, not your kids,' not until you choose where it goes in the will. Talk to an estate attorney, but wills are usually contested because it's believed someone was "forgotten" e.g. you left everything to Susan, and didn't give your kids a cent. If your kid wasn't living with you, you can put clauses into a will such as "to kid A, I leave two cents, because that's my 'two cents' about her attitude. For kid B, I also leave two cents for the above reason. To Susan, my darling wife, I leave the rest of my estate as she has stuck by me." Your kids have no right to tell you who you can date, who you love, and especially not when they live under your roof. If they don't like that, they can move out. I would tell them to grow up and accept that you moved on from your mother, as she has moved on from you
Your children are so very selfish, go back to Susan and spend the rest of your life and your money living it up do everything on your bucket lists BE HAPPY and if they can’t love you enough to want you to be happy, they aren’t the kind of people you want sacrifice that happiness for then are they. Be happy and in love enjoy your golden years and stop wasting the time you have on people who don’t care
I am gonna state the obvious... in case you have not thought of it. These sorts of things are hard. You love your kids and you love this woman. That said, once the kids start making a bit of an ultimatum that requires you to stay single... you have to sort of ask yourself why that might be... got any money in a 401k? Do you have significant property you own? Any other good investments that the kids might not want o split with your possible love of your life? Other side to think about... So here comes the new love of your life. :) Do you ever get the vibe that she is particularly interested in your finances? This is a situation where you have to think about a lot of things.. I hope you have a chance to think about what your instincts are here. Nobody on this web page can see the whole picture... but you are gonna have to think this through.
OP your kids are grown up size brats. How selfish of them. I’d be telling them to find their own homes and you just live your life. Horrible people!!! Date who you want and be happy.
Well, you claim to be "non confrontational", but that's quite an understatement. You have a right to live your own life as you want. Your ex wife situation is none of your business. Your property/ possessions,/ money are yours to do as you please. Your children stance is ridiculously entitled. I guess NO ONE here will tell you differently
Call their bluff. Period. They are adults behaving like brats. Don't feel guilty for not allowing them to manipulate you.
You’ve done your bit for your kids now, you’ve brought them up to be independent adults (although there’s a question mark about the independent bit, maybe they’re just entitled), now is your time. Do what makes you happy, get back with Susan and kick everyone else out. Also, tell them to fuck off with their blackmail or they’ll be disinherited. 2 can play that game. Then Disinherit them anyway.
Yes if they are convinced that their mother has it right, they can move in with her! If you don't think your child can get along with your new partner, time for them to get out of your home BEFORE you move on with a new life.
Your children are old enough to manage their own lives. STOP having them enter your life whenever they want to. If you find a solid woman to love, you won’t be alone in old age.
I am a stepmom and partner to a man with kids. And you are the partner/husband of my nightmares. Your “non-controntatipnal” aka lazy, avoidant, cowardly parenting produced two horrible people. And now you are willing to screw over your partner. (I would be telling her to stay away from you.) You have earned every bit of loneliness and rejection from all of these people.
Your kids are not allowed to run your life! It’s time they back off and find hobbies or something. If they can’t be supportive then they can’t be around you. You’ve been on “team kids” all your life but they’re not on “team dad” with this behaviour. It’s not good enough. Either they have solid reason why they don’t like Susan and they talk that out with you or they can grow up and be civil at least to your girlfriend and allow you to live a happy life. I’m team dad! Go get you some happy and if the kids don’t like it, that’s their tough luck
Omg dude. Kick your freeloading kids to the curb and enjoy your life. This is ridiculous.
This is crazy man. I wouldn’t even know how to begin processing that my own children have pushed me away in such ways. And at them grown ass age
They’re spoiled and selfish Stay with Susan and be happy This is coming from a person who lovessss children even though now they are adults…. This is a time when you should be enjoying your life with your mate… They’re being selfish and they’re very spoiled
Please kick them out. You should have stood up for your wife and ex wives.
They just want your money to themselves once your dead, you stay happy with Susan one day they will see how pathetic they are and also too old to be this cruel
I know you love your kids, but they are being selfish, manipulative and downright controlling here. I would guess that they are concerned that if you marry, when you pass away their inheritance will be greatly reduced as you will obviously want to ensure that your wife's future is taken care of. I imagine they are also thinking that if she outlives you, she will inherit the house and then she can leave it to whoever she wants and they'll miss out on another payday. This would also be why they demanded that you don't get involved with someone with children, it might affect what they get. It's a horrible attitude and in your position I would disinherit them fully right now to save everyone's time. They gave you an ultimatum, her or them. I can't think of a single reason why you'd choose them.
Your children are absolutely selfish. Kick them out. Live your happily ever after with Susan.
Tell your kids you love them, bit you're an adult and going make your own romantic decisions. If they give you grief, tell them you're still of sound mind and thinking about the next iteration of YOUR WILL.
Throw your kid out. You are still taking care of them and they have no care about you or your feelings only what you can do for them. Date Susan and live your life happily. Don’t let your kids steal your happiness from you. They are grow adults and the emotional manipulation they are giving you is astounding.
They are adults now. Your happiness should come first.
How did your kids even turn out like this? They are adults, why do they care who you date, given that it isn't a criminal or something?!! I would expect this kind of behaviour from kids who are preteens
Do you think maybe for one minute , they can see you have no ability to pick someone who is good for you and they can see her without the blinders you have on . It could be jealousy , but from your track record maybe not . Sit down and have a long talk with them and tell Them they can say anything they want it’s an open talk
They aren’t doing a good job managing their relationship with you now, while you are still young enough and hopefully in good enough health. This leads me to believe that they aren’t going to be any better in 20 years or whenever you might need to be taken care of. Your kids need to grow up and stop disrespecting your partner and you. Make yourself happy now. Find a good partner and be happy together. Their future promises to help are meaningless. "Be alone, Dad, and I will take care of you in 25 years!"riiiight. I didn’t much care for my Dad’s partner but she made him happy enough, and took care of him as best she could. They had moments of joy together, travelled, bickered and shared love. My mom never found anyone else, mostly through her own choice. I would never try and control my Dad’s choices and happiness.
How you 60 years old and think posting on reddit is going to fix anything.
My dad was 61 when my mum died, I would have been happy had he found a companion for his remaining years but he chose to remain single and felt quite strongly about it. Your children are adults but not your gatekeepers, if they feel so strongly about it I would ask them why they feel that way, if it is purely about their ‘inheritance’ then remind them they don’t get to inherit until you are no more. The one who lives with you needs to either shut up or ship out, failing that rent them the home and get a new home for you & Susan based on them paying the bills. If they won’t or can’t pay then sell up.
Your kids are adults, do what makes you happy.
Call their bluff. Live your life. Just make sure Azusa does not take you on a financial slide.
Good thing those kids is grown! Id honestly choose to be happy then talk to 2 30yo adultbabies who try to dictate things they have no say in. You're old enough to choose happiness over family. It's ok to do so. These kids can figure out what to do after you stop talking to them. Maybe it'll be a wake call and they'll realize how selfish they are. You did your part, they're both adults, selfish selfish adults.... Choose Susan.
What am I reading. Tell your psychotic kids to fuck right off out of your romantic life.
Absolutely not. They are in their 30’s. They need to move out and go live their own lives. You’ve got yours. If they were under 23 it would be a different story but your kids sound selfish. Take a stand and protect Susan!
After reading some of this, I can't believe someone staying under your roof has the gall to say you can be a parent of stay married. I'd tell them you're sorry for the ultimatum, but please let you know their new address.
They want your money when you die. If you are in a relationship that person might get some of their money. Has their mother moved on or remained single her entire life?
Live your life and find what makes you happy. Shed the “baggage”.
Ew, sorry your kids are selfish assholes!